Refusing a Marriage Proposal Because of Ethnicity || The Muslim Family Q&A || AMAU

[@KassimEffect]

I think a lot of the rejections are based on racist views because I personally experienced it. The wali used very insulting language in front of my father when I asked for the ladies hand for marriage. Reason? because she wanted to marry me and not her cousin aka his son.

[@botbeamer]

Im in similar condition

[@mubeenreminders7220]

@@botbeamer Been 7 years here.

[@JJ-xm2km]

@@botbeamer 3 years for me … I’m 37 and divorced… I’m having mental breakdown… I’m being manipulated that they will loose their lives because of the shame I bring to them…. Reason different ethnic group

[@botbeamer]

@@JJ-xm2km I got married finally alhamdulillah, but difficulty don't stop, I'm 23 I went to different country and marry my current wife, now I have to work without sleep to make her visa, I have not had the chance to live with my wife even a single day ... pray for me

[@botbeamer]

@@JJ-xm2km im algerian she is pakistani

[@ayeshapyesha7301]

The issue is when, for example, a Pakistani family may refuse their daughter marriage to an African brother who is extremely knowledgeable and practicing on the deen and they have a lot in common, in favour of marrying her off to another Pakistani who isn't particularly practising or as educated, purely based on the fact he is of the same ethnicity. This type of situation makes no sense whatsoever. Also, the excuse of language is given a lot when refusing marriage to other ethnicities. But this excuse is given in countries where the main language is English, so one would argue why on earth haven't these people learned the common language of the land regardless? It's a complex issue. But speaking as a revert Muslim, it's very hypocritical for us to see muslims happy we've come to Al Islaam but refusing their children in marriage to us.

[@jeremyh9213]

This was is my same complaint. Anyway, languages can be learned, so this is a stupid reason to refuse marriage. As long as the couple can speak a common language then it is fine. I think inter-ethnic marriages have a lot of fun in them. I'm hispanic and I can read Bangla better than my Bengali brother in law...And I can also read some Urdu where as my in laws can't and I know more about Bangladesh than my wife and her siblings...the point is, these things can be learned and is no reason to refuse a good match...my biryani is also good :P

[@MrSuperman957]

Agreed. Like the Sheikh said, Racism is wrong. Ethnicity should never take precedence over the Deen.

[@أبوشغل]

This is another benefit of the whole ummah learning Arabic. There would be more opportunities for Muslims of different cultures to marry. The Arabic language is the language of the Muslims. We hope that the ummah will return to learning it, firstly for understanding the religion of الله, but also so that the connection between the Muslims becomes greater.

[@jeremyh9213]

@@أبوشغل Agreed..Arabic is a good start. But I prefer also learning other languages of the muslims. I believe this gives us better a better understanding of each other.

[@sharearabic6619]

@@jeremyh9213 because the food is different

[@MomoLovesCats]

is there by chance a Bengali translation of this? I really need to get through my parents and their stubborn Jahiliyah ways of thinking

[@tariq2835]

If your kids want to do something halal. Alhumdulilah and encourage it and make dua and stay close to your kids. Don’t cut ties. Zina is worse also leaving the folds of Islam living in a non islamic is far worse.

[@DryDownfall]

JazakAllah khair this is the most balanced explanation I've heard yet may Allah reward you sheikh with jannatul firdaus

[@nsultana982]

The global marriage crisis is only getting worse, and multiculturalism is only increasing. To maintain our cultural divides in such times would require significant (and consequently toxic) levels of intra-Ummah othering: which does not come without its share of arrogance and superiority/inferiority complex. Edit: The only divides we should be upholding at such times are those between haram and halal, liked and disliked, encouraged and discouraged.

[@Muipal]

Multiculturalism was always been the case until nationalism came into place until 150 years ago. As an example the most of middle eastern people come from intermixing of Semitic, turkic and Aryan people. The entire population of Turkey came out of multi-ethnic mix, with turkic dna average only around 20%. The ottomans themselves come from a mix of multi-ethnicity. It’s not new. The nationalism and racism born together from Europe.

