Reddit confessions are Unhinged

[@ChromoFlow]

Clearly the burrito was chucked outside accidentally, and a goblin man appeared and said "I'll be having that". Happens all the time.

[@owyemen9367]

It's because the owner was too busy shitting to check the unfinished basement for goblins

[@camiares22]

@@owyemen9367 poor guy, had to scoop em out

[@rebeccajanee]

I read this comment before the video even started…wut

[@Grugfr]

@@rebeccajanee don’t question it.

[@HolyPopeJulian]

You mean the guy who acts like a goblin right?

[@internetlurker1850]

8:50 This is the dad of the millenia. This person is an actual fucking king, a huge chad. He was very afraid, but to help the fear of his son, he still didn't act like it. I wanna give this guy a hug.

[@daviconceicaodeoliveira3232]

What if that was actually the good ending of a horror film, think about it, he didnt show fear and he acted like there was nothing there, he felt fear and if there was a creature there and for some reason knew it didnt react for he was acting calm and mantained composture. what im saying is, what if in reality a creature tests adults to see if they can keep their cool and if they dont pass they get killed?

[@TheUnderscore_]

@@daviconceicaodeoliveira3232 Interesting...?

[@alex.g7317]

@@daviconceicaodeoliveira3232 I’m so plagiarising that idea!

[@psycless]

thats kinda like the bare minimum of a good father

[@cloverthefrog]

@@alex.g7317 please- 😭

[@Spectaria]

i HAD to look up the burrito one. op found it half-eaten in the back of his fridge 2 weeks after the original post. he even ate a couple bites and said it tasted soggy. gave it a 2/10.

[@felinoidrose]

oh god why would he try to finish eating his 2 week old, thrown out a door while drunk burrito?

[@felinoidrose]

sounds like a chubbyemu video just waiting to happen

[@groggyacorn7067]

@@felinoidrose a man ate a 2 week old burrito, this is what happened to his brain, OP is presenting to the emergency room, embarrassedm

[@venn7257]

Wtf? Who ate some? Why did HE eat some after TWO WEEKS?

[@ThomasTheThermonuclearBomb]

@@felinoidrose What if the door was the fridge door though?

[@koffeekryptidd8738]

I’ma teach my kids “Demons are all belief based. If you believe you can kick it’s ass, you can kick it’s ass. So have faith in yourself”

[@windwaker407]

A cute idea but that could backfire so badly. It's easy for a kid to be scared, and if you teach a kid that demons are not only real, but if they don't believe in themself enough that the demons can actually hurt them, then it's a complete tossup whether the placebo will make the child unafraid of demons, or make their fear drastically worse

[@Chrisdish]

@@windwaker407 the weak will fall.

[@koffeekryptidd8738]

@@Chrisdish Precisely. My household will be run like ancient Rome lmfao

[@robonator2945]

this sounds inspiring, but there is a 50/50 chance your kid instead hears that and thinks "So now that I've considered failure might happen, I'm destined to it?". It's like a chance based ability in a game, you have a 50% chance to multiply current fear stat by 0, and a 50% chance to multiply current will-to-live stat by 0, with a 100% chance to increase agility by 2%

[@CountingStars333]

No demons.

[@hazel9490]

I have Visual Snow Syndrome and I used to think it was normal for everything to have a static overlay. Another thing I experience are afterimages where whenever I look at anything and look away I can still see a faded version of it; an afterimage. Sometimes it only lasts a few seconds and sometimes minutes. In the dark it is so much worse. Since it’s dark I can’t see much colour so the only afterimages I see are shadowy. I also live in Australia and am terrified of spiders because they can actually kill you here. When I was little falling asleep was terrifying. I wouldn’t be able to tell if the black blobs in the walls were actual spiders or afterimages since they follow my line if sight and can seem like they’re moving. I thought it was normal. Still, throughout my childhood there have been at least a hundred times where I woke up and there was a giant huntsman in the wall. I’m trying to escape Australia as fast as I can, I hate it here. I mean spiders are so normal here that when a kid saw a redback spider, the second most dangerous spider in the world, on the schools playground slide, they just told us not to play on the playground for a week and hoped for for the best. I mean the worlds most dangerous spider is named after the fucking city I live in (the Sydney Funnel-Web Spider) and was first discovered in my old neighbourhood which I still live next to. How do I know this? Because in first grade they had a guy come to our school to teach us about spiders and show us the most dangerous ones preserved in blocks of resin. He taught us how to identify the most dangerous since a bite can kill a small child. As if I wasn’t scared enough already.

