When a Narcissist Realized You Refuse to Be Controlled

[@lindainphx6515]

He said "you've changed" and I said "Yes, I have! I'm done being a doormat!" And he said "You're crazy! I don't even know what you're talking about!" 😄 I divorced him 7 years ago and am so loving the peace and quiet of my calm home. No more hole punched walls and broken window panes.

[@cherrybacon3319]

My Ex used to say to me "You've changed, I like you thus way, so stay like it and don't feck off and we'll be fine".

[@TCherie1]

Mine said after he kept me bedridden sick for 4 years with an autoimmune disease and I recently had surgery to help - "You must be feeling better bc you're acting like a bitch again", bc I finally had the health and energy to stick up for myself.

[@The_Mim]

​@@TCherie1 I'm bedridden now! How do I get help? What's your diagnosis????

[@TCherie1]

@Coffee Cay Cay I had to push to do everything myself bc it was an autoimmune reaction to a 23yo corrective medical prosthetic. It's hard enough getting doctors to listen to you, and even harder when your partner is not helping and sabotaging any progress. Just keep pushing forward and remember your goal of getting better to remove the narcissist from your life. All doctors said the stress he was causing was a huge reason my body was shutting down, and honestly it's true. By constantly being stressed out, in fear, depressed and everything else a narcissist brings into our lives, it's only a matter of time that the mind and body can no longer handle it like a constant marathon that never ends or gives you a break. No matter what they say or do, keep your focus on improving your health - eat well, take short walks when you can, lay out in the fresh air for at least 30 minutes a day, watch comedies to allow you to escape the stress momentarily and laugh, and definitely connect with groups on FB as support since most people in your life have been jaded by the narcissist and will only inhibit your progress and won't understand until you come out on the other side and they see the difference when the narcissist is out of your life.

[@susanparker9877]

​@@TCherie1Such words of simple wisdom.

[@shelleyd9910]

They are all jerks. As soon as you state what you will no longer do you are called “controlling” and they become the victim. And other stupid people believe them. So get ready before you say it.

[@ForestTiefling]

...he tried to convince our ex flatmate I was the narcissist, doing all this verbal abuse and "control tactics" and gaslighting. Our ex flatmate with who i sometimes exchange youtube links on topic, coz he had the same with the mother of his daughter. Ex flatmate just said: "What do you want, she's gone now and you have all the freedom you wanted!?" Since then there was no communication between them anymore whatsoever... Probably my ex decided he's got another "enemy" now...

[@ForestTiefling]

thing was, he started to expose himself with abusing me in front of witnesses, on the day i moved out. Try to gaslight 3 other people into not having heard what they had heard! Good luck and ffs, GOOD RIDDANCE

[@jseevers81]

What do you call a narcissist female then, u make it sound like it’s all men when I was married to a bad covert narcissistic wife?

[@user-ou3sd2vp3u]

And we were those stupid people as well. Great comment

[@linlinali]

true!! they r all the same. everything you say they are they mirror it back at you and accusing you are the control freak etc.. and yes all their friends the enablers are supporting his silly small world that is inflated way too much only him is visible in there.. nobody else…

[@averagejane09]

The hopeless feeling of the turn tables conversation. You try to sincerely tell him how his behaviour makes you feel. You are not trying to make him feel bad...you just want to be heard and to see some changes....but instead you hear your words come back at you and he has "adopted" your feelings and has weaponized them against you in a false accusation. Stale mate. Those are the moments that I have cried in utter hopelessness...and he was stone cold. Irritated by my tears.

[@ItsSoarTime]

UNH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! smh. can't even type a reply!!!!

[@LEX3CUTE2]

Literally.

[@daughterofsekhmet81]

Literally exactly how it goes every single time I try to discuss any issue 😣

[@missyv9581]

Yes accused of same thing then when I ask for an example he can’t remember because ‘’unlike me he doesn’t hold on to things.’’ Ok so nothing. Got it.

[@Mo0shii]

what u explained is huge doorslam temptation trigger for me

[@NathanSegal]

If they violate your boundaries, get rid of them.

[@Oceansgreen]

Absolutely

[@stoplayin21]

That simple

[@susanwilcox5763]

“You exist to serve me”.” There was an unspoken pressure for me to serve him and do whatever he wanted and to turn a blind eye on his crappy behaviors. It was nearly always one-sided.

[@ItsSoarTime]

HUMPH!!!! smh!!!!! feeling you!!!!

