Congrats on leveling up. You are now not a baby gay.
@ireallyreallyhategoogle2 жыл бұрын
"allo sexual" Is that being sexually attracted to french people saying "hi"? lol
@ireallyreallyhategoogle2 жыл бұрын
About BetterHelp: Is it 100% licensed therapists? Is it 100% real therapy? Can it replace in person therapy?
@jessiepaege2 жыл бұрын
ICON!!!!!! i had so much fun gay panicking and having deep talks 🥰
@AlaynaJoyOfficial2 жыл бұрын
JESSIE how are you this sweet but also daddy
@randomcrap74702 жыл бұрын
Oh no not Jessie and Alayna making me remember that I'm currently dating the guy that my ex girlfriend got with on the day she left me and then a few days later left him and then the same day they broke up he got with me
@HypeerChick2 жыл бұрын
I love your honesty, it’s so inspiring 💖
@melissa.j.cassidy37932 жыл бұрын
@@randomcrap7470 I need a full story?
@randomcrap74702 жыл бұрын
@@melissa.j.cassidy3793 well about a month and a half ago or so I was at a church camp thing with my ex and halfway through she dumped me and less then 24 hours got with my as of current bf and then about 5 days later they broke up and I'm still in contact with both of them but anyway and I asked him over text if he would date me and he said yes and gave me three reasons that I say are false but anyway and then he asked me I gave him reasons and then I asked if he would date me he said yes and then i asked him but wouldn't it be cheating and then said no we broke up already and that's how the story goes side note he's a femboy and he's super cute
@kaylasmith67452 жыл бұрын
as someone who hasn't been able to decide whether i'm bisexual or pansexual or a lesbian, the discussion you had over just being okay with the term 'queer' really resonated with me. it honestly made me tear up a bit because i felt seen. thank you so much for having this discussion! it truly means the world.
@hanquokkasan2 жыл бұрын
Same! I felt this exact thing when they talked about that too!
@ThifanyMedina2 жыл бұрын
you just described. in a better way I should add, exactly what I came to say in the comments, thanks.
@elijahofmalachi45-6firebal92 жыл бұрын
Lev. was translated wrong billy graham. Refering to pedophilia. "Men shall not molest young boys." Delete or reject the messages sent from the messenger of Malachi 3:1 and you reject Jesus Christ Herself and choose to die with the wicked. Malachi 2 proves Malachi 3:8 is prophetic instruction for the thieving church leaders to bring back the money they were never supposed to take for ministering and God will end Covid. Every major church around the world knew this since August of 2020 but they LOVE MONEY so much they chose to kill everyone with Covid instead of returning it! James 5:2 Rich people are NOT Christians and the wealth they selfishly kept to themselves will only be used as evidence to burn them. The 2 witnesses are righteousness and judgement, not actual people. There is no ONE antichrist; it was made up by people that worship money. Stay out of the fake churches or you will die with them and their lies. In order to be a church, the place must house people inside it. Otherwise it's another private money-making business serving satan and part of Babylon. There is no such thing as rapture. Jesus comes back to rule. God's people are caught up spiritually... Romans is not referring to Eunuchs where one partner is transgender. 🏳️🌈 Eunuchs that are born that way are transgender. It's even in the Bible. Yes, the bible was written by bigoted men and is way outdated and was changed and should be thrown out. But even Jesus spoke about transgender people. Eunuchs made that way by others were abused (it doesn't happen to everyone that is abused). Those that choose to live like Eunuchs FOR THE SAKE OF THE KINGDOM OF HEAVEN are bisexual people that choose partners of the same sex characteristics but opposite in regards to gender. Notice, God PREFERS for people to be in LGBT relationships. Eunuchs are same sex couples. One partner is transgender. Transgender is when someone is born with a gender opposite the sex characteristics normally associated with that gender. God made us male or female, determined by gender, located in the brain. Your gender is located in your brain and determined at birth. I have an identical twin sister that is female in gender. I am male in gender. I am Elijah of Malachi 4:5-6 and that means any discrepancies in the bible are ultimately decided by me. Plus, it states in Deuteronomy that nobody was castrated back then. And that doesn't make sense anyhow. No one is born castrated and no one is born making the decision to be celibate. But, that is what God wanted the lying preachers to think so they wouldn't take it out of the bible. Intersex people still have one gender or another because gender is located in your brain. And Acts 3:22-23 says it will come to pass that anyone that fails to listen to me will be utterly destroyed from among the people. So anyone that says different than this won't be here much longer. It's everyone's choice. Anyone teaching the LIE of monetary tithing or getting paid in any way to minister will also die with the wicked. Peter 2:9 says we are ALL ministers . . . . Jesus was transgender and will return as a woman..... Remember, Malachi 3:8-12 is talking to the thieving church leaders. It's the answer to end Covid and every major church around the world has known this since August of 2020 but they LOVE MONEY so much, they INTENTIONALLY CHOSE to kill everyone instead of returning it. My preaching will lead to a universal monthly income for everyone. If church leaders dont repent, they won't be here to see it. Their choice....
@loreto37432 жыл бұрын
Same here :) You said it perfectly
@tallymcbride95902 жыл бұрын
I want to thank you for this vedio. I am bisexual and having these vedios helps me not feel so alone. I do not have alot of groups around me so thank you:).
@ginnidavenport79502 жыл бұрын
I think "Do I have a crush on Harry Styles?" should be one of the first questions you ask yourself if you think you might be a lesbian.
