Men's dating DOUBLE-BIND: how to flip the script

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Due to certain social and cultural expectations, men find themselves in a unique double-bind in the sexual marketplace. On the one hand, men are expected to approach and initiate. If a man takes no action, then generally nothing happens. However, on the other hand, the act of approaching and initiating makes them less attractive than they otherwise would be, reducing their chances of success. Men are more attractive if they don't pursue -- but if they don't pursue (at least in the beginning) nothing happens. Int his episode, I discuss how to break out of this conundrum.
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Presented by Orion Taraban, Psy.D. PsycHacks provides viewers with a brief, thought-provoking video several days a week on a variety of psychological topics, inspired by his clinical practice. The intention is for the core idea contained within each video to inspire viewers to see something about themselves or their world in a slightly different light. The ultimate mission of the channel is to reduce the amount of unnecessary suffering in the world.
#psychology #dating #relationship

[@psychacks]

Due to certain social and cultural expectations, men find themselves in a unique double-bind in the sexual marketplace. On the one hand, men are expected to approach and initiate. If a man takes no action, then generally nothing happens. However, on the other hand, the act of approaching and initiating makes them less attractive than they otherwise would be, reducing their chances of success. Men are more attractive if they don't pursue -- but if they don't pursue (at least in the beginning) nothing happens. Int his episode, I discuss how to break out of this conundrum. Book a paid consultation: oriontarabanpsyd.com/consultations Social Media Facebook: facebook.com/profile.php?id=100090053889622 LinkedIn: www.linkedin.com/in/orion-taraban-070b45168/ Instagram: instagram.com/psyc.hacks Twitter: twitter.com/oriontaraban Website: oriontarabanpsyd.com Orion's Theme: kzbin.info/www/bejne/jaO7c62HZ613e7M Thinking of going to grad school? Check out STELLAR, my top-rated GRE self-study program based on the world's only empirically-validated test prep system. Use the code "PSYCH" for 10% off all membership plans: stellargre.com. Become a Stellar affiliate and earn a 10% commission for every membership purchased by a new student you conduct into the program: stellargre.tapfiliate.com. GRE Bites: www.youtube.com/@grebites4993 Become a Psychonaut and join PsycHack's member community: kzbin.info/door/SduXBjCHkLoo_y9ss2xzXwjoin Sound mixing/editing by: valntinomusic.com Presented by Orion Taraban, Psy.D. PsycHacks provides viewers with a brief, thought-provoking video several days a week on a variety of psychological topics, inspired by his clinical practice. The intention is for the core idea contained within each video to inspire viewers to see something about themselves or their world in a slightly different light. The ultimate mission of the channel is to reduce the amount of unnecessary suffering in the world. #psychology #dating #relationship

[@StayFractalesque]

I just can't imagine being a woman, feeling attracted to some man in my social circle or whatever, then doing nothing about it.. especially in this day and age of EqUaLiTy.. just hoping and praying he might look your way.. and then they wonder why they're miserable when they 'settle' for only the men who approach them, which if you ladies haven't figured out yet, are usually the men that approach every and anyone.. ..all the good men have listened to what the female collective have told them, and that's leave women at large alone.. ..after all, they're not at the club to meet anyone, they're just there to dance with their girlfriends, yeah?.. i saw a tik-tok comp. the other day, "Why don't men buy us drinks anymore?" ..oh, maybe because once women have had a sip of alcohol, they can no longer legally consent.. ..why would a decent man ever buy a woman a drink again when the subtext is "he's just trying to intoxicate a delicate little flower with no agency of her own" ..why are women okay with being infantilized on one end, but declare their strength and independence on the other? .."where have all the good men gone?" ..y'all scared em off and turned em off, and probably for at least the next couple generations.. ..its on y'all now ladies, because that's what y'all wanted..

[@MarinaM-o6p]

@@StayFractalesque ….well , well my friend ….domestic violence takes many hats …..women want a man that doesn’t abuse ,her, cheats on her or have addictions of any kind …..look at yourselves ….do u watch porn ? Do u masturbate all the time ? All of this makes guys toxic ….

[@georgegreen711]

4:10 This is why, in civilized times, families would either arrange marriages or introduce young people to each other, and then when they believed they could at least tolerate making a new family together, go to their parents and get permission to marry.

[@filipinoblackpill6194]

The way i approach this is the ball is always on womans hand. Or in short chess match. I do the first move and wait for her to make the move if she doesnt move then I end it and move on. Very simple. Her interest is my basis.

[@anneyoung2310]

I find assertive men overwhelmingly attractive if I'm interested. The problem is so many men do not understand "not interested," which is usually a sign of narcissism. I developed a crush on someone over the phone partly because I loved how assertive he was to call every night. It was short lived.

[@Khan-rz8qi]

One thing men must always remember is that you can never negotiate desire. No matter how high up a woman acts, there’s some guy out there that she’ll instantly fold for. If you see yourself having to jump through hoops and doing the most, then you’re not the one bro and keep it pushin. From experience, a woman who desires you will reciprocate instantly and the whole process will be fun and smooth. And you’ll know when she sees you as that guy or not, so there’s no excuses.💯

[@cosmictreason2242]

Comment just to make people notice your comment more as they scroll

[@riuoku]

That is the optimal scenario. Ideally woman start the pursuit by giving subtle indicators of interest.

[@semblance832]

This comment will get deleted. 😆

[@fnordiumendures138]

In general I agree, but you won't necessarily know if she see you as "that guy". Women send out incredibly weak signals, and sometimes they don't even know what they want themselves.

