When women hedge: the bet determines the payout

Women often tell me that the reason they aren't interested in securing a long-term relationship in their 20s is because they consider the development of their careers to be a necessary hedge against being left in the lurch further down the road. However, this is actually not a hedge: it is the primary bet. When women hedge they leverage a relationship against the downside of their work -- not the other way around. This isn't necessarily a problem, as long as women understand that the bet determines the payout. Today, we use psychology to date better.
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Presented by Orion Taraban, Psy.D. PsycHacks provides viewers with a brief, thought-provoking video several days a week on a variety of psychological topics, inspired by his clinical practice. The intention is for the core idea contained within each video to inspire viewers to see something about themselves or their world in a slightly different light. The ultimate mission of the channel is to reduce the amount of unnecessary suffering in the world.
#psychology #dating #relationship

[@psychacks]

Women often tell me that the reason they aren't interested in securing a long-term relationship in their 20s is because they consider the development of their careers to be a necessary hedge against being left in the lurch further down the road. However, this is actually not a hedge: it is the primary bet. When women hedge they leverage a relationship against the downside of their work -- not the other way around. This isn't necessarily a problem, as long as women understand that the bet determines the payout. Learn more: oriontarabanpsyd.com Join my community: the-captains-quarters.mn.co Buy my book, "The Value of Others" Ebook: amzn.to/460uGrA Audiobook: amzn.to/3YfFwbx Paperback: amzn.to/3xQuIFK Book a paid consultation: oriontarabanpsyd.com/consultations Subscribe to my newsletter: oriontarabanpsyd.com Social Media TikTok: www.tiktok.com/@oriontaraban Facebook: facebook.com/profile.php?id=100090053889622 LinkedIn: www.linkedin.com/in/orion-taraban-070b45168/ Instagram: instagram.com/psyc.hacks Twitter: twitter.com/oriontaraban Orion's Theme: kzbin.info/www/bejne/jaO7c62HZ613e7M Thinking of going to grad school? Check out STELLAR, my top-rated GRE self-study program based on the world's only empirically-validated test prep system. Use the code "PSYCH" for 10% off all membership plans: stellargre.com. Become a Stellar affiliate and earn a 10% commission for every membership purchased by a new student you conduct into the program: stellargre.tapfiliate.com. GRE Bites: www.youtube.com/@grebites4993 Become a Psychonaut and join PsycHack's member community: kzbin.info/door/SduXBjCHkLoo_y9ss2xzXwjoin Sound mixing/editing by: valntinomusic.com Presented by Orion Taraban, Psy.D. PsycHacks provides viewers with a brief, thought-provoking video several days a week on a variety of psychological topics, inspired by his clinical practice. The intention is for the core idea contained within each video to inspire viewers to see something about themselves or their world in a slightly different light. The ultimate mission of the channel is to reduce the amount of unnecessary suffering in the world. #psychology #dating #relationship

[@highlighthilltop5470]

Excellent video! Do you think you could do a video on how to negotiate a prenup with your fiancé?

[@leowhite9873]

ummmmm ? can you do a video on Rocket surgeons ? NZ

[@MisterCovek]

Good point. Women will waste all their fertile years to build a "career", only to end up old, alone and childless. Instead of doing it the other way around. There is no biological clock on going to college and getting a job or building a career. Build a family when you can, then if you still wish to, focus on a job or what ever.

[@LisaCulton]

@@MisterCovek Bullshit. Nearly all of the professional women who I know (I'm a medical doctor) are married and have children and they didn't do it in their 20s.

[@caucasianafrican1435]

​@LisaCulton thanks for the anecdote.

[@SirShiv7]

Women working to make as much money as they can 'because I refuse to depend on a man' while simultaneously insisting they will only settle for the richest man around that will take care of them is a perfect snapshot of modern women not even understanding themselves.

[@andrewpizzino2514]

All that working and most of them are broke

[@SurpriseMeJT]

When young, they can work and get free meals and activities through "Dates". This is why I think a working woman should split bills with the guy because "equality".

[@StradTrumpeter]

@@SurpriseMeJTand good luck with that. In any marketplace the participants are judged not by some intrinsic quality of their worth but by what they offer relative to others. So go ahead and insist on these conditions. But you’ll have to be REALLY valuable in other areas to make up for your competition not following suit.

[@SurpriseMeJT]

@@StradTrumpeter I'm married with kids, but when I dated Spanish and French women (including my wife), they'd insist on paying their part or at least pay for my next meal. They seem to not want to feel obligated to owe people something in exchange for money.

[@masterTigress96]

You have to realize that these feminists actually want everything the demonized 1950's woman had. With the only exception that it was relatively uncommon for women in that time to work, let alone work full time. There was a (financial) dependence on the man, and he had a certain kind of leverage over his woman, the same leverage that women still crave today as illustrated in your example of the rich Chaddius Schlongdinnius the Second who has to satisfy her hypergamous needs and drifts. The only difference between what they want nowadays is everything the 1950's woman had, without ever being able to be held accountable. Men are disposable, and whenever you feel like it, just monkey branch to the next guy that doesn't "complain" as much. Basically just a bunch of little girls trapped in a grown woman's body.

[@theredpilllion5922]

When I was at the gym, I asked the trainer, “What is the best machine to use if I want to attract a women?” He pointed to the ATM. 😳

[@Leoo117]

Good example of a man who doesn't understand women.

[@Miner-dyne]

Not far from the truth.

[@runningwarrior5468]

LOL

[@nena_gz]

😆😆😆😆

[@matthewshandle326]

Why is there an ATM at your gym lol? particularly true tho

[@linguo76]

One thing that I learned watching all of these videos is that dating in the USA is pretty sad

[@latinaalma1947]

No honestly it isnt all doom and gloom in the USA this board just attracts these guys because they are this psychologist's "target market" there is a big wide world of happy people out there in the USA.....

[@commanderz]

It’s incredibly sad. The only people who are doing well in the US dating scene are the top 20% of men who get nearly all the attention, and everyone else suffers. You can thank the dating apps for that.

[@roses6564]

@@commanderz The crazy notion that women should have a choice, whatever that might be. Men complain abut women chasing Chads, by which they mean all the colorful women they have their eyes on, while the plain or large ones remain invisible, as many never get asked out on a single date. Have you ever considered that both men and women ideally desire someone relatively attractive? The unappealing always settle for each other, at worst, or push each other out of the gene pool, at best.

[@SanjuktaSahoo-cm6uh]

​@latinaalma1947 still good way to understand psychology of women and men... though I'd say most important thing in dating is figuring out your and your potential date's attachment style..

[@SurpriseMeJT]

It's the WORST. The best ones are already married with kids in their 20's.

[@dangregory-ys2li]

This hits the nail on the head. I just tried to set up a date with a career lady to go bowling. She responded that she works 10 hour days and doesn't want to be on her feet, so cancelled meeting up. The prioritization is clear!

[@TheOlzee]

@@dangregory-ys2li tell her to come lay on your bed then.

[@professionalpookie]

🙄

[@TheAustrianPainter87]

You should have offered her a laying on her back option 😊

[@davidr9589]

How are her knees doing after a 10hr career day? Did she wear out her knees at work too? 😅

[@tiffanygrever8092]

It's understandable she probably has to be on her feet all that time multitasking and she might think your just testing her and probably doesn't think it's very romantic.

[@mrsjuanitabarnard]

Grateful I chose marriage and kids in my 20s. As my kids have gained independence, I’ve been able to have a fulfilling small business and the freedom to schedule it around my husband and family life. It’s pretty dope actually.

[@tauseeftariq3404]

God bless sister!

[@sitka49]

You got lucky there are plenty women that end-up with husbands that treat (cheat on) them badly. We got married in our early 20's too and as young husband I treated my wife bad (never cheated) - But Like I was still living the single life, drinking partying but once the wife got pregnant I turn my life around - ( I don't know how she put with those first years?), but I knew husbands that were up standing men, ( looked at as role models) and that started on the right track - but after hitting their 30 went off the deep end (midlife crisis?) and there marriages fell apart.

