5 Code Words Narcissists Use: What They Really Mean

[@abhayavinayak]

1. It's for your good 2. That's not what I meant 3. No one else thinks that 4. I'm just kidding 5. You're just being too sensitive

[@jimp9151]

6. I'm just trying to help. 7. That's not how I would see/do that. 8. I never said that. 9. You're so needy. 10. You're not my parent, I don't owe you an explanation.

[@StephenGangi]

Heard them all.

[@davidwatts5876]

11. It was just a joke!

[@michaelgarrow3239]

You take life too seriously.

[@serenacomeau2350]

12. You only think you said something, you never said it, you only thought it.

[@jackilynpyzocha662]

They are not "concerned about you"; they are controlling you!

[@melindasmith3713]

Why does it take this long to learn

[@LunaLucky7]

@@melindasmith3713 they are slowly chipping away at their victim..It is by design . They know when to throw crumbs to keep the person who is so looking for good feeling as though it was a huge gesture.. it is very calculated.

[@TomWanks]

@@melindasmith3713 Because your the perfect victim. Slow and dumb!!!!

[@lynek2126]

“You made me do it!” Is the standard.

[@Samantha-Starseed]

Yes I heard that many times you made me cheat because you did this... I do not miss a second of any of it fucking nightmare

[@Leesa1303]

😢 I heard that too....

[@Misfit-from-Zanti]

Look what you made me do

[@bailujen8052]

I heard that too, especially from myself

[@annekathleen4498]

Mine used to say 'you're seeing things that aren't there' and 'when you're better we'll be okay'. I've been happily divorced from him for 20 years.

[@Catcat65]

They are masters at twisting what you say and throwing it back at you. You honestly can't win.

[@adrianjohn7552]

Very true

[@VirileOne-fh9du]

Unless you voice record or catch them slipping on camera.

[@karenmcgady7637]

"You are too sensitive" or "I'm just joking and you can't take the joke" are insulting and insensitive. Those statements just DRIVE ME INSANE!!!

[@michaelmccormick3778]

Sounds pretty sensitive to me

[@Beth00009]

@@karenmcgady7637 that's 2 of their favourites 🙄

[@trista-iw5su]

Maybe you should grow a backbone

[@karenmcgady7637]

I would like to add that if someone says something insulting and then says "I'm just joking" what they are really saying is that they have ZERO respect for the butt of the so-called "joke". That is not a joke, and is, in fact, an actual insult.

[@Ottophil]

My wife called me a cuck. Na. I just don’t wanna feed your drama to get laid

[@benjaminA.stantonpun]

I once told a narcissist this: “Until you admit that you have been manipulative, I will never agree with you or ever say that you are right about anything.” He went into tears.😢 It was one of the most entertaining and gratifying moments of my life. 😆🤪

[@roadtrip808]

😂😂😂😂

[@Lemon_Zest9120]

NICE!👍🏻

[@JeffreyHKaufman]

they know how to put on a show like they are crying be careful

[@benjaminA.stantonpun]

@@JeffreyHKaufman Correct. You have to show pride and laughter instead of sympathy or remorse when they cry like that. 😉👍

[@Mt4evr]

Dang... that is narcissistic behavior right there. Are you sure that you are not the narc? It is extremely common for a narcissist to think that their partner is a narc. I see a lot of people in the comments of these videos that I am sure have been victims. Then there are others like you that sound like YOU are the narc in the relationship

[@richardjohanson6421]

YOU'RE NOT CRAZY YOU WERE ABUSED People often see the victim of narcissistic abuse as "crazy" or dramatic. They seem unstable, imbalanced, and full of fear and doubt. They are angry, depressed, and sometimes lash out. They are experiencing overwhelming emotions, and probably wearing them on their sleeve, for all to see. While the narcissist shows up cool, calm, and collected. Cruel and heartless as they are, they remain stable, because they were never attached to their victim. So using, abusing, and then casting them aside, didn't mean anything. because they don't care.YOU'RE NOT CRAZY YOU WERE ABUSED People often see the victim of narcissistic abuse as "crazy" or dramatic. They seem unstable, imbalanced, and full of fear and doubt. They are angry, depressed, and sometimes lash out. They are experiencing overwhelming emotions, and probably wearing them on their sleeve, for all to see. While the narcissist shows up cool, calm, and collected. Cruel and heartless as they are, they remain stable, because they were never attached to their victim. So using, abusing, and then casting them aside, didn't mean anything. because they don't care.

[@BeYounique...Maryanne]

Also note who the narcissists are friends with. The friends I've had who were narcissists had bully friends who hurt and put me down just like they did (though they were a bit more sneaky in their hurtfulness). That's a big red flag I should have realized years ago. Now that all these people are out of my life I feel so relieved. It's so true, "You are who your friends are"!

