Re-Parenting - Part 78 - Hoarding

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Is hoarding and clutter is a often a symptom of a deeper, more complex trauma? Research has shown that there is a strong connection there. Shame, judgement and stigma surrounding a person's clutter can add to their existing complex trauma. Tim talks about hoarding and how it relates to C-PTSD.
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[@ketherwhale6126]

Tim, you are SO significant to us in these times we live in today. A heartfelt thanks for all these “ Friday Nights”.

[@tararobles7688]

💯 % agreed! Tim has been a shining light in dark times, to lead many of us into healing. For those that choose, he has lead many to Christ. I pray the Lord continues to bless him 🙏🏻 ❤️

[@searlepage4655]

Katrina here. My mum was a hoarder , bargain clothes , food , stuffed kitchen cupboards. Depression, valium . Dad drinker , work away a lot and had many affairs . I took words literally as a child , so go clean my room was meant go away . Id clean my room , basically a minimalist now . Mum never validated my effort in cleaning my room. Sisters room disgusting 😅. I was almost OCD with stacking books height wise etc . My escape music , my cat , and physically wandering streets on my bike , rollerskates . 😅 The 70's . Never brought people to the house , ashamed.

[@susanralph274]

so much wisdom and understanding this man has

[@clarkl4177]

Completely GOBSMACKED. Oh. My. Goodness. How much I have missed, ignored, and avoided throughout my life. Thank you, Tim, for your teaching! May the Lord continue to bless you and strengthen me as I face this battle; as I dig up the roots and replant a healthy crop in my heart.

[@kiana62510]

Thank you for all the help you are giving hurting people everywhere

[@eecneihappy]

You are RIGHT on with guilt, shame and the indecision. The indecision spreads across your life.. than again, it may be the critical people in my life, my OCD and anxiety

[@JustJ-Me]

Thank you for discussing this, Tim

[@carolgarrett1786]

I am all ears on this topic, Tim. Thank you for your presentation on hoarding.

[@PaigeSquared]

"I cannot make mistakes" Yeah, what if I throw it out and end up needing it soon? I don't have spare money to replace things, basics are a stretch TBH. So I keep a lot of old things; not broken, though. Dana White (If I'm remembering her name correctly) gives very useful information on this; she covers decluttering in a way that shifts it from being an overwhelming project. She has talks online (I recommend her interview with Mel Robbins) and books, a blog and podcast too I think. I also thought her process and approach was very neurodivergent-friendly, in a low-key way. Her techniques gave me hope that my house wouldn't be uncomfortable forever, even though I didn't get my hands on a time-turner. 😂

[@connie2735]

As I listen to your presentations; I also think about people who have autism and also have these kinds of issues in part due to narrow interests, collecting, stimming, and self soothing and in some cases, things becoming a visual way to understand social concepts and communicate. Thank you so much for your priceless expressions.

[@politereminder6284]

As always thorough and helpful. 👍

[@Me-fs5mi]

Am I the only pssd sufferer who is so self unaware that they get used in the most devastating ways . Hurts like hell. Hyper sensitive about users . Really need a trustworthy persons good advice. Being highly perceptive gets me beat up so bad, used and discarded . Trying to help other people only gets me thrown under the bus and nothing but used again and sorry for doing anything . These videos articulate what we cannot and no one else will.Bless you Tim Fletcher .

[@rebelforacause2589]

I just want to say thank you Tim. For doing what you do and sharing it with so many on KZbin. I have found your videos to be invaluable and just what a good, kind act on your part. Thank you tou. God bless you ❤❤❤

[@wildrose5357]

What about the opposite? What about people who feel guilty to eat and under-eat, people who feel guilty to spend for basic necessities, who feel bad owning anything? It’d be nice if you could talk about that.

[@Bronislaavv]

You Sir , are a real Pope ! And I mean that as a compliment.

[@PaigeSquared]

I like that in picture #9, a six pack is added up front. 😂 😅

[@GreenTurtle181]

Another wonderful talk. So clear and instructive. Thank you. So very interesting.

[@JanGroh]

I come from a family of hoarders on both sides, and I can tell you the battle is real. Things I've found drive my hoarding urges which I'm just barely keeping in check, but am so far, touch wood: Scarcity thinking (poverty, I might need that one day). My parents were born in the 1930s, in the Depression and lived through WWII. So yeah, that plays a role for some. ADHD - lends to acquiring stuff from what I call "Shiny Object Syndrome "- I see the possibility in everything - "oh, I could make x with that!" Or again, that dopamine rush from the acquisition itself, especially if you scored a sale, or good "bargain". (Almost like a gambling addiction. Dopamine driven as you mention. ) Co-occuring autism - lends to struggling to let go, holding onto emotional attachments to even inanimate objects Actual poverty, or prior loss from flood, fire, theft etc Analysis paralysis - inability to decide what to keep and why (broken editor) Anxiety and OCD - lends to the scarcity thinking mentioned at the start/top even in the absence of poverty Finally, depression - not feeling able to tackle what is so overwhelming, which just compounds it all. Thank you for treating this topic with compassion. 42:15 42:15

[@JanGroh]

To which I'm now going to add CPTSD thanks to you. Brilliant talk, TY.

