Sëx and the City's Most Sinister Relationship: Revisited

[@SerenaSkybourne]

Does anyone else agree that them ending up together was more for the purpose of wish fulfillment than anything?

[@redaktid-bot]

Agreed, Carrie's finale felt very artificial and unearned. They were really just pandering to the audience

[@arino274]

Totally. Darren Star (the original show runner and writer of SATC) had planned for the shows trajectory to follow more of an empowering storyline, where women can live happily and successfully without needing a man by your side. But then writing was commandeered to Michael Patrick King, who really took the plot and storywriting in that “wish fulfillment” direction, as seen by Carrie and Big ending up together.

[@SerenaSkybourne]

@@redaktid-botI think so too, they probably didn’t want to make the viewers mad

[@Ivanchica1987]

For me, it falls under the category "be careful what you wish for, it might come true"....The main reason why they ended up together, other than it being written like that by the screenwriter, not the original author, is Carrie refusing to go to therapy.I had a series of such situationships in my 20's and I only stopped after I started therapy...

[@LushiSirenita]

totally! For me its the same with miranda and steve! They dont fit together is just for the "happy ending and ever after"

[@animami-8]

Growing up is realizing a back and forth situationship isn’t normal and you don’t have to suffer first and be loved after

[@7Mushrooms7]

The thing is that's what gives "good entertaining tv". But it's also the writers fault for not being able to write interesting and captivating healthy relationships.

[@Grushenke89]

A lot of these channels with critiques of SC have great insights, including this one, but I will say this- as someone who was in their 20s when SC came out, it was a very different world back then. None of us even really knew what narcissism was or even what a personality disorder was. We flew blind in relationships. Our only barometer was ourselves and friends and peer relationships. We didn't have a vast internet with it's wealth of info and perspectives. Carrie, to me, reflects that paradigm for the 90s and early 2000 woman and before that also! it's such a drastic generational shift with the advent of the internet, it's fascinating to see.

[@xEllieRose]

Absolutely, it's easy to look back in hindsight and notice the change. The same will happen with what is being created now in 20 years.

[@bluehydrangea5506]

Presentism.

[@animami-8]

I was a teenager in the early 2000s and I can definitely attest to this. I think a certain group of women knew how to better navigate relationships but like the average day to day girl didn’t

[@BeYounique...Maryanne]

Good points. I'm around Carrie's age (I'm now 61) and I was never like she was. I read a lot as a teenager and wouldn't take garbage from guys -- ever. Though women in my age group at the time condemned me, telling me I was "too picky" and "You think you're better than everyone. No guy is good enough for you" and "You don't give guys a chance" and the cliche "heartbreaker." But my instincts told me when something wasn't ideal and I got out. ... (I was considered a "spinster" at 30 for not marrying and everyone from friends to aunts tried to fix me up). Fast forward, I started dating my husband when I was 42. We've been together almost 20 years and have the happiest marriage. We are still romantic and very much in love. My husband was worth the wait. We were together through thick and thin -- my cancer scare, he had a couple health things, career highs and lows for both of us, me having to go away on business trips, and many deaths of family members and friends. We were NEVER on again/off again. We're in our 60s and still have date nights. This is what I aspired to when I was 19 and wouldn't settle for anything less. But, yeah, I guess you're right about women from the 1990s and 2000s. I'm happy it shifted and I do feel I was ahead of my time. ❤

[@plasmichoneytrip]

It’s easy to judge Carrie in retrospect. However, i’m sure women still get trapped into this kind of relationship. We had to experience the hurt and shame ourselves before we grew up and hopefully learn.

[@Fela_rof]

Growing up is realising how toxic their relationship actually is and both are people I'd never ever want to date

[@dalehoward3704]

Me Too‼️

[@MrsDanceXD]

I wouldn’t even be able to stand one encounter with either of them, they were pissing me off

[@BeYounique...Maryanne]

Honestly, I'd never look twice at Big. And Carrie was an awful friend. I'd dump both of them.

