r/AITA My Daughter Wants Me To Use Money I Saved For Step-Daughters New Car For HER IVF Treatment

[@Mariet31]

When your marriage depends on IVF to maintain it, it's time to divorce. Babies cannot fix broken marriages/relationships.

[@tallyp.7643]

And then think of the fights about why they're in such a financial hole and who is to blame for it, and because her pipes don't work right, it'll be blamed on her. Sheesh... there's no winning here, except for the divorce lawyers.

[@maxpanzer10]

Story 1: If they can pay OP back in a few months then they can just save up a few months to try IVF again

[@susankaempfer8427]

Was looking for this comment. Like, seriously?

[@AmandaGeyerSnobahr]

"Adoption is off the table because of mentality"... Yes. They're effing mental. Frankly, I'm concerned about their ability to be good, nurturing parents, given their behavior towards their extended FAAAAAAAmily.

[@HidForHG]

Exactly, it sounds like daughters in laws are toxic and horrible asf. The marriage is going to be sour and shit fast if this is pretty much destroying it already. Esp if adoption is out for some old fashioned nonsense. OP should try to get daughter alone and have her actually tell OP how it is with husband and family.

[@juliemcgugan1244]

It is a blessing in disguise that the efforts to get pregnant have never worked. They sounds financially and mentally unstable and the partner’s family sound like they would be an awful influence and n any children they did have. OP should feel no guilt!

[@frozenheart7133]

I feel like if you’re infertile and turn your nose up at adopting, then the world is better off. Clearly it’s not about kids, it’s about some kind of superiority complex.

[@ingloriousbetch4302]

​@@frozenheart7133this

[@develyntwocentshenderson5739]

you have to understand that these idiots suffer from baby rabies. ALL of those thinking they are entitled to everyone else's funds to use a risky procedure. maybe in a hundred years this species will be incapable of natural reproduction

[@autumn557]

They can’t adopt because of the parents mentality. Ok. My mentality doesn’t believe in IVF so stalemate.

[@meredithchapman2009]

It could be one of them can’t pass the mental stability part of the process.

[@KyrieChii]

@@meredithchapman2009 Sounded more like the (husband's) family just doesn't consider adoption an 'acceptable' method of obtaining a child/grandchild, & are more concerned about biology than a loving relationship.

[@wmdkitty]

IVF is so selfish. Adoption is really the only ethical way to build a family.

[@drawcula4025]

Shawna Burt Do you mean financially or just in general? I definitely see where you're coming from if it's the financial aspect.. I mean, I personally don't have a problem with people trying IVF until they start expecting other people to foot the bill.. it costs so much and it's not even guaranteed to work, so they're essentially asking people to gamble away thousands upon thousands of dollars for a 'maybe,' and get mad when they're told no. It's crazy. Plus, I think the commenter who said that if they can't afford IVF, then they can't afford a child has a point.. I think a lot of people (not just IVF patients) get so fixated on the idea of 'becoming parents' that they don't stop to think about what's going to happen when the child's actually here, and it usually ends up being said child that suffers for it. (I say this as a child of just such a parent.) But Idk.. I guess I'm just trying to say that I might see where you're coming from? Anyway.. hope you're having a good day ~

[@squirrel670]

@@wmdkitty not really. Adoption can be difficult in getting a pass on care, especially if they aren't stable and so sometimes ivf is actually cheaper. Its not like if you adopt a pet at a shelter. And even if it wasn't it is not responsible or ethical to bring a child into a home where they aren't seen as real children and if a "miracle" baby happens they'll be tossed to the side. People should want to adopt and not be guilted into it because the only one hurting in the end is the child.

[@riceracm]

19:52 Yes Mark, that is what a therapy session is supposed to be like (unloading feelings)….the fact that the dad wouldn’t allow her to have solo therapy, or not have the kids present, _that’s on him…_ You don’t go to therapy to have fake conversations that appease anyone else in the room. That poor girl. 😢💔

[@lily-zg6io]

In dysfunctional families like this, there's often the expectation that family therapy will be a nice conversation where the narcissistic party will have their feelings validated. Dad here was probably expecting a 'I'm just missing my mum but you're my dad and I love you and I want to be part of this family'. Family therapy means shitty things will come out, ugly feelings will come out and that's perfectly ok because ugly/uncomfortable feelings are valid feelings and need to be let out, otherwise they'l poison whoever is keeping them in. And therapy is supposed to be a safe space for all to express themselves

[@riceracm]

@@lily-zg6io My thoughts exactly, it seems dad has little self-awareness/reflection…that poor girl must feel so alone without her mom (I can REALLY relate to that feeling, it’s crazy how much you change after a loved parent dies)

[@AndyyWithAY]

The dad brought OP to therapy to get a professional to affirm that the family is good and OP's feelings are invalid. Hopefully he will soon see he was the one who was wrong not OP

[@jenicdarling9425]

