Recovery & Therapy

[@ThomasLinkon]

This series has finally proven to me that X is not a robot after all. X is as human as it gets. Stay strong and we love you!

[@royzhao6537]

Nah he was programmed to act as human as possible

[@dorenn]

I’d really love to have a sit down chat with X he just seems so insightful and caring

[@the_doodle_dragon]

Me too... I would love to have someone like X to chat with

[@Champ-0999]

Well, who wouldn't?

[@jaqsre]

i relate to this. he seems so caring and intelligent, and i wish i knew him more than just as someone online.

[@carddu]

Andromeda same

[@kumohachii3924]

After watching this red series, I understand why he would want to stay anonymous.

[@painapple154]

Seeing a doctor and asking for help was the most terrifying and bravest thing I've ever done. I don't think I could have handled my situation much longer. I wish I could say it got better quickly after starting therapy, but it's been 4 years now and there are still 'dark' days where I struggle, but over time it got better and better. My recovery isnt finished yet but I'm now in the process of finding myself and start living again. Music has helped me a lot during this time. I've listened to several different bands and artists, and one of the lyrics that stuck with me was "Open your mind take a look within. Are you happy with the world that you're living in? If not, you gotta change what you do" by the Script (song: it's not right for you). Music can help so much and finding a song that makes you over think what you do and find a new way to look at your life is something I wish everyone who struggles with mental health. This series was helpful to hear. I haven't been through the same things as you, but other things. But there are similarities. It starts with something that happens early in life, then bad choices and asking for help after hitting the bottom. You are incredibly brave for sharing your story on the internet and you have my respect. I hope the 'red series' reaches people that are still struggling, gives them hope and shows them that there is a way out. Thank you X

[@AnnaBomBanana]

Acey Kay your situation is fairly similar to me, too. CBT didn’t really work for me but eventually I had DBT (Dialectical Behavioural Therapy) which dove deeper into the whys to the ways I thought and acted. Helped immensely to understand what I couldn’t put my finger on previously, and to work through any revelations. I still have bad Depression but at least now I have a better understanding and my meds are working and I can attend a place where I can do things like art therapy or take part in musical things wit other users. Best wishes to you. You are doing great to get this far!

[@pcislocked]

im really grateful to you for sharing your experience at your teenage years about being in such a bad mood and that mood turning you towards self harm and drugs etc. I'm 18, going through some crap, amd I'm literally alone and hearing from someone who has been here before and find out the right way helps a bit even though I can't understand some of what you are saying since I'm not so great at English at all. But anyway just wanted to thank you. Keep this channel up not only for these kind of stuff, also talk about different topics as long as they're in this kind of r/LifeProTips category. I already said at another comment (also you responded to that comment), I found you from your financial tips video, not from your Minecraft channel with million subs very interestingly since I'm in Minecraft for years at both java and android. The hardest thing I have to do right now is do that first step. You will never be able to let me do that directly but you're pushing me a bit more towards that. Thx again

[@pcislocked]

@Sharon Zhang Thank you so much!

[@pcislocked]

@@Alfred_-vp9ys I'm fine. I was preparing for a university exam (almost same as SAT) but when lockdown and all that crap happened I wasn't able to study at all and after June when I took the exam I was really stressed about being unsuccessful. Well, The result wasn't great as I hoped, I still managed to get into a decent university, so I didn't have to study one more year on lockdown. I'm better now, thanks for asking.

[@thehappyfaceproducts]

This video caught my eye since i booked my first meeting with a therapist this weekend. I am scared. But I think I am mostly scared of facing myself in front of someone who can keep me accountable. Thanks for the talk, it helped a bit!

[@LeChikapaw]

The best of luck with everything, its always scarry at the beginning, hope all things go well for you

[@FaeOfDoom]

hope it goes well, my dude. you got this.

[@findawes824]

Love this channel. IMO, perfect route for X

[@murraystenhouse8469]

"what I was interested in was called CBT" I'll just leave this here because haha funny acronym, but this was a really interesting listen so thank you for sharing this. My own experience of therapy lasted only 6 weeks but the cause was that my girlfriend of now two years had been suicidal, trapped in an abusive home and I'd been her only lifeline. The stress of that experience crippled me emotionally. Getting help was undoubtedly the hardest part of the road to recovery - I only ended up calling for help because I had completely broken by that point. She's happy and safe now though, and that's all that matters to me.

