Relationship Therapist Ranks LOVE ACTUALLY Romances

Is Love Actually actually about love? Or is it more about infatuation?
Licensed therapist Jonathan Decker and filmmaker Alan Seawright rank the relationships in Love, Actually to show which ones are the healthiest, and which ones seemed doomed for failure (or at least some pretty major problems to work through.)
Love Actually is in love with the idea of love, but there's a difference between love, lust, and infatuation -- it takes a lot more to make a lasting relationship work than the infatuation most of the relationships in this movie are based on. Among a cast of great actors, Emma Thompson's and Alan Rickman's performances are (unsurprisingly) phenomenal and moving, and give us a chance to learn how to rebuild a damaged relationship. But even with the several bad relationships that teach us what not to do, there are also some good romantic relationships, friendships, and family relationships we can learn from too. (Who doesn't love Liam Neeson and Thomas Brodie-Sangster's sweet story?)
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Written by: Megan Seawright, Jonathan Decker, and Alan Seawright
Produced by: Jonathan Decker, Megan Seawright, and Alan Seawright
Edited by: David Sant
Director of Photography: Bradley Olsen
English Transcription by: Anna Preis
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[@tyrant-den884]

"Lie to your husband." Immediately followed by "Christmas is about telling the truth."

[@alyonaf1054]

I cannot stop thinking though: who said that?:))) I've never heard something like that about Christmas. And if you think, it is usually the time families comes together, and the relantionships may be so vastly different... In more cases than not telling truths would just ruin Christmas for so many people, don't you think?))

[@emily_nelson]

@@alyonaf1054 Yeah, it really stood out to me when I was watching this how many variations there are of that phrase, and it's baffling--that is absolutely not a thing. No one thinks that a defining characteristic of Christmas is that it's a time for telling the truth. I feel like the screenwriter was just lazy and it was an easy way to move the plot forward--"Is it out of character for this person to behave this way? That's fine, just have them point out that it's Christmas!"

[@4Mr.Crowley2]

I will watch Keira Knightley standing and giggling for…hours but I HATE the “forbidden” “relationship” with Mark undermining his “best friend” in Love Actually and it’ has extremely creepy stalker ish and even racist undertones. Just UGH.

[@Diogolindir]

@@4Mr.Crowley2 it was a very distasteful scene indeed

[@davidweihe6052]

@@4Mr.Crowley2 So, he should move to Georgia and join the local police force? Got to get ready for that Zombie/Walker Plague, after all. And the "best friend" needs to get back to Wakanda

[@stormy7745]

Again, really appreciate including non-romantic and non-sexual relationships in this list

[@SieMiezekatze]

Friends bonds and family bonds are as important as sexual/romantic ones

[@addfuture]

@@SieMiezekatze Depends on your family/friends but overall true

[@fightingfaerie]

Ironically (or maybe not?) as an asexual #2 has always been my favorite couple. In the same vein Emma Stone and Ryan Gosling in Crazy, Stupid, Love is also one of my favorite love stories.

[@stormy7745]

@@fightingfaerie as a fellow ace, I very much appreciate #2! But it's also just nice to see relationships talked about in a broader more encompassing scale

[@bishop51807]

​@@SieMiezekatze Tis the definition of love, it's not about sucking faces and clowning around in your birthday suit.

[@kathryng13]

One other detail I noticed was that Karen is dressed to coordinate with the gold necklace, she's wearing a red sweater to catch the red in the necklace, and small earrings that would allow a necklace to take center stage. She was so excited about receiving a necklace that she planned her outfit so the she could put it on right away to wear to the children's play, just makes the reveal that little bit more crushing.

[@beingbeckeroni]

Oh that just hit me so hard… ❤

[@anjakeller6612]

Oh wow i have never noticed, ouch

[@AnnalyFaith]

Rickman and Thompson were the only good elements of the movie IM(H)O

[@piddquinn4847]

Oh God... I can't watch this movie again. It's gonna hit harder

[@LesyasHowTos]

Wow, I didn’t even notice that! I watched the movie 9 times!

[@nohandleformethx]

"Would you stay, knowing life would always be a little bit worse?" That is so perfectly written and delivered. 10/10

[@major7thsmcgee973]

Yep, and the line about making the life she leads foolish too always feels heart wrenching as Emma Thompson delivers it.

[@paulac.munoztorres]

I loved that quote, some of the most down to earth line on that movie.

[@milla5454]

Actually made me cry in class while watching it😭

[@schellingtongrin]

Emma Thompson in this movie is absolutely wonderful. All around.

[@SallyWallach]

@@schellingtongrin This! And the airport scene. "I'm fine. Fine."

[@suz7082]

In an age of hook-up culture, it is refreshing to hear two men discuss what it means to initiate and sustain a healthy relationship. Well done.

[@parvizdeamer]

❤❤❤

[@kamauruddock9684]

I love that Emma Thompson's character confronts her hubby so directly. So many times wives pretend not to know to save face or to avoid dealing with the pain which is understandable.

[@lola1033]

Yeah. Such a strong character. I think of myself as someone strong but god, if that happened to me I don’t think I could hold my shit together

[@thejaded]

I think most people that has happened to, they kinda just shit off yk? Me personally, when I got cheated on. I remember just sitting down with a drink in my hand, frozen. Being like "what the fuck is happening?". To go further, I put my pain aside afterwards, (because me and my ex were still together) I tried to talk but bottling shit up made it worse. A key component to love, is sustainability and freedom.. Not sadness and repression.

[@jennifer7685]

Without a doubt, Emma is the start of the show

[@PersephoneH]

And she doesn't attack him. She just poses it as a "What would the best course of action be?" and lets him know that she knows, and she just wants to know what he thinks.

[@flannerypedley840]

Makes me cry every time.

[@MiroirNoir]

The saddest part about Emma Thompson’s crying scene is that Emma told she drew from her own experience of betrayal. She was cheated by her husband - Kenneth Branagh - with Helena Bonham Carter. Heartbreaking.

[@ShintogaDeathAngel]

I’m so disappointed in Helena.

[@nellieshoals]

@@ShintogaDeathAngel and Kenneth???????????????????????????????????????????????? He has more responsibility than she does!

[@emhu2594]

@@nellieshoals if you know the person is married, it is equally wrong.

[@nellieshoals]

@@emhu2594 Not equal. He has more--she has some too, but it's not half.

[@Nouska]

@@emhu2594 Your marriage is your husband's and your responsibility, not that of anyone random the husband decides to cheat with on you...

[@korokshiding]

"Ultimately people have affairs because of a lack of integrity". Thank you for this. As someone who has been betrayed, for a long time all I could do was wonder what it was I had done wrong, what could I have done differently? Thank you for not blaming the victim and holding the cheater ultimately accountable.

[@lalizarde]

I would say not always. People also have affairs when they’re been treated poorly. One example I knew, he hit her, and she felt trapped because she had 3 sons.

[@bluecollarlit]

A you tuber I listen to sometimes says people have affairs because they get bored. And she says the boredom is because of routine. She says once the couple sets up a life together, a routine emerges. The routine is boring for one person, and then he or she cheats.

[@sarahirwin1769]

​@@lalizarde cheating instead of leaving the abusive relationship comes from a lack of integrity. Cheating on an abuser is also far more dangerous.

[@pussycats456]

@@lalizardeThen leave, don’t cheat on him!

[@pussycats456]

The children being ‘in love’ was inappropriate and creepy.

[@mellowenglishgal]

Daniel and Sam’s relationship is possibly the most beautiful parent/child relationship in any movie or TV show I’ve ever seen.

[@RichardCarlosTorr]

It is lovely ... but I recommend Olive's parents in Easy A for candidates of beautiful parent/child relationships

[@oliviav.3565]

Even that was creepy. Telling your kid that you want to bang a chick in every room of the house including his (the child's) room is hella inappropriate.

[@anna-jh7zy]

@@RichardCarlosTorr omg yes! I was so jealous of their family dynamic

[@TheFren]

This video at 20 would have saved me 10 lost years and 3 years in a hospital. Please let's start to educate teenagers on love & relationships. The quality of our relationships is one of the top factors of general health.

[@morbidsearch]

As much as I love Heartstopper, it pisses me off how many people are like "These are the beautiful experiences I missed out on because of homophobia". Like, it's good that healthy LGBT+ relationships are being depicted on screen, but it doesn't change that most teen relationships are messy and toxic and nobody knows what they're doing

[@mila6589]

As a brazilian I have to say that Colin Firth did speak poorly but still very cute. When someone makes the effort to speak your language even without knowing very well is very charming and sweet.