I can’t believe he wouldn’t allow op to do solo therapy wtf, they’re a young girl who just lost their mom who was the only stable and main parent they had and went from living as a only child with just their mom to them moving far away to live with their dad who they’re estranged with feel abandoned and replaced with plus with a stepmom, stepbrothers and lil half siblings all who they’re not close to. And op’s dad knew all this, that he & op weren’t close or on good terms nor any of them yet he thought he could just go to family therapy to force it and it would work itself out. Op should’ve been in solo therapy right away after losing their mom nevermind for being uprooted moving somewhere new and go from living as a only child with their parent to living with a step parent and all the kids and all of them trying to force op to play happy family with em. Yet the dad said no cause they didn’t want op to “work on solo therapy and “give nothing” to family therapy” wtf he doesn’t care about op healing and getting help like how could he expect her to play happy family with them after she lost the only real parent they had, all the new changes and adjusting to a new place and this big new family they have to live with and they don’t care about her feelings & differences, he only cares about op doing what he wants and fitting into the mold he wants for her. This blow up was gunna happen sooner or later especially since all of them didn’t care about op’s feelings or boundaries expecting her to just move on & get over it

[@Manmen594]

David calling you an asshole because you thought of the kids and you would then manipulate them to move you gave her compromising with the ideal man but she didn't hear it she's kept doubling down trying to push it without even asking you or the kids did you mean with the guilt tripping in gaslighting call you an asshole because you didn't agree with her and trying to manipulate the kids to change their mind both of you pleaded both sides of the kids and both of them said no she should have understood that 2015 she has an asshole attitude and call you that at you for it you can't help how the kids to meet the decision if you gave on do you want to move or not in a bottle with the kids said and now she's trying to make the kids hate you as well hating both of them for_ the fact that she's calling you an asshole trying to guilt trip you make her double the asshole trying to guilt trip tnt

[@rebeccaloftis-alarcon1778]

@andyawel3 - On top of that he was re affirming to OP that the new family is important to him, not op.

[@tamsinmoore2111]

Story Three: this is EXACTLY when the family and OP should be doubling down with therapy. For her to finally say what she's been holding in, is an incredible breakthrough for her BUT it also leaves her extremely emotionally vulnerable. The smaller kids shouldn't have been involved but it seems the Dad's reason for therapy was to manipulate OP into becoming 'family' without difficulty. He wasn't expecting the truth, tough shit. Wishing OP all the best.

[@digitalharmony26]

1: NTA. If she borrows the money it’ll either work and she’ll claim she can’t repay OP because they need it for the kid or it won’t work and she’ll claim that instead of repaying the loan they could try again. There are many ways to become a parent if it doesn’t happen naturally, but demanding money from anyone is never the right way.

[@robertx8020]

I agree the "we will pay your back" is a lie!

[@songohan3321]

I also disagree with "These people help us out. Now it is your turn." The entitlement is beyond absurd.

[@robertx8020]

@@songohan3321 Yep :) But yeah...isn't entitlement always absurd? :)

[@lrock48]

@@robertx8020 lol I know, if they can pay OP back in a few month, why not just wait for a few month and save up for the treatment?

[@robertx8020]

@@lrock48 Because they wont pay him back nor did they have any plans to do so...I know some ppl like that!

[@helenbontje15]

Story 4: He was treating HER!!! NOT HER FRIENDS!! SHE is out of line for being upset! She had absolutely NO reason to expect him to pay for GER friends!!

[@fcold9402]

Therapy. Seems to me Dad is confusing therapy with brainwashing/conversion therapy. He wants you to be programmed to his desire.

[@CensorshipVictim]

THIS

[@alyzu4755]

Exactly!

[@stephanien6237]

Yes-but a real therapist will see through his BS

[@messinalyle4030]

@@stephanien6237 Didn't this therapist see through it, or did I misunderstand?

[@veezopolis]

@@messinalyle4030 he did, so the father said no more therapy because the people in it weren't saying what he wanted them to

[@Roedygr]

THERAPY ;: the whole point of therapy is to tell the truth, say things that have been bottled up. If he felt the kids were delicate, he should not have invited the little kids to the session. You can't very well expect someone in mid rant to Disnify his language and flatten his emotion.

[@brigidtheirish]

No kidding. If the dad didn't want honesty, he shouldn't have even *suggested* therapy.

[@stephanien6237]

Sad/pathetic that the dad pushed for therapy and once the OP finally says what he has so… the dad blames the therapist? Um… wtf?!

[@lolalo6344]

IVF is a very difficult process and you cant always just wait a month (depending on the hospital, your hormones etc) But I have one firm belief about it: if you cant afford IVF you cant afford a kid.

[@kat7512]

For Story 4: I believe the only reason he was annoyed at the meal part was because of the shots later. Sometimes you can be perfectly happy to do something at the time and then later on when you find out you're being taken advantage of, feel retroactively annoyed at earlier stuff. And I would have probably been the same in regards to the shots. Like, who would believe that someone else would have the genuine gall to by rounds of shots for their friends on someone else's dime? I too, would have just assumed that she'd chip in afterwards

[@someonewho]

Yeah that’s the vibe I got. To me it read as if he was done with it but looking back made the dinner sour a bit

[@arcamean785]

I'm not rich by any means but I'm also not poor so I like to treat people but modestly... If I had to say "You can spend X" I'd honestly rather not give at all.

[@kat7512]

@@arcamean785 There is a huge difference between "I'll treat 1 person" and "I'll treat all of their friends". They didn't offer to treat all of her friends, they offered to treat her.

[@afez2752]

I don't get how everyone is the asshole in his mind. The girlfriend and her friends were the assholes if he did not have a credit card he would have went hungry for the week due to how much the took advantage of him.

[@miriam9419]

Yes, I can really empathise with that. You look at their actions with positive intentions but then they cross the line and you look at all their actions with bad intentions. So the shots made him relook at ALL her actions.

