Questions for a quad over cookies // how Margaret was paralyzed, life with a caregiver, marriage....

Lets find out more about Margaret!
Buckle up for a great Q & A about life as a quadriplegic!
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Transcript

[@justincombs3314]

I am in a chair 10 years T12 L1 incomplete, I can relate to all of your videos, You and your husband are an inspiration to every inter abled couple. Merry Christmas, roll on

[@EmpoweredPara]

Merry Christmas! How were you injured?

[@elizabeth--thefibrochef]

I loved the discussion about your worth as a disabled person veres how people take care of their pets. I have an invisible disability-- severe chronic pain--Fibromyalgia. And I am with someone who now treats me as not a burden. But in the past, it has always been a stressful one, due to their unrealistic expectations of me when I cannot work or do what they want me to do, physically. Thank you for speaking out about this.

[@Tony_Ca.]

Things have changed from the early 90s to today, but there are still barriers, unfortunately. Great video, good to see the two of you. How odd that Christmas falls on the same day in Canada as here in the States.. 😆 Merry Christmas 🎄

[@howiroll740]

I've been a quadriplegic for 28 years and that is the first time I've heard another quad say that transferring was the most difficult part of being a quadriplegic. I think almost unanimously the answer has been bladder and bowel control being the most difficult part. I really enjoyed the video. I hope the new year can bring all of us a little less stress.

[@EmpoweredPara]

My answer is always bladder and bowel but my question for her was what is the hardest part about being a quad as opposed to a paraplegic. So I think she was thinking ig something unique to quads.

[@kwadgirl]

Oh, interesting! I guess bowel/bladder is difficult because it’s a time consuming task, but it doesn’t stop me from doing what brings me quality of life. Best to you over the holidays! I love reading responses. It makes me think more about what I’ve said/experienced.

[@jadenmiriamkohen906]

I was expecting hand function to be high on the list.

[@Jeriann-027]

I am a DBKA and I enjoy watching your videos, cause I'm in a wheelchair for now. I have learned a lot from watching and listening to both of you. Thank you for sharing. ❤🙏🏻

[@CarissaLouise]

Loved this, felt like I was sitting with you guys picking Margaret's brain like I love to do! Haha. Wishing you both a Merry Christmas!☃🥰🎄

[@Jaggededge112]

I love these videos with Margaret!!! You both are living your best lives and that’s huge. Thank you Margaret for these snippets into your life.

[@keyup2626]

One thing my best friend and wife get is the stares when we’re out, you can just tell what their thinking, it’s pity. I don’t want pity from anyone. I have a great life in many ways. My wife has been my care giver for many years all the time juggling her career, raising children. For me I give her so much credit, the thing is I would have been there for her if our roles were reversed and would never think twice about my role looking after her. We’re getting closer to the age when I will need home care and honestly it scares the crap out of me. I will fight to stay as independent as long as I can. One thing that I strongly believe in doing daily is to thank her for all she does, and show her my appreciation, never take her for granted. Thank you Brittany you Margaret have made great videos together. Its so nice to hear how her hubby get along, as you and yours does. We tend to elevate our spouses to a higher sainthood for their commitment to us, but from a stranger my wife doesn’t care for people that do try to praise her for sticking by me. We made a commitment to each other nearly 37 years ago, it was for good or bad that we’d be there for each other no matter what happened in life. Can’t thank you enough you Brittany, you tackle the tough issues with an honesty that helps many people. Merry Christmas to you and your family.

[@kwadgirl]

What a beautiful response. Whenever I get the sense someone feels “sorry” for me or my spouse, it almost puffs me up more. They have no idea. They can suck it. With regard to entering a phase where you may need care, it is scary, but it can really be a fantastic addition to you home life if you’re both starting to feel very taxed. That caregiver is an extension of you and their contribution can really add a lightness to your spouse’s daily experience of life.

[@hbhb7900]

I really love that house. The colors are happy colors. Reminds me of a peaceful summer day.

[@kwadgirl]

Thank you. That house and kitchen has brought me much joy and memories. It’s a warm, inviting home…when it’s not -33 (like today).

[@kimbers1238]

I have a spinal cord injury but I am not paralyzed. But I walk different and I have arthritis in my back which means I can't stand for long and depending on the chair can't sit long. I'm 61 and very obese. I'm embarrassed and feel like people are staring at me. I feel like a burden pretty regularly but that's a whole other topic. I've isolated as much as possible for close to 10 years. I'm very embarrassed about that too. My assumption is that no man would want to be with me who has incontinence issues. The things I tell myself are awful and felt true. Until this video. Thank u for showing me there is another way to think of myself.

