Therapist Breaks Down Lydia from Love Is Blind 5 | Did she know?

Click this link www.paired.com/steph25 to get a 7-day free trial and 25% off Paired premium so you can maintain and deepen your connection with your partner! 💕
Lydia, Uche, and Aaliyah are hands down the most talked about people on this season of Love is Blind. We are finally talking about my thoughts on Lydia’s motivation to be on the show as well as the relationships that she formed along the way! Do you think that there’s any chance that she knew Uche would be on the show?
Uche & Aaliyah:
• Therapist Breaks Down ...
Milton:
• Therapist Breaks Down ...
Stacy & Izzy:
• Therapist Breaks Down ...
Johnie & Chris:
• Therapist Breaks Down ...
#therapistreacts #loveisblind
TIMESTAMPS//
00:00 - Intro
03:23 - First Impressions
04:12 - Lydia & Izzy's "Connection"
10:06 - Lydia & Aaliyah's Friendship
14:36 - Lydia & Milton's Date
17:34 - Lydia & Uche's Past
33:40 - The Party
FIND A THERAPIST//
www.aamft.org/Directories/Fin...
JOIN MY BOOK CLUB//
/ what-s-anya-page-steph...
WEBSITE//
www.whatsanyamind.com
SOCIAL MEDIA//
Instagram: / _steph.anya
Goodreads: Goodreads: / stephanya
Facebook: / steph.anya.fb
EXAM STUDY PREP (that I use)//
American Association for The Behavioral Sciences Study (AATBS) Volume I & II (15% Discount): www.talkable.com/x/0pWfTO
FOR MEDIA & SPONSORSHIP INQUIRIES//
Please email: [e-mail]
GEAR//
Camera: amzn.to/2xJoybv
Mic: amzn.to/2XPZjin
Flash: amzn.to/3czlgGI
Mic: amzn.to/2ZxBDA4
Audio Recorder: amzn.to/3bUKG0J
Flash: amzn.to/3czlgGI
Lighting: amzn.to/2XnyQaa
Theme Song:
Prod. NDO: / ndovert
Prod. Mari Beats: kzbin.info/door/0Jq...

[@StephAnya]

Click this link www.paired.com/steph25 to get a 7-day free trial and 25% off Paired premium so you can maintain and deepen your connection with your partner! 💕

[@blancahinojosa1516]

@stephanya She most definitely knew! And was out to prove herself worthy to Uche.

[@hellonadilahere9302]

I definitely agree that there's no clear villain. Both lied about stuff, both acted bizarrely about each other. The whole triangle was a mess.

[@FaithWalks]

The villain is the producers lol

[@blueblack3591]

Yes i agree. It is never black or white

[@hashtagmate]

I see it like this but more negative 😂 like both of them suck. Lydia is weird and did weird things but I think Uche is a straight up horrible person (the way he talks down to people, specifically women, his condescension, his deep rooted hate of women ETA: especially of black women& his colorism)

[@Moi_81]

@@hashtagmateThis

[@chicquie5471]

​@@hashtagmate 100% agree. Lydia was dead wrong towards Aaliyah but Uche is scary

[@ashleyoneal7244]

I’m a senior in high school and I really appreciate this channel because I haven’t had a lot of connections with people and you help me understand my own emotions and feelings

[@brigidkeenan2160]

If you decide to pursue higher education, I highly recommend finding a major/minor along the lines of Family Relations-this channel basically feels like the classes I use to take!!!! So much emotional intelligence and self awareness gained

[@jclyntoledo]

​@@brigidkeenan2160It depends on what her interest is but right now it looks like it's just to help herself emotionally regulate or understand her feelings/view on stuff. So I would suggest therapy like DBT which would probably help her more.

[@BagLadyy_]

I agree wish I was watching these in high school

[@blueblack3591]

Yes this channel is so helpfull

[@hashtagmate]

@@brigidkeenan2160that is amazing! You seem very self-reflected and smart. Keep it up, girlie :)

[@KpTheG]

I think when Lydia blurted out all of those details it was a way of asserting her dominance as a been there, done that type of thing. The biggest tell for me was when she lied about him wanting to continue dating in the pods and the fact that they slept together a few months ago….

[@Sunfl0w33r]

THAT PART 👀

[@kamivenus753]

Exactly

[@laurencameron3150]

@@Sunfl0w33rIf you watch Aaliyah interview with Jessie Woo, she’ll reveal that she asked Lydia multiple times to stop telling her things and she continued, they just edited that part out!

[@KL-nw9mi]

Fax

[@armanievans346]

Lydia clearly never gets the hint even with Izzy she was overbearing and aggressive so I think that’s her personality

[@lynbattersby]

I remember watching the "Look at me" scene and wondering why Lydia was making Aaliyah's pain about herself. It felt so wrong. Then we saw the flashback to Lydia's moment with Uche and suddenly it all.made sense.

[@marionegal11]

yesss

[@voyance4elle]

Yes, it was very much violating any boundaries.

[@juul6633]

At first I thought maybe she was trying to be a mother figure and thought she was genuinely helping but it was still SO uncomfy

[@juul6633]

But now it makes sense especially when she freely started talking about the dude after it all came out. Totally crossed a line

[@mayvicastaneda8452]

Yessssssss when she kept saying she’s just like her…. She rubbed me the wrong way. Like something was off. I could tell she knew more than she gave off and it turned out to be true… sketchy.

[@Sehrishfatimah]

I had the same instinct!

[@Trinity_505]

Right! It’s also so manipulative. Because if you are like me, then whatever I tell you to do is the right choice. So easy to manipulate a person once you convince them ur the “same”!

