Reclaiming my voice as a transracial adoptee | Sara Jones | TEDxSaltLakeCity

Adoption is an incredible and complex experience for everyone involved, and transracial adoption is no exception. In this honest, and sometimes heartbreaking talk, Sara Jones shares her experience as a transracial adoptee and asks us to consider all the narratives that are part of a single adoption story. Sara Jones was adopted from South Korea at 3 years old and raised in Utah. As a life-long and proud Utahan, her life and career path have taken her through unexpected twists and turns - from patent attorney to CEO. Sara Jones is CEO of InclusionPro®, where she is passionate about helping thoughtful leaders and organizations build cultures of inclusion. Sara is also co-founder and COO of Women Tech Council, a national organization focused on the economic impact of women in driving high growth for the technology sector. Sara has almost 20 years of experience within companies leading talent, workforce, operational, partnership, fundraising and legal strategies. She started her career as a patent attorney, leading diversity efforts and became a partner at Workman Nydegger. Sara has a J.D. law from BYU and a B.S. in chemical engineering from the University of Utah. She is the proud mother of two beautiful sons. This talk was given at a TEDx event using the TED conference format but independently organized by a local community. Learn more at www.ted.com/tedx

[@angiep7836]

"I was raised as if I was white". THIS. I'm a transracial adoptee too and that really hit home.

[@SaraJones-InclusionPro]

Thank you.

[@travisl9201]

@@SaraJones-InclusionPro They should have left you in Korea.

[@larina3030]

same

[@caro2233]

she was mostly raised as an American, though...

[@awkwardfreakinperson7936]

@@travisl9201 what’s wrong with you

[@rachelwhite8617]

Adopted from South Korea in 1988. Now at 32 years old, I feel like I am just starting to explore all the emotions, confusion, and identity issues I have struggled with over the years. You expressed everything I have felt so eloquently and much better than I can. I am so happy you were able to reunite with your family!

[@SaraJones-InclusionPro]

Thank you Rachel! I wanted to normalize many of these feelings. When we can openly express them to people we trust, it makes all the difference. :)

[@blackcitroenlove]

I've yet to meet a Korean adoptee who actually had a decent mental status. Most are exhibitionists or always trying on identities. It's sad, and after nearly 20 years of seeing it, I don't think transracial adoption works. It's cruel. Best to be with people who look like you to some end. My stepfather adopted me, and while I am half Native,half first generation Irish-American, he is Maltese of Gujarati heritage. I look more like him than I do my blonde mother, and it helps so much to alleviate any anxiety I did have.

[@sarajones8108]

Ok, I’m freaking out because my name is also Sara Jones. I am also a transracial adoptee (I’m from Thailand) and was also adopted in the mid 70’s. I went my whole childhood never knowing anyone like me (grew up in a non diverse, rural community), and now I have literally found...well, another “me” in a way. Thank you Sara Jones for sharing your story. Your talk was honest, raw, and full of the many, MANY emotions I have felt about my own adoption, my birth family, and my forever family. Thank you for sharing your gifts as a communicator to bring our experiences to light.

[@SaraJones-InclusionPro]

Thank you for sharing and so fun to find another Sara Jones in the world with such similar experiences. :)

[@fitolabrak88]

What a charismatic speaker she is. I did not want the talk to end.

[@SaraJones-InclusionPro]

Thank you Fito!

[@SarahTheSassy71]

When she explained why her father gave them the tattoos 🥺💕 There are no boundaries to a parent's love

[@SaraJones-InclusionPro]

Thank you!

[@DebbieL72]

Thank you. I heard the same things growing up constantly about how "lucky" I was and how amazing my parents were for adopting me, yet no one ever talked about how much I had lost and never found again. Thank you so much for sharing this.

[@SaraJones-InclusionPro]

Thank you for watching and commenting. I definitely hope that while my story includes finding some of my birth family, there is still so much loss in that process.

[@desiraeparker8278]

Emotional oxygen! I love this phrase, as a transracial adoptee (from within the states) I am so so happy I stumbled upon this talk!

