Reclaiming Female Sexual Desire | Pamela Joy | TEDxPaloAlto

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Күн бұрын

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@JimElford
@JimElford 5 жыл бұрын
She is incredibly brave standing up in front of a roomful of strangers and being filmed for millions to see, to talk about her most personal challenge.
@danielmonarrez6029
@danielmonarrez6029 2 жыл бұрын
i would rather either used the gyms talk to most woman oh how was your weekend call them queens or princess and get ready to help them body builders as most adults wanted to become more independent oh tell this greek woman the love word
@johnmininger7472
@johnmininger7472 2 жыл бұрын
I appreciate that when she was confronted with that conflict in their relationship, she opened herself up to finding a solution.
@sandyrichland3488
@sandyrichland3488 2 жыл бұрын
Hy
@rachelaldama2717
@rachelaldama2717 6 жыл бұрын
Don’t you just love when the taboo topics become the talked about topics.. ! I sure do! Their is power and healing in being vulnerable.
@Officialtaycardish1
@Officialtaycardish1 6 жыл бұрын
@The Defyer I hope you are being facetious...
@Officialtaycardish1
@Officialtaycardish1 6 жыл бұрын
I agree. It is very healing and it is shown within this TedTalk, so inspiring and hopeful for change :)
@NilupulMalinda
@NilupulMalinda 6 жыл бұрын
*there
@ger51730
@ger51730 5 жыл бұрын
Officialtaycardish1 b.bb.h.,g,g
@ger51730
@ger51730 5 жыл бұрын
Thomas M Webster huh
@user-ei9qt2tt2d
@user-ei9qt2tt2d 3 ай бұрын
Watching this captivating video stirs up painful memories of the recent end of my 4 year relationship. My beloved partner chose to depart, leaving me with an unyielding ache. Despite my relentless efforts to reconcile, I find myself grappling with frustration and an inability to envision a future without him. Despite attempts to purge him from my mind, I remain haunted by his absence, feeling compelled to express my longing here.
@Williampatricia-g1f
@Williampatricia-g1f 3 ай бұрын
Its difficult to let go of someone you love, i was in a similar situation, my relationship of 5 years ended, but i couldn't just let him go i did all i could to get him back, i had to seek the help of a spiritual counselor who helped me bring him back.
@user-ei9qt2tt2d
@user-ei9qt2tt2d 3 ай бұрын
Intriguing! I'm curious, how did you find a spiritual counselor, and what's the most effective way for me to reach him?
@Williampatricia-g1f
@Williampatricia-g1f 3 ай бұрын
Meet father Akunna, a renowned spiritual counselor acclaimed for his talent in bringing back ex-partners.
@user-ei9qt2tt2d
@user-ei9qt2tt2d 3 ай бұрын
Thank you for this valuable information.
@calvinklien4946
@calvinklien4946 28 күн бұрын
Its a scam. Do not fall for it.
@PrinceofGreatness
@PrinceofGreatness 6 жыл бұрын
So in short, women need to talk to each other about their problems, openly and honestly without judgement and they'd feel much happier.
@joec1212
@joec1212 5 жыл бұрын
With how hot she is no wonder why her hubs wants her more. 🔥
@fellowcitizen
@fellowcitizen 5 жыл бұрын
and also with men, and including men
@reneel7877
@reneel7877 5 жыл бұрын
@@fellowcitizen honestly. My partner just opened up to me for the first time in ten years. :( i didn't know he was hurting as much as he was... i wish men felt more open to be honest as well.
@tommykang202
@tommykang202 5 жыл бұрын
@@reneel7877 Do you mind if I ask you what kind of problems your hasband have had? I am very curious as a 18 year young man.
@reneel7877
@reneel7877 5 жыл бұрын
@@tommykang202 Sure! He's been frustrated with my lack of communication, with the way i joke, and feeling like i haven't listened to him. Partners should be our best friends. I was so upset when i learned i wasnt being that for him. I think any relationship where both people can't open up is a big problem.
@jackdeidolci
@jackdeidolci 5 жыл бұрын
I absolutely love the way she approached the whole concept - very clear, systematic - and, nevertheless, emotionally.
@cldude691
@cldude691 4 жыл бұрын
Well, she is an engineer. :)
@luckystoller6171
@luckystoller6171 8 ай бұрын
Her vulnerability touches my heart.
@babykiana
@babykiana 5 жыл бұрын
Thank you. We are starting a women's group because of your talk. It really inspired me and it is so accessible, so real. Thank you for reminding us of the power of friendship and womanhood.
@luckystoller6171
@luckystoller6171 8 ай бұрын
Good for you!💔❤‍🩹❤ For you and your sisters the Broken Heart, the Healing Heart and the Whole Heart!
@rover-t
@rover-t Жыл бұрын
So great to hear that not only are the women empowered and find healing, but they are breaking the generational bonds so that their children don't have to experience the same.
@bananabrainz1415
@bananabrainz1415 5 жыл бұрын
My girls and I do that and we didn’t think many people did but she’s so right. It helps with confidence even if it’s the confidence to say no to something or find out what you really like. It’s the cheapest therapy out there!
@janisc3683
@janisc3683 6 жыл бұрын
Positive communication is so crucial.
@markrobson5614
@markrobson5614 5 жыл бұрын
Obvious !
