(PART 1) Spectrum of Love: My Autistic Odyssey with Sex

[@storyofthecherrytree]

"We need to be educated on p**n or else p**n becomes education" that hits hard because it's already happening 5:47

[@pendafen7405]

One of my grown cousins has kids in school and works as a TA, and she has so many horror stories about SA and exposure happening to little girls in the classroom and homeroom because of cameras and streaming p0rn on phones. It's hell.

[@misskelevra]

So true.

[@thevaccinator666]

​@@pendafen7405TA?

[@whore_knee]

So what she's saying is that if we expose ourselves in the right way enough times it eventually becomes normalized, thus eliminating the desire for us to seek it by watching it ?

[@storyofthecherrytree]

@@whore_knee I think what she was trying to pass on is that sex is still very much taboo in many countries and cultures. We (mostly young people) don't have a reliable source to learn from, so we turn to p*rn and gain our knowledge about intercourse from it, cause it's free and easily accessible. But very often we forget/don't know that most of it isn't a good representation of sex. The majority of p*rn videos out there on the internet are full of violence, especially towards women and later on people think that violence is very much a part of the sexual experience which can lead to many SAs. A lot of people don't know how much p*rn can influence our minds. That's why we need good Sex Ed at schools, so young people don't look for answers in porn and even if they watch it they don't do it mindlessly.

[@c.c.l.9139]

The fact that the majority of autistic women are sexually assaulted in their lifetime probably affects our views of sex. It certainly did for me.

[@anamakesthings]

same... and what was more traumatic was the professionals' reaction. In my mid 20s I was drugged and r**ed by a very close friend. It was kinda the straw that broke the camel's back and I ended up in the psych ward because I was su***dal. Mind you, that was happening in Eastern Europe where mental health isn't a thing. My PSYCHIATRIST told me I should consider myself lucky, and that I won the r**e lottery since I can barely remember what happened. The follow-up was "You're too pretty and smart to be depressed." They gave me a prescription for Xanax, to be less "hysterical", and sent me home packing. That was my sign to leave that awful place. I've been in Canada for the past 5 years, diagnosed with both autism and ADHD and my life is sooooooo much better.

[@c.c.l.9139]

@@anamakesthings That's awful. I'm glad you found a better place and got the help you needed.

[@nobodyofconsequence6522]

That's an incredibly depressing thought, and whats worse is I don't know any autistic afab people that I know for a fact weren't assaulted at some point. I hate this so much.

[@chrismaxwell1624]

Happens to men too that on the spectrum. I've had happen to many time in life. That and sexual harassment. Men don't like think of it assault though as society doesn't accept that.

[@sweetmusicwoman984]

Unfortunately it did that for me too

[@allisonarteaga4168]

Im 25 and also autistic and it wasnt until this year I finally felt comfortable enough to do anything sexual.. i was always scared of engaging with 'adult' things because i never felt like an adult🙃

[@breannaw7254]

Same

[@breannaw7254]

I'm still so disconnected from my friends' personal experiences with sexuality that began when they were in like high school lmao. I can't imagine being that interested in anyone, especially during that phase in my life. My friends think I'm a kid but I'm not, I can explain advanced topics related to relationships, I just haven't experienced them myself

[@StephanieDefinitely]

I mean, technically the brain isn’t fully developed as an adult until you are about 25 years old, so you’re not entirely wrong. 😅 And I can say I wouldn’t mind if I had to wipe the memory of both partners I had before 25 anyway so you might not have missed much. 😉 Full disclosure, I am pretty sure I’m autistic (but diagnosed ADHD) and didn’t have sex until I was 20. No regrets!

[@squidhands6941]

Weirdly this is also how I feel about makeup or wearing heals/things that are “sexy.” It feels like it is for adults only….I’m 27. Why do I still not feel comfortable wearing these things? I WANT to! I am working on it.(:

[@breannaw7254]

@@squidhands6941 I just imagine myself as a feminine character that I like 🥰

[@buckycarbon]

Woof, as an autistic man I identify with "not really consenting to anything". It took me nearly 30 years to realize I had not consented over and over and over. Working on it

[@aprilk141]

Oh shit, I havent got to that part of the video, but I keep finding more and more evidense I am undiagnosed but have autism. Me too. ❤

[@Dunkopf]

take care king, you're not alone

[@Abishhhhh]

Bc normally pp l don’t do that before sex dude lol “do I have consent” like nobody does that

[@Dunkopf]

@@Abishhhhh I do.

[@MelHS-gr4lv]

WHAT are you on about with that be careful people ha

[@WishIWasAnOrb]

I endlessly appreciate your honesty and openness to talk about topics like this

[@thesmartestmanintheworld2653]

Honesty?

[@nephritedreams]

"a lot of the times ive had sex were without my consent or enjoyment" shouldnt be so relateable. It wasnt until earlier this year when i finally realized, only after my current partner said something about it, while i was sharing stories about why i get so anxious around sexual encounters. being medicated for a variety of things over the years has left me with very very low libido, and the amount of partners who have shamed me for it, who kept pushing for it despite me voicing that i was uncomfortable, the amount of times i have cried while engaging because i didnt want to do a particular thing or anything at all but did because i thought i had to, the amount of times i couldnt enjoy myself because i felt like i had to look good or perform, its crazy man.

[@TedH71]

I'm finding out that medications for mental health actually reduces the libido to basically zero for both men and women. That needs to be discussed a lot more and researched about.

[@lisa_wistfulone7957]

Thank you for telling your story💜 Everything you said is part of my story too. It wasn’t until years later, when I was in a safe relationship, that I realized how badly I’d been used in past relationships, especially one I’d been long-term very committed to.

[@cassidybrewer]

SAME. ALL OF THIS.

[@Catlily5]

Who has sex with someone who is crying? That is sick.

