Relationship Therapist vs. Hitch: Did HITCH have good dating advice?

Licensed therapist Jonathan Decker goes toe to toe with Alex Hitchins, the "Date Doctor," with filmmaker Alan Seawright to break down some of the love advice in this movie to see what's good dating and relationship advice and what isn't. They share some of their own dating stories, how Will Smith's character actually learns and grows into understanding relationships more throughout the movie, and the importance of listening, honesty, and being yourself in a relationship.
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Cinema Therapy is:
Written by: Megan Seawright, Jonathan Decker and Alan Seawright
Produced by: Jonathan Decker, Megan Seawright & Alan Seawright
Edited by: Emily Colton & Alan Seawright
Director of Photography: Bradley Olsen
English Transcription by: Anna Preis

[@magscat3161]

One day, while my husband was watching TV in the living room, I was in the kitchen (couldn't reach something because I'm short) and I complained aloud to myself (didn't think anyone else could hear me) about the predicament. My husband turned off the TV, and went out to the garage. A few moments passed and I began to hear saws and hammering and power tools... Eventually my husband came into the kitchen and placed a well made step stool in front of me. He kissed me on the cheek and then went back into the living room and turned the TV back on. Listen to your partner even if they aren't talking directly to you and be attentive to their needs without a self serving motive. Every time I look at that dumb step stool I get the urge to go show the man some love.

[@CinemaTherapyShow]

Aww, what a sweet story! ❤️ Great example of a partner listening and understanding their partner's needs.

[@magscat3161]

@@CinemaTherapyShow my husband so often does little things to show how much he cares or tries to make things easier for me to fix problems for myself. (Yes he can just hand me whatever I can't reach but if he builds a step stool I don't need him there to get it for me). He makes me want to be a better partner and a better person.

[@magscat3161]

@@CinemaTherapyShow never mind. Just as I typed this he sent me a text message saying "I want hotdogs for dinner". I replied "I want you" and he sent back "...we can still have hotdogs tho right?" I'm done. Forget I said anything SMH

[@BlackxPegasus]

Thanks for sharing your story, that's beautiful. It reminds me to always explore with curiosity what good things my partner does for me. And then I think of many wonderful little things. For example, when I sniffle my nose more often in the evening at the computer, he checks on me because he thinks I'm crying and he needs to comfort me.

[@reikun86]

Haha I can relate. I'm short, and my boyfriend is a tree. He's really nice about getting stuff from the top shelf that my stubby limbs can't reach.

[@greylithwolf]

"It's okay if she says no" is the best dating advice you could ever give.

[@kailynncovington3907]

I watch this KZbinr that says if it's not a yes it's a no for everything not just dating. Now it's something that I live by and hopefully my future kids will live by too

[@julietardos5044]

It's also okay if he says no.

[@greylithwolf]

@@kailynncovington3907 that's bad advice. If you live in an either/or world you'll be pretty frustrated. If it's not a yes but it isn't a no either it's something you have to talk to them about.

[@trinaq]

Precisely, if they decline, it's best to leave it at that, and respect their wishes. At least you took the plunge, and that's what should really matter.

[@kailynncovington3907]

@@greylithwolf and talking is bad because?

[@LillyMarchant]

I always felt like Hitch's rules ("any man can get any woman," "no dancing," "hide the inhaler") were wrong, but his *advice* (she wants the real you but doesn't want it all at once, listen and respond, when you're with her be present and engaged) was actually pretty good.

[@CatCheshire]

With "any man can get any woman" I think he meant - don't be afraid to try be with someone who to you looks like they are out of your reach, and he did not meant something creepy... And part with "no dancing" and "hide the inhaler" is to keep good image - which we all do all the time and we usually open about our flaws, when we feel safe with someone So there is time, place and the amount of all of it - just keep it balanced, don't forget who you are and evolve for the better.

[@susannairisastarte5192]

Also lots of heteronormativity

[@mamc1986]

The problem is that its a movie and written for many of these male characters, who think they cannot succeed with one woman. Of course they get the woman, but real life is way more complicated than that.

[@muchanadziko6378]

„Any man (…) any woman” Is about not being afraid to try. It’s not a description of Reality „No dancing” Well, it’s weird, I haven’t seen the movie so maybe there is context? Anyway, I dislike dancing very much, Especially the slow ones, so if someone would say that to me it would basically mean „don’t do anything that would but you in an uncomfortable position” „Hide the inhaler” You don’t need to share everything about you on a first date. Though if you have an asthma attack during a date…USE THE INHALER

[@susannairisastarte5192]

@@olynmus100 no thanks. But you can find your own man

[@juliababyjenjenny8485]

Honestly, when Hitch says to Allegra he did "nothing" at the end, I have to disagree. Albert didn't do everything he said, but Hitch gave him enough mental preparedness to have a little confidence. And Albert did listen to Allegra quite well, which was the most important thing Hitch said in the whole movie. How Albert was at the beginning of the movie compared to the end was remarkable. He will still a dork, his personality stayed the same, but he had CONFIDENCE. And he started to believe in himself and possibilities.

[@morganseppy5180]

Exactly, what he did was give him some social tips and the confidence to pursue a 10

[@friendtofrogs]

Men supporting men. I like that 👏🏼

[@captainmarvelous7678]

AND as Hitch says on the boat, would she have noticed Albert at all without Hitch's initial plan of meeting? Probably not. He did help him get in the door, of course the confidence helped with that aspect too. But if you come up to someone with confidence and do the dumbest shit imaginable, you'll probably still fail

[@commenter4898]

You're right, but it would not make a good movie dialog. "What did you do?" "I gave him confidence and created some opportunity and told him to listen to you."

[@-hasamastersdegreeinwumbol8565]

Yeah, Hitch was basically a hype man. He told Albert that, despite his slovenly appearance and awkwardness, and lack of confidence, that he can actually get the girl that he thinks is way out of his league. That was probably not something Albert hears very often.

[@AnneKathrinDernComposer]

One thing to add here: The reason why we turn down random advances with a friendly smile is not necessarily to spare the other person's feelings. It's often also because most women have been in situations where rejection wasn't taken all too well by the man on the receiving end and things escalated. So we try to be extra friendly to diffuse any potential tension that might result in a bad situation. However, unfortunately some guys then take our smiles and friendliness as "try harder". It's kind of a no-win scenario. So guys, always make sure you come across as non-threatening as possible if you make any advances towards a woman who doesn't know you.

[@JamesDecker7]

As a counselor whenever I’m talking with people who say “I just don’t get why people get upset when I ask for something” it is almost ALWAYS this kind of behavior. Rule one: resistance is a no Rule two: any no needs to be processed by yourself and then and only then, if it is important, readdressed politely and in large part to inquire what inspired the no so that you can understand; NOT so you can change the persons mind (true in any situation not just asking people out; I also give that pattern to bosses)

[@_sparrowhawk]

Excellent point

[@wasubi100]

yeah but someone not being direct on the no is the problem because what you think is resistance is no what some thinks is resistance. if someone does not clearly state the no. Everything gets lost in translation.

[@elisabetfranklin1246]

I said that to myself when they discussed that scene! Like… it’s not because where nice and don’t won’t to hurt your feelings is because sometimes men, especially nice guys, can take rejection really bad and turn aggressive.

[@sunfloweeerrry]

I had a friend's friend that rejected a guy by saying no firmly and he got aggressive at her, even cursed her to illness(real curse not the f word) so by hearing that story from her whenever a similar situation happen to me I try to be gentle but unfortunately they don't hv an ounce of idea that no means no. There's no winning for us ladies here.

[@Pikepaw]

“My goal is to become fit enough and attractive enough that when people see me with my wife they go ‘yeah, that makes sense’” That is hilarious but wonderfully wholesome! Rooting for your fitness journey Jono!

[@Overseer2579]

Jono, you’re perfectly fine just the way you are! If you weren’t your wife wouldn’t ❤ you so much :)

[@Overseer2579]

@@Miss_Camel what’s a problem for you isn’t a problem for plenty of other women. That’s why Jono is married, and dated a lot before that. Lots of women like men who they can have mutual conversations about their emotions with

[@Nicole-vh8xf]

I think the therapist is very obviously attractive! I don't know what his wife looks like, but it seems to me that the people who made comments like that must have a really narrow view of what is "attractive". 🤔 But I'm glad he can laugh about it.

[@ClanAllta]

"I was no longer so in love with the idea of love that I fell for anyone who gave me the light of day... I was okay on my own. When I got to a place where I didn't NEED somebody..." THIS. This is what broke my cycle of short and hard relationships and into a partnership and marriage that has lasted eight years so far.

[@nikkimoon1533]

That's amazing! Great job! Going through a divorce right now. I am just now learning that alone is fine. I don't need to be with anyone. It's okay to just be. And I won't just fall for the next person I meet. But it makes me happy to hear that your marriage is still going strong. Gives me hope for finding the right partner eventually.

[@juliemassam933]

Yep, me too. Then I met my now husband.

[@IzzyCanterra]

I had to learn that too. But now I have to learn to let people in again and actually show if I like somebody and it's hard. 😞 😓 😩 I am convinced that in terms of where I am with myself, I would be good to MEET the right people, but letting someone in and actually going for what I want is still something that right now seems impossible for me. I am afraid of my own emotions and to actually let my guard down.

[@reikun86]

Congratulations. I am happy for you! I think we need to love ourselves first, then open our hearts to others.

[@ryangreen6255]

That's hard. I'm struggling with who I am and where I am.

[@Abi-ov9vm]

"The best lovers are the best listeners." I couldn't agree more with this advice.

[@KireiC]

Yes! Related, the BBC miniseries Casanova (starring David Tennant!) hammers this point home - Casanova himself is quite capable of charming his way into the good graces and beds of many, but it's when he's taught that women are often craving emotional honesty and good listening from men (especially in a world of patriarchal bluster) that he gets a fuller picture of what women are looking for in a man.

[@msk-qp6fn]

i feel like i'd be terrible i need to work on my listening skills

[@sarahwnyc8080]

Winning the internet with this advice.

[@muhmuhmonahan4919]

The two best dating advice bits I've ever received were from my little brother and a good friend. One told me to be completely myself, that way if I'm not to someone's taste, that's fine, but if they like me they actually like ME. The other told me to find a plan to make myself happy, and not wait for a partner to "complete me," and if the right person came along, I'd be ready to be my best self and a good partner. Gold.

[@vapx0075]

Why does this not have more likes?

[@macroxela]

@@vapx0075 because it's not really dating advice but more life advice. It sets up a good foundation from which you can find someone for a healthy relationship but by itself, it doesn't really help with dating.

[@MrBrock314]

@@macroxela Having a good life helps immensely with dating I would imagine.

[@littleman6950]

@MrBrock314 a lot of the problem for people is getting a date. A good life isn't going to help with dating if there is no dating happening.

[@g.d.graham2446]

Awesome

[@trinaq]

Hitch didn't believe his own pitch, but his advice in telling men to simply be themselves to get their dream girls actually worked, which is what made Allegra fall for Albert.