@PHlophe2 жыл бұрын
He is Gucci and Prada pretty but are y'all familiar with the Chef , Jack Monroe . look her up
@Catastropheshe2 жыл бұрын
😂😂😂
@hurricanecatrina95482 жыл бұрын
Jessie is making me feel so validated 😭 I have been out 3 years but I still don’t feel like a “real lesbian” because I have trauma that makes me avoid physical intimacy and I haven’t had sex yet. It feels like I have one final test I haven’t passed and it gives me constant anxiety. This is why we need this content, because a lot of us don’t have ✨wiser✨ lesbians to talk to about all this. Love y’all ❤️❤️
@KestralWolfe2 жыл бұрын
I can tell you that I've only finally figured my gender expression and sexuality out at 45. I started straight, merged into bi, then to pan when I figured out that was an option. Eventually I decided on lesbian, but then met and married a man, so clearly I was bi again. Through all of this, my gender expression was female-leaning tomboy. Then at some points, I thought I might be a trans man. Then ultra-fem. Now, I'm sitting at gender-void, female preferred demisexual. It's taken me a long time to get to where I am, so if you're hopping between things, if you can't 'make up your mind' (which isn't a thing!), don't worry about it. Enjoy exploring yourself, and maybe one day you'll find something that feels completely right for you. Maybe not! And that's okay. You're wonderful, and your weird auntie is so happy for you, that you can take this journey.
@sabi_ne2 жыл бұрын
I think sexuality can be a very fluid thing. Maybe we don't need a lable for everything and just enjoy. Might put less stress on people as well 😊
@KestralWolfe2 жыл бұрын
@@sabi_ne Absolutely!
@intheyellowcorner9 ай бұрын
Same! I just came out age 40 after a 12 year heterosexual relationship. I feel clueless as what to do now. 😂
@el_29042 жыл бұрын
It was so nice to hear you both talk about how being demisexual/on the ace spectrum can make it harder to figure out your sexuality! It took me a long time to figure out I’m a lesbian because I’ve never had crushes on anyone. And I still get confused about whether I’m attracted to men but your conversation about comphet reminded me that I’m not actually sexually or romantically attracted to men, it’s just comphet that makes me keep questioning this. Loved this collab ❤️
@mailyak4422 жыл бұрын
SAME! A lesbian ace here 😄
@kikbox1809 Жыл бұрын
Same as well
@dawnsybebo26322 жыл бұрын
Hearing you say “feeling the pull towards the community is enough” was just so comforting thank you. I have a lot of worries about not feeling “gay enough” to be part of the queer community but that was something I really needed to hear I think. Man every time I come back and watch your videos I find so much great stuff. You’ve helped me along my questioning journey even if you didn’t know for so long Alayna, I think I started watching your content when I was 15 or 16, and now I’m 20, man time flies. 💜
@rebeccajudy63252 жыл бұрын
yah i felt the same
@DSO_Lex2 жыл бұрын
After relating to every compulsory heterosexuality “criteria”: oh my god I’m a lesbian aren’t I
@jamielondon64362 жыл бұрын
Fabulous news, I'm sure! :-)
@zoeeleanor3012 жыл бұрын
Wow Alayna would make such a great therapist! She's such a good listener and her insights are always personal and helpful. I just wanna chat with her about my own identity and have her expose all the mental hoops I jump through 😂 also so many of the points made in this video are incredibly relatable haha
@Lamele022 жыл бұрын
She was going to go to graduate school for social work so that makes since!
@ireallyreallyhategoogle2 жыл бұрын
Alayna has studied therapy. KZbin took her away from becoming a therapist, so now she does it on KZbin.
@zoeeleanor3012 жыл бұрын
That's so interesting I never knew that!
@ireallyreallyhategoogle2 жыл бұрын
@@zoeeleanor301 Watch all her videos to learn that stuff and see how much she has changed over the years.
@Lele09_v2 жыл бұрын
I feel hugged by this video. most of jessie's uncertainties and questions are the same as i have, and when alayna talked about aesthetic attraction my mind exploded. this video helped me a lot seriously, I've always been afraid of offending someone in my community because I still don't know who I am and what my flag would be, so thank you very much for this video
@justanotherperson87932 жыл бұрын
"hugged" what a great way to put it :)
@elieli28932 жыл бұрын
You don't have to put a strict label on yourself, friend :) Sometimes it's just enough to experience life, doing things that you're comfortable with, and taking it easy on yourself. You crushed on a guy? Go for it! Crushed on a girl? Go for it! Crushed on an enby person? Go ahead! Or maybe, you don't easily crush on anyone? That's just as valid as all of the above, and really, romantic/sexual relationships aren't all that there is to life. Every single person has other interests in their life, too, and there's so much more to be excited about in general! I don't think any label should be the end-all-be-all anyway, people are nebulous, ever-changing creatures. Of course, there is comfort in a label, and I'm not saying you can't look for one that feels right. But just don't feel pressured because of the search, we all have our whole lives to figure ourselves out :)
@maddy_renel2 жыл бұрын
When I was in my late 20s (6 years ago now!) learning the term "aesthetic attraction" is what made me realise I was asexual and that the little attraction I did have towards other people was actually not sexual. Everything finally made sense! :)
@nikkis73752 жыл бұрын
When I thought “i can’t like girls because I never had any crushes on girls in school” realizes every girl I thought I *hated* I actually had a crush on in a way. I hated that I found them attractive i think. Once I realized this as an adult I’m like woah lol🤯
@JulietteVeronica1201 Жыл бұрын
When I was in high school I had a classmate who I had a big crush on but took it out as hate. I was never disrespectful to her to her face, but something about her just ticked me off. Then I realized I just really liked her.
@kenanjones34812 жыл бұрын
as an asexual I'm usually just here for *the vibes* but the conversation about asexuality and demisexuality and aesthetic attraction is really really good and I'm so glad people outside the ace community are talking about other types of attraction. Having "crushes" on musicians is such a mood tho, I don't wanna fuck I just absolutely love how the human voice sounds, especially when you're singing. Yes please
@barbscosta1052 жыл бұрын
The internalized homophobia as a kid is so real... I used to feel weird about wlw in media because it was such a powerful feeling I had, but I didn't know what it meant so I thought it was uncomfortable. I now think about those pieces of media and it's so obvious - shout out to my queers who are in love with Olivia Wilde ever since Thirteen, in House M.D lol I love love love your videos, thank you sharing these discussions with us 💖
@indomitusjane2 жыл бұрын
Girl! You are in my head 😅 Olivia Wilde, always.
