Half in the Bag Episode 34: Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter and That's My Boy

[@theatom7912]

"I want an Adam Sandler movie to kill me..." The way he said that is so genuine and sincere.

[@LeylandM1]

The Atom zcyh

[@juliendacoolien3454]

@@LeylandM1 gjods

[@pkman947]

Im patiently waiting for their Uncut Gems review

[@joekershner117]

Uncut Gems could definitely kill someone with heart problems. That movie is very stressful.

[@thomasnaporano9822]

@@joekershner117 “What’s the movie about?” “The main character makes the worst decisions possible for two hours and fifteen minutes.”

[@requiem4ameme2]

"My soul keeps trying to kill itself" -Mike Stoklasa

[@NateBuckelew]

Blue Laser This is actually 2012. RLM had to reupload all of their videos because of the closing of Blip

[@jonahledesma]

Blue Laser Watch out, the Cheat Commandos are after you

[@Komnen0s]

"Could you give us some of your political beliefs?" "Kill everyone now!" The bluntness of that always gets me.

[@zakkizer2490]

+Komnenos Hey, it makes more sense than half the things the current candidates are spewing!

[@sexhaie]

Rip Divine

[@ptrckcgn]

@@TheKnightBlade4 here's that attention you ordered

[@stefanforrer2573]

@@TheKnightBlade4 well, trump is like what? 3, maybe 4 years younger... he's not gonna be around that much longer

[@Intestine_Ballin-ism]

@@zakkizer2490 this comment aged nicely

[@bergonath8851]

Call me crazy, but I don't think they're actually in a moving car.

[@tastyloaf5487]

Phew! I was concerned for their safety .... They're not wearing seatbelts!

[@umanasilos2311]

Your crazy af

[@salvationsplace]

OH MY GODDD

[@gregs3823]

How dare you!

[@chrisdoctor599]

How un politically correct for you to just assume, your canceled!

[@asiabrown99]

Abraham Lincoln was a vampire slayer? Next, they're gonna tell us that Alexander Hamilton was a rapper.

[@tastyloaf5487]

Or that Anne Hathaway was an actress ...

[@lionheart6176]

don't throw away your shot

[@RaidenRoach45]

But he was a rapper also..... spoiler he was shot and killed.

[@robertfitzgerald3118]

Or that Ford, Carter, Reagan, Bush and Clinton were X-Men.

[@kbend]

That aged pretty well

[@keithoregan2980]

"It happened before, a guy got killed by Avatar because it was such a, like, immersive 3D experience..he's like..his heart just said fuuuck this"

[@mckenzie.latham91]

What's worse is there were people who killed themselves because they grew depressed that they couldn't live in the world of avatar.

[@jwal7190]

James Cameron doing us all a favor, and killing off the weakest of the species with his art. Bless you, J.C.

[@mckenzie.latham91]

I wouldn't call avatar Art... more like James Cameron ripping off Dances with wolves in space.

[@ptrckcgn]

@Sir Isaac Brock both of these are very unoriginal observations

[@justinbotkin]

productions which should tell you something about how unoriginal Avatar was.

[@DibbzTheLoner]

That car trip was the best green screen effect I've ever seen.

[@TheKaiTetley]

Har har!!! Funny guy.

[@gregthesuperninjaturtle450]

It's like poetry

[@jonnydaly239]

Each window is so dense. So much detail

[@John-yy1oy]

I actually looks a lot better than most TV shows. They did a pretty good job with the lighting coming from outside the car.

[@polarbearoughey]

@@John-yy1oy Eh, I have to disagree. There's green light reflecting on to Mike's face so when they're using the center camera shot the right side of Mike's face is being eaten away.

[@OldWorldRadioBoston]

That Jeep Liberty is following a little too close... I think you guys got a tail.

[@BrandonHasAChannel]

It's clearly Rich Evans

[@joekershner117]

That's what I was thinking about the Honda Pilot..