[@clairepettie]

I always wished they'd made his Portuguese as bad as it is in the subtitles! They mistranslate him to such an extreme that it's almost distracting. That scene is so sweet.💜

[@davidking4838]

I love Aurelia's reply about learning English - "Just in cases". So damn cute and it always makes me laugh.

[@thegirlinthefireplace10]

These two are my personal favourite relationship in the film, I just think it’s very wholesome and genuine, and being Portuguese (bilingual Portuguese and English) I appreciate the hidden details put into what they say in their respective languages. And to go and learn eachother’s languages is so adorable and such a genuine gesture that says they want to be in eachother’s life in a real, committed way. (I did notice some mistranslation in the subtitles as well but whatever)

[@oyuyuy]

His Portuguese sounds more like Spanish than Portuguese to me. Brazilian kinda does too, but she's not supposed to be Brazilian.

[@kyze8284]

This is why I hate my ex friend so much. Her boyfriend at the time actually started to learn her grandmother’s language in secret because SHE was learning it, and then after 4 years when he was about to propose to her IN THAT LANGUAGE she cheated on him

[@taylorrae3947]

"Love is respect" no matter what kind of relationship it is.

[@tammygray]

Even just watching these clips of those Emma Thompson scenes rips me to shreds. So relatable and realistic of a woman falling apart inside but keeping it together on the outside for the sake of her kids or other people around her. 💔 Jamie & Aurelia - "I learned just in cases," is one of my favorite lines in any movie.

[@CinemaTherapyShow]

That line is adorable!

[@Skyebright1]

Yeah Emma Thompson was cheated on by her husband Kenneth Branagh

[@randomperson6433]

Colin Firth learned Italian for his real life wife. Funny parallel.

[@moniqueraster140]

I cry every year when Emma discovers her Christmas present is not a beautiful piece of carefully chosen jewlery (which she knows he bought), she goes upstairs and cries.

[@mariehernandez5878]

I say, "Just in cases," now, as it enchants me so much. Thank-you for mentioning it😊

[@billcook4768]

Mark isn’t saying he will love Juliet until she is super old. He’s saying he will love her until the zombie apocalypse, which will happen relatively soon.

[@Skyebright1]

;)

[@lalizarde]

I dunno. Just like Ed Sheeran. What, he’s going to dump her when he’s 70?

[@fashionexpert6943]

Hahahahaha omg the walking dead joke hit me really strong 🤣

[@LeeLooDM]

Yes!! He's going to change his name even😂

[@oliviav.3565]

😂😂😂

[@LovinglfDesigns]

The sad part is that when you're young (generally teens, 20s) it's so easy to conflate a crush with actual love. It took me a long time to figure out that the excitement of a crush was just that, excitement. It can turn to love but mostly doesn't because you don't have a realistic view of the person you have a crush on. Most of these relationships in Love Actually were a crush. I found that when I wrote down my relationship goals it was definitely about shared values and goals. When I met someone that I had amazing chemistry with, that also shared the same values and goals it was a wrap. We both knew very quickly that it was a match. We've been married and in love for 15 years. We've had so many challenges and our relationship has just gotten stronger.

[@patwaddington]

Yeah 100% I used to love this movie years ago and now I’m in my 30’s and just watched it and felt like the movie should be called infatuation actually

[@aylapage2358]

Agreed. My first husband was crush. Crush crush crush. And a REALLY bad idea. My second husband... together still 10 years later, still crushing, still head over heels, still truly madly deeply in love... this is love.

[@Sandra-wj4on]

I too love that in the Number 1 relationship the stepdad puts aside his unresolved grieving to help his stepson navigate through the agony of being in love. Brilliant, touching writing! Yes, this is my favorite love story, tying with the son and the little girl's "love" storyline. Merry Christmas to all who are loved and want to be loved! ❤️❤️❤️

[@trinaq]

Precisely, I love that aspect of the story, and how Daniel and Sam's relationship gets stronger as the movie progresses. Daniel always listens to Sam, and never entirely shuts down his ideas, offers advice.

[@Sharkwizard]

I interpreted it as he grieves but in a different way where he celebrates the love he shared with his wife in helping his step-son explore his feelings around love as well as his intentions. As a way to honor his wife, he shows their son how to show romantic love to another person, and thereby showing him familial love. And as a result as we see toward the end of the movie, he finds himself open to the idea of loving someone again. Perhaps not pursuing it immediately, but he’s not avoidant of it.

[@Sandra-wj4on]

@@Sharkwizard As a writer, I'm speaking from the show-not-tell aspect. The scene where Daniel's silently grieving at his desk while gazing at his wife's photo, only to quietly put the picture aside when Sam enters the room, shows how much he loves the boy. This action shows that although still grieving, Daniel loves Sam so much that he willingly puts aside that grief (i.e. the photo) to focus a more upbeat attention on Sam.

[@cameronjosephvideos5942]

I watched the movie for the first time last Christmas and I was so bored. The only part of the movie I was actually interested in was Daniel and Sam.

[@abeal49]

in the sequel, Sam is an adult, and they are sitting on a park bench and Sam tells Daniel he's in love and Daniel says something like "oh not again" or "here we go again" (I forget the exact words)and Claudia Schiffer is not present

[@geryddle]

"if you're establishing a sexual relationship, definitely do it with Rodrigo Santoro" 😆😄 spot on! 😆

[@annabrown3337]

Emma and Alan are acting perfection. Best relationship in this film? Emma and Liam Neeson, I love that they show a healthy male-female friendship

[@CinemaTherapyShow]

That's a great point!

[@anti-ethniccleansing465]

I didn’t know until just now that Alan Rickman died 7 years ago, in 2016, at age 69. What a bummer - he was in so many amazing movies, and was wonderful in all of them.

[@hcf4kd1992]

​@@anti-ethniccleansing465 He was a wonderful person too, if you look into that. He was my favorite actor, so much so that people from high school sent me condolences 😅

[@kyze8284]

So aggravating that everybody currently can’t have ANY relationship without “so you’re banging? Because friendship isn’t a thing anymore and you can’t be close unless you’re gay, or you ARE gay for being TOO close with your guy friends”

[@martind5653]

Weren't Emma and Liam siblings in that movie?

[@bramsrockhopper3377]

I actually think the film is a very clever and in-depth look at love in all its varied forms. Some cute and innocent, some weary and heartbreaking, some frivolous, some fake as hell, some adorable, some hellish, some creepy. It’s not about all those relationships ACTUALLY being LOVE (see what I did there lol), it’s about what different people THINK love is. People are weird and twisted and sick and perverted and innocent and naive and adorable, so that’s what love is too… It’s cleverly done and one of my favourite Xmas films. Emma Thompson’s character gets me every single time. That lonely heartbreak is beautifully done.

[@mariehernandez5878]

I agree. I thought it was meant to be various dimensions of love. I never tire of watching it. I like how they referred to Alan and Emma as the greatest actors on the planet, because they are two of my very favorite.

[@carmencollor1224]

Hear, hear!!!

[@jeanb.2152]

"Ultimately people have affairs because of lack of integrity." Thank you. I'm fed up with people who dodge being accountable, won't do the work of healing themselves and run rough shod throughout their lives hurting others and never apologizing.

[@hurbig]

I had my first romantic relationship at 14 years old with a 17 year old guy I met online. I told my parents and they both said that they are not sure if this is the best thing for me, but that it is my decision and they’ll support me all the way. That is what saved me because it was an emotionally abusive relationship and I was able to escape it because I knew I’d always have my parents’ support. They took me seriously and did not belittle me even though they could see from a mile away that this wasn’t going to turn out well. Edit: You can Stop telling me my parents made the wrong choice, I am not going to change my mind.

[@aiva729]

well if they prohibited you to step into relationship at 14 you wouldn't be a an emotionally abusive relationship at all

[@hurbig]

@@aiva729 Except I still would have, just behind their backs and then I would have had no one to turn to when things got sour

[@aiva729]

@@hurbig ooh well then yes. I was just talking from my perspective cause I wouldn't

[@cassieo376]

Thank you for saying this. What your parents did was probably the right thing, but it must have been SO hard, absolutely knowing it was doomed to be an unhealthy relationship but having to support and respect their daughter's ability to make decisions and watch it play out. I can't imagine the anxiety and grief they must have felt, knowing they had to let you make your own mistakes and just be there for you when it inevitably fell apart. It's so hard to let your child hurt. But really, that's the best thing to do for a teenager, because teens are wired to want to make their own way, and humans are remarkably bad at learning from another person's mistakes. They often need to make their own. I'm glad they were there for you, and I'm glad you got away from that relationship!