[@nephritedreams]

@@Catlily5 the same kind of people who hear you say “no I don’t like/want that” and reply “okay but I like doing it, so I’m going to do it anyways”, in sex

[@pendafen7405]

Shout out the therapist I had in my early 20s (pre-diagnosis), who when I confessed to never having had sexual or romantic contact of any kind before, looked me dead in the eye and said "that's abnormal". Thanks, that helped my confidence so much!! Now it's almost a decade later and nothing has changed, except I feel worse!!!!

[@ReineDeLaSeine14]

For a long time, being asexual was considered abnormal. I’m glad it’s more normalized now ETA: Oh your therapist was shaming you for being a virgin? What a jerk.

[@pendafen7405]

@@ReineDeLaSeine14 yes, that was the case. You're right, the landscape has thankfully changed enough to make that awful experience unlikely to happen nowadays. And I too am glad that asexuality is embraced and acknowledged as a valid and normal way to be, though speaking personally I'm not sure I am part of that orientation.

[@mariahconklin4150]

lol! I've had things happen like that to me when I went to planned parenthood can't get into the details but I was so shocked she would say that. Some people don't realize they are being rude. Not laughing at you I'm just laughing because I can't believe people sometimes sad.

[@pendafen7405]

@@mariahconklin4150 Really, they shamed you at Planned Parenthood? That's rough, I'm so sorry you went through that. It was the last thing you needed at that moment, I'm sure. People need to stop making womens' personal sexuality and fertility their business to judge.

[@Eniphesoj90]

That is just brutal. Being a virgin in your early 20s isn't even that abnormal. Sure, they are not in the majority, but I read somewhere that 1 in 5 or still are, so it is not like you were some rare unicorn either haha. And you know, even if you would be the only virgin left on earth, she should have kept her thoughts to herself. She was supposed to help you feel better, right? Her lack of empathy was FAR more abnormal than a person in their early 20s who is still a bit inexperienced in the sex/relationships department. Heck, I am not a therapist and I wouldn't have said that, just using common sense. Because 1. It is not THAT uncommon and 2. I know that making fun of you was DEFINITELY not going to help you. But you are not the only one. The first thing I did something remotely sexual was when I was 22, and it took me another 1,5 year to have penis in vagina sex. I too had a medical professional say something like that to me when I sought out medical help for it (I used to have vaginismus - a condition where the muscles around the vagina tense up, making penetration difficult/impossible). Those words still hurt at times (even though I lost my virginity some 10 years ago!), and they were so unnecessary, because a quick referral to a sex therapist actually did the job within a matter of weeks. Your therapist should have been non judgemental, asked you why it didn't happen yet. Maybe it was just a lack of opportunity? Maybe you feel very insecure about it? Maybe you have problems with self esteem anyway? Maybe you just had problems picking up social cues? And you could have worked on those things in therapy. And that is, if you perceived your lack of sexual experience as an actual problem. THAT is the reaction you would have deserved. This one is totally wrong on her side. I hope that if any therapist ever says something like this again, you would definitely go and see someone else.

[@sarahstonins]

paige! i am not autistic but i have cptsd and i just want to say THANK YOU for being open about this.

[@Sixxo1]

I am autistic and feel I have cptsd

[@Redkinkid1985]

I’m hyper sexual adhd I love to help

[@lisa_wistfulone7957]

CONSENT is such an important thing for kids to be taught and fully understand. As an unidentified autistic girl, I’d picked up the rule, “give to your partner to make him happy.” My mom meant things like making his favorite meal. She taught me how sex worked, and said it was beautiful- but she never taught me about consent. I think she was autistic too, and she idealistically thought I’d just be with “one good man forever.” Instead, I was devoted in each relationship I had, and was sexually taken advantage of repeatedly. I always felt that, even if my “no” wasn’t accepted, I should just give in. So I did, to a lot more than I ever wanted to. It took a lot of work and self-love years later to not only forgive myself and hold them responsible, but to have full compassion for the young confused person I was who didn’t even know she was allowed to completely refuse to do things she didn’t want to do.

[@MelHS-gr4lv]

I endlessly appreciate your honesty and openness to talk about topics like this and there is some awful ludicrous crap out there be careful people

[@GeinsArtAndCraftSupplies]

Talking about the relationship between sex and neurodiversity is SO 👏🏽 IMPORTANT 👏🏽 and a lot of these experiences I found relatable. Thank you for sharing so much of yourself with us ❤️

[@elliewall6570]

yay I agree

[@nennejoh]

Thank you for doing this Paige, honestly. Being so open and sharing these things with the internet, I could never. I'm autistic and still a virgin at 26 because I'm so scared of physical intimacy. I''m never had a serious boyfriend and never even kissed a boy. It's ruining my life, I want love, I want a relationship, I want kids in the future. I just don't know how to get there.

[@Catlily5]

I didn't have sex until I was about 28. I was sexually abused as a child and with autism I was cautious.

[@thesmartestmanintheworld2653]

Try courage instead of listening to victim fetishists online. Go make mistakes and learn to be happy

[@Sixxo1]

I'm autistic as well I know how difficult it is to relate to neurological people

[@nussknacker9827]

"Manifestelle" Has many helpful videos on how to be safe How to recognize red flags. How to value yourself. I found her channel eye opening and super helpful

[@Redkinkid1985]

I’m hyper sexual have to have sex everyday or I’m a mess all I think about I was 22 before I started making orgasmic women

[@yverami]

This is a particularly challenging arena! Not only do I already struggle with verbal communication, now all of the sudden I have to communicate with my body?! Its really a lot to take in.

[@Kelsobunny]

The spelling out s e x in front of you when you knew what it meant is so relatable. Like thanks for actually letting me know you’re intentionally leaving me in the dark. Edit - dissociation during sex/intimacy took me so long to realize it was even happening let alone that it wasn’t really how I should be feeling.

