Rewriting The Acolyte... So It's Actually Good

[@paulzan2246]

Something as simple as giving the characters clear and consistent motivations the whole way through this show (or in this case movie), does so much to improve the story.

[@marhawkman303]

or just,..,. explaining WHAT their motives are!!! This show left out that part... you see people do things... but have little clue as to why.

[@marcelinovazquez5128]

It's nice to see someone do a rewrite that doesn't dismiss what the writers were originally trying to intend to convey. So many people for countless projects would just do away with everything because it wasn't what they wanted. And I'm guilty of it to whenever I do my personal rewrites. So it's refreshing to see you try to fix great concepts that had horrible execution while retaining the essence of what was originally set out

[@marhawkman303]

see, I agree it had interesting ideas. that's why I've been doing a series on it. But in mine I'm looking at it from a TTRPG PoV, so I'm breaking it apart and looking at how things could be re-used for your story that you make. Osha/Mae... neat idea honestly. IF you go all in and actually have the two of them ACT like they aren't regular twins. they're best if you write them as a yin-yang, they can't ever truly agree... because they're the good and bad sides of the same personality.

[@RedCaio]

I do agree that making Osha more active and unstable early on is a cool idea

[@marhawkman303]

Yeah, I suspect it was a result fo the repeated re-writes, Osha's not written as a protagonist she's just a spectator. But I think this was to shoe horn other things in.

[@Captain_Griff]

Not gonna lie, you make for a good writer, good content as usual

[@thegoldman25]

I appreciate that, it’s my dream one day. Thanks!

[@eyebinyerkinoff4545]

Yeah, monday morning quarterbacks are the best, no? It's easy to criticize and "rewrite" someone else's work from your keyboard.

[@Infamous1892]

​@@eyebinyerkinoff4545damn right boy! 🔥 🔥 🔥

[@marhawkman303]

@@thegoldman25 Yeah loved your take on this, I'm still working through mine... had a LOT of thoughts, mine are not as brief or succinct in my vids.

[@petermorrison1487]

@@eyebinyerkinoff4545 i agree whole heartedly

[@mrreyes5004]

Gotta be honest, kudos to you for putting in sincere effort to rewrite the overall story. Because, really, most people _including myself_ would've completely gotten rid of certain elements (I.e., replacing the twins with a different central character, switching the genre from murder mystery) or entirely started from scratch with only keeping the vague time period of "a hundred years before the Prequels". I honestly still wouldn't have chosen this route myself, but I got to respect that you could apparently see potential where I clearly couldn't. Keep up the creative content, sir!

[@xavikortekaas9174]

My biggest problem with this show was that the motivation of every character was so vague/unclear. Sol wanted a padawan and therefore pushed the idea to take the twins. That is a very good motivation, but it is like Disney didn't want to make him unlikable so they toned his desire down. I also didn't like that Osha and May were special. What I think would have been better is if the jedi on Brendok lied to them about them being special. It makes the jedi look worse and makes Osha's murder of Sol more understandable. May should have also gotten a smaller arc that showed that the dark side isn't the way to go, even if the jedi are bad too.

[@marhawkman303]

Well the story telling suffered from two HUGE problems: 1: writing by committee 2: multiple rewrites AFTER filming started There's a lot of things I can see in it where it's obvious they had an IDEA but... barely used their own idea... at least as finished. Really curious what all that B-roll footage was.,

[@barrybend7189]

You could make them special without the force birth angle. Especially if you Know Kotor 2. They could have been survivors picked up by the force sensitive witches from a old sith force weapon( the force draining one in Star Wars Clone Wars tank game) or lived in an area of high dark side abominations. Their special nature could be a direct bond allowing one to if trained in it see what the other is doing. Sol could have been the tragic death at the end sacrificing himself to stop the dark side accolyte( we are completely going away from the Sith so not even a Plagus cameo is allowed) from killing to twins. I would however have for a season 2 twist teaser have one of the witches be revealed to train Qumir. Overall I'd focus on the search for the twins by having Osha be on her own after personally leaving the Order to look for Mae. The Jedi after encountering the Acolyte defeating Jedi using methods similar to the Brendok witches would at first look for Osha because of her knowledge. This would make the first twist in the mystery as Mae is suspected to be alive but is the Acolyte. The Jedi would also be individuallized by specialization and fighting style. With one at least using a proto saber( an unstable Green lightsaber called Epion if you get the reference thank you) and someone who uses a phryk alloy vibroblade. The budget would be stretched to make 16 episodes and more emphasis on the characters than whatever Lucasfilm would do. I'd even have non force sensitives be a part of the main cast to balance out the group but with wildly different backgrounds. Mae would be lost to the dark side as her own story arc as time goes on but the twins are part of the mystery as much as Qumir.

[@Npence09]

I do like the idea brought up by another KZbinr about the Indra fight. Basically he brought up that during the open scene we should of seen Mai’s blades deactivating Indras lightsaber after she threw the blade and it was blocked and that allows the opening for the second blade to kill Indra and it sets up the mystery at the beginning with the cortosis blades. Something the Jedi have never seen in this lifetime

[@marhawkman303]

Yeah, this is apparently before Cortosis is properly "discovered" later on a war gets fought over it, but that's much later. And having Mae use Cortosis would introduce it as a plot device before having Qimir kill Jedi with it. Which was one of the big flaws in that scene... it introduced a new major mcguffin.... mid-duel.