[@robynstewardson]

This is Hollywood. Not Britain. 'Fat' in this regard, refers to Hollywood's idea of body shape, hence the reference to chubby. 🙄

[@kiwistrawberry1506]

You brought up asexuality during your talk about how sex isn't a good start to a relationship, and I'm ace, and it made me feel accepted. Thank you.

[@cookie856]

I know one relationship that is basically "We're stranger to each other, that was one night stand but it was great. If we ever need it and are down for it, let exchange number to hook up" Which isn't even a relationship, they're just acquaintance with an agreement

[@Le_Inke]

Fellow ace here, I love them so much for including us and normalizing that some people are asexual, it is a thing, no big deal.

[@txstargazerjilly6605]

Yes, Thank You So Much.

[@kimreni]

Yes! I'm demi and it was nice to hear that wanting to get to know the person on an intellectual level first is not abnormal but actually makes a lot of sense when you want something that lasts. I always feel pressured to have sex right away :/

[@drgnarm]

@@kimreni I think I'm demi, too...I don't even know how to explain to someone that I'm interested in a relationship, but the intimacy has to wait.

[@Myconoid666]

As a single dad who doesn't feel like I have the time or energy for romantic love, I wanna thank you guys for including non-romantic relatioships. And also tell you that I started crying at "and the next one, and the next one".

[@PrincessNinja007]

There's a movie I saw once where a single dad needed to find true love for "magic rules reasons" and after all the dates fail it turns out the love for his kids was the true love all along

[@marleneg.7128]

As a stepmom I thank you for pointing out this particular relationship. We are usually so maligned by storytelling than the few positive examples make my heart skip.

[@grutarg2938]

You’ll always have The Sound of Music. Though that’s a bit of an unrealistic expectation for a step-mom to live up to.

[@shaynabarnhard2274]

There's also O'Malley in The Aristocats. Granted, he's a stepfather, but so's Liam Neeson in this movie.

[@Leshantra]

I think, the reason stepparents are so often shown as the evil ones is because they have the parent authority, without seeming doubly evil for mistreating their own flesh and blood. I prefer my stepdad over my biological father every time, though, so I, too, am really happy about good and loving child-stepparent relationships.

[@lizard3755]

Stepmoms and stepdads get done so dirty. Obviously in any sort of relationship there will be bad examples, but the vast majority of people I know who are in blended families have wonderful relationships with their step-parents. I've also known many people who, for various reasons, end up having a closer relationship with their step parent than with the parent they "replaced" (I know that no one parent figure replaces another, I just couldn't come up with a better way to word it clearly.) My brother-in-law has two half siblings (they all have the same mom) but they all consider his biological dad to be their dad too. Everyone deserves to be happy, and I think that when a parent is in a good relationship it allows them to be a better parent to their kids, and if someone is marrying into the family I would think their love for their spouse would extend to the small humans they're raising.

[@Ma666ie]

It’s a testament to you and your love for your stepchild(ren) that such examples grip you so. Your family’s clearly very lucky to have you! Never forget that.

[@LoganGraceHope]

I always thought the Juliet story line was creepy. But I thought I must be paranoid or something because everyone in the world loved that scene with the poster boards. Thank you for making this video! I'll never doubt my intuition again.

[@mdaniels6311]

As someone who was betrayed by a best friend in similar circumstances it disturbed me people thought it was sweet. It’s an unethical and immoral situation. Her husband should run a while.

[@heeza-w7r]

that part made me cringe the first time, and it gets worse every time i rewatch

[@reelincoln7747]

Honestly NOT everyone loved it

[@aygennegya]

Whenever we talked of love actually back in the day with friends, everyone agreed that the poster board/Xmas carols scene was cringe. Never met anyone who found it romantic. And the woman runs after him and gives him a thank you kiss, while her new husband is upstairs..m this is cheating

[@olablc531]

I don't think it's cute but I don't think it's creepy either, until she runs after him to kiss him - now, that I never understood. He was a bit awkward, she discovered why it was, he came to explain with white boards and I guess it's because he's still awkward at this point, even more so! So, he wasn't ready to talk about it and he wasn't able to avoid them either. Soo, he kinda sent her a text in a more cinematic way. That's all, and I don't know what else could be done here.

[@janseb6750]

Even as a kid watching this film I always had a sense of what "good" love in this film was and what the "bad" love was. And maybe this wasn't the intent of the film at all, but I always felt it portrayed all the love we're blessed with and all the love that we suffer from.

[@littlefox7694]

I agree entirely!

[@timothylowe8327]

​@@littlefox7694 Ditto, I always felt a compare & contrast vibe from the relationships in this movie.

[@GlowingOnion]

What makes Emma Thompson's acting in that necklace scene more sad and believable is that (I believe) she was using her own pure feelings from her then recent divorce which was very similar to that scene/story. I've always loved Thompson, she is a great actress, and this knowledge of her personal life made that scene even more painful. Absolutely heartbreaking.

[@NicoleTunis]

I came here to mention that. The response to her husband's infidelity is so very real

[@AA-cf4es]

How in the hell can you willingly cheat on that woman? Some people get the gold and throw it in the garbage

[@ShintogaDeathAngel]

@@AA-cf4es entitlement, pure and simple.

[@vaska1999]

@@AA-cf4es I know: like Colin Firth's now ex-wife, who cheated on him after 20 years of marriage.

[@morganleanderblake678]

I love the scene with Thompson and Rickman. She chose her method of dealing with it which would both satisfy her dignity and also probably make him feel so much worse than yelling at him.

[@rachelsnee8926]

are you assuming that her objective was to make him feel bad? Rather than, say, actually work out why this happened and what they both wanted to do about it?

[@lizzythat1chick]

​​@@rachelsnee8926just came across this. Following the comment made by the relationship therapist I think its pretty darn clear and expected that the one who was betrayed would want to get the anger out of their system

[@sarahirwin1769]

I don't think she chose her method. Why would she choose to confront him at a public event for their children? I think this was a woman who just couldn't hold it in anymore.

[@sarahirwin1769]

@rachelsnee8926 If you'd been cheated on, wouldn't you want to make him feel bad, at least just a little?

[@TheMagdalenaBB]

I am rooting for the body doubles. They were actually respectful of each other. A few of the other couples were creepy.

[@SeaBlueJay]

14:39 I love when people recognise asexual/aromatic people when discuss sexual/romantic topics. Thank you for continuing to be inclusive, it is so appreciated ❤ - An Aro/Ace

[@QueenCassTheLast]

I have to say, Emma Thompson could have easily played Princess Diana at some point. She is so good at what she does and the emotion on her face and in her voice, I felt it

[@Lavenderandsage]

THIS! I thought the same thing the first time I watched this movie. Emma or Natasha Richardson would have been perfect Diana’s

[@baronessneh]

Thompson could have been an amazing Camilla

[@daniellemusella1594]

@@Lavenderandsage I thought the same thing about Natasha, when I first saw "The Parent Trap", as a kid. Their hair cuts were nearly identical. As for Emma, I feel like Diana would've absolutely ADORED this movie, especially her performance, had she been around to see it. (6/20/2024)

[@Overseer2579]

That the two porn set lighting stand ins have the healthiest romantic relationship is both really funny, genuinely cute cause of their actual interactions, and incredibly ironic compared to certain other characters from this movie (Colin and Mark, I’m looking at you)

[@halane4790]

I find it very realistic tbh. It’s a job that requires having clear boundaries and being very aware of and careful about consent, as well as very attentive to your workmate to make the bodies look natural on camera.

[@Overseer2579]

@@halane4790 well yeah, I mean that makes sense. I was just talking about how it’s very (comically) ironic in context of the movie, which I have no doubt was intentional

[@halane4790]

@@Overseer2579 it was! I was just adding, it's both funny and realistic!

[@theepicosityofpizza]

They're not porn stand ins! Everyone makes this mistake - they're body doubles for a mainstream big budget hollywood film! Who ever heard of a porn body double? Martin Freeman's character makes reference to having once doubled for Brad Pitt on Seven Years in Tibet. They just happen to be doing a sex scene.

[@aliensoup2420]

@@theepicosityofpizza Exactly. The very idea of porn stand-ins is ridiculous. Porn is too low-budget and fast paced for that sort of frivolity.