[@mrsjuanitabarnard]

@ there are so many factors here. I think the first is it’s on women to refine their picking skills and pick a solid (but imperfect) man. Pick substance over status. 🤷🏼‍♀️ stop looking at IG for the man of your dreams and look at the technical college where men are working with their hands. no one is perfect. I am certainly difficult and a headache in my own way. My man must have calculated the cost as well and decided me and my mouth is worth having on the payroll.

[@mrsjuanitabarnard]

@@sitka49there’s a lot here. People love to say “luck” when it’s possible instead of luck, I had the skill of discernment and valued values over status. 🤷🏼‍♀️

[@sitka49]

@@mrsjuanitabarnard It still can be roll of the dice. Sometime things happen and people change. I had friend that had a daughter that died at young age. His wife was not the same again, They barely spoke to each other, any kind of intimacy ended between them. So he crawled into a bottle. - They quit communicating with us and we stopped reaching out, and few yrs they're marriage ended. And for some it doesn't even take that major of a event or of that magnitude to change the dynamics. A job loss, losing your home, debts sometimes is enough.

[@artawhirler]

This is true. From early childhood, I knew that all I really wanted in life was to be an eccentric old hermit. Through many years of boring jobs (and even a 12 year experiment with marriage!) I never lost sight of the main goal, finally achieving it around the age of 50. Now, almost 20 years later, I'm happier than I've ever been. 🙂

[@Candlelight787]

What is the benefit of being an eccentric old hermit? Please share...

[@JohnSmithEx]

​@@Candlelight787 peace, tranquility, spending 100% of your time to things that make you happy.

[@artawhirler]

@@JohnSmithEx Exactly! 🙂

[@animamagna3077]

You're living my dream, sir. Currently, I'm working hard on the hermit part; the rest is already set, praise the Lord.

[@pf4773]

Your goal works as long as you don't need anyone. But, that's not the case in older age---you DO need help---try being on your own and independent without humanity---works as long as you can take care of yourself. But, ultimately not what I want-I want community around me, even friends if not a romantic partner.

[@StuntTriple]

It seems like once we doubled the workforce there was no way to go back. Society makes it easier to live with dysfunctional relationships than not.

[@michamichalak6200]

you mean before doubling workforce, relationships were not dysfunctional?

[@ulizez89]

Well... you can't raise a family with only one salary nowadays so.... it's not by our choice.

[@Frederik-u5y]

we doubled the worforce but we did NOT double the productivity of course. In the contrary, it just goes donw

[@potentatewags]

That was the gov and corporation plan. If you track cost of living, it very quickly doubled after women were tricked into going mainstream in the workforce.

[@Nordic_Sky]

This should be the top reply. Ever wonder why a prior generation could afford a home & good life on one income? Because women didn't work. When women started working, housing prices doubled, everything got more expensive, and then you had the same lifestyle needing two incomes you used to be able to have on one. In game theory, it's called The Prisoners' Dilemma.

[@lawrencejenkins8103]

38/M/LA I struggled with this topic for years, but you made it so plan. Thank you. Please keep making content.

[@immortaljanus]

Fact: every woman at my job that is 35+ yrs old, spends the coffee breaks whining about how she doesn't want to work anymore. Problem is their lifestyles can't be supported by single income of their partners (or they're single).

[@TheAirlock]

Seems women want increasingly better lifestyles with no limit.

[@SanjuktaSahoo-cm6uh]

​​@@TheAirlockthey had the best lifestyle in our grandparents time... stayed at home did chores and spent time with children...now they work themselves at work then at home so twice the work now....let's be honest average girl is still going to do more share of household chores and childcare even if she's working

[@rexnakoki8385]

'A successful man is one that can make more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man.' Lana Turner

[@bandita2068]

@@TheAirlock makes sense if you see every men on your phone being millionaire playboy and you are told to be equal :D

[@GerardoDelValle.]

Materialism isn't better.

[@thomasjpuleo8112]

Let’s see: 40 hours of work - number of eggs left x waist to hip ratio + bust size - shoe size = Ralph in the copy room? What? Wait. That can’t be right. Let me get my calculator.

[@cabot100]

Ralph has different priorities and higher standards.

[@peterkoch3777]

Sounds sooo much like girl math😂🎉

[@svenmorgenstern9506]

Considering I know a real world Ralph who's now the IT director for a local community college district, I'd say it's a pretty decent bet. 😁

[@baffinsansterre]

''Feels overrides reals'' in girl world.

[@thomasjpuleo8112]

It’s the feet that killed her. Forget the bust enlargement ladies, go for the foot reduction instead.

[@egdapo]

This was SERIOUSLY eye-opening for me as a man. Holy shit, hes right! Sometimes, what we say we want and what we're focusing on are not the same thing?! 🤯

[@dog_lover1888]

I genuinely enjoy my work, but I also really wanted a family. Woke up to this at 29 and spent about 20hrs/week for a year going on dates. Found my man, the love of my life, getting married, and happy to never go on another first date again. 🙏

[@torachan23]

How many of those many dates did you actually pay for?

[@tonyp.bahama9368]

Lol she must be a prize for sure!​@@torachan23

[@SirShiv7]

@ Or sleep with?

[@nguyenhongquang6397]

Got to admire the hustle, not gonna lie.

[@forlies]

You're happy... but is the poor Man?

[@nhlibra]

One of my friends is an OB/Gyn doctor (not mine, but I worked with him). He always tells his patients to have their babies between 18-30. His reason: congenital birth defects goes up exponentially after 30 and also the quantity/quality of eggs declines after that. The modern-day feminists have attacked me over this topic. I let them but I do hold my ground based on clinical observations. It's very unfortunate how the media and other groups have worked women over on this point throughout the years. I'm also hearing young women turn their noses up at having children in the first place. Our society have evolved into a very narcissistic bunch! Our bodies don't "produce" on demand i.e. pop children out when we are "ready".

[@yukisnoww]

Yea, most don't even consider egg freezing before 30, too.

[@mbaliyethu6901]

Could it be that it is so common to see how people easily fall pregnant that we begin to think it is easy and we can do it at will?

[@7184610369]

@@nhlibra Modern women are pissed at facts, but that's their problem.

[@runningwarrior5468]

This doesnt even take into consideration the amount of energy you need to raise/chase the growing baby/child.

[@tiffanygrever8092]

I had my last child at 29 my doctor didn't say anything about that.

[@MohamedTarikRochdi]

In my humble experience, most people confuse their hedge with their main bet. Our shortcomings in this regard come from a combination of (1) not taking enough time to think deeply about what what winning in life means and implies , (2) excessive optimism in our ability to work hard for decades, (3) lack of courage to make difficult decisions, and (4) lack of learning opportunities or willingness to learn.

[@FixNightimeGERD-e1k]

all good points but especially the lack of courage to make difficult decisions.

[@JonathanLauphysio]

Great comment

[@sudishhantal8]

The 'Hurray' though 😂

[@unkunobs]

I came here to looking to find dis comment. Lol😂😂😂

[@23DanielVincent]

It's interesting that Orion came out with this topic today. Yesterday I had an epiphany that if a woman is primarily concerned with her career, then how can she be concerned with making the home better if she's married? The answer is she can't. Such a woman wouldn't be useful to a man for marriage imo.

[@nina.cazimi]

Who cares if a man finds you useful? Women now act on their own terms. Forget free labour, they owe you nothing.

[@josealexi5141]

Men are conditioned since 1st grade to be providers and husbands and fathers. We're told to compete and succeed! Unfortunately, women are *NEVER* trained or conditioned to be wives and mothers. The only message girls get is "be strong, be a boss babe" and "you don't need no man!"

[@nickthompson1812]

It makes you wonder why we’re ALL encouraged to go to college, establish a career, and be independent. Seems the government wanted more taxpayers, the corporations more consumers and laborers.

[@23DanielVincent]

@nickthompson1812 I wouldn't doubt that.

[@thinkbig5438]

@@nickthompson1812Sontheim alternative for women to „working for corporate“ is „working for the family“?

[@yukisnoww]

Problem is, they are often told they can have everything, but not that they can't have it all at the same time.

