Reclaim Your Power After Narcissistic Abuse | 11 Ways

[@chrissemenko628]

I'm so ashamed of myself for putting up with what i did for so long.

[@dmiles8406]

You are not alone… they’re horrible people. I stayed married to a narcissist sociopath for decades so I understand totally.

[@ViridiansDragons]

I'm looking forward to this video. I am in my 40s and 8 weeks into therapy after emotionally breaking down when realising my mother is a narcissist…very possibly a psychopath. I can't believe the hell she has put me through and the countless ways she has tried to destroy me to the point she almost convinced me I was so awful I was better off not being here (hence seeking therapy). I also cannot believe the peace I am starting to feel by realising the truth and being done with her. The change in her since she knows that I know her game and am truly done, its over and I am being hugely supported in this, is crazy. This Channel is so important.

[@AimeeAimee444]

Stay the course. It’s shattering to discover someone you love has been out to hurt you the entire time. Once you have that realization, you will begin to heal and reclaim your life. You deserve love and respect. 🙌🏼🤍💫🌻

[@ViridiansDragons]

@@AimeeAimee444 Thank you so much for that lovely message! That was so nice. I am hoping that healing doesn't take that long because I am already really fed up at how much time I have wasted not realising the truth. Now I know I just want to plough on with feeling better. I hope you are doing ok now and are moving on with your life happily, it is terrible to go through. xx

[@dailyequanimity]

Do you like your therapist and, if so, how did you find them? Thank you.

[@ViridiansDragons]

@@dailyequanimity I do, she is genuinely brilliant. I typed into google 'therapy wellbeing counselling near me' and found a wellbeing scheme running around 1 mile away. There's a choice of service, fully qualified therapists charge full rate and you can have an appointment within the week and then there are therapists who are in the their last few months of training who charge a much lower rate but there is a waitlist of a few weeks. I had no idea this was available despite walking past their offices a lot so its worth looking to see if your city offers something similar. Good luck!

[@hollywood1426]

Brilliant Book on this by Karen macbride - Will I ever be good Enough… eye opening. Best wishes! x

[@caroleminke6116]

Humility & gratitude will eventually lead you out of the painful past into a present peace of mind

[@jayjaygaerlan]

One year post-breakup here, no-contact. Not hoovered, 99% healed. Everything you preached here is absolutely true. I isolated myself since I couldn't go to work, and nobody around me understood what was happening to me (neither did I). Focus on your physical health. I went to the ER about 6 times during the first 6 months, yet the physicians found nothing wrong with me. I had anxiety and panic attacks, and I felt literal pain inside my chest. Cardiologists didn't find anything wrong with my heart. I forced myself to eat, despite I had no appetite for many weeks. Even my pee turned orange because I felt no thirst, either. Couldn't sleep so I had to ask my psychiatrist meds to make me sleep. I couldn't journal but I doodled. Listen to Richard and all the other experts here (Professor Sam Vaknin, and Dr. Ramani). I devoured all their videos these past 12 months. Breaking the trauma bond is the worst emotional thing that could happen to a person, worse than divorce or death. My friend told me last week while we were on vacation that I now look like my self again, pre-Nex. So, I'm very glad. I can give an authentic laugh again; I can sleep and eat regularly; I enjoy my job, my future plans, my dogs, and my workouts again, without the Nex. To anyone who is struggling right now, THERE IS HOPE! STAY IN NO-CONTACT. Try not to ruminate. Avoid triggers (people and memorabilia). There is hope! Just hang in there!

[@dubaiedge]

Congratulations on your escape 🥂

[@jayjaygaerlan]

@dubaiedge, thank you. There are good days and bad days. But life needs to go on so we just do what we need to do in order to survive.

[@Periquinfornite]

It looks so hard now !! Just pain and withdrawal symptoms 😢😢

[@jayjaygaerlan]

@@Periquinfornite Yeah. It's like withdrawal from substance abuse. You will make it, just stay in no-contact! Hugs!