[@beckasbluenomadtriniamazigh]

I am a revert. How about choosing when to say Assalamu Alaikom to someone based on ethnicity?! Astaghfirullqh. Absolutely unacceptable and goes against the basic fundamentals of Islam. I come from a multi-racial family background. I have family from so many places and some of the blatant hateful racism I have experienced are from fellow Muslims of a different race or so they think not realizing as a Trinidadian American, I am mixed with so many things but then again, racism has nothing to do with Islam. It's a social (human) construct, and absolutely unacceptable. I find some people do not ant to chnage. They actually think the character traits are acceptable 😞.

[@abuhijjra]

The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “If there comes to you one with whose character and religious commitment you are pleased, then marry (your female relative under your guardianship) to him, for if you do not do so, there will be tribulation and great mischief on earth.”

[@AYouTubeCommentator]

Where is this Hadith on marriage and tribulations/mischief on earth?

[@abuhijjra]

@@AKZbinCommentator At-Tirmiti and Ibn Maajah]

[@aatif7518]

Just because they can't cook biryani,you can't reject!!!

[@taimurahmad]

They must paki food. My mother food is too good and I want to be spoiled by a housewife

[@testing-ki4gw]

My mother married my father who are the same ethnicity. She got nothing but abuse. He cheated, smokes drugs and only now as an old man he’s better . All of us siblings only I speak urdu/ Punjabi the rest of my siblings will speak in English with the parents and my point is even tho the parents are the same ethnicity their kids bought up in the UK don’t even speak the urdu language , they speak English . Furthermore they don’t even like eating sabzee vegetables with roti … culture is what the individual wants it to be. For me even tho I speak the language and love all the foods I don’t ever want to go back home to my parents countries nor do I like their traditions that much because they do too much shirk and innovation in Islam. Additionally, their thinking disgusts me how men can do whatveee but us women need to be slaves and cook and clean and we must stay with in laws or we are bad. F that shi*** follow the deen and marry whoever you want as long as they have true deen and character ! My cousin married this girl both were not on their deen but the same culture anyways today she’s so unhappy and he’s cheated on her multiple times and she even says she wished she was on her deen and married someone who had deen. Moral of the story marry someone who has deen and character whether it’s your own or another ethnicity. Then you’ll be successful ‎إِنْ شَاءَ اللَّهُ

[@kill3r_qu33n]

🎉🎉🎉🎉 exactly exactly exactly 🎉🎉🎉 it doesn't mean marriage in the same culture is success !!!! And therefore prophet Muhammad صلى الله عليه وسلم Said don't oppress and don't be oppressed. Me being born in the USA also doesn't like eating saabzi , roti and spicy desi daal. And we women are not slaves and workers for men!!!!! I think for once our men should get their butts up and take care of themselves and make food themselves. Islam doesn't imprison women and girls always stick with the culture and do chores and stay in the kitchen the whole day. I rather marry a different culture whereas men are polite caring compassionate protective God fearing understanding helpful and trustworthy. Regardless of skin !!!!!!! Or culture!!!!!!. It didn't say in the Quran, desi girl Marry desi boy's or arab guys marry arab girls, or Caucasians Marry Caucasians or Africans marry african !!!!!!!!!! In the Quran it says polytheists men marry polytheists women and practicing Islamic men marry practicing Islamic women.

[@taimurahmad]

Women need to serve their husbands. Um Salama, may Allah be pleased with her said: "The Prophet (Sallallahu Alaihi wa Sallam) said: "Any woman who dies while her husband is pleased with her will enter Paradise." Reported by Thirmidhi who classified it as a sound Hadith. However what you have mentioned otherwise is correct.

