Rescue Fantasies

[@theschooloflifetv]

Have you experienced rescue fantasies? Let us know in the comments below or we have a discussion going on right now on our app available free here: goo.gl/PwLU6R

[@mjnoon3609]

The School of Life Can you do a video on universal income .

[@simranm9483]

Isn't this valid when reversed genders?

[@niabride7636]

I'd love to share this video with someone, but they doesn't understand english, can you please unlock this video to be translated? Thank you. (If its free to translate, sorry me, I havent found it)

[@aruvielevenstar3944]

I have been rescued several times in my fantasies.

[@LoveEarthHereAndNow]

app for android?!

[@winter-i-i]

I appreciate how they don't add background music in their videos.

[@imsparkly7968]

YES

[@Quran_memorization]

one of the Islamic instructions ps I don't mean they follow this Islamic instruction

[@Acquavallo]

I'd also be very interested in hearing about the desire to BE rescued

[@nathayelakgonzales4969]

Hehe lol a man being rescued by a woman

[@Acquavallo]

@@nathayelakgonzales4969 I'm not sure I understand why a man being rescued by a woman is funny

[@spaceduniverse]

@@Acquavallo me either. Men are humans too. We want to know at the end of the day someone will fight for us too and have our backs

[@FerKitten]

Yessss plssss!!

[@michelen5728]

Acquavallo you know what we, as human say in times of crisis : “children and women first”. I think that’s what we naturally do. Women and children are always rescued first, then men are as well. A woman rescuing a man is more of a mother to child type of dynamic. Nothing wrong with that. If that’s your natural desire when looking for a relationship you will eventually attract a woman who’s older than you or a woman who has the saviour syndrome. As said in the video you’re going to have to make sure that she’s at least, receptive to be “rescued in return”; especially if she happens to have children. Otherwise she’ll become a drama queen or leave you for a more powerful man who’s going to rescue her from you...

[@fangirlfortheages5940]

The idea of opening up to someone and working through our issues together is my ultimate fantasy. I guess it’s a form of rescue.

[@thisisntallowed9560]

A romantic partner is not the only place for receiving emotional support, you can also talk to your friends, you don't have to wait for a romantic relationship for that. Especially men tend to rely on women for that a lot.

[@misery8264]

Be careful. You might end up with a guy who finds it cute that youre traumatized/where abused etc. A lot of men are into it, they tell themselves they just want the best for you, but at the end of the day they just want to feel good about "helping a cute, sad, fragile woman". Not all of them, but way too many.

[@adamyang5521]

Can't agree more!!!! I was in that kind of relationship where I desperately wanting to have someone to save me rescue me. At first he was very caring loving and kind. But actually that was an abusive relationship! Because in order to get his love I need to play the victim role all the time. That means I'll never have my own power and in order to rescue me he needs to take the dominant place to prove that he's more powerful than me. So that I was constantly being belittled. It might feel good at the beginning but when the pendulum switch to the other side people will suffer.💔

[@jeremymenning56]

I reject the rescue fantasy is more commonly on the male side. In the fem side...the "I thought I could fix/change him" argument is all too common in the aftermath of fallen relationship.

[@EvilSapphireR]

Jeremy Menning this is truth.

[@caroh2809]

Just A Tip Gosh I don’t have facts and figures to back it up but I would have guessed the complete opposite. A bit like you never see an ugly woman with a good looking guy but you do see a good looking woman with an ugly guy (although I accept beauty is in the eye of the beholder and just cos your conventionally unattractive in a physical way doesn’t mean you don’t have a great personality - but you get where I am going).

[@jeremymenning56]

Just A Tip did you even read what I wrote bro? Some people so quick to whip out the haterade. I am not savings women. It's 2018. They have agency and their equal rights. Chill out with attacking people.

[@PracticalInspiration]

It's absolutely not more common on the male side, like you say you only need to look at the number of stories and cases of women trying to change/fix their partner to see it works both ways. Nor is it limited to any specific type of relationship, it occurs in friendships, professional relationships and others.