[@dubaiedge]

@@Periquinfornite distraction worked for me, & knowing my worth, & also knowing I NEVER WANT TO RETURN to those awful feelings with that person who caused me so much pain. Drama-free life means you wake up & go to sleep each & every day & night in ☮️.

[@vanessalobo5508]

Every loss opens the scar . Just when I was recovered I lost my only daughter and my psyche went into chaos and so much pain … all i can do is pray

[@louisegarner8888]

I'm so sorry you experienced that, I can only imagine what it's like to lose a child they're supposed to outlive us, you're never alone. I lost my beautiful 14yr old cat suddenly mid February and my mother mid June this year and can appreciate how painful it can be. I believe they're closer than ever in Spirit, kept safe in our hearts and memories. To rather celebrate and honour their lives and make meaningful the time we shared with them. Richard is right that we need to confront and feel the feels to heal at our own pace while keeping up with what we can manage by eating, sleeping, exercising, engaging with good friends, immerse ourselves in our hobbies and faith so as not to lose ourselves in the grieving process. I made the mistake of turning to an unsafe abusive person for comfort when I felt overwhelmed and it was brutally used against me so I'm glad Richard included not to do that or put them in a position of power over us in his video as they're all too happy to see us suffer and it just compounds the trauma. That stress and trauma shrinks our hippocampus (logic, reasoning, decisions) and swells our amygdala (primitive, instinctual part of brain) helps us understand what's happening so the first step is to focus on restoring our peace and balance holistically body, mind and soul by finding postive means of expressing and releasing pent up emotions, such as through engaging in breathwork, walking, meditation, journalling, writing, painting, gardening, supportive friends, pets, etc., and being grateful for who and what we still have. I'm sending you lots of love, big squishy hugs and prayers you get through this difficult time all the stronger for it Vanessa, by turning your pain into purposeful action that leaves an awesome legacy of love for your daughter and brings you much peace. God bless sweetheart xox 🙏💪🤗🤗🤗💞🕊️

[@chrissemenko628]

I'm so very sorry, doll. Luv, Christi. I'm gonna pray for you tonight

[@shurooqdaystar160]

I've lost a child, sister and now my bestie, my rock my support my mother. My ex narcissist used all my vulnerabilities. Being who I am, a strong independent woman, you wake up and realize everything going around you. You find yourself. I dedicated my arm full of tattoos, that reminds me of my loved one's that I lost. My arm is my comfort, just like a child that needs its blanket. I hug my arm, everytime I feel I miss them, or my strength is going down. Not encouraging tattoos, just sharing my experience. My heart goes out to you. It's OK to cry when needed, just don't let those Narcissists reach to you when your vulnerabilities are exposed 🦋

[@goodenoughgirl8102]

I think the icing on the healing cake for me so far has been adopting minimalism. I never knew my life could be so blissfully peaceful and simple or just how much happier that would make me. Talk about a confidence bomb tho. Being able to “keep up” most of the time and when I don’t keep up, being able to whip it back into shape within an hour. It has a way of decimating those voices from the past that try to tell me I’m never good enough. It’s a great way to use concrete things to assist in combatting a lot of anxiety and depression.

[@sharis3112]

I'm in free fall. Trying to put on the brakes. I am devastated. Ty for you vid 🙏

[@staceyslater4063]

You’re not alone ❤

[@InkdNXS]

Same. I was thrown into C-PTSD. It's extremely difficult. We're not alone. Love & hugs ❤

[@GodsChildTM]

Love your videos! 2 yrs out of an 18 yr marriage with a sociopath and his narcissistic mother and daughter. Complete family dynamics. You have taught me so much and I am healing more and more all the time through your videos and training!❤

[@emmaormrod2286]

Same here I’m slowly coming back thanks to Richard’s videos they’ve have helped. I’m 3 years free of a narcissistic 20 year marriage so glad I’m out 🙏

[@KB-ih5gf]

Thank you Richard for all the work and energy you have invested over the years to help those of us trauma bonded with narcissists to break free. ❤

[@amathenderson7318]

TAKE NOTES ! This video concisely narrates a cohesive straight path forward. It absolutely is one of the BEST therapeutic paths to self healing from all forms of abuse. Thank you Richard. Simply life changing!