[@caprisunsess1753]

yikes

[@cataxy5697]

wait youre telling me its *not* normal for it to be all staticky in the dark and being basically unable to see shit because of it?? zamn

[@hazel9490]

@@cataxy5697 Apparently. Maybe search up Visual Snow Simulation, that might be insightful.

[@jahanarahgraham8003]

Lmao this is EXACTLY why someone couldn’t pay me enough money to go to Australia. 💀

[@illumin8748]

everyone doesn’t see afterimages??????

[@onyx3310]

You know what's even more unhinged... There's a green floating hoodie outside my window it says it will shoot if I stop watching kwite videos.

[@alex.g7317]

Funny, the one I have is threatening to kill itself… hmm

[@unduloid]

A common experience.

[@deliram4737]

First time?

[@pqbdwmnu]

My phone's about to die I'm scared

[@hexed_spirittowwerzyo3319]

I thought you were going to say "My MoM" xd

[@copilots3159]

I love how "hide-n-seek counting speed" is universally done as fast a verbally possible.

[@spooksith486]

god, the goblin one had me in tears that's so fucking funny and I love it

[@doozy5184]

I should do that

[@lovebirddraws8475]

@@doozy5184 honestly same

[@ubrot7995]

The poop one fills me with rage, not because its disgusting but because the op was acting really stupid (if its actually true, you never know online). Here is a free health tip for everyone reading this: If you poop 3 times a day to once every 3 days you are in what I call the healthy zone. If you poop more often than that or more rarely than that then GO SEE A FUCKING DOCTOR BY GOD I BEG YOU.

[@GYPHIST]

Ok but 3-6 times weekly isn't normal???

[@adeliew4230]

mmm no :)

[@jacklyntea]

@@adeliew4230 I think it actually depends. If that’s what he’s been doing for all his life and he has no shitting problems, then it’s fine. It varies from person to person. I’m not a health professional or anything, so take this with a grain of salt ofc, but I’m pretty sure he’s fine.

[@mang0_cat444]

@@GYPHIST no

[@HopeIsADrug11037]

i shit like once a day, sometimes even less what 😭

[@mysticknight7500]

kwite “ im back from austin texas not that you care” me sitting in a corner worried how it went and if he’s ok

[@obscure_alternatives]

@@danjoredd houston is bad?I lived there for 3 yrs and I thought that Austin was worse

[@fredwardv6988]

If I didn't have other obligations I would spend all day Goblin-ing around my house.

[@boojersey13]

The guy can't find the steak burrito because I'm living in his walls and when he threw it into the basement I scurried out and ate it :)

[@doebuck]

what a chad

[@Yourlocalsoapeater]

👏👏😔

[@sonofsparda9739]

People that live in walls suddenly don’t live in walls anymore when I burn down the house they’re in

[@boojersey13]

@@sonofsparda9739 Sorry I drank all the gasoline you tried to pour on the house and I clapped the air, putting out the match between my wall-calloused palms

[@bylobat6822]

8:25 why did this Jumpscare actually made me jump I haven't been scared by a fnaf jumpscare in like a year Must be the ice cream I'm eating

[@gobrrrr2375]

Yeah fr, I droped the phone on my face ffs, but it was pretty funny afterwards looking at how I got litteraly jump scared by a fnaf character lmao

[@e3woi990]

Same lol

[@auburncrescent]

Omg same like wtf how?

[@mynaemsophie]

it spooked me a bit then i laughed

[@dado1208]

I was drawing and not really paying attention to the video, and I literally fell from the chair because of the sudden noise-

[@wolf1066]

I so relate to that dad. I don't believe in monsters, gods, otherworldly beings, cryptids etc, but seriously if I had to go into a dark basement after my kid told me they "heard a monster in there", my imagination would play absolute merry hell with me. My kid would get a good night's sleep. I wouldn't.

[@tobiasjacobson3708]

I’m straight up concerned about the guy who was eating the cookie in the bathroom. Like, would his wife seriously guilt trip him for wanting to eat a cookie without giving her half of it? And like, he says he felt like he betrayed her by eating it himself? Wtf is happening in that household??

