Never meet halfway: understanding what a date is

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My definition of a date is that it's connection plus sexual possibility. You need both for a date to be a date. Otherwise, you're dealing with a hookup (on the one hand) or an interview (on the other). And this is why the date is God's perfect creation: when it does well, both parties get what they want. As a result, it's never a good idea to meet halfway on a date, as it severely limits the logistical reality of the sexual possibility. This also sets up the likelihood that the relationship will prioritize the woman's interests and preferences over the man's. I discuss more in this episode.
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Presented by Orion Taraban, Psy.D. PsycHacks provides viewers with a brief, thought-provoking video several days a week on a variety of psychological topics, inspired by his clinical practice. The intention is for the core idea contained within each video to inspire viewers to see something about themselves or their world in a slightly different light. The ultimate mission of the channel is to reduce the amount of unnecessary suffering in the world.
#psychology #dating #relationship

[@psychacks]

My definition of a date is that it's connection plus sexual possibility. You need both for a date to be a date. Otherwise, you're dealing with a hookup (on the one hand) or an interview (on the other). And this is why the date is God's perfect creation: when it does well, both parties get what they want. As a result, it's never a good idea to meet halfway on a date, as it severely limits the logistical reality of the sexual possibility. This also sets up the likelihood that the relationship will prioritize the woman's interests and preferences over the man's. I discuss more in this episode. Pre-order my book: amzn.to/3UlsTsY Book a paid consultation: oriontarabanpsyd.com/consultations Subscribe to my newsletter: oriontarabanpsyd.com Social Media Facebook: facebook.com/profile.php?id=100090053889622 LinkedIn: www.linkedin.com/in/orion-taraban-070b45168/ Instagram: instagram.com/psyc.hacks Twitter: twitter.com/oriontaraban Website: oriontarabanpsyd.com Orion's Theme: kzbin.info/www/bejne/jaO7c62HZ613e7M Thinking of going to grad school? Check out STELLAR, my top-rated GRE self-study program based on the world's only empirically-validated test prep system. Use the code "PSYCH" for 10% off all membership plans: stellargre.com. Become a Stellar affiliate and earn a 10% commission for every membership purchased by a new student you conduct into the program: stellargre.tapfiliate.com. GRE Bites: www.youtube.com/@grebites4993 Become a Psychonaut and join PsycHack's member community: kzbin.info/door/SduXBjCHkLoo_y9ss2xzXwjoin Sound mixing/editing by: valntinomusic.com Presented by Orion Taraban, Psy.D. PsycHacks provides viewers with a brief, thought-provoking video several days a week on a variety of psychological topics, inspired by his clinical practice. The intention is for the core idea contained within each video to inspire viewers to see something about themselves or their world in a slightly different light. The ultimate mission of the channel is to reduce the amount of unnecessary suffering in the world. #psychology #dating #relationship

[@kurtvanluven9351]

How I managed ANY success with women (when I was young & mostly by accident) and being so clueless? It is staggering. The great news Is I can try all new, correct methods at age 61 and if I succeed nobody need know how late of a start I got. Your clarity of expression I admire. Thank you.

[@aniharutyunyan]

such dating techniques only attract promiscuous woman. if that what you are looking for :)

[@aniharutyunyan]

With such a dating technique, you will only attract promiscuous woman. If that's what you're looking for ;)

[@lanji7946]

The Dr is always cooking 🔥🔥...so most of us have been going for interviews thinking we on a date 😭

[@PsychedelicChameleon]

I'm an older man that has rarely dated. I've never had any sexual activity on a first or second date, and usually that's because the women made it clear ahead of time in some way that sex was "off the table" and that expressing too much interest in that would disqualify me from further dating opportunities with them. You can read more in my comment below.

[@srdorseyauctioneering328]

Show up for the date in your motorhome!

[@chrispotempa2900]

Or the 70s Chevy van with the flame paint job, tinted bubble windows and shaggggggg carpeting :)

[@yourbachelor]

😂

[@Focusembedded]

@@chrispotempa2900 A buddy of mine in high school in the early 1980's had one of those. Came complete with leopard print interior, disco lighting, a futon, and a beanbag chair. He called it the "Rassle Castle."

[@beastmode4eva458]

😂😂😂😂😂😂

[@andrewdube4250]

"He cold!"

[@monicamccready3921]

This reminds of what my friend's mom told her when she was young and dating. She said, "Women need a reason to have sex. Men just need a place to have it."

[@madness5693]

The father figure we needed

[@tlz8884]

Amen

[@josephoduor2358]

Getting this wisdom for free, what a time to be alive.

[@LawrenceJenner]

Amen

[@marcusmcgraw3519]

@@josephoduor2358he’s tricking you guys into playing a game that favors the woman. He’s keeping you in a loop of watching his content to enrich his pockets, not to help men. He is misleading you to a problem and framing it as a solution. His words may sound nice, but examine the motive for his actions rather than the action in a vacuum

[@hanshans9902]

Talking you with buying Milk and comes Home togheter xd

[@SheenaRea]

There is no way, in today's day and age, where people should be "hooking up" that quickly. Caution.

[@user-kb1hw2yq2f]

Thank you.

[@FinalWaveFeminism]

It's MOSTLY women doing this though, and constantly/consistently. They're basically using tinder as Uber for D. They do this at every age (even more so when older) ESPECIALLY the ones that say no hookups.

[@eyeheartsushi2212]

Unfortunately it’s become rather common

[@jimlong2469]

Never should have been. When did "professionals" start giving such atrocious "advice"???

[@SheenaRea]

@@jimlong2469 That's what I wonder! 👍

[@KK-sg5gl]

So women that will sleep with men on the first date isn’t a red flag? What you don’t know is that she had three “first dates” before yours, that very same week. Thanks but no thanks.

[@andyfranks1575]

YES! My thoughts exactly! It bothers me to no end that red-pills never address this. Vetting the girl is so much more important than getting laid. Sleeping with a girl on the first date should only be a shit-test. You can come up with some "reason" to go back to your place, and she's supposed to politely turn it down.