[@JamesZeroSix]

OMg, it was bugging me so much.

[@dr.loomis4221]

@@joekershner117 Well it's just a green screen...so they'll be fine

[@crypticscrutiny1153]

@@joekershner117 it's very obviously a CR-V. Please come correct when referencing the innovative automotive Goliath that is Honda.

[@slavinib6857]

They should be wearing their seat belts.

[@Maxisamo1]

The way Mike explains the plot to Abraham Lincoln Vampire Hunter makes it sound super deep and amazingly well-written

[@alueck81]

Holy crap how long does it take you guys to get through Oak Creek you should be in Madison by now.

[@enickma910]

I love how the green can be seen in the tinted areas of the windows and reflecting on the dashboard. It was a nice touch.

[@user-zh4vo1kw1z]

They must have put up special lights in the car to get that effect. Hope it didn't distract the driver too much....

[@emmalsh]

wtf happened to Jay's sleeve

[@johnholland9371]

Gotta show off the guns bruh.

[@bonibon6669]

John Holland 😂

[@hankhill2625]

@@johnholland9371 Gun*

[@scrow7752]

Heroin doesn't wait patiently for you to undo your cuff and roll up your sleeve. Just like the drug dealer in the silver car following isn't waiting for his money.

[@amelzon1]

Yet another rough encounter at the Man Hole.

[@jacksquatt6082]

Here Mike has revealed the true tragedy of his life. In this day and age, it is *so* difficult to self-destruct in a unique and memorable way. Mike has chosen Adam Sandler movies. The tragedy is that there are only so many of those movies that can still be made, and afterwords, he will be left with nothing. The clock is ticking, and those movies are just not doing the job. He is faced with the choice of living in the dull grey Hell that his life has become, or to end it all in a more conventional way that will simply blend in with all the others, forgotten almost immediately by all except those who love him... yeah... those who love him... The point is, as Freddy Kruger pointed out, being forgotten is a bitch. This is the true doom that Mike faces with each failed attempt to court Lady Death at the hands of a Happy Madison film. I wish him luck in this endeavors.

[@MajorT0m]

After words?

[@thomasnaporano9822]

According to their review, Grownups 2 did the trick.

[@TysonHook-22-]

The RLM "experimental years"

[@eisermin69]

Holy Moly we watched the PBS things jay was in in school I can't remember what it was called but it was about Milwaukee holy moly

[@fredbuhl]

Wow--they shot the green screen video themselves; I saw a water tower from Oak Creek, WI at 11:03...

[@BlueMaxx86]

Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter didn't have fun with itself, imo, and that's why it suffered.

[@CarlSlime]

I know, Abe Lincoln needed to loosen up and wank one out.

[@stephencarroll4681]

And his semen burns the vampires

[@johnnyskinwalker4095]

I actually liked that they played it straight. That was the movie's greatest strenghts.

[@iliketurtles2531]

Yeah, I really liked how young abe stopped superheroing to just become abraham lincoln. Though I can see that would kill everybody's anticipation.

[@KeithDec25]

Totally agree with you.. ABRAHAM LINCOLN VAMPIRE SLAYER is dealing with history on its own terms as a period horror movie ...In fact the equating of vampirism WITH slavery...

[@GalanDun]

Where does Adam Sandler keep finding these kids who look like young him?

[@Syphonfllter]

In his cold, damp closet. He keeps them shackled and addicted to methadone.

[@DefiantHeart]

He actually filmed all these scenes at the actual age years ago and saved them for future projects. Just kidding. That implies Adam Sandler was not lazy at some point in history.

[@kbend]

Epstein?

[@Lizard1Bob]

@@Syphonfllter Sandler has a 2nd cold, damp closet. He keeps old, washed up comedians shackled to giant bottles of methadone in there. I know this as I just escaped, my name is Rob Schneider... and now if you will excuse me, I need to go back to Adam's 2nd closet for some more methadone.

