r/HFY TFOS# 515 - Please Hold by theblacknight123 ( HFY Sci-Fi Reddit Stories)

[@ckl9390]

If an enemy can remotely deactivate and reactivate most of your ships systems upon entering the system, one would think that continued aggression wouldn't end well.

[@hogfry]

Oh dear God. Comcast customer service has been weaponized... The universe is doomed.

[@grogvaughan5649]

So.. the E4 Mafia is running the Earth Defense Force. Freaking Epic!!

[@Eakhs]

i really relate to that alien commander, being bounced around different departments only to be left feeling like a hollow husk.

[@ValenWarden]

Earth: *Turns off your ship* Invading Aliens: "We can still win!" You'd think they'd be a little smarter, considering they are a space-faring species. But apparently technological advancement doesn't equate to intelligence...

[@bobsterclause342]

When humans do it they are the bestist ever. Marry sue humans and straw aliens.

[@vocalsforever]

I want you to look around at the stories of stupidity we have now even though we have smartphones TVs and everything else we are doing stupider things than we were on our farm steads

[@bobsterclause342]

@@vocalsforever humans dont follow the rules of evolution. Thats the one thing humans do thats different from all pther animals, because doing that to our pets is from us

[@wrath2501]

"The ability to speak does not make you intelligent." - Qui Gon Jinn -

[@davidtherwhanger6795]

If I was that admiral and my fleet got shut down as soon as I came into system; I definitely would nope the eff out as soon as I could.

[@greyclydesdale]

Now that's psychological warfare....

[@AgroSquerril]

that it is

[@appachaihoppachai1246]

Who would have guessed that earths inrerpanetary defence force would be trained be a telephone company's customer service department?

[@LunarisArts]

What about letting the scam-callers loose on the universe? That could be a fun twist.

[@appachaihoppachai1246]

@@LunarisArts As long as they leave the elders of friendly races alone im cool with it. I cant stand who they currently target.

[@aj_the_infamous1013]

@@LunarisArts meanwhile 100x(X) lightyears away. "ffs who is calling at this hour..." scam caller "hello, this is the department interstellar transportation, it appears your extended warranty has expired" alien "wtf, where is this even coming from... computer can you trace the call" computer "earth... again... we really should block this communication signal" alien "just set it to record the messages on that signal, dont send it to me immediately"

[@robertbemis9800]

Doesn’t that violate the Geneva convention

[@appachaihoppachai1246]

@@robertbemis9800 You would think so, but isnt conflict between two parties just another form of the process of making further conflict an unbearable notion? If so, then maybe the Geneva suggestion is meant to be bent just a smidge.

[@galvanizeddreamer2051]

In This Episode: Killgore invades a DMV.

[@AgroSquerril]

The Next episode , he reached the front of the line just had it closes

[@barelyasurvivor1257]

@@AgroSquerril And he is told the next day that he either A filled it out wrong B filled out the wrong form C Is in the wrong line D A & B & C

[@karasuchrono]

Omg. lmao. We cannot proceed with the invasion without these forms.

[@AgroSquerril]

yarp

[@josejgarriga9214]

That was just cruel and justifiably terrifying... I couldn't stop laughing.

[@AgroSquerril]

:)

[@dragonriderabens9761]

Death my anger induced aneurism Yep…sounds like bureaucratic red tape has been weaponized

[@medical-cyanide1526]

i like to imagine that they didnt try to invade earth and it was just some minor colony and that the human empire spans galaxies

[@z3r0t0l3r4ns]

I love the mental image of hundreds of invading fleets of "superior" species being parked by humans who just can be bothered right now. Just lazily picking one or two off every year

[@mstrfool]

Oh good lord. They weaponised hold...

[@AgroSquerril]

that was done years ago , you just didn't realize it

[@mstrfool]

@@AgroSquerril Heh, fair enough.

[@ladyodragons3849]

Costumer service, the bane of any invasion force

[@whowhat4573]

Peace thru superior paperwork. Algorithm be pleased.

[@AgroSquerril]

Bureaucracy FTW

[@reasonablehiccups4792]

For the algorithm

[@Robplayswithdragons]

I could see in my mind the alien throwing his arms in the air. " im out"

[@AgroSquerril]

i think we have all had that moment with holding

[@josephblazis]

"it appears that you are attempting or revers your course, if you would like to abort your attack please fill out the form 170038-C and submit your turms of surrender to the next available representative."

[@ragnorockcookie2868]

Best comment ever. The only thing that would make this funnier is if you had said that this was a alien in the shape of Wacky Waving Inflatable Tube Guy :[)

[@ragnorockcookie2868]

@@josephblazis ohh no now that's just mean but would be fair

[@TheDurid1]

Was this just an intergalactic trolling? Or a god-like beaucraticy in action?

[@AgroSquerril]

are they not the same?

[@stevedixon921]

Please stay on the line while we direct your inquiry to the next available representative. Your query is very important to us and will be answered as quickly as possible. The estimated hold time is approximately...2 lifetimes...Please remain on the line to maintain your place in the queue.