[@EmpoweredPara]

Our thoughts are assholes lol. We gotta train them to tell us helpful things. You are capable of more than you know. Just keep telling yourself kind things and do the work to be the person you know you can be. Small steps lead to great places!

[@susyq5508]

kimbers i am 65 and have 2 really bad hips and i weigh too much for the doctors to give me new hips, so when i walk with my walker my butt sticks out becuse i cant stand straight up it use to embarasse me but now i just figure it could be worse i could be bedridden and not be able to go out so when i go out i dress as funky and weird as i can and they aint looking at my ass their looking at my weird outfit and sunglasses hope this helped you to know their are other people like you and how they cope.

[@kimbers1238]

@@susyq5508 too funny

[@kimbers1238]

@@EmpoweredPara thank you. Beautiful words

[@kwadgirl]

Brittney is right! Thoughts are sneaky little assholes. Find one thing, however small, that you like about yourself. Repeat that in the mirror. Out loud. More and more you’ll see the things that you don’t like less and less. It really works.

[@paavoviuhko7250]

Thanks for this video. I was totally absorbed with it. What I like about these videos is what goes beyond quadriplegic and connects with regular daily life. I am not disabled but I feel a strong connection to your family from my past life when I lived with my girlfriend and her daughter's three kids. It was a crazy time in the woods in a log cabin and your daughter reminds me of those wonderful times. So any comments I make are related to those fond memories of my past life. Don't take any offense because I only want to be kind.

[@EmpoweredPara]

Interesting! Glad my videos bring back fond memories!

[@jo_hansson]

An honest and enlightening conversation for everyone who wants to understand your everyday life better! Thanks and all the best for both of you!

[@sherip7420]

Love the honesty. Thanks for sharing- admire your overall coolness :)

[@tracymcgrath1192]

I needed to hear this Brit. The animal comparison is right on. I’m not in a wheelchair but have a few things that make me unable to work. I’m 49!and afraid to date. Fear of judgment. Xo

[@EmpoweredPara]

The more accepting we are of our own situation the less we worry about judgment from others. Work on your own self judgment first. Train those asshole thoughts to produce more helpful ones. I just heard a helpful process from Gabby Bernstein. 1. Recognize the negative thought. 2. Thank the thought for revealing what you DON'T want. 3. Form a new, next best feeling, thought. One that is believable in that moment. So if you're struggling with confidence during intimacy your thought might be "I'm not attractive anymore" then you would come up with a new thought that's believable like "being in a wheelchair doesn't change how I look" .

[@kardiamit]

47 years old and retired? I want like that too! I am in a wheelchair (th4) and now I have to work 45 years to retire. I want like Margaret!

[@EmpoweredPara]

Yeah I wanna retire at 45 too lol

[@seanmc1351]

You wanted yorkshire pudd recipe, i will be doing that xmas day for you, how we have british xmas dinner, i will video it and yorkshire pudding recipe, and show you our trimmings, have a wonderful xmas, you and your family x

[@westiepower2020]

Great to see the 2 of you together again! “Hi Margaret!” Brittney, Debbie and I thought that you were never going to actually put any cookies on your cookie sheet., but you eventually did lol! Are those cranberry cookies? And, I’ve been too scared to ask this question before, but since you asked Margaret, I’m thinking that it might be okay to ask you - “Brittney, what is the hardest part about being a paraplegic?” If you want to save this for a future Q&A, that is fine. Cheers! And Merry Christmas to both of you and your families!!

[@westiepower2020]

I misunderstood your question to Margaret….

[@Mskatie123]

Destigmatize. I love this!

[@seanmc1351]

you did it britany, this will help so many others. you know what i mean x

[@morgancalvi6675]

Margaret hit on an interest point when she was talking about her line of work. She said something like 'higher level quads...quads that are mainly in power chairs'. Well, that's an interesting statement. Many quads, or disabled, that are in power chairs. What she said is older thinking; but certainly very true. There used to be quad knobs for your chair...but many decided to just get in a power chair and life is so much easier. So the quad knobs phased out. They are making a come back now since the world seems to be focused on fitness. But a lot in power chairs could actually function in a manual chair. Good point there.