[@cynicalrabbit915]

Story 2 Uproot Family The girls have been doing fine without her. They've long gotten over needing their Mom. Dad ( OP ) seems to have filled in adequately in their eyes. By having to move, new school, no friends, they are seeing this not wanting to spend time with them but as something she wants. It sucks she has to be away so much but how many fathers have been in the same situation, how many fathers have been made irrelevant by being away so much, their children barely care when he is around. It looks like the same has happened here. These girls probably have a much closer relationship with their Dad. If it were their father lost his job but found a new one, I imagine they'd still not want to move but would put up much less resistance.

[@jonmendelson1104]

Story 4: I suspect (without actually being the guy) that the frustration with the initial meal being the most expensive thing on the menu is more of a hindsight thing while thinking back on it after the drinks situation. There are plenty of situations where I'm alright with someone doing something but when they take it a step further and I'm thinking back on it I definitely notice that their initial actions were pushing it.

[@starbird3939]

Story 1 - NTA If they can pay for you “later”, than they can pay for the treatment later. Don’t pressure the poor daughter to help these people.

[@jessiejeanne9717]

People need to learn that family therapy isn't the glue that puts a defunctional family together.

[@emo7636]

Yes thank you. I've wanted to scream this at so many comments. 'Therapy' is not the answer to everything, nor is it an appropriate solution to everything.

[@jessiejeanne9717]

@@emo7636 plus, I've learned that it's actually dangerous to go to family therapy/ couples counseling with your abuser! Unless a person is seeking to make meaningful change, therapy is wasting money...&don't even get me started on crap "therapists"!

[@smarieisme8009]

Dad: "STOP RESENTING MEEEEE!!!!" OP: "Oh! Alright Daddy Dearest! If that's what you want! Your feelings, wants, needs, and desires are faaaaar more important than mine! Forgive my unruly and irrational behavior? I was wrong for allowing your abandonment and subsequent choice to ditch me to start a whole new family thousands of miles away from me, leaving me with serious life altering issues and a tattered sense of self worth!"

[@justcallmebon2684]

For the family where the mom wants to move for a job, I think the mom should take a job in her town which is low stress and less time where she gets to see her kids, even if the lay isn’t great. Then if the dad has an issue with the lowered funds, she should tell him to worry about that stress.

[@TsukiKageTora]

Tbh, for last story, if I was OP’s fiancé, I would have said “sister, listen. It doesn’t matter if OP is in my life or not, I would have never dated that toxic person for XYZ reasons.”

[@SIXPACFISH]

Story 4. GF's friends did not "just show up" she called them. OP's offer to pay should have ended right then and there. GF did take advantage of him and used him as her personal ATM to finance her Girl's Night Out! That tells me all I need to know about OP's relationship. OP should end it now.

[@zerobolt9506]

I've heard story 2 before, let me point this one fact out Mark, there's a good chance that if they move the older daughter will just move back for college or that it'll hurt her chances for college if she's already got it picked out, this is not my words by the way, but someone else said this in another video.

[@rahnesong]

My husbands parents did this to him (moved to another state, closeish but still another state) when he was either 16 or 17. He's 51 years old now and is still angry about it.

[@juliemcgugan1244]

My parents and I grew up in a country that wasn’t our own, due to my Dad’s job. My sister, at 15 made the decision to move back to our home country, so that she would be able to have ‘home-status’ once she went to university, which would cost a lot less than if she was declared an ‘international student’ (despite having a British passport,) as she wouldn’t be a UK resident. My parents were not happy that the family would be split and despite the fact that she was still a minor and they did not have to agree to it, they saw the wisdom in her decision. So they agreed to it and my sister successfully got her exams done in her new school, got into a top teacher-training university and is now a pre-school teacher and loves her job. This Mother is not thinking about the other members of the family; only herself and the paycheck she will bring in. If I were her child, I would make it clear that I was not going. It is a huge impact on your studies and life and I have known several people whose parents moved them between schools or even countries part-way through major qualifications (GCSEs, IB, A-levels.) It never turned out well and they all got significantly lower grades than they had been predicted, before the move, as well as having a severe effect on their mental health. I would have made the decision to remain in my school/country and board at my school for the year or two it took to completed my studies. The Mother’s higher new salary could cover it, so why not?

[@treehouse2902]

@@tiffanie6601 The kids will have an expectation the parents will pay for college and wedding. That ain't happening when the mother reduces her travel time and downsizes. Also less money for retirement. She will resent her husband and kids for near killing her career and the kids will resent her for not paying full money for college and weddings. It's mute.

[@mariem8705]

S2- but op has tried to get wife to slow down and she hasn’t. I was a military brat and moving around all the time sucked(every 4 years). I was introvert vs my extrovert brother who loved the moves while I hated it. I really feel for the kids, but the wife I feel wouldn’t even give the kids an opinion if op didn’t say something.

[@Kurare2]

Last story: except for SIL at least OP seems to marry into a good family. OP was 100% right to leave and way more civil about it than SIL deserved. OP's own family on the other hand really sucks.

[@saratronus]

I feel like there's something about their back story they're not telling us Because the family just asked her to not say that again most people would have just thrown around unless there's some truth to it( Like sil wasn't the only one with this opinion) OP is not the asshole

[@Imolos]

I think OP’s parants are trying to get into section labeled “No contact”

[@MsBELLE7]

Story 3; I feel for this kid....they need to go to therapy for themselves, they need to let all of this out and work through. They're NTA for telling him how you felt. The dad needs to work on his own issues. They should try to speak up to the Dad more and let him know things if possible. I hope they move out asap, and go to therapy.