[@_ramar]

x, what the actual fuck i used to watch you when i was like 13/14. I'm 19 now and i don't even know what to say thank you for making these videos, i've watched smoking and alcoholism and this one so far - i've only just come across this channel - but already it's made me contemplate my life and the people around me in such a positive way and hopefully enough to actually improve my life and the people around me thank you for your insights on life, and thank you for sharing your wisdom hell yeah.

[@liambeals2630]

Bro had the same thing!

[@elyfrize130]

I think you should start a podcast X, it’d be great for you to get it out, and personally I’d love listening to it.

[@rev_dude]

In a way this kind of is his podcast

[@DardS8Br]

As a 12 year old this series has helped immensely on the “do”s and “don’t’”s thanks so much

[@joemorton9200]

If you notice these at a young age you will be far better off. I'm 16 and I've become really down and depressed from issues I've dealt with for years. Make sure you check out all his videos talking about these sorts of videos

[@DardS8Br]

joe morton aw that sucks. I really wish you well. You sound like a great person!

[@joemorton9200]

Darth Revan thanks man. I’m sure I’ll be fine. I’m out of high school now so I think I’ll have less issues to deal with. Thanks for your comment

[@DardS8Br]

joe morton no problem. School can really be a real stressor. I’m glad your doing well now

[@joemorton9200]

Darth Revan yeah it’s good to be out (only because of corona) and I now think I can be myself. I don’t think I’ll have to deal with bullying from now on. Thanks for your comments

[@jeancharles9554]

I would have loved to have a series of video like this one when I was growing up. I am convinced that you are having a positive impact on the life of so many people right now. Thank you X for making the world a better place one video at a Time.

[@jeancharles9554]

@Sharon Zhang I'm glad to hear that X's videos are some sort of guidance. I sincerely wish you all the best, you deserve it.

[@apb2489]

As someone who is probably not part of your normal demographic of viewers, I've been drawn to this series of videos. I have been through many similar situations going through life, and always felt like my situation was unique and that there was no one else in my peer group going through the things I was going through. My early 20's was spent in a drug and alcohol induced blur trying to soothe the pain. And while I never went to therapy I actually bought a book on CBT, and a number of other books on mental health and unfortunately for me it didn't help me at that time. I did have to hit rock bottom but once I did, all the things I had read and learned years ago helped me tremendously. Today I'm perfectly happy, living a normal life, free of all the burdens that I bore through such a large portion of life. I think it is a wonderful thing you are doing here, opening up about it allows so many young people to be aware that they aren't alone in the things they are going through, and the advice you have given is very sound. I feel like you are definately reaching people with your message, and helping others even if it's just to let them known they aren't alone, and that in time they CAN be ok.

[@daan9211]

1:45 him describing how I think of him

[@xuxu3703]

aww

[@charliemcloughlin1761]

This series means a lot to me. I don’t have a ton of bad habits in terms of substance, but I don’t put good stuff in me and don’t get good stuff out. I know I’m mentally I’ll and it makes life an uphill battle, along with my dad saying he supports me being trans male but tells me to “pick a gender” when I show signs of the anxiety I’ve lived with for as long a I can remember. I don’t exercise much, as I feel scared to express anything in front of my dad for fear he’ll use it against me. It leads me to just hiding away in my room and only feeling comfortable enough to relax somewhere else when he’s gone. I’m waiting for therapy to open again so my mom can put me back in, and talk about cognitive behavioral therapy

[@jemimaryan845]

Hey Charlie, how are you doing?

[@charliemcloughlin1761]

@@jemimaryan845 I’m in a better place physically and mentally, i now live with my mom full time

[@jemimaryan845]

@@charliemcloughlin1761 i'm glad you got out of that situation. It's good you can stay with your mom.

[@meesterpitta]

Thanks for making this video. I'm currently in a pretty dark period as these times just seem to come and go but finally managed to gather my courage and told my parents about the situation because I can't do it myself. Like you I have tried self improvement for such a long time but it just does not work. The worst thing is that I can't really take a break because my uni loans are ever increasing too but I'm sure I will be doing better after I actually get professional help.

