Half in the Bag Episode 32: Battleship and Dark Shadows

[@Microfins]

Plinkett's backwards intro message reversed: "Hey, don't you have anything better to do?"

[@merlingstoss6332]

Andrew Knighton bit like the backwards message in Red Dwarf from yeeeeaaaaars ago

[@theguardian8317]

apparently not

[@jacksquatt6082]

This is why I read the comment section. Thank you.

[@themysteriouscatperson9483]

spider_slayer_69 Is this a meme?

[@andrewray3154]

@@merlingstoss6332 ?regal

[@midnightkiteflight6333]

Sometimes I like to rewatch these old RLM videos from before Mike's slide into alchoholism. His youthful face and demeanour remind me of a time when the future seemed like something to look forward to.

[@jacksquatt6082]

@@cpmenninga Tell me there's a difference. Tell me... and I'll call you a liar.

[@-k-b-]

@@cpmenninga that's RIGHT Inga!

[@Madkalibyr]

I should laugh but if that were true I’d be genuinely sad

[@luizsaviolara]

it was a upgrade

[@larsonracies8636]

Jesus

[@JensenP12]

2:25 I didn't know Mike was such a good actor. He really conveys that feeling of agony and abadonment.

[@juliendacoolien3454]

That's just his everyday life.

[@SuperDerp5]

Lord why have you forsaken me?? Yeah that’s “really” good acting.🤣

[@EfrainQuezada]

15:15 holy shit mike is so on point. My dad was looking for pirates of the Caribbean at blockbuster and just rented a movie called PIRATES with the same font and poster aesthetic. It was porn, straight up porn shown in front of my cousins. All we saw was ass crack and ballsack. Never seen my dad run so fast towards the remote.

[@Deadguy2322forreal]

That wasn't an Asylum release, and your dad must be blind if he didn't notice he had picked up porn.

[@forallthestupidshit3550]

Bro. I remember when they had a back room at video stores!! Shit. I'd forgotten that shit existed!!

[@Bacteriophagebs]

That movie is kind of famous because it was originally shot as a porno, but they also made an R-rated version that was just the same movie with the sex scenes edited out because they decided that the production values, writing, and acting were good enough to stand on their own. I keep meaning to watch the edited version to see how it compares to most B-movies. I think the original title was PIRATES XXX, and the edited was just PIRATES, so your dad rented the edited version. Lots of nudity, but not _technically_ porn.

[@caelinnis]

"I'm pretty sure that OJ did it" -Mike Stoklasa

[@paulmajano]

OJ did write q book about it.

[@BritishGodzilla]

So glad they're uploading these older episodes!

[@markm7929]

JuneSword For real. I didn't feel right watching their Jack and Jill review on Machinima. They even took parts out lol.

[@tinyturnip7676]

Mark M They did?

[@markm7929]

Joe Jr. Yea it was edited to hell.

[@twoidiots9844]

JuneSword These have always been up on their website, you could have watched them all there.

[@kolasunset9221]

@@twoidiots9844 not anymore lol

[@dimjimmy4234]

Lord, why HAVE you forsaken me? AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH

[@twoidiots9844]

Tom S Too fucking funny, its so perfect.

[@twoidiots9844]

***** That makes more sense than the direction of the 'Movie' to be fair!

[@CarlEmmoth]

That must be the best worst delivery!!

[@matthewlennhardt8408]

Lord-Commander Savage don't cut yourself on all that edge there buddy

[@Michael-ep7fp]

With 666 likes I'm not adding another

[@PMeursault]

Battleship screams "the US Navy needs recruits"

[@Dostwyn]

It's even less subtle than "Yvan eht nioj!" Grade A propaganda.

[@uselessDM]

Well, it's a three pronged attack.

[@mckenzie.latham91]

Or worse, "Please join us all we have is fuck up Taylor kitch and Rhianna, remember we protect your country please help us!"

[@agilemind6241]

At least it is more honest than some other propaganda films - join the Navy all the soldiers are morons and you'll end up missing limbs or bored and giving tours on retired ships!