[@islandbender]

Thank you for recognizing that improving a story is better than just rage baiting. Many Star Wars fans can be toxic and your channel is a breath of fresh air. I think your movie rewrite would be a banger!

[@jackdimmock4480]

One of my friends and I debated how good Acolyte was. She said it was good I talked about how Osha had no agency, afterwards I watched an analysis video of the originals and I noticed he mentioned Kenobi trying to convince Luke to leave with him but didn't push it. Luke decides with conviction to leave when his aunt and uncle die. Sol presses Osha and she says fine. That was it. I suppose they were trying to say Sol isn't as good a jedi as Kenobi, but at the cost of the protagonists agency.

[@thegoldman25]

Wow, great analysis. I loved that point

[@BigDungeonEnergy1]

I don't understand what people mean when they say Osha had no agency. She took plenty of active decisions that showed us her character and motivations, and which pushed the plot forward. Episode 1: • Osha chooses to save the life of the criminal before going into the escape pod (it's a "save the cat" moment to establish she's a kind person). This directly results in her being stranded on the ice planet, and in her prolonged unconsciousness communing with Mae through the Force for the first time. Episode 2: • Osha decides to disobey Sol's instructions to stay out of sight, and instead reveals herself to Mae. This revelation causes Mae to betray The Stranger in Episode 4. • Also, Osha decides to shoot Mae, indicating that part of her motivation is her inability to forgive when she is wronged. This character trait of her inability to forgive has direct consequences in Episodes 5 (affecting Mae) and 8 (affecting Sol). Episode 3: • Child Osha opts to reveal herself to the Jedi at the ceremony rather than remain hidden. This revelation enflames tensions as the witches are caught in a lie. • She also chooses to disobey both Mae and Mother Aniseya and take the Force test honestly. • She finally chooses to leave her community and go with the Jedi (before the fire). Episode 5: • Osha convinces Yord to return to the battle against The Stranger, and even devises a way to defeat The Stranger by using Pip's bright lights to attract the umbramoths. • This choice leads to Yord's death, but it also ends the battle against The Stranger. • Osha again refuses to forgive Mae and tries to arrest her. This leads to Osha's defeat, and forces Mae to change her immediate plans and impersonate Osha. Episode 6: • Osha chooses to wear the cortosis helmet and experience sensory deprivation like Qimir does. This leads to her having a premonition of Sol dying on Brendok at Mae's hand, which spurs her and Qimir to leave together. Episode 8: • After finally learning the truth that Sol lied to her for years and was responsible for Mother Aniseya's death, Osha chooses to commit murder.

[@jackdimmock4480]

@grifonecoronato I get what your saying and my friend said the same, but non of Osha's decisions affected the story.

[@BigDungeonEnergy1]

@@jackdimmock4480 Care to elaborate? I presented a full list of how each of her decisions either revealed her character, or had consequences later in the story.

[@jackdimmock4480]

@grifonecoronato Aside from killing Sol, if you feel that what you listed is agency not being told what to do, failure to enforce her agency and Mae's agency over Osha. Then I don't think I can convince you.

[@RisingStarFalls]

I came back to your video after the hearing the announcement that the The Acolyte was cancelled/not renewed. What I love and enjoy about this video is how you offered GENUINE constructive criticism and feedback, and what could have been done/changed to make the series better. I feel like this is a lost art/talent Yes, The Acolyte didn’t have the best writing, dialogue, pacing, etc (and this is coming from someone who isn’t a Star Wars fan), but it still had a lot of potential and room to grow. The “fans” should have done what you did with this video and pushed for Leslye and her writing team to make improvements so the show could thrive. I truly believe a lot of the fandom wanted this series to fail long before they watched the entire season. The problem with some of these franchises that were prevalent in people’s childhoods is the inability to let go of the nostalgia aspect and open their minds to new stories/creative directions. Don't get me wrong, nostalgia isn’t inherently a bad thing, but I feel like it causes shortsightedness and bias. Every show/movie that comes after The Acolyte isn’t going to be like the Star Wars you grew up with. You don’t have to like it; that’s your right. But some people just overreact too much.

[@toxicplagster6429]

Been waiting for this ever since the review!

[@thegoldman25]

Enjoy!

[@samuelwallace2782]

​@thegoldman25 Your rewrite is great because it addresses some of the biggest flaws of the series. Things like pacing, illogical time and spacing, lack of character motivations to drive choices, and the biggest issue, which is that the plot drives character actions instead of actions driving the plot.

[@ryanwright1224]

Rewrites done in good spirit and to keep the general story beats intact are a much better exercise than just throwing everything out. Writing is hard, and everyone has an opinion on what’ll make a story “better.” This is a well thought out rewrite, well done.

[@marhawkman303]

Well, that's the fun part... my re-write of the Ep 5 fight scene is to actually USE the --- Cortosis in the fight! A block/counter in a lightsaber fight would be deadly, but he never does it... it's just bizarrely paced.

[@andrewlim9345]

Thanks for sharing your ideas for the rewrite. I like how you gave Osha more agency and brought the flashback scenes to the front. It sounds good but I think the TV episode format would be better. Maybe 5-6 episodes? I didn't like the peeping Sidious idea and the Mae mind wipe plot ending.

[@gcolson3388]

I like the fact you leave out the trap Mae sets for Qimir . I thought that was the lowest, especially when he dashes to her side, after she screams in the forest.