[@TheTekknician]

More often then not, being yourself and if you happen to be a bit of a goof is actually endearing or at least makes you just as human as your romantic interest.

[@SemekiIzuio]

@@TheTekknician that's like the whole concept of if the person makes mistakes is more human relatable then the person who doesnt and is perfect.

[@laurenescarcha3246]

I'll take the goof over the serious guy any day. Most women want a guy who makes them laugh

[@swanpride]

What he mainly did was to get them over the first hurdle, which is to find an opportunity to actually talk to the person they are interested in.

[@xzonia1]

Sadly, there is no reality in which a female version of Albert would ever have a shot at getting a male version of Allegra. Rich, beautiful women can and often do choose to be with meh-looking guys who have other things going for them, but a meh-looking woman with other things going for her can't expect to meet a rich, handsome guy and actually get him. I've had many guys tell me 'Why would I settle for a woman who's less attractive than me?' which means the woman always has to settle. Simply being oneself will never work for a woman because her appearance matters more than who she is in this world. For all the women out there who'd like to have a dream guy in their lives but are Alberts, I truly feel for them. Like can be with like, but a Beauty and the Beast or Shrek story only works if Beauty or Fiona is the female in the relationship, always. (Obviously Albert is a less severe version of those stories, a realistic version, but he and Allegra are still a version of the Beauty and the Beast story.) So this movie just depresses me when I watch it and makes me glad I'm asexual. I don't know how other women cope with the whole dating / relationship thing. It doesn't sound enjoyable on any level to me.

[@DubaiShortsChannel]

"The best foreplay is relationships itself" - best quote 👍

[@sumgirl720]

I think it's really great and I'm concerned it could be taken the wrong way. The relationship itself is not a substitute for physical foreplay. Yes, mental state & emotional connection can be incredibly important in leading to (good) sex, and physical arousal and preparedness is just as important.

[@Katie80-501]

The scene with "Chip"!! I just noticed! He's like hovering over her, the camera is at her eye level looking up at him, making him seem like he's trying to look down on her and corner her, Hitch sits down with her and gives her space. Women notice body language like that all the time so be mindful of how you position yourself. Also great attention to detail with the filming aspect.

[@smm855]

Thank you, thank you, THANK YOU for mentioning the hygiene thing. I'm a nerdy girl that clocks in around a 7 and in my teenage college years I was actively looking for a nerdy guy. He didn't need to be handsome or fit, but I needed to be able to geek out with him. ...there were so many guys I would have really probably hit it off with if they'd just showered. It was crazy to think "oh I think this guy is cute..oh! He likes Doctor Who and ....OMG I can't breathe, doesn't he know what soap is?!"

[@ilo3456]

I myself have a hygiene problem, mainly due to depression and because I don't really get to go out or have a group of friends. So for me I tend to not want to spend the time looking after myself because I feel like it is pointless, I mean I already tend to feel kinda lethargic and then I have no real reason to do most of those things so I just sort of let myself go. In a way it is a form of self harm which no one really cares about.

[@azaperez6031]

@@ilo3456 I’m sorry you suffer from depression, there is no real cure for it, but I will say that general hygiene makes it a little more bearable, at least for me it did. I hope things have gotten better for you since you posted your comment. All the love my guy

[@ilo3456]

@@azaperez6031 Thanks dude, honestly I am also someone who is hyperfocused, so if I am focused on something I will ignore other stuff. Basically I have obsessive tendencies I can deal with a lot of stuff being dirt or messy if I am focused on something, be it studying or just hanging out and playing games with friends. So you know it's like one thing compounds on the other and I completely ignore a bunch of stuff because it just doesn't end up entering my mind as a priority

[@thewildcardperson]

@@ilo3456 gotta start somewhere I was depressed for a few months before cleaning my room and getting some new hobbies

[@stewievengeance]

@Jferrer1310 take a shower. Take the trash out. Do the dishes. Just do it. Doesn't matter if you have depression or not, it needs to be done.

[@hazmatt113]

This episode had me more upset with you guys than I've ever been. As we were nearing the end, I was a bundle of fear, disappointment, anger, and grief as I thought we weren't going to get to see the high note of Jono's "Take on Me"

[@CinemaTherapyShow]

LOL!

[@Kathling1997]

You had me in the first half, ngl

[@xxMpEGxx]

I was waiting for that 😭

[@AlleluiaElizabeth]

God, same. So glad they buttoned that up in the end. lol

[@johnsonbaroncaveler6634]

I agree, therefore I PETITION TO SEE MORE OF JONO'S TAKE ON ME! All in favor, say I.

[@lathspell87]

One of my favorite pieces of advice from this movie is from the very beginning. When he's talking about the first date, he says to relax. She's already said yes to spending time with you, instead of doing any number of other things. That is not something I had thought of in that way, before. It's great advice for not only dating, but in my work in sales. If I get an appointment with a prospect, I can relax because they have already agreed to meet with me, so obviously are open to what I have to offer.

[@Overseer2579]

I really needed that. I get super self-conscious because of my depression and introversion, but I’ll have to keep that in mind from now on when hanging out with friends, dates, or whoever

[@cristyablad]

I think another good thing to remember about first dates is that they are probably equally as nervous as you. Like people always feel like they are a nervous mess and the other person is chill. But you are probably BOTH a nervous mess, haha

[@madelinevance8954]

I feel like all he did was teach good social skills. Manners, basic dress code, how to carry on a conversation. And that’s not changing who they are, it’s just making them a more likable, easier to get along with person. They’re often things that should be changed anyway if you want to improve yourself.

[@ahhh4117]

He taught me how to act at a museum date "don't linger but maintain a visual"

[@anna_in_aotearoa3166]

Hmm. Haven't seen the movie yet but just based on the clips shown here, I'd say he took it well beyond that into actual manipulation, which is where it gets super-dodgy...?

[@oh.mylanta.]

Yes, he did all those things, but they *did* change who the guys were by instilling confidence in them. And confidence is very attractive.

[@msk-qp6fn]

Right? As a kid, I watched this movie with my parents and I actually enjoyed it a lot and didn't understand how anything Hitch taught his clients was lying or cheating or how the movie itself was toxic.

[@AWSNATION]

Make them a whitewashed loser.

[@vanesaradayoung7099]

I love to see Jonathan's kids dancing while he sings karaoke, just adorable!

[@tiffanykim2773]

Yea they're the ultimate hype men 😂 so cute

[@zephyrek6963]

My thoughts exactly! So heartwarming

[@yb9964]

If a man took me on a karaoke date with all you can eat wings and that’s the show he put on? My heart would never stop smiling, like if we ever broke up that moment would forever have a place in my heart

[@crimson_sky]

I like that John and Alan are honest about their history as former toxic men. They don’t try to hide it and use their past to call out both their past selves and others who are like that. I salute you men

[@MrBrock314]

I'm not sure John admitted to being remotely toxic in this video. Alan definitely did. John mostly just said he was inexperienced.

[@ebriggs3498]

Toxic? No, just young college men searching….

[@g.d.graham2446]

Amen to that

[@gRinchY-op5vr]

​@MrBrock314 he has admitted to being a classic "nice guy" in the past in other videos, a subtle one but still. His wake up call was somebody feeling entitled to him through 'niceness' and that's a good way to decide not to behave a certain way anymore

[@gRinchY-op5vr]

​@@ebriggs3498being young doesn't excuse you from being toxic lol some just realise they are and grow out of it and some stay that way because they continue thinking the rest of the world is the problem

[@LittleHobbit13]

The one line I consistently remember from this movie is _"You cannot use what you do not have."_ It just felt like really sound advice. Learn to view yourself comfortably rather than pretending to be what you're not just to keep someone's attention.

[@EclecticFruit]

I like that line too!

[@wordforger]

Exactly. These guys aren't so much pretending to be what they're not so much as learning to be the best, most confident versions of themselves.

[@jenniferkaplan1956]

If some guy actually rescued my pet from being hit by a car, that would be impressive, BUT... if I later found out that they faked it, it would be a serious crisis for me. I'd have to at least mentally debate ending things on that specific event.

[@Stettafire]

If I found out they'd cause it, not only would it be over but they'd be lucky to still have teeth

[@lanabanana8265]

Not only faked it, but created the situation by hiring someone who baited my dog out of my arms? Already there's perpetuating anxiety about the dog ever getting away again because its going to get hurt, but also to know someone else intentionally caused that to break through boundaries I went to therapy to work to put up? I'm a very anti-violent person, but I would definitely be thinking about their immolation while showing them the door. It reminds me of how proud my grandfather was of his story of meeting my grandmother. He took her purse and refused to give it back until she agreed to date him. The only person in the family not of my generation that found issue with it was my late Great Uncle/My grandmother's younger brother.

[@NoiseDay]

@@lanabanana8265 If I were in your grandmother's shoes, if I wasn't worried that I was dating a mugger I'd definitely be put off by dating someone immature enough to take my purse as a "joke."

[@Colopty]

I'd be amazed if someone did manage to fake such a rescue, seems like it would be quite a convoluted situation to set up. Would still be an immediate breakup and a call to the police because that's some advanced psychopath shit, but it'd still be impressive.

[@rock2946]

@@lanabanana8265 if I was your grandma, I'd agree to date him then ghost him :/ It's not okay to do that to people

[@multitudeofvoices]

Speaking as a sister. My brother went through a couple relationships that were icky. Us, his six sisters, could always tell based on how the girl acted around us. The craziest never wanted to be alone with us to the extent of following him around the house and leaving a room if we entered. The best would come to family gatherings and hang out with us individually. So yes, winning over roommates and family is important because we will SEE if you're not good for them.

[@swancrunch]

could be just awkward tho

[@lauraschoenborn3544]

@@swancrunch No. If you are marrying someone you marry the family. They’re family becomes your family. Yes you marry someone because you love them, but it is equally important to love their family. If your involved with someone and you are always awkward around their family than it’s a problem. My sister was in a toxic relationship, she realized after he broke up with her that a massive red flag was that he never made an effort to hang out with anyone in the family.

[@ekaterinastroevitch6351]

Some people have social anxiety

[@14DANESSJ]

@@lauraschoenborn3544 as an awkward guy myself this is something I needed to read. When meeting family members of my partners I would feel really nervous that they wouldn't like me. But then when I do try and connect with them it usually works out. It's just important to atleast put in the effort at the end of the day.

[@MrBrock314]

@@lauraschoenborn3544 Agreed to some extent. It's important to attempt to forge a bond with those who your family are close to (their friends/family, etc) to some extent. But you don't (and probably won't) have that relationship with them so don't feel too bad if you're not SUPER close.

[@natyc19]

Whoever put himbo phase for Alan describing his college years deserves a cookie

[@rosiehoy4736]

It was probably his wife

[@Leahs_Dad]

"I thought I had game, but I was just toxic" So true bestie. I feel like every well meaning teenage boy with an ounce of charisma has been there by accident.

[@EH23831]

Key word being “teenage” as a parent of teenagers and a teacher of teenagers I can confirm that they know nothing! 😅

[@lydipedia]

Except it's not by "accident" when that's how boys are socialized.