[@sleepdeep305]

I’m glad I’m not the only onr

[@Kyrusisgone]

Literally

[@emeraldfinder5]

the betrayal of not sharing the cookie! 😮

[@Gh0sstt0wn]

The constipated one was so accurate that it hurt.

[@Orange_Swirl]

Shouldn't have eaten those leftover french fries.

[@Cypzzy]

8:15 that jumpscare gave me a fking heartattack 😂

[@SirV693]

I kinda like to imagine Kwite is the opposite of the people who wear business on top and casual stuff on the bottom. Hoodie on top and dress pants & shoes on the bottom.

[@austin-aka-8106]

I’m nearly an adult and still use lights when sleeping, I hate the dark, I see no problem, they help

[@ArDeeMee]

As long as you get good sleep, anything goes. 👍

[@raspberryjam]

That goblin one is actually really funny

[@slavic_bumpkin624]

I will ring the bell for you and only you kwite

[@ohnohwgn]

@@YoMateo. 3 things I don’t understand in life: 1. who asked 2. who asked 3. who asked

[@weasl9764]

@@YoMateo. shut up

[@catboy6451]

You out for that Kwitussy?

[@why_am_i_here_and_who_is_t5627]

@@YoMateo. things i dont understand 1 why you think fortnight is still good

[@slavic_bumpkin624]

@@catboy6451 yes.

[@jessicaholscher4097]

wait, that goblin one sounds fun.

[@mogsia]

it's been so long since I've watched a kwite video as it came out and I'm so disappointed that it's been that long! this was great and I thoroughly enjoyed it. the fnaf jumpscare got me and I nearly threw my phone. 10/10 content.

[@MikhailYT]

Wait what were you doing in that period of time? Going outside??

[@HopeIsADrug11037]

That jumpscare got me anxious the rest of the video

[@mogsia]

@@MikhailYT surprisingly and unfortunately, yea

[@MikhailYT]

@@mogsiawhat was it like?

[@mogsia]

@@MikhailYT cold

[@thereyvan]

9:10 guys, don't be scared. the shadow creatures are your friends. i know they're mine ::)

[@SuperPcPenguin]

The krusty krab has 2 workers, and 1 of them is squidward. Of course SpongeBob got employee of the month every month. He still has passion in his work, squidward is so dead inside he actively puts minimum effort in

[@milanbeerepoot4260]

I’m going to make a Kwite recolor and make it my own Kwite OC like those cringey sonic ones from 2005-2016. Just kwite but with a white hoodie and bright blue lenses. That’s my kwite oc

[@coldgal8476]

Your kwitesona

[@milanbeerepoot4260]

@@coldgal8476 yes. Now all i need are some fake ass neopronouns. Kwite/Kwite/Kwites/Kwiteself.

[@owyemen9367]

@@coldgal8476 fucking hell I'm going to fucking lose it what the fuck is this

[@007megaoof]

@@coldgal8476 you beat me to it by 2 months

[@djphroop]

That monster/ghost story is funny. I had my nieces stay with me and the wife. One had the whole monster under the bed scenario. Told her "They feel safe their cause they hide from me. They don't wanna be in their bed cause their bed is above mine. I'm the monster under their bed." Is all it took for them to now be scared of Uncle Slim the Monster to monsters.

[@mavcotm8006]

3:30 i.. i was eating chocolate. thank you for helping me reduce my sugar consumption...

[@muddashucka9743]

I almost killed myself trying to clean my foot in my sink. I stepped on a spill in my kitchen (I don't know what it was, but it was sticky), and decided that I should go wash my foot. However, I was too lazy to take a shower, and so decided to just clean my foot in the bathroom sink. Now I'm quite short, so I had to get a stool so I could reach the sink with my foot. I slipped and fell almost immediately, and if I didn't grab the towel rack on the way down to stop myself, I may have snapped my neck.

