PUTTING UP THE CHRISTMAS TREE - BROWNIE AFTER A BREAKDOWN - ANOREXIA RECOVERY - VLOGMAS

WE PUT THE CHRISTMAS TREE UP YAAAAY! OUR HOUSE SMELLS SO AMAZING, IT'S THE BEST SMELL EVERRRR!
Chose the tree, put it up and decorated it, had an amazing roast and then watched the I'm a Celeb final and HAD A BROWNIE AND ICE CREAM YUUUM!
Also includes lots of dancing, singing and Christmas songs (of course).
CHRISTMAS IS THE BEST!
What is your favourite thing about Christmas?
FOLLOW ME ON INSTAGRAM: / elzani__

[@490quiksilver]

I had an ED in high school - early 20's, as an adult its behind me. But one thing I can say, is family will always be there for you. Maybe that's not true for all families, but looking at your family its much like mine. Merry Christmas and go slow. That's the key, I went slow and now I'm 26 and happy to be alive. Also, you are SO beautiful and Christmas treats are magical.

[@underthestarsoverthemoon4259]

banana m you sound like me!

[@elzani6744]

yes, they will always be there! Thank you, Merry Christmas to you too, I am so glad the ED days are behind you!! Ahhh yes they are magical!

[@psychedlicsouljam1995]

Elzani, you really are gorgeous!!! You have beautiful features. Anyways, looks aren't the only thing, your channel is amazing and you've helped me feel a little bit better about life. Happy Holidays!!!🎁❤🌲 xox Canada

[@ronjahoffmann612]

It's nice that you are able to eat and sometimes enjoy eating yummy "normal" things again. But wait until it doesn't even matter again. When you're not freaking out about food that's not 100% perfect and when you're not living for food but eating to live and doing things.

[@elzani6744]

yes that will be amazing!

[@hallwnby]

I can’t wait until you can react to these vids in years to come and see how far you’ve come

[@heyyitsyazzi]

maybe wearing baggie clothing such as sweatpants and hoddies would be a good idea elzani , when i was recoverying the biggest triggers for me was wearing tight clothes because it would make me focus more on my body in a ill way, and it made me think that i could see how much weight i had put on. which i know now was unrealistic, but i now see how worried i was over literally nothing. Im not hating or trying to be mean, but when you say your feed up or that you are sure that your going to recover the right way and do things different, i feel really bad because i find it hard to believe that changes are actually gonna happen. And this sucks because i can see myself in you and i can see how hard it was to stick to what i and decided to do, but mostly before i couldent understand why my family, in the end, did want to belive in me but literally they didn't think things were ever going to change with not sticking to recovery. When you write that your parent and family are "fed up", it not because they dont care about you or your recovery any longer, they just dont want to keep their hopes up because decisions to recovery keeps failing and thats hard on them as much as it is on you.

[@its_msk]

I have to say, I get your point totally but when you say they get their hopes up and decisions keep failing it may be internalized by her that SHE is failing. I do hope she sees a psychologist as eating chocolate and family dinners doesn't mean recovery. Eating sweets and things is great but we all know anorexia is a mental illness too and that has to be dealt with by a professional

[@genius2655]

Dawny K In all honesty, psychologists don’t work for everyone. I tried, and only had one for two months. I recovered on my own, with my parents watching. So it is possible to recover without a psychologist, as long as you have people there to notice of you’re thinking badly

[@its_msk]

@@genius2655 I'm glad you recovered but this is uncommon to totally recover without professional help. It depends on your ED history, pysical health, mental state and more.

[@heyyitsyazzi]

Dawny K i totally agree with you. I was inpatient for 2 months with multiple psychologists around me trying to help but for me it just wasn’t helping me at all because I was not determined to recover. It was only when I discharged myself against the doctors recommendation, that I was truly able to recover because I choose recovery myself and did it all by myself without any medical and or psychological attention. Recovery by yourself is totally possible but you have to be able to give your 100% to recover and for it to have lasting effects. But again everybody is different and others may need more help because they can’t take charge.

