Revamp your sex life in 6 minutes | Ruth Ramsay | TEDxDaltVila

Is there a simple mindset shift that can radically improve our sex lives? One which can apply whatever our circumstances, experience or preferences? Yes! Sex coach Ruth Ramsay shares this shift, and how its ramifications go way beyond increasing our pleasure. Ruth Ramsay is an adult sex educator and coach. She helps people understand who they are sexually, how their bodies and minds work, what they need and desire, and how to communicate that. Her style is upbeat, shame-free and pleasure-led.
Ruth holds a coaching diploma backed with vast life experience. She won an Erotic Award for campaigning for the sexual rights of people with disabilities; was a striptease artist for 14 years; teaches exotic dance; and has been a sex journalist, activist and more. Her mission is for sexual energy to be recognised as a force for good. This talk was given at a TEDx event using the TED conference format but independently organized by a local community. Learn more at www.ted.com/tedx

[@baldeagle5835]

Variety with a partner you love and respect can bring you to a level of trust and excitement unimaginable.

[@billpetersen298]

For the hobby method to work. Both partners have to have, a reasonable level of interest already. I’m many relationships, one partner will try anything, the other won’t even talk about it.

[@donnieearlharrisjr5941]

Amen!!

[@grote__julia]

Sounds like incompatibility to me!

[@hanspersson9451]

​@@grote__juliasounds like 3 kids and 20 years together to me...

[@grote__julia]

@@hanspersson9451 seems like that long together would lead to better communication skills!

[@hanspersson9451]

@@grote__julia That too is something that requires a mutual interest. Life sometimes gets complicated along the way.

[@lewashcliffe]

God, I wish I'd heard this talk when my wife was still alive and healthy. I would have shared this with her and could have helped us avoid so much emotional pain.

[@TerryTibbs57]

God bless you brother

[@raymondotoole2600]

You’ll see her when your time is right and you can have a conversation with her. Keep your chin up ! use this energy and see if there’s something else with someone.

[@PriscilaHancock]

I took Ruth's course a few months ago then had a 1:1 session recently and it has simply been life changing. I feel so connected with my husband of 18 years but also much happier and fulfilled in other areas of life - family, work, friendships. Thank you Ruth xxx

[@ruthramsay_]

Thank you @PriscilaHancock - it's been my honour to help.

[@markcavandish1295]

I am absolutely looking up her course material. Thanks!

[@RiverDogRun]

How appropriate- I hit the 69th like.

[@ToggleSwitch808]

❤❤❤

[@tnix80]

She literally said nothing

[@HerminiePA]

Mae West said, "if I got married, I'd have to give up my hobby." I expected this talk to be more like that.

[@kyf3557]

Thanks Ruth, well worded. It’s how I think about it, but didn’t have the words. This will help many❤

[@simaroyaich-kf2vu]

Completely agree with you...even Without changing our partner we may play better if we slightly change our priority👍

[@amandahurrell7399]

Brilliant Ruth- a really important message. Thank you x

[@ermonnezzasoio]

The best and more natural advices on this topic I´ve ever heard in my life!!

[@ruthramsay_]

Thank you! I'm pleased you enjoyed it.

[@1964JEDAGI]

The planning part is easy. Every morning before breakfast. Every evening before sleep, and random times during the day.

[@ebonyblack4563]

I know someone who's treated it like this for a long time, he and his polycule are some of the most open people about their needs I've ever known, and that goes far beyond their 'play'. Their levels of communication and respect for boundaries is phenomenal, if someone isn't in the mindset to handle something in the moment they understand how to handle that and return to the topic when they're better grounded for it. Nothing is completely off limits as long as it's approached respectfully and calmly. It's amazing being around people who truly are comfortable with sharing everything about themselves with their partners, it's a thing worth working toward for anyone in a relationship where that level of intimacy is avaliable.

[@RustyKnorr]

Polycule? Really? Did you just get that on Wordle and had to look it up, and now you have to use it every chance you get? FFS 🤦‍♂️

[@ruthramsay_]

Great to hear. Poly people and kink people tend to be super-hot on communication, openness and enthusiastic consent. The mainstream world could learn so much from them!

