REWRITING Star Wars Acolyte SEASON 1 & making it WATCHABLE

Рет қаралды 903

The Storytellers Guild

Күн бұрын

Пікірлер: 28

@TheStorytellersGuild1 3 ай бұрын

What did you think of my take on Star Wars Acolyte season 1? Part 2 is coming soon!

@oscarstainton 3 ай бұрын

This rewatch sounds much more logical, coherent, and better tied to Star Wars lore; and your reading voice is great to listen to. The Acolyte was apparently inspired in part by Akira Kurosawa's Rashomon, and Star Wars by The Hidden Fortress. Ultimately, I think this shows how you can have a great well of inspiration but the writer's discipline (or lackthereof) will either magnify or diminish what makes those details work.

@TheStorytellersGuild1 3 ай бұрын

Thanks for the compliments! Yeah, I think the show had some potential, but they just entirely lost the coherence. It felt a ton like a new writer

@joshuafrazier3904 3 ай бұрын

This rewrite is actually pretty good I say knowing I have no clue how the actual story goes. I do think Mae gets an absurd amount of plot armor but I don't really care. the plot armor at least makes sense considering all these people are actually good and have remorse for what they did.

@TheStorytellersGuild1 3 ай бұрын

Yeah, that’s actually fair, it’s a struggle trying to keep the same beats, but that’s definitely a fair criticism

@madisonsicca25 3 ай бұрын

Absolutely tremendous! Bravo! 👏😊 Looking forward to see part 2! I should start watching Andor, it has been on my list forever and I still haven’t seen it yet. :)

@TheStorytellersGuild1 3 ай бұрын

Yeah! I’m hoping to get it up soon, but we’ll see. Been super busy of late

@nuraorooji5994 3 ай бұрын

I really enjoyed this. It's actually a great exercise in storytelling. And made me realize that while the plot and storyline is not atrong in this show, the biggest problem is probably the sequencing. And more specifically, the time at which certain information was revealed. Just a few tweaks here and there vastly improves the story as a whole. I liked your rewrite and admire you for staying very true to the show and its own limitations. I probably would have got too caught up in trying to rearrange the entire timeline and improve backstories and eventually spiral into just retconning everything😂 so props to you. Also you had some really nice descriptive writing elements in there which makes me say I like your style.

@TheStorytellersGuild1 3 ай бұрын

Thank you so much!!! I have so much fun making these videos because it’s a great creative exercise and allows we to practice my writing skills and make up for some of the obnoxious conversations around it all

@TalhaAjaz-bd5hi 3 ай бұрын

I haven't watched or heard of acolyte before, but watching this rewrite was like watching the movie. :) thx

@TheStorytellersGuild1 3 ай бұрын

Thank you so much! It means a lot

@TalhaAjaz-bd5hi 3 ай бұрын

@@TheStorytellersGuild1 aight, I'm subbing to u know

@billmcdermott9647 3 ай бұрын

Very good so far

@TheStorytellersGuild1 3 ай бұрын

Thanks :)

@joshuafrazier3904 3 ай бұрын

In this new timeline Mae got so lucky in that opening fight. If she hadn't looked like Osha she would not have won or come even close to winning.

