When You Unmask a Covert Narcissist, RUN, But Quietly! Counterfeit Relationship.

[@RossRosenberg]

🤗 Unlock the ultimate support group today: www.patreon.com/RossRosenbergSLRI

[@No-BS1369]

My situation was a bit different. My narcissist is my (estranged) sister, and I will now refer to her as my adversary. Our mother was a narcissist and she had a sudden death in February 2022. She had written me out of her will for marrying a man she didn’t approve of (another narcissist and my first narcissistic relationship outside of my family). I left him in late 2012 and I lived with her until she died. The year before, she had my adversary come and write down her final wishes, and she told us both that she wanted me to have her house to be able to sell so that I could move wherever I wanted to. As soon as a week later, which happened to be the day of the funeral, I was starting to pick up on my adversary’s moods and attitudes, things that were being said, etc., and I recognized that I was in trouble with her (I did know that she was a narcissist, but I was able to pick up on the danger due to what I learned from my ex husband). Our family lives in another state and I started contacting my aunt and my oldest cousin more frequently and just keeping them in the loop. My adversary found out that I’d been talking with family members and she flipped! My rationale was not to make her look bad, but rather to make sure that I was protecting myself against a crazy person. One day she was supposed to come over to the house to rummage through my mother’s papers, as she was directed to do by her lawyer, and I told her I didn’t feel good and that I would be in my bedroom sleeping. I told her that I’d leave the storm door unlocked so she could use her key to get into the house. She told me later that evening that her key didn’t work and I had to give her a key. Something immediately told me she was up to something so I told her to go through mom’s purse because she always had her house key in there (she just took all of our mother’s belongings home with her from the hospital without even saying anything to me). She called me back the next day and said that there was no key in the purse. My reaction was, “Someone stole it!”, simply because it was pretty obvious that someone at the hospital had been through her purse and we both knew it. I told her that her daughter was given a key by her grandmother. Nope. She allegedly didn’t have a key either. I had a copy made, but I bought inside locks and my neighbor was kind enough to drill them in for me. I told my adversary that nobody was coming into the house without permission and that I was to be present. Her plans were obviously screwed because of this and I told her that we knew someone went through the purse, now that key was “missing”. I told her that I would need notification and to agree with the time of coming into the house because I was alone in there and I told her that if I heard any doors being attempted to be opened from the outside that I would use my stand your ground laws/2nd Amendment rights and I would not be hesitant about firing my weapon. After that, I contacted the lawyer via email and just requested a basic inquiry into what was happening in my mother’s probate case. I didn’t hear anything from my adversary after that until I got a large letter taped on my front door saying that I had 30 days to leave. I didn’t leave, so I got a 24 hour notice by the sheriff to leave or be physically removed from the house. I’m sorry this is so long but I had to leave the house and my adversary took the entire inheritance. I’m in a small Florida county and the lawyer is in bed with all the other lawyers and the judges, not to mention other officials. I lost everything I couldn’t fit into the trunk of my car. I was homeless for about three months because I’m disabled and we were having a housing crisis. I had no support where I live. I had a few family members and friends who were able to help me out a little bit financially so that I would be able to spend a night or two in a hotel room with my cat. My poor cat couldn’t handle the stress and she died about a month after we moved into my current apartment. I don’t wish this kind of hell on anyone, but I am so thankful that I DID expose her for what she is. She’s a demon and, despite all her lies and her flying monkeys, there are some people who see the truth about what really happened. I have been no contact with her since May 2022, and I never will be. Not only did I survive, but I’m finally starting to thrive. I’m in a nice apartment community and I’ve rebuilt my credit score from Poor to Good. The only thing I would change is that I would’ve set up cameras to record her craziness. I don’t regret exposing her and I continue doing so as often as I can. Thank you to anyone who read this entire post.

[@kanamexzeroxyuuki]

Once you see them. Really see them, you can't really revert back to what it used to be. That's the kind of heartbreaking yet liberating truth that cannot be hidden anymore . I am free now. And I thank God for every day I no longer dread coming home, that I no longer freeze when I hear those footsteps, no longer have to pretend to sleep, or pretend not to be hurt.

[@dukecity7688]

There is nothing worse than dreading coming home. Home - where you are supposed to be able to close out the world and all it's horror - if your own space is unsafe - nothing - nothing is worse. God bless you and congratulations - Home = my sanctuary.

[@vincentdolente7053]

yeah, I actually laughed when I felt that feeling of being free. And it was a long distance relationship. I can only imagine dealing with one irl.

[@jamesbayly5785]

Ok as far as their concerned because they already sized you up as use or benefit themselves. Sociopaths in waiting?

[@nickjames8293]

@@dukecity7688 so, so true

[@salonsavy6476]

Hallelujah!!,,,, I feel EXACTLY the same way !!,,,,,🕊🕊🕊🕊🕊🙏🙏🙏

[@afakkobyab5982]

"Narcissist thrive and survive on our bad self esteem" -- truth.

[@fabianacanepa2981]

O

[@ravenel2]

Ouch.

[@TheNinnyfee]

Yep, because they feel bad inside and blame the world. And they cannot stand it being alone with feeling bad.

[@imy5279]

Yes, true. Thats why its so important to be no contact so we can then work on ourselves. Build ourselves outside of the abuse.

[@paigeclark91]

Damn that burns

[@amazinggrace2777]

When a narcissist/ toxic person can't control you anymore, they'll try to control how others see you, the feeling will hurts and not fair, but stay strong, cool, calm and healthy. You will prevail!

[@Flowersgot7]

That’s what happening to me right now

[@eunicedith]

Exactly

[@alanshumway2541]

They will torture until they get a reaction. If it’s hooking up with your best friend or sibling, or moving on ultra fast. If you give them a bad reaction, you could even end up with a restraining order, based on mostly lies, or otherwise damaged. DO NOT underestimate how far they will go to protect their image. Do not threaten to expose them, publicly.

[@AnaLockett]

I needed to read this. Thank you.

[@catdogabuab1928]

@@AnaLockett my narcissist pulled ye olde 'i have cancer' and 'i have to go live with family' when they got the inklings I was about to pack up and go, as if I'd say "oh noez lemme take care of you you poor dying thing Dx" Instead, since they acted all sick, I helped them move their bags to their uncle's car and told the uncle "if you guys need any help with chemotherapy for his cancer, let me know!" Lo and behold, the family knew nothing about the cancer. I'm so glad I could be the one to tell them 🙄 They came back that night, and by next morning the room was clean and cleared out and I left before anyone woke.

[@Julia-jz5wt]

Its a truly horrifying experience. To look for the soul of a person and see that there is nothing there

[@Becky_Lewis_Awareness]

It's also truly horrifying to look up your Narc on a people search site that reveals a total and complete stranger with another life and numerous identities 😢😮🤯🤦‍♀️

[@bartgoofers]

There's something there. It's just not what you expected.

[@roflcopter4273]

@@Becky_Lewis_Awareness Been there, done that. It's actually horrifying. Not just hurtful, but horrifying. I get people having affairs, lying about SOME things, etc. (Even though that is obviously also immoral). But this? It's really like they are merely pretending to be human.

[@DoobSteppe]

Joe Mama

[@DebraSteinhagen]

Ohh so true!

[@mattzee6287]

In Russia, there is a saying: "The more quietly you leave, the further you'll get"

[@Subjohny]

"тише едешь - дальше будешь!"

[@Subjohny]

which means: the slower you go - the further you will be.

[@vh-ali_n-teen]

Familiar to Abraham Lincoln quote: “ I might walk slow but i never walk backward “

[@katekanini5453]

@@vh-ali_n-teen . Ameen to that.

[@deetor5551]

I love that!

[@dawnwinther376]

They told me; "you have this image of me, you don't know who I truly am." I replied; "I know exactly what you are, because you are everything you told me you were not, and everything you have accused others to be."

[@stefangebhard7074]

Seeing the truth for what a narcissist really is, is like a reverse mirror-only they try so hard to get ‘you’ to perceive the world through that, in an attempt at making you believe that it’s reality. I admire what you’ve written here. I’m just wondering how bad the blow back was when it came to their reaction, most notably the smear tactics-because, that takes a lot of guts to say to them. Congratulations for standing your ground!!!

[@frankharris3380]

You are a genius to eloquently state that. So true.

[@natalieivanisko4136]

Yes

[@natalieivanisko4136]

Yes "I don't want to hurt you" means exactly "I want to hurt you"

[@SophieBird07]

I agree! But that is a dangerous thing to say to a narc. Revenge is their strong game. I recently told mine, that I needed “space” to work on all my shortcomings which he has been making me come to realize”. (I didn’t add that my shortcomings were why the heck I was letting someone treat me like that). I timed it for when he was grooming another source he didn’t think I knew about…Her car was at his place that same night. He’s her problem now or will be shortly.

[@kristinamusantejd735]

Leaving the relationship quickly and quietly and without attempting to defend yourself is the best strategy.

[@RossRosenberg]

Well said Kristina.

[@theresabadea6803]

Yes.That is what I did.That is perfect advice.Thank you

[@jenniferfrazier8131]

That's wonderful for those who can run. They prefer you in a position where you can't run.

[@tinacarlton9949]

@@jenniferfrazier8131 like your head stuck in the sand like an ostrich and they behind you wih a 15 inch probe

[@KunjaBihariKrishna]

It's true. Yet I still had to deal with stalking and threats. False police reports, while I'm a foreigner in Indonesia no less. She also messaged various friends and family members. She also used fake profiles to monitor new friends or follows on my social media accounts so she would message the new girl I met and tell her I'm a criminal and stuff like that. You know what I had to do in the end? Unblock her and pretend to be friendly. If I block her all hell breaks loose. I'm in a bad situation now

[@dhd-00]