[@ebonyblack4563]

@@ruthramsay_ Absolutely Agree! That's been my experience being on the fringes of both communities too. The level of interest they expect before engaging in something is a big part of it. If they can't be sure you're really there for whatever they're patient and understanding in a way that was really healing to me after having been in an abusive relationship as a teen; it helped reframe many things into a much healthier place.

[@louiseday3660]

Ruth this is so amazing!!! You spoke so well x

[@ruthramsay_]

Thank you Louise 🙂

[@wisewomansexuality]

I love how the idea of asking our partner what they feel interested in doing the day in their hobby takes all the expectations away I might have on my partner and keeping it simple! Well said.

[@richardpauly1635]

Nice pic I bet you keep your partner happy

[@user-zf3ed4oo6g]

Great stuff Ruth!!❤❤❤

[@ananascarpenter]

Interesting and inspiring approach❣

[@mughalische]

Totally makes sense, thanks for revamping.

[@joshuapinter]

Couldn't agree more and such a perfect analogy to remove the stigma from thinking and talking about it. Great job!

[@ruthramsay_]

thank you, I'm so glad you liked it!

[@adventurecoalition3690]

Great analogy

[@gregglockhart9551]

Thanks! I appreciate you!

[@aaronunroe5267]

What an amazing presentation

[@BloobUbloobok]

I have realized that is exactly what I was doing last several years , but I did not have words to explain, nice approach, thanks. 🙂

[@ruthramsay_]

Thank you, I'm glad it gave you the words to describe your approach.

[@larrymendoza2570]

Bravo! Positive, exceptional advice - I like that view! Thank you

[@healingwomanhood]

Brilliant talk! So beneficial to be able to communicate openly and overcome the shame.

[@ruthramsay_]

thank you! So glad to hear you enjoyed it.

[@AschPintura]

YES RUTH. THATS MY FRIEND 😭😭 being the intelligent legend that she is 💜💜💜 follow her, BOOK HER COURSE. You will never find a safer space discussing these topics than you will with Ruth

[@emmatownsend9259]

Totally inspirational talk from an very inspirational woman. Amazing stuff Ruth ❤

[@richardpauly1635]

Nice pic I bet you keep your men happy

[@mayankoza352]

Great talk with relatable examples.. 🙌🏻

[@djdavidphillips]

Awesome Ruth I'm so happy this is out there. Well done xx

[@ruthramsay_]

@djdavidphillips thank you so much. A TEDx talk from you next??

[@manueljiza]

"We just hope we'll spontaneously want it at the same time"

[@cathyhoughton5016]

Amazingly well done Ruth, so proud of you!!!!

[@richardpauly1635]

Nice pic

[@kennethreynolds8]

Good analogy Ruth, even experienced couples can get better with a little good coaching.

[@fad23]

I'm glad she mentioned "including solo."

[@kevinmichael4829]

Thanks for your advice. I’ve since started a tennis league. I have matches all week long now.

[@SeaThatPilot]

Amazing Ruth. ❤❤

[@pritamsri]

All I can say is - she found a platform to speak her fav hobby and also do business. 😄😃

[@charliexu5139]

Business for sure.

[@alastairnaughton1288]

Great presentation!

[@shynickel8239]

Have been a practioneer of this idea for 50 years, she is correct.

[@ruthramsay_]

Thank you for sharing your life experience, that's great to hear!

[@infantnelson9356]

Amazingly conveyed❤❤,

[@annabailey770]

Amazing Ruth!

[@huub245]

Nothing short of genius. Thanks for the knowledge.

[@ruthramsay_]

@huub245 so happy it landed so well for you. Enjoy putting it into practice!

[@AA-qg2hu]

Looking at Ruth’s collar 👀🧐

[@fredziarz]

My Love and I do the exact thing and have the exact attitude as she says. I feel so good that we follow unconsciously those best practices.

[@ruthramsay_]

That's great to hear!

[@JeuanS]

Want to live the dreams, Mr Pool

[@isabelmartin40]

Thank U!! That is very very good!👏👏👏👏

[@erikschaepers]

Brilliant comparison ..! Thank you

[@ruthramsay_]

I'm glad you liked it - thank you for commenting 🙂

[@12bluering]

brilliant talk

[@patrickpoland9223]

Awesome analogy and talk thank you Ruth 😀

[@ruthramsay_]

Happy you enjoyed it. Hope you have fun putting it into practice!