[@seraloz]

tbh Aiden too. he was SO nasty and borderline abusive to Carrie after getting back with her the second(?) time. and now on the new show she's basically promised herself to him and they aren't even really together? idk Carrie needs to just embrace being a successful, single lady with her cute cat companion lol

[@BeYounique...Maryanne]

@@seraloz I love your last sentence! That's so adorable, being successful with her cat companion. Remember when Miranda was that girl, with her cat? I forgot the cat's name though. That was Miranda at her best.

[@redaktid-bot]

You really hit the nail on the head with the attachment styles and Carrie's lack of self-worth. She rejects any agency in her life whether it's financial, social, or professional. It's part of why I like her development with "The Russian" because he treats her like an actual adult and holds her to adult standards (something her friends don't even do that much)- but that didn't really work out because she was still missing the point of needing to be her own full person independent of the relationship. All of the women on the show are so caught up in who they are supposed to be in relation to men and then letting that belief dictate their entire lives. Carrie really is such a great character to learn from, because we see the futility of her constantly trying to change while denying what her actual issues are. She constantly skirts the issue of wanting to have someone else maintain her identity and value; even though she never believes them anyway!

[@7Mushrooms7]

Agree with you. But the Russian was awful too and not a match either. He never made any compromises for Carrie and if I remember right he even slapped her in the end.

[@redaktid-bot]

@@7Mushrooms7 Yeah I don't think he was a great match at all, but that relationship laid a lot of groundwork for character growth that ultimately went nowhere. It's kind of a more realistic mirror to the DDLG relationship dynamic Carrie keeps pursuing.

[@marig9236]

My mother in may ways was like Carrie regarding a certain bf of hers. He def treated her the same as Big treated carrie. In her later years they finally were able to live together, and she legit poured all the life she had left to take care of him. Its the reason she died in her 50s! Ladies, Do not do this. Do not chase a man. If he wants you, he will never make you feel or think otherwise.

[@5uzanna1]

I wish they wouldn't force a happy ending between Carrie and Big. I cannot see them working long-term.

[@xEllieRose]

Especially considering the first movie proves their dynamics have not changed and she went back 🤦‍♀️

[@Gimenez528Hz]

I'm non neuro typical and I can

[@BlackXSunlight]

A lot of the newer takes on Carrie (and Big) through this modern lens are spot on, but I'd argue that at least in the first 3 seasons, the two are written this way deliberately. Big's lines are so perfectly curated, and the directorial choice to linger on Big's face, zoom in so only he's in focus as Carrie waits for his affirmations, only for him to give her a nothing burger shows that the toxic nature of their relationship is intentional. Then something changed with their writing room and they threw all of that out the window.

[@anjab-1769]

Yes. The woman that created the show gave an interview saying her mom was asking when Carrie will dump Aiden to get back with big. She said realistically they would've never worked out but her mom kind of made her make them into a thing.

[@knitwitchpgh]

Candace bushnell said carrie stopped being "her" when she cheated with big. Thats where the character switches. I believe one of the producers or writers changed around then too and SJP was more involved

[@cannellecinnamon5504]

Actually Darren star left and was replaced by Michael patrick King ang later SJP became co producer. And came all the downfall of Carrie who reinforced her position as Big's pushover.​@@knitwitchpgh

[@microangels]

I dont see whats wrong with depicting flawed female characters. It's supposed to be a drama, not a tutorial on how to behave in real life.

[@theoriginalsuzycat]

Yes, the showrunner changed. Darren Star didn't intend for Carrie to end up with Big.

[@carnivoreyogini1576]

Nailed it! Growing up in that era, we did not have terms like 'attachment trauma', 'gaslighting', and 'hoovering', but toxicity of that relationship was palpable. Frankly, Samantha was the reason I watched this show :)

[@FishareFriendsNotFood972]

"She will choose a selfish man over her friends every time." 100%!! That's the core of her problems.