[@skillo6399]

Just A Tip too much theredpill sir, go see some sunlight

[@bolivar1789]

1. This is very true for friendships too! That's why I love this quote by Theodore Zeldin: " The kind of conversation I am interested in is one which you start with a willingness to emerge a slightly different person. It is always an experiment, whose results are never guaranteed. It involves risk. It 's an adventure in which we agree to cook the world together and make it taste less bitter". Indeed the only way to feel truly "connected" to someone is by taking risks. We all fear that people won't understand us or judge us if we show our insecure, fragile, suffering selves . But why? There is a vanity in assuming that we are so difficult to understand, so special.... Indeed all people suffer more less because of the same things: a fear of not being loved and a fear of failing in life and "not being enough". It is that simple, isn't it? Now let's consider the worst case scenario. You let all your defences down and show yourself all vulnerable to someone. And he lets you down by abusing the situation or by being terribly insensitive etc. No matter how often this happens, we better keep looking for the things that we have "in common" with other people, and keep believing in sincerity and courage and compassion. You may end up as a cynic otherwise. What scares me the most on earth... 2. Well sadly, we often try to do exactly the opposite: we usually try to impress the other, in the hope of being loved . But indeed boasting about yourself is not being impressive, it is being "intimidating". We all have our strengths and weaknesses. Something that came to you very easily in life can be incredibly difficult to reach, for another person. So by pointing THAT out, you are emphasizing what " separates" you from that person. What is the sense of this?? 3. There is a wonderful, wonderful tale by Oscar Wilde called " The Remarkable Rocket". You can read the tale or watch the animation . It is on you tube. Well, in fact, the most remarkable thing about that rocket is that the more it boasts, the more it sinks into the mud! Comedian Sarah Jones uses a wonderful term, describing the dark side of the social media, forcing us to show a happy face all the time. She says we live in a culture of " COMPARE AND DESPAIR". That's why it feels like a " defeat" when we show our weaknesses to people. (If you want to think more about this, there is an episode of the excellent podcast "Hidden Brain", called " Schadenfacebook". ) Well, but indeed the real defeat is NOT having the courage to be vulnerable.Because that way we'll only have superficial relationships with people. And living superficially is very close to not having lived at all... Indeed we'll only be" spending time" together. A totally wasted time of our lives, since it won't serve us to " connect" with each other. We won't be building a strong bound over the years, being the real witnesses of each others lives... Well we may not be able to rescue each other, but we can surely inspire and encourage each other to become our better selves and that's quite something! Thanks a lot for this wonderful lesson!

[@yhinnam]

Lua Veli Thank you for this well written and enlightening piece

[@bolivar1789]

Hello Hin Nam! You are most welcome. Thanks a lot for reading all this :- ) I forgot to mention the TED Talk " The Power of Vulnerability" by Brene Brown. May be you would like to watch that too. I have read her book " Daring Greatly" after listening to that speech and it has helped me a lot. Best wishes :- )

[@coreycox2345]

Regarding scenario 1, Lua Veli, if the vulnerable one is treated to abuse, it may be best to get the abuser out and take that risk only with people who have not proven untrustworthy. Especially if they have done it time and time again. The danger is in becoming closed to taking the risk at all with other people in the future, which is a path to isolation.

[@seb_5969]

Very interesting indeed. The problem is, that most of us intend to stop doing these things you mentioned but very often we lack the courage to actually do so. By the way, i hope you plan to upload some more songs. I really enjoyed them :D.

[@coreycox2345]

Speak for yourself Sebastian Meyer. I recently took this risk of becoming vulnerable, found that I had been misguided and was hurt. There are some people it is best to avoid. It won't stop me from taking similar risks in the future though, as I see what the result could be of stopping. Self imposed isolation is worse than being hurt. The trick is to reserve fear-avoidance of relatiohships for bad ones, which still seems wies.

[@yas3170]

When you spend days, if not months thinking about something you discovered about yourself or someone else but you can't put words to that thing until the school of life comes along explaining it beautifully

[@لمىالشريف-غ8ك]

Thank you for clearing out, that rescuing is ok. As long as it's reciprocal.

[@PracticalInspiration]

It's human nature to want to rescue as it gives us value. What you and the video describe, is that essentially that it can't be one way, but both people have to rescue, or value, each other.

[@69LOLIN]

لمى الشريف very well...good resume!

[@theaxisofinsight]

A little bit of melancholy can be attractive in some people but too much of it spoils it all

[@OLUCART]

Somehow reminds me of Camus' The Fall, and those poignant last pages: "You yourself utter the words that for years have never ceased echoing through my nights and that I shall at last say through your mouth: “O young woman, throw yourself into the water again so that I may a second time have the chance of saving both of us!”

[@georgiana1754]

Each word in this video has tremendous weight and resonance inside me. The tone is so gentle and the analysis so accurate it hurts. Thank you for sharing this precious insight!

[@georgiana1754]

I watched it 5 times and it still strikes me, an experience I only had with a few other pieces of profoundly moving art. I will keep coming back to this video.

[@PracticalInspiration]

Just out of interest is it the delivery of the video that resonates or the content? It sounds like you were moved, but I'm struggling to understand whether it was the message felt very personal or the way it was discussed. In both cases, the video did a great job

[@georgiana1754]

Happy Facts Lifestyle It was the message that moved me the most but the narration contributed a lot since the tone is so warm. The animation brought some interesting highlights but it wasn't a big factor this time.