[@Leahs_Dad]

@@lydipedia you're not wrong.

[@acookie7548]

i’m 70% sure that it’s romantic media with damaging tropes like the ones they’ve reviewed before that contribute heavily to the toxicity, so glad these guys are helping educate younger generations

[@cassandrahepp6445]

This makes me thankful for the relationship I have with my husband. When we first got together people acted like I was out of his league (kind of messed up really) simply because I looked one way and he looked another. I wasn't looking for a relationship because I was enjoying being single for the first time in my life but he was such a good guy. I didn't want to miss out on someone amazing simply because I wasn't looking at that exact moment. Best decision I've ever made and I think we fit together perfectly. We bring out the best in each other.

[@Overseer2579]

That’s so sweet ❤

[@CoffeeWarmerCat]

I think why they call it male fantasy (the part with the “unattractive” guy getting the “attractive” woman), is because you don’t often see that dynamic portrayed in reverse. So it’s seen sort of like a trophy for men, but women have pressure to strive to be the trophy. That’s just how I’ve perceived that notion anyway. I know it’s a thing that plays out in reality, but people tend to be more open to things that are normalized in media and that reverse dynamic, along with age differences where it’s the woman who is older instead of the man, aren’t really that normalized yet and are sort of seen as taboo or against the grain, breaking the norm.

[@yumeka_is_dreaming]

The only book with the reversed trophy dynamic that I know is one there Adonis is... blind.

[@thepinkestpigglet7529]

There's an expectation that men have to be older in a relationship? Huh. My mom is older than my step dad so that never crossed my mind.

[@yumeka_is_dreaming]

@@thepinkestpigglet7529 second marriage for women, especially with kids, is already breaking the form, soooooo... But is really an old form, so it breaks easily nowadays.

[@BonaparteBardithion]

There are occasionally "schlumpy girl gets hot guy", but for the longest time those were the same films with hot makeover scenes. The girl had to physically be in the guy's league before he would recognize the beautiful dork inside - be then there would be some lesson about being true to self, ect.

[@mgg5418]

@@BonaparteBardithion they never really were schlumpy girls to begin with. It’s either Anne Hathaway with a bad wig, or Katherine Heigl with glasses, or something of the kind. You will never see a rom com with Rachel Dratch as the main protagonist 😂 Meanwhile Jack Black ends up with Kate Winslet or Penelope Cruz 😂 (I love Jack Black but he’s no Adonis let’s be honest hahahaha)

[@ericnorman5237]

I object to Hitch’s conclusion about providing “absolutely nothing” for his clients. He just focused on the wrong things. His “magic” was not in his methods, but by giving hope and encouragement to his clients. He wasn’t perfect, but who is?

[@ilo3456]

He gave them what they needed most, an opening and then the confidence they needed to pursue who they liked, apart from that he taught a few basic things, some not so correct, but when you have confidence you are willing to forget somethings in favour of what you feel is right in that moment.

[@wwerules000]

He was basically a wing man, he gave them confidence to try and chat to the girl. Also the fact he didn't want to work with anyone who just wanted to hook up with a girl tells you, he was thinking about love not hurting anyone's feelings. Think he learnt from dating the reporter how to be a better version of himself.

[@msk-qp6fn]

I think, if I were to use metaphor, Hitch is that friend who helps you with your homework by looking at your work and giving you advice where to fix things but many people who don't know him well thinks he gives out his homework to copy and paste.

[@joy1696]

Love this 🙌🏻👏🏻

[@shelbylee-reid8690]

A lot of people, especially in high school and college wondered why my boyfriend and I were together. I’m a thin blond girl and my boyfriend is a large guy with thick glasses. One time someone even asked if I was drunk when I started dating him (almost punched that person) but then I was visiting him at college and said something and his friends said “ooohh this makes sense now” gesturing between the two of us. Our personalities just fit. We’ve been dating for 6 1/2 years, and I think we have more to look forward to

[@mbanerjee5889]

Hitch has always been my favorite rom-com. I feel like people that complain about it being toxic weren't actually paying attention to the movie. Hitch isn't providing relationship advice for his clients, he's only providing advice for the first 3 dates and even says "after that, you're on your own". And he also points out "I hope she's single, 'cause I don't do break-ups". He helps create opportunities for his clients to get noticed but whether or not that becomes a successful relationship is completely up to the couple. Of course, it isn't applicable to everyone but the majority of people can benefit from general things the movie is saying: 1. be honest, 2. pay attention to him/her/them, and 3. be yourself. All of that is good advice for any stage in a relationship.

[@kay-jay1581]

Ive never heard of this movie before. I’m not sure how or why. It has well know actors but then again I don’t go out of my way to watch older comedies. Was this movie popular at al when it came out?

[@Ananamitron]

@@kay-jay1581 It's a rare romcom that was weirdly more popular with guys than women. Not sure how it fared at the box office but I love the movie. My wife could take it or leave it.

[@GuardTower]

@@Ananamitron because its a weird romcom, that in its essence relates more for men than women... but targets the women demographic for its message.

[@ahhh4117]

@@kay-jay1581 It is one of the highest grossing rom-coms of all time

[@shinkamui]

I also like the fact that he starts off shady stuff with the dog, and instructing his clients to fake all their reactions and what not, very manipulative, but ends his arc more acclimated to the nuances of relationships and seeing the value in being authentic. Even on his own relationships, at the start he comes across as very 'high and mighty' but by the dinner scene he already has skin in the game and is letting more genuine emotion show, both negative and good. It's a nice arc. People like to take things at face value and don't see the overall message. Like in star wars when people think 'let the past die, kill it if you have to'' is the theme of the movie, when its being said by the villain, the guy we're supposed to disagree with.

[@gabic3781]

"No, some women are ace" That made me so happy! I'm very openly ace and have heard some of my college professors (I'm studying psychology) discresdit and invalidate that, so hearing other people from the psychotherapy, specially ones from other generations, just casually validate me make me super happy. Thank you so much for that! ps: Sorry if it sounds a bit off, English is not my first language

[@itzakpoelzig330]

Those people have no business being professors. Fortunately the upcoming generations will replace them soon. People like you!

[@Merrygate_]

I'm sorry you've had such negative experiences, But happy for you being open and confident about being ace ps: your English is perfect

[@wingedhybrid16]

Hello, fellow ace! :D I just came down here to comment the same thing when I saw yours. (1) I'm sorry you've had people in a professional position say that. Itzak Poelzig and Padman531 are absolutely right. (2) I had the same reaction when he said that. Haha I was not expecting to be seen when I clicked on a video about relationships. (I acknowledge that not everyone sees asexuality to be a thing, so I don't expect it to be mentioned. So I was delightfully surprised when a professional said that that is an option.) Best of luck in your studies, friend. :] Be the change you want to see in the world.

[@Iruka1991]

Whats an ace?

[@gabic3781]

@@Iruka1991 ​ @Marcos Bustos ace is short for "asexual", that is basically people who do not feel sexual attraction towards any gender. There is a whole spectrum about it, but generally aces are people who don't care/want sex and some don't want romantic relationships either. Again, this is an overly simplistic explanation and I highly recommend you to read about ir in AVEN or watch some videos about it ^^

[@MariaEduarda-ln2ep]

My favorite thing about this movie as a whole is: Hitch never exactly blamed women for not looking at those guys as "options". He helped them to get lookable as options, helped them to be more confident, comfortable and smooth with the whole dating thing. In the end he just learned that love is unpredictable and it may end up in different ways for everybody (like, even if the girl didn't end up falling for the guy, it's okay because he learned a bunch of things and improved himself anyway). Which is the exact opposite of the incel fantasy that thinks that a pretty girl will fall with any guy that treats her merely nicely and if the doesn't she's a futile whore :p The only thing missing is the acknowledge of gay, ace and aro women, but I think that's too much ro ask from a movie released when it was released

[@rrteppo]

The movie came out when I was just starting to get interested in women. And it was really helpful with understanding that 1) I must put in effort in a relationship to make it work 2) I should find someone who enjoys my weird quirks and 3) women can be just as weird and awkward as men 4) also that honest open communication solves a lot of issues.

[@kumorimori9674]

But I think the advice can be applied to everyone regardless of orientation. As long as one works to become what they strive to be, look for in an "ideal" partnership, everyone has a chance no matter whether they are searching for love or a more platonic but equally meaningful and long-lasting relationship.

[@MariaEduarda-ln2ep]

@@kumorimori9674 of course! Completely agree

[@sunnyday4055]

Is a movie for straight people. Watched by straight people why would they add in gay characters? Why would asexual characters be watching romcoms?

[@MariaEduarda-ln2ep]

@@sunnyday4055 ...... You know that being asexual doesn't mean you're aromantic, right? And even if you are, being aromantic doesn't mean you hate love and can't possibly watch a romcom??? Anyways, my complaint was more about how kinda ridiculous most of It sounds when you don't aknowledge that "this is how It works in heterosexual relationships" in some way, even If the ending sounds more tame for everyone. AND even then I said in my comment that It was too much to ask from a movie like that, so idk what you're on about

[@carriecollins6697]

Since you guys aren't nearly old enough to be my internet dads, can I call you my internet bros? Because brothers are awesome too. And since we're on the subject of romance, I would love to see you guys analyze Pride and Prejudice, particularly the 2005 film since 1) it's my favorite and 2) the filmmakers made setting changes to a few of the scenes that add so much supportive emotion that might not otherwise fit in just two hours. I would just like to see Alan's take on these differences and just the movie itself, and Jono's take on the Lizzy/Darcy relationship as a whole. Thanks for all your great videos, internet bros!

[@CinemaTherapyShow]

Happy to be your internet bros! ❤️ And Pride and Prejudice is on our list for this year. So much to talk about with that one!

[@carriecollins6697]

@@CinemaTherapyShow Ahhhh yay!! I'm excited! Thank you, internet bros!

[@bitchenboutique6953]

@@CinemaTherapyShow Bros works for me too, especially since I’m a little older than you. I was happy to think of you as daddies in a kinda creepy way but that’s just me being me. 🤣

[@jenniferhiemstra5228]

@@CinemaTherapyShow I’ve never been more excited! It’s everyone’s favorite Austen for a reason ❤️

[@DneilB007]

@@bitchenboutique6953 I’m a little bit older as well; luckily, however, I’m used to the dynamic as my younger brother is a therapist and I’m an idiot.

[@AliceI7764]

Jonathan just made a point that struck home and I didn't realize it until he said it. All my life I've been the person who does the listening and I had a terrible marriage and a vicious divorce and now I am on my own because I was the person who is giving everything and listening to everything and no one was listening to me. Jonathan's right, I am better off on my own. I don't need anyone to validate me. I will admit it would have been nice to have someone actually listen to me but that's just not in the cards. Thanks for pointing that out. I mean really I should have seen it, because it's pretty obvious but honestly until I heard Jonathan speak it in this video I didn't actually realize it.

[@AliceI7764]

@Xena Iska WTF?

[@LifeIsScrumptious]

@@AliceI7764 it's a spam bot :( Super annoying....I report them every time.