@bookofeli4867
@bookofeli4867 3 жыл бұрын
It’s not THAT you communicate, it’s WHAT you communicate
@ariesdelfuego
@ariesdelfuego 5 жыл бұрын
I love listening to intelligent women talk
@Mr.plauyer
@Mr.plauyer 2 жыл бұрын
And I love hearing your voice
@pixamite1
@pixamite1 6 жыл бұрын
Outstanding presentation! Every woman and partner who cares about their mate needs to hear this. Again great job!
@zain4019
@zain4019 5 жыл бұрын
pixamite1 Everyone needs to hear this.
@IChIDH
@IChIDH 3 жыл бұрын
Women don't *care* about their partner, they care about what their partner can do for them..
@luckystoller6171
@luckystoller6171 8 ай бұрын
@@IChIDH Are you a troll or are you just terribly damaged?
@PowerfulGyaan
@PowerfulGyaan 6 жыл бұрын
One of the most genuine talks and on an immensely important issue. The content was ofcourse good. But I also loved the mirth and positivity you radiate while speaking. Thanks for doing this favour on humanity Pam
@benjello811
@benjello811 5 жыл бұрын
this!! Yes. thank you Pam
@jennyrudoff2829
@jennyrudoff2829 5 жыл бұрын
This could prevent a lot of people from having affairs and winding up divorced.
@sofiabircop6763
@sofiabircop6763 5 жыл бұрын
Jenny Rudoff amen
@gladiatormechs5574
@gladiatormechs5574 4 жыл бұрын
The only thing this video should prevent is for a man not to ever get married
@Blake22022
@Blake22022 4 жыл бұрын
@@gladiatormechs5574 explain
@ez6791
@ez6791 4 жыл бұрын
She's in an open marriage.
@royal2852
@royal2852 4 жыл бұрын
@@ez6791 And they divorced apparently. Quite pathetic to see she jumped on the bandwagon too.
@fiarunfair
@fiarunfair 6 жыл бұрын
And that's why anybody who has any particular concerns in life should seek professional help or even merely form a support group that provides a safe place for each individual to talk about their own vulnerabilities, find hope with the universality of experiences and create a direction on how to respond or address the concerns properly through the insight and esteem building that you have created as you went along the group or an individual person to whom to talked with
@Hakkeholt
@Hakkeholt 5 жыл бұрын
So for every little first world problem we should see a doctor? Maybe you're right, but you can also do help yourself a lot, not everybody has a big salary to pay all these professionals, or that we only have enough of these... I try to solve every problem with self-help, cause all these professionals also need regular customers, every solved issue is a lost customer. My believe is nature has a solution for (almost) everything, and first try to find the source of the problem.
@CarolinHauser
@CarolinHauser 3 жыл бұрын
Hi Serene, nice to meet you here. Have you come across the book cupids poisoned arrow?
@ulliwm
@ulliwm 3 жыл бұрын
@@Hakkeholt →or even merely form a support group← but I agree with you on "professionals" →Modern medicine cares for your illness. This makes them living. You must care for your health yourself. That makes you living.←
@dala5568
@dala5568 2 жыл бұрын
Doesn’t work for everyone and some ‘professionals’ are borderline useless.
@22airrim11
@22airrim11 6 жыл бұрын
Two frequent questions, I find in my practice, that is asked by women: “I want to feel again what I have lost” and “I want to find what I never could.” - A True Connection through mind, body, spirit and touch.
@varshacalling
@varshacalling 6 жыл бұрын
Mon
@deanwcampbell
@deanwcampbell 5 жыл бұрын
what exactly is a "spirit"?
@thomasjefferson1457
@thomasjefferson1457 6 жыл бұрын
This allowed me to understand more about why my wife is the way she is.
@giovannimannelli2158
@giovannimannelli2158 5 жыл бұрын
What about Sally?I guess thinks are flowing so well so there's nothing to undestand .
@diaperdude6163
@diaperdude6163 5 жыл бұрын
Me too. About your wife.
@diaperdude6163
@diaperdude6163 5 жыл бұрын
Did it help you understand your wifes son better too?
@rademfam6856
@rademfam6856 5 жыл бұрын
Thomas Jefferson mine is the same
@MICKEYISLOWD
@MICKEYISLOWD 4 жыл бұрын
Men have just as many problems as women do the only difference is men cannot talk about their problems because it is so taboo. Women talk about their problems here on TED and men listen however you will NEVER convince women that men have just as many problems and that their problems are just different.
@iwant2ducks39
@iwant2ducks39 4 жыл бұрын
"We talked about fantasy, what we fantasize about and if we don't... what's holding us back?" some of my girl friends really need to hear this smh😔
@robertgabuna355
@robertgabuna355 5 жыл бұрын
How honest, very articulate, very authoritative.
@crunchyburrito2257
@crunchyburrito2257 6 жыл бұрын
As a male, this is very helpful. One of the most eye opening TED talks I've listened to.
@glp.1337
@glp.1337 6 жыл бұрын
As another male, could you explain to me how this is very helpful? I understand it to be a big help for women, but why was it very helpful for you?
@argonauth
@argonauth 6 жыл бұрын
@@glp.1337 If you were on a similar situation as her husband you would probably appreciate it as well. I would say that men who truly love their partners are the ones who most suffer in this situations.
@glp.1337
@glp.1337 6 жыл бұрын
@@argonauth I don't quite understand what you wrote in that last sentence. I'm sorry, I'm really trying.
@argonauth
@argonauth 6 жыл бұрын
@@glp.1337 Edited, it's quite clear
@Frejborg
@Frejborg 6 жыл бұрын
I feel like this was one of the least eye-opening TED talks I ever heard.
