What's it like to ~Be With~ a Woman? | LESBIAN vs BABY GAY

[@AlaynaJoyOfficial]

I'm getting way too comfortable on here

[@lilliankessler7140]

I love it. Its real, its you. Thank you.

[@recklessmermaid]

thank you for being brave and real enough to be comfortable :)

[@Gayzngaze]

Good, it's appreciated. You comfort here helps me become more comfortable

[@recklessmermaid]

@@Gayzngaze your screen name is fantastic

[@aurora3655]

Well, we're both Canadian, so... pas de problème :)

[@Miniermotte]

You know what I'd find interesting is if you did some collab with bisexual youtubers now as well and talk about the different experiences of ~thinking you're bi for so long before you realise you're gay~ versus actually being bi. Because so many people seem to be uncertain if they are gay/lesbian or bi that it could be really helpful to hear the perspective of someone who thought they were bi in comparison to someone who is.

[@AlaynaJoyOfficial]

oh I LOVE this idea

[@Miniermotte]

@@AlaynaJoyOfficial it would be reverse "lesbian versus bisexual" lol

[@adriennebaer5837]

I need this I need this please yes lol

[@alessandrahaha]

Yessss this would be great!!!

[@kittenkats]

Yes, so many women are dealing with this right now and would help, just like the master doc helped us all.

[@AlaynaJoyOfficial]

Someone tell Stevie she needs to collab more often

[@jamielondon6436]

Stevie needs to collab more often.

[@AlaynaJoyOfficial]

@@jamielondon6436 you understood the assignment

[@lilliankessler7140]

She does need to collab more!!!

[@user-hz5ep8bg5g]

she need to collab wayyy more often

[@jamielondon6436]

@@AlaynaJoyOfficial Thanks. :-) Question is, will she read this?

[@Unsteady.Eddiee]

Stevie blushing at the thought of a Ginger woman is so precious

[@Whitewolf1827]

I understand her though my first crush ever was with a red head and i couldnt even look at her or id literally feel my knees getting weak

[@crazychickwithagun6791]

And the fact that Stevie's wife was on the background mocking her for blushing is really cute

[@cheesecakelasagna]

Reminds me of Jessica Kellgren-Fozard.

[@Whitewolf1827]

CheesecakeLasagna what do you mean

[@scilines]

@@Whitewolf1827 Stevie seems to have a crush on Jessica 😁

[@Louisyed]

I think lack of satisfaction with men is also normalised, which makes it harder to realise you're not into men!There are so many straight women I know who talk about sex with men in a way that it's mostly an effort and they don't even expect to enjoy it. So it's easy to just expect that that's what sex with men is like rather than realise that you're into women.

[@mariebourgot4949]

Great and important input!

[@Knrr-yr2dd]

Sad but true

[@Peppermintytea]

Yes! This is so true and something I recently realized contributed to my thinking for years I was bi rather than a lesbian. I hope @alaynajoy sees your comment as I think it's a great point and something I haven't seen anyone else share online.

[@bread2951]

Imagine having bad sex for decades because you think you are straight. Thats sad actually.

[@jamessibson7453]

@@bread2951 that is her fault. She should of already knew the truth about herself.

[@syntaera]

"I think when I realised that I *could* be gay, I *knew* I was gay. Then I built up a bunch of bullsh*t - so it wasn't that I slowly realised it, it was that I slowly knocked down the bullsh*t." That is kind of profoundly true not just for gayness - it was true for my pansexuality, it was true for my autism, for so many realisations about our own identity, when we realise we could be that way, we knew - and the rest of our journey was knocking down the bullsh*t. Thank you.

[@AlaynaJoyOfficial]

Woah reading that quote pulled out on its own like that just gave me chills

[@Peppermintytea]

Yes! Beautiful realization.

[@nternetrat]

YUP. reading the lesbian masterdoc wasn't even significant in itself- it was just the suggestion of me not liking boys, the question that i was waiting to be asked for this answer i had in my heart. and! as a child, i was such a lesbian oh man i was so cute i loved women so much, just... lived for their energy and presence built up the bullshit since then, and now we're knocking it down to get to the core ~~

[@childofartemis5410]

Stevie needs to do more collabs.

[@AlaynaJoyOfficial]

Thank you

[@childofartemis5410]

@@AlaynaJoyOfficial ❤️ thanks for the reply.. Love from India.