[@fufufuaru]

So. Their finances aren't up there, and son in law has a medical condition, yet they STILL want to have a baby asap. They're the ones who need to set their priorities straight.

[@broken_queer_but_fighting8589]

Hey you yes you remember to take care of yourself gosh darn it, you are always valid, and I love you and care about you so please take care of yourself 💜💜🤗🤗💜💜🤗🤗

[@FlamesofJagger]

Take care Broken. Much love 💘 ❤ 💗 💕 💛 💙 💘

[@broken_queer_but_fighting8589]

@@FlamesofJagger 🤗🤗💜💜

[@badkitty4922]

Hi, Babe! Please take care of yourself, too! The world is a better place with you in it! Much Love!😘😘💖💖👍👍🙏🙏💋💋

[@mummadabest1942]

This made my day! Thank you!

[@mothertrucker936]

How kind of you to think of others and how lucky we are to have you brighten our day. Loving you right back and have a wonderful day

[@worldissuesmatter1643]

If they could pay it back in a few months, they can wait to do the IVF.

[@BIGEAGLEDUDE]

Third-story you're not in the wrong here however you need to prepare yourself to permanently go no contact with your father the moment you turn eighteen because they basically forced you into a room and a situation to where they wanted you to be hearing their grievances but they weren't prepared for yours. Your father abandoned you and your mother basically married the first chick Esau had three more kids with her and then moved you away from everything you know to basically play happy family with him and his wife this tells me right there that the man knows he messed up but he doesn't want own up to it. My advice let them live in their pissed-off world but the moment you turned 18 go no contact with him and work and do you but continue doing therapy on your own so that way you can work through these Grievances and especially with the the therapist that they hired because they are going to not want anything to do with the therapist after you unload it

[@digit5465]

This, right here

[@videofan1010]

Everyone saying that OP is TA is nuts. And there are some commentors who are saying this.

[@fcold9402]

1. If you have to steal money from someone to pay for IVF do you really have enough money to raise a kid? NTA.

[@rayfordreed9304]

A lot of people don't want to raise a kid, they just want a kid

[@Mewse1203]

Story 1: NTA if they can pay it back in a few months, they need to save up and wait. If they can't and are just saying that, they can't afford a kid ANYWAY. Edit after comments: jiffyfly took the words right out of my head lol

[@2Ten1Ryu]

I would sooo much like an update with that job opportunity story. There have been valid arguments for both sides, I would love to know how it turned out.

[@amazinglynn]

With story 4 I feel like the restaurant thing wouldn’t have been an issue if the bar thing didn’t happen. Ik after someone makes me mad sometimes I think about everything they did before and get mad over stuff I normally wouldn’t care about

[@Adelynoir]

Okay, for the story with the wife: I am guessing that she is the breadwinner of the family, and hers is the primary income. She has been working hard to care for her family, and working to get to a place where she can do that and spend time with the kids I thinks she should talk to the kids like this: okay, I understand you don't want to move, if that is the case then we are going to have to downgrade. No new phones, limited data, and new clothes will be more of a rarity. But we will stay, and I will get to be home with you. And...let the conversation go from there. But things aren't going to stay the same either way

[@Obiwantuan]

@@mikimishisa Where in the story did he ask her that? He told her to pick the new job with zero travel in the new place or to stay in the job that requires her to be away 50% of the time. She wants to be with her kids more, I don't see why she sucks for that. He should of told her to consider a less paying job 10 years ago but I am guessing he likes the money and his brat kids like it to with their reaction.

[@ranhart4106]

You assume they want her home, she chose her career over them years ago, and trust me they know and feel someway about it.

[@treehouse2902]

I love this. The mother should definitely downgrade from traveling so much. Also, do a financial plan with the husband and the kids. Their college education fund is now reduced and loans will have to be considered. Also, less money to put away for retirement. They will grow to resent the mom either way this goes.

[@treehouse2902]

@@mikimishisa Not a lower paying job, but reduce her duties at the current job. This may also mean less income coming in.

[@treehouse2902]

@@ranhart4106 A lot depends on the line of work she is in. He was not making enough to provide in and she had the job that got it done fore them financially.

[@ApricotStone]

Gosh I was 13 when I moved to Arkansas from the DC area and it was the hardest thing ever. Depression runs in my family, and mine manifested with a passion. The messages and video game calls with my old friends eventually stopped and meanwhile I was unable to make any new friends. I’ve moved back to the area for uni, but I’m still nowhere near okay. I was typing that I don’t really blame my parents for the move, but honestly, I kind of still resent my dad for it. My mom, brother, and me all hate living there so much

[@khaleesireyna731]

I'm sorry that happened to you. I hope you're able to find a good place and your people.. I've been realizing a lot of things with how I was raised and what wasn't ok. A big one was that my feelings were never really addressed or taken into account in anything. If I expressed them, I usually got mocked and belittled. Its taken a while to learn to not do that to myself. I never moved Statesboro, but my mother was very unstable and couldn't keep us in one place for more than a year and that sucked hard as a kid. But as an adult, I also moved to a diffent country for a time and I wouldn't trade it for anything. So, while it's definitely important to take into account the kids feelings about the move and make sure they're supported, it shouldn't stop them. Not when such a great opportunity like this is there. Idk, this story actually made me mad because the OPs wife is the breadwinner and he has the audacity to give her an ultimatum and treat her like this... what an ungrateful jackass in my opinion.