[@georgiana1754]

Happy Facts Lifestyle I just tried listening to the video instead of watching and I noticed the intonation is also particularly stirring. In particular, the longer pauses in the middle section feel very charged and give the words a touching echo. I can't explain it so well but they exert a similar magic as they would in a piece by Eric Satie.

[@gabrielsalutem8258]

The amount of wisdom of this person is really admirable. He talks about the deep things that we actually experience but no one dares to talk about it. Do you have published books or something? Are you a professor? Anyway, thanks for your lectures...

[@theschooloflifetv]

Thanks! Do look at our books: www.theschooloflife.com/shop/books/

[@Cappaluke]

I’m 24, have been in two long term relationships and realized that I subconsciously have a rescuer fantasy. Both of my girlfriend were in victim roles. This opened my eyes to the fact that I like to help people and that’s great but I’m always trying to be this saviour because I seek validation and I have my own insecurities. Perhaps I subconsciously seek partners that are struggling because it makes me feel better about myself and my growth but also at the same time I can focus on their insecurities and save myself from having to ruminate about my own. Moving forward, I plan to rescue myself of my own insecurities and build a lifestyle I can be proud of so that I can then find someone that I feel is on my level and we can mutually empower each other to become better individuals rather than seeking the imbalance that comes with this recuse fantasy.

[@morematcha]

Beautifully written.

[@BlackGoId]

You got it perfectly, couldn’t have said it any better. I can relate to this a lot.

[@GlennOchs]

You are wise beyond your years. Most guys never see the pattern at all if not too late

[@MajinSayon]

That segment with the two flowers expressed emotions in a masterful way. Big kudos to the artist.

[@stevefranklin9176]

I agree, it struck me as almost artist, it needed no words.

[@wadalharbi7207]

You’re My personal therapist .

[@dark_emperor9427]

Nameless User do u also imagin saving ur lover from something? If yes are u a girl or a boy?

[@morematcha]

Nameless User same

[@adrielle.benner]

I’m usually on the receiving end of the rescue fantasy. I’ve been through so much emotional trauma, and when I open up to potential significant others they think they can ‘fix’ me.

[@PracticalInspiration]

There's nothing to "fix" unless you're actively seeking to fix it. You know what's ironic is people want to solve other's problems yet fundamentally it comes down to the individual themselves to acknowledge and resolve it. Others can usually only help guide to facilitate that process.

[@xinic5]

I find I am attracted to women who have lower self esteem, or don't act like they have much to brag about in their life. But I feel it comes more from feeling like they will accept my own low self esteem and lack of really achieving anything worthwhile so far in life.

[@poulomi__hari]

I have had rescue fantasies. But that's more of wanting to be rescued, by an equally vulnerable guy. I am severely attracted to tragic, misunderstood, anti-hero type characters. Dark and vulnerable who have a tormenting past, which makes them all the more mysterious. So I feel the need of being with such guy, who can understand me without saying a word. Afterall, who else can understand you better than someone who has been through pain? I want to be rescued, by the one who needs my comfort.

[@leeboriack8054]

Hurt people tend to be attracted to hurt people.

[@ursobeautiful3980]

Hey how are you?

[@Tiffany-dw1yp]

STOP BEING SO GOD DAMN RELATABLE

[@greggeverman5578]

True but...the language is extreme! Have a good day.

[@Tiffany-dw1yp]

@@greggeverman5578 I swear I held back

[@pantasticodeniro9874]

this channel just keeps rescuing my life

[@jilliansmith7123]

Pantastico: this channel has a white knight fantasy.

[@taylor96]

i'd say, from my experience, the dynamic is usually the unhappy male and the savior female.

[@goravdassani2766]

Just 5 seconds into the video, and this video just hits the mark. I didn't even realize there was a word for this, before this video. This is perfect.........

[@Serpenttine]

I had an experience where I could see the vulnerabilities in a girl and that helped me show a side of myself that I don’t normally show people, a loving side that isn’t restrained by worry of judgement. Although me and this girl did not talk too much, I feel that I truly love her for letting me show my affection.

[@Fummy007]

I thought the fantasy would be about "being rescued"

[@minshubay6740]

"Vulnerable by proxy" That's it! I finally found a term for my "love". I knew it wasn't right/healthy but I couldn't explain it before. But gladly, now after having some alone time and watching this video, I was able to point it out. I feel relieved to know I'm not alone. That there are other people who also fell in love this way. Haa~ It's my first that's why it was hard. 😩

[@HannaMagdalena]

I too struggle with that. I am an empath but I can't seem to find the boundaries of where helping ends and rescuing starts. I didn't realise this until my therapist basically dunked me into it lol. I seem to do it out of fear of abandonment although it often completely drains me. I do it with romantic partners, friends or even strangers on the internet sometimes, but it's hard to change that behaviour over night.

