Ridiculous Safety TikToks

everything danger be careful
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[@koytheartist2423]

"safety village" sounds like the most violently canadian thing I've ever heard

[@jackwilson1281]

It was so hype man

[@soap4451]

we had safety town in my area in the US

[@Tea-chip]

We’ve got an insurance city here in Florida. Where you learn about insurance and taxes

[@koytheartist2423]

@@Tea-chip That is the most violently non Floridian thing I've ever heard of.

[@vanillachaitea974]

We had one in Texas that used to be really popular, not sure about now

[@gabbirucci5401]

Throwing in “would you like another nail? 🥺” was absolutely god tier Kurtis you fucking won KZbin

[@freyjalavender]

amen

[@april4524]

frrr

[@alexXxana]

Yesssss 👏🏽

[@bernadettelewis3999]

Wait didn’t we go to high school together??

[@hiinsanity]

Don’t you work at the hospital with me?

[@thelegioncollective]

It's just like anxiety. "Be careful." "Of what?" "Idk, just be careful."

[@buttercuup02]

You can shorten that to B.O.I. to help you remember🧐

[@danajohnson5398]

You better watch out, you better watch out, you bETTER WATCH OUT

[@novemberiscoolithink]

@@danajohnson5398 _FOR WHATTTTTT_

[@benedictdwyer2608]

@@danajohnson5398 IM NOT TELLIN’ YOU WHY, YOU BETTER NOT WATCH OUT, BETTER NOOOTTTTTT!!!

[@bigooble]

@@danajohnson5398 I think about this vine on a daily basis

[@curlysheep4623]

I really appreciate the accuracy of how uncomfortable it is to think of what to say when someone knocks on the door in a public bathroom.

[@paruf1sh]

I always let out a demonic screech and say occupied in a goblin voice. Your welcome.

[@SourdoughHyena]

@@paruf1sh speaking of this, lol I’m an trans man but I often get babied for being very fem presenting and looking young. New favorite prank is to say ‘thank you~’ in the deepest masc voice I can.

[@ObtuseMori]

@@paruf1sh Sweet, I'm going to try this next time it happens.

[@sanschmidt5457]

@@paruf1sh I just cackled so loud. I will try that! Thanks!

[@weaknessua]

idk I just say come in

[@faithtelford139]

These tiktoks are visual representations of my anxiety thinking of every worst case scenario

[@Thawah]

Oh my god yes

[@bobthetomatoinamaiddressl7258]

yea i thought of that while watching all of these scenarios too

[@maxgraysax]

Wait till you find out that they are all real news stories.

[@bonecag3]

@@maxgraysax wait for real-?

[@bobthetomatoinamaiddressl7258]

@@maxgraysax say sike rn

[@juliaforsberg1636]

”be careful” almost sounds like a threat now

[@ashpitash2360]

Went to school with a guy who rarely talked but would tell people "be safe" when they left a room. This feels similar, lol.

[@melanielennon635]

@@ashpitash2360 I worked with a girl who would always say “good luck” when you left the break room/the store fbdjsjakak definitely gives off the same energy

[@mr-hoe]

be careful....................... :))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

[@zoeyandloki3239]

@@mr-hoe that's alotta double chins

[@kavaler1471]

@@melanielennon635 i always tell people good luck if they’re going to the bathroom

[@oleksahryciw9342]

The Katy from Goat Story cameo was revolutionary

[@pumpkin6192]

That's so smart I love that!

[@obi-wankenobi2392]

I thought the same

[@abhiramanilkumar7601]

@@obi-wankenobi2392 Hello there general kenobi

[@josjoererg]

me and my brother literally reference that on a daily basis, the reference was perfect.

[@utterserve]

i literally gasped-

[@chlo739]

i had no idea taunting highway lions was illegal i've been doing it for decades

[@yuki97kira]

As someone who lives in a world of jumanji...yeah we were taught not to tauny highway lions when they appear from time to time

[@M3ltedicicle]

The FBI will be at your door shortly. Anything you say can and will be used against you in a court of law.

[@Random-sk6hm]

Ladies and gentlemen we got her.

[@ObtuseMori]

Same, my favourite hobby is ruined now ☹

[@bunniesarethebest1075]

thats weird. BUT IF ANOTHER GODAMN BEE FLIES OUT OF MY TRUNK

[@jerememe98]

As a former home depot employee I can confirm that watching people get their asses ripped from toilet seats is a daily part of the job

[@HAVIK_VOID]

painful I know

[@roxonova4512]

You must’ve also have people ordering the usual pins and nails

[@yagirltrice477]

daily??

[@cozyzozee]

as a current Home Depot employee, I can give a current confirmation that yes this is what we do

[@nonbinarysunset555]

nice basara icon

[@sarahohsiek3671]

we may have lost the mustache but we still have the mullet and that’s what really matters

[@Deej210]

Cant wait for one of these times where the mullet is gone but the moustache remains

[@shrubgrass]

@@Deej210 i will riot

[@milettneon]

Amen 🙏

[@chomp4577]

@@Deej210 it will cause rioting, pain and, heartache

[@gamergaymer965]

@@Deej210 if the mullet goes away our mayor will be impeached

[@bethanycarr7599]

As a Home Depot employee I can confirm that's literally what training videos are like

[@Gakupo1Kamui]

i came here to comment this it was way too similar LMAO

[@kimdracvla]

omg yeah ! it’s so accurate. we have to see those safety vids once a month and it always talks abt core values lol

[@bevanadonis9732]

Can't wait for the InFocus to finally be about something other than safe lifting and instead be about proper procedure when a customer Loctites their ass to a toilet seat

[@thefourthofjuly5411]

Do you go by the rules of "S G B D"?