[@Mewse1203]

Story 3: NTA dad wanted the therapist to fix OP instead of actuallysolve the problems. Instead OP told him the truth and he didn't like it. If he didn't want hard emotional truths to be seen by the younger kids, he shouldn't have had them in therapy.

[@15oClock]

1. Sounds like a child shouldn't even be born into this. Finances aside, this marriage has turned sour. 2. Unfortunately, this is a "have your cake and eat it too." She can choose her family or her career, not both. 3. Yet again, someone thinks therapy is a tool for his control. OP *needs* to get outta there ASAP. 4. Once the rounds started, OP should've left. He could've at least said he wasn't comfortable with it! 5. If she's never gonna shut up about it, might as well! And why can't she reach out to the ex anyways?

[@SorenPenrose]

4 really gets me. He didn't object at the bar, and he still wanted to fight after she paid him back. Dude just wants drama.

[@saratronus]

Honestly the wife's son in the wrong and she's running herself ragged to financially support her family and for the daughter to call herselfish justo call her selfish just shows what a spoiled brat her daughter is Like her mother is running herself ragged so she has a roof and a certain lifestyle And when the mom wants to spend more time with her She's called selfish that's a bunch of bullshit Not to mention that her work isn't It's sustainable the way it's going now she's getting more and more exhausted. And you know what's absolute bullshit I have heard so many times when it's the husband/dad getting the promotion and the same day all the family packs up to move at the moment the mother gets a promotion like this she is shamed and ridiculed about wanting to move her family which I think is complete bullshit

[@saratronus]

She wants to choose her family and moving away where she could have more time with her family But her kids and husband want her to stay with her Current position where she's run ragged And barely gets to spend time with her kids.

[@zashgekido5616]

@@saratronus I mean.. Yea, people generally tend to have issue with uprooting their entire lives.

[@saratronus]

@@zashgekido5616 Yeah but it's don't bother me she called her mom's selfish when her mom has sacrificed so much for her And plus Most high school friends don't really stay forever

[@nimisilverbird1239]

I think the wife should leave him and get the better job. The rest of the family has clearly shown they do not want the mom around and see her as an atm. That is not a family.

[@beverlynaquin1256]

If they are in debt. How do they think they can afford a child. They are nuts

[@dianasmith8248]

Story one: NTA. However I would like to know if he gave his biological daughter a 13,000. Car when she turned 18. If not that may be why she is asking to borrow the money for the treatment now.

[@OZARKMOON1960]

#2 - NAH, but from the kids' perspective; I lived this and went to 4 different schools for middle and high school because we always moved (out of house parents owned, first to Mexico, then back to US, then to different location/school district in US) and it absolutely sucked. Being the new kid in middle school is bad enough, but being the outsider in the last year or two of high school (14-18 age or so) outright sucks and you never find a way to fit in or feel comfortable. Maybe OP's wife can take job and - for now - come home for long weekend every month, and for longer school holidays he and girls can go out to her. It is entirely possible once the older daughter goes to college, the younger one may be okay to move. Also, look at colleges in both states and what the girls are looking to study; in-state tuition is far easier to fund, so that's something to consider, too.

[@FirstIsa]

Said it on the reddit thread but moving constantly growing up, and moving for the first time later in your school years are very different things. If you've been in the same place for over a decade as a kid you've built up not just a social circle but a support network- people you trust and can go to when you need help, families that can help you when yours is in need. Think of it like moving a tree- it's really easy to move and transplant trees that are young, but the longer they spend in a spot the more traumatic and damaging it is to relocate it. Families really are the same way, the longer you are in the same place the more connections and ties you create with the community.

[@nicholashenderson6941]

That the price for a career. CEOs get that position because its career before everything. Top executives rarely ever have a good work/family balance. So she has to choose between family and career. This new job is literally that choice, and she can't see that.

[@FirstIsa]

@@nicholashenderson6941 there is a reason why the most successful CEOs always test high for sociopathic tendencies.

[@treehouse2902]

She takes a position with no travel but with a clear understanding that the college and wedding money will be significantly reduced, and student loans and small weddings will be the way to go. Choices go with the responsibilities. In the end, the wife will have some resentment towards her family, and the family will have resentment that finances are not there for their wants when the time comes.

[@annabordelon6663]

I doubt OP has told wife you can stop working. He does not want spouse, he wants her $$$$

[@musicallydisneyamvs6731]

Story 1.) I find hearing these stories of childless couples being unfair & selfish in the name of pity & family, are absolutely ridiculous. And yet child free women by choice in some cultures are seen as selfish & evil even, as if they’re a danger to society. NTA.

[@rosenikki1]

What's your opinion on story

[@musicallydisneyamvs6731]

@@rosenikki1 Everyone said basically what I thought. They’re not entitled to OP’s money & it’s shameful on them to do so. It’s unfortunate but that gives them no one any right to behave like that & just expect money.

[@rosenikki1]

@@musicallydisneyamvs6731 I meant story2

[@TheHellsHobbit]

#3 NTA, Your feelingsare valid and they had no right to force you to be a happy family, that is basically a pipe dream they have. He kept pressuring you, only part that is sad is the little ones heard it all

[@DarkDreamsAndMoonlitNights]

Story 2) In the early 2000's my Mum met my Dad (Not by blood but by bond) in a Yahoo chat room. Then in late 2002, we moved across Australia. It sucked and I hated Mum for it for a while. Now I'm glad we're here. Mum and Dad have been together ever since and they're so damned happy together. So it was worth it in the end.