@ima.m.16582 жыл бұрын
Whoa this is very relatable - I used to feel uncomfortable by wlw in the media but not mlm. I watched countless queer men love stories before I watched my first queer women one, which was Blue is the Warmest Color. I’m still figuring out my sexuality but I find it interesting how I was always so open to mlm media but I took longer to watch wlw.
@idgafiminfinite2 жыл бұрын
The conversation around asexuality complicating understanding sexuality is so interesting and definitely something I've experienced. I knew I was ace for years before I started considering I was queer in other ways and it made everything so much more confusing once I started questioning further. I've had so much back and forth where I thought I was ace but romantically attracted to men and then wondered if I actually wasn't ace but was actually just a lesbian who thought I didn't experience sexual attraction because I only considered it in the context of men because I knew I was more attracted to women physically/aesthetically and then thought I was bi but what if I'm actually not bi and just interpreting my lack of sexual attraction to anyone as romantic attraction to everyone??? At this point I just don't really label myself cause I think I'm better off not worrying about pinpointing too much but to be honest I do usually tell people or let them assume that I'm bi because it just feels easier than trying to explain things and I feel like there is still so much confusion and misunderstanding and questioning from other people that comes along with an ace label that I don't often mention it even though it's the one aspect of my sexuality I feel the most sure about.
@jaginaiaelectrizs63412 жыл бұрын
I relate to this comment so much, but kind of in reverse, because I thought I actually wasn't into gals at all as more than friends for the longest time .. not even because I hadn't considered it .. but because I hadn't initially distinguished between the different types of possible attraction[ & I'm just typically more physically/aesthetically attracted to male-physiques generally]! ((And I'm graysexual, but originally I only knew of allosexuality and asexuality, so I would always just describe or refer to myself as being "in large parts asexual[ but not quite/entirely/always]"...and I always knew of asexuality as a concept, in general, long before I even knew there was an actual word for it too; because that was more me than it wasn't, and I just always knew I didn't relate hardly if at all to any of my allosexual friends/family or such. 🤣)) I honestly think I experienced, not comp. het., but like kind of just comp. sexuality in general; like, after I hit puberty.😅😅🙃🤦♀️😁 I didn't realize I was actually into gals sometimes too until after my girlfriend actually asked me if I would date her, and then I figured out that I was actually homoromantic[ /demi-homosexual? 🤔 👀..Maybe??], but..like..it's just less about getting myself off and a little more about liking her enough to actually enjoy and want to please her. So, for a long time, I just didn't even try and label myself at all either...because I didn't know how to put it into words, at first, I just knew I was neither as completely straight as I'd originally thought, nor am I either completely asexual or totally allosexual either. But I did also wonder, sometimes, if I was just confused because of my lack of allosexuality about the difference between platonic and nonplatonic/romantic feelings too; especially after I realized it really wasn't just that I simply hadn't met someone personally attractive to me, I was just legit not actually even a particularly sexual person at all. Lol It's a lot to sort through-but especially when trying to explain it to anyone else!!!!
@elieli28932 жыл бұрын
Oh yeah, asexuality is definitely the type of label that if you want to tell someone about it, you have to kinda consider the whole "do I have time/willpower to explain the whole concept to them and do I have a response for possibly invasive questions?" :'D And yeah, navigating the whole self discovery thing when you might be ace too, is kinda... I sure was confused, because women make my heart beat faster, but at the same time, never would I see myself actually, in real life, having intimate relations or a relationship with one. And with guys, well, on that side I'm absolutely certain I do not have any type of attraction to men xD Enbies, who knows? My attraction in general is summed up in "ooohhh, prettyyyyy" :'D But then again with the recent discoveries relating to my gender identity, I don't think anything in my life is written in stone xD Queer is a nice encompassing term, I suppose :D
@pureheartbadass2 жыл бұрын
i mean, this is such a unique experience and it could ofc be comphet, but i feel like it makes total sense to wanna date queer people exclusively. i'm bisexual and i don't feel attraction towards many straight cis men, but i still fancy queer men, so that's definitely still bisexuality (at least for me). bisexuality doesn't have to be being attracted to women and men, it can simply be being attracted to more than one gender exclusively
@jasminehermione29982 жыл бұрын
This this this
@starrr3652 жыл бұрын
As an ace person aesthetic attraction changed *everything* for me as well - up to age 17, I 100% believed that how others experienced sexual attraction was just the way I experienced aesthetic attraction
@vilde6408 Жыл бұрын
I feel so seen by both of them
@dasiasaur2 жыл бұрын
as a very gay music major that plays a multitude of instruments and was in band, orchestra, choir and drama club by the end of high school, can confirm that music as a whole and playing it is, in fact, gay.
@michelleip752 жыл бұрын
YES THE COLLAB WE ALWAYS WANTED! 🌈🙏 As a long-time viewer of Jessie's, this video is a delight to see! Love both of your vibes so much.
@joojoobeez9 ай бұрын
I can’t believe it took me so long to watch this episode, but all the discussion about being on the ace spectrum + queer, uncertainty of labels, comp het, it’s all very relatable and helpful and I appreciate the discussion!
@lolisa_rain82762 жыл бұрын
I have really loved these lesbian vs. baby gay videos. I've been watching since I was pansexual turned lesbian and this one really resonates with me. I have realized that as a people pleaser, a lot of my identity came from my need to fit into society and become what others wanted me to be; going back and forth between that and being who I really am. Now, I'm just at a place where I'm vibing with being aroace, but if that changes, then that's okay as long as I'm able to listen to my feelings and not be swayed by outside forces.