[@lizgantley513]

Thank you thank you thank you For 30 years I had NO idea what I was dealing with. I knew there was something wrong but I could quite figure it out. Then I discovered you. I googled his behaviors and one of your videos popped up. That day I cried for hours. I had finally a name for his condition. My husband of 30 years is a textbook narcissist. I don't know whether I'm angrier at him or me. Regardless thank you for giving me the tools and clarity to make a start on my journey Many many many thanks from Liz

[@RawMotivations]

Are you wondering what steps to take next in your healing journey? Join us to learn the right tools to break free from toxic relationships and empower yourself with clarity, certainty, and confidence here: www.rawmotivations.com/breakthrough.

[@KendraMorgan]

Yep! As long as I played the game, everything went relatively smoothly. Until, it no longer went smoothly.

[@ItsSoarTime]

i never played. i knew i would lose MYSELF because i CANNOT have ANYONE abusing my time and DEFINITELY NOT abusing me. he tried that crap on THE WRONG ONE!!! i hope you've reclaimed your valuable self and your valuable time and moved on.

[@clintonnagy1662]

I noticed as long as I gave into her plans she was happy. The moment I went against her way, she would devalue me or pick at my vulnerabilities.

[@leah425]

I played the game so hard, but breathed wrong and I was “bad” until he decided I was allowed to talk to him again. So draining, so glad I left!

[@deltaechomusicnh555]

​@@clintonnagy1662 Same here. If I obeyed everyone of her demands and never said no. Then all was good. If I ever disagreed with her or said no. Then it was world.war 3.

[@Chase_71]

Today he blocked my car in a parking spot. I could see it was for control since I blocked him. He probably wanted me to come talk to him to move his car, and he would make me wait as long as he wanted so I couldn’t leave. Luckily, I was able to move my car out of the spot without talking to him 😂

[@2much2fast4me]

WOO!!! A rare win against a narc 🤣🙌❤️

[@Oceansgreen]

Good for you girl.

[@Denzella2154]

Next time call the cops that's what I do ion play with the idiot Ex he would literally get out the car and stand in front of mines before all that my doors are locked an police are on speed dial

[@samxsara]

🙌🙌👍👍

[@MartinaKing225]

I responded to his text and said - "i have free will" 🤷🏻‍♀️ he sent essays upon essays about how disgusting snd such a disgrace i am (i only read one sentence) 😂😂😂😂😂😂. I had my bible next to me. I put my hsnd on it, smiled and said thank you father for saving me ❤❤❤❤❤❤ Feels so good to see the narcissist for whT he is, the Spirit of insanity. The lost spirit, the wandering spirit, i don't even see pride in him anymore. I see straight up misery.....

[@ItsSoarTime]

GOOD FOR YOU!!!!! Praise Be to the Living God!!! what helped me BEFORE i discovered this channel and the other two i watch, was learning from a channel started by a psychotherapist that THIS is "a mental disability." KNOWING THAT helped me rebound and recover and renew...a lot faster because...it...soothed the huge, empathetic part of my being. check out the playlist HEAL the Narcissist with CPTSD to increase your knowledge about...THISSSSSS and hopefully it will help you become stronger. DEFINITELY KEEP WATCHING THIS CHANNEL!!!!! PEACE!!!!!

[@jeanetteredden24]

Exactly. I have read that their tactics (even though they say they are a believer) is akin to "Christian Witchcraft". Because it involves manipulation, control, lies, deception, masks (their phoney persona that changes at the drop of a hat). Their words & behavior also wound - " kill steal & destroy". Gee who in the Bible does that? They do not exhibit TRUE fruit of the Spirit. They kill your self worth & value, they steal your life from you & play mind games w you, they ultimately destroy you if you stay long enough.

[@elizabethmorton1585]

Boyyyyy when they realize they lost controle of you run.sht just got real and you might be in danger.

[@jurepotokar9068]

I ran four days ago....

[@Janeintheok]

Started no contact. Two weeks later, he had emergency abdominal surgery. I did NOT show up, call or text. Yet, he still tries to contact me, after 2 1/2 years. He's just pathetic 🙄

[@ItsSoarTime]

unh! sorry. stay strong.