[@SaraJones-InclusionPro]

Thank you, I am so glad my talk resonated with you. It's nice to have a way to explain those feelings. :)

[@cmerte180]

I’m a 20 yr old transracial adoptee from Vietnam. Everything you said really hits home with me. Both my parents are white and I have a nonbiological Vietnamese sister who was adopted with me. She’s 7 days older than me so it’s like having a twin basically. You can imagine the jokes ppl had when they found out we weren’t related but were the same age:\ Being a transracial adoptee is such a confusing existence. I still have trouble processing all the emotions and have only come to realize them after I went to college and experienced more racism than I had even in my suburban Texas hometown. Thank you so much for putting this tedtalk together because it’s so hard to explain or even put into words what it is we go through. On top of that no one usually cares or understands only because they DIDNT live the same life as me or anyone else who’s been adopted transracially

[@SaraJones-InclusionPro]

Thank you for sharing your experience. I do think it's hard for people who haven't gone through it to understand the complexities. My oldest sister was very close in age. Everyone would always say we look "exactly" alike. *eyeroll haha, we look very different. So I know what you mean when people make assumptions about you and your sister. :) I am sorry you have experienced racism. I hope this helps people change their views on adoption.

[@jadeyeonghee]

This is so powerful! Thank you so much for sharing your journey! I resonated so deeply with your story! I too am a transracial adoptee! Hugs and solidarity! ✊🏽🙌🏽👏🏽

[@SaraJones-InclusionPro]

Thank you Jade! I'm glad you connected with my experience.

[@kayleeclark2619]

As an adoptee from China... this hit hard... Truly inspiring.

[@SaraJones-InclusionPro]

Thank you Kaylee, I wish you the best on your journey.

[@blj1523]

thank you for reminding me about THE reason i am here ❤

[@Sony10229]

Thank you for this talk. As a Korean adoptee just beginning my search, I feel as though I have hurt my adoptive family. I have been open with my desire to search and still I think I have hurt them. This was never my intention. I simply want to know if I have relatives and potential health risks i should be addressing now. But I love your point of view that we have things that need to be dealt with too. Grateful for my life but still mourning the things I also lost. Thank you again for this perspective!

[@SaraJones-InclusionPro]

Erika - yes it is such a delicate balance, which when we are given more freedom to feel all of the emotions, we can fully experience both the joy and pain. Often times adoptive parents need to hear 'practical' reasons for why we want to find birth origins for it to be ok. I hope society can arrive to a place where an adoptee is free to choose their own path, just because they believe it is what they need. Thank you for watching!

[@erickaneshima7633]

Make sure you remind them, that you love your adopted parents! That you need to know, you family medical history ect! Also, if you’re not successful in finding them or it’s impossible to find them. Immerse your self in the Korean culture and learn to speak Korean! Good luck and keep me posted?!

[@arlynn4365]

Adopted from Manila Philippines in 1984 Just now starting that search and my biggest fear is that Im too late. Thank you for sharing your journey. Its like a hug my younger self needed.

[@SaraJones-InclusionPro]

I think the timing depends on you. I could spend a lot of time regretting all the lost decades, but this is a journey and only you know when you are ready to try.

[@kostyapolykova9879]

You are not alone

[@mikeeaston6422]

Thank you Sara for educating possible adoptive parents and the adoptees. I am 58 years old and was adopted into a white family when I was six months old. To this date I know nothing of my heritage. My adoptive mother would tell me to tell people I was white like her when I was asked. We know how that turned out, I was a social outcast. Still I'm not a fan of people. Been married 3 times. I am constantly questioning my sanity. Many times I though of just ending it but I'm still here. So many questions never answered. Thank you for your help in understanding.

[@SaraJones-InclusionPro]

Mike - thank you for sharing and that is so hard for your parent(s) to dismiss what it is like being Asian when everyone around you is white. I hope my talk helps build greater empathy. And I hope you have people around you that can support and give you emotional space that you need.

[@akrenwinkle]

Married multiple times, sanity-challenged, suicidal? You just described every actor and pop singer in L.A. Maybe... just maybe, at 58, it's time to move on.

[@mikeeaston6422]

@@akrenwinkle move on?

[@akrenwinkle]

@@mikeeaston6422 Yes, move on to the future instead of dwelling on the past, and maybe... just maybe be grateful to likely have been taken out of a situation where you weren't wanted or couldn't be supported. Unless your adoptive parents were neglectful or abusive or your home situation was crazy, you have little to gripe about after half a century. Don't ask me how I know.

