QAC 16 - Asexuality and the LGBTQ Community

[@kathrynholton3081]

I had to delete tumblr after seeing how they attacked me for being ace. Over and over they called me "cis ace" and how I didn't belong to be in the community and other crap. Honestly, LGBT doesn't have a say in who claims what. I wanted to be in a community where I was accepted, but instead I've had nearly two nervous breakdowns because of the negative comments. I have been supporting LGBT since I was 10. Now....I see they have a standard. It makes me cry honestly.

[@QueerAsCat]

i'm sorry to hear about the harm that ignorant people on Tumblr have caused you. :( definitely do whatever you feel you need to do to stay safe and take care of yourself. i do want to say, though, that the ignorant people on Tumblr are not representative of the LGBT community at large nor are they even representative of the LGBT community on Tumblr. they're a very loud but relatively small number of people who like to hear themselves talk so they can feel justified in bullying and belittling others. please don't let them ruin the relationship that you've had with the LGBT community since you were 10. i don't care what they or anyone else says, as a member of the LGBT community i'm thankful for your support and welcome you into the community with open arms, if you'd like to be a part of it.

[@Astronomater]

stay away from reddit as well IMO. lots of trolls

[@SweeterGull]

Harmony Smurf reddit is more accepting

[@toxicperson8936]

I've always considered Asexuals & Asexuality as part of the LGBTQA+ community, because to me, the LGBTQA+ community is anyone who is not straight, or not the "norm." Just my personal opinion as a homosexual man.

[@princessthyemis]

I agree!!

[@CheesenMac123]

@Emi Design If you are asexual, then you aren’t completely straight. To me, the straight norm is people who are cisgender, heterosexual, and heteromantic. If you aren’t the norm, then I think that’s enough for you to consider yourself part of the community if you wish to do so.

[@CheesenMac123]

@Emi Design Asexuals are LGBTQ+... regardless of their romantic orientation. They still aren’t straight, so they can say they are lgbtq+ if they want. Any asexual person should be allowed to identify with the LGBTQ+ community so long as they want to.

[@QueerAsCat]

there are acronyms which include an A (LGTBQIA, LGBTQA, etc), but not everyone uses those acronyms. also yeah, there is some disagreement/confusion as to what the A stands for. many people aren't aware of asexuality at all and so they assume A stands for ally. as great as allies are, i personally think they have no place in the acronym. they support the community, yes, but are not actually members of it, imho.

[@knockdownwheel542]

I'm a heteroromantic asexual. I live in a small town in Northern BC, Canada. Our tiny LGBTQ+ community here was so respectful and helpful to me, and I will be forever greatful for their acceptance. I am 34yrs old, and only realized my asexuality 6 months ago. The largest challenge I face today is explaining to people what asexuality is. 99% of the people I talk to don't even know what it is. And many don't believe me when I tell them. It was trying enough to come to terms with being ACE, especially at my age where I would like to have a partner and a family one day. But finding nobody to talk to about it was even more depressing and crushing. My local LGBTQ+ was the best resource and support available. It was THEM that introduced me to AVEN, and it was THEM who actually got me in touch with another ACE in my hometown. I totally understand that the LGBTQ community has been fighting against oppression, and I don't wish to take that away or diminish it in anyway. But, had I not been accepted nor supported by my local LGBTQ+ community, I do not know what kind of terrible downward spiral I might have found myself in. I was devastated, depressed, I had lost hope, I wanted to run away. I so desperately did NOT want to be me anymore. I guess what I'm saying is that while asexuals may not necessarily be facing oppression like general members of the community, we most definitely face other challenges which can be quite devastating to our own mental health. I always thought that the main goal of the LGBTQ community was to spread awareness, and provide support for those who are not heterosexual. Well, I'm NOT heterosexual, I'm NOT gay. Within the context of sexuality I am an oddball and unusual. Does this not make me queer? And is "queer" not an umbrella term for the community in it's entirety? I find it ironic that some LGBTQ members, who have been fighting for a respectful status in society and for acknowledgement within, can turn their backs on human beings, many of whom have nowhere to turn and nobody to talk to, especially considering that asexuals make up approx. 1% of the population.

[@bknighttheemo8756]

KnockdownWheel this is exactly how I feel I thought when I found my asexuality why I am the way I am it all clicked and I thought lgbt+ is a great community because they accept people who are different right but now I see a lot of acceptance but much more aggression and non accepting members it feels like lgbt sometimes is not a safe space which is so hypocritical and contradictory and it feels kind of scary especially for younger people I’m at the edge of my teens but for those younger teens I point many to AVEN. AVEN seems like a safe space for everyone but glad you have a supportive lgbt community because there are so many non supportive ones too. Sex is not in my life for a partner so it will be so hard to find a romantic male partner that includes trans men too because they’re also male but even with an open mind it feels scary that there can be uninformed ignorant and hurtful people I’m also non binary but don’t care if people use a pro noun for me I’m biologically female but I wish I could be neither so the lgbt can make me even more confused sometimes but that doesn’t mean all lgbt is bad but it sucks that sometimes it’s not a safe space. I’m so glad AVEN is around 🖤 hopefully we get even more awareness have a great year everyone 🤘🐱 this is just a rant too so if you read it thanks

[@knockdownwheel542]

@@bknighttheemo8756 We ACES need to unite!!! lol. AVEN is great, but I need more than that. I am currently working on a channel of my own, specifically for ACES. Watch out for "Small Town Ace", coming soon 😊 (I'm currently experiencing some computer problems which have prevented me from posting my first video, but keep an eye open for it...oh...and when I do finally post...spread the word!!!)