[@rosyrose1133]

Same!!💜

[@Cal760]

Oh this is making me think so deeply abt my experiences. Like was I even there? I always thought I was doing what it was supposed to be. I am often dissociated to the point I maybe don’t even know what it should feel like

[@simonmcglary]

It took me until my mid 50s to realise that I am actually ace! Two relationships where I had issues physically and not really having strong sexual urges around others anyway. I thought not being attracted in what seemed to be the “normal” way or being respectful of space and not imposing on others was an issue. As I learnt more about being ace I started to realise that I was somewhere there. More than happy for the sex to remain behind doors in my mind, never allowed out in public or in company!

[@Gomba13]

I know this is the question asexuals hate, but are you sure? The more I talk to people, both NDs and NTs, who are asexual, the more I get the feeling that it isn’t sex they are not interested in but rather "normal" sex. Kinda like as if you were vegan but all that were ever served were steak. I am asking because I assumed for the longest time that I had low sex drive issues and lack of attraction issues but then I met people whose sexuality was a bit off the beaten path and not only did my sex drive bounce back, I ended up sort of obsessed.

[@simonmcglary]

​@Gomba13 over the years I thought I had problems with specific relationships. I've only recently realised that I am not only asexual but aromantic as well.

[@ollyk5182]

It’s the being a zombie bit and just letting things happen. Girlll I’m so glad we are out the trenches. God bless you for sharing this. I pray for the love of god over the lives of anyone reading this. Your loved, accepted and forgiven. If you need prayer like this.

[@queervelma9820]

I think as an autistic person I've become really conditioned to seeing myself from others' eyes and always having to make others happy and comfortable that I can't tell when I want something and when I'm in an unsafe situation. My first priority has always been to make others happy whenever I'm in a situation where someone wants romantic or sexual things from me I always end up questioning my feelings and wants. Plus, I have been told throughout my life that no one really likes me and I'm a burden to them so it is really hard for me to understand and accept that there are people who do actually like me and even find me attractive.

[@thestrangequarksexperience501]

this makes me sad and angry. girls like me and you were raised to be a people pleaser. thats the reasen, why i got raped: i thought, i had to be nice to a rendom man (i found boring), talking to me, alone outside at night... so please, all you girls out there: your safety is allways more important, than make some-one happy!

[@TaraZgaga]

I resonate with this too

[@nussknacker9827]

That's such an awful place to be in. You deserve better people in your life, I'm so sorry. I hope You Tube helps you find the tools how to navigate through life

[@nobodysXghost]

Just wow. Girl this is such a blessing, thank you so much. Word for word everything you said is 100% true and straight from my soul, healing. I’m 27 and just now learning- since realizing I’m autistic and it’s connected to my graysexuality and PDA feels w men-how to actually advocate for my consent, my sexuality, my own body. Thank you so much. Wish we would have been taken care of better, but here you are doing what we do and taking care of our own doing the job ourselves.

[@IIITrunks]

Im aromantic/asexual (somewhere on that spectrum but Im slowly piecing together my sexuality and my autism - specifically alexithymia and difficulty feeling/expressing emotions. And I think that influences my romantic and sexual feelings and desires.

[@facthunt2facthunt245]

If you don't experience attraction then you're ace if you do experience attraction then you're not ace.

[@BookWyrmOnAString]

​​@@facthunt2facthunt245 actually asexuality is a spectrum (friendly/positive)

[@scottn322]

Randomly came across your videos as I was watching other stuff on neurodivergence (I am on the spectrum and have ADHD) and I just wanted to say thanks for posting this. I'm 40, and my parents also gave me no talk. I have a 12 year old son and I've begun "the talk" although I see it very much as an ongoing conversation. But you legit posed some thoughts and questions here that I didn't even think about, and they are all such good issues to address with my son. I want him to grow into a good man, who respects his partners thoughts, feelings, and boundaries, but also I want him to be able to protect himself and his own thoughts, feelings, and boundaries, so he doesn't end up in an abusive relationship like I did when I was younger. You seriously rock, and the content you create is very appreciated, even by someone who probably isn't your normal target audience. You really gave me a lot to think about and consider, especially as a parent.

[@Leilolero]

I have literally had the same experience... More and more in realizing that autism is the explanation of every aspect of my life's inner problems and the abuse people did to me. DAMN thank you so much for your video

[@reaperanon979]

The best thing you can do is study ancient philosophy and biology. If you get a genuine understanding of morality and strength of character and you apply it into structuring your life you'll outperform most normal people instead of being a magnet for abuse from others.

[@NFSMAN50]

I was very oblivious to sex growing up, because I grew up in a sheltered enviornment where sex was seen as taboo. I would touch my private parts lots, and I was yelled at by my mother for doing this lol. At times whenever I do masturbate, I sometimes get that religious cultural guilt, saying that "this is wrong etc". Im still a virgin at my age, and sometimes I do feel insecure about it, due to societal stigma and whatnot. I just want to wait for the right person and all. Some people make fun of me for this, but Intimacy for me has to be with someone I care about and see a future with.

[@breannaw7254]

Same. I know I shouldn't feel guilty but whatever. And when people want to make fun of me I just say 'show me a person that I would actually sleep with and that I have that level of closeness with' lol because without that it's not happening. I'm not jeopardizing my well being just because of society and it's expectations

[@koda5209]

This makes me think of demisexuality. Having to build a strong emotional relationship before even considering doing the deed

[@breannaw7254]

@@koda5209 exactly. This is very relevant because alternative sexualities are more common in individuals with ASD

[@WhatWouldLubitschDo]

I’m not even a demisexual type myself, but I have a theory that virgin-shamers are secretly jealous of anyone who really knows what they want

[@TALIACORNELIUS]

The right person yes!!!! Yes yes yes!!!

[@garden_vibes7796]

I was not taught the correct things as a young neurodivergent woman, and it caused me great harm for years. It needs to be talked about, especially when exposed to it with the internet. I love this video!!!

[@aubreyplazafan]

i really thought i was alone on this. thank you paige

[@tomashumano4497]

Thank you so much for making this video, it's so important to keep shedding light on how ignorant and missinformative most sex Ed rn is. It's detrimental to a child's development to be shamed and missinformed about their body, development boundaries, consent and safety at a young age, it generates stigma, taboos and ultimately leads many to an unhealthy relationship with future partners ad especially with their own body and sexual orientation/ gender identity. We need to remove the fear, shame and oppression from our education now.