[@talbar9023]

You are speaking to me, trying to change my life X!

[@lorcan2431]

xisuma is such a genuine person on this channel, most youtubers just let the viewers think they are angel's, but X is so honest and those 3 dislikes can suck an egg

[@ZofiaSofyka]

Mad respect for going to get help. It really want to go but also im really really scared to so I'm just quietly ignoring it hoping it'll pass (it isn't) I was forced to go to a psychologist a while back by my parents but I never engaged, or even spoke at the appointments and they didn't stop me from not going after a couple weeks. So now I just grossly over share on the Internet. But yeah, I really regret it now cause I'm still struggling with most of the things I struggled with back then and don't see myself moving forward on my own. Even when I force myself to do things from time to time it's too little too rarely and I feel like I'm wasting my life. (because I am)

[@ZofiaSofyka]

That's the logical approach but most of the time when I feel like shit I feel like I don't deserve the therapy, and when I feel better I'm better so why bother ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ it makes the decision a little harder.

[@Mysterious_RP]

@@ZofiaSofyka That is very recognizable, feeling like you don't deserve help. But trust me when I say that everyone deserves someone to talk to, deserves happiness and health, and deserves help from others. If you have the feeling of not going forward in your life it may be because you are still stuck in the past, and even if you in a weird way feel okay, getting help may get you over that last hill that is keeping you from moving forward. Anyways I hope it will get better for you.

[@jessicadurn276]

I'm a teenager, I've been through crap and I know I'll probably go through even worse. It amazes me to see how far you've come since those awful days in your life. You're the perfect example that, even though life can punch you down again and again, you don't have to stay there. X, you rose above your struggles and the negative thoughts, and you made it through. Hearing your story is inspirational. The community is proud of you!

[@ARockerNamedKristin]

My personal journey to recovery also involved CBT therapy. I self-harmed daily, sometimes hundreds of cuts at a time. During hospitalizations, most therapies focused on DBT (dialect behavior therapy), and looking back I now understand that it was to stop the behavior ie, cutting. But my whole life turned around when I was able to move on to CBT. Being able to look back now I can see that the DBT was a bandaid it was stopping the immediate problem but CBT goes straight for the root of the issues. Changing the way you think is incredibly difficult but so very worth it. X, I have loved your Minecraft videos for some time now but hearing your story has made a profound impact. I feel like I found a kindred spirit. In my experience, I haven't met many who have struggled and overcame. I am proud of you.

[@vishwarajprabhakar]

Hey Xisuma, thank you. I'm about to ask my parents to let me go to therapy and am super scared of finding the wrong therapist and never knowing it or just failing but this video feels assuring of my decision and I'm about to go ask my parents once they're home today

[@jemimaryan845]

Hey :) I hope you're doing better now

[@jaqsre]

I’m so incredibly thankful that i found you. not only do you bring me joy and laughter, you also speak me through things you’ve experienced that applies to me. the red series have had such an impact on me, because you’ve managed to put words on things i haven’t been able to explain myself. i’ve struggled with my mental health since i was around 9 years old, and my next birthday is my 21st. it doesn’t sound that long, but it’s around 12 years, and i have to realise that it’s more years than some people have even been alive, that i’ve just struggled. thankfully i’ve never been addicted to alcohol drugs, but i believe that’s mainly because i’ve seen what it has done to my father and other members of my family. i’m sad that i have addiction in my family, of course, but i’m also thankful because it has made me stay away from things that would make it all worse. currently my biggest struggle is my eating disorder, and sadly it’s getting worse than it has ever been. i think a big reason for that is because i have been clean from self harm for a bit more than 7 months, which means that instead of two things that harms me, i only have one that i’m participating in. i’ve lost more or less 10kg/22lbs in six months, and that’s honestly quite scary. sadly, it doesn’t matter how scary it is, because it still makes me feel good, and it’s hard to stop. i have faith, though. honestly, i don’t except anyone to read more than the first few sentences, and that’s fine. i think this comment was more of a venting place than anything, but if anyone reads it and finds any form of meaning in it, then that’s great too. TLTR: you’ve helped me a lot, and i’m very thankful. i’m currently struggling a lot myself, but i have faith in myself that i’ll recover and get better one day. edit: no idea of any of this made any sense since i didn’t actively think of making it grammatically correct etc. english is my second language, so please let that slide.