[@Tempestan]

It is a shame that I can give this story only one thumbs up.

[@AgroSquerril]

that in of itself is appreciated

[@wrath2501]

Humanities ultimate weapon, Red Tape.

[@bobsterclause342]

This is so dumb, its good, but its dumb, and I can’t stop laughing.

[@AgroSquerril]

sometimes dumb hits the right spot

[@bobsterclause342]

Agro Squerril sometimes dumb doesn’t mean it’s bad.

[@LordEverlost]

Dear God I can't decide if this is chaotic good or lawful evil humanity. lol!

[@tylerduff100]

I can't stop laughing

[@AgroSquerril]

yarp

[@Lord_Lasagña]

This is very amusing... *more~*

[@CrazyHornet99]

Sorry I missed the stream, great picks for story, and as always excellent narration. Thank you.

[@AgroSquerril]

No worries , i set the release an hour earlier by mistake. Glad you enjoyed

[@joshuaweaver5284]

Defense provided by the Department of Motor Vehicles.

[@lupaswolfshead9971]

haha that reminds me of tex talks channel. General motors sent them a letter begging them to stop telling people that they made Battle mechs lmfao. context .In the battlemech universe General motors makes Battlemechs amongst other things lol. And people where contacting them trying to order the Mechs that they make in 3025+

[@lupaswolfshead9971]

Seriously he even showed the letter/email he received from them on one of his videos in the break part of the video (intermission) Then said No and proceeded to Spoof an Ad for General motors and said mechs. Then advised people to buy shares in the company as a joke with a disclaimer.

[@eliandervalderen5849]

Bureaucratic Warfare at its finest. Don't mess with Humanity cuz Humanity likely Does it Better

[@truekurayami]

How the hell did they weaponize bureaucracy instead of getting stuck in it?

[@AgroSquerril]

please hold

[@taetannim3581]

This story is brilliant af. 😂

[@coywolfproductions7056]

This may just be my favorite so far

[@discusmaximus]

For the Author(s), for the narrator Agro Squirrel, for the algorithm !!!

[@aaronsanborn4291]

And that is exactly what its like to deal with the Department of Veterans Affairs

[@calvingreene90]

When your enemy can turn off your ship and you are stupid enough to still fight.

[@rainbowchaser73]

For the red tape!

[@jeanannd]

LOL, fighting with paperwork.

[@richardorta8960]

meanwhile on the other side of the system earth forces are oblitorating a totally different galactic alliance's forces casually by stealing it simply because their tech is cool

[@Danieljfriend275]

Hold be like : *insert elevators music*

[@ragnorockcookie2868]

Jajaja 🤣🔥🤣😆😆😆😆 yup humans tech support is the worst. Also imagine if the aliens were in the shape of Wacky Waving Inflatable Tube Guy when yelling to quit

[@allenmorgan1007]

For the Algorithm, For the Author(s), For the Disembodied Voice!

[@AgroSquerril]

For the algorithm

[@TheJMPD]

Finally! Burocracy and red tape become useful! 😅

[@neuromancer8796]

oh my

[@Maeshalanadae]

Must be a branch of Comcast. 😂

[@reasonablehiccups4792]

For the algorithm

[@AgroSquerril]

For the algorithm

[@douglascooper307]

I'm going to have to hear this again and again the punch lines were hitting me too fast what did I miss from my laughing

[@wojo44frompl]

Looks like someone was fan of The Twelve Tasks of Asterix...

[@Vulsimir]

I have such a wonderful response for this video Please hold……

[@theonetodefyall238]

keeper going

[@AgroSquerril]

kept going

[@ironworksdragon6843]

Bob the dragon

[@bumpstaggers4177]

This is gold😂😂😂

[@purpledevilr7463]

For the Algorithm!

[@reasonablehiccups4792]

For the algorithm

[@arakheno4051]

For The Algorithm!

[@AgroSquerril]

For The Algorithm!

[@asandrewsilvaw]

For the algorithm!!!!

[@AgroSquerril]

for the algorithm

[@madvlad5494]

What is an "Algorithm"

[@AgroSquerril]

on the site its a colloquial term used for the machine learning software they determines what get recommended to who

[@alexanderrampant1417]

I think you have the incorrect link to the original story.

[@AgroSquerril]

corrected.

[@Draktand01]

This should be a war crime.

[@ruthannekane7935]

FtA Good story thanks

[@AgroSquerril]

For the algorithm , a pleasure

[@josmeijers2818]

F.T.A !

[@AgroSquerril]

For the algorithm

[@reasonablehiccups4792]

First for the algorithm

[@roberttilford7991]

😂😂😂

[@elfeater1760]

For the Algorithm11!

[@Kirsten2933]

Like 969 S W E E T 🇨🇦😎👍

[@merlinwizard1000]

104th, 28 December 2023

[@ericr7367]

The never ending fact of life.. and death.. the system 😅

[@321bogwater4]

For the algorithm

[@AgroSquerril]

For the algorithm