[@-glitch-8195]

@@riuoku Semi-true. I can't even count how many times a simple smile or glance was mistaken for interest. And things got awkward 😂Hell women can have a full blown convo with you & not be interested. They do it just to be polite. Women are just social creatures, so it don't mean anything if she's not making moves after you approach her. Problem is y'll keep looking for "subtle indicators of interest" after the fact. The OC is right. Women are very direct when interested. My thing is slide my number right away. Say no more 😂Y'll just love chasing females who don't like you so thats all you see.

[@nunyab1975]

Orion, can you do an episode addressing long term relationships with women? I worry that if a woman is only loyal to her emotions and emotions will change at some point, what level of emotional and verbal commitment is appropriate. I’ve thought about this and see no reason that a man should truly be invested in a relationship that can end on her emotional whim.

[@icfubar9150]

There are no guarantees. Therefore the meme "She's not yours, it's just your turn." - Replicant Phish

[@icfubar9150]

There are no guarantees. Therefore the meme, "She's not yours, it's just your turn." - Replicant Phish

[@icfubar9150]

There are no guarantees. Therefore the meme, "She's not yours, it's just your turn." - Replicant Phish

[@fallen546]

I have the same question. Being as loyal as one's emotions is effectively the same thing as a fair-weather friend isn't it? There will always be times where we're emotionally unhappy. Loyalty means doing the right thing regardless of how you feel in the moment. I recently had a 6 year relationship end because she wasn't feeling the fireworks any more. I feel like a fool for investing so much time and emotional energy into it. So much so that I'm now emotionally numb when I go out with anyone new. I feel like even at their best a women's loyalty is transient, and any attachment on my part will be a fruitless waste.

[@steveos5112]

AKA she gets "bored" in the relationship or she becomes "unhappy" in a marriage.

[@gmansard641]

One of my most gratifying experiences was exactly 40 years ago as a college boy. A girl I was attracted to simply refused. No "I can't right now, too busy," or whatever standard excuses they use. I knew exactly where I stood and I didn't bother her again. Somehow they imagine they're "letting him down easy" by not being direct. Nuts on the standard "the worst that can happen is she'll say no." A direct "no" is one of the better things that can happen.

[@bearclaw5115]

One of your most gratifying experiences was being turned down by a girl? And 40yrs later you are still thinking and talking about it? Surely you must have had better experiences I hope.

[@gmansard641]

@@bearclaw5115 Certainly! After college I served 4 years as a naval officer, have traveled the world, speak a few languages and completed two graduate degrees. Have now been married to a great lady for more than 15 years (who is taller than me!) But when I was a college boy dating was impossible, I had no idea what to do, no one was able to help me, and I felt discouraged from mentioning it because about all I ever got were things like "if women don't want you that should tell you something." College was a great time in many ways, but the complete lack of dating and female attention triggered a depression which followed me for years. It wasn't until my 30s in graduate school that I had the dating relationships that eluded me earlier. Part of the solution I believe was that the women had gotten a bit older and I was no longer dealing with the stupid social games that college girls put guys through. I greatly feel for today's young men going through what I did then, the stupid social games seem worse than ever. I am glad to see that at least some people are discussing it and see it as worthy of attention. That's what got me thinking about my past lately.

[@elianap13]

@@bearclaw5115 first I was like, why call it an "excuse," that woman sounds focused... and then I realized w someone doing this, it probably was lol

[@kingdee5388]

Being direct is a masculine trait she can’t really help herself being indirect unless she’s in serious danger

[@redwall1521]

@@bearclaw5115 I think if it caused him to rethink his strategy in the dating marketplace, then yes, he's still thinking about it because it changed his life forever. Kinda the thing about how you learn from your mistakes, no?

[@SDsc0rch]

looking back, every time ive ever had any success with a woman, its been her opening the gate for me to just walk through

[@jonbellamymusic]

100%...if she's interested she'll let you know - it will never be "hey, i'm interested in you" and almost always something subtle and non verbal. Get good at picking up the subtle signs she's interested in you and you'll rarely ever strike out. Sometimes it's just a look and a smile, sometimes it's the way she touches her neck when she's looking at you, maybe she just always seems to be close to you, etc..

[@PointWithin]

This.

[@Altair-El-Haddad]

"Women are loyal to their emotions" and those emotions are as stable as the wind.

[@mbg9650]

Her emotions are like a cloud, i.e. always on the go.

[@themick6586]

​@@mbg9650more like a thunderstorm

[@Vito-e8c]

Not necessarily. First of all, women are more emotionally intelligent than men. Second of all, men are loyal to their duty. BUT, men fail at their duties all the time. There's zero evidence that a mans duty is more reliable than a womans emotions.

[@Switching_000]

😬😬😬😬🌧️🌧️

[@melizarainstormz2588]

Keep doing your work Orion. You have no idea how much you help people in their lives.

[@EriPages]

What is your career if you don't mind My asking? Just curious brother

[@melizarainstormz2588]

I'm a business Strategist. I try and find ways to organize corporations so they stay true to their leaders' heart and soul. And yes, you can guess I only work with smaller corps because bigger ones have lost that touch long ago.

[@EriPages]

@@melizarainstormz2588 nice. Makes sense.

[@Vitriol-Divergent]

I remember ONE woman I've dated in my life who asked me out first, and then she paid for the date without ever bringing it up. I almost cried tears of joy when she bought me that ice cream 🤣

[@touchtone101]

Those are the best relationships. When a women invests in you first or shows interest first.

[@Vitriol-Divergent]

@@touchtone101 Yes, and unlike women we DON'T look down on them for doing it. At least I don't.

[@erick7brian]

Probably was a really good ice cream haha

[@Eddybo22]

So... What happened to her?

[@mrx0088]

Whas she your mother?