[@ArtemissLuminos]

Maybe the salient question is this: In a world so dominated by heterosexuals who copulate like rabbits at every opportunity, where do asexual people go when they want to get away from all that and find some support from people who understand? LGBT people clearly have a place they can go, support networks that can help them, etc. Just as an example, in the offline world I am the only asexual person I know. I live in a large midwestern US city, and there are NO groups for asexuals, while there are several large, vocal, and well-resourced groups for LGBTs. I am not a young person, but i shudder to think what happens to young asexuals looking for help, support, and information. We already know that the most common reactions to asexuality involve many statements that boil down to "there must be something wrong with you" in various forms and expressions. This is NOT what a young person who is already struggling needs to hear.

[@RhysezPieces]

Exactly! A ton of people in the LGBT+ community are so accepting, but it's the parts that exclude asexuals that are causing a lot of anxiety for young people. It's like going to the doctor for the first time and all you've heard is how painful it's gonna be. Or going a second time after having such a nice experience and getting a horrible doctor.

[@thesquishedelf1301]

female small They usually aren’t aware of what it means, and put themselves in bad situations because they think something’s wrong with them. Speaking from experience and observation. I think it’s very important for asexuality to become more known and more understood, because people often don’t even consider it, especially when they’re young - if you have *a* libido at all, why would you think that you might be ace without knowing what it really is, just what it sounds like?

[@superomnenomen]

Thank you for understanding I am going through this and I am just confused

[@jojoquigley7741]

A few decades ago the LGBT community was the Gay & Lesbian community, and they did not accept transsexuals. It was more recently that intersexuals were added to LGBTQ. Speak up, educate, write articles, talk to people, and in time Asexuals will be accepted by the LGBTQI community. It's a case of ignorance, not malice. Great video !

[@RhysezPieces]

Thanks for the optimism!

[@godsavethelolita]

i think asexuality has a place in the community but i personally don't feel comfortable being in those spaces. being (cis white female)heteroromantic, i feel like i would be invading spaces not truly meant for me. sometimes i regret feeling this way but in the end i am just glad to know asexuality is a 'thing' not some joke i used to make to make sense of who i am. it has been so good these past few years since discovering 'ace/asexuality' as a 'label.' just discovered your videos and enjoying them greatly. thank you for them. :)

[@MegaKirbySuperstar]

godsavethelolita I feel the same as a ace aromantic. Sure I have to deal with erasure and it's suck and I don't see myself as straight or hetero normative but our struggles and demands are so different and of different severity. I just don't think it's considerate to demand space in the safe community of other individuals. If I'm invited, GREAT and if not w/e.

[@opaltoralien4015]

My personal opinion on it is that asexuals simply ARE part of the community, they have been there nearly the whole time, and its everyone else's problem if they discriminate against asexuals / aromantics and try to exclude them. It is totally valid to not feel comfortable entering LGBTQ+ safe spaces if rude members of the community made you feel unwelcome, but logically they were incorrect to do so to you. It makes no sense to exclude asexuals from the LGBTQIA+ community (the A is for Asexual, not ally, that was a lie to erase asexual presence!), because it is a group purely intended to represent people of non-majority genders, sexualities, and romantic orientations (plus intersex individuals, who often have identity struggles in all of the above) relative to cisgender heterosexual heteroromantic people. The entire point is for these sexual, romantic, gender and intersex groups to stick together for support, visibility, awareness and activism by making the community as a whole span a larger proportion of the population to benefit all involved groups. If the majority population is heterosexual then they are also not asexual, so asexuality is by definition a minority sexual orientation. The same goes for being aromantic. Additionally, there is a LOT of stigma against asexuality and aromantic identity, lots of microaggressions, built in societal expectations, social status repercussions for not dating/having sex, a lot of people that try to say it is fake and try to "fix you", etc. There is less legal oppression of asexuality and aromanticism than for things like homosexuality or being transgender, so there doesn't need to be any lobbying for policies/etc, but marginalizing these very real social stigmas against aro/ace people just adds onto the issue of ace erasure and feelings of isolation. Fun fact, the government where I live is posting legal guidelines (either soon or recently) which DIRECTLY mention asexuality as part of the LGBTQIA+ community, so like it or not, it is a fact that asexuality IS part of the community in the eyes of the local government.

[@NevsterPhoenix626]

Thank you for this video. I'm Gray-a and I'm really active in the LGBT+ community and sometimes it's so hard explaining to my (welcoming) friends why I feel unwelcome in a large number of LGBT+ spaces, and this video helps so much.

[@KrissLucia]

I've been flat out told that I'm not welcomed in the LGBT community or even allowed to use the word "queer" if it wasn't for my ROMANTIC orientation and my gender. But really, my asexuality, and my need for asexuality to be acknowledged is more important to me than my romantic orientation or my gender.... I don't feel welcomed at all in queer spaces that call themselves LGBT even though I have a right to be there.... Because of that, I like to call myself GSM. I still feel queer and I still call myself queer. I am. But I don't use LGBT as an acronym to describe me or anyone else anymore. I prefer Gender an Sexuality Minorities because it's not this stupid oppression Olympic club you have to get approved for to get into, nor an evergrowing acronym.

[@KrissLucia]

!!! You're sweet. Thank you!!

[@amberhiggins6327]

Read this book if you haven't already : Excluded: Making Feminist and Queer Movements More Inclusive by Julia Serano www.amazon.com/Excluded-Making-Feminist-Movements-Inclusive/dp/1580055044/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1400472019&sr=8-1&keywords=Julia+Serano

[@KrissLucia]

Since writing this comment over a year ago, things have dramatically changed for the better. This is still somewhat of an issue, but things have gotten better, much, much better. Asexual Awareness Day has brought to light Asexuality as an orientation as well as a community, and that, alone, has made in incredibly noticeably better.

[@SuperIcelight]

I know this is late, but wasn't GSM coined by a pedophile and includes that? Like that isn't the best term to use.

[@RhysezPieces]

+SuperIcelight Was it a pedophile who's been arrested for touching children or one that hasn't touched kids?