[@JanGroh]

My best antidote? Believing in the River of Abundance, from Source/ God etc. "I am blessed and abundant, and Blessing and Abundance. Abundance flows through and to me." Paired with regularly just giving inexpensive stuff away freely (a re-usable shopping bag e.g., clothes I don't need, etc.) as well as even a few dollars here and there, I've found my affirmation above to come true. And that has greatly eased my scarcity thinking and anxiety, helping greatly to ease my holding onto too much stuff or for too long.

[@1HorseOpenSlay]

Me: looks around at all the piles of rocks 😭😂 oh no... I'm a rock horder.

[@Sadbuttrue-ThatSwedishGirl]

😂

[@mollysreadings4845]

❤

[@manyBlessings2all]

Thank you, very important topic. My first response early on in video was realising that avoiding loss is one reason I love plastic flowers (tho I don't want to use plastic as it's an environmental disaster) ~ because "they don't die" 🌸🤗 Grateful other commenter mentioned autism. Other elements that didn't seem to be covered much /included, is being given things, also finding free stuff left out on pavement (sidewalk) for re-homing. And the actually effort involved in getting rid of things even once the decision is made. I do have a hoarding issue, CPTSD, bereavement, fear of abandonment (in the form of unconsciously preventing closeness so I can't then lose it.) Physical low energy CFS issues, & chronic health conditions incl back pain make it hard to physically clean and sort stuff, which then gets out of hand, esp in a small home with not much storage space. It doesn't smell, or not often, is sanitary, tho I use natural cleaning products as I am sensitive to chemicals etc, & admit my standards for dusting etc are low.. it's not as clean as I would like. And I find it very hard to clear away cobwebs, the Spiders build them so beautifully, & have a right to a home. Making decisions of what I don't need or won't need is really hard, often exhausting. The washing up piles up in the sink because the sink is too low for me, hurts my back, & once the things are clean there's hardly any place to put them, tiny kitchen with few cupboards, tho also I have more items than I need but many have associations, & it's hard to reduce the quantity without seeing what I'm choosing from. I'm naturally tidy but my inclination is to tidy rather than throw, my Mum had difficulty letting go of things too, so I didn't learn.. so, I've always filled every corner but made it orderly & beautiful & cleaned around it.. But here it all overflowed. And menopause somehow exacerbated brain fog etc, and as Tim says, difficulty with decisions can become a kind of paralysis. The other benefit of clutter which I don't think was mentioned but is primary for me, is as a protection from the world. Yes it can be a result of the painful emotions which can cause self-soothing un-helpful addictions, shopping, drinking etc, for dopamine & safety etc, which I do too, main ones been food, sugar/chocolate, & buying 'sensible' things from online, like clothes pegs, nighties, supplements, & wayyy too many, tho interesting, non-fiction books.. But rather than house causing a following problem of not wanting visitors, seems that clutter can be created almost deliberately to avoid visitors: If house too messy & full for visitors yes may be judged, which is painful, but also somehow ok if feel more comfy failing in life eg if 'success' is scary due to unknown expectations & overwhelm, then 'hoarding' keeps people away, & creates a physical boundary/ies that I am apparently unable to implement just for myself. Also have uncomfy feeling that I 'ought' to share my space, eg with homeless people, but if it's cluttered up & not nice, then I don't have to deal with all that, I don't have space to share.. Tho at the same time I'm badly compromising myself. Also feeling that if I give things away, like a precious childhood doll, which I don't need, will she be taken care of? And sad that noone will know her story, etc etc.. Is there a toy museum that would home her, does anybody go to them these days, why do I care so much, maybe give to a local child to enjoy & not mind that she may be treated badly, tho I was a very careful child, & to me she is 'alive', she has feelings.. All is made of energy.. To be respected & cared for ~ but not necessarily lived with! I do also crave space & minimalism used to dream of fitting all my belongings into my car! Feeling free! Also find a difficulty that bags for the charity shop (thrift store) get 'stuck' in my car as it's awkward to get there in opening hours.. & also probably as an avoidance of the final letting go as I can still retrieve things from the car. This subject is overall a complex & very distressing issue, which can be treated roughly, like drinkers being told to 'get a grip' rather than Gabor Mate & Tim's approaches of understanding the pain.. I have had some help from decluttering people, some of which helped & other was actually quite traumatising, but been feeling I do need more skillful psychological help to deal with the roots, as Tim says. Very grateful for the clarity & understanding here, thank you again ~ & it's valuable for non-hoarders to comprehend better too 🙏

[@lizmandelaine6863]

Thank you so much for sharing and oh, how I can relate to what you’ve said...I couldn’t imagine how to express and put similar experience, thoughts and feelings to words then, read your comment 😌 Thank you for much needed reminder and affirmation that not alone along journey. Take care and blessings to you, too 🙏

[@manyBlessings2all]

@lizmandelaine6863 thank you too, very much ~a lovely & comforting surprise to see your response, it does make such a difference to feel another really understands tho I'm sad that you also experience these things, as it's not fun. Does feel better tho, imagining sitting on the floor together having a cuppa! Not feeling alone, & gently helping each other in practical ways too. Hugs & more blessings!