Narcissists move VERY fast in relationships. It's not uncommon to hear, “I love you", and/or be bombarded with love songs/texts/memes a few weeks after meeting them. By rushing into sex/intimacy, they fast-forward the relationship. They get their targets to fall for them before he/she can realize something is amiss. I believe this is also the reason they tend to be VERY good lovers. Sex is usually the “hook” in toxic relationships. Narcissists lack genuine personalities. So, they mirror their targets. If you find you have “so much in common" with a new person, your likes are their likes, and your dislikes are coincidentally their dislikes as well, raise your antennas! They may be mirroring you. This is the “soulmates" hook… You'll also notice that they'll spend more time telling you who they are, verses showing you. As time goes on, you'll notice the words they used to describe themselves do not fit their personality - at all. But, they will fit YOURS!!! Passive-aggressive behavior and irrational/unexplained anger, are also major red flags. Pay attention to how a person treats you the first time you say, “No”, and/or when things don't go their way… If they give you the silent treatment, grow cold, and/or pull away, do not overlook it! Most importantly, if someone pulls away, or goes silent, after you set a boundary - DO NOT pursue them! This is how they groom you to be the chaser in the relationship. It's emotional abuse/manipulation! Pay close attention to people who portray themselves as victims. NOTHING is EVER their fault! EVERYONE, including the family pet, has done them wrong… ALL of their ex's are “crazy” and mistreated them… They’re great, but no one appreciates said greatness… Simply put, it's bullshit! No one should have a laundry list of bad experiences. If they do, RUN, because they're the common denominator! Narcissists tend to have a history of failed/short-term relationships. Believe it or not, it's hard for Narcissists to find people to deal with them long term due to their instability and poor behavior… Superficial relationships/friendships. I've noticed they don't have anyone they're genuinely close to. This is due to their inability to bond and form true attachments to people. Their relationships are shallow and based on surface-level bs. They'll refer to someone as their bestfriend, but you’ll notice they barely speak. Or, that the person is never really around. Or, only shows up when it's time to party, etc. They may also speak down on/poorly of said “bestfriend” behind their back. Narcissists tend to be condescending, two-faced and downright mean! Based on my experience, they cannot talk about deep subjects (i.e. fears/emotions). Or, how a situation truly made them feel. Or, what their childhood was like in detail… They don't want to go there. I suspect, it's because they can't. They don't know themselves well enough. They can't connect. They also live in a world of dishonesty. They're very dishonest with themselves about who they truly are. A poor relationship with their Mother/primary caregiver. Underlying issues between Narcissists and their Mother's (abuse, neglect, don’t get along, etc.), seems to be common. People that I've known who've displayed strong Narcissistic tendencies, ALL had bad relationships with their Mothers! I think it's worth mentioning, their Mother's also displayed strong Narcissistic traits… I'm fully aware and understand that there are healthy adults who have toxic Mother's. However, if you're spotting several red flags in an individual, including this one, pay closer attention! They're selfish! Some are selfish from the very beginning. Some start out generous and slowly begin withholding. Some act helpless and needy. They manipulate people into doing things for them, but never give back. It's not only financial and material selfishness. They're selfish emotionally, affectionately, conversationally. sexually and with their attention. They withhold validation and support. EVERYTHING has to be about them, their needs, their wants and everything happens on their terms. Anger, rage, silent treatments and disappearing acts are common - when they don't get their way. Pathological lying. Narcissists are professional liars. It's their second nature. If you call them out, they'll have no issue staring deeply into your eyes as they tell another lie! You'll hardly ever get the truth. Even with unchallengeable proof of the truth, they'll hold on to the lie. It's actually quite fascinating to see them in action - once you know what you’re dealing with. They also have the uncanny ability to provoke doubt in their victims (even when you KNOW the truth), because their lies are so convincing! Beware of people who do not seek conflict resolution. Many Narcissists enjoy drama/chaos! Remember, these are high-conflict personalities. Many of them NEED to argue and fight! Peace to a narcissist, is what chaos is to non-disordered people - unsettling. This is why they repeat behaviors that trigger a negative response. They need tension, anger and high/out of control emotions. They're known for calling people crazy, drama queens, insecure, etc., but never admit what they did to provoke those responses. And, when you attempt to discuss/resolve something, THEY said/did, they’ll gaslight, stonewall and/or flip it back on to you. They're extremely disrespectful, rude and lack self-awareness. They have an issue with being called out on their behavior and project/deflect to avoid accountability. “Normal” people want to get along, for the most part. So, they seek fair compromises when conflict arises. Narcissists want to “win” and conflict IS their niche. This is how many Narcissists get their way - they wear people down via conflict. Immaturity. It’s one thing to be playful and lighthearted (in appropriate settings), as an adult. It’s something completely different to be immature. Narcissists suffer from arrested development. They do not know how to respond to situations/people/stress/life appropriately. They have a child-like mindset. They truly believe everything is about them and have no concept of the needs of others. By nature, children are takers. They have no concept of reciprocation. They believe their Parents (and everyone else), exists to meet their needs. When their needs aren’t met, or they don’t get what they want, they become mean and throw tantrums. Narcissists cannot think outside of themselves and their wants/needs - like children. They’re completely unaware that people are individuals with their own agency, needs, wants, opinions... They truly believe people exist to serve them. They believe their job is to receive. They’re children trapped in adult bodies, who cannot consider anything/anyone other than themselves! Above everything I've stated, trust your intuition! Narcissists give off an uneasy vibe. They try very hard to appear cool, calm and collected - on the surface. But, you can feel their energy. It's very off-putting. They also tend to have more noticeable negative qualities, than most people. But, you have to stop justifying and making excuses, in order to see things clearly. Accept people for who they are and not who you want them to be. Observe, listen and trust yourself. No one should be allowed to grant themselves a position in your life. Vet people and YOU decide if they'll be a liability, or an asset, to you. Lastly, take cues from your body. If you ever feel your mood changing, feel anxious or feel your stomach knot up, in the company of someone, don't dismiss it! It could be a sign that you're in bad company!!! Additionally, If you suspect cheating or other forms of manipulation and need to gather evidence for your own peace of mind, you may consider reaching out for assistance. For more information, you can contact: MetaspyHub@gmail. com.

[@MaiLev]

such a perfect way to describe them. I screen saved your comment and will read it every day as I go through the final discard.

[@HimaKumar-e8t]

True!

[@marsitaselamat]

So very true. On point.

[@frostyperma4789]

The last one I had fit this description very well .He constantly liked to point out that he wad too sweet for me ,such a sweet person ,just wanted to love and be loved ,can we at least be best friends ,not just friends ( he is 54 ! ,not 14) .Circular arguments ,everything turned to be about him whatever the subject. Finally when I realised I didn't want this in my life and quietly stopped communicating he sent a string of accusatory disappearing messages ( so I couldn't dwell and twist what he said ) citing that a he'd seen 5 psychologists and that he wad HSP and sigma and I was a toxic, manipulative liar. Then if he didn't receive a positive reply from me within a couple of days it was game over .Hilarious really as I had already blocked him on fb and another whatapps number so these messages went to a number I forgot about . Apparently I will live to regret expelling such a kind sweet person from my life....his words.

[@timjarred5192]

You absolutely nailed it with this post.

[@sheirabrayer]

Came across this amazing quote that might be helpful: "I'm learning to love the sound of my feet walking away from things not meant for me."

[@millionairemom]

Good one

[@farfetched9296]

I like that....have to implement it in my life....

[@soundgardener4940]

Re. "loving feet:" I'm not a sexpert _("per se")_ but it sounds to me like you might have a foot fetish ;)

[@nadiacavallini4728]

Oh yeah!

[@idayuribe3800]

✌

[@sarahselvis9284]

To everyone who has faced narcissit.s. You are an amazing human being. Stay strong. ❤️✨

[@Lilmissgenesis]

Thank u Sarah 🙏🏾🤍

[@evonneyoung7183]

@ vortex Edge do u still stay with her?

[@evonneyoung7183]

@Vortex Edge you can still be there for her while having your own life, your own place and car. You need your own space at night, that’ll help y’all relationship, trust me, I went through the same thing with my mom until I got my own place, and then the relationship took a shift for the better, she started to respect me as an adult, we talk everyday and I see her almost every weekend. For some reason parents feel as tho you’re still a child since u still live with them. You have to create some space so that y’all can come together and get along. Good luck 👍🏽 🤞

[@Joeyrobertparks]

Thank you. I needed that encouragement. I shared my story, above. Four months after your comment here.

[@dianabruijn8283]

gratitude for your uplifteing words🥰🥰🥰

[@venturesintoglory5353]

Never confront a narcissist regardless of how much you are attempted to do so. You will not win. You can reason with them for hours and get nowhere!

[@kristinleverone7944]

1000000%

[@mandolaa]

Exactly!! Plus, you're giving them attention/supply. It's a total waste of time

[@noo343]

what if your also a narcissist then it's a battle of wills

[@venturesintoglory5353]

@@noo343 Narcissists can't stand other narcissists. They repel each other!

[@Joeyrobertparks]

TRUE TRUE TRUE!

[@bigfoot-id8bv]

No matter how they ask, DON’T GO BACK! If their ego enjoyed hurting you the 1st time it will love hurting you a second time and on and on.

[@DebraSteinhagen]

Yes the second time was wayyyy worse!! More damaging than the first time I left.

[@badjoj015]

"They can't get what they want, if the world knows who they really are." mind blown

[@megalightsfan4948]

That's the secret

[@jeffyou6340]

I just don't understand why they have to make life so difficult for themselves and other people. The best thing I learned from this video though, it's just to quietly walk away. Because they're baking on two reactions, either one where you bury your head in the sand and they can call you a wimp basically behinds your back or whatever... Or the usual DARVO that is part of their toolkit: where you blow up finally after holding back and are now magically painted as the bad guy. I say quietly walk away nowadays. (Not to say I don't give a sarcastic mocking last shot at them calmly as I did this..) If need be, take the so-called "L" and go NO CONTACT. This is where JADE comes in so handy. (THEY LOVE IT WHEN YOU'RE SQUIRMING AND DEFENDING YOURSELF.) Pardon the tangent I went on because I wasn't really speaking to you beyond the first part of my reply as if you don't know these things, but reinforcing it for myself and for others. Back to your original point, my mind was blown too when I read that point. It made me kind of step outside of the situation and see that Dr Ross was absolutely correct in this hard truth to see for many. (Because it's always obscured under some argument to distract from people who are kitchen-sinking their victims)

[@Mo.1988]

This should be common sense

[@scotti23q81]

is there a hidden meaning in this I can't see???

[@badjoj015]

@@scotti23q81 no hidden meaning but i'll try my best to elaborate if the world sees how much of a vile human being a narcissist is, the world wouldn't tolerate their behavior. they're basically fakes, doing it for fake-virtue.

[@jenniferstarlight3173]

Repeat after me: I'm not the crazy one

[@Tara-id3rk]

Thank you!!! Ha :) I FEEL crazy sometimes being in this situation

[@enslavedbrit7089]

I'm not the crazy one.. I'm not the crazy one.. I'm not the crazy one.. I'm not the crazy one.. I'm not the crazy one..

[@samuelmmmk181]

That's what they all say!

I would But I think I'd sound crazy saying it out loud

[@enslavedbrit7089]

@@samuelmmmk181 fuuuuuu ahhahaha 😂😂😂

[@jamesmccarthy6764]

What often fooled me is how child-like narcissists often are (like Tony Soprano). They lured me in with wide eyes, toothy smiles & what seemed like childish innocence. Basically because they're toddlers that never emotionally matured past the "Me, Mine!!" stage, but with adult intelligence.

[@uniquebeings5845]

Exactly

[@mangalpal8921]

Seems story of my girlfriend..I was crazily madly in love of her innocence childlike look

[@amengrada2568]

It is exactly how a covert narcissist do.. Exactly as what happend to me 👌

[@edennis8578]

You just described my mother-in-law. That vacant, fatuous smile fooled almost everyone, even people that she greatly harmed.

[@Lyfeiscrazee]

🎯

[@jamesg8199]

I figured out that the person who I thought was my best friend of 30 years is a covert narcissist. It absolutely hit me like a brick wall when I started putting the pieces together. I went over the features of NPD found in the DSM with my therapist and I was able to provide examples for each of the 9 points. Best advice is don’t engage with them at all if possible. They have incredibly fragile egos and nothing is more painful to a narcissist than not getting their supply. That’s the best weapon to use against them. Don’t try to argue with them or prove a point because they perceive themselves to be incapable of fault and they will never take responsibility for their actions. While I feel so disappointed in myself for not noticing this sooner, I know now that it’s not my fault. They are experts at manipulation.

[@tracycaldwell1736]

I just cut off a friend of 35 years for the same reason. Today was their birthday I decided to not send a birthday card with gift after they put me on punishment again with the silent treatment. I wanted to make it as awkward as possible so they don't come back. I decided to go no contact.

[@Hclove92]

I’m so sorry. It is so painful and scary to realize this. I just figured this out about my mom also after 30 years.

[@marinakryukova9599]

What things were positive about that friendship and that person? What did you like about that person?

[@hannapiasecka-shaw2521]

Spot on

[@Thunder-lightning852]

Married to one for 27 years

[@cherylhughes2988]

Arguing with a narcissist is the biggest waste of time and energy that exists. Simply don't engage with them. Just nod with every bizarre thing that comes out of their mouth. To engage means to endure an angry diatribe and ludicrous gaslighting. Living with a narcissist is to exist in an alternate reality.

[@Grace-yx3pn]

so true

[@joshua3392]

Cheryl Hughes ,isn't that the truth!.Amen. No contact is also plain ole not entertaining the narcs insane,slandering,blame shifting,hissy fit throwing,accountability absent,inconsistent,contradicting lying manipulating garbage. Period. Literally,I have over 2 years worth of text and emails of the most insane contradictory nonsense that would prove in the dumbest kangaroo court my wife is emotionally unstable and habitually dishonest and manipulative. This woman is crazy as a bat. Unbelievable one can be so delusional they can't remember thge lie that just came out of their mouth and contradict it with 5 more different versions to follow.I think more often than not,their juyst desperate. I rightly accused-POINTED OUT to mine very early "when she gets mad or nervous,anything is lible to fly out of her mouth". The reason they whine and throw fits over simple accusations is the ego tripping factor coupled with the grandiose-superior nose stuck up-mentality they have,not limited too. They HATE to be called out on ANYTHING. Accusations,accusations,blah blah blah is all they ever retort.Make simple observations on their chronic innapropriate or disrespectful behaviours and verbalize them in the most ginger way you can muster and they blow up with an immediate blame shifting,sympathy party slander campaign. Stop acting so dumb and disrespecting me for GOD'S sakes. Can you put two sentences together that don't contradict each other?! Lol!. I mean..come onnnnnnn lol. It goes back to the fragile puffed up ego they have.They hate to be found out for the counter poroductive-lying fake idiots they are. Plus,they got everyone on facebook thinking their all that and poor husband or wife that lives behinds closed doors with them knows ain't NOTHING sincere about them. Ok.Yall have a good night.Godbless those sleeping with the enemy tonight.I pray the LORD will keep you safe.