[@SlytherinShark888]

Thank you so much for sharing your experiences. Being ace is something that I'm coming to terms with. Once I found out what ace meant and evaluated my life experiences and desires I realized it described me to a t. I was searching for a video by a QPOC and an ace and I'm so glad I found your videos. Know that you're not alone and that I have had a similar aversion to going to Pride with my partner who is white, male, and homosexual. He is celebrated and centered in Pride while my being an asexual person of color I am largely marginalized and silenced. I have a complicated relationship to the LGBTQIA+ community.

[@QueerAsCat]

+Chris Hooten hi! thank you for watching and commenting! it's great to hear from another APOC (asexual POC)/QPOC. but yeah, i hear you on having different experiences and being treated differently from the majority within the LGBTQIA community because of intersectional identities like being an asexual person of color.... :(

[@musiquecs]

Christopher Hooten it is good to see their are some qpoc out there, I'm glad to have found this page as well, finding out that I am asexual was a big discovery for me and it is better to have a community of acceptance to help along this journey

[@brennaheart1436]

WoW! Much love for the Asexual community.

[@MetisRose95]

Someone correct me if I'm wrong, but isn't the rainbow flag supposed to symbolize a 'rainbow' of sexual and gender identities, and try to create awareness for anyone who isn't straight or doesn't fit typical gender norms. If so, then why shouldn't asexuals be represented? That's the reason the A was included to begin with. I just don't get people who think it shuldn't be included.

[@kota1748]

Rebecca it’s not necessarily the movement in whole that discludes asexual people but there are those that have a certain capacity of acceptance based on beliefs. Some just can’t wrap their head around the concept that lacking the feeling of sexual attraction is still a sexuality. They shouldn’t be alienated for it but it is unfortunate that they feel the need to push people out of groups like that.

[@tickedoffnow]

I'm a Member of the LGBTA Club at My College and I Myself am Asexual/Non-Sexual, they support Me 100 percent.

[@anon9110]

Also another thing I think is unfair and which is an example of our sex obsessed society is therapists wouldnt dare imply that homosexuality is a mental disorder, yet they do towards Asexuals and Ive heard LGBT activists try say we are ALL sexual beings. Its like the majority of people just cant believe someone could not actually be interested in sex or sexually attracted. Ugh I just hate this society. Sick of sex everywhere. Its especially that more hard being a non-libidoist Asexual. :(

[@GrayTimber]

It's seeing how some of the LGBTQ community treats asexuals like myself that I have stopped being a steadfast supporter. I seem to catch not so flattering cases of hypocrisy frequently enough to warrant my pull of support, imo.

[@annaskill5500]

GrayTimber Same here honestly, during one big pride event a gay dude (only assuming this because he was with an organisation that's specifically for gay men and wore their t-shirt) literally said to me "I don't believe in or support your lifestyle." when I told him I identify as ace. I wish I hadn't been so shocked so I could've told him he sounded EXACTLY like the homophobes oppressing him - he even used the exact same words they so often do!!

[@raggletaggle8827]

+GrayTimber Many of them are hypocritical. The homosexuals there of course want to be accepted and not teased, want people to believe being gay is not an illness. Yet, many of them turn around and say asexuality isn't real, it's an illness etc. Wish they'd practice what they preach

[@kruuuuune]

+Anna Skill he wasn't trying to be funny?

[@RhysezPieces]

+kruuuuune That's an incredibly shitty joke. -.- That'd be like throwing those exploding pop-rockets bear someone with war PTSD.

[@e-811]

It was scary being gay and ace and trying to pick a side. Still, I don't think anyone deserves oppression so I always support, though I'll admit it's harder when they're racist/anti-ace/transphobic/biphobic

[@CrystaliceXX]

this was enlightening. personally I've heard about debates of whether or not aces belong in the LGBT community but I do not identify as such. probably because I'm hetero romantic (or gray romantic). but it's sad to see people are belittling our problems and excluding us. like, wasn't the point of that community to be accepting? it's hypocrisy. it's like the middle child, who's bullied by his older brother, now is bullying the third, youngest child from prior influence.

[@thatsdisco]

Every year where I live there is the rainbow parade aka pride around the middle of June and this year will be the first for me to try to openly show my orientation. I plan on wearing a NO ROMO shirt or NAH shirt, since these are my favourites out of all I could find (also awesome: Wingaydium Lesbiosa) and I am really excited. But also kinda scared. Last year, I knew I wasn't straight, but could not define it shortly after the parade (the irony) and now I have a word that expresses what I felt and feel all along. But at the other hand I am scared. Scared that maybe I won't get accepted. That maybe there will be rude people saying rude things in a place where last year I saw everyone and everything so radiant and happy. I couldn't stop smiling last year, I want it to be the same this year. I am on one hand scared of showing my romantic and sexual orientation, but on the other hand I think of how unknown it is, even more here, how it could help people. I could help spread the word with signs and stuff but at the same time I am scared of rude words and prejudices. I am unsure of if I should really show it openly.

[@QueerAsCat]

Buttony M. in my experience there may be asshats who say shit, but for me the good has always outweighed the bad. even if i've gotten ignorant/negative comments, there's always someone who appreciates my attempt at visibility and pride, even if they never say that to my face. sadly negative people are often louder and more vocal than positive people, but don't let them discourage you! that said, if you really don't want to have to deal with potential asshats, then don't you don't have to put yourself in that situation if you're not ok with it. there'll always been next year and the year after that and the year after that etc. prioritize your safety and happiness over everything else. have a happy pride!

[@thatsdisco]

QueerAsCat Thank you for your positive words! I decided that I will see how I am gonna do that. Though I know that I want to go around with a Free Hugs Sign (though last year I was really shy and didn't have the guts to, like, hold it up in the air for everyone to see. Maybe a shirt would be smarter.)

[@TheDrsuperawsome]

Thank you very much for this :) I fully support the LGBTQ community but I'm on the fence on whether or not I feel I belong with the LGBTQ community. I know quite a few LGBTQ members and a few of them do make fun of asexuals, however some others are completely accepting. I really am torn weather I can consider myself as a part of the LGBTQ community but I know I will always support them. Again, thanks very much for this video.