[@Querymonger]

+Agilemind Navy has sailors, not soldiers, and we aren't in war zones so rarely get blown up. You are ignorant

[@twoidiots9844]

When I first saw this review years ago, and heard Jay's "I want Battleship out of my head!" and then Mike's "Lord, why have you forsaken meee??....... AAAAHHHHH" I remember laughing so hard I had to pause the video to wipe the tears off my face. I remember it being one of the hardest times I ever laughed in my life. It still makes me laugh, these guys are fucking comedic geniuses.

[@notyou8716]

Nah....you're just easily amused.

[@CatMandiano]

Oof. I agree, it was a somewhat funny bit but, not rofl material. They are definitely clever, witty and talented but, idk if I would call them comedic geniuses. All of the guys are superb entertainers though and I’m glad you enjoy their work.

[@luiginastro8831]

Get outta here, you pedantic party poopers

[@danielwilliams7161]

I really liked Tim Burton's Sleepy Hollow. How can you not love shark tooth Christopher Walken?

[@linusdn2777]

Yep. It's kinda underrated

[@pottingsoil]

It's actually a horrible movie.

[@LumpyAdams]

@@pottingsoil And it's not uNdERaTeD

[@boofjew]

@@pottingsoil? L take

[@SunsetBear]

O.J. did it

[@matthewbyrne2972]

Mike's wearing his "Spongebob title card" shirt

[@KingMozez82]

Every hack fraud has one.

[@turtleanton6539]

😂

[@matthillfromcollege4109]

One of the most disrespectful comments I’ve ever seen in my life

[@kerrinoir]

I really love the lighting on Mike in this episode.

[@dasvaki]

16:44 - If Rich Evans said "asterick", and Mike were editing, there'd be a 90-second montage of it.

[@TeatroGrotesco]

With a link to a 90 minute version.

[@poptart9229]

Mike's hedged his bets on the pronunciation over the years. He's now moved on to "asterix" 😑

[@GrainneMhaol]

At 3;39 why does Taylor Kitch say "Your daughter is the best thing that's ever happened in my entire life" to his girlfriend?

[@hughreynolds1214]

He's rehearsing what he's going to say to Liam Neeson; the girl's father

[@GrainneMhaol]

Ok, cause out of context, it looks bizarre.

[@GrainneMhaol]

Yeah, I got that weird vibe until I watched the full teaser trailer. I had to do an embarrassing amount to searching to find it.

[@jimmyjohnson7769]

+Qui-Gon Booze oh haii ginny

[@shootatsquare]

How the fuck have I not noticed that before. Hahahahaha

[@FellOff]

Damn you're so right about the mockbusters tricking dad's at the rental store I swear my dad gets them all the time lol

[@Chemical87]

SHE WAS A FAST MACHINE, SHE KEPT HER MOTOR CLEANNNN

[@kolasunset9221]

It’s gonnne

[@wg4758]

The thing about Battleship is that the aliens are the good guys. They followed the signal from earth, their comm ship crashed, and they did what every force would do - secure a perimeter, disarm the obviously hostile natives (seriously. Their second action was a warning shot that missed their ship by a meter), and then re-establish communication with their home.

[@gyroscope915]

The movie also goes out of its way to point out the aliens don't attack unless weapons are being actively being pointed at them, they where not aggressive, they only attacked when they where at risk. But I don't think the writers where going for that, they didn't want the aliens to be the good guys being attacked by overly hostile humans. I think the writers where just terrible and wrote stupid enemies. They needed a reason why the obviously superior aliens with weapons that are way better then ours don't just come for whatever they came for and absolutely destroyed anything in their way. So they made the aliens motivations really stupid

[@laurahtje]

I always tell people that Battleship is a cinematic masterpiece. It’s just so dumb that it’s entertaining and funny. I laughed a lot. It’s worth watching. I’m glad Mike also enjoyed it.

[@ANTIStraussian]

I liked it!

[@cannonfodder4000]

27:03 Fun fact, Tim Burton *did not* direct Nightmare Before Christmas. Look it up it's the same director as Coraline

[@GarbledReverie]

Although I like Beetlejuice more, I think Edward Scissorhands is *the* Tim Burton movie as far as defining his aesthetic. You've got the Gothy McQuirkson vs. the candy-colored banal parody of "normal" people contrast that stayed a fixture of what we perceive as Buronesque films now.

[@Mrclish5000]

I would argue that batman returns is were it all began for Tim Burton. Still one of the best looking Burton movies. Though Edward Scissor Hands is the high water mark of his career because the move works so well. Honestly it is a master piece.