[@Catlily5]

School sex Ed can be better than nothing. But it is still inadequate.

[@aubreepeterson5460]

I literally can’t thank you enough for making this type of content. It is extremely necessary and very little to be found out there. I, like so many other AFAB autistic people, experienced so much harm in my life from not having access to this kind of information when I was younger. Thank you!

[@autisticxavenger]

I think your comment was meant for Paige but you replied to my comment instead of posting it separately.

[@ariaslegacies341]

3:41 I’ve never heard anyone talk about this before, but I experienced the same thing starting from being around 4. Thank you for discussing these topics Paige

[@marisawojcikiewicz8148]

“I hate how men get to look at me”. Wow that’s so relatable.

[@seijiikari9395]

I found out I was autistic a few months ago at 25 and still don’t really understand sex or dating at all. Hearing the “I need to understand the biomechanics of this” is kind of hilarious because that’s how I think of it too as well as “understand the rules” and a bunch of things that were probably clear signs I was autistic because I’ve never at all understood sex or social cues and I’ve honestly never actually felt like I wanted it to happen either it’s felt like something that happens to me as an autistic man so could only imagine how much harder it is to navigate as someone that wasn’t assigned male at birth.

[@helenm1085]

If you want decent sex ed, the channel sexplanations has a lot of information that has helped me to have a healthy relationship with sex - her older videos go into depth on a really broad range of topics, and her newer ones jump from topic to topic a bit more.

[@Jasonsadventures]

25 is getting close to the age most autistic men become sexually active, good luck out there, it's a long road to getting enough social abilities and controlling your senses to make that possible.

[@seijiikari9395]

hello do you have any resources?@@Jasonsadventures

[@facthunt2facthunt245]

@jasons It doesn't sound like he wants to have sex and there is no law that says he ever has to.

[@Jasonsadventures]

@@facthunt2facthunt245 autistics have much higher hormone levels than neurotypicals. The sensory, communication and social barrier just takes a while to overcome

[@sophisticatedwrat]

I can't believe how much this reflects my own experiences

[@SsroseL]

Thank you for being so authentic and sharing such personal experiences. You're going to help many people in their journey 🙏🏼❤️

[@davisjtc]

Huge aspect I feel I needed to learn a lot earlier, even as a guy, was about having a safe, non-predatory partner. I don't think it ever came up in education or discussion that a guy could be preyed upon, and the implication was that as a guy I would be okay with anything and everything in that regard because biology or whatever. And then in my long-term relationship I think I recognized that I was being manipulated with it, and I was zoning out during. And she was absolutely vindictive and degrading about things when I finally started saying 'no'. "I'm supposed to like this because I'm a guy."

[@TheFireDivine]

Very true. Porn becomes the education for way too many. I made a response video.

[@trashmail8]

I've still got to process it on a deeper level, because you're touching upon so many important things, things that I recognise in my life, things that I recognise in my wife's life, things that I've seen in the life of friends... but I'm already going to tell you that this is a amazing video. I've also got so much respect for your honesty, vulnerability and personal growth. I think you're an awesome human being. Looking forward to watching your other videos!

[@NeoStar]

Okay, I’m getting ready for work so I’m gonna put a pin in this but this is really validating for me. Can’t wait to see the rest of it. Much love.

[@sierraansley]

That was the best discussion about sex, sex ed, and becoming sexually active I think I've ever heard, and I'm 50. Thank you.

[@lastchanc3stars]

I'm autistic, and sex has always been a big no-no for me. The closeness of bodies and all the scents, sounds, sensations, and the lurking social pressure of pleasing my partner (or, that's just my anxiety talking). It's too overwhelming, and I just can't. The intimacy is a big reason why people enjoy sex, but it's not for me. Virginity is a social construct anyway.

[@andrewthomas8888]

As a fellow Autistic Adult! I appreciate you and your channel Paige!!!

[@banjoplayingbison2275]

As a autistic male I’ve a odd relationship with sex too As a kid I basically would touch my private areas basically as a form of stimming well before I even knew what sex was, my mother would have to constantly remind me not to do it in public Yet when it comes to hardcore sex I always felt odd about it and didn’t understand why people put it as the center of a relationship. Also as a male I didn’t understand why I was supposed to be dominating one while having sex As I got older I learned that I was basically Demisexual AF. I pretty much would only feel comfortable doing sex with someone I was very familiar with I actually get most of my “sexual” excitement from Kink and BDSM

[@anonymous-cx7ng]

You are very weird sounds like the average male

[@reaperanon979]

"Demisexual" is not a thing, that's called being normal. Also engaging with degenerate stuff like bdsm and other weird kinks is unhealthy, especially if you're autistic. The worst trait of autists is how easily they are groomed and become fascinated with these dumb modern categorizations and weird stimuli. Read some ancient philosophy instead and familiarize yourself with the system of values that birthed civilization. If you're looking for actual structure in the world beyond superficialities, that is where you'll find it and you're uniquely well-suited for studying it anyway.