[@farrex0]

I am sorry to hear that Alice. Problem is, that if you are the listening type, empathetic and or agreeable type, there might be a big chance that you attract narcissitic people. Some actual narcissist or other with narcissistic tendencies. Which is sad, because some of the best people might be getting the worst out of relationships. If you are one of these people, you might have to learn to read people better, and not idealize others. Try and see them for who they are. If they do not have flaws, you might not be really looking or they are hiding them. Try and put some boundaries and or do talk about you to them and see how they take it. Take a look at how they treat others, because if they treat you nice, but treat others badly, they are just treating you nice temporarily. When the magic starts to fade, their true personality will come out, so do check how they treat other people. And more importantly, do not try to fix people you want to date, you might never be able to change them, or you might change them temporarily and when the magic fades they might revert to their usual self. It is good that you want to help, but doing so in a relationship rarely ends well. Try and look for someone that is already a good person, and then maybe you can try and make them better. Think of it as a safety net, if you are able to help them that is great, if not, hey you are still with a good person. So either way, is a good outcome. Do not go for the broken or highly problematic people, thinking you will fix them, because chances are that that will not happen.

[@annegirard3697]

That's why it's called a Lightbulb moment.... Click!!! Enjoy your time 🖤🖤🖤

[@AliceI7764]

@@farrex0 thanks, but it's a bit late for that now. I was married to an abusive alcoholic for 25 years. Now I'm just me. I've pretty much lost any interest in 'hooking up' I'm too old for that stuff now. At this point in my life, I don't care about physical love, but finding a friend/partner/soul mate would be great. I would love to have someone to walk the rest of the road with, but if that person man or woman doesn't come along, then I'll continue walking alone. No worries. Companionship would be great, but not required. And now going back I would not be able to change anything until my son Adam was conceived. If I had the ability to go back and change everything I couldn't not until I have all of my kids. I would go through the abuse all over again to get them. My children made living through that hell worth it

[@pinkbuninja6536]

A friend of mine once confessed to me after years of me telling them I’m not interested in dating, romance, sex, or marriage. And when I turned them down, they kinda acted like it was my fault they were attracted to me. Sometimes no really means no, people, and if that’s your attitude when you’re turned down, you didn’t really like the person in the first place.

[@katherineavery4611]

a guy who I thought was a friend pulled this on me too and then accused me of leading him on when I was blindsided by his feelings and only ever consented to a friendship :(

[@pinkbuninja6536]

@@katherineavery4611 sorry it happened to you too. It sucks when this sort of thing happens.

[@MenViper]

I am sorry … this made me laugh Like bro you saw the trailer no you have the script and it was READ to you

[@rebeccajesse4604]

Ugh. I absolutely hate how being friends with some guys seems to have strings attached. It’s happened to me a few times and now I seem to only feel comfortable being friends with guys who are already married/in long term relationships. It has the added bonus of making friends with their partners who are also fantastic! But yeah, friends who confess then act like a rejection is rejecting the friendship as well hurts a lot and makes things really confusing.

[@ToniRichter11]

When Alan said a voiceover is a crux to fix a broken story, I immediately thought of Twilight and then you two delivered!!!! Amazing.

[@NicolasClark7732]

I thought of The Last Airbender movie.

[@dragongirl7978]

@@NicolasClark7732 I feel like TLA is so broken though that it belongs in its own category. 😅 Like it makes Twilight look halfway decent lol.

[@bacul165]

I thought BLASPHEMY cause I was thinking of Lord of the Rings...

[@bacul165]

@Mihael Keehl But apart from the fact that Galadriel's voiceover is without doubt one of the most beautiful moments in movie history, I can't see how it is functionally all that different to the beginning of Date Doctor... Other than having somehow acquired the fancy label "prologue"...

[@dragongirl7978]

@@bacul165 LOTR has very little narration though... Like it's only in the prologue. Also it's an epic fantasy, I feel like a bit of background narration at the beginning is inherent to the genre. Plus it's somewhat diogenic since recitations of ancient stories are common in LOTR. Granted, it may have been unnecessary since most of the information given by narrative is repeated in dialogue later, but Tolkien has never been known for his efficiency in story-telling. 😅😂

[@alvarieroberts720]

I know the feeling, people are always shocked when they see my husband with me. I am not very attractive I do take care of myself but my husband is a 10/10 and I am average 5/10 when it comes to looks. And I see it on peoples faces when we're out together, I see the other women flirt with him and completely ignore me while he ignores them. He is always telling me that I'm sexy, and not only is he a good looking man, he is a good man, he's smart, funny, and a huge dork, an amazing father. He is the only man I have ever felt safe, secure, loved, heard, and understood by and I know we will make it through to our 20 and 30 or more years together. Those other women they don't see the whole man they just see his good looks, but I have the privilege of knowing the whole man.

[@classicambo9781]

Well done Sister. Wish you well going forward

[@therealkoolaidandkale]

Chiiile. Some of them would run if they actually did get to know the whole man is what's hilarious. 😂 Everybody doesn't want healthy, complete... WHOLE, unfortunately. Glad you guys found each other. 😊

[@TheFranchiseCA]

I'm a trophy husband. My wife's female coworkers are always impressed when they meet me: tall, attractive, intelligent, charming. ...But I'm also invisibly disabled and can't work full-time, and I struggle with OCD and panic attacks. She's fantastic, and I rely on her for so much. I'm glad that me being pretty impresses her friends. It's a nice ego boost from time to time, but it's a relatively little thing.

[@nessnness]

You're probably way cuter than you think ;) women tend to underestimate themselves a lot. Not to emphasize the looks, just a sidenote.

[@LindCreations]

When you talked about getting to a place where you were ok to be on your own I felt like shouting "SEE?! EVEN JONO AGREES" I've always been ok with being single and stated how I didn't NEED a boyfriend to be happy...I was told how it was "impossible to feel like that" or how it meant there was something wrong with me. But that's why it was so easy to find the right partners.

[@facelesscat1138]

Agreed I blame society

[@SoManyRandomRamblings]

Not only are they wrong they are dooming future relationships when they have that attitude because if you aren't happy with yourself adding someone else's quirks to that isn't going to fix you. If you do ever come across someone who fits into your life you both will be that much more happier for multiple reasons. People expecting a relationship to fix them will be sadly disappointed because that's not how reality works. What happens to them when the person shows they are human and falls off the pedestal. No....don't listen to those people and their toxic advice. You will have healthier relationships because you are going in already happy rather expecting another flawed human to somehow fix another human. You are way better off.

[@MrBrock314]

@@SoManyRandomRamblings I mean it is possible to get into a relationship and for it to succeed even when you weren't "ready" but it is probably going to be more difficult at times.

[@IchiPopp]

Coming from a woman, I don't mind normally when a guy drops a pick up line or tries to pick me up. It's a compliment, but when someone can't take no for an answer or they miss signs that I am clearly uncomfortable it's because I don't matter to them, their own desires matter. It's just about basic social respect.

[@Stettafire]

Agreed. Flirting or pick up lines are totally ok. Its just creepy though when a dude yells it across the street

[@Jaxmusicgal23]

Yep

[@recoveringsoul755]

Avoid the ones who won't take no for an answer like the plague

[@rubenaalexander5007]

Flirting or pick up lines are not okay, for me at least. I cannot imagine a guy looking for a decent relationship if he comes at me with pick up lines.

[@rebeccajesse4604]

Had a guy use a pick up line on me in college (first time that ever happened to me that I noticed). It was a horrible line but started a conversation. Then he ruined everything by being pushy and practically stalking me for a week. Like he would wait outside my dorm so he could follow me/walk me to class. I would say no (sadly was too unsure of myself to be direct and was trying to be nice about it) and he would not get it and kept pushing. I had to gray rock and hide for a month until he finally left me alone. I am ashamed of my inability to be more direct but he really creeped me out! That experience kind of ruined pick up lines for me. Although from the outside, the funny ones seem like they could be great conversation starters as long as the person using them has a sense of humor about himself and listens :-)

[@skitterree2490]

@Cinema Therapy - I was recently struggling really hard to find a way to word the "What does THEIR list look like" concept when I told a friend I'm not dating right now because I don't find MYSELF attractive and I need to work on some things first. Of course, they started in with the supportive, "you're beautiful, you're amazing" speech but what I was really trying to tell them is that I didn't feel like I was on the same level as the kind of person I would WANT. When I imagine the kind of person I want to be with, I can't believe they're imagining me. So I need to take better care of myself, address some of my bad habits, break down walls and barriers that are holding me back in life goals and become someone I personally find attractive so that I feel attractive enough to go after the person on my list. Thanks for putting that in a way that made sense! This is why I watch this channel.

[@recoveringsoul755]

Yes I'm in that place now too, not sure I'll ever date again though. Lot if loose ends to deal with

[@taebias]

I was in that same place not too long ago. I wanted someone, but I would think "I don't want someone who's going to fall for who I am right now because this is not my best. It's not a good representation of who I am." Basically I was a mess at that time and I didn't want a mess falling in love with my mess lol. I got healthy and found myself someone who compliments the me that I like!! I hope your journey works out well too!

[@BeepBoop-z2v]

Same here, I need ta at least be able to drive to date fhfbcg that's how behind I am

[@recoveringsoul755]

Of course there is something to be said for finding someone who loves you at your worse and encourages you to be your best.

[@FullMoonHowl]

Exactly! Thank you, I'm in the same place with the same how-do-I-put-this.

[@khutchinsoncpa1]

I made a list. I would date a potential love interest a couple of times, and if he didn’t hit all points, we didn’t date again. I did this happily for a while, and then met the one who did all the points, which deeply frightened me. I ran away. He caught me. We are about to celebrate 30 weird years of marriage.

[@oponomo]

Sound like you put all the power/decision making on your partner. Someone that loves us don't chase us down, they have an even and earnest conversation about what is best for you while telling what they would like the future to be.

[@atlantis5001]

Do you make the list of what YOU are giving in the relationship?

[@samiam858]

One thing that I absolutely loved about Hitch is that the premise about his consultation is about "the chance." Hitch tried to set up the opportunity for these guys to meet and be seen by the woman they like. After that, she'll either like it and the two will give a relationship a try or it won't work out. Taking a non-sleeze approach not only pushed back against the hook-up thing, it also helped reinforce the notion that "no" is ok.

[@funkyjbass7762]

"The best foreplay is the relationship itself" reminds me of the best advice I got from an older Jamaican man who said "Everything is foreplay". It's everything you do in your time with the lady that creates the moments of intimacy that matter.

[@annabellathorne8553]

Smooth....

[@recoveringsoul755]

Yes, for a woman. Foreplay starts at least 24 hours before the act. Don't come home drunk after the bars close reeking of alcohol and cigarettes, wake her up and expect her to welcome you like a porn star. We are not sperm receptacles

[@n4l9bx]

@@recoveringsoul755 Little too specific, but true XD

[@recoveringsoul755]

@@n4l9bx some men have unrealistic expectations because they watch stuff

[@nate1066pollock]

The part where Alan explained the "spectrum of you" hit me hard, because I did that in late HS and most of college, altering who I was depending on who I was with. But unlike Alan, I was using a false spectrum, facets that weren't me at all. And I was so fake that by the time I graduated college, I had no idea who I was and was utterly miserable.