[@lemonbread378]

Love your talk videos, as always I usually listen to it like a podcast and it makes things go by faster! I swear to Satan the 1 person who dislikes this deserves to burn 🔥 🔥 🔥

[@frogcoin6392]

I’m a not currently going through any of this but as a child my father was abusive and hot headed. I no longer see him but it’s nice to see and know that I wasn’t, aren’t and won’t be alone in this kinda situation. Your story makes me really sad for you and I’m so happy you got out of this place. If I may ask, was any of this the reason to not do a face reveal, maybe subconsciously?

[@SharkBait-eo1yw]

Thank you X for making this Red series. It has made me realize that no problem is too small to be ignored, and that ignoring a problem can make it an even bigger problem. And after hearing your story about the experiences you went through and how you over came them, has inspired me to want to seek the help I need to be able to over come the issues I’m going through before they get out of hand. So thank you for helping me realize this, and being the role model you are to me, and many others. Your story from what I’ve read in the comments of these red videos is that you’ve inspired many others as well, so thank you for all that you’ve done to effect soo many people in such a positive way. Weather it be through Minecraft videos or just sharing your experience, you have made really positive impact on many people. Keep up all the great work you’ve been doing.

[@spangle]

I am starting my second stage of therapy in a weeks time, but I know from the first stage, how great it is. Mine is not CBT, but it does draw on some of the same skills. I just want to tell you, that this series has meant so much to me. I joined your community when I was at my lowest, because I needed some distraction from my own thoughts. I'm so proud of you for finding the strength to share your story, your own way. Whatever happened in the past, has led you on this path, and you have helped so many people.

[@sacofrice7581]

This channel has a lot of amazing advice, keep it up!

[@Portablesounds]

Thank you so much for this series. The fact that I already know you so well from your let's play series has made this all the more impactful, as it challenges me not to make assumptions about people's backgrounds.

[@sepiasmith5065]

I can absolutely relate to the spiral after first hearing that speech. I'm currently extremely aware of my faults and self-sabotaging habits but I have no idea how to stop it and what to do instead. Unfortunately, though I went to professional therapy for a few years and definitely got better than I had been, I feel like I've reached a point where everything they say, I've heard before. What I have to do now is just. make the changes I need to. But it's so difficult and vague. I feel so hopelessly lonely because every close friend I've ever had has left me but I've always tried to be a kind and patient person so I don't know what else to do. I need to reach out and show people I care, but I'm so afraid of embarrassing myself and making them feel uncomfortable and I end up just assuming they'll be leaving eventually anyway so why even bother? And it's true, most people in your life will eventually leave for one reason or another, including with death. But I can't get past the feeling of hopelessness that I can never truly enjoy the in-between.

[@the_doodle_dragon]

Thank you for sharing your story, X. I can’t imagine how hard it must be to talk about all of this. I may not have experienced anything like this in my life, but this series has been so inspiring to me just to focus on reflecting on things and self improvement.

[@thanosattorneyatlaw4062]

This is an amazing video, quite courageous of you to share all these memories. I applaud you and will spare you yet another sappy reply. :D

[@kendallkreidell7299]

The entire red series has been so helpful to me❤️ Thank you so much X

[@AnnaBomBanana]

Well done on your journey of recovery. It takes a heck of a lot of determination to keep on that journey! You are doing amazingly! Keep going! X

[@irisstarker9374]

The path of recovery is a rough one that is for sure. I got clean and sober, March 3, 2005 and it was the best choice I ever made. I used to think I would never be able to do it especially when the urge to use hit but I would call someone in recovery go to a meeting or I would repeat the serinety prayer over and over until the urge subsided. I have been in therapy for awhile now, and my life has improved so much more even after just getting clean. If anyone is struggling with sobriety just know you are worth it and you can get to where you want to be. Great job on your recovery and your lifestyle changes X.