[@moonchild8480]

@@childofartemis5410 im from india too!

[@childofartemis5410]

@@moonchild8480 Hey there

[@willowcrowluxx]

Every time Alayna says, "I don't know if I can put this in the video!!" and then an ad pops up I imagine her giving herself just a few seconds more to breathe until she keeps it in the video LOL

[@AlaynaJoyOfficial]

Oh this is a good take

[@willowcrowluxx]

@@AlaynaJoyOfficial thank you for all the important work you do with your content!! you're immensely appreciated and your vibes are immaculate 😌✨

[@thenerdykrisz]

That's what I thought too 😂

[@rosieblyther444]

I recently saw that the term “straight” was actually invented in the start of the 1800s to find a way to describe the men that chose not to be sexually fluid and it was actually slang to call this small and odd group of people “straight and narrow” with their thinking. Straight wasn’t assumed until much later in society. Before this they believed that everyone’s sexuality was on a spectrum and that it could fluctuate from time to time to feel differently for some. This has helped me in understanding my sexuality so much more and just riding the ups and downs of it in more of an observational way then a “oh no what does THIS mean?!” way.

[@tinakrisnaibot3233]

Nothing wrong with being bisexual

[@Peppermintytea]

If you have a link or name to the article you read, I'd love to read it. Thanks for the info!

[@_SomyaY]

@@Peppermintytea yes pls

[@mossvirago4488]

I'm almost 30 and I just came out not too long ago, I have yet to flirt with a woman at all 🤣 so maybe I needed this video lol

[@AlaynaJoyOfficial]

I should make an entire video on this

[@Sky-Lark]

@@AlaynaJoyOfficial please

[@gabriellarodriguez9830]

Same

[@cerealkillerrxD]

@@AlaynaJoyOfficial pleaseeeee

[@zaravise5960]

@@AlaynaJoyOfficial yes pls. This topic is not very often spoke about, I would like to hear more about it…

[@maxstevam430]

as a neurodivergent person (adhd/asd): THANK U FOR THE FLIRTING MASTERCLASS

[@mykidsdadrocks9341]

I may not be your target audience (51 yr old ‘straight’ male, recently out of a 20 year marriage with a narcissist) but I had to say that I truly am learning so much! I believe by having these judgement free, open and safe avenues to speak about, share, and collaborate (love this collaboration btw..) the more people will begin to realize many of us share the same questions/concerns/fears and it is ok to be who you are meant to be!! As an ‘older guy’ it makes me happy to see the world waking up, shedding gender labels and roles and that more and more we can all enjoy a life in love and harmony. Thank you all for sharing and inspiring.

[@manuelbracho3502]

As a gay man I'm not (only) scared of rejection, I'm terrified of getting beaten to a pulp....

[@drskelebone]

I wish this wasn't the world we have. I hope you're doing well, and that you have a good base of good friends who can support you!

[@hukihuki4135]

Fuck... Homophobia sucks

[@greensteve9307]

:(

[@anadd6195]

Yeah

[@sole_to_soul]

Sorry to hear that. Have you tried volunteering at safe queer spaces like an LGBTQ Center, or checking out gay Meetup groups?

[@fairyofdaisies]

"the definition of creepy is doing something with an expectation" the way this just rocked my world rn... something that has made me really hesitate to identifying as a lesbian and sort of owning my attraction to women is that i'm terrified of coming across as the 'creepy lesbian' stereotype we always see in movies and tv + that make straight girls think we're predators. so anytime i even picture pursuing a woman, i feel icky and like i'm doing something wrong. hearing stevie say that is really healing to me, and helped remind me that no, my attraction to women is not gross or predatory, and that i should feel allowed to pursue women bc there's nothing wrong with it and if they're not into me it's totally no big deal bc even if i'm hopeful something might come from it, i don't *expect* anything in return. as a baby gay, thank you for making this series alayna 💌

[@anadd6195]

❤

[@kaia8167]

Omg please do a video about how to flirt. I struggle with it because I don't actually want to sleep with someone or even be particularly intimate with someone right away, but that leaves people feeling like I'm just not into them at all. I don't know how to show interest (that matches what I actually feel) without going too far and ending up overwhelmed :/

[@s__xx]

Just be yourself and try to find people who are into what you are into. Finding that meaningful connection and building on it overtime. Not about sex and wanting to be intimate even. If there’s something then there will be. 😙

[@mailyak442]

Yes!