[@mikeeaston6422]

@@akrenwinkle Wow thanks I never thought of that. Let me ask one question of you. Has your adoption had any lasting effects on your behavior? Or do you feel not knowing who your Birth Parents are has any effect on who you are? Can you give me any hints on not knowing one blood relative has not effected you. Thanks in Advance What a kind person you are, and how lucky I am to you taking time out of your busy day to comment on my post.

[@AnbaLen]

Thank you so much. It’s hard sometimes to hear these type of stories, I often don’t want to hear them or feel like I’m being narcissistic and victimising myself when I feel these things or ‘indulge’ the feeling. It doesn’t feel even slightly as important as other issues in the moment. But maybe sometimes it’s okay if not a huge group is behind you, if the video doesn’t have the validation of millions or thousands of comments to verify what you feel is real. Maybe, sometimes, it will be received by the audience it’s intended for and aid them in their personal journey ahead. It meant a lot to me and it is emotionally taxing to watch this but when I finished it, I felt relieved. Whether we have similar or different stories, it feels nice to hear her put some things into words, to see others understand and to feel a little more understood where elsewhere it’s impossible to tell it in a way it is even slightly ‘relatable’ or... well people often don’t know how to react and idk how to react to putting them into such a position. So it’s nice to hear at least something and not just feel it collapse in on itself inside you despite all the good you’ve had in life. The contrast can hurt so much sometimes, like I was born ungrateful. Which, in turn, has me grasp at straws I might not even want or need. Or cover it up in a way that actually twists what I really want or am looking for. But I can’t even put into words what it is that I am looking for. Anyways, I’m rambling. Thank you for your story and for the people who react to know I’m not alone or just attention-seeking.

[@SaraJones-InclusionPro]

Wow thank you for your thoughts. I do agree that often we feel safest sharing these feelings in communities we know will understand where we are coming from. However, I did this TEDx talk specifically so that the broader communities can understand how they participate in shaping the narratives that adoptees experience. They often contribute to the assumption that we should be "so grateful" to have been adopted. My video only came out 5 days ago and so I am strongly encouraged with the high number of views it has received so far that the broader audience is listening and learning. I have had many people reach out and message me with appreciation for giving them insight into the adoptee experience. And thank you for sharing what you feel.

[@Smollish]

"I often don’t want to hear them or feel like I’m being narcissistic and victimizing myself when I feel these things or ‘indulge’ the feeling." THIS. I feel that so much. I'm a transracial adoptee too and I have these issues but I feel like my white family will just think I'm being dramatic or I feel like I will hurt their feelings for having these emotions.

[@PatrickGalvinPDX]

As the father of an adopted daughter from China, I appreciate your sharing your story in such an honest way. I got many great ideas for being a more empathetic parent from hearing your story. Thank you!

[@SaraJones-InclusionPro]

Patrick Galvin thank you so much. I appreciate your willingness to learn from my talk on ways that can help you parent your child.

[@kelseyjung5]

My brother told me about your Ted talk. We are both transracial adoptees from Seoul. There were many emotions I felt growing up that you referred to and I am glad that I am not the only one out there feeling that way! Thanks so much for speaking about your journey. So happy you were able to be reunited with your brothers and family. 💙

[@SaraJones-InclusionPro]

Thank you for watching and validating adoptee experiences. :)

[@PeggyRoseWebster]

thank you so much for doing this TEDX talk...Obviously those gifted and talented comments by your teachers weren't too far off (seriously- not off at all). Of all the stories I have heard of transracial adoption, yours is by far the most compelling story to date. Your father was a very intelligent man with much intuition or insight to the workings of the world of adoption. I especially love how you brought the whole story around to the most important "feeling" we can own in life - Gratitude with a pure heart. Again- Thank you.

[@SaraJones-InclusionPro]

Peggy - thank you for these kind and poignant thoughts. In his desperation, my father did what was a very unpopular thing to do. Of all the Korean adoptees I have known, I'm the only one who was given a tattoo to be able to trace to their family. And I am deeply grateful.

[@madhusharma9949]

Very heartfelt and so candid. Loved it.

[@SaraJones-InclusionPro]

Thank you Madhu!