@lenzy4302 жыл бұрын
Alayna, I’d just like to say you’ve helped me so much with these conversations. It helps me to know I’m not the only one who struggles with their identity and comphet
@alexhika2 жыл бұрын
Little piece of advice for any baby ace person out there :3 Every time I am made to question my asexuality (and it’s obviously okay to question yourself and evolve as a person, what it’s not okay is being bullied into it by society) and I start wondering if maybe I need to try certain experiences or to put myself into certain situations, I try and ask myself: would that make me happy? or would that make other people more comfortable and me very uncomfortable? It’s not an easy question and it doesn’t always work, but it has helped me a lot so far. Also, don’t forget there is an ace community out there, talking to people really helps and will make you feel less alone ♥ Loved when Jessie said “it doesn’t have to be this scary stressful thing you have to get right”, that’s mood I need in my life! The “talking yourself into things” Alayna mentioned has become my red flag over the years, it was soooo true when I was trying to talk myself into being straight (I’m bi). I used to have long-ass night chats with myself lol Sometimes it makes me angry to think about all the time I spent not being allowed to be myself (and not knowing that was happening), but sometimes the ‘early signs I was queer’ stories can be so damn funny :”) This video was ICONIC AND WHOLESOME as heck ♥♥♥ thank you both!
@captainkacke16512 жыл бұрын
I know Alayna didn't mean any harm, but as a bisexual person, I really don't like it when people say "been there, done that". It implies that being bisexual is basically just a stepping stone into "full queerness", that bisexuality is just the starting drug and once you "taste the real stuff", you won't be bi anymore. I know she wasn't even thinking about implying that, because it's just her own lived experience making her talk that way. I just want to state that it's completely valid to identify as bisexual for the rest of your life if that's the label you feel most comfortable in. It's not neccessarily a stepping stone for everyone, some people are just attracted to both men and women (or any other two genders, depending on the definition).
@xxglowenxx2 жыл бұрын
AESTHETIC ATTRACTION. I'm *just* learning about this now?? Well, that explains a lot 🙃
@mariaceciliak152 жыл бұрын
OMG it's so true, sometimes I still feel scared of my true identity as a lesbian even tho I already came out 2 years ago, so when people asked I just simply answer that I'm queer
@CloverLovesTT2 жыл бұрын
being a lesbian is a beautiful thing. identifying yourself as one also makes other lesbians feel less alone!
@maydaylane91542 жыл бұрын
"knowing that you're a part of the community" hit the nail right on the head. when i first came out, it was as ace, but i was still so unsure about everything and i still felt so much imposter syndrome i almost wanted to just shove myself back in the closet. but the reason i came out in the first place was because i didn't want to be treated like i wasn't a part of the community (all my friends are also queer and i knew i would soon become 'the tolken straight' and the friendship dynamics would be different and not right even if they didn't mean for it to be that way). as soon as i figured out that i definitely belonged in the community, relief came flooding in and that was enough for me. i still think i'm ace, but i still know so little about myself that i've settled on queer as my label because that's all i'm sure of right now. all i'm sure of is that i'm a part of the community. and that's enough. i feel safe and free in the ambiguity of the label and the room it leaves for me to learn more about myself
@rosemaryc44532 жыл бұрын
I noticed Jessie says they have ADHD. My psychiatrist said it's common for ADHD folks (that's me!) to be bisexual, queer, and/or not quite feel like they always fit one label or another...for me, sexually fluid seems to be a good label. I'm mostly lesbian but do swing towards being bi/attracted to men sometimes. I've mostly had boyfriends, but also there's a huge amount of comp het that I'm working through so... :) Hope this helps somebody.
@amyallard69712 жыл бұрын
That actually makes a lot of sense for me. I always panic cuz when people ask what I identify as I don’t know what to say. Thank you for sharing this! This will really help me out 😂
@leighs9662 жыл бұрын
Wouldn't you say you're bi with a general preference for women? Lesbians are exclusively attracted to women and never swing towards being bi or attracted to men whereas I've heard many bisexuals say they generally find women or men more attractive but sometimes swing towards liking the other more
@sumgirl7202 жыл бұрын
@@leighs966 So that's the point of fluidity: it's actually fluid in the label. Rosemary has expressed herself identifying, as in feeling at those times, lesbian so calling herself bisexual when that's how she's feeling doesn't feel accurate. Also, there are definitely lesbians out there who are dating trans men or married to the one man they've ever been attracted to, still calling themselves lesbians and not invalidating the identity of their partners or their own sexuality. The gender of your partner doesn't determine your sexuality (and your sexuality doesn't determine someone else's gender); other people don't determine your sexuality; labels don't even determine your sexuality; only you can determine how you feel comfortable identifying.
@rosemaryc44532 жыл бұрын
@@leighs966 Craylee has said what I was going to :) I can't say I'm a lesbian because even though I might feel that way for a while, maybe even a long time, I do also swing towards the middle (bi). Hence the term sexually fluid. Having said that, I'm exploring the idea that maybe my very hetero normative upbringing may have programmed me into thinking I'm into men sometimes, when in fact, despite being aesthetically and emotionally attracted to them, I don't want to physically touch them...so maybe that would make me a lesbian...it's all a work in progress, and that's okay :)
@leighs9662 жыл бұрын
@@rosemaryc4453 ah okay that makes sense. Sometimes it's hard for me to understand sexuality fluidity but we are all so different in how we experience it and figure it out. I'm someone who knew I was lesbian from a young age and never really doubted or questioned it but I realize that's not the experience of many. Thanks for explaining!
@MissGodessOfLight2 жыл бұрын
As a demi person I TOTALLY feel it has made finding out my "sexuality" (gender attraction) super difficult! Finally landed on lesbian because while I don't really *want* to have sex with most people, I definitely am not interested in that with men. But do have a aesthetic attraction to them, which did not help the journey lol.
@mrmaidlemonade9 ай бұрын
12:53 my inner child FELT this on a molecular level. Im so relieved that I wasn't the only one who dealt with this 😢
@ItachiNiiChanNO2 жыл бұрын
I recently realised I'm demiromantic. I had thought I was demisexual, but it didn't quite fit, as I still could feel sexually attracted to someone without having a bond. Growing up I felt so lost whenever my sister would keep falling in love and liking people, and I just wouldn't feel that, so I ended all my relationships within months, because I thought that meant we weren't meant to be. When I met my (now) husband I decided to just give it a shot, that I maybe wasn't a person who "fell in love", I liked him and who he was, just didn't feel that crush. But oh my god. I fell madly in love after a year of dating and after an emotional conversation we had. Which felt so weird, but now I know it has a label. And I feel so validated.