[@butterflybri3168]

I definitely relate to this 🎯🎯🎯

[@evelynlovebridge6726]

But the way Jonathan's wife looks at him when they film Mended Light, and the way he looks back... Jesus, I start believing that true love exists. One cannot play that. Really. NO movie ever showed that look of absolute admiration.

[@TheTekknician]

Best compliment I've had from a lot of women as soon as they're comfy with me, is that I tend to go into deep conversation and try to engage with their feelings and thoughts. Good questions are, in my experience: "How does that make you feel", "why does that make you feel this way" and actually respond to what she says. Don't judge and don't give a solution. Just acknowledge, later she'll ask advice. However, I wasn't romantically interested in these women, I just tend to talk to women a lot more easily then I do with guys as a guy. How? I haven't a clue.

[@Jehphg]

Because you enjoy those conversations, and as Jono and Alan themselves have admitted. Men in general aren't socialized to engage and enjoy that. So the opportunities for you to have these experiences with other guys are rarer, and after a time you end up unconsciously having the (not unfounded) bias that you'll be more (mentally and emotionally) rewarded by talking to women.

[@TheTekknician]

@@Jehphg I do, because they're far more interesting then the "grunt"-talk that most guys seem to have. Though when it comes to the emotional stuff, my male co-workers do tend to come to me more easily. It's safe, I think, for men to be vulnerable towards me. I don't riddicule their feelings, I don't feel akward and I do take it serious. It doesn't mean I won't screw up :)

[@paintingdragons1828]

This is exactly how my fiance is. I was pretty emotionally closed off for the longest time and he poked and coxed it out of me

[@TheTekknician]

@@paintingdragons1828 That is wonderful to hear :) When you got to that turningpoint, how did feel for you I wonder? Releasing, or so I would imagine.

[@sandrols7]

I too enjoy conversing with women this way as a guy. It's often not romantically either, but it's just pleasant that someone trusts you enough to open up to you, and that you can open up to them as well. I hope men become more comfortable in the future to be able to do the same!

[@Diana8Matienzo]

I felt so validated when you said "some people know what they want! They make lists" 😊 that's ME! And I'm often judged for it, but I really feel that a lot of people know what they want, but they don't sit down and write it down

[@CinemaTherapyShow]

Making lists is an excellent tool. Good for you!

[@oponomo]

@@CinemaTherapyShow is it though? doesn't it make the person fixate on particular social ideas that were swallowed culturaly or maybe a lack of maturity solidified in the mind from reinforcement of such imaturity?

[@AriaSerif]

No one should be judged for making a list of what they want. I'm terrible at making lists, but I always knew in my mind what key things my man needed to have to be what I was looking for in my life and I'm happily married to him.

[@pinkdoobie]

@@oponomot depends what’s on the list, no? There’s a difference between having a bunch of superficial standards vs. writing down what you are looking for out of a relationship and your goals for the future. For example, my list was that I was dating for marriage and kids, wanted someone from my religion, and wanted to live in a large city in a specific geographic area.

[@miriamg495]

@@oponomo Not necessarily. Especially not when the list is based on lessons learned from previous relationships. My list is basically "similar values, emotionally and financially stable, respectful, intelligent and broadly curious about the world so we can have interesting conversations, I am physically attracted to him." That last is NOT the same thing as "conventionally hot," by the way. It's more about respecting my own response or lack thereof.

[@marajones1828]

I crazily relate so much to the Allegra/Albert relationship in my own life. My current boyfriend of almost 4 years doesn't really meet my previous "standards" or what I imagined my future boyfriend to look like. I was chasing my "ideal guy" and constantly getting heartbroken cuz they kept ending up being real douchebags. And I am a fairly attractive woman and gets lots of male attention but 4 years ago I met my boyfriend during a time I was on dating apps. Yesterday I asked him what was it on my profile that really attracted him. He said it was the fact that I said on my profile I named all my succulents. Every other guy would have mentioned my pictures, or my body but nope, it was my weirdness that attracted him and funny enough, my bf is the first bf where I feel completely 100% comfortable with. All my weirdness comes out with him and we be cracking up and we fit each other so perfectly. We are so different but have such a soul bond. I love that dork with all my heart

[@itzakpoelzig330]

Okay, but what did you name your succulents?

[@kristiinaamanda]

We need to know the names of yoyr succulents

[@anna_in_aotearoa3166]

That is such an awesome story! People who're able to be real with each other and not rely just on appearances (of all kinds) is the best recipe for lasting happiness IMO, both in friendships & in romance!

[@marajones1828]

​@@itzakpoelzig330 I had to dig back to find the names but they were: Suki, George, Fred, Moon Bunny, Fergus and Spike Leaf :)

[@itzakpoelzig330]

@@marajones1828 Thank you for the closure on that! Those are very cute names.

[@Nessainthebuilding]

“Don’t tell them your entire romantic history on the first date.” I had a guy tell me his worst break up on our first date. At first I was thinking “You’ve GOT to be kidding me.” After he was done with his break up story I told him MY worse break up story completely deadpan. Pretty sure he didn’t like that I one upped him because mine was 100x worse than his. Sorry, were you looking for sympathy? Gees! That’s what you get for trying to play the pity card. Suffice to say, there was no second date.

[@stacey4758]

I don't know, what's your worst dating app story?, is a good good question for meeting someone from an app

[@Colopty]

So are you going to tell us the break up story? Because now I'm curious.

[@KD-ou2np]

@@stacey4758 well the worse it is the more emotionally hung up ppl usually are on it. I mean the events might be crazy enough on their own, but nobody wants to date someome who is hung up on their ex still

[@therealkoolaidandkale]

@@KD-ou2np If you're still hung up about it or on your ex and not healthily removed from the situation, you should probably avoid dating until you are. Not that you should forget- but a healthy person would have taken something away from that experience to be able to spot 'red flags' but also removed enough to accept that it's over, not be consumed with revisiting the issue in any way (whether it's in the form of exacting revenge, getting "closure" OR the possibility of getting back together) and understanding that those were THAT person's problems and not everyone is that way.

[@tinaperez7393]

Ha ha! I would've made up a story just to out do his and see the look on his face! Good move! 😂🤣

[@IzzyCanterra]

Honestly, Jono is so adorable! I cannot imagine people looking weird because his wife supposedly is "out of his league" in terms of looks. What are looks, looks fade sooner or later. Jonathan has a big personality, big heart, empathy and he is gentle AND likes karaoke not being afraid to go wild doing it! Who WOULDN'T want to be with someone like Jono? ❤

[@mollusckscramp4124]

Personally I find his blue eyes and whole silver fox thing he's got goin on quite handsome.

[@Divineheart7]

I love that you are tackling serious topics in a humorous way. As a woman, when a guy tries to be with me just out of desperation, it is a major turn off for me. And most pick-up lines come across as creepy. Guys, just be you and you will attract the right woman for you. If you don't like you, do the work so you do like yourself and you will be all the more attractive. Thanks again for a great video!

[@tazhienunurbusinezz1703]

I have legitimately asked a guy in my friend group that once after he was complaining about nobody wanting to date him. "I can see you're unhappy & that you don't really like yourself. If you don't like you, how can you possibly expect anyone else to? If you don't think what you have to offer is interesting or good enough, why would someone else think so?" This idea brought him up short & I could tell it was one he hadn't considered. I told him that he should find a therapist to help him focus on his positives & work on his negatives so he could find what he had to offer someone & be confident that it's worth something. I think sometimes male entitlement (not all men act entitled to women's time & attention but enough do that it's a problem) stops these types of men from thinking that they should have to work on themselves at all so they can offer a partner a healthy relationship. A partner should never be put in a position where they are expected to fix their partner or be their sole person for all social & emotional needs. It's a recipe for disaster from the jump.

[@MrBrock314]

@@tazhienunurbusinezz1703 It's also culturally ingrained. Men are taught to ask women out rather than ask whether they should. I would say in only a tiny fraction of real life do people actually mention how it should work (like figure yourself out a bit before you jump into relationships). There's a lot of "you're 14/16/26/36/46 - go date" rather than letting/encouraging people to figure themselves out a bit before doing it. You can be 70 and need to work on yourself and not be ready for dating. It doesn't occur at a specific age.

[@ChincerDante]

The initial intereaction of hitch romantic interest in the movie is basically him showing his cards, being as genuine as he can afford and then walking away saying "if you are interested you can make your move if you aren't I'm always going away" giving the other person the option is important too

[@Jessie_Helms]

It’s very sad that some people say no when they mean try harder, because a lot of people grow up thinking _everyone_ means try harder. It took me a long time to figure out that’s not how the world works. I’ll never forget, I asked my pastor where that line was between “pursuing someone but not crossing that line into… like… being creepy?” And he basically said you shouldn’t pursue anyone. If they’re not interested enough in you to reciprocate your advances (regardless of the reason), you should move on.

[@rebeccajesse4604]

This. 100% this. I say no and mean it and I hate when someone thinks that means try harder. Add in the fact that I am Ace and view friendship as a very valid relationship, and some guys just view it as a way to get in my pants has really soured my view on some people. I wish it was more socially acceptable for women to be straight forward with what they want so they don’t feel the need to use “no” as code for “try harder” or else they get called “easy” or a “slut”. It’s a double standard that hurts everyone. But your pastor was right, look for someone who values your time and doesn’t play games :-)

[@thelastoutlawofkc]

This was an episode I was waiting patiently for.

[@FosukeLordOfError]

I wasn't patiently waiting. I'm glad it's finally here

[@BonaparteBardithion]

Was hoping they'd talk about this one some day. Almost requested it.

[@thelastoutlawofkc]

@@BonaparteBardithion I'll be honest I think this one would have done a huge boost in viewership had to come out right after they're talk about aragorn versus toxic masculinity

[@nichole5652]

The plugs of Jonathan's real life had me I stitches 🤣 Hitch has always been my favorite rom-com, simply because of the message it gives in the end of you can pur your best foot forward, but if you don't show them the real you, it all falls apart

[@chrismccaffrey8256]

Yes! Best foot forward is the best way to out it! If your best foot could be better (and it usually can be), then work to improve it, and yourself at baseline.

[@sapirgang]

"The best foreplay is the relationship itself", I like that

[@chillsahoy2640]

Something I like about "'You' is a very fluid concept" is that it reminds us that developing as a person is a lifelong exercise. Hopefully, you don't stop growing or developing on your 25th, or 30th, or 50th birthday. You spend every day of your life learning about yourself, and the world around you, figuring out who you are, and sometimes even questioning some parts of yourself that may have seemed fine until you consider them from a different perspective. No person is really ever "done", nobody has ever reached peak perfection.