[@juhel5531]

I've met a ton of women that would sleep with you in the first date. They're high flying lawyers, doctors, accountants or rich scions of established families. It's considered classy when you're that wealthy AND high class. They treat relationships like vacations from their careers and will interview you about your future career trajectory. I've been denied by every single one as a serious relationship prospect but I don't hold it against them since I'm not one of them. I'm just a pleb and can't honsetly fund a lifestyle that can keep up with them.

[@idesel]

That isn't a red flag. The same woman who won't sleep with you on the first date will do it with someone else. It largely depends on how she feels about you.

[@calibre_au6183]

Well you could filter them out and get lucky in one go.

[@KK-sg5gl]

@@calibre_au6183for sure

[@marriagecausesdivorce7540]

7:25 such an important point. It is better to know ASAP if the woman you are dealing with gets Aggressive, Bossy, Combative, and Disagreeable (ABCD) when things don't go her way. If she goes ABCD when you say "no" or disappoint her, expect her to take your money, house and kids in divorce. ABCD women are divorce material. And if you ignore the red flags, guess what 9:27

[@RShaun]

I like the ABCD and I will probably steal it, but how would you work in the ambushers that agree superficially and try to coerce over time? E for Emotional Terrorism?

[@marriagecausesdivorce7540]

@@RShaun if you want a relationship you have to accept the whole thing is a risk and can massively back fire. If you want a relationship you have to make your best guess and hope it works out for the next 50 years. All you can do is de-risk, e.g. not get married, or get married with a prenup, or only have 1 kid to minimize child support payments, etc.

[@georgedang449]

​@@marriagecausesdivorce7540 Willingness of your wife to divorce/cheat is a separate factor to consider. There are some very agreeable pushovers who lost their first time with some loser because he talked her into it, who will again commit adultery easily after marriage for the same reason. Marriage material is traditional woman who's obedient to her husband, but not other men. My wife is a first generation Chinese immigrant and was a virgin until we married. She cooks, cleans, does most of the childcare for our son, puts in a ton of work into my business. She's obedient to me and her father, not even so much her mother.

[@peterpalashevky7423]

ABCD😅😅😅 BEAUTIFUL !!

[@Jrocket12345]

I found this to be true looking back on a 28 year marriage and 32 years together. She was disagreeable from the start. And yes, she got 1/2 million, the house and alienated me from my grown children in the divorce. All young men, please pay attention and learn.

[@23DanielVincent]

I don't have a problem suggesting a coffee date on the first meeting because women nowadays will go on dates for free food while having no genuine interest in a guy. If she balked at this, then I would keep it pushing.

[@Insight-music]

Right, why spend 💯 on someone you aren’t sure about

[@23DanielVincent]

@Insight-music Exactly. If she has genuine interest in you, then she'll be okay with it.

[@GoogleUser-td1ic]

You'll be just looking at a piece of art while having coffee. Is this habitual of you? Gotta get out of that mode. Watch this video again.

[@juandavidtabares9446]

​@@GoogleUser-td1icdon't care. I won't spend resources in someone that would ghost me next day cus she just wanted dinner. If she's worth the time and energy, a coffee date as a first date would be great for her. I won't allow myself to be used like that, we already make enough effort to approach, plan the date, go to her place and take her to the date, which is what's expected by society

[@23DanielVincent]

@@GoogleUser-td1ic Who said anything about looking at art? Are you even a real person?

[@ronj9448]

First Time Meeting Someone: I call that a "Meet and Greet". You only date someone you know - even a first date. And I bought memberships to a few local museums. Having them join as my guest is the offer. Lots of things to talk about if she doesn't want to talk about her.

[@LisaFenton-h7f]

Great date idea! (from a woman)

[@renatabyrne1970]

Hold your horses, man...an "initial interaction" should not be "a sexual opportunity" but an opportunity to get to know if there's mutual chemistry, flirtation and connection. This is such a masculine viewpoint to try and set it up for sex before you even discover each other

[@tancreddehauteville764]

True.

[@theironhorsegamer2097]

Well to be fair, there is likely a chance that the woman, in our western society, had already given a sexual interaction to someone for a much lower cost than a relationship. I would argue to say that many women give it up fairly easily if you check all their “impulse buy/purchase”, blocks. Watching more of his videos, I would say this is more of the case of I’m not paying full price for a product someone else got for a much lower price or even free for that matter.

[@albertostang]

I tend to agree with what I see on this channel. This video makes sense as usual, but I must say, now in my 40s and married, If I were ever to divorce and start dating again. I would go for a coffee on the first date and see if I am really interested in having sex with her at all. If she's worth it, then I would propose dates with mating possibility. The reason being, as men, we will always want to get laid, but rushing into sex with the wrong women is generally a big mistake and it can easily entangle men in toxic relationships from the get go. Specially if the sex is good. So I would say, It is important to protect ourselves from our own desires too.

[@melvilleasha]

Well said.

[@ConstantinDumitru]

And also if you suggest her your place as 1st date, it could make her think you just want some fun - unless she's also in to that, I guess.

[@phillipjamison4939]

I agree completely. I was going to comment this. I personally prefer to see if the woman is worth the hassle first and if she is looking to simply be entertained. Coffee is perfect and affordable.

[@mdhazeldine]

Exactly. I am 42, seperated (soon to be divorced). When he said a coffee date is an interview, I thought "Good! I will be the interviewer, as I'm the one hiring!"

[@alexandrodl1371]

@@ConstantinDumitru Suggesting your place for the 1st date?! Bruh. Just ask her for sex at that point... Because she will obviously know you're super thirsty

[@ralphneptune9881]

I believe in not dating at all while treating women in the context of non-dating with kindness and respect. Perfect equilibrium. I enjoy peace and despite drama. Seem that singleness is my destiny and I embrace it.

[@SuperReyand]

So you order yourself an escort?!