[@UncoolKarina]

I'm in so much pain. Thank you for your help. I really truly mean that.

[@lindamay1]

Hope you are feeling a little better now. ❤ I understand. Xxx

[@fridachanel8234]

It took so much courage to leave my abusive husband last yr in June. Its been an up and down until a week ago when he devalued and discarded me, something clicked and I am no longer taking his calls. He has finally done something so painful to me, which activated the "red pill" I took. Reading everyone comments have shown me there is so much hope and a better tomorrow without him. He refuses to change and I just cant keep enduring his abuse and ignoring myself. God will provide and lead me. Thank you so much for this video

[@suzanneperlmutter6031]

I am an artist, and I definitely have been helped, in a real human, loving, gentle way, by this man's work. It's given me a new lease on life!

[@SunnyDays70s]

Thank you for another excellent video. You are looking much more healthy. Congrats on your progress! I am continuing to remove myself from the matrix and build my SELF and my LIFE

[@airshipenoch3639]

My dude, thank you. You really made a gem here. I was happy to hear I’m doing most of these already. Writing it down 💪🏼

[@zx81qw]

"Devote the rest of your life to making progress." - Epictetus

[@strongarmhs]

Yes exactly!!! You have inspired me and helped me in the community for so long!! Appreciate you!! 💕 yes! Also..Declutter declutter declutter!!! As I said here already. We can control cleaning up our physical space and doing a literal redesign of our home to do this for our mind. That’s my two cents.

[@joannaRB]

Very, very good advice @strongarmhs646!

[@l.ellei.sorensen4121]

Richard, you know and share and have studied beyond. For you to continue to share with us? FANTASTIC! I'M HEALING! I hope you are too. It doesn't matter what a human being is, gender, or preferences, they are narcissists or not. I have discovered, what we allow to escalate stemming from the basis, can and will be to the degree we will suffer from, or not. BE STRONG BEAUTIFUL LEARNING HUMAN BEINGS, like me.

[@mayracramer1]

All of these things! Perfect. It works. You won’t be the same as before- you’ll be way way better

[@niamnpisxy00j]

#3 hits me so hard right at this moment... Lord, help me. Thank you so much for this video.

[@XNeo27564]

🙏 Man, can't say enough. You gave tools that changed my life. Very grateful.

[@fightingfiresusa2961]

Thank you Richard for always getting right into it. All of us that tune in for you are hurting and you don’t d*ck around ❤❤

[@delicatevenusflytrap9091]

29 days out of a 30+ yr marriage to a narcissist. I wish i knew what all these actions and they he treated me sooner all meant. I appreciate these tips and want to add that doing things for others also gives us purpose and will often help us take our mind off our own situation in a positive way. Love to all you survivors 💖 still in, or on your healthy way out. Be safe.

[@michaelmcknight4744]

You continue to help us survivors! Thank you for helping me personally!!! Understanding what happened is just part my journey, I must grow and continue to move forward in a positive direction. Thank you so much for your experience and strength!!!

[@LilTrunksFr]

True💯get out of there...don't tolerate toxic people... narcissists do not want you to tell on them they are hoping you keep quiet...move on connect with others get in shape etc.

[@loraglick5745]

I like the idea of staying humble.

[@zelysiamcmurrick3100]

I don’t know if you read our comments Richard but you, dare I say, are looking a lot more healed, and that’s inspiring. Three and a half years after a narcissistic relationship ended and all of the points in this video are incredibly relevant. Thank you. Crawling out of the abyss. Sorry to be dramatic but we all know how it is!

[@lauracohen8904]

I love you so much! I was freefalling just now until I listened to you. Now to do all those things!!! Thank you Richard. I feel so bad and just want to stop hurting . 😢

[@charliej3190]

Your work is appreciated more than you can imagine...

[@dannettepeters1507]

First and foremost, connect with GOD.