[@Evoral]

I can kind of relate to you, but I'm an autistic female. I remember touching myself as a kid secretly at home at the same room as my family was in, and later learning that it's not just me who did that but also some other kids can do that. They never said anything to me about it thought. I would quickly learn that sexual topics made people uncomfortable (because I would be a little bit too open about that stuff, and probably still am). I don't really know how I feel about sex. I used to be really into watching porn like since I was 12 or so, and got a lot of "education" from it. I instantly gravitated towards BDSM and sadomasochism. I gradually consumed more and more hardcore things, and felt sick after it. I tried to get sexual pleasure from the thoughts of loving sex, but I would fail at forcing myself like that. I would find it hard to find any video I would like because most of it wouldn't really do it for me. On the other hand, if I would read anything, it would affect me very easily, as I could get into the feelings and thoughts and atmospheres of the stories. To this day I don't watch any porn, but I read it, and I never feel sick after it, as I find it to be usually a lot more healthy. I always thought I liked to read instead of watch because I'm a female. But could it be because of demisexuality? I'm very stereotypically submissive thought, although I wonder how much of this is social conditioning. Are you also submissive? Could it be that autistic people would have a tendency to be submissive if we have a high need to control things, and we need a relief from that? I have heard kinks and BDSM is common among autistic people, maybe it's just a sensory thing. I also get the most pleasure while having sex with someone who I'm close to emotionally. Otherwise the sex is hollow and feels meaningless. I'm also a lot more comfortable with them and they know what I like, as well as the other way around. I can fantasize of one night stands but I know it will never be as fulfilling to me in the end. Sorry for the TMI but I've also noticed that my whole body is more sensitive to external stimuli, especially my clitoris (where it can actually hurt if I touch it directly, so I have had to work around that). Is this just a me thing or common with autistic people?

[@AdaminaCarden]

Apparently it's a pretty common autistic/ ADHD way to stim as a young child is through masturbation... My mum called it "wiggling" and thankfully didn't really instill shame but just told me it was something I should do in private, because otherwise I would just lie on my hands and rub lol

[@UnicornzAndLolipopz]

There's so much to talk about on this subject Paige and we're all happy to hear your perspectives. I find myself having a lot of the same problems you had (but as an amab autistic) involving sexuality. Your stories are entrancing to me and I can't wait to see more.

[@kittymeowmeow93]

This, was so important. I've thought that I'm on the spectrum for a while now and this just reinforces that. Thank you, so much ❤

[@Obsessedwithpurple]

I hate sex so much. I never want to do that again. My kids told me a few years ago that I was just asexual. And there was nothing wrong with me. And then I just felt better

[@Seegie16]

You are so Asexual that you have kids. Makes sense...

[@facthunt2facthunt245]

That only applies to you if you don't experience attraction.

[@thestrangequarksexperience501]

@@facthunt2facthunt245 no you can be attracted to some-one, without wanting sex with them.

[@ronjaj.addams-ramstedt1023]

​@@facthunt2facthunt245 romantic attraction is a thing. So is aesthetic attraction. Neither of those needs to have any sexual feeling part / dimension / connection.

[@olejoergenmalm16]

Learning that it’s OK to never have had sex is necessary too.

[@luciavega4125]

this video had a lot of relatability for me… it’s something i’m trying to work through and hearing someone share a similar story is really comforting. thanks girl❤️❤️

[@rochelleheath1446]

I'm obsessed with your wall! The color and daisies!

[@albavivancos858]

Oh wow I just discovered your videos and you really are telling my story this is amazing thanks!

[@cutepieceofash]

This was so relatable and such a necessary conversation. Especially the parts about consent and porn becoming education, as we have unfortunately learned all too well.

[@Daniel_Paterson]

As someone who grew up with religious parents who were ademently opposed to any sort of sexual activity, actively terrifying me by firmly telling me that anything in that department other than procreation is wrong and they never want me to do it, my development in that area as an autistic person was suffered greatly . It has meant that even as a young adult, I feel immense guilt, shame, and fear of sex and almost any physical affection which is further worsened by experiences when I was forced to... y'know. All those experiences and things I've been told have molded my brain in a unique way compared to how it would neurotypical people and has made things extremely difficult. Thanks so much for opening a discussion like this as the lives of autistic people with regards to sex is extremely difficult and rarely, if ever, touched upon; even in the autistic community.

[@fairygodmotherflowerEternal221]

Thank you. I really appreciate this video. You are so graceful and strong to share like this. I have more to say but I’m not even sure how to say it. I feel like I have been overpowered by men sometimes in my life and it doesn’t feel good or ok. Thank you.

[@mtimm001]

As a Family Nurse Practitioner...I love her delivery aaaaaand she's speaking truth about the need to know ! Be blessed 🦋

[@kezako6783]

"How did I get myself into that situation?". As an autistic gay man, I can relate too. When I was asked, "Would you like to go to my place for a coffee?" I expected to be served... a cup of coffee. That was not a cup of coffee! It took me 2 or 3 times to get the idea. Other occasions too.

[@xiledpoisonh3idi315]

Not sure if you are reading comments or not, but I want to congratulate you on making (all, but specifically these) videos and at your age. I was not diagnosed until my early 40s and it wasn’t until my mid thirties that I realized almost all the sexual experiences I had in my teens and early 20’s with men was problematic in a similar way. Even with my ex husband whom I married at 20 and had my daughter with. I actually left at 23 knowing I was gay and found my forever person which helped a lot, but to this day I have a difficult time with sex and my body. Anyway, I’m so glad other girls your age and younger have you to give them some guidance because coming from someone my age just isn’t the same. My entire life was shaped by those uneducated and naive choices and I think because of the trauma of that time my sexuality was damaged forever. I am so sorry that you went through some of the very things I also did, including the early childhood stuff with parents too. You are in such a better seeming place so much earlier than me and that gives me hope that you will have a better more fulfilling time going forward than I did. I so appreciate all you do. Cant wait to read the book as well. Thank you as always!

[@xiledpoisonh3idi315]

Another reason this is important that I think a lot would agree, regarding consent…..I believed I had consented during that time but without understanding the decisions I was making or understanding my neurodiversity, it wasn’t actual consent at all. Which lead to a lot of later trauma that in my 40s in a 20 year relationship with my forever person, I still struggle with my relationship with my body and sex. Only being diagnosed 2 years ago and having to figure out what is autism and what is trauma has caused me so much harm in this department and definitely strains my relationship. I wouldn’t wish my experiences on anyone and again am so glad you’re talking about this.

[@draculena]

i actually don't think i can handle being perceived by a man, let alone in such a vulnerable and intimate way. i just can't comprehend it. i don't know if i'll ever be ready. does anyone relate to that ? :(

[@wherethewildthingsare.]