[@hazardousmaterials1284]

Excellent rewrite! It really shows how the idea of The Acolyte could have been a good, entertaining story, but it was just mishandled too badly. I thought of another, extremely minor rewrite that could have helped the story too - the character of Vernestra. In the show, she always is played as underhanded and scheming, looking out for her own bureaucratic interests. So after the show’s climax, when she throws Sol under the bus, it’s entirely expected and boringly predictable. “Oh look! Sketchy green lady is doing something sketchy!” If Vernestra had been portrayed as compassionate (like her comic book version) and a genuine friend of Sol, then her betrayal of his memory at the end would have been far more impactful and enhanced the tragedy of the story as a whole.

[@marhawkman303]

Yeah, that's true. Wasn't familiar with the character due to not having read that book, but it does make a lot of sense the way you explained it. hmm..... She's very "cardboard" bad guy... and has no visible motives other than political sh----

[@georgecostan3248]

I think they focused A LOT of Easter eggs, the lore and the cliffhanger for a second season. As Qui Gon Jinn said, the writers should have “kept their concentration here and now, where it belongs.”

[@littleseaturtle]

i haven't watched the acolyte so i went into this video totally blind. that said, your version was so good that i wish this was just a series summary and not a rewrite 😭 i was thoroughly invested until the last second and feel like i've learned a bit about good storytelling. thank you for posting!!

[@thegoldman25]

I’m glad you liked it! Thank you for watching

[@Veryy_Victoriaa]

Good rewrite. I’ve listened to rewrites that completely erase characters so thanks for sticking to the main skeleton of the plot including all the characters.

[@marhawkman303]

Oh in this show? rewriting it to IMPROVE usage of the characters it HAS is a massive improvement!

[@HighHeelKnight]

That was pretty good. The was one plot beat that I was confused about in your rewrite, I can let it go. It's probably one of those things that seems awkward on paper but fine when the production is completed. Your story felt much better than Headland's series, and that's the most important thing.

[@marhawkman303]

oh? please do tell, now I'm curious. :D

[@sehvlo0254]

Someone give this man a directors contract. Cause he just rewrote a BLOCKBUSTER

[@MatthewCaunsfield]

Good expansion of your ideas from the other video 👍

[@4984christian]

Also where is the Star Warsy "Nooooooo" moment when Sol finds out that his new Padawan died??

[@TheFancastFanatic]

I literally cut this as a movie w all the changes you’ve said. I put the Jedi pov flashback as the start, then did a 16 years later title, then went straight into the Jedi arriving on Oshas ship (I cut the fire in space and went straight to them docking on the ship). Everything else I sort of speed ran thru (especially them looking for Kilnaka and Mae hiding on Sols ship) I think it’s a lot better, but Mae and Osha’s motivations still feel like heel turns by the end

[@TheFancastFanatic]

I even cut those young Mae visions on the snow planet and the Ndara fight 😂 this is crazy, the further i get in your vid the more I feel validated for making the same exact changes

[@Karshall-]

​@@TheFancastFanaticis there any way to watch this? Because that sounds great. The Obi-Wan Kenobi movie cut got a lot of attention on KZbin.

[@TheFancastFanatic]

@@Karshall- I keep replying here but the comment gets deleted (I think bc I added a Google Drive link) so I’m gonna try and cheat the system by spacing out the url. drive.google. com/drive/folders/1xLolPjSCyiTckjhrLi-tRK8ZIDH1IFp_ I just put a space after google.-com so you should be able to copy paste it and delete that space to search it. (sorry it’s so complicated)

[@TheFancastFanatic]

@@Karshall-if you feel comfortable sharing your email I can send you the Google Drive link (unfortunately it’s only 360p bc it was too large a file to share at 1080p) also youtube keeps deleting my comment so hopefully this one stays 😂 I think they think I’m a bot when I add the link directly here

[@RedCaio]

I'm not sure why so many people 1) think the Jedi in Acolyte are worse than in the PT. it's pretty consistent. and 2) think Osha turning dark was portrayed as good. it defo wasn't. they practicallty spell it out, turning the saber red immediately to say "see kids? murder is bad" lol

[@ivysalen]

I think it's because Jedi were portrayed as cops when they're peaceful monks. Sure, they help keep the peace, but that's mostly negotiation and mediation, not arresting people. While they do arrest some people it isn't their primary reaction to anything going wrong like The Acolyte seemed to think. The Jedi were also portrayed as Christians when their culture is based on several Eastern cultures, which is probably why so many people misunderstand them and think Jedi don't let themselves have emotions or love, or that they 'repress themselves'. Jedi are encouraged to love, to be compassionate. They certainly don't try to stifle their emotions, only to control fear and hatred that can lead to bad decisions (the Dark Side is like a parasite on the Force in its natural state of balance, of light).

[@marhawkman303]

@@ivysalen Yeah Jedi try to live positive emotions, not avoid all emotions.

[@yukikid2195]

If you were to pluck me, I would’ve kept everything the same. But actually make osha a character who decides things.

[@LouieBaLLz]

These youtubers are to emotionally invested in these shows. It isn't that serious. Just enjoy them for the fantasy that they are.

[@TheGreatestJediOfAllTime]

@@LouieBaLLz”ur dur don’t think just CONSOOOOOM and have no standards ur dur!”