@hausofezzy3955
@hausofezzy3955 4 жыл бұрын
I don’t feel so alone anymore. Thank you
@Doones51
@Doones51 6 жыл бұрын
What a simple, but thoughtful and insightful lecture. She is a fascinating teacher.
@diaperdude6163
@diaperdude6163 5 жыл бұрын
Now you're all set for losing your virginity bro.
@humbertoahumada7662
@humbertoahumada7662 5 жыл бұрын
@@diaperdude6163 1
@humbertoahumada7662
@humbertoahumada7662 5 жыл бұрын
2k
@markrobson5614
@markrobson5614 5 жыл бұрын
Fascinating really it’s just common sense.DUH
@OttoGrainer27
@OttoGrainer27 4 жыл бұрын
NO SHE'S NOT SHE SO FAKE!
@dragonbornbard135
@dragonbornbard135 6 жыл бұрын
I really wish I had people in my life who I could talk about this stuff with
@whitedandelion9765
@whitedandelion9765 6 жыл бұрын
I really wish I would meet women who wanted to talk about this stuff.
@cmayknot
@cmayknot 6 жыл бұрын
Same. Wish I had close female friends around. X
@justincoats7236
@justincoats7236 6 жыл бұрын
Kate text this video to two of your closest friends and just say, "I think we should do this." I understand, it is very vulnerable and really putting yourself out there. Maybe the speaker has a website with a list of meetings nationwide and you could go to one that is close. It's interesting how we want to share our thoughts and feelings but it's very intimate and scary and we can't control what a person does with this new knowledge of us. Best wishes.
@bucksgalore2603
@bucksgalore2603 6 жыл бұрын
You can talk to me
@therecycledpirate
@therecycledpirate 6 жыл бұрын
You have, you just don't know it yet because you are afraid to initiate the conversation. I have started conversations about "taboo" topics just to get them out of the closet and see how groups circled and made the conversation their own. Try a conversation once, about a lighter topic first just to get your confidence going.
@METAL__MECHANIC
@METAL__MECHANIC Жыл бұрын
Definitely sharing this with my wife. Her and I imagine most other woman feel broken when this happens, but will be relieved to know they aren't alone.
@docinho1805
@docinho1805 5 жыл бұрын
Amazing! The messages we received when we were kids really impact on our actions
@rashidahmad1915
@rashidahmad1915 5 жыл бұрын
Truth
@ulliwm
@ulliwm 3 жыл бұрын
Even if just heard - without being adressed.
@AG-ej7wm
@AG-ej7wm 5 жыл бұрын
Thank you so much for being brave enough to talk about this. Even publicly. I needed this.
@CarolinHauser
@CarolinHauser 3 жыл бұрын
Hi A G, nice to meet you here. Have you come across the book cupids poisoned arrow?
@foggynight1776
@foggynight1776 6 жыл бұрын
I love how you present this topic in a way that's easy to understand and easy to take action around.
@mladendelic7284
@mladendelic7284 5 жыл бұрын
And easy to not have any result out of it ...
@paulsdancing5429
@paulsdancing5429 6 жыл бұрын
I want to comment to your story starting at 4:25: "I was 6 years old and I touched myself and it felt good". My story: It happened the summer after the end of WW2 in a small town in Central Europe. I was 10 years old. My aunt came with her very beautiful 6 years old daughter for a visit. One day my cousin took me by the hand and led me to a room that served for wood storage. She put her hands around my neck and gave me a never ending French kiss. It was very enjoyable. That was the best summer of my long life. I never told this story to anyone, even my best friend, as I thought that our behavior was not normal. Thank you Pam for relieving me of guilt.
@alhamdallah942
@alhamdallah942 4 жыл бұрын
I read ww2 and immediately think who old is you
@paulsdancing5429
@paulsdancing5429 4 жыл бұрын
@@alhamdallah942 easy one. The war ended in 1952. But don't tell anybody. (ha-ha).
@alhamdallah942
@alhamdallah942 4 жыл бұрын
PAUL's DANCING all of this long life and that kiss make your best summer , I wonder why is that
@TheresaTV1
@TheresaTV1 4 жыл бұрын
Where did a 6 year old girl learn to French kiss? 🤔
@paulsdancing5429
@paulsdancing5429 4 жыл бұрын
@@alhamdallah942 discovery of the magic of women and the first kiss. And perhaps the fact that that was the only summer war and troubles free. Soon afterwards with his famous speech Winston Churchill, the warmonger, started the Cold War. Name me a trouble free summer since then?
@brittanymontague5084
@brittanymontague5084 4 жыл бұрын
why does this make me want to cry...?
@rshizzzle
@rshizzzle 3 жыл бұрын
Is it because you can relate?
@ariandajuliette7783
@ariandajuliette7783 3 жыл бұрын
Same
@roxanadragomir5720
@roxanadragomir5720 4 жыл бұрын
Amin..I had a female friend who shared her experiences 10 years ago since then I m a happy girl, my libido is always going up as I m approaching 40! It does work 100% her idea:)
@pennywaters2740
@pennywaters2740 4 жыл бұрын
i was in the womens movement of the 60's and 70's and most people don't know but it was basically formed with meeting in a group once a week ( just women and i went to 2 a week) and talking about what it was to be a woman (mostly not about us in relation to male defined society). it was extraordinary and is how tribal women live - whilst men are off hunting
@opiniwise
@opiniwise 4 ай бұрын
What's wrong with being tribal? I thought tribal was a good thing
@pennywaters2740
@pennywaters2740 4 ай бұрын
@@opiniwise who said it wasn't my friend? the written word can be so deceptive opposite to what we think!?