[@maridean56]

Cheryl Hughes You are absolutely correct! It took me 20 yrs to realize my husb was a covert narcissist with textbook passive aggressive ways! I was naive in thinking that if I calmly discussed the characteristics of passive aggressive covert narcissism, he would be concerned and WANT to seek psychotherapy to work through it. Wasn't his wife and kids worth it? My kids and I have talked to him together and separately and tell "when you do/say _______ to me, it makes me feel ______! But we learned the hard, painful way that he had no compassion for us. So, we don't argue him anymore, nor do we expect anything from him. I haven't seen or heard my husb hug our kids or tell them "I love you" or show any signs of parental love to them in 5 yrs or more.

[@janedoes117]

The truest shit. People think it's a game like chess and they can learn it and win. You can't win a game against someone who isn't playing one. It is a lifestyle.

[@cjsk4346]

cheryl pretty much said what I need to do. Thank you

[@edwardmichaels3388]

You have no idea the meaning of Ruthless until you encounter this type of person.

[@jengable4888]

edward michaels ....especially when it is in your OWN family ! Brutal !

[@josephfarrar8534]

The real them, once exposed, can look like your worst enemy you never knew you had, was taking over their body.

[@Tara-id3rk]

The level of cruelty they can fall to is UNREAL

[@sstritmatter2158]

Yeah I felt the same pain - you're not alone and obviously this isn't that rare since they have videos on it.

[@abc784]

They usually fear what you know about them and will retreat when it's too risky for them.

[@JB-ChildOfYah]

I planned it out for months. Once he went to work, I pulled the uhaul I had parked down the street up to the door and for 4 hours, we packed all our stuff. I was shaking the entire time but when we pulled away the sun was starting to set and their was a huge flag blowing and the song on the radio was Tom petty won’t back down. I’ll never forget for as long as I live. The absolute best day of my life. It’s been 5years and her still sends emails and try’s to get family and friends to talk to Him through Facebook. I literally drove across the country to get as far away as possible but don’t think he’ll ever stop. They are the scariest people on earth!

[@birgittaernstdotter2335]

Good you escaped . Congratulations!💫✨💖Wishing you all the best and lots if love 💕 from Sweden ❤️☀️🌟👵🏻

[@sarahosman4933]

Well done! Give yourself a treat!👍😘

[@JB-ChildOfYah]

@@sarahosman4933 I did! Freedom! 😉

[@edwardp-s8868]

Well done! Glad you got out and everyone knows not to get tangled up with his lies. It's over. Full stop.

[@beenarani6231]

My exact experience

[@nicholecornes1915]

Im so blessed to be discarded

[@saharkhalili5303]

AMEN!!!

[@inetpathfinder5767]

Indeed. It is a blessing ❤

[@thesunfire]

For me though, they just keep coming. My bloodline sucks.

[@thesunfire]

Yes, my insanely incestuous bloodline. They fu**ing suck.

[@cocoatiye8174]

Yes & highly favored . Rejection is gods protection 🙏🏾🦋

[@aimeekuvadia892]

I have never questioned my reality so much as in this kind of relationship

[@brianlane9534]

Did it seem like you were in a Twilight Zone episode almost daily? That's how I described it. Sometimes frightening, sometimes near comical. But always other worldly.

[@valeriebrown9947]

Omg me too. It's frigging mindbending...... "THANK GOD.... it only happens IN THE TWIGHLIGHT ZONE."

[@valeriebrown9947]

@@brianlane9534 - yes! That and "What'd I do?"

[@iaindcosta]

Intermittent negative reinforcement

[@CloudyNebula]

I feel you. I was constantly doubting myself, my past actions, my thoughts... never I have felt more out of place and confused than in those years, especially the final weeks when I finally realized everything and severed all contact (which was responded with extremely hurtful public vengeances, of course).

[@vincentdolente7053]

They make people who genuinely wish to do good, Look bad.

[@PSALMS-oe7ri]

Yep

[@ajl2232]

That is their goal.

[@sindiamaymi3928]

Yes they bring out the worst in you

[@tinacarlton9949]

Exactly what they do. The bible says not to let your good be evil spoken of. The Narrssacist person does just that

[@anilchamba666]

Here here l hear you

[@carolynjaynes36]

You nailed it. I slipped out the back, Jack. Blocked him on all fronts. Changed my number. Went no contact. Did not argue. Just left with one sentence, “I see no empathy in you,” and left it at that. I’m enjoying my peace, safety and freedom.

[@RossRosenberg]

Thanks for sharing Carolyn. Powerful!

[@aquarius9055]

Awesome!

[@Valentina-Steinway]

That’s a significant other..... What if it were your own daughter...?

[@orion9k]

Your behavior seems pretty personality disordered aswell, to just cut someone off like that.

[@Valentina-Steinway]

@@orion9k : who are you writing that at?

[@charlesflynn1104]

Realizing what I have been dealing with in my marriage for the last 25 years has left me with an overwhelming sadness mourning the person who wasn't there. Tough to take on.

I feel for you! Please dont beat yourself up with something that was not your fault. Now that you know you need to proceed onward away from them. Don't look back.

What are we to do twenty five years of my life have been bullshit fake

[@monicatowns5559]

34 yrs. I’m crushed. Just crushed.

[@DeborahWilder-k5d]

🥺 it's heartbreaking to realize the person you fell in love with does not exist, they never did

[@AdaliaFrison921]

I truly understand and am sorry you even had to experience. I just realized what type I'm married to. Next month makes 9 yrs, and I'm now educating myself and low key on the journey of breaking the trauma bond. Including getting our 3 kids out of this situation without getting more trauma 😢. Staying positive, strong, and trusting my intuition is elevating me to another level of self-healing. This is my first time speaking publicly about this abuse, other than my small support system. Things got extremely worse after I lost my mom a few months ago, whom was my biggest supporter and defender. God definitely opened my eyes to what I was blind to, the effects on me and my babies. I can't help but naturally be positive and see everything as a learning lesson and things will work for our(me & the littles) good 😊.

[@LaIndiaMaria22]

I noticed that they don’t do “closure.” Don’t expect it. You will NEVER get it.

[@user-tk9wx8bl3s]

You get closure when they finally leave you or you leave them. That’s the best closure ever.

[@winterroadspokenword4681]

100%

[@lonerider7786]

Your right they don't do closure and they will NEVER take any accountability for any of their selfish actions, most likely they blame us the victims for the outcome of the failed relationship. And will have no shame or regrets about naming and shaming the innocent victims as being the bad, crazy, selfish person that was behind the demise of the relationship.

[@4luv215]

Yes! Weirdest thing... I’ve noticed this as well...

[@simplyrise5217]

I don't care if a narcissist don't want closure. Sever them even if it cost you. Don't fool yourself.

[@MsGechi77]

They want control. Once you stop giving them attention and ignore their lies, you will heal. 💜

[@MsK_byTheWay]

I'm a living witness! You've got to go no contact for healing to began!

[@juliechurch1799]

Not always . They smear more than likely

[@binathere2574]

There's a term "grey rock" Become like a very rock. Non responsive and boring. They will go away and leave you alone.

[@averagemo8487]

After I found out who they were I made the mistake of calling them a narcissist to their face. It ended in narcissistic RAGE and violence! The best advice is to leave VERY VERY quietly! They actually are some of the most dangerous and evil people alive!😡

[@Soul.in.Spanish]

Theirs so many different types of narcissist. The malignant narcissist is the most dangerous. They can change into different types of narcissist within minutes. A grandiose narcissist can become malignant in a second. The vulnerable narcissist always feels like the victim and has extremely low self esteem. The vulnerable narcissist is probably the least dangerous. I dealt with two different types of narcs.

[@syahusha7776]

My separated husband is a narcissist!

[@angelofthemosthigh7292]

Me and kids had to sneak out and drive away..after telling him we need to separate and divorce because he was making it hard to take care of my small kids..

[@debramarshall4293]

To some of them that I know that can be very very vindictive and are crazy and dangerous I act like I don't know that they are Narcissist.

[@syahusha7776]

@@debramarshall4293 They are very vindictive and always find ways to smear your name. My ex wrote some very faults allegations to the court while I was filling a divorce. I waited for a date to come available for the final decree. He was going to be told to pay child support. That week he came up with a good scam to beg me to work it out. I wasted 3 more years. Nothing was changing. It got worse each day. The dying pain inside of me was taking me to a dark place. He was killing me slowly by the neglect, abandonment, cruel words, and no love by treating me like a roommate. I was depressed. Yes, they are dangerous. He called the social worker on me. I will never take him back. The pain it gone. I took my power back. Leave them. The best decision.

[@tammylaronde8593]

The most chilling thing I was told by a narcissist that I had briefly dated was “It’s a good thing that you don’t know what I did to my last girlfriend.” That was over three years ago. He loved to gaslight. One moment he would say that he was a monster , the next moment the blame would be shifted onto me. It’s astonishing just how much damage he caused in the less than two months I was with him. You’re not a person to a narcissist. You’re merely an object to use. He used superficial charm on me. I knew the red flags but he was good. Really good and also was intelligent. That’s how he got past my radar. He was more subtle. I made certain to cut off all contact and blocked him on any social media that I use after I stopped seeing him. I haven’t dated in over three years. I did give my phone number to a man last summer. My number shows up as unknown so he would not have gotten my last name that way. I didn’t give my last name, address or any sensitive information. I did not add him onto my social media. The first text he sent me was full of love bombing. He was even planning our future. I blocked him. He changed his number and tried to communicate again. I didn’t respond and blocked him once more. I’d rather be single than be with a narcissist.

[@jadesmith7983]

Good for you. You are so strong for having this response. I wish I was just as strong before having a child with one. I had no idea what I was getting myself into.

[@Mimi-rs9cr]

@@jadesmith7983 please don’t blame yourself. Nobody wants to imagine that such evil exists even after seeing it it is harder to wrap your mind about it.. we are wired completely different ❤ 🫂

[@iee-eu9dj]

​@@jadesmith7983 Hey, are you ok? I'm concerned about you. Take legal actions against them but quitely. The pain is real . My mom is a covert narcissist & & I got to know about this just a few months ago (I'm23). She ruined my childhood & every minute of my life is running to kill me . I am not able to avoid her.

[@jadesmith7983]

@iee-eu9dj Thank you for your concern and kind words. I am ok. I just don't have many options to leave. He has a lot of control financially, but I am working on getting my own independence so I don't feel trapped. I am sorry to hear about your mom. I hope you have a support system around you.

[@supportacr3576]

he told me many times he's cold-blooded and denied it and once told me he wants to see my "bloody" face when I told him I was using tomato mask 😨those instances I was very scared to even react

[@EugeneAxe]

It's absolutely sad how we have to walk on egg shells around narcissists. They need to be confronted like any person, but we fear them. They're essentially unchecked bullies.

[@rogerparkssr.533]

I called my ex-narcissist out on everything once I caught on to her raging, bully ways. They can't handle someone that sees right through them. So they run.

[@JoiRandom]

Crazy Diamond no .. all of us don’t fear them .. some of us just don’t recognize them soon enough .. fear no man/woman .. especially one intent on harming you ..

[@xixlvii.]

Theyre not all the same... Some get really violent when confronted and the discussion gets heated... Its too draining sometimes to always call them out. Awesome that some have the power to do so anyway. I am about to walk out on my narc, but calling him out costs me so much of myself because of the argument in turns into, i just have to detach on all levels

[@blogmartamaria8431]

@OnGoWinner I bet he didn't take it well...

[@yulandarowe145]

Not afraid!!

[@matilda4406]

"they don't do anything direct". You may never catch them in the act, but you only need one slip up... and you will see who they are behind your back. I saw it. I was stunned.

[@tff8514]

Same. They live a life behind your back either saying how wonderful you are as bait to find another side partner, another, or how terrible you are, every lie from drug addiction to alcoholism to affairs, all the stuff they were... to their contacts...I think that's the most shocking. I left , moved 1000km away.

[@matilda4406]

@@tff8514 I wish you the best. Yes, they project everything they are doing and blame you for those things. For a long while you are shocked and confused and wonder where the hell this is coming from. I wish I could tell everyone - they are talking about themselves, not you!!! They don't even know you. Remember that.