[@yeetyeetson2871]

they’re literally so dumb i’m always like ...

[@ItsGemystic]

I used to work at Home Depot and I can confirm, whenever someone got their ass glued to a toilet we all had to drop whatever we were doing to go watch or else we'd be fired

[@MegaMuchoGacha]

I used to work at Home Depot too, didn’t realize this was universal. I appreciated the break but it was really uncomfortable to watch

[@hannahbecraft611]

Babe are you okay? You've barely touched your 87 nails and 7 push pins 🥺

[@justusogbame5004]

Lol 🤣

[@sachimourya1431]

I can't with this comment!!! 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

[@moved.6963]

Ugh... I can't do this anymore. There's someone else.

[@GA_131]

“Please don’t play with your nails!”

[@hamianagrande]

I don’t... wanna talk about it 😔👉🏻👈🏻

[@badarchive]

The 'stache comes and goes, BUT THE MULLET IS FOREVER

[@crypticshadows]

YES

[@pretty948]

NO

[@sageissleeping5165]

The stache always stays

[@khalil42]

ok

[@joeysoftpaws]

MULLETS FOR LIFE

[@moyo6606]

The Home Depot employees rushing to gawk at the person glued to a toilet seat in the bathroom is the most realistic part of everything

[@monikabeachy778]

As a Home Depot employee this is very accurate

[@pipclip]

reminds me of peep show😭😭

[@DarkRubberDucky]

If you are that dumb for clout or views... we are gonna look at the shot show.

[@keeleymoyle7846]

that’s actually a real story omg

[@gamergaymer965]

@@joshroehl6098 something i've always wondered about you Josh is how the fuck you have 1k subscribers? Who listened to your music and thought "This is good music i shall subscribe to this man to hear more"

[@kittykittybangbang000]

I like how it’s so specifically 87 nails as if swallowing 86 nails would be perfectly healthy.

[@ouchtor]

and seven push pins

[@Tj_Smeejay]

The woman who created Gert and Burt, the "Stay Alert, Stay Safe" bunnies was a Canadian mom whose child got kidnapped and eventually was found murdered, possibly killed by a serial child predator. She created the bunny safety mascots to teach children about being safe in various circumstances where they might encounter strangers without having a trusted adult around. Her hope was to prevent what happened to her child from happening to any others.

[@minajones8341]

That’s so sad!!! But it’s awesome she was able to create something to help others.

[@bonkerinaa]

🥺

[@akirachiyoko2134]

Sad

[@sunflower8227]

thats cool actually

[@garrett99]

The idea of Kurtis’ record time speed run in a public bathroom being 11 minutes is hysterical

[@mathilde5776]

I havent watch the video wtf😭

[@jenniferrairigh9023]

He’s confirmed it

[@Snocone333]

@@mathilde5776 why scroll the comments then?

[@Sicsel42524]

@@Snocone333 short attention span

[@bangchannieslaptop2375]

Snocone333 yeah i have a short attention span cause of tiktok🤕

[@Butterfly-fh9yw]

Dude all I’m gonna say is that Kurtis’ jokes slap way harder when you haven’t slept in two days, like imagine being hella sleep deprived and getting shown a video of an imaginary old lady opening her trunk to find a swarm of bees.

[@tatertits]

shit now i gotta do this

[@iang1650]

Just do drugs :)

[@tatertits]

@@iang1650 i currently cannot so it looks like the only drug i’ll be doing is sleep deprivation :)

[@a-m4406]

i'll be glad to tell you i'm watching this at like 3am my time & fucking dying of laughter i highly recommend

[@shadybeashooketh1911]

THIS IS SO EXCEPTIONALLY TROO

[@adelaidefinch6197]

I was removed from a sex ed seminar (6th grade) because they tried to tell us you could get aids by just touching someone with it. I was pissed. My cousin has had aids for a very long time and I knew how wrong that was. I threw a fit and once my parents found out why, they did the same. The next year they updated their curriculum apparently to promote facts. But I have to state that these videos were unhinged. The animation was wild. It was like watching Street Sharks teaching sexually transmitted diseases. It was not Jawsome. My cousin is still alive and doing well. He was one of the few who was given the, as he calls it, “magic cocktail” when they were testing out various medications. He’s happy, has a fab husband, owns an art gallery, and still lives in his home state of South Dakota. Surprisingly the town he lives in all the residents are so very understanding and not judgmental. This is jawsome. Sorry this was random but it reminded me of the stupid safety videos and seminars they made us watch. Also this happened in the early 90s at a US public school. Also, anytime my bestie smokes weed, he’s gotta shit. So there’s that. 🎉JAWSOME🎉

[@janer7862]

This is the best comment I've ever read. It was truly 🎉jawsome🎉

[@sevthekidd]

F FR f

[@sonicdml4175]

That uncle is a legend

[@ZeranZeran]

You sound like an amazing Nephew / Neice, and your parents are amazing too. Thank you. That's beautiful, and probably saved some lives too! I also have an family member with AIDS and he's probably the healthiest person in our family, and looks like a body builder. It honestly amazes me. He's incredibly strong mentally. He went through some horrible times in the 80's, doctors denying him care, or outright being disgusted with him. What an awful feeling. The one time I went to get an HIV test because I was scared, the Indian man at the counter LOUDLY explained what it was to everyone around us. When I asked him if that was necessary to mention to everyone, he gave me this look that said "You disgust me, and I don't care"... This was last year in 2022. People are fking weird and cruel.

[@sasvkeee._]

jawsome 🎉

[@xx_f1nn_fr3ak_xx]

Kurtis without a mustache makes him look even younger he's gaining more power.