@elizabethharvester6111
@elizabethharvester6111 10 ай бұрын
I so needed to hear this talk! Thank you, Pamela
@AvisWrentmore
@AvisWrentmore 6 жыл бұрын
Awesome talk. Answers so many questions and gives great clarity for both men and women:) Thank you Pam:) for starting the conversation:)
@vijayrahinj6948
@vijayrahinj6948 3 жыл бұрын
Yes..
@faithtobedza9653
@faithtobedza9653 6 жыл бұрын
Pam you adressed this issue in a total different way, very easy to understand and i will follow that. thank you
@johnalvitre3154
@johnalvitre3154 3 жыл бұрын
Pamela Joy, This was a great talk and is very on par with RC or Re-evaluation counseling. I am a health care provider who believes a lot can be managed by non-clinicians. The same is true for men as women. Many of us males have been told that we must be strong, not cry, don't let others see us hurt. What that tends to create is a man who feels they cannot be weak or give in to their partner or partner's needs over their own. We tend to not show emotion via crying or conversing about hurts as we do not want to be seen as a failure or in opposition to those things we are told growing up. I served 25 years in the military, 13 as a combat medic and 12 as a Physician Assistant. Over 6 combat deployments, I saw a lot of pain and a lot of death. I just kept this in until I was divorced. Finally, I looked at the situation and understood that I was the stopping point. I had to go back and visit those parts of my life where I got that message to be tough, to not fail, and to never give up. I realized I was programmed and that I needed to undo the programming. I did, over some years, and now I have a wonderful partner. She has helped me to continue to find joy in sharing my stories. We operate together, as a team and have many positives that I never experienced in my first two marriages. Yes, I divorced twice while in the military. If you ever wish to talk or share more, we can. I am on Twitter @paalvitre or via email same handle at Gmail. Thank you for sharing and I hope you and I can bring more to this understanding. Take care.
@ulliwm
@ulliwm 3 жыл бұрын
excellent statement and true - of course!
@haziel4922
@haziel4922 3 жыл бұрын
Remember that you deserve all the best things that life has to offer.
@SweetJennyFan
@SweetJennyFan 5 жыл бұрын
What a fantastic presentation. Important too. One of the best TED talks I’ve seen.
@alonyoaz1711
@alonyoaz1711 4 жыл бұрын
Yeah! she's a great story-teller
@EddieBoothclt54
@EddieBoothclt54 3 жыл бұрын
True
@CarolinHauser
@CarolinHauser 3 жыл бұрын
Hi Andrew, nice to meet you here. Have you come across the book cupids poisoned arrow?
@michaelbombinski1626
@michaelbombinski1626 2 жыл бұрын
I am proud of you for being able to get up and talk about this to each of us, thank you for sharing and helping connect the little daily things to our spouses
@lyricaltraveller
@lyricaltraveller 4 жыл бұрын
I go thru the same thing with my wife. Only I don't get the look of guilt from her. I get anger and abusive speech being accused of being selfish and made to feel that my feelings and needs have no place in this marriage.
@evamkaushik5392
@evamkaushik5392 2 жыл бұрын
She's insecure
@malitaus5672
@malitaus5672 Жыл бұрын
She's wearing a wedding ring, and showed pictures of the guy so I'm assuming it all worked out.
@ImaginerImagines
@ImaginerImagines 6 жыл бұрын
Very brave. This also helps husbands understand. Thank you.
@pamelajoy4974
@pamelajoy4974 6 жыл бұрын
Michael - Thank you for saying this. I'm hopeful that both husband's with higher desire (relative to their partner) and those with lower desire (relative to their partner) will gain understanding through me sharing my story!
@Yay-hovah
@Yay-hovah 6 жыл бұрын
Only husbands need to understand? Seems kinda one sided.
@ImaginerImagines
@ImaginerImagines 6 жыл бұрын
This one needed to, just saying.
@MrPoncirus
@MrPoncirus 6 жыл бұрын
This one too. 27 years into a completely monogamous relationship (yes, I'm sure) and it's gotten pretty tough. She's a therapist isn't easily introspective. This has helped me greatly to understand what may be going on. Many Thanks, Pam!
@Yay-hovah
@Yay-hovah 6 жыл бұрын
Oh ok, I guess women don't need to understand anything because they're perfect angels and have it all figured out.
@elmotociclista9296
@elmotociclista9296 6 жыл бұрын
the thing why this works well in only female groups is because they do not feel confident/identified/unjudged by males, often not even their partners and that sucks, we must really do something in order to integrate ourselves, we are not that different.
@RepublicOfZen
@RepublicOfZen 6 жыл бұрын
I rather they do this than dont. But you are right. Its really frustrating when women can only connect with other women and not men.
@xandercorp6175
@xandercorp6175 6 жыл бұрын
Women have a right to congregate among themselves, just as men do. I am not arguing for absolute separation of course, just for the ability to form groups for certain select reasons and occasions.
@Karloffspring
@Karloffspring 6 жыл бұрын
I think sometimes is can be harder to talk to loved ones than to more "distant" people because loved ones matter too much to us - we have a lot to lose; we care if we hurt them and fear their rejection. Support is really important, and I think that the safe space offered by therapy to talk about issues with an 'emotional paramedic' nearby would be really valuable for couples. Peer support from friends would really help bolster a person's emotional resilience. Privacy (not online privacy) is a double-edged sword - it enhances intimacy when things are going well, but cuts off our emotional lifelines when things go badly. Felipe, hold onto that desire to understand and support your partner. My hope is that there are a lot more men with that desire in the world than we know about. Pam Costa, thank you!