[@vandaguzmanallthingsspirit5653]

I was truly shock. My Son turned 57 may 23, I have stood in his corner , it has costed melots of money, pain, and sickness. As of the day, I dont ever want to see him again., but he will return with girts etc, but can't fol me ever.

[@clovers-zi5fe]

@@matilda4406 It's amazing. They're sooooo good at gaslighting and turning things on you. The covert narcissist is truly brilliant. I can't say dangerous in my case; I'm a big guy. So was never worried about that. But that didn't stop the mental and emotional torture.

[@RealYRM]

@@clovers-zi5fe I was never in physical danger either... but did your ex also physically abuse you and the only reason nothing came of it is that she wasn't any good at it? But they'll make you feel like you're crazy, purposely 'mis-remember' everything... you need to keep every email or they'll change it on you. How many co-workers did she get fired or enrage so badly that they quit? How many friends or family did she ghost because "they" were "toxic"? She was awesome to anyone she wanted to validate her right? How many times did she fake apologize for minor mistakes, seemingly having low self esteem, because she thinks she's too smart to make ANY mistakes? Am I warm?

[@redwoods7370]

No contact. No contact. No contact. If possible. Be strong.

[@narcdramaunwanted4291]

NO contact,NOT and comprimise with a narc..They will NEVER change!

[@Mylove45699]

he contact me gave me msg for more than 100 msgs without my reply he gone unsane . yes i agree no contact ... to make sure that he really abnormal moron

[@helenhughes9821]

It’s what I did. It was hard but she eventually got the hint.

[@ikyathay2998]

But how to give it back one last time before cutting off but when narcissist doesn't want to communicate?

[@Mylove45699]

@@ikyathay2998 if you mean you want to revenge once??.. do u have any social media? try to change your picture profile, at picture of you and boyfriend or girlfrind,, should a partner u know ,, (that the way to turn off narc 's confidents)​ Narc never stop jealous, at least he or her will find out how ur activity without being idle to you, Narc will never stop jealousy after you. becos of being narc, but the best revenge or cure the situation with narc is LET HIM OR HER FORGET YOU. let him or her be narc- self cycle with "No You" on his or her cycle,.

[@dejablue5746]

I saw my covert narc ex’s eyes glow a yellow gold color when I was able to stay on topic in an argument/ discussion. It scared the 🤬 out of me. I changed the topic and backed away. His eyes slowly changed back to normal. You are spot on!

[@i_am3629]

probably a reptile

[@lauriegoforth8631]

Oh that’s weird! I saw a family member’s eyes go completely black on two occasions. It was very creepy but I realized she has an evil spirit. I have finally let go… praise God!

[@shelza33]

Gosh, people do have evil spirits inside of them. Some pastors have weird eyes, even some rock stars (poking out their tongues yuk)

[@jadesmith7983]

I have been there and honestly scared for my life when it happens. I know a switch has been flipped, and I try desperately to calm him back down. The rage that is behind those eyes and energy I feel from it is terrifying.

[@mrEofPlanetEarth]

It was probably just Jaundice...or you are both crazy and imagining things 😂

[@scottalbers2518]

Advice he provides: 1. Don't be so hard on yourself. They can't let the world know who they are. They thrive on your insecurity and bad self esteem. 2. Calm down. They will try to make you look bad, berate you. Don't call them out publicly. 3. Design an exit strategy without a confrontation. You are not going to win against such manipulation. 4. Create a boundary, a wall. Protect yourself. They will fight to keep their facade. 5. Passive Aggressive behavior will follow. Expect it. Retaliation will be manipulative and possibly / probably hidden. 6. This is dangerous. Don't under-estimate it at all. In sum: Do not take them on directly. Their whole life story is manipulation. Cut your losses. Get the hell out of the relationship. Dont wrestle with pigs. Nurture yourself and then re-connect to others.

[@capitalec]

THANK YOU SIR FOR DOING THAT !!!! SAVE ME TIME AND ABLE TO REFRESH / REVIEW W / O HAVING TO GO BACK THROUGH VIDEO

[@natashajohnston381]

THIS deserves a

[@gaze7278]

Great, strong & veeerrrry true advice. Ty.

[@wendymagee2601]

@MissUnderstood i was married for 5 weeks to one. i ran

[@tinekedijk7385]

No

[@AA-rw6mc]

Don’t unmask ANY narcissist. Stop providing supply and get away. It’s the only way to deal with them.

[@Peanuts76]

True

[@Hugh.702]

Very true. They are dangerous unstable beasts. It's difficult to believe how satanic they can become. I ran 400 miles away.

[@alextipton8670]

Yeah,because it's that simple huh?. These self help videos leave alot of nuance out of them. The shit isn't that easy.

[@foxxymoonpremires19]

@@Hugh.702 I understand that too

[@jakkimanzitti5031]

Hard to run from them when they are most doctors, policemen, politicians, bosses, and celebrities!

[@dashapulkova581]

As soon as I feel, someone starts to manupulate me and gaslight me, I simply turn around and go.

[@behindcloseddoors2027]

@@engalo-vamart Interesting… I truly want to say my soon to be ex-husband was doing a lot more than gaming on discord. How dare I say that tho

[@sstritmatter2158]

We learned the hard way the first time didn't we? But a lesson well learned.

[@Steven-ii2ep]

Bro they need you're help like force them little by little to be your bf because they want you to do something that they can agree with it like ik they are stubborn no hate but let them to be you're friend in force not tell them you're bad little by little the will no they are wrong trust me because I was like them I keep thinking about the past and I am heart broken but that's how I am born and I am gonna change little by little I am gonna be a normal person. I keep thinking about myself why do I always find myself I am the best no one deserves to be like me like I said like we are all humans and they deserve to also be better than me and sometimes I am better it depends who takes and works hard and smart takes the good piece at the end we are all humans try you're best to be with them as much as you can because they will find you right..

[@earthbarnes6694]

@@Steven-ii2ep How old are you ??

[@meegsoteegs]

@@Steven-ii2ep how about Nah ?

[@allsouls5997]

Learn to trust what they say they reveal their evil heart very early on. Don't overlook or think they can't that evil. They are.

[@narcsexposed5060]

The mere fact that you exist and are not in constant 24/7 pain is very offensive to them.

[@anaangel5434]

Yes, I've had the misfortune of meeting narcissist. I noticed they are NOT really happy people, and they resent others being happy and/or more self assured.

[@yelenafokht8265]

Agree Even if you sleep good at night is so infuriating for them

[@haleymuthu3543]

😂👍🏻

[@keithlightminder3005]

How to safely help a narcissist?

[@annehey5624]

@@keithlightminder3005 No.

[@mikedickson5282]

“They can’t get what they want if the world knows who they really are.”

[@kristinleverone7944]

This sums it up perfectly

[@dielakimpatvvita2224]

Amen to that. Their time is near, we are in the Aquarius Age where all darkness will come to light . The more we know the less their power .

[@Dtella55]

Exactly...💯💯🎯

[@marsha04053]

Every one on his s job the narc im married to but saperated from the narc. They now know the truth of what he is now. They have nothing to do with him now. There staying distance from him.

[@DrLuke49]

I have met and still know people who have made it their respective life's mission to prove this statement wrong.

[@windchimeisland]

They never confront you directly; they antagonize you in order to make you react -defend yourself, then they can accuse you. Usually in front of others.

[@Tara-id3rk]

💯

[@lisabill1071]

My mum's husband does that he was stood at the door way and I asked him politely could he move so I can get past. He looked at me remained there and acted as if he couldn't hear twice more I asked, so I barged past him. He tutted and I kept quiet. Sometimes I have argued with him and my mum would take his side, he would twist it. I try to keep a distance.

[@mstheballer1015]

They hate when you don't FIGHT back!! I ignored him it made him 😤😤😤 he was very passive aggressive flaunting girls in my face, popping up at my job. sitting in the parking lot, waiting in my neighborhood, riding pass my friends house when he new I was there, I just ignored him. I never once confronted him about any of his behavior. I refuse to give him that energy. When I stop talking to him is when he started to do all the above thing's.

[@joisimone5609]

@Narrow gate Spot on! Straight up Satan.

[@GUURL101]

Yep. They try to undo you mentally and undress you publicly. No contact is the best policy

[@edmacon3264]

People throw around the term narcissist so much that I’ve tended to ignore it, after watching this video it’s like the scales have fallen off my eyes and I realize I’ve been married to one for 30 years!!! I’m getting out!!!

[@osiris8519]

There are too many narcs out there!

[@bellesterbeatty3571]

They are dangerous. Very sick!

[@frenzy3132]

They are evil

[@caribooskidoo3997]

Be careful friend.

[@idalivargas816]

I've been married to one for 15 yrs. Never realized he was a covert narcissist but I'm quietly planning my exit plan.

[@feliciajenkins5041]

They love to gaslight with little things so if you react you're the one causing problem.

[@cherryanncanencia100]

This is what he always does to me and finally I'm free from that toxic relationship

[@yeswing10]

100% accurate and horrible

[@ethos1236]

@@cherryanncanencia100 I wish you continued healing and peace.

[@TheHarpyen]

Getting angry when he explcitly Set boundaries he's telling me he didn't know THAT'S what I was talking about or is saying this will never happen again. Doing almost the same half a year later he absolutely doesn't remember last time or attacks me as petty and unfirgiving for bringing it up. Admitting he just wanna do whatever the fuck he wants if necessary behind my back would make me end the relationship. Accepting he's been playing These double games whenever his needs collided with my boundaries is hard work. I got this. So do you.

[@AngealHewley0]

Dang. I was scared and I knew something was wrong so I asked. And to my surprise I received a personal attack to my face. Then I fell back and felt horrible to what just happened. The lack of empathy their words had was unbelievable.

[@suzanvaughn4522]

It’s really difficult to wrap our heads around the fact that a person could be this sadistic on purpose.

[@anaangel5434]

That's what I always thought. I used to say, "how could someone go through life, act like that, and not care."

[@pinkcandy8157]

@@iniubongnkanga9390 bless u

[@ammarayoub3246]

we're only sadistic to people who went out of their way to cause damage.

[@imanitarot8194]

it's not on purpose. please inform yourself on the origins of Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD)

[@MackDeville]

That part right there on purpose!

[@stephanekirkpatrick8162]

That is so true; when you set boundaries, they do crazy, drastic things to try to ruin your life.

[@IndorilTheGreat]

Yup. Once I began setting boundaries, my ex doubled down on the manipulation and gaslighting, and smeared me to her friends, effectively triangulating me with them. I can see clearly now that that fog is clearing, and man.... it's wild how extensive and how long the manipulation and gaslighting went on for. Literally since the start of our relationship.

[@eef1690]

How do you convince someone who has been in this kind of relationship to not go back to him ?

[@amritgaur5982]

​@@eef1690if you know exactly what's going on? Then collect some evidence to show their true face and if you're living with the victim then it'll be quite easier. You'll need to convince them with the FACTS which they can't deny and UNCOVER the gaslighting done by narcissists and when they finally understand, don't EVER forget to tell them what to do NEXT TOGETHER (so they don't assume that you're manipulating them too) and console them for what they're going through. DO NOT SHOW NARCISSISTS THAT THEY ARE BEING CAUGHT! At last, try to get out of that situation ASAP! I RECOMMEND YOU TO LISTEN TO "Dr. Ramani" channel as well.

[@audreydaleski1067]

Exactly

[@timothythegreat6294]

the truth is in their actions not their words

[@Carol-mq6fe]

He hid his actions so well. Went to great lengths to be deceptive. Looking back I should have known. I saw red flags but never imagined he was what I came to realize. When I’d ask about things he’d turn it back on me…”you’re crazy!”, “it’s. All. In. Your. Head!”, “you’re always interrogating me!”

[@stephaniewilliams845]

And their words are cruel

[@dalilajones881]

Yes I agree

[@LysanderLH]

Short answer: leave. No explanations. No defences. Just decide and leave.

[@nicestar2198]

What if he's my brother? I can't leave im only a teen

[@lefantomer]

@@nicestar2198 You won't always be a teen, and you will be able to escape. Don't let anyone tell you that you "must" love and forgive him or take unearned blame "because he's your brother!"

[@p00pyp4nts]

@@mamajedijaws4938 Um what? How did you get to 'abusive'?