[@kwadgirl]

Yes, the higher level and power chair are two important descriptors. The members playing the sports we offered (still do I believe) had very few opportunities for intense sport among peers with very significant barriers to movement and physical activity. For some of the athletes, they said it was the first time they felt they had a fire in their belly and drive.

[@morgancalvi6675]

@@kwadgirl when I was injured...'use it or lose it' was drilled into my head and 'not using it', sadly can affect other body fuctions, such as breathing and bathroom abilities. I know a couple of people that died because of this 😞.

[@morgancalvi6675]

I still use quad knobs (have a set on my back up chair)...John Norton (Go Health Yourself) and I think a guy with the handle 'Occams Razor' use them. They are making a come back. They now offer them as options for rims on some manual chairs. Power Assist wheels are a HUGE life saver. I have the NaviONEs on my everyday chair.

[@ChronicallyMichelle1995]

I don’t need home care but I have health issues that make me feel like I’m gross no one wants me. I have a g-tube that I use to drain all the bile and I can have liquids if it drains so I have a bag with me all the time, a j-tube for formula meds hydration. Those 2 things specifically that I worry about but I have many many health issues that’s just 2 of them

[@EmpoweredPara]

The first step us believing they aren't gross! We set the tone! You are just as deserving of love!

[@-10ranch]

Fantastic content! I am wanting advice/curious. You talked about your mother being your caregiver relationship dynamic. I am on the outside looking in on a dynamic that I feal may be similar. My wife watches our neighbors daughter (who has Cerebral Palsy) she is very able bodied in my opinion compared to a para or quad. She falls sometimes and has endurance limitations, sometimes walker or crutches for big outings. Only child and mom pampers her to (in my opinion) is hindering her and is creating more barriers for her. Mother is a fighting advocate that Margaret reminds me of her. My wife and I push her while her mother caudles her. Yesterday she brought my wife a pop to open and just set it next to her expecting it opened without asking. My wife didn't open it but made her work at it to open it herself and made her communicate. She has done this on her own before but uses her pampering as a "crutch/excuse". She is 13 years old. Technically we are her caregivers when her mom is working and she is not in school. Is there anything we can do as caregivers to make this easier... Is it fair for us to expect more of her/not pamper her like her mother.

[@EmpoweredPara]

Set the bar really high for her and encourage her and be there for her when she struggles to reach the bar. Never let her get ao frustrated that she is totally upset, but let her know that she is very capable and that hard things are worth striving for even if it's not fun at first to fail. If I could speak to her mother I would tell her that the more she does for her daughter the less she will be able to do for herself and the less confident she will be when she is alone which is a recipe for getting taken advantage of. Watching a loved one struggle is hard but necessary. When this young girl is with you maintain a high standard even if her mother isn't willing to.

[@-10ranch]

@@EmpoweredPara Thank you so much for this advice! You are making a difference to this little girl.

[@kellyjarrett1408]

You two are amazing strong women!

[@apriljackson4435]

I love her oven

[@EmpoweredPara]

Me too. So jealous!

[@nezaroobest7139]

Thanks for the sharing

[@MichelleH_]

Wishing you all and your families a very Merry Christmas 🎄 ☃️ 🎅🏼

[@johnvelas70]

Merry Christmas.

[@herblapp6134]

Any cookies left Beautiful....you're remarkable 😘

[@-10ranch]

Lawyers... why do paras and quads need lawyers? I feel like this is something I haven't thought about before. Also curious about outside activities. How do you get in your car if there is snow or ice on the ground? (since you are in Canada) How are your vehicles set up? Do either of you have pets? If no is there a reason relating to your abilities why you do not have a pet... What about service animals... Please excuse any ignorance if you have gone over any of this in previous videos I am new to your channel. I am also a content creator so if you ever want/need content ideas feel free to contact me.

[@EmpoweredPara]

Lawyers: we are referring to our lawyer that dealt with our insurance settlement with the at fault parties who contributed to our accidents Pets: neither of us has one, just a personal choice to avoid extra work and clean up Vehicle: I have a video on my van you can check out Snow: it sucks lol. I get around fine most of the time as long as it's shoveled or plowed. Margaret escapes to California for the winter to get away from snow and ice lol. I imagine it was difficult for her ro get around in the snow

[@-10ranch]

@@EmpoweredPara Awesome! Thanks for replying so quick I will check those other videos out.