[@anna_in_aotearoa3166]

Yes! This!! 🥰 Most people hopefully achieve a clearer self-understanding at some point as they age (including things they may want to work on 🤭) but continuing to learn, experience new things and challenge your assumptions throughout is essential! People who DON'T do that often seem to develop more and more extreme forms of their existing attitudes with age (often falling way out of step with their surroundings) and also depending on where they started out from, can tend to be a bit limited in their interests & empathy? Remaining open to personal growth is a great social skill, but I think it's also just a necessary survival skill in this rapidly-changing world we live in.

[@thebigmystery7841]

As an ace woman I give all of my love to you guys. 😭 Even when I was single, guys hitting on me out of nowhere when we havent even really MET each other makes me just super uncomfortable and Id have to come up with anything to get out of it. Now luckily I can just say Im married LOL. Funnily enough my husband got me to date him by being my friend first and bonding with me until we felt our relationship grew to that.

[@ahhh4117]

As an ace mlm, gay spaces are so like that! One day I aspire to use that excuse and have it be true :,)

[@anonymousfellow8879]

Bi demiaro ace and…the struggle is definitely real. Especially since I can’t be out as bi, “just ace” [inward sigh.] my family still doesn’t believe it’s a thing, that aesthetic and romantic attractions =/= sexual attraction. they want a fetus in my oven and they’re resentful I haven’t “just tried online dating!” to make their Granbabies Dreams happen. even when I’ve always been very clear that I DON’T want to birth children, not really sure I want to be anything more involved than an aunt …so…it’s not wanting to brave cis guys because that’s all my family would accept. Apparently tinder IS ace-friendly now…but I’m still wary of it. I’ve heard way too many horror stories from women, I struggle having anyone who Isn’t Ace even respecting that ace is a thing (and so many allies and people in the queer community…equate Ace with Aroace and Aro with that same flavor of aroace. When like. Even aroaces are a spectrum too??) Every once in awhile I’ll see female-attracted male aces. He is also already married. Which good for him, good for her, They DO Exist! but also…gdi xD

[@domeatown]

That karaoke clip melted my frozen soul. just some adorable, wonderful kiddos dancing to a man having seizure (I kid. that was better singing than I expected). Kids doing things with no knowledge of what other people are experiencing and adults that encourage them will always get me right in the feels

[@philippak7726]

This. This is exactly what I was trying to tell a friend. He was "I'm horribly damaged by previous relationships. A new relationship will fix it!" and then getting surprised when people didn't want to get with him. I'd be like "You need your own happiness, don't make someone else that person, that's a bad relationship" and he'd go "but I am so lonely" - and nothing I could do would stop him saying that. He'd never make any attempts to not be lonely, and grab on to anyone who paid him attention and drown them in his own attempts to stop it, and never take the steps needed to fix himself. He got tossed from my life when he started saying abuse-help made women hate men.

[@uinsel]

"abuse-help made women hate men" what? what a strange idea. but goes along with your friends value of "the other person is fully responsible for my life". I guess he must come across pretty weak as a character.

[@philippak7726]

@@uinsel yep, and any time I tried to help - get extra friends into the mix so he was seeing more people, find local help groups, find local social events that he might like... nah. None of them worked for him. One of the other fun factors was when talking about tinder he'd always complain that there were no hot girls on there. God forbid I suggest he try talking to a not-hot girl! He had to have the best!

[@tiph3802]

What is abuse-help?

[@philippak7726]

@@tiph3802 as in getting help, be it therapy, gentle re-introduction to the world, or in this specific case, giving the women in question a place away from the people who hurt them. Because they weren't being forced to interact with men* he postulated they must be trying to hate all men *These women haven't all suffered at the hands of males, but the majority in this specific situation have

[@yashjoseph3544]

@@philippak7726 To be fair, Tinder is a really HORRIBLE place to find a long-lasting healthy relationship. According to a poll of 9.7K+ college students from 2015-2017, less than 5% of people use Tinder to find a relationship. That's right. 95% or more people use Tinder for confidence-boosting procrastination, hookups, and other reasons, not for love. Sure, there may be cases where people find their real love on Tinder, but it's honestly not worth the effort to search through miles of shit for one gold nugget.

[@zoinksitsanarchy]

You mentioning asexual women really warms me as someone who identifies in that spectrum :,) thank you youtube dads

[@mykodibear17]

I know right?! My little ace heart was so happy to be acknowledge by our internet dads

[@mangantasy289]

same over here. Feels good to be acknowledged

[@SeerOfTime577]

Same. 🥺

[@aliyahpulido953]

Me five!

[@ThePicManiac]

Such a great moment, gave me goosebumps to hear that acknowledgement

[@pessolano461]

IDK, I see Hitch's real contribution to the relationships he helps is that he provides the guys with confidence, understanding of social cues, fashion tips, and reinforcing positive qualities to maintain a healthy relationship, such as listening to your partner, being honest with them, and building trust with her and the people they care about. However, a lot of the the tactics he uses are a little creepy and/or dishonest, and I think bring down the good things he brings. For the movie to completely write him off is a little much, I think, but I understand that was always the point of the film.

[@babybug6462]

I do like some of the advice that Hitch gives, but not all of it. Yes, listen to her, dress nice, consent, and show her the real you. But there are some things that I do not take on. How men should dance, building relationships on lies, and basic principles. Which is why I don't listen to dating coaches. If he's pulling away do this. This one sentence will make him instantly fall for you. How to get your ex back. I truly believe that I want to be a better person so when someone walks into my life, I am real with my intentions.

[@angelgirl976]

My fiance said he didn't approach me for years because he thought he wasn't in my league which couldn't be further from the truth. He is so smart, willing to learn and a great listener. Jonathan, I'm sure your wife considers you worthy of her just as much I always considered my fiance worthy of me in every respect. Please take care of yourselves and live a long happy life with each other. Love the work you and Alan do.

[@The482075]

I am not surprised that someone could fall in love with Jonathan Decker. Insightful, great listener, respectful, doesn't take himself too seriously and helps people to be comfortable opening up. Also his wife is in the same profession as well as sharing similar personality traits. So that is doubly unsurprising.

[@therealkoolaidandkale]

Right? Hell, I'M in love with Jonathan Decker. 🤣 In the most respectful, non-homewrecking way possible, I mean. It's just none of the typical toxic masculinity that I normally see... and abhor.

[@wiggilytaco7570]

“The best fore play is the relationship itself” So true. My partner is very attentive. I’ve always been the attentive type but having someone do it back and be patient with me and allows me to be flexible with what I want or don’t want has really allowed me to further explore sex in a way I couldn’t in previous relationships

[@DoSoConfidently]

I loved Hitch. I am one of those "career focused" women who wouldn't mind a relationship but am also not looking. Which makes being in the right place to find a new relationship nearly impossible - which also means that when someone does show interest, it freaks me out on some level knowing all of the above lol.

[@marieleelee]

It's interesting to me because growing up watching Hitch over and over I never once thought, men should follow this advice, it's just a movie. But on the flip side, watching 'He's Just Not That Into You' it was like I was taking mental notes furiously trying to figure out what I could learn from that movie that I could apply to my own life.

[@patriceh2656]

He's just not that into you would be a great one to review next.

[@Jaxmusicgal23]

Yes! I liked the “He’s Just Not that Into You” and “How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days”…Both helped me see the things I was doing that was pushing people away or not picking up that I was wasting my time on a guy that wasn’t into me. Learned alot that when a guy really wants you, they wont let excuses stop them and wont give you any… those guys who said they weren’t into dating mysteriously were a year later and got married quick when the met “the girl they wanted”. Same went for me. Once he knew he wanted me. There wasn’t any waffling or games or anything. He was there and committed and we have been married 16 years now

[@valeria8517]

Same

[@lydipedia]

@kshamwhizzle "avoid offending" meaning avoid the potentially violent and deadly reactions of insecure men.

[@anjumsings9827]

The scene with Hitch shouting at the restaurant goes to show how important music is, because the dramatic music swelling underneath makes it feel like he's taking a stand and that it's, like, an emotional turning point, but if that were real life, or even if it were the same scene without music, there's no way I wouldn't just be afraid of a man yelling like that in public. I'd be looking for the exits and trying to get away

[@kiks399]

The same thing happens to me with Love Actually. I love that movie but there's no way I'm Keira Knightley and not trying to escape that flat as soon as I find out someone [let alone my husband's Best Friend] keeps a tape of me for himself. That scene without the music it's just creepy.

[@fthurman]

@@kiks399 that scene with the music is still creepy.

[@Overseer2579]

Well that’s part of the reason certain things work specifically in the context of a movie. The cue cards from Love Actually don’t work in movies or real life in context, because if you basically stalk someone you’ve somehow never met one on one who’s your best friend’s fiancé, and make a secret tape of them, and show up to sweep them off their feet after they’ve gotten married, you’re a dick. With this particular scene from Hitch, yes it would be scary in real life, but in context of the movie it works because of A) the music, B) the writing and how it commentates on society’s expectations for people in dating based on looks. Where Hitch’s thesis falls flat, though, is that he focuses on the guy’s perspective, and fails to realize or point out that men need to get out of their own way, not just women. People in general should just get out of their own way when it comes to socializing

[@RaphaelFassa]

3:00 When woman says that to you, it means either they are not into you or they are not emotionally available right now because of the reasons they gave you and it's a world of pain to get into a relationship with someone that is not emotionally available, so move on, respect them and respect yourself.

[@silveryfeather208]

Yeah, I don't like repeating myself. Men and women who continue asking after a no, will definitely make the no an even stronger no. I don't get why people think that'll work as true love, rather than people being with you for fear of assault.

[@wordforger]

Yep. Have had way too many guys hear "I don't date" as "Try harder" when what I meant is "I. DON'T. DATE. LEAVE ME ALONE."

[@MerryMutant]

You guys are quickly becoming my favorite channel of all time. The insight and humor is balanced so well, and you guys just seem so lovable! Those clips of Jon with his kids 🥺 my heart melted. And Alan’s wife at the end when he said ‘sorry’ for calling her basic killed me: “Are you? Are you, though?” 🤣 Sounds just like me with my husband lol. Anyway, you guys are awesome, thanks for continuing to make such amazing content!

[@CinemaTherapyShow]

You're so welcome!

[@MrRubyElf]

I think the best dating advice I've ever heard from the perspective of a man is you need to understand that you need to make the other person feel safe around you.

[@jlcollins14]

I relate to the comment about letting go of the need/desire to find a partner and then finding the right partner. I met my husband shortly after deciding that I was going to focus on my education and not be bogged down by friends relationships and asking if I wanted to go on blind dates. I met him and in minutes thought he was a very handsome dude. But we never even spoke to each other and he walked away with his friend who was friends with my friend that I was sitting with in University cafeteria. It took a few weeks of randomly seeing him around and then he joined our social group a little more often for lunch periods. We started talking. Started emailing and using IM's. It took him a year to ask me out. He had been seeing someone for a little bit but they broke up a few months into school. Anyway, long story short, together 20 years this year. He is my soulmate.