[@georgepeppe987]

@@LouieBaLLzsheep

[@yukikid2195]

@@LouieBaLLzthere’s a big difference between just criticizing and critiquing/ tweaking. Some people who just say things like “I hate this” without being able to articulate why. Vs someone like this man who has a love for the property and wants to see it live up to its potential. To grow with its audience and not stay stagnant or listen to the masses.

[@Jimmy-ju6ff]

​@@LouieBaLLzA cinema youtuber reviewing and critiquing cinema... Can you imagine

[@Bienza]

*reads the title- *"Is it possible to Learn this Power?"*

[@user-ef7kt5sf6o]

Excited for this video, personally all I would do is change the structure and perspective. A lot of the problems are to do with how we receive information like you said in your last video. Also leaks from a year ago say that the flashbacks were actually the start of the series, multiple leaks too so it’s not just one person.

[@thegoldman25]

Enjoy!

[@marhawkman303]

yeah, starting there would have made more sense narratively. But they decided to shove a critical plot point into a mystery box it would never escape from.

[@ShawnMichaels232]

Solid rewrite, my guy. Good work. This would have been a much better narrative overall.

[@SkittleBombs]

I live in your re-write you use the original themes and arc but just make it well written so the execution is done properly

[@juanmd26121]

Yeah I mean, the premise of the show is actually interesting the just made so many mistakes. And yes, this is defs better. But I would have enphazise that the 4 jedi killing the witches was an imposition that gout out of hand. This would then tie with the regret they feel years later. Also, I would be refer Mae not leaving aside her quest, and that the reveal of Sol killing her mother should be when she is on the verge of being killed by Sol who is trying to protect his padawan. Drama on why lie, her anger goes out of control and everything shakes, it’s her darkside, she picks up the saber and cracks it a bit with her dark force, her we see the scene of the crystal cracking little by little until the red saber comes off. She doesn’t notice it as she us just hating on sol. He us trying to explain snd that’s she lifts him and chokes him, her padawan comes and tries to save him but Osha fights her, dropping Sol, as Sol tried to save the padawan again, quimir interrupts and fights the padawab while she fights Sol with the red saber, Sol get distracted as his padawan is being bested by quimir and that’s when bam, we see the red saber of enetrating Sol’s body (this stab does kill). Quimir, Osha and Mae go away together. No one knows exactly what happened and the Jedi counsel investigates, soecially the green lady. Season 2 shows the trio looking for revenge for their family, looking to fight the green lady. The end

[@spence8507]

Great video. The characters are much more consistent, and the weight to everything is much better. One nitpick I have tho is that the green jedi still covers up the murders and I don't really think that fits with the view of the jedi in this rewrite. Overall though I really like this rewrite and prefer it greatly over the original show.

[@marhawkman303]

Yeah, the cover-up.... why is she doing a cover-up for the deaths of Kelnacca, Indara and Torbin at all?

[@miciahderosa9810]

Such a great Job! Love it!

[@Bignis805]

The fire was started by Mae on purpose idk why people think that it showed something other than that

[@marhawkman303]

Mae intended to burn the book... the building? no.

[@Bignis805]

@@marhawkman303 she burned the book on purpose not thinking it through. It still makes the whole thing her fault and she did it on purpose. She would still go to jail if it was our world. I know because I have a friend who was a child arsonist on accident and because so much burned and he ran instead of trying to get help he went to juvee

[@marhawkman303]

@@Bignis805 Oh yeah, Personally I saw something you missed though. This is a building with electrical lights... and the writers.... added this one sole solitary non-electric light... just so Mae could burn the book. Hunh? did Mae drag it into the hall just so she could use it to burn the book? that's another level of premeditation. That not using an opportunity, but creating one. Even so... she didn't WANT to light the building on fire..... but... yeah.... malicious behavior mixed with an accident.

[@Bignis805]

@@marhawkman303 the whole thing was the therapy session for Leslie and her unresolved Daddy issues.

[@Bignis805]

@@marhawkman303 if you watch Star Wars theory’s breakdown of her most recent interview you’ll see how deluded the whole concept of the show was. It’s called sol is sexist now?

[@Falling_Embers]

I thought your re-write was fantastic! It created an actual mystery that the show was advertised as, and it really developed the characters far more than the actual show.

[@sadpanda1775]

"I don't think it was the worst TV I've ever seen." ~The Gold Man That should be one of the testimonial quotes they use on the blu-ray box.

[@Teethmafia]

I recently watched the blackened mantle cut of revenge of the sith. I feel like you could implement a lot of these changes through a similar styled editing project. Edit: after watching the first episode of the acolyte… I see that project would have their work cut out for them.

[@mreszotnik]

Great rewrite. I agree with your primary diagnosis - there was not enough mystery, and the audience knew too much - much more than the characters. Personalny I would have focused the story on a detective figure - for examples Yord - and make the detective untangle the mysteries of murdered Jedi. Osha would be the primary suspect initially, and Yord would have to struggle with his beliefs as he keeps discovering the details of what happened on Brendok. Also, by then and Osha would have turned but Yord would have remained just and righteous, wanting Sol to confess his crimes to the council. Whether he and Sol would survive Osha's Rage and Qimir's cunning is still something I am split on.