[@BeYounique...Maryanne]

And Smith and Samantha were the healthiest relationship and it saddened me that they made Samantha grow tired of him. Smith adored her, and he even handled it maturely when Sam made a mistake and cheated on him with Richard. (Any other guy would have tried to get back at Samantha, like Aiden did with Carrie when they got back together). I'm sure if it happened again, Smith wouldn't have been a doormat, but he "got it" -- people are human and make mistakes. Even in the movie when Sam was mad at him and threw sushi at him, he looked hurt and disappointed, but he never sought "revenge." He was the epitome of a man who knew who he was and didn't have to validate his ego by being cruel to a woman.

[@ProudlyShadowBanned]

Carrie had to be the "hero".

[@BeYounique...Maryanne]

@@ProudlyShadowBanned The only time she was a hero was "A Woman's Right to Shoes."

[@zab416]

I always kinda hated they gave Sam the same breakup line to use for Smith as with Richard. "I love you, but I love me more" is iconic, but I believe she would have said something different. Sometimes people grow apart, but those were two really different relationships.

[@BeYounique...Maryanne]

@@zab416 Yeah, I hated that too. Smith deserved so much more. Sadly they grew apart but Smith was vastly superior to Richard. (Richard made me cringe more than Big).

[@andreaf8404]

Smith and Samantha and Charlotte and Harry were nice and healthy relationships

[@lovefromwonderland]

“The problem with Carrie is that she never learns.” oh my god, thank you. I’ve _always_ said this to Carrie defenders. People always talk about her character being realistic and having flaws is what makes her interesting, but over time a character that makes mistakes and learns nothing is just boring. It’s a flatline. And I think people who relate to her feel attacked when people attack Carrie so they feel the need to defend her like that. We’ve all been where she’s been, even if we do cringe at Carrie’s pick-me tendencies. That would be fine if she actually grew a backbone and put her foot down, but she never did, she always folded for him.

[@SerenaSkybourne]

Literally, it was the way she folded every time he touched her or looked at her that made me cringe. But we've all been there! It's a compelling start, but I just wish they'd given her proper character development

[@mackorange]

My high school is history teacher taught us, in a lesson, that sex in the city was written by a men and I will never forget that 🙏

[@dazza8551]

Sex AND the City, not in the city.

[@josiecremona6560]

it was 3 women and 2 gay men or visa versa. that’s why they hired Greg Behrendt to give a straight male perspective and that was the birth of ‘he’s just not into you’. which kind of makes sense. they had the delusional fairy tale ending planned and there was no Greg during season 6 to say that Big was just not that into Carrie

[@shewow8612]

​@josiecremona6560 The majority of the series is written by gay men, though it is based around a book written by a woman. Gay men are still men lol. That doesn't really change the focus of the gaze as significantly as you may think, it just removes the directly sexualized focus on the main characters. Women had some place in the writing room, but not the primary voice. It is similar to straight women writing gay characters, whatever the intentions it isn't a direct connection. 😊

[@caro2233]

many, and i mean MANY romantic stories throughout times and history were written by men...

[@ladybug7273]

At first the show was written by Darren Star and MPK. Darren left After season two and they hired writing teams that were women. It was a total of 5 women writers.

[@Ladyblueberryy]

Big like all shitty men get the dream girl too and they treat her like shit too. Bigs past two ex wives were his type look how he treated them. He's not a different man you can't change him

[@BeYounique...Maryanne]

Exactly. And the only woman who really turned Big down was the actress Willow Summers who he was madly in love with -- even was telling Carrie their troubles. Then Willow finally dumped him and he got what he deserved.

[@7Mushrooms7]

Yes, he still cheated on Natacha. I think he respected more Natacha than Carrie, but shitty non commital men will also be shitty with their dream girls, it just takes them longer to feel comfortable to drop their mask in front of those dream girls.

[@BeYounique...Maryanne]

@@7Mushrooms7 Exactly! He cheated on his beautiful first wife too.

[@jaylaalle5827]

i watched all 6 seasons of this show for the first time this summer and carrie & big’s relationship was so so toxic…. big was an asshole and carrie was so immature.