[@LastNightADJSavedMyLife]

Super well done Ruth , may it get seen by many x

[@drusmith6463]

concur!,,, already waiting at the pub!!

[@ruthramsay_]

Thank you so much! I'm amazed and delighted with viewing figures so far!

[@gipvision6937]

Step 1: find a partner

[@tingting6889]

Thats asking alot these days haha

[@kevinfocht6982]

😂

[@barrysmith8920]

Great talk, I totally agree

[@ruthramsay_]

@barrysmith8920 thank you!

[@kidkava]

Flawless presentation.

[@GriffWild]

Grateful for this reframe.

[@ruthramsay_]

Glad you found it useful, thank you for commenting 🙂

[@slipperybeastaviationfishingsh]

Very well explained and informative accurate video. Thank you for sharing

[@ruthramsay_]

I am glad you found it useful, thank you for your feedback 🙂

[@IzziedeD]

probably the best tedx i've ever seen

[@Vladimir_osteo]

Thank you! Wonderful comparing🎉

[@ruthramsay_]

I'm glad you found it a useful watch 🙂

[@Relicarious]

Such an excellent reframing! Thank you. I was nearly there, as are many of the people I know, but mostly by happenstance - and you just delivered the recipe. I think a bit of scheduling and calling for some training sessions for the upcoming season would be cause for laughs - important! - and simply quite a lot of joy in these parts. I don't think it was mentioned in your talk but there is something powerful in converting expectation (with all the fraughts and perils) into anticipation and excitement (let's see what happens Tuesday).

[@ruthramsay_]

@Relicarious yes! I love that - converting expectation into anticipation. There were hundreds... thousands... more things I'd have loved to say in the talk, but I only had six minutes. Next time! So glad you enjoyed it, thank you for sharing your thoughts.

[@Relicarious]

​@@ruthramsay_ I bet there was! And that conversion speaks to a lot of things also from the wisdom of Emily Nagoski - I assume you are familiar, if not, you will find something there with which I bet you will align very well - and for me is about moving out of the critical mindset and make space for creaticity and exploration. "Next time", you say - Yes! I will look forward to more of what you wish to share.

[@NeilHarper1]

Fantastic talk. Thank you.❤

[@ruthramsay_]

I hope you enjoy putting it into practice!

[@alihendrycoaching350]

Absolutely love this reframe! Thank you for the valuable and inclusive work you do.

[@robbarrell]

Unless they’re an Olympic pro

[@giacomofrattini4456]

Wise words :) liked so much!

[@Curious68]

Thank you

[@kathleendixon4125]

Thank you.

[@mabi9731]

must watch for everyone

[@user-gz2kj1me3x]

So simple and obvious - I can't wait to re-frame :)

[@claravanser7989]

Great talk! I 100% agree

[@ruthramsay_]

Thank you, I'm glad you enjoyed the talk.

[@wendellrider1212]

Excellent lecture!

[@ruthramsay_]

Thank you, I'm glad you enjoyed it!

[@user-gg5ov9hq6g]

Great article 👏

[@paulmeszesan8970]

❤

[@richardpauly1635]

Nice pic and 😃

[@fellipemarques1247]

Foi com esse vídeo que eu comecei a praticar tênis, mudou minha vida

[@piranhaparran3007]

I LOVE IT!!!

[@sandeepcyno]

Communication , Creativity, Empathy

[@Ewinter3707]

I love this!

[@jenyadyo6]

Brilliant!

[@wiksson]

Well done Ruth! 👏🏼

[@ximenafuentes3522]

What a wonderful talk! ❤

[@ruthramsay_]

thank you, I'm delighted you enjoyed it so much :)

[@simonsitinjak]

3:20 Most of what we are told when we are young is what can go wrong. 4:15 Let's start thinking about it like a hobby. This is a positive affirmative. 6:05 Skill remember: Communication, creativity, empathy.

[@henrikohm]

For many people it is not about the choice. Its about being with a person that does not turn you on but a person with who you have children and leaving is a high cost. I agree with the hobby statement.

[@melmier3500]

But you've chosen to have children and to be a Family?!

[@schroederluck7984]

@@melmier3500consider the possibilities. Maybe their partner ballooned up to 300 pounds and are not physically attractive anymore.