[@iamjustaperson3748]

This channel has grown so much. Started with just around 100k and now is 1.2m, I'm so happy to see this beloved channel grow ^^

[@captnbluehat]

The channel actually started with 0 subs

[@g.d.graham2446]

Awesome

[@Hollycb12]

@@captnbluehat I think they're saying they subscribed when the channel was at 100k subs. So they got to see it grow from there.

[@iamjustaperson3748]

@@Hollycb12 Yep, I stumbled on this channel when it was still around 100k. So surreal that it's now 1.2m

[@elmsigreen]

My wife and I had an amazing fix for the relationship between Peter, Juliet and Mark. If Mark actually had a crush on Peter. When Juliet sees the footage Mark filmed, it would just be close-ups of Peter. Mark and Juliet don't know each other but Mark and Peter have known each other for years. It would make a lot more sense for Mark to be in love with him.

[@DangerRavioli]

consensual polyamory would also be a great fix for this situation.

[@elmsigreen]

@DangerRavioli Yeah, but Mark is completely in the dark. That's what makes that relationship so bad. And polyamory would remove a lot of the drama from the scenes in the movie. It would feel like too neat of a solution

[@sarahirwin1769]

These are all really bad "solutions".

[@elmsigreen]

@@sarahirwin1769 Elaborate

[@odunke01]

When I first saw the movie. I honestly thought that Mark was in love with his mate Peter. And was filming him the whole time.

[@MTC79]

I love is Rowen Atkinson's character. It's almost like super naturallly there to make Harry's necklace purchase harder and Sam's airport run easier. 😊 Wonder if they thought to have him interact with all of the couples but kept it out for run time.

[@SemiramisAudron]

Wasn't there a dropped idea in the script that he was actually supposed to be an angel making it hard on purpose so he would make up his mind/get caught right there

[@Aetheraev]

I have a once a year debate as to whether he is doing it all deliberately or not (I'm definitely on the yes side)

[@michellek4687]

​@@SemiramisAudronI definitely got Godlike vibes from his character. 😆

[@JessemyBeadle]

I believe it was posted somewhere that the original character for Rowan was a guardian angel, and had scenes with each couple where he helps ‘guide’ them. But was cut for time

[@daniellemusella1594]

@@JessemyBeadleLast Christmas, when ABC aired a reunion special about the film's anniversary, it was revealed that Rowan's eccentric gift-wrapper routing wasn't entirely scripted. They were filming that scene really early in the morning, and he decided to get a bit mischievous and deliberately antagonize Alan Rickman. (6/20/2024)

[@ameliecarre4783]

I think the Jamie and Aurelia storyline can make sense despite the language barrier considering Jamie starts the movie with a big betrayal from people who lied to him, so then he falls for someone who technically can't lie, since she doesn't speak a language he understands. It's just an idea.

[@g.d.graham2446]

Interesting

[@korganrocks3995]

The first time I saw the movie was without subtitles, so I can say that even without knowing any portugese I totally bought that love story. In fact, when I saw it WITH subtitles I felt they actually made it LESS romantic!

[@danieljosephbestguy5990]

It is one thing to be betrayed by your best friend over a woman like Mark with Peter over Juliet revealing his feelings for her behind his friend's back but being betrayed by your own BROTHER in the case of Jamie at the beginning of a film over a girl who feigns sickness in order to have sex with another man is a whole other level... Just terrible. In order to make amends, she'd just have to be a terribly great bitch who only wanted money and pleasure and the brother must have been too stupid and disillusioned with life to do that to his own brother...

[@alejandraguzman3851]

M

[@ameliecarre4783]

@@danieljosephbestguy5990 Mark didn't reveal his feelings, he only explained himself (kind of) after they were discovered.

[@thestoryfactory8429]

What's always struck me as extra tragic with Emma Thompson's storyline is that - had she not seen the necklace - she would have loved the gift she received. It was absolutely something he put thought into, more thought than she was used to him putting into gifts, and it would have been a perfect moment that he ruined with the irony of a gift he didn't think through at all.

[@jasonrhome710]

I was thinking that this time around as well.

[@apenguinnamedabraham]

I have seen people pointing out that if she's a big Joni Mitchell fan she probably has that album already, however. It's like getting an Abbey Road CD for a Beatles superfan.

[@fionamorton3490]

@@apenguinnamedabraham 100% - I mean at the time of the film I was going through a huge Joni phase (lifelong) and I totally was like ‘she’ll already have that, you great cretin!!’

[@brianmagee6595]

Truly sad

[@cryofpaine]

@@apenguinnamedabraham True, but it also depends. I have things that I have several copies of because they're *slightly* different. Maybe it's different cover art, or maybe this has one special track. Maybe it's a new release of a greatest hits album that, even though she has all those songs on other albums, this is the first time they're all on the same one. It's telling that she does go in right away to listen to it. That at this dark moment, she takes comfort from it even as it was also the cause of that pain.

[@ryanodriscoll]

One thing about the Daniel/Sam relationship that struck a chord with me when I saw this was Daniel being open to the possibility that Sam could have been in love with a boy. It's only a very brief moment, without fanfare or lampshading, but normalising and further emphasising his non-judgemental nature. For all of the things in this film that haven't aged particularly well, that's something that I particularly liked especially considering this was released back in 2003.

[@ninjanibba4259]

Normalizing taboo children relationships is most definitely NOT good and it’s wrong

[@andywood5699]

Sorry, that's twisted. A young child in a sexual relationship with an adult? This is what you took from their relationship? That is beyond disgraceful and I don't believe that the movie was suggesting it.

[@ryanodriscoll]

@@andywood5699 What the hell are you on about and how on earth does it relate in any way to my comment?

[@SD-ik1xf]

⁠​⁠@@andywood5699 What are you talking about? No one mentioned or even referred to a sexual child/adult relationship!! How did you get that from what the original commenter posted?

[@ryanodriscoll]

@@ninjanibba4259 I can't tell if you have completely failed to understand my comment, or have other motivations. But my comment does not refer to any inappropriate relationships.

[@larspeterthomsen9798]

I actually like the Colin arc, because it is so outlandish and ridiculous for his insane plan to actually work, that it's just funny as hell. It may just all be happening in his head, and suddenly (after the credits roll), he wakes up and realizes his America trip was all a dream.

[@mariehernandez5878]

When I first saw it, I thought we would find out he was dreaming. It was fun though how over the top it was.

[@morbidsearch]

​@@mariehernandez5878 His actor refused to accept pay for the bedroom scene because he had so much fun shooting it

[@daniellemusella1594]

@@mariehernandez5878 I thought he'd wake up, and he'd find out that the girls had robbed him, clothes and all. Imagine THIS later scene: him, on the phone with his best friend and sitting on the edge of the hotel bed, curled up and naked. (6/20/2024)

[@timothylowe8327]

All of your scenarios in this thread and more actually happen, all the time.

[@micheleosullivan3122]

This movie is one of the few that have ever made me cry. When Laura Linney’s character’s brother comes to light, I felt that. My brother is profoundly disabled and this is a very relatable moment for me. It’s rarely discussed, but should be. Also, THIS CAST! THIS CAST!!

[@modelnut617]

Collin Firth's story in this movie "actually" happened to him. He met the woman who would become his wife when neither could speak the other's language. But they knew immediately.

[@DarkMartianFighter]

And they are divorced already unfortunately

[@modelnut617]

Yes. They divorced after twenty-two years of marriage. Some details have been made public. My point was that their romance was used in the movie --- "Based on a true story".

[@davidweihe6052]

@@modelnut617 Among actors, 22 years is almost forever.

[@carolewalker2486]

I believe Livia spoke English before she met Colin. And yes, they were married for 22 years.

[@vaska1999]

@@davidweihe6052 She had an affair while they were going through a trial separation and he couldn't get over it. There may have been other aggravating details, but I've forgotten them.

[@hollycj7985]

Headcanon, Joanna's favourite film was Titanic, and watched it to the point of irritation for her boys, and now it's a real source of comfort (and in Daniels case, terrible irony) and something for them to bond over.

[@amyhull754]

Oh, I like that SO MUCH!

[@jesscarrier4180]

This is the best headcanon!

[@caravanlifenz]

I found the Love Actually infatuation with the best friend's young wife so creepy. He's never even spoken to her and they have zero in common, but he's obsessed with her looks and uses her wedding as an excuse to film her so he can gratify himself later when he watches the videos. He seems more sexually excited by her being forbidden and unavailable (married to his best friend) than he is with her as a person.