[@eggspedient]

In the pods I believe that her ultimate goal was to get married, and after her first two rejections with Izzy and Uche it didn't matter who it was. She emphasized a lot on wanting to find someone who's willing to love her, as opposed to focusing on finding someone she can connect on multiple levels with and get married to. Unlike previous cast members with this goal, her friendly personality and anxious attachment style meant that she appeared more genuine in her relationship with Milton (rebound or not) and that she wasn't on the show just for clout. It might just be the way things were edited or my bad recollection of the pod dates, but Lydia didn't focus as much on Milton's qualities that she's grown to love. It came off as "I love that you love me and you're willing to be with me". She does tend to steer some conversations to focus on her which I really disliked (ex: Milton talking about his medical issues, her weird comments when Aaliyah was berated for her past). Also, both Uche and Lydia initially having nice things to say about each other and then having a 180 on those opinions was so weird. They're both guilty of being suspicious in that sense.

[@quinlancullen]

I also found it super jarring how much she talked about herself as opposed to her partner or their connection. It was all about "I want to be loved for me," "my favorite thing about marriage is he has my back," etc. Watching the season, I was SURE this would come up in Steph's breakdown... I also thought she was extremely aware of how she was going to be perceived by viewers. When she was talking to his family, a lot of her answers were very generic and were meant to sound deep but were ultimately pretty meaningless, which they picked up on. And there was a lot of effort put into making herself look sympathetic. She really wanted to be the fan favorite everyone was rooting for. Overall she just came off as very fake and self-centered to me.

[@voyance4elle]

EXACTLY I 100% agree with you especially on the "Lydia didn't focus as much on Milton's qualities that she's grown to love. It came off as "I love that you love me and you're willing to be with me". She does tend to steer some conversations to focus on her which I really disliked."

[@MustardDad]

EXACTLY I’m so glad I’m not the only one who picked up on this quite literally her vows started with “I fell in love with you because you chose me” which is SO TELLING, I couldn’t believe it

[@voyance4elle]

@@MustardDad That sums it up pefectly 👌

[@epiphanyperry1877]

Agree 100% my thoughts exactly

[@SeventiesLeo]

Unless it was editing …I didn’t like the fact that Lydia shared with Aaliyah that she slept with Uche 3 months ago but she didn’t say that to Milton. Lydua told Milton 3 months ago she broke it off. She also told Aaliyah that she and Uche wanted to pursue a relationship in the pods but she insinuated to Aaliyah that it was her idea not to move forward. So it came off as if the only reason she and Uche weren’t together is because she made the decision, but Uche kindly rejected her. Another thing I noticed about Lydia she’s good at avoiding conversations and changing the subject or diverting the conversation when she is being confronted. Whenever she was confronted about something she did, she would be really dismissive and attempt to downplay it. When Uche confronted her about the social media stuff she downplayed it and said it was an algorithm, then when she relayed what he confronted her about to the girls at the bbq she pretended she didn’t know what he was talking about and downplayed it saying it was something about social media. Also when Aaliyah confronted her at the reunion about knowing Uche would be there, she downplayed that sad bad said they had one conversation but quickly dismissed it. When Milton confronted her about how he perceived events at the bbq, she ran off and then she changed the subject to him not accepting her for who she is.

[@byrd813]

Which goes back to milton saying that he felt he couldn't communicate with her without her blowing up. She goes far left when being confronted and plays victim. Running from accountability

[@SeventiesLeo]

@@byrd813 I’m really interested in seeing how that Lydia and Aaliyah fallout really played out. Aaliyah said she was just joking with Lydia about her and Uche but then Aaliyah said Lydia got defensive and said “F U”. Maybe she’s more defensive than she likes to let on…she presents like she’s the fun down to earth girl but she got defensive quite often that we saw.

[@ArethaRenee]

Also when she is being held accountable, she diverts it with put yourself in her shoes and give her grace.

[@SeventiesLeo]

@@ArethaRenee oh yes!! That one. I think that’s why everything is so confusing that involves her because she never wants to address anything. She’s great at flipping the conversation and making herself the victim. I’m not saying in some circumstances she’s not the victim but it’s hard to tell.

[@distinctlydri2831]

Lydia manipulated Milton and now he won’t go out to bars with her due to her jealousy.

[@NatJac-gg3mv]

When Lydia was telling Aliyah that she was just like her, to look at her, and that she was the same as her, I felt very creeped out as well. I felt uneasy that they had gotten close enough in 7 days that she could be talking to her in that way. I knew something wasn’t right. When it was revealed I realized that was my cue to always listen to my intuition.

[@irealclines8681]

No fr creepy af

[@talitam.8414]

Lydia was doing too much imo, she can be overbearing and lacks boundaries. Izzy explained that it was only on day 2 or 3 that he broke up with her. He said it was too early for the both of them to settle after only a couple days and that he needed to explore other options. She reacted like he had asked for a divorce…like, he was literally a stranger to her at that point. Aaliyah asked to stop telling her about Uche 3 times! The 3rd time it caused a huge argument between them, which led to Aaliyah’s departure from the show.

[@juliarosetwamley]

There was so much drama with Uche I 100000% forgot she fancied Izzy at one point

[@ilhuicatlamatini]

lol! So did I

[@rachelrogers7517]

The way Lydia immediately got pissed when Aaliyah told her that Uche wants a future with her says A LOT! She showed so much disappointment and contempt. Her behavior is gross and she clearly had feelings about Uche moving on from her.

[@AlleyahEdream]

I don't know if she had an issue with him moving on, but i do think she was a little bitter and it confused her because she didn't understand why he didn't want that with her. Especially because she felt her and Aaliyah were so similar.

[@productioninquiries881]

​@AlleyahEdream I think her thinking Aaliyah was so much like her was projection. Had they met in another situation or scenario, I am not sure that connection would be so pronounced in their minds. They are basically bonding over the same man.

[@AlleyahEdream]

@productioninquiries881 I partially agree, I think they had similar experiences and values which made Lydia think she saw herself in Aaliyah. Also Uche probably treated Lydia the same way he treated Aaliyah

[@abigailllllllllll]

just food for thought, but if Uche really did cheat on Lydia, then was dishonest with aaliyah about it, then got mad at aaliyah for doing the same, was Lydia not at least a little valid in being disapproving of their relationship? it came off protective in my opinion, but lydia is very complex so nothing is black or white with her.

[@AlleyahEdream]

@abigailllllllllll Yess... I was thinking the same thing.