[@melmier3500]

@@schroederluck7984 we don't know what Future hold. I guess I'm a little bit tired of people acting like they don't have a choice. Humans Change and our bodies are changing as Well. Gainig weight can have a Lot of different reasons. Would be great if a Partner can help and motivate to Change a Lifestyle amd behavouir and sometimes accept a Situation If the reason are health issues for example. I guess I'm a little bit tired of people blaming others and acting like they don't have a choice. We tend to be lazy and are often not willing to change something even if we are not happy. Love and grattitude are powerful 🌤️💕 Wish you all the best

[@mabriff]

@@schroederluck7984 Exactly. The love is still there, but physical attraction is a real struggle.

[@ShrinkiesWife]

@@schroederluck7984 MFT for couples therapy is an option.

[@eliasblum753]

I have always approached it this way. It is a hobby.

[@carlos.deoliveirafilho]

amazing!!!

[@cindyborcherding8927]

Absolutely communication is important with your partner. If you cant talk about what you want then you are with the wrong partner. 😉😊

[@desertsunset8025]

I don't think she is promoting divorce or breaking up from a meaningful relationship .

[@heatherstocker4171]

Or you've been raised in a very conservative household.

[@MindyTunnell]

Absolutely not true.

[@AmanCreatesArt]

This makes the movie Challengers make even more sense! 🎾💜🎾💜🎾

[@gbengaogun]

What a talk! I just found my new hobby!

[@waldemarkrupa2744]

Sounds so good. Thanks

[@jamielancaster01]

My wife of 24 yrs play tennis everyday! We both love TENNIS but only together no doubles!

[@CurriedBat]

Ah, not a bad idea. Put it on the shelf with all the others that I'll never get around to doing. Hehe

[@pitonstrut]

Кира, спасибо за то, что смогли додавить Александра Александровича на интервью))

[@diverbrent]

Simply brilliant, thank you!!

[@ruthramsay_]

I'm glad you enjoyed it 🙂

[@darmazzy1]

Always has and is STILL my favorite hobby😉🔥💓

[@k6fgj]

What a fantastic idea 👍

[@ctwarmuth]

God bless you woman.

[@NightXof]

If people evolve constantly trying to do new things.... You dont need a new person, you renew yourself...

[@nun-chan9433]

Thank you Ramsay for your epic bliss story. I'm an intermediate English learner. I've first heard most comprehensible talk in TED talk. I would like to make this video my textbook. But when I'd encounter that 3 letters, my solo violent activity would come not to be stopped even if I'd grit my teeth. I hope these three letter would be changed into 'it' or 'debate' or better stuff.

[@christianmarquez3143]

This was great. Good stuff. I need to listen again so I can get better at tennis.

[@user-cq6uj9xs8q]

I really want ponroticacom hotsexmovies

[@user-cq6uj9xs8q]

This is my iñtrest request

[@emmasfather999]

Well done Ruth. Proud of you!

[@powerfuleric7398]

Thank you for this! Great job!

[@ruthramsay_]

Glad you enjoyed it, thank you for commenting.

[@LeonIneke]

Interesting...

[@nobsblend]

Ruth is fantastic, and we love this talk 👏

[@deepu0787]

It's Interesting actually.

[@TheCucabarra]

Wow hahaha this is exactly what my mom thought me when I was a teenager in the 2000’s. She thought me to see it as a hobby, like tennis! It was such a good lesson for me! ❤

[@ruthramsay_]

That's amazing that your Mom described it this way!

[@RustyKnorr]

It’s TAUGHT, not thought. Maybe she should have also taught you how to spell. 🤦‍♂️

[@adunknowng]

​@@RustyKnorrI tawt I taw a puddy tat

[@aaleksaacar]

This is for apsolute beginnerss ❤❤❤❤❤❤

[@earncryptoz]

I would have to watch this over and over again 😍😍😍 Thank you ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

[@ruthramsay_]

@earncryptoz so glad you like it! Thank you for commenting.

[@Indomitablespirit108]

A hobby and a Sport to be enjoyed! No guilt, no shame!

[@111Benzie]

STD's are free.

[@technov1king]

she just loves it, it shines all the way through her

[@passingby4547]

This... seriously helped me. I wanna be more active with my wife

[@sureshbolagani9041]

We don't educate ourselves... correct 💯...