[@JamTheHam32]

Yeah, even though its so simple, they really need to be told the road map to having everything. Lock a man down at anywhere from 18-25, have kids until 30, raise them at home until 35-40 when you can go to college while they're in school, then at 45 you still have 20 years to do a "career" before the standard retirement age. They really don't understand that they don't need to have a 40 year long career to experience it.

[@rexnakoki8385]

Women are born at the top of the mountain. Men are born at the bottom of the mountain. Men are judged on how high they can climb ; while women are judged on how low they can fall. Time is the worst enemy of women (because they have much to lose as it passes) ; while being the best ally of men (because they have much to gain as it passes). Men can afford to have many sexual partners (if they are able to attract them) because they would be perceived as conquerors with an increasing value. Women cannot afford to have many sexual partners (even if they are able to attract them) because they would be perceived as conquered lands with a decreasing value. It is what it is.

[@joeyjojojrshabadoo7462]

No it's way worse. It's not that a woman _just_ wants to be successful and also married to someone who is successful. She wants to have more money than her husband but she also wants a husband that has more money than her. It's not just unrealistic it's contradictory. She wants to be the girl that beats all the boys and wins the race while also the girl who beats all the other girls to be picked by the boy that won that same very race. She can't win. She wants to get the trophy and be the trophy.

[@Tony-m5t]

That is what Dr. Taraban is saying. You have to make choices. If you don't, life will make the choice for you, and you might not like it.

[@somepolishguy5977]

Thats 100% correct. And most women understand it when they already lost the chance to get "that" guy. :)

[@thethinkingman5645]

"lost" isn't the correct word "Meshed up themselves" is better

[@johannesdolch]

Effectively women are using their 20 to run down their credit score on Yolo adventures and then at 30 they show up wanting to mortgage a house. Good Luck.

[@caucasianafrican1435]

And a "good" man ..... as if we don't know what they're up to.

[@rexnakoki8385]

Women are born at the top of the mountain. Men are born at the bottom of the mountain. Men are judged on how high they can climb ; while women are judged on how low they can fall. Time is the worst enemy of women (because they have much to lose as it passes) ; while being the best ally of men (because they have much to gain as it passes). Men can afford to have many sexual partners (if they are able to attract them) because they would be perceived as conquerors with an increasing value. Women cannot afford to have many sexual partners (even if they are able to attract them) because they would be perceived as conquered lands with a decreasing value. It is what it is.

[@rexnakoki8385]

Women are born at the top of the mountain. Men are born at the bottom of the mountain. Men are judged on how high they can climb ; while women are judged on how low they can fall. Time is the worst enemy of women (because they have much to lose as it passes) ; while being the best ally of men (because they have much to gain as it passes). Men can afford to have many sexual partners (if they are able to attract them) because they would be perceived as conquerors with an increasing value. Women cannot afford to have many sexual partners (even if they are able to attract them) because they would be perceived as conquered lands with a decreasing value. It is what it is.

[@rexnakoki8385]

'A successful man is one that can make more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man.' Lana Turner

[@johannesdolch]

@@rexnakoki8385 No, a successful man is one who doesn't need to bribe women with marriage to stay with him. Especially not women who have been passed around for 10 years.

[@ariane1781]

Career is more reliable. Relationships are not unfortunately. Also, I think it's important to establish yourself first. Also career study etc helps broaden your horizons to work out what you like, who you are and what your standards are. Also going to university etc is where you meet new people and broaden your mind. I'm smarter and more robust because of it.

[@StarsDie88]

Because this is your stance; and it's a fair stance. It just means that the likelihood of your relationships working out isn't very good. Because as he says, you don't invest as much time excelling at it as you do your career. As long as you're willing to accept that this heavily increases your chances of not finding a mate...

[@AndRei-yc3ti]

How exactly are careers more reliable when you can get fired at any time? And if you do a good job with picking a man, he wont ever leave. If you suck at picking men, thats a you issue and not a "reliability" issue You can also easily meet people at book clubs, at clubs for interests, etc. You have plenty of time for self development if you dont work - the question is will you use it?

[@leucotic]

@@AndRei-yc3ti it's not that easy to find a good guy. There's just not enough good men to go around in the first place, so ***a large % of women are never going to get that kind of relationship no matter how hard they try.*** Therefore, for many women it's much easier to maintain a career, so that's what they do. it's not rocket science, it's simply weighing probabilities given your own personal circumstances. And let's say that you DO score a great, fantastic guy. He could still die, so you still can't blindly depend on him anyway! Another thing is that having a career alongside a relationship keeps that relationship healthy. Bad things can happen when people get complacent. For example, me and my partner both earn above average income, but I still want to be financially self-sufficient because I don't want to end up in a situation where I only stay with him because it's my only option. I want to be with him because I love him and I enjoy his company and how we live our lives together. Since we both don't depend on each other, then it stands that we are together out of love and enjoyment rather than necessity-and what a joy it is! We stay because we love it, and we're both the happiest we've ever been. And if we weren't BOTH happy, I wouldn't want EITHER to be forced to stay! This way, if he were to do something to significantly compromise the relationship, I could always leave. And he also doesn't have to worry about whether I'm with him only for the money, or about being financially ruined by a divorce. Rather than being a source of mistrust or insecurity, financial independence keeps us both sharp and not complacent about the relationship-we have to treat each other well and not get lazy or selfish, if we want to stay together. Our continued striving to be better for each other builds our love and strengthens our relationship. I think both men and women that want a "traditional" relationship want to be able to be comfortably complacent, but it is precisely that complacency which often causes the gradual degradation of relationships.

[@AndRei-yc3ti]

@leucotic Lol theres plenty of good, nice, dependable guys to go around. In fact most guys are like that. Theres one problem - you guys find them boring and dont give them a chance then complain when you get played by the player. Your behavior and choices, drive men to optimize their chances by becoming players. So you kind of ruin it for yourself really. Most dudes would be ecstatic to have a girlfriend, but right now the majority dont.

[@AndRei-yc3ti]

@leucotic Lol its really easy to be hot as a girl, hot enough for a rich guy to give you a chance. Just control your weight (aka dont eat too much), go on youtube and learn some basic lifting and cardio, improve your fashion sense (american women cant dress). Even if you have a butterface, most guys dont really care abt that much. It takes less effort to do this than to work at your job/career. I speak as someone with years of experience doing this.

[@carahenken4452]

This is such an important life lesson. Once I learned this, my whole life changed, and I became a lot more successful, and started living the life I really wanted. So simple, but fundamental. Time is the most precious resource we have, and we waste so much of it.

[@kristinej.4182]

Yes I understand this concept but it doesn’t matter if we are 25 or 55. Needing money for survival will never go away. Men or women, we all need money to live. So your point about women having to work for the next 30 years is very legit for any responsible person. Yes with a man or not we all need money until we die and we should not have to depend on someone else bc all relationships have a termination date. No man can guarantee his loyalty to a woman.

[@TheAirlock]

Everything has a termination date. You just have to choose your priority.

[@rexnakoki8385]

'A successful man is one that can make more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man.' Lana Turner

[@therealjd1503]

No woman can guarantee her loyalty to a man. I thought I had that but was fooled 20 years in. It took 20 fucking years to find out my wife would lie and cheat if it meant more money. Unbelievable

[@funmilayoaina2658]

Exactly, people change all the time.

[@MODERNRELATIONSHIPS-u7k]

I agree but women are still women. They still accept a man to be a man. A woman's salary ( the majority of her salary) is her own alone while a man's money is his money plus her money. The math doesn't add up. The juice isn't worth the squeeze.

[@cezarypruszkowski9523]

Thanks!

[@EJIMANnenaNgozi]

This is good.. but I have to add some details for perspective. Many women choose to focus on education/careers because its more guaranteed. Many of us prioritized men in our 20s and it didnt work out. Also two family incomes are the standard now. How many women marry “rich men”. Very few. So it only makes sense to prioritize careers. However, I agree and understand dating as an older woman comes with its challenges. Lets not glamorize it. But a marriage as hedge can still leave a woman financially strapped so in my opinion both are risky. The path you choose is personal. Love your videos!

[@andrewmackenzie325]

Nah, you just divorce him and take half - or more- of his stuff when “he doesn’t make me happy”.