[@dennishobb459]

Thank you for sharing your experience and feelings Sara. I very much appreciate what you have shared and will try to learn form your experience.

[@SaraJones-InclusionPro]

Thank you Dennis!

[@jordanthomas5635]

My partner and I are just starting our journey, this insight is so valuable, thank you. Just trying to sponge up as much information as perspective as possible.

[@SaraJones-InclusionPro]

Thank you Jordan - I appreciate people being willing to learn about many adoptee experiences and preparing themselves for how to raise children with emotional safety. You should also listen to the Side by Side series by Glenn and Julie Morey.

[@jordanthomas5635]

@@SaraJones-InclusionPro I will, thank You 😊

[@pepealmuzara4832]

Thank you so much for sharing, beautiful speech

[@SaraJones-InclusionPro]

Thank you Marineta!

[@222ashleyelizabeth]

What a wonderful video. I never felt validated in my adoption. And though I was adopted within my own family, I relate to much that you share. Thank you!

[@SaraJones-InclusionPro]

Thank you Ashley. Adoption is a journey for any child and we all deserve space to feel what we feel about our experiences.

[@kaitlynjohnson2951]

Sara, thank you for your insight and willingness to share your experience. I'm half-Korean and was adopted by a white family in the United States. My birth mother is also adopted--from South Korea when she was about a year or so old. It's something that I've only recently begun to explore, and your talk has really helped me articulate some of my complicated feelings about my adoption. It's hard for me to know how to explain these feelings of loss and anger to my adoptive parents, and it's even more difficult for me to discuss them with my birth mother. I wish there were more resources concerning this type of trauma. Thank you for bringing more attention to this issue--what a gift it was to listen to your experience.

[@SaraJones-InclusionPro]

Kaitlyn, you have a very complicated situation indeed. I can only imagine the layers of emotions you must have. There are adoption competent therapists who are trauma informed. I think that could be really helpful to help you work through your complexities as you explore your identity. I’m glad my talk was helpful.

[@nancyadams7218]

Thank you for sharing your story. I am an Korean American adoptee with a narrative that was lovely but who knows is true. I have been immersed in the adoption world and issues and it is a very complex and multi layered of opposing positions. It is loss and it is gain, it is grief as it is opportunity...it is gratitude but not always needing to feel so beholden to the luck of the draw. We all have our stories and if we can be true to ourself and the truths of all of our stories, that is the empowering piece. You are fortunate to have been given pieces of your jog saw life puzzle and have truth set in those pieces that were made up. So much trauma...so much loss and grief...so much love and so much promise. We need to embrace and acknowlege it all.

[@SaraJones-InclusionPro]

Thank you Nancy. Yes adoption can feel like a yo-yo and all of the emotions in between. I am very lucky indeed to have found a part of my birth story. There is still many unknowns and the journey continues. Best of luck on your journey Nancy.

[@lynellelong4761]

Beautifully expressed ... Thankyou!

[@lauragrimes4682]

Sending and love and empathy to all those who need it right now. Excellent TedTalk

[@SaraJones-InclusionPro]

Thank you

[@TV-jl8oe]

Well said, Sara.. so many good points. Thank you, and hi from Jeonju Korea..^^

[@SaraJones-InclusionPro]

Thank you Sukkyong! I appreciate your support ever since you found out about my story over a year ago.

[@user-iw3yo6sf8c]

Τhis needed to be said, beautiful speech, big well done ❤️

[@SaraJones-InclusionPro]

Thank you!

[@JJ-yu6og]

Thank YOU for this

[@limweisiang9344]

Sara, your story touches my heart deeply. "Sara sad" but not 'whatever-your-Korean-name-then' sad. You learned to take on new identity. i can empathize you would not want be reminded to be grateful, because it is a reminder of your identity before Sara. i watch your video in Korean TV program, and feel the deep pain of humanity, i too is father of a daughter and sons. your father tatoo on himself, the longing for the lost child. he lived a life of purpose. that is what touches people's heart, what we can relate to.

[@SaraJones-InclusionPro]

Thank you. Adoption affects a whole family and the loss of a child is felt by all.