[@the_22nd_pilot82]

I also found a sort of therapy through music. I discovered Twenty One Pilots a few years ago, and a lot of their songs truly helped me going through times where I just felt so depressed and angry for reasons I couldn't understand at the time (although now I think it could be manic-depressive disorder, but I'm not sure and I haven't been tested or anything). I also took to writing my own music as a way to express myself, and I think that helps, even if I don't show it to anyone, but just as a way to get it off my chest. But anyway, it really helps me to know how people I respect and look up to have felt similarly to how I do, it makes me feel less alone.

[@frowningfaun4528]

Henry Rollins is an awesome dude, very deep, very intense, great musician. He knows life.

[@ApacheGamingUK]

Were you ever a Download Boardie? It was around 2006 that I was very active in the Download Festival community. I wrote a "Festival Survival Guide", teaching people who were going to the festival for the first time, what to expect. I was at Download in 2006, and I was at that Henry Rollins set. It was a profound, and very gratifying set. Walking around the festival was very strange for the rest of the day. I stopped going to Download when I went to Uni. I haven't been since 2013. I do miss the festival. I have now, however, fallen in love with Bloodstock Open Air, and I've been every year since 2006. Amazing community, and amazing music. If you're still doing stuff with Forgotten Conquest, or any other solo project, have a look at the Metal to the Masses competition, to win a slot on the stage at the festival. Evile, Evil Scarcrow, Fellowship, and a few others have had their starts on the New Blood Stage.

[@lolbenz]

Good that u added this one. Really nice conclusion.

[@Rbags-bq5gz]

sometimes the best people in the world have gone through the worst

[@lilacroses149]

Gosh I love this series so much. Thank you so much for making it.

[@fantastate7087]

Having faced a terrible school days(except university though), I have done several things to break out those problems after acknowledging them while in university, and for some thought they would be enough for me. But losing my "safety"s this year it has proven out that they weren't enough and those problems were much heavier than I thought. And when I first heard about CBT I couldn't figure out what it means, but with the helps of other comments I could barely understand what it means. In that moment listening to your talks which is really hard to put out public, it was a big relief, though we don't know each other face by face. Thank you! And questions! 1. What made you to be Minecraft KZbinr? 2. Why don't you invite Jeracraft to Hermitcraft? Medieval district needs enhancement and revival.

[@Trashtiel]

ever since i found your channel i always thought like "woah this guy is so cool and awesome, i wish i was more like him!" and now with the new videos you are posting on this 3rd channel im realizing that you went through things very simmilar to what i went through, and ive been doing therapy for many years now and im finally starting to see improvement on my behavior and how i can better myself and become someone so cool as awesome as you are! Thank you a lot for sharing your story, it really changed my view of you being someone perfect i could never compare myself to, into someone who followed the right path, just like i am trying to do. Thank you

[@fluoxetinekisses]

i absolutely love these videos! they are incredibly therapeutic for me, thank you so much x

[@joeg4753]

I don’t know what to comment but thank you for sharing your story. It’s nice to know that things get better for everyone in life!

[@noemilopez349]

I feel like I really needed to hear some of the things that you said here. Thanks, X. Love your voice btw! It's very soothing. ✨

[@alexkuzlov9447]

This channel is a blessing

[@LJdoesArt]

Trying my best by Anson Seabra is what always comes to my mind when it comes to negative thoughts and trying to keep going. It really hits home.

[@Harukatism]

recovery is the hardest part of the process

[@cosmicreciever]

Thank you for making these videos X, a lot of what you said echos things that also happened to me when I was around the same age, hopefully these videos will reach & help people who going through the same thing

[@kendallkreidell7299]

I do have some question if you do a QandA. How has the response from this series been in your opinion? Is it what you expected? If not, what where you expecting to come from this series? Did you plan to talk about all the things you have spoken about or did you decide to add to the series once you realized that you speaking on these issues has been beneficial for so many? Sorry for so many questions...

[@madeleineruusu]

these are good questions!

[@kendallkreidell7299]

Madeleine Ruusu thanks :)

[@BenSunhoof]

I got scared a little when I heard “CBT”.