[@jipatkinson2940]

When I watched this three years ago, the scales fell from my eyes and I made my plan to quietly leave. It was the best thing I ever did.

[@ThunderDomeBoxingTalk]

I just watched it right now for the 1st time and WOW are my eyes open now

[@jipatkinson2940]

@@ThunderDomeBoxingTalk I hope you will be happy.

[@ThunderDomeBoxingTalk]

@@jipatkinson2940 This vid n then some others really helped me out big time.1 thing i will say is that these people are so damn easy to manipulate once you know how their brain operates.

[@Noor-jw2tn]

@@ThunderDomeBoxingTalk yes I just played his game back on him. Lol he got so confused. It gave me so much more power and was able to leave.

[@Facebodyfx]

They're like tornados, everywhere they touch down they cause damage and then they're off to another

[@stevespyder]

seagull managers, come in squawk a lot, shit on everyone and everything, then on to the next place...

[@astrialindah2773]

Yep that about sums it up!

[@azureascendant994]

C.Ns are more like vampires.

[@nathanphillipsgo]

And the onlookers from the outside think it is beautiful.

[@azureascendant994]

@Leuretti Totally agree with you there. Then they drain the happiness and energy from those who see beyond their mask. It's hard to breathe around these people.

[@Rick-SLC]

Hurts when you realize that for years you were in love with someone who never existed. In the most painful way, you were scammed by a con artist.

[@KrisannaMarie]

And the worst forgiving yourself for falling for it. Mini stage of denial that happens when you realize you were fooled.

[@jessicah3450]

"They can't get what they want if the world knows who they really are." Thank you for saying that.

[@northstar5919]

Believe me they get what they want because people are so ready to serve

[@georgeantacristo4382]

It is a criminal act, and how will the world know if nobody will expose their crimes? So do we just wish their next victims . . . good luck? It seems selfish just like a covert narcissist.

[@michellea6113]

So true. The part about getting people to "follow" them and drink their narcissist kool-aid. Trying to convince people they are the victim while they try and put the blame on you. It's all about looks. How they appear to everyone versus how they really are.

[@michellea6113]

@@georgeantacristo4382 that's a good point you made I thought about that too. My girlfriend's wanted to go on my ex's new girlfriend's page and tell her how he really was and to watch out. I told them not to, not because I want the girl to go through what I did but my ex is very dangerous he's a stalker and he tried to kill me I have a protection order against him and in the past he's violated it. I don't want it to get to him who sent her the info and put my self back at risk again. It was already a life or death situation that I got out. Plus some females will think your being a hater or trying to cause conflict. Turns out he was cheating on me with her and she was just waiting on the sidelines yet he didn't want me leaving the relationship I leaned learned the hard way about leaving quietly... I thank God I'm alive and I know better now. Sorry I wrote so much.

[@georgeantacristo4382]

Michelle A No need to apologize Michelle, I understand . . . Please allow me to share this old saying I came across a long time ago: Watch your thoughts it becomes your words Watch your words it becomes your actions Watch your actions it becomes your habits Watch your habits it becomes your character Watch your character it Becomes your DESTINY!

[@WeatherMoon]

they love creating chaos

[@windchimeisland]

Weather Moon Then blaming you for it. Usually in front of others.

[@jengable4888]

Weather Moon ...I would agree !!

[@ShortStoriesbytheSea]

Like our current president

[@WeatherMoon]

@Jeffrey Stevens interesting. I'll ponder that

[@CaToRi-]

Because caos makes people busy so they don’t notice how MF the narc is. Caos=distraction

[@Veronica.John10-10]

This is a spiritual battle.

[@LWilliamsss]

💯💯💯

[@nickyt2287]

it is completely.

[@ShayLove84Fam1st]

@@melw3313 he probably is😪 my brother in law called it on my narc years ago, took years before I saw for myself. Spiritual ppl have discernment and pick up on these things FAST

[@mandolaa]

It is!

[@KatharinaHB]

Truth!

[@Stephchang-d3l]

Thank you for your videos. With an Overt Narcissist first he may make promises to change then when that does not work, aggression, and physical violence. He will try to get you back under his control by any means necessary. You are his property no matter how many times he has cheated and left you. I had to leave the state making it more difficult for him to have access to me. This narc traveled to where I was living 5 states away and tried to drag me back cave man style. I have read that the lesser narcissist has poor cognitive function and low impulse control. Some are even capable of rape when they suffer a narcissistic injury. While I believe all narcissist can lash out violently when enraged and suffering from a narcissistic injury it is even more so with the lesser. My experience with this narcissist was even if we separated and he had moved on with a new supply source he would still come around to make sure I was not seeing anyone. If I happened to start dating he became violent even when he was engaged with someone new. Most narcissist when they are love bombing a new supply source will not want the one they discarded in the picture at least in the beginning of his new relationship. If they are engaged with a new supply source and still Hoovering you for fuel they have a sadistic streak. This narcissist cheated throughout the entire marriage. He engaged in triangulation with his first wife. She was a constant in our marriage until her suicide. The Covert Narcissist may try to come back after they have been involved in a few relationships which did not work out. When they try to come back they are low on supply and suffering from depression because of a loss of narcissistic supply. They love to tell you about the relationships they have been in and now they are smearing the person they left you for. They may tell you the person they have been in a relationship with has been abusing them. The Covert may apologize for all his past transgressions and the way he discarded you. He will have an excuse as to why he was so abusive and cruel at the end. It can play with your mind wondering if he is truly sorry. He can even have tears. You have to remember the tears are for himself. He is down and out with no available supply source. You must remember how he was at the end when he discarded you and the mask came completely off. He will seem desperate to keep you around as the Hoover takes place. And he is desperate for narcissistic supply. This is a midrange narcissist I’m talking about here and although very capable of violence he needs to put on a good show to convince you he really is a good person. This narcissist really does believe he is a good person and needs others to see him as such. If you see through this narcissist and don’t buy his story he may leave you alone. He will slink away like the snake that he is in search of new supply sources. Narcissist don’t like to waste their energy and when he sees you are not buying into it he is forced to search out new supply sources. I say forced because it is life or death to him to keep the false construct in place. In order to keep the false self in place he needs narcissistic supply. He needs the admiration of others or he ceases to exist. When you no longer buy the lie he will move on. Covert Narcissist do not display the open grandiosity of the Overt. While the Overt seems full of confidence the Covert lacks self esteem. The Covert will use a lot of pity plays working on your sympathetic nature. He wants you to feel sorry for him. The Covert is a coward. In any case Overt or Covert they suffer a narcissistic injury when they are rejected by an ex. They think they own you for life. In both cases I left the state when my marriages ended:) If you’re worried about your partner’s loyalty, it’s important to communicate openly and make sure misunderstandings don’t escalate. However, if you need hard evidence, there’s a trusted team ready to help. MetaspyClub LLC offers discreet, reliable services to help you gain remote access to your partner's devices-without them knowing. Their cyber specialists are experts in revealing hidden messages, secret accounts, and more, giving you the proof you need to move forward confidently. Highly recommended and trusted by many, MetaspyClubLLC@gmail. com is here to assist. Don’t wait-find the truth today.

[@tinacarlton9949]

Narrssacists hate being called out, especially in public but they always want you to have a public embarrassment by them

[@thejamericanexperience2757]

They enjoy embarrassing you. But don't dare do it to them. They can be very charismatic and smart but excellent users and manipulators.

[@sharoncorrell943]

My ex-Narcissist boyfriend discarded in October after I called him out for humiliating me in front of about 200 people. He is a frontman in a band and played a gig for the Hell's Angel's. They had a chilli cookoff during one of the breaks and he decided it would be a good to say "my girlfriend will not eat the chilli because she is afraid it will cause her to shit for 3 days." I sat there frozen. He was angry for several reasons before they started playing, and shaming me was a way he could feel better. I FINALLY realized then that his mask had been slipping for a while and his abuse was getting worse. I told him how he made me feel and a few days later he discarded me. He already has a new supply that he met at one of their gigs. Hate it for her.

[@jeremysears4263]

@@sharoncorrell943 You dodged a serious bullet.

[@sharoncorrell943]

@@jeremysears4263 yes I did. After contacting his exwife who is happily remarried, she told me she divorced him after he hit her on multiple occasions breaking her jaw and damaging her orbital eye socket. Three months now No Contact.

[@sharoncorrell943]

@@jeremysears4263 after the incident at the show in Oct and after I called him out on it, he claimed I overreacted and was an asshole. Said I should have laughed it off like everyone else. I don't recall alot of people laughing, more like staring at me with their mouths open. He never did apologize...of course.

[@anabautista8071]

1) Don't beat yourself up. 2) Calm down. Do not call them out. 3) Terminate the relationship without an obvious confrontation; 4) Create a boundary of protection around you; 5) Understand how passive-aggressive covert narcissists are.

[@g0d5m15t4k3]

Thank you for the summary!

[@claudiaturner9591]

Thank you

[@dorothyhill9091]

Excellent steps to take + be good yourself! Deep breaths and protect your boundaries. That person doesn’t give a darn about anyone but himself or herself. They lack empathy and are cruel people. Malignant narcs are the worst.

[@jaydixson1731]

Good information

[@kathleen0303]

That is very sound advice in a nutshell. Thanx!

[@damianavegamaisonet7960]

I agree, do not argue. Do not defend yourself. Just leave, leave with your strength peace and sanity. Love yourself first . You gain everything and more once you leave the horrible covert narcissist

[@lalaluvly9833]

It hurts the most when you realize you don't know that person at all. To know, your entire relationship was a lie. The covert in my life is 17 years old n started a smear campaign against his own father. I'm shocked n destroyed. Hearing the lies myself, details including smaller lies about me, broke me. He is so convincing. If I wasn't there to see with my own eyes, I would have believed his lies, too. Going no contact with a 17 year old hurts so bad. You feel you should be there to support the child, but the child is long gone anyway. He truly is a mastermind and I am literally afraid of him.

[@DarksideoftheMoon79]

And your qualifications to diagnose him as a Narcissist are "your own eyes". I didn't realise how easy it is to become a certified psychoanalyst. Maybe the person does suffer NPD or some other personality disorder but don't try and make the world believe you and feel sorry for you without concrete proof. For all we know you're cuckoo. Surely a good manipulation and deflection tactic would be a narcissist calling somebody else a narcissist if things aren't conforming to their expectations. Maybe you're both narcissists, maybe we all are.

[@ALT-vz3jn]

My own adult daughter is a narcissist. She inherited the traits from her father. I consider her a victim, but I still had to remove her from my life, because she’s dangerous and hell bent on destroying me to please her narc father who groomed her to hate me. It’s been almost a year now and I grieve every day. But it was necessary.

[@MiruyaChan]

Children cannot be narcissists. That's a clinical fact. It's actually 100% normal for children and teens to have more narcissistic traits than healthy adults, and they usually grow out if it. You can only be considered to have a personality disorder after your brain has fully matured, which is around 25 years old.

[@rensational8484]

I am an empath/lightworker and it is extremely difficult to avoid them because we are their main targets.

[@righiportfolio]

Damn right my friend. I'm very glad i still got my blessings, and they would never leave me.

[@rensational8484]

@@righiportfolio You're ALWAYS BLESSED no matter what 💙

[@righiportfolio]

Thank you friend! Lets move on!

[@chaosdweller]

Interesting,....this guy is my favorite expert on this matter,he seems very real, and altruistic, so far 🤞

[@rensational8484]

@@chaosdweller Agreed 💙

[@tabithameekins8050]

Learning to love yourself is a beautiful lesson to learn.

[@unagiikura]

the only one you need to learn

[@hermanman8235]

Agree

[@TheRealFobican]

Narcissists in particular needs to educate themselves that lesson a lot to quit it.

[@lisaworlds1258]

Yes it is . I been working on learning to love myself for 25 months now.I never knew how after this relationship I had no choice because I do believed now if you knows how to love yourself , you will not settle for false and phony people that you encounter. I advise all parents to teach our kids how to love themselves. It will save and help protect them from these relationships that not meant to be.

[@tabithameekins8050]

@@lisaworlds1258 some people think this is y we end up in these relationships. To learn to love ourselves

[@NyweleStyles]

They are the worst and most dangerous narcs. They kill you by stress. You’ll end up having many illnesses at the end of u stay. Both mental and physical. I know first hand. I’m finally getting the healing to get over the abuse. Good luck to everyone

[@scothohl4586]

I watched my close friend go through this with her soon to be ex...I want to beat the tar out of this guy for what he has done to her for 22 years.