[@minshubay6740]

@@HannaMagdalena "I seem to do it out of fear of a abandonment," you mean you didn't know until your therapist dunked you into it? What did your therapist do to make you realize it?

[@HannaMagdalena]

@@minshubay6740 Well she kept asking and evolving the questions she asked regarding what I did, to what an extend, in which situations and what I felt and thought before/during/afterwards. Until that point I didn't realise that it was some sort of pathological, I just thought I needed more energy to "be there for people". Only during talking it out I realised I overwalk my own boundaries to make people stay.

[@ro1882]

I've always felt like some psychotherapists have these tendencies...

[@rektchord]

As a trainee psychotherapist I would say you're correct. The difference is a therapist has to go through their own personal journey with therapy and they will be very aware of this role and be sure not allow it to consume them or their clients world. Being somewhat of a rescuer in a healthy way is fine but a therapist that allowed this to become unhealthy would suffer as well as the work they do with their client.

[@لمىالشريف-غ8ك]

jamie smithson Thank you for all that you do. It's not an easy job.

[@ro1882]

jamie smithson thank you. One of the hard parts of finding the right therapist for me had to do with this.

[@lilypond5158]

That's cuz it's their job lol. The whole point I think is that you shouldn't be acting like a therapist when you're someone's partner. You should heal each other 😊

[@metamorph5286]

I'm a girl. I had fantasies about rescuing people I admire since I was little, just for fun. And I mostly admired women though I'm 100% straight. I never caused the trouble though, I usually imagined myself and others I know in trouble and then I'm the hero. Cool ha?

[@michelen5728]

NO

[@raviross6119]

That’s called a savior complex, while it’s okay to want to be the hero sometimes, don’t let it get to ur head or you’ll become delousional and might not recognize when ur delousions hurt others or make others uncomfortable

[@glisero4043]

Isn't this whole channel a rescue fantasy?

[@bolivar1789]

Hello Glisero. It is a "rescue reality". They are helping 3.5 million people! I mean no offence to you of course. Good night :- )

[@ameliel8792]

Woah that blew mind, like a play within a play! Valid and amusing point. Everyone in the caring professions has somewhat of a rescue fantasy going on I would say.

[@thereaIitsybitsyspider]

The channel tells you how to fix your problems. Rescuing would be fixing your problems for you. Explaining why you feel a certain way gives you insight. Give a man a fish, feed him for a day. Teach him how to fish, feed him for life.

[@moderbro5763]

I never cry but when i watch the videos from this channel

[@melindagracesmith9999]

Love unconditionally comes from within

[@Jaydoggy531]

I will say I've seen the opposite as well. I don't know what the term is: Just as there are many people seeing themselves as the "rescuer," others see themselves as perpetual victims, waiting for an idealized person to whisk them off to a fantasy future, where they're essentially taken care of.

[@PracticalInspiration]

I guess acting out as the "damsel in distress"? It's usually going to be because they aren't prepared to take on the responsibility to overcome their difficulties alone, or at all, and so form a dependency on others to try to resolve it for them.

[@Jaydoggy531]

I agree. I think this dependency though at its core may be a level of selfishness, but at the same time: I wonder how much of this was "trained" by their upbringing? It makes me ponder the nature vs. nurture of some people. I don't mean to say this was the intention of their parents or family (especially in the modern age), but perhaps it's the result all the same?

[@laylamyangel735]

Wow. I think this video could describe me... I totally love to help others, and people know they can trust me and tell me everything, because they know I never judge anything badly. But I can't tell people about myself. I can tell everything just to my sister, because she's the only one I know I can trust, but I could never trust someone else. I look like totally strong and self confident, but I have a lot of weaknesses inside. I don't want anyone to take advantage of that. Because in the past, when I was a teenager, they actually did. And that's why I will never have a lasting boyfriend :D Thank you for this video!

[@PracticalInspiration]

I have a similar mindset, but don't give up expectation as in my case I can happily say I've been married for 10 years now to my amazing wife. The reality will come down to being prepared to make yourself vulnerable and opening up to your partner. Ironically I'm actually creating a video on this subject, creating a deep relationship with others, which will go up next Monday.