[@Aktimoose]

...

[@003-e4h]

Why? Its proven to work so well with the help of drugs like SSRIs

[@BenSunhoof]

You should google what cbt also means, apart from therapy.

[@tradecorrupt9181]

BenSunhoof hey man I couldn’t really find anything, would you mind explaining it’s meaning outside of therapy for me?

[@BenSunhoof]

@@tradecorrupt9181 I don't think Xisuma would appreciate that being in his comments.

[@tiileaf]

Thank you for sharing your opinions and experiences with this series.

[@zach8584]

Your videos are therapy to me

[@fiona9415]

wow i love this series and i’ve been watching a lot of them, these made me really emotional and you’re so strong ❤️❤️ thank you so much for sharing this, much love

[@Deklaaw]

You’re my Henry Rollins X.

[@xuxu3703]

awww

[@Portablesounds]

Hey I just discovered Devin Townsend recently! I haven't listened to his old albums so I'm gonna have to give them a listen.

[@Bexy1]

I am SO glad you got the help you needed

[@Cyberjjc]

Xisuma, I know it isn't easy to open up. I know this better than you may think. But I want to tell you thank you so much for opening up. If you and I were face-to-face, I would give you a handshake for being incredibly open about you and your past.

[@chickenclone3448]

good for you

[@catro3564]

A friend of mine is since last year helping her boyfriend getting out of drugs. She herself is very devoted and yes I'm feeling she sometimes forgets herself in the process. Now the real problematic thing I think should change in that relationship is that the boyfriend is just doing it for her and he is telling that to her on some occasions a well. My friend and I live apart by a few hundred kilometers and I'm trying to help her as best as I could but I myself never met the guy because he is still to ashamed to meet new people. He was in more than just one or two therapys but of course he canceled them all and this is alway a strain on their relationship. Now would it be better for her to take a break from this relationship? Her boyfriend had an earlier experience with getting clean with another girlfriend but the girlfriend left him saying he could come to her when he is clean and well he is saying he won't do it for just himself. It is quite a tricky situation for my friend because she really loves him and doesn't want to leave him even for a second.

[@Mysterious_RP]

Getting help is indeed very hard, I have struggled in the past with being bullied relentlessly for 7 years straight. And in that time I was still quite young but I had already lost so much that I was way too mature for my age, especially when looking at the kids that were the same age as me. It was in that time that I first sought out help, as I was already going downwards in a very dangerous spiral that I knew could still get worse. But- The therapists did not take me seriouslly one bit, they treated me like a little child that was just mistaken a stupid thing like not getting an extra drink or something for something actually bad. But it was bad. I went to many therapies as a child, none of which worked. And thus I kind of lost hope in them. But when I came into my teens and especially around the age of 15/16 I was in a very bad spot, and it took me all of my strength and energy not to gravitate towards self harm or suicide, as I knew it wasn't the right answer. I had suicidal thoughts every single day of my life, and every day was a fight I could not lose. One lost battle would mean the end. But luckily it was there were I finally found a therapist that took me seriously, and after a full year of having therapy and discovering things about myself I had never considered, I came out a little better. Now I am 17, and I still struggle with depression possibly anxiety and other mental things I am not going to share, but if I hadn't gone to that therapy over the year, if I had not believed that anyone would help me and take me seriously, I would not be here I'm afraid. I still am no where near being fully healed or as far as it can go, but at least the suicidal thoughts aren't daily anymore, they're weekly and for someone who has dealt with them daily for many years having them weeklly about once or twice is so much better already. I am not sure why I am writing this, I feel like I can get it out here safely and anonoumsly. And X, I am proud of you for sharing these video's and your past. Because I know it's hard to look back on it even when it is in the past. I am proud of X and I hope you never forget that eventhough I am only one random person on this planet. Just one can already make a huge difference. And if people actually read this all the way through, if you're going through something tough and you are not taking seriously by therapist, do not give up! There are people out there that will listen to you, you just need to find them. I wish all of you a happy and healthy life.

[@Mysterious_RP]

@Sharon Zhang I'm working on it :). I luckily have quite some good friends now that want to help me. And I truly hope you never have to experience what it's like to be bullied, no one deserves to be bullied.