[@CaliWeHo]

@@BeYounique...Maryanne Yes!

[@michellefarria3757]

When a narcissist says "Okay", after you express your truth, it's a threatening warning.

[@chrisantoniou4366]

When a Narcissist says, "You're the only one who thinks like that" it's their way of saying you are therefore wrong, and letting others in a group where they are "boss" know who they need to support. When a Narcissist makes a joke at your expense, it's usually something you are going to be sensitive about so when you react, they can then say you're too sensitive, trying to make what they have (deliberately) done to embarrass you in front of others look like you can't take a joke. A Narcissist will always say something to belittle you and aggrandize themselves, especially in front of others.

[@samye140]

“I’m sorry you feel you feel that way” when THEY are the ones who made you feel that way.

[@RickRock-y2e]

Yeah. They use what I call podcast phrases, like- it is what it is or I'm not responsible for what you feel

[@dr.burito]

FR

[@twinzzplusonecanada5499]

Omg....yes!!!!!!!! 😮

[@Crazy_Cat_Lady_13]

The ultimate non-apology masquerading as an apology

[@RickRock-y2e]

Ufff, that's better than what she used to say to me, I'm not responsible for how you feel. 😶🥴A loooott of empathy...

[@dark7angel456]

Ive been being harassed for years by these people. Its a nightmare. No empathy just irritation. Every word i say turns into drama

[@D-g9j]

It’s the demons in them

[@MaryDunford]

If you haven't learned to push back, when it's appropriate, then start. Reason and bridge-mending only works with reasonable people who participate in fixing things.

[@paulacarter374]

They refuse to answer questions. I was told I didn't deserve answers. I was told I wasn't human. They need to be held accountable for the pain and the suffering they cause

[@bchandler81]

I met a guy online who introduced himself as Aiden. We really hit it off & eventually met up when I traveled to his city to visit my best friend. When we finally met & I called him by his name “Aiden” he told me, “there must be some confusion, my name is ___________.” (I won’t put his real name because I try to not let it be part of my vocabulary.) So his name was not Aiden & he corrected me by telling me that I was confused about his name. I was so dumbstruck & immediately questioned my reality like maybe I really did misunderstand what he told me his name was. It was gaslighting at its finest & at the time I didn’t even know there was a legit term for what he was doing. The relationship between he & I went on much longer than it should have. I remember the first time we had a fight about something that he did he acknowledged it with these words, “well, I’m sorry you feel that way, but…” & then went on to insinuate that the problem wasn’t his actions, the problem was how I felt about his actions. I cannot believe these monsters walk this earth & breathe the same air as those of us with good intentions do. Good riddance!

[@airgin3000]

I belief they are demons or have demons in them.

[@tshaffer9681]

Unfortunately my father is the biggest narcissist you could ever meet.

[@CaliWeHo]

That's horrible. There certainly seem to be more narcissists than non-narcissists these days . . . because we've finally been educated about them.

[@patriciarobinett1235]

Oh, YES. That is a famous line: "I'm sorry you feel that way" or a variation on that.

[@suzanneoldfield921]

this is a manipulation technique to put you on the back foot and are therefore easier to manipulate. Just tell them not to be upset at your reaction to his action. Your feelings and emotions are yours, not his and they are not right or wrong.

[@shannonedwards818]

6.) "It's really not always about you."

[@SamSolasdonSaol]

7) Get over it. Rawr!

[@corvusheller328]

Rawr is I love you in dinosaur

[@CJ-jq4lv]

YES on both of your additions! Rawr

[@starstuff5958]

NOTHING AND NO ONE IS ABOUT YOU..only you are about you..what are you learning, what are you teaching......THAT is all that is ABOUT YOU

[@DebbieLee-dr3hr]

​@@corvusheller328 Says A$$biteusgigantis

[@TheBadSpoon]

I've had the misfortune of dealing with a handful of malignant narcissists in my strange life; you know, the kind who are 80% the cause of your therapy sessions. One of the code words they seem to use often is "we", because they can't tell at all where they end, and where others begin.

[@anniegitchergun7216]

💯💯💯💯💯 on the WE thing!!!

[@danaparfitt2491]

OUR money Everything else wasn't we

[@conniemiller5125]

Yeah, the WE LABEL

[@conniemiller5125]

Yeah, he was always saying it's OUR money, everything is OURS. Hated that!

[@stellap7624]

My former husband loves using the word 'we'. Because he thinks I will automatically agree with him. He makes elaborate plans for the future, and then tells me the exact part I'll play in it, without consulting me on the matter. Then when I correct him and say; "You not us or we". He quickly says; "Yes, yes, you know what I mean" . At the moment he's on a mental ward, sectioned again. I'm currently working on a complete separation from him.