[@laylamyangel735]

Happy Facts Lifestyle Thank you ^^

[@dayf50]

Your ideas opened my eyes on the unhealthy part of my deep desire of wanting her to feel better. Moreover, the acceptance of my own vulnerabilities and perhaps more the acceptance of getting help from her is the point that really vibrated with me. However, I don't want to be her hero, I don't want her to see what good I may do for her, I just want to do it. I've rarely felt such pureness, such candour in my feelings and it makes me want to pursue my desire even more. I'm afraid she won't understand me and even reject me but I cannot move on from what is, deeply, felt as the truest form of myself. Thank you

[@georgesonm1774]

Hey - how did it go? Can you say this was a sound direction to go in? I'm asking because I can currently really relate to the feelings you have described here, and I'm not sure whether to treat this as a genuine signal that these feelings are to be trusted and implemented in this relationship, or whether it is some sort of ego fantasy

[@likeiscream]

My partner rarely show her emotional side, which really sucks because I love discussing and dwelving on the psychological when it comes to interaction and relationships

[@rayepenber6446]

It amazes me how sharp these analyses are. Listening to this really deepens one's emotional intelligence.

[@Fulgrim88]

I do have them. Partly because I have suffered from depression all my life and just simply can relate a LOT better to someone who is struggling than to the happy go lucky "LIFE IS AWESOME! WOOOO!"-crowd. Also because to me, admitting vulnerability deepens an emotional connection a lot more than talking about your last trip to Bali

[@mks_dan]

I've been trying to fight this part of me for such a long time after realising I was quite prone to acting as a saviour of antoher in relationships. Thank you for showing me how important the skill really is. And what actually may be missing for me to get to a better place. Thank you

[@RecreationalUseOnly]

Is there a difference between rescuing and caretaking/fixing? I realized that I was attracted to (but at the same time also manipulated by) what I later found out to be women with NPD. I saw the problems and drama as something I empathized with due to my upbringing. Subconsciously, the mentally healthy women were just too at peace. And the “love” I witnessed as a kid was full of cortisol. It seems extreme to say rescuers have bad motives, when every girl I’ve tried to help ended up trying to destroy me when I had enough of the emotional and physical abuse.

[@thomassavino2083]

Thanks, that is how it goes with me too.

[@sarahgernannt]

This video isn't saying that rescuing is always bad, just that it has to come from the right place and it has to be reciprocated. To answer your question best, let's differentiate the terms "rescuing" and "caretaking." In this video, the "rescue" fantasy comes from a selfish desire to help another in order to aggrandize oneself. That scenario is bad, right? But if one is "caretaking," he is selflessly loving and helping someone who is vulnerable. In turn, that person will, (or should) take care of their partner when he is being vulnerable, as well. That would be the ideal scenario. I believe that this video is about differentiating the two, but because it poses the negative scenario first, it seems more pronounced. Not everyone who is trying to help is bad, yet it is important to be aware of the person's motive and intent. It sounds like you have good intent and are coming from a genuinely good place in your heart. I hope that you find someone who will give your love back to you. You seem very self-aware, just watch out for women who will try to use and abuse you. Unfortunately, there are a lot of those.

[@sabinesa08]

A relationship is like a scales. A bit of uneven for a certain period of time is fine and the relationship can continue. If the imbalance exists too long the relationship must end unless the party who contributed less will deeply acknowledge the other party's greater contribution and his hardship or waiver of a better life. Very often you can see in relationships that the party who contributed less will become angry at the giver and thus the relationship must end because the imbalance is unbearable. This law of life can be translated to money, belongings, love, handicaps, ability to be fertile, etc. Bert Hellinger saw this law in family constellations.

[@TheTorridestCheese]

While there are people who get off on people being distressed and "saving" them, I don't think it's right to fully generalize the white knight fantasy like that. The fantasy could also come from a feeling of wanting to be useful and wanted as well. This whole video is pretty much based on a huge assumption.

[@Rodrigo_Vega]

Did you even watch it to the end? It's exactly about that.

[@PracticalInspiration]

I tend to give a pass on this sort of thing as it's hard to go into depth in a 5 minute video (as I've learnt from my own experience). However, you make a great point, it's human nature to want to feel valued and be of value. After all, we naturally put value on ourselves dependent on how we are perceived by others.

[@thegreaterconundrum]

Read between the lines my man; the video is precisely about not generalizing a white knight as purely malicious.

[@coolbeans6148]

Watch the end, but You are correct about the first point

[@etona6147]

Wow this video appeared just right when i needed it. School of life can you read my mind?

[@jpg6296]

Yes.