[@queen_of_flatulence]

I passed my test!!!!! I'm so happy!!!! (Also, you're beautiful Mark)

[@nonbinarybannana]

Congrsts! Must feel great

[@broken_queer_but_fighting8589]

Yay celebration waffles 🤗🤗💜💜🤗🤗💜💜

[@katiesmith2031]

That's awesome congratulations I hope you are having a wonderful day much love 💙

[@justjenny5437]

Awesome!👉🏻😉👉🏻

[@MarkNarrations]

Great job!

[@CH-ns4gv]

The IVF beggars always piss me off the most. Can't think of anything more selfish than begging for money to spend on maybe/maybe not creating a baby when there's so many in the foster system. Also if they weren't allowed to adopt, and can't afford the IVF then maybe they should work on themselves before having a kid anyway

[@moxee33]

There are NOT many babies available for adoption 😟. That's why people adopt handicapped babies from other countries. There are older kids often with mental or physical problems available for adoption in the US, which I would prefer if i was adopting but I understand people wanting to raise a baby 👶

[@CH-ns4gv]

@@moxee33 actually people usually adopt handicap babies to scam the government out of massive amounts of assistance

[@reptiles3244]

@@moxee33 there are thousands of Children in foster care and up for adoption

[@MariMotherofGoblins]

Woow. That IVF couple is delusional. My best friend has been saving for IVF, and she's been told on average it usually takes couples at least 3 treatments to become pregnant. So they will probably continue coming back for more money in a few months. It also breaks my heart to hear they won't even consider adoption. We're a foster family and I receive a call for a baby placement at least once a month.

[@pkbarton8466]

NTA therapy is supposed to help you. You unloaded and they didn't like that. They didn't want to help you as much as trying to force you to comply. He forced this issue and can't get mad it didn't come out the way he wanted it to.

[@RD-py9sv]

The therapy dad thought the therapist would shame the kid into the dad's way of thinking. He's pissed off it didn't happen.

[@Zoie_lovesyou]

Just wanted to say how much I enjoy your videos! You’re my go to when it comes to me cleaning my house. I love that they’re long and I don’t have to constantly stop cleaning to find something else to listen to! You’re channel is the best!!

[@paden1865able]

With that bio daughter's attitude toward her father and stepsister, maybe it's a good thing that she can't have a child. Her husband also sounds like a nightmare. The right thing to do is cut off all contact.

[@starbird3939]

Story 4 - YTA Buying her dinner is one thing-and it is ok to splurge a bit to celebrate. However, ordering drinks for friends on OP’s money is extremely rude. And throwing money in his face instead of apologizing and calmly paying him back is the better response.

[@ettinakitten5047]

How is that YTA?

[@heidiandhergoatsl2618]

The polite thing for her to do at the restaurant would have been for her to ask if she could go wild, or if you had a budget, and order accordingly.

[@rockfan243]

If they are already in financial trouble adding a kid wil not help. Also already existing children take priority over hypothetical possible children that only have a slight chance of existing..... And if they are that desperate then suck it up and adopt. The son in laws family sounds toxic as hell.

[@Cyberius]

With story 4 I feel people are focusing on the resturant thing too much, I could see that frustration coming up after the whole bar situation. Like I have been fine with some stuff that could be considered a smidge annoying but didn't mind it until that same person did something really annoying further down the line. (IE. Friends playing a game without you when you planned on playing it for the first time together is slightly annoying but becomes really annoying when they play with you and just run through everything/spoils parts of the game/make a minmax build and make you a set peice that talks.)

[@RuminatingRaptor]

I don’t believe they would even pay that money back.

[@Mewse1203]

Story 5: NTA that wasn't a joke and she specifically said it wasn't. She said a lot of mean and hurtful things and expecting people to take that kind of thingbjust cause "she's the bride". The fact that the people who were there( who happened to be the Bridezilla's family) back OP up should tell her all she needs to know.

[@fcold9402]

Not a girlfriend. NTA. She does not care about you, just your money. Sure i like expensive stuff too but if i am not paying i go midteir or cheap. I certainly not buy anything for other people.

[@robertbishop5158]

Wow story 2 is damn crazy she would totally leave her family for her career JFC good luck with that mindset, she Wants to be single and child free. What kinda mother is this I've never Seen this before

[@squishyriley]

1st story, I know IVF is a huge upfront payment, but do these two know that babies cost money? How are they going to pay for the ongoing costs? It always make me laugh when people pull this card.

[@rpottage]

Story 1: The fact that they’ve never asked OP before, he expected them to ask extended family instead of him and he talks about how he spent years saving for a car for his step-daughter but makes no mention of ever doing something like that for his daughter tells me her line about him choosing his step-daughter over her was a long time coming.

[@bluemonk44]

The mom should take the job. The girls will be moving out in a few years anyways but an opportunity like that may never come again. Plus being away 2 weeks a month is rang exhausting mentally, physically, and emotional

[@indianspartan76]

The commenter at 27:18 is only right in a perfect world. If OP would have broached this at the bar, he'd have faced the prospect of getting dumped right there in front of everyone. Even if he'd have been in the right, that's a very unappealing prospect

[@AndyyWithAY]

They've had to get money twice for IVF. How are they going to afford to raise a child when they have to keep borrowing money for treatments? They are so entitled to demand money from OP that it took him years to save. He wants to buy his other daughter a car. Older daughter and husband are major AHs

[@tinak2576]

“I can pay it later?” Nah. OP will never see that money back. NTA.