[@cindybear2689]

I didn't believe Uche. Lydia has an accent he knew...I believe Lydia gave him an opportunity to start at Zero because he said "Do you think is a sign?" He does a push and pull masterfully...he did it to Aliyah too.

[@barbarabuttler7647]

I agree; if they were discussing LIB in November and still sleeping together in January, he surely recognized her voice and accent. I think he flipped the script by talking about the 'integrity of the experiment." I really like Lydia; I think she masterfully handled two narcissists and ended up with the prize--Milton is the real catch. Aaliyah is beautiful, smart and compassionate and deserves a good man; not a judgemental hypocrite.

[@majesty9985]

He never said you think this is a sign, LYDIA said that. It was clear Uche wasn't interested from the get go, regardless of Uche's personality

[@m.d594]

You clearly didn’t watch the show. She was the one who said that not him

[@courtneybumstead]

@majesty9985 @m.d594 Stephanya included a clip of him saying this right at the 25 minute mark. Uche briefly says ‘is this a sign?’ to Lydia then shuts it down after as to not compromise the premise of the excitement.

[@cynthialeafs]

In an interview with Jessie Woo, Aaliyah revealed that production was prompting Lydia to keep talking about Uche. She also revealed that the scene where Lydia is talking about Uche was not all in one sitting.

[@samanthas8340]

That would be weird for production to encourage her to talk about Uche when it was supposed to be a secret that they knew each other and she had been doing that from the beginning. Not a Lydia hater at all. That just seems weird.

[@cynthialeafs]

@@samanthas8340 They prompted her to keep talking about Uche after the secret was revealed. They basically instigated the situations where Lydia wouldn’t stop talking about Uche. Sorry for the confusion!

[@birdi3beez]

Which makes sense and is a relief to know. Lol. People aren’t recognizing just how culpable production is in this mess. In my opinion the true villain in that entire drama is production. They were awful to Aaliyah. They are to blame for why her experience there was, while allowing for some personal development, was not a good one.

[@queenj.8i895]

No one who wasn’t there and who isn’t in these peoples’ shoes can imagine the amount of stress and pressure they are dealing with. None of us have any idea how hard it would actually be to hold in so much information, so much emotional baggage, and so many FEELINGS that would be going all up and down and around all day everyday while you’re there, without any real time and space to process. Who could be in that situation and act the way they would act normally at all. Lydia’s behavior does get more explained in the reunion. God bless 🦋

[@fuzzywuzzy4564]

@@birdi3beez seems like the love is blind production crew gets skeezier and skeezier as the seasons go on, purposefully putting the couples in high-stress situations and bringing back people they know are only going to stir up further drama

[@mrsroseyp109]

Milton is that guy you friend zone but sneaks up on you next thing you know you’re in-love

[@heatherrae901]

oh for sure lol

[@TheAtjackson]

Lydia’s need for connection that leads to an imagined experience is a total definition of limerence.

[@jolene81]

Ooh I love a good psych word lol. I’m going to have to remember this one.

[@TheAtjackson]

@@jolene81 right! 😂

[@voyance4elle]

yup. That's exactly it!!!

[@berenicermz3396]

I just hope that Milton doesn’t get his heart broken. He deserves someone with the same level of maturity as him.

[@smartmarketing173]

Yes but him choosing her makes me question whether we really know him or he just got a really good tv edit

[@annicca9579]

@@smartmarketing173I think he’s mature for his age, but at the same time he is only 24 so lacks a certain type of maturity that comes with age, which I think includes being able to read people

[@TheCRYSTALLURE]

@@smartmarketing173he got a good tv edit. Bc Jessie Woo’s interview with the other Melanated ladies from this season spilled the tea so definitely have to always keep the idea in mind that an image is also being pushed by production. Whether people live up to that or shatter it is up to them once those cameras leave.

[@masmodiba]

I agree ❤❤

[@foreverflores0725]

@@annicca9579he is 26 now

[@smartmarketing173]

Lydia scares the sh*t out of me. I don’t think the show edit even scratched the surface.

[@Moi_81]

Ditto

[@unknownartist1473]

honestly lydia wanting to "start from ground zero" with uche in the pods just changed my perception of her completely. uche is not ant better but lydia is so calculated and strategic imo because if he was all bad and cheated girl why would you want to get back together???

[@barbarabuttler7647]

If she was a crazy stalker, why did he get back together with her? Oh yeah, he felt sorry for her.

[@EddieWoodsRemnantOutreach]

I told my wife, when they showed that scene of Lydia and Uche first encountering each other in the Pods, it looks like Lydia is trying to date and Uche is the one that shut that down. And I agree with you that Lydia was wrong for overstepping and sharing all of that info about Uche. Her telling alyiah about them sleeping together recently was fine. But everything else was disrespectful, especially when she told lydia she didn’t want to know all that

[@nehaa94]

I agree, I also got the impression that Lydia wanted them to rekindle something but when Uche said it would jeopardize the experiment she played cool and went along with what he said.

[@AlleyahEdream]

I think Lydia gets so swept up in her own emotions and can't see outside of herself. From what I saw it seemed like Lydia had been holding on to everything and finally got to share all of it. When Aaliyah says I don't want to know, Lydia barely acknowledged her in not even sure if she actually comprehended what she was doing

[@EddieWoodsRemnantOutreach]

@@AlleyahEdream that does not excuse her actions. It's the fact that she doesn't seem accountable and deflects or gets up in arms when she is confronted that is off putting

[@snailmailmagic1133]

Directors prompted her to keep talking. That’s what Aaliyah mentioned in an interview

[@ALNizhoni]

@@snailmailmagic1133 Again, you continue to use this comment as if it excuses Lydia's behavior. It doesn't. Both Lydia and Uche went to producers and made their own decisions about how they wanted to proceed in the pods regarding their relationship at a certain point. Lydia is a grown damn woman. If Lydia had been a decent person, she would have done as she had in other situations and said 'No' to the producers. Production guides participants. Participants DON'T have to comply. Lydia chose to do this and it shows everything we already knew about her lack of character.