[@Greek_Valkyrie]

@@s__xx Me: *baby gay who can Flirt via text* Someone I like: *talks to me* Me: *forgets how speak English*

[@s__xx]

@@Greek_Valkyrie 🤣 Someone you like: learns whatever secret language you start speaking and continue the convo 😁

[@eeeyooohoh]

omg LOL this is my exact problem. along with also being an almost 30 yr old virgin lmaaaoo

[@stevie]

I’m so proud of u for saying ‘dildo’

[@aurora3655]

strapon lol!

[@patafoinification]

That "letting go of the script" part was actually really great advice, I needed to hear that right now

[@eemiaa10]

If Stevie did a video on fear of intimacy with women and sticking with men because it was "easier" that would actually be super helpful!!

[@stuff1784]

THIS IS WHAT HAPPENED TO ME

[@jitkaszabo6180]

Thank you so much for the advice for questioning folks! I often feel so invalid in my identity as a lesbian because I'm a girly girl who used to get crushes on boys as a child. It means so much to know that the whole 'knowing your sexuality from the get-go because how could you not, you were born this way' thing is not actually the norm.

[@nicole-rb4iw]

ayy another hungarian !! and also i can fully relate to u , i’m the exact same way

[@walky2]

Add another feminine Hungarian to the bunch. :D

[@tinakrisnaibot3233]

You either are lesbian or bisexual or not. Being a lesbian or bisexual is not an identity. It is a sexual orientation. Lesbians aren't attracted to men. Stop being homophobic.

[@tinakrisnaibot3233]

That's called bisexuality. You sound like a homophobe

[@jitkaszabo6180]

@@tinakrisnaibot3233 I was actually about to start explaining how 'being attracted to men' and 'having crushes on boys up until the age where acting on said crush would mean an actual relationship / sex, and then never being interested again' are not the same thing, but seeing as you're a troll who seems to spend all their time calling queer people homo- / biphobic and trying to invalidate their identity, you don't deserve any more of my time than the 30 seconds this took me to write. Stay miserable ❤

[@mizzmatrix]

For the record, being with a woman, still after 10 years, is magical 😊 For example, yesterday, we shared a kiss that gave me butterflies.

[@kimwang2787]

#jealous

[@clumsyninja1172]

Lol “lesbian sex is exactly like not having a hand towel “ should be mercy somehow

[@expatmousse5196]

Should be on a t-shirt🤔🤔🤔🤷🏻‍♀️

[@leandrog2785]

Should be on a hand towel

[@emschlef]

I'm masc and yes femmes please approach us! A ton of us are shy and do feel that pressure Stevie mentioned.

[@ammerslo2632]

I'm newish... & How do femmes know HOW OR IF a masc is... Actually gay? I liike your comment. This open platform to chat is amazing!

[@stuff1784]

@@ammerslo2632 It’s the intense eye contact, like the woman is studying you from top to bottom. You’ll lock eyes with her, you’ll walk over, and she will listen intently to everything you have to say. Her eyes will still linger on you as you talk within the group. This is how it goes!!!

[@Little_Red_Riding_Hoodlum]

From a mid-forties woman that is just beginning to be aware of my possible lesbian/maaaaaaybe bi tendencies, I have to tell you just how natural, easy and encouraging I find all of your content. I have been a married (mostly straight?) woman/mom (1 straight son, 1 gay son) my entire adult life and am only VERY recently giving myself permission to live for myself and demand more from myself. I find watching you and the other creators on your channel to be such genuinely happy, lovely people. Thank you so much for braving this world, while baring it all! Wish me luck! 😂

[@mariebourgot4949]

Good luck Kerry! I'm glad you're allowing that to yourself! :)

[@Peppermintytea]

You are not alone in your experience - there was even a study done about how women's sexuality in their 40s can change from thinking they're straight their whole lives to realizing they're attracted to women. Hope it helps to know there are other women out there like you. Good luck on your journey!

[@KarisFunk]

Oooh! The intonation tip is so helpful! Also, I'm 1000% the same as Stevie with natural gingers 😂😂😂 I turn into that typical "12 year old boy seeing a beautiful woman for the first time" in movies and forget how to human 😂😂😂

[@AlaynaJoyOfficial]

I feel that "12 year old boy seeing a beautiful woman for the first time" explains my state most of the time

[@jwoo13]

I love that while you showed off your #sponsored items, your cat was like "Oh a box, I must be in the box; this is the way".

