Reflecting on reactions?

[@Littlellama327]

Definitely feel like this comes with getting older and wiser- I’m not yet fully recovered but am able to reflect back and recognize if I’ve acted out of anger or fear

[@Ro-gg2hj]

there’s strong neuropsychological reasons for this! 1) when you have an active ED , ur ‘cognitive flexibility’ goes out the window! (Partly cuz ur in flight/fight/freeze 24/7 and don’t got time for that high order thinking) 2) ppl with EDs get overwhelmed more easily but less incoming stimuli/info to process as compared to ppl without an ED. If ur already overwhelmed by am emotional state, you have less capacity to actually even process whatever situation ur in and the info ur interpreting from it. 3) ppl with EDs are likely to get stuck in the details rather than see the’ full picture’ because of how the stressed af brain is operating. So ur far less able to see any other point of view than ur own and u likely don’t see the need to cuz ur already emotionally overwhelmed and dysregulated. That’s my understanding of this stuff anyways, there’s probs things I’ve missed but I do thing a lot of this relates the neurophysiological effects of restriction on the brain (Also kinda explain why so many ppl with EDs now describing themselves as neurodivergent cuz the symptoms (eg. Of ADHD, ASD, ect.) often overlap but have different causes … I reckon

[@jessicabrady5693]

Thank you for sharing!

[@jessicabrady5693]

I’ve dealt with this same exact thing. I’m a year into recovery, not fully there yet, but I’ve been reflecting on how I used to act deep in my ED. I would block people and never talked to them again if they did one small bad thing. In my ED I felt egotistical and like I was better than everyone, because I was exercising more and had more self control. On top of that, I was very productive in my ED and I felt like I had to study for a certain amount of time, and if other people didn’t do that I felt better than them. I felt better that I was able to go go go while they were drinking. So I didn’t think I needed people. What’s crazy too is that I’ve been trying to find a confidence in myself without engaging in my ED, which is hard when your self esteem revolved around it. I’m starting to find my confidence separate from the ED, but I’m definitely not fully there. I’ve tried to reach out to old friends that I cut off saying sorry, but a lot of them didn’t accept the apology unfortunately.

[@louisebruce1863]

I think from my own experience that getting older lends itself to being able to see and understand ourselves with more clarity. I too apologize when I’ve overeated and see my fault in the situation. It’s one of the best things I have learnt to do.

[@BluebellStory]

Your talks are always so interesting.What is your opinion about personality disorders paired with an eating disorder..like vulnerable narcissism.

[@AshleyBitton]

I do think this has a lot to do with the eating disorder. I remember every and all of my emotions were valid to me and I could never admit that I was wrong, I was so self righteous! I also think that being so hungry just made me pure mean and irrational lol. Now that I am recovered I'm so much more patient and understanding with everything and everybody. I think when you're healthy self is in charge, instead of the eating disorder self, you approach things from a more soulful place, rather than from your ego. Very interesting topic!

[@mariamkamal]

I don't know if my emotional reactions, when my AN was active, were related to the disease or to me as an immature person (the question of whether it is a state or a trait?) But yes, my reactions were irritating and chaotic. I was stubborn, rigid, and always blaming others or circumstances on my mistakes. And yes, after recovery I became more relaxed, able to see the whole picture of arguments, I give others more chances, and I can reframe situations and pick my misperceptions. But still don't know the answer, " Was it my old immature version who was overreacted, or was it because of malnutrition?". I read a lot about brain damage that EDs make, and I read a lot about thinking errors and how to defeat them. I do believe that EDs affect our reactions, so if I read about thinking errors when I was sick, I think that it would lead to nothing because both of my brains (the emotional and the rational) were malnourished.

[@taylacherry2433]

Hi Tabitha, apologies as this could be quite long but needed to add context but there are a couple of questions here: I was wondering what your thoughts are about eating disorders in healthcare professionals. I am a 26 yo who has struggled with Anorexia for the last 6 years. I completed uni and am practicing now. Intellectually I know about eating disorders, the medical and psychological features and complications and am aware first hand. And yet it's almost like there is a disconnect in that I can't seem to reflect this understanding towards myself. I feel so hypocritical and ashamed for this. Colleagues and patients alike have expressed concerns for me and my wellbeing and all I can do is change the subject, say everything's fine etc. I actively avoid my psych and dietetic colleagues as I feel like they can see what I look like and they know. Like it's this secret that I've been trying (and most probably failing at/)to hide and they 'see' me or know what I am doing to myself. I feel guilty for the fact that I am supposed to be promoting health and wellness yet so evidently I am unable to share this with myself. I wonder if it is common, like I imagine many psychologists, therapists or even dietitians have their own mental health history and I know that other mental health conditions like alcoholism, drug abuse, gambling etc are alarmingly high in health professionals.

[@tatteredquilt]

Right now, I'm an emotional roller coaster. Hair trigger. Things go from quasi-reasonable to off the rails in a nanosecond. I'm generally decent with words, but go off on expletive screaming rounds over nothing- or worse, because the dog is being a dog. She's my only consistent form of interacting with a living being, and I yell at her like some trashy wife beater. I know after I've reacted poorly, but not in time to stop it. Before becoming disabled, I worked as a RN, usually in charge or supervisory positions, and was cool and calm when working, %99 of the time. If I got upset, I could still react without overreacting, and do it in a way that didn't trounce on the other guy's emotional state. I've been in therapy this time for about 14 months, and am in a weird part right now- head is a mess, and with medical issues dictating more food 'rules' recently, I've been paralyzed by fear (of gout pain in an already high uric acid body, given 8x the correct/safe dose of meds for 3 yrs, for someone with my stage of kidney disease), and that has resulted in a gradual decline in eating. I'm back on the tube for a few days, hopefully to top things off, and get back on track, but it's crazy to remember how I was when I was working (and not actively restricting in my already restricted food 'mentality'- thanks, mom), and what I'm like now. I'm told this is fairly normal, and will pass- but it seems like it's taking forever.