[@WestRonin75]

Another great video. Something I really appreciate is how Dr. Taraban not only clearly states the issue, but that he also provides a clear solution.

[@inconnu4961]

Very rare these days!

[@happyyellowbumblebee]

yeah i was kinda expecting him to say that was something for a future video, i was pleasantly surprised when that wasn't the case lol

[@PetitHibou72]

As an actual woman though, I felt this was one of his weakest offerings. I realize in his mind we are sort of the enemy though, or a necessary evil? So I doubt my critique is worth writing out. What he proposes is purely manipulative and will not contribute to a healthy, sustainable connection. Grow into your best self, do your inner work, invest in your physical health, and you will attract those who are doing the same. There are no shortcuts to this, but the effort is worth it, and makes you happier in the process. Wishing all the courage to be vulnerable, because you can’t avoid that either, whether make or female.

[@AndrewTheFrank]

The solution is to effectively adopt the woman's dating strategy. A woman doesn't give us what we want but shows it to us. This is to get us to approach. And so the solution is to almost act like you're approaching, but instead of adoring (giving her what she wants) you show her what she wants and force the approach onto her.

[@bgoodfella7413]

Explain... "show her what she wants".... you mean you should guess the kind of guy she wants to be with??

[@nfvjgrofgjvoldlkgvlo]

all women want to be with the same type of guy. show her you have that. @@bgoodfella7413

[@JoseDiaz-rd9fh]

​@@bgoodfella7413maybe how guys with money just show they have wealth by having fancy cars and dressing nice. But they don't really spend money or anything they will still think that eventually being close to wealth will allow them to get it at some point? Obviously a flawed logic because women never stop to consider the kind of work a man has to put in to be deemed desirable. The last thing he wants to do at that point is settle down with a nagging harpy

[@bgoodfella7413]

@@JoseDiaz-rd9fh I hear ya... not lookin for a gold digger tho Lol.

[@impudentdomain]

Which works really well if you are Chad, or a millionaire.

[@drwayne_carter9115]

Approaching is like sex. Women don't enjoy going directly to sex. They enjoy the foreplay just as much. Same with approaching. Women like the flirty leadup to the approach more than the actual approach. This can mean locking eyes for an extra second or 2, smiling/ smirking, her witnessing you demonstrating attractive behavior such as making a group laugh (preferably other women), etc. During this approach foreplay she will also give you signs of how receptive she'll be to your approach by holding the eye contact back, smiling back, etc. That's a womens way of giving you the green light to make the approach.

[@bedroo222222]

For some reason , I did this instinctively . I'm glad someone is able to put it in words in such an easy an eloquent way. This content is gold

[@memeflipz]

00:02 Men must bear disproportionate rejection in courtship. 01:16 Men approaching women puts them in a pursuer role. 02:31 Pursuing a woman can make a man less attractive 03:43 Approaching in dating creates a double-bind for men. 04:48 Approaching doesn't make people more attractive, it makes them less attractive. 05:47 Recruiters can flip the script by drumming up interest and motivation in cold calls. 07:05 Flipping the script in dating 08:23 Stimulate a woman's interest through emotional engagement.

[@RodrigoTechador]

It’s not that it can make a man less attractive - is that it inherently and inevitably makes a man less attractive. The magnitude of the penalty can vary, and the penalty may be transient (much as a hard query induces a temporary hit to the credit score), but the penalty is imposed nonetheless.

[@SoWestMeetsEast]

Thank God I met my wife when I traveled to Asia. The western courtship is so exhausting. Keep up the great work, Dr.!

[@RecreationalUseOnly]

Always remember fellas, 99% of these modern women are my name.

[@mynametrong5508]

True true true

[@rayzerot]

And then you wonder why half of them are shitty towards men... grow up little boy

[@dedeborya9015]

rejection is fine .... it's the false accusations, social media dog piles, and the drama ridden allegations and false pretenses that every man of intelligence understands it is simply not worth the pursuit / effort / energy / money / time

[@msemakweli133]

Here is the formula that works. (1) Do not approach. That eliminates 80% of potential interactions. (2) Be deliberately boring when a brave one approaches you. That shaves off another 10%. You then only have to worry about the remaining 10%, as you enjoy your peace and freedom.

[@Nitodvd]

@Finnhungambar “Halftime. Switching sides.”

[@anisenkrill6179]

I learned early on that hate, shame, ridicule usually comes when you are doing something right. Counterintuitive I know. The simple truth is that the guys who drown in pussy generally give zero fucks about what anyone else thinks.

[@Harvest133]

​@@msemakweli133incorrect, that eliminates 100 percent of women from interacting with you

[@john_carter8243]

THANK GOD somebody gets it!!!

[@johnbrown7911]

What's the best way to get rich? To be born into wealth. What's the best way to attract women? To already have women.

[@airgin3000]

Just because they are the "easiest-best" does not mean they are the way or the only path/opportunity.

[@impudentdomain]

What is the best way to invest, to already have a nest egg for investing. What is the best way to make friends, be charming and sure of yourself around a group of friends. Life is full of such conundrums.

[@johnbrown7911]

@@impudentdomain yes sir, it is what is is. Those who come from less will have to do more.

[@doctorskull8197]

Well said!

[@GJones247]

This is accurately true. I once dated a girl that told me she liked guys who did not like her. furthermore, she also said that most men she has met are not confident and never take initiative. But this caused her to be endlessly single and date men that end up not liking her and walking away.

[@thereapersperch]

That's women's logic for you!

[@manuelfarias2820]

What i learned too. Dont let a Woman Approach you just dont... the 3 times that happened to me and then i led to the next level later i found out they were having CLEAR issues (bitterness, low self steem, manipulative behavior, etc.) If they Approach you, its cool that someone likes you or at least pretend to do so 👍 ...however you dont have to reciprocate that energy since youre not choosing the person you want. Filtering women is hard but it will save you headaches.