[@sarasamaletdin4574]

I have not seen the movie in a while, but I doubt he never had spoken to his bf’s girlfriend. And his friend would also realistically talk of her a lot.

[@lenusniq_9746]

To add to the creepiness, Keira Knightly was only 17 when she shot the movie and if I am not mistaken both of her "love interests" were in their 30s.

[@lenusniq_9746]

@@sarasamaletdin4574 I also didn't see it in a long time but if I remember correctly one of the reasons why she is so surprised when she discovers his feeling is because (as she says) he never talked to her, avoided her...

[@AB-sg7pl]

@@nomadpurple6154 Yah! LOL...

[@AB-sg7pl]

Who says that he only likes her looks? He might have not talked to her too much in order to disguise his feelings, but he probably knew her through what his best friend told him about her and what he had observed. I don't find that creepy! I find that is sad and unfortunate for the person who fell in love with someone that they know they shouldn't.

[@GreenIdeasYogaPractice]

I know this is called a video ranking "romances", but since you included the stepfather/stepson I think its important to point out that this movie clearly intends to be about all kinds of love, not just romance. When the voiceover talks about "love being all around", in the airport scene, it is showing all sorts of love, not just romantic love. And we see this in the movie in Very Strong relationships not mentioned here- the relationship of Sarah and her brother, the relationship between Emma Thompson and her children, and also especially the strong friendships and familial connections between MANY of the characters in the movie which create a throughline for the whole film- which is ultimately a web of connection, a giant web of love.

[@OmnivorousReader]

"... ultimately people have affairs because of lack of integrity..." Thank you! so much.

[@Epodmusic17]

Having dealt with my husband cheating on me, I wish that my husband had considered doing Gottmans 3 steps instead of ghosting me for two years and giving up. Emma, as an actress, portrayed that so well. It was heart wrenching to watch.

[@solitaire10]

In an interview she said she was tapping into her own experience of betrayal with her ex husband, Kenneth Branagh, when she found out about his affair with Helena Bonham-Carter.

[@thornwilde4579]

My ex cheated on me with his ex, came clean, I forgave him after he assured me he still wanted to be with me... and then he dumped me anyway three months later. 🙃

[@viripvr]

@@thornwilde4579 well been there. Caught him sexting his ex, he begged for hours (6-8 to be exact), I forgave him and 2.5 months later same thing. Sadly when we don't look for the answer inside of us it's almost a guarantee that it'll happen again. There's a video of Mended light that talks about cheaters, in there Jonathan says that cheaters are lonely, sad people that don't love themselves. Like a bucket with a hole, no matter how much love you pour in it, it will never be enough so they bring more people into the equation and it's the same result. Let's hope the channel (Mended light) gets restored soon, there are some beautiful insights in there that can help you. I just broke up with him last week so we need more counseling hehe.

[@thejaded]

God bless you, I'll always feel your pain ❤

[@sarahlandis289]

@@thornwilde4579 ouch 😢

[@AW-uv3cb]

I feel like "Love, Actually" is a movie with not very good plots, but lovely separate scenes (perfectly performed by an amazing cast). Can't help but still like it because of how well it's acted, shot, scored and all that. Everyone seems to give their 100% to sell these stories.

[@Oliver-Vader-Emma]

So I had a great aunt who lived in France and she married my great uncle who spoke English when they barely understood each other . Her advice was “you don’t always need words”. They were married for like 50 years until he died . She loved him until she died . It is possible ❤

[@bishop51807]

That's a lot of work, most people today are for instant gratification.

[@alinakirs]

I love a somehow similar relationship in "Call the Midwive" (the very fist episode) with an English-Spanish family with 24 kids and husband and wive still not knowing the other language. They managed fine! :)

[@alexl92]

My husband still maintains that as soon as he saw me he thought I will be his wife one day. It took another year and half for this to come true, but we’ve been married for 27 years and raised 5 kids. Granted he spoke my language and I spoke his at the time,but CF didn’t kiss Aurelia back when she did, he wanted on to learn her language before coming back to propose. Plus he is so channeling a 1986 mr Darcy, so everyone, plz, shut up about how toxic this particular relationship is, it is perfect!

[@Widdekuu91]

There's a song about that, by Namika - Je ne parle pas francais and it's half-German and half-French. And it has a good beat.

[@W-I463]

@@bishop51807 is it rly just today tho?

[@StudioGhibliFan494]

The thing that really moved me about Emma Thompson's acting as Karen, is that she used the feelings she'd had from finding out Kenneth Branagh & Helena Bonham Carter had an affair while Kenneth & Emma were married (Kenneth & Helena met on the set of Mary Shelley's Frankenstein) to portray Karen as feeling how Emma feels. Fine acting from Emma Thompson & Alan Rickman.

[@OmniphonProductions]

One of the greatest performances of Emma Thompson's career...and she's had _many!_ I particularly love when she ushers everyone out the door...making herself the last to leave, so she can take one last, little, stolen moment to let out a bit more grief before putting on a happy face and soldiering on until a more opportune moment to address the situation. BRILLIANT! As for Mark, he _didn't_ have to express his feelings for Juliet, and that _was_ selfish. _However,_ there's also a subtext to that scene that many people miss. It's his way of saying, "I understand the situation as it is, and _because_ of my feelings, from this moment forward, I will never seek to be anything more than the most supportive friend you and Peter will ever have." I've watching this movie more times than I can count, and only on the most recent viewing did I ask myself the following question. "Was Mia ever _actually_ interested in Harry, or was it all just a game to see if she could _trick him_ into buying her something pretty?" Was she actually playing him the whole time...with no genuine desire or intent? When Billy comes back to Joe's place and describes his epiphany, I _love_ the gesture Bill Nighy uses to punctuate the line; the air guitar almost acts like a security blanket during a moment of deep emotional realization and expression. Then the stoic, barely moving, "Yeah," after Joe says, "Well, this is a surprise,"...again BRILLIANT...the way Gregor Fisher's voice chokes up on, "It's been an honor,"...stop me if you heard this...BRILLIANT!!! As for future vulnerability, my best friend and I say the most _horrible_ things to each other...as an _ironic expression_ of love. P.S. There's a cinema theory that Rufus is actually an angel. He took forever to package the necklace, creating ample opportunity for Alan Rickman to realize, "it's not worth it." He also took forever to look for his boarding pass, so Sam could sneak by and tell Joanna he loved her. In both cases, he used the same method...making himself an impediment _to_ impediments to love.

[@hydrogen3266]

I think it’s nice too that it’s not romanticized like some of the other unhealthy relationships in this movie. We feel sorry for Emma Thompson’s character, and we don’t like “the other woman” because she’s portrayed in a realistic way. She’s not romancing Alan Rickman; she’s seducing him, knowing he’s married and has children, and she just likes the money and attention. And you see throughout the movie that Alan Rickman lets his resolve continue to crumble until he buys that necklace. The Rowan Atkinson part is funny, but to me it also shows that he doesn’t want his wife to see him buying the necklace, which shows that he knows what he’s doing is wrong. It’s extremely well written and acted by both Thompson and Rickman. I also like the uncertainty. When she asks him “what would you do?” he doesn’t give an answer, and we don’t get a clear answer about the state of their relationship at the end of the movie. They purposely leave it ambiguous

[@meloreli2010]

One thing that I love about Daniel and Sam relationship is how when he first talk about him being in love Daniel asked him “she or he?”, not making assumptions on the gender. It was so ahead of his time xx

[@Rugelacharugula]

It was 2003, dude.

[@meloreli2010]

@@Rugelacharugula I’m from Mexico, dude. That still not happens today aha

[@Rugelacharugula]

@@meloreli2010 not sure what that has to do with anything

[@dr.bartfratze9354]

@@Rugelacharugula I think it means that Mexico is backwards regarding progressive thinking and acceptance.

[@solus8685]

​@@Rugelacharugula For 2003 that was very out of the ordinary. People still shame non straight relationships today, so 20 years ago is quite impressive

[@Beth-zs2jr]

Daniel and Sam's relationship is one of the only reasons I watch this movie. It's a fantastic relationship that perfectly conveys how parents should treat their kids

[@PernicketyPern]

Love Actually was my first introduction to Bill Nighy, and he has been one of my favourite actors ever since. Even though my feelings about this movie are mixed, I will forever be grateful it jumpstarted Bill Nighy's mainstream career.