[@_d6526]

Whats the flag in ur pfp

[@user-hq8ts6uj6x]

why hello fellow lesbian

[@_d6526]

@@xx_f1nn_fr3ak_xx awesome

[@avnish9422]

Hello little stinker guy named Greg living in kurtistown.

[@hi-so2ic]

You look like shuichi ngl

[@deltagrad124]

‘He ate 87 nails and 7 pushpins’ Worlds weirdest gaslight tactic

[@simly5189]

I literally can never predict the direction of any one of Kurtis’ sketches, it’s so wild how every single one just takes such a left turn lmao

[@smil3moreitlooksgoodonyou]

Ikr 🤣😆

[@32kuba32]

Yes and then they are the ones that are just exactly the joke he just did. I never know which one it will be

[@SilverishKitten]

14:54 was probably a skit about Kurtis' internal battle with his inner critic!

[@captainsneet2141]

Life Hack: if you predict the sketch is gonna end in gay love you're often right

[@ep6434]

* turd *

[@erinsharing]

i work at home depot and i cannot overstate how hard you nailed that employee video

[@oakquercus]

are you there when women get glued to toilets

[@erinsharing]

@@oakquercus we have to pry women off of toilets just about every other day

[@Mauzeah]

to give a sense of scale, what kind of power tool do you recommend he try in order to achieve the same force of future nail insertions?

[@erinsharing]

@@Mauzeah the most expensive one

[@helloworld2409]

​@@erinsharingrefrigerator?

[@A129WOLFY]

this tiktok account is the embodiment of my anxiety. Just "Be Careful!" and nonsensical scenarios that will never happen playing out repeatedly

[@akirachiyoko2134]

The first stories are true.

[@personmcperson6914]

@@akirachiyoko2134 the woman getting launched at the lions?

[@LaneWORK]

@@personmcperson6914 in the world of anxiety, it can be possible

[@porcelainsecurity]

Just eat 87 nails and 7 pushpins

[@zeefeer0543]

oh my god i hate it that you're right

[@tomasmurphy1036]

the trick to avoid a fire is to stay perfectly still and wait until it goes away

[@I_Think_You_Should_Leave]

Lol, which also what you do when there is a 🐝

[@orangeoranges6727]

crying😭😂

[@zjay1356]

It's true, if you don't move, the fire can't see you

[@nooranonel]

@@I_Think_You_Should_Leave No no no. With bees you roll on the ground and use a fire extinguisher 🧯

[@kayawhitton4806]

@I Think You Should Leave no you gotta smack cam the bees and then dance over their corpses toasting 6 am hot dogs...

[@Scriblyn]

I'm always amazed at how he can keep jokes recurring but never make them boring

[@nurfaqihahridzuan8870]

He watch enough manswers

[@autumnreza3156]

I was thinking the same thing

[@takomasmith8246]

Yeah and someone mentioned how that’s how family guy writes there jokes. How one joke said first in the scene will come back and than gives us room the breath and not think about it and then the episode ends with the same joke. Honestly it’s very creative but I wish family guy had better writing.

[@caffeinatedkatie4696]

@@takomasmith8246 it's nothing new. It's called a running gag/joke

[@butterss1178]

When there are home depot jokes you'll never get bored Or rather You'll always get board

[@hannahhubbell4050]

There was a safety place like that near me that everyone went to the summer before first grade, and they gave you a little diploma at the end of the week. I remember them showing us videos of things like a girl running on a pool deck, only to slip, fall, and break both legs. That week scarred me for life.

[@Genesis-m9t1n]

do u remember what the vid was called?

[@Carla-ou2yb]

I love how Kurtis looks equally ashamed and super excited right before he makes a terrible joke

[@DaniFewell]

Me too Carla, me too

[@m0ssy_g0bl1n]

@@tamara9181 Me too ~Tamara~, me too

[@brutus3631]

@@m0ssy_g0bl1n me too ACE TELLERUBIE, me too

[@aja6724]

@@brutus3631 Me too Brutus. Me too.

[@カーテンコールに惜別を]

@@aja6724 me too, Aja, me too

[@HannahBayles]

A goat story callback? A fresh faced Kurtis? What did we ever do to deserve this? 😩🙏🏻

[@soapyguy6483]

Shawty like a melody in my head

[@cinnaslut9940]

speedrun callback and an interchangable dating app joke also? this is amazing content

[@mousesnow3900]

This is honestly the biggest highlight of 2021. It's been confirmed. Nothin can beat this XD

[@zoofocat7696]

Oh didn’t expect you to be here Hi

[@vanessarose2796]

AH I’m subscribed to you! You’re vids are so positive while you’re critiquing vocal performance and really show off your love of music

[@smiley6080]

These puns makes me want to swallow 87 nails and 7 push pins while being glued to a toilet seat. Bee careful guys

[@DyslexicMitochondria]

These tik toks make me wanna go back to my mothers womb and never be born

[@-desertpackrat]

Such an oddly specific torture lol

[@epicstuff7522]

@@DyslexicMitochondria Sweet channeI u got there bud

[@candyllene]

These puns truly are hard to swallow.

[@sarashutter]

SOLID comment

[@tylerherrod3454]

Canadian Parliament: "Who can we get to teach kids that talking to strangers is bad?" Mustached Kurtis: "I'm your huckleberry."