[@theSemiChrist]

@@Lizard1Bob this is canon

[@thezec]

1:40 Now that's a good "shut up"

[@MajorT0m]

It is my favourite "shut up" ever immortalised on screen.

[@joekershner117]

My favorite 'Shut Up's were always at the start of those old Smosh youtube videos

[@CosmicWhovian]

I loved the kidnapping bits. The scenery of the back seat of the car while you review was oddly tranquil. Excellent video.

[@xp8969]

Don't look but I think that van is following us

[@threesixtydegreeorbits2047]

So tragic they could have prevented all this if they watched the "Gouge his eyes" guys video. Never go to crime scene nr. Two.😢

[@bearisbig3848]

26:54 the bit from Divine blew me away, I loved that so much

[@KizaruB]

I was incredulous that you brought up Pink Flamingos. I actually know about that movie.

[@danieljohn9257]

First off, this channel is one of the funniest on KZbin, literally. You guys deserve to make a lot of money and win some kind of KZbin Awards. I laugh harder during your reviews than I do during most of the comedies you're reviewing. You're so funny maybe Sandler will put you in his next movie! You said you wanted a movie to kill you, maybe that's how it will happen?! Stay in Wisconsin!

[@peteryocum]

@@hansjuker8296 They're at 930k now, what happened?!

[@Jorgie000]

That Honda is tailgating like a mother fucker!

[@JorgeTorres-tl7vo]

I think Jay would be proud to know David Lynch was inspired by this episode of HitB’s green screen so much he used equally awful green screen in Twin Peaks a few years later.

[@TexasRotor]

Why did “I know there’ll be hot dogs at the cookout” get me so good?

[@concordetconstabulary219]

Isnt it obvious?! You have an obvious deep, dark, sexual desire....for green screen effects made by hack film critics.

[@Barnesofthenorth]

I was thinking to myself "who would make a comedy that starts out with statutory rape?" Then you said "By Adam Sandler" and I thought "oh ye... that makes sense"

[@XtoriezNovel]

I thought the two guys in the car with white shirts were Mormon Missionaries.

[@AgtX999]

That car has the smoothest ride ever.

[@yskim8616]

Much obliged. We employ the finest drivers in the world. I know because I myself, am a driver.

[@thepoliticalstartrek]

So the book is second in a unlinked series. the first was Pride and Prejudice and zombies. It was released in September 2009.

[@florinivan6907]

'We're both attractive people' honestly I could almost believe someone who is a commited hedonist to use that logic when defending having an 'awkward' relation with their sibling.

[@lewistrombly4088]

The background reminds me of the car scenes in the show Seinfeld.

[@frame2451]

What's funny is that I recently watched D.W. Griffith's 1930 biopic of Abraham Lincoln, and the problems you guys described with Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter are in Griffith's older supposed classic, too. A random collection of unconnected scenes with characters showing up for a bit and then disappearing with no real importance [including, oddly enough, Stephen Douglas]. So that made me laugh on top of the jokes actually in the video. Thanks, gents!

[@taargustaargus3139]

This video is anxiety inducing. Why am I sitting between the two front seats? And why can't I turn around and see where we are going?

[@FarewellChorus]

0:51 I'm watching this video for the first time, and this entire exchange feels like a discussion of the nature of religious faith. They're being lead by forces they don't know much about, and which do not respond to them. They can only hope that they're going the right way. Jay at first worries that they're being lead to damnation, but Mike posits the existence of a paradise. Jay catches on to the idea and starts coming around, and Mike reaffirms his own faith, proclaiming "I *know* there will be hotdogs". All this without any real information about the vehicle or the entities driving it. Helps that the people in front look like members of one of several proselytizing religious groups. Edit: fixed spelling

[@TheNzFox]

watching this in 2020 and I honestly thought Jay was an imposter, mike on the other hand only looks mostly the same, just more blood in his alcohol system

[@kennethcoarse7336]

They are both bitches, they are literally crying about gay and fat jokes while they themselves say incest only happens in the south. They're fucking hypocrites.