[@AlleyahEdream]

Lydia is a gray area. I think Lydia lacks awareness in general. She lacked self awareness with Aaliyah when she kept telling her about Uche. She lacked awareness of Izzy's tone on the pods. I rewatched their date with my eyes closed and could still tell he wasn't interested. Even when Uche brings up how she was outside his house saying "i see you" she probably was passing by and thought it would be funny without even thinking about how Uche would take it. There's so many other instances where Lydia's idea of something didn't translate to what actually happened

[@e.mountain1637]

This. She appears to be self absorbed, while holding her center in other people- so she seems unaware of herself. I think she is afraid of being with herself, afraid that she is not an OK person- so constantly needing validation from others and always connecting with herself through others. Whatever is happening with others is reframed as about her. And because she is afraid of not being good enough, she reframes everything about others as being confirmation of her greatness or an attack to devalue her. If someone expresses something they don’t like about her, she can’t stand it because she feels so fragile about her self esteem that criticism feels like it will blow her world up. She can’t see others as themselves because they are all props for her self esteem. Her disclosure to Aaliyah is a moment for her to affirm her greatness, her value. It isn’t about what Aaliyah needs or wants because Aaliyah isn’t a separate entity, she’s a prop for Lydia to get what she needs for her self esteem. When Lydia is telling Aaliyah to look at her and saying they are the same- she is again- using Aaliyah’s emotions and experience to center herself (Lydia’s self) as the focal point of the experience. Aaliyah’s emotions are about Lydia’s emotions, Aaliyah’s experience is about Lydia’s experience, Aaliyah’s relationship with Uche is about Lydia’s relationship with Uche. Milton’s fear about being in a wheelchair is about Lydia’s experience of Milton in a wheelchair and her taking care of him as evidence of her greatness. It’s not about his fear or handicap or his feelings or experience. Milton makes it very hard for Lydia to center herself through him. He is very secure within himself while Lydia appears to be very insecure. It is an opportunity for her to learn to center within herself or she will leave because she feels untethered. In my opinion.

[@AlleyahEdream]

@e.mountain1637 I can definitely see her being self absorbed to a degree. I can see her doing that as a way to show that she relates and to express that she's there for them or will be going through it as well with them. It just comes off wrong. I also think that she's still healing from her relationship with Uche in which we can see how he tears down women's self esteem and self worth, so when she's being criticized it takes her back to that place.

[@melissaherrera940]

@@AlleyahEdreamseeing how anxiously attached she is, I doubt she’s just healing from her relationship with Uche, especially considering they were only together for a couple of months. She’s probably attached to several guys in the past who weren’t good for her and those relationship dynamics are normal for her.

[@AlleyahEdream]

@melissaherrera940 I think it's was more than a couple of months. They were in a situationship long enough for her to meet his family and friends. But when I said she was healing from Uche it's because I don't know the character of any one else she was with. The way Uche talked down to women, I can only assume he did the same to her.

[@601downsouth]

Lydia heart was always broken, crying, emotional- she weaponized vulnerability - she chose Milton so she was chosen - he shared about his health and she switch the conversation to her -

[@emmapemberley6111]

it did feel very icky to see her violating Aliya's boundaries and then also crying at the reunion- I feel like both Uche and Lydia did Aliya dirty and I was really glad she got out of the weirdness. I think even though she is emotional, Lydia lacks empathy for Aliya bc she still was being territorial of her ex, and can be very controlling.

[@snailmailmagic1133]

The directors kept prompting Lydia to keep talking. Idk if you have seen Aaliyahs interview

[@ALNizhoni]

​@@snailmailmagic1133 You keep commenting this as if it excuses Lydia's behavior. It doesn't. Both Lydia and Uche went to producers and made their own decisions about how they wanted to proceed in the pods regarding their relationship at a certain point. Lydia is a grown damn woman. If Lydia had been a decent person, she would have done as she had in other situations and said 'No' to the producers. Production guides participants. Participants DON'T have to comply. Lydia chose to do this and it shows everything we already knew about her lack of character.

[@MJ31579]

I am so happy for this review. I thought I was going crazy watching the other reviews with very black or white thinking and wanting an ultimate villaiin. I think as a therapist, you hold room for the complexity of human beings.

[@epiphanyperry1877]

I think Lydia revealed details about her relationship with Uche with Aliyah to validate their relationship. It was giving she and Uche were casually hooking up and like with Izzy, Lydia was reading more into the relationship based upon their actions rather than their verbal agreement.

[@klee1506]

I feel like Lydia was trying to one up Aliyah because A is now being chosen by someone L was rejected by. Like A is clearly uncomfortable in that conversation. There was no reason for L to say all of that

[@mengyizhang2569]

I agreed…she said all that to make A feel uncomfortable. She defs came into the show having feelings for uche.

[@charisse_xo]

I learn so much from you, and it literally helps me in my life and with my relationships with others. It's always a treat when I see that you have a new upload. Thank you for all the wisdom and insight you freely share with us!

[@StephAnya]

That makes me happy 😊 Thank you so much for watching!

[@theunrulyjoyclub]

I just want to say I love that you're making these videos. As a counseling student it's really nice to see a professional's perspective on the this season. I don't think I will watch Love is Blind again or the Ultimatum or shows like it, but I would watch your videos.

[@StephAnya]

I’m so glad that you’re finding them helpful on your journey to counseling!

[@TharaMesseroux1]

Why won’t you watch love is blind again?

[@BrDyAn12]

I think everything Uche did was calculated! I’m not understanding how they had all this history, and he doesn’t know who she is when they speak in the pods (and she does have a distinct voice). Pretending he doesn’t even know her makes it easy to drive the narrative that he didn’t know she would be there. They’re saying that Lydia was the obsessed one but even before all the drama Uche was trying to talk Milton out of marrying Lydia which Milton confined at the reunion but also we 100% saw and heard that in the guys quarters! I never saw Lydia try to talk Aaliyah out of dating Uche! Both of them did some questionable things but Uche oi, se pasó

[@bonniem5963]

Lydia and Uche are both the villians in my opinion, Uche sucks just in general and Lydia formed a relationship with Aaliyah just so she could exploit it either for information on Uche and or possibly to sabotage Uche's connections. Like why do we keep forgetting she suggested her and Uche start over? Edit: Thank you Steph for replaying that clip and speaking on it

[@IceIceIfe]

I agree that Lydia as flaunting her knowledge of Uche because Aaliyah literally said that she didn’t want to know but Lydia kept on. It was unnecessary. I agree it was right for Lydia to say when they last slept together but everything else was not needed.