[@alpex92]

Well, depends on your goals. It may work if having a sex is the only thing you are interested in, otherwise sleeping with a person you know for few hours max is a terrible idea. 1. You may discover a lot of incompatibilities later, but you are already feeing bonded, especially if the sex was really good, and getting out of this could be quite painful 2. Easy come - easy go, if the girl is easy on sex for a first date with you, there’s a high chance that she would do the same with others, potentially cheating 3. it may feel pushy and make her thinking that the only thing you here for is sex, again Personally, I never expect or facilitate anything on first date, I just meet to know a person better. And then if everything seems positive - start moving further by small steps, checking her reaction and adjusting the behaviour accordingly. If the girl wants you - she would make it happen, anyway. Trying to push or speed up things can spoil what had a good potential long-term.

[@LisaFenton-h7f]

FINALLY! a man who gets it! I'm a woman who has seen so FEW men behave the way you do when it comes to dating. Your last sentence is right on: men I liked and was attracted to DID "try to speed up things ...and it DID "spoil what god potential long term".

[@solangesolar4676]

Agree 100%!

[@missyelious]

💯

[@hockeymikey]

Bingo. Great comment and analysis overall. It's easy to get locked into someone physically so it's a pitfall that should be avoided until you think there is a connection and want to take that next step. Otherwise, all of this is just hooking up basically with extra steps (and I don't recommend those casual relationships).

[@FirstLast-cd6vv]

I'm glad I did all my dating during my youth because the current dating world is literal sh!t.

[@RubenWalsh-iv5ik]

I'm Gen X, I got the tail end of good women, I see young girls and they are truly repugnant.

[@yemisiaderuku2902]

@@FirstLast-cd6vv Absolutely And the knowledge of the current dating world will help us understand and guide the youth I suppose Watching from Nigeria 🇳🇬

[@PanteraRossa]

Long are the golden days when your HS sweetheart would wanna play hooky and go back to her place while her parents weren't home.

[@westbdeon]

Hold on there bud. People are moving in back with parents nowadays. There are plenty of adults ducking their parents to get it on in bed. Whether or not their HS sweetheart depends on some imagination.

[@RH-td7vc]

Such behavior is exactly the kind of promiscuity that men claim disgusts them. You'll hate on girls who give up the kitty for free or low effort but expect it from the girl you're interested in

[@user-kb1hw2yq2f]

They still play hookies. They just do it in middle school and with many many boys. I've seen a porn star who talked about guys asking her for anal in middle school (or freshmen year in hs, cant remember, either way its bad)

[@mat7083]

Long are the golden days when HS pregnancy was so high and everyone wanted to lose their virginity by 15

[@Johnny-Cage]

Exactly. Now HS boys are just hooking up with their teachers

[@CB-ke9rs]

Why would there ever be an expectation of sex on the first date? Women don't owe men anything and neither does the man owe the woman anything. Let's be realistic - a first date is just an interview. Sometimes you have to go on several interviews to find the right one. If a man refuses to go on a first date that requires one to meet half way thus eliminating the possibility of sex that speaks volumes.

[@chriswiebers1135]

Men, please understand the concept of holding her hand when you walk back to your car, the convo while driving home, then being able to walk her to her door and kiss her goodnight. Kissing is also a sexual interaction. You don’t have to sleep with her perse. Also vet her properly before you invest your resources.🎉

[@Susan-fg3nv]

Women ride in cars with strangers? Haven't you seen the Uber movie? Well... Men are dating women for sex .. I guess a car ride isn't so far fetched

[@marwasalama4228]

The "sexual opportunity" cost on a women emotionally is not the same as the cost of the "connection" on the man, not a fair equality. Sleeping around for women is not good for their emotional wellbeing. If a man fancies a woman he would be respectful, confident and considerate to allow her to reach a decent level of trust and safety first. Women indeed have a lot of skin in the game but you choose not to consider such aspects.

[@jimlong2469]

VERY poor "advice" all the way around. Bad for men, bad for women.

[@marwasalama4228]

@@jimlong2469 Totally agree

[@KJThePublicist]

As a man... meet her in her comfort zone for the first few dates... As the man you want her to feel as comfortable as possible with you on her home turf before going to your home field(your side of town). You want her to do as least amount of heavy lifting as possible... show her that you care about her comfort and as she feels more comfortable she'll become more open minded over time

[@Susan-fg3nv]

For what?

[@KJThePublicist]

@@Susan-fg3nv For anything... lol....

[@lostvayne4553]

This is how she’s uses u for attention and concludes ur a doormat

[@Allforoneandoneforallll]

You’re a unicorn sir. And likely not single with your respectful rational

[@dieseldan5189]

Sex on the first date is a hookup.

[@devol5931]

Why?

[@JohnSmithEx]

​@@devol5931 because the decision to marry a specific woman is very very serious, and making the decision with the head that is on top of your shoulders is your best option. Otherwise you may end up regretting that decision for the rest of your life.

[@assiduous_yogi]

​@@JohnSmithExyou're marrying women after a first date?

[@assiduous_yogi]

A hookup is a hookup. If sex is the only purpose, we're not going out anywhere.....

[@dieseldan5189]

@@devol5931 common sense. Sex without commitment is a hookup. Logically and rationally, there can be no serious commitment based on 1 date. Not even a few dates.

[@kristinej.4182]

As much as I value your content, this I have to disagree on. Your concept is encouraging sex as the main objective for a date especially when it’s early on. As a woman, even if I’m attracted to a guy, there is no way in hell I’m gonna follow him to his place to have sex when I don’t even know him! What if he is a killer? What if he attacks me and rapes me??? This world is a scary place for anyone to trust strangers. Isn’t it more important to get to know the person first and establish some connection and familiarity not to mention a decent level of trust and safety before having sex??? I really hope other women feel the same way. And men: don’t go on dates only to get sex. Having a meaningful relationship with a woman you fall in love with is so much more satisfying in the long run.

[@SheenaRea]

Totally agree. This is one area where Orion is way off.