[@eneyavorodecky]

That was intentional, btw. It is not an accident. I would argue that other relationships were less realized (I will forever hate Steve) but the main? Absolutely intentional.

[@Katie_Woo]

I'm 39 now and I hadn't watched my DVDs of the show in a LONG TIME, maybe since my 20's and watching them as a married woman and with a solid financial footing in life, it was Carrie that i wanted to shake. She was utterly ridiculous, especially the way she attacked Charlotte about the fact that she was wearing her engagement ring around her apartment. THAT was the moment when I genuinely started to dislike Carrie, she was attacking her friend who liked to wear her ring- a symbol of something she'd had so much hope in- Trey. Yet Carrie had so little emotional range that she couldn't see that accepting the ring offer was WRONG, she was taking away Charlotte's treasured ring- her symbol of what could have been, that she'd GUILTED and BULLIED out of her, and using it to sort out her financial sh*t storm too- unforgivable.

[@ladybug7273]

I think the writers wanted Charlotte to move on from her failed marriage and that’s why they wrote this storyline about Charlotte letting go of her ring/past of a marriage that was no longer. But it fell flat because of Carrie and her self entitled selfish narcissistic core.

[@ducky19991]

Them ending up together is nonsense. The ending felt like wish fufillment for anyone who been in an anxious/avoidant relationship, which I can relate to. But they could never be together long term without serious self work and therapy, which they didnt have

[@marig9236]

Always felt Carrie didn't win Big. He settled for her.

[@deedeedan8681]

​@@marig9236 youre absolutely right

[@xEllieRose]

​@@marig9236totally agree!! This other creator 'aspyn.j' did a whole series going through the show and talking about their relationship and the points she brings up makes it quite clear that big doesn't even like her 🤦‍♀️

[@NovaLena22]

I so agree. I never understood why Carrie romanticized everything about Big. I was even more baffled as to why many of the show's fans romanticized their relationship. They were both too self-obsessed, each in their own way. Carrie was ridiculously juvenile, and Big was very narcissistic. Together they were absolutely toxic. My favorite character was always Samantha. She was vain and had her own issues. But she was very unpretentious when it came to men. She knew what she wanted, and more importantly, she knew what she didn't want. And when her Mr. Big came into her life (Richard) and played her dirty... she did learn her lesson. And her parting words to him "I love you too... but I love me more" sealed her place as my favorite character.

[@amandaredd3057]

Kids and marriage can be beautiful additions to life when you've truly found a good, solid partner. Otherwise? Not so much

[@kammyyedor4225]

The whole relationship was based on Candace Bushnell’s (author of the book SATC is based on) relationship with a guy that was exactly like Big. And she didn’t end up with him long-term.

[@DoesntMatter-p8z]

She also said she regretted giving up kids for her career. No one wants to acknowledge this part.

[@eneyavorodecky]

Candice is... weird. Everything of hers I have read makes me worry for her.

[@Test-x9k]

​@@eneyavorodeckyShe has the MKULTRA programming darkness...plus her dad worked in aerospace iykyk aka Operation Paperclip & the people brought in to work at NASA

[@Fingerscrossedout]

@@DoesntMatter-p8z😂okay?

[@carolannaitken5812]

If Mr. Big was poor and okay looking would Carrie be throwing herself at him? A HUGE part of his allure was his good looks, wealth, social standing in NYC. Also Big's reserve makes Carrie even more interested.

[@peaceknot]

I never thought Carrie was supposed to be aspirational as much as relatable. Most women have had at least one relationship where they lost themselves a bit. Mr. Big was that guy in Carrie's life. When I watched this, I saw it as a warning sign.

[@GemR38]

Thank you! I never thought the show portrayed it as 'aspirational'. It was clear that their relationship wasn't healthy. However we all know someone who has had a relationship like that. That's what I think the show were going for, a mirror. The other women's relationships were an interesting comparison to Carrie & Big and I believe that was very intentional.

