QAC 76 - Hair: What's Race & Gender Got To Do With It? || Black Hair | Beauty Standards | Non-Binary

[@Gabriel-yq8bi]

This whole video really resonated with me! I'm a Black afab NB person and hair has always been a big struggle for me. I think one of my biggest struggles with hair is desiring to be "androgynous", but not really knowing what that means for me as a black person. 'Cause androgyny is subjective and always seems to always have whiteness as a prerequisite :/ Right now I just have it growing out until I figure out what I want lol

[@QueerAsCat]

thanks for watching and commenting! what you described is something that i've also struggled with. part of the reason i stuck with my locs for so long is because i couldn't envision another hairstyle that would give me the aesthetic that i wanted / feel right-and that was as much about androgyny being tied to whiteness as my own personal style / aesthetics. i've finally bitten the bullet and cut my locs, but the problem still remains.... so yeah, i feel your pain!

[@ModdyDhoo]

A white friend asked me how I find a stylist and I had to explain that it's usually like a phone train situation. You talk to a black friend, ya mom, or auntie, they start making calls and voila, a hairstylist.

[@Himewna]

When you were talking about your mom, and her saying short hair would make you look like a boy which you equated to unfeminine=ugly, I LITERALLY had like a MindBlown.gif Moment because you put into words why that was so hurtful to me as a child & for that I thank you. My mother said the same thing to me when I wanted my hair short as a kid, and I couldn't quite put my finger on why that comment made me feel so Bad, at the time. Adding on w my own experiences- I have sensory issues that weren't diagnosed until I was almost 20, & hair was a constant point of contention throughout my childhood and teenage years. I hated my long hair, I hated brushing it, I hated my parents brushing it, I hated people touching it (especially the adults in my life) (as I've gotten older that doesn't happen anymore except with older relatives and I just let them at this point...but if strangers did that to me 👀🔪). And because I often wouldn't brush it, or let other people brush it, and I was in a stalemate with my parents regarding my autonomy around my hair, it would just get tangled and matted- which white people hair is not supposed to do. I was considered very gross by my kid peers, which is fair because I was, but this would've been avoided if I was allowed to cut my hair short to begin with. #ImNotBitter #NotEvenALittle I eventually just conceded to tie my hair back in a ponytail p much permanently, up until I got my hair cut short when I was 18 which is just...the best decision I've ever made. Sensory issues begone! Dysphoria begone! Au revoir fuckos! & because I was #blessed with w narrow hips and small boobs I get mistaken for a 12 year old boy more often, which I honestly just find kind of funny 😂sorry for leaving you my life story- this was a great video. I look forward to hearing more about the intersection of this part of your life.

[@QueerAsCat]

thank you so much for sharing your story with me (us). hearing your experiences hammers home for me (yet again) how fucked up it is that parents are assumed to know what's best for their kids, to always have their kid's best interest at heart, etc and how that power dynamic that parents are afforded over their children is... ugh. while our experiences are different, i can relate to wearing a ponytail as a concession until being old enough to be afforded the autonomy to decide for yourself. i really do appreciate you sharing your experiences, as i know that more than i can relate to and appreciate it. :)

[@wa5657]

as a slav, i don't know much about race or black culture (glad to learn tho!!) but, as an NB, i also had complicated relationships with my hair since i shaved my head a few years ago, i was able to wear so much more different outfits, more feminine ones, without being constantly anxious it's like there is some balance i have to maintain, like if i had top surgery i could do anything with myself on a contrary tho, people stare at me like hell in less progressive districts, and one time children started to trow rocks at me asking why why why am i "bold" :,) what a world

[@Chierushi]

Thank you for talking about intersections of race and gender! Esp regarding black hair!I feel like this doesn’t get talked about enough. I feel like hair and gender gets talked about from a white non-binary/trans perspective more often. I had locs the first time for about 3 years and I loved the androgyny of them, especially when they were short. My locs were not as thin as yours, and I often styled them to give myself a “mop”. I will agree that they made me feel more masculine, and may have made me be perceived as a guy more often. When they got more long to my shoulders, I fucked around and got some bad haircuts and eventually had to start over. Cut it all off, and had a teeny fro for a while, but I missed my locs and retwisted my hair. Now I’ve had this second round for about a year. I’m proud of all black folks who put time effort and intentionality into their hair cause it does pay off when you figure out what works for you but it’s a long process. Thanks for this video.