[@ArDeeMee]

Maybe fill up a pot with warm water next time…

[@SowhyEnot]

I love your r/confessions and your chat confessions vids

[@Emunz61]

The jumpscare actually scared me and was scarier than fnaf is

[@riverdaisy4215]

my boyfriend keeps asking me “wtf are you watching” whenever i put on your videos

[@owyemen9367]

Downvote him in real life to assert dominance

[@Anonymous-bb2rb]

@@owyemen9367sabotage his oxygen in real life

[@maddison9334]

started watching this video and playback was set to 2x and i didnt think anything of it i literally thought thats the way kwite edited it until i checked

[@acehasgreed]

I was not expecting a Coney clip to make it into a Kwite video

[@johannesboomsma4680]

Bruh I thought I accidentally clicked a coney vid

[@noice2943]

BRO I WAS EATING *CHOCOLATE* CEREAL WHEN THE *poop blockage* BIT CAME

[@m1lls706]

You can tell this man is so successful he doesn't even complain about the percentage of subscribers, instead he gets angry at us for not having notifications on lol.

[@Red_Devil_Stew]

Its the perfect marketing strategy get subs, bully them into turning on the bell and clicking the end card, more engagement and therefore more money

[@riverlynx1895]

Confession: I’ll preface with saying that I’m a 21 year old man. I’m ashamed, but the Freddy jumpscare in the monster post made me jump. Yes I’m embarrassed, because I’m numb to FNAF scares, but I gotta give it to the Fredster this time.

[@ChipTunePlaysYT]

I have a confession to make….. when I was in 1st grade I got mad and said that I will blow up the school and I got expelled less than a day later. Keep in mind I was in 1st grade at the time and didn’t understand what those words truly meant and I obviously didn’t have access to the tools necessary.

[@demonix3208]

You know it’s a good day when Kwite uploads

[@merryberry1113]

true that

[@yurimaoism]

nice bot bro ur channel isnt cool

[@grayyyyy]

No bc after the monster check story started the screen went black and I got so scared but then it was a redbull ad 💀

[@moonwhooper]

Feddy actually made my soul leave my body

[@Some_Shmuck]

Speaking of confessions, I do actually have something to confess it's not something I'm proud of, but I have to tell someone or else it'll haunt me till the day I die...ok...ok here we go I watch Kwite videos

[@glassofwater281]

YOU MONSTER!

[@imaduckquackquack2297]

that one might be better to keep to yourself, bud..

[@cheeto.burrito]

how dare you

[@atticusvan5874]

🤮

[@Eidel_Rose]

My eyes are now melted from reading this unholy confession.

[@RoBreadbug]

I can't believe I actually jumped from that fnaf scare, well played sir

[@bigsadd]

Same bruh

[@RoBreadbug]

@@bigsadd no way you replied to this a year later LOL

[@binxycat9879]

I can’t believe that FNaF jump scare got me….

[@EthisProtogen]

Reddit confessions are things that you couldn't fucking waterboard out of me

[@Farsk_]

I'm not gonna lie, I still sleep with a night light. But, on the bright side, I have a cool planet on my ceiling.

[@evanm623]

I loved the goblin mode confession

[@MagicMonk3y]

8:21 I can't believe I actually jumped ffs

[@spidertwines]

up to 3:40 and eating dinner (sausages and gravy) that was fun.... i dont want to eat anymore.

[@irlzombie437]

best quality as always kwite

[@jaroddunning6091]

This is so swag

[@imacoolskeleton1131]

You hadn't even finished the video before you commented, you are a liar

[@oof_boi_carter_1199]

Agreed

[@cryoticstorm396]

I'm not scared of the dark bc my rgb keyboard flashes all hours of the night

[@SargeWolf010]

I have several night lights in my house mainly to see at night to go use the can... it's better then turning on the big bright lights and everyone sleeps w/ there doors open...

[@blondezeke6640]

5:19 best beat ever created

[@funboiun0276]

i like how he had a sniper laser pointed at his forhead the entire time

[@KayBbyXOXOXO]

pls the jumpscare almost made me cry

[@MsTinkerbelle87]

:( ta for the warning tho!!

[@Gore-Labs]

I genuinely feel so fucking bad for that guy that dug shit out of his ass. That must’ve been fucking horrific.

[@Alice1apple]

The jumpscare wasn’t even what got me lol it was the face in the dark. Although maybe the jumpscare did get me in spooky mood idk

[@Sabrina_116]

I also hide and eat snacks I don't want to share. I'm married with 3 kids, a cat and a dog. If I want to enjoy anything myself, I have to hide. My favorite hiding spot is my bathroom for some reason. Sometimes I just kick it in there and watch stuff on my phone or read. It's nice.