[@Haley_777.14]

He's a wonderful actor

[@Banquet42]

He's good in 'About Time' but my favourite parts of his are in 'Hot Fuzz' and 'Shaun of the Dead'.

[@sarasamaletdin4574]

Davy Jones in Pirates is my favorite from him.

[@Dasani_water_drinker]

@@Banquet42i LOVE About Time. Superb!!

[@paulaolson8956]

The only part of this movie I didn’t HATE was the story with Bill Nighy"

[@ofthedarknessthemoonlight5412]

I am so glad you did this. This movie kind of drove me nuts, because I have the same reaction - I'm really tired of the assumption that infatuation equals love. It DOESN'T! It's fun, it's an incredible chemical high, but it has very little to do with actual love. Also, everyone is INCREDIBLY attractive (especially the women, as usual), so, much of the movie is really only about sexual attraction. Confused, as usual, with love. Insert sigh of irritation here. But (my third edit) I have to agree, the Emma Thompson/Alan Rykman storyline and acting is great. Two excellent actors!

[@craftygirl9666]

I agree with you too. I don't get the appeal of this movie like so many others do. It's possible that my 1st watch of it came at a time where I was going through a breakup so Emma Thompson's pain was so palpable and Alan Rickman's reaction felt equally honest that it infuriated me.

[@ofthedarknessthemoonlight5412]

@@craftygirl9666 you know, I went back and watched it again after seeing this video, and I didn't hate it. But I still find it problematic in a lot of places. However, you're absolutely right, Emma Thompson's work here is absolutely the best of the film, by miles. And it's hard to watch.

[@IQTech61]

Two people that I loved very much were confronted with the problem of an affair in their marriage. The marriage survived. I believe it did because they loved each other enough to go to couples therapy and they did all three of these things. Both passed away a decade ago but from them, I learned what love can be. I never realized how much they helped me until this video review. Thank you.

[@efoxkitsune9493]

Have you seen the deleted scenes? It's almost a whole other movie. And they make especially the relationship between Daniel and Sammy even better.

[@billcook4768]

Just my opinion, but Richard Curtis need to continually thank the executives and editors who got him to cut those scenes. His work today isn’t nearly as good because nobody is willing to tell him “no,” and reel in his worst tendencies.

[@carolfigueirars]

The number one was my favorite too, it's so sweet. The stepdad being concerned with his stepkid after his wife passes and dealing with his own grief.

[@rutemarques3240]

Hey guys. As a portuguese who really works to learn more English, I think your coment about Jamie and Aurélia was very sweet. The atress Lúcia Moniz is very famous in Portugal. They're story line is my favorite. Is comic Jamie is speaking broken portuguese (with a similar brazilian accent ) is hilarious and sweet. Thank you guys for the apreciation of our language. Adoro-vos. Obrigada 🇵🇹❤️🇺🇲☺️

[@filmfangirls9163]

I agree 100% with this rating. Sam and Daniel are my favorite parts of the movie. The fact that Daniel is his step dad is even more heartwarming. And the Red Nose continued story is so beautiful.

[@morbidsearch]

The fact that Sam and Joanna are also the voice actors for Ferb and Vanessa.

[@filmfangirls9163]

@@morbidsearch yes!! I love that!!

[@ramadiii]

I'm not gonna lie, halfway through this video I started writing down notes as if I was at a lecture. So much insight and so useful for writing relationships! 😍 Thank you!

[@cassandramctaggart2834]

I wouldn't actually say it treats infatuation as love, I would say it accepts the characters' definitions of love. That said, the even creepier thing about Juliet and her husband's best friend is that he has been so obsessed with her and not letting it show that she thought he hated her. He is so jealous he can't even treat her with reasonable courtesy for his best friend's sake. And then he makes a spank bank video of her at her wedding and then does the creepy signboard thing. And for being a complete stalker he gets rewarded with a kiss. I have always thought she should either go inside and tell her husband immediately or give the best friend a kiss on the cheek, tell him she'd flattered, but she loves her husband, then go inside and tell him everything.

[@hexistenz]

@cassandra I really love this movie, and have watched it, oh I don’t know, 6-7 times maybe? And I know, knew it even the first time, that the way “love” and/or “being in love” are portrayed here is pretty superficial, and pretty unrealistic. It just doesn’t *feel* right. That doesn’t take away from the romantic glow of the movie, which is what makes for a good movie. I know very well that it doesn’t work in reality, and still I love it. Where I’m not completely in agreement is with how you view the Juliet-husband-hubbie’s best friend dynamic. The way I see it being portrayed (and I’m as subjective as can be …), I don’t see any sense of jealousy on his part. His keeping his distance is purely out of what he himself calls “self-preservation”. I really get that, I can very well imagine myself doing the same thing in a similar situation. The signboards thing, slightly over the top (well, completely over the top 😅), but it’s a romantic movie, so it’s par for the course, we all get that it doesn’t happen in real life. The kiss, somewhat problematic, though I’ve always felt it as a kind gesture. I don’t see any romance in it. Though obviously there’s gonna be an afterwards in reality. But the movie doesn’t deal in “afterwardses” or consequences in any real sense. Apart from the Alan Rickman & Emma Thompson relationship. Just my take on this, I don’t pretend to be “right”, or that you’re “wrong” in any way 😊

[@britvica]

I always thought she was to tell him I likw you as my husband's friend. Not kiss him. Not tell husband. Just let it go.

[@Vengedyr]

Is that how you see it? He says it straight out, it's there in the writing: She says "I thought you didn't like me, you're never nice to me", and he says "it's self preservation". He can't control how he feels, but he does his utmost to keep his distance to not be crushed by it. That's why he avoids her and puts up an ice front to keep her away. Not because he's "so obsessed with not letting it show".

[@donotreply8979]

You probably have terribly unhealthy relationships

[@cassandramctaggart2834]

@@donotreply8979 Possibly. Thanks for judging me. :)

[@KandiQTC]

The movie to me never really was about showing just "in love" relationships but in fact is highlighting various types of 'love', from broken love of infidelity in a long-term marriage to unreciprocated infatuation, to lust/sexual relationships, to friendship, to love between a father and son. Plus then within all these stories about these types of love they have their own micro examples of 'love' such as Liam Neeson as the father mourning the loss of his wife, loss of love, but the main story centers on the bond-building between father and son. I also think it's a shame to not mention part of why Sarah's sexual/crush love does not work out is because of the unhealthy balance she places on loving her brother that needs extra care and sometimes is even violent towards her. It is this idea that is echoed in the pop song, "Love is All Around" that the interconnectivity of the stories helps to show that whether it is healthy or unhealthy we are surrounded and encompassed by 'love'.

[@AludraEltaninAltair]

I really appreciated your mention of Sarah and her brother. I was also hoping it would be among the relationships analyzed in this list. Just so many relationships of so very many different kinds in this film. And I love the cut scenes where we witness additional fascinating and complex interpersonal stories.

[@Skyebright1]

Yeah the little charity sequel has her with Patrick Dempsey and no brother, so she gets a happy ending ;)

[@cehaver]

Belated reply, but I love that the pop star and his manager decide to spend an evening in platonic love, enjoying each other and being companionable. My friend relationships are extremely important to me and always have been, even when I was married. I’m happily single with mutually respectful “lust” relationships for years now, and my bff who I love (non-romantically) almost unconditionally is actually engaged with a wonderful woman who is amazing. He still prioritizes our friendship (not to the detriment of his relationship) and I always did the same in my marriage. Friebds are important. We usually hang out once a week, and we live an hour apart. His gf is super cool with it because it makes him happy, and I would never (and he absolutely wouldn’t) compromise their lives together. I think we forget how important non-romantic relationships/ friendships are what with all the rom coms etc. that’s part of why I still love this movie.

[@moriahdiaz]

I know it was discussed briefly but can we do full relationship analysis on all the Holiday characters please? Love your channel!

[@mariamelnitskaya4493]

Watch their previous video where they’re ranking Christmas movies - there’s a lot about The Holiday in there

[@rosiehobbbit]

Yes, please!!

[@Nakutnyi]

I like how you guys promote honesty in relationships

[@aevan8tor]

Emma Thompson is so stunningly fabulous and heartwrenching, even this little clip made me tear up

[@omnidiscord]

i LITERALLY just went back to find this original video yesterday, because i had just watched love actually and needed to know your opinions lmao, how weird!

[@HouseMDaddict]

I literally watched Love Actually (for the 80th time) on Friday night and then searched the original video of this after it!!