[@pottasiumcynaide4104]

@@kennethcoarse7336 interesting explain?

[@thomasmacintosh2656]

Butt hurt much?

[@inutonmoms]

They need to get a deal with hbo and this show would be a cult classic like they put it on late on like friday night it wont even have to go against anything of note and ppl will start finding it off word of mouth

[@LUSCIOUSDUNCAN]

i hate to say it folks but "inutonmoms" knows what they're talking about

[@br0k3nman]

Kind is ducked.

[@RxYouth]

I think they're doing just fine being in the top 50 earners on patreon, netting them close to or possibly more than 100k a month not including their youtube revenue. I'd much rather they get to keep all creative control then get stuck in some contract/development nightmare with some studio or company. I like that they get to make whatever they want (especially since this comment was made 4 years ago) and that it feels very fan supported.

[@farenheit2456]

In a different world, Half In The Bag or Best of The Worst would have been on Adult Swim at 3 AM in the morning or on Comedy Central or something and be cancelled after two seasons. Then it would get a shitty Netflix/Amazon Prime/Hulu reboot.

[@JohnSmith-pv3kj]

This would be a good idea if it were 1997

[@mattmacd2009]

Abe Lincoln......Vampire hunter was awesome! You should be pleased that he cleared out America of all those vampires........talk about being ungrateful!

[@shannonblood5882]

19:08 they are rear ended by the Honda... and no one responds... they are practically being kidnapped and give no fks. These guys are PROS!!

[@deprecateduser7493]

the green!! so much green!

[@TheKaiTetley]

Yeah, they sold out. Too much work done with green screen. They need to go back to practical effects and real sets.

[@stephencarroll4681]

They just sit in the chair with their coffee

[@TheKleptix]

I remember this video being one of the first ones I saw, back when they uploaded to their website. It's been a damn long time - 9 years!

[@curtismoore4347]

21:05 The back of the box description for "Space Cop."

[@tl_nik0n353]

"Movies gave me scabies" I actually got scabies from a filthy theater when I went to see The Force Awakens

[@Freddie_Dunning-Kruger_Jr.]

'Party Down' is one of my top 5 favorite comedies of all time ❤️❤️❤️

[@spikethegodposter1293]

I think most movie's have people who aren't Adam Sandler

[@xavi9able1]

"I certainly don't have and problems with raunchy, vulgar humor" -Director of The Great Space Jam

[@Mr_Roboto]

That sounds like an adult film title.

[@diqless]

I can appreciate that you only put 1 ad on the video, considering the whole video is technically an ad. +1 respect

[@unknownfoopa]

abraham lincoln vampire hunter came out one month after abraham lincoln versus zombies.

[@justinamenta7241]

"Hans Klopek" haha holy shit i knew Jay reminded me of someone

[@acidfruitloops]

Just landed for me while watching again LOL about a 9 on the tension scale there rube!

[@PaperSeraglio]

I love that he called him that. I've been saying that for years. I'm glad it was mentioned.

[@TheBrendon67]

I always accept rides from strangers. Super safe. Never a bad idea. Unless you are picked up by a guy wearing a dark pair of glasses, hoodie, and drives a van with a picture of a polar bear on it with no windo.... uh-oh.

[@TheComixkid2099]

Hans Klopek. Thank you for that. Made my week.

[@thespiralgoeson]

I know I'm many years late to the party on this one, but yes, that's the hardest I've laughed in a while.

[@oliviaconnors169]

Ha! Hans klopek. That's not a reference I ever expected to hear.

[@garyhole731]

Omg that Hans Klopek line at the end was brilliant...

[@influenza99]

was that a Burbs reference?

[@garyhole731]

@@influenza99 it sure was

[@influenza99]

@@garyhole731 I watched that movie once in the 90's....no clue how that name stuck with me all these years. lol Great movie btw.