[@nosekid]

I think Aliyah said in an interview that she feels Lydia was qued by production to keep talking to Aaliyah about Uche home

[@voyance4elle]

"Lydia latches on to people really quickly." Exactly. And she constantly seeked for someone "loving her as she are" and to me it felt like that just could be anybody and that she wouldn't really be interested in the person but just in that validation that she could get from them. I'm surprised that you don't touch on that. To me it seemed like she hadn't healed her selfacceptance-wound at all and constantly needed other people to fill that void and put on a show to just get that validation. She also latched on to Aaliyah strongly. When she repeated "look at me" several times it felt like she overstepped any boundary there and didn't give Aaliyah her space to process and be with her emotions. She violently interrupted her process.

[@rachelrogers7517]

LYDIA 100% wanted to continue a relationship in the pods. She was honestly just desperate for love and would have married anyone.

[@Moi_81]

Which is sad

[@mbalitshabalala7562]

I totally agree. Lydia was coming off so desperate.

[@sandrafernandez6040]

I'm going to flat out say that the moment I heard Lydia say 'You're just like me' the only thing I imagine going through Lydia's mind was, "so glad you're getting rejected too by the guy who reject me" ..she was sabotaging what Uche and Aaliyah were trying to fix.

[@selinalanderos6969]

Yessss I noticed her talking over Izzy too and that bugged me sm!!!

[@matariki9818]

i think the main difference between Uche and Lydia, and why Lydia is more "the good guy" in everyone's story, is caring about what other people think. Lydia has a MILLION problems, but as soon as the whole "you can tell people about this", she was...maybe too honest lol. To her credit, she did not try, out of the pods, to get back with Uche or to flirt with Izzy for that matter, she kept her focus on Milton. She did not seem to have any agenda or ulterior motive other than "I wanna get married and I want someone to love me". She honestly did not seem to care about the image she was showing of herself on worldwide TV, and that makes her so much more likeable. Uche...he was trying SO hard to be seen as the "smart guy" the "lawyer guy" the "hot guy". As you said, the whole "i do not know you" in the pods, then crying for her. The whole "it was a long time ago" but then they slept together like three months ago. The whole "she's amazing" and then "oh no she's not amazing she's a stalker". The whole "I'm crazy for you Aaliyah" but then he actually does not like her ? Not to mention his high and mighty POV on cheating once years ago in a toxic relationship but him hiding a whole past relationship with someone IN THE SAME ROOM AS THE GIRL YOU SAY YOU WANT TO MARRY was ok. He is so desperate to maintain the image of the good guy that he ended up doing the exact opposite lol. He did sound so much more hypocritical than Lydia at one point, that's why he's an easier villain.

[@joshs239]

So, you know the producers to them not to share but you put that statement in all caps. Isn't it funny she didn't tell Milton that she slept with Uche 3 months ago. People protect their own interests. It's not personal.

[@Tom6567my]

I think Uche was a complete gentleman. He spoke nicely about Lydia as any gentleman would. He had no reason to say anything negative about her. Until he did. And Lydia had one mission and one mission only. To prove to Uche that he was going to be sorry for rejecting her again. She achieved that mission and then to finish him she needed to make sure she looked like she had moved on. Mission accomplished.

[@KJ-jd5ko]

I agree with you that Uche shut it down and she wanted to date him. He probably thought it was crazy funny etc but he did NOT want to continue dating her. And she did. And this was the first day he may not even have met Aaliyah yet. Aka she followed him on to the show.

[@ammabthedigitallynomadic3385]

I think Lydia's intentions is one of these 2 things . 1.) As if to say , Without this show, I can pull a winner ( like Uche) 2.) To solidify no.1 , She has to prove that it wasn't just friends with benefits situation, because she probably expected Uche to act like they barely knew each other, so she is adding the extra details about the things that she knows about Uche. As if to say " We were in an ACTUAL relationship, , a girl he was just hooking up with COULDN'T know all of the things that I know about him"( as she proceeds to give all the information she knows and all the experiences she had with him, while ignoring Aliyah's plea for her to stop.)

[@sydneylawson484]

Y’all. She has a distinct accent and voice. Uche was pretending not to know her.

[@ddc1986]

Uche seems VERY calculated. I think he’s constantly observing people and changing his dialogue based off of that. Very interested in your take on that in future videos. I appreciate Milton being so level headed for a young guy, I believe he is the perfect pair to Lydia because he can add logic to all of her emotion.

[@kerzyperzy1]

Lmao, you look exhausted just TALKING about Lydia 😂 Same sis. Same.

[@thamaretienne5995]

I definitely think that Lydia was trying to open up with Uche, a lot of people might miss that part but I definitely noted her sayings. 25:37

[@alisontishman6724]

I think that in the beginning Lydia might not have had the truest intentions and likely came on the show wanting to reconnect with Uche. That said, I do think her feelings for Milton are genuine and she ended the show with the right intentions. She really did want to get married, and maybe had a fantasy of Uche in the back of her mind but when that didn't pan out she had an open mind with her other connections, including her connection with Izzie. That's why she was able to fall in love with Milton and have a happy ending

[@ArethaRenee]

With watching interviews of other cast members and Aaliyah, I believe Lydia was well aware that Uche would be there and she manipulated several situations.

[@mainstreammutant]

When Lydia was looking for Milton after the fight with Uche, I got the vibe that she was going to storm out but didn't want to leave without him.

[@mariawilliams4737]

Thinking of it I believe Lydia was open to dating Uche again

[@fashion498]

Thank you for pointing out that Lydia twisted the story about starting from ground zero with Ache! No one talks about that but she definitely lied about who wanted to rekindle the relationship!