[@empress9857]

Ik you talked crap about you and called all the names n the book these people are ridiculous

[@divine.healing]

I hate when they use terminology that was associated with Narcissists against you. For example, "I walked on eggshells during our relationship because you (whatever it is) always got emotional or didn't agree with me or had something to say or wouldn't do what I said" whatever the situation they use former survivor language against you

[@tanyadepoalo4312]

They further traumatize people by doing this. They are demons that’s why they are so good at what they do. They have spent eons honing their craft

[@victorial8764]

Oh my gosh! Thank you!!! I just gained some sanity back. ❤

[@divine.healing]

@victorial8764 ❤️❤️❤️ you are definitely sane & stronger than you've believed. You got this, I'm sending love and support xo

[@victorial8764]

@@divine.healing Thank you so much! ❤️🙏🏻 Same to you.

[@lena-Ramone]

Yes insideous isnt it

[@etaokha4164]

The discard and block was worth it. 2weeks no contact because he walked away and never coming back. Am at peace 😊

[@effiemaccheyne9101]

I would not allow him in the hospital when I was there. He said I was trying to control him. I told him he's part right, I am controlling. I'm controlling what I let into my life. The poop storm ensued. I was prepared for it. He was not. 💪

[@As-cc9ug]

😂😂😂 awesome

[@aprilelizabeth9967]

They get angrier and angrier until they’re threatening violence? That’s what the last nutjob I dated did.

[@k80.82]

I dealt with this. He raged at me over text when i chose to leave. He said so many nasty things about me, to me.. and i blocked him. The next day, I got an "i love you" email. Oof! NOPE. Definitely didn't love me. Thanks for the video!

[@tanyadepoalo4312]

I can relate to this. He would say terrible things about me; to me!

[@Gino-y5u]

Wow. You have a lot of energy. I am so glad that you are using it to help the world. You even make the moment better. Thank you. 🙂

[@RawMotivations]

You are so welcome

[@the_that_thing3847]

“I thought you were better than this”. She’s right…I am better than she thinks….

[@samxsara]

I heard this too. ‘You’re smart enough not to ___’

[@susanmcmahon4733]

EXACTLY what my narcissist ex husband said, when I realised I was dealing with an narcissist i changed and then he told me that i had changed, which I did cause i decided not to be ABUSED ANYMORE and he didn't like this at ALL, he was furious but had to look out for myself for a change.

[@심순-w4m]

Exactly

[@chocolatecookie8571]

Having dealt with a narcissistic wife whose condition of narcissism only increased I deeply respect you Ben for making the decision to change for the better. 👌🏻🥇 I moved heaven and hell to help my marriage move into a positive light but my wife was not cooperating an inch. Words cannot describe how big my dissapointments are after I came to realise that my wife was never going to change. A narcissist to me is like the Farao in the story of Moses. Tjere are so many similairities. The Farao was given chance after chance to surrender himself and change his ways. But because of his arrogance he kept refusing and denying and used his power to cause more damage. In the end he got destroyed. If the narc will not choose to change they will end like the Farao. Again therefore so much respect for you, Ben. There are so many partners who wished to have a narc partner who is willing to make that change for themselves and as a result of that for their loved ones. 🙏

[@KarenDelores]

This is the perfect analogy for the narc that won't change their ways. They will self destruct. Thank you for sharing this with us.

[@susanparker9877]

No, they do not cooperate, not one inch.

[@Ann-mb1vf]

Not allowed to spend money, total isolation. Wouldn't let me go anywhere without him. The girlfriend before me and after me had to check in before work and immediately after work. I could work from home he put up cameras "for my protection" no it was to watch me. The girlfriend after had to wear an apple watch to follow her. The control he welded was crazy. To multi women. The patterns were all the same. None of us could have boundaries.

[@Libbylou77krtc]

I've been with 2 narcissist and a sociopath the sociopath was physically abusive. I'm waiting for a healthy relationship I hope one day soon. I have been in no contact since Nov 6 2022.

[@TruthFirst005]

You would probably appreciate the book, Codependent no more.

[@jenniferraymond9766]

The only healthy relationship you need is one with yourself and God. Everything else good will flow from that.

[@sjs3590]

He had total control. He made all decisions in his home. Once married I moved into his house. Left after 8 years.

[@NikkiGRocks4Ever]

Thank you Ben. You said 100% the truth. I know because I lived it except for I never experienced physical violence. It didn't matter that I was standing up for myself. It didn't matter about the boundaries I set. The narcissist was totally disrespectful, cruel, vicious etc. I gave him the opportunity to modify his behavior. He did at first very briefly. When he went back to devaluing me and ruined my birthday, I was done. I went no contact. Best decision ever. He will never change.