[@andremotivation6561]

Its important to get to know the woman who's approaching you, asking hard questions will eliminate time wasters, clout chasers and psychos

[@mgtowski395]

Only allow the young, unattached, and healthy women to approach. Ignore the rest.

[@themick6586]

Been married to a woman that chased me for 45 years, she's still chasing me. She does things for me that I wouldn't ask her to do. The thing is , she has to know that you have options and if she leaves you will simply move on, my wife knows that there other woman that would love to have her position and I know it too.

[@manuelfarias2820]

@@themick6586 Mmm i understand!

[@c.williams3740]

@@themick6586Your wife needs to leave you ASAP. How dare you say she knows “you have options”. If you’re married, there shouldn’t be any options. I hope she has other “options” too. Maybe one day she’ll leave you for one of them.

[@sirual5]

That's so cool to formulate this in words. When I started my relationships at age of 18. I was always running for girls and trying to be their world. Was nice for a while, but those relationships ended and left me heartbroken. Now in my last relationships I have a case when I was not sure If I really like that girl so all the time I am keeping emotional distance. And turns out she is like glue to me. trying to be closer to me, saying that she loves me etc. This is really eye opener.

[@saviorodrigues7852]

In the first half, u addressed the most basic fundamental problem of dating and relationships, really nice clarity in explanation! Now plz continue this video next time answering the question in the end - about engaging a woman emotionally.... Love from Mumbai, India! 🇮🇳❤️

[@2555Edu]

Man, clear and sound arguments, this should be taught to every young man out there

[@PossiblyAzrael]

This video drops the day I ended a 2 year relationship

[@RecreationalUseOnly]

Congrats! Remember that these women are my name.

[@PossiblyAzrael]

@@RecreationalUseOnly I get the sentiment but I have no interest in that. I attract amazing women. It’s all good. I don’t even waste my time on opportunistic relationships

[@Bladerunner-qs7pv]

Orion, this episode is just brilliant. Thank you so much. This is exactly the way it makes sense and how it certainly works out best in the end. Personally, I made the experience, that it is such a game changer to be the adored one and not the adorer. To implement this concept directly into the way to approach women is a phantastic idea.

[@wisdomandy9361]

Fascinating way of looking at the difficult begining phase and initiation of dating. Really liked this! Keep it up!

[@alexgratzaTV]

I believe that approaching women in real life, does indeed raise the SMV of men. It has become so rare that women adore men with the courage to speak to women

[@cowless]

Good general advice. I'll probably still only apply this to women that show interest in my art because I'm not big into manipulating strangers.

[@Maungateitei]

Very honorable. I feel much the same way. Deceptive manipulation particularly. Perhaps the key here is to not treat indroducing yourself as a pickup attempt. Make a joke about something situational that just appears to be shared with her because you by pure accident happen to be near her. Particularly effective if she is not alone, make it in the form of a question, humorous, perhaps a little risqué, to her friend, about what she thinks. Initially ignoring the one you are really interested in. Then "how about you, what do you think, once you've shared a giggle with the friend. Then, perhaps just" have a nice evening ladies", turn your back and walk away. Don't let them catch you looking at them but see whether they are looking your way, or what behaviours occur if you "accidentally" cross paths later. Just behave like you are not hunting. In my experience, attempting to make it clear you are not looking or interested in romance or sex, invariably makes them determined to get you between their thighs. To the point of nothing you can do to stop it happening. Though I have NEVER said such things dishonestly.

[@joemexico7969]

Thanks! I needed this 60 years ago...

[@mrlocario]

You are only in a weaker position if your perspective is that you are adoring the woman or that you’re chasing her instead of giving the woman an opportunity by approaching her. For example an artist who wants to sign to a major label would get APPROACHED by the label. The label is in a position of power to give that artist and opportunity to change their life. You are using the example of giving your resume. This means you see yourself in the lower position than the woman. Be careful how you view yourself

[@michel7angelo459]

If you are high value man than this works.

[@MatiKosa]

Of course, if you are a Chad (top 4.5% or so) - then you may get approached by women. But what about the rest of men? They will almost never have that luxury of having a choice and multiple options. That "abundance mindset" is a catchy phrase, but only a handful of men can reach that level. All the rest simply have initiate things.

[@erick7brian]

Only if your a millionaire or more and have a ton of options and a ton of options getting at you

[@sunhawk1751]

@@MatiKosa You didn't read what he said.

[@sunhawk1751]

@@erick7brian You also didn't read what he said.

[@Nobodaddy99]

Thanks Doctor, I have studied Gregory Bateson who originally came up with the term double bind and as a man came to this conclusion in relation to the dynamic in courting. Believe it or not. I’m a professional recruiter and while I don’t have a lot of trouble courting I found this fascinating! More please!

[@vd.s6158]

What's Gregory Bateson's stands on turning script and becoming adored for men?

[@Nobodaddy99]

@@vd.s6158 his study was around schizophrenia and contended that being perpetually put in a double bind as a child by caregivers could result in schizophrenia.

[@pauldavids7167]

This was one of your more intriguing videos, as a man please tell us more! It feels awkward to be the adored seeing most of my life I’ve been the adorer… Can you elaborate how to deal with this awkwardness, kind of feel like a duck out of water?

[@dutchymon]

Look at yourself as a job interviewer, and filter your recruits to find the "ugly duckling" who adores and who is ready to be loyal and committed to the job of being your helper.