[@elzani6744]

hey, thank you for commenting and that suggestion, baggy clothes are super comfy and indeed a must! I think I own more hoodies than anyone I know haha. But yes, it is incredibly hard to do things differently and I have said so so many times I will do it, my family got so fed up, you are right! But now I am giving it my all, I am still always questioning myself though. It's very confusing!

[@bethanwonderley6513]

I find you extremely inspirational the way you’re vlogging your recovery. Take it day by day. You deserve happiness and recovery will be worth it one day. I hope you have a wonderful Christmas. Xxx

[@agustinajaimes9619]

that look delicious! Enjoy your recovery and keep fighting! It's all gonna be worth it, don't forget that!

[@elzani6744]

woooo, it was!! And it will most definitely be worth it!!

[@agustinajaimes9619]

@@elzani6744 remember you're not alone in this! I'm in recovery too, and i know how hard it is, but we have to stay strong

[@wichitahimsa8372]

Omg when your sister was whipping and nae naeing to “I will always love you” LMFAOOOO

[@elzani6744]

hahahahah I literally couldn't stop laughing when I saw that, she is honestly so funny. I never know what she will say or do next!

[@wichitahimsa8372]

Elzani she is hilarious. You should do a q+a with your family members sometime! Separate videos maybe. I’d love to get to know them! I’m sure your other viewers would love to as well 💕

[@mariyamareva2201]

I can say that you look so much happier... that’s incredible! Keep up the great work and be strong! Sending love from Bulgaria💕🇧🇬

[@thingsthatneverwere]

you are an amazing soul, I am so happy that you are on your recovery journey - ups and downs i'm sure but each win against ED is a step towards freedom xoxo

[@ImGreat5414]

Keep challenging yourself Elzani. Day by day you are making amazing progress. I just love watching these vlog videos that feature your family because from what you show it seems as though you have a wonderful home life. You are so lucky to have a family like that!

[@ashleyarchuleta105]

You have a wonderful light in your eyes and you look amazing since your first videos keep fighting

[@girlnotlocal]

rewatching your christmas vlogs because im in the festive mood

[@tilliecarter6829]

This made me so happy, I'm extremely proud of you!❤️

[@Zzzzzzzz41]

Love the vlog as usual! You show such a realistic side to recovery and i really appreciate it. Your doing an amazing thing. I just want to tell you that try not to be harsh on yourself. I went through a phase of thinking that i wasnt doing recovery well enough (like when you had breakdown about being guilty) AND i wasnt being a good anorexic (i was eating aka recovering). I just felt so lost and crap and as if i was stuck. Im typing this because i dont want you to feel the same. Even if you give in to the disorder, dont beat yourself up about it- the fact that you REALISE the disorder is seperate from your true self... thats recovery in itself. Keep pushing forward and keep challenging yourself. Every moment of discomfort or fear is the feeling of anorexia being defeated. Youve got this!!

[@elzani6744]

I am so glad you like it! I really wanted to just show every day life and recovery! It was great to read your comment as I do always think I'm not doing well enough but also get the lost feeling too! I will most certainly keep pushing forward and challenging each day, it is so so true! Fear is good, and gets a lot weaker the more you face it!

[@TheCarriecarrie41]

Elizani I love your courage,and the way you check your reasoning receiving mind,with the trusted word of your mom.

[@kellycannon9796]

Love this video! It’s so fun to see your whole family and you, enjoying yourself! Tree is awesome! I see so much love and support in your entire family.💕💗💓

[@elzani6744]

ahh I am so glad you like it! It was so fun putting up the tree this is literally what the whole of Christmas is like in our house haha I am very glad I am better than last year so I can enjoy it more, and I can't wait to have the best time ever woooo!! I am so lucky!