@xandercorp6175
@xandercorp6175 6 жыл бұрын
@@Karloffspring I think it's not that our loved ones matter too much to us, per se, but that they are too close to the topic of discussion. For instance, you can talk to one loved one about an unrelated loved one without that same sort of discomfort. I personally believe that privacy is important and exists as a line to be crossed. Not a never, not a guarantee, but a boundary that is meaningful to cross and which creates two different spheres of action that can be sensibly governed by easily distinguishable rules.
@RepublicOfZen
@RepublicOfZen 6 жыл бұрын
@@xandercorp6175 i didnt see anyone say they didnt have the right to. Somepeople really want to connect with their partners, and if they see that their parners get their need for connection from someone else, its like a betrayal.
@ClarisseMotta
@ClarisseMotta 6 жыл бұрын
I'm watched everything trying to understand till the end. Why Americans are so repressed ? Is it real ? I just can imagine, it sounds like from another planet to me, all that she say is so basic. She speaks like a teenager. it's a monumental cultural difference. My friends and I use to talk about everything.
@jeniwatkins3297
@jeniwatkins3297 6 жыл бұрын
I did with my friends too. But we are not typical
@MetallicReg
@MetallicReg 6 жыл бұрын
@Layla BTS Nobody in my surrounding ever even considered to see masturbation as a taboo. We even speak with girlfriends of friends about it in random social gatherings.
@Lukas-kh5gu
@Lukas-kh5gu 6 жыл бұрын
"we still see masturbation as a shameful embarrassing taboo." holy smokes. you live in the US, right? definitely not a taboo at all anywhere in the EU. Sure, it's not something you bring up on a regular basis, but hardly anyone is against bringing it up and talk about from time to time.
@Elor427
@Elor427 6 жыл бұрын
One woman's life is not a representative of American culture. 😏
@sarahisabellastein920
@sarahisabellastein920 6 жыл бұрын
My friends and I are super open about it but when talking to my peers (I’m a high schooler) it’s definitely not something that is talked about very often. I think my generation is breaking down some of the taboos but in religious/conservative parts of the us it’s still very taboo
@johnpaulsecond4626
@johnpaulsecond4626 3 жыл бұрын
Beautifully and bravely put Pam. The first thing that i got listening to you, when your husband tapped you and said 'we need to talk' was the recollection of words a colleague of mine once said that i think you embody: 'You know the mind is like a parachute.' I didn't get it until he followed through with 'because if it doesn't open, it doesnt work.' Probably your collective open mindedness is what brought you to these wonderful insights and brave offerings. I suspect that female and male sexualities and the secrets that lay therein are mirror images of each other that reflect back inwardly to merge and collaborate once the long journey from head to heart happens and the penny starts to drop. Congratulations for having what it takes to bring this conversation out in the open so that others may consider the question so eloquently put by your therapist: "What if..."
@DanPowersCO
@DanPowersCO 5 жыл бұрын
What a beautiful sharing of something so personal and vulnerable. I'm glad to see this kind of conversion becoming more common. It helps everyone.
@dbdigital57
@dbdigital57 5 жыл бұрын
On headphones, I can actually hear her heart beating. Interesting feedback to what she was experiencing.
@laura_vilela
@laura_vilela 5 жыл бұрын
me too! Couldn't work out if it was hers or mine haha
@alpakapucuf3394
@alpakapucuf3394 3 жыл бұрын
Isnt that just my own?
@leandrog2785
@leandrog2785 2 жыл бұрын
Timestamp please?
@nimmynoo
@nimmynoo 2 жыл бұрын
I thought I was the only one. For a second I thought it was my heartbeat at first. 😂❤ It's the position of the mic I think. Very normal though to have a fast heart beat when you're delivering a speech in front of so many people. Bless.
@steve-dn8ru
@steve-dn8ru 4 жыл бұрын
it's about building up trust & respect levels - once you have those firmly down as the bedrock, & I'm speaking from experience here, as well as being totally at ease mentally - the rest will follow - desire will be as natural as breathing
@CarolinHauser
@CarolinHauser 3 жыл бұрын
Hi Steve, nice to meet you here. Have you come across the book cupids poisoned arrow?
@ruby99189
@ruby99189 5 жыл бұрын
Oh my god. After watching this video I got to know the same is happening with me. This is like I discovered the reason of not enjoying it. Thank you so much for the talk and yes it is very relieving that there are so many other women who feel same.
@CarolinHauser
@CarolinHauser 3 жыл бұрын
Hi Ramandeep, nice to meet you here. Have you come across the book cupids poisoned arrow?
@johnbeal9405
@johnbeal9405 6 жыл бұрын
This talk was very woman centric but the truth is men can absolutely benefit from the exact same communication.
@diaperdude6163
@diaperdude6163 5 жыл бұрын
No they can't, lol.
@opiniwise
@opiniwise 4 ай бұрын
​@@diaperdude6163 yes we can
@harishnarendrula1377
@harishnarendrula1377 2 жыл бұрын
Wow How Amazing Without a least amount of Fuss Grasping the Impact of Perceptions Finding out the way of sharing with peers Getting back the connectivity On top of all without any Therapist or Medication or Phycho Analysts 🌹
@Paul-gz5dp
@Paul-gz5dp 5 жыл бұрын
It is a wonderful thing when people can treat others in a positive way and as a result help those other people in their life. We don't need to judge others, and I will say that out of all the women and men that I know they are the ones to treat themselves more harshly than others usually treat them. With my wife there is only one that really judges her and that is her, and that is part of the reason we have been together for so many years.