[@Amlux1984]

If you approach dating as a recruiter, you’ll still face a lot of rejection because people don’t trust you. If you want success in dating, the best way is to build a larger network of friends, male and female, who can vouch for you as a decent guy. It’s a way of showing what you offer while not having to be quite as direct. It also lets you feel things out without having to be direct.

[@OsirisNin]

Just being attractive solves a lot of this double-blind problem.

[@stanleyjelic5639]

Exactly, it's really a yin-yang thing. A lady signals that she's interested and then a guy decides if he wants to make a move. Just be attractive and they will come to you.

[@dekev7503]

The only way to beat this catch 22 is to turn the table around and use reverse psychology on women. Make yourself as attractive as possible and only make passive advances. As the good Dr said, Show them your value (never tell them, discovery always trumps disclosure).

[@EseShad0w316]

This is essentially what I do. I just build myself up to be the best version of myself, and wait and see which girls choose me, then decide whether or not to engage with them. I feel that women who have a burning desire for you will make a huge effort to get your attention and will invest in you ASAP, which is crucial for attraction.

[@rob21]

I feel this only works if you are clearly good looking.

[@MatiKosa]

@@rob21This. He described a perfect theory, but in reality that will almost never work, unless you are very good looking.

[@verb0ze]

Yeah this strategy is limited. I prefer going after that I want, no risks, no rewards. As the pursuer, I know exactly what I'm after and can disqualify quickly, and can choose anytime. As the pursued, you're at the mercy of the 10,000 laws of the universe that will motivate a woman to even take the first step towards you, let alone genuinely choose to stay besides you.

[@DragonwaveOG]

Gotta find out if it works tho

[@themick6586]

Both of the women I married came on to me, the first , I knocked up and married, within the first year I realized she had some mental problems that were making a relationship impossible. I paid a lot more attention the 2nd time, and now have been married 45 years . She still is chasing me which makes the relationship flow nicely. My first wife has ruined every relationship she's had, even with her children, I have spoken with her 2 other ex husbands, and they had similar problems with her that I did. She's now 65 and alone !

[@mgtowbylogic5592]

Yes. Men making the approach “tips his hand”, that offer reveals his feelings, it reveals information. Which is why men should not approach a woman that has not signaled interest in him. And before you say “but if we did that we’d never get someone, it’s already so difficult and rare now!” No. As a salesperson do you want 198,835,486 crappy leads? Or do you want a few warmed up leads that are already looking for your product? Example: I have never heard of anyone getting a cold call from a car salesman. But if you go to a car lot you will be swarmed by them. If a woman doesn’t signal interest in you, go lift weights and make money, ignore her.

[@gpj5366]

Great video, great explanation, Dr. Orion. Your level of knowledge and way how easily You explain those relationship related issues are amazing. Currently 80% of women go after top 20% of men. So 80% of men go after 20% of women. Not healthy situation for both genders.

[@UnbiasedTruth..]

That was a study looking at short term dating strategies from dating apps like tinder. Not a real reflection of the real world

[@gpj5366]

​@@UnbiasedTruth.. I don't think there are any statistics, which look optimistic for men these days. Women have the upper hand on dating/relationship market. But many men have become way more cautious before any serious commitments.

[@ID_Kevin]

I’m a recruiter, and if what he is saying is the case, my offer package is not great. I’m not a flashy person. I’m someone you will have to spend time with to know my value. I don’t go on crazy trips but rather set up my fundamentals (saving money, engaging in free/low cost experience, staying healthy/educated). But you are correct. I’ve been facing this issue for a long time and couldn’t find a way out of it. I never felt comfortable with putting up a fake facade/“show her the money” to attract a women.

[@nickcorona3966]

All this goes out the window if a guy is sufficiently attractive.

[@mikebingham9700]

That's it!

[@Doberman_6773]

Just Be Chad...

[@tomaszsosnowski9279]

Approaching shows that you are not timid, that you have social skills, you are self-confident, and that you follow the biology of a healthy male, disregarding the political correct discourse of equality in gender dynamics. Plus you demonstrate that by being active, you have been rewarded by other women in the past. It's quasi pre-selection.

[@nikas1684]

Probably the best analysis i have ever heard. Cant wait for the next episode on how to do this!

[@jonathanjacob5453]

Google Mystery Method

[@jaredpowell7]

Seldom have I ever heard someone analogize anything so well, let alone the topic of relationships. Excellent work.

[@bokvarlan]

Amazing content, thanks!

[@Calcific9]

right on doc. I've always found this to be true in my experience with women. Coming from a very arrogant/egoist attitude by default I used to do this unconsciously, the old "im giving you a chance to be my girlfriend" thing and you're not special because you think you're pretty. Once women view a good looking (could just be well dressed/groomed) guy with resources (moderate means/title) they want display this type of attitude its basically game over and you can "flip the script" almost instantly, immediately leaving behind the adorer role and becoming the pursued. This type of relationship with women is the most pleasant for both parties involved and have always been the least toxic and most satisfying in my experience. Doesn't always work but in the case of the woman not biting and starting to pursue you save so much time and wasted resources and can begin the process again with another one. A lot more men used to behave this way naturally not more than 50 years ago. But with all this female worship bullshit I see guys literally all around me adopt this pedestalization of women in every area of their life and it's honestly the most sad depressing sick shit i've ever witnessed. Being able to engage emotionally with women is what will keep them hooked for life without becoming a slave to your own emotionality is the secret.

[@Pccart1121]

Thank you so much for this video. This is addressing one of the biggest gaps I’ve seen in dating advice that other “gurus” seem to struggle addressing.

[@georgerodriguez2987]

I love listening to this man you learn so much whenever he speaks

[@dirtyace1668]

And this is why having a good sense of humor is important. I mean it's important in life in general but especially when dealing with women.