[@glridgel7]

Thank you for making this vid. Hit pretty close to home as a black man who never really learned how to take care of his hair, because I'd been socialized to keep it extremely short, and is now trying to figure out how to take care of send explore different things with his hair. Add queerness and southernness and christianity on top of that and it gets a lot more complex. Long story short, thank you. You really eloquently put a lot of my lived experiences and preoccupations into words.

[@QueerAsCat]

thank you so much for not only watching, but also commenting and sharing your experiences. hearing from you means a lot to me and i can very much appreciate the difficulty of the situation that you find yourself in. wishing you nothing but the best.

[@legitboring]

BOOOOOI, so very relatable. My hair is currently pink and I try to tell myself on a daily basis that my braids are unisex. But they’re bright goddamn pink and I’ve always wanted to try a lighter color, I’m highkey not feeling it tho 😑😑 Your childhood experience also resonates with me but instead of being misgendered it was just assumed I was lesbian which is also somehow thought as a masculine and therefore ugly experience like “you’re not pretty enough to be liked by men so of course you like girls”. I rarely have my hair aloose (mostly because I hate having to maintain my hair everyday) but when I do there is definitely a difference in how I am approached. Growing up in the black community your hair is kind of a barometer for success and disproportionately so. Like the longer and healthier it is the more you’re seen as put together and... happy? Like people will assume you’re self absorbed, arrogant, or stuck up when you have long hair because it’s such a coveted experience. People ask me all the time why I have my hair in braids when it’s so long and that I’d look prettier with my hair loose. I always tell them it’s because I’m lazy to avoid having to talk about not being interested in being pretty to others. I’m far from lazy, I just genuinely like them and they’re better suited to my lifestyle y’know? Though I do feel the pressure to cut it all off so I’d look less femme and perhaps would be misgendered female less. Also, I have found in my weight loss I am misgendered as a woman and harassed FAR more often. Like to the point I can’t trust a single man who approaches me. It’s tiring. But yeah, always happy to watch your vids. I think you approached and outlined an issue that is so incredibly difficult to articulate very efficiently. I’m really excited to see your new hair!! 😊😊😊

[@QueerAsCat]

as always, thank you for watching and for commenting! your additions to conversation are always valuable and relateable to me. but also, i've always admired your aesthetics re: hair, so it's especially interesting to me to hear how others interact with you in regards to your hair. even more so when those interactions are with other black people, because-as you kind of mentioned-black people can be soooo critical and judgemental of their own when it comes to hair and often aren't afraid to be vocal about it. sigh. but anyway, thanks again! i'm always excited to see your hairstyles and apologize in advance that my 'big hair reveal' probably won't be all that exciting in comparison lol

[@SkyeID]

Long time no see! As far as my hair goes, it is currently down to my waist in wavy locs. However, I live in a city full of black people who have locs regardless of gender, so my long hair is not a big deal. I'm surrounded by black men, women, nonbinary folx, and children who have locs down to their butts. The way I dress is becoming less of a problem to the people I interact with because they are starting to realize that clothes don't necessarily corrrelate to a person's gender. Even my Baby Boomer aged parents are starting to accept the way I look! I'm fortunate to live in a place where people are actively learning about the experiences of nonbinary folx, and we're starting to get a lot more respect around here. Don't get me wrong, it is by no means a transgender/nonbinary paradise. Transphobia is still prevelent in my area, but things are improving.

[@siginotmylastname3969]

You make such excellent videos and I love it. I hope your haircut brings you happiness, despite the complexity of its effects on your treatment.

[@QueerAsCat]

thank you for watching and for the kind words. much appreciated.

[@1Eilatan]

Omg. You internalising your mum's insecurity is exactly the same as me! I'm so scared to cut off my hair and present as anything less than incredibly femme because I'm worried that in trying to look like my actual gender, I will look ugly!