@morokeiboethia6749
@morokeiboethia6749 5 жыл бұрын
Something that's never talked about is there is a percentage of spouses who say no b/c its their way of punishing their spouse. One spouse has a resentment(s) at the other spouse and they don't have the maturity, honesty, communication skills to address to the other spouse so they take the route of punishing their spouse by saying no.
@reneel7877
@reneel7877 5 жыл бұрын
This strikes me as so twisted... withholding intimacy to cause hurt is wrong, and can lead to so many issues in future relationships.
@kagetsuki23
@kagetsuki23 5 жыл бұрын
That why relationship between humans is at its twilight, all this pettiness will push human to choose robots over humans.
@jeniwatkins3297
@jeniwatkins3297 5 жыл бұрын
@@reneel7877 Yes it's twisted and damaging but a LOT of people do it! Male and female
@matttomlin4331
@matttomlin4331 6 жыл бұрын
Thank you, this talk is especially helpful to husbands who want to understand.
@TomTobin67
@TomTobin67 5 жыл бұрын
Nice Les Paul,Matt.
@nathanmyles1
@nathanmyles1 5 жыл бұрын
I think this applies a 100% for men too
@natriumguy8537
@natriumguy8537 4 жыл бұрын
Yes
@muffinthecat4706
@muffinthecat4706 6 жыл бұрын
Thank you! This has got to be one of THE MOST IMPORTANT youtoube videos. BRAVO 👏👏👏👏👏👏
@MagnusAnand
@MagnusAnand 3 жыл бұрын
“Church”… all started there
@NRBToronto
@NRBToronto 4 жыл бұрын
Amazingly powerful.
@stevebutler812
@stevebutler812 5 жыл бұрын
Pretty damned sure that ancient & tribal societies had less problems because women passed on the information. Glad she opened up, literally & figuratively.
@tobyvision
@tobyvision 5 жыл бұрын
More like they had onset of arthritis by the time they were 18, lost most of their teeth by 27, and died at 45 if they were lucky. Maybe they were fertile for 10 years at most, child birth was extremely risky. Primitive life super duper ultra sucked.
@kaaydan9306
@kaaydan9306 4 жыл бұрын
Super awesome
@masonwelty8058
@masonwelty8058 2 жыл бұрын
@@tobyvision That's a tired, old generalization. A lot of the dying-young figures are skewed by a relatively high infant mortality rate. As for the "arthritis", an 80-year-old in any preindustrial culture would have had far better mobility than the majority of 50-year-olds today
@tobyvision
@tobyvision 2 жыл бұрын
@@masonwelty8058 Observable peoples today who live ancient traditional lifestyles have high rates of malnutrition, particularly iron, vitamin A, and salt. Their rates of untreated myopia, arthritis, difficult or fatal childbirth, and anemia are very high compared to the modern lifestyle. The type of arthritis experienced by ancient peoples like the Pueblo or Rendille are caused by chronic vitamin deficiency, and had a nearly 100% onset rate in those cultures, typically in the 20s. It is unrelated to congenital arthritis observed in modern circumstances. And this is just one example. Blindness, stroke, chronic infection all follow as well. Nearly every paleolithic skeleton we dig up has similar conditions. Even ancient Egyptians and Romans who had much more rounded diets had all kinds of chronic problems we seldom encounter any more.
@vinaymourya3613
@vinaymourya3613 2 жыл бұрын
I am thankful to KZbin to suggest me this video, I am in the same situation as she was.
@777Rowen
@777Rowen 5 жыл бұрын
Thank you for talking about this. This topic is so important, and it helped a lot.
@diaperdude6163
@diaperdude6163 5 жыл бұрын
"This topic is so important" Getting your rocks off isn't very important lol Just buy a rabbit vibrator or something.
@kaaydan9306
@kaaydan9306 4 жыл бұрын
Female masturbation is frowned upon
@ameralbadry6825
@ameralbadry6825 2 жыл бұрын
Brave honest woman, rare gem!
@lt6573
@lt6573 5 жыл бұрын
Thank you for this!! ❤️
@CarolinHauser
@CarolinHauser 3 жыл бұрын
Hi LoveWarrior, nice to meet you here. Have you come across the book cupids poisoned arrow?
@stephaniefortney22
@stephaniefortney22 2 жыл бұрын
A vulnerable and insightful conversation, I wish that there were more women that you could talk to openly about these issues, I’ve always felt it’s private… it’s not easy either… I’ve found someone to work with, Hoping to start so- I’m excited, I do wish as women we could be more supportive of each other in this area of our live too, we all could use it. I just came across your talk its filled with support and Encouragement, thank you … Grateful
@hammerbro2125
@hammerbro2125 6 жыл бұрын
_Perhaps_ the drive was always there, however, between the stressors of life and work it was merely a case of re-capturing what they always had.
@خالدالغيطى
@خالدالغيطى 4 жыл бұрын
Are you man or woman
@hammerbro2125
@hammerbro2125 4 жыл бұрын
I am a "Hammer Bro" no further explanation required.
@bobe7978
@bobe7978 3 жыл бұрын
@@hammerbro2125 💯
@rshizzzle
@rshizzzle 3 жыл бұрын
I think that’s a good point. Thank you for your wisdom Hammer Bro! Haha.