I do

[@keylanoslokj1806]

It's just the fallen human nature madam. You have to accept its our reality. And if you can muster any empathy inside you, please try to see it to the degree you are capable, from the other side as well. So you think men adore being objects of height, power, status, effectiveness, and sexual preselection for straight neurotypical women but also for society in general? Can you realise the dread and anxiety and dangers? Can you realise why male suicide is so so sadly common? On this earthly Matrix there are no winners who play the game of the World. Most of us lose. And worst of all is to lose your soul.

[@Catlily5]

Yes, I was sexually abused so it was very scary to me. I am bi/pansexual but I identified as a lesbian because I was so scared of men. Eventually I had to be honest with myself that I also liked men. I am 48 and have been in a relationship with a man for 12 years now. When I was younger I never would have thought that this could have been possible. Life is strange.

[@keylanoslokj1806]

@@Catlily5 life is cruel to all. Im sorry for your terrible experience and trauma. As an autistic low status and genetics male, i have gotten alot of psychological bullying and sadistic mocking from women. Some are really ruthless at it. They might have not abused my genitals but they sure did my soul. (And some my body with kicks etc )

[@Catlily5]

@@keylanoslokj1806 I wasn't talking to you. I am a low status autistic female on disability. But men and women both have struggles in life. One person commented on another video that men's emotions are not taken seriously and women's bodies are not taken seriously. Overall I would say that being physically assaulted is worse than being mocked. But definitely both are wrong. Men's suicide rates need to improve.

[@zofiapiotrowiak5223]

Im turning 22 this year and also autistic. It wasn’t until I met my ex that I realized how much I was being used by men. I think the lack of ability to judge peoples intentions with me is what gets me in these situations. I just can’t wrap my mind around how can you want to be cruel to someone…

[@Blubberblase7]

thank you for talking so open about all this! i can relate to so many of the things you´re saying, even tho I´m a guy. I do have pda too and struggle so much with the whole subject of anything sexual. thanks to you and the awarness that you bring to things like pda, i noziced that not all my issues are because of the sexual trauma from childhood, but also because of my struggles with feeling pressured to do something or even to want it. i even used the label ace for a while, just so that people would leave me the frig alone. it´s really helpful to follow your journey to compare and reflect my own experience and feelings with sex and anything related to that.

[@david4233]

Thanks for sharing, this moved me very much. I found this very eye opening and precious, hope that you make room for yourself and your voice in any future and or current relationship you have! ❤ I'm in my life trying to find myself as a non-experienced man at 38 who got diagnosed 5 years ago with asbergers, I feel I dissociate to protect my self when people get too close with me.

[@Fxirie_harper08]

This video hits home to me sm… like I sometimes have doubts about being autistic, but these experiences you bravely described are very much akin to mine.

[@CrushOnFire13]

This is so fascinating! Im undiagnosed AuDHD, I never thought about how other ppl learned about sex. I dont think I actually knew what sex was until the 3rd grade! I had the basic puzzle pieces connecting visual and thats about it. Then I learned about everything from watching tv and what I heard from my family. They were the “you cannot be gay” type so I tried to hide that I liked girls, even from myself until the end of high school. I really appreciate when you get deep and honest like this. Ive always felt like that on the inside but couldnt stand up for myself for so long. f my shell. Having your channel really helps me feel like I actually belong to something even if its far away Ill get there some day ✨

[@shelbycurry721]

THANK YOU for talking about this. My inner child needed to hear someone else talk about this. I felt a very similar way. Any information I had about sex as a kid was picked up from not-so-reliable sources and yes, my parents gave me basic info of what it is… but not that vital info about consent and healthy sex. Also, yes and amen to the PDA factor of “Gross… you want me?” This is why I hate men flirting with me while I’m doing my everyday life tasks and not at all concerned about them. That sounds cold to some people, but it really grosses me out because I don’t want to be looked at that way just for living my life.

[@GoobieMienette]

THANK YOU FOR USING THE CORRECT/WELL KNOWN WORDS FOR THINGS. THIS HELPED CLEAR THINGS UP FOR ME

[@helloitislucie4475]

an important video I feel! Here for it Paige 💜

[@sophiajean2798]

I LOVE how open you are Paige thank you thank you THANK YOU!!!!

[@BubbaGunShrimp]

Currently self diagnosing myself and am 98% sure that I am on the spectrum. I have always been icked by germs and the thought of an STI scared the living hell out of me to the point that I never saw the point of sex. I struggle to interact with people I don’t know. Still learning, thanks for the insight.

[@crimsonlavender232]

This is really relatable! I really appreciate you sharing because I feel like it's not talked about enough

[@kierra1224]

Our expierences are so similar, the first boyfriend I had and the first time I had sex and almost everytime after that I felt like I HAD to just go with it because according to the boy I was going to cause him to have pain from "blue balls" and it would be my fault for him being in pain. I also knew at a very young age the boys were perceiving me as sexually attractive and I hated it, I always felt like why cant I be friend with a boy without them wanting something more, I don't think I put out the vibes of "I want something more than friendship" but maybe im dumb and maybe I did something or said something to make them think that. As a teen boys would always try to touch my butt or body without my consent. BUT women never made me feel this way, they never made me feel like I HAD to say yes to their advances or like my body was just there for them to do whatever they wanted anytime I was with a woman I felt safe and like I wanted to be there. It wasn't until I was about 21 or 22 when I expiernced true consent with a man, he would ask "can I do __?" or "is this okay?" EVERY single time even for doing something like holding my hand. After being with that guy I felt like someting flipped a switch in me where I realized "OH this is how its supposed to me I can actually enjoy sex with a MAN, and feel safe having a sexual relationship with a MAN??" I told one of my friends from work about this guy at the time and she looked at me and said "Yeah dude,thats called consent and consent is extremely important and consent is sexy". I didnt learn this in school, I had to learn this from a friend from work. If they taught this in school I feel like I would have NEVER had as many bad expiernces as I did.