[@mayafeugere6965]

Thanks i came back to Vietnam that s like finding missing parts of our identity i lost an adoptee i met years ago i was very sad it is important to talk about our complex émotions

[@SaraJones-InclusionPro]

Thank you for sharing!

[@user-bq7sl6ws5q]

I am Korean live in AZ. I saw your story from TV show. Thank you for you amazing story!

[@SaraJones-InclusionPro]

Thank you so much!

[@mdatx2012]

The tattoo explanation 😭. Thanks for sharing your story.

[@SaraJones-InclusionPro]

Thank you

[@sophie1564]

Such an educational speech. The tattoo story is such a beautiful symbol of her father's deep love for his children. If she felt comfortable, it would be cool if she had it redone.

[@SaraJones-InclusionPro]

Thank you. There are many reasons that I have chosen to not get the tattoo redone at this time. Thank you for watching!

[@sophie1564]

@@SaraJones-InclusionPro I completely respect that decision. Thank you again for sharing your story! It is so valuable and meaningful for other adoptees and non-adoptees alike to hear and learn from :)

[@RealKoreanLanguage]

Oh I watched your story on the other video. It was so touching story.

[@SaraJones-InclusionPro]

Thank you!

[@JJ-yu6og]

Sorry for your pain, suffering, and loss.

[@SaraJones-InclusionPro]

Thank you so much. Being able to express the complexity has been very healing.

[@victoriaostroumoff1119]

Adopted from china at 10 months and even though our stories are so different, they are so similar

[@SaraJones-InclusionPro]

Thank you Victoria! The transracial adoptee experience is unique, having to adapt to a new race but treated like you are raised in another ethnic culture. Thank you for watching and commenting!

[@portlandgeek]

oof! 🥺as an adoptee...i feel this whole Ted Talk in my body. thank you Sara!!!!

[@SaraJones-InclusionPro]

Thank you for the solidarity! ❤

[@turdragonfly]

From one transracial adoptee to another ..... thank you for the honestly of your story, your perspective, and feelings.

[@SaraJones-InclusionPro]

You are welcome. I was grateful for an opportunity to help people understand that transracial adoption is far more complex than we were raised to believe.

[@mollymcneilly8700]

Thank you!

[@SaraJones-InclusionPro]

Thank you for watching Molly!

[@nvalencia909]

Omg the reason behind the tattoo ❤️❤️❤️❤️ I’m crying. Beautiful story 🥰🥰🐷

[@SaraJones-InclusionPro]

Thank you, I'm so grateful to finally know its meaning.

[@btwitsbrianna6119]

Hi Sarah, I watched you reuniting with your korean family on T.V. For many korean immigrants, American dreams vs sense of belongings are the two contradictions that we have to embrace. In Buddhism, we all have sufferings. Glad you are doing well. Take care. If you plan to visit Yosemite, welcome to stop by.

[@SaraJones-InclusionPro]

Brianna - oh did you watch it on SBS? I agree contradictions and tradeoffs are the reality of adoption and it should be acceptable to discuss them openly. Yosemite is beautiful country, hope you are staying well!

[@btwitsbrianna6119]

@@SaraJones-InclusionPro This is Yoon Hee, Brianna's mom. I posted ur story on a FB group. Glad that you found your heritage.

[@SaraJones-InclusionPro]

@@btwitsbrianna6119 That is so kind of you to share. Thank you!

[@Ishaansharma0]

Be proud who you are

[@dimitris598]

Have a nice dayyyyyy

[@AG-is8rk]

I am a prospective adoptive parent. After researching the topic I believe transracial adoption should be a last resort for the child. We need to try harder to adopt within our ethnicities. Not because our love cannot see past skin tones - I think you are proof it can. But because an adopted child is losing enough with loss of birth parents, loss of culture language and ethnic identity is just another loss to impose on the child. I am trying to adopt within my ethnicity for this reason.

[@SaraJones-InclusionPro]

Thank you - it is great to see prospective adoptive parents learning and educating themselves. I do hope children can stay with their families of origin whenever possible (Ukrainian conflict top of mind currently). But adoption is a reality for a few children, and I hope for the best situation for any child who is adopted.

[@arijanas07]

Hi! Your talk was very interesting! I’ve been thinking about adopting a child from another country in a few years, but now I don’t know if I should...I would do my best to include the child’s culture into our daily life and learn their language, too. But I wouldn’t want to adopt if it would be worse for the child to be adopted than to stay in their country...what do you think?