[@hqzelmorgenstern]

HUCKLEBERRY REFERENCE

[@georgiamoorvan]

i have no clue how kurtis *somehow* manages to incorporate goat story into his videos. a real genius

[@childeater319]

What..😟

[@kailajensen1021]

Imagine the people who didn’t see the goat story videos they are probably so confused ☠️☠️

[@kylesagendorf]

"Im sure they just reused it once afterwards and everyone fucking lost their mind about it so they were like you know what fuck it keep doing that"

[@christhe2dprotogen511]

Would you like another nail sir -lady

[@SarahbearJayne]

I lost my shit when Katy popped in. Genius shit

[@lee-ol4rb]

that home depot horror segment is pure and unmatched art

[@maxgraysax]

Based on a real story too!

[@yeaokaysure]

Especially with the Home Depot music - just brilliant

[@m.oliveira5627]

I heard the Home Depot music and got freaked out that I knew and couldn’t place it and then it hit me. Spooky stuff man, spooky stuff

[@tyegordon]

it killed me that he ended the video with it

[@moesusername]

shit scared the fuck outta me

[@coainc]

the clip of kurtis's knee cracking while he is doing an extremely gremlin-esque little dance is simply criminally underrated. i'm losing my fucking mind

[@miasargent4728]

I love your pfp for some reason

[@lexrayvision]

Time stamp pls?

[@Skipsenberg]

@@lexrayvision 1:32

[@worstusernameintheworld9871]

it gives me big "my bones are getting squishy" vibes where the boy breaks his wrist from holding a door

[@lexrayvision]

@@Skipsenberg thanks :)

[@wherehowwhat]

Smoke actually calms bees down, so the people from the house fire skit are actually pretty safe in terms of bees. My mom keeps some bees and she has this fancy thing for releasing smoke at the bees before she handles them. (I'm not terribly knowledgeable because I am afraid of the bees regardless.)

[@clareamidei2260]

ohhh like a bee smoker ?? its got a little fire in it with bellows that push the smoke out. i wrote abt those a bit for my last argumentative research essay (also im autistic abt bees)

[@torih2736]

As an employee at the home depot I can confirm that these are indeed our core values

[@jadevanheerden3321]

I can confirm I was the floor

[@endless_del]

please tell me they made the "on board" joke in your training videos

[@reichr]

I can confirm i was the counter

[@jazzyboy4753]

Your profile pic makes this 10x funnier bro

[@Random-sk6hm]

please tell me y'all randomly burst into rooms

[@kyleeconrad]

Fyi: Former Home Depot employee here and the ass glued to a crapper situation actually happened. A "prankster" got clear industrial adhesive from the aisle and a different customer then went in some time later and got stuck. The poor bastard was older so I think he just wasnt strong enough to get up before the glue set. Fire and ambulance came and had to shut off water system, unbolt the toilet with him attached, then trot him thru the store and into ambulance.

[@MartianCandies]

Jesus Christttt, what happened to the toilet, it was just an unwilling participant, I have to know where it ended up, it didn't deserve this

[@kyleeconrad]

@@MartianCandies nobody knows. List to anals of history and legend.

[@bonesandhearts5683]

@@kyleeconrad lol anals nice

[@paytonl.8563]

That poor man 🥺

[@elizabethlian7482]

poor guy

[@AliceBakaneko]

"i'm the youngest man alive", having a knee crack 30 seconds later😂

[@hidden_jem_]

Time stamp?

[@AliceBakaneko]

@@hidden_jem_ 0:51

[@batvaleska]

i’ve had those since i was 6 :/

[@donuted_ace]

@@batvaleska same lmao

[@cringeneer5490]

@@batvaleska it's a joke

[@savannahmorris778]

I hope we get a part 2 soon… I keep rewatching this video bc it kills me😂

[@Sharky_27]

Kurt these sketches are getting more and more out of hand... they're beginning to feel like mini fever dreams

[@skenginmyblazer8190]

Idk how to explain it but I know exactly what you mean

[@dewdrop5552]

Don’t worry guys, he’s compromising for shaving his moustache off by growing his mullet until he looks like a country Rapunzel

[@emilybevenour5561]

“and at last i yee yee the light”

[@rainedrop277]

We related?

[@emilyhopkins3509]

@@emilybevenour5561 LMAOAO

[@rachelsomething1050]

Have you ever smelled a freshly cut open papaya? Stanky

[@emilybevenour5561]

@@emilyhopkins3509 had to do it to em

[@SawtoothWaves]

part two please i laughed so hard

[@ofsomeimportance]

Yeah part 2

[@mystiiic7848]

Be careful

[@James_McDonald]

#PART2

[@olivialindsey6535]

Yes plz part two

[@rainofstars00]

woah, didn't expect to see Sawtooth Waves of all people on Kurtis' videos :00

[@th4nky0uf0rth3ven0m]

I was so scared of that 2nd story that I didn’t swallow my 87 nails and 7 push pins for weeks afterwards

[@TheSomewareMan]

You poor thing! You must be skin and bones... ...perfectly intact, without any puncture wounds or lacerations

[@BellaandtheBulldogs]

had fun watching this while snacking on my 87 nails and 7 push pins.