[@kill3r_qu33n]

@@taimurahmad but if someone is going through domestic violence or things are not working out and men can't always rely on women for everything and they get mad for every little thing. Then that's wrong and when it comes to abuse or domestic violence we women must take action

[@kill3r_qu33n]

@@taimurahmad those are for grateful husbands who appreciate their wives for everything. If my wife cooks her biriyani with less color or hair falls on the food no offense desi guy's really make a big deal out of things and take it too far

[@uthman-lz3nk]

​@@kill3r_qu33ntheyre jaahil just ignore them

[@ummabdulrahmaan]

Wallahi that so true my family was big big issue no muslims. Istikarah was the way...

[@ZeeKay1430]

Su'Bhaan Allah, May Allah guide the parents, Amin

[@abuhijjra]

A person might want to take the matter all the way to a judge and marry the woman by that means as a way to combat racism. The more mixed our cultures and ethnicities become the less racism between the Muslims. Most likely the children from this type of marriage won’t be racist.

[@bizzytrap1658]

Mashallah very beneficial

[@abuhijjra]

Most time you won’t find the racist wali strong upon the Quran and Sunnah that he is concerned about how the daughter met the groom or that they have been communicating in a way that’s not from sharia. Allaah knows best.

[@Shay3356]

If the two in question are Islamic-ally satisfied with one another, they should go ahead and take steps to get married. I don’t know where parents come up with the idea they have a right over their children’s marriage. Family are meant to support, not control. And no marriage is predicted, it’s all about the two standing strong in their marriage against the ignorant.

[@jamajijo6674]

Masha Allah sheikh may Allah bless you in jannah Inshallah 👍👍👍

[@ZahirBivings-mt6rh]

When they said we have created different tribes race So that you will be able to get to know each other they meant both ways rather of his people in your nation or out of your nation obviously me personally I prefer people who are more similar to me than different from the interns in marriage because I do think it caused less confusion it is a more compatible match overall but that’s just me but at the end of the day ready if you want to be an interrical or non interrical is really the act of commitment and loyalty and also preference not just your ethnic background

[@testing-ki4gw]

Also why is it that the sheikh in this video automatically assumes that two different ethnicities would have had to be haram? Some people from the same ethnicity who want to marry one another and get approval can also be haram and also had haram relationships?! Sometimes you can meet at work or university sometimes it can someone like your friend from studying and you happen to like each others characters . I agree all of the free mixing is haram no matter what but it doesn’t mean the two would have had to be having inter course just because they are fighting to marry ! I hate that view because no one looks at couples who are the same culture the same way . Also sometimes someone can be just a nice person in general that it’s so hard to find that type of person elsewhere so you really want to marry them because they have deen

[@sirrykr1679]

In the western world once you are 18 no one has a right to stop you from getting married. No one. No one 18 years of age needs anyones permission except the person they want to marry.

[@aar8808]

Must we accept that our grandkids won't look like us by accepting global majority races? Is racial preservation not allowed for smaller tribes/races? Are only Arabs allowed to preserve their lineage?

[@aar8808]

Alhamdulilah there are hundreds of ethnicities to choose from if one is blocked for you.

[@petestreet7535]

Including your own ethnicity.

[@hansguenter6263]

Quran 5:51 : O ye who believe! Take not the Jews and the Christians for friends. They are friends one to another. He among you who taketh them for friends is (one) of them. Lo! Allah guideth not wrongdoing folk.

[@l.k1992]

Assalamu alaykum, does anyone know how we can send questions to ustadh tim humble?

[@saral9817]

BarakAllah feekom

[@ummabdulrahmaan]

As Salam alaykum wa ramatullah wa barakatuh it's not easy different ethnicity. I'm Brazilian and my husband is Sri Lankan. Al hamdulillah I was Muslim way before but it was challenging to adapt to his desires but we Place Islam before all and all cane easy...

[@BKAYS]

جزآك الله خيرا

[@fatimadamishq]

Jazākallāhu khairan

[@Arbnvbe]

As salam aleykoum, how can we ask questions please ?