[@tanyadepoalo4312]

They ruin everything. My ex ruined my 50th birthday and broke up with me for the hundredth time just before my 51st birthday but had the nerve to send me a happy birthday text, my 52 birthday, we were broken up yet again and he had the nerve to call me the day before to try to be nice to me, but then later that night he sent me several horrible messages. And of course ignored me the next day on my actual birthday. He’s a scum bag and disgusting. They all are.

[@NikkiGRocks4Ever]

@@tanyadepoalo4312 You deserve so much better. I hope you have good people in your life who appreciate you.

[@your.beautiful.mind.now.]

This one is hard. I'm typically the first to become physical, usually out of being extremely frustrated with him physically blocking me from being able to leave, following me after I force him out of my way and listening to him antagonize me as he's following me, or balling up his fists at me, sometimes verbally stating that he wants to hit me. At times, I feel like he wants to get away with hitting me by pushing me to the extent that I become physically violent, only to call me crazy afterward, and label me as abusive. I have been taking steps to gain control of myself and be mindful of when he is trying to illicit a negative response from me. Sometimes, I pray and ask God right in the midst of the problem to be there with me and help me remain calm. Other times when I feel out of control, I will go lock myself in my closet. None of his behavior warrants me to become violent. I've also been practicing grey-rock techniques when I know I'm being baited into a fight. So far, prayer has been the most effective. I'm not normally a violent person, but when he started complaining that I'm more mouthy, that I'm not as nice, and I am quick to cut him off early in his attempts to pick a fight, I told him I have to treat him like a bear. In order to hold my boundaries, I have to be bigger than him. I hate who I've become behind being with him.

[@kristanwilson6813]

OMG this is the best video that you have done. I have heard and lived every single word in this video. He liked to pull a gun, but having lived with a narcissist, I would just tell him to just shoot me I'd be better off. I absolutely had reactive abuse and did things I didn't even know I was capable of. I definitely became I person I don't recognize. Still don't after 3 months of him gone

[@Sharrpei3]

I told mine the same! Anything to end the misery 🤪 I also have had horrible reactive abuse issues and have no clue who I am! Keep up your fight for healing and truth❤

[@steph3098]

Same. I hate who I've become and how shitty I feel all the time

[@aprilelizabeth9967]

I made mistakes too. I did it because I was trying to “fix” the horrific relationship and I’d already tried lots of healthy communications and options. My mistake was not realising he’s a narcissist and there’s only one healthy thing you can do: leave.

[@rebeccastruth999]

He said I'd changed and he didn't recognise me anymore. All that happened was I woke up to the control, emotional manipulation, and chaos. I still have to divorce him, but it's going to happen 😕

[@SueRigby-nl5on]

Absolutely on point. The minute I knew what I was dealing with ? I was the control freak. I tried to change him into a weak person. Because I would not leave my home and move in with him. Because a refused to give up my career. I was the controller. I stayed with him for 5 years. I thank the powers that be I am out . 💯👌🙏

[@marselawheeler9301]

Yup I stopped giving him what he wanted. Financial support and then he removed emotional support and I told him I didn’t feel safe. He threw it in my face saying I didn’t make him feel safe. So thankful to not have that in my life. Protect your peace!

[@ItsSoarTime]

lol @ his reply about him not feeling safe. sighing deeply. smh. STILL feeling sorry for them. i can't help it! not an excuse for the...WOW!REALLY?...behavior. it's just pitiful that people exist like this REPEATEDLY causing pain to themselves and others! keep watching this channel to stay strong in your decision to "protect your peace."

[@梨-i5l]

"Next it will be you." I told him this so much. That him slamming doors and hitting the table scared me because if felt like I would be next.

[@梨-i5l]

@@kaitlincox9714 Technically he did this after he slapped me so yeah. But it got worse after the second time.

[@jennielai2459]

Do you mean that if I’m nice, understanding and caring towards a narc they want to knock me down?

[@ForestTiefling]

yes, because deep down they live in shame of not deserving to be treated like a decent human being. And since they are in a deadlock not to realize this for themselves (too much pain and shame again), they project this onto others. Being "kind" is seen as a weakness.

[@martaszyszka7654]

Yep! That's the main purpose of them being in relationships, to destroy the other person. They always sabotage the relationships.

[@susanmcmahon4733]

I did lose myself wish I had known about NPD.