[@studiograficomty]

I have to pause it to laugh properly after " so i was fighting with my insurance company for my breast reduction..." that solid gold...

[@YoungPadawan85]

"but they won't pay for it bcz i'm not a lady. shit, i got bigger tits than miley cyrus."

[@CosmicUndeadElf]

Mike is dressed like Max Tennyson from Ben 10

[@jonslade17]

+CosmicUndeadElf You're totally right yo.

[@adamcrocker1335]

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

[@CosmicUndeadElf]

Mike as Grandpa Max: "If I had an Omnitrix I'd turn into a Navi and go fuck a blue chick in her Pandora's box!" Or something like that

[@quinn4436]

+CosmicUndeadElf Magnificent observation; I thank you for it.

[@cultofgiygas]

+CosmicUndeadElf For this episode, the roll of Mike will be played by live action Paul Eiding.

[@SeekerSean]

I honestly can believe that Jay has referenced Pieces more then once across all RLM shows.

[@HarryBuddhaPalm]

The exterior door was glass and yet the interior door was not. There was also no garage door on the exterior. What a bunch of hacks.

[@MeAuntieNora]

Harry BuddhaPalm They can't show the public where they actually live. That's basic hobo code.

[@davistoa]

Also the door they open inside have the hinges on the opposite of the door they opened outside. My immersion in this movie reviewing show is completely ruined.

[@WinterSteele]

I would love to hear Mike and Jay discuss their mutual love of "Ed Wood" on re:View.

[@WithLoveThomas]

YES

[@roydominic4080]

You mean mike and Susan.

[@retroNES2600]

Winter Steele I literally scrolled down to comment the exact same thing! Ed Wood needs a Re:View episode immidiately, you hack frauds!

[@dragonphoreal]

+Winter Steele What about Sweeney Todd, the last good Tim Burton film (other than Big Eyes and Frankenweenie 2012)?

[@quintquint5946]

What was literal, the scrolling or the commenting?

[@DaltonDiMartino]

7:30 loud music warning. i think it has to do with a copyright strike on the acdc song that used to be in this video.

[@forallthestupidshit3550]

They were making a point about how terribly the movie was mixed, where the music overwhlemed the dialogue.

[@AnishChari]

Edward Scissorhands is also great, surprised it never got mentioned.

[@Dadodaw]

Man, Liam Neeson will literally do anything if you offer him enough money... or any amount of money?

[@The_Order_Of_William_Marshal]

Dadodaw Or BJs. He loves the BJs. From anyone and everyone, all the time.

[@richardmattocks]

+WalterLiddy Michael Caine and Bob Hoskins were the same. No shame in working for cash!

[@TheRhinehart86]

+richard mattocks Yeah, Michael Caine talked about it in an interview, it's a British thing where most of the older British actors from the 70s and 80s had trouble getting reliable work so they just took every job they could get, that's why you get guys like Sean Connery staring in movies like Zardoz and The Avengers or Malcolm McDowell doing Caligula and low budget video games before video games were respectable. There wasn't as much of a stigma back then if actors did shitty movies. These days though its a lot easier for actors to get typecast if they do too many steamers.

[@cjhedberg735]

+TheRhinehart86 Yeah, it is a bit sad to see these fine actors in crap movies these days, just look at Robert De Niro. But at the same time, acting is their job, and you gotta pay the bills somehow. Luckily, actors like Neeson, De Niro, John Travolta and Gary Oldman have already cemented their film legacy, so people will forget shit like "The Big Wedding" or "Child 44", but will remember "Raging Bull" and "Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy".

[@mckenzie.latham91]

"Man, Liam Neeson will literally do anything if you offer him enough money... or any amount of money?" Yeah it' alsmot like being an actor is an actual job...

[@I_Am_Kiba]

Asylum presents- Fightboat. Coming soon

[@turtleanton6539]

@@cpmenninga meeeh

[@amelzon1]

This got me.