[@elzani6744]

Not forced at all haha, I guess that's how weird we all are if it seems that way!

[@kellycannon9796]

Elzani - def does NOT seem forced at all....I would imagine someone is jealous of the good time your family is having!

[@aleksandraszulc878]

Merry Christmas to you hun and your family, hope you had a great holiday ❤️

[@elzani6744]

Merry Christmas to you too!!

[@russianbluecat]

Idk why but your combination of deep sadness yet happiness that you’re getting better made me cry

[@charlotteells484]

You can do this! It may be very hard sometimes but think positively and you’ll get through it eventually

[@kellycannon9796]

Tree is super cool from the outside!!

[@elzani6744]

thank you, I love it! Wish it was a year round thing haha!

[@reb-4842]

I loooove your videos, you are so awesome and a beautiful person. stay strong ❤️ Hope ur having a nice Christmas 🙏

[@elzani6744]

wooo I am so glad you like them, thank you!! I hope you are having a nice Christmas too! xx

[@superprincessgem]

i loved this video so much. the tree looks lovely. merry christmas to you and your family 💕

[@elzani6744]

I am so glad you liked it! Thank you, Merry Christmas to you too I am sure you will have the best time ever woooo! xx

[@ohwatermelonninja]

Aaah the treee 😍🎄

[@v3gancheese]

You are so cute lol. Also I’m so proud of you!! You’re such a strong person, and that brownie looks a m a z i n g

[@elzani6744]

thank you!! Ahhhhh the brownie was SO GOOD!

[@EmblaBexell]

Not me watching this in August because I can’t wait until it’s finally Christmas 🌟 I really hope you are feeling better nowadays ❤️

[@annaclegg6226]

your videos make me wish i had sisters. you’ve got such a lovely family :) well done for having the brownie!! i could see in your face how hard it was for you at first, but you did it. keep on going xx

[@elzani6744]

they are so much fun, I am so glad I have them... Never a dull moment haha! Thank you, it is weird but to start with it's scary then you taste it and are like wow that's so good!! xx

[@annaclegg6226]

Elzani they seem like a lot of fun!! yes, the taste is definitely worth it. thanks for documenting your recovery/ general life, i love your videos ❤️ lovely to see your personality coming out more as you get further into recovery, you’re amazing xx

[@teresacanizaresfont2082]

U're amazing continue U're doing great

[@swiezymarek]

Nice work, keep up girl!!! 👍🏻

[@AngelicasRecovery]

So proud of you!

[@elzani6744]

yaaaaay!

[@holliewilman470]

Your doing amazing keep it up also have a good Christmas xx😘🎉

[@elzani6744]

thank youuuu! I want to do even better, I will definitely keep it up! Thank you so much, have a great Christmas too! xx

[@laurensummer1412]

Keep going beautiful girl! For it to get easier in the future it will get harder in the present. But if you push through it will all be worth it. xx Just keep on trying everyday

[@luckygardeniasdashboardcon9214]

I love your videos... Your Penguin sweater is absolutely Fabulous!

[@eleanoroliver460]

i love your videos but my immediate thought is always wow her family LOVES christmas i don’t think i’ve seen anyone be so happy about it, it’s sweet though

[@elzani6744]

yeah we do love Christmas so much! Ever since I can remember, Christmas has been very well celebrated and it is sooo awesome!

[@triple_gem_shining]

that dinner looked yummy!