[@lianair4383]

don’t forget your 7 almonds as well

[@frosty_teacup]

BE CAREFUL

[@jackisdead5194]

Be careful 😔

[@aliceisaperson]

@@lianair4383 87 nails and 7 push pins can’t hurt you if you have no weakness

[@guyontheinternet2835]

what? you only ate 87 NAİLS AND 7 PUSH PİNS pffft i eat at least 174 nails, 14 push pins and 20 needles and heat them with a blowtorch

[@alexiabeatriz00]

remember: if your partner says they will swallow 87 nails and 7 push pins if you break up w them, do it anyway bc they have leenbibles to teach them how to be safe

[@iwakeupandboomimarat]

hey op reading this comment before watching the video made me have a stroke and die tysm

[@hannah-v4l]

what about a girlfriend

[@redacted3013]

@@hannah-v4l idk bout you but I’d die

[@hannah-v4l]

@@redacted3013 i eat nails and push pins for a living

[@alexiabeatriz00]

@@hannah-v4l ohh right! i will edit the comment

[@smrtkoala]

Idk where to say this so I'll just put this here. I had a dream last night that Kurtis uploaded a new video called "Does Danny Gonzalez Like Farts?" And the thumbnail is Kurtis kinda shrugging and Danny is bald and looking confused. And I still want to watch this fictional vid

[@polarizeddisguise]

does he tho

[@melBea123]

I want to see it

[@smrtkoala]

@@polarizeddisguise that's a question we all want answered

[@SleepyMoon98]

I’m really glad I found this comment

[@chelsea3845]

This needs to be a real video. With a bald Danny and everything

[@stringman994]

So after rewatching this video for the umpteenth time, I got curious about some of these weirdly specific ones, like the 87 nails or the home depot toilet, and they are actually news stories. The nails one happened in China, the bees one was in Los Angeles, and the woman in the Home Depot clip actually looks kinda like the real woman who ended up suing Home Depot. I'm starting to think all of these are based on real stories...

[@cupriferouscatalyst3708]

Yeah they are, they are just completely removed from all forms of context for some reason :0

[@queenbre7406]

13:39 is the most genuine shock and disgust ive seen on kurtis and I am in tears every time I hear the panicked "WHATTHEFUCK"

[@gayairconditioner8977]

I will never not laugh at that part xD absolutely one of my favorite parts is his reaction to that video

[@pastel..tr1nkets]

I CANT BREATHH LOL

[@spilledink849]

"Hey, fuckin... pardon man?"

[@bbmolnar]

I've rewound this part so many times, it's so hilarious 😂 his reaction to that clip kills me every time

[@amiraberbo]

I have been crying for 10 minutes why is this so fking funny 😭

[@judelangan8866]

ok admit it, that was a smooth transition to the reference to Goat Story

[@sadiecable8237]

The way I both was so took by surprise but also not surprised at all💀

[@gustopaprika]

fr

[@AshlynIgnite]

That transition was genius

[@savannah9197]

@@joshroehl6098 brooooooo i love that

[@deadenbyel]

Indeed

[@olivialindsey6535]

Why is nobody talking about the bee keeper on fire skit that shit was hilarious

[@maxwellbarbe6405]

We don't want to disrespect the dead :/

[@meganchambers8108]

"We met on bumble" I can't with this lol

[@SarafinaSummers]

OMG! That sounded like something that my brother would talk about! I was sobbing, laughing, and almost dropped by quiche laughing.

[@SloppySteaks333]

"...eh..whh...fuckin...pardon??...man??" Your reaction to the 🍁 one was so perfect🤣

[@xoticbell]

I like how everyone ignored that he was frying a whole egg.

[@lily2ko]

im the 100th like, that just made my day

[@lily2ko]

also, wdym thats a normal thing to do- how do you think people hard-boil eggs huh?????? 🙄🤚

[@lilycheese4]

@@lily2ko By... Boiling them? Which means, in water, and not just... Never mind.

[@girlboss2527]

@@lily2ko how does being an even number on a like make your day tf

[@lily2ko]

@@girlboss2527 its a Lily thing- you wouldn't understand~

[@Wolfie42069-]

I love how the lion den thing is only protected with the kind of fence you’d see in a suburban backyard

[@foxja1]

Most people in NYC have enough common sense to not hope a fence

[@abcdeisthekeygaming277]

My thoughts exactly

[@Ven0m.snak3]

@@foxja1 key word: most

[@crimjim2912]

@@foxja1 us folks in Florida would see the lions behind the fence and dare each other to hop the fence for 10 bucks

[@accountlol7409]

@@crimjim2912 10? They’d do it for 5

[@slobonmygurt8354]

I feel like the creator of these tiktoks just finished binge watching all of the final destination movies and is just super paranoid now

[@aspenfall4019]

Lol true

[@janalefevre222]

All of the stuff in the TikToks happened irl. You can google all of ‘em and you’ll find the articles. The woman who stood infront of a lion in a zoo went viral ages ago so I clocked it instantly.

[@GamingWalissa]

Omg i was just doing that

[@mfultimate]

bing watching

[@slobonmygurt8354]

@@mfultimate yea I just realized that

[@hugdispenser5627]

I’m crying. It’s almost 4:30am. This video is genius

[@emiliamodrusan]

The way he just slipped in "people can be careful and mistakes still happen...ask my parents" 😂😂😂

[@fodeabdoulaye3245]

what happened to his parents?

[@glkittyz2004]

@@fodeabdoulaye3245 the joke is that they made him haha. he was an unplanned pregnancy

[@fodeabdoulaye3245]

@@glkittyz2004 ahh. that's funny. and sad.

[@canniblanch]

Ngl that knocking while you're on the toilet bit is genuinely a scary premise. Like if you kept saying "occupied" but the knocking doesn't stop 😭😭😭

[@Kyran1996]

I would tell them to *knock* it off.

[@mm-xk2zl]

@@Kyran1996 why would you tell them to knock the door off

[@tommymarco]

@@Kyran1996 lol

[@Kyran1996]

@@mm-xk2zl - The doorknob is broken and I've been trapped in here for days.

[@shrubgrass]

i would actually be scared

[@TheKanta]

The way I gasped when he said Safety Village

[@natalieemerick9913]

Southern Ontario solidarity 😩😩

[@li2832]

SAMEEE the amount of memories I have from that place-

[@rachel6905]

YESSS

[@LilyAvarA]

Hi, was there actually a fake dead body under the ice of was that a joke that kurtis made because that's terrifying

[@ct5447]

Finally, the southern Ontario representation we deserve

[@DearDeerRyone]

I like how the scenario with the smoke-screaming/poop-smearing guy was the only video where the Home Depot employees didn’t burst in. Like even they didn’t wanna subject themselves to that.