[@eecneihappy]

Thank you, so comforting and informative. In addition, ADHD 🎨 artisitic people like to save certain items by on color, texture, uniqueness.

[@jeankipper6954]

I've known a family for about 50 years, that appears to be like this, hoarders and unbelievable mess, of 3 generations and among cousins and extended family. My friends are educated, professionals, competent people, with great, competent kids, now with great grandkids. I thought they were very well raised. And this tendency is shared among them. I don't understand.

[@aurelienyonrac]

Thank you i cleaned my room😅

[@sethmonroe]

Thanks Tim

[@rickp.6251]

Guitar players are guitar collectors. And they sooth their sorry lives with tunes.🎸🎸🎸 They collect guitars like King Solomon collected women.

[@Sadbuttrue-ThatSwedishGirl]

I think I'm an information hoarder😂😅 I seem to never know enough to go out and actually live my life. 😅

[@johnpoynton4193]

Personification of possessions .. fear they may ' feel abandoned ' .. uhoh .. yes, as a child, we assume our feelings and thoughts are kind of shared ..

[@kirsikka3752]

Maybe I am too attached to my beautiful home in a nice neighbourhood. It is my safe haven and I am very selective on what kind of items I accept in it. ???? Just like me wanting good, balaced and stable relationships with people. They give me peace, safety, happiness and harmony that I missed growing up neglected and ignored. .

[@merrill5780]

Your content is great. BUT PLEASE explain the purple masonry and columns in your other videos. Odd hand gestures as well.

[@Star-dj1kw]

Restart at 31:20

[@vs4571]

So what kind of trauma did I experience?! ADD, anxiety, depression, codependency or narcissism and Hoarding?! Attachment style? And how bad did me getting everything I valued, collected, created, needed, saved for that rainy day gets stolen? It all got stolen, essential, replaceable, irreplaceable, and all that. I wonder what could be predicted for a hoarder and codependent?

[@sarahb.6475]

How can you turn a light off 3 times?? Once you turn it off it should be off (unless you have a broken lightswitch - that had happened in my apartment + maintenance had to come fix it - no matter how I flipped the switch the light stayed on!! ). But you can only turn a light off multiple times if you turn it ON again. And if you want it OFF then why turn it back on?? Makes no sense. Not to me anyway... But then I have autism so I think differently. Maybe it makes sense to neurotypicals. 🤔 or maybe they like to flicker the lights? On off on off would create an annoying flicker. But my grandmother had that "you will need stuff later" from living through the great depression.. Had abuse too. Her mother used to throw her stuff away when she was a girl... All her friends had stuff but she wasn't allowed to have stuff. When she got stuff as a teen it was thrown out.

[@eecneihappy]

NO FAMILY PHOTOS? Hi Tim, have you ever noticed trauma where people don't really put up pictures of family or people? My hubby and I have 1 wedding picture up. We both come from critical families. We love them but there are definitely mixed feelings. My clutter and also simplistic art we like blank wall space. We also don't really like to hang pictures of ourselves, although we have 1000s of trips with family and friend digitally saved.

[@FlorenceLunsford-sk2nj]

It a bunch of shame attach to it

[@kurt6410]

The audio is horrible

[@Yhoshua_B]

To anyone that is a hoarder, I hope you can find healing. Just remember, you cannot take this material stuff with you when you die. If you have family, it will be their responsibility to clean up your mess when you are gone. Please don't do that to your family. It took my brother and I two years to clean my dad's house after he died. Most of it was simply junk and trash. YOU DO NOT NEED TO HOLD ONTO YOUR TRASH.

[@mariemonn6590]

Sorry, Tim I believe your not listening to the words your using in erasing gender of a female and male. on how yoir explaining I would totally disagree with that comment about female and male gender ..Men have abuse their physical powers yet by no means are we suppose to dishonor the qualities of how God created a female to bring life into this world and how God created man to protect female and the children ...The dark principalities have manipulated the physic of humanity yet we must not erase the true meaning of what God placed in this world with female and male. Please be more careful. We are watching a dark force telling children that they can choose to change their biological sex by cutting out the organs God placed in them. These children have no awareness on how the suffering will be occurring in their body once they remove all these organs these children’s bodies will be damaged forever they can never experienced sexual orgasm they can never birth a child ..so please be careful and mindful on how you explain things...God created man God created woman and he created them for two vital important roles and we cannot and we will not erase the gender of a female and a male.❤️🙏

[@lorinance7073]

You missed his point he was referring to hoarding and said there is no difference in gender regarding who hoards more. Both men and women do it. He wasn't referring to changing your gender.