[@Peppermintytea]

Talking about how not everyone knows from the jump that they're gay is so needed. If I didn't already know Alayna's story, I would think she jumped out of the womb shouting "I'm gay!" 😅 And it's a relief to hear Stevie also had periods of dating men and thinking she couldn't be gay! I related so much to everything you two said, including that I couldn't possibly be in a relationship with a woman because of the hair! It took me about three decades to realize I wasn't bi but am actually a lesbian - and I'm learning this isn't uncommon. Please collab again, Alayna and Stevie! I'd love to hear a more in-depth convo about this topic. Love you both! 🙏💚 P.S. This natural redhead is loving Stevie's ginger crush blushes. 😂

[@tinakrisnaibot3233]

No. Lesbians aren't attracted to men. Your comment is basically lesbophobic.

[@mariebourgot4949]

@@tinakrisnaibot3233 You should learn to read intead of accusing everyone of homophobia and lesbophobia in the comments. Or just learn about the basic differences between attraction, having sex, desir, pleasure, arousal and being in a relationship with someone. Also social performance, ignorance, fear, comphet and the very human incertainty and doubts.

[@Greek_Valkyrie]

I love this comment. :]

[@Greek_Valkyrie]

@@tinakrisnaibot3233 You are clearly clueless. Case closed.

[@Peppermintytea]

@@Greek_Valkyrie Thanks! I appreciate a positive comment since I tend to get slammed whatever I say online.

[@GarlicKiss]

7:22 - My answer to this one would be: It's not about dating history it's about attraction. Are you into more than one gender when you look at another human? Than yes you are bi. I think some of this comes from heteronormativity. Because nobody ever assumes they are asexual before they've been with anyone at all. They just say they are a virgin. (Not accounting for people who are actually asexual here.)

[@lesbianactivity]

lesbians can be attracted to more than one gender… obviously. lesbianism is about not being attracted to men as a non-man. lesbians can be non-binary and all lesbians can be attracted to & have relationships with people who are not just binary women

[@GarlicKiss]

@@lesbianactivity That's also true. My point was more around dating history doesn't dictate what your sexuality is attraction does. But along side that you can also choose which label you feel the most connection with too. Which ties into what you described.

[@lesbianactivity]

@@GarlicKiss that’s not what i was describing at all. it’s incredibly lesbophobic and transphobic is to say or imply that lesbians do not/cannot be attracted to more than one gender. esp when gender abolition is rooted in the lesbian community

[@GarlicKiss]

@@lesbianactivity I don't think you are getting my point. I didn't say you couldn't. I was agreeing with you...

[@GarlicKiss]

@@lesbianactivity To clarify... the reason I said 'then you are bi' in my OP was because the person asking the question was wondering if they were bisexual or not. I was in no way saying that other possibilities couldn't happen. Like lesbians who don't fit in the binary are valid too. Lesbians who like women and non-men genders are valid.

[@rebecculousrk]

“It feels like were on FaceTime catching up, but also making really dope content…”. YESSSSSSS! That’s the vibe and I love it.

[@JT-xh1ih]

Okay but ALSO... having Stevie talk about being neurodivergent and not getting the "signals" is HUGE

[@theinstabookworm6428]

11:19 Alayna: *talking about adult toys* Me: *gets distracted by cat in the box* 🥰

[@recklessmermaid]

i know I'm flooding the comments but the algorithm loves it soooo.... hearing you talking about choice was amazing. during my own thought spirals and ruminations i would keep returning to "if i only it had been different 10 years ago, if only i knew, or was in a place where i could question these things..." but suddenly the reality hit me that every day is a choice. it might have been easier to change course 10 years ago but i didn't know then what i do know now... and that's the difference. now i know. i can now move forward with a better understanding of myself than i had 10 years ago.

[@recklessmermaid]

"i couldn't be gay because i didn't know, and how could you not know?" Alayna get right up out of my brain pls and thx

[@MoveSaga]

The whole thing you are doing with admitting you don't know stuff, and you are new and nervous and being honest about being a baby gay in your channel is so refreshing.