@DeAzul7902
@DeAzul7902 2 жыл бұрын
Applause! Applause! Thank you for your bravery, Ms. Joy. How many lives did you just change?!?
@worrinmohr2058
@worrinmohr2058 6 жыл бұрын
Is that her heart beating?!?! I hate public speaking so I can only imagine how she feels.
@Watthourmeter
@Watthourmeter 5 жыл бұрын
What appears to be seriously missing from the presentation was any reports of meaningful conversations that the presenter had with her husband concerning her negative behaviors affecting their relationship resulting in their sexless marriage.
@rhondacosta160
@rhondacosta160 5 жыл бұрын
reports??
@hypatiakovalevskayasklodow9195
@hypatiakovalevskayasklodow9195 5 жыл бұрын
They went to therapy together atfirst, they're clearly ready to talk about it. His husband was starting the conversations even
@paullaughton1650
@paullaughton1650 5 жыл бұрын
@@rhondacosta160 She is divorcing him.
@markrobson5614
@markrobson5614 5 жыл бұрын
Paul Laughton LOL!
@kendrom
@kendrom Жыл бұрын
Very interesting and informative. These results might also say something about the isolation many people are experiencing in the information age. We, as humans, are hard-wired for social interaction. Maybe this is a symptom of the lack of it these days?
@jeniwatkins3297
@jeniwatkins3297 6 жыл бұрын
I need to find a way to lower my drive. Hubby lost his and it is Killing me inside slowly! I love him more than anything. We are best friends. We just have this one issue and it is horrible. I totally understand how men feel with a wife that has no interest 😢
@marylwalter377
@marylwalter377 6 жыл бұрын
See a doctor first ! Some medications that men take for blood pressure, urinary problems, and such can cause these problems🙂
@jeniwatkins3297
@jeniwatkins3297 6 жыл бұрын
@@marylwalter377 been there, done that. They've checked everything! Testosterone is slightly lower than average, but doc said not enough to be of concern. Everything is working just fine. When he wants it to! That's the key. He can go months and not seem to care
@curlywhites
@curlywhites 6 жыл бұрын
Well, not to stir the pot, but are you sure he isn't finding it somewhere else? Is he happy? You say he "lost" his, but are you confident it hasn't always been this way? And if it has, maybe he's really asexual but decided to hide it at first not to worry you. Just some thoughts.
@righttoexplain
@righttoexplain 6 жыл бұрын
Be blatantly suggestive and touchy, a man cannot resist.
@O8080808O
@O8080808O 6 жыл бұрын
@@righttoexplain ...if he's 16.
@dr.coreybabb
@dr.coreybabb 6 жыл бұрын
Great job, Pam! You’ve hit on a great number of excellent points!
@alaskaseid5337
@alaskaseid5337 3 жыл бұрын
THIS IS SUCH A GOOD TED TALK
@almontepaolilli4909
@almontepaolilli4909 6 жыл бұрын
Good for you for sharing your experiences and feelings. Men have the same experiences.
@lakesidestorageparkptyltd814
@lakesidestorageparkptyltd814 3 жыл бұрын
THANK YOU... Fantastic Presentation...
@jasenkavukelic5047
@jasenkavukelic5047 6 жыл бұрын
Thank you, Pam!
@fluttershy2816
@fluttershy2816 6 жыл бұрын
Wow! This is a very important talk!
@lillianbajor3577
@lillianbajor3577 5 жыл бұрын
Such an important conversation, I appreciate your vulnerability and confidence, loved your talk.
@ivanclassic3443
@ivanclassic3443 6 жыл бұрын
She mentions it briefly, the problem is definitely cultural and even the affluent are not immune [and perhaps more-so affected?]. Now we find industries with more clients than they can serve that revolve around "Buying back" something so precious that should have been free.
@Patricia-ck7ks
@Patricia-ck7ks 6 жыл бұрын
The helping professions are not industries.
@kellyknauthbrown3491
@kellyknauthbrown3491 4 жыл бұрын
Oh, I loved this.
@Suhan0805
@Suhan0805 4 жыл бұрын
Dont care
@sumdum7568
@sumdum7568 3 жыл бұрын
@@Suhan0805 you mad or nah
@richardpauly1635
@richardpauly1635 2 жыл бұрын
Very informative
@Sssthpok
@Sssthpok 6 жыл бұрын
Excellent ! And very timely for me .... thank you.
@pamelajoy4974
@pamelajoy4974 6 жыл бұрын
I'm so glad to hear it was timely for you! Best wishes on your own journey!
@nicolewhite3276
@nicolewhite3276 2 жыл бұрын
Same. Thank you for this.... been struggling for years
@randyk168
@randyk168 3 жыл бұрын
My new GF and I were very intimate the first couple weeks then she got stressed out with a lot of stuff now the last couple months there’s been none. This makes a lot of sense but I won’t pressure her or tell her about this video yet. Men like me want to understand the women we care about.
@harrys3061
@harrys3061 2 жыл бұрын
Randy, she may also be asexual. Look it up. She may never change. Can you live a sexless life? Think it over. Talk to her before you decide to get married. I only mean this in an honest and sincere manner.
@leonidasspyropoulos849
@leonidasspyropoulos849 Жыл бұрын
Awesome video, thank you.
@chuck1052
@chuck1052 5 жыл бұрын
In her blog before this video she talks about how she's in a open relationship, now she's getting divorced.
@oldsklteg
@oldsklteg 5 жыл бұрын
But why? Everything seems so perfect.