@Shscetc2 жыл бұрын
Alayna - welcome to bring friends with an adhd/neurodivergent person - things that people usually do right away we take forever to do
@randiengledow13642 жыл бұрын
Your comment makes me feel seen... thank you!!!
@sweetnothings122 жыл бұрын
I have a few things that solidified my sexuality one was when I went to my first pride the same year I came out. I knew that it felt right or I felt I fit in somewhere. I’ve never felt that before I was always searching to fit in somewhere and attending my first pride was the best thing that happened
@Ehlair2 жыл бұрын
So who's going to tell Alayna that 4 months into the year is actually Q2... 😅
@nikkibleh80452 жыл бұрын
Yesss 🤣
@AlaynaJoyOfficial2 жыл бұрын
just let me have this one okay?
@dianeaishamonday91252 жыл бұрын
@@AlaynaJoyOfficial ok 😁👍
@ireallyreallyhategoogle2 жыл бұрын
@@AlaynaJoyOfficial It's one third. You're the one who decided to talk about quarters. ;-)
@sadieeekp2 жыл бұрын
This was so relatable! Alsooooo you should have Keara Graves on your channel! They're a queer, genderfluid Canadian and I love their channel
@bossyboots50002 жыл бұрын
I am surprised this hasn't already happened 😊They seem like a natural fit with Alayna's vibe.
@sadieeekp2 жыл бұрын
@@bossyboots5000 EXACTLY
@lemongrassandsleep63522 жыл бұрын
Omgg yes I love “Queera” Graves they’d be so fitting on this channel
@abnormallylexi1742 жыл бұрын
This video has been a call out of my personal queer struggles and journey 😂 thanks for talking about the added complication of being on the ace spectrum when figuring out your sexuality. I felt like sex was the way I was supposed to find out “for sure” and fully understand my identity. Overcoming that thinking and realizing I’m on the ace spectrum has been a huge part of figuring out my queer identity. It’s very fluid for me and I’ve just decided to allow myself to feel however I feel in the moment and be ok with that without focusing so much on figuring out exactly what box I fit in. Mostly because I don’t think I fit exactly in any one box
@loupelizzo23992 жыл бұрын
Jessie was a great guest and she’s so nice and beautiful, and totally agree how do straight people know they’re straight why do have to prove it. Enjoyed and loved the honesty and openiness and love you so much Alayna, and I enjoyed the conversation you both had and different subjects. Thank you so much for sharing this great video
@Chikorita2Chante2 жыл бұрын
Jessie a couple weeks ago: "I'm still bi." Alayna: "Are you?" Jessie: "I dunno." Alayna: 👀👀👀
@rockingmona98342 жыл бұрын
Thank you for this discussion as a person who feels confused about their gender identity and sexuality all the time and took a long time to confirm that I'm queer and not straight this gave me comfort ❤️
@hellobell1232 жыл бұрын
A podcast talking about sexuality pleaseeee Alayna I’d listen every week!
@rosetehrani65022 жыл бұрын
gosh alayna as a lesbian i can’t tell u how much i appreciate your channel- each video is super validating thank u 💚
@JunoBug4272 жыл бұрын
Does anyone here feel like their sexuality changes by where they are in their cycle? Like I've noticed that I'm only ever okay with the idea of men for about 2 days out of the month. Funny enough it's not when I'm ovulating 🤷♀️ anyone else? Cause sometimes it feels like I'm fully aro/Ace, often feel lesbian, sometimes feel bi, and sometimes straight.
@arty_5272 жыл бұрын
Have you heard of Abrosexual its when your sexuality is fluid
@nomiomini2 жыл бұрын
This is pretty common. Bi-cycling. :)
@xoyouaremysunshinexo2 жыл бұрын
YES! I consider myself pansexual and YES. For me, I'm disgusted by men on my cycle and even more attracted to women lol.
@heatherlee29672 жыл бұрын
This comment is the biggest, fattest mood :P
@lyssyr17112 жыл бұрын
Oh my god this is so me! It is so confusing and frustrating.
@shaliekk2 жыл бұрын
You might want to look into how Better Help treats their therapists before you take sponsorships from them. Love your video as usual💗
@ireallyreallyhategoogle2 жыл бұрын
I've heard about BetterHelp mistreating the therapists and/or the clients, and misrepresenting what they actually offer, but so far it's all rumours or things they used to do. I wish a KZbinr i trust would find out for sure and tell us.
@buberfly21322 жыл бұрын
as a biromantic demisexual demigirl, my best and longest relationship was with a bisexual cis man. Straight guys never worked out, and women were great but not many relationships because of parents. But, for people who are questioning, just jump out there, you don't NEED a label, go for it!!!
@canadianicedragon24122 жыл бұрын
How is it that you keep producing videos that seem completely random and off the rails, where no one could possibly follow the trail... and yet also be deep and meaningful and kind. I feel it is some Jedi mind trick that out of all this confused stream of consciousness talk come real talk. Anyway loved this you two should definitely do this again soon.
@ireallyreallyhategoogle2 жыл бұрын
It's all in the editing. 🙂
@SquidgeTastic2 жыл бұрын
I have been known to identify as 'a bit bendy'. The labels are all a bit much. I'm married to a cis bloke, find other genders attractive, and go on with my life. Bi is how others see me I guess..
@Henry_03112 жыл бұрын
I think this might be my favorite episode so far. I realate so much (especially what you talked about at around 3:50) I struggeled a lot with comp het, so much that I didn't think about the possibility of ME being gay until I watched videos about that topic out of curiosity and thought "ooh well...". This video was very validating, so thank you
@sofiaspeh3852 жыл бұрын
Very nice video! I'm a baby gay yet (I'm 15) and it helps me so much figuring out who I am. You took so much pressure from me. Thanks for that🏳️🌈❤️
@MUSIBE2 жыл бұрын
OMG!!! I was having the worst day.... & this just made my day . Thank You ❤️
@arin27472 жыл бұрын
oh my god this was so cathartic to watch, I so related to both your struggles and it was so good to hear you respond to that uncertainty and struggle with understanding and grace. thank you both!! ❤❤
@tigersrock4102 жыл бұрын
I think people forget that bisexuality means that you are sexually attracted to 2 genders. Those genders don’t have to be male and female. There are plenty of bisexual people who identify being attracted to females and nonbinary folks or men and nonbinary folks. Jessie (and many others) can still use the bisexual label in that way!