[@trainerkarin1]

YES 🙌

[@Jennifer-ij4ie]

Thank you for sharing these Richard. They are specific and easy to follow. Although I am years beyond the very painful discard, I can remember feeling all of that pain. When I was in the fog everyone would tell me to get over it and move on and it didn’t work. These pointers are what I had to find out on my own to release and move forward with living a better life. When you are in that dark place, you NEED someone who gets it to MAP OUT FOR YOU WHAT TO DO! We can not figure it out for ourselves in that dark place.

[@annastone5624]

No 5. Connect with other people… but what if you are in very toxic environments full of narcissists & enablers? Then - staying alone is better - until you are able to identify who is relatively safe, and who has good intentions.

[@elvan5922]

I agree

[@No-BS1369]

I also agree with this. My mother died 2/25/22, so that’s over with but my sister…wow. She literally wanted me dead. I’m no contact with her but I still get triggered badly. Every time I am triggered by something, I’m always hearing people say something like, “You need to stop.” “It’s in the past”. The worst one is, “You need to get over this stuff.” They don’t understand.

[@annastone5624]

@jeannethebean3363 I’m glad you can say ‘they don’t understand’ you’re right. Sometimes people are invalidating, sometimes they just don’t care, and sometimes they do care but have no comparable experience and no ability to help us find answers. Journaling is great. That’s where you can speak to yourself and find your own answers. You are the one with first hand experience..

[@elvan5922]

@@No-BS1369 ah the in the past words.or it is past.

[@elvan5922]

I am surrended by barcistic and pyshic relatives and people.What I know is it is to stay away.

[@tailoredguy]

I am really looking forward to not needing to hear this message but in the meantime this was extremely helpful to me and not one wasted word. Thank you! I wish healing for myself and all of you out there.

[@MG-pj2oo]

I'm having *very* hard time finding a local therapist who is even close to well versed in narcissistic abuse. I worked for the family company and have now lost my job as a result of being systematically scapegoated and abandoned by my father at the demand of my narc mother. This has been my reality for 40 years and it's now cost me my job. I really need help finding a specialist and i don't know how else to look as I've searched my area countless times for a therapist with this background to no avail. Nobody seems to understand this the way clinicians on KZbin do, and it's so frustrating to finally have the validation that everything I've known all this time (and been punished for calling out) is real, and still not be able to find anyone who can actually listen to my story and help me out of this nightmare.

[@nataliesamuelson9016]

Just listening to you makes me feel at peace. It’s a tough journey. Thanks for your videos they have really helped.

[@Woodpeckerwarrior]

I feel like the person I had to get out of my house was literally taking over every inch of it and my personality was nowhere there and there was a lot of clutter. I feel like that’s what that person wanted from me it was to get this house from me. So I needed to go inch by inch and redo the house and my personality and I also had a declutter. Do declutter! I think we have to do that after drama a lot. Physically D clutter to emotionally decluttering you know?

[@heatherpesterfield8121]

They don’t like you getting strong and will find others ways to try and weaken you…Use stuff your weak points against you

[@AimeeAimee444]

So cheap and desperate to try and dismantle our wellbeing. Stay the course! 🙌🏼🤍💫😊

[@palomahair8616]

100%

[@thecustodian1023]

Seems like that's why they push the - give them what they want and walk away - self-justification thing so hard. They don't want people fighting back and stopping the victimization train. Make you think when looked at that way.

[@EveHoward631]

Richard, I viewed the podcast yesterday with Shaun & Jen - ALL that you commented on was genuine in pure truth! I felt for you, I recognised your passage, so very near it is to mine! Dear God, the massive turmoil behind you AND now ‘your truth has set you free’ a secure position, now you can be ‘kind to yourself’ for you have escaped the deep valley ❣️

[@johnbill6994]

Wow! Richard this is the greatest message ever presented in the regard (Recovery and Healing) i thank you ftom the depths of heart and soul. I have allowed myself to be fooled time and again but, this time I feel like I'm dying inside and don't know who I am anymore. I can't thank you enough

[@carrie-annegriffin537]