[@aquaearthnfirequ_pinsnsavi1721]

I'M 3 DAYS NARC FREE! HE ALWAYS DID THAT MIRROR BS! sometimes I couldn't even get out the whole sentence before he was saying "because you did to me or probably because you did it to me!" Omg the "PERSPECTIVE" word! That's triggering! And I am all of a sudden a "mean asshole!" And whenever he did one tiny lil thing I was supposed to praise him like he did the most!

[@RawMotivations]

Https://www.escapetoxicity.com/7dchallenge

[@rhondakimbrough4343]

I have been many scenarios with the narc I dated. Long story, much to share, but exhausted due to his abuse.

[@lizp5449]

When a boundary is crossed,immediate consequences are needed

[@Mary-h7t8h]

ABSOLUTELY!! If not the crazy continues

[@WaterBug46]

Absolutely what happened. I changed and he spent months acting out. Now we are a couple months into him being super husband. Both extremes are maddening but at least nice h does projects, so the roof is being repaired.

[@The_Mim]

He doesn't deserve praise for doing the bare minimum.

[@vickileverton2732]

He's just wearing his mask until you let your guard down. Please be careful and stay safe 🙏

[@susanparker9877]

Careful, as this becomes ammo to throw back at you. I wish you the best. Please realize that this helpful phase is just that, a phase. These people can only hold it together for so long. Lather, rinse, repeat. So predictable once you've been through a few cycles, and so destructive.

[@PopsicleSponge]

My Narc GF lost her job in October 2022. She took the piss out of my career and encouraged me to not go to work. Shamed me as a father. Shamed me as a partner. Turns out she had started an affair.

[@steph3098]

I've been educating myself a lot recently but this one really resonated. The mirroring back in convos, the intense love for a short time and then victim and pouting when it's not fixed instantly. We did this again just last night

[@sonyalee9358]

This! I have been going through this for 31 years! He just went to prison a few months ago...he is fine but my son and i not so much...i couldn't work he provided...he controlled the money ..everything. He is still playing the victim still. We are left with a mess and nothing. They are scary...and mentally and physically abusive. Still somehow it was me.

[@nadinecolbath5584]

My husband is now changing his wording to hide the fact that he's REALLY telling me what to do. I caught onto that REAL QUICK. But, I PROVED HIM WRONG in a roundabout way, and HE DIDN'T CATCH ON!!!!! 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣THAT'S HOW OBLIVIOUS HE IS!!!! The wrath is yet to come!!!!!

[@drebugsita]

Please stay safe and look into making a silent exit plan if you can

[@The_Mim]

What exactly did you do to switch up.....????

[@christinestewart9734]

Yes that's what I did. When he trys to hide a lie. He asks a question to pretend that he's thinking that he cares about my wellbeing. I say nope Thank you, if I wanted it I would of said it, so I decline your preceived help of I care for you. I'm not falling for any more love bombing crap 😢

[@valerieoconnor4210]

Everything you spoke about is true! Narcissist = "Service with a Smile!"

[@RawMotivations]

I appreciate your support in our efforts to raise awareness on this important issue.

[@samxsara]

Oh the energy of the narcissist is so low, yet you are self generating? That’s awesome! Awareness gives life really

[@RawMotivations]

For sure, narcissist have some of the lowest energies because they’re running away with so much shame, which is one of the lowest energies out there. Work on her eradicating that and you can level up your energy.

[@laurakelly1718]

be safe. I had to install Panic buttons in the house for me and the kids. it was so scary. but I got away. be safe. get the help you need. tell someone. what is going on.

[@RawMotivations]

Wishing you the best for you and your family! i hope you are able to find some time healing

[@johnborton9336]

Holy crap!! Every one of these thing my current ex girlfriend did this to me. And now she's playing victim to her family saying I was doing this to her. Wooow!! Oh my God!!

[@mortischahicks5341]

I just got out of another narcissitic relationship. Day 11 of No Contact/Blocked. He was very controlling and angry all the time. When I didnt do what he wanted I got rage. I felt like i was losing my mind everyday. At the beginning of the relationship I tried to set boundaries with him. They would push right through them like nothing. I left because his abuse had started to affecting my health. After several conversations about his behavior it never changed. I chose me and walked away I deserve more! Thank you for sharing ❤.

[@RawMotivations]

You're strong for choosing yourself and walking away. Take time to heal and prioritize self-care. Surround yourself with positive people. Better days are ahead. Sending love and strength!