[@blu8580]

For me here comes a thought from Steven universe helped me with dealing with my anxiety

[@aosteklov]

Thank you x

[@alpenglowup]

We love you X! 🙌

[@braydensmith2053]

You are the best human being possible

[@noellep4779]

I’ve decided I want to tell you my story, better to tell my favorite person and role model. Let’s start from the top (don’t worry I am young) I am autistic, I got my IEP in kindergarten and I felt normalish except the people that took me around and made me do things. My mom says I was diagnosed because I was throwing feces from my diaper, I remember going to a physiatrist really young. In second grade I thought while I was gone for IEP the class was the class was discussing why they hate me. I got my first good friend in 3rd. Now for the rough stuff starting in 6th grade I was so excited for middle or junior (high) school. Soon I that was turned upside downed, I started wanting a way out of there. Harmless at first just skipping and being sick, then wanting to be blind so I could get more help. Then I thought it would be so easy if I just would just give up, suicide. Those thoughts traveled around everywhere I went I remember being sad that I was still alive. I was the happiest looking at that time. One day I couldn’t handle it I wrote it all down and gave it to my friend who gave it to the teacher and then to the consular. I was hospitalized for 4 days. I was honest for a month then I didn’t want to become only I know what’s best for me. I started cutting started lying about my feelings. That behavior was kept for almost a year. It’s a hard behavior to keep but a hard one to use. I found many communities on Reddit that really helped me. I found that excepting my autism was great. When 6th grade ended I planned everything to prevent last year. My efforts didn’t work but I felt the same way. I found help by myself though. Many self help books motivation and bible I felt absolutely great. I am so glad you’re a part of that steady recovery. Thanks to whoever

[@moon-lg8uj]

This helped me get help thanks X!

[@Jason-yw2ow]

wow i needed this

[@reflectionsofone]

Devin Townsend! Have you listened to Empath/what do you think of it? I find it sooo cathartic, it really hits the spot for me, it's a therapy in itself.

[@marshling6365]

I prefer these kind of episodes to the others. I would enjoy way more a studio-like to clip from a stream.

[@cyccy8319]

Thanks for making those videos! They really made me think about what I'm going through, even if it's a small thing. Just wanted to ask something What can I do to help someone that doesn't want to open up or doesn't accept help?

[@RedisFun2]

Henry Rowlins.... He is so amazing!

[@MuffinJuice]

nice

[@michelleduran1378]

You should really make a podcast:)

[@mariodecaerle4960]

A "Red" video !? Yes, that explains the colours of the thumbnails.

[@FaeOfDoom]

dude. thank you.

[@madeleineruusu]

The way you interpreted those lyrics was a really nice way, but there is one more thing I find comfort with. You said that only _you_ experience and see the pain and it can't be seen from the outside, but I believe that God sees my pain, experiences my pain, but yet He still loves me and would never leave me. Even though He sees all my insecurities, sins and bad thoughts, he still cares about me. That's what helps me get through things. (sorry for the religious stuff i guess ;_;)

[@Zenas521]

Day break is a great experience.

[@hyeburt9804]

Thank you

[@courtjester25]

Jonathan, thank you so much for sharing your story with us. Please hold fast, and keep your mind straight. We love you, and I am personally praying for you.

[@rustyshackleford5166]

Didnt even know the videos were color coded til now.... Derp

[@pcislocked]

nice video thx

[@michaelb1047]

You said you made music, is there a way we can listen to it?

[@Aktimoose]

search “SoulsideEclipse” on youtube

[@y7662TV]

For me, the hard part is not getting help. The hard part is the therapy itself. I can't get myself to open up and actually go somewhere... (p.s: Thank you X for making this series)

[@athenawilliams8909]

Anyone else feel like they're at where X was at in the beginning of this video? Gives me hope shit will get better.