[@catsaesthetics8257]

I feel this video so much, honestly, I've never felt very connected to the community. When I attempted to feel connected I felt wrong for the attempt. I've come to just be comfortable in not being a part of it. I know some ace people really feel connected and that's great but I just don't.

[@raggletaggle8827]

This is why I don't go to these meets. I've met bisexuals who were very accepting of me being ace - but also, many homosexuals in particular who laughed at me. Speculated they could apparently tell that I was secretly gay and covering up. I hate that ignorant attitude.

[@sayogayo]

i'll never understand people who say being ace doesn't make you lgbtq+ because you aren't "oppressed enough". first off, i apologize, i didn't know you had to be discriminated against in order for your sexuality to "qualify" for being in the community. say someone is gay, but isn't bullied for it. does that magically make them detached from the rest of the lgbtq+ community? secondly, with other excuses, like how having a "lack of" attraction "doesn't make it an orientation", i still think they're wrong but can somewhat see where they're coming from. but invalidating someone because they aren't "oppressed", which we are, is just beyond me.

[@marillaz4582]

_sayomayo I feel the same. I thought Pride and LGBTQ+ was all about inclusion of those who fall outside the majority standard, not identity as an abuse survivor or discrimination victim. Now do those things come along with minority identity? Absolutely! And any group that is there to offer a safe space and support for minorities should be aware of oppression and should also offer help, love, and support in those areas....but when did that become the focus *over* the identity of the individual? I’m all for support when someone feels oppressed but, if that is all you are about, then your oppression can become your entire identity. And then it’s nothing but a competition over who’s has been injured the most. And I’m sorry, but I don’t want my identity to be based solely on what I’ve survived.

[@thomasjames6680]

It's a particularly strange argument as many countries, including the UK, still can legally put asexuals into mental facilities as "mentally ill" for being asexual. It's still legal to do conversion "therapy" on aces here to. In some places it can be an automatic prison term for paedophilia with no evidence other than being asexual is assumed guilt. Aces have been attacked for being not straight, even if it is assumed they are gay rather than ace. It's sad, decades ago early queer activists put aces in with the community. Now predominantly white rather conservative gays and lesbians are fighting to keep us out, then get angry when aces speak out about not feeling welcome. Like they want us yo go away and say nothing, and form no community of our own. But if they insist on forcing us out, then to silence us to stop us fighting our way back in, then we are going to make communities of our own. If we can't trust the lgbtq+ community, or parts of it, of course we are going to make our own spaces. They just have to suck that, and our being vocal about it, up.

[@dorothydiabetes]

Your speaking nothing but truths and facts, girl! being an asexual myself, I completely understand where your coming from. Ya know, showing your colors without getting a negative reaction, and I'm already horribly anti social why would I come out my way, to be descriminated? Thank you for adressing this, really. The world needs more people like you. 🙂💕

[@devonwaswick6218]

I feel the same way you do, and it's the main reason why I'm still 'in the closet'. I've always been, and still am, a strong supporter of the LGBTQ+ community but it wasn't until early this year that I stumbled across the term Asexual, and it 'clicked' with me as to "yeah that's exactly how I feel". I'm petrified to tell anyone because no one, even my friends who are mainly LGBT, seems to know what asexuality is...

[@lucy0462]

Seven years later and the community is still treated like this. This is why so many asexual people(me included) never come out

[@La.máquina.de.los.sueños]

1000% agree with you! I don't feel comfortable in "LG and supposedly BT+" prides. People kissing, boobs and tight speedos everywhere... if the society is hyper-sexualized, the prides are 100 times more. I was use to go in the gay village (Montreal), but I stopped because feeling like a piece of meat... that or people flirting (invading my bubble) with me because automatically assuming that I'm gay.

[@psychohochsieben2316]

I would say, labels are made to give a word to the way someone feels. This label makes them part of some kind of community as well. There are people who refuse the label, because they don´t think they need or want it. We rarely hear about them, since they do not out themselves or search for anything related to their identity, since they only do whatever they feel is right for them. I think it should be the same for the LGBT+ community. The community was build to connect people who were refused by the society because of their sexual orientation. I´d say, if someone wants to be part of the community, they should be allowed to. This goes for allies as well, I believe. If someone refuses to be a part of it (as it happens to with internalized homophobia as one famous example), they should not have to. This is a community supposed to connect people and create a bond between people regardless of their identity. This is a connection that cannot be forced. Like love itself.

[@Thresch]

I love how calm you discuss things. It's very relaxing and I love to listen to you. Your videos always cheer me up!

[@PoeticProse7]

We need to recognize sexuality as a spectrum and we're all on it. As an Ace I can tell you that in a lot of areas of the US being an Ace female carries a huge stigma and have been the victim of corrective assault.

[@georgehutter339]

Can confirm, ace in Indiana. It hecking sucks

[@kota1748]

In all honesty, I never felt like I was part of LGBT but I guess I never felt the need to be. Never been to a pride event a single time in my life but I am Asexual. Inclusion to me was never a necessity to me but admittedly it would’ve been a major plus. Friends and family come and go in my life so I guess I have grown numb to rejection or departure and ran out of fucks to give. I’m in no way sad but in a weird way at peace which took most of my life so far to get to. I like me and that’s all I need. I definitely understand why you would feel rejection in the way you do though. People trying to make their case any more important than somebody else and telling them they have less a right to speak are not a friend of mine. If you feel the need to speak you have every right to speak.

[@caadam87]

Saying that, I relate to your feelings on the matter. I have a lot of gray-a tendencies, and I've already felt the sting from some people in the LGBTQ community. I've also just come out as genderqueer, yet I'm already seeing lots of misunderstandings about what makes someone genderqueer. It's disheartening, and scary.