[@lynnkalles2055]

25 years and stuck😢😢😢

[@WalksfortheSoul77]

This is so spot on. These videos are helping me release the confusion and doubt and maddening frustration. Especially when I think about how impatient and angry I had become toward the end and starting to self-blame. But only because I am temporarily forgetting the insane difficulties he was putting me through that led me to finally lose my patience and then lash out. And even then my lashing out was not yelling or anything, it was telling him via text that I was done with his lying, gaslighting, endless excuses, illogical decision making to put it mildly. I wasn't the breadwinner, but I am better educated because he drank through his school years. I don't use big words in my view, but for him I said things he never heard of. I never held it over his head in anyway because I didn't care. I only cared about having a good relationship, how he treated me, the fun we had (or didn't have) together. I only cared about who he was today, integrity, etc. He used anything to make me the bad guy, but I pushed back even as I had concerns that maybe I was the bad guy too. Because I was looking at my behavior where the narcissist isn't. It's over now, but still very recent and I'm in the process of coming to a sane place after the tornado. Sadly, I never met anyone who gave me as much affection as he did when things were good. But no one ever treated me badly like he did either.

[@goatinmysoup]

Finally stood up for myself and said no more. Then was called crazy and was imagining things

[@carole1864]

You are the most important person in your life.

[@brendalhunt9720]

With a narcissist, you don’t draw boundary lines you dig ditch’s

[@cherrybacon3319]

When they realise you refuse to be controlled rhey will pull out the Mist dirtiest, underhanded crafty tactics you cab imagine to bring you to your knees like a dig begging for scraps. 🍒

[@Ariela-ApostolicA238]

True, true, alllll exactly 💯 !! This is insane 😳

[@lucyLou-dt7do]

The phrases you explain have all been used on-me…it’s like you have witnessed my situation!! He even uses my words I have said to him….back at me!confusing and cruel!!

[@nicholecornes1915]

Not anymore!

[@EmilyKresl]

Wow you're the first person I have ever seen actually admit it and do the hard deep work to control yourself. It's awesome you're giving new insight and helping others by doing this. Thank you for giving me hope.

[@RawMotivations]

Wow, thank you!

[@abdullahhassan1165]

Sick twisted minds I told her multiple times stop being controlling of where I go who I’m with what I am doing I felt like I’m being imprisoned for living my life which I can’t take it anymore 10 days no contact hopefully she’ll get off my ass

[@Janeintheok]

Stay strong. You got this 💪

[@dream_mellow]

This is my current situation

[@RawMotivations]

Hope you are finding ways to heal!

[@LA-1969]

That's exactly the problem. He can't control me so he finds ways to control me behind my back by having affairs with women I don't like. Its so sick.

[@CookieMonster-hm8hx]

❤👍"..and all of a sudden you realize that you're boundaries don't mean anything because they keep breaking it. This is why so many people go no contact, because the person that's in their life doesn't respect them enough to actually respond to the boundaries that they have for themselves.." (10:45)

[@JohnBrown-vk9xm]

Brother, you are spot on! Thank you

[@RawMotivations]

Thank you

[@ItsSoarTime]

THIS MAN IS PREACHING AND TEACHING!!!!! once again i'm moved to express enormous gratitude that my exposure to...THIS...was very brief, but very painful. not even two weeks in i was asking dude if he was trying to break me; made it clear to him that he was being verbally abusive; refused to revolve around him like he's the frickin' sun!; and made it extra clear to him that my self-esteem was "still intact" despite his behavior. AND IT WAS/IS!!!! AND I AM GRATEFUL!!!! I LOVE listening to this guy because he's confirming my diagnosis of the person and bringing LOTS of understanding where confusion once resided!!!! THE UNDERSTANDING IS MY CLOSURE AND IT STRENGTHENS ME MORE!!!! and makes me more grateful that i didn't get trapped into months and years and decades of...THISSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!! SICKNESS!!!!!!

[@SigmaFeminine]

Yeah and he gives me the creeps too which means my all new narcissist radar is working well 😅

[@2ruamerican]

i went no contact, because of the constant abuse for 60 years, now they target my adult daughter and report her to take her kids away. I went to court as they ran off to another city with my grandaughter. the judge made them read their lies into the record and gave me a restraining order that stated they have to be supervised to be around my grandchild. Now they have made up new crap, set daughter up and slinked in and took her youngest. Im so tried of the crap

[@Ryannnnnnnnnnnnnnnn]

“Maybe I was just making half of it up”. Familiar.