[@EddieWoodsRemnantOutreach]

Production this season were the true villains based on ALL the couples (even those not featured)

[@sophiewalsh5492]

Tbh I’m vividly imagining myself in Lydia’s position so my opinion just comes from what I feel deeply in how I would behave, I might make different choices but I know this would be the thing my spirit wants to do and I would have to be very consciously proactive to avoid doing this: I imagine Lydia is subconsciously trying to claim her place in Uches life by over sharing with Aliyah. I’ve felt unimportant to people who were important to me and the result was usually that I would obsess over them and try to find “proof” that I was really a part of their life at all. I would want other people to know about this “proof” so that I didn’t feel crazy or like I imagined the whole thing. I find it hard to delete photos of exes who I felt were more important to me than I was to them, because it’s proof of some level of intimacy. I worry that they had such a profound impact on my life and they could forget about me completely because I was never important to them. I don’t want to turn into a ghost that’s stuck in a loop, tied to them, but can’t touch them. if I have to be a ghost, I want to haunt them. I imagine Lydia feels similarly and subconsciously she is trying to “prove” that she actually was close with Uche and it isn’t just all in her head. There may be an element of territorialness in that, but I don’t think it’s really about jealousy of Aliyah. She might see Aliyah and think “how come this girl matters to him when I don’t?” And that could cause subconscious resentment which might inspire her to act a bit maliciously towards Aliyah. But it’s not about Aliyah in my opinion, and it isn’t outright jealousy or being in love with Uche either. It’s wanting to feel like you were important and to feel like you’re not crazy

[@mikaelaskalberg3640]

for me personally, I didn't get good feelings from what we got to see from Lydia. But could probably have to do with my own personality, quite an introvert. I experienced 🚩 however, I thought I experienced another Lydia at the reunion.

[@Moi_81]

I can see now why Milton said he would have handled that party situation differently. I think the comment was justified.

[@Beebeetaylor15]

Loved this assessment on Lydia! I really enjoy your videos because it forces me to see that there’s no clear villain in these reality love shows.

[@milivaro]

Except for Zanab 😂

[@ALNizhoni]

No. Uche was most definitely the villain. Maybe not the only one, but definitely a villain. That clown manipulated and berated a grown woman publicly becuase she dared to leave his dusty ass. Uche blessed every woman in the Houston area by being the mean-spirited, crusty ass he is.

[@AletheSnail7]

@@milivaroOH GOSH SEASON 3 WAS A TOTAL NIGHTMARE

[@AdelaideAnn]

I think the producers definitely had a huge impact on this season! Even with Uche and Lydia having their confrontation, I do think the producers definitely set it up for them to talk & have the rest of the cast there. It just made the season super messy & put a lot less focus on the actual couples

[@user-ww6jl5pt5u]

I agree - Uche has shut it down with Lydia in the pods. And she was still into him. But I think later on he was the one more obsessed with Lydia, after seeing her happy with someone else.

[@melissaherrera940]

I feel like more angry than obsessed. I think he wanted to get revenge. We could say he’s obsessed if he’s still coming after her long after the show ended.

[@ednarichardson3442]

U are so right about Lydia and Izzy..........so right about Lydia with Milton......

[@Sunfl0w33r]

35:28 it’s different though when you aren’t like a public figure but just an everyday person posting on your story and you notice that someone that’s not following you is suddenly watching all of your stories. So it’s not just a coincidence that uches lady friends noticed her watching their stories and it’s understandable for them to find it to be noteworthy and even unsettling. People usually keep up with people they know. Not “random” strangers.

[@homehelpheart7440]

Lydia getting up in Aliyah's grill on the sofa was SO CRINGE! I was yelling at the TV for her to shut up. As for the party, good Lord! What a mass of dysfunction! Especially Uche trying to speak with Lydia alone and then speaking with Milton alone like Uche was trying to get Milton to change his mind about Lydia. I hope you do an episode or at least part of an episode about Stacy because I found her very suspish & suspect in the way she attacked Johnnie at the party.

[@anniebloommeditations899]

I don't watch love is blind. Drama makes me nauseous lol. But I really enjoy hearing your clinical perspective on dating shows. It rings true.

[@Moi_81]

Ditto

[@barbarabuttler7647]

Excellent analysis; I agree with everything you said. I think Uche exaggerated Aaliyah's and Lydia's offenses, and he minimized his own. I think Milton is a rock star, emotionally intelligent jiu jitsu master. I think Lydia and Aaliyah are beautiful, intelligent and compassionate women who are ready for love. Uche needs to hold himself accountable and stop judging others so harshly. His implications that Lydia was emotionally unhinged were cruel and I lament that people still believe the smear campaign.

[@unicornL]

I think Lydia realized Milton was better than Uche in the job sector, and that Milton was able to make her feel secure and I think she loved him for that. If Milton had given into her little tantrum at the rock museum, it would have made the dynamic weird between them and Kydia would have had the upper hand (my opinion)

[@honeybunnyxx]