@jenrenby2 жыл бұрын
I feel so similarly to Jessie. I'm demi for sure but I change my label so often. Am I pan, bi, gay? Queer is my comfiest label. I'm so grateful to know that there's someone else who has the same experience as me. It's sometimes confusing for me to see gay people who are SO sure of their label
@jaginaiaelectrizs63412 жыл бұрын
Yeah,[ I imagine,] it makes sense that you might have trouble identifying who you might be attracted to ... when you simply don't know exactly who, _UNTIL_ you are actually personally close enough with them in order to even be attracted in the first place.
@jenrenby2 жыл бұрын
@@jaginaiaelectrizs6341 Exactly! I try to base it off of aesthetic attraction and my imagination, which of course is why I'm confused 😂
@jaginaiaelectrizs63412 жыл бұрын
@@jenrenby [I think ]That's totally valid! 🙂 And that's why I so strongly believe that no one should ever have to feel pressured to label themselves more than they are just encouraged to simply let themselves _be_ their own self, whatever that may or may not encompass. ^-^ 💜🤍 You just keep on being yourself, and try not to worry about it too much, either way! You'll fall-for &/or be-attracted to whoever you will be, and you won't to whoever you will not be-and that's totally okay, no matter what(!!). ^-^
@jenrenby2 жыл бұрын
@@jaginaiaelectrizs6341 Thanks for the encouragement, it's so sweet of you to say 😊
@jaginaiaelectrizs63412 жыл бұрын
@@jenrenby 💖 Literally, any time! (I'm just saying what I wish someone would have said to me, when I was first figuring my own self out, really. 😊 And, I mean, sometimes I still occasionally wonder if I should question my own self too..but, at some point along the way, somehow I just kinda decided having it all figured out wasn't really the most important thing anyhow[ - much like Alayna and Jessie say in this video!]. I think, I probably figured the most out about myself when I wasn't trying, myself. ^-^) 🫂 {
@caoimhenimhuireadhaigh13032 жыл бұрын
I can't thank you enough for the ace spectrum chat, it took me to 23 to figure out I'm a lesbian thanks to severe comp-het and not having had crushes on anyone thanks to, you know, asexuality. It's made me hesitant about dating because I've zero experience with any human, and it's just been easier to hide away from LGBTQ+ spaces out in the actual world
@1ursoftgothgf12 жыл бұрын
12:54 oh this unlocked a memory i forgot i had. and i also came out as bi at first and then realized i was a lesbian. this video really hits hard oh wow
@nikkis73752 жыл бұрын
This is my first video of yours I’ve seen, and I’m so glad I got recommended this video! As a baby gay myself I haven’t had a lot of these discussions yet, which I’ve definitely been feeling this exact way you both are talking about. It made me feel really good and feel valid in my queer experience. 🥰
@yoshilegend10595 ай бұрын
This has aged amazingly haha
@elsagillsten2 жыл бұрын
Jessie having adhd, using she/they pronouns, being demisexual and queer makes me really happy
@Vampirepup_edits2 жыл бұрын
I've been watching Jessie for so many years now omg she's literally the reason I came out and all I can say is being in the queer community is amazing,I've found so many beautiful and kind people in this community and it really does feel like a warm hug to be here . As for labels at the end of the day it's really not that important,I thought I was bisexual then a lesbian then I started questioning if I was asexual and my gender and basically now I just play around with labels and sometimes don't go by any at all . I love women,I'd possibly date very specific types of guys and I'm not sex repulsed by any means but don't see it as a key part of any relationship . The real question is how to tell platonic and romantic attraction apart 🤣
@leolovsen14482 жыл бұрын
Continuing the comp-het-thought: I got used to being uncomfortable so my comfortable WAS being uncomfortable. Being comfortable felt weird and funnily uncomfortable. Just wanted to share this perspective!
@sapphicsandals2 жыл бұрын
I related too hard to this video lol. I used to identify as bi and was 95% girls 5% guys but the guy was like " oh if I ever do"
@maribel-andree19982 жыл бұрын
You know Alayna, you may not realize it, but your videos really help me with dealing with panic attacks and whatever and i just wanted to say thank you
@marliesd58302 жыл бұрын
omg, two of my faves!!! The collab we all have been waiting for 🌈
@gibanete2 жыл бұрын
what a great talk, i love how you always start with the questions, but you bring so much more to the conversation.
@ashervanhalm4282 жыл бұрын
thank you for collabing with them, this means the world to me
@trybetrybe57252 жыл бұрын
I had to blow the smoke off of my fingers because of how fast I clicked this video
@AlaynaJoyOfficial2 жыл бұрын
this comment wins
@ghost_boy25812 жыл бұрын
Before i came out i remember looking at lgbt+ memes on instagram and thinking "I wish i was part of that." I had questioned being gay few times before, cuz i saw a dream where i kissed my best friend. But i didn't think too much of it at the time. After coming out it has taken me years to figure out what labels fit me and how i'm feeling. I first came out as bisexual, then demigirl, then asexual, then nonbinary, then demiromantic, then aromantic. I still question my gender from time to time and i'm not sure if bi or pan would fit me better (since i still feel attraction towards people). But i don't mind too much. Anyway great video, I love you both and this video made me so happy🏳️🌈🏳️⚧️
@jamescurfman32842 жыл бұрын
Okay, this was a lot of fun to see! I am glad you two finally collabbed! Luv ya both!