[@sunflower7045]

I’m very proud of you for recognizing the toxic pattern of non consensual intimacy at such a young age, and taking charge of your self. 🤗 It took me almost 3 decades. 💖 from Kansas 🌻🧩

[@MargauxNeedler]

Yea stop having sex in front of kids, ppl! Thank youuuu Paige! U have no idea how long I've waited for a video like this from u b/c turns out u relate so thank u

[@meganmakesmagic802]

Relating hardcore to all your past experiences. Thank you for being vulnerable with us and broaching sex as an Autistic person!

[@elinor1473]

Thank you so much for making this video, not to speak for you but it's a very vulnerable topic to speak on personally, but the way things have been going, it's so important that there are people like you out there ready to talk about this specific experience of navigating sex etc as someone neurodivergent (tbh especially girls and non-binary, of course all children should be educated on this regardless of gender identity, but there is a bit of a pattern though)

[@judemiles]

i remember i became obsessed with that american girl doll puberty book cause my parents and school failed in teaching me about my body and i was desperate to understand it 😭

[@MajorCabbage90]

Omg omg sameeee and it just made it more confusing because who was I to ask about clarification on certain topics brought up In there…at least for myself.

[@SliceyMcHackHack]

I've always had a strange relationship with it.. Like its fun great etc. but honestly I never understood why it envelopes so much of peoples thoughts (and men in particular). Like its insane to think back on how often I was outright shamed or even bullied because I didn't have interest in sleeping with every attractive woman in sight.. That seems really weird and gross.

[@keylanoslokj1806]

As a woman you will NEVER be able to empathize with men. Both how we feel inside when we see a woman, and how much our biology wires us to seek often sex. Nor how much society, other men and women pressure us to be sexually successful to not seem weird and defective. You will never understand how valuable it is for our health, our confidence, our hormones, our very sanity and motivation for life. And above all, you will never, NEVER understand, how bad is the abysmal and soul crushing loneliness of an autistic incel man that doesn't even have that opportunity to ever experience what God/nature gave to you as a woman freely. Access to sex and relationships. That's something that INDEED you won't ever even come near empathising with.... .

[@SpectrumPOV]

Great video. I got a very general, basic sex education when I was in school, but I've learned way more from porn and other media like TV and movies.

[@MichelleMontemayor]

I cannot wait for part 2 ❤ thanks for saying the things that many of us cannot. 🙏🏽 Also the outtro is cute and catchy!

[@furryrug5998]

Paige you are one of the most lovable, sweet, funny and pretty people on this little blue dot. I'm loving your take on life and living with autism. Have an amazing xmas!

[@thecolorjune]

Younger me would have REALLY needed this video. Alas, I have now lived it all just like you. Hopefully I can have better experiences moving forward.

[@AnEmoNamedKaren]

************ POSSIBLY INAPPROPRIATE DIALOG ************* I'm autistic and 32 and my sesnory issues used to really get in the way of my sex life. I used absolutely HATE receiving oral sex. It made me feel so gross. I'm more cool about it now, but there are still otherthings that bother me. I hate having my neck sucked on, I hate sloppy kisses, etc. I hate being slobbered on. And no one can put their tongue in my mouth unless they look like a total snack. I mean, they have to be foineeee. Lol sorry if this was tmi.

[@wuisquil]

I can't not tell u how much stress this video released from me. As a 20 y/o undiagnosed autistic woman I laughed so much because yes I relate. It made me want to make my own video talking about my experiences.

[@SamFokker]

I've been googling so much about why I feel XYZ about encounters, hearing your stories align with mine is so crazy. I thought I was alone. I've been waiting for you to talk on this; knowing how scary and vulnerable it is so thinking you never would (understandably). Thank you, Paige. My parents were divorced, so my dad would have us sleep at his booty call's houses. I heard and knew too much for a kid they'd spell shit in front of. I'd tell them to stop talking about that stuff around me. I still struggle seeing society's view towards intimacy & thinking that's all I'm good for as a woman; and that those encounters are lowkey always degrading towards women as this person gets to enter my body... idk. It's all so hard. Also, I'm so sorry we were drafting those **notes as kids. I feel like even if I have no plans, I rarely do nowadays, I catch myself drafting these notes in my head at random times just to know what my final words would be if I had the chance???

[@bridgez04]

3:41 same for my school. I’m 19 and have autism. The way I learned the most about sex was through the Netflix tv show Sex Education and just how much stuff is involved that I didn’t know about. Like a dilator, what a clitoris is and why it’s important, etc. That show helped me realize that I’m demisexual and I think it partially has to do with my lack of sex ed and had to learn most of it from watching a tv show in secret. Like I can never picture myself having a one night stand. Only someone I really know and trust.

[@julieosborne2948]

Such an important conversation! Thank you ❤ Got myself into some difficult situations thru my life. 😢 Blamed myself, disassociated big time! I’m 56 now and it’s my kids who helped me see I was Autistic like them. 💕

[@oboebuddy15]

I'm not diagnosed, but I'm definitely some form of neurodivergent, and I'm asexual. I'm 27 and have never had sex, and I don't want to tbh

[@MaryanaMaskar]

You know what? Don't. I'm 37, lost (more like gave away) my virginity at 27. Had 2 sexual encounters in my life. Not worth it.

[@cath3638]

Thank you for talking about this Paige, it is so important for autistic women to know that they don't experience anything in the same way as neurotypicals.