[@marhawkman303]

Yeah, the key issue I found with the plot is that... most of the characters are treated by the writer as disposable. :/ There's only a tiny number of major characters, and everyone else is just fluff. I actually don't overall like your take, but it's still better than the actual show. What do I disagree on? Presenting the death of the mother as a crime. What happened on Brendok was a tragedy, but arguably hiding it was worse than revealing it. So... having it as Sol's dark secret... works.. but doesn't really work as a true crime... just a monumental failure.

[@killianadams4779]

I was waiting for you to make this video. You already covered some aspects that made it better, but a total re-write is great! Edit: could you somehow cut the episodes the way you were describing in another video? that would be cool

[@AxolotlPokemon]

Love your rewrites, you should make more!

[@cuoy13]

You did your big thing with this. You were able to take shit and turn it into sunshine.

[@its.avalinh]

Nice vid!!

[@CamilleDuciel-ew4fe]

Very good rewrited scenario

[@soundblaster3852]

Way easier to follow good rewrite.

[@thegoldman25]

Glad you think so!

[@marhawkman303]

@@thegoldman25 Yeah liked your take much better. if you care to check out mine... I'm... 4 videos in to what will probably be at least 8. Why? methodically dissecting it.

[@blu_j_1977]

The idea for “Force-kwon-do” is pretty cool, as long as it was meant to mimic 70’s kung fu flicks

[@sethwing1725]

your rewrite is way better than what Disney made. assuming they put the same effort on the budget in the writing. i would change it a bit turn out Sol saved the wrong kid.. it a was osha. the MEi personality is the representation of the light...Darth whatever (smiloren) realized that she is torn so he committed these crimes so that osha can kill Sol and her "sister" at the end.

[@harrisonchr]

While I haven't watched the Acolyte, due to not having Disney Plus, but based on what I heard as problems with the series, this rewrite seems so much better. It seems to keep the strong female leads, but ones that are flawed. Great work.

[@charishackman6678]

Can you do a video of what the second part of The Acolyte could been?

[@jerstriker]

I never watched the original show, but I can say that this is an intriguing story you created that would be much better received. I actually think an episodic format could work with these ideas. One thing that I would suggest is that when Aniseya starts to transform, it gives Sol a legitimate reason to believe he is in danger, and so killing her seems less like "murder" and more like self-preservation. I don't think he should outright murder her, but I do think it needs to be thought out slightly more so it doesn't feel like my reaction to Osha hearing that Sol killed Aniseya is: yes, but he was perhaps justified by doing so.

[@cjbricks422]

I agree that this story works much better as a movie. I wish Star Wars was still making movies post pandemic, kind of like marvel. Marvel made shows during the start of the pandemic but very quickly returned to the big screen. Five years later, Star Wars is still exclusively making Disney plus original shows and it’s so weird.

[@RedCaio]

9:56 pretty sure the OT had the rumble sound effect for the Force too.

[@jvgreendarmok]

Definitely. It was established enough in ANH that on rewatches we were able to notice it when Obi-wan says "He's not dead... not yet anyway", indicating he was using the Force to predict his upcoming demise.

[@gcolson3388]

I didn't like Qimir mind-wiping Mae and just dumping her. I would be over the moon if he had taken them both. If there was only room for two in his ship, they could have another ship come in on remote control and Mae leaves in it. And if Qimir is truly in love with Osha, she could use that to her advantage. She could say: " I will be with you, but Mae comes too." His love may make him swallow his pride and sense of betrayal.

[@hrguerra]

Whoa. I've seen many videos attempting to critique The Acolyte and you're the first to point out the most fundamental issue with Osha: she's a character who is a passenger of her own story. I've rarely seen a main character with less agency.

[@luffytaro14]

100% agree that this should have been a straight up movie. The whole movie sliced into 8 pieces thing always seems to feels disjointed

[@kdusel1991]

I think it should've been more than 8 episodes. That format worked well for Andor.

[@joeldantes-castillo8463]

Rewrite = Approved

[@iconpoet]

Why would the witches agree to let the kids be tested if they were gonna tell them to lie? I'd have them Say no to the test, but have Osha overhear this, then sneak out to be tested. That would be a better catalyst for the moral dilemma to me. I do like the idea of having the Jedi finding out how hard it is to gain an older child, but it seems to me that they would've learned this a longer time ago than 100 years.

[@marhawkman303]

I suspect that the reality is that.... the age thing is only applicable to people not naturally attuned. IE... some have a problem, some don't. As we see in the OT, Luke is able to learn even though he was a grown man when he started.

[@iconpoet]

@@marhawkman303 I can see that.

[@anubhavdassarma7230]

Honestly, great rewrite. I feel like the flashbacks should be kept as it is. The common part of both PoVs could be the prologue, while the different PoVs can be sprinkled throughout the film as flashbacks.

[@marhawkman303]

Yeah that's my thing.... why have dedicated flashback EPISODES? If you wanna reveal things a piece at a time... SHOW them a piece at a time. Invoke the "unreliable narrator" and give us a summary in dialog of the other parts.... then show them in full later.

[@anubhavdassarma7230]

@@marhawkman303 this was definitely a movie, cut into a show. No wonder episode runtimes are short, and there are freaking flashback episodes. There was a lot of bullcrap that could have been cut, to make this into a 2.5 hr crisp SW spinoff film. Plus improving some stuff here and there, and this would be a banger of a film. It'd earn so much. But Kennedy and co. are so close minded that they will not see the opportunities.