[@gayemurphy3271]

Not going back. But talk of forgiveness please & thanks too 🙏👍

[@miabartini6056]

My sister has totally lost it when she realized Im done with being compliant giver to her as entitled taker. Its been like that all our life and my God, you should have seen her when I finally stood up for myself. One after another angry message, without being able to comprehend what I was talking about at all. I had a tough time for days after that, because I still love her but now Im better and its clear to me that this is the only way for me to remain sane.

[@ForestTiefling]

stolen from another video, but too good not to continue sharing: Why did the narcissist cross the road? Because they thought it was a boundary. :D

[@LEVI040910]

I love your content, Ben! I'm happy that you've come as far as you have and have gotten that self awareness and the courage to acknowledge that you had a problem and now are working to fix it. I'm super proud of you!

[@Reaper_thecreaper]

Ben another brilliant video. I went through this for 10 years. And I left 3 times. I could not leave because we had 5 children at the time. 22 years of pure bullshit when I look at it. But we did make happy memories. ❤

[@elizabethy2912]

I've had to realize that I AM a different person now. After 33 years Im pretty sure I have OCD. Everything has to be neat, organized, and ordered!! It MUST be, bc I lived in clutter , and insanity that whole time. I would try to clean and order the house; he would come home and IMMEDIATELY clutter the place up! I gave up!

[@Diy_DailyProfit]

Same here, still dealing with it. Trying to shake it, get the nf to leave, but he won't...alreadybdid year in prison I mean it's crazy..we gave 3 kids...any advice?!

[@Reaper_thecreaper]

@@Diy_DailyProfit yes I can give you advice and that is to leave. You have to just leave. And do what's right for you. ♥️♥️♥️ You have to do you. If you stay there any longer it'll kill you. Xxx hod bless and stay strong xxx

[@lumikello6579]

We did make happy memories and it was pure bullshit?

[@k.m.1189]

How about a show on how you changed and realized it. How you got thru it. Most narcs don't admit and been told get better....yet here you are raising awareness. How?

[@jessicawebber7925]

Amazing video Ben! This was so eye opening. I was always kind and sweet to me him but when ever attempting to asert a small boundary and I was completely attacked and made to be broken. I never had anyone do this to me in life. It's like he learned me just to completely break me down. Tell me I did things I never did and I would some how believe it! I would have to go back and look at texts from months prior to see that I actually never said any of that and I learned early on to document everything because my reality would be altered with the manipulation so frequently. How I've hurt him so badly when I never even said these things and constantly guilt trip me. Told me what a monster I was when I have never treated anyone that way. I felt like I was in a drama circus constantly. Like my mind was being messed with always. I fully believe now looking back this was a Covert Narcissist which I didn't even know about until I went to therapy and was treated for Narcissistic abuse. When I try to explain it to others, no one seems to understand....But therapy has helped me greatly. 6 months in now.

[@susanturner9023]

Oh, I know they are a crazy catch 22! Wish I had understood this simple fact 18 years ago, takes years to learn and then the life you worked so hard for implodes and you now have to escape this abusive person. It’s a nightmare!

[@lizp5449]

Boundaries have to be enforced

[@Sanakhan-gd1sx]

Give Example of boundaries in a marriage please

[@rde4017]

...they say they are not intimidated by you, but then refuse to attend family dinners etc because you make them uncomfortable. (And the narc is the one who is wont to tell people to grow up.) 🙄

[@faithing88]

Gosh I was told to my face I have changed 😂😂😂

[@tinahumphrey4495]

He would tell me that “ Your not going to deb-owing him” but i wasn’t just wasn’t going to do everything he said R hold him accountable he didn’t care for for that and I had a best stay over his house the light and i call it off with him and The next day he had someone else over to his house as well too I was done i blocked him……

[@victorial8764]

Thank you for helping me and us. 💛💜

[@RawMotivations]

Would love to help you on your healing journey. Check out this video to see if you connect: www.rawmotivations.com/breakthrough

[@Cy-bz9jh]

He accused me of "poking the bear" any time I pushed back. Somehow push back made him the victim. He would get so angry and rage - until I started laughing at him. I had no idea how much danger I was in when I did that.

[@donnadavidson5027]

Wow, this is what I experienced!

[@VirgeinaThornton]

They usually find a differant line of work .

[@elizabethy2912]

Wow, Ben. This addresses so many amazing things that make sense. Thank you. Excellent , concise video.