[@g-dcomplex1609]

the one that opened my eyes used to tell me that she was the only person who loves me, and concerned that i would mess that up, since no one else did

[@g-dcomplex1609]

@@DoobeeKind right on dee dee, I really appreciate this reply you shared with me, guess what? You deserve the best life has to offer yourself, when we say things, those things can come to present, for both speaker/s or listener/s alike, I will correctly say, thank you for your blessings and positive energy, regards

[@Revelation18-4]

6. I never said that 7. I never did that

[@janetcaruana8525]

Our ex friend called his girlfriend the worst name anyone can call a woman over a game of cards. I was across from her and our jaws dropped. My husband finally said something like “ there’s no need for that”. He told my husband the next day, “she knew I was just kidding”. He said no one says those words “ just kidding!”. We stopped the games after that. And then dropped their friendship.

[@CaliWeHo]

That's awful.

[@janetcaruana8525]

@@CaliWeHo the woman is still with that idiot. He sweet talked her into moving in shortly after they met- you won't have to pay rent, get new furniture, or even clean (he has a housekeeper). She fell for it, hook line and sinker. Shortly after, when at our house for the card games, she saw our extra bedroom and said, see, they have an extra room if she needed to stay here. I was confused at first and said, "of course you could stay here". He must have said to her, "now you have nowhere else to go". Unbelievable. To tell her you can move in and be all sweet and then say, you have nowhere else to go is the epitome of manipulation. She's been with him 10 years. She likes not paying for things...but for your dignity? Even a friend of hers asked if "his behavior bothers her". She said "no". Then he got kicked out of our local bar we all went to for trivia, because of how nasty he was to various staff members (all female) over time. She cried. What 60 something year old man gets kicked out of a sports bar? He doesn't even drink! No great loss for us, in fact, it was a gain!

[@ThankyouJesusalways]

I think all of my friend now deceased friend family might be covert narcissist but esp the sister something about other woman betraying other woman is the worst .

[@4207SumiB]

My past narc(s) have used a common phrase when I told them something…”oh? Who told you that?” And…”really? Are you sure?” Both of these phrases, when continued to be used in every conversation, will undermine and devalue one’s psyche! Got rid of both of the narcs…couple of the best things I have ever done.

[@rw4749]

This really reminds me of my 1st wife. And using her Christianity as a tool to control me and others. The worst years of my life. Since 2004 a free man.

[@karenpigage2818]

The absolute worst is a 'religious' narcissist. They are pretending to be a Christian.

[@CaliWeHo]

Ah, the religious narcs - especially the covert ones - I think they're the worst.

[@norskibull2.021]

@@CaliWeHoyes they are horrible, have a so called ‘friend’ that’s one, been going no contract after his rage outburst over me grabbing the last lemon pepper seasoning at the store. The moment I said I’ve been looking for this for 2 months, he got crazy saying HE NEEDS THAT, and something else, that I can’t even remember now being how crazy it all was, right in the middle of the store. There had been NO argument before hand, he holds hidden anger toward me that finally surfaced. After 3 weeks he started texting me again, kinda love bombing me with oh I got this or that for you…. Now for the religious part, while talking religion, he said oh this is how it is, ‘he’ figured it out and this is how it all works. If you don’t agree with their outlook on it, they get very irritated. Really bizarre behavior… we had been friends for 13 yrs in middle teen years, then he made a move on one of my girlfriends, feeding her lies so that she’d revenge sex him, well I found out and cut him outta my life for 16 yrs. Sure enough we crossed paths thru another ‘friend’ who is another narc that loves drama and set up a unwanted reunion, well I said I can forgive, but not forget. Here we are now, one year in to talking again, he met my latest hopeful to be girlfriend and right away showed very strange behavior around her right in front of me like I wasn’t even there. I’m done with this sack of 💩, can’t believe i fell for his so called reformed self. Works for the devil

[@ifazer8akathedoctor275]

They also ask lots of stupid questions, like "what do you mean?" or "what does that have to do with anything?"

[@nade1231]

they have problems with thinking, vocabulary and emotions, they are like a toddler in kindergarten who is nagging and jealous and wants to stand out.

[@suzanneoldfield921]

try the mirror technique. when he says what do you mean? say, "what do YOU mean??...keep that going back and forth for some mind fuckery for them....they hate it.... and, "I don't know - what do YOU think it has to do with anything?" They will get super frustrated because you just took their game away from them.

[@Marmadukeish]

@@suzanneoldfield921oh wow… I do wish I had thought of that when it would have been useful. That’s a great response. Too late for me though… and lost my son due to this monster. But for anyone else, this response should work wonders. But do note, likely to piss off that demonic monster, so use wisely!