[@leolovsen1448]

About the questioning part: I like to really remove myself from society's views and ask myself "okay, so if I was 'allowed' and always accepted to think/feel/be how I wanted, what would that be?" It gives so much free space to just daydream and vibe with yourself so the answer becomes obvious I feel

[@lizmariediaz8062]

Omg I absolutely love these vibes y’all are awesome please collab more

[@bizziegrace]

I spent so much time trying to hyper analyze my attractions in the past to men to invalidate my identity, to prove i wasn't gay, while also so badly wanting to be gay? It's all very confusing. Like I so badly just wanted to answer a buzzfeed quiz and that be my answer and just roll with it but no matter what answer they gave me I knew one thing - right now I want to date women. Am I bi? Am I a lesbian? I don't know! But right now I want to be with women so that's where I'm at and the label doesn't really matter so much.

[@tinakrisnaibot3233]

Can i help you !? Lesbians aren't attracted to men. Is it really so hard to understand or are you just lesbophobic?

[@mariebourgot4949]

@@tinakrisnaibot3233 You know what's actually lesbophobic? Leaving hateful comments under a lesbian video and under comments of queer women who have difficulties by invalidating their identitites.

[@citrezene]

Absolutely same 😭

[@matthijsclaessen8152]

Ashnikko would say: "I don't need a man, I need a rabbit..." (and then the song plays that humming noise the toy makes. (-:

[@nternetrat]

13:08 "it's normal to be a lesbian" hooooollleeeeyyyy shiittttt.... this is probably one of the most significant things because "coming out" is such a big thing (fine if you want to do that!) because having this secret or this big alter ego and so on can be very much dramatized anyway what am i saying it's just really fucking.. grounding. to say the least. and the first time i've heard it like this that my brain wants to scream that those words don't go together, but seeing that they do just really gives me a warm hug. really just relaxes my shoulders beyond fucking grateful for such well spoken and loving women

[@SelenicSoul83]

intonation is something a lot of neurodiverse people struggle with, so while I can understand what you're talking about, it's something that will always be difficult for someone like me for example to 1) understand in the moment, and 2) use myself. hence why I'm with Stevie on, please just ask and communicate clearly, we can't all be neurotypical lol

[@shelbymorrissey975]

Alayna, I want you to know it’s totally normal to not know you’re gay from the beginning. I knew I liked girls but it took many years to land on the fact that I was a lesbian.

[@adrsoup]

Ikr????? You’re acting gay, but you don’t know what gay is, because none of it makes sense, when you’re nine years old. Some rando cousin tells you…..you know you’re gay right?

[@Marialla.]

I'm in my mid-50's. Three weeks ago I told myself "I'm just gonna MAKE SPACE IN MY BRAIN for the idea that I might be gay to exist. I'll open the door to that as a possibility and live with it for a while and see how fitting or not-fitting it feels." Within a day I was starting to think maybe I really was gay. Three weeks later, having done a little research (including vids from Alayna's channel) I'm recognizing so many flashing neon lights pointing me at the fact all my life that I was gay that I'm almost baffled that I missed them for this long. The amount of WHOOSH going on cannot be overstated. As you say, it all boils down to the inability to picture that which we haven't been given representation to picture. It's not easy for us to see something as possible if we've pre-decided that it is impossible. Today's generation sees a lot more gay representation and acceptance than mine ever did. I think there may be a lot of gays my age who aren't just 'in the closet", they never even made it into the house yet. Heteronormativity isn't evil in itself, but it would be nice if everyone (of every age) could have(/give themselves) permission to step outside of it and picture themselves in a non-conformist role just to see whether or not it rings true for them. It's important to have enough different examples of what that could look like, and not just reject the one stereotype you have in your head because you know THAT ONE isn't you.

[@KUYITOLOKONUMERO1]

I'm 30 and just got out of a 5yr relationship with a narcisist and i've lost a lot of confidence on flirting also there's so many new things now! I needed this vid, and i would really appreciate a video on flirting from you, also love Stevie 💕

[@mariebourgot4949]

Hope you're doing ok.

[@astoldbybianx]

It's funny that people's inner thoughts about why they couldn't be a lesbian is little odd things that aren't actual things and not things they like or would miss about men 😂.