[@paucamposano8832]

Am going thru something similar now.. My partner was a lone wolf and has always thought that it is his role to help, that to seek/ask for help is failure. Now that he's with me and we're going thru rough seas - me being in the position to help him and him having to depend on me now - is new and awkward for him. But I see it now... Once we're past this and he realizes that to be vulnerable is an asset and not a weakness (esp in relationships), i think our bond will be on a different, higher plane altogether. Thank you School of Life! :-* for rescuing me again

[@Leolukpeu]

That hit me straight on, but I don't feel this way only about close relationships (ie girlfriends) but also with friends and colleagues. I need to feel like I'm "superior" to them so they'll need me in various aspects. But that's a double edged sword, cause I refuse to accept any difficulties/problems I might have and ask for help. At the same time though, I feel that my strenghts are important to me, and they made me grow in various ways, so I don't want to let go of them just so I can be a little more vulnerable.

[@Cappaluke]

Leo Heise same my guy I’m with u 100%

[@schaughtful]

The her rescueing him fantasy butts up against social expectations of stoic, strength oriented masculinaty.

[@afreen5058]

When I saw the title, I thought they'd be talking about my fantasy to be rescued bruh

[@tulip5210]

Because they are relatable and not just a perfect person that makes us feel lonely.

[@Daleylife]

Hmm. Thought this was going to be about the rescuee.

[@Mariposa16676]

When you were talking about the wanting to rescue someone so we can hide our own vulnerability I was like “wow do you stalk me?”

[@markofaskar1261]

Don't save her. She don't wanna be saved

[@whatrtheodds]

Mark of a Skar Yep!!

[@дальностьстрельбы]

lol

[@Zux78]

Is that a J Cole reference?

[@PracticalInspiration]

I think rescue fantasies occur to everyone in way or another at some point or another in their life. By focusing on the issues of others, we can often ignore our own problems. It's good to play a supportive role to others, but it's vital to first look internally and find resolutions to your own internal conflicts first. I do agree though, for people in relationships, the foundation can't be built on rescue fantasies

[@MyOwnSupply]

This was so liberating and clarified the massive ego death im facing right now

[@truegrit7697]

I recommended School of Life to my college students. I think this series is fabulous.

[@me0101001000]

I don't really have directly this issue, since I prefer strong partners to begin with. However, my issues are grounded in existential fear. My greatest fear is being useless. I don't want to be put in a situation where I cannot contribute. For that reason, I feel the need to accumulate every skill I possibly can so I might never run into such a situation of uselessness. So I don't think it's going to hurt me so much in my relationship with a partner. I do fear that it will have a negative impact on when I have kids though. I know that I'm draining myself, but I can't stop, mainly because I can't conquer this fear of being useless.

[@69LOLIN]

Aku conquering it is your quest!

[@rubyrootless7324]

In relationships that can be an issue. I am depressed and as I know that I cannot be "saved" because I have to save myself to not be dependant on him, I sometimes make my favourite person feel like he has no idea what to do. I am very scared of being useless, too. Just try to be aware of it as much as possible. Ask people if they think you are useless and I am pretty sure they will prove you wrong. Stay strong :>

[@proudscorpio46]

I UNDERSTAND you thank you

[@theresistance3818]

I have a "reciprocity fantasy".

[@FallOutGirl86]

Great video as always, but I take issue with the word “normally.” This is equally common in same-sex relationships, and it’s not talked about often enough. Food for thought. Keep up the great content.

[@michelen5728]

Normally people are in heterosexual relationships. There’s no issue here. Majority of people are straight. Did someone ad a moral value to that or did someone say that it’s wrong to be infrequent or somewhat “rare” in the population ? NO. You’re looking to be offended I hope it makes you happy.

[@FallOutGirl86]

Michèle S lol Are you ok? Pretty sure expressing thoughts and feedback is allowed here. You certainly have no issue expressing yours. Have a lovey day.

[@michelen5728]

FallOutGirl86 I’m ok, thank you for asking. You did well expressing yourself. I’ve never said it was forbidden. Did anybody punish you for that? I didn’t. Feel free to be offended for no reason. Bye!

[@ChickpeatheTortie]

There is one good thing about growing old and that is that one doesn't give a bleep anymore and can no longer be hurt and is finally free :-)

[@milfsfilms]

my rescue fantasy is to be rescued (in an emotional sense)

[@thomasedgerley7453]

Isabela Louise Gawd that sounds terribly tragic.

[@sydandtaytum]

u should get a therapist then

[@HGICQueenDiamondAries]

Isabela Louise save your own damn self, you sociopath

[@milfsfilms]

Diamond Aries woah calm down r u sure im the sociopath here?

[@HGICQueenDiamondAries]

Isabela Louise do u not think before shit spews out of your mouth? From the looks of it , AND YOUR OWN STATEMENT, you need someone else to think for you before you spew garbage from your d sucker, even your own comment was thirsty for attention, so, I gave you truth to expose you and give u attention. It ain't my fault you're very ignorant...now is it?!?!?!?!?!