[@DeliaDevlin-eu6oj]

My now ex husband use to tell me it was my fault he would choke me. He kept telling me, with concern, that I might be losing my mind. I finally left him 8 months ago after 21 years. He would say " I didn't say that. You must've heard me wrong." He had me questioning my own sanity. Everything that is said here, I experienced first hand.

[@glowieokenney7915]

25 years here. Getting divorced in Dec! Can’t wait for peace!!!!☮️

[@kevinhanley6462]

Good video at listing the warnings of unpleasant individuals. Beware of vicious people!

[@johnjaymesgreatadventures4503]

The description of these narcissists sound like cold hearted people that need to be avoided.

[@Schmoityface]

They are very cruel and empty people.

[@fionasearle4413]

I've only realised this after 21 long years

[@davidmartin1015]

All true, I had 50 years of it,(father). A couple of points ; nowadays the word is often mis-used to describe many sorts of poor behaviour, just like diseases, colds become flu, flu becomes pneumonia etc. , so the true meaning is debased. One of the all-time favourite ones used on me was guilt, if you can make the victim feel or admit guilt you can dominate them , it is a key weapon.

[@michelepenning302]

I subscribed. I was always told I was overreacting and too sensitive. It did make me question my feelings and make me think it was my fault.

[@cindyschuhmacher709]

My sister thinks when she says "quite frankly" or " point blank" that somehow nakes whatever she is saying a FACT. Now that its a fact you better accept it without question.....the queen has spoken.

[@johnnycorn7225]

Same response here whenever I see that look of narcissistic pride on someone's face when they say this, it's an immediate disgusted reaction. It's like they're so proud and they're getting off on the fact they know they're crossing boundaries and offending people, anything just to feel more important than others right. Always gotta prove something. Makes me leave.

[@yesimerin]

Do we have the same sister?!

[@juliemarks9952]

My sister is a narcissist and patronising she use the phrase good girl I'm 62 for god sake! She brags about how much she has and rubs it in my face if I can't afford something! She also buys the cheapest gifts possible! Yet she is dripping in gold and diamonds! I'd rather live the way I do! Than be like her. She is sneaky and vindictive. She instigates trouble then watches it happen with a smirk on her face!

[@rominagresely526]

Sounds like my mother in law.

[@michaelfischer-xp4cw]

Great video, I was in a beautiful marriage before my now ex wife left me,i still love her and most times i cant stop thinking about her, i am doing my very best to get rid of the thought of her, but i just cant, i love her so much, i dont know why i am bring this here for, i cant stop thinking about her

[@tomachibald]

its always difficult to let go of you love, i was in a similar situation my wife for 12 years left me.i couldnt just let her gsomeone o i did all i could to get her back, i had to seek the help of a spiritual adviser who helped me bring her back

[@michaelfischer-xp4cw]

wow, how did you get a spiritual adviser, and how do i reach her?

[@tomachibald]

Her name is Shelly renee white , and she is a great spiritual counselor who can bring back your ex.

[@michaelfischer-xp4cw]

Thank you for this valuable information, i just looked her up now online. impressive.

[@rfastkats924]

15, You made me do it or treat you the way I do 16.You are confused I have no idea where you got that idea

[@1timeslime971]

“thats NOT what I meant”….but thats what i always say to the narc, because he twists MY words. THE NARC is the one who misinterpreting, theyre twisting your words…so ITS THE NARC who is bein told, “Thats not what i meant”.

[@Rebelmusedesign]

How about this one? “You owe me…“ That one finished me off.

[@anniegitchergun7216]

💯💯💯💯

[@janelleanderson6744]

That's a sociopath's term, too.

[@ms.texassoldier7203]

I don’t like when a regular person just has a bad day and the narcissist makes it like you’re angry at them or the narcissist labels you as having an anger problem that needs to be addressed. All in all even if this regular person or empath rarely feels irritated or angry the narcissist takes it to another level. The gaslighting is the worst. They say something untrue especially concerning plans. The narcissist will say no, we said this… and you(regular or empath) broke the plans. The narcissist will acccompany the untrue remarks will dismissive or patronizing ATTITUDE which can spark an empaths antennae. This often leads to a tug of war in defense from the empath or regular person. The narcissist is the sneakiest of weasels

[@Nina-w7m8q]

I was just trying to help. It's not my fault. I didn't do anything wrong. You made me. Blah, blah, blah. It gets old.

[@brettcordes3602]

“I’m a good person!”

[@dark7angel456]

Ive been hurt by many different narcissists. Online and offline. I have anxiety now and never used to.