[@SaraJones-InclusionPro]

Arijana - thank you for your reflection here. I think that is the big dilemma - what is best for the child? If you really feel that adopting a child is an option you would like to explore, I would recommend researching adoption agencies and the economy of the area to make sure an ethical adoption happens. There are a lot more pathways for open adoptions now than existed before. Thank you for learning as much as you can before you make a decision to adopt!

[@arijanas07]

@@SaraJones-InclusionPro thank you so much for answering! I’ve been thinking about it a lot and I want to educate myself as much as possible before making such a big decision. I still have time to decide since I’m too young to adopt (I’m in my early 20s)...Can you reccommend any books or any other resources? It’s Okay if not 🙈 and if I may ask, what would your personal opinion be? Do you think it would be better not to adopt and to leave Children in their countries? I’m sorry if this is too forward, of course you don’t have to answer if you don’t want to 🙈 Thanks again for your input! Have a great day! 🤗

[@SaraJones-InclusionPro]

@@arijanas07 These are all good questions and glad you are thinking about them. I think ultimately if there is any way for a child to stay with their birth families (even extended family), that is always optimal. Often times we spend so much time "rescuing children" when that same amount of money could do so much for the stability of a family to "keep their child." Maybe the answer for you is more in the realm of how you define "parenting" and if that absolutely requires legal adoption. Hope that gives you a response while still letting you decide for yourself a path that works for you. :)

[@arijanas07]

@@SaraJones-InclusionPro of course, I agree 🤗 thank you for answering! I’ll definitely think about it!

[@22lovejon]

Yes it’s very sad Sara I am here in Thailand and unfortunately they like to give there children away I can only say this God only knows why people are in a situation that they have to give away their sons or daughters. Things happen for a reason Sara and I hope your happy now even though you have many unanswered questions about the past.

[@hobisdaydream7497]

Thank you for talking about this

[@SaraJones-InclusionPro]

I hope that happens for you someday. Adoption is a life long discovery even if you don't find your family, I hope you find yourself.

[@juicyjesstv]

Wow.

[@SaraJones-InclusionPro]

Thank you!

[@juicyjesstv]

Sara Jones yes maam!

[@user-lv6mu7ns8z]

팔에 있는 문신 같은 걸로 오빠 두분 찾으셨다는 분 맞죠? 강연도 하시고 너무 멋져요^^♥

[@SaraJones-InclusionPro]

Yes that is my family story! Thank you!

[@joep7584]

😢💖💖💖👏👏👏

[@Ubermentsh]

💜 there's an array of spectrums. Trans is trans. Trans-everything

[@happysmile638]

이분 한국방송에 나오셨어요 친아버지가 딸 뵙기 전에 먼저 돌아가셔서 넘 안타까웠어요 이복형제(half-siblings)라서 유전자검사 불일치하는데 십자가 타투 아녔으면 친오빠분들 못 찾으실 뻔 ㅠ

[@SaraJones-InclusionPro]

Thank you, my brothers are happy that I found them.

[@julianhermanubis6800]

I think anyone considering adopting a child who's of an obvious different ethnicity than themselves should watch this, then decide. The fact is, human beings appear to be wired to be tribal, and, no matter how good your intentions are, you may have the kid throwing this at you decades later. It's probably unfair to both the kid and you. You spend decades raising them with all of the attendant heartbreak and expense, and they're just alienated. If her parents had gone with Russia instead of South Korea, we probably wouldn't be having this TED talk.

[@SaraJones-InclusionPro]

Thank you for your comment. Yes my hope is to better inform adults about the adoptee experience from the child's perspective. Of course my story is my own and each child has their own story. I know many families who are much more aware and raising children who are adopted to be able to express their emotions around adoption much more openly. I hope this give them space so the resentment doesn't build like it did for many in my generation. Childhood trauma results from separation from your family of origin. So Russian children also experienced this. There are a lot of widely publicized stories, it doesn't matter which country you were adopted from.

[@seonakim9216]

Russian adoptees can also feel resentment towards their parents for robbing them of their culture. A better choice would be domestic adoption.