[@melenico4512]

I agree 💯. I also say don't take things personally from women as well.

[@tyler6god]

God, I love you my man. Was just talking about this the other day, and poof! Always on time

[@jtrojan]

Any way you cut it, men have a lot of work to do to cultivate some interest in you. First you need to summons up the courage to approach a woman to initiate a conversation. Secondly you need to be able peek her interest emotionally and then back off. Third, timing important that she would time to listen to you. Fourth, approaching a woman can result in an unpleasant experience. If your not someone she finds desirable it's all for not.

[@RodrigoTechador]

pique* naught*

[@linussaurian4000]

I have a prefect example of this. I have been in treatment and I took the courageous step and told her I was interested and she has been a widowed for 15 months. There were 100's of men waiting and interested in her. I got her and I have to deal with jealous men and all wondering what I have. 😊

[@eugenemichael2362]

Simp

[@genogold]

With every video you release it just makes me realize how utterly hopeless my situation is.

[@brettwheeler7753]

The way to approach women is to approach the ones who give you the signals that she's interested. The woman usually initiates interest, but it's in a way that gives her deniability. Learning that art is the key to more success with women.

[@michellesp7805]

As a woman, I like men who initiate and take on masculine traits of leading a relationship. I like to know that they like me through their actions or verbally; I rather not be confused on where they stand with me.

[@peteduch2151]

I wish more woman where like you

[@TheAustrianPainter87]

😅 Women hate certainty. Stop lying

[@gameon2000]

And what's the benefit for men in it?

[@millenka8089]

I agree. I find that if I like a man and he shows he likes me back then I become even more attracted to him. But I do see the doctors point. Because if a man pulls back for a short time it makes me want them even more.

[@audrydayes]

​@@gameon2000if a guy lead with their masculine energy then he would have a partner who respects him and is more submissive

[@wacawaca3]

Good advise. Also, there’s another way to solve this: pursue women like a “bad boy”: You’re secure enough to unapologetically show your desires but not in a creepy, needy, or pushy way. You are just showing what you want but you are outcome free, you almost don’t care about the result, you are just conveying who you are and what you want. If women like it, good, if not, good. It’s hard to accomplish this level of confidence, but women love it. In this way, they actually like being the adored, because they are also the adorer. Hope this makes sense.

[@LadySmilesALot_WhyNot]

@@wacawaca3 it does, and the Only condition for this to happen is for Both Women and Men to be Healthy Enough... Which is seldom the case "in these dating streets", as they say... Best,

[@neomagumela1569]

I've been watching your videos for a while, and it's quite amazing how a lot of the things you mention seem to have come to me quite intuitively in all my relationships and hearing a psychologist actually say this is the way to go makes me feel quite proud of myself! But my approach was built from the MBTI structure of navigating relationships and, paired with my natural sense about people and general interest in human psychology, I've been able to kinda figure a lot of this out subconsciously. It's crazy how many times I find myself laughing at something you said because of how it resonates with how I've been navigating my own relationships without realising that that's what I've been doing all along and that's why I've been successful with my current relationship. 😅

[@georgesschouten1371]

exhausting

[@seandenny6430]

Waiting for that future episode that's the follow-up! Knocked it out of the park Dr Orion!!

[@chrislevy7839]

Its a sales presentation. Customers say no with logic, and yes with emotions. Any salesman will tell you that. Unfortunately, im a bad salesman

[@destianpatrianagara1119]

One of the ways I implement this strategy is to ask the girl a simple favor or call her out when she's being rude or not saying thank you after I did something nice to her. Although in the first few weeks you should "pursue" her by being nice and a good listener in order to get the girl comfortable.

[@CocoFranklin]

Love this content. Makes it easier to see the boys from the grown men. Keep them coming 🙂

[@John-qt3vt]

Awesome topic. I had a sense that approaching puts someone in the ‘adorer’ role.

[@andremotivation6561]

I disagree from a man's POV with men liking women who like them less. You can say that for women, especially modern day women who like to play games. If a productive man is talking to a woman he finds attractive, her being flaking and uninterested is NOT a turn on. Again for women yes for most men no.

[@alexviner2108]

This is a fantastic summation of your past videos on flipping the script on dating, and entering the role of the adored. Personally this really cleared some stuff up for me. This is an awesome big picture video on dating for men

[@branko1717]

You're doing the Lord's work, my man

[@joemexico7969]

I needed this 60 years ago....

[@anilbalram7768]

Then what is the point?

[@inconnu4961]

Whats the point of 'what'? He explained how this 'reverse psychology' works. Think of it like a sales man: How do you get people to pay FULL price for a product they could get on discount elsewhere? You make them FEEL like they NEED that one you sell, and they NEED it immediately. I hope this helped!

[@zainhummamy4272]

Psychology is such a fascinating thing, and this guy has this special ability to convey this fact with incredible skill.

[@Auticusx]

A woman will 1000% pursue if she's interested. If you as a man have to be the pursuer, you've already lost and she's already showing you she's largely not interested in you.

[@ErnestLemmingway]

🤔 please share more of your knowledge

[@Auticusx]

@@ErnestLemmingway find yourself a buddy that is a 9 or a 10. Preferably a 10. Watch how women treat him and flock to him and chase him. That will answer all you need to know about what I said above. If you are pursuing a woman, you've already lost. She's already shown you she's not really interested in you if she's not chasing after you. My buddies that are super high value literally do nothing and NEVER pursue, and have more women interested in them than the other men in my life combined.