[@BeYounique...Maryanne]

Don't let them have power over you. Get away from them and watch the magic of new friends coming in. Analyze the narcissists so you are more aware of the behavior so you can avoid it happening again. I got rid of several narcissist friends and I was afraid I'd never meet new friends, but sure enough I met better, smarter, higher quality, more caring people to hang out with. And don't hang on to friends who de-value you and what you do for a living.

[@dark7angel456]

@@BeYounique...Maryanne I am. Seems like it takes forever to meet new good friends though. I live in a small district

[@BeYounique...Maryanne]

@@dark7angel456 You will though. I also live in a small town. I wanted new friends for a very long time and felt like there was something wrong with me. (I have an amazing husband, but I wanted girlfriends too. One of my best friends was a guy who was like a brother to me, and he died during the pandemic). Then, bang, all at once, my calendar is now filled with lunch dates with cool women I can relate to. It's like when you look for a new job and you can't find anything, then all at once all the companies start calling.

[@PaulDonaldRoy]

I agree with all of them except for "that's not what I meant". I have been in situations where people honestly misunderstood me, or deliberately twisted my words to mean something I never intended. I'm okay with the first kind of person, you can explain your meaning better and they will come to understand. The second type, I avoid altogether. Deliberately twisting your words against you is hostile, no matter who does it. I've had co-workers try to put words in my mouth, and I avoided informal chat with them after those occasions.

[@juliankastner301]

I subscribed. Gas lighting is often used by narcissists. Thank you, Rebecca, Your words of guidance are awesome, I couldn't have said it better myself.

[@fakename8856]

“That’s not what I INTENDED”. My covert narc mother thinks “intending to” do something is the same as actually doing things.

[@skaziblu]

If it involves emotion.. this makes sense... if you hurt someone with your actions or words but didn't mean to.. then that's not what they intended right?

[@fakename8856]

I’ll give you an example: I crashed into a gasoline tanker which sank and I was badly injured needing surgery and lots of recovery. My Mom never even asked how I was doing or if she could help me in any way, she just said she “intends the very best for me” and “I have her best intentions”. Regarding the legal matter surrounding the collision rather asking how I’m doing mentally with litigating against monsters she just says “she intends the best resolution” which means she hopes I get a bunch of money she can find a way to have access to (ain’t gonna happen). What I needed was a mother to take care of me, not someone to “intend” the best via text message.

[@airgin3000]

@@fakename8856 Good God wow yea I see what you mean. She is dysfunctional. You are right. I have very very similar fkd up parents. Do not give her one single red cent. Also how did you crash into a tanker?? Is that a true story? Are you a merchant ship captain?

[@Livingmybestliferightnow]

Or I didn't mean it that way.

[@AprilStone-Brannon]

How dumb can that be

[@Kayla4Johnson44]

My narc bf ALWAYS says, ”I didn't have a chance to..." ...tell you. ...do something. ...talk to someone else. ...go somewhere. ...get something. ...clean up after himself. ...repay a debt by specific time. ...let me know he's not coming home tonight. ...take his dog outside before he poops inside. ...offer dinner when he leaves to get takeout. Then returns with food for only himself. List goes on.

[@WWise-ch2nd]

Whoa ! I had to end what I thought was a friendship...Guy was exactly like that... This video nails it.

[@andrecostermans7109]

Another code: when a discussion is coming up and some one says; you certainly agree with me that ... . Also , arrogance and narcism are good and close friends to each other.

[@Sorchia56]

Absolutely!!

[@Thenogomogo-zo3un]

Yes, "you should agree with me" or words to that effect

[@remytembe4249]

Wow! Just when I thought I really know how to detect a narcissist. We live and learn. Thank you.

[@maryjouller1198]

My mom was a narrisstic. I got sick of her crap. I called her out and then threw her out of my house when she started taking over and trying to run my household.

[@deepcow]

I just walk away and ignore them.

[@benjaminA.stantonpun]

Remember, if you truly believe you are dealing with a narcissist: YOU MUST BE SERIOUS! YOU MUST BE ULTRA SENSITIVE! YOU MUST BE MOCKING! YOU MUST BE DOMINATE! YOU MUST BE FIRM IN YOUR PRIDE! YOU MUST BE IMPERTINENT! YOU MUST BE IN CONTROL! YOU MUST BE RIGHT! YOU MUST BE BOLD! It may seem awkward and mean. But, if you leave out any one of the above, THEY GOT YOU‼️😳

[@jannawalters232]

The "you should", "why do you do that", don't do that", " I would never do that", etc. All their control attempts.

[@patriciarobinett1235]

Wow! You nailed my mom in less than 7 minutes. I am aghast. Let me write these down so I don't forget them. Interestingly, she only was weird with me - not my brothers. ?!?!? As an astrologer, it does make sense. Her nasty planet was opposite my Sun - and therefore my dad's Sun, because we were born on the same day, 30 years apart. She seemed to hate us both. Nasty stuff. But again, she was nice to my brothers and other people... just took it all out of me & my dad.