[@screentake01]

So you want a woman to travel alone to meet some guy she hardly knows and it's not safe for a woman to travel alone in the evening. She keeps the date not too far from her for safety reasons.

[@cathtaylor8878]

Yes. And then sleep with him. Great advice - if you’re not looking for a long term relationship.

[@gmoneymac23]

I thought women were "strong and independent"? Now, they can't travel alone?

[@sterneprinzessin]

Exactly - really disappointing BS advice, sounds like coming straight from the red pill bible. Men, that's not how to build real relationships and trust with women.

[@ianstambaugh7535]

This is guy is Andrew Tate dressed up in faux intellectual language.

[@chica212]

What intellectual language are you referring to? The history and Roman Empire references? I’m in Graduate school for Mental Health Counseling and we use empirical studies and peer reviewed articles not the Roman Empire 😂😅

[@hisato1998]

If you dont make sex for sport and you want long lasting relationship the early sex not help you my little fellas and Dr Orion so be patient and trust the proces to find your gem 💎

[@aniharutyunyan]

Dr Orion thinks all men are like him. desperate about sex. rejected many times by women. sexualizing women. and this gives rise to an advice like that. very sad for his followers.

[@granfabrica]

This is ludicrous. Start with coffee so you can get out quickly without emptying your wallet. Be smart, guys

[@dang75790]

Agreed. People don't understand how to date any longer.

[@jimlong2469]

Incredibly poor advice given with such authority .... LOL

[@illuminatinglight5486]

I honestly don’t mind the, “interview” first date. I’m not looking to have sex on a first date anyway. I thought the date was to feel each other out 🤷‍♂️

[@saranew1190]

@@illuminatinglight5486 I think his advice is more to optimise the chances of getting laid on first date for men rather than finding their soulmate... It should be started more clearly as it's not what all men care about. If I was a man looking for something serious, the first screening would be coffee to check if she's not a psycho and if she's interesting enough..

[@avinashprasadfilms]

The comments are making some very good (and obvious) counter arguments. Coffee is fine for a first.

[@kirstinmeyer3297]

Spot on! I am tired of men who ask where you want to meet and then are upset when they don't get what they hoped for. It's boring and frustrating for the woman, too! Greetings from Germany!

[@teriyaki8643]

Let's normalise the first-time interview over coffee, there is no way I'm sleeping with a man that is basically a stranger or come to his place.. Sir, I'm gonna need to see you pet a puppy first to decide you are safe

[@blackfishgaming7145]

I’d rather meet for a coffee. If I’m not into her.. great. If she’s not into me for meeting a second time.. great. I’ve saved time and money (time being my most valuable asset).

[@jiriskala]

I thought the video will be about negotiating and not settling on a compromise. But it was all about just getting laid.

[@armandoguerra7658]

“Meet me halfway”, one of the most liked song of the black eyed peas, I’ve understood over the years, that if I was made for loving you and you were made for loving me, meeting me halfway, is the minimum to start off

[@DrNigel-Comedy]

Judging by some of the comments, people are misunderstanding the idea of sexual possibility. If I'm going out with my friends, male or female, there is no possibility of sex , so I am not expected to pay for them. Since I know I will be seeing my friends again, sometimes I will treat them knowing that they will reciprocate in the future. When I am meeting a woman to determine if we are compatible, we are both trying to to decide if we see the possibility of an intimate relationship with this other person in the future. Dr. Taraban is not saying that there should be sex on the first date but if either person has decided there is no possibility of sex in the future, then it wasn't a date. If a woman decides on that first meeting that she likes me "but not in that way" then this meeting will likely not lead to us seeing each other again for our actual first date. While it is possible that this new woman and I could choose to invest time with each other to build a new friendship, in that case I would not be expected to pay. It is not reasonable to expect me to invest a lot of time and money when there is no possibility of physical intimacy in the future. Personally I like to think of myself as a casting director trying to find a woman for a key role in my life. That first meeting with someone new is like an audition. As I'm sure Orion knows from his past dramatic experiences, actors and actresses do not get paid for auditioning, they only get compensated if they are chosen for the role. The leading role I'm casting for requires physical intimacy, not during the audition, only after you've accepted the role I'm offering you in my life.

[@MissOJAY]

I hear u but his choice is words is leaning on the understanding most of us are processing. He then goes on to say he practises this and if a woman is reluctant to meet elsewhere but halfway, she's the problem. 😅come on now

[@KeyaCares]

Fellas, If you want a long term commitment please do both set up dates in your neighborhood. Plan dates closer to where she lives, pay for the date and show her that she is safe with you. In due time, she will respond to your efforts because you took the lead in making sure the location was super easy for her to get to. If you have a woman drive to your neighborhood, you’re asking her to chase you. You’re asking her to prove herself to you which is asking her to be in her masculine energy. If you really like a girl and want to impress her, please plan a date…not a coffee meet up, not ice cream , Jamba Juice, none of that stuff. Think outside the box. You can plan a nice romantic date on a dime that doesn’t make a woman feel like she’s sitting in a sterile environment with you. Women like comfort. Find a cozy spot with mood that will allow you two to mentally/verbally connect with her.

[@davnoble8472]

Stop giving dating advice to men…. That’s not your place

[@MurderCube]

Orion would you really take a woman seriously if she's giving it up on the first date? I feel like it's counterproductive to want that.

[@MrHDProd]

He is not the type of man woman sleep on the first date with

[@Reflectionmaterial]

Super strange how men do not take women seriously who sleep with them

[@RubenWalsh-iv5ik]

He says possibility, it's about women not giving anything

[@stevegwizzle3560]

Believe it or not, you may actually be one of the FEW men, and I mean very FEW who she will sleep with on the first day, only because she sees you as an amazing catch that she doesn't want to lose out on. Yes this actually happens

[@ALForb]

Every video I watch on dating makes me glad I didn't have to play this game to meet my wife. Find community. Build a network. Get to know people. This includes forming plutonic relationships with women. Control your impulses and only go when there's a clear green light (don't convince yourself, wait for her to convince you). It's possible to have everything pretty well locked in by the time you go on a "date", rendering the information in videos like this irrelevant to your situation.