[@DK-ki2fh]

A woman will pursue you if you are her best option at that current moment in time. She will initiate contact first or even invite you places if she is extremely interested. It's only happened to me once or twice. But once you experience King treatment, there is no going back 🔥🔥@@ErnestLemmingway

[@ireviewdopesht7216]

Has to be the best red pill conversation from start to end I've heard ever. Explained it far better than those "gurus". 👍

[@PassionateSpirit88]

No matter what the problem is women nowadays have way toooo many choices especially because of online dating and social media, etc...

[@frcomet5009]

It's literally the main problem, women that use to be 1s in real life nd would be crying and begging to talk to me are now acting like holly wood celebrities on crack.

[@Punchinelli]

100%

[@thelucariamonarchs4889]

​@Nitrodamousits even worse when they not only throw compliments to anyone but actually give them their money

[@walterwilkinson1499]

​@Nitrodamousgame mostly died with the rise of cancel culture.

[@hydraulics]

That's why performance is so powerful. Actors musicians... etc. We get eyed from the audience.

[@teeking4302]

Did he just put me in a double bind because now I'm waiting for the follow up video

[@accessdenied86]

Definitely will try this. Thank you Dr Taraban

[@hassankki8040]

First to get here I think I'm becoming a fanboy

[@smithies_jocks]

A few months ago I watched a video from Orion and he asked what is masculinity in one sentence? No one has been able to answer that question without writing volumes of text. Then he offered this definition, masculinity is having balls and a backbone. This changed my life. Its so powerful, be brave, dont worry about offending people or disappointing people, do what is right for you (and your family), and when the push back comes, the crying and wailing, stand firm. Try it, you'll be amazed how things turn around. I've been doing this for months now so its just habit, I dont think about it, and almost all life decisions now are the best they could have been. Thank you, Orion.

[@srikrishnavasanth3895]

My thought of defination was Proactive in physical actions. But if his words changed someone for better then it's a very good thing.

[@nuthintoprove]

Reminds me of the movie The "Tao of Steve" 1) don't show sexual interest in her 2) do something great in her presence 3) retreat It works real good for a string of shallow relationships.

[@hyperteleXii]

Emotional loyalty is an oxymoron. Just like emotional intelligence. I'm starting to think women just attach "emotional" to things of actual value to pretend they have any.

[@JOYRIDEUS]

This is the "ism" the ogs taught us in the hood, just delivered different

[@agcouper]

The problem for me is that I just can't put on a show for a girl I know nothing about. A recruiter is at least familiar with a person's resume and therefore has some idea of how much they want to pursue them.

[@TheAustrianPainter87]

You are familiar with her physical beauty and fantasies of how she'd look on all fours. That's why you'd even want to approach in the first place.

[@FirstBorn__]

The more you get out of a womans emotion the more complete their resume will be. Enough for you to switch the script. This requires you to have a good company. Literally be good company and then people just tell you everything and feel good around you. No woman forgets how good they felt around you at some point in their life. Serve good milk and they will keep on coming.

[@riuoku]

The other way around is to gently mock her. Easier said than done, but it is possible.

[@ManUp2362]

@@FirstBorn__ 😂😂

[@chipsteve]

So ask questions & only selectively validate her answers. That means openly disagreeing at times. Amused screening.

[@Lears010]

Great insights and interpretation, Dr.

[@Bazzguit]

I confessed my feelings to a classmate like a month ago, I was friendzoned by her and from that point onwards her behavior towards me has been totally different, I almost feel like she sees me as someone inferior, although she swears that's totally unconscious. Now I really think differently about all that topic, next time I'll keep my mouth closed and just let her guess my feelings towards her.

[@Bazzguit]

F*ck I engaged her emotionally and she showed lots of interest after that happened, and then instead of keep backing of I just spoiled everything :'(

[@timothybogle1461]

Don't confess feelings, express interest. Feelings come a long way down the road. Treat a first date like a job interview. It's a two way street to push her buttons as well.

[@srikrishnavasanth3895]

Only express feelings when she had feelings for you.

[@Ockerby]

Oh my goodness! What is being described in this video has been my experience - obviously, it's not perfectly synonymous, but the theme is extraordinarily similar! Respect! ⚡✊

[@Jubal.Harshaw]

The ONLY way for men to FLIP the situation is by NOT wanting women in the first place. You MUST go to a place where women actually WANT and NEED men for more than financial gain. Pick and choose wisely.

[@andremotivation6561]

Yes and to add on, you also have to creat options for yourself, approach as many women to get use to them and not place them on a pedestal.

[@sami.1983]

Most women want a man who provides, and or makes money that her. Because les3 and less men can do that that's why i believe most men are ignored and unworthy. It gives women the ick. I don't blame them you can't be a man in a position beneath her financially, your just not respected. Its Its something men have to come to terms with.

[@Jubal.Harshaw]

@@andremotivation6561 Well, I don't know about that last part. I grew up around women and had a close relationship with my mother, her friends and my sisters - who also warned me about women. I never felt the need to "get used to them" as you stated. Disney didn't get to me. Still, women have become MORE EVIL than ever before. (Oh, they were EVIL to begin with - but now they are EVIL ON STEROIDS.) What has caused that? Society PROTECTS them. They can (literally) cut off men's genitalia and not go to prison or serve any jail time. If a man did the same, he would likely get the death penalty. So, lesson #1: Go where women are NOT protected so much by both society and their governments.

[@Jubal.Harshaw]

@@sami.1983 No. WOMEN have to come to terms with it - NOT MEN. Men did not create this situation - WOMEN DID. Oh, men ALLOWED it to happen. But, women and feminism are at the core of causality. Women have always wanted the less than 1% of the population. That has never changed. What is different is that TODAY society backs the female in ANY situational outcome. Women are not REQUIRED to take responsibility for their actions. THAT MUST CHANGE.