[@raidyl2823]

(7:00-7:30) If you want asexuals to be represented at pride events then go and show asexual pride at the event even if you mind your own... it has to start with someone (or rather many people have to be brave enough to start it) I think asexuals have an identity to be proud of and we can certainly be pheeenomenal allies many of them seem smart and analytical we could be a lot of good support for lgbt and for ourselves... You mentioned a lot of poor representation in the events, throughout the video You representing will encourage other aces to rep and other identities to rep as well The reason pride is soo... the way it is is because it’s the way the way it is always been, because it is the majority, and because it started as a result of there being actual laws that oppress them great vid btw :)

[@Cyberwar101]

They had another video where they did just that and were harassed for it.

[@caadam87]

Last week, I watched the (A)sexual documentary. I was pretty upset by the disinterest and at times blatant rejection of asexuality by the very people who apparently fight very hard for others to recognize and respect their own sexuality. I hope one day they see and change that behavior, because I'm sure I'm not the only one who finds it terribly hypocritical.

[@unusuallink7434]

7 years later and they still won’t accept us into the community :’)

[@Nightraven-vc5eo]

I've always been so confused about this. Don't know whether I should consider myself a part of the LGBT community. Seems like half of them accepts us and the other half doesn't.

[@willowravenwright5518]

Experiencing my first Pride as an, “out,” Asexual, I also attended my first event. I wanted to go and also left with mixed feelings. I did feel a lack of Ace representation. It was a goal of mine to try and find some local Ace people to make friends with. This made me sad.

[@sanobatto]

When you mentioned the Gayby movie thing mentioning the "A" not belonging, are you sure they meant 'Asexual' and not 'ally'? I'm just asking because I've heard people saying that the A in the LGBTQIA means 'ally' or 'asexual' depending on who you ask. And honestly, I guess it wouldn't matter because we're still being erased either way and such a statement would suggest that allies are more important than asexuals are. Damn... I hate late epiphanies.

[@KeyOfTheTwilight]

Yeah. I noticed this is from 5 years ago, and it's still happening. Since I've just recently come out as Ace I had my first experience with that. And yeah, I feel like I don't belong in the LGBT community because of that. It just sucks to be treated like that.

[@Sheisdreaming06]

I identify as demisexual-bisexual and sometimes i dont feel welcomed in neither graysexual aspectrum community or bisexual community because of how i identify myself if i say just bisexual ppl think 'betraying demisexuals and eraesing other types of attraction' and I dont but the types of atraction i feel almost never include romantic just aestetic or sensual by the way if identify as demisexual biromantic I feel im sharing the misunderstand of bisexuality that bisexuals like everyone and stuff Im confused

[@bknighttheemo8756]

Autumn Wander sorry this is late AVEN is a great place to talk about and ask questions too but from what I understand you can say that you’re biromantic demisexual so the bi is romantic orientation and Demi is sexual orientation does that make some sense? So either way you can be part of the asexual community because ace is a spectrum but you can be part of bisexual too it shouldn’t matter honestly but be who you are and whatever community you feel best with or even both it’s not a secret club haha as people think it’s a place for others that feel the same have a safe space to talk about it have a great year hope I helped🖤

[@thesquishedelf1301]

Your opinions are fleshed-out and well presented. You have a really calming presence that helps you to deconstruct complex topics into easily understood sections. It’s extremely refreshing, to say the least. Thank you!

[@simonestevenson-hough9435]

I believe that we are apart of the lgbt+ community

[@kahau9606]

I hope this isn't an unwelcome comment or anything (and I'm asexual also so I don't mean anything pushy by it) but you're reeeeeeally pretty.

[@thatsdisco]

Nothing wrong with that! I myself think they are reeeeeeally pretty!

[@desertsun8761]

So my question is who decides this. Do asexuals proclaim membership in the LGBTQ community and therefore are part of it, or does the LGBTQ community need to approve membership? I mean who decides if a new group is part of another?

[@QueerAsCat]

DesertSun no one. the LGBT community isnt some exclusive club where applications must be submitted for approval. everyone, asexual or not, decides for themself whether they personally feel like a part of the community.

[@desertsun8761]

QueerAsCat I admire your position on freedom of choice when you say that people should be allowed to consider themselves part of whatever community they want. However, as a gay person I am weary when you say that someone can "choose" to join any community they want (ie, the gay community)... Being gay means you're born with same sex attraction and it's the haters that want to paint it as a choice. ... If you promote the idea that anyone can join the gay community by choice, you are dancing too close to the notion that people select their sexual orientation. ... Anybody can join the gay rights movement or hang out with us, and asexuals can consider themselves a sexual minority - however, if you say anybody can select to join the gay community whether or not they're gay or even have sexual feelings, the haters will use that to argue that people select homosexuality. I was born gay and thus I'm part of the gay community. It's not a choice to be part of the gay community as I never sat down and made a decision whether I"m part of it - that is not something we decide since we're born that way; it's who you are inside and how you were born.

[@QueerAsCat]

DesertSun see, i never used the word "join" to begin with because, again, we are not talking about club membership here. i said that being a part of the LGBTQIA community is a matter of self-identity because there is no application process, bullet point list of prerequisites to be met etc, nor are there any people ordained and licensed to police others' identities or behavior. the fact is there are no clear-cut lines in terms of who identifies as part of the community beyond that person being non-heteronormative, non-amatonormative and/or not cisgender. i'd also like to point out that community is not the same thing as sexuality. just because someone is gay does not mean they automatically identify as part of the gay community. being part of the community IS optional. it IS a choice. there ARE people who actively disassociate themselves from the community for personal reasons and doing so obviously does not change the fact that they are gay because *sexuality and community are not the same thing*. no where have i said nor implied that people choose their sexuality, only that their identity and their desire to be included in a community of ppl with similar identities is their choice. please do not misunderstand me or imply that i suggested/hinted at something that i did not.