[@theoriginalsuzycat]

I sometimes cannot help but wonder whether the youths making response videos have no experience of series that played out over many years, and that underwent significant changes in relation to the showrunners changing, often even networks changing, wider sociopolitical events having an impact etc. Today everything is a limited series that you can watch in one go and that seldom goes past three seasons. Reading series like SATC as a singular text is shallow, from an analysis pov, because it doesn't take into account the fact that it was written by multiple people over mutiple years and its goalposts moved constantly. Shows of this time period avoided complete closure when it came to relationships precisely because of the drive for syndication and the awareness that a successful series MIGHT continue for many more seasons than initially expected. Hence, the cynical and slightly bitter early seasons changed into something softer and ultimately became total escapism. People also seem to forget that this series was billed as a comedy. It's not MEANT to be realistic, but it WAS relatable and that was why we all leaped on it. It was so incredibly rare to see a) female friendship foregrounded and b) women being MESSY. It was a delight. At last, women on TV were a bit like me and my friends!

[@angelaholmes8888]

Yep carrie and big relationship wasn't healthy I really wish the show didn't have them getting back together because carrie never grew or learned from her actions like the way she treated natasha or Aidan and at times her friends

[@MsBluheart]

The way she sent Aidan to get Miranda off the bathroom floor instead of going herself ! Things like that would have made me reconsider that friendship!

[@mavka.chorna]

Candace Bushnell based Carrie on herself while Mr Big is based on publishing magnate Ron Galotti, with whom she had this tumultuous relationship with. They didn't end up together and book-Carrie also ends up single. Bushnell makes a cameo in the series and Gollatti is seen in brief cameo in one of the films. The choice of casting the Russian-Latvian ballet legend Mikhail Baryshnikov as Petrovski is also interesting, considering that Bushnell was married to a ballet dancer.

[@Aaarandom]

Yep. If a guy wants you he will move mountains if you need him to. And he will know he wants you and you will too. Either way, a man will prove what he really wants with his actions

[@SerenaSkybourne]

@@Aaarandom 💯💯

[@Jess-Rabbit]

So excited for this video! Ive always said Big and Carrie are both bad people so they deserve eachother. Theyre both cheaters and selfish manipulators. Its weird that we are supposed to be shocked in the movie when he leaves her at the alter (which to be fair is way worse than anything Carrie has ever done) but like...hes a dirtbag. So why are we shocked?

[@SerenaSkybourne]

I knowww I just can't bring myself to feel bad or be shocked when this is the usual Carrie-Big drama so it seemed inevitable for him to leave her at the alter

[@LiminalHellscape]

Tbh, as an adult now, I realize that watching this show in my late teens totally skewed my understanding of healthy adult relationships. And it's not entirely the show's fault. I made bad choices in dating due to many things, and that's on me. I just wonder if things would have been different for me if I hadn't believed that chasing unhealthy relationships was normal.

[@ΕύαΤ-ι6ω]

i dont really see the "she was in love with his money and the lifestyle he would provide her." for me it was always a very toxic crush

[@theoriginalsuzycat]

I agree, for all Carrie observes on first meeting him that he's dressed like a monied person and he's not married, and has his wealth confirmed by Samantha later, I honestly don't think she goes after him because he's rich. At least she doesn't think she does, though obviously the comfortable life he can give her doesn't hurt. The series is FULL of women the girls know who have married "well" and are unhappy. I think a lot of people also forget that Big did actually chase Carrie. He wanted her for sure, but it took him a long time to accept that if he wanted her, he had to make that public.

[@rain0450]

I agree. Carrie always seemed to have money in the show (even if she was fiscally irresponsible) and didn’t seem motivated by money.

[@xXmizzkizXx]

Tbh I don't dislike Carrie, I quite like that she's a very flawed character because we all have flaws, and we all make mistakes, life isn't black and white...but my God she can be incredibly frustrating to watch.

[@lydialuke322]

my exact feeling

[@melissashiels7838]

Was Carrie ever someone to aspire to? I always viewed her as a cautionary tale.

[@carlamoss89]

i dont think the show pretended that her relationship was great. the other girls kept warning her about Big over