[@2witzrs]

The american LGBTQ community seems "lighter" (as in opposed to "heavier") than the brazilian one to me. I don't know. I think my country is much more violent against us, so I enjoy so much watching american videos. It makes being LGBTQ seem way easier. Of course it is not easy anywhere, but you know... some places are harder. Anyway, thank you for your content!

[@anadd6195]

Percebo-te. E a Stevie é muito leve nesse sentido também. :)

[@ludmilamaiolini6811]

É tão bom ver vídeos mais leves sobre isso, né? Sempre foi algo pesado para mim…

[@katiejohnson3571]

With the questions at the beginning.. I saw this thing that said “If you nervous your faking it, u probably aren’t ” if u think you r Bi, or gay, or Pan, or whatever else, but u don’t know if u really are, just try some things out. And if you end up not being that, that is totally cool. You just misidentified. If ur scared of misidentifying, just know if you never try, u may be misidentifying as straight. Have a good day! 😊

[@niki3722]

I love how Stevie is slowly sounding more and more British 😄

[@marlenalynne]

7:45-8:52 SOBBING 😭😭😭 Thank you for saying this. Thank you for uplifting this. There's so much freedom when we realize there's really no set plan and no set timeline and life is wild and unpredictable.

[@adress13]

So much of what you guys said was so relatable. I don't know if I would have been able to have get to my current conclusion about my sexuality without quarantine. I honestly think I would still be telling myself I was bisexual. After I accepted myself my ability to be vulnerable in relationships changed.

[@brittanykidd3041]

“Have I really?!” Stevie sounded British and it was cute. Hehe

[@ceekay3143]

I really love watching your content, Alayna. You're so relatable and it makes me feel better when you blush about the same things as I do :) I'm 33 and have never been kissed, let alone been in a relationship. The biggest hurdle has been being obese, mentally ill and being in an environment where my self confidence etc was so low, it was underground. Being a fat female nerd, even I forgot that I could have romance and everything else that comes with it. Like honestly, it's pretty gross that it took until 2010 for us to see main role fat characters in healthy romantic relationships in mainstream media (I'm thinking of Mike and Molly, which was still somewhat problematic). I laugh now, looking back and thinking about all the times I watched allll the media a particular female actor has been in because I "really admire her acting". Or the distinct moment I even realised that women were an option I could pursue, months after spending lots of time being friends with people in my university's queer collective. I've found a new group of queer people to hang out with recently, and they're lovely and remind me that I am worthy of love and friendship. I think I may be in a situationship with a woman now; we've been on one date plus spent time at a handful of friendship group dinners. But we've been messaging each other almost every day, being a bit vulnerable and a bit spicy. Second date is coming, maybe on the third opportunity to kiss we might actually be brave enough to do it.

[@gman854]

Yes more please!! Definitely!! Just rediscovered something that has always been there and exploring that is becoming more of a possibility

[@Imallwrite212]

I remember a conversation I had with my cousin once when I was back in high school, and I was like "I totally think that you could train any girl to like girls. Like if society hypothetically pushed it or something." And my cousin was like, "I really don't think I could be trained to like girls." And I was like, "Hmm, weird, I totally could. be" Flash forward and I'm sure you can tell she's straight and I'm not XD

[@Marialla.]

I had the same thought! I absolutely believed that EVERYONE thought women were obviously the ones who held all the beauty/sexual attractiveness, but that being heterosexual was just "what you do". It never occurred to me that any woman anywhere actually thought that men were really truly the attractive ones and women were not. I thought ALL of us were trying desperately to tear our eyes away from women's beautiful breasts and butts "just to be polite". I just figured all the other women who seemed never to struggle with this problem were born with much better manners than I had.

[@LaurenVHamill]

I just wanna say, thank you for having this discussion about people letting themselves explore and be patient about finding the "right" label. It's such an important discussion 👏💕✨

[@libsreese]

I have been waiting for a Stevie Collab forever!!! Very exited 💛💜

[@Steertanzer]

The expectation thing is really true!! I never thought of it that way, but that IS what makes the difference between creepy vs totally okay.

[@Erica-qy8rh]

This video was truly meant to find me. Thank you Alayna and Stevie for such an amazing video today. It helped me so much.💗

[@caoimhenimhuireadhaigh1303]

An interesting note on not seeing applicable scripts for you, and how it can play out. From when I was very little, I was adamant that I didn't want to get married, I'd never pictured it, dreamed of it etc etc. Then after the gay marriage referendum here in Ireland, I started magically picturing things that I'd like in my potential future wedding.... whilst not wanting to marry a man 😂 it took me a further six years to realise I'm a lesbian 😂😂

[@infinikki]

Also the airpulse is life-changing 👌

[@violetbrowne5784]

Alot of this advice about finding yourself works for trans folks as well. Its wild, all the bullsh!t we have to push through just to see ourselves.