[@Jaxmusicgal23]

Same

[@jtowensbyiii6018]

Sound advice that often doesn't work, thousands of people do exactly this and end up more lonely than ever

[@jlcollins14]

@@jtowensbyiii6018 If you only do one thing of course it's not going to work. Have to put in work and get involved in things to combat loneliness. It's not just a matter of deciding to stop seeking a partner. It's a matter of approaching life as having more than just a need for a partner.

[@MrWhangdoodles]

I think what really seems to work with a lot of these guys is that Hitch gives them confidence. With the confidence that they have an "expert" tell them what to do they are freer to be themselves. When I first watched Hitch it gave me an idea of what works. I was 16 and what the movie taught me is to be confident in myself and if I get a no, that's fine too. It worked.

[@heatherpettigrew1615]

There is nothing better than being able to be yourself with someone without judgement. With my ex husband I embarrassed him a lot, he never tried to make me feel bad about it but I could see it on his face which still hurt me. With my current husband, we dress up and go to comic con together and jam out to stupid songs in the car and support each others obsessions (mine being books, his being collectable toys). Its freeing.

[@clairewolf6013]

I've lived through the ex-husband being embarassed bay me part of my life. I hope I can find someone supportive like you did. Although, I've found a lot of friends who cheer me on. That's how I know that the music I am writing isn't ridiculous... But the longest time, I just couldn't muster the courage to do what I want, because I was surrounded by a person who didn't really like me for me and I had no experience in being liked for me. After I go to know my friends, I noticed the difference. After a few years of becoming painfully aware, I broke up with him. Hardest and most freeing decision of my life.

[@heatherpettigrew1615]

@clairewolf6013 it's such a great feeling to be yourself. My ex-husband didn't like a lot of the things I did. So I didn't do them. My current husband embraces my weirdness. He picks on me sure but in a good natured way. My most important lesson was learning to love and accept myself, it was the hardest part but the most rewarding.

[@niasumiii]

"some women just don't like YOU." 15 seconds in and I already feel attacked

[@trinaq]

Me too, I've never felt more attacked since "He's just not that into You."

[@kuroinokitsune]

And why again should everybody like you? Are you alright out there?

[@Christina-xc7on]

Work past the attack toward accepting it. Not everyone will like you is a useful fact of life to remember sometimes! It's ok, everyone has "their people" out there somewhere :)

[@guerney2000]

Never before have I been so offended by something I one hundred percent agree with

[@angelique_cs]

Alan just described my experience exactly; my friends used to call me a chameleon because I tend to show very different parts of my personality in different groups. That's definitely evolved some as I've gotten older, but I've always been aware that nobody was interested in the broad definition of who I am.

[@Jaxmusicgal23]

Yeah. It took a long time and being comfortable with me to find someone willing to be interested in what was “me”.

[@MeelaMeela000]

Y’all are doing the lords work. Therapy is a luxury many people can’t afford but KZbin is free! & these videos are always packed with so much wisdom, inclusive language, & vulnerability that people need to see. The fact that your two men makes it even better. It’s not a replacement for therapy but it’s still worth a lot.

[@PurrfectlyNerdy]

I love this movie. I had just broken up with my boyfriend and was feeling super down on myself, so my friend decided we were going to skip our first two classes, eat junk food, and watch Hitch. It made me laugh, and it was such a nice little distraction.

[@alethearia]

My roommates totally had a hand in my marriage. "Oh, I like this guy. You're just so relaxed around him. It's like all your stress disappears. You know I don't think I've heard you yell once since you've been with him. Yeah. Not like that other guy." Lol

[@cyt8284]

That's really sweet!

[@Tofu61]

The homies always watch out for their own. Friends are such a good way to gauge someone.

[@grantgilbert2822]

I absolutely love watching you guys interact with your children. I can tell you’re both amazingly loving and fun fathers. I’d love to see you guys do an episode with the kids, maybe let them pick the movie and use it as an opportunity for discussion and getting their thoughts and ideas on certain topics. The way those kids smile when they’re around you guys, you’re doing it right. My hats off.

[@NeoLithiumCat]

Loved this episode. Interestingly, I think Hitch goes slightly too far at the end - there may not be rules per se, but there are definitely lots of pieces of good advice, some of which come very close to rules (e.g. having good hygiene, not trying to be someone you're not, active listening etc).

[@TimedRevolver]

The point was Hitch focused so much on the rules and the little nuances that he missed how just being yourself can work too. Everyone is different, but his 'playbook' was the same for every woman, and he realized that was flawed. There are no real rules. All you can do is be yourself and be genuine.

[@NervousNightjar]

I completely agree that "gaps in conventionnal attractiveness" in real life is a stupid concept and that happy love does not care for these, but you gotta admit it's tiring when in movies it's always, always supermodel *women* with mediocre *men* so yes, I *will* still roll my eyes at this until there's a balance and women are portrayed around more diverse body shapes/ages and not for laugh

[@lisah8438]

What makes a guy mediocre because I disagree that looks and physical attractiveness makes a man mediocre. I mean a supermodel women can be mediocre.

[@guardianeris]

@@lisah8438 IMO I think the biggest examples I can think of is the stereotype of the IG baddie who puts immense amounts of effort into physical image and are absolutely gorgeous and well produced with the unwashed, sickly pale guy with anger issues. Celebrity examples are MGK and Megan Fox, Kim K with Peter Davidson, but I see it every time on IG and Tik Tok, or even in my uni campus I see the couples all the time where the guy barely puts the effort to wear a non-stained shirt on and flip flops and yet bosses and acts possessive over their very gorgeous and well put together girlfriends. It's surprising and depressing to see because honestly? Those women could definitely do much better for themselves. Or even by themselves.

[@mykodibear17]

@@lisah8438 I think they were specifically talking about the gaps in conventional beauty standards as portrayed in media. There are many movies where a woman who would be the equivalent of a supermodel is paired with a man that just looks like a normal guy, but you almost never see this the other way around; a conventionally handsome man with an average looking woman.

[@Ersa0431]

Yeah, or it's the dorky woman with the super powerful (and of course attractive) man but she has no voice. That is a really nasty troupe.

[@DJKokaKola]

@@guardianeris You don't know their entire relationship. One of them (you feel) clearly puts effort into their appearance and the other doesn't, right? But the reality is much more complicated. You see them on a university campus. Some people care deeply about their appearance and aren't comfortable going out without being preened--others don't feel that way. The fact that they differ on that doesn't mean the man doesn't put effort in. It means that IN THE CONTEXT YOU VIEW THEM he doesn't put effort in, because that's not where his effort is worthwhile. Maybe he spends 2 hours a day in the gym, and knows he's going to be sweaty and gross afterwards so he doesn't bother dressing up to go sit in a lecture hall. Maybe he dresses impeccably when they go out, but doesn't bother with the effort at university because he is only there for part of the day, or it's the one place he can be out and about without being directly judged for how he dresses. There is so much to every person's story that you don't know, and saying that women can "do so much better" than their current partner because of how YOU see them dress in one fraction of their life is the cringiest fucking take I have heard outside of an incel forum. Guess what: my partner doesn't dress up to go her job at the university. Do you know why? Because she's surrounded by formalin and diseased animal parts, or sitting in a pitch-black room reading slides for 8 hours. Does she dress up if we go out? Yes! But she does that because she chooses to. I, on the other hand, hate going outside if I'm not presentable with clean clothes and styled hair. That's a personal issue on my end, because I am so incredibly self-conscious that I worry about shit no one will ever notice. Get out of your basement hole, get in the real world, and actually talk to people. You'll maybe grow up a bit, you'll definitely increase your odds of meeting a woman, and who knows? You may realize that "they can do so much better" is completely fucking relative.

[@cowboy83ful]

Having no real father figure, it's really refreshing to binge and enjoy this channel for thought provoking concepts, rational comprhension, and just basic common sense that I never even realized was common nor sensible.

[@SerenityBane]

It’s always nice when being ace is not only recognized but allowed to be seen as legitimate and okay. 😊

[@facelesscat1138]

Same here! Also, hello fellow ace! 👋

[@SerenityBane]

@@facelesscat1138 👋🏻Hello there

[@DaDunge]

9:45 Chip started out somwhat well but then he took it personally and decided to be angry rather than surrendering with style. You can recover from a lot, but if you get angry when you get shut down you're out of the game. When she shut him down he should have gone with a sigh of sadness then a sad smile and then thanked her for her time. Maybe if they ever met again he might have had a chance then, or he would have looked good to other women around. The last is important not only because those women may show up in your life again but because youcan walk home knowing that everyone in that room didn't hate you and that will improve you self confidence.

[@corneliahanimann2173]

Chip turned into an incel within seconds. Basically that's why no woman is interested in incels, just for taking a step back and letting mood set in, they'll throw a tantrum and tell you how shit and broken you are in a million ways. Like, damn there I was thinking this could be a chill dude and then he reveals his despreate mean personality.

[@annana6098]

A graceful exit doesn't burn bridges and scores a few points for your reputation.

[@abbyabroad]

Yup. I’ve had so many guys react like that, and worse-“b*tch,” etc., following me, not taking no for an answer-It’s why so many women are afraid to say no directly; many of us have had awful Jekyll/Hyde experiences like this, and it’s made it frightening to be direct!

[@silveryfeather208]

@@corneliahanimann2173 I don't like incels, any incel, male, female if they think they are OWED anything. I don't owe you my attention. I don't owe you my body by virtue of being a woman or whatever. There should be mutual agreement, but even then, consent can be revoked. Also, the problem with incels is, as mentioned in the comments, when incels think they are being controlled. If you think your every movement is dictated because your dick goes hard, that's YOUR problem. Sorry for venting.

[@jtowensbyiii6018]

@@abbyabroad id even argue its why most women SAY no at all and don't say yes, at least most the women I've talked with admit they'd denny ANYONE who publically asked them out if they weren't sexually attracted superficially to them and they didn't seem creepy, so double standards have harmed us all sadly

[@amandaburnham8626]

I always felt that what Hitch gave guys was confidence and that boost to try, to be better, to do better. I felt like Albert was just stuck in his shell, and once he got that push from Hitch, he got his own ball rolling. He earned his happiness, and along the way, Hitch found himself too.

[@RaindropsBleeding]

Funny enough "here's all of my trauma" was how I found my wife. At the time I was recovering from my third round of a woman I loved leaving me because of something in my past. So this time I was determined to give her every reason to leave before I got attached. She decided to stick around anyway, and that's how I knew it was her.