Why have I not found this guy earlier? Thank you so much Richard…I think you explain everything perfectly 😊 Learning that I’ve been in a 5 year trauma bonded relationship with a serious narcissist that is going absolutely no where is gutting but I want out and for over a year I’ve tried to end it …it’s not been easy at all. I tell him it’s over we are no longer together but within a week or so he has managed to slip back into my life like nothing even happened…it is making me go crazy and have lost many friends over this… there is still hope! I am strong! and I can do this 😊

[@kerifranke1905]

Thank you 😢 so much you are the first one I have come to since realizing I'm being abused by a narcassist. You have saved my soul. Thankyou ❤

[@hanlibadenhorst7837]

Brilliant . This is true wisdom. Thank you Richard. You’ve been, and still is, of great great help. You have really true insight. The best advice from you was that :’stop watching these videos’… at that stage of my life, I had to take all info gained from narc abuse, evaluate pick best tips , and keep. Carry on. Don’t stop. Richard, that is your model, and I love it!!

[@christineplaton3048]

Sigh. And we feel like a puzzle that's been taken apart and boxed. You are right Richard.

[@JoseeFontaine]

So precious. Gratitude 😇

[@wendym506]

You are my new daily meditation. You are amazing. And thank you.

[@JuLia-hn1oh]

Oh dear.. having a sore throat and still investing your time to make another video to help people with their healing journey. You’re wonderful :)

[@SoniaProteau-cj6tk]

Yep thanks Richard

[@SoniaProteau-cj6tk]

True story thanks Richard

[@mickward5020]

Thankyou Richard. Your advice is always good and valuable. Cheers mate. Mick.

[@hairstonwilliams2770]

Bless you, Brother. Thank you for such profound help. I've felt lost, and I've sought so many channels for help. Some have been very beneficial, but THIS makes me feel like I'm at home with healing my wounds. Thank you, truly, for this deep, realistic, authentic soul healing.

[@CuriousObserver]

You hit ever nail on the head! I learned all this by myself over the years. And all of things listed are some of the best things that worked for me.

[@lindamay1]

You are wonderful Richard, and I am doing most of those already, however so good to refer to this for a checklist and to stay on my healing track. Everyone of those will benefit us. Thank you so much for your wisdom, and the articulate manner in which you present it. And your soothing voice. I find it so calming.

[@kismypencek6185]

Thanks for the pathways!!! I will watch this again in a couple of months to see if i stayed the course!!!😁

[@arthurcurry7688]

One day, Richard- I will come and meet you in person! That is a PROMISE! Thank You! Thank You! You seem to be the only one out there who "GET'S IT!" Your advice is amazing! So, grateful for you! May God Bless You!

[@arthurcurry7688]

Why do Narcissists hurt people intentionally! And, lie! Lie, lie! I get that they have a "Fake Self" but, it is very difficult for me to process & fully understand why they don't care that they are 'intentionally hurting' other people?? They know that they are doing it! Narcissist 's CAN'T LOVE. So, I guess they 'pretend to love?'

[@LC-rm9xy]

Thank you so so much I can’t tell you how much I needed to hear this at this very moment 🙏🙏🙏🙏❤️❤️❤️

[@getstakerized]

Thank you so very much for that Richard… need a step by step, nuts and bolts, list to follow moment to moment and take it slowly… wrote it all down to keep with me and refer to often… Much appreciated!!! :)

[@joannaRB]

So, so very helpful dear Richard! Every single point. So well thought out. Thank you for your time and effort to help others. Well, you are. I have been following you on and off for several years and am grateful. I am finally ready to sign up for your course and pray that there is enough discipline in me to summon so that I can benefit from it. All the best to you!

[@chloe-fk1ti]

Been wanting to do exactly that, but don't know how, so thank you in advance for the guidance.

[@olaabudhair9094]

The most needed advices at this point. Thank you Richard❤

[@ΜΑΡΙΑΠΑΠΑΔΟΠΟΥΛΟΥ-π7ω]

Amazing video. No words. Thank you !!!!!