[@breeashleyy]

Keep up the amazing work! Thank you School of Life for these wonderful, eye-opening, and thought-provoking videos. This is art. 🙏🏻

[@ThePadmaj]

Does fantasizing about saving people from terrorists attacking the Mall succeed as a Rescue Fantasy.. I remember thinking like that as a kid.

[@Gamerkitty6274]

see i'm the opposite of this i dream about people rescuing me and magically solve all my problems

[@Australiantourforyourdog]

Kasum¡ hi, I think I am a rescuer :-)

[@lolpuma642]

The art and pacing of it was well done. Exceptional

[@PatrickKellyLoneCoder]

This was a much more realistic portrayal of what goes on. It took way longer than it should have to get me in therapy because we romanticize this dynamic. It's all over the media. People blindly support you in the pursuit of it. Nothing ever portraying the actual relationship, of course. Just the head over heels falling in profoundly intense love. But it's fucked up and based on really mentally abusive dynamics. The right way to help someone is by emotional support and removal of barriers. Rescuing. Doing it for them. These are not help. They only look like it.

[@whysupremedoeohb7133]

It can be something amazing when someone can come rescue us, but also it can be dangerous if the other partner doesn’t want help or seems to be in denial

[@sebastianelytron8450]

Should have called this by its technical name "White Knight Syndrome"

[@jayfawn8478]

More appropriate term is "Messiah-nic complex" 😅

[@MasterOfSparks]

"Captain Save A Ho Complex."

[@Nickname-hier-einfuegen]

Do you realize that the video explains why this is fundamentally a good and natural thing, as long as it's mutual? Because calling it "White Knight Syndrome" makes it sound like a) something bad ("White Knight" as a sarcastic term) and b) something unhealthy ("Syndrome"). And it's none of these things. I would rather say that complete absence of a basic desire to help people is a sign for Antisocial Personality Disorder (APD).

[@ShoorfLonelyLokly]

i actually agree, this should be added right behind original name in brackets

[@chadatchison145]

Though I agree with Mason Zhang, Torin McCabe's reply is funny. :)

[@garrettpettit4342]

I had to be strong before I was ready and I can tell it fucked me up emotionally. I can't connect with people because I feel like I have to be strong all the time even tho I hurt inside.

[@SilverAssassin210]

Somehow when I see the titles if your videos I always know what they are going to be about and I'm right. To think an organization like this exists.

[@calig1001]

I do absolutely adore these videos, they teach me so much. The only concern with them sometimes is the use of "gender" is used when it should be "sex" Remember, gender is a spectrum and sex is female & male.

[@wazzateh9518]

I want to be rescued. That is why I am honest about my vulnerabilities. SoL videos like this show me that I am not mad to do so. But yet, alas, it seem to make people eventually avoid me, instead of loving me.

[@jackburke7274]

very pertinent to my own life! Thank you so much :)

[@Y2Kvids]

So , Is he a Sadist!

[@عبدالله-د3ش4ذ]

Desire to rescue can go awry when the intention is entirely A symmetrical TRUE THAT

[@emmanuelgoldstein8233]

What if I'm a man and I'm experiencing the opposite? I always fantasize being rescued and loved and consoled and comforted by women and other people. I always fantasize being the pitiful one and having other people pitying me. I like it. When I'm sad and lonely, I think about that.

[@chopincookies]

This is what I had done in my past that is thankfully to God that the crisis is now long gone-what a total failure and years of learning what my own self means to me of my life. Hence, I must thanks for remarking me for all of things I have learnt back there and now here; significant is now I reckon that this is appeared to be quite an important matter-that now I realised that many students around me also fall into this albeit their fantasy being actually a big crisis hole of their lives... I wish someday they will eventually learn the meaningful of a being.

[@chopincookies]

P.S. Remarkable: alas, that how I ended up being alone! (laugh)

[@Dayglodaydreams]

How does digitality effect our concept of or encounter with the Other?

[@yeshelloiamsnek580]

When you said "rescue fantasies" I thought you meant imagining in your mind a situation when a loved one is in danger and you rescue them, not actually saving them from a real problem. I've imagined *attempting* to save loved ones but I see myself as weak and helpless, so they get hurt and it makes me sad in real life just to think about that.

[@twilight3272]

There's also the other side of this - the person who needs to be dependent. In the event that you have already overcome the barrier of insecurity in a relationship, you may begin to take that love for granted. You project a "fix me" prompt to another person who has no way to fix you. This could lead to constant physical care, emotional care, or both becoming what you demand from your partner. Of course, this can either come out of manipulation, or some deeply rooted psychological problem - whether it be an illness or instead a vast flaw in your self image. It's a fantasy of not just rescuing, but of being rescued yourself.