[@NinrirAgniKisharelRusalk-ig7bn]

The city where I'm at now has a lot narcissists in it. And one thing I noticed about them: each time someone here says something about a certain target person even if it's not true, almost all Offers them if not all will gang up against you and will abuse you anytime they want and feel convenient to them. They're all about abusing you and getting anything from you while treating you worse and being cruel against you. They love doing evil against you and pointed out of their wrongs they are angry and will try to scare or threaren you. Their pride and ego here is overwhelming considered they are marketing thier city as one of the best and yet almost no one sees who they really are. They even think they are better than anyone else and will discriminate even if it's one their own countrymen. Poor mentality.

[@time_2_get_ready]

That exact same thing happened when I recently attended a new 'church'

[@farhanahabib591]

It took 50 yrs to realize that I'm a scagoat of a covert narcissist mother.... my whole life, I was wondering why my relationship with my mother is like this, and most of the time, I blamed myself for not being good enough... the truth is it was never my fault.

[@derekkerr6158]

man that first one is my mom's favorite. actually all of these

[@amythefinalgirl8377]

Thr too sensitive one is so accurate

[@damionk3258]

The mistake that the narcissist in my life made was beating me down too far until I had nothing left to lose, so I flipped the script, taught myself how they communicate and how to counter it at every stage ignoring every threat or attempt at intimidation, I even laugh at attempted assaults as they've done 100 times worse in the past and in the case of this video topic, I call out their BS or reply to them in the same way, they just don;t know how to respond.

[@tsetse]

For myself, I found my power through spirituality (not religion). Knowing who you are, and what you stand for. Not being a people-pleaser, but rather express who you are, even if it means walking alone. Drop the toxic people and find your tribe.

[@lexy5461]

“I would never hurt you!”

[@bkrider19]

These 5 code phrases are at the heart of racism as it is practiced today. Racism is essentially collective narcissism. All the gaslighting and negativity that a narcissistic individual inflicts upon another person is exactly what a racist society does to a minority group. The only difference--and it's really the foundation for everything--is that collective narcissism, as in the US, South Africa, Nazi Germany, and many other countries, is based on laws. Here the issue becomes a little complicated because laws in a complex society are two forms, written and unwritten (customs, traditions, etc.). And even written laws can be rewritten so that what was blatant racism (Jim Crow laws, for example) is now covert (the continuation of residential segregation and segregated schools). But at the interpersonal level, when people interact on the street, in schools, at work, in neighborhoods, at sports events, in airports, all those large structures that make racism possible are expressed by individuals in the majority in narcissistic terms. Empathy is turned off like a light switch. They don't see the minorities as fellow human beings. The golden rule of treating others as you would like to be treated is considered irrelevant. And when you point all this out to them, they do exactly what narcissists do: they don't listen, they gaslight, they laugh, they change the subject in order to center themselves. The good news is that in this globalizing world more and more societies are becoming aware of this old habit of collective narcissism and taking steps to rid themselves of it.

[@rexsojo]

Hmmm think you may be projecting. Narcissism is about the inability to feel for others. No conscience!A whole class of people you are projecting that on sounds like the gaslighting narcissist spinning their version of reality. Think about it

[@basnaspe4578]

"You are just imagining things/it's all in your fantasy" when getting confronted "a man needs to..." - Making general statements how someone should act or react "You are very special with me and I want you to always know we got a special bond" - Not only narcistic people use this, but they abuse it in a manipulative way without meaning it Pressuring you to make agreements etc. while you feel uncomfortable, often in a pushy, authoritan way you don't dare to reject "I did everything/so much for you" - They say this in order to use it against you. They use it so you play down their own mistakes, because you end up weighing what they did positively vs what they did negatively, so you don't want to judge them badly overall and anything that does take any credibility of you as a person, such as not taking you serious, but much rather giving you labels such as being crazy. They do this in order to distract from their own mistakes

[@SleepyTimeSensation]

This video brought up old memories I longed forgot about

[@TreasureDeal]

I've heard all of these from my daughter. I was told that I was out of touch with the now, I was non essential, my opinion didn't matter. Yea, I went silent then was accused of being noncommunicative.

[@emmsue1053]

I have no idea how close relatives can be jealous of others? Be happy, they seem to dislike that one. x

[@suzanneoldfield921]

my daughter wouldnt speak to me for nearly 4 weeks. I had no idea why. she regularly ghosts me and I have no clue why apart from her asserting control. she eventually took my call and spoke to me in a very condescending manner saying "I haven't been speaking to you because you said, "You're not even that busy - you have time to call me back, and I WAS busy." OMG - she was the one that told me that she wasn't very busy!!! I cannot win! I was punished by her own bad memory!