[@erinmiddlebrook5492]

I didn’t think I would relate to this so much but the not really giving consent hit HARD

[@paigem8876]

“I’m gonna mask the shit outta that” 😂 I honesty love your energy so much

[@kittylynx8911]

Your amazing!!!!!🎉 thankyou for this video Ik it can’t be easy to talk about this with the world. I can relate with you so much, wish I had a friend like you ❤

[@MargauxNeedler]

U actually look like the sister in the Cat in the Hat movie w/ this hairstyle & i love her perfectionism lolll so cute

[@TorisTerrorTime]

Bro my school barely even taught us the anatomy 😭 For anyone who has crappy parents I’m turkey sorry you had to go through that. I was blessed with loving parents which teach me ,most, of this stuff so I cannot imagine how terrifying and horrible it would be to not have that

[@lynndoughty4410]

Oh my paige. Im thankful for you. My daughter is 6 with severe autism and she is for presently non verbal but excelling tremendously thanks to her amazing teachers. The back and forth isnt there yet just mimicking and spontaneus words, or even sentences shes heard before. So i really worry about when the time comes the actual sex talk. She is very aware of what feels good on her body .Im struggling now with her constant self stimming. Trying to teach her ,not that its wrong of course, but that its just somethimg that should be done behimd closed doors not around other people. For her to progress in her social interaction with kids she cant be grabbing her self when she gets excited to be playing with them on the playground . Kids are mean now adays. But when it comes to every other outwardly autistic trait she has when she is expressing her happiness ( rocking , stimming , vocalizations, etc) i tell her YOU BE YOU BABYGIRL! THE WORLD WILL ADJUST ! ❤❤ autism mom life is so different from raising my now 24 ysar old, neurotypical child . But i wouldnt chamge her for the world. God made her perfect. Exactly the way He intended to. And ive never known a child more close to God. We just started going to church only 2 years ago, and she walked in took one look at the pic of jesus and smiled so big like she already knew him and sat in a pew and kicked her boots off and grabbed a hymnal. For a kid who doesnt YET communicate verbally, she can sing every one of her bible kids songs word for word!❤

[@gaiar1020]

Just a little note (as you seem to want the best for your child) - unless you're autistic yourself, please don't call yourself an autism mom☺️

[@chrismaxwell1624]

I was diagnosed in grade 3, my mother would accept it. To her I was normal. I look back now realize she sure shows a lot autistic signs that women have. Not something I'd recognize as we males present differently. Had talk with my mother about it. She suspect it too. So it was different for me being raised by autistic parents. I'm very much like my father. I did feel normal with them. It was the rest of world that was problem.

[@nanaisloved2736]

I'm not diagnosed but many criteria for autism fit me and I can relate so much especially to the assault topic, ai didn't know how I landed in the situation but thought I must have done something or I'm supposed to go along and feeling uncomfortable was because I was not normal. My ex actually thrived from exactly that thought. I've been abstinent for years now and don't really miss anything, I'm just glad I don't have to think about it anymore 😂

[@elliewall6570]

I love the end of the video song, very satisfying

[@allpowerfulmitochondria759]

23, diagnosed ADHD. I took the RAADs or whatever online and it said something to the effect of “For legal reasons we can’t diagnose you with autism, but you should definitely get a psych eval.” So idk if I have it because I never was officially diagnosed. That was the worst part of all of my SA trauma though. I just would dissociate, but I didn’t have the language to even explain wtf was happening. I just knew that I was missing bits and pieces of time, but I was always sober. I knew I wasn’t drugged, but I still felt paralyzed. I felt like I couldn’t move or speak. I felt scared like a little kid again and I just wanted to cry and go home. I would even ask myself why I was being such a loser and why I couldn’t just be cool and let it happen. That my whole dissociative state was making me look like a dead fish so I now I have to fawn because my partner is angry that I had a thousand yard stare and wasn’t moaning at an ungodly decibel like a pr0n star. It really sucks when I dissociate with a partner I feel safe with because I still feel obligated to finish them off, but my brain is like STOP!!!

[@paintingperson5319]

Oh god the sex ed that i needed (and still need) so bad as an autistic kid. Im brasilian and i never had a sex ed class in my life, and that sucks because people see me as a teen boy, thus i was expected to be active and dominant, but im that passive kinda shutdown type of autistic (but oh boy when you get to know me fr i overshare and infodump like a mf). and i didnt even know i was gay AND AN ENBY at the time, i just knew i would get very uncomfy and sometimes invaded when girls would start flirting and pursuing me, id just think like "you normally dont act like that", and disassociating from situations constantly just like you said, dating and love recently just feels like masking to make other people happy, thats the type of person i am but it sucks and its so exhausting.

[@LunarWind99]

Oh as a trans mtf enby I really relate to the dissociating from certain situations 😭

[@helenm1085]

There's good sex ed on KZbin - look up sexplanations and scroll through the videos to find topics that you want to learn about! The videos from sexplanations are kind, reasonably trans-friendly, and unashamed

[@SabrinaRosa02]

I don’t have autism myself but I am diagnosed with social anxiety and I struggled with setting boundaries when it came to sex for a long time. Luckily I have a bf now who never pressures me into a situation and always asks for my consent and constantly checks in. I wish more men were taught this :/

[@beomgyulover3417]

this is really important and relatable,not everything but for the most part it's very relatable,the education system needs so much more improvement when it comes to sex ed and the way we see/look and talk about sex as a society should improve as well, it's like we're still in the victorian era when it comes to it,i think it's so useless to tip toe your way around it when talking about it like we do, especially when it comes to education

[@catclaw6936]

Really wish i had a talk about this as a kid i think a lot of pain and trauma could have been avoided 😢

[@uriel578]

Thank you for this important video. This seemed well thought out and well delivered. Kind regards from Iceland

[@lethalprincess2087]

5:39 I didn’t know what consent was until I was 17. And being autistic does not help in the common sense department, so there was a lot of things that I put up with in high school. Wished they had the consent talk sooner tho tbh, because maybe I wouldn’t have allowed certain things to happen and wouldn’t think I was in the wrong if I said no.

[@PraveenSrJ01]

Great video. Bookmarked it to fully watch later. 😊

[@alyssadye2185]

This has nothing to do with the video, but I really enjoy any tidbits of singing you put in the videos. I literally replayed the bit where you did a little note when speaking, it’s just so pretty

[@DanielBrice7f58a6]

> No... I can do what I want if it's the truth. This! This is the message that everyone should take away from this video. This is perhaps one of the most important lessons that a child or adolescent can learn.