[@nellieshoals]

As opposed to figuratively finding and watching?? :P

[@rdpandora2181]

I watched "Love actually" a long time ago and seeing this (or rewatching things) made me realize that some movies or Tv shows are not healthy as we thought before. We really don't think we just watch but theeen...

[@thewatcherinthecloud]

Watching 'unhealthy things' isn't necessarily bad. You don't leave 'Oedipus Rex' with the urge to commit incest and patricide, although you could argue that Oedipus did have his comeuppance in the end, unlike some British boys in Love Actually. But that's why you're not born yesterday. You take the time to think: "Does this result seem fair? Would this be the consequences that I or others would want?" No answer is perfect, but whatever answer you give is where you are.

[@rdpandora2181]

@@thewatcherinthecloud indeed...but that wasn't really my point, i will continue to watch movies and many things, bad or good. It's just the thought after, when I re watch i wasn't thinking about that before, when I grow-up to understand more things

[@nesser52]

The amount of carp were watched growing up is... pheew 😶

[@bishop51807]

The pop culture that we expose ourselves to, shapes who we are more than we realize.

[@vesper180]

@@bishop51807 Absolutely, repeated exposure to certain behaviors can wear down an aversion to them, until they begin to feel more "acceptable" or ok.

[@timothyclark803]

This episode was very most beautiful the premier time. Jono and the Alan have a very transparency way of the talking.

[@andreahenderson7935]

I love you guys being so accurate and thoughtful about these ridiculous relationships. I’ve actually never heard a man talk like this before. Not trying to put down the male sex or anything. I just love hearing some intelligent conversation and not just thinking it’s all about sex.

[@mysdannie]

Personally, I've always considered Love, actually, as a movie with all sorts of affection and love represented. Carnal and unsubstantial - Colin. Flawed and superficial - Juliet. Expected but not that attentive - Peter. Overcome and ended - Mark. Flawed, broken but held together - Harry and his wife. The usual romances, there are several... Familial - be it the brother or be it the father-son one. It doesn't mean that any one of these snippets portrays a GOOD love, but it's one that we can find in reality.

[@EverydayMusician]

I concur.

[@damnmamaa]

I don't understand why they are so negative about Colin -- he wants sex, he's open about it, he finds some girls who also want sex and are open about it, they do it and enjoy it -- what is so gross and unhealthy about it? They also seem to have completely missed the joke -- it's a super unrealistic scenario which completely subverts the audience's expectation of what's going to happen when he gets to America. It provides a great counterpoint to the seriousness of other parts of the movie.

[@pedrovallefin8406]

@@damnmamaa Youre not wrong about Colin, but youre missing the point of the video. Theyre ranking the relations based on how healthy theyre and what they need to last. Theyre not judging Colin over going and getting laid, theyre judging the marriage he got himself into after getting laid. The movie doesnt elavorate on the matter because of how secundary his plot line is, but its logical to assume his relationship is build on sex, and they talk at length in the video about how that may not be the healthiest fundation for a long term relation. They didnt miss the joke, the joke its irrelevant to the subject of the video since they have to judge his relation even if its a purely nonsesical comedic segment. Because if you were to take him outside of his rol as a comedic relief, Colin aptitude is kinda gross. Being sex obssesed is literally his only recognizable trait, his characterization is so basic hes practically a caricature. Personally i think hes entirely out of place with the tone of the movie, not to mention the part that aged the worst of it all. He feels like he was meant to be part of one of those sex-crazed teen movies that were popular at the time. He belongs in American Pie or Eurotrip, not in this cheesy british romcom.

[@psycherevivedby]

he's a misogynist which er, isn't funny maybe? @@damnmamaa

[@psycherevivedby]

how on earth is Juliet superficial? That's such a lame descriptor of her just because shes young and beautiful. Juliet is understanding and empathic

[@meganroy8071]

I agree with the rankings of the healthiest couples, but I am still not convinced that Judy & Jack were shooting a porn. I always thought that they were body doubles for the nude scenes of a movie. They are very blasé about the fact that one or both of them is fully naked and they’re being asked to film sexual acts with each other, but they are still so adorably awkward around each other that I don’t get the sense that they’ve actually crossed that line of “going all the way”.

[@songindarkness]

Oh yeah that was my take

[@charlottesmom]

Yup, They were body doubles, it was stated in one of the scenes I believe. i do think it was a heavily sexy movie but maybe not a total porn..

[@lesedic7836]

When they ran into someone at the school play, Judy held up her left hand (I think she was showing a ring), and Jack said “we’re finally going to get to shag”. I’m assuming there had been no sex yet.

[@annedirks5409]

I always thought that the joke for the "plumpy" character was that she wasn't fat at all. So everyone keeps calling someone who fits the mold for a societally accepted body but is still called fat because beauty standards suck. I really loved the video 😀

[@littlemissmello]

Nah, this was the time for the "anorexia chique" body beauty standard. It's gross but you saw lots of non-fat bodies being shamed for being fat, which is shitty for two reasons.

[@lucyj8204]

I agree with you, Anne. But people were very rude about the actor in comparison with the waif look of the time, so I think it's a deliberate middle finger to society.

[@xarenanotmyrealname4134]

What are you willing to bet they didn't tell him that the bodyguard guy could sing so they could get a legit surprised reaction?

[@korganrocks3995]

That does sound like the kind of thing a clever director would do! It reminds me of not letting the actress who played Lucy see the Narnia set beforehand so her reaction would be authentic(usually a good idea with child actors).

[@xarenanotmyrealname4134]

@@korganrocks3995 Kinda reminds me of that movie I think it was called 2001 a space Odyssey? The guy who voiced the computer Hal had no context for any of his lines he had no idea what was going on so that he could always deliver his lines in that monotone way.

[@AmmaraSHAH773377]

@@korganrocks3995 that sounds like a wonderful positive version of whatbthey did to dunst in ET lol

[@breezy-duz-it]

How TF did this get recommended to me literally 10 minutes after my husband turned on Love Actually 😂🤣 my phone is definitely listening in

[@2Fangirl]

I would LOVE it if you could do Good Omens, and analyze the relationship between the two main characters in there. I'd definitely watch that video.

[@nothatgxrl]

I like that "reasons" for why people have affairs were given but he wrapped it up by saying that ultimately it's a lack of integrity. Like, yes, we should understand what the cheater is going through but it is still wrong and they should take responsibility. I have always felt like the devil's advocate when it comes to love stuff because I want to understand both sides so I think I'm stealing this from you lol

[@Skyebright1]

Yeah you divorce you don’t cheat on them

[@k.s.k.7721]

To all those who wondered what happened to these characters, "Red Nose Day" in Britain, a charity to end childhood poverty, encourages participation through comedy and donations. They filmed a sequel to "Love, Actually" and it's available on KZbin. Another year they did one based on "Four Weddings and a Funeral". Original cast participation, and they are fun to watch.

[@sophie_jordan]

I was literally looking for this video today and I was heartbroken that I couldn’t find it, but we’ve got the rerelease! Let’s go!!

[@Beatmyguest001]

Actually really nice to watch a video with two chaps analysing a romcom, taking it seriously and offering solid insights. Thank you! I really enjoyed this video!

[@CinemaTherapyShow]

Glad you enjoyed it. Thanks for watching!

[@cdrfrost734]

Everyone talking about Emma Thompsons reaction but Snape's face watching his family and realizing he fucked up...pure acting.

[@CroobieLetter]

With Sarah and Carl, I feel you neglect her brother. It becomes painfully obvious that she doesn't actually live her life, and she uses her brother as an excuse. She had a crush on her co-worker for years but never acted on it, only when HE took initiative and others pushed her it got somewhere. She chickened out using her brother as an excuse, Carl even calls her out on it. This story isn't a love story! It shows that a relationship only happens if you are ready for it.

[@g.d.graham2446]

Definitely

[@HouseMDaddict]

When people have family members with intensive needs and there's no other family available (her parents died I think) , she's basically his guardian and she feels she'd be abandoning him if she actually lived her life. It's sad but some people don't have anyone else to depend on so they get in a rut of just them and the person with intensive needs

[@zeechops401]

Nah, i disagree. The other comment is correct, she is his guardian and he relies on her solely. She's become a parent to someone who has no control over his thoughts or emotions and can even be violent. That kind of thing weighs heavy on a person and can absolutely stop a relationship from forming. How can she just go back to being intimate when her brother calls saying some crazy shit and she realizes she needs to be there for him?