@SDBartel2 жыл бұрын
Hi Alayna I am a recent fan of your channel! 👋 I didn’t watch all of the videos about your “journey” 😉 🍻 to feeling comfortable in your skin and acknowledging that labels can help others understand where you’re at but don’t fully define you. Thank you so much for sharing all of what you share I find it helpful and also you make me hopeful for a really bright future. It takes strength to be truly you and not conform to others’ ideas of what is “normal”, and it is so worth it. ❤️ The main reason I wanted to comment today is that during this video you brought up with your guest (loved the overall discussion) that people who feel drawn to the queer/LGBTQIA+ community shouldn’t feel a rush to add a specific label, and I wholeheartedly agree, but I do want to add a bit to that. I’m 47 and feel comfortable saying I’m cis and gay by now, but definitely still open to learning about others and myself (new learning is why I throw the “cis” in there these days, in open and loving support of trans folks). That said those new to exploring queerness and also younger folks and folks opening up to learning who they really are and not who they’ve been told to be should understand: the “A” in the acronym means “asexual”, AND ALSO it means “ally.” Regardless of where you end up on the queer spectrum, I would argue that even if you end up confirming you are 100% straight you still belong in the queer community if you are an ally. I think gatekeeping queerness and requiring that anyone “fits” into a “true” queer identity turns off potential allies and folks who are unsure of themselves but challenged by unaccepting friends and family. To be clear I don’t think you were gatekeeping here in this video at all, and I loved the open way you and Jessie really got into some interesting queer topics-but I think it is definitely something that should be discussed because I do think it can prevent straight allies from feeling welcome and embraced by queer folks (when those straight folks are coming from a place of an open heart and not trying to judge or harm, which is I think what tempts many of us to gatekeep in the first place). Keep up the good, important, hopeful (and fun!) work.
@frenchfries64662 жыл бұрын
Loved this!!! Now you need to get Paige and Holly on your channel pleaseeee!
@emerson19982 жыл бұрын
This video was a lot of goodness and nuggets of truth for me. I used to say things like "I'm not gay, I wish I was gay", "I could never touch someone's vulva", and then my first experience with women was a negative one, on a night out where two experienced lesbians 'fought' over who could kiss me in a club, and it was so awful that it almost confirmed that I was not gay, but of course, plot twist: I'm queer as fuck. It's ok to have doubts! It's ok to take your time. I'm nearly 25 now and I'm so lucky I figured things out this early, but there's always time for things to change!
@robertallen60282 жыл бұрын
i just found your channel and i love it, you're a riot!!! you are the positive type of person everyone needs in their life. keep up the great content
@nataliabmachado2 жыл бұрын
I identify very similarly to Jessie, but I figured out much later in life in comparison to them. I just want to put a thought out in re to questioning our attraction to men, for those who also identify as demisexual or even asexual. I have come to the conclusion that, while comp het may have made things extra foggy for us in realising our attraction to other genders, maybe the hesitance with being attracted to men does not mean that you are not bi/pan/fluid. Maybe the hesitation comes from the fact that majority of men approach dating sex first and emotional connection second. I know I have always been really thrown off when men compliment my physical appearance in a sexual way, or want to be touchy feely or sexual early on. But I think that has more to do with the fact that I don't feel that way towards people until I have an emotional connection with them, so it always feels so jarring. I realised that it doesn't mean I am not attracted to men, I just hate how men approach dating. While it does give me the ick if they be too sexual too soon, it doesn't take away that I do see myself being with the RIGHT type of men. I think that's why we may have the thought or preference in wanting to date bi men, trans men, or any kind of queer men, as there is a different approach to dating that isn't so caveman-like " U ME BED NOW ". I am curious to see if anyone else has come to this conclusion or not :)
@theincredibleknuffibar48342 жыл бұрын
OMG! This comment is literally me. I relate so much! Because I definitely had huge crushes on men, and still have to this day, but the huge importance of sex in that way just kinda scared me away
@nataliabmachado2 жыл бұрын
@@theincredibleknuffibar4834 oh yay, I’m glad it’s not just me! Plus dating men in general these days is a bit of an extreme sport and can also be dangerous. A lot of straight women feel uninspired to date men and are choosing to stay single, so that fatigue would also impact us on that side of our attraction spectrum.
@theincredibleknuffibar48342 жыл бұрын
@@nataliabmachado Soo true! I REALLY have to be sure that I like a guy before I do anything remotely intimate with him, with women it's much easier. And do you also have this thing where you kinda like when guys are as tall as you, so you feel less threatened?
@philhatch4832 жыл бұрын
I turned 13 in 1971 and thought I might be gay but the idea terrified me. I had no other role models except for the toxic masculinity of my peers so my behaviors were exactly as you described. It took way too long and broken relationships until I accepted myself as a gay man. The most satisfying relationships with women for me have been platonic. I love Alayna's videos and learn a lot about myself still.
@criticalsapphic2 жыл бұрын
It happened. Now she is not the baby gay anymore! Go momm.... uhhh GO ALAYNA!
@JunoBug4272 жыл бұрын
I think the reason I feel like I need to "get it right" is because it's easy to fall back into old habits with men. I know I like the broken wingers, and taking care of them and feeling needed feels nice. I don't know that that feeling will ever go away. But am I actually attracted to them? I don't think so, and if I end up in a serious relationship with a man I think I'll question my secuality and regret not experimenting more for probably the rest of my life. So that's why I feel the need to push myself and force exploration now. My worst fear is ending up with a house and kids at 50 and still being unsure about my attraction to the person at my side. It feels like now that I've seen the red flags of comp het, it would be a disservice to myself to ignore them. But jeez...the pressure to get it right is very overwhelming. I love what you guys said about just enjoying the experience (or not so much) and not having it be a momumental thing that decides your sexuality.
@EmmaSmith-hr6nb2 жыл бұрын
Precisely how I feel. I just got out of a long term relationship with a man and at 26yo this is my time to experiment!!
@lauram16552 жыл бұрын
Fantastic episode. One of my favorites of yours ever. Wish I could send this to myself 10 years ago! This is going to help a lot of people. Love love love.