[@zenacross5439]

Keep fighting! Its so worth it 💖 I want brownie now lol 😂 xx

[@underthestarsoverthemoon4259]

Keep fighting!! Ignore the negatives!! You will be free one day!! Just keep going! Xoxo

[@elzani6744]

I will!! xxx

[@its_msk]

Haha your sisters dancing while your dad puts up the tree 😂😂

[@elzani6744]

they just can't help themselves hahaha poor Dad living with a load of girls... Hey at least he has Brady haha

[@Nicole-yg5nw]

girl i love your vibe!!! and your accent! er... wait that means i have an accent too haha :P i wish i had a British one though (wait did i get that right?)...anyways, u are super cool and wishing u the best of luck in recovery. looks like you're doing well!!! just subbed :)

[@laureehegarty1603]

Hope your having a good Christmas xx

[@elzani6744]

I am having the most amazing Christmas thank you! I hope you are too xx

[@laureehegarty1603]

Elzani thanks :* I am a bit rocky as recovery always is but good xx

[@MyLifeAsMiranda]

Such a beautiful tree! Ever since my sister's moved out we've been using a fake tree and it's totally not the same:( I miss the Christmas tree smell so much, so I basically just burn a "balsam" candle all the time to make up for it lol hope you had a great time picking out a tree and decorating! I'm definitely living vicariously through your family right now 😄

[@elzani6744]

it is awesome, and it definitely isn't the same is it the smell is incredible!! But candles are so great and Christmasy, I am glad you aren't missing out on the smell 100% haha! It was so much fun!! Hey, maybe you could get a small real tree, if they do them!

[@MyLifeAsMiranda]

@@elzani6744 ooo small tree is a good idea! I'd make it a personal one just to put in my room, so I might have to go out looking 🤗thanks for the idea!

[@brittanybuhler2263]

💕😊

[@eugeniag.5084]

5:36 LITTLE MIXXXX YASSS

[@beeutiaddict]

you inspire me :)

[@moonflower9566]

Your Christmas tree is beautiful! I Totally understand when u say about trying this or that food if u can't believe your eating this, I'm the lady that told u that I got 2 Ed , and at my times my ed makes me think oh no calories or I feel guilty by eating something, but as I watch u , I feel we both are in recovery together and I love it! it also makes me want to try things u eat! imma definitely get a Cadbury bar! I love u and your family! :) ♡

[@elzani6744]

it is a great tree! I am glad you like it and that it makes you want to try more things, because trying things is so fun! You should deffo get a Cadbury bar, Cadbury's is the best! xxx

[@moonflower9566]

@@elzani6744 I'm going shopping Monday and I'm definitely getting a cadbury bar or 2 LOL! XXXX ♡ :)

[@yeardleydevries7077]

You are beautiful and doing well it’s tough but you get through it and it’ll be ok

[@eleanorlord4630]

Just think you can really enjoy Christmas and have a brilliant time with your lovely family!! Eat everything that you like and want you are allowed and deserve it ( it very freeing when you just listen to your body it know what it's doing and think what a perfect time to be in recovery XMAS you can do it babe have fun and stay strong I am proud of you and we all have meltdowns ( that means you are doing recovery right ) keep going and it will get easier xx

[@elzani6744]

yes that is so true, Christmas is the greatest and I will eat everything I like, it is hard but once you do the hard things it becomes so much easier, so I can't wait for it to be even easier yaaaaaay I am sooo excited for Christmas and the future and LIFE! xx

[@LayanZein]

heyyy gurl! from one warrior to another, you can get through this! i wont say it is easy cause it isnt, but it is WORTH IT.. every second i spend after i started my recovery is the best no matter how hard!! i eat now things i never thought i would eat again, i do things i didnt think my body will be able to do again! once i heard someone say "the worst day in recovery is better than the best day in relapse" and that was the truest thing i have ever read! this quote has kept me going hope it does help motivate you too! dont hesitate to talk to me if you ever feel like it, i wont judge, i will listen and try and help!! MUCH LOVE

[@lucyevans8577]

You are just so beautiful 💕 what a beautiful heart you have 💕

[@elzani6744]

i'm not at all, you are too lovely that is such a kind comment xx

[@lucyevans8577]

Elzani I just love your vlogs soo much! I’m from Australia and it’s summer here and I’m soooo envious of the beautiful winter you guys have over there in the UK!

[@christyyip8617]

you're doing great Elzani!!