[@troymann8892]

13:39 GETOUTOFMYHEADGETOUTOFMYHEADGETOUOFMYHEADGETOUTOFMYHEADGETOUTOFMYHEADGETOUTOFMYHEADGETOUTOFMYHEADGETOUOFMYHEADGETOUTOFMYHEADGETOUTOFMYHEADGETOUTOFMYHEADGETOUTOFMYHEADGETOUOFMYHEADGETOUTOFMYHEADGETOUTOFMYHEADGETOUTOFMYHEADGETOUTOFMYHEADGETOUOFMYHEADGETOUTOFMYHEADGETOUTOFMYHEAD

[@dentonw6ir0qf15]

scrolled down to find this before blowing my brains out

[@johnbigboote8502]

Tim Burton’s Dark Shadows was more of a parody of the original soap opera than an adaptation of the soap opera

[@malky2583]

battleship made 80% of its box office overseas.

[@turtleanton6539]

Glad they did not sink this Battleship

[@luiginastro8831]

And it still lost money!

[@jakenielson7837]

I love this channel so much. I could watch these guys talk about anything.

[@TheBS1000]

Don't mistake this as me trying to defend Tim Burton in any way, but I feel like Mike and Jay need to rewatch Big Fish because they seem to have forgotten that it's a Tim Burton movie.

[@Belgand]

I think we all did. It was one of the rare cases where he made something good that felt original and not just another on-brand exercise. Big Eyes was the only other recent film to really fit that mold.

[@AlejandroSilva-mr7yy]

13:38 JESUS CHRIST GET OUT OF MY HEAD GET OUT OF MY HEAD GET OUT OF MY HEAD GET OUT OF MY HEAD GET OUT OF MY HEAD GET OUT OF MY HEAD

[@EarleSara]

I feel that exact same way about Tim Burton. He's directed some of my favorite films but his latest films are so bad.

[@DaditudeEra]

I'm gonna be a dork here and say I really love the lighting in this episode.

[@sinstarridley109]

I think ive been watching this series to much. because the nitpicker in me noticed thats not the same door they came in through. 0:47

[@merlingstoss6332]

Sinstar Ridley quite sure that's intentional. it's so blatant. that and the fact the unit they are in physically can't exist in the location shown from outside. but whatever. well done.

[@willmungas8964]

Those fucking hacks!!

[@mikeharris6429]

I watched Battleship on my friends Netflix account while using my neighbors wifi. In that specific scenario that cost me no money I enjoyed it. If I had spent even a dollar though I'd have been pissed off.

[@TeatroGrotesco]

Your time alone must be worth more to you.

[@FangedBeauty]

I love the corrected tag-lines on the movieposters so so much

[@fzero9661]

I remember going to Universal Studios, and they said that they had a trilogy of board game-based films set up, starting with Battleship, and ending with Monopoly and Candyland. Then Battleship came out...

[@jakeguy6050]

Ok but a monopoly movie could hypothetically be very good

[@RatSmasher88]

Holy shit Battleship really was the last big budget movie Taylor Kitsch starred in LOL

[@charlesdecharleroy7209]

The original "Dark Shadows" was a neat little period series, unique in its time, and with a delightfully creepy theme song. This movie... what the hell?

[@RobertC4458]

@Charles de Charleroy: Thank you! Took the words right out of my mouth ( so to speak. )

[@brynnp1165]

jay's gay little stumble at 0:51 warms my heart.

[@milkbox103]

i know right!!

[@batsvsjoke123]

Both Addam's family movies are better than the boring Dark Shadows

[@themysteriouscatperson9483]

Adam Goodison The Addam’s family theme song is better

[@aaronscott8643]

This was back when they cared enough to try to explain how they could see movies when they weren't able to during the storyline.

[@KawlinRolfe]

*Just to update this comment* They've moved onto a webzone & do business through the internet now. Who knows where they'll go from here!

[@mickyblue011]

Oh lord, why haaaave you forsaken meeeee?

[@GFSan]

we love your moo vies

[@MrYUNOTROLL]

Kristen ingram in your thoughts forsaken, meeeeee oh

[@fex144]

aaa-aaaaaaah

[@padm3lotus]

Of course they are, Plob...

[@TheRcanmeananything]

The acting in this episode is 10/10.

[@DaBombDiggidy88]

LOL i've been watching this in the background at work and the intro here had me just laugh out loud. you guys rock

[@ragequittingmike7709]

2019 half in the bag NEVER GETS OLD

[@jamiejohnson157]

I can confirm this.