[@tinabrock758]

NTA it not responsible to pay to make a baby. If they can't afford IVF on their own they can't afford a baby. NTA buy your step daughter a car like you planed.

[@annabordelon6663]

New job OP doesn't love his wife, he loves her money

[@Davtwan]

Story 2 is AITH Hard Mode. It’ll challenge even the most experienced among us.

[@TheHellsHobbit]

#1 NTA, If they can pay you back in a few months then they can save it and pay for it.

[@Mandage90]

I’m sorry; I was a military brat, and I and my sister were NEVER involved/inquired into our moving. Moving sucks, yeah, but the world is a smaller place than when I was a kid with the internet and FaceTime ect and those children needs to suck it up. When they get older they’ll realise that friends aren’t everything and they’ll learn who true friends are because they stick around no matter what or how far away you are.

[@sylvestercat1898]

Second story: NTA. I’d go for NAH if it wasn’t for the moms attitude about her kids not wanting to move. If she forces them to move it won’t do any good, the mom is being naive thinking that the move will make her closer to her daughters. Yes, they will be in the same house more, but her daughters will never want to interact with their mother because in their minds she is the one who made them leave their friends, school, teachers, and activities. They won’t treat their mother well after the move. She’ll be wishing that they never moved at all after she realizes that it made her and her daughters relationship worse.

[@zerobolt9506]

Exactly

[@khaleesireyna731]

I disagree. The wife is right and OP is TA. One the way he brought the kids into it sounds like he knew they'd go his way so it sounds more like he's using them to gang up on the mom. Two, yeah it's a big move, but honestly, I had an unstable mother who couldnt keep us in one house for more than 1 year. Moved around a bunch and it sucked. But it sucked worse because it was happening because my mother was unstable. I've also moved to a whole different continent and absolutely loved it. Also we live in the age the internet. You can FaceTime, whatsapp, call, text, email, dm, etc your friends... that's how I've kept in touch with people being thousands of miles away. Wife also gets more $$ and more time with her kids. Like seriously, OP is a massive asshole and if he doesn't see the bigger picture here, he and the kids will regret it. You can get a great education at any college, you can make new friends, find new favorite places, but you can't replace time with a mother/wife who wants to spend time with you and give you a better life. Seriously, the NAH is ridiculous and the family is hella selfish, which is ironic considering they said that to the wife.

[@videofan1010]

As an adult who moved around a lot as a child l have to caution all the commentors who think a 16 year old won't be resentful if you move them in the middle of high school - one of the most important times of their social life. They might start a countdown clock to leave and damage done to the relationship could take years to unwind.

[@treehouse2902]

True. But mom bringing in less money also means limited college money savings for both kids, wedding savings etc. They will resent the mother for not being able to provide those things at least at full cost. They will not for one second think that their "rite of passage" was in any way a factor about not moving and not more money.

[@ktparadis3204]

1) I honestly don't understand this OBSESSION with having a child/ having your OWN children, etc. I feel like that, alone, is a mindset that needs some therapy--not to alter the mindset necessarily, but at least to root out why the "me want child" mindset is driving people to make life-altering decisions based on some kind of bizarre compulsion.

[@Jeanne1280]

Your daughter and her husband want your stepdaughters money for IVF treatment…. What happens if it doesn’t work and you save more money are you going to be asked again for that money …. Oh HELL No!!!!!! Stand your ground they are entitled and they don’t need a child

[@SilverMKI]

1st story: "We can repay you in a few months" Ooorrrrr... wait to start treatment for a few months? Oh, wait, you borrowed money for the first treatment and are in debt? So you are going to pay the money back how exactly?

[@helianabanes4875]

Why can they not just wait a few months for the IVF? That makes zero sense.

[@thebirdchannelforfans623]

Also, the son in-law has some medical issues. If I were in there shoes where a round of IVF didn’t work, son in-law has health issues, and finances are an issue, I don’t think children should be considered. Yeah, if they can save to pay them back, hold off and save but if they can’t, how are they going to pay for the baby if they even succeed at that

[@helianabanes4875]

@@thebirdchannelforfans623 very true!! Good point.

[@thebirdchannelforfans623]

@@helianabanes4875 thank you!

[@Sire137]

For story 2, everyones focusing on wifes income but how will it affect his? He'll need to find a new job that may or may not have the same income, and same flexibility. Its a big decision and the kids should definitely have a say, but they also need to be walked through the costs vs benifits of the move since they won't go into the conversation being able to see the big picture.

[@kazzuo32]

#1. Nta. Funny how older siblings have their stuff but when is time for the younger kids to have the same they always have something important in their lifes and they need help. And why this couple with financial problems want to have kids now.

[@stephanien6237]

The daughter demanding the step-sister’s money NOW and will pay it back in 3 months-so… if you can pay it back in 3 months, you can and should wait 3 months to save it up yourself and THEN do IVF! I think she is lying about ever paying it back-especially if it doesn’t work!

[@amyhamilton-romans3293]

Omg!! (Last story) I am so sorry that you have such a witch as a SIL OP. You handled that much more gracefully than I could have. I would've ended up in handcuffs for assault and skipped her shit-show wedding entirely.

[@alyzu4755]

Story 4: OP offered to take his girlfriend out for a nice night, not his girlfriend and her best friends.