[@anaisaerksen]

Thanks so much for talking about rejection. That's exactly what I need right now. 💜

[@unepommeverte17]

i would like to offer the aromantic spectrum as a potential adjacent alternative to why someone might not be able to imagine themself in a relationship. definitely depends on why they can't and who they're trying to imagine, but comphet and [whatever the allo- vs a- equivalent might be called] can share a lot of confusing similarities

[@jessicastevens5782]

that was my 1st thought, too. sexually attraction doesn't have to match romantic attraction. then there is the wrinkle of orientation not existing in a vacuum - the interplay of nature and nurture has infinite outcomes

[@eveblack4705]

Absolutely spot on advice but also feeling very validated as a freckly, natural ginger right now.

[@DTM-Books]

"Give Without Expectation." Thank you so much for this message. I've been carrying this thought in my head all week and it's just the perfect mantra for self improvement and how we treat others. I'm going to be carrying this lesson with me as best I can. Kudos for this channel and all that you do, it is greatly appreciated.

[@PotatoKing16]

it's cute how Stevie's intonation sounds British now 🥰 like the pitch and pacing of her sentences and questions

[@ramywiles]

Totally same on being in survival mode until I traded my homophobic hometown for a more progressive place -- it actually lasted well beyond that for me. As I've thought about it more, I've realized that there were two times I almost Figured It Out in the past, and they were in periods of emotional stability within myself and in my environment. But I was still living with severe untreated anxiety that entire time, and I was otherwise in and out of really toxic relationships and environments. It took those pieces falling away too for me to exit survival mode enough to realize that, oh yeah, that thing I shoved down at age 12 never actually went away, and it's safe to look at it now.

[@corvidaemoon8744]

LOVE WHO YOU WANT BECAUSE YOUR HEART WANTS THEM FOREVER, BECAUSE YOU CANT IMAGINE BEING WITHOUT THEM, NO LABELS, NOTHING ELSE MATTERS. LOVE IS FREE

[@lezlezzin]

wow yes yes yes to the scripts part. very relatable. I was just thinking about this today, and wondering, why have all my dates with women so far, just been so confusing to navigate my true feelings about the person, and if it does feel romantic and flirty. It's because I even still don't have enough of those "scripts" for lesbian relationships and dating and so I keep instinctually basing these thoughts off traditional and heteronormative dating roles and rules. and it sucks! I'm unlearning things every day and trying to be very introspective and patient with untangling my real romantic feelings for the first time at 26

[@Louisyed]

I think that's also to do with our scripts about friendships - the assumption with a man is that it must be sexual and everything means something more than friendships (like men and women can't be friends) whereas with women the assumption is that they're just a friend and it doesn't mean anything more than that however intense the flirting!

[@mariebourgot4949]

@@Louisyed Yep, heteronormativity impact how we view both romantic relationships and friendships.

[@lezlezzin]

@@Louisyed Yes thank you that's such a good point! I assumed any --feeling-- I had towards any man must have been a crush, even though I just felt comfortable and friendly around them (and I didn't feel that way about many guys in general which is part of what made it feel like it must be something MORE than friendship). And 100% the dynamics of hetero friendships really affect both how I understood my feelings to guys before I realized I'm gay. And it's also still affecting how I feel about women I'm dating, because in society women are allowed to be closer, more intimate and flirty as friends--so that boundary is already broken down.

[@_pudu661]

thank you for teaching this baby gay all she knows. I grew up in a very hetero normal community so honestly exploring relationships with women has ben a challenge. ive never ~ been with ~ a woman, but im trying to get better at learning how to flirt and date. so honestly thank you. this genuinely teaches me and i appreciate it

[@grmgt]

Damn. Getting a compliment on flirting from Stevie must be amazing. Alayna, you are in the right path hahaha!

[@lezlezzin]

such a good collab, perfect vibes, funny, and so much good and relatable questions and advice ! collab with stevie again pls!