[@Od_nowa]

It was beautiful! ♥Thank you ♥

[@chanel82593]

Really really needed to hear this! Thank you

[@pinkrabbit7672]

Spot on points! Well explained Two years+ since I stumbled onto your videos.. life-changing event So many Ah-ha! Moments So much clarity ... Still It's unbelievable to me how sharp you bring this issue (narcissistic behaviour, abuse) You work is beyond measure You helped me save my life Still ways to go ... Thank you

[@vladimirka2516]

The worst thing is that my passion, singing, is connected to the person who has hurt me the most (besides my mother). There was a time when I couldn't even see a sheet of music to keep from collapsing. I've been slowly getting over it for about eight years, but I'm still sad that I'll never be part of that group that sang together and brought us so much joy. But I also had a lot of pain. They were connected vessels.

[@justynasoszka2402]

Thanks it's so useful video. I got the sad reality that my mother and rest of family are narcissists (my mother and her brother sth around psychopathy), around 3 years ago, went no contact that time. Only 2 months ago I collapsed into emotional breakdown of truly realizing it because my life conditions got stable so it's safe now for me to break down. Thanks God and I truly mean it that I survived. Of course i put a lot of deep effort as well into recovery. Thanks for Richard too ❤

[@Sarah-mp5vi]

EXCEPTIONAL. This was more than just a list- I felt there is great depth and scope within each item.

[@unamurray4279]

Still learning 5 years after first finding your channel. Good luck everybody. U

[@josefinemilo]

Great video!

[@bonnyturton5169]

I have never subscribed so fast to someone in my life. Thank you so much for your content. I feel so seen and so heard. I can finally see the way forward. Thank you.

[@nicoletalmadge7276]

Great video Richard!!! Thank you!!

[@SoniaProteau-cj6tk]

Thanks richard

[@sophiebutler5963]

It took me 11 years to start taking my power back. Before that I just had to focus on getting better. I had to overcome social anxiety etc etc. And strengthen my psychological self first.

[@zanazainalabidin8118]

Thank you Richard 🤍🙏🙏🙏

[@gstar1229]

Thankyou for your channel and your insight on this topic. I'm 16 months out and achieved so much. More good days now. Slow and steady progress.😊

[@carolyndaughton3373]

I really enjoy your channel and the tools you offer. Thank you so much!

[@SherryWilson-dk7bo]

Thank you! I appreciate your advice and help!❤😊

[@id9139]

Wonderful presentation. Thank you. Interested in learning more about your course...

[@AD-fz4vt]

You are such a great man Richard. Thank you so much for sharing those valuable lessons, I am really loving listening to your wisdom. Thank you

[@ceri4654]

You are brilliant. Thank you.

[@terriwhalen3618]

Beautiful! Thanks you!

[@JackIsaiah-ls3nb]

Richard thank you so much! You're awesome 👍

[@carriedolha788]

You seriously kick ass! Thank You for giving such attainable, self-empowering, and knowledgeable suggestions on who and what we are dealing with and how to protect ourselves while taking steps to find our whole selves again. Hopefully this time, much more aware, confident, and strong.

[@sarah_mross]

Thank you so much for this! 🙏

[@socialmedia5403]

I appreciate this video. Very helpful and practical tips.

[@namastea]

Thank you Richard. Thank you to all those making these necessary videos.

[@susanparrott5175]

Richie, Excellent video! Thank you! ❤ Much love

[@annegribben444]

Oh excellent.......BEAUTIFULLY PUT TOGETHER....

[@jamesdaly8904]

I love this video so so much! Incredible advice! 😊💪🏼❤️

[@EvaEva-lf3ww]

So useful . Thank you so much 🙏

[@arthurcurry7688]

After one (such as myself) as been abused in a relationship with a Narcissist, it is very difficult to trust again!