[@sharonakilah8876]

Scot Hohl it’s hard when you care so much but just continue to be patient with her cause when she finally gets the strength to leave she will need a good friend. She will need you the most and you find that even through the hardships and difficulties you will be her rock and that will bring so much peace in your heart. Because you will be saving a life. Narc abuse is tough but the aftermath usually breaks victims to the point of suicidal and major chronic illness. I wish you all the best as well as your friend

[@bellabambina3938]

Sending you healing and anyone reading this x

[@nopcshere6097]

My former father-in-law was a covert narc. That old man sucked the life out of me for 7 years with the support of my narcissistic former wife and narcissistic former mother-in-law. By the time I escaped at the end of last year I had about as much self-worth as a boiled potato. I was suicidal. Most of this last year has been about rebuilding my life and rediscovering sports, interests & friends all over again. But I am free from that evil.

[@ashleyashley5228]

I feel bad though I love him and I also understand the reason why he acts like he does I know I'm Gods healing Angel so I will pray with him side by side every night and ask God to help him thru his illness that he doesn't even know about due to how he was raised as a child that effects a person mentally and they grow up with this like tough love stubbornness but they need help to I'm Gods helper all I can do is try and if it doesn't work I will give it to him and move on with my life I know how to treat a person love unconditional and help a person I know that is my gift from God now I'm not saying I will put up with anything I will address it define it and point it out right then and there. Js

[@darlenewozney9293]

Your right, Get out with no warning, "RUN" I call them Wolf in sheep's clothing.....

[@shoebill181]

I am 75, was in a second marriage after becoming a widow from a 48 year marriage to a beautiful kind man. Remarried at age 67, now 75, it was a 7 year nightmare, before I realized he is a covert narcissist, I didn't even know what a narcissist was. By the grace of GOD HE lead me to these videos and now I am quietly exiting, but I needed this final video to realize how I need to keep the course. As in a title of an old submarine movie goes. "Run Silent, Run Deep ". Thank you for this video and I thank my God that when I cried out for help, HE heard me and lead me to these videos. I know I will be ok once again.

[@bushspring]

R.I.P to your 1st husband. And Run! you deserve to enjoy your remaining years on this planet.

[@magdalerouge718]

Sorry to hear about your nightmare. May the Lord Almighty give you the strength.

[@kellyiraqi8626]

don't feel bad I'm 52 years old and just realized I've been living with a narcissistic for 52 years. My mom is the worst narcissistic ever. Poor evil

[@kathleendangelo1610]

Keep quiet, but keep working toward you plan to get out forever. And never look back.

[@QuickFix8]

Hope you’re okay now 🙏

[@rw3979]

Be greatful you uncovered them. Better than walking blindly and thinking the problem is all you.

[@tamarameis1696]

Yes! The truth is worth all the pain!

[@Corrinthian_]

@@tamarameis1696 you realize the truth after the pain settles, oftentimes, you can see the trail of evidence they left behind in their attempt to hold the facade and fool you.

[@barbaraannhenderson9049]

They know it's them.

[@safarinature3547]

Its all about the image, the look. It is about looking good not being good.

[@lefantomer]

The young female ones have their own queen and she wrote them an anthem: "Look What You Made Me Do". Watch and learn. Beauty is as beauty does and some "beauties" are very ugly underneath all the makeup and airbrushing.

[@anaangel5434]

You can say that again! The narcissist in a nutshell.

[@ladennayoung2939]

Yes I would wonder why he would act like that. These videos gave me the insight that I need about this subject matter.

[@1970brenz]

Amen to that!! They are usually the WORST and most UGLIEST on the INSIDE people you will ever see. They must deep down HATE THEMSELVES so they take it out on others to cover that up.

[@1970brenz]

@@lefantomer Yes what happened to TS she was so sweet and now she's a viper. Sad!

[@TheHappySensitive]

This is spot on. Covert narcissists are VERY passive aggressive. This may be too woo-woo for this channel, but I'm going to throw this out there anyway for anyone who may need to hear this: I discovered over the years that there are also a big number of covert narcissists who lash out psychically/energetically. Literally sending "bad vibes" at people. Obviously, this is incredibly stealth, hard to pinpoint and impossible to prove. Yet for those folks more sensitive to energy, this kind of lashing out can really throw you off and can have far reaching implications, affecting how you feel and function long-term. It boils down to someone looking and behaving very polite and nice, but meanwhile throwing fireballs at you under the radar. I also tried confronting people who do this about it in the past and 95% of the time that does not go well. So now, I no longer do that and just bow out instead. No surprise, many of those fireball throwing covert narcs self-identify as empaths, sigh.

[@junetakesover]

I have experienced this, more than once.

[@edwardianspice1]

Yes agree x

[@ninathethird]

Perfectly summerized, I felt it too

[@DiamondCutter423]

Mark Twain once said, "Never argue with stupid people, they will drag you down to their level, and beat you with experience." I've listened to hundreds (literally), of videos on narcissists and this by far is the most comprehensive. Thank-you Ross. You are %100 correct.

[@oagorosito]

Be careful, my friend. Covert narcs are anything but stupid. Never underestimate them.

[@DiamondCutter423]

@@oagorosito you're %100 right. I sometimes confuse stupidity with being mean for weird reasons.

[@borosinyas2648]

@@oagorosito they are cowards pussy idiot people

[@stefangebhard7074]

Best way to stay a step ahead of a covert narcissist is by giving them the illusion that you’re two steps behind. You’ll never have to put them in check. Their pride and arrogance leads to them checkmating themselves. ‘Quietly exiting’ is the best offensive and defense. My prayers goes out to anyone who has ever had to deal with a covert narcissist for any length of time. Mine was through an employer for seven years. Thank God I got out and am free!🙏

[@lydiapetra1211]

Hallelujah Praise God!

[@SLIM_DICKINSON]

Mine was with my ex wife for 10 years!

[@jenniferbermudez6433]

Honestly a great defense against them which seems so difficult to do since they don't live off what's real

[@tomkenny75]

A quiet exit is exactly what I did. It drove the narc crazy. He automatically realised that i saw straight through him. And I didnt even have to say one word. All good

[@SLIM_DICKINSON]

@@tomkenny75 I'm going through her Narcissistic rage. I shouldn't have never told her that I know who she is.

[@stephm411]

My rule of thumb is if a person seems too good to be true, then do not engage with them. Be polite but turn down any invitations. Love bombing comes in many forms, not just romantic. It's the bait they use to lure you in.

[@silentsmilez503]

Awesome comment, what I've seen a lot of recently as well as the past 8yrs to keep me hooked in. I see it so clearly now.

[@northpole4592]

It depends...

[@Delightfullala]

Yeah I don’t think this advice works tbh. I have experienced a few of narcs tbh and it’s not that they love bomb from the start . However they may find a your week points and use it against you. They may be nice to you in sandwiches and in front of others ect . So don’t think that everyone who is lovely to you isn’t being genuine. Lovely people do exists . Some just expect a lot in return and that isn’t fair either. Give for the sake of giving in the name of love

[@pureoxin8135]

@@Delightfullala often times people who are genuinely loving don’t need anything in return ❤

[@Delightfullala]

@@pureoxin8135 exactly ❤️

[@eiehe93-]

For me, the covert narcissist comes across as a people pleaser. They like to be in the spotlight to get the validation that they crave for, as other narcissists but at the same time, they pretend to be humble, simple, generous, over giving. The covert narcissist will take time to build a relationship/friendship with you. During this period, they will show their admiration and their devotion by helping you with everything that is you need. They will try to convince you that you are soulmates and that they understand you deeply. At the same time, you will see them being overly altruistic, maybe helping society by engaging in charities, activism. They feed the poor, take care of the homeless. All this makes you think how lucky you are for having met such a beautiful soul. You want to be by their side for ever. However, soon you notice how much they enjoy being invited in galas to talk about their achievements. But they don’t admit that. They still play the humble guy who doesn’t want all this. Who is beyond money, beyond fame and recognition, who wants to share the floor with other people. But their acts don’t match their words. You come to realise that this selfless soul is actually doing whatever it takes to be in the centre of attention. When you do something together be it at work or at home, they want to control everything about it. They just exerce their control in a more polite and implicit way, making you believe that your voice was heard whereas in reality you did what they wanted you to do. Covert narcissists have a smooth way of leading you on. They don’t shout, they don’t give orders. They are master actors. They convince you that you are together in this. What makes them a narcissist is that when the time comes for them to use you in order to draw certain benefits, they will do it without a second thought and you are not going to believe in your eyes. And when you stand up for yourself and raise your voice against them calling them for their phony identity, then you will see their rage for the first time and the mask will fall. Covert narcissists manipulate less with rage/exhibiting superiority and more with people pleasing behaviour/playing the eternal victim. They are not aggressive as overt narcissists. They are more cunning. What they both have in common is self-centered ness and lack of empathy. In the case of coverts, it will take you longer to find out.They knew what they wanted to get out of you from the beginning. They created a whole theatre play to fool you about who they are and their true motives. You will trust them with all your heart but when the time comes for them to prove their loyalty by choosing your bond over their personal gain, they will choose the latter with no remorse, without even taking any responsibility. Unlike the overt narcissist, they will have an eloquent excuse for doing so, rationalizing why they had to f@ck you over. They will pretend to be sorry about it because this is something that matches the image of modesty that they want to project but in reality they are not sorry at all. You will see them partying with your own money when they said they didn’t have enough to pay you back. You will see them being unfair and untrustworthy to other people as well. When the mask of the victim will fall, you will see the cruel smile of a perpetrator who managed to get what they want without deserving it. If you decide to unmask them run for your life. Additionally, The unwavering support and dedication demonstrated by Metaspyhub@gmail. com have been pivotal in my journey to uncover the painful truth surrounding my partner's infidelity. From the moment I first reached out to them, their professionalism and unwavering commitment to assisting me in finding the answers I desperately sought were readily apparent and highly commendable. Through their swift action and meticulous investigation, They presented me with compelling evidence that left no room for doubt. Armed with this newfound knowledge, I confronted my cheating partner with newfound courage, reclaiming my self-worth and paving the way for a future filled with renewed hope. Throughout this emotionally challenging process, Metaspyhub's expertise and unwavering support served as a constant source of strength, offering invaluable guidance and empathetic understanding when I needed it the most. I am profoundly grateful for their unwavering assistance, as it has empowered me to move forward with unwavering determination and newfound resilience.

can i chat with you on this if its okay for you? i really need help on deciding whether my partner really is a narcissist or im just making it up...

[@mmoro143]

Thank you for sharing..I learned the hard way (life) and second all what was said in the video and your comment..where were you 4 years ago🤔😉? 🙏🌻

[@ricarellan]

You got me in the first half of your comment now I think you might be a bot posting an ad 🤨

[@cookiemama4]

​@ Another bot

[@sylviacruz753]

On Adderall

[@DrLuke49]

What makes dealing with covert narcissists even more challenging is when they are relatives within your own immediate family and have successfully drafted other family members into fighting their battles FOR them.

[@lydiapetra1211]

It happened in my family but thank God they finally saw through her....Although I have to admit...I kept on pounding the pavement....and spoke out against her non-stop!

[@369Etha]

The worst. But once you realize it, cut them off.

[@avic2697]

My father is a covert narcissist and one of his maneuvers was to show nastiness and agression toward me about something that he resented me for (like being a nurse who could effectively advocate for my mom after her cancer diagnosis while he has no medical background) and then emailing my aunt about how much he appreciates my help in that area. That way, if I told her how awful he'd treated me, she wouldn't believe me. I would sound crazy. Luckily, I had shared details with her beforehand and she saw through it. I was lucky that she told me about the email and that she believed me. It gave me insight as to how he operates.

[@priscilalondon]

They recruit flying monkeys.

[@littlemiss6611]

Some people don't want to see the truth. I had to go no contact with my entire family and most "friends" to find peace and safety - I deleted my social media accounts, cancelled my phones, left my job, and moved to an undisclosed location. I pray one day they can free themselves from my mother's sadistic manipulation and control, but she plays the perfect victim and she is very cunning. I watched her destroy many people in my childhood and no one was the wiser. If your family believes lies about you based on nothing but one person's story, they don't deserve you Louis. It's hard saying good bye - but God is good. He will bring you something better. I am living proof. Peace be with you.