[@Dharma9]

@@zeechops401 As someone who was in that position for 10 years until my loved one passed...there are no hard and fast rules. You have to let people in, tell them what's going on in your life. There are support groups for sole caregivers that can offer advice and help with balancing being a caregiver and actual living. Sarah internalized all those pressures and built a wall around herself. Carl was an unattainable fantasy to her because she couldn't fathom letting him in on her daily struggles... If you want a chance at truly being in love you have to be brave enough to be vulnerable. If Sarah had simply turned to him kissed him and said "I'd like you to stay the night but it's my brother-- he's going through something. I just need a minute to talk to him down for a bit." Could he have been a jerk who just couldn't wait and left? Sure... Carl also might have liked her enough to want to stay to see where things could go... One short sentence could have led to a new beginning instead of a sorrowful end...

[@Lillith.]

@@zeechops401 I've been there and it felt incredibly selfish to do, but I set boundaries. My life improved immensely by doing that little thing, the other person didn't suffer because I couldn't be there for them 24/7. It's an awful feeling, but you can't live your life for someone else.

[@feltrix334]

I always have so much appreciation for people who acknowledge that ace/aro people exist when talking about romance/sex.

[@danielamato5168]

He's not in a committed relationship, IT MATTERS. THANK YOUUUUUUU

[@michellebazin7988]

Love that you brought Gottman into the analysis! LCSW Gottman trained therapist here! More people need to embrace Gottman theory!

[@xochiquetzallaunica]

I watch cinema therapy as soon as it comes out. I usually watch KZbin on my phone. But I always put this on my big screen tv. Lots of love for you all and your families

[@CinemaTherapyShow]

You're so kind. Thanks for watching!

[@Magicme79]

I like how Jonathan gesticulates when he talks, and every time he does, his chair squeaks. Merry Christmas.

[@darknorman2914]

A few years ago,the charity event Comic Relief,produced a sequel called “Red-nose day actually”.It shows through different segments what happened to some of the couples from then to now.Juliet and Peter are still married,Mark has gotten over Juliet and reveals to her that he’s found someone else.David is still prime minister (well just returned as) and is married to Natalie,who is no longer working for him. Jamie and Aurelia are living in England with three kids.They are helping eachother learn their languages,Aurelia is shown to be more fluent in English,whilst Jamie…well.Billy is still making music,but sadly Joe has passed due to a heart attack.Sam has grown up and moved to America,but comes back to visit Daniel and reveals his engagement to Joanna (the girl from the movie,who also came). An American version was produced with an extra scene,showing that Sarah had married actor Patrick Dempsey.

[@radioinactivescarlet_3348]

Also, I heard that Emma Thompson had just experienced infidelity in her real life, so all of the emotions she shows are real.

[@morbidsearch]

It was 8 years earlier but of course still affected her deeply

[@AndthenonedayIbecameanEXO-L]

Not by her current husband. But her previous partner.

[@Zyrtle]

SO refreshing to see grown men speak about relationships with intelligence and integrity. 👏👏👏

[@PhoenixVic21]

14:37 thank you for the ace rep! Very light description of some wanting sex or romance or neither. Like anyone, it comes down to consent. 25:10 I love that Judy and Jack are #2! 😂 But it also shows how consent and discussion is needed for a healthy relationship...even if where you met is awkward. 😅

[@tropicaldelight64]

13:38 - I always thought Sarah‘s love story in the movie was more about her relationship with her brother. It’s a relationship I kept expecting you to bring up… Otherwise I agree with the order. Thanks for this video.

[@helendonovan7984]

I think it's a terrible stigmatising message that if she loves her brother, she has to give up on her own wants and needs. As a mental health professional its diappointikg as it paints the brother as just a terrible burden, albeit one who is deeply loved by her.

[@MrRossman2]

Agreed. IMO, they completely missed the point of that segment.

[@alexmuenster2102]

@@helendonovan7984 >>paints the brother as just a terrible burden

[@paulmorales1607]

Yeah that’s how I felt when I first watched it. It was heartbreaking because they both understood that she’s not currently emotionally available and that’s so hurtfully mature

[@angelinacave6576]

​@helendonovan7984 honestly tho that's how it is sometimes. My brother has autism and when I left for university I would get calls at all times for me to calm him down.

[@o_loner]

I loved this video! There is actually a sequel short film they released for Red Nose Day that shows us where are most of the relationships in the first movie. They unhealthy ones get a somewhat satisfying ending, I think its worth checking out! Happy Holidays!

[@reikun86]

I liked Mark’s Resolution in Red Nose Actually.

[@littlefox7694]

Still bummed about how Martin Freeman isn't in it...

[@narcissa6581]

As for the Mark-Juliet-Peter love triangle I don't think it's as bad as it seems. Definitely not healthy or an example to follow, but not as bad as people make it out to be. Mark was secretly in love with Juliet and had no intention of ever telling her or acting on it, that is clear from how he gave Juliet the cold shoulder ever since they knew each other, making her think he didn't like her (later even says he does it as self-preservation). Yes, he made that video about her, but it's not like Juliet wasn't aware she was being filmed. I don't see it as creepy or weird, I just feel like their wedding day was the only day that Mark felt like he could admire her from afar without it being too noticeable and taking a video of the wedding was the perfect excuse to do this. And he had no intention of ever showing the video to her, she literally barged in his house and looked through his stuff all the while he was clearly trying to stop her from doing that. As for confessing his feelings, he literally had to do that in some way after Juliet saw the video. He just had to address the situation somehow and I think coming clean to Juliet was the right thing to do. Maybe not the way that he did it, but she deserved an explanation from him. And he clearly states "without hope or agenda". He is not trying to take her away from Peter, he is just confessing his feelings, so he can finally start to move on. Her kissing him was the only thing I didn't agree with, even though it was meant as closure, but it was still wrong in my opinion. Not a wise thing to go and kiss your husband's best friend who just confessed his undying love for you, but maybe that's just me.

[@emily_nelson]

Yeah, but if he needed to tell her, he could have done so without making this grand sweeping gesture where he tells her he'll love her forever (and asks her to lie to her husband about the encounter). It's still creepy as heck. And it's possible to move on from someone without confessing your feelings for them and making them uncomfortable.

[@jposensei]

What happened if Peter answered the door?

[@maryjanedodo]

THIS is the Xmas content I never knew I needed!! Do this annually please!!!

[@Cure_for_everyone]

Everything you say is great and I agree, except for the Sara and Carl section. And I don't disagree about the romance stuff, but I disagree that this movie treat it like love. I believe that this story is about Sarah's love for her brother, because in the end she choose to be with him when he needed her, and Carl fell off after one night without getting sex. And it's okay if relationship with a girl who has that kind of burden doesn't work for him, but it's a little bit meh on his side. Love your channel and all of you beautiful people. Thank you for what you do!

[@grootette1355]

I totally agree here. I think it also shows that they've come to terms (or only Sara) with their "relationship" when she just wishes him a merry Christmas and turns to her brother. It's beautifully portrayed.

[@rosiehobbbit]

I think it was the right and healthy thing that he did, she is obviously not ready for another relationship. They just did it kind of "fast forward", one time she takes the phone and he comforts her and says they can work around it together, which is very beautiful (almost cliche, really), and then nothing changes - in real life it would maybe take not two sentences but two dates, but he has to cut it if he sees that she doesn't change.

[@athena2143]

actually in interviews the actor who plays carl says the ended up together. so 🤷🏻‍♀️

[@thomasandrewclifford]

Where I do think people probably get some bad messages from this film. I kind of love it for showing these flawed unhealthy aspects to a possible future relationship. As someone who ended up with someone who didn't speak my first language I felt the beauty of connecting through messy confusing language mistakes and cultural differences.

[@adriancastro6202]

Awesome video, awesome timing, COOLEST SUIT!! Thank you guys!

[@alwaysanshul]

So refreshing to hear these two gentlemen talk about how actual relationships work

[@Nelia2705]

One thing I did notize and would like to correct: non-monogamous relationships can very much be committed relationships and betrayel within them is very real as well. Please don't equate being monogamous with being committed - it's not the same thing. You can be committed in both a monogamous or non-monogamous relationship/s. I never really got why people love this movie so much - at least now I know why I didn't like it :D Thank you! I hate that most relationships in the media are so unhealthy and portrayed as "romantic, healthy love" - it creates a breeding ground for toxic and abusive relationships. Also, I love that you included non-romantic and non-sexual relationships - that's so important!