[@ChronicallySpaced]

I think you make many wonderful points and I agree with you 100%. Thank you so much for taking the time to make this. It made me feel much less alone.

[@alissaride117]

if the lgbt community hate aces so much then why don't they get rid of the "a" in their acronym. all it does is cause confusion to whether it stands for "ace/aro" or "ally". and then when someone yells to you that "tHE 'a' sTaNDs FoR aLLy NoT AcE!!!1", the community just looks flat out hypocritical to allow in cis, heterosexual, STRAIGHT people in the community yet not allow people who do not experience romantic and sexual attraction and actually have struggles with their sexual and/or romantic attraction as it is not considered "the norm". the only thing that i agree with the people who often police aces out of the LGBT community is that they are not "queer". this is true that they are not queer if they are cis and do not experience same gender attraction.

[@Vearru]

I seriously don’t understand the arguments against asexual inclusion. Like if you say “asexuality is the lack of a sexuality, so because it’s not a sexuality it doesn’t belong” then why don’t those people also argue against trans inclusion in the community. If they are arguing level of oppression then sure asexuals might have an easier time than lesbian, gay or trans people, but bi people get very similar responses to ace people and thus they should be argued out of it too. Personally I don’t really care whether or not I’m included in the LGBTQ community or not. It seems too overly sexualized for me so if they want to include me then maybe I’ll be cool with identifying as such but I will also reserve my right to leave.

[@Vearru]

@Emi Design Me too. Or well at least a more recognized one, because as do have AVEN, but unfortunately it seems most people don’t know about it.

[@Vearru]

@Emi Design I didn’t know about it for quite a while actually. My girlfriend told me about it a while ago before we started dating.

[@ZtheMonster]

I thought that asexuality was included in the acronym, but people mistakenly thought it stood for "ally"? I'm not sure of the official meaning though. but I agree that there's hardly any visibility in the LGBT+ community for hardly anything but lesbian and gay. it's really saddening because you see everyone claiming LGBT+ pride but they don't even know what the T stands for. hopefully we start becoming more visible as time goes on, however.

[@SK98765]

I'm pretty sure Acers are in the community. I've heard it called LGBTQIA a lot, but just abbreviated because people are lazy. That mostly stands for Lesbian Gay Bi Trans Questioning Inbetween Ace, but the A sometimes is seen as Allies so I guess we might not fit after all.

[@aerendyll]

From my understanding, I means Intersex, but that is up for debate. The A should not mean Allies. Allies are not people that are part of the community due to who they are, but due to who they support. This means that, while their efforts are appreciated and I am very thankful to their contributions, they are not the people that directly face the same struggles, even if they get mistaken for being part of the LGBTQIA letter soup.

[@daslenschen4353]

I was a member of the Pride Organisation team in my hometown many times. The problem with representation is that you need people of the group itself to organize it. Why didn' t your group organize a stand on the festival? Most LGBTQ- teams would welcome anyone who assotiated with them. But you need the members of the group itself to do something!! This is not intolerance or something. It is just the case that most people just want to get something instead of doing something themselves.

[@QueerAsCat]

+dasLenschen or maybe the complete lack of representation and inclusion makes it extremely hard for under represented people to find each other and form groups to organize themselves in the first place. how about not blaming under represented people for the fact that they are under represented, as if there isn't a hell of a lot involved in that. i wasn't blaming the event organizers to begin with.

[@RhysezPieces]

+QueerAsCat Yep, exactly. I didn't know asexuality existed until 7 months ago. Before that, it wasn't even a word in my vocabulary. Now I'm pissed that other people are just as obvious as I was.

[@minero1775]

You are part of my community! You are just as valid as anyone else

[@dandrew8758]

i feel the same way. i feel ur pain. its hard to deal with.

[@kaiyodei]

how common is it that because of sexuality is fluid, some asexuals morphed into pansexuals? I've seen a few people type it out that it happend to them. how?

[@AnnaKin]

I'm the same way about Pride. Exactly the same

[@opaltoralien4015]

I have fortunately never encountered a member of the LGBTQ+ community that is aphobic or exclusionary of asexuals, aromantics, etc. Around where I live, anyone who isn't a heterosexual heteroromantic cisgender individual (the majority of the population) qualifies as LGBTQIA+, and was readily accepted by the LGBTQ community. Other than a singular non-binary person in high school who gate-keeped the term non-binary from others (falsely asserting that non-binary only means agender), I have never seen or heard of anyone in-person in my life that gatekeeps the LGBTQ community or sub-communities within it. Near where I live, a government-run organization has published guidelines which explicitly name asexuals as part of the LGBTQ+ community, so at least in the eyes of inclusion and anti-discrimination policies they are formally part of the community in the eyes of the government.

[@op0ssumprincess]

I agree with you completely, thank you for making this video!

[@parkergreen3853]

Bunny Brook That's a classy profile pic you got there :)

[@brendanlily1917]

Vesper, you make complete and brilliant sense in all that you say in this video, but, as an asexual person myself, a cisgender female who is asexual, I just can't see where there is any sexual or sexuality issue that connects me personally to the LGBTQ community, at least on my part. IMHO, and, respectfully, I feel I DON'T belong...I don't have this urgent, crushing need to FEEL included.. I don't volunteer the fact that I am asexual, but I will gladly confess and explain if questioned or if the whole subject comes up...It is just basically a fact about myself that I take completely for granted, the same as my hair color or eye color, or the fact that I like chocolate ice cream instead of vanilla...that is how important to me it is overall in the scheme of things...and I have no kind of ridiculous "romantic" orientation, either, so, even there, I have no connection...I love your videos. You are a very attractive, intelligent and compelling young person...please, keep up the great work.

[@arturkordsao]

You know, when people come to a certain point of acceptance in the future, there should be a flag made for humanity and not just for the LGBTQA community. I personally don't understand why this has to be a problem. Aren't these parades supposed to represent support and acceptance for the unaccepted? Why are even these people not accepting each other?