[@marhawkman303]

@@anubhavdassarma7230 yeah it'd flow better like that... I still think the core story was fundamentally flawed, but it'd at least be more watchable.

[@curtis.e_flush]

The main problem with modern SW is execution. The ideas could work, the stories could be great but for whatever reason logical exposition takes a back seat to agenda. Its a good rewrite and I hope somebody will edit the series and put it out there for people to see.

[@ateddybear1392]

I think you made it better, it was definitely interesting! I might’ve changed the end a little bit. Say Osha is becoming so enraged while fighting Mae, tapping into the dark side over her “lies”, and begins beating her horribly. So much so that Sol feels he has to intervene, he can’t let Osha become a murderer. So he stops her, and as Osha yells about Mae lying, Sol confesses what happened (though I think he was fairly justified). In this moment Qimir stabs Sol with his lightsaber, going on like “you see? This is what the Jedi are..” and then Osha finishes him off, putting the blame onto him for what he did, and withholding the truth that led to her doing what she did to Mae

[@PhoutianPhill]

They should've also had the jedi in armor or battle clothes then explain how the order came to wear common robes that not everyone in the galaxy would always recognize.

[@aksula-1]

This is pretty good actually! Just take out the space fire, make it take place indoors instead, and also have their home be set in wood not stone so that way Meis fire is more believable, and boom. A pretty decent High Republic movie 👌

[@MichaRoded]

Great job. I also enjoy fixing disappointing Star Wars movies and shows while retaining the ideas of the original. But The Acolyte has really stumped me. Usually when I look at something like the Prequels, Sequels, The Book of Boba Fett or Ahsoka, it's not difficult for me to see they good story just under the surface, but in the Acolyte's case it seems more difficult. So I really appreciate what you did here. The show does have some potentially good ideas. I liked what you did by turning Sol's guilt and attempt to cover up his sin the main thread of the story. It aligns things nicely. Trying to Keep Mae a mystery is more difficult. Some thoughts: - I thing there was this intersting idea in the show that the witches use their power collectively. Suppose the way the witches use the Force is that Aniseya draws power from the ther witches in order to make herself more powerful. And maybe she is also drawing power from the unusually powerful twins (dyad?). To Sol and the other Jedi this moght seem like using the Dark Side. Suppose that the witches use that method to fire Force lightning on the Jedi, but when Indara deflects the attack, she ends up burning all the the witches accidently since they are all connected. I think this direction could make the ideological conflict between the Jedi and the witches clearer. - I also liked your idea of Osha partying and having fun in the begining. I kept trying to find ways to make Osha more interesting and charismatic than the dull character we saw on the show (most of the characters were not that charismatic). Suppose Osha is partying in the streets of some planet, and a fire juggler triggers her, so she uses the Force to push him away, maybe hurting him. Then when they Jedi come to arrest her, she thinks it's because of that at first. - Yord was also an extremely dull and uncharismatic character. It might have been more intersting if the Jedi that came to arrest Osha was a Wookie, and the character that gets killed by Qimir is some other species. That way we get more Wookie action. - I liked how Torbin was able to block Mae's attacks while meditating. It seems like a nice abilit for a Jedi master. It just didn't seem right for someone so young. I was kind of sorry you cut it out. - I think the point of the bugs on Khofar was to have this kind of quest-like experience you oftren have in fantasy stories where the heroes encounter some random monsters on their way from one place to another. It really didn't work in the show, but it could have.

[@marhawkman303]

See, my thought on "the power of many"... is that most of the coven.... are weak sauce in the Force. Like so weak they can't levitate a coffee cup. But Aniseya or Koril using them like that strengthens her own powers. Yeah, Osha came off in a way that made her a non-character. She's more a McGuffin than a person... really ruins the entire work of fiction IMO. My personal idea I mentioned in my video, was to play up the idea that Mae and Osha are mentally connected to each other. Not CONSCIOUSLY, but subconsciously. So they're constantly influencing each other and don't realize it. It'd make the reveal that they're somehow the "same person" actually MEAN something. Yord is even weirder when you find out that... Yord was a character Leslye created BEFORE writing this. Why use a character from your personal fanfic.... as a throw away joke? Torbin using the Force as an impenetrable barrier.... is strange when... Trinity failed to even do basic defense. It's really weird. The Indara fight is like a Jackie Chan fight scene.... Indara barely even demonstrates the ability to use the Force at all. I also liked the bugs. It's an environmental hazard, something the Jedi need to watch out for and avoid. I think it was used poorly, but I haven't gotten around to making that video yet.

[@MichaRoded]

@@marhawkman303 My thinking was similar. I had an idea from my Rise of Skywalker rewrite that Sith know how to draw life-Force from people, while the Jedi give from their life-Force to heal. With the witches you have one witch drawing the power of other weaker witches to make herself stronger. Drom their perspective it's a collective use of the Force, but to a Jedi's eye it seems like a Force user exploiting others to make hersef powerful. I honestly didn't understand what was the point of them being "the same person". But your idea opens some intersting possibliities to enhance both the mystery and Osha's emotional issues. If we see Osha as a person who is not sure that she is in control of herself, mentally or emotionally, because (unbeknown to her) she is connected to Mae, than you can have Mae herself and the audience not being sure if Osha is the killer or not. Yord was just a really dull pointless character. If he was a cool roguish kind of character, he might have worked, but the writing and direction didn't give him a chance. So you had a handsome actor just being there like a lump. I actually liked how when Indara and Sol fight Mae, they are so confident in their abilities, and so committed to the Jedi's peaceful ways that they use martial arts to deflect her attacks with ease. It seems appropriate for Jedi masters to act like that. It was also appopriate that Indara lost because she was focused on protecting someone else. It also make sense that Torbin in deep meditation is able to block using the Force. It all feels like how the Force should work for powerful Jedi. Though I think it might have been more interesting if Sol's fighting style would have been didging a deflecting, while Indara would have used the Force to push and pull her opponent, so their styles would be different and Sol would seem more pacific than Indara. I thnk the bug scene would have worked if the showwas more committed to the quest-journey angle. But I'm not sure how.