@conlon43322 жыл бұрын
Allosexual means sexually attracted to other people. It's often used as the opposite of asexual, however it's literally the opposite of autosexual, which means attracted to yourself. Some people use zedsexual/zeesexual as an opposite to asexual, playing off of A vs Z. I personally just say sexual. Asexual literally means not sexual; "a" is a prefix that means 'the opposite of' so logically, the opposite would be sexual. Which makes sense; someone who experiences sexual attraction is sexual, right? And the opposite to every other word that uses that "a" prefix is just the word without it, so linguistically, logically, it's the obvious answer.
@lolisa_rain82762 жыл бұрын
I don't know much about autosexual or zeesexual, but asexual people CAN be sexual. Asexual just means not having that sexual attraction to others. There are many sex favorable asexuals in the community who are valid.
@conlon43322 жыл бұрын
@@lolisa_rain8276 Sexual as in sexual attraction rather than sexual acts, if that makes sense? A word can have two meanings. But you do bring up a good point, and I can see that there may be some potential for misunderstandings...
@ilTHfeaa2 жыл бұрын
Stop I have been WAITING for this collab omg
@xxgabgab789xx22 жыл бұрын
Hey Alayna, i know you have a podcast but i think you should consider making this series a podcast as well!! It's awesome!
@June-sq1ub2 жыл бұрын
the first 5 minutes of this video are so validating!! YES, it's confusing as he'll figuring out your orientation while simultaneously being in the aro or ace spectrums. It's like the attraction you do feel is so rare that you don't know which gender(s) you feel attracted to. So sometimes it's enough with just knowing you're queer because of that different-to-the-norm way that you experience attraction. reminder that your sexual or romantic history don't define your sexuality/orientation! ❤🏳️🌈
@stephanielastname82712 жыл бұрын
yesss the collab i've been waiting for!! love u both sm
@snow170482 жыл бұрын
There’s 2 expressions that I made to help describe how I feel (sorry it’s long) At the beginning it felt like looking in the pantry, seeing all this food, wanting something, but nothing felt good. Eventually I would get frustrated and leave, only to return an hour later. Except it wasn’t food and a pantry It was an identity and a closet Hiding who you are feels like dying your hair. It’s like your hair started growing red but red hair is evil somehow. At first you shave your head to ignore it That doesn’t work So you dye it to hide it You constantly have to put effort into hiding your hair Until the fear becomes constant in the back of your mind But the longer you hide the more it hurts Your hair gets damaged It starts to break It would take years to repair if that’s even possible So you stop hiding because you reached a point where it hurt more to hide than to be yourself Be brave my fellow queers, don’t let the fear envelope you. If you see nothing but darkness it is because you are the light. The world would be a much darker place without you
@jaginaiaelectrizs63412 жыл бұрын
Don't be shy about comment length! This is KZbin - the maximum limit is just under 10,000 characters; you're just scraping the surface of that, really! 🤭😊 [In my opinion ] It's not your job to worry about how many words other people might or might not want to read-it is only your job to use however many words it takes to say whatever you're actually wanting to say. There should be zero shame in that, no matter how short nor long. ^-^ 🤍💜
@leandrog27852 жыл бұрын
@@jaginaiaelectrizs6341 I once read an entire short book in a KZbin comment. I don't remember if it was several comments or just one.
@jaginaiaelectrizs63412 жыл бұрын
@@leandrog2785 🤣🤭😹 Nice! 😁
@yourfavoritearies46832 жыл бұрын
OMG YAY I BEEN WAITING FOR THIS COLLAB
@anniestrooo2 жыл бұрын
Love the growth from baby gay to lesbian!!! Proud of u
@brbicecream12492 жыл бұрын
I'm AroAce but I really like having a platonic significant other in my life. I am so stuck with society and "is she your girlfriend?", "is she your mum?" "are you gay?"... like... does it have to have a label?
@ireallyreallyhategoogle2 жыл бұрын
Is she your roommate or your friend?
@louisastone35102 жыл бұрын
I get this mostly, what I don't get, "your mum"? Last time I checked that wasn't a label but a family member 😂 Did I miss smth
@ireallyreallyhategoogle2 жыл бұрын
@@louisastone3510 There might be a big age difference between her and her significant other.
@yumenogeki9142 жыл бұрын
THIS COLLAB !!! I have been waiting for that since years ! < 3 A huge thank you ! ; )
@noon45452 жыл бұрын
I needed this so much, thank you!
@seraphinacat272 жыл бұрын
So happy for the a-spec rep! 🙌🏻💜
@goofeygoober60952 жыл бұрын
Such a good subject to bring up. Being demisexual made it so hard for me to figure out my sexuality. On top of comp het/growing up in a homophobuc household I had absolutely no inkling I was gay at all. Once I figured out I liked women tho, I just stopped liking men at all.
@lincymoonen2282 жыл бұрын
I loved this video soo much! Jessie is awesome and this collab is soo fun!
@meisjunia2 жыл бұрын
this video gave me so much comfort
@VictoriaRoseIsNotDeadYet2 жыл бұрын
SHE/THEY KING YESSSSS JESSIEEE
@ilovecats212 жыл бұрын
AAHHHH THE DUO I DIDN'T KNEW I NEEDED🥺💗 i love this sm
@CarmiMia2 жыл бұрын
OMG these are two of my favorite queer people! I love this episode 😍
@Labradorite_Honu Жыл бұрын
This is such an amazing discussion. I remember being in college in a friend’s dorm room watching The Hunger with David Bowie (I mean hint hint already) and like Jess my one friend went off the rails about how so totally gross the film was, how she was going to be sick in the bathroom….etc… I was like Alayna in thinking hey this isn’t so bad. I met my now wife the very next semester…… at the same time my then friend came out!!! 😂😂 So this video is just so strongly a walk down memory lane for me! Lol
@markhyman90692 жыл бұрын
I like the part where they said about the lunch tables, its like if your still questioning then it's the same as you haven't chose a table coz you haven't sat down yet, this whole video really helped me a lot😁