[@VMKjelly]

Really we should rename it the QQA... Queers, Questioning, and Allies. There! all inclusive!

[@cayakdawson2020]

Hell ya! Sitting in doors, eating cake and playing games is always way more fun!

[@Kayzewolf]

I've been lucky to find some accepting (or just friendly?) LGBTQ people but it definitely feels like you're just tolerated than welcomed as part of the community. I mean, my friends are awesome people that include me, I just mean certain publicized LGBT narratives and people.

[@mauricethegecko9700]

Yknow how people (or at least the ones I've known) don't say their romantic orientation when they come out? Well, I'm thinking I tell my parents I'm ace, but not tell them I'm omniromantic, and bing bang boom I'm accepted in my family!

[@probablysomeidiot1066]

now I understand why Brighton has a separate trans pride !

[@ashlingandhurricanes6892]

love & support to you, Cat

[@MrMasterDebate]

I can proudly say I am your 5,555TH subscriber xD.

[@linklg1]

Thank you for sharing this.

[@xraym2356]

What i've found with the ace community there is a higher frequency of dis-alignment with sexual orientation and romantic orientation. For example, most homosexual people are homoromantic. But with asexuality, aromanticism is rare and heteromanticism isn't all that common either.

[@QueerAsCat]

Xraym not true at all. the asexual community is simply more aware of the distinction between sexual and romantic attraction and thus are more likely to seperate the two, whereas in the LGB communities it's more often *assumed* that you experience sexual and romantic attraction in the same way. also, aromanticism and heteroromanticism are no rarer nor more common in the asexual community than it is in any other community.

[@86thislove]

As an Asexual I'm not sure whether I want to be apart of the LGBT community. I know I support them but I'm not sure if I fit in with them.

[@softspasoundsasmr9048]

thank you for your channel!

[@dork-ishdoll271]

Tbh we should just have our own community, we have so many inner categories as it is so why not! I dont want to be classified as lgbt anyways lol. But thats just me, thoughts anyone?

[@aroace7913]

Should be up to anyone to decide for themselves

[@anon9110]

+MrMasterDebate Youre wrong. There is a difference between orientation and sexual orientation. Sexual orientation is purely how you relate to others sexually that you are sexually attracted to. The definition of Sexual Orientation is even... a person's sexual identity in relation to the gender to which they are ATTRACTED. Asexuals are neither attracted sexually to male or female, therefore they have no sexual orientation. They may have a romantic orientation but not a sexual one.

[@rocksolid6494]

You will have to rename it LGBTQA Community

[@Francisco_420]

Nonsense, i know a trans asexual person personally. I know this video is old but i had to comment on this.

[@brazilianvegan8561]

From my point of view, asexuality is not related to heterosexual community or GLBT community as well. It does not makes sense at all. Thank you sooooooooooooo much for this video.

[@sandraieraci8539]

✨Si Sos Ace lgbtqi +Si Sos Parte Porque Sos Diversidad 🌈 Fuera De La De La Heteronormativa.👍🏻

[@pugjuice8462]

Algorithm comment 2

[@anon9110]

+SuperIcelight The defintion of Asexuality is a LACK of sexual attraction to male or female. It does NOT describe who we are attracted to. It describes who we are NOT attracted to. Therefore it is not an orientation as we are not sexually orientated to anyone. Use basic logic. And if someone has romantic feelings towards someone, then there is a name for that and they are still kinda straight. And if they have romantic feelings for the same sex but not sexual, they are Ace but still gay.

[@sandraieraci8539]

✨ En realidad Serian🙂 👩‍❤️‍👩Les.Ace.👨‍❤️‍👨 Homo.ace.🌈 No Sexuales Porque No Hay Atracción Sexual .👍🏻

[@Firefly12569]

Wow, you're just as blind as me xP love your glasses btw :)

[@Cerulean0987]

I'm gay and am pretty sex positive, however, I have mixed feelings about associating the LGBT community with asexuals. The original drive of the movement was anti-discrimination- and continues to be so. In this way, I definitely don't believe asexuals fall into this category. No one is chastising you for not having sex, except maybe on a personal or intimate level. Yet on the other hand, our community is rich with sexual expression and we are all about being sex positive, accepting of others, and supporting of the various sexualities. If you take this view, you are certainly welcome. All being said, I don't think we would turn anyone away, regardless of our disagreements.

[@billiepotts1541]

1) Asexuality is the lack of sexual attraction. Some asexuals have sex and/or have sex drives. 2) Asexuals experience discrimination & acephobia, suffer under societal norms of sex that in some cases lead then to think they are broken, and Asexuals can targets for violence, especially sexual violence and "corrective rape". 3) Asexuality has been mislabeled as a disorder, and asexuals often feel out of place in a society that is so focused on sex. 4) WTF does sex positivity have to do with asexuality? Asexuals can be sex positive and very curious about sex. (I am) We are people. Some of us going to be are sex positive and some of us aren't. (Also, the LGBTQ community still has problems with biphobia, transphobia, and racism running amok so I wouldn't get on that high horse of the LGBTQ community being super accepting of others, all communities have their problems) 5) Some of us identify as homoromantic, biromantic, panromantic, etc. I want to be welcomed in the LGBT community as a homoromantic asexual, b/c I l want be able hold hands with a future boyfriend in public without being attacked, to have the right to marry him, to be able to not be discriminated against at work or in a business for it, etc. And: Some asexuals are trans, intersex, etc. They are already in the LGBTQ+ community even if you are mixed about associating with them. By no means is this an exhaustive list of reasons the LGBTQ community and the asexual community should be under the same flag, or at least that all asexuals should be welcome in the LGBTQ community. +And Google asexual discrimination and you can go open that can of worms for yourself.