[@alsbigsmoke]

It's taken me decades to realise I've been a victim of narcissists i really thought i was the bad one it ruined my love life my happiness and I've been diagnosed with schizophrenia because of it all. God is the only one and Jesus that got me through it or else I'd be in a mental hospital. Take care everyone know you're worth more and know that if you're a victim you're not the bad one. I wish everyone a good and happy life and love

[@maxinedavieds6104]

Add “ I’m not a liar” They are pathological liars!

[@alivingstone4Him]

Helpful video. Thank-you. How about when you say no to not needing something and they try to give it to you and when you tell the person I don’t need that they come back with a reply of “I was just trying to make it easier for you.” I replied if I wanted the thing I would have said yes to it but I said no !

[@rjmoonchild777]

Yes!

[@mikesmith6594]

This video is very relatable !

[@gailivis5971]

My narcissistic son always says: That never happened when you confront him about something he said.

[@reallyjustrandom1230]

"That's not what I meant" Gosh if I could count the number of times my EX said that to me. She always would say that, "That's not what I meant" or "You are taking it the wrong way"

[@bodyboarder733]

My narcissist ex always said I’m sorry you feel that way anytime I expressed something that she didn’t agree with.

[@TheBeliever1204]

My sister used to say that

[@Sorchia56]

THIS ⬆️! Spot on! Never a true apology just ‘I’m sorry you took it the wrong way!’ Or ‘I’m sorry you feel that way!’. Add on afterwards ‘you have to understand where I’m coming from’ or ‘I’m just worried about you!’ and you’ve got a full fledged nutter on your hands. RUN and never look back!

[@yvonneshaub6111]

My husband was having a cookout at his job. I offered to make potatoe salad and he said no I'm good. I said well,maybe someone else would like some. He said no I'll just bring some chips with me, personal little baggie. I said well it's not about just you, your boss is good enough to provide the hamburgers and buns and other stuff. He said no it doesn't matter to me I'm good. It was obvious by the 3rd time that the only thing that mattered was his wants and needs, no one else was considered. This is just one example of many throughout the years. It's exhausting, to say the least.

[@JP-yj3qd]

I want to tell my narcissist friend what she did that hurt me but she just keeps saying ‘I can’t live in the past you need to let it go’. But she doesn’t want to hear what she did

[@brijeshmehta7716]

Add: " You know how SOCIALI am. How much full of compassion and KINDNESS I am."

[@11WillHeatHer]

Many people do some of these things and are NOT a narcissist. If saying, "I'm just kidding"" makes a person a narcissist then I know a shyt ton of adults, teenagers, and children that would qualify as a narcissist 🙄 trauma responses, low self -worth, Depression, substance abuse disorder, PTSD, Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, Borderline Personality Disorder, Asperger's, and even Bipolar can mimic NPD... everyone displays narcissistic traits. It really is time to stop labeling ourselves and others. Stop self- diagnosing and diagnosing others. Stop judging others unfairly based on a few factors.

[@kamicrum4408]

OMG you just 100% described my zEX, were you peeking in the windows?! Creepy.

[@valvio1331]

You forget the most used: "Bah... You're paranoid!".

[@Seraphim7]

So Good. It just further confirms things . A few Narcs popped in my head…. Family ex friends….. Yes, they have said this to me. Smh.

[@rebeccanatal1435]

The problem with these phrases is that sometimes what is being said is true. The issue is not the words. The real issue is what the intent behind the words and that is not easy to detect at first glance. But thankfully that is why we have survival instincts. If your gut or whatever is telling you something is not right, forget about the words coming out of anyone's mouth. Their weapon of choice is words. Stop, provide no emotional response. Be a stone. Remain silent and observe their actions. Narcissists are very predictable people and use the same type of techniques over and over again. If you see them use the same techniques with others and yourself over and over again, you know what you've got on your hands. Start running. No benefit of the doubt. Zero. Trust yourself. Do you think people that are rude, or have control issues don't know what they are doing is rude or controlling and they are just making a mistake, poor ignorant thing? No. We all know what we're doing and why we're doing it when we do it. Everyone does. We do it because it works to get us what we want. And if by some wild chance they don't realize they're are doing something harmful to others, life consequences will teach it to them. Point is you are not responsible for fixing someone else's life. You are only responsible for your own so take off the savior cape. Offer no explanations. No talking. None of that. That is just providing them another opportunity to harm you. Leave. Your silence and absence is their best teacher and your best protection. And if for some reason you can't completely disengage from this person, like they are a family member or something like this, limit contact to nothing but superficial subjects. How's the weather? The more boring you can be with this type of person, the better. And boring in this context means no emotional reaction, either positive or negative. That's what they feed off of, your emotions, your energy. Nothing personal about you should ever be divulged to this type of person. They tell stories, always lies, to appear to be vulnerable, while mining you for information to use against you later. Boring, superficial is the name of this game when you must stay in contact.

