Robb Wilton - The Home Guard (1943)

Robb Wilton, born Robert Wilton Smith (28 August 1881 - 1 May 1957) was an English comedian and comic actor who was famous for his filmed monologues in the 1930s and 1940s in which he played incompetent authority figures.
Wilton's most popular catchphrase, imitated by many a man of advanced years in a late-20th-century bar-room with the right-hand little finger-end nervously in and out of the mouth, was "The day war broke out...". The phrase was taken from his opening routine for radio which was "The day War broke out, my missus said to me, 'It's up to you...You've got to stop it'. I said, 'Stop what?'. She said, 'The War'".
Another frequently reconstructed Wilton monologue was the 'fire station sketch', in which a bumbling fire officer takes a call reporting the location of a fire, but is sidetracked into trying to remember where it is instead of taking the details of the conflagration: "Grimshaw St... No, don't tell me... Oh, I could walk straight to it...", finishing with the classic line to the long-suffering householder: "Can you keep it going 'til we get there?"
Possibly his best-known character, Mr Muddlecombe, an incompetent J.P., appeared in a number of radio series during the 1930s and 1940s and was known for the phase "You shouldn't have done that!". He would also frequently make the comment: "Ee, what a to-do!"
He appeared in several films from 1934, generally in supporting comic roles. His last film appearance was in the Arthur Askey vehicle The Love Match in 1955.

[@DAVE32154]

This will go down in history as one of the greatest monologues of all times. I never get tired of listening to it.

[@ceciliaflorencenapier4595]

Brilliant humour. Thanks so much. My father loved Rob Wilton and Harry Tate made us all laugh listening on the wireless. Happy days!

[@stephenreeds3672]

This is British humour at its best. Superb.

[@irenecoy4437]

My Dad loved him and I can understand why...💙💙💙💙💙

[@RonWylie-gk5lc]

You know when something is just perfect, simply class in every pause, exclamation and word. When his wife said "What YOU!?" I believe every man knows just what he is talking about there lol. "We would be better off if you were on the other side" now THAT'S an insult

[@irenecoy4437]

My Dad loved him.. and I can understand why

[@dabedwards]

"I've got to stop Hitler's army landing" "What, you?!" "No!....there's Harry Bates, and Charlie Evans......" Glorious!

[@malferguson2548]

"We've all joined for the duration... unless it finishes before then." Genius.

[@jongadsby1623]

total genious!!! mand i am only young but I just found him so funny!!!!!

[@lediabolique5822]

Superb. Truly deserves the 'comedy classic' tag.

[@crossleydd42]

"Anyway, I didn't have to go back to work....I'm a lamplighter." Of course, all the street lights were permanently out for the duration of the war!

[@NB-xq4qt]

'I've got a tongue in my head......'classic

[@adrianmediteriania]

great legend

[@plainjayne1981]

A stand out piece of comedy.

[@trevorhoward2254]

I wonder if the Germans had such self deprecating humour to keep their spirits up in WWII. Somehow, I doubt it.