[@julianhermanubis6800]

@@seonakim9216 And those domestic kids could feel resentment that their birth parents abandoned them. How about no one adopt anyone ever? That seems like a great compromise. We could bring back Victorian workhouses for orphans. There should be a lot less resentment overall.

[@julianhermanubis6800]

@@SaraJones-InclusionPro Honestly, this just seems like a catch 22 situation. I don't discount your feelings, and I can't blame a child for feeling abandoned or alienated. On the other hand, I doubt any group of adoptive parents could completely resolve this situation for a child. It's a complex set of circumstances, but it's complicated even further when the child is obviously an adoptee. It's difficult enough being a proper parent, and it's not surprising that some would fail under the circumstances.

[@SaraJones-InclusionPro]

@@julianhermanubis6800 Yes, very complicated. And I'm glad you are thinking about root causes - trauma starts at the initial separation from birth family so more work must be done to understand social supports and change the narrative on separation in the first place. The Netherlands banned international adoption. Many countries are following. Better to work on keeping families together if possible.

[@degenerate8252]

Why am I crying like wtf

[@SaraJones-InclusionPro]

Thank you for your empathy!

[@thenobleone-3384]

Wow I do have African American ancestry however I identify as multiracial I had problems fitting in at school and in my family that I was given to. U can say I'm a Transracial Adoptee.

[@SaraJones-InclusionPro]

There are thousands of us who identify with your experience.

[@thenobleone-3384]

@@SaraJones-InclusionPro Thank u very much for replying I have survived abuse from my foster mom's husband. Even though I'm multiracial I feel like I can relate to Adoptees of any race. I'm currently in Chicago trying to work again I do want to travel more and find out who my Biological father was. All I know is he was Afghan. U should look up another famous adoptee on KZbin she is of Korean background her name is Cindy Wilson

[@SaraJones-InclusionPro]

@@thenobleone-3384 Good luck on your journey, wherever it takes you. Yes I know of Cindy and glad so many people who are transracially adopted are sharing their stories. :)

[@thenobleone-3384]

@@SaraJones-InclusionPro I really wish u could help me my adopted family they do not help me at all. I'm telling the truth I have had a lot of difficulty working for 2 main reasons Racism and my Autism. I'm stuck in a homeless shelter right now could u please help me with some money? I do not like to ask for money but I'm literally unemployed and I don't have a family Sara. Please. I could very well pay u back

[@thenobleone-3384]

@@SaraJones-InclusionPro I'm stuck in a homeless shelter in Chicago and I do not like it I'm trying to leave and I do have any money to leave. My adopted family barely helps me

[@carollee9406]

The problem is that HOLT Baby Trafficking Company is a For-Profit company and had a strong incentive to send babies abroad, even if the birth family wanted to keep the child and even in cases when Domestic adoption was possible. HOLT, an American Missionary Company, should be kicked out of Korea.

[@SaraJones-InclusionPro]

There are a lot of complex emotions around the existence of adoption agencies. I would like to see adoption reform happen.

[@ESM77]

I thought I was white. I couldn’t say I was Latino until I met my biological family at age 21 because my white AP’s literally were taught that race didn’t matter, and they just taught me I was American like every one else, color matters, race matters, culture and heritage matter. Support your adopted child’s race and never live in an all white community. There is not alternative for racial community.

[@SaraJones-InclusionPro]

Thank you for sharing. I agree that not seeing many people of your race and identity and understanding your original culture makes being raised in an all white community very challenging. I’m so glad there’s more education on this before parents choose to adopt.

[@addiec4801]

I hate how the term transracial has been taken and misused by people trying to be another race. Now nobody believes transracial is a thing.

[@SaraJones-InclusionPro]

Hi Addie - can you explain more what you mean? I'm curious what an example of this would be.

[@Not-Ap]

@@SaraJones-InclusionPro She means people like Rachel Dolazal.

[@AAA-je2qg]

A haram to present pictures or videos of women not wearing the hijab or appropriate clothing, and a mistake to present girls.