@TheStorytellersGuild1 3 ай бұрын

For sure, but that was better than her just beating the Jedi

@hehu4025 Ай бұрын

I will allow myself to copy my short rewrite that I made after a debate with friends. Episode 1: Prologue We debated whose perspective would be the best to start with. If it's Osha, it would slowly reveal the story's layers. If it's Sol, it would be like putting a bomb on the table from the start. But what if I use both? In the prologue, I want Sol to be a Padawan, along with his master and Jedi we’ve met, tracking down a dangerous group when they encounter the witches. The witches would be neutral and not looking for trouble, accepting Jedi's presence. Sol would become friends with Osha and Mae. The Jedi would continue their pursuit, and the girls might follow them or go elsewhere (doesn’t matter which). The group I want to use as the villains are the Nihil, who I’ve mentioned before. I want them to be responsible for the witches' deaths, using hyperspace on one of their ships on planet. Sol’s master would try to stop this but it would be too late and he would die in that ship. Osha and Mae must be separated. This could happen due to the ship's explosion or because Osha ran to Sol while Mae was scared. Their exact location isn't crucial. They search for Mae but can't find her and even believe she’s dead. The episode ends with Osha having no choice but to join Jedi, becoming Sol’s Padawan. Episode 2: Someone Killed Indara (Important: Indara and others Jedi would also have significant roles in the prologue, showing that they wanted to protect the witches, even realizing that following the Nihil into a trap put everyone at risk.) We begin with an adult Osha, now a mechanic-showing that she didn’t become a Jedi. Then Yord arrives and wants to arrest her, claiming she killed Indara. Osha is friendly towards Yord, but when she understands she’s being arrested for something she didn’t do, she shows frustration and aggression but ultimately agrees, albeit reluctantly, to go with Yord. (This shows the friendship between Yord and Osha.) When Osha learns about the prisoners' escape, she takes an active role and escapes herself. When she has to choose between saving someone else’s life or her own, she chooses herself and escapes in the last escape pod. (I want to make her a bit of an antihero and show her obvious flaws.) At the end, Osha has a vision of Mae, where Mae tells her she killed Indara. Meanwhile, we see Sol learning about everything. These scenes are well-done, and I liked his faith in Osha, so I won’t change them. I’d add a foundation for Jeckie’s development, showing her moderate curiosity about Osha. The episode ends with a confrontation between Sol and Osha. Osha tells Sol that Mae is alive. Episode 3: Hello, Torbin Our group returns to Coruscant but learns that someone who looks like Osha is in another location. Master Sol immediately decides to go there, knowing the assassin’s target might be Torbin. We could add a scene where Sol and Osha argue, with Yord wanting to follow the rules, prioritizing them over their friendship. Jeckie would calm them/situation down and later, in a quiet moment, wants to learn more about Osha. Important note: Osha wanted to be a Jedi, tried hard, and considered Master Sol her only family. Now she feels her sister is still alive. When they arrive, they find Torbin dead. I don’t like his death, so I’d change it to a murder. Seeing all this, Yord suggests Osha disguise herself as Mae to confront Qimir for confirmation. The scene with Qimir is okay. I wouldn’t reveal his dark side so obviously; let him remain the drunken apothecary/fool. The episode ends with a chase after Mae, where she escapes, and Osha (and we) sees her sister for the first time in years. Episode 4: Wookiee Jedi Does Something We start with Mae, and it’s crucial to emphasize her initial motivations. She’s shocked to see her sister alive but ignores this fact for her goals-killing Jedi for revenge. I want to highlight that by ignoring her attachment to her sister, she’s under the influence of an obsession she can’t control. Mae goes after the Wookiee alone; even Qimir says he doesn’t want to confront an angry Wookiee and that he’s afraid. In the next scene, we see a small council meeting discussing what to do with the Jedi killer. The Jedi want to plan and prepare extensively, but Sol isn’t a fan of this idea because he knows who the next target will be-either him or Kelnacca. Meanwhile, Osha trains with Jeckie, and they exchange experiences about Master Sol. Yord might challenge Osha to a duel, further emphasizing their bond. Osha learns about the Jedi’s plans and passivity and becomes enraged. She forces Sol and the group to start an early search because she wants to find her sister. Then we cut to Mae, who arrives on the planet. She feels something watching her but reaches Kelnacca first, leading to a fight. Despite her efforts, Mae loses and is captured. Episode 5: Calm Before the Storm We start with Sol who is clearly nervous. (This needs to be shown earlier but emphasized at this moment.) Jeckie would try to find out what’s wrong, but Sol would respond that nothing’s bothering him, that he’s just worried about Kelnacca. Important: Osha would tell Jeckie that her presence is affecting Sol’s behavior. Osha believes that her presence is harmful to him because it reminds him of his master’s death. She would explain that this is why she left the Order-out of love and concern for Sol. The group finally arrives at the location and begins searching for Kelnacca. Next, we have a scene where Mae tries to escape from Kelnacca but fails. Kelnacca tries to talk to Mae and understand her goal, but at that moment, he senses someone behind him and is severely wounded by a lightsaber. Meanwhile, Mae manages to escape. In the end, we have an epic battle between Kelnacca and Qimir, in which the Wookiee ultimately loses. (I also want to emphasize that Qimir expresses his disdain for Mae, saying she has failed and doesn’t deserve to be his apprentice-or to live.) (Part two below)