[@ArDeeMee]

Relatable, but only two kids. The bathroom is where you are expected to be alone for a while, and you get to lock the door for complete privacy. And, as long as you don’t touch the toilet itself, it’s perfectly sanitary. 🤷‍♀️

[@thatguy3903]

That goblin guy is who I want to be

[@pepekovallin]

I can relate with the goblin man a lot, I like staying alone and walk around like a weirdo, makes me feel free

[@robxholicfoxyfan8552]

Like, the first confession is the kind of crazy that people don't expect because it is some kind of cartoon level absurd and hilarious, and the second one everyone expects because it is realistic yet hilariously cursed.

[@mutantlavalampderg412]

So kwite, you're doing Kwite well I see

[@ghostbotmellow706]

confession: i actually like sonic unleashed and like the wearhog gimic.

[@FoxyARYT]

8:24 I can’t believe this actually made me jump 💀

[@goblinbrain]

9:42 my mom walked in and saw this frame and now she thinks im weird 😭

[@MintMori_]

self reminder: never watch kwite's videos while eating 3:10

[@xenthecoolestreal]

3:05 is this not normal

[@Jay_hates_his_readers]

3:58 admitting to reading fanfiction a few videos before a formal confession to your guilty pleasure

[@alithealien5049]

fuck the jump scare man i’m too high for this shit and i had been reading no sleep stories before this 😂

[@leavemealoneplease583]

I love watching your videos whilst taking a shit, it reminds me of how far I've fallen as a multicellular organism.

[@ToastedD]

“Family has found burrito”

[@MatingPress]

i thought of a good horror story: you talking about the end card being on screen, except... there is no end card terrifying to think about tbh

[@olliezsin2466]

WHY DID I GET SCARED FROM THAT JUMSCARE???!!!

[@AlejandroRodriguez-cy8ee]

you know in hindsight, maybe eating while hearing the "poop" solution wasn't the greatest of ideas

[@oof_boi_carter_1199]

I love you floating hoodie man

[@tjphatty1504]

The Coney Kwite crossover was something I did not expect

[@dexivela]

new editor ayo? the style is different this time around and i dont mind it, good work editor

[@Cuddle.bug9882]

"my name is kwite and i need to go break up some poo stuck in my bum" * SIREN HEAD BEGINS HONKING* 10:10

[@WarTie]

I love reading comments before watching the video. It’s just wild

[@gabrielelrandom6493]

8:23 Am I the only one that got scared from this?

[@eatinaburger]

Man I need to confess to the kwite stream if it happens again lmao

[@nahtatrolI]

Goblin dude sounds like a fucking great friend to have

[@TGKPostsSometimes]

just ignore the haters, block them if you can champ💪👑

[@krart8401]

1:36 oh hey my pfp lol

[@kezzi_4028]

If there is one kind of person on this planet that I am scared of, and those are the people of Reddit...

[@I_am_someone_named_G]

Hate it when that happens

[@spilledmilkii]

8:10 GOD MAN YOU ALMOST GAVE ME A HEART ATTACK

[@popsicIes]

Jumpscare warning at 8:23 for those who need it.

[@QuendilliousTheAbsoluteIdiota]

dude, ur vids are fire.❤‍🔥

[@musicalsand-axolotls7]

THAT FUXKING 8:23 JUMPSCARE MADE ME ACTUALLY JUMP AND DROP MY TOAST! it was good toast too…..

[@emilyspruill3702]

gosh darnit that dad one has me spooked and its my bed time, doesent help its raining out and thunder

[@tomhollandgaming]

4:40 I mean if that was happening to me I would do it too honestly

[@why_am_i_here_and_who_is_t5627]

WE MUST BOW TO OUR HOODIE KING

[@7_Mae]

Nightlight supremacy 💡🕯

[@HideFromIt]

8:23 damn no jump scare warning

[@hehloworld4841]

You know whats also big bogus? The human centipede. Me: laughs 5 seconds later

[@pastelk]

being a goblin is a way of life

[@iguessmynameitsthis6247]

"I would make a great male wife!" -kwite Kwite is a *femboy* confirmed

[@cloudeight3887]

KWITE DONT JUMPSCARE ME