[@yar3333]

I agree, plutonic relationships are better than saturnic ones.

[@limegrassy]

@@ALForb "platonic" hence the joke comment "saturnic" lol

[@lauraholewa4314]

This doesn’t make sense for a first date. Perhaps all first dates are interviews when people have not met yet, which I think is reasonable.

[@samuelmontenegroserniotti7146]

Gods perfect creation of a date is when you go to her father and ask her to take her to the cinema or to lunch, then you pick her up from her house like a man, and then back. This used to be the standard and we hated every second of it but now we know only good families that loved their daughters did this. No one does that anymore.

[@dang75790]

If she's 16. 😂 not an adult woman 😂

[@moisesbeyond]

women hate been under their father s authority

[@nannaed7833]

Yeah because women work and don’t need anyone’s permission anymore as adults. Women aren’t goods of her father to be brought back and forth to, they are autonomous adults like yourself. Let’s not forget or pretend to ignore the dark history of the mentality this lead to. This blatant disrespect is why feminism is important and relevant to all women. Nature decided that it’s actually women that chooses genetically who passes on and the men who get it, get it. The ones that don’t, usually never do and are left alone/ignored by all women. :)

[@davnoble8472]

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣yo this is comedy and goofy

[@franco1240]

If you go for a coffee you know that sex is not possible but you can still work in the sexual tension and run a personality check. I have done that all my life and ive been always successful AF. Maybe in the US people is built differently but i dont really think so. Actually also worked for me in the US several times as well

[@Nicttee]

Yes to all you say, but NOT on the FIRST encounter. The first encounter is always an interview for both parties, for obvious reasons.

[@beetleything1864]

i don't think getting laid on a first date is a great idea in the long run........but that's what i did last night - meet her 20 mins from my place - came back and stayed :) so yeah it works ....

[@-441-]

iT'S NOT

[@meeep9099]

Statistically speaking, dating in general isn't a "good idea for the long run".

[@-441-]

@@meeep9099 iT'S NOT

[@rayrwyr]

It is about of the possibility. Getting laid on the first date happens probably 30-40% of the time based on some informal surveys.

[@meeep9099]

@@-441- why not

[@gmoneymac23]

Good luck getting her to drive 30-45 minutes for a FIRST date closer to your place. IMO, it's happened but, by far, they were the exception and those who did were, more or less, short term flings.

[@DietPizza1]

Date #1 is vetting for major red flags, which can be substantial online dating. I think this is a better date 2 thing

[@dirtyace1668]

I love Orion's videos and agree with most of his thinking but I find it funny that he brings up meeting for coffee as going half way on a date because my experiences have been very much the opposite. For me, sexual encounters are much more frequent and consistent when the date is as free of pressure as possible. By this I mean, the whole coffee thing is just extremely easy to do. No real planning of any kind required. Just pick a coffee spot and that's it. No pressure, which means a much more relaxed atmosphere for both myself and my date, and that leads to you know what, a lot easier and more natural, again, because there's so much less pressure.

[@laff8686]

The more i'm watching this channel the more i want to stay lonnely. I'm truly wondering how did we get to be 8 billion if all of that is true.

[@doberchic]

Most of those numbers are from grape and familial coercion.

[@dieseldan5189]

I like this guys content because it is very articulate, serious and thought provoking. But I recommend to serious women that you should really be careful with this advice. He promotes help saying that any women can lock down a “desirable high value” guy if you just follow his advice. Locking down a “high” value guy that is way out of your league by smothering him with constant hot sex, early and often, plays right into the hands of these guys currently gettting most of the sex. Every man’s goal is to get the most sex while expending the least amount of energy. His advice to women mainly helps these men reach this goal.

[@devol5931]

"His advice to women mainly helps these men reach this goal" and also helps those women get their foot in the door. If a high value guy doesnt get value out of an intimate relationship what is the reason for this guy to stick to the woman that doesnt provide anything valuable in the first place?

[@datura.4022]

@@devol5931 So he can get kids and a helpful and loving wife later on if he plays his cards right and is discerning and waits a little longer, and sees the value in these things in the long term to begin with? Sex comes with that too, just later on, especially if it’s a girl waiting for marriage and/or a virgin.

[@devol5931]

@@datura.4022 doesnt your idea of a relationship with a man sound like an extortion to you? Do you have balls?

[@Safak-hm9me]

Orion. I've been following you since you had 100 k followers and watched over 100 videos for sure. I must ask this question as you're the teacher here: what's your relationship status and why is it the way it is?

[@msSerene55]

His relationship status is what it is because he is too afraid of a woman thinking her interests and preferences are taken into account.

[@chica212]

Loving this for men growing a spine and asking the same questions they ask single women who come online to give toxic dating advice! Go guys 💕

[@amed.abraham]

I honestly like coffee dates or solo meetups as I’m not sure she’d be worth the money, preparation etc. and doing dates endlessly wastes money and resources .. plus, anything will work if the girl is interested and she will push for next steps through subtleties and body language

[@Xenozillex]

I agree. I don't want to put my stick in crazy mud. At the very least, make her drive to a place near you to gauge her initial interest.

[@Alicea_Monique]

I think having a definite possibility of sex creates time limits and pressure on decision making. Anything with a time pressure demand is a bad deal in the making. Plus having a coffee somewhere keeps the possible crazy from knowing where you live.

[@AKASHROY-i9f]

Absolutely😂😂😂😂

[@7184610369]

This is good stuff. I wish I knew this 15 years earlier.

[@Joe_from_Li]

Me too! It’s probably well supported in psychological literature and studies etc but it also makes complete logical sense.

[@yeticusrex1661]

But now you know it. Use it.

[@MiMysmelfandI]

Which is why society didn’t want you to find out for the last 15 years.

[@Antonywhitewow]

me too. all my life i've only doing 'interviews' and some onses. now i'm 30, alone and gonna kms this year. oh, what a beautiful life.

[@DrAcula-vl3qc]

What do you know about chemistry? 😂

[@AprilSunshine]

This video is a rare miss from you. Some of us are ace. -_- Our dates are still valid. And it's also valid for either partner to want to wait until marriage/commitment before jumping into bed. Sex makes babies and spreads diseases. We have every right to date without such a risky expectation.

[@atyourbest5385]

A date is exactly a "screening" interview. From both parties. You aren't owed or promised sex during a date. She doesn't know you nor do you her. The stage at which you are entitled to sex is at the courting stage. Dating and courting are different. Courting is more exclusive and signals your interest in developing something serious with that person alone. This is where you create a stronger connection through sex.

[@dzllz]

I agree with your take.

[@SoundsLikeBanana]

This! 👏

[@leenargon]

He isn't saying you're entitled to sex or that it is guaranteed

[@aniharutyunyan]

sound of reason, in contrary to the speaker who rushes to sexualize woman, because he has been rejected by them so many times for so many years.

Clearly, you’re responding out of emotion, nowhere in this video Did he say you are old or promised sex. plenty of people that have been married for 40 years had sex the first night they met. you sound like a female, or a guy who thinks like a female.

[@karinalebedeva7335]

I think it depends on what to consider a date. I would creep out if a dude would invite me over for the first meeting/date to his place. But at some point dates should become more intimate, I agree.

[@Peter09876-]

Hotels and AirBnBs never looked better

[@philaman1972]

The first "screening" -- if you will -- is just that: do you look like your photos, what do you sound like, can you hold a conversation, etc. IMHO, dating today has too many expectations and pressures -- akin to a prospective business relationship; ideally, it should be fun and an opportunity to see if you have things in common with one another.

[@GLDn1]

Put this entire video in a pan and it simmers down to one thing: Abundance Mindset

[@assiduous_yogi]

This is absolutely what it boils down to. I shake my head 🤦‍♂️ at so many of the men's comments here that seemingly fail to understand this simple concept

[@josuegarduno7154]

Care to explain the concept?

[@josuegarduno7154]

Care to explain the concept?

[@nathanbutcher7720]

Abundance mindset is basically a marketing tactic in an attempt to raise your value - by means of implying there's a long queue of customers to get what you're selling, so you don't care if people drop out of the queue.

[@PewterPan]

It works even better if you actually have abundance... But that's not strictly necessary. What matters is the attitude.

[@wizardadmin]

If men had more dignity and self respect...

[@baffinsansterre]

vs women are wonderful syndrome.

[@joeallis269]

Have you mentioned you’re single????

[@mediocreman2]

He dates tons of hot women. He's rich and he's good looking. Women are not casually giving up on him.

[@ForceAlfaF1]

As a corrolary. This is also why "50/50" is the max most women will ever contribute and will generally not tolerate it for too long. You're in love, guys. She's in business.

[@marcusmcgraw3519]

So then stop being in love. When I hear “men love idealistically and women love opportunistically”, that translates into men are unable to live in reality and keep begging for chances with women

[@sussybaka8605]

​@@marcusmcgraw3519 eh i do think accepting the reality of women never really loving you unconditionally is a hard pill to swallow and one most men will end up learning at some point

[@baffinsansterre]

@@sussybaka8605 She's never yours, it's only your turm cuz she's always open to the idea of monkey branching opportunistically.

[@cobaltsurlin4888]

Why should people love each other unconditionally in the first place. Unconditionally means no matter what I love you, but if you were to hurt me ofc I’d stop loving you

[@voccessbg5396]

That funny. Just shows how limited experience you have. It is also informed by your owm limiting beliefs. Keep telling yourself this and it will pop all over the place. Chose a different mindset and you will get a different result. Thats what i did and still do. Works great for me. Good luck!

[@KamelCase]

If you need some inspiration to grow up and move beyond sexual obsession… This is the video for you. If you see his sex, thirsty reflection in the image of your own, and you are not revolted, then by all means enjoy your life of sexual obsession.

[@plzhd2]

I'm a woman who always suggest meeting halfway for coffee or icecream 😂 Most of the time, they want to do lunch or dinner. Only once, did the date escate to heavy sexual talk! The man was 26 yrs and very much in lust! No, it didn't happen and he IS still pursuing me😂

[@raviom]

The amount of intestinal fortitude, self-assurance and confidence it takes to implement this approach is just not available in most men today as their optionality continues to dwindle. No thanks to the systemic emasculation of men and enthusiastic musculation of women in today's culture.

[@squarecracker]

Spot on. I'm a retired model and pretty much set financially. I do not have dating options that seem appealing to me. I was married when Tinder came out and always assumed I would get a ton of attention because I am tall, in the long tail of good looking people, and know how to take flattering photos. I was DEAD WRONG. My options in online dating are freaking depressing.

[@MiMysmelfandI]

It’s simply not worth it.

[@cobaltsurlin4888]

@@squarecrackerhow did you get into modeling?

[@squarecracker]

@@cobaltsurlin4888 in those days you sent pictures to agencies, I'm sure they still have that. i sent in pics and got a response so i moved to new york

[@bumpercoach]

Nope He's freeloading on her if there's sex without marriage first

[@donotreportmebro]

Instead of trying to overcomplicate things of trying to get laid on the first date, have a one hour (at most) long coffee date, and the second date at your home. I just saved you $50-100.

[@SunRise-ul7ko]

My current girlfriend of 10 years. Our first date or interview was at a local shopping centre for lunch. We both live close to this shopping centre, however on opposite sides, I walked she drove. We split the bill, & she drove me home. The next day she called & asked me to come to her place for lunch.

[@M0viLover]

"The next day she called & asked me to come to her place for lunch." *Yeah, buddy!!*

[@SunRise-ul7ko]

@M0viLover woman make rules for betas & break rules for alpha's. Obviously, this has never happened to you, so now you know what category you're in.

[@M0viLover]

@@SunRise-ul7ko Uh, I was giving you congrats? Imbecile..

[@gabgoncalves]

​@@M0viLover😂😂😂😂you Americans are very funny

[@jweezy15able]

Fun Fact: Coffee is considered an aphrodisiac and also contributes to more and better orgasms in women (presumably men as well). Not to mention a lot of coffee shops have darker corners and side areas that are *just* in view but still offer an intimate setting.

[@windingrhythmfilms]

Is there any waiting for marriage still?

[@Sam-by3kk]

It's valid, but the coffee date is really just a vibe check. I don't vouch for them either. Men, if you want to save time - quick video call before a date. Sorted.

[@dixieginger7794]

Every single time I’ve traveled to meet the guy the date was a disaster, and the closer to his home and farther from mine, the worse it was

[@thorie79]

Women want men to lead. There's the boss babe feminist who hates that, but do you want them? Lead, and pick the great women who love it when you do.

[@marcusmcgraw3519]

You realize that makes them weak for needing so much, right? If we were this needy they would never be attracted to us. Unfortunately, a lot of men have proven they are and that’s the real issue

[@Ezberron]

​@@marcusmcgraw3519 There is a big difference between need and want. Wanting to be lead = less responsibility and risk. Doesn't mean you can't step up, if you have to.

[@marcusmcgraw3519]

@@Ezberron ok but they will never step up cuz they know that simps like you will never stop showing how desperate you are for one of them. Why don’t you ever make them carry their own weight? This just sounds pathetic on your part

[@marcusmcgraw3519]

@@Ezberron the problem is women will never stop needing to be led cuz of how much they want us to do everything, and more importantly, how willing we show we are to keep meeting it even when they don’t deserve it. That’s the main problem, why won’t you admit to it?

[@janeentumbao8690]

Sorry. Nope on this one. Maybe it's because of my age. I'm almost 50. We could meet at a place .5 blocks away from either of our places, do tequila shots and salsa dance the night away. It would take at least 3 dates and a couple of months to decide if the guy is "sponge worthy". Lots of questions would need to be asked. I'm OK with being kinda old school on this. 😂

[@intuitivexsights6885]

Hi. I don’t meet men who suggest we meet closer to their neighborhood. I don’t think it is gentlemen like to ask a woman to drive/travel further to a man. It shows a lack of consideration. I don’t agree with this. In my experience, I’ve also noticed these men have a tendency to lack emotional maturity. The chances of things going further after asking me to go further towards them are very small, and I will likely pull back. It’s not about not getting what I want. I like to see old school values. I respond more positively to this. I won’t be combative, but pull back.

[@gloriahui3490]

Ugh what about safety? A lot of women wouldn’t feel completely safe going to a man’s place early on. Especially when numerous people meet men online

[@neight123]

Ok good point, sort of. First meeting with dating apps should be a coffee or a drink. So I think he's wrong in that scenario. After the first quick meet, if there will be a second meeting, then that's a date and this advice makes sense.

[@anosh88]

You can do all that and play all these minds games, engage in cognitive contortions, or you can just save your time and money and not date. Choice is yours.

[@DArtagnanFurioso]

Perfect AS guru explaining to you how to perform as an AS matching with women who belong to the streets

[@ozalice96]

Orion's perspective: a date is about connection and sexual possibility. My perspective: a date is about connection and getting to know the other person better. His perspective is a bit selfish and with a hidden agenda. This sounds more like a possible hook-up rather than the guy being serious in finding someone whom he may click. If a guy insisted on me meeting in his territory, I will simply politely decline the date because he is sending a rather obvious Signal to me that he is unlikely to be the type of man that will resonate with my values and beliefs. I'm not saying he is bad. He is just not the right man for me, period. He can be another woman's cup of tea, but not ME.

[@marcusr3795]

Agree these dudes are just wanting to get what they want without connection this is very dumb. Both parties should be very willing to give what the other wants THATS WHAT LOVE IS. This sounds depressing and just 2 people using each other very selfish very dumb and stupid. Why would you be intimate with a stranger ?

[@ozalice96]

@@marcusr3795 Exactly. I am all about being your authentic self and no game -playing. If we clicked, great. If not, next. Merely having physical pleasure is not my prerogative.

[@gd515051]

This is genius. Meeting halfway is like meeting for coffee. It’s a guaranteed fail.

[@georgea.lozano2619]

Sorry, but coffee makes me shit.

[@em0_tion]

@@georgea.lozano2619 You do know they sell other drinks in cafes, right? 😂

[@quicknotesmedia9540]

As a high value woman, I need to feel safe before any thing. I wouldn’t feel comfortable. I prefer the man investing in the chase of coming to me. I like a traditional approach and gentleman who is not looking for sex on the first date or many dates until I feel he’s worthy and yes, I’m connected.

[@GUITARTIME2024]

Besides your looks, what makes you high value? It's men who decide

[@ArmageddonIsHere]

"I'm high value" Just about EVERY woman says this...

[@Katarzyna-h2z]

What is high value , it is so shallow and even stiupud, people are not products, everyone has A VALUE

[@jdsartre9520]

@@GUITARTIME2024 "what makes you high value? It's men who decide" She knows she's a high value woman because she's a virgin and has 100s of marriage proposals from tall, handsome, rich men who are fighting to wife her up and take care of her so she can not work but be a mom if she wants.

[@N0T2BAD]

I would avoid these kind of women at all costs. There is no prize without taking risks. Every risk is not stupid risk, but not taking any, will leave you alone with no wins. Men like women who like them, not those who will make it hard. We might drive to your place in some cases, but if we assume that you make it harder for us, than some other men, then we are over paying and it's a deal breaker. I don't put more effort than what it's already been paid/sold for. If we can give any meaningful flattering titles for ourselves like "high value woman", then I'll claim to be the king of this universe. Women tend to make rules for betas and break rules for alphas. Everyone is beta until proven otherwise is quite common, but once you know how women treat you when they appreciate you, you don't ever want these rule making women to make your lives harder. Can't see the value of a man ? Then off you go, some other ones do see that and act accordingly. 👋

[@gracerules2008]

Nothing wrong with meeting for coffee but it's not a date. I personally prefer to meet for coffee first before considering a date later.

[@delocon]

Coffee definitely works as a date, if you are attractive enough.

[@Fede-v2t]

@@delocon Yeah, I had some sexy capuccinos :)

[@jordielees7808]

Love your content but this one lost me. Seems no different T an a hook up. I’m 73. The best Ltrs took time to develop. I’ve had flings just empty. Maybe just me

[@Ap_twsh]

Because your low T men with low testosterone feel empty after. You need more T

[@em0_tion]

It's not just you.

[@douglasbrinkman5937]

i think i'll pass on your definition and save sex for marriage.

[@josephuia]

I found that I end up sleeping with the wrong women sometimes because of going for simply the “sexual possibility” and then getting involved with some train wrecks. I’m now going to hold off on the sex need for the first few dates and just check the personality first 😂

[@viktor4840]

Why must there be a sexual opportunity on the very first date? Is ist really something completely different, if there is not enough trust for intimacy on the very first date, but on a later following one?

[@marcusr3795]

This is completely bs imo if there’s opportunity on the 1st date that’s not someone I would want t9 be with and or trust.

[@baritony8763]

This is soooo preconceived, sorted out and advantageous for the man it's silly NOT to do it. I had them (1)come to my neck of the woods and (2) just for coffee, to see if they really liked me and they would---and offer to come back. If you hold your own they'll chase,respect and perceive you to have added value. Great advice.

[@NikolettaMuhari]

Showing up is not safe as a woman, also we have a lot more work with our appearance.

[@drivethruabortion280]

Then stay home and drink boxwine

[@em0_tion]

Stop the cap. You can show up ready and on time for work, you can easily do so for pleasure too.

[@AKASHROY-i9f]

Makeup😂😂😂

[@PB_324]

This dude is in his 40's and single. It's not by choice.

[@Focusembedded]

All very accurate. And as I reflect on just how spot-on it is, I lose ever so much more enthusiasm for dating in the post-Feminist world.

[@wisesagie1491]

And thinking like this will only make it worse, have good discernment but we aren’t all bad!

[@lincolnadams83]

Soooooo....what if you are choosing to not have sex until you are married? Is every date nothing more than an interview?

[@tancreddehauteville764]

All first dates are interviews, without exception. It's the subsequent ones that develop more interestingly.

[@NaijaCINE]

The irony of advocating for a sexual encounter outside marriage as inherent to the definition of a ‘date’ and calling the date “God’s“ perfect creation. Definitely not the Christian god, given that you’ve referenced Jesus and biblical themes in the past.

[@dontcallthemliberals3316]

and when's the last time you sacrificed a goat buddy? get with the times.

[@doffmoffin]

@@dontcallthemliberals3316 Christians don't and never have sacrificed goats. Get some basic religious education buddy.

[@shanesimons5801]

I don’t mind an interview as first date. I am interviewing her as I want a long term relationship? Your method works for one night stands?

[@gregmacklin9758]

Spot on dude. And just for clarity, the other path that men have been conditioned to take is the path of a SIMP.. This is the talk fathers should have with their sons.

[@CrystaTiBoha]

My wife and mother of our 2 boys offered to meet me close to my place, but both of us only wanted sex after we would be sure we want to make family together. And we did, 6 months after the initial date. Orion's approach doesn't fit my experience or desire or expectations.

[@JunkanooImmersionScience]

Kml. I see why your channel thrives. You say the most practical things in the most inflammatory way.

[@atmosphericalmeditation3294]

Actual a simple coffee situation is best for a first date. Especially considering you need to first rule out about 50 red flags, and see if she is even worth your time. Then you can proceed cautiously to get to know her better and make sure she isn’t going to destroy you after your future relationship eventually fails which it eventually shall, like 99 percent of relationships today.

[@lingam7625]

I receive a great deal of enlightenment from you, but I don't agree with this in it's entirety. I guess this works if the man is more interested in short term vs long term gains. Sex over a relationship.

[@Rkenichi]

The problem that I have with this take: while logistically, it makes total sense, it doesn’t take into account the travel time that might be necessary for both people to find a place for a mutually enjoyable first date. So by putting the possibility of sex over the guarantee of having fun, you’re running the risk of pressuring your date. This risk increases the greater the travel time of the woman. If it’s closer to the man’s house, then it sends a clear signal what the man is after. The farther the traveling distance, the more pressure the woman feels upon arriving to the date. This is not conducive to keeping her relaxed and distracted. Traveling closer to her takes off her pressure to travel, but it also somewhat invades her personal space. Neither of these are really bad things, they can be good depending, but it’s not really good for a first date.

[@Kushgroove234]

What if as a man I also want connection through coffee met halfway

[@chica212]

Find a mentor offline. These videos are for views/money/book sales and outrage. They’re not meant to help

[@MedicalBatteryLaw]

On an initial "coffee meet," we really just want to find out if you have b.o. or bad breath without having to ask you directly. Same with a game of pool and a brewsky.❤

[@shanaevans-bassett1044]

Orion. I really like a lot of your stuff, but what makes men think they have any right to sex prior to doing their part to establish connection and safety? This is not some “strategy to get sex” - connection and safety doesn’t work that way, and frankly, you should know that. We are not looking for a temporary emotional experience - what most of us are looking for is an investment. If it’s an interview, fine, I’d say it should be.

[@whocarescrapsa]

We agree with you. This is not so much about expecting sex on the first date but acting in a way that keeps your options open. For those ladies who are intimate on a first date - better to have that as an option than not.

[@andyfranks1575]

Eggghhhh... What is this business about "right to sex?" Nobody said anything about that. Men have every right to walk away if sex isn't happening. You can't MAKE us date you.