The thing with Lydia is the lines with her behavior are very thin and I think that's the reason why there are such extreme differences in the way she's viewed. In some situations her expressing vulnerability feels very genuine and even admirable - i think there were many situations where most people wouldn't have felt comfortable or brave enough to vocalize their true feelings. especially in situations of rejection most people tend to cover up what they're really feeling out of ego or shame, Lydia was very upfront with it and didn't hide it. She was also very honest with Milton about the fact that she liked Izzy a lot and that Milton wasn't her first choice before that - again, something most other contestants of the show usually aren't that honest about. On the other hand, in some situations it feels like Lydia is weaponizing vulnerability. Both her own vulnerability but also other people's vulnerabilities. She pushes and forces her feelings onto other people and also uses her feelings as an excuse to get out of situations she doesn't want to be in and also as a form of pressure to get her way in arguments and disagreements. She also used Aaliyah's vulnerability for her own benefit and to feel like she still has some access and control over the situation with Uche. Regarding the situation where Lydia starts talking excessively about everything she knows about Uche and his life, i could imagine that her reasoning behind it could have been that she wanted to make known to Aaliyah (and also to the viewers) that she wasn't just an insignificant affair to Uche and to validate herself in some way. We have seen enough footage of Uche pretty much downplaying their relationship and talking about her like they barely got to know each other. He made it seem like they only went on a couple dates and then broke things off quickly and that's it - which wasn't true as we found out. Maybe this was a recurring thing in Lydia's and Uche's relationship, him downplaying and invalidating their relationship and making her feel small and insignificant. At least it wouldn't be really surprising after seeing the way he talked to Aaliyah on the show, he always seems to switch from praising to devaluing and shaming people. So maybe this was Lydia's way of coping with it, to make herself and her position known and to "mark" her territory. And regarding Izzy, maybe she was looking for someone else to focus on as soon as possible to distract herself from the rejection from Uche? Maybe it triggered some abandonment wounds and she projected her feelings onto someone new to cope with it, i think that's something many people have experienced at some point in their lives. That could also be an explanation to why she didn't really care about the way Izzy behaved and responded, because it was never really about Izzy personally. It was about clinging to a fantasy to distract herself from the pain and sadness. And in the process of projecting onto Izzy she found someone else she was really able to connect with and someone she genuinely liked for who they are as a person; Milton.

[@SeventiesLeo]

Me reading between the lines I think that Uche and Lydia went out a few times when they first met and it didn’t work out. I believe after that it was purely a sexual relationship. She herself said she only met his friends a couple of times but they supposedly dated for 2 years. She has never confidently said that they were in a relationship at any point, she just walks this weird line about the whole thing….which is why it’s coming off confusing because she’s insinuating he did something to wrong her, she says a lot about him but she gets blurred when it comes to the actual offense. I noticed a few times in the pods she was sexually suggestive with both Izzy and Milton as a way to manipulate (in my opinion). After she told Milton about Uche, Milton pulled back a little and when he got too quiet for her she changed the tone of her voice and told Milton she wanted him. It was in a very sensual tone. She did the same thing with Izzy when she told Izzy she wanted to touch him…except Izzy was not receptive of that from her. I just believe she uses sex to create attachment and lines may have gotten blurred between her and Uche.

[@barbarabuttler7647]

💯

[@honeybunnyxx]

@@SeventiesLeo i can totally see where you're coming from! i agree with you, it really seemed like she uses intimacy and sex to keep people around or to avoid abandonment - especially in situations where things got some kind of wonky in the connections! but i'm not quite sure if she really does this consciously with the intent to manipulate and get her way or if she uses sensuality because she feels like that's the only way she would be liked by the men in her life and it's coming from deeper wounds and insecurities.. if i remember this correctly she also talked about how she always felt like she was only liked for her body and her physical appearance and that she is really longing for someone to love her for who she is as a person for once.. i think this was in an interview of her when they still were in the pods

[@ahoyt6379]

Lydia Def was not the one shutting it down. If uche said yes, she would've 100% gone along with it!

[@destinythomas7047]

Ive been waiting on this!!!!

[@ReneeMonroe88]

Ive learned so much from you that i use and talk more in depth about with my own therapist. Its been so helpful for healing

[@erussell5555]

This was so goood. Can’t wait for the next video!

[@scorpiondesiles67R7]

We're all waiting for Uche's analysis ! Thank you so much for your videos

[@GAPeachSSBiz]

I think that Lydia planned to be on the show because she knew Uche was going to be there! She wanted to make him think that it was "fate" that brought them "back" together. She was stalking him. Her behavior is that of someone who stalks! She just "happen" to ride by his house in Houston?? Big ole Houston? And then send him the proof? She just happened to "look" in a drawer at his house? She watches his friends' stories? She denied non of this! She was so eager to ask him about starting anew!!! I think that she wanted to detract Aliyah from him by telling her all of that information! She has that aggressive type of manner where she forces her beliefs on everyone!! She tries to over persuade to where the other person just gives in!! Milton is a victim of this! Her and her mom in their 1st meeting was very telling of how they both are! She was telling him what he will and won't do and it seems that Milton didn't want to refute her in front of them. Oh, on IG, you don't have a story to populate in the feed of someone that you don't follow! She has to go to that person's profile and then click on their story! It doesn't appear like a post on their page.

[@relaxcalmly1742]

I think i can agree with you because it makes sense. Also, if the other people are sending messages to uche about her going through their stories, then it’s weird because they are the ones pointing it out. However, i get that if he had been unfaithful while she was with him, then i get why she is investigating. She doesn’t seem to agree with him on her stalking though.

[@Sunfl0w33r]

@@relaxcalmly1742 but they were never together in a committed relationship! That’s why she never said that he cheated on her but that he “slept” with someone.

[@relaxcalmly1742]

@@Sunfl0w33r Yeah that’s true. Since she’s emotionally invested, no matter what they are to each other, i think that it made her anxious and lurk around him because she probably wants a committed relationship with him. She mentioned a few times that she wanted someone to love her for who she is as though guys have rejected her a lot.

[@Sunfl0w33r]

@@relaxcalmly1742 yea that can drive a person that’s anxious to unethical behaviors for sure! I’m not gonna lie as a fearful avoidant I’ve been tempted to behave in those ways but I drew a hard line for myself because I knew resorting to stalking is just too much 🥴😭lol

[@relaxcalmly1742]

@@Sunfl0w33r It’s cool lol. It’s good that you’re aware and have integrity! I was there too! Luckily i never took actions. Whew 😅

[@queenj.8i895]

No one who wasn’t there and who isn’t in these peoples’ shoes can imagine the amount of stress and pressure they are dealing with. None of us have any idea how hard it would actually be to hold in so much information, so much emotional baggage, and so many FEELINGS that would be going all up and down and around all day everyday while you’re there, without any real time and space to process. Who could be in that situation and act the way they would act normally at all. Lydia’s behavior does get more explained in the reunion. God bless 🦋

[@kurtd.cobain3501]

YESSS!!! YESSS!!!!! somebody who finally shares the discomfort I felt when Lydia kept telling Aaliyah that they were the same person. girl….. STOP trying to project yourself onto another innocent girl, while implicitly messing up her true connection with her “partner”

[@margaretfk]

Watching this season was so much easier knowing you’d be posting these videos…and specifically this one.