[@junghunt8645]

It’s funny b/c the first time I saw a picture of old Jay after getting to RLM late was that he looked exactly like Hans Klopek. To see it’s canon in their own reality/universe is both satisfying and amazing.

[@FunnyBecauseItsTrue]

...love the reference to "The Burbs" towards the end...

[@glinkgo]

So we ain't gonna talk about Jay's sleeve just being open?

[@nickkrasny1562]

The one line in that’s my boy I enjoyed was when Andy samburg was berating Adam Sandler’s appearance “You’re going to a wedding rehearsal not a Quiznos opening.” Other than that it was crap

[@cwilliams523]

I love those theatres with the restaurants in the theatre room. I went to one for the second Pirates of the Caribbean and had beer and chicken wings.

[@danielbarrero2815]

This is such a cool set up. I love y’all

[@TheSharkIsWorking_23]

You guys went to the Majestic theater? I miss and LOVED The Majestic in Wisconsin! In fact is that Brookfield in the BG?

[@hiraxm]

Hilarious @ 16:10 "his heart just said,"fuck this"''.

[@sdzhchannel]

The director of Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter has also earlier directed Night Watch, based on Sergey Lukyanenko' s book by the same name. I have seen the film somewhere on YT with German dubbing and I decided to watch it as I liked Lukyanenko' s books. I think pretty much the same applies to it too: the film straightforwardly and laconically glimpses over all major plot points of the book, one scene after the other, with no connection in between, at extremely fast pace. The few scenes where it slows down are short and play no major role, and they nearly seem out of place. I was thinking upon viewing it, much like Jay said, that had it been a bit longer than 95 minutes, it could have been much more coherent - it seemed all links between the scenes are cut out. Also, it looked all dull, dark and grey (even more than I would expect from panel flat buildings in Eastern Europe at night) and some of the effects seemed cheap and clumsily edited (the owl, for example). Pretty much this has been the style of the director all along... I am not going to comment on some of the creative decisions in Night Watch because this would mean spoilers for the book, but omitting some important aspects of the book makes the entire plot make too little sense :D

[@Bongopepe]

There's also a Troma movie called Jesus Christ Vampire Hunter, so... yeah

[@SoullessCast]

Movies like Abe Lincoln and Starship Troopers seem to be in a semi-rare class of "high-budget B-movie". It can create a big disconnect in your head between the different parts of your movie-brain because of that though.

[@putsitinmybottos]

I know it’s been a year since you’ve made this comment but please do not compare Starship Troopers to Abe Lincoln vampire hunter.

[@nicholasvinen]

Starship Troopers really revelled in it. That's what made it work.

[@gaur1269]

'That's my boy' sounds like a serious contender for worst film ever. Abe vampire slayer sounds like light hearted fun though.

[@ted_cruzumaki]

Wow I think that's the first ever party down reference I have heard outside of the show!

[@ZinkyStinky]

OH MY GOD.....I saw that civil war PBS reenactment video back in highschool like in 2017. I knew that face from somewhere but I couldn't quite put my finger on it until now.

[@kevinzurek3431]

"You can enjoy a movie in the atmosphere of a noisy restaurant ." wow that sounds fucking awful

[@paulmajano]

That’s how I enjoy Disney StarWars and MCU after Stark died.

[@richardrandolph5712]

I really enjoy these guys, both know movies and care about them. I'm entertained and always learn something. Plus Jay easily hits a 10 on the male cuteness scale.

[@joostul]

Well you guys convinced me, I'm watching That's My Boy tonight

[@DanRudy]

"Hans Klopek" cracked me right up! The resemblance is there.

[@jazztom86]

I can't believe that you didn't even mention "Jesus Christ Vampire Hunter". Don't you guys know that one? It's awesome. It's on KZbin as well.

[@mrchiefbs]

I’ve seen Abraham Lincoln Vampire Hunter twice and I honestly don’t regret it. It feels like it knows the premise is satirical in a way and doesn’t take anything seriously but is still sort of serious. It’s actually a decent film imo.