[@beccalopez3793]

ahh yes. everyone’s favorite nicki minaj song: bees in the chunk

[@RainbowSparkleGrahams]

I always sing it as bees in my cup

[@chasecrawford-herold3937]

Chunk?

[@alternativesalterxx]

Bees in the chump be-bees in the chunks

[@Dubbledgr]

Trunk? Am i gonna end up in r/wooosh?

[@sappy5143]

@@Dubbledgr it's just that when he said it it sounded like "chunk" bc you couldn't hear the r lol

[@biggaylol5438]

Kurtis arguing with himself about going off script is terrifying also at the time of writing this kurtis will swallow 252,000 push pins and 36,000 nails Now 560,000 push pins and 80,000 nails. I keep coming back to this video because it doesn't feel real

[@DyslexicMitochondria]

it truly is

[@sterlingarcher8041]

@@DyslexicMitochondria I was curious about ur username so clicked on ur profile. Ur channeI is a hidden gem bro

[@fern_doe]

kurtis is our 80's swag daddy, never get rid of the mullet

[@ss-hc7tb]

80s SWAG DADDY BYE-

[@lilianhufford1908]

Yuhhhhhh swag dad 😩✋ long live laugh love the mullet

[@Sammy-yf2sb]

*YES WE STAN THE ULTIMATE DADDY KURTIS*

[@valevolentt]

70s more like it 😫

[@thickstrawberrycow7947]

I keep coming back to this video just to see his reaction to 13:44 it kills me every single time😭😭

[@gs8679]

My eight year old cousin came in and said “who’s the Rat Man?” and pointed at Kurtis and everyone in the grocery store started clapping. Merry Christmas!

[@MargotJarrell]

HAHAHAH

[@Jules-kz4hn]

Omg Happy Birthday to your grandma Ariana Grande ! 🎉

[@monicamycbm]

I LOVE THIS COMEMENT HAHAHASKFKDSP

[@l00sechange]

Tell your lover and ex-wife, Winston Churchill, I said hello

[@Danny_Az]

Happy Halloween to you too!

[@ArtixellAnimations]

Kurtis could literally be anywhere between 16 and 30 years old.

[@chloeclocloclo]

HE JUST HIT THREE MIL I WAS LOOKING AT HID PAGE LIKE 2 HOURS AGO

[@pelicanine]

@@chloeclocloclo okay????? No one asked?

[@duck-zx3bz]

@@pelicanine couldnt care less ngl

[@peachseob94]

@@pelicanine let the person have their moment

[@buckets1623]

38*

[@denishaasia0115]

The “Would you like...another nail, sir?” callback made me holler 😂

[@gosha5391]

MAKING IT STINKY

[@Fergusand]

I can’t believe kurtis has eaten 262k nails (and 7 push pins)

[@naomiagan4710]

He must have an iron stomach

[@galacticalove]

Nobody: Kurtis talking about his mustache coming back: Making it *Stinky*

[@galacticalove]

@@joshroehl6098 Hey, Bruv? Not to be rude or anything but please don't take this route of "advertising". It's not really appreciated majority of the time and can sometimes piss people off since it's the equivalent of paying to remove ads only to get ×2 the ads (just from what I've seen when people randomly plug links to their videos). Good Luck to you though. 👍

[@marinagomes3448]

I almost died out of laughter, Kurtis, why didn’t you put a “be careful” warning? Do you want to kill your citizens?

[@ps1hagridoufofcharacter]

YOU WERENT NICE ENOUGH OH NO

[@GA_131]

His twin who edits his videos is jealous and he will not rest till he kills all of Kurtistown

[@ekat4864]

@@GA_131 OH GOSH

[@Seft2_]

Rosnd work ahdbd uh yena I sier hpep it does

[@YvonneJerCocktailsJer]

You are a treasure for this!! Hope Nicksnotgreen is still editing these videos!

[@ellie5270]

The “would you like... another nail?” Made me shit my pants ✋😭

[@Kyran1996]

Did a bunch of Home Depot employees show up afterwards?

[@mehruhameed4595]

@@Kyran1996 ASJAJSJAJWJSJSDJFJ

[@zozophonchkey5300]

Actually, the man who ate 87 nails and 7 push pins didn’t eat them after an argument. The Doctors who removed them therorised he did it because he was suicidal after getting into a fight with his girlfriend.

[@laceyrainbolt5432]

omg thank u, it’s been years and i still can’t get over how kurtis didn’t realize that was a suicide attempt 😭 makes it hard to laugh at that part even tho i love the skit.

[@Lucy-uu7bb]

​@@laceyrainbolt5432 I feel like self harm wouldn't be most people's first thought because it seems like such a complicated way to go about it. Like of the ways you could self harm eating nails and push pins is such an uncommon one that I don't think you'd connect the dots for a bit

[@magpie405]

i didnt even remember he had a mustache until he did that bit in the intro

[@reybrunke9051]

i had to check the thumbnails on his last few videos and make sure

[@annashepperd1028]

I'm glad I'm not the only one

[@ihatesakuraharunofromnarut9920]

True

[@dazaithecat8470]

Same

[@LexiconDisgr4ced]

I love how Kurtis just can't stop making Goat Story references

[@lunapadilla1581]

it’s a coping mechanism

[@maehadid9504]

His goat story is like Danny’s “my bones are gettin squishy”

[@lizard3755]

I've watched his Goat Story videos so many times

[@electric6131]

@@lizard3755 Sameee I swear it never gets old 😂

[@pasc8699]

I wonder if he does it in real life lmao

[@amberf6022]

why is no one talking abt the fact that the nails were in the guy’s lungs and not his stomach????? lmao

[@deathvideogame]

Snorting nails

[@amberf6022]

@@gregoryford2532 not it's too high and too far to the side

[@arandomspider9563]

@@deathvideogame BAHAHA

[@gumbitoicic9977]

@@gregoryford2532 If your an alien or have have a mutation that switched them around

[@lemonsmug]

@@olechkagoncharova9157 so, not 7 pushpins?