[@clarencehouston9943]

So what is love if u have to be vulnerable? What are all the charateristics to it?

[@xyoopridex]

Check out the movie called The secret life of Walter Mitty. The main cast goes through this rescue fantasies through constant maladaptive daydreaming and breaks out of it by the end.

[@marielaveau8277]

What if i don't have any pain to share? How can i develop a close friendship if I'm not sad or confused or in pain?

[@marielaveau8277]

Ed Thoreum Lol no my life is just really easy

[@marielaveau8277]

7 9 Yeah, well the reason i am so happy is that i just finished high school, those were the worst years of my life, now i have a job and i love everything about it, i have plenty of good friends and im feeling good about it, my comment was mostly about deep pain something emotional that happened to you and feel the need to open up about it, I never experienced something like that, i used to get bullied im over it, my last year of high school was hell because of some assholed but im proud that i kept my head high, they dont cause me anymore pain, i just still wish them the worst but thats just me being petty, I still live at home i have healthy family life, so for now i dont have stress in life i dont have anything to pay for so i guess my life is easy for now. But i was talking about "opening up" which is somethine i never did because i never felt the need to share deep emotional pain because i dont really have any Some guy during my last year of high school i tried to date told me he couldnt love me because i didint open up to him, which to me seems really demanding since its not something i do, i dont have much empathy for people either, i try my best to make them feel better by joking around and making them forget, but idk how to show that i really care because i cant put myself in their shoes and imagine what theyre feeling Overall i just guess im still very immature and have alot to learn, im only 17 after all

[@jimshaw734]

I always enjoy these videos

[@genericscout5408]

Love always goes both ways.

[@debbiee.6333]

One of the characteristics of love addiction is the need to rescue or be rescued.

[@ailithic5448]

What you guys need to do is brainstorm ideas until you physically can't, like questions that can be solved with a little deduction, sit on those ideas and learn and think on them until they mature. But aside from that, you guys know alot already, bounce some ideas once in awhile. Remember confidence takes practice 😋

[@Dr.Kananga]

Rescue fantasies are within both sexes and are influenced by the protection of the species that is built within our genes. Woman have it too and it acts as a motherly instinct to rescue men, especially those who don't behave maturely so they think they can change them. This also explains why women are attracted to the stereotypical figure of the "bad boy", they believe they can rescue them from their prolonged childhood but it doesn't work like that.

[@wonderwoman5528]

I think showing vulnerability and being vulnerable when out in the world speeds up the process of finding love. Usually there are a lot of niceties to get through before dating someone. Once you put yourself out on the line and the person may not know if you’ll be okay again and if they may never see you again.... so they are drawn to you like a moth to a flame (all your potential partners are anyway) Anyone who had the potential to fall in love with you is more likely to take the risk if they see you are in need of love more than someone who is not vulnerable, sad or depressed is, and they think their love is the one to do the job.... (sorry waffling on and not making sense, but I hope some of it did)

[@questionbazaar3376]

I am a big fan of the School of Life and I request you make a video on the rational validity of law of attraction. Is it authentic or just a made up thing? What insights can we take from it nevertheless and what thought processing habits can we inculcate in our day to day lives?

[@JuanMedel08]

There is not enough love for someone who doesn't love itself, is just so hard to try to save someone else

[@paracosmicabsurdity6235]

Go fuck yourself

[@LilySnow18]

Okay... but people that take advantage of people in vulnerable situations DO exist. That's NOT a fantasy. Along with that, no mention of how two people with issues can become co-dependent on each other and how that can go wrong? Most of this video only presents the pleasant parts 'rescue'...

[@chrisbroussard8335]

Every Pastor needs to watch this.

[@LalinDissanayaka]

Please do more history of ideas !! I love them so much.

[@ajitanshu.r]

This is explained so well!

[@mjnoon3609]

Most people are not vulnerable so that means most are not loved or loving?

[@sarahgernannt]

All people are vulnerable, some just hide it well.

[@Star-dj1kw]

Excellent video 👍🏼👍🏼

[@shishi7123]

Is there a type where there is a fantasy to be rescued ?

[@in3432]

Brilliant video.

[@AngusKhaw]

I wanted to save her, but it was indeed a one sided thing, even though at times she made it seem otherwise. She just wants to keep falling, and some darker part of me hopes she falls on spike.

[@davethejourneyofinspiratio6437]

Wow really help me Discover a lot about myself

[@NickRyanBayon]

The worst part is how they then turn around and end up destroying you more.

[@LydieLyd]

This is sooooooo good.

[@MindNow]

This is so deep! Thank you so much for putting this together!

[@BohemianConspiracy]

purple fantasies