[@marhawkman303]

@@MichaRoded yeah, Yord... I wonder if they rewrote him too much...'cause we know this series got completely change in rewrites, and refilming.

[@MichaRoded]

​@marhawkman303 It feels as if the show had an idea where they wanted to go with the show -- a woman turning to the Dark for understandable reasons -- but didn't know how to get there.

[@marhawkman303]

@@MichaRoded Yeah, Leslye said outright she wanted to show the story of a woman who went to the Dark Side. But... she's trying to make that a good thing... despite the Dark Side being explicitly evil. Which makes a very strange story choice.

[@Iwillone]

It's more of a thriller than a mystery since the audience is made well aware of who is behind the murder thanks to the opening flashback. Stringing it along kinda made the obvious reveal feel a bit flat here and it's why the series didn't do it that way. Osha's anger felt quite baseless in this rewrite as it originally was because she thought Mae killed their family but you might have forgotten to keep Sol telling her this.

[@marhawkman303]

Yeah the people trying to write the show... failed at mystery writing., As for Osha's anger.... I find it hard to have it be where it feels right in any way.... still trying to figure out that part of it... and that's a major issue with the overall arc.... Sol... wasn't a bad guy. Osha deciding to execute him for his crimes... is EVIL. You need to make Sol's actions genuinely bad to justify it. however, that would require Sol to actually commit murder, and not simply have a brief scuffle where the other party dies.

[@rolexikszde]

banger rewrtite

[@BiteMeDork321]

Damn, you fixed it 😂👏🏼 What could’ve been 😩 I still don’t understand at the end why Mae had to be left behind and have her mind wiped. But eh 🤷🏻‍♀️

[@kdusel1991]

I would've cut Mae out completely or just made her and Osha twins, just not played by one actress.

[@thegoldman25]

Interesting

[@kdusel1991]

​@@thegoldman25yeah Osha had the more compelling storyline. Mae's sudden change of heart made absolutely no sense to me. Also I would put the sith in the forefront since the show was originally pitched as a sith/dark side led show.

[@marhawkman303]

@@kdusel1991 My thought there I explained in my video was that Osha/Mae's dynamic was poorly developed in general.. BOTh feel like props... in a series ostensibly about them.

[@breyten_paleoman]

I'm about halfway through the vid and Ima already confused on how this dude made a better storyline, twist and character development than a 180M budget show....?

[@TheTalan]

Wow, you came up with a pretty good rewrite, and i bet you spent more time on it then Leslie spent on her first draft that she turned in as her final copy.

[@yukikid2195]

2:55 oh boy would you hate the Naruto anime 😭😂

[@P326Star]

My only change to this would be making it Tenebrous instead of Plagueis peeking behind the rock. Otherwise, love this 😊

[@marhawkman303]

See.. one fan theory is that Qimir is actually Venamis. If true, then Plagueis isn't his master.... he's his RIVAL. Which re-contextualizes the scene. This is Plagueis spying on his rival... 'cause yeah Tenebrous was like that. He had two apprentices who ended up fighting to the death. Rule of two? only if the current Sith master feels like it.

[@sicksabrestyle4357]

Great video. Just subscribed. It’s not your mistake, it’s the show’s creator’s, but the show was marketed as a Limited Series. Meaning no second season. So your rewrite was for a sequel when there shouldn’t be one.

[@thegoldman25]

Thanks for the sub!

[@DarkWarden041]

The Potential was there. It was the producers who screwed it up royally. Fight scenes were pretty good though

[@anamilojkovic924]

Imo, The Acolyte was a good show. I would just make it more about Osha and her journey. Maybe we would have even got a romance between her and Manny in season two.

[@marianap.h3961]

So what was Quimir trying to achieve in the series? not in your rewrite in the series. I never quite understood.

[@marhawkman303]

The best guess I've seen... is that Qimir is Darth Venamis from the Plagueis novel. And Venamis's goal was... mostly just to kill his master, but also kill Tenabris's other apprentice Plageuis.

[@gregkaye5583]

00:15 "there's a story here that deserves to be told", That could be said of any story, in similar contexts, with very different results 00:45 "I think it's important to take the existing story ..." Important? Why important? 00:58 "We should judge a story on the basis of how well the story conveyed the messages they wanted to convey". How about a basis of conveying the messages embedded from the stories original context? 4:30 Lore hadn't presented the dark side as something to be dabbled with. Yoda stated, "once you start down the dark path, forever it will dominate your destiny"... 6:20 "Because people who use the dark side must be a completely evil force who aren't capable of love and compassion". In what ways do you think the "DARK side" would dominate / influence destiny? 7:50 she started the fire by accident, perhaps in a similar way as she went into the dark side by accident. She started a fire in a place people lived. The prequel jedi council may have thought that the Sith might not have been around for a thousand year time of peace, but they would have known of dark side using witch covens and the murder of jedi. It's still much better than Headland's effort, which had more flaws.