[@currentlybaking]

9:56, things like that have actually happened before, except for the home depot employees. in a mcdonald’s some teenagers put super glue onto a toilet seat and a little girl got stuck to it. she ended up in the hospital after most of the skin on her butt got ripped off and having chemical burns from the glue

[@lyricperson24]

i like to believe they’re not even at a home depot. there isn’t a home depot for miles. but when there is someone stuck on a toilet... they come

[@batjackattack5556]

they come in two different ways

[@twistytw]

I mean everyone’s into something I guess

[@Lucifersfursona]

They heed the call

[@noemers6916]

PLSJNWC

[@marianissa2438]

kurtis out here bringing back our unnecessary Goat Story trauma

[@marcdert]

Would you like another nail?

[@antlereddruid8359]

Why trauma? It's actually a pretty clever movie full of references to central european history and myths. It's just not a kids movie and obviously people who don't know the references (like people from NA) won't like it.

[@tempura8976]

No, it’s absolutely necessary

[@cryingfools]

@@antlereddruid8359 You can't decide what traumatizes people 😂

[@ahuman404]

@@cryingfools I mean, while true, I doubt Kurtis' Goat Story Vid was one of them, only because Kurtis was there.

[@imlivvv]

Kurtis is slowly speeding up his intro in every video and it’s so funny

[@castaway2850]

he is FED UP

[@spacecadet3853]

I had a safety village field trip once, that shit was terrifying. there was a scenario where a little kid celebrates their Barbies birthday, but they leave a candle lit and run off. then it's dark, there's red and pink led lights and smoke machines and loud shit everywhere. it was terrifying for me as a 2nd grader it was probably nothing

[@eliannalovee]

all kurtis wanted to do was dance like a sway boy but his bones just decided to sound like a fresh bowl of rice krispies on a Saturday morning

[@sofia_garciia28]

WHY AM I LAUGHING SO HARD AT THIS PLSSSS

[@toastedgraymonds2744]

HAHAHAHDHD PLEASEE

[@AshaSara]

HAHAHA

[@causewhynot7957]

Too bad his bones dont get squishy

[@seren_wraps]

@@causewhynot7957 his bones have already slowly melted, like a chocolate bar in the hot sun.

[@kayleecaca]

"be careful, man swallows 87 nails and 7 push-pins" sounds like some kind of ominous math problem

[@Nonexistent_creature]

WHAT'S THE ANSWER

[@therealdarklizzy]

Travis swallowed 87 nails and 7 push-pins. He is bleeding out at a rate of 2 milliliters per second. How fast does the ambulence have to travel to get to the hospital before Travis has bled to death?

[@Nonexistent_creature]

@@therealdarklizzy .001 mph. (I'm a prodigy :)

[@therealdarklizzy]

@@Nonexistent_creature r/theydidthemath

[@kazoo3872]

@@therealdarklizzy THIS HAS GOT TO BR THE FUNNIEST SHIT IVE EVER READ OH MY GOD

[@vomitingforever5392]

When the lady got stuck in the toilet, I guess you could say her HOME is now on DE POT

[@Nitrolord]

This is simultaneously the worst and best comment ever

[@linus855]

*seinfeld theme plays and everyone instantly claps*

[@_daturaa]

This comment made me so sad

[@doppiogecko6249]

I both love and hate this comment

[@andynachos2045]

That Home Depot film bit would be considered horror nowadays.

[@laurengrosjean]

The Belleville Safety Village was literally 20 minutes from my elementary school and we NEVER got to go but every other school got to it was not fair. It’s been like 12 years and I’m still bitter.

[@buttercuup02]

I’m second-hand mad at that 😤 that’s so messed up

[@spongy7426]

@@buttercuup02 I’m third hand mad at that 😤 that’s so messed up!

[@elena-mv8pf]

omg keep us updated

[@A_Ducky]

@Maya Aguilar It's okay to graduate a virgin. Really.

[@A_Ducky]

@Maya Aguilar No, mine was a lame old joke. That's actually really cool. I hope you don't miss it this time!! 🦎 My (ex) neighbor has about 40 cages of various reptiles in her apartment, which she rescues. Living in California, last year we had to evacuate coz of a fire. Loaded up 3 cars with all of her (what's a reptile aquarium called? Reptarium? Terrarium?). She also has a dog, cat & 10yo kid. We end up evacuating to the same motel by chance, and .. mayhem! Comodo dragons escaping, cats peeing everywhere but she can't have room cleaned coz: 1) coronavirus 2) if the staff sees 40 cages of reptiles, including snakes, they'll flip, and lots more. It was a pretty eventful week. (Our building didn't burn.. whew). She's just moved to a house, to have more room for her rescue efforts. And she does it all while studying to be a nurse. I've never entered her apartment. Coz I'm a chickenshit. 🤷🏻‍♀️

[@lizziex7117]

I love how Kurtis can’t even be asked to explain the extra greeting anymore

[@thehearthotel]