[@charlieblah]

This video was so good, all your points make so much sense and bet im going to be thinking about them all the time in my everyday life now - ♡

[@sams.5846]

You're my new hero just so ya know

[@QueerAsCat]

that is quite the honor, you've bestowed on me...! now i have to try and be worthy of it. lol thank you.

[@JayTee67]

Your experience of your childhood and your mother were very similar to mine in terms of how you both felt when being gendered as a boy.

[@QueerAsCat]

sorry to hear you share that shitty experience. i'm learning now that it's seemingly more common than i thought growing up.

[@Lisa_Flowers]

It's so interesting how you described your experience with hair and how other people percieved it. I attended university in the UK and because I'm was born and raised in Kenya, I had never lived in a predominantly white context. The part of the UK I went to was pretty white, and I would come across like a handful of Black people a week, at most. And when I had my kinky hair out, or wore a kinky wig, people would avoid me, act kinda uncomfortable around me, or otherwise ignore me. As soon as I wore a straight wig, or a loosely textured wig, I would get showered in compliments from White people, they would be friendlier, and I even had a white teacher randomly bring up to the whole class that my hair looked different in the middle of her teaching as an example somehow related to her linguistics lecture (which was super uncomfortable, because my entire class was white, and she'd just drawn attention to my hair completely unprompted). It was just really weird how much people cared about my hair, even if that meant ignoring me because of it, especially because I had never been around that many White people before lol. Like don't get me wrong, texturism and colourism are still definitely issues in African countries, especially in relation to kinky or nappy hair and locs (the school I went to straight up didn't allow locs or natural hair, and so do a lot of schools). My very African very Black mother thinks locs are literally evil or a sign of spiritual bondage and to this day tells me my hair looks ugly and shameful when I don't try to force it to have a looser curl. As a Black enby I shave my head, because it makes me happy, but also because i'm exhausted by the pressure that is placed on Black hair. I have a big emotional connection to Black hair and the almost ritualistic nature of Black hair care, but depression, texturism, and my fast approaching gender-realization prompted me to cut it off. It was and continues to be very freeing. it's so interesting to think about the cultural significance of Black hair, and how that is related to gender.

[@Danari7]

Thank you for this video and for all of your videos. For me, they are very thought provoking and inspiring. Congrats on the upcoming haircut! I would love to see it.

[@QueerAsCat]

thank you for watching and for the kind words. :) looking forward to sharing the results!

[@oOSonnEngelOo]

your content is always top notch. thanks for speaking about these topics, I only now realized how ignorant I was about the issues surrounding black hair. so thanks!

[@QueerAsCat]

thanks for the kind words. i appreciate your viewership and interest in learning.

[@artemismeow]

As an aging AMAB NB person not losing my hair was very important it was the main reason i got on HRT. Also im horrified that people would try to touch your hair. Like wtf? They just come up to you and touch it? Even if they ask first ...why do they do that? Thats a nightmare to me

[@artemismeow]

Oh im hispanic by the way. Im just here to listen to your perspective i dont know if i have much to say since American hispanics are very colonized. :(

[@QueerAsCat]

it's a common occurrence, unfortunately. even more so in Japan than in America these days, but yeah... it is frustrating.

[@QueerAsCat]

i appreciate your comments. :) i'd love to hear from people from diverse ethnic groups and experiences.

[@artemismeow]

@@QueerAsCat its not pretty but ok. We have a problematic view of hair, hair color etc in some hispanic communities. Specifically those colonized by Europeans. Im Mexican american born in the USA second generation my wife is first generation born in USA also mexican american. Im darker skinned with jet black wavy hair my wife having irish ancestry is red headed and light skinned when our first kid was born light skinned and with very light brown straight hair there was a lot of "wow your child is beautiful" meaning "hey your kid looks white" For our first kid we were told to use this shampoo called "ricitos de oro" it translates to goldilocks wich to our horror we found out actually BLEACHES the child's hair. This is sold in the states in hispanic communities to this day

[@artemismeow]

We dont use that junk on him anymore we have 2 more kids who are a bit darker skinned and have jet black hair that varies from wavy to curly and we have had to unlearn a lot of colonial bullsht that we internalized. You know we grew up with using indio as an insult? We were thaught that our non European ancestry was so bad that it could be used to insult people.