[@bryanw8490]

So many times I see adopted children resenting their adopted parents and concocting ideas in their head that they were ripped away from a loving family that had no other choice but to give them up to child services. Then once all of the hard work is done and they are self sufficient adults, their birth family is willing to accept them into their lives. This women's story is of course unique to her, but there's a tone throughout it of resentment and detachment from her american family that took her into their household. She speaks very well, which I'm guessing means she has received a good education. I'm sure she is very aware, or at least I hope she is, of everything she should be grateful for, but that is seen as a burden in this video. I agree with many points she makes in the video about creating an emotionally open environment for adopted children to express their true feelings about their situation. But I can't help but to hear an underlying message of bitterness that's telling American's to not provide homes for children not of their same race/culture when I know the message was meant to be more educational for that very purpose.

[@SaraJones-InclusionPro]

Bryan - Thank you for sharing your perspectives. I can imagine it must be hard to understand what an international adoptee experiences and you will have a lens on my story based on your own life experiences. What I share is a complexity of emotions. Resentment is one of many of those emotions that I expressed in my talk. If that is all that you heard, I am sorry for that. There must be something in your life experience that causes you to elevate that part of my talk over the others. And yes, if we could have space to express more of the complexity of emotions earlier on, we might not feel so resentful later in life. That is exactly my point and glad you picked up on that. Also, imagine that you were told your whole life by many people that you were "abandoned." And then to find out that that was untrue. Resentment, grief, loss, sadness....it is a lot to handle. Thank you for giving me space to express what I feel as I did not have that space growing up.

[@GiorgioBenassiMrGGBen]

I am an adoptive parent and I don't hear the same message as you do. I hear the message of embracing the complexity of the family you are creating, and acknowledging and celebrating your adoptive child as an individual with all their challenges and their identity. I hear the message of allowing multiple identities and culture flow freely in your family, without constraints. I hear the message of letting go of traditional concepts of family to embrace, when possible, a plurality of families blending into one. Being an adoptive parent does not win gratitude, being a good parent (hopefully) does.

[@SaraJones-InclusionPro]

@@GiorgioBenassiMrGGBen Thank you, I love hearing how my talk is heard from an adoptive parent perspective. I appreciate your understanding of the true source of gratitude.

[@uzefulvideos3440]

Since when has race anything to do with culture?

[@halfdeadminah5857]

Um, since always ? Not every culture, but a lot of them are attached to race. She missed out on the one she was born into, because she was taken out of it.

[@uzefulvideos3440]

@@halfdeadminah5857 They're still separate things. Culture isn't genetically inherited from your ancestors but adopted from the environment you grow up in. They just correlate very often.

[@halfdeadminah5857]

@@uzefulvideos3440 Obviously. I'm sorry, I don't really see your point ?

[@sobeliever1638]

Lol people of the same race can come from different cultures.

[@coolidgedollar2154]

I hear talk of the need to raise your transracial kids to be "in touch with their own culture". Um, what? Culture is not an inherent trait at all; your "culture" is whatever culture you are raised in, regardless of your melanin. This obsession with race will kill us all.

[@SaraJones-InclusionPro]

My talk was focused on giving children who are adopted space to express their emotions. Culture shifts are only one of the many many things that children have to understand. Having a safe way to process all of these conflicting emotions will help them. Speaking of dying, transracial adoptees have 4x the rate of anxiety, depression and suicide. I hoped my talk would build empathy so we could start to change the adoption experiences.

[@chetyoubetya8565]

Oh what rubbish.Go back to where you were adopted from in Asia and ask the millions of children who are never adopted how there lives were growing up in the orphanage system.Ask them how it feels with no family or connections.Oh than ask them is knowing there native language and culture a comfort.Rubbish.Amazing how older Asian kids who are adopted never spew all this rubbish.

[@KangMinseok]

Part of being raised "white" is to internalize the self-hate of white liberal America, I guess.

[@PrincessSakuno]

Your comment is embarrassing and shows how little empathy you have for someone who is telling their lived experience and story. I hope you reflect on yourself

[@KangMinseok]

@@PrincessSakuno I guess if one would want to rephrase it with empathy then one would say that the lived experience of starving orphans begging every day to be adopted should be used to put the struggles of a Western, white-adopted child into perspective. Or, to put it in more progressive terms: Check your goddamn privilege.

[@jessicawinslet684]

why is she complaining? I wish I was an Asian girl.

[@PrincessSakuno]

Your privilege is showing.