[@simplyrise5217]

Love yourself, don't have a confrontation with a narcissist. RUN FOR YOUR LIFE!!

[@cerveza2297]

🤣👏👏👏

[@helenwright8770]

After 42 years with my husband he pushed me so far I did call him out. He started a fight and ended up trying to slash my face and push me down the stairs. I finally saw the empty snarling nosferatu behind his facade. It was horrible. Fortunately I got out just before lockdown. Thank you for the advice to cut myself some slack. I am learning to forgive myself slowly but surely. I am now 70 but still hope to have a few years of good honest freedom.

[@brielleanyez7113]

May God grant you many more years of peace and happiness 🤗

[@bluebelldays7650]

Fantastic! You got away. ❤

[@heikeahlbory1738]

I hope you still find the love of your life❤

[@gabbd.2795]

I just wish you peace and love.. God is there for us.. for you ❤️

[@helenwright8770]

@@gabbd.2795 Thank you for your wishes. He has been with me all the way and He has drawn me closer and closer

[@1Gibson]

- And ye shall know the truth, and the truth shall make you free.

[@dianealbert3]

Amen !!!!!!!🙏 ❤

[@teal1010]

@ 2:34 "If you are a victim of a covert Narcissist, please don't be so hard on yourself!" *You're not a fool, they are liars!

[@estellewadsworth4187]

This is definitely true. It's the most dangerous type of narcissistic because other people think you are overreacting or just plain ungrateful when you know and have uncovered the covert narcissist.i know a few people like this and it's unbelievably evil. Run quietly Run away and never look back

[@abbyencarnacion1601]

I left quietly and allowed everyone to think it was me, because it was so “crazy making” and I didn’t know how to explain it to anyone (because I didn’t understand). This video was enlightening, settled me and is hope inspiring. Thank you

[@Natashahoneypot]

You are not alone.

[@forstorage4300]

I'm so so happy you left.

[@astercite]

I understand stay strong!

[@pamletellier4970]

I did the same. Struggling to find myself after 20 years of his abuse.

[@thediminished98]

My friend, I will tell you that I am not agreing with doc. One thing that no one talks about is that the narcisist conviced all your friends that he/she is perfect, and dealing with people that constantly ask you to get back with the narc is such a drag. I am not disagreeing with doc in the fact that a fight will break out, but maybe its for the best.

[@chriskyle6891]

My mother has covert narcissism and it’s extremely difficult for me. I have slowly become strong enough to handle it, but being with her always leaves me feeling quite sad.

[@osiris8519]

I left as soon I saw it. It took decades to to notice because I was making excuses.

[@nadineelizabeth195]

Me too why does it make us feel so sad 😢 are we feeling their pain or the pain they've done to us or both?

[@henrysilkysmooth]

I can pinpoint the moment I finally demonstrated their powerlessness over me. I was at a cafe the narcissist and I used to frequent. I was outside talking to some friends, I had a smile on my face and just opened the door to step into the cafe - with a smile still on my face, I opened the door, and a few feet away was the narc giving me a dirty look. At that moment, with a smile still on my face, I could have stopped smiling and have it change my mood or affect. But instead, I kept the smile. Walked in and ordered coffee, gave another friend a hug. Acted as if everything was just peachy. Got my coffee sat down at a table nearby, as opposed to finding a seat on the opposite part of the cafe. Every move I made demonstrated that I was unmoved and unaffected. This made the narc even angrier. Yet I stayed light, confident and content. It was after that moment (there was a long drawn out relationship and smear campaign and breakup before this cafe encounter) that the narc realized they had no power over me anymore.

[@barbarastrayhorn4667]

Good for you. I applaud your bravery.

[@ATeaNTea]

Remain strong sober viligent

[@ajl2232]

Sounds like a great movie ending.

[@lukapesun]

@@ajl2232 OMG YES

[@sandrarechberger4040]

I salute you very elegant and dignified

[@MessiahHasReturned]

The self judgement is the hardest to overcome! Don't judge yourself, coverts are brilliant in what they do.

[@WorldOfARandomVegan]

You are 100% right

[@captainswan3079]

Facts

[@magnoliasegun4994]

It’s so difficult, but I’m doing my best :-)

[@adammcallister3293]

They don't even know how they do it. They're hardwired for deception.

[@MessiahHasReturned]

@@adammcallister3293 Even worse, narcissists deceive themselfes the same way they deceive, futurfake and gaslight everyone else. Their entire life is a lie.

[@areilly693]

"They thrive on our bad self esteem". Yes, 100% .

[@paulywannacracker8253]

my low self worth is the marrow in his bones! i am ruined by this sicko illness that never ever gives in and never gives up!!

[@donnahilton471]

I began to notice that my ex-husband wasn't jealous of me; he was jealous OF me. He got mad when his boss called me his "pretty little wife". The day after my daughter died, he pushed me in front of my sister and stated that I was getting too much attention.

[@pamelameckley7308]

@@donnahilton471 Ohh my. He is one sick and twisted individual. I'm so sorry for your loss. I'm also sorry that you have to put up with him. Please don't let him isolate you from the people who are supporting you right now.

[@donnahilton471]

@@pamelameckley7308 He died at age 41. I discovered that he was the one who caused my daughter daughter's death. He only lived 5 years after I figured it out. He never knew after that, if they were going to going to come and get him on it one day.

[@trenorman832]

They have bad self esteem too!

[@TriciaNaz1964]

Hearing "They Thrive on Our Bad Self Esteem is like a shot to the head but so true and so necessary to really come to terms with, IFFIN YOU CAN. Thanks so much for the video. This advice is really good. :)

[@johngorman8652]

Run as soon as you get the feeling they are only out for themselves

[@tbd5082]

Make the breakup seem like their idea. Cry about it in front of them, then celebrate in private- then heal from the trauma bond. 💜

[@reginapolo3357]

😷😷😷😷😷

[@deecole6920]

Facts.

[@gibmodinero8101]

That's deception and manipulation, which is a part of their game. Don't be like them....

[@chrisb9015]

This is exactly what I did recently. It ensured I got away safely.

[@ravenel2]

You have to be deceptive like this to escape cleanly when you are dealing with these demons. If someone is trying to kill you and you devise a plan to escape, do you sit there going, “Oh, that’s deceptive and manipulative and I’m not going to be like them?” No.

[@nevaehb.4371]

It is not only disturbing but heart shattering. After realizing who he (or she ) really is your life will never be the same. You simply cannot fathom that someone can be this sadistic and uncaring towards others and you. You mourn the loss of the person you thought he/she was...you are traumatized and you feel lonely and afraid while the covert Narc could not care less. With overt Narcs you know what you get and you can avoid them from the beginning..but coverts are so sneaky you will have to look very closely to see what is really going on.

[@curiousfiend1169]

Nevaeh My "mother",and "brother". 😥

[@carlottaventi9556]

I know what you mean! The narc who tortured me is spiritual teacher. He´s respected and adored and I did not see this Ego-Monster coming that he is. So glad to be out of it. But they do suffer all the time. We only suffer for the time we are with them. :)

[@caroleclifford2138]

Carlotta Venti , Not if you truly love them. We suffer for the rest of our lives . Its like losing a loved one to a death, all youll have left is the memory of who you loved😞😢 and that'll pain will last

[@carlottaventi9556]

It´s your choice wether you want to suffer or not. You can heal from it. Love does not mean that you suffer. :) That´s not love. It´s just suffering. If you love yourself, you will let go of those who do not love you.

[@caroleclifford2138]

Carlotta Venti , those sound like really good words and God how I hope they are true. But take this for example, My grandmother raised me and I lived with her for 40 years, to me she was my best friend and my everything. It's only recently that I have realized that she was probably a narcissist and I was her Main victim my whole life. But I have never loved anyone more than that woman and she passed away 5 years ago and I do not believe that I will ever stop loving her. Love doesn't decide not to love just because someone else doesn't love you, all love knows how to do is love. And no love is not suffering, but there is a reaction from love weather it be good or bad in my case the reaction from this love is suffering because of her death first of all and I miss her, and then second of all realizing how she had done me my whole life and coming to the understanding that she was a narcissist causes me to suffer more and knowing that she may have not loved me the way she put off. And everybody is different, just because I don't get over loving somebody and can't stop suffering from the pain that my loving her caused, it does not mean that I do not love myself, it does not mean that at all. I do love myself very much, or I would not even be capable of loving anyone else in the first place. This is my belief of course but I usually use reasonable and rational thinking before I come to making something my belief., so I'm pretty confident in what I'm stating here or at least I believe in it. Although I like your words, if they are true that would help me feel a whole lot better. Because instead of the phrase I could have missed the pain but then I would have missed the dance, at this point in my suffering I would rather choose the phrase, is it better to have loved someone and lost than to have never loved at all, and I would answer at this point in my life, yes! Because the pain is too deep... I don't know, I guess we'll see, and Life Goes On.....

[@x-2954]

A covert narcissist may respond in a variety of ways when discovered, depending on the particular circumstance and the person. When their behavior is criticized, a covert narcissist may occasionally become aggressive or defensive and reject or abdicate responsibility for their actions. They might try to gaslight the person who exposed them by getting them to doubt their own sense of truth or perspective. Narcissists frequently employ this strategy to keep control of the relationship. In other situations, a covert narcissist could act more violently or aggressively in an effort to retake control or establish dominance. They could try to control or intimidate the person who has exposed them, or they might lash out with abusive language or actions. A covert narcissist may also retreat or isolate themselves if their actual nature is discovered. They might make an effort to separate themselves from the person who exposed them or try to avoid any sort of conflict. Being masters of manipulation, narcissistic people frequently possess a special ability for charm, which allows them to get away with manipulating others. They might be able to beguile people into believing they are not actually narcissists and convince them that they are to blame. The process of exposing a covert narcissist may be extremely taxing and even dangerous, so it’s vital to keep that in mind. It’s crucial to exercise prudence and have a solid support network in place, including friends, family, and a therapist. You can process your experience and develop a strategy for dealing with the circumstance in a secure and healthy manner with the aid of a therapist or counselor. Additionally I hired a private detective Barryinvestigation@gmail. com. Once I knew what the narc was up to, it got easier to get over that lying, cheating, sack of doo doo, loser. I didn’t need closure from the narc, I paid for it. Best money I EVER spent!

[@TheHeinrichSymposium]

But what do you when an entire nation has become narcissistic?

[@javierortega7645]

Thanks for the info, im going thru it right now

[@farfetched9296]

Be aware, trust your instincts....never talk about your concerns just secretly DISCARD and RUN AWAY FAR AWAY

[@chaosdweller]

Yeah runaway to plot

[@jewelmathewson2997]

11 years with a covert diagnosed NPD. UNBELIEVABLE EXPERIENCE! I am finally no contact and free. I regret wasting all those years, but I feel a deeper sense of gratitude for being out of it!!!

[@maud.14]

i am 11 years in with a narcissist.. i have three kids with him and married twice in church and the mayor, i want to be released and he doesnt wanna go anywhere, now im all drained up emotionally cause my enemy is emotionally unavailable..

[@dodibenabba1378]

33 years

[@tammyfitzgerald5336]

❤❤❤❤🎉🎉

[@thereseklotz4965]

@@maud.14 pray 🙏🏼

[@mikeanthony4781]

I bet that's a perspective changer. God Bless You ❤

[@debwestphal7136]

Thank you Ross. I have spent my whole life thinking these people would one day wake up and just get it. They don't. They can't. If your in one of these relationships. Exit as soon as you can. I'm 63 and damaged. You can't fix them but you can save yourself. Xx

[@RossRosenberg]

Thanks for sharing Deb.

[@lydiapetra1211]

You are totally right!!

[@catherinevaz6139]

How? 😭

[@jenniferbermudez6433]

Thank you for the words of wisdom and experience. Seems like so hard to leave but the way you put it really hits

[@Peanuts76]

I want to exit this toxic family honestly, after ten years of drama and such, i'm traumatize enough

[@gallomphrattlebone329]

they are unbelievable dangerous! They may still come back on you even decades later. Silently sneeking out the backdoor and run is the only way to stay (comparatively) unharmed. This is my piece of advice. There is no other way to survive. Period.

[@stevenwilliams4841]

Dont confront the devil.. Just leave for your own sanity

[@millionairemom]

Devil. Exactly

[@anaangel5434]

Basically!!!