@soulfuzz368
@soulfuzz368 5 жыл бұрын
bababooey no surprise to me in the least
@michael_rodriguez
@michael_rodriguez 4 жыл бұрын
Good for her 😊
@figapow
@figapow 4 жыл бұрын
wow! thanks 4 the interesting info!
@melonie_peppers
@melonie_peppers 4 жыл бұрын
Oh no that's sad to hear
@lestaroberts2189
@lestaroberts2189 2 жыл бұрын
i loved this so much, because its like you were speaking the words out of my mouth
@sampsontendaimutsago1935
@sampsontendaimutsago1935 5 жыл бұрын
Wholesome talk. Thanks
@yourbodyandu
@yourbodyandu 2 жыл бұрын
Thank you.
@norwegianblue2764
@norwegianblue2764 2 жыл бұрын
She is beautiful, and my heart breaks for her husband. Constantly rejected by his wife, and nowhere in her story does she come back around to addressing that issue.
@garypalmer1122
@garypalmer1122 2 жыл бұрын
They are now divorced.
@hulkjelly6876
@hulkjelly6876 2 жыл бұрын
This issue ruins more marriages then many women can ever imagine or admit. Even if the man doesn't leave the marriage.
@tombridgebuilder1964
@tombridgebuilder1964 3 жыл бұрын
A world where women are happy is a good place! Let heaven be a place on earth!
@JoeOh100
@JoeOh100 10 ай бұрын
Such an amazing person.. the willingness to be OPEN and learn more... i was told today " i am not changing" .... fixed mindset by the one i love the most... =\
@johan6406
@johan6406 6 жыл бұрын
This is also something that men deal with. I know I do. In my own way.
@jeniwatkins3297
@jeniwatkins3297 6 жыл бұрын
My husband has no drive! It's slowly killing me i side
@pamelacave5515
@pamelacave5515 6 жыл бұрын
@@jeniwatkins3297 did you get a second or third Drs opinion? Do it!
@Hakkeholt
@Hakkeholt 5 жыл бұрын
@@pamelacave5515 Sure the doctor's got some pill for it, but that doesn't solve the source of the problem.
@venkyratnam
@venkyratnam 5 жыл бұрын
@@jeniwatkins3297 Hi Jeni, is your husband under some sort of medication for BP, heart related problem, liver related problem etc? How old are you both? Don't answer if you don't want to .
@johnt2795
@johnt2795 4 жыл бұрын
@@jeniwatkins3297 why you guys even marry in the first place.
@geoffbanks6197
@geoffbanks6197 4 жыл бұрын
Beautiful Pam, thankyou for not blaming men!
@ulliwm
@ulliwm 3 жыл бұрын
how do you hink she could? - strange an idea!
@ayodhyakumar8459
@ayodhyakumar8459 Жыл бұрын
Thanks for your talk about this
@vivianatena1351
@vivianatena1351 6 жыл бұрын
Wow !!! Loved it Pam. Well done, this is so useful and I´ll certainly share it with my girlfriends: THANK YOU
@stevejette2329
@stevejette2329 3 жыл бұрын
Spectacular. Thank you !
@celestepixie4528
@celestepixie4528 6 жыл бұрын
this is not my talk :c
@JL-gt1kc
@JL-gt1kc 6 жыл бұрын
Notice the "Palo Alto" sign. This truly might be a Silicon Valley problem. The only frigid woman I've ever been involved with was from there. Frankly, trying to normalize it isn't helpful to anyone.
@jeniwatkins3297
@jeniwatkins3297 6 жыл бұрын
@@JL-gt1kc it's actually a very common issue for women all over.
@miskatonic6210
@miskatonic6210 6 жыл бұрын
@@jeniwatkins3297 How do you know?
@jeniwatkins3297
@jeniwatkins3297 6 жыл бұрын
@@miskatonic6210 it has been widely studied and documented for years. Women tall about it all the time. Men talk about thier wives being uninterested or frigid. It's not a secret!!
@anastacia8234
@anastacia8234 6 жыл бұрын
@@jeniwatkins3297 This is excatly why I hate relationships and marriage
@rupertpupkin2515
@rupertpupkin2515 5 жыл бұрын
Is it only me or do you also hear her heart beat
@georgeblair3894
@georgeblair3894 4 жыл бұрын
Really noticed a lack of mention regarding her husband.
@dougrogillio2223
@dougrogillio2223 4 жыл бұрын
Me too
@Blake22022
@Blake22022 4 жыл бұрын
Cause it's not her husband who has a problem with desire. Self centered fucks.
@georgeblair3894
@georgeblair3894 4 жыл бұрын
@ "Amab" Assigned Male At Birth?
4 жыл бұрын
George Blair yep..there’s usually an English full-form for every non-English name
@craftingweirdo6498
@craftingweirdo6498 4 жыл бұрын
@ Because thats part of the problem. I dont think you really understood the talk
@paulmcallister8948
@paulmcallister8948 3 жыл бұрын
Pamela is absolutely stunning! ☺
@muhammedjassimtigaler2547
@muhammedjassimtigaler2547 4 жыл бұрын
Very educative ❤️👍
@albertknabe3713
@albertknabe3713 4 жыл бұрын
Bravo good woman! You are a research treasure! Thank You!
@onlyU2011
@onlyU2011 5 жыл бұрын
Lol, I’m kinda proud of myself cuz I’m always encouraging my friends to open up about this and actually discover themselves 👏🏼👏🏼
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