[@karenmcgady7637]

What about making an appointment to do some paperwork for a legal matter, and then cancelling for whatever reason. I see the message here to be "My life/work/time is WAY more important than anything you want me to do". Am I right here, or am I off base?

[@lisad6106]

After I went no contact with my covert narc mother she'd leave messages saying she was really worried and please call so she didn't have to worry. What she really meant is I'm having a problem processing emotions about how I treated you last time we spoke and it's you're responsibility to call me and tell me it didn't matter so I can feel better than you.

[@DebbieLee-dr3hr]

My covert narc mom is MIA except for the holidays she ruins with her blunt force drama. I officially began no contact except for the gatherings my adult children attend. So, I guess it is actually low contact for a year and a half now.

[@mimilini1]

I’m the youngest of six. My dad died when we were kids. My oldest sibling is a textbook narcissist. My mother remarried to the direct opposite of my dad. He was violent and abusive, a controlling malignant narcissist. What scares me is that I seem to attract them or be attracted to them. I’m totally celibate. Wont even date because I’m so afraid of getting involved with another narcissist. Is there any way out of this recurring nightmare?

[@UnashamedCaliforniagirl]

I am quite used to having a different opinion than everyone else so saying " you are the only one who thinks that" wouldn't even phase me 😂 I am far more surprised when ANYONE agrees with me.

[@lesliekupchanko5001]

These are things we all say at times.... At times and rarely is the key I think. Right?

[@HoneyComb323]

I just subscribed. Love the channel very much.

[@atwonchilds7661]

Right when they say I don't" or no" go through the mind games to learn the mind games now you know the mind games".

[@Sheri-sb1yr]

Ex narcissist Constantly stated how much he "cared" while throwing me out. DISCARDING me. Finally ESCAPED.

[@glowieokenney7915]

“Stop deflecting!!” My husband (soon to be X)used to to say that all the time.

[@jannawalters232]

Their criticism! They justify it.

[@esthersevier587]

I have heard all of these phrases from my ex narcissist my favorite was I didn’t say that five minutes after he said it!

[@liftheart84]

I did subscribe thank you for your great content❤

[@kayebarker8556]

This is fantastic

[@MickeyJaymz]

"I'm just saying..." "I'm just asking..." "Don't bring up the past." "You're beating a dead horse." "I'm no longer responsible for your feelings." "That's on you." "You need to heal." "If you don't forgive, you won't go to heaven."

[@Ukwemustcarryonok]

They say and repeat I told you this Your not getting it So your comfortable Dont talk to the team Talks in a loud voice Its just you They are massive blamers, attention seekers, strange eyes, stare and weird grin and weird laugh after trouble causing

[@Marlena-w5m]

Yes Over the yrs She was just like that but I gave her the benefit of doubt. I'm at ✌🏽 now and surround myself with ppl who kares mental illness is real be safe, take care of yourself 🙏🏽❤️💪🏽

[@Ang4242]

"Its all in your head" is what I get all the time.

[@Dragorama11]

Listening to this just made me realize how many times I've told narcissists around me too phawk off that I don't give a phawk what they think..

[@aon10003]

Mansplaining!

[@grand.geometrician]

E.g. NOUN. Get a Merriam Webster, you implement a Linked List from the original noun, that sort of terminates, the Linked List terminates when an "oily" concept is reached as a "leaf." Oily meaning sexual...

[@Lars-xl6lv]

This is my mother to a tee.

[@CaliWeHo]

My father to a tee.

[@SaintZombie1]

But is it true to say, "Nobody thinks that way" to a narcissist after they say something that most people actually don't say?

[@puvanespm6096]

Seriously... every word you said here is very true about someone I work with....pure evil.

[@user-yw7tb5ko5u]

"We...you're always saying I, I, I" as a response to when you're sharing your feelings, boundaries or wants.

[@UnashamedCaliforniagirl]

I never ask anyone their opinion of my outfit. I am the one who has to be happy with my fashion choices. I spent over half my life being a slave to the opinions of others. I have no interest in living like that anymore.

[@beatsmithx1090]

I know a narc that always says "sorry to say" before saying something hurtful, and it works for him because it always stops people from responding. Not me though. I see through all his BS

[@ruthslater6364]

Exactly . my husband tells me all the time how horrible I am as a person.. And he's trying to make me a better person. ! He knows I'm terrible person and he can make me better. Everyone knows how horrible you are I'm making you a better person.!