I feel so LONELY | Dealing with loneliness in chronic illness

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Hi beautiful people! Healing from chronic illness can be incredibly lonely. It's easy to feel a sense of loneliness when you're dealing with something so deep that nobody else understands. I felt it too and so many others do. This video takes you through some strategies you can use to make the most of the opportunities you have to feel more supported and less alone in your recovery from chronic illness. These are things I used and things I help others through in my 1:1 coaching.
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#chronicillnessmindset #dealingwithloneliness #chronicillnessinspiration

[@rachelAO]

Hi beautiful people! This is such an important topic for me. I'm thinking about doing a live soon (Yeesh! I'm nervous, but I'm ready to face my fears) - what topic would you like a bit of EFT on! Let me know in the comments. Make sure you watch my last video if you haven't checked it out! - kzbin.info/www/bejne/qpLJp5ypir6naNk 💋💋💋💋

[@colinkelley6493]

Hi. Rachel, you are talking about where I live. Thank you. My parents had a sick sadistic-masochistic relationship. Sometimes things were normal and sometimes I was beat up in every way possible -- especially when they were drinking heavily. I spent most of my childhood alone in my room cringing, shivering, angry, crying, trying to calm down. I was totally focused and overachieved in school, so as to NOT give my parents a reason to beat me up -- but my classmates thought I was not a normal kid. And I wasn't. The nickname they gave me in my college fraternity was FUBAR (F**ED UP BEYOND ALL RECOGNITION). The only thing I ever wanted was a close, tight marriage relationship with MY VERY OWN soul mate -- someone I could talk to heart to heart. Someone who wanted and needed me as much as I needed her. I am really a good guy and have been all my life, but the marriage I was looking for never happened. Recently I realized (actually only a week ago) I am pushing people away, and keeping a distance between us. Plus I have had a host of health issues that I have mostly overcome through diet. I was told by my doctor nine years ago I had an autoimmune disease called Myasthenia Gravis, there was no medical cure, and I was going to die a horrible painful death in about six months. I bought $70.00 books written by doctors, used on Amazon for 50 cents. I figured it out, and through diet and supplements and exercise, got well. Worse things than that have happened since then, but I have figured them all out and am getting completely well. But it has been a lonely experience. I figured out a long time ago that everyone, EVERYONE, has issues, not just me. I relate, care and want to help. Life is quite an emotional experience, isn't it? What you are exploring is important. Thank you for sharing. I am listening intensely.

[@rachelAO]

Hi Colin, Thank you so much for sharing your story. There is so much here I could respond to. But I want to say that it is amazing that you have healed yourself and you feel that you can figure out any hurdles - that is HUGE! I love reading stories about people who have been told there is no cure and overcome it. It takes a lot of strength and determination to not succumb to the narrative. That is absolutely key in health recovery - that belief. Recovery is a very lonely experience and it often feels far worse if we have experiences like those you so generously shared. My story was not so dissimilar to yours - I had warring parents, changing schools all the time and feeling the odd one out in a single parent family after my parents finally divorced. That feeling of being an outcast in childhood and a lack of really feeling safe and stable is a consistent theme in many of the clients I've worked with. Often people come for help with dealing with the illness and we end up working more on their relationships with their parents and all those emotions that are still with them in relation to their parents and newcomers in their life. It always fascinates me how health and relationships are so intricately entwined, but it makes so much sense when we think about us as social beings and how those early experiences in family make us feel. I believe they set the scene for our health and our relationships. And yes I totally agree with what you said about life being an emotional experience - my hope with these videos is that for many experiencing chronic illness that the balance gets tipped so that they can have more health giving than health depriving ones. Peace

[@colinkelley6493]

@@rachelAO I am a Christian. Basically I saw the good in everyone, including my parents, and forgave them, and the Lord forgave me. "Forgive and you will be forgiven." But men and women are not hardwired the same. I know how to focus my energy and emotions to win a football game or get a challenging job done. I know how to be steady and dependable day after day, week after week, year after year. I am very good at that. But I am just a poor, dumb, insensitive, awkward, clueless guy, when you get down to it, compared to most women. I am a decent, kind and loving human being trapped inside a man's body trying to figure myself out.

[@danielm.4346]

Greetings. First time I watch a video from you. Thank You. "... interaction with others, ..." How about if one is alone? "drawing more support". Like a beggar for people's love? Like a needy person? Forget it. Better off alone with a bit of self-respect, and very importantly, not bothering anyone. But I do appreciate the beautiful brightness and positivity that emanates from you. Thanks for the comfort that you give. You are beautiful. Thanks for the good that you give. My love to you. You are a treasure. You are a beautiful person. You are a good woman.

[@rachelAO]

Hi Daniel, Thank you for your kind words! On your point about encouraging people to beg. I always come from a place of empowerment - so I'm encouraging people to take what they need from others and come to these relationships from an empowered place on their terms. So take what you need. If that's time on your own - I think that's wonderful. I spent time on my own on my terms and it was what I needed. But when I needed company I took what I needed. xxx

[@ksciscokid9816]

Bless you Rachel 🙂 your a ray of sunshine in my my cloudy days I will prevail through my chronic disease.