[@LanaMyslyvetsPlanners]

Just by the title alone, I guess I’ve volunteered to be controlled … a year ago. WOW.

[@RawMotivations]

Continue your healing journey and empower your self by gaining clarity, certainty and confidence. join our free masterclass here www.rawmotivations.com/masterclass

[@valarielewis64]

NC since August 15,2022😉

[@RawMotivations]

Wow, going one year!!!!

[@심순-w4m]

You're saving me

[@RawMotivations]

Let’s chat. Https://www.rawmotivations.com/breakthrough

[@stevotropics]

I noticed one thing that shuts my narc wife up and just stops her dead in her dumb tracks. After I state my point or concern (i.e. a lie), she then will predictably deflect and gaslight - at this point, I interrupt her immediately with every sentence she says, and I say No. So I say no over and over loudly again as she tries to talk. No matter what she says, or how crazy, I just state no. It's a symbol of, no, I won't listen to your fabrication or excuses or denials. And I agree, they don't feel. They are broken souls that will likely die alone. I know I'll leave my dumb wife eventually and let her wither away alone (I have kids now, so...). Godspeed everyone dealing with a narc - become stronger or leave.

[@sailorPinata]

I never see someone talk about it but they react the same when you refused to be controlled and disrespected by OTHERS. Would be amazing if you made a video about it !

[@AsToldByBrittanyy]

After all this time of feeling crazy, taking on a belief that I was a bad person, not compassionate, judgemental, too emotional, etc. These relationships will drive you to the brink of insanity and suck all the good out of your life. I really commend you for doing the right thing and bringing awareness to this type of abuse.

[@RawMotivations]

We're here to support you on your healing journey. Take the first step by joining our free masterclass, where you'll learn how to break free from toxic relationships and much more. Just head over to www.rawmotivations.com/masterclass

[@punk86]

The covert woman that lives next to my apartment. She caught on I think. I started getting threats from her brother.

[@Dhuberstyle]

Im dealing with 2 narcissists, tried to date them both at different times but as i realized what and who they were, or werent, i flipped my sigma-heyoka-super now they cant anchor as im also a NLP expert and have friend zoned them without them being able to control as i just "walk another path" while still talking to them because i believe in helping them. And i know that typically you cant fix them but the reason they are like they are is because of a underdeveloped neural bridge for automatic control of seratonin and dopamine.

[@reginasemenenko148]

The narc I dealt with said "I forgot you were )like this."

[@grisselday905]

Yep! He kept communication with me thinking that he could milk me for money, and once I told him this wasn't my responsibility and I could no longer help him, he blocked me *again!* ...he has another girlfriend! Unbelievable! They are heartless people.

[@ms.traycee2947]

Why are narcissists getting there own platform how can we even trust you ijs

[@AugustusTiberius-tq1gw]

After a few years together. My X left me for a rebound guy. I knew what I was getting into with my X coming from a toxic family. I took the chance. She didn't take the opportunity to change her behavior. But she did excel her career in which I am proud of her. In the end, she will realize that I was her true prize that she did not appreciate and ungrateful. No return.

[@sophiestanza]

Great video

[@heatherjustice5130]

Grateful for you both!🙏

[@nicholecornes1915]

They get pissed

[@merigoribilli564]

Let them Do what they Can. Their All Hopes and Falseself will be exposed. As you Sow Shall you Reap. Bcz of these people we Lost Trust in Everyone. We will never Trust Anyone Again. They dont trust others but tells us to trust them. May God Almighty and Universe save everyone from evildoers.

[@GodsDNA23]

FYI- I have found peace by just agreeable (I no longer care what goes on in his head). Hopes this helps someone else.

[@2much2fast4me]

My narc actually sat at the table & played out both sides of a “difficult” conversation with me. I said, “That didn’t sound too difficult.” And he said, “I know, I was the only one talking.” To which I said, “Exactly” and “Guess you don’t need me!” and I walked away. 🤣🤣🤣 Sadly he doesn’t get it & never will 🤷‍♀️ At least I know how to stand up for myself 🥰👍

[@linlinali]

its interesting by now i can recognize a narcissist even before they say a word by looking at their face.. before you said that you are i knew it..

[@JuniorWitter-vz4mh]

Do all narcs throw and break stuff?

[@RawMotivations]

not all but yes.

[@poshposh7609]

No, mine just stops providing... And ignores us