[@gyroscope915]

Battleship. The movie that has that one incredible scene everyone else remembers and the rest has been lost to time

[@adriansosa7938]

"less painfull than what you would expect" and "watchable" I guess having low expectations in modern cinema is a good thing .

[@thales6790]

Correction: modern hollywood. There are a lot of great stuff out there, but they aren't as loud as disney's empire for exemple

[@RFC-3514]

11:51 - Actually, a "high powered laser" would be a viable way to send a (highly directional) signal. But it still wouldn't look like a white beam (which indicates the beam is wasting its power lighting up the atmosphere, instead of passing through it). At most you'd see a very faint monochrome beam. More likely, it wouldn't be a visible wavelength at all.

[@spartanxmonster]

Late to party. I just saw Battleship for the 1st time and wanted to watch RLM's reaction, but THE SCRATCHING IS DRIVING ME INSANE! I am glad Mike liked it though and since I dont give two shits about Dark Shadows, I'm checking out.

[@cyrollan]

@7:30 - OMG this loud music wakes me up every time it comes up (i fall asleep to RLM every night). sooooooooooo annoying!

[@MiddletoM]

I love the "Wait, shut up!" bit. Brilliant

[@jng24]

Pieces is one of my all time favs. Mainly for its absurdity.

[@concord327]

C. Thomas Howell is the Tom Cruise of Mockbusters. (he was in Gettysburg as Chamberlains Brother)

[@bensonratch8401]

WHATEVER YOU DO DONT GO TO 13:38

[@GFSan]

We need the plot back into HITB.

[@deathsheadknight2137]

26:00 is one of the best reactions of this series.

[@Thehammerofwhat]

You know what Tim Burton is REALLY good at? Opening credits sequences. Planet of the Apes, Beetlejuice, Charlie of the Chocolate factory- a lot of his films just have really great openers

[@Poookoook]

He’s a glorified set designer.

[@Dom699]

Nightmare before Christmas is Not really a tim burton movie guys. Look it up

[@clatyonvonisaacs9791]

Dark Shadows has a big plot hole. Basically Johnny Depp's character is an only child. He, his Dad and Mom leave England and settle in America. When Depp's parents are killed he is still an only child. He falls in love with a woman but the Witch kills her and curses him to be a vampire before they have kids. Then he is buried for 200 years. When he is freed from the grave and returns to the house in 1970 literally there are people living in it saying they are his descendants. But he had no children and was an only child himself so they could not be descended from him of his families descendants. So the plot and movie could never take place

[@clatyonvonisaacs9791]

@@zeppelinboys Still would not make them his descendants as they would have to descend from him

[@Barnesofthenorth]

Damn that "what weapons?. All of them" line was dumb. In this universe do captains need to say "take your hand and wrap it around the gun that was placed into your hand! ensure a finger is on this part (shows on their gun)" etc.

[@Neurodiperfluouspolarific]

well I agree, Pee wee's Big adventure is my favourite TB film and IS a masterpiece. or close. Battleship; I cant see the attraction. i fell asleep.

[@MrStephenlederle]

I couldn't stand Dark Shadows, even though my wife really likes it...but Battleship is totally a guilty pleasure for me for some reason...I've seen it like 6 times. When every it comes on tv I will turn it on a me maybe have a nap.

[@nathansvor1476]

I can't tell who should leave who here....😂

[@mckenzie.latham91]

they both have garbage taste...

[@CatLives9]

You guys forgot "Edward Scissorhands"? How dare thee!

[@KanishkaRay]

Battleship == Transformers with no actual Transformers. It's like someone said, "Let's make a movie with only the stupid humans in it." When Todd from Breaking Bad is the best actor in your movie, it's time for a brain transplant.

[@biggusdikkus3946]

Red Letter Media is so ahead of their time, they made an Among Us reference in 2012.

[@wrickerishwrung1935]

"There are aliens among us"

[@jamesstinedurf9841]

i enjoyed Dark Shadows but not enough to own it after seeing it once. if i may be a douche, i'd like to point out that Dark Shadows was a Johnny Depp project and not Tim Burton. Burton really just directed the movie as a favor to Depp

[@daddalonglegz0]

Battleship… honestly, I was on board for this one.

[@CybershamanX]

What happened to the music at the end? 😕 I think they also dubbed over the part about AC/DC and old people.