[@marklittle8805]

I love how you break it down Doc....

[@john_carter8243]

if a man takes action... he is Me-Too-ed OUT OF EXISTENCE!!!

[@Kristy_not_Kristine]

Very true. One of the first men I dated after my divorce back in 2001 pursued me for a couple of years. I was 24 with 3 babies (3, 2, and 1) so was mostly focused on raising them. He was a nice guy, and we were good friends, but I just wasn't really attracted to him. Until he started dating his now ex-wife more. Then I started to think perhaps I could consider him more seriously. Life is so funny! In the long run, I focused on raising my girls, only occasionally dating - too many horror stories of children being sexually abused by boyfriends or step-dads. I remarried a man 20 years older than I when my girls were 15,16, and 17, almost 9 years ago, and life is great! (Although he pursed the heck out of me, so not everyone is the same. Attractiveness and chemistry also helps).

[@georgeelder8415]

Well done, Dr. Taraban! This was a great example of a valid mindset in approaching the ladies... Would it be appropriate to request a video on the importance of healthy testosterone levels in pursuit of our goals?

[@qstrian]

“Perceived sexual marketplace value.” You nailed that landing!

[@SecretSquirrel33]

How you are interested without showing her you are interested? This is madness. Better not to have a woman and avoid all the confusion

[@msemakweli133]

😂😂 In other words, being real. That's the plane on which men operate.

[@PlatiumBeats]

You can show interest/desires without saying a word just with your eye contact. That takes self-confidence and practice like anything in life, you only good at what you practice. Don't practice avoiding women. As a male its better to learn to live with a broken heart then a close one.

[@DeltaTempest]

I think this is why some of the best ways to intiate with women are to not approach to hit on right away. The gym is perfect for this. Introduce yourself, chat for a moment, go back to what you are doing. Build rapport, then eventually go for more.

[@SecretSquirrel33]

@@DeltaTempest Yeah, but then for what? Where is the win? At best, I will get another beautiful distraction in life. At worst, I'll go to jail or die prtecting her or something...cleaned out financially or suicide even for some poor dudes. The problem here is that men desire women. It's built into us to be stupid.

[@TV-oc4ml]

Lol loser comment

[@newempire158]

Bro has the most aesthetically easing and pleasing thumbnails in the manosphere.

[@SecretSquirrel33]

I live my life like women do not exist now. I just live alone peaceful and go about my business. A woman would have to talk to me in the supermarket or something...

[@msemakweli133]

Works perfectly. Don't approach. If a brave one approaches you, be boring - they hate boring guys. And if you are not a member of that mythical 10% "Chad/Tyrone" category, you have 100% insulation. Live your life in peace, doing what you please, when you please.

[@SecretSquirrel33]

@@msemakweli133 Oh I do have that Chad thing...Its wild...I side on the side of the road and guys yell out "HANDSOME!" from their vehicle as the go past. Not even joking. Like 11/10 level...but its actually a good thing. Women are mostly too scared to approach. Thing is, I do want company in my life. I just have my dog and cat. Not interested in guy friends as my time is for working on my goals in life. But I woukd want a meek quiet girl that just blends I to my life u notices other that he nice things she does. A girl that pries herself on submission and serving her man the way I serve her as a provider. Upward respect. But they are nowhere. Unless you wanna date 5/10 amd below. Easy then I expect. But I don't. And any hot girl these days is all legs out and looking like a hooker. Wasn't raised with a father in the home etc etc....whatever it is...there is ALWAYS a fatal flaw in her. All she would have to do is cook,clean, be nice and she can live with a multimillionaire. Like... milti-multi 👀 But I can't win man. After being a semi-famous playboy and a marriage and like 480 girls (sometiem in group of 20 on a single date😳), I have to now fully realise that the only way to win is to not play.

[@josephBal149]

If ever there was a Nobel prize in the field of understanding the human condition in today's world, the good doctor would desrve it. I love your short talks and videos.

[@mickeymcafee7615]

Women can't take rejection of any sort.

[@Dewane1511]

They take it on the backend though..

[@daddy3484]

^ this. They never actually get rejected. They go sleep with a tinder date to fill the void. Then they come crawling back to chad like they did something impressive.

[@Mrplantedbrain]

Either they will learn humility or God will teach them by humiliation. That's why the headaches will have a lot of headaches by the nature of their input. You reap what you sow. And they usually pay it w vicious cycles of roller-coaster emotions, imbalance&instability and having to be pleased with less than they otherwise could have/ deserved. 😊

[@CarlDIY]

I’m a dating coach. I’m currently here at university studying Mechanical engineering. Even though I’m in a two year relationship, I still approach women. I do it so I won’t forget the struggle. I feel for men I really do. It’s harder now due to unrealistic expectations, feminism, cognitive dissonance cause by social media. My advice is to attract someone by focusing on your purpose. Always stick to bettering yourself.

[@theunkownmr.562]

Great advertising! All you did was dangle the carrot 🥕 to get people to pay for a consultation on HOW to accomplish this. You showed us the dish, but you didn't give us the recipe.

[@walterwilkinson1499]

He said a follow up video is coming

[@originals4614]

This goes without saying but Doc over here dropping bars on every video 🔥🔥🔥

[@Pacolad]

What does engage them emotionally mean??

[@Cee_Eff]

Acting like a PUA I guess...and how does one do that properly?????

[@CarComparos]

Before anything else, lets acknowledge the jaw-droppingly beautiful, artful, classy and accurate thumbnail!

[@glutenfree4713]

Can you please provide some links to studies that show women liking men less based on the man's level of attraction to them?

[@cornelus9979]

I love the headhunter metaphore, it's so adequat.