[@Lloydy786]

mine, is my wife's brother. He seems to be a permanent fixture in our life. How do I deal with this? all of the in-laws like me can see it but my wife and her siblings cant see it.

[@performancewithoutlimits3093]

Put up very strong boundaries and if these are broken leave. Don't try to take them on they're professionals on their job 24/7.. Good luck but I fear you will have difficult times ahead.

[@alagianelloni1500]

Actualy i confronted him and ebded up in the hospital. This is no game is real and they betray you cold with no compasion or empathy they are empty people

[@olga-g8q8y]

“They can’t get what they want, if the world knows who they are!” - that’s the key and that’s the point!

[@ifyourepeatalieoftenenough8500]

Im stupid but not THAT stupid 😂😂😂😂

[@stefaniesondo-benz2646]

Imagine having that kind of low self esteem to believe you got to lie about who you are to EVERYBODY in your life, I actually feel sorry for these people. Well, almost....

[@freshstart3555]

Stay prayed up and keep Full Armor Of God Ephesians ch 6

[@hotspark78]

I have to pray every day for these Narcs to stay off of me. I have to whack them in the Spirit 🤣 Philippians 3:2

[@delerykaraoke2873]

Thank you for the scripture. I got my bible out last night. This evening I totally called my roommate out in the kitchen. He stormed off saying I'm a sick individual. He has messed w my food and drink in the past. I've woke with mystery hand print bruise on my arm. He's slandered. And totally isolated me. Oh and broke my car. I have put a good locking system on my door. My exit plan has been in place but will take about two months. Recently he started accusing me of trying t poison him. This , mysteriously after I ate something, locked my door, and slept for three days!! Waking up extreme brain fog the third day!! Oh, and add to that! Before I even knew he was psycho... At the very beginning he'd cook for me .. let's just say he prefaced with food poisoning. Explosive diahrea. So I haven't eaten much that wasn't bought and held by only ME. I'm not sure how far he'll go. UGH!!! and dear one- just yesterday I was reading on google about the armor of God. So, now it's time to read that bible and pray. Yeah. Last month he spent a couple weeks gaslighting HARD to get me to think I'm delusional and can't make it without him. WTF!!! Ohhhh that stimulus should be right on time. 🙏🙏🙏♥️

[@lawandaross1635]

Amen

[@nicolecrichard72]

💯🎯

[@BudandBloomWithBlossom]

@@delerykaraoke2873 Dont try to rationalize anything he says. He is cuckoo. Dont try to justify anything to him. Say YES to yourself always, NOT "NO" to him. Your good health? YES. Eating food that you prepared to avoid food that is tampered/poisoned? YES. Stay quiet, not argue, to avoid getting stressed out and unhealthy? YES. Tru to justify yourself to him? No. Pick you, your life, your peace and sanity, not him.

[@jimbojones2457]

I've watched literally dozens of videos on covert narcissism. But listening to you speak really hit home. I am recovering from covert narcissistic abuse from a crazy woman who is the classic example of a covert narcissist. Your video brought tears.....it's been 3 months so it's still fresh. But it has been the most painful experience of my life. I take a day at a time and hope one day i will be pain free. Thank you helping people like me with videos like this.

[@morekatjaglieson]

I’m so sorry for everyone’s experiences with covert narcissists. So much heartbreak on this thread. But thank you all for speaking because it’s really helpful to know you aren’t alone. All my love to my fellow codependent empaths.

[@RossRosenberg]

Well said. Thanks for the support. 🙏

[@Joeyrobertparks]

Thanks for the love. I'm a recovering codependant and an empath (a good thing, but wow, when matched with a covert psycopath narcissist. ugh. )

[@kidsonlineschoolby8051]

Thanku for the 🎗️...

[@michaelshumate7637]

Empath right here ..n ty much love

[@jenniferbermudez6433]

Thank you and the same to you!!

[@johnbockmann]

3:14 The narcissist thrives and survives on others' low self-esteem. 4:35 Don't call them out in public; too much at stake for them 5:00 Come up with a non-confrontational exit plan. They will try to discredit you. Early on, co-dependents are not good with confrontation and boundaries; important thing is to get some distance. 7:20 Understand how passive-aggressive covert narcissists are. They have everything to gain by making you look bad, but they don't do this directly. They have to protect their facade. They antagonize you, provoke you into bad behavior that they'll use against you. 10:00 Understand the danger involved. When calling out a narcissist, it's almost always a challenge to get out unscathed. Arguments don't work. Don't wrestle with the pig in the mud. Just get out & seek hobbies and healthier relationships.

[@nafissadik2754]

Thanks!

[@christinaescajeda7195]

Provokes Arguments antagonize,wears a facade. There has been much abuse involved. Thanks for the feed back

[@Engineer9736]

Thanks for the subtitles?

[@klaytonpeterson]

Thank you

[@marthajohn7936]

Great 👍

[@cmralph...]

I was married to one of these nightmares for a little over a year. I ended the relationship with one phone call. Quietly Blocked all email, social media, and phone contact points. Walked away and NEVER LOOKED BACK.

[@RossRosenberg]

Thanks for sharing!

[@firstyearseminarveganisman3664]

For me it was 13 years. She had babies so as to enmesh me ever more. One of them was with someone she cheated on me with. That baby still doesn't know her real daddy and he will never be told, because the custody battle would be inconvenient to the mom. Every day for well over a decade I was screamed at and called "loser", "idiot" and "faggot'. In 4 days I will celebrate 2 years of escaping, with no contact except for the court-decreed minimal email contact related to the children.

[@jeanettecook1088]

Congratulations! My father married one in 1946 and it took him 29 years with her to pull the plug. I so wholeheartedly wish he could have divorced her much sooner. You've saved many years of your life. I was trapped along with my sisters and brother with this narcissist, and her abuse knew no bounds for variety, cruelty and relentlessness. Getting out early saves so much suffering!

[@scratchoriginalsdh]

I’ve got 22 years and three kids in this mess when I “ruined the family” by leaving. I am sure a bunch of people are believing that I just went over the edge, because “you know how she struggles with her depression”.......😣what a mess, what a mess.

[@jeanettecook1088]

@@scratchoriginalsdh... what a story! Please remember though it's only a mess if you continue to participate in it. Live your own life.... set your own boundaries. Not easy sometimes, always necessary for good health.

[@kmm2442]

I’m a covert narcissist. I’m a kind gentle person. I watched my father beat my mother and us into the ground. I’ve been trying to get help for my mental problems for 20 years. I know I’m a good person. So thanks.

[@DeborahWilder-k5d]

I guess ownership is the first step, so I'm glad that you see and are trying to get help

[@Haberdashery22]

I think I have remnants of covert narcissism because my mum is one and as I grew up I didn't know any other way. I'm very conscious of it. Her narcissism was revealed to me around 10 years ago and what a relief that was! I'd always known she was odd, different, could never put my finger on it. These days when I'm in company I go out of my way to keep my ego aside by not talking about myself. I do everything I can to not take centre stage and if I help my grown up children, I try to do it with love and not to make an impression. I try to be truthful and I'm able to feel sorrow, take responsibility and voice it whenever I mess up. But none of this comes easily to me. I've never properly fitted in socially, I can't joke or banter. I have to fight making something up to impress a new friend and I have jealousies which bubble up. I'm lucky to be very loved by my family but I worry that I'm not genuine. Recently I compare myself to my beautiful granddaughter whose spirit is the purist thing you could ever know -- she doesn't have a single bad thought in her head. She is therefore delightfully the opposite to me. My mother is 96 and eaten away inside with her complaints of loneliness and anger. Difficult to manage. I do everything possible to be unlike her. . . .sorry for banging on !

[@kmm2442]

It’s really good, so good to hear your story. Thanks.

[@DanielGennaro]

Never have I been in such a weird dysmorphia type relationship. Can’t tell what’s true and what’s not. Seems like everything is a lie. So much has been textbook. The love bombing. The gaslighting. Telling me I’m crazy. I love when you said “you’re just one of the many people they’ve done this to”. I felt that was true

[@kitdatkat]

These people are mental and they try to make you just as fucked up as they are... seriously scary shit. my mom is a covert narcissist and she has the whole family in her palm right now... the shit i have seen in my life can only be compared to spiritual and emotional rape. Plus she is a religious fanatic to the point of breaking into my room at night, stealing my packages and opening my mail, and oh my god i could go on all night... She controls everyone around her in case they come in contact with "the devil"... but what they cant see is she IS the fucking devil. Just kidding, shes a very sick and demented person who abuses everyone in her life... and makes them think they should be grateful for it. Truly horrifying

[@colettespencer3357]

They do it to everyone. My ex was a psychiatric nurse practitioner. He was truly evil.

[@DanielGennaro]

Wish I would’ve Listen to my own warning, since I wrote this last comment, this girl has gotten me in some serious legal trouble. I just wanted her to get out of my car after I caught her in this huge lie where she said she wasn’t living at this house anymore, so I decided to stop by and give back some of her things. She was there on the porch, I think she was on drugs, basically chased me down and would not leave my car. All they did was throw water at her to get her away from my car, she made this false police report and said I did all kinds of heinous things to her like put bruises on her and dragged her. It’s insane. I am facing assault and disorderly conduct charges. Just for admitting the water. Which I want to seriously off myself for. It’s like a bad dream. Hope and pray things work out, one of the hardest lessons I’ve ever learned in my life so far. When people say that a narcissist wants to destroy you, that is very true. I am so baffled that this girl discarded me the way she did. I think that she was in another serious relationship because she had to throw me under the bus.

[@kitdatkat]

@@DanielGennaro Damn dude that's fucking insane I'm sorry you're going through that... get a good lawyer and fight that shit. It may get insane but you will come out on the other side stronger and wiser for it... the reason life challenges us is so we can grow. You will come back from this

[@DanielGennaro]

@@kitdatkat thanks so much my friend. I feel that. It’s so shitty. I have a damn masters degree and a great career. This witch was probably running drugs and who knows what else. Definitely was on meth that night and I’m trying to build the case. Hope and pray I can fight it. Definitely has made me wise to how I’m a rescuer and attract these villainous women that can’t be helped and really want to see good guys like me destroyed. Thanks for the love.

[@dreamless1988]

People might underestimate the danger of a narcissistic person. If you have been in contact with a narcissist, RUN FOR YOUR LIFE. don't even think of looking back they will consume you alive.

[@carlottaventi9556]

I too prefer running. They are so exhausting and blame it on you, like you are the one who´s the vampire. It´s so unfair.

[@larahporter8123]

riri r And what about if they are the parents and you are the only child? If they are now elderly people, what are you supposed to do? Abandom them? What kind of a child abandom their parents?

[@narcbegone1507]

Larah, you can't abandon something you've never had. Don't tell me they provided nurturing and support and security like normal parents would, like even animal parents do. Run. Rescue what's left of your life. Let them rot liker the selfish scum that they are.

[@larahporter8123]

NarcFree AtLast Thank you for your understanding. I still love them and it hurts like hell!

[@narcbegone1507]

I know, I've been there. Do yourself a favor, take care of your mental health because the narcs won't. Look at it as your right to self defense. Because what they do is destroy you. Don't continue to accept the beating, even if it's only mental.

[@AstridNagelSA]

They THRIVE on DECEPTION....they cant get what they want, if the world knows who they really are." ABSOLUTELY SPOT ON

[@jamesfreres5611]

Lol because to them the rest of the world they despise. And they despise people. But I’m order to accomplish their goals they have to fit in to society’s norm.

[@nazhmicomel]

gpp

[@signe8321]

"The world" already knows who they really are. But the world also thrives on deception........

[@rymanshroomzorz]

@@jamesfreres5611 that's just called being anti social, which is very different to narcissism, narcs don't despise people, they despise themselves, and to hide that they attempt to control and deceive others. Once exposed, a narc will collapse under the weight of the their own lack of self acceptance.

[@jamesfreres5611]

@@rymanshroomzorz they’re inability to self accept is true, but that doesn’t justify their dislike for people. That just signifies their perfectionist persona. Controlling and deceiving is just a result of their lack of empathy for people with a desire to only benefit themselves and use people as pawns for their agenda. But this doesn’t justify their resentment towards people. They will collapse under their own inability to see their own worth therefore they seek the approval of others to feed their own people not bc they actually care what that person thinks. Great points though