[@bertlemoi431]

story 3: the emotional explosion is exactly what the therapy session should have been there for. that the father gave up on op after it just reenforces your feelings. but op should need to go to therapy because there are things to sort out. the father also needs to think about what he actually wants... life is not easy, especially when emotions are involved.

[@bautistalover]

OP needed help years ago. Everyone was trying but her because she couldn’t try to accept her new reality. ESH. She’s just as responsible for the fractures as her father.

[@jodyknapp5374]

Wow the story about the wife with the new job offer is so sad. The comment about the travel is so right on. Some people thrive on traveling but she clearly misses her family. Yes she is asking for a big change but it’s understandable that she is really sad to miss out on an opportunity plus the pay could be a big deal to the family. I think if it was me I would have worked with my spouse, maybe starting with checking out the area of the new job and seeing if the family’s life could be improved. I did think it’s a bit AHish if the family to not consider what she has been going though with her job.

[@cici_tlb4009]

12:25 sorry what did the wife expect? Her family to jump for joy she was uprooting them to finally spend time with her? After 16 years i doubt daughter expects to spend anytime with her, even if they do move, she will avoid all family activities just out of spite for having to leave the only life she’s known. I commend her for wanting to be around more, but its 16 years too late.

[@mbyerly9680]

If you can't afford fertility treatments, you can't afford a baby. What's wrong with these people with their eyes on a baby as they walk into a giant hole of poverty and debt?

[@gaxalee7392]

This!!!

[@wombat4583]

Not affording fertility treatments upfront is not the same an not being able to financially provide for a child.

[@Lykanna]

Story 4: NTA He offered to treat her, not her friends. Also she def took advantage of him at the restaurant. When someone offers to treat me, I either ask them if it's okay to get an expensive item OR get something on the cheaper side.

[@paden1865able]

I always asked what the price range was before ordering, just wanted to be cautious.

[@chelkepopo3455]

Story no. 1, NTA. I feel like it would be a bad idea to make her have a family if they seem to be struggling for money and a baby. Who knows maybe they might have even more financial difficulties once they have a family

[@purpleiguana208]

Story 5: "You shouldn't get so upset over a joke." "It was a joke? Explain to me how it was funny."

[@beverlynaquin1256]

Its one thing about the meal but for her to expect him to foot the bill for her friends. Id take the money and drop the gold digger

[@yobabycolin2933]

Tonight's Menu: Chicken and Waffles with Collared Greens and some Ice Cream with Donuts.

[@ingegerdandersson6963]

Did the oldest sister get something in the region of the same worth when she turnédatum 18? If not I think she have every reason to be angry.

[@angie38]

Oh hell naw on story three. That sister-in-law, OMG, I wouldn't piss on her if she were on fire. What a horrible thing to say.

[@geekemedia]

If they can pay it back in a few months then wouldn't they be able to just pay it in a few months ?

[@kaykay8855]

Story 1: NTA. Op, you did not neglect your bio-daughter. You saved up and promised your other daughter a car. You states that your oldest is being pressured by her husband and in-laws and adoption is off the table? Take your oldest aside, without her husband and in-laws to see if there’s something deeper going on. Story 2: NAH. Your wife is not TA for wanting to elevate in her career, she would be the TA if she starts blaming everyone for not wanting to move. I think that your kids want to spend more time with their mother but their life is rooted in their current home. I recommend family counseling so that everyone voices is heard. Story 3: NTA. Your dad basically abandoned you. He moved you in and force you to become a ‘family’ while you were grieving. You don’t own your dad and his family anything. You feelings are valid. He pushed for an answer and he didn’t like what he heard, which was the truth. Final Story: NTA. Your SIL basically blames you for your fiancé not dating he’s toxic ex? If she wanted the ex to be her bridesmaid she should have just asked her. She wasn’t joking she said it herself. I’m glad that your fiancé and MIL had your back.

[@juniper890]

Story 2 is one of those really complicated AITA post that we can't vote easily.

[@Mdmelastrange]

Story 1: if ivf hasn’t worked the first time, it might not work the second time either. And those two won’t pay you back…

[@cynicalrabbit915]

Story 1 - IVF OP NTA While I am all for scientific progress especially in the medical field. I know that drug companies jack up the price of drugs that are cheap to make. So when I hear about how expensive IVF Is it makes me wonder if everyone from the drug companies on to the doctors aren't preying on people who are Vulnerable. Also what are the problems that cause the treatment to fail. This makes me wonder when the 2nd or 3rd time it works. Did the previous attempt/s actually fail naturally or was there interference gambling that they'll come back and give a greedy Dr or Clinic more money.

[@carolmk3114]

I am curious if the OP bought a car for his bio daughterwhen she was younger or are these extravagances for step child exclusively? While it's his money to spend as he wills, it would be understandable if he did not do the same for the first daughter for her to want to test boundaries to see if she is valued.

[@nilianstroy]

In most instances a car is more essential than future children, well in all of them to be fair... Also this case is op daughter's in laws seem to be the ones forcing her to have children...

[@bautistalover]

@@nilianstroy while good points carol mk has a valid question. Is OPs sister right has he spoiled his step daughter while doing nothing for his older? That may be also contributing to their pressuring of OP due to the view of favoritism for the step daughter.

[@DS-ve1eo]

OP taking care of other peoples child while neglecting his own. Where’s the real father of the step daughter? Why can’t he buy her the car. If I’m the daughter I will have NC and then disown him and never introduce my future kid to him.