[@rachelAO]

Hi K, Thank you, that's so kind. You definitely will prevail and move through this.

[@nicolabishop996]

Thank you Rachel. I'm experiencing some awful symptoms and feeling worse than ever. Challenging. Fear of getting worse, of getting a terminal diagnosis, and death, is a very real concern for many of us chronically ill people. Suggestions?

[@rachelAO]

Hi Nicola, sorry that you're dealing with this. I would definitely try using the video I shared - kzbin.info/www/bejne/pl61Z6KaeL2eY8U. Fear is pretty much the emotion that drives most of our emotional discomfort during chronic illness and this technique I share with all my clients, because it helps us move through it. Give a voice to how we're feeling and use EFT to clear it. I use this technique myself whenever I'm feeling some fear creeping in around anything I'm doing (sometimes even around KZbin - it can be scary putting myself out there like I do to share this message) and it was a foundational technique that supported me through some of my darkest days in my period of illness. You can move through this Nicola, lighter days await you. 💙💙💙

[@nicolabishop996]

@@rachelAO Thank you, Rachel for your kind words of encouragement. I am going to your video link right now. Sending love, and blessings.

[@conniestenquist421]

Rachel, Thank you for your videos. They are so important to me in so many ways. I am sharing them with a friend who has stage 4 medastatic cancer. Bless you, Rachel for sharing. It helps. And it works. Thank you for being here for us.

[@rachelAO]

Hi Connie, your comment is so touching to me. Thank you so much. It's sometimes difficult to know it you're communicating with people in the right way and I'm so grateful for comments like this. Thank you Connie. Wishing you and your friend all the best in your healing.

[@debbiedeutsch6925]

Rachel thank u so much for these videos. Smart lady

[@rachelAO]

Thank you Debbie. I'm glad you find them helpful 😘

[@elainebezak7158]

Rachel, the title of this video describes me to a tee. I feel stuck here and need a way to move. But it’s so hard being alone with no support. Any ideas on how to get unstuck and move forward? 💕

[@rachelAO]

Hi Elaine, I hear you. I felt so alone too during my recovery, that was even in a relationship. Nobody understands what we are going through (my partner was having his own mental health issues) and it's difficult for some of us because we're so used to caring for ourselves to ask for help and support. I would say that just identifying that you are stuck is really the first step. Then it's identifying what you can do within your unique situation. For me it was making friends with some local wild creatures in a park. That was my first step. When I work with people it's getting them to tap into their own self-compassion, make peace with their family and/or friends - as we often isolate ourselves because of the way they behave and also as a coach being there to support people. Every starting point is different and unique to the individual. But I have seen and experienced miracles in how our feelings about being alone can completely change. I got to a place where I saw my time alone as a gift to concentrate on myself for the first time in my life. There is definitely another way. All the best in your healing Elaine.

[@yourworstnightmare1488]

I sincerely hope that you will get well soon and that you will also be surrounded with caring and supporting people! I wish you luck and strength in your struggle and may you emerge victorious and stronger from the whole ordeal as soon as possible!

[@elainebezak7158]

@@rachelAO Rachel. Thx so much for your compassionate and caring response. I really appreciate your taking the time to really step in my shoes, knowing that you relate to it. I now have some idea of how to get unstuck and where to start. Its really important when someone has been what you’re going through and fully gets where you’re coming from. It’s a wonderful message of hope and love 💕

[@elainebezak7158]

@@yourworstnightmare1488 Maronidis, Thanks so much for stepping up with a reply. That in itself is such a compassionate and caring gesture. You never know how much a few sentences of support can help someone. 💕

[@ksciscokid9816]

Chronic diseases the toughest thing I ever been through I think the hardest thing is that most people don't realize all the obstacles one has to go through as we practice avoidance most of our lives... I really respect the fact that you're stepping up and see how wonderful and strong you really are I felt the loneliness myself and continue to fight the good fight and learn as much as I can about myself and my body and really appreciate where love can take me. Sending you so much positivity believe me when I tell you perception can accelerate your healing.

[@shahilagh]

When there is no company available?

[@rachelAO]

Hi Shahilagh, I met a lot of people online and it was trial and error and some people were not right, but some of the friends I've made on there have become long term good friends. For me it was about drawing on my own internal resilience and also finding people who didn't drain me. I generally avoided the chronic illness groups because I found the conversation didn't give me a mental break from the illness. Instead I looked at hobbies (I had a squirrel page on Instagram for example) and met people that I could keep it light with and share an interest. xxx

[@shahilagh]

@@rachelAO yeah I knit too. But we need company. Like some family to look after us when we get really very sick. I live by myself since I was teenager and I find this very difficult and I think that makes my illness more.