[@jennytaylor3986]

I really like what you said about people falling in love with the soul. It's something I've kind of held as a truth for a while. My evidence is actually my own marriage. My husband and I met online, not through a dating site, but through a roleplay forum. We wound up collaborating and making plans for our characters and through that got to know one another. I fell in love with him, not having the smallest clue what he looked like. What I did know was that he was funny, charming, creative, and best of all, he was constantly having to sign off to go HELP people. I got to know his heart long before I knew his face. By the way, he's good looking. Tall, broad shouldered, with a kind face (which scrunches up in the cutest way when he's excited because he's a huge dork, lol). I think he's the most gorgeous man on planet earth, but I'm very happy in the knowledge that his soul is even more attractive than his face, and that when looks fade, I probably won't even notice because his beautiful soul will be shining through. Fun fact btw, he actually ticked off my boxes. Even most of the ones that weren't deal breakers. I got to find that out just through knowing him

[@AuntLoopy123]

Regarding the "win over the best friend" rule, I had an experience with that. My cousin and I went to the same college at the same time. Different last names, and oddly enough, we were friends before we realized we were cousins. Both of us kept playing phone tag with the person we knew was our cousin, but met in person (no last names given. This was college, and NOBODY used last names in introductions), so we kept missing each other's phones, and kept bumping into each other in person, and we really hit it off. We hadn't seen each other in 8 years, so, we didn't recognize each other, and we both had super common names, so, yeah. Well, after we established our rapport, and we discovered that we were the very people we were looking for almost all semester, our scheduled changed a bit, and I wound up seeing him every Sunday, after church. He was a handsome young man, and every time I saw him after church, he was surrounded by girls, vying for his attention. The first time, he saw me, and waved me over. The girls all turned, saw me, and gave me the stink eye, right up until the moment that he introduced me as his cousin, and then they were all smiles. Well, the next time I saw him alone, I told him about that, and he responded with, "HEY! I have a great idea! I'll introduce you to all the girls I know, and you tell me if they do that same thing, or if they are actually genuine with you. I mean, even if they hate you, just because I'm talking to you, it's better for them to keep hating you, after they know you're my cousin, because at least it's HONEST. But I'd rather find a woman who smiles at you from the beginning." So, I vetted his potential dates, every Sunday afternoon. Never did find a genuine girl who was happy to see me being waved over to join their conversation, the entire semester, but he was happy, because he saved SO MUCH TIME. He had a great attitude about "Well, that's another person I don't have to waste time getting to know, at all." Yeah, it may not be a hard and fast rule, but SMART people, of any gender, will get someone they trust to vet their potential lovers, at least a little. Even if it's only a surface scan, as it were, you want someone who has met your lover, who is willing and able to dig deeper, should you have any suspicions, and will help you get your petty revenge, if they find something awful. When my college roommate found out something awful about her fiance, the "friend" who helped her get the petty revenge was the man's wife and mother of his children, who introduced herself as such BEFORE she had spent too much money on the wedding preparations. Man, that fellow was a complete and utter jerk. Fortunately, his wife had the sense to blame the bigamist and not "the other woman," who was just as much a victim as she was. People in the throes of love, especially young love, and/or the early stages of love, can be blinded by their infatuation, and REALLY need that second (or more) pair of eyes, to help spot the red flags that may look white, through the rose-colored glasses.

[@Alex-fl9jt]

Jesus just stop. Write a novel next time. Don't crowd up the comment section.

[@corn7287]

@@Alex-fl9jt There's a read more button for a reason. If you don't want to read that whole comment, don't read it. Personally I thought it was a great story and sound advice :)

[@AliAngelpie]

My boyfriend's not perfect, he definitely has flaws, but he's still super dedicated to me, to us, and he has let me see his flaws, but works on his flaws while accepting himself and me. He won my heart by being himself and being super charming and amazing

[@tegztegz]

my strongest memory of this movie (given I worked in a cinema at the time) was that originally there was a line of dialogue in the trailer where hitch says 'you overzealous son of a...' and in the actual movie they had changed it to 'you overeager son of a...' because presumably they decided that people were too dumb to know what overzealous was

[@ambershaw4769]

My husband did a crazy dance like that & it's was one of the things I really liked about him. I love his playfulness & not taking himself so seriously. One of many things that got my attention 🥰

[@patriciametz3364]

I haven't thought about love in a long time because I didn't feel like I was someone I wanted to be with. I will be 40 this year and I'm really trying to pull myself together losing weight to better my physical health and getting my mental health in a better place. Maybe this time next year I'll be able to put myself out there.

[@take67806]

Congrats for focusing on yourself. I hope you find connection when you're ready to find it

[@patriciametz3364]

@@take67806 thank you 🙂

[@lisah8438]

There is this video from Ana Psychology called "Attracting Others by working on yourself" It is a youtube video.

[@Colopty]

Good luck with your self improvement efforts!

[@Ersa0431]

I hear you, and that's super admirable to work on yourself to become your best self. I just want to say that you are already lovable. You don't need to look a certain way or have great physical health. Mental health is definitely important, but you don't have to be in a great place, just a stable place. I wish you all the happiness and joy and self love! (Totally take yourself on a date. You are worth it!)

[@TheTurtleWithATopHat]

0:10 "some women are asexual" I love that he brought this up!

[@emiliadellion4710]

Thank you for a great episode again! I once had two male friends, who said abaout themselves they were too shy for even having the guts to fllirt-talk to any girls. They were asking me, the friendzone-type (I recall that's why they could talk to me), how to behave best on a date. My advice (we all were teenagers back then), was that they should just be themselves. As they both got quite angry about that answer, calling out they didn't even know, what that meant, I was very much out of words, because I as a girl, surrounded by goofing boys who played stupid roles to impress, would have never expected that to even be a question. Well, later I discussed it with another friend of mine, who apparently is my boyfriend today and for several years now, who had never been very shy. And he told me, he understood their struggle, as "being yourself" can mean many things and by that also some quite nasty things or just being misunderstood... As we thought about it, we came to the conclusion, that he also understood, what I meant and we translated it: the best behavior on a date might just be, to try and have a good time yourself while making a good impression. Best base for quite anything that could follow, even if it ends up going home alone - then it was right to try and see, that it just doesn't fit.

[@emmanuelporte4201]

The part that I loved was the part about working on yourself. Before I met my current girlfriend, I got out of a pretty bad relationship and was left in pretty bad shape. After about a year, I started making changes. Quit the job I hated, worked out even more (never become jacked), did more social events. I was more at peace with myself. Met my current girlfriend at a weekly game night I did. Thought she was cool, but wasn't fully going to be hurt by rejecttion. Asked her out, she said no, respectfully. I let go it and we still hung out at game nights. Couple months later she asked me to do some stuff alone together, go to the bookstore, the mall, a friends party. After the party she was over for movies. Were alone but sitting chairs apart. She just screamed out asking me to go our with her. She felt I was ignoring her because, she rejected my first offer, but after spending more time with me, she developed feelings. She was afraid of starting a new relationship, which was fair. The funny thing was I didn't notice until she sad something. If she said nothing, we could have went are separate ways and both been fine.

[@faithdeyoung5871]

I remember 3 years into my relationship I finally had the realization that I could be myself at that point…and it didn’t go well. Everything I liked about myself was not everything the other person liked or even respected about me and it took me 3 years to realize that. So the advice of just being exactly the type of person you are is always a good idea. I really liked how they pointed that out.

[@SimplyCreativeNow]

Thank you for always shouting out the aces, Johno!!! We appreciate 🙏🏻

[@JosetteFret93]

“Don’t tell them about all your trauma or faults on the first date.” Me: sweats nervously and feels called out…

[@JosetteFret93]

My thoughts have become the same as Jonathan’s on his first date with his wife: can they handle it? I don’t want to waste time getting attached to someone who will nope out when they find out I have trauma or that I’ve made mistakes. And I want someone to understand why I startle easily and why I’m sensitive about certain things. I want to be open and up front and honest because I have no time for someone who won’t communicate. Been there, done that, bought the t-shirt. So when I start getting to know someone, I tell them all about my traumas and mistakes immediately so they know exactly what to expect and so I know that if they keep coming back, they don’t scare easily and might be worth it, but if they ghost me, they weren’t worth it. But this approach isn’t getting me anywhere, so perhaps I should adopt the “leave them wanting more” attitude.

[@chrismccaffrey8256]

@@JosetteFret93 you can do it near enough to the beginning of the relationship, just not on the first or second date.

[@toastedclosure2770]

i saw a tedtalk from the school of life about this. What people bond over on dates are their imperfections and flaws, essentially. applied with the golden rule of moderation, of course

[@LethalByChoice]

Yeah no that totally is a bad thing to do. He's right. You can tell them when you go on later dates, but first date? No. First date is like a job interview, you're trying to put on a good impression and make the date fun and get to know one another on surface level stuff so you take things slow and go at a pace that leaves the other wanting to delve deeper into each other as you go out and hang out more. You're not supposed to start digging for each other's skeletons in their closet, or showing your date your skeleton collection in your closet, on the first date. That's rushing things.

[@bef9612]

I like the "list" thing y'all brought up. I always tell my young friends to make a list for the things that you HAVE to have in a relationship, and another list for qualities that you absolutely CANNOT abide in a partner. Best advice a therapist ever gave me.

[@wifeofsauron1658]

My now fiance and I did everything wrong but it worked out so well. We had both been single for a long time before we met, 6 years for me. We were older and didn't want to play the dating game. In the first three days we talked about ask the things you aren't supposed to, politics, religious beliefs, past trauma, past partners, and what we wanted in life. After the first week we slept together and had moved in with each other. We have been together for five years and we are getting married next summer. We have amazing communication and do weekly check ins with each other. I really happy we have built such a strong, open, and honest relationship. There were a lot of people who said we wouldn't work because we moved to fast. But over all I think we were both just ready and open enough to make it work.

[@demonzabrak]

And then those hobbits threw the ring into a volcano and he exploded?

[@mcedwards]

I was just talking to a woman yesterday about still being single at 27 (having never been in a relationship) and she responded by telling me that she had quite a few single girlfriends who she thinks would be wonderful partners but that there just doesn't seem to be that many genuinely good men around. Super encouraging lol. But I agree that myself and other women I know are generally wary and have put walls up as a result of past experiences that have tarnished our view of dating and relationships in general.

[@hawkins347]

I was one of the people who has never been in a relationship before I hit 25 and I have plenty of female friends who were the same way. We were also still virgins at that point. And we all felt so bad about ourselves. And the men we came across were super condescending when they found that out about us, looked at us as if there had to be something wrong with us when reality was that we just haven't met anyone we'd click with yet. So that was great for our egos... not. Point is, now that I'm 30 and have been single for a while again, I really don't think it matters anymore. It's not important when or if it happens, but if it's the right person. You don't need someone to validate you, you are enough for yourself.

[@classicambo9781]

Looking back I wish I had just let a few barriers down. Not every relationship needs to be super serious, long lived or in depth. People are meant to be with people in all different ways. As long as no one is getting hurt, have some fun. Life is short.

[@therealkoolaidandkale]

@classic ambo Superficial relationships of any kind drain me (which is a form of hurt, for ME... I like to do things that fulfill me and eliminate as much as possible what drains me... prob why I'm skilled at small-talk and engage if the social setting is appropriate, but I hate it). I accept that they're a part of life, but if it's really that superficial (not long-lived or in-depth), I'm probably not letting my guard down much at all, because that person hasn't earned my vulnerability. If that works for you, though, have at it.

[@shirolucifer4426]

Oh boy does that sound like me :D 24, forever single, virgin and to top it off, scared of serious relationships while not wanting less than that - I kinda gave up at some point xD Also every guy I found attractive told me I was ugly 😅😅 At least I know now that I am not as ugly as they said I am