[@marhawkman303]

Yeah that's a major distinction. NOT ALL Dark-siders are Sith! Also there's a take on the Force that says that "falling to the Dark-side" is really just a euphemism for deciding to use the Force for evil..... nothing more. In that regard.... the Jedi as a police force protecting the Republic from those who would use the Force for evil.... seems like a necessity. But... that's not the SITH... that's random rabble. The coven.... would barely be a blip on the Jedi's radar... oh... another one.... ok then.

[@dyphrex]

get this man a job at LucasFilms, this version would be one i’d def watch and genuinely enjoy

[@KhinuSage]

A few changes and this show could have been at least a 7/10

[@jordanlewin8460]

Yeah, I like this version better. This my new head-cannon for the Acolyte 💀

[@grandpriy]

This could form a nice little trilogy or a minooot series

[@ZmbieTaco]

I got chatgpt to make an 8 episode run based on the shows synopsis and a few key details like characters and it turned out way better than Disney.

[@Artoosa]

I'm not one to join the hate bandwagon for this show, as I actually enjoyed watching it every week. There are some issues as with every show, but I always enjoy your rewrites. They make alot more sense, and don't completely change things. I definitely wish it was a movie, the abrupt endings were the worst.

[@Haseo55]

Really solid rewrite while keeping almost everything in. Though I would have liked to see how it would have work without the twins and the witches. Probably have Qimir as the main character. I really likedd he played the fool but everyone guessed he was the master instantlly how could that be fixed if he was the main character.

[@marhawkman303]

Qimir is a weird thing... Leslye said in an interview she'd originally planned to not reveal him until the last episode... then rewrote it to pander to the Reylo shippers.

[@Haseo55]

@@marhawkman303 Thats why shipping ruins everything.

[@marhawkman303]

@@Haseo55 And Reylo shippers are why Adam Driver decided he wanted out of Star Wars.

[@Haseo55]

@@marhawkman303 It's one thing when is done for fun but another when is basacly religion for them.

[@marhawkman303]

@@Haseo55 indeed, amusing fanfics? cool.... hassling someone on twitter about his relationship choices? NOPE!!!!!!

[@rogueguardian]

This is why this channel is great, you're being constructive and it's in good faith It's never "I CAN DO A BETTER JOB" It's more like "Hey let me help you out here"🤝

[@michaelbonner5604]

you did your best !!!! .... with the scraps you were given and there weren't all that good ( scrap's ) a season 2 !!!! Serious?

[@def3ndr887]

It’s a good thing it got cancelled, because you would’ve been able to save it.

[@breyten_paleoman]

I think if someone just re-edited all of The Acolyte into a movie (as you suggest), it might fix a lot of the pacing and consistency problems.... still has a lot more problems than that but hey, it would be slighty better 😂

[@lilnas7000]

i dont get how bro only has 112K subs

[@rodneyhoward7828]

I agree with you editing was bad on the show. but what you were saying let me know you’re like most of the fandom! not knowing about the video games, the comic books or the old books. A lot of your choices were already established. like the first schism with the legions of Leto. all of those things are what Disney is trying to bring to live action. so fans that only no things from the movies or visual content can I understand the whole story.

[@champcpr]

A damn shame how your brief rewrite is better than a whole series of a multimillion dollar series 🤦🏾‍♂️

[@dragoonsmash1395]

So why does neither of the twins in the rewrite learn the full context of what happened to their mother and the other witches? Also, why does one of them need their mind wiped in this rewrite?

[@kingDowahs]

The easiest way to fix the Acolyte is to not make it in the first place

[@Gamegedon.900]

i might give the show a shot. at this point, i am very sure you don't like 3/5 of the prequel era.

[@breyten_paleoman]

Just started watching, already want to know what Star Wars Theory would think... I think he'd approve 👍 😅

[@Aaylias]

Why did you kill off Jecki and Yord? I think it was the most pointless thing they did in the Acolyte. In my opinion, every death of a named character should have impact, but no one even mourns them and you didn't change that. There are ways to make a character not appear again without having to kill them off. Maybe they got injured and had to recover but they appear later and mourn Sol's death? Just a thought.

[@rileywebster2008]

You mean rewriting the acolyte so its even better

[@4984christian]

The bug stuff... does it have some symbolism?? Than frame it that way...

[@henrymockingbird9645]

The Jedi are supposed flawed that point of the Jedi in prequels it show they not perfect even the last Jedi points this out

[@councilmanbanks6528]

The series itself is fine, does it have bad writing yes, but it isn’t the worst Star Wars show, that honor goes to Book of Boba. The issue is it doesn’t understand things like the Jedi, Sith, and the dark side.

[@jordanglover3463]

I loved the show but u made it yen times better

[@madambutterfly1997]

So let me get this straight you want to keep in the part where a stone structure caught fire easily and spread relatively quickly

[@thegoldman25]

we can change the complex to a wooden structure. There, problem solved

[@MasterPeibol]

It's a weird franchise. Since The Phantom Menace, Star Wars survives only by rewrites and fanfics