Kurtis losing his shit over the poop in the last tik tok was honestly funnier than the tik tok itself, this man derives so much joy from toilet humor and it takes me _out_

[@heather.chandler.musicals]

7:33 THE GOAT STORY REFERENCE HOLY SHIT THIS MAN IS A GENUIS

[@okaayushi]

it's certain, kurtis is a boomer trying to relate to kids he makes dad jokes, he's teaching us about safety, he shaved his mustache to make him look like a 16 year old home depoo

[@twistytw]

Deeppoo

[@jasonhorton]

If I wanted safety I would use LinkedIn

[@scarletsapphic]

Linkedin would not be safe for me to use since I would immediately obliterate my phone

[@jeffireymurdock2073]

Yeah no arguments; everyones using a flip phone

[@miriaktz6339]

Hmm i don’t know about that, I had to block a few people there already

[@winbiswas484]

User data of LinkedIn has been reportedly leaked

[@bluejayrayn4958]

LinkedIn? More like Linked7Pushpins .....I’ll see myself out

[@ananyaw8052]

The blowing smoke guy literally made me spit water

[@novemberiscoolithink]

*garcello* except for garcello isn't unhinged

[@soapthesoap]

I laughed so hard

[@A_Ducky]

Me too, and it wasn't just water.. it was that fuckin' expensive vitamin water. This guy better issue some refunds around here or I'm calling Home Depot!!!!!1!!

[@yours-truly-music]

That was actually the funniest thing ive seen in quite some time

[@Pifen]

It made me laugh so much that my stomach started to hurt

[@dani_drawzz]

8:56 “Us two.” But there’s four. *THERE’S FOUR.*

[@chadbroskisnicefood4635]

*Too

[@dani_drawzz]

@@chadbroskisnicefood4635 r/whoosh

[@Zilly.]

Two + Two = Four Liberals owned 🤪

[@sillygoober.01]

​@@chadbroskisnicefood4635it has been a year but id like to remind you that you missed that joke

[@turkeyhamanddeath]

​@@dani_drawzzis r/whooosh about very strong winds

[@taylorrhouser]

“You can be extra careful and terrible things can still happen - ask my parents” 😭😭😭

[@AxxLAfriku]

My haters throw rocks at me and IT hurts. I hope they don't throw The Rock at me because I like him as an actor. GAGAGAGAGA!!! I am funny!!! I am the funniest KZbinr EVAH! Please agree, dear tqy

[@animatedArchivist]

@@AxxLAfriku no

[@lauramari]

@@AxxLAfriku what

[@hyacinththey-them5097]

@@AxxLAfriku 🪨🏃🏻‍♀️🏃🏻‍♀️🏃🏻‍♀️🏃🏻‍♀️

[@persephones_favorite]

That joke is genuinely the loudest ive laughed at kurtises videos

[@tommycampanis867]

As someone who has been through Home Depot orientation, I can say that the video Kurtis made was incredibly spot on. They even made acronyms and everything.

[@monikabeachy778]

andududhd it’s so true and it hurt my feelings to see it

[@syd45678]

I work at a Lowe’s, it’s the same thing 😅

[@florence.5088]

I worked at Lowe's and the orientation (as well as the training videos) were hilariously insane. I don't miss that place.

[@Absolutecorn5767]

it was unreal how accurate it was.

[@katrinagenova9738]

I'm low-key convinced that these safety tik toks were meant as elite humour but the joke just went over all of our heads...

[@juliannah5721]

They're animations of true, actual news stories lol. I know.

[@DLC_PR016]

@@juliannah5721 it’s something out of TomoNews

[@comradestorm]

Safety Village was absolutely the HIGHLIGHT of my childhood. Nothing was greater than causing a 5 mini car accident at the main intersection.

[@gilliandana1528]

Ok but was there really a fake dead body in the ice

[@comradestorm]

@@gilliandana1528 Yes lol. There is also a presentation where a man comes in with little figurines of people and they get electrocuted and he says “If your not careful, that can be you.” I am 19 years old, and to this day that man scares me.

[@GA_131]

I have a place like Safety Village where I live, crazy things happened there like my best friend going to “jail”

[@kaiden4937]

@@comradestorm this is bringing back so many memories lmao. I distinctly remember the one figurine that would get electrocuted trying to climb up a ladder to get a cat out of a tree

[@Spookybeans231]

When I went to Safety Village 5 kids skinned their knees in like an hour because the doorways had little ledges that were shockingly unsafe

[@mam1430]

I love the fact that kurtis had to put on 3 different outfits and pretend to scream out smoke just for that clip

[@DestinysPookie]

The "be careful. Don't 🍁" made me almost choke on my spaghetti.

[@lily2ko]

little did everyone know, its actually "be careful. don't *canada* " the the smoke is just hot breath that's visible since its freezing cold 🤯💅🏻✨

[@holyshard530]

What's wrong with canada?

[@foxwithoutahat]

@@holyshard530 it’s first problem is that it’s fucking CANADA

[@elimushroom8794]

dont leaf

[@internetnull]

i read this as dont leaf

[@regiergal]

I FORGOT ABOUT SAFETY VILLAGE UNTIL THIS MOMENT OMG

[@livanaaaaa918]

what’s even more wild is i actually met a man in a public library where he told me about the time he used synthetic marijuana, stole a motorbike and got caught, and while in the holding cell he pooped and smeared it on the walls. BE CAREFUL 🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁

[@saki_s4n0bashi]

did he scream when he smoked?

[@ananthim7358]

Watttttt😂😭👀

[@jstarstudios7110]

BE CAREFUL DON'T LEAF

[@jjjlove2260]

Bruh I read this before I got to that part of the video and honestly fell for your story