[@jtmcgee]

The guys missing his legs is LTC Greg Gadson. i may have misspelled his last name its been over a decade. He was the Battalion Commander for 2/32 FA. lost his legs on our unit's 1st deployment to Iraq

[@milkbox103]

they should do more outside filming stuff

[@valer48]

0:21...I'm proud of Mike for putting the pieces together on that one.

[@kushan101]

I'm sorry, I know he can't help his name and that I shouldn't laugh, but "Mario van peebles" at 16:10 is just flat out the most amazing name I've ever heard.

[@themexicankitchen]

What about his dad Melvin?

[@israelbrandongarcia3911]

This one reminds me of an old friend. Hope all is well Danimals

[@hinder90]

No mention of the “pegs” from the Battleship game? That was where I totally pissed myself laughing?

[@LittleBraveWarriorIsBest]

1:45 this part always gets me, so fuckings golden

[@ablup]

What is the name of music track played at 0:06?

[@RogueAstro85]

Dark Shadows was such a forgettable movie that I didn't even know it came out and still hadn't heard of it until now, 7 years later

[@Cloud_Stratus]

Oh shit, it's the dude who's in True Detective S2.

[@gyroscope915]

Anyone else getting weird crackly audio on this video?

[@cyrollan]

yup. think of it like vinyl!

[@mattparsons946]

00:52 has got to be a real trip, right? If not, that is the best acted trip I have ever seen.

[@aranockcooke98]

mario van peebles XD

[@fruitypeebils]

he's my brother. cool guy

[@lorencproductions]

Man, what the heck happened to the audio on this one? It sounds like I'm listening to a crappy vinyl with all the cracking and popping.

[@sparpie]

Love the warehouse set.

[@lennergardify]

the sound on this video blew out my laptop speakers

[@dancinswords]

The Asylum version of _Battleship_ should've been called _Fightboat_. Or _Scuffleschooner_

[@davidr2421]

I was about to say, "was this reuploaded? There's no fucking way Dark Shadows was only 5 years ago" And it turns out I was right

[@sourpatchkid394]

I loved “dark shadows” I feel like it’s been so hard to see since then. I think it just did so bad. I liked the story and the look. 🤷‍♀️I really liked it

[@jazwilly85]

I do like the guy that says "we're gonna blow up Hawaii? HOLY shit."

[@williamheckman4597]

Reason for the Bubble over the ocean... Its "battleship" the classic board game...... you have to incorporate the "Game" into the movie... the bubble is the perimeter of the "game grid" and then later in the film they have a coordinate system where they are literally "playing battleship", the classic board game.... Surprised you guys didn't catch that... I was generally smiling when they introduced this because they DID work the GAME into the movie concept... it felt like a bad senior film class project... you know, your assignment is to make a film about anything but it has to use this theme... I gave them a B- on that one. Also the Glasses Geek guy in the film is definitely a reference to George Lucas... Surprised you didn't catch that one too. Also, The whole burrito scene is the directors nod wink-wink to the audience that the entire film is a put on, they know it, now YOU know it, so just enjoy the ride... The director through the burrito scene basically confesses the movie is nothing more than a giant fun pointless special effects ride... Its why you didnt hate the film like you did a micheal bay film, because the film dismisses itself as a serious film in the first 10 minutes. Unlike every micheal bay film where you are required to suspend your disbelief but you can't because Nickelback the band.

[@zacharybinx5443]

That first shot when we meet Chloë Grace Moretz's character. Oh man straight 10. Lol

[@L33t5666]

This movie excludes one huge demographic, and I’m shocked you guys didn’t see it. The Taliban/Al Qaeda. They alienated a huge audience with this movie; that’s why it flopped obviously.

[@CaffeinatedKing]

I've been hesitant to watch a lot of the more recent Tim Burton movies with Depp because they mostly just seem to blur together, I can just feel the over saturation. But I did enjoy Dark Shadows as a harmlessly amusing movie. I am particularly fond of "fish out of water" humor depending on the context of it, stuff along the lines of him reacting to the TV will usually make me smile every time. I think "What's eating Gilbert Grape" will always be my favorite Depp movie though.

[@HConstantine]

I'm sure the 16" guns on the Iowa would be able to easily defeat a fleet of interstellar space ships.