[@Avoid_Low_Frequency]

Oh my goodness!!! This makes my head spin and grateful to be 67 years old! I now get the luxury of actually enjoying the company of a man! I date for the sheer pleasure of having a good time, sharing intimate moments, discussing topics of interest! Anything but raising kids, paying bills, gathering wealth! I don’t always fit into the demographic Dr Taraban is addressing , but I always learn something

[@AsiaticKlassic]

🤮🤮🤮🤮 everything you do has no substance. It’s all moments to moments. What if you have no money? Life is about love and you’ll understand this when you die. There’s hierarchy in everything and happiness is no exception. Hell is worst than death.

[@rexnakoki8385]

Women are born at the top of the mountain. Men are born at the bottom of the mountain. Men are judged on how high they can climb ; while women are judged on how low they can fall. Time is the worst enemy of women (because they have much to lose as it passes) ; while being the best ally of men (because they have much to gain as it passes). Men can afford to have many sexual partners (if they are able to attract them) because they would be perceived as conquerors with an increasing value. Women cannot afford to have many sexual partners (even if they are able to attract them) because they would be perceived as conquered lands with a decreasing value. It is what it is.

[@sarahhhhvvv]

Do you not see this economy? The percentage of men who can afford a stay-at-home wife is in the single digits, and the ones out of them that want to settle down are way older. There are no good options, only tradeoffs.

[@janeentumbao8690]

And he's in San Francisco. Heck, nowhere in CA is cheap. I'm in the Chicagoland area and it's not much cheaper.

[@idrinkmocha-d2f]

People live online, not in reality

[@Prototyp3m1nd]

@sarahhhhvvv His point is specific to women saying the job takes priority over a finding a lasting relationship. It's not that you ignore work, it's that you don't let it be the primary focus of your life. Do your time as required to pay the bills and dedicate best of yourself to being the kind of person who will make a good partner and to finding one. Generally a partner will go out of their way time and time again for you; your job won't. Part of this is also societal. Americans jettison their kids into the world at 18 and that's that. Other cultures more often than not live in communal homes so kids aren't forced to go all in on the career or starve, so they have a lot more freedom to find a good relationship even if neither they nor their partner are financially independent. Everything in the west is designed to leave people in a state of just getting by. Sad times.

[@sarahhhhvvv]

@@Prototyp3m1nd I get the idea of prioritising relationships, and I would love to do that, but in reality, most women don’t have the luxury of just ‘doing their time’ at work and focusing on finding a partner. Like you said, that safety net for young people no longer exists, and so we have to build that stability ourselves before moving on to other things. So the issue isn’t that young women are choosing work over relationships; it’s that financial stability offers a more reliable safety net than expecting a man will just take care of you in today’s world. This is no shade to men btw, everything sucks for everyone.

[@kristofferrobinhaug8029]

​@sarahhhhvvvThis is a really valid point. I absolutely agree with the point of the video that women who want to have a family should not postpone having children until later in life when they are less likely to have a successful pregnancy - but that does not mean the same as not having a job. I also find the logic rather compelling, that women have learned from history how badly it can go for them if they put all their bets on a guy who simply impregnates her and leaves. The question to me is, how can we address the very legitimate concerns women raise as their reasons for betting on career first and hedging with a man second (even if that order is unconscious), so that they are free to actively choose to start a family when they are at an age when their likelihood of securing healthy offspring is at its highest?

[@TheSunBlaster]

What a great person, true leader. Wish we had him for the last 10 years.

[@vanessa.jasmine]

I recently reconnected with an old friend from my youth. I hadn't seen her since her wedding day, which was just a few months after high school graduation. I was thrilled to know they are still happily married, raising 2 boys. This is why I think it worked. 1. He was pretty much assured to be successful. We voted him "Most Likely to Succeed " in HS, and we were right. He got a free-ride scholarship to a private college and is now a STEM professor at said college. 2. They both came from solid, loving, supporting, upper-middle class Christian families. 3. They are both strong Christians. The idea that a man should sow wild oats and bag as many women as possible is utterly ridiculous and heretical to him. He found a traditional woman to marry because he's exactly the type of man a traditional woman would marry.

[@Royaleoake]

Almost every happy couple I know is pretty much like this. All of the non traditional ones are always venomous to each other.

[@Lex_Lugar]

These people have great parents. Most parents are not. Everyone has a different starting point. Most of us would choose upper-middle class American with a great traditional family. Not realistic though.

[@vanessa.jasmine]

@Lex_Lugar and that's my point. This post is lamenting women delaying marriage (as if 20 year old men are yearning to get married). They got married before they could legally drink and are happy and stable. How many 18 year-olds can check all three of these boxes? How many 18 year old girls can marry the school brain who's part of a prosperous stable family?

[@rexnakoki8385]

Women are born at the top of the mountain. Men are born at the bottom of the mountain. Men are judged on how high they can climb ; while women are judged on how low they can fall. Time is the worst enemy of women (because they have much to lose as it passes) ; while being the best ally of men (because they have much to gain as it passes). Men can afford to have many sexual partners (if they are able to attract them) because they would be perceived as conquerors with an increasing value. Women cannot afford to have many sexual partners (even if they are able to attract them) because they would be perceived as conquered lands with a decreasing value. It is what it is.

[@rexnakoki8385]

So~ (correct me if I'm wrong)... This is what successful men generally look for in a potential wife : - Good looks, fertility and healthy habits - Housekeeping abilities - Decent past (low body count ; no debt ; no criminal history ; no illegitimate child ; etc.) - Similar cultural background, mind-set and political leaning - Graceful manners and trustworthy conduct - Loyalty and reliability But it seems that wealthy men don't really care about the university degree, the thriving career and the amount of money in the bank account of their future wife.

[@tamasgyorffy1]

"it s not rocket-surgery" was so sweet :) the above equation is influenced very often by the co-factor "i wanna have fun in my 20s, will look after a serious one after 30+, a strategy just as frequent, poor and risky. The Ghost of Darwin is always there behind you, looking at what you do as a life choice to select

[@nina.cazimi]

Always trying to restrict and limit women. Their newly found independence, very threatening isn't it?

[@rexnakoki8385]

Women are born at the top of the mountain. Men are born at the bottom of the mountain. Men are judged on how high they can climb ; while women are judged on how low they can fall. Time is the worst enemy of women (because they have much to lose as it passes) ; while being the best ally of men (because they have much to gain as it passes). Men can afford to have many sexual partners (if they are able to attract them) because they would be perceived as conquerors with an increasing value. Women cannot afford to have many sexual partners (even if they are able to attract them) because they would be perceived as conquered lands with a decreasing value. It is what it is.

[@1by110]

Keeping the ladies accountable

[@perpetualprocrastinator]

Vampires do not like UV light

[@rexnakoki8385]

Women are born at the top of the mountain. Men are born at the bottom of the mountain. Men are judged on how high they can climb ; while women are judged on how low they can fall. Time is the worst enemy of women (because they have much to lose as it passes) ; while being the best ally of men (because they have much to gain as it passes). Men can afford to have many sexual partners (if they are able to attract them) because they would be perceived as conquerors with an increasing value. Women cannot afford to have many sexual partners (even if they are able to attract them) because they would be perceived as conquered lands with a decreasing value. It is what it is.

[@santiagoriosolaya7788]

¡Gracias!

[@kevinbreitenstine2157]

Wow, one of Orion’s best!! Nailed it!

[@LisaWitt-o9h]

My husband and I met during our freshman year in college and got married two years later. He has always shared me with my lawyer career and I have always shared him with his electrical engineering career. We celebrated our 40th wedding anniversary in December 2024. I recommend that young women choose the middle road like I did.

[@hytman007]

@@LisaWitt-o9h Lisa. This is a different environment. What worked then will definitely not work now.

[@nunyabidness3075]

Totally different! Not all the middle road. A good idea, imo, and kudos to you. Still, the story here is about understanding the reality of priorities as demonstrated rather than perceived.

[@KingsguardRP]

I wish the game was still played like in your day, the options are endless for a female in her 20s and the thought of giving up all that attention and validation for 1 guy? Hell no, unless, he's exceptional and leagues above them. The only way the game resets is if men choose not to play. Which we are currently seeing by the stats and the prediction of 2030 saying almost 50% of females under over 30 will be single and childless.

[@interestedparty7523]

The timing of your relationship is a great part of it.

[@michaels4255]

The middle of the road is the sexual division of labor that characterized every human society from cave man days until the 1960s.

[@celestialcircledance]

I work life balance is something I never figured out and that makes total sense to me. I pick career because in this era of two wage earner household working is not an option but a relationship is.

[@michaels4255]

But what's the point? Money for its own sake?

[@celestialcircledance]

@@michaels4255 it's also good to have a career that feels fulfilling but if you haven't noticed the cost of living has skyrocketed. Securing food and shelter is something that every living thing on earth needs to be preoccupied with and we are no different !

[@nadahere]

Illogical the way you phrased it. For a two wage earner household you need to actually to be in a relationship[household] so how is a relationship not an option? Illogical, Will Robinson. Illogical. =]]

[@celestialcircledance]

@@nadahere You're right that that was clumsily worded . You probably can't support a family on just one income but you can more likely support just yourself ! A relationship is always an option but not one that I'm very good at when trying to juggle a career at the same time .

[@MingMoonrider]

You are the first person in my 23 on this earth to define a difference between a career and a job

[@zacklewis342]

Well he was wrong, so don't get too excited. Careers have nothing to do with hours spent per week.

[@kiatalks555]

Yesssss!! I was just saying to myself that I am so happy in my 20s and early 30s that I did not make my JOB my life and become so obsessed with THINGS that I had to buy them all for myself, for my egos sake. I never liked working. Now, I can relax and allow my husband to get me everything I wanted in the past and he's always soo happy because I truly never bought or experienced "too much" before him. Lol, It's a real flex for him. A good husband is by far the best bet. Women underestimate the myriad of reasons they won't want to work in just a few years, work is taxing mentally and physically, and you can always simply get fired. Men were born to work. They can handle it and they WILL make more money than you in a lifetime. Thanks Dr. your teachings are spot on and you are helping many men and women.

[@alexandrodl1371]

It really is a flex. Its very satisfying to threat your girl to new experiences of all kinds. Not much is less appealing than being jaded.

[@Aarsh1199]

Yes its really a flex for me too❤

[@michealscott6156]

Men are born to work lol no truer word, I have always hate working but I’m now 28 with some few success and it seems I’m finally embracing work and come to a conclusion I’ll probably work for the rest of my life , or even still if I’m not working I must still find a way to make money, because a man will always need money , probably even on his death bed I will say that a man is not born to work , but rather a man is born to make money and find a place , and probably a name for himself in this world, anything apart from that will be misery

[@theaxe6198]

Snork. Yah okay, some of us ladies are more competent than you are

[@maambomumba6123]

This channel will only become increasingly more popular and valuable over the years

[@theredpilllion5922]

A successful man is one that can make more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man. - Lana Turner

[@Eagle-e4l]

Good luck to both!

[@rexnakoki8385]

Women are born at the top of the mountain. Men are born at the bottom of the mountain. Men are judged on how high they can climb ; while women are judged on how low they can fall. Time is the worst enemy of women (because they have much to lose as it passes) ; while being the best ally of men (because they have much to gain as it passes). Men can afford to have many sexual partners (if they are able to attract them) because they would be perceived as conquerors with an increasing value. Women cannot afford to have many sexual partners (even if they are able to attract them) because they would be perceived as conquered lands with a decreasing value. It is what it is.

[@rexnakoki8385]

So~ (correct me if I'm wrong)... This is what successful men generally look for in a potential wife : - Good looks, fertility and healthy habits - Housekeeping abilities - Decent past (low body count ; no debt ; no criminal history ; no illegitimate child ; etc.) - Similar cultural background, mind-set and political leaning - Graceful manners and trustworthy conduct - Loyalty and reliability But it seems that wealthy men don't really care about the university degree, the thriving career and the amount of money in the bank account of their future wife.

[@revvingbyshazi]

Hey Orion! I just want to thank you for writing such a great book and making these amazingly informative videos. I feel like you are the first person who is modelling the relationship and dating through game theory and maths. And because of that you have come up with some really nice logical explanations to alot of things which did sound true, but it wasn't possible to explain them logically and rationally. Thank you sooo much for this great favor you are doing to so many people.

[@MC-ze8wj]

Married my teenage sweetheart, from my own experience the explanation you steel manned at the beginning isn't just an explanation- gals will bu lly you with it. The number of times I was told by womn in my life that he would leave, cheät, etc. "Never depend on him that makes you vulnerable to ab űse". They are really afraid and they try to get you to be too, no matter how good a man you have. It took a lot of strength to stand up to them because as a young impressionable teen with abse nt parents, they did frighten me. It's only because I always knew my husband was an honorable man, he is like my very own Aragorn, that I was able to tell them where to put their fe ar mong ering. And anytime I share this I STILL get this, 15 years and 4sons later (and I'm still a housewife!)

[@Fokas-n8t]

living the dream

[@tiffanygrever8092]

You got a good one but not all of us are that lucky.

[@mob2081]

99% women dont give eachother a good advice.

[@MC-ze8wj]

@tiffanygrever8092 There are many more good men that these fe ar tactics do not match the risk. It's a totally disproportionate response to treat all men like this. Men also take a risk on us. I believe the risks can be mitigated with some precautions. Children should also get a say that they want to be raised by their moms. It's a fact that is hard to do if she is focused on being independent with her career. I personally do not feel living life for the bad things that might happen makes much sense and training young womn to be fright ened of something that is not likely to happen with some common sense applied just means no one gets what they want; womn don't get the protector and provider they want l, men don't get get a young adoring wife and dedicated mother to their babies, and children don't get a mom focused on being their for them and living them. Everyone loses the way we do things now, as a society, IMHO.

[@KingsguardRP]

Next time, ask them why the man will leave. Not for how the man behaves but the man's judgement of their behaviour. That's what they fear. It's no coincidence that they are more disrespectful to you once they earn more than you. You can't fire them now and punish them, they got their own.

[@karimkaan8700]

"Be sure to give the thing you really want the majority of time, energy, and attention," very well said.

[@Kristy_not_Kristine]

Smart. Practical. My first husband was abusive and controlling. I remember three times that he'd take off for a week at a time to party and leave me at home with our 3 babies, under the age of 2. Each time he'd drain our bank account. I was a stray at home mom taking in ironing at .75 a shirt and odds and ends like that-- but enough to pay the power bill in the winter... once asked my church for help because of that very scenario and was told no... if they helped me, they'd be helping him avoid his responsibility to provide for his family... seriously! Then there's death that could happen as well, not just divorce. Women in high--control groups/ cults are often stuck because of a lack of options. Not an easy answer, each person is different, but I encourage my daughters to have something to call back on if needed.

[@jamesdeen225]

Family should be looking for right husbands for their young daughter's

[@theaxe6198]

@@leegrande8226thanks for proving why women need careers

[@zacklewis342]

Or maybe they should choose a man who isn't obvious garbage. You need some accountability.

[@video-wl7ql]

I totally agree with this. I also read about this in a book 'Charmflow Secrets', and the thing is that communication and seduction isn't just expressing your needs, but also knowing how to listen to others carefully and to be assertive with your words when you communicate with other people. It can change so much if you do it properly. Really great book.

[@christianvega3850]

Haha! Rocket -Surgery! As a father of a future daughter that will get married, I think the way to make it work is "if anything bad happens to my daughter in Marriage she can always come back home." Her primary goal is to be a wonderful wife and to have intellect as well as a 'common sense' moral compass. If she needs to work, she would be the 20% income earner within the relationship and have a good job that she can make some money to supplement family income for activities, vacations, etc... If families understood this, there is less stress on the wife to be and she will most likely keep more of her beauty as opposed to the career women who is overstressed and will lose her hair and body in the process.

[@thinkbig5438]

Oh wow. I have more women seen losing their „glow“ when becoming mothers than I have seen that happen to women who went up the corporate ladder.

[@tiffanygrever8092]

I lost my so called glow at 39 when I lost my husband finishing raising my kids it wasn't there fault but just the stress of moving forward, I don't wish that situation on anyone.​@@thinkbig5438

[@seanfobbs7575]

@@thinkbig5438because they choose to eat. Find me a women in Papua New Guinea a year after her pregnancy that’s fat as hell

[@violetafarcas2852]

@@christianvega3850 there's an assumption there that ALL women have "good" families to rely on. That's simply not true...plus, a lot of women choose careers that they love - hence not losing themselves and their "beauty" in the process

[@caucasianafrican1435]

​@@thinkbig5438 that's hilarious.

[@LarryKoler]

Simply brilliant analysis. Thanks very much. You've really shown this dilemma for society in stark terms. And steel-manning the dilemma for women at the beginning is very good and necessary, too.

[@GiblikJovanovic]

it's really crazy how nobody is talking about money's untold mysteries

[@rexnakoki8385]

'A successful man is one that can make more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man.' Lana Turner

[@cezarypruszkowski9523]

Nail on the head. Wonderful analysis!

[@TheWiseWorkingMan]

As Orion said, women can hedge because many have careers and a man that they can fall back on. Since us men don’t have the option to fall back on a woman, nor would most of us want that, it’s obvious where our priorities should be. Gentlemen, chase financial freedom and becoming the best version of yourselves. Building your wealth will create countless options for you.

[@rexnakoki8385]

Women are born at the top of the mountain. Men are born at the bottom of the mountain. Men are judged on how high they can climb ; while women are judged on how low they can fall. Time is the worst enemy of women (because they have much to lose as it passes) ; while being the best ally of men (because they have much to gain as it passes). Men can afford to have many sexual partners (if they are able to attract them) because they would be perceived as conquerors with an increasing value. Women cannot afford to have many sexual partners (even if they are able to attract them) because they would be perceived as conquered lands with a decreasing value. It is what it is.

[@sammaier4485]

3 dates a month is still about 1000 times more than most men, and is plenty to find the right person if they were dating for serious and not just to feel good.

[@jordanluenz9263]

I was about to say! Imagine how these empowered career women would feel if they got rejected at the rate men do.

[@tatianaporoger8668]

I decided to get married at 25, have been married for 15 years and could still work on my carrier. Never understood why it should be either one or the other for most people.

[@ianstambaugh7535]

Because this guy is a Red Pill dork in disguise…his fans are just regular Red Pill dorks.

[@allanluis3696]

@@ianstambaugh7535 but she is agreeing with him, maybe you have a comprehension problem...did you actually watch the video???? She got married and did not put it off till later in life "due to career". Look up when most women get married in the West, ITS NOT 25.

[@Leoo117]

​@@allanluis3696She didn't agree. She said she did both. The doctor says to do one at a time. MOST women have relationships with men WHILE working or going to school. It happens literally all the time. Look around you. The doc is just unnecessarily ignoring reality and trying to make his own fantasy land where he feels more comfortable.

[@brittneymarshall2278]

This is so insightful because I’m considering going back to school to get my Np or just focusing on my social life until I meet my husband

[@marwyk7746]

If you are a fun and vivacious badass at any age, the marketplace optionality for women never really ends.

[@Chad_Max]

This combination of the liberal arts degree and hypergamy is a terrible one for women. It just puts them into debt, underemployed, and expecting a millionaire to commit to them long term....

[@TheUltimegaMan]

The problem is that the millionaire will invest in her, just enough for her to sleep with him. On his end, he got what he wanted, on her end, she gets ghosted and then is frustrated that he never committed while Joe Schmoe is perfectly available and interested. Her expectations are for the moon and back, while Joe Schmoe just wants to have a chance.

[@LisaCulton]

That's why I always recommend that women go the STEM route - money abounds.

[@thenewbohemian5779]

@@LisaCulton and yet. they choose not to anyway. Men are disproportionately interested in things. that's why we study stem. Women, in people, thus disproportionate representation in the humanities.

[@LisaCulton]

@@thenewbohemian5779 The medical field is full of women - doctors, nurses, almost all technicians...

[@rexnakoki8385]

Women are born at the top of the mountain. Men are born at the bottom of the mountain. Men are judged on how high they can climb ; while women are judged on how low they can fall. Time is the worst enemy of women (because they have much to lose as it passes) ; while being the best ally of men (because they have much to gain as it passes). Men can afford to have many sexual partners (if they are able to attract them) because they would be perceived as conquerors with an increasing value. Women cannot afford to have many sexual partners (even if they are able to attract them) because they would be perceived as conquered lands with a decreasing value. It is what it is.

[@asolaris6470]

We all know that even on a date, relationship, etc., women (all spectrum) EXPECT men to PAY for EVERYTHING. HARDLY and RARELY she will PAY for you, that is the good man, WHILE freely GIVING AWAY to the bad boy. Remember this: Her money is her money, and your money is her money.

[@Dayxh8]

lol yeah I’ve been broke and sleeping on a couch while women were paying for everything.

[@andrewcolleyproperties4211]

Been single for 2 years. I went on 150 plus dates 1 woman paid around 10 split the bill I paid the rest Stinks !

[@stevegwizzle3560]

​@@Dayxh8Wrong! Her money is her money, and your money is her money INITIALLY. It's up to YOU as the man to get her to invest more in the relationship after a pre-determined time. And if she REFUSES to invest more in the relationship ( doesn't have to be only money), it is up to YOU as the man to either tolerate it, or keep it moving and find a new woman.

[@janeentumbao8690]

Men are supposed to pay for the first date. Women aren't supposed to order the most expensive thing either. And guys shouldn't be cheap asses either. One the 2nd date, she could pay for it all or you could go 50/50. The woman should contribute to the fun times too and her money's just as good.

[@perpetualprocrastinator]

Gents ,say with me " My money is my money and your debt is your debt"

[@marktapley7571]

The perception by women that they must pursue a “career” as a hedge against economic difficulties would not be near as powerful if it were not for the fact that once a country establishes a fiat banking cartel, the wealth is being systematically transferred to the top insiders by the process of debt monetization. This massive hidden tax not only eliminates the middle class but has gradually caused all workers to become basically like a Roman slave who ends up with little more than a place to sleep and food while still held accountable by the boss.

[@nina.cazimi]

Of course women should by any means pursue a career. We know the way they were treated in the past, men are always ready to turn them into sex slaves. A way to secure themselves against the dehumanization women experienced in previous generations.

[@marktapley7571]

@@nina.cazimi I think that because of Christian culture, western mores and tradition along with the capitalist system, most women have fared pretty good in the US until fairly recently. I remember 40-50 years ago, most women did not need or want to work but the family could make it in most places on one income and often not even a very good one. Now everyone has to work longer hours at jobs that pay no pensions and are often temporary just to get by. This is because the banking cartel has for decades depreciated (so called inflation) the currency at ap. 50% every 17 years.

[@michaels4255]

Fiat currencies, whatever their merits or demerits, do not constitute a system of debt monetization. That is a fable created by ignorant people who don't understand how the monetary system really works.

[@nadahere]

@@michaels4255 But fiat currency enables debt monetization for USA because it can export that inflation globally due to it's monetary policy and economic/military influence [bullying]. That's why USA is hell bent on keeping the S as global reserve currency. N'est ce pas?

[@Lex_Lugar]

@@marktapley757140-50 years ago my grandmother was a registered nurse. There were plenty of educated women with the desire to work in the USA in the 1960s. It just wasn’t seen as taboo to look for a husband as a young woman like it is now.

[@antoniomiguelcabrileslocci7862]

What a great video. Great explanation

[@mjerelb8659]

Thank you for another interesting video. Unfortunately, hedging a bet with a marriage is not necessarily safer either. Especially when you consider that woman are less attractive in dating and in the workforce when they get older. It could potentially turn out to be a lose lose situation it’s a marriage does not work out. The bet would be this: is a crappy job later on better than a crappy relationship/marriage for the remainder of your life? But I do like your point regarding career versus working versus prioritizing goals and how that can definitely affect a dating relationship dynamic for both men and women. Thanks for the video

[@TheAirlock]

But women aren't less attractive hires because they can't get pregnant or physically attractive, are they? So how is that a lose-lose?

[@zainhummamy4272]

Amazing presentation and explanation, as per usual.

[@luellachavez365]

I dunno. I’m 45 and divorced. Kinda wish I had focused on my career and travel in my early twenties. 😕

[@jamesdeen225]

Exception doesn't make a rule. Usually problem of young women they don't have life experience to find right man. That's why it's should be family responsibility

[@luellachavez365]

@ I agree with the first line, but a little fuzzy with the rest of your response.

[@perpetualprocrastinator]

@@luellachavez365 He said arranged marriage in a nice way

[@syntropia_regenerator]

Your comment interested me so I checked your channel, it’s funny and insightful, it seems that what you’re doing is timed well with your life and experience - that’s my take anyway, all the best with it

[@sjonuff]

How tf does your YT channel only have like 50 views? That shi is hilarious!!!! I love the way you self-consciously play on BPD comorbid types. Maybe a person has to be in the select group to "get it"? Anyways, so goooood, keep it up!

[@meridacardenas745]

So good Orion❤❤❤😂😂😂

[@gottafly30]

definately not "rocket surgery". love the content Orion!

[@Axel-xj8rl]

Interesting topic! Not sure what the type of topic this sort of thing would fall under, but would love to see more of these.

[@Stitch-smart]

Let's flip this on its ear - Guys do the exact same - i.e. they spend WAY more time at work fully engaged than they do at home or in relationships...

[@theaxe6198]

Right 😂😂😂😂

[@patatebanane]

Excellent. Every woman in her twenties needs to watch this. Luckily for me I figured it out myself at 26 but might have not. Thank god.

[@theaxe6198]

It’s terrible.

[@MarinaReznik]

Wish I'd gotten this sort of advice in my 20's

[@JamTheHam32]

Give it to your young female family members. They wont listen to men, the only chance they have is for older women to tell them whats up.

[@Karaflas-v8x]

well you liked the d... too much

[@Smokin_tires]

Very astute critical thinking and once again we are reminded that our "reality" is an "inversion" to desired outcome

[@lkcheat]

I respect your opinion but my life is based on actual facts. Got a bachelor's married right after. Continued working until I found my career. Had 2 kids. Still working. Married 41 yrs. Working 46 years. Men are confused about the payoff? If my hubby left with no career I'd be screwed financially. Even if I work as a barista, they give you a paycheck and a retirement plan. Guess what? My hubby has to rely on my so called unnecessary career to support us in retirement. Gone are the days when you marry at 20. I wouldn't do anything different.

[@thinman8621]

Marriage as a hedge bet against career as opposed to career as a hedge bet against marriage ard not hard concepts but few think of them the way Dr. Tarraban presents. He's a good thinker.

[@amandahaataia5505]

Personally, I read the study that 75% of marriages end in divorce when the women is under 25 years old. So I prioritized a stable marriage over one that statistically won’t work. Yes, I could attract more attractive men then, but those men did cheat on me, so take that as you will.

[@ancalagonthesnack]

Which party initiates those divorces most often? Which party benefits more from the divorce settlement? Marriage can literally be a get-rich-quick scheme for women (at least in the U.S). Methinks that 75% number wouldn’t be so high if you weren’t incentivized to ditch your husbands as soon as the spark is gone.

[@theaxe6198]

@@ancalagonthesnackmen benefit more financially in a divorce

[@avx4281]

I wish i had understood this in my 20s. Thanks.

[@Bumblebeedance15]

Dr. Taraban, the fact you are claiming women have a choice about working or not doesn't match my experience. I have been married 29 years. I have had to work full-time 20 of those years because my husband has made it clear he needs my help. I have had different types of jobs, from design, to office work, to education to retail. I married at 23 after college. Im now 51. I seriously doubt I'll get to retire until i qualify for Medicare because my husband's retirement will cause me to be without insurance and i will have to get my own. Marriage has not been quite the hedge you are claiming. I guess I'm just too middle class. Thank god my husband and I have personalities that compensate for our poverty.

[@HashtagAPI8]

Many if not most of us have been told to do this. Parents and society has in the past few decades been promoting this. I became one of these women even though I was always in long term relationships. For me it wasn’t super long hours even though I am working as a lawyer. I make more money than my boyfriend and we have been together for 7 years. I never really cared about how much money my significant other makes as long as he is working and a good guy.

[@Cathrelationships]

I am myself 33 years old and thankfully I have plans to conceive for a baby soon, despite the fact that I did focus on my career. I am finishing my Practicum (MACP) Masters in Counselling Psychology, which is a very fulfilling career for me. I however agree with what you are saying, especially with the stress I have been going through regarding my age and still not having a baby. I believe I am good looking, and probably helped me, but I would probably look into starting a family earlier, and do more study after. I think that this kind a video is great to bring awareness to the GenZ.

[@CaliforniatoWestAfrica]

Nothing you said made any sense. Your English was very bad. Just fyi

[@CaliforniatoWestAfrica]

@Cathrelationships lol...I wasn't insulting you. your comment made very little sense in the way it was written. I was just speaking matter of fact.

[@nelsonzambrano5788]

What you said made perfect sense...you also have 20/20 vision and saw the wall approaching rather rapidly..Also a fair amount of humbleness probably helped as well...fyi...it's not just about "the baby" it's about THE FAMILY, the Nuclear Family and your RELATIONSHIP with your Husband is a big part of that...There are still minefields along the way...best of luck!

[@Blissedx]

Same I’m 31 and getting started this spring. We, millennials, got played. Motherhood is all I want now.

[@Cathrelationships]

@@Blissedx We did got played. It is such a good way to put it! I really feel for you and hope it will all work out. keep believeing. You still have a little bit of time.

[@paulds65]

Brilliantly put!

[@slartibartfast2452]

Im 47. Every single career woman i have ever known is now in their 40s and alone. One of my closest female friends is 41. She said, even with dating apps, it was like the day she turned 40 her message in box was empty. She said at very least for the 10 years previous, she was getting dozens of offers to hookup per week, on a slow week. She said soon as 40 hit there was not even that.

[@user-nz6tq3vc5u]

This is just not true. Men will go for 80 year old women as long as it doesn't cost them a thing. They like free things

[@theaxe6198]

I’m the same age. almost every career woman I know is married or has been married. Most have kids. The ones who don’t have kids didn’t want them.

[@AnneSmenos]

Doctor blue eyes I guess the old saying is, do not put all your eggs in one basket! Women feel liberated in the work force and must learn to nessel when settling down and creating a family. My ideal choice would be to let my hubby do the labor and I complete our family at home with added outside personal interest and growth. Stability and cherishing one another in our respectable roles is our success story. Blue eyes keep on talking because you make sense!

[@elsa_nyc]

We focus on career and education.....we don't like being homeless.

[@jamesdeen225]

most working women broke and terrible with money

[@alexisc7565]

​@@jamesdeen225We aren't homeless though.

[@theaxe6198]

@@jamesdeen225no we aren’t.

[@elsa_nyc]

@@alexisc7565 neither are smart women.

[@elsa_nyc]

@@jamesdeen225 you run with a low end crowd.

[@daniellelewis363]

I can agree and accept the point of this video.

[@roynexus6]

This is excellent.

[@aaronkolatch5211]

I only have sons but I thought about this very topic before with the hypothetical situation occurring in which I have a daughter. I would not want my daughter to have to depend on a man because. It doesn't seem like a very good life strategy in today's society. I would instruct her to do what I did, which was go to college and build a meaningful relationship at the same time. I've been married to my wife for years now, and she was right there by my side while I was going through all of those college courses. You can go to college and pursue a relationship at the same time.

[@Individualliberties]

only narcissist men would give advice women to depend on men. Many many women have built successful careers and families. I do not understand anger towards women who are truly independent and selfsufficint. They rock!

[@flazjsg]

Women file divorce eighty percent of the time when a divorce occurs. Marriage is much riskier for men than women.

[@flazjsg]

​@@IndividuallibertiesThe only women that are truly independent and self sufficient live off the grid.

[@aaronkolatch5211]

@@flazjsg this is true. And I agree it is much riskier for men.

[@aaronkolatch5211]

@@flazjsg 🤣🤣🤣

[@yanis80]

I'm happy I dedicated the first 40 years of my life in my fulfilling career. I can relax with a job now, I'm financially stable and don't have to live in a 20 year abusive marriage because I can't take care of myself... now I can emotionally support my man who is investing in his career because men are more likely to succeed after 40. Orions advice is pretty sad and doesn't apply to the majority of people.

[@JJ-wi2uw]

Regardless of her "Career" and what money she makes. in a relationship, her money is HER money and your money is HER money too!

[@therealjd1503]

Thats a fact

[@Tony-m5t]

As I have mentioned before in comments on this channel, it is my experience that the really career oriented women settle for men who make significantly less money than themselves. This works for them because those men will be willing to do a lot more family grunt work than the more "successful" men. This often is a deliberate and thought-out decision, and it seems to work quite well for those women.

[@megancyloneight9822]

They settle for these men because better men aren't attracted to men (ie women with careers). They just say that to cope with their reality. Polarity is a law of nature.

[@StarsDie88]

They are settling for men that they are not attracted to. So no, it's not really working out well for them.

[@Tony-m5t]

@@StarsDie88 They are making a trade. They can't have both. The reality is the "high value men" are not really valuable to these women. They need a man who will support them in their careers. A "high value man" won't, so that man really is of no use to them. They are doing what Dr. Taraban is suggesting and being very cold blooded in their life decisions. It tends to work out very nicely for them.

[@thomasclarke6934]

The bigger problem in the USA is that almost everybody keeps putting on weight as they get older. From what I've seen, if a woman actually takes care of her body and stays fit, there is practically no wall for her. She can still enjoy staggering optionality at 40 and beyond. Fit single women over 40 are rare indeed.

[@roses6564]

It's true, innit...

[@famemolto]

She can certainly have more options if she takes care of herself into her 40s, but “staggering optionality” is a bit overly optimistic. Most men looking for a wife want healthy children.

[@roses6564]

@famemolto After an age, men stop looking for children and prefer companionship.

[@RaviKumar-wu4zo]

''Seduction is simply the ability to make people feel comfortable with who they are around you''. This quote from 'Charmflow Secrets' sums it up perfectly. Confidence isn’t about being loud, it’s about being secure in who you are, and people naturally respond to that kind of energy.

[@fantabuloussnuffaluffagus]

1:18 = Getting married does not preclude being educated or getting a job.

[@jamesgabele4221]

I have seen this happen too often among those seeking medical, legal, and certain government jobs. Those that were successful found someone during undergrad or grad school who was on the same path as them in the early or mid twenties. Another group in their late 20s and early 30s arrives at the same conclusion as stated in the video and "settles" for what they can find because their network became smaller and the career hours take away from searching. The motivators were the opportunity cost and they desire to have a kid early in their their career especially among those seeking a medical career. Beyond 30s, it seems most will focus on the career to distract them from being alone and depressed.

[@SmileyEmoji42]

The bet determines the payout for men too: Ask yourself what you are working for. If it's to attract a quality woman then, at some point, you are going to want to "cash in" by cutting back the hours at least a little to make time for a relatioinship or else you could not have been giving it your all in the first place.

[@a.modestproposal2038]

Wrong bet. To use Orion's metaphor, I am working for my boat. I cash in by having a boat I love to live on, a boat that has all the things I need on it, and goes all the places I love to go. That payout happens whether or not a woman is on board. Once you have that boat there will be some women who would like to be on it with you, but believing the boat is worthless without a woman on it just means the captain's self-esteem is dragging anchor.

[@SmileyEmoji42]

@@a.modestproposal2038 Time spent building/improving your boat is time not spent sailing your boat. Orion's metaphor is to be a captain, not a shipwright.

[@rawbybui]

Bravo!! Bravo!! Well Spoken.

[@croissants1280]

It's definitely not rocket surgery. Nor brain science, for that matter.

[@forlies]

Suffer with a little OCP perhaps? Why do people always feel the need to correct. You understood, and that's all that matters because correcting does not make you likable, famous, healthy or wealthy, only a pain

[@croissants1280]

@@forlies Didn't like my little joke? Suffer from being triggered by internet comments perhaps?

[@zhiar3052]

Brain science does exist, it's called neuroscience

[@uxo9992]

Damn dude people can't take a joke these days. Shit's hilarious😂

[@zhiar3052]

@@uxo9992 Was sarcastic dude 😂

[@KarenSchneider-Webb]

Hey Dr. Orion...... I just tell younger women to do what I did........marry a man significantly OLDER than you! Yep, I met a man in my twenties who was 15 years older than me. I asked him to wait until I was done with my Ph.D. he waited, we got married and immediately had a family...........so IT IS TOTALLY POSSIBLE......I was 27 when I met my 41 year old husband. We now have been married 30 years. It really works, Orion. Women also need to prioritize their education, because it is much more difficult to learn once you are past 40...... :)

[@dhickey5919]

This makes the choices crystal clear when the notion of 'independence' has overwritten everything that came before. Having it all is actually a lie. Sacrifices have to be made. What's subtle but also true is that building a relationship and family is a set of earned skills. It takes a lifetime to build those skills just like going off to college and job. If you don't invest in marriage skills early on you won't have those abilities to offer a partner. Nor will you have the temperament to compromise when you need to.

[@xbmcme9768]

I say this seriously to women, don't underestimate the ability to make a good sandwich. At the end of the day, most men are quite simple. You feed them, you f them, and do little things around the house and unless they are the stupidest of the bunch, they won't even think about leaving a woman like that. Almost 20 years with my college sweetheart now.

[@forlies]

Interesting take on the perspectives and objectives. Thanks

[@mikeo2524]

I generally get it and see the point. However, what percent of women can expect to get a long term relationship with a man who has the means to support them? It would seem that medium income wouldn’t cut it? So the top 20% of men can afford that? 10%? If that is the case (no idea if it is) then most women would lose the game by looking for a high value man? Just a thought experiment? Any ideas ? 💡

[@rocking1313]

10:15 Be sure that you are focusing your time, focus and attention on the thing you really want The main thing is to keep the main thing the main thing - Stephen Covey

[@депресијагејмер]

i agree with what youre saying but i think the issue is that there isn't really an alternative in modern society. you're more likely to survive without a partner than to survive without a career, and you're way more likely to get what you want by focusing on a career than on dating. but the bar for careers has been going up so much that there isn't really an alternative to spending most of your hours for that career

[@interestedparty7523]

You can’t blame men and women for bitching.

[@theaxe6198]

Women, work on that career. I married at 22 to the only man at that time that I had ever been with. He treated me like shit but thank god I didn’t let him knock me up or stop me from pursuing my career. I was able to divorce him at 28. Thank god I did. I had my career and could support myself. I didn’t need to panic. And lots of men were very interested in me. Smart, attractive, no debt, no kids - just the right kind of partner for a professional man wanting to start a family. I watched my dad walk out on my mom and leave her in the lurch. I watched men cheat on their wives. My family btw were cheering when I left my ex.

[@theaxe6198]

And doctor, if it’s such a good deal, why aren’t you out there dating rather than working on your career? Where is all that advice to men to get out there and date. Listen gals, ask yourself why the rules are different for men and for women? And doll, I got the marriage twice and two kids AND a career as a lawyer. And no I’m just mid. And yes my husband could support us well

[@zacklewis342]

Your mom CHOSE a loser. You CHOSE a loser. Have some accountability.

[@sandram852]

So what are you saying? Women in their 20s should spend all their time securing a marriage instead of getting an education and skills? I think women can and should learn how to earn enough money to support themselves AND invest in relationships. Believe it or not but a lot of women in their 20s don’t want to be with a guy in his 40s. And most men in their 20s can’t support a family by himself.

[@PtolemyXVII]

Most people, men or women like having jobs and careers, to have a guiding purpose in life. I think you forget Dr. Taraban that depression sets in when men retire from the workplace and suicidal rates are highest in men when they retire from work, women are the same. If you ask any woman what should would like to do aside from what we were conditioned to want, they would all say that if they would want to pursue education and learn new skills they’re curious about.

[@aaronbianco2075]

career as replacement for family/relationship?