[@ktmggg]

My favorite creative thing to do is to bake. Making a loaf of bread from scratch is so satisfying and I can share it with others. The joke around my office is when I bring some sort of baked goods everyone knows I'm having romantic problems. lol

[@kuchendevis1822]

Thank you so much for this advice. I really like the calmness and the focus on going forward with positive personal growth. 🙏

[@aNnAkt1qw]

Consciousness..... choice..... change ❤

[@5EmBem]

Thank you Richard. This was helpful. I was doing a lot of these unconsciously anyway, it's nice to have it out in front of me however 🙂

[@paulinekiely8990]

Thank you sincerely, you have helped me sooooo much. Cheers! Blessings and best wishes ❤

[@therealericjackdaniels]

I feel like you're talking directly to me

[@anikamalviya4274]

Thank you so much... Love your energy and the way you explain things... It's very helpful❤

[@AngeryCL]

I had a crush on this narc I had as a classmate. I don't really know what got to me because I knew who she really was, but I think it's that they're naturally attractive through said persona. Long story short, I thought I was finally living the fairy tale I had longed as a lonely dude whose identity was sitting all day long, pridefully studying, drawing and gaming. I had several phases where I wanted to decide to cut her off, but guilt pushed me back to her. Thinking about it, she probably looked at me like I'm nothing to her. She openly admitted that she loves seeing chaos amidst people and I was too lovestruck to notice that. Then it hit me, out of my few classmates I thought were my friends all year long. She decided to ENGAGE the conversation on messenger this time, shaming me for the mistake that nobody else did on the test. This was actually an insecurity I had. I told her about it and she comforted me later in the day telling me that it happens. That weekend I felt like trash but I eventually got past it. Then the next monday hits me and she decided to trash talk to her friends about me being so stubborn about getting the wrong answer. The image is still stuck in my head until now, refusing to move. Later on that day she jokingly threatened to humiliate me in front of everyone for that mistake as well. I have never seen someone so fixated on putting someone else down for something that's beyond both of their control. As this was the first woman I've actually talked to, I carried on talking to her, thinking this was normal. Over the course of summer, I had felt irrelevant, useless, my self esteem was melting. And I still could not see why. Then it hit me: She's pulling the strings. Our time through messenger has run its normal course and she ditched me over a joke she found "offensive". I've never felt so berated, harassed, shamed, small, betrayed in my life. Every ounce of studying I've performed until now felt irrelevant, like it's all amounted to nothing compared to their effort. But deep down I know that is not true. So months later I sent her a message explaining that I "left" her because of the abuse, then she sent me an apology. I thought about it thoroughly for the rest of the week; and I thought "Now hang on, why the fuck am I being so nice to her after all this hell I've been put through." And I responded by telling her that I appreciate her apology, but it ain't undoing my mental anguish. Then I addressed the main issue where she humiliated me in front of everyone. But I'll be honest, if I had known she was a narc. I could have added a "go fuck yourself" in there as well. I've spent so many months now feeling like a hollow shell, like its existence has amounted to nothing. The image of those few days of humiliation have not disappeared from my head, not matter how mundane it actually is when you look at it objectively. I am now numb to the stress of exams, tomorrow I have a chem and CS exam, yet here I am writing this when I have to procrastinate. The thoughts keep invading my mind when I try to study. Every time I cheer myself up, the images loudly appear to tell me no. Every dawn I wake is a painful one, I desperately try to go back to sleep but my brain just refuses to, it is telling me to THINK THINK THINK about that girl. I'm getting less and less sleep from waking up too early. I've decided to enroll in therapy to help me out with this issue. I'm slowly figuring things out. I just cannot get that false image in my head, that is telling me I am worse than my classmates because of JUST ONE MISTAKE. We've dug me too deep into this hole, and climbing back up will be a horrific experience; but it has to happen. I just cannot let her consume my daily life like this. My identity; I acknowledge that is long gone. The best I could do right now is salvage the few goods, trapped in there and intact. And eventually I will turn on a new chapter in my life, if my willpower allows it. TRUST YOUR GUTS Y''ALL! I DID NOT AND I PAID IT UP THE ASS, AND SOUL.

[@Dimitra-z5e]

I try to connect with my spiritually every day by reading philosophy