[@Shumayal]

I'm a male and my parents don't accept

[@Bsbawkdbeisnwpwy]

Luckily your parents don’t have to approve your marriage. Women on the other hand do have it a little tougher in the sense that our marriage is deemed invalid if our wali doesn’t approve

[@ichimokutrader1845]

38 and single due to Ashiq Jinn and black magic + evil eye.

[@Mohamed-uc9mb]

my personal opinion is, I married from my background, even though I and my wife was brought up in the UK and I want my kids to be married to my background, simply, the same tradition, the same expectation and if anything goes wrong, we will have access to our kids even if she or I go back home still we have easy access to our kids but if we marry from different background and they went to their country, we will not have access to our kids. furthermore, we all want us to go back home, and it's unlikely a spouse from different ethnicity will agree to go back home with you.

[@jeremyh9213]

If your kids grow up in the UK then back home for them is the UK...and if their kids grow up in the UK then back home is the UK for them...consider this, whatever primary or secondary language you speak will fall away and be replaced by English. I live in the USA and I am 3rd generation hispanic...my niece can't even understand really basic Spanish when I talk to her...which is fine. Honestly speaking, I couldn't care less if my kids speak Spanish as none of my family speaks it much anyway. I prefer English, and I want my kids to live in the USA in sha Allah, as that is "back home" for me.

[@nsultana982]

People who prioritize ancestral culture want to marry others who will want to prioritize that same culture. But the point is - nothing should be prioritized over deen. If you have a hard time moving away from your culture (even with no language barrier being there) - then that may be a symptom of you having significant bias for your culture over the deen, at least in the down-low, if not outright. And Allah knows best. Also, agreed with the comment made by @Jeremy H

[@Mohamed-uc9mb]

There is difference between assimilation and integration. No one want to assimilate England as they are not Islamic culture. Protecting our culture and our language is part of religion as our culture is very deeply rooted in Islam. In order our kids to be very easily attached is through language and culture. Look what happened to afghani cameleers when they assimilated To the Australian culture , what happened to tartars when they assimilated To finish culture and what happen to Lebanese when they assimilated to American culture. You have to be proud of where your come from and not feel inferior to the nation you are immigrated to, to a point you feel you have to assimilate.

[@Mohamed-uc9mb]

N Sultana who told to you our deen is against our culture. Religion didn’t come to destroy cultures rather to enhance and perfect it. I don’t know which culture you come from but our culture is very deeply rooted in Islam, if one loses his language and culture and assimilate in western culture, there is a high chance we lose our religion. Our culture always priorities deen, in order to protect our kids religion, we have to protect our language and culture.

[@jeremyh9213]

@@Mohamed-uc9mb I don't know about that bro. What does language and culture have to do with the actual religion? Isn't taqwa primary? Which can be achieved through striving and struggling in any linguistic, cultural and/or socio-economic background? And we know that many cultural practices are completely against the Quran and Sunnah. If you don't mind my asking what is your ethnicity? Also, as an American, born and bred, I am not assimilating into America. I am American. Your comment doesn't make sense in the context of Muslims emigrating to western lands as it is debatable as to whether they should even be here in the first place for the long term. They can't come to our lands and then shun the locals without a backlash of some sort. Once again, if your kids are born and bred in the UK, then they have more in common with your average British "bloke" than some chap from Afghanistan or Pakistan or any where else. I'm not theorizing, that is simply a fact.

[@mmathari3485]

You should be focussing on dawah and not put yourself in a position where you're giving fatwas.

[@ibnjafar4025]

Why so

[@SN-ly6yx]

He has the relevant qualifications

[@juliasawadski]

Every word has consequences. Be careful!

[@fbi8345]

this is dawah to muslims who refuse marriage because of ethnicity even tho everything else is good

[@SamiMuktar]

M Mathari he’s a graduate of Madinah university from the college of Hadith, you have no authority to say who is qualified to give a ruling or not. Sad

[@wishingtomarryagain2052]

Im in the rush..im 61 Mashaallah..no same age lady and no wedding 😱