[@JoJo-vg9sj]

Hope you do lots of Xmas bogs this xmas

[@GabrielleLeGrange]

You have a lovely family 💀

[@cathdoug4030]

What kind of dog is blaze?

[@bunnysplicer4427]

Are you the oldest out of your sisters? (is that a dumb question?? idk) i was just wondering 😊 also, I think youre doing really well w recovery, and i cant imagine how hard it is (seeing as im not in recovery myself, i hope to someday. you inspire me to recover but that’s honestly a scary thought, haha) But try to ignore the mean comments saying that you arent trying hard enough, it’s a process. It’s going to take time, and that’s okay, as long as you stay strong and keep going through w recovery, i believe that you can truly recover!! I hope you do, youre such a lovely person and you deserve to be happy and healthy and not worry about food & 💓💓 also, your hair is so long oh my gosh!!!! it’s so pretty !!

[@jessican6451]

I believe she is. One is 17 and the other one 14 and shes 20 or 21

[@loganthorpe92]

you guys remind me of bluey and bingo ❤episode called hammerbarn 3:37

[@lem1738]

You have an aesthetic about you that reminds me of the OA

[@kirstylou7980]

Do u live in somerset x

[@clandestinacocaina5975]

You seem incredibly sweet, honest and intelligent. I wish you loads of strength and luck on your road of recovery. By the way you need a haircut INCREDIBLY bad...

[@96raindrop96]

could you make an anorexia story video?

[@cherry-cm2vt]

It might be triggering for her..

[@safetyfund7040]

i love you

[@hellioringos2308]

keep eating, i hope within 1 months you'll improve :) you're still eating too less :) but it will take time :) just enjoy your tastebuds and influence your sense of smell :)

[@heyyitsyazzi]

Eating a pizza every day or trying something new occasionally may be a good thing but because that the only thing your doing your not able to succeed in recovery. In recovery you can’t just do something differently sometimes, you have to do everything different to be able to break bad habits and those have to be repeated so they become normal again and not scary. Your recovery is problematic because your not giving it your all and still sticking to a routine.

[@elzani6744]

I always question whether I am giving it my all... I feel I am but then I also feel I am never trying enough..

[@heyyitsyazzi]

@@elzani6744 im no expert, but i can tell that your stuck in recovery and that ok for a period of time. but as you say yourself you can't "waste" more time on this illness since it gets your literally nowhere. your too fixated on food and almost worship it which isn't right. yes your main focus should be to work with your food but also normalize it like normal people. Normal people don't worship a piece of brownie like you and many other anorexics do as if it was your last piece of cake that you were ever going to be eating in your lifetime. Your just in the beginning of recovery and therefore you need to make every possible change in your routine that you can think of, even though it may sound scary or impossible. Your goal is to gain weight and i literally does not matter how fast or how much (unless it is very little) you gain it just has to be done. Restricting your cravings and not breaking your anorexic routine just means that you will be sticking to those bad behaviors even after your are weight restored and that would just mean that your psychological health hasn't changed at all. You have come a long way and you should be proud of yourself, but you have to make changes now, not tomorrow not next week now :)

[@heyyitsyazzi]

@@annabelwilliamson8662 i totally agree :)

[@dovestone_]

Elzani however well or not well it’s going you are ALWAYS giving it your all. Xxxxx

[@AngelicasRecovery]

Are your sisters twins?

[@its_msk]

Satara looks younger

[@elzani6744]

no they're not, Satara is 14, Alisha is 17!

[@sippinlean277]

Please turn to Jesus he loves you so much and died on the cross for you and your family and friends ❤❤❤❤❤❤

[@aaaaa-zx1fk]

😭 *I'm late*

[@elzani6744]

or am I early

[@elzani6744]

;)

[@aaaaa-zx1fk]

@@elzani6744 oh hi ❤ *thankyou kyou for your comment* ❤

[@aaaaa-zx1fk]

@@elzani6744 😁