[@maiynnai]

Incredible video, thank you so much for working through these important intersections with us. I hope your travels were as smooth as possible and I hope that your haircut goes so well, I can't wait to see the results.

[@QueerAsCat]

thanks. :) things are going well and i look forward to sharing the results with everyone.

[@lidu6363]

I am coming here very late so you're probably not gonna read it, but it is interesting to watch this shortly after Doja Cat shaved her head and the internet went mad... Some people will just always feel entitled to opinions on other people's hair, especially when the hair belongs to someone they perceive as female. As if their preferred hairstyle for that person was some universal, objective good.

[@OtakuGunsoNY]

I haven't had too many issues with my hair since I stopped using chemical relaxers to straighten it. I did have a video way back called "why I hate straightening my hair". It was a huge deal when I went back to my natural hair state because I sustained a lot of damage from years and years of straightening my hair and then when I tried to dye it way back in 2013 I really went overboard. I had that issue back in my visual kei days ... My brother actually got pissed off at me because he thought one of them was a girl and said "what if I thought one of them were hot". Then when he did tell my mom she got on my case about it thinking that I was "releasing gay spirits into the house through the computer". Also about being read as a boy. I did have that happen to me a few times but my mom made it a bigger deal then I did and actually got offended. It bothered her so much that she started asking me if I was gay and all this other stuff. I got stories for days about all this crazy stuff :O

[@ohtricaerontops4781]

I don't know how this video passed by my subscription box, but it did. Thanks for taking the time to talk about this topic. I appreciate the time you put into these types of videos because I always feel like I come out of them with more information and things to think about. I will never know what it's like to be persecuted for just letting my hair on my head just do what it does. The touching black women's hair thing continues to blow my mind because boundaries and just general respect for people's bodies seem to go right out the door. Black hair is very "~mysterious~" to white people. As a white person, I will never fully understand the impact of hair, as hair for white people is definitely seen as "just hair". If I get a haircut that I'm not super into or someone doesn't like, it's "just hair" and doesn't matter because "hair grows back". While white haircuts can have more political meanings, it seems to be more in a superficial "mess with the systems" kind of way whereas I feel like black hair is political in a deeper way. I had a lot of feelings about my hair growing up. It was short not by my choice when I was growing up and didn't like it because I didn't have any agency over it. The cuts my mom picked out were all feathery and in my childhood eyes "old person" haircuts. It's also the time of year where my leg hair becomes relevant and something that other people care about. I have some gender thoughts around hair and other societal messages that I am still trying to work out including misplaced anger towards my mom for not being very feminine and so as a child blaming her (not to her though I don't think, as far as I know I kept this to myself) for not 'teaching me' how to be a girl. This was how I rationalized not feeling quite right as a girl/woman. Gender is still confusing. I got going on a novel about my hair thoughts, I've condensed some of it here. Maybe that's a sign I need to write a journal entry or something. I figure I'll spare you but if you want my word vomit reach out, I'll send some thoughts your way.

[@QueerAsCat]

thanks for watching and for your thoughtful comment. i'd love to hear more of your thoughts on hair, by the way. it sounds like our experiences are pretty different and i'm not going to lie: i find that really intriguing, especially your experience with your mom and (the lack of) femininity. that said, despite our differences, i feel like i can relate on some level to the resentment that you described having towards your mom. both hair and gender irrespective of each other are very complicated topics in their own right, so it's only natural that tackling the intersection of these topics will invariably be that much harder... despite my current videos on the topic, i continue to work through my feelings on this topic as well and would very much love to hear more of your thoughts, if you care to share them. btw, i hope you're well. miss seeing you here on KZbin.

[@sjoseph1513]

Cut my locs also. SEpt 2009 right here buddy. Also non-binary. West Indian and yes I agree. I did cut my own hair tho. 😆

[@QueerAsCat]

*high fives* you're badass for cutting them yourself. lol

[@maiaautumne2167]

Missed your videos - welcome back ❤️

[@QueerAsCat]

thank you.