[@lthomas6022]

I think this is a great video! Thank you for putting the work in.

[@kirstensampson823]

Absolutely loved your take on this! Can’t for more more videos as you really do give me so much perspective. I would absolutely loveeee if you reviewed The Ultimatum S2. There were so many interesting character types and I kept thinking of what you would say about them as I watched

[@MrsMutterCourage]

Always watching your videos with my fiancé. We do appreciate them so much, it really gives us so much food for thought and we actually can enjoy them because you speak so respectfully about the people you talk about (which I miss in other videos about love is blind). Also as a psychology student I really get a good glimpse of how I want to practice being a therapist. You're such a role model ❤

[@Sanchez731]

I think Lydia had the word vomit moment with Aaliyah because a. It was edited context sewed together, b. I think she was intoxicated and c. She was unstable

[@ArethaRenee]

Aaliyah said it happened 3 times and that is what caused her to leave.

[@ms.shineray]

​@@ArethaReneeaaliyah also said she believes the 2 others occasions was production telling lydia what to do

[@miriamsheppard6162]

the alcohol was definitely a thing eh, given what we have all heard about the availability of alcohol and lack of food on set.

[@jclyntoledo]

Some ppl are prone to oversharing which I think was the issue that and not respecting boundaries.

[@ilhuicatlamatini]

All very good points here, I agree

[@amalali504]

I wholeheartedly agree with your analysis which I share. Watching the show, this view was validated by the quip her brother made during his first meeting with Milton. How she (to paraphrase) bulldozes and that her opinion is the only right one. On balance of probability she came in on the off chance that Uche would be open to rekindling things and was vicariously doing that though Lydia in an odd way.

[@myrawade6581]

Thanks for sharing your knowledge and prospective on this topic, you were clear on some things that others were judgemental of, you helped me to look at some things in a different way.

[@diamondgiddens1193]

I cannot wait for your Izzy video omg!!!

[@klee1506]

I saw this and thought let’s goooooooo

[@lanceareadbhar]

By the end, I believed in Lydia's character the most, but that was partly due to Milton. We'll never know her true intentions for joining the show or befriending Aaliyah. I can see her both wanting to get back with Uche and wanting to sabatogue him. I can see her wanting to protect Aaliyah and wanting to get information from her out of curiosity. I think the biggest villains are the producers for forcing them both to keep it a secret and likely pushing them both to do and say things they might not have implying it was the only way to stay on the show.

[@Tom6567my]

I think her true intentions were obvious

[@BiggerinRealLife]

I have an anxious attachment style and found this analysis and advice so helpful. Not a substitute for therapy, but definitely helpful in reminding me of the good work I’m doing in therapy.

[@Ty-qe7lq]

Love your videos, cannot wait for the uchee video.

[@d4rk3st]

you're amazing! Cheers from Brazil!

[@andreyamatthew2035]

Great Analysis 🙌🏾🙌🏾

[@NomadicRoyals]

Thank you for sharing.

[@courtneybumstead]

I love learning from the videos on this channel. I’ve been able to use so many concepts to help my family open up more confidently over time. ❤

[@StephAnya]

That means the world to me ♥️

[@llawal674]

I actually love and trust your sponsorships and ad choices. they seemlessly work with your content and I can tell your very cautious with what you promote

[@mrsroseyp109]

This channel is also great for young folks to see what it might be like to be a licensed mental health professional. She makes it seem so kool

[@MindBodyBronx]

So excited for the uche breakdown

[@tatumreed31]

You are a blessing in my life

[@heatherhernandez9139]

Very respectful, neutral and logical review. ❤

[@Jadey1395]

Thank you for this vid!! I just watched the vid on Milton so I was definitely ready to hear your thoughts on Lydia cuz sheesh 😫🥴🤣

[@AfuaYmani]

Lydia saw the signs that Milton was reconsidering, she just ignored them so she could get to that ring.

[@sydneytownsend9875]

Love your videos sis! Wound be amazing if you did the ultimatum too. I would love to hear your perspective.

[@tonibass6488]

Regarding Lydia giving all of the unwanted information, I definitely think it was a subtle way of her trying to “one up” Aaliyah with the knowledge. I agree. Especially after she explicitly said she didn’t want to here that. I’ve experienced this myself, me being on the end where Aaliyah was. The girl who approached me wanted to be so-called friends but only ever talked about the guy we both were talking to.

[@MrBdiddypop]

I think you nailed it when he said that Lydia has an anxious attachment, which can come across as really desperate for affirmation from these guys. When she was getting really desperate with Milton, I was actually shocked that he gave her a chance. I think the harder you cling to someone, the more they pull away. So I was pretty shocked that he stayed with her.

[@eleanorrichardson4837]

This push - pull dynamic is very common you’re right, but generally when the other person is also insecurely attached but in an avoidant manner. The pulling from the anxious person triggers the push in the avoidant and repeat cycle. If the other person is securely attached and secure in themselves (which I think Milton feels like he is), they can provide the stability / security that the anxious person needs to balance. Apologies if you know this but saw your comment and thought it would be a helpful addition

[@banaa9463]

Great breakdown, as usual. Makes me want to take notes for the next season

[@cookiesreeses]

thank you once again for these videos! from the very beginning, i thought lydia was quite interesting! she was talking a lot about the fact that she strongly wanted to be loved. something that made me uncomfortable was after izzy broke up with her. she said she “craved” to be love. i even thought she said yes only because milton was the one that gave her the love she wanted so desperately. the other thing i found weird was the way she was comforting aaliyah by saying “you’re just like me”. that’s also when i thought something was off with her and uche.

[@catherine432]

Love your videos

[@jbyrd8282]

My theory is that they talked about being on the show together, and both made a promise to only say nice things about each other, until one of them started trashing the other, then it was open season!