[@sylvan44]

i had to unsub a little bit ago because I’m bi and the (so! incredibly! valid!) questioning made m e start questioning again and feeling like my bisexuality isn’t real but now i wanna come back! I’d forgotten how much i love alayna’s videos

[@joanagomes9838]

The collab I was waiting for!!!!!!!

[@mousuminandi3640]

Woah alayna dropping a video while I'm watching her last video😳😍

[@mysteriousmagic1341]

18:02 ur hairstyles are literally mirrored !! 🤌

[@nadsome972]

Love how they're like: "oh yeah I should talk about that with my therapist" - "or! OR! hear me out! You could make a whole youtube video about it!!!"

[@SEnoch-gf7bj]

The collab of the century!

[@ellarenee5711]

This was a valuable collab. I learned a lot.

[@NoticeMeSenpaiii]

Ahhh I forgot how much I love stevie 😅 I strive to have her confidence

[@today_i_will_draw7870]

I love that expectation advice! This is something I have figured out for myself too, because I don't wanna be a creep

[@julzamidala2865]

OMG your best collab and your best advice yet!! 💗💗💗

[@dakotaluigi3377]

I can’t remember the name of your editor but I’m loving their little notes they’re hilarious... “I guess were keeping this in then” 😂😂😂

[@dejWA]

YES!!! Alayna, Stevie, Jade... this series is just so damn good! I love this format- seems comfortable and more open. Plus the back and forth brings up things that may not cross the mind otherwise. Love ittt 💜✨

[@Nord_Kitten]

the very first question hit me hard, I read about heterosexual relationships because it's what I'm used to, I write heterosexual relationships because it's what I know. I'm extremely attracted to women so I know I'm bi but at the same time, I can't imagine being in a relationship with one because it's such an enigma that it's overwhelming.

[@raeh123]

I hope things have improved for you❤

[@shawnferguson5681]

It was cute how your kitty helped you with the unboxing... by making sure the box checked out!

[@eri7411]

This isn’t entirely related to the video, but as of yesterday, I am in my first relationship with a girl after I came out as a lesbian. I am so happy and excited to explore and learn more

[@alayam.6487]

haven't watched the video yet, but I already know it's gonna be iconic... I mean YOU AND STEVIE in a video together?!?

[@thelaurenkri]

Pausing the video to say I LOVE the way you put the part about sometimes we think if we find the label we will automatically have the script and then we will know how life should go. God, felt that in my BONES, and so appreciate you pointing it out that it's just not like that. Finding label can help narrow scripts down, but no label is going to write your script for you.

[@amyc9257]

love that the cat immediately got in the box. a real spokesperson for the brand

[@dominiqueeden]

Stevie with Ginger Women. Omg, I whole heartedly agree. Gingers are just so beautiful my head and my heart can't take it.

[@ChiChi-dy9qi]

So good to hear you say it's ok to ask your crush out. Rejection isn't emotional death. Now all we need to do is normalise this in hetero relationships as well and we'll have emotionally strong people everywhere.

[@sebbprinc9893]

A girl once told me she's allergic to cherry's, and I told her "I'll just have to not wear cherry Chapstick when I kiss you" and of course she was like, I thought you were straight? And I said, "I am".

[@deepwateryaya]

The space and power to question, wonder, discuss, and experiment (or watch KZbin content that talks about it all 😘 ) is part of our humanity that patriarchy actively squashes. We are all suffering from a poverty of imagination. 🥰) Really important content! Thank you both for sharing - heading over to Stevie’s channel now 💫

[@paulinaespina8478]

As a masc lesbian, I love women taking initiative. It's hot.

[@lilliankessler7140]

That is a pretty color shirt on you Alayna, it matches well with your skin tone and your hair.

[@ammerslo2632]

Love to hear you saying... "We are allowed"💕

[@IthinkImLoveStoned]

This video was so fun! I literally laughed out loud! Y'all should collab more often.

[@alisonbarker3862]

You did do a collab. It was v. funny! [Think it WAS part of 'I don't bi it']. xx

[@tomduke1297]

as far as i found, there are 2 rules to life: 1. be true to yourself 2. challenge yourself everything else falls into place automatically after that.

[@Maria-jd1ul]

I need more of this in my life! Stevie defo needs to collab more often 🔥💜

[@pink-mo9kw]

20:20 as red head lesbian her saying that made me feel validate.