[@MrSD42]

James Tarr calystarose.tumblr.com/post/123032048905/autismserenity-oodlenoodleroodle

[@edifyingartchannel6103]

sounds a bit London, not like vegas,

[@Cerulean0987]

If you are questioning why the other letters weren't represented at your pride, instead of taking it to KZbin to rant, why don't you just ask someone associated with the event. If you are unsatisfied with that answer, make it your goal to work with event organizers to fight for more inclusion. IMO we need to truncate the alphabet soup of letters. Tacking on more just muddles the representation of the community to a point where we lose cohesiveness and definition. Hell, I'm gay and I don't know what half the letters stand for. Are they all necessary? Can't we all agree that LGBT represent the entire community? Or should we call the community LGBTQQIAABSP or any various combination of those letters? Hell we cant even agree on the order four initial letters. Is it GLBT, or is it LGBT? We need a consensus. It causes confusion, especially to those who are unfamiliar with our community.

[@thatsdisco]

I actually find MOGAI a really good saver for this alphabet soup problem. It stands for Marginalized Orientations Gender and Intersex. Or Marginalized Orientations Gender Alignments (and) Intersex.

[@edifyingartchannel6103]

sounds cool though

[@studentdrake]

my problem with all this bullshit glebt, straight, (insert race) whatever, is we're all American.

[@MrSD42]

studentdrake not really, america isn't the only one with lgbt movements and lgbt people. And these issues cross those country boundaries too.

[@studentdrake]

***** i should have phrased it better, i know why the gay community exists (because they were excluded from the rest of society). why were they excluded? there's nothing wrong with being gay. why are people treated different based on race, sexual orientation, gender, gender identity, asexual, and so on? why can't we just be humans? i used the US, thats where im from.

[@duolingoowo4855]

The rainbow flag is the gay flag. So as a person who’s not gay you’re not represented by the flag.

[@Kuh_Ween]

That's why we have our own flag. Just like lesbians, bi people, trans people, etc. And the stripes just represent the diversity of sexuality, so we are included either way.

[@johnathanclark79]

It should not be a thing just dont have sex you dont need Pride parade for that. I dont bowl, I dont need to make a statement about.

[@CeticWales]

Asexuality isnt the same as celibacy. It is a widely ignored and invisible orientation. It is just as valid as homosexuality heterosexuality or amy other sexuality. Many asexuals believe they are the only ones who feel that way and that there is something wrong with them. They don't know it is just as normal as heterosexual homosexuality bisexuality etc.

[@johnathanclark79]

CeticWales Questions. Is it a lack of a sex life, that they identify themselves? Lack of a partner? Do they masturbate? Do they get sexually aroused? Why is a sex life or being active or inactive sexually some form of identity for people? So you choose not to have sex, why is it a big deal for everyone to know? Homosexuals want people to recognize their life style of marriage, keeping a job, working with boys scouts. Transgender want people to recognize and respect gender switch lifestyle I.e OK you're a woman now or you're now a man." LGBT want to adopt children, share insurance ect. But what is asexualality, is it really just making up an identity for something thats common, not having sex.

[@QueerAsCat]

johnathan clark let's get something straight because you obviously don't understand what asexuality is. masturbation has nothing to do with sexuality. masturbation is self-stimulation that literally anyone can do, including animals. it is simply an action that one might do.having a partner or not has nothing to do with anything. one is still heterosexual, bisexual, homosexual etc whether one has a partner or not.sexual arousal? that is just a physiological response. if a doctor hits a patient's knee with a reflex hammer, that person's body will automatically respond by jerking the leg. it's a /physiological/ reflex just like sexual arousal that has nothing to do with anything. sexual orientations (and gender identities) are NOT lifestyles. they are NOT choices. one has no control over one's sexual orientation (or gender). ALL sexual orientations are defined by who someone is sexually attracted to. homosexuality is sexual attraction to people of the same gender.heterosexuality is sexual attraction to people of a different gender.bisexuality is sexual attraction to people of two or more genders.....see the pattern? /sexual attraction/ is what defines someone's sexual orientation. so why is it difficult to follow this same logic in understanding asexuality?asexuality is sexual attraction to NO ONE.simple. asexuals are not attracted towards anyone in a sexual way. why is this difficult to understand...?

[@johnathanclark79]

QueerAsCat so what do asexual masturbate too?

[@QueerAsCat]

johnathan clark ...why is this even relevant? do you go around asking other sexual minorities if they masturbate?

[@magr7424]

The very definition of a first world problem

[@normanreviewsgames698]

The fact that other people/countries have it worse in life does not invalidate one's problems.

[@anon9110]

I dont think Asexuals should be part of the LGBT community because its less of an orientation and more of a lack of an orientation. But I do think we need as much awareness and its not fair that they get so much support and we dont. I mean there is groups, hotlines and websites dedicated to them. But practically nothing for us. I think its to do with our sex obsessed society. I mean its good they help gays and stuff but the majority of all types of people are obsessed with being sexual.

[@MrMasterDebate]

Asexuality isnt a lack of an orientation. Its an orientation. An orientation is how your sexuality relates to others. Asexuality is stating that your not attracted to others. Orientation isnt just who you ARE attracted to, its also who you are NOT attracted to therefore aces fall in this category .

[@rlt152]

I would say no especially since I am Asexual but DO NOT support Gay Rights

[@edifyingartchannel6103]

they are not lgbt plus

[@aroace7913]

They are.

[@pogmonke5217]

ASEXUAL ISNT LGBTQ!!! ITS NOT SEXUAL OR TRANSGENDER!!!

[@sayogayo]

ok calm down it's ok take deep breaths

[@sandraieraci8539]

LA ASEXUALIDAD ES TOTALMENTE LGBTQI+ PORQUE ES PARTE DE LA DIVERSIDAD🌈 DE LA COMUNIDAD . NO ES UNA NORMATIVA COMO LA HETEROSEXUALIDAD . INFORMATE BIEN .SE AGRADECE 🙂👍🏻