[@deadboy5678]

I don't have much experience to add to this, because no matter what I've never been seen as anything other than a girl (yikes-o-rama 🙄). But I've wrestled with things that would push me further and further into the "girl box" in the eyes of society. For hair, that would be dying it fun colors. Ultimately, being that at the moment I'm damned either way, I'm just saying "fuck it" and doing what I want. I'm beyond exhausted of cisciety's bs. I just want to enjoy my life.

[@QueerAsCat]

ahh, i know that feeling. @wrestling with things that would push you further into the "girl box". be it in regards to hair or not, that is such a frustrating thing to be dealing with, especially since there's no real end to it other than to say "fuck it" and just do what you want. it's great that you're doing what you want, but yeah. i really empathize with that. thanks for watching and for sharing.

[@deadboy5678]

@@QueerAsCat Oop I'm just seeing your reply now! Much love ❤🧡💛💚💙💜

[@Littleredrosecross]

I love this video, but it's kinda weird to call people as "Asians". Would Asian people be better? Asian peoples if we wanna be more correct?

[@QueerAsCat]

is it weird to say "Asians"...? i say "Asians" just as i would similarly say "Europeans", "Africans", "North Americans", etc. saying "Asian people(s)" sounds far less natural to me as an English speaker than saying "Asians" (as opposed to saying "people of Asian descent", for example, which is natural-sounding). that said, if what i said offended you, i am sorry for the offense.

[@Littleredrosecross]

No offense taken at all! I've found it off, and have had others in my life that have found it odd to call people "africans"(speaking as someone mixed race btw, white and ), asians, etc. But it's also not weird for me for the other examples you gave, so I think this may be entirely on me. I think I kinda realized now that it's more to do with what I've experienced and not much at all to do with how you used the words. In the past I've had people use it with negative intention, and lot of the negative connotation I hear are from people who don't do similarly with those who they don't consider other. Not only do you clearly not mean it like that but you also don't follow the same trend that follows it, so my apologies entirely! I hope you have a fantastic day.

[@shiningdalek7185]

I don't get the mind processes of people touching your hair (or any black person's hair) without consent, like (1) WTF total lack of respect, (2) thinking of marginalized people or "others" as "exotic" is silly and quite absurd. As a white person (from Europe but sorrily, this hair touching problem exists here too...), I have the privilege to avoid that. My own relationship with hair is complicated too, because of gender, as well as class and disabilities, another intersection. I'm AMAB, intersex (but I just discovered it days ago, though there were unexplained "symptoms" that affected my body and life for 15+ years), and my actual gender identity well I'm not sure, likely "intersex man" as my experience of manhood and gender is different from cis dyadic men. I'm also neurodivergent, physically disabled, with psy disorders (depression/anxiety) and now, broke/poor, unemployed, unable to work. So, people tend to assume I'm "lazy", "weird", that "I look like homeless" (as if it was an insult), "dirty" (because I don't look neat and well-kept, even though I shower everyday), "must do drugs" (I don't but even if I did, there shouldn't be stigma), "nerd" (well, yes)... Long hair plays into those stereotypes. AND that I should cut my hair, precisely to appear more respectable (ie. like a neurotypical, able-bodied and healthy middle-class person) and to "get a job" (as if being unemployed was ONLY because of my looks and look-based discrimination, instead of my actual disabilities...). Gender plays a part too, as I'm skinny (medically underweight) and my behavior is "different", so long hair makes me appear even less conventionally masculine and sometimes, a tad androgynous. So my parents often wanted me to cut my hair, to look like a normal cis man. People (who assumed me male) also often saw me instantly as different from cis men, or androgynous, or NB, or "belonging with girls", and sometimes people misgendered me as a girl. Or used it as an insult. Some men look manly with (or even thanks to) long hair when their overall body and gender expression is manly. But not me. I don't want to lose my long hair as 1 ) I think I'm prettier with long hair 2 ) I don't want to look like the gender-conforming cis dyadic men we see in magazines (including gay magazines) as an ideal. I'm not that. And being conflated with them is uncomfortable for me and can trigger dysphoria 3 ) I don't want to hide that I'm disabled and neurodivergent by adopting a well-kept normal look Thanks for the video.

[@kadenlogghe752]

First!