[@shanegreen4076]

Your opinion is wrong.

[@InBedGamer]

Best green screen effects ever.

[@qwertyb18]

At around 27:35 you can see the rear window ZOOM IN O_O

[@jordanthomas4379]

ALVH had a subpar story, the parts I loved where the super stylish action set pieces, they were fantastically over the top.

[@MrBottlecapBill]

Yup finally hollywood put out some original ideas and they hate it lol. There is another similar one that came out after: Price and Prejudice and Zombies also worth a watch.

[@ghouldishanimal]

3:48, Jay's comment and then that reveal is gold!

[@porkchekhov4436]

8:43 now we know where Jay got the idea for the chinstrap

[@hellreviewer]

HANS KLOPEK. I fucking died.

[@JohnnyBarbells]

...i came here to say the same thing!

[@bubbadoom1837]

Mattack! I don't know what's more shocking, I'm watching a two year old Half in the Bag, or that I'm not the only one that caught that most obscure reference.

[@mandycat8]

Shout out to The Burbs!

[@Dr.MantisTobogganMD]

That intro has the best lighting director and director of cinematography and director of photography.

[@timflint25]

You're so right about That's My Boy lmao that grandma scene really is THE ONLY JOKE

[@MrDavidUtz13]

He called Jay "Hans Klopek"! LoL! I nearly died !!! 😆

[@rebeccawilliamson1978]

Loved it. Thought for a second I mis-heard and watched that part again. So great.

[@EX-Flashkick]

Jay without the mustache looks like a different person

[@Bigredwillol]

the background in the car is so engaging

[@kahleeb624]

Gotta say, I absolutely loved the green glow around all the windows in the car. Couldn't tell if they did it on purpose or not but regardless, was awesome. 😂

[@Bupernox]

Mike's cheek keeps disappearing.

[@PagetTeaches]

Bupernox what's wrong with your faaaaaace?

[@dantodd3737]

The 'Burbs getting referenced here made the entire episode for me.

[@ericsilva4472]

God I love this street!

[@bubbadoom1837]

Hans Klopek! Most obscure movie reference I've heard in quite some time.

[@rich8642]

19:05 Did i just witness a car crash?

[@Achoohorsey]

Why is it so funny to me when Mike magically has a beer in the back of the car

[@Ender4175]

"Why is they shouting at us?" Got me real good 😂

[@Thed-up2vr]

"Once he got the beard I was on board!" Jay predicting his own future, again

[@ponyworld1255]

Hey, Jay and Mike: Stephen Douglas did in fact, in real life, court Mary Todd. That's based on actual history.

[@WinglessMichael]

Oddly enough, I've met a brother and sister who were in a sexual relationship, and when I asked them, "why?", they said, "because we're both hot.". So when I saw the same thing in this movie when it released, I thought to myself... "I'm glad I'm not the only person who met these kinds of people." These people exist... it's fucked up, but it's true...

[@barbiquearea]

I take it this was the reason the Lannister twins began doing it.

[@adityagudimetla]

barbiquearea Funny thing is, in the books that really is the reason. at least at the beginning

[@ABLEARC]

I get it. As long as they don't make babies its ok.

[@rustytoyota]

They really shot this WHOLE review in a Chevy Aveo.

[@ajrk95]

It must have been hot as he'll shooting this in a parked car with the Windows covered up

[@MrHenreee]

well now I know what it's like to take a car ride with Mike and Jay

[@baburik]

8:31 ha! funnily enough the director started his career with a series of commercials that depicted historical segments about famous people (Napoleon, Caesar, Genghis Khan...). I wonder if they really just felt it or did their research and scripted it...

[@strokesfield]

Goddamn that jeep followed them for the entire filming lol

[@PoiosAftos]

And they dare to complain about product placement in Adam Sandler movies... Pfff!

[@fullfiledprophecies]

The 'Burbs reference! As if I wasn't already won over