@hehu4025 Ай бұрын

Part 2 Episode 6: Time for Slaughter We start with Kelnacca letting out his final roar, which the group hears. Osha senses Mae and immediately runs in that direction, followed by the rest of the Jedi. (Sorry, Bazil, but we don’t need a tracker if we have the Force.) This leads to the moment where Mae and Osha find themselves between Qimir and the Jedi. Qimir demands Mae be handed over and offers a peaceful resolution. Osha refuses, and the rest of group remain silent, which could be seen as agreement. Qimir immediately attacks and kills them all, just as in the show. The episode ends with Qimir kidnapping the unconscious and wounded Osha, leaving Mae with Sol. (Sol knows that Mae is with him.) Episode 7: Corruption and Mae join good side Everyone is dead, and Osha has been kidnapped. This deeply affects Sol, who is devastated but still tries to care for Mae. Meanwhile, Mae goes through a identity crisis. Her master betrayed her, and now the person she hated and wanted to kill is helping her. Mae feels lost. I would still put in a scene where she potentially tries to kill Sol but she is conflicted so Sol quickly disarms her. Her obsession weakens under the influence of change. ( Edit: After some further thought, this could be played out even better by shifting her obsession to focus on Qimir and her feelings of abandonment and betrayal, which could ultimately lead to next desire for revenge. In the other case, it wouldn’t be an obsessive personality but rather a mania for justice through causing harm, which could be more easily redirected by a different motivation.) At the same time, Qimir starts to tempt Osha. She struggles with her anger and tries to kill him, but is immediately defeated. Qimir manipulates her, asking if she doesn’t want to know why Mae wanted to kill those particular Jedi. Osha answers that the Nihil were responsible, to which Qimir only smiles and calls her naive. He tells her that the Jedi were involved because of the Nihil-for example, Jedi let them escape to protect someone from the Republic or gave up the chase because they didn’t care about the Outer Rim. In short, Qimir wants to say that Jedi failed, and the death of her family is their fault, which is why Mae joined him. This alone throws Osha into an identity crisis, and she agrees to join Qimir but vows that if he’s lying, she’ll cut off his head. We can have small timejump Sol is hiding Mae from the Jedi to gain her trust, but Vernestra senses that Sol is hiding something and asks him directly if he has Mae with him. Sol tells the truth, but Vernestra allows him to keep it a secret that she’s on Coruscant with him, though she warns him about what he’s planning. Meanwhile, Osha, under manipulation, begins training as Qimir’s apprentice. Qimir tells her he will show her the truth, and she’ll see her sister when she’s ready. Osha believes she can control her dark side and is determined to do so. The episode ends with Qimir giving her a crystal, and during meditation, she has a vision where Mae kills Sol. This causes the crystal to bleed, and she ignites her new red blade. Episode 8: Sol, What Have You Done? Sol decides to return with Mae to their home planet, knowing that if there’s a way to find Osha, it’s here-on a place connected to her. The relationship between Mae and Sol has improved; Sol treats her like a daughter, though Mae still keeps some distance. Sol begins to meditate and asks Mae to do the same, focusing on her sister. At some point, they see a ship, and Mae senses that it’s her sister. Here’s the twist-Osha and Qimir wanted to find Mae in the same way, using their bond and home planet. This leads to a fight between Sol and Qimir, while Osha and Mae talk, and Osha gets confirmation. Sol defeats Qimir, but Osha stops him and wants to know what happened from his perspective. Sol tells her everything, confirming what Mae said, and adds something else-Osha’s desire to become a Jedi was a result of memory wiping. The Jedi did it for her own good because she had no one, but there were conditions for accepting her. Sol didn’t want to do it but was forced to because of Osha’s trauma and anger. However, the memory wiping failed, didn’t "heal" her completely or didn't change who she was as a person. (From Jedi perspective, it was help, healing traumatized child and help her to become a Jedi; from Osha's perspective, it was indoctrination and forceful interference in what she was like and of course betrayal.) In a fit of rage, Osha kills him by stabing him in the heart. She cries, realizing her whole life has been a lie. In the end, Qimir tries to kill Mae, but Osha begs him to leave her. Qimir sees his opportunity and wants to wipe Mae’s memory. Osha, completely broken, agrees. Mae doesn’t want this; she’s ready to die for her sister, but no one cares about her opinion. (Mae can also try to fight Qimir if her main motivation was revenge instead of love, but she will lose and the situation will be identical. In my opinion this option is much better doesn't even change her obsessive personality, just uses it for a good plot - I totally didn't use Azula and Zuko.) The Jedi reach Mae and recognize the mysterious dark Jedi as a great danger, reporting it to the High Council. Osha is potentially presumed dead. The episode ends with Qmir and Osha returning to an unknown planet. When Qimir calls Osha, we as viewers see the change in her eyes for the first time. (So if the director wanted to use KOTOR or Old Republic as her inspiration then this was the right way to go. It took us just 5-6 hours with a sabotaging neighbor It's not perfect and not finished but it's much better) In this way, I: Placed the metaphorical bomb on the table while simultaneously hiding the real bomb in the context of Osha. Plus, I let her lead the story - be the main character. Provided a genuine and strong reason to sympathize with Mae. I destroyed her flip flopping and caused the decision to be made for her but her reactions and adaptation are important. Gave Yord a small but ok storyline-friendship or principles. Added more mystery to Qimir, setting up his character for a significant but gradual development. Made adjustments to Master Sol’s character so that his behavior makes sense, and emphasized the emotional moments. Gave Jeckie good and even important roles in the first half of the story. However, here this character aspires to be something more, but there are problems in using it. (To emphasize Osha, you could also make a sisterly or romantic plot with them but this is a big risk for so few episodes. The best choice would be a strong friendship based on trust for the sake of the master.)

@k338914 3 ай бұрын

"Could've just left it to the fans, they'll fare notably better than you showrunnners."

@TheStorytellersGuild1 3 ай бұрын

Who said that?

@k338914 3 ай бұрын

It's just a collective summary for the majority of reactions to Acolyte I've seen within my circle so far, not the exact declaration from a particular someone. As in the most frequent opinion being: even fan creations utilize more coherent scenarios and scripts than this show. And here we are, with an actually competent rewriting attempt to the objective better, which we need but don't deserve. (I've seen a similar case with the final season of Game of Thrones, where people also proposed more logical script variants with minimal changes to the original setup, but even then there wasn't as strong leap in the story quality as in Acolyte's case.)