[@mickokeefe9592]

Hello you two, I don't always comment on your videos as I just bounce around and listen. Brittany, the only thing I take umbrage with is the comment "Oh your husband must be a saint to be with you" Hey, look in the mirror girl you are kinda of a "babe" (aka "Hot"...LOL) you are smart, you have deep strength and a kind heart since you post things to help others! These are qualities a real man looks for and cherishes in a partner...just wanted to let you know! (p.s. the cookies look great...Smile) Ask your friend Margaret if she makes oatmeal / raisin cookies...LOL!👍

[@EmpoweredPara]

Thanks, you're sweet! I definitely don't think my husband is a Saint lol. But he's a pretty good dude:)

[@genepahnke4170]

I have a question for Margaret please. She said she has a home in California, how does she take care of it when she’s not there? How often does she stay there? I’m thinking of getting a second home. Thanks.

[@morgancalvi6675]

They no longer do 'functionally complete'. So she is incorrect in her diagnosis. They go by whether your spinal cord is severed or not. Way back in the day, they went by your level of function...but doctors then, didn't know what they know now. Even she says this. I was injured in 1983 and again in 2018. They never told me I am this or that based on how my function is. There is another quad that swears she is a C7 quad...she never even injured C7. Functionality isn't even in the game plan anymore. You get more back because of spinal shock wearing off...not because your spine is severed or not.

[@kwadgirl]

I’m quite aware functionally complete is not the term de rigeur. However, for most people it is a descriptor that is meaningful. Newly injured quadriplegics today have far more function than I do despite having the same level of originally “diagnosed” injury.

[@davehenson3588]

Dam are those chocolate chip cookies your making?? Give me some.

[@1013tenthirteen]

Thx so much for the video! I have more questions for Margaret…is she married to the guy she was seeing when she had her accident? If not, how did she meet her husband? Does she have children? It’s interesting hearing other people’s stories. I hope she doesn’t find the questions too invasive. I enjoy watching your videos!

[@kwadgirl]

These are great questions! I smell another video in the works. I couldn’t do justice to the answer here in responses. No, not with the same guy I was with in rehab. But we met three years after my injury, and have been together 28 years.

[@Krell666]

Interesting discussion. I wonder if the disabled person ever feels like they're trapped in a relationship because they rely on their partner and maybe feel like no-one else would want that...?

[@EmpoweredPara]

I think many people feel like thus whether they have a disability or not. It comes down to confidence I think. I felt like this with my boyfriend in high school and was terrified to break up with him because I thought I would never find someone else. But I worked on my self esteem and don't feel like that at all now.

[@Krell666]

@@EmpoweredPara Good point. I guess many people have that issue regardless of whether they are able bodied or not.

[@javierbarrucz7755]

Wow 😯 ❤❤❤ 23:53

[@tracymcgrath1192]

Margaret, how did you overcome the incontinence

[@EmpoweredPara]

From what Margaret has,told me it was a combination of bladder training, learning to catheterize independently, and getting uti's under control

[@margarita8442]

how u make a log ?

[@brianlowther5929]

brittney or matgaret can 1 of you explain the differance between PARA and QUAD. as i have goodled it loads and comes up with loads of differant shit. sorry if i sound thick.😘😘😘

[@EmpoweredPara]

para: 2 limbs affected quad: 4 limbs if there is any damage to the nerves that supplt all fout limbs, even if it's minor and the person can still walk, they are considered a quad

[@brianlowther5929]

@@EmpoweredPara thank you Brittney that helps loads. so wish google was a clear as you.

[@the03mach1]

have y'all discussed Devotees?

[@kwadgirl]

My only exposure has been in the social media arena and it’s usually short lived. I have no problem with people who are attracted to or have fetish related to disability. What is bothersome is veiled and passive self introductions and when the devotee becomes a creeper and won’t stop contacting me.

[@quadtrialsandtheories]

🙌💪

[@tracymcgrath1192]

Lovely ladies. Nothing to pity here. The jerk that just had to make the comment about parents being burdened and that’s not fair, shame on you. I pity that slob 😂😘♥️♥️🌹🌹

[@EmpoweredPara]

Well our parents aren't burdened anymore lol so not sure what he's referring to. We both only needed our parents for a short time. Thanks for having our backs!

[@dancollins8296]

You guys need an onlyfans page

[@kwadgirl]

Haha. I am looking for a retirement gig…

[@dancollins8296]

@@kwadgirl hahaha!!! Me too let know when you find a good retirement gig.

[@isabellashirahmadi5704]

Parents must have a burded liften off their shoulders after the move..its not fair for parents to continue being caregivers