[@NoirRaven]

I couldn't get into CBT because the corrections seemed too harsh and frankly, gaslighting. I left unsure of myself and that caused multiple breakdowns; I can't operate with that kind of uncertainty. I don't think my therapist wasn't the best suited for it as well but I'm willing to take a good chunk of the blame; despite having disorders, I don't see anything wrong with my brain and find other people to be, not the problem per say, but definitely more skewed than I seem to be, yet people always react as if I spit on them upon meeting, despite adopting a mostly quiet and listening persona. Curse of being ugly/a woman/fat I guess. 🤷

[@kalahin3857]

Well

[@ferredehoog6582]

Hi -x I want to ask you: what do I do if one of my friends has a depression and I am asked to help by the parents and the teachers in the school? Because I really don't know what to do. And I really really want to help.

[@ferredehoog6582]

@Sharon Zhang thanks

[@whatTFisThis]

Idk if I'm the only one, but does anyone write a song about an intense worry you have? I have Anxiety and OCD, so I have quite a few.

[@RonDe675]

When do you think a hobby becomes an addiction? I know that you can become addicted to anything, but I am unsure about where the limit is. Recently I have been spending quite a lot of time on KZbin and your videos kind of sounded similar to my situation to watching videos in some ways.

[@sertu1462]

Yeah I know the feeling. The problem with that is that addiction isn't really a simple yes/ no situation. There are infinite stages between being completely addicted to something and not being addicted at all. So the fact that you feel the need to ask the question in the first place propably means that there is somewhat of an addiction. The real question is: How bad is it? How much better would your live be with less or even no KZbin? Is it even possible to answer those questions? I certainly can't answer them for you since I don't know you enough. Whatever you do, don't underestimate a possible addiction, better safe than sorry.

[@otter7798]

One of the most concrete indicators of whether something has reached the stage of disorder or addiction is when that thing/behaviour/etc. is (a) interfering with your daily life (e.g. late to/skipping work or school, cancelling plans or appointments, causing you to neglect things like personal hygeine/regular eating habits/sleep, etc.), and also (b) causing you distress. If either or both of those conditions feel true for you, it would be a good idea to seek further information and/or help. Also, remember that the "symptom" (in your example, possibly spending too much time on KZbin) is generally not the ~actual~ "problem". In most cases, it's a coping mechanism you've naturally developed in response to some stress, dissatisfaction, uncertainty, and/or other negative emotions/appraisals you're experiencing in your life. Best wishes

[@sertu1462]

@@otter7798 Point a) doesn't have to be the case. There are functioning addicts. The most common ones would be cigarettes and maybe caffeine, but even harder drugs are sometimes used in a way that doesn't affect the users daily routine that much, without the user being able to stop.

[@otter7798]

@@sertu1462 I definitely neglected to cover those situations in my response, thank you for your excellent additions :)

[@otter7798]

If you're interested in a general overview and some information on the current perspectives around problematic/excessive/pathological internet use, there is a very good journal article titled "Internet addiction: reappraisal of an increasingly inadequate concept", by Starcevic & Aboujaoude (2017). A free PDF is available on Google Scholar :)

[@Stampfff]

this is a offtopic question but have you ever played system shock ? and if so what do you think about it.

[@oh_bruhh]

I can’t go to therapy yet, since the law says that minors need a parent’s consent, but i think i should see that as a good thing since it gives me something to look forward to in life

[@Spark31Gaming]

Why can't you get parental consent?

[@oh_bruhh]

my mom doesn't believe mental illnesses are real

[@Spark31Gaming]

@@oh_bruhh holy fuck that's bad

[@pepre7594]

you should start a podcast (I've seen a few other people comment this but it might increase the chances if I say it)

[@fishy4reelz]

Hey xisuma how do you stay anonymous i wanna start youtube but i dont want people knowing my name

[@blueslime5855]

Why is the aspect ratio bad?

[@otter7798]

pretty sure it's 16:9, how is that bad?

[@blueslime5855]

@@otter7798 I don't know, it looked weird the first time, it was long

[@otter7798]

@@blueslime5855 fair enough!

[@Leo-sx9jz]

X have you ever had experience with psychedelics? Genuine question, I hope you can answer :)

[@phasmas1803]

Can we appreciate the like/dislike ratio? I mean 1.1k likes to 3 dislikes. That's amazing

[@ImaginaryMdA]

I swear he's working up to a face reveal.

[@_oceanstar]

Xisuma talks about his CBT experience hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm