Love Is Blind - Season 5 - #60 - (JP Doubles Down) - Therapist Reacts

[@rosettastonk3808]

I think one thing missing from the discussion is that when JP was talking about how his Mom would treat his sisters, his mom would run into their rooms and yell at them and call them "whores" - and that part of his trauma is potentially tied up in women presenting themselves in a certain way. Like maybe her make up and pretty-ness is what signaled danger to him.

[@-NiamhWitch-]

Yeah, that was my thought too.

[@LaLaBlahBlahh]

I’m blown away by how well Taylor handled the whole situation. It’s actually inspiring to see.

[@GabriellaLascano]

She’s dodged a bullet ❤❤❤ happy for her

[@PsychologyInSeattle]

Yeah, seems so...

[@MsHnBK]

​@@PsychologyInSeattleI was really hoping you would touch on JPs trauma and connect that maybe his mom got on his sisters for being "a wh♡re" because he mentioned that she didn't want them to be like her. I think this is why he's funny about makeup and pretty women. I hope you read this❤ and take care of yourself.

[@piranaplant]

Really the only ones who came out of this season not looking terrible are her and Aaliyah

[@laurenmenard2984]

I still have trouble understanding why JP would go on a reality show if he has such a strong preference about makeup. Maybe he hasn't seen a lot of reality tv, so he didn't know what to expect, but most women, and probably some men on these shows will wear makeup since they know they're going to be on camera. Taylor was really wearing a pretty normal amount of makeup for someone that knows there's going to be millions of people seeing their face.

[@GusThe11]

Exactly. And don't they have people on set doing the makeup for the cast? Either way, making such a statement to someone you are supposed to love about something as temporary as makeup is completely out of touch with the situation.

[@skyetranqille9534]

That's why Taylor (and us the audience) aren't buying it

[@steffany3513]

@@GusThe11i dont think they had people doing their makeup, case in point stacey.

[@ExtraordinaryMachine333]

@@steffany3513 She says she's a professional make-up artist. She does have other jobs though, or maybe she's better at make-up on other people

[@cristinab5274]

It’s because he wants love so badly. He was deprived of love as a child, he has abandonment issues. honestly I think he has a really big heart but with all the trauma he still carries with him, dating in “normal life” is impossible. This show was his opportunity to fall in love and not be judged…and seeing the way he acted in the pods, he found it. Unfortunately once he’s back to reality rejection and trauma resurfaces and he closes back up his feeling because it doesn’t feel safe to be vulnerable. …this is my hypothesis based on my healing from experiences similar to JP

[@richieandmona]

Perhaps with makeup, JP felt like she’s out of his league. So, he wanted to knock her down a peg or two. Regardless, it’s certainly an abusive tactic. -Mona

[@zacharyjohnson1193]

Hmm, I didn't read it that way. But I don't think I could argue against it...

[@diyannastar90]

exactly what i thought

[@kimmi2662]

JP is acting like Taylor came out in a Freddy Krueger mask...his insecurities are painful to watch.

[@CaulkMongler]

JP gives me the impression many of the straight men I’ve come across have given me: that they’re unwilling to really assess their own feelings and unwilling to take into account that another person could’ve been affected in another way, and want a woman to entirely adapt themselves to how *he* is and how he feels while emptily parroting “I understand how you feel”. But that’s just my experience lol

[@jy_hawk]

Oh they know how they feel but they're not going to express it or expect anyone else to give a damn despite how much you prod them

[@hisenseks]

That's why the easiest way to know what you will always get is when you know what you give. She tried to look best for him, for herself and he just gave her worst reaction.

[@AntoniaG1991]

I'm trying to understand what he thought he would bring to this show in terms of content since he can't seem to string a sentence together when it comes to what he's feeling. He wasted so much screen-time.

[@tluvsbeauty1]

It’s not just your experience lol. This definitely rings true to me, too, lol.

[@robynskeletons6881]

My first thought if a Tiger is chasing me on the African Savannah is… why the f*** is there a Tiger loose on the African Savannah? Hehe just me as an ecologist though!

[@acivilright]

Lol yes I also thought the same.

[@robynskeletons6881]

😆 glad it wasn’t just me!

[@sintara8442]

It was probably traumatized at a zoo and tried to escape to Madagascar or something 😂

[@robynskeletons6881]

@@sintara8442 haha or get home to India 😆

[@thefashionspaz2907]

such an insightful episode. the first 20 minutes explaining how childhood trauma stays with us was so powerful.

[@DaniNouveauWitch]

That was so helpful for me, as well!

[@zacharyjohnson1193]

What I'm getting from all these videos is that we're gonna spend the rest of our lives fixing what happened in the first 5 yrs of our life.

[@s.melonita4454]

The Doc is very powerful!

[@kaykay8096]

Or even first 15+ years of our lives..

[@k.ambriz9789]

Oof. Yes. It hit me like a freight train. No wonder I’ve struggled with anxiety for so long because of my experiences. I had no chance to not develop that. We don’t understand why things happen and internalize them. Whatever bad things have happened to us were not our fault and we didn’t deserve them. I can see my younger self with so much more compassion than shame now. ❤

[@pretentiousmoi6953]

The smirk that JP has on his face at all times is slightly disturbing imo.

[@CaulkMongler]

Simultaneously disturbing and infuriating.

[@happygolucky9004]

It looks like duper's delight and it's icky.

[@dirtydorte8355]

I believe it is more a sign of his insecurity. Many insecure people smile..

[@EmmaAKAPickles]

It looks like an nervous smile to me. I laugh when I’m nervous and it will happen at very inconvenient times.

[@Youokhun]

To me he just looks terrified

[@Jennifer-gk8lw]

Boy, what will my evenings be like without two Dr. Honda Love is Blind videos 😢

[@empressdostomousky-ow8xs]

The whole point of the show was to be open to people you might otherwise write off in their everyday context. JP should have been open to dating a woman who wears a full face of makeup. If JP had a hangup about makeup or anything to do with a woman’s appearance, this was not the show for him. I’m also tired of men (including my own father to me!) telling women that they look better without makeup or without dyeing their hair. As if those men are giving us permission to not impress them. As if it never occurred to them that we might be making choices about our appearance for ourselves/our peers/colleagues/etc.

[@daisyo.6666]

If it was just about the make up it wouldn't have had such a lasting effect when she sporadically wore make up the remaining days with him.

[@ExtraordinaryMachine333]

JP answering the "would you sleep with me the rest of your life?" question reminded me of Tom Hanks in Big. It was like a teenaged boy wanting to laugh at the question but also being completely unprepared to even consider it in the first place.

[@steffany3513]

Dr. kirk. I have bever understood my anxiety or why small stuff bothers me so much more than others. This breakdown of a “silly little reality TV show”, made me understand myself and actually give myself grace.

[@LightsOfLisbon]

These videos always make my evenings, thanks Dr. Kirk!

[@risochan]

Same!! ❤

[@mariathostrup643]

Same! Greetings from finland.

[@virginiasoares826]

Same! Greetings from Portugal!

[@Chrisy0850]

Greetings from Berlin, Germany

[@smartmarketing173]

Taylor is intelligent and stunning; he should be so lucky! Scares me to think what kind of girl he’ll end up with. Angrily saying “You got makeup all over my jacket!” is not the same as you don’t need makeup to look pretty. There’s something seriously wrong there.

[@Bree5three]

I saw his supposed gf on IG, she's cute cannot believe she's with a guy like him. Maybe she's just as weird secretly. Also looked like she wore makeup to me so...

[@tluvsbeauty1]

The “warming up” you mentioned is a NECESSITY in navigating relationships with CPTSD. Very few of us even feel safety in our adult homes (where we no longer have abusers), but that’s as close as we can get. So we usually take way longer to decompress and get close to some semblance of regulation again after something as stressful as a date. To ensure we don’t implode at some point due to nervous system dysregulation, taking that time in between connecting with the other person is very helpful.

[@applepie3276]

He was not attracted to her. When he said shocking and off putting I knew he was never into her. So rude of him to say that and I’m upset no one called that out.

[@skyetranqille9534]

I really appreciate these videos. Been recovering from a painful surgery and listening to you while forcing myself to walk really helps.

[@catherine.rezzuto]

hope your recovery is quick, stay strong! dr. honda's videos are def a great way to reflect and pass the time.

[@sufiheart]

I wonder if JP's mom wore a lot of makeup

[@smartmarketing173]

I have this theory that JP’s got personal experience with strippers, drag queens, prostitutes, or some sort of adult industry worker that he associates make up to in a very negative way

[@baintreachas]

@@smartmarketing173 i don't know about the theory but i want to question putting "drag queens" as "adult industry workers," because "drag queens" definitely aren't sex workers, which is what i think you mean? english is not my first language so maybe i misunderstand "adult industry"

[@baintreachas]

@@smartmarketing173 AH sorry you said "or some sort of adult industry worker," not "or some OTHER sort of adult industry worker," my bad!

[@jennifervosler91]

And he defended and loved his younger sisters that probably wore no makeup at that time

[@rosx3245]

Dr.Kirk thank you so much for speaking on relational trauma. I have been diagnosed with CPTSD and although I have been in therapy for the past 3 years at times I feel like I have no hope of ever having healthy relationships but hearing you say that having 5-10 years of therapy can help JP blossom really gave me hope as to what my future can look like

[@tluvsbeauty1]

Same here🤍

[@ExtraordinaryMachine333]

Seeing her was so shocking and off-putting he kissed her at missile speed and tried to eat her face off. Riiight.

[@DaniNouveauWitch]

Great assessment of the season, Dr. Honda! We got through the journey together 🎉🎂🎈

[@PsychologyInSeattle]

Thanks for being with me!

[@CabinFever52]

You should cover the Love is Blind Japan version. They all just seem more mature and respectful.

[@daisyo.6666]

Just an interesting fact - Taylor confirmed that JP is indeed a republican, but also said that she's also a republican.

[@donnabohanon1570]

I thought she was too.

[@GarnetDust24]

No surprise there

[@beachwitch89]

I assume everyone in Texas is republican

[@julest5767]

I believe she also said their values didn't align so maybe he is more extreme?

[@daisyo.6666]

@@julest5767 being a Republican is quite extreme already though 😅 definitely wouldn't date one

[@julest5767]

when JP says Taylor didn't want to be with him, he is projecting. She acted very much like she did then she said "a lot of tears" when she was watching the show back

[@vanessamartinez3305]

Not saying Taylor did things wrong, because I think she did the best she could; but I think that in order to make him open up more and reduce the awkwardness, she could have talked about something else other than his feelings, so he would feel more familiar. For example, get him to talk about his work, which I am sure he has a lot of stories and it would be something within his comfort zone. Create conversations to know each other and break the awkwardness. I don’t know… I mean if I notice someone is socially struggling, I would just try to make conversation that has nothing to do with the experiment and almost distract the person so they don’t focus too much on what they are struggling about; in this case for JP was cameras, the silence between them, the pressure to discuss his feelings about her, etc. Having said that, maybe she tried that and it was edited out. Because I saw a lot of her trying to pull words out of his mouth, but most of it was about their relationship, his feelings, reminding him that it was awkward… that just adds more pressure.

[@zacharyjohnson1193]

I could agree with that in many situations. I imagine this was a high stress situation and his behavior was causing her to panic a little. But I think you're right, that could have helped.

[@theceech]

theres no way she didnt try, esp as a kindergarten teacher..we even saw her trying to talk about other things that were left in

[@reflectsonlife]

I agree that Taylor could have handled this differently. She really wasn't reading the room by asking the same questions again and again. But ultimately it's JP's responsibility to show up for Taylor as an adult, not Taylor's responsibility to play KG teacher in her own marriage. I feel that JP could make a good "acts of service" husband for any (conservative) woman who is willing to do 200% of the emotional labor.

[@joselouis7407]

@@theceech exactly we saw her trying the whole time I cant imagine how many other times she tried to get through to him off camera, what he needed is a psychiatrist and or therapist, and he should have not been on this damn show. He signed himself up to be on a fucking popular tv show but he’s camera shy 😂 I think she handled it perfectly for the husband she had she was very respectful, because any other person, including myself would’ve dragged him through the mud either way, if he had past traumas or not

[@charlize9341]

Sure, I would guess she did a lot of this. But JP not being able to express his discomfort and help her out is a no-go for continuing a relationship. She put in a lot of effort, and if it wasn't well-tailored to him it was because he gave her nothing to go off of.

[@swettybetty]

😬😬 i was curious how you were going to break down JP, because i have similar levels of social anxiety and cPTSD from childhood emotional abuse/neglect/abandonment. i absolutely divebomb most relationships because of it. been in therapy for 3 years. it’s a rough road!! i’ve been stuck in a freeze state for months now, and i act JUST LIKE JP and end up kicking myself with everything i say that, i know myself, i clearly don’t mean, and i recognize that i’m regressing!! a lot of the time when i’m overly reactive.

[@LauraAnca]

That sounds rough, thank you for sharing your experience. Hope it gets better w time.

[@michelleg.4643]

you're doing the right thing by becoming self aware of it though, something JP is not doing

[@spritarie]

I saw the same in JP. I’ve often found it difficult to just Speak when I’m triggered and people think I’m doing it on purpose or have some mean intent behind it. It’s hard to explain to someone on the other side of the conversation. I understand why people would be offended as well and try harder and harder to get someone to engage when they’re like that. It takes a while to overcome the behavior. I feel bad for both of them.

[@zacharyjohnson1193]

I'm sorry to hear 💔

[@katherineplackett5600]

I’m sorry. You will find love! So proud of you for taking care of yourself 💕💕

[@denisem8356]

I don’t know, but I grew up around some really cruel bullies, and they would smirk like that when they thought they were better from you, and they would know what to say to put you down without sounding like they’re putting you down. So, I don’t know. it really triggers something in me that makes me feel he’s trying to make other people insecure.

[@charlize9341]

Agree

[@kirbymac2058]

I miss your follow up videos for love is blind! There have been so so many interviews!

[@andra9601]

Since JP is a firefighter, I would imagine that he feels very comfortable spending a lot of time with a bunch of guys.. so the pods part might not have been so stressful for him. But then when that part ended and he was ‘stuck’ with his fiancée, I would imagine that he would feel uncomfortable. To me, he seems like someone who likes being comfortable, i.e he wears the same thing (American flag colours) every day. So I wonder if his fiancé’s make-up also put him off if he saw it as a sign that she can be unpredictable. JP to me, seems like someone who is very comfortable when set in his own ways and who may shut out change and unpredictable circumstances.

[@XakPhane]

I feel as if there were situations where his mom punished his sisters by wearing makeup and he’s internalized that. So the only experience he’s had with it has been nothing but negative. And now he feels the way that he feels about women wearing makeup.

[@Youokhun]

Didn’t he mention that his dad abused his mother too? I wonder if the makeup thing was something he heard growing up too from the dad towards the women / girls

[@saroc7671]

This!! I was surprised Kirk barely brought up JP’s childhood and how it may have affected him as an adult. It sounded like he had a very traumatic childhood with an abusive/absent father and a mom who took her anger out on her daughters. He even mentioned his mom would beat on his sisters for wearing makeup and JP felt responsible for his sister’s safety. I wonder if JP was internalizing that pain and almost trying to protect taylor? Like a defensive mechanism? Idk. Not giving him an easy way out but I was reallyyyy hoping for Kirk’s take on this one!

[@rosettastonk3808]

Yes! Thank you, I'd love to get Kirk's thoughts on this

[@Youokhun]

@@saroc7671 it’s definitely internalised misogyny from both his mother and now him. It’s so sad but people often do continue the cycle of abuse.. I would wonder what is his current relationship with his sisters if they have any

[@sarahyarmuth267]

when Dr Kirk paused it to comment JP for not blaming taylor i immediately thought “he’s not blaming Taylor… yet 👀 like the simpsons meme lol

[@samanthas8340]

I knew cortisol levels were higher if you have ptsd/cptsd, but I pretty much forgot that this would mean a quicker sympathetic response. This conversation actually helped me to validate my early experiences in k-12 when having to give a presentation or participate in public speaking. I remember often choosing bad grades over these kinds of assignments, usually worth half your grade. Im curious, Dr. Honda, how you feel about these assignments knowing that for some students it can be like letting loose a tiger on your student(s).

[@denisem8356]

I have quit jobs before because of comments like JP makes. I honestly think he is saying things to be cruel without sounding like he is cruel. I think he gets away with it a lot. I think he is a bully. And I don’t think anybody calls him out on it in real life. And I think he does it to people all the time. And he will always be that way. I am thankful he doesn’t live in Austin Texas I would not want to see him. His attitude triggers rage in me.

[@mandi4794]

I love getting here within a few minutes. Happy Hump Day everyone!

[@fabibibine]

Hummmm.... He just met Taylor 2 weeks ago and when she ask what he wants for dinner, he replied: fuck that. Like WTH? He lacks minimum good manners and respect for others

[@lNoWayAroundItl]

I am guessing the smiling is a nervous thing. But it just comes off so creepy because it is not reflecting his feelings. I am not a fan of JP but the anxiety makes sense. 13:28 But why go on this show? 24:09 I am sorry but he needs to pick a lane for his excuses. I think it was he wasn't attracted to her. He is just trying any excuse that doesn't lead to admitting it.

[@donnabohanon1570]

Dr. H, I agree with your theory about the Echo chamber. I wonder if Carter was one too? According to Renee, he started to demean her.

[@sherriromas5871]

Started to demean her? He was emotionally abusive and the producers told her to remove her guns from the home and car because of his volatility! Scary

[@piranaplant]

As a person who makes very obvious faces when I dislike something, I appriciate Stacy's faces in the background

[@DaniNouveauWitch]

Very astute insight that JP may have trauma associated with women who wear makeup. It could definitely be related to his mother - perhaps she was particularly abusive after drinking/going out with makeup on.

[@Discrete1998]

Didn’t we also hear that JP is a firefighter? That’s also a very traumatizing job.

[@tluvsbeauty1]

As someone with CPTSD (who actually feels the same way as JP likely does, although I act extremely different through years of work, therapy, and empathy lol), I can say that jobs that are retraumatizing and high adrenaline like that are actually really enticing to ppl with CPTSD (particularly before they begin recovery). It helps make sense of your experience - your nervous system is already freaking out all day every day anyways, so having a real reason for it to feel that way helps make your experience congruent. For example, before I was diagnosed and in trauma recovery, I used to watch true crime and horror content constantly.

[@MomandBuggs]

I feel bad for JP, he was definitely has some type of ptsd. I have gotten brain freeze at times where I can't even think or express myself in stressful situations or I can't leave the house.

[@kaimcdragonfist4803]

Same. I think Honda is being a little harder on him than he needs to be. I mean the guy clearly has issues, and he MAY be in some Andrew Tate-esque echo chamber, but I just read it more as a guy who has very little self esteem, no real social skills, and…I dunno, he kinda comes off as someone who might be on the spectrum. Not to excuse the terrible things he’s said by any means, but I certainly don’t feel comfortable just assuming bad intentions from him for it

[@MomandBuggs]

@@kaimcdragonfist4803 I thought Dr Honda gave him grace. Where do you think grace wasn’t given? I agree with him it wasn’t just the cameras it was past trauma and or anxiety influencing him. If JP hates makeup so much, why didn’t he tell her in the pods? I think that wasn’t fair to Taylor as his potential wife to not tell her

[@caglaerkol863]

Wow, we've come to the end of another season! Thank you Dr. Kirk Honda for keeping me company while I eat my food. Take care of yourself too :')

[@crazy4catsRL]

I relate to many of those symptoms you mentioned with trauma. Mine was related to one incident though rather than perpetual trauma that JP described.

[@cottonblosssom]

Based on what JP had said about his mother's parenting approach, particularly towards his sisters, I wouldn't be surprised if his mother "slut shamed" JP's sisters for wearing makeup, dressing "proactively," etc. So that modeling on top of whatever other echo chambers he's in and societal norms that he learned growing up could all be influencing him. But if this has been a normal pattern of behavior for him to express disapproval towards his romantic partner wearing makeup, I'm not surprised that he's single. If makeup is truly a deal breaker for him then it's something he should have brought up in the pods, and should have framed it as a personal preference for him as opposed to a flaw in Taylor or any other partner.

[@LiLKrazyKimmie]

JP talked about his mother yelling at his sisters and trying to ensure they didn't take the same path as her. I don't think it would be much of a leap to say the mother probably yelled at the sisters for wearing make up and clothes, calling them poor names because of it. So he may associate people who wear makeup as being not so pure, or that he would be shamed for "dating a girl like that." On top of him being insecure about someone wanting to be with him.

[@cierra247]

I agree with this. Mom criticized sisters for being fake, $lutty, or bad due to experimenting with makeup. JP internalized this, along with patriarchy and religious beliefs and BAM. Hatred to makeup and women.

[@mainchannel1566]

I think his mom cheated on his dad, so the tension in his childhood home was related to controlling mom's behavior so she wouldn't do it again.

[@Emily-ng2pk]

Dr. Honda, I was discussing Jp with a sibling and his makeup/fake comment. He mentioned he recalls JP discussing some abuse his mother endured and how awful his childhood was. Perhaps the trauma was watching his mother being physically abused and seeing his mother put on Makeup to hide/fake that everything was ok. Perhaps that is what he is trying to say without outwardly saying it.

[@RedBunni1024]

I thought he had said his mom would be mean and angry towards his siblings mainly. But if he did say his mother was abused physically that would definitely make sense.

[@zacharyjohnson1193]

So he sees make-up covering up the truth and interprets all make-up as "fake" 🤔

[@inviolettendrils]

This is an interesting theory. I would bet that if this is the case that JP isn’t self-aware enough to have made that connection, that make-up is triggering for him because his trauma leads him to believe that something is being hidden or that something is wrong. He probably just thinks it’s his personal preference and hasn’t looked within himself to figure out why, which then results in him communicating to women in a way that feels insulting. I really hope he seeks therapy and works on his healing.

[@RedBunni1024]

@@inviolettendrils agree. I always thought his aversion to makeup (serious or otherwise) and pinpointing that it was a major factor in his issues regarding their relationship, ties back to his mother somehow. Whether it be mom using makeup to cover up bruises or maybe she was a heavy makeup wearer and he recalls her being on tirades before going to work all made up and then rolling out the door. Maybe I’m totally off and she was a very simple woman and the makeup connection has nothing to do with mom but I immediately thought it had something to do with his mom since he mentioned she was a difficult person in his childhood.

[@user-yk9sk7pg6v]

Thank you DR KIRK

[@beachwitch89]

JP's constant smirk makes my stomach turn.

[@xskeptictankx]

I suspect his first impression of her led him to believe she's out of his league, or reminds him of women who have either rejected him or not given him the time of day. So he put a wall up in such a way that she can't reject him because he did it first.

[@InThisEssayIWill...]

Dude, it's a tv show.. do they not have like.. a makeup crew?! I would have assumed that professionals did their face for the reveal.. like she doesn't wear makeup the rest of the time they're together so clearly that's not her standard look. Him clinging to that bs line is just an excuse IMHO.

[@Peanut_taco_muffin]

There is no makeup crew for this show with the exception of the reunions

[@lanagustafson1700]

Could it be that JP has an anxious avoidant attachment style? I recently realized that this is my style. When I’m nervous and I’m feeling rejection or there’s too much pressure on me I tend to shut down. It’s like my brain stops working. I zone out and have trouble focusing and making decisions. And I do think JP had a reason to think Taylor didn’t want to be there. She said in the confessionals and to the other girls that she was worried she had made the wrong choice. She might have said this to him directly or he heard it through the grapevine.

[@cristinab5274]

I think the makeup comment came from his mom…I remember he said his sisters were really abused. Perhaps verbal abuse JP heard all the time towards his sisters. And I don’t think he meant this comment in a abusive way, but he was feeling so scared and vulnerable, it came up subconsciously to probably put her down because he felt she was going to leave. Which is a threat for him emotionally

[@PsychologyInSeattle]

Oh. Interesting. I hadn't thought of that.

[@Bexisnuts]

The general feeling I had with JP pretty early on is that he comes from a conservative background, with a puritan hint to it. The comments on her makeup felt like it echoes this conservative puritan idea that a woman with makeup is superficial, self-centred, and in the worst angle, 'easy' to say it the polite way. Which he summarized with calling it fake. It stems from deep misogyny, and this very outdated and even enraging idea that a good woman should be 'proper'. I agree that a year later, being in a stable relationship with a woman, it is appalling that he still hasn't reconsidered his views.

[@Alayhoo]

JP demonstrates he has internalized sexist beliefs about women. That’s not nerves or him being a dick. That’s bias. So I get what you’re saying regarding reflexive behavior connected to an overactive nervous system due to trauma and I think that’s why he’s constantly smiling and talks like a teenager. At the same time, I also think there’s an important distinction to make since so often folks in non-marginalized groups weaponize their emotions to disregard their social privilege and continue perpetuating oppressive behavior.

[@zacharyjohnson1193]

Interesting point! You don't nerves have any part in it?

[@Alayhoo]

@@zacharyjohnson1193 I guess I could see how nerves could make someone fall back on old patterns? But when you’ve done or are doing the work to unpack your privilege around gender, for example, which I acknowledge can take years and for cis men takes a lifetime of self-reflection and active dissent, those reflexive ways of thinking are disrupted because they no longer align with or support one’s values and beliefs. Folks communicate their values and beliefs through their choices, actions and behavior. We are all traumatized in some way and that trauma doesn’t give us a free pass to perpetrate the systemic trauma inherent in the mechanisms used to maintain social systems of oppression like sexism, heterosexism, racism, classism, etc. I don’t see any indication that JP even knows he has societal privilege ascribed to him as a straight cis white man living in the United States. It’s on him to unpack and unlearn his harmful schemas about women and gender despite feelings of discomfort, feelings those in marginalized groups experience on a daily, hourly basis. If anything, he avoids nerves by refusing to challenge his own perceptions and that avoidance is a privilege.

[@reflectsonlife]

I love the way you worded the back half of your final sentence. 👍🏽

[@homajenabzadeh6131]

I grew up with abusive family members, my father would lose it and become physically abusive but my mother and older brother didn't "lose it", it was always a more conscious rage and physical abuse. My brother even smiled when I cried or expressed pain after the abuse. Something very strange that I developed was that I would smile whenever talking to my brother even about serious or sad issues. I've not been in contact with him for ten years but the uncontrollable "smile" or "smirk" sometimes comes back in really intense situations where I am overwhelmed. When it happens, very rarely now but it does from time to time, I feel it on my face and I know it's gonna look creepy to the person in front of me but I can't stop it. Maybe JP has had the same reaction to his abusers and now this "smirk" is a manifestation of that.

[@malvavisco10]

Why did JP audition for this show in the first place??

[@kiervol]

Until you said the wite together, fire together quote, i had never heard of it or Donald Hebb. I would like to learn more about this and am not sure where to start. Im particularly interested in trauma versus conditions like autism or other neurological differences and the ways they compare and contrast

[@elisetrumbull4873]

JP said earlier in the season that his mom would burst into his sisters rooms and reprimand them for behaving in a way that she thought would lead them down a similar road with men that she had. I have been wondering if perhaps that is where his disdain for makeup came from. If his mom thought the girls were trying to get attention through makeup and would hurt them after that. He may associate that appearance with both pain and perhaps also soaked up some of those ideas his mom projected on his sisters. I have been wondering that since the whole thing got brought up.

[@myra3266]

I’ve also dated a firefighter for 4 years and it’s hard…they have bromances and depending on the department they can be very toxic masculine or like a grown up frat house..adrenaline junkies lol heroes… They have redeeming qualities and everyone is different but man do they loooovvvee their bros. And I think they’re conditioned to put work and the men above everything else even their family/gf

[@tluvsbeauty1]

Ya I hadn’t fully considered how much this would impact it. In more progressive cities, there is a better chance that it wouldn’t become a problematic group of “bros” that all egg on each other’s misogyny, but this was filmed in Texas, so I can imagine that it would be a bit more likely that he is in a pretty misogynistic group at his firehouse. I know those relationships are very deep and meaningful for those guys, so the characteristics of the specific guys who are around them could and would massively shape their values and belief systems.

[@MsHwisprian]

Is what you are describing with JP CPTSD?

[@samanthas8340]

CPTSD is still not recognized as separate from PTSD in the DSM. To have a PTSD diagnosis, there must have been a traumatic event, intrusive flashbacks/memories of the truma, an effort to avoid the trauma or associations or memories of the trauma, and symptoms of anxiety (like hypervigilence) or depression. And these symptoms must be present for over a moth.

[@tluvsbeauty1]

@@samanthas8340I do believe Kirk was describing CPTSD, though. Most good clinicians recognize and use it as a diagnosis bc it is in the ICD-11, meaning it can be used.

[@mizzgwendolyn]

Hey DKH, you mentioned for a brief moment how nervous you were when you had to propose to your wife Stacy, and I had a thought of wondering how you did it and maybe one day you can share the story with us! I think you're a cute couple and a beautiful example of a loving functioning marriage, so thank you for sharing even a bit of it with us!

[@emmahathaway-vf6ml]

I think we're also forgetting the insane amount of trauma. His job requires him to witness.

[@Crystal-wv9rg]

I find it hard to believe that he has a girlfriend - Dr H's theory about a JP belonging to some kind of incel-type subculture makes the most sense. That yuk first kiss and nervousness is giving that he has little to no experience with women.

[@TainaraCasarin]

Taylor is such a fairy, must be a really great teacher. Even when she is hard, she is sweet. JP gets in my nerves and I would have loose it 😐

[@lNoWayAroundItl]

31:59 Maybe he is taking the line from that Jessica Simpson song from forever ago.

[@Nita_Key]

Why would they select someone for the show with JP's level of social anxiety who doesn't like makeup? Did they vet these people at all?

[@Naejakire3]

I feel for him. From the moment I saw him, I knew how he felt. Dr kird described my life. Home was where the monster was and all I felt was terror for 17 years, morning til night (and yes, when I first drank at 14 it was a weight lifted off of me and I could breathe!) Anyway, wow. My brain would absolutely shut down around those cameras. No matter how nice, interesting, friendly I am - people would have probably judged me like they judge him because it would have been the same reaction. When I get into fight or flight in certain social situations, there is nothing I can do. "what about when the cameras are off?" well, If I don't know you and I'm in some quiet hotel room with you with no phone, TV, etc? Lol.. I will be just as awkward. They should let people hang out once or twice before putting them in that situation in Mexico. I don't think Taylor HOUNDED him, but she didn't make it easy. For people like us, constantly bringing up how weird it is or nonstop asking the person to talk is the WORST thing you can do. It will reach a point of no return where the scared person will never feel comfortable and never open up. It's way too much pressure. The better way is to just chill and give them space.. Be lighthearted.. These serious convos multiple times a day about how awkward it is is just too much. Makes me cringe thinking about it, lol. When you break through that shell, people like this can end up the most talkative, interesting people ever but it just takes a certain person to facilitate the safety to do so.

[@Rubenesquebody]

Everything you said is valid but if that is his case- he should have never gone to reality tv show. Most people go there go get to know each other in front of the cameras, there are multiple previous seasons- it is nothing new. People get to know each other by conversations. So if conversations and shutting down is a big problem for someone- that’s definitely not a place for this person. I personally think Taylor was super gentle and understanding with him. I would probably start shouting or get extremely upset if someone was so quiet in front of me. My anxiety would take over and I would overthink what this person may be thinking and that would hurt my feelings soo much. I see it as extremely traumatizing experience for her to go through something like that. He could have done soo much, wrote her a note. Say that he is shutting down; that he is nervous. A lot to help this situation. Instead he blamed her makeup for it. Not ok.

[@kristindewey2400]

Season 3 is Cole & Zanab lol that’s how I differentiate 2 & 3

[@theceech]

JP saying the makeup was off putting, as if she doesnt look the exact same without it. JP's current gf is 'in his league'. A lot of men when they see a woman out of their league, will act as if there iss something wrong with her, as you said. He needs help honestly.

[@peachyy666]

I get JP, but at the same time...I dont get him. I understand what he means about the awkwardness but because of that I don't know why he did the show. He no doubt saw the previous seasons.

[@JodiSurridge]

Do any of these people see this and reach out to you for help?! I feel like they all should tune in

[@maiyiayang6760]

JP shouldn't go to any TV dating shows .

[@Hala-alkhalili2]

JP reminds me of a character from How I Met Your Mother, his name is Randy

[@AprilT72]

I think the make up was only a problem because she looked too beautiful, I think if the make up was "bad" or "crazy" he wouldn't mind. He comes off as insecure.

[@exactlyerica9285]

He simply was not a good fit for this..for a myriad of reasons. JP strikes me as someone who was talked into this by friends.

[@tluvsbeauty1]

Ya, like I have cptsd, and I never treat people like JP does to Taylor in my real life, but I genuinely don’t know how I’d act if you put me in a situation like this. My trauma reactivity requires me to go much slower than normal ppl in the real world when navigating relationships, let alone fast track an ENGAGEMENT AND MARRIAGE like this (and on camera, too, lol)

[@hippiefomantis]

I watched some of this video earlier and I just came back to finish it and it started with Kirk going on about riding a unicycle with no context

[@samanthab9340]

Omg yes! I had a period where I thought I was an alien

[@Chrisy0850]

No tigers in africa!

[@kaimcdragonfist4803]

I laughed at that too 😅

[@Natyex]

I've just watched Renées interview on Natalie and Deepti channel.. if half of what she's claiming is true, I don't think any of us should ever watch LIB ever again, and Dr. Kirk shouldn't make any more content about it 😓

[@charlize9341]

Talking about the delivery of the make-up issue is a pretty lame retconning to pretend like he meant it as a compliment. It doesn't make any sense conversationally. He wanted to redirect the conversation into blaming her and putting her down for whatever reason.

[@theherogothamdeserves]

My unpopular opinion, Taylor cried after their first meeting bc she suspected that JP wasn't attracted to her. She felt rejected and bc her feelings were real, it really hurt her. Then later when JP made the make up comment, it hurt her ego bc her suspicion was confirmed. So many ppl on the internet are saying, "How can an (unattractive) guy like JP not be into a (beautiful goddess) girl like Taylor?" And maybe Taylor felt the same thing, "this guy that I would never go for in the real world is rejecting ME?" His rejection embarrassed her bc she's a 10 and he's a 2 (according to ppl on the internet). Even in Mexico, Taylor and Stacy had a conversation and Stacy asked, "do you think he's feeling you more than you're feeling him?" And Taylor said, "yeah" aka, Taylor is the prize, the more attractive one. Maybe JP picked up on the "I'm better than you" vibe hence the, "you didn't even want to be there" comment. In the end, they were just two ppl that weren't physically attracted to each other.

[@zacharyjohnson1193]

Why do you think this is unpopular?

[@connie27100]

I think it's an accurate assessment

[@Charlotte8591]

I think this assessment is really out there. Taylor isn't the type of person to think she's better than someone else.

[@theherogothamdeserves]

@@Charlotte8591 Ah, sorry. I didn't mean she thought she was "better" than him, but more that she thought she was better looking than him. My main opinion is that Taylor did have real feelings for JP in the pods but before she could "experiment" if love is blind with JP's appearance, she was rejected first and her reaction to that made JP close up more. Ultimately she said he wasn't someone she would go for in the real world so they're two ppl that weren't attracted to each other and sometimes that's all there is to the story.

[@Charlotte8591]

@@theherogothamdeserves I really don't think that's all there is to the story. She said multiple times that her feelings were strong enough and she really tried to communicate with him. I don't think she is the type of person to have this mindset of "I'm better looking than him". Also, who rates people? I don't think she was thinking "I'm a 10 and he's a 2". JP wasn't even ugly, but that's besides the point. I just don't think Taylor is shallow and it was obvious to me that the communication was the real problem, as she said herself. But we can agree to disagree.

[@jasmincastillo8686]

Why would he say “off-putting” after he just apologized 😱 dude

[@denisem8356]

Because he is a dick! I know people are trying to see his side, but to double down again, and say that, he is seriously an asshole, and I am so glad that he is not in my life in anyway, I’ve had people that I worked with That were assholes like him, and they made me quit jobs because of what jerks they were

[@zahraaalz9621]

Taylor and Aliya showed up!!

[@jennifervosler91]

Many people in comments seem triggered by makeup thing. I don’t get it. I think people without makeup look better. I guess I am missing something

[@lmshanyfelt]

I feel badly for child JP, but I also loathe adult JP. He's terrifying and exudes abusive speech in a way that makes me fear he is also physically abusive. That the casting allowed an incel with this much raw, unexamined trauma is inexcusable.

[@emily76m]

While I love the grace you are giving him and I mostly agree with your hypothesis, why go on the show if you are a person like that? He doesn’t seem to enjoy the spotlight and with his past trauma why would he throw himself out there for the whole world to potentially see????

[@alexterhaar8150]

No way to know for sure, and it definitely doesn’t excuse his behavior, but I wonder if JP’s mom would yell/scream/abuse his sisters for wearing makeup. Possibly calling them names for wearing makeup or dressing a certain way. Growing up, I had friends whose moms wouldn’t let them leave the house in too much or any makeup. I could imagine if the mom was abusive this could cause intense arguments/ abuse. If he grew up constantly hearing the message that wearing too much makeup makes you a bad person, maybe that partially explains his reaction to seeing Taylor in a lot of makeup.

[@jennifervosler91]

I identify more with JP. He did not know how to share how he feels. I don’t think he was mean or bad to Linsey. I felt she also did not respond well to silence and type of person that needs to fill space.

[@robinblossom5197]

JP's grin is curious to me, his words and expression are often incongruent. I wonder about his ability to be present and if much of the time Taylor expressed discomfort and made bids for connection he was physically in the room but dissociated.

[@Mrs_PinkMarie77]

Are you doing LIB season 6?!?!?

[@heatherstanfield1007]

I just don't understand why JP even thoguht he could handle being on a reality TV if he has this aversion and nervousness of people or haveing cameras on him at all times, does this man not understand what a reality TV show is? It dosen't make alot of sence to me.

[@zacharyjohnson1193]

Yeah, I'm curious what he thought he'd get out of this.

[@reflectsonlife]

It's possible that he's not the sharpest tool in the shed? You don't have to have the highest IQ to be firefighter.

[@myra3266]

Oh I was curious and wanted to see what jp’s new girlfriend looked like…..I still think jp subscribes to the incel beliefs. I have come across men that really do subtly reveal their beliefs and the questions about makeup is weird and tiring…but yes his gf now looks very granola or one of the boys type.

[@monikadraws]

I understand JP's comment on the makeup, but I think he couldn't get past his assumptions and stereotypes associated with how he thought Taylor looks like. It felt like he judged her immediately and nothing could change his mind. In some internet circles, you would call Taylor 'a basic girl' - a 'girly girl' focused on how she looks and being trendy; a shallow and stupid girl without much depth. Of course, in the show Taylor breaks those stereotypes, and she shoes she is intelligent, kind and caring and the way she styles her body has not much to do with her personality. The whole 'appearance-personality' dissonance makes me think of Dolly Parton. Her look is very over the top and associated with a poor country girl. But she is brilliant, intelligent, kind and well-spoken. There are many different styles and ways you can do makeup, and the way Taylor does it is very glamorous and changes the facial features quite a lot. If JP has a simple taste and likes 'girl next door' look, then I can see how he thought Taylor looked fake. Especially, if the makeup was done for TV, then on camera it looks fantastic, but in real life you can see the skin texture is off, and face features are hidden under the makeup. If you google "porno actresses without makeup" you can see how makeup can change the face. If someone likes the natural look, I can see how the style of makeup Taylor wears look fake. Sadly, some looks carry a stereotype and assumptions, which we learn from our environment. I wish JP to learn how to give people benefit of the doubt and look past the looks to see who people are.

[@lunal9870]

I'm confused by the commentary about JP's discourse about Taylor's appearance. What I hear from him, is that her beauty is very glam, and he prefers it more in the natural side of things. I can understand that, I also find this super glam aesthetic so popular in social media kind of fake-ish and is not what I would go for either. He can work on the delivery, for sure, but I do see his point.

[@zacharyjohnson1193]

Would you use the word "fake" when talking to a potential partner, friend...or anyone. The word seems judgmental and harsh to me.

[@lunal9870]

@@zacharyjohnson1193 Yeah, I wouldn't personally use it, I agree there are more respectful ways to communicate it, and I even question if I should even say something about it at all. Especially if it is not relevant to my relationship with the person. But I might think it, and I can see why someone might have thought it about Taylor. Also, I'm not saying this more glam approach to beauty is right or wrong, I know a lot of people are into it, and I fully support bodily autonomy, and self-expression. I am just pointing out that I can understand where JP could be coming from without necessarily having to do with hard trauma or inceldom.

[@zacharyjohnson1193]

@@lunal9870 ah, gotcha! I think that could make sense.

[@rivercah]

“she had minimal makeup on” Uh, I don’t think doc knows what a lot of makeup looks like 😂

[@denisem8356]

I don’t know him, I don’t like him!

[@nbf25]

There is something wrong with him. Did you notice he uses exaggerating language when it doesn't really fit , caked on , hounded, shocking....he knows no nuance. He's like speaking in aggravated tweet mode

[@aimeeyork6319]

Maybe JP would be at home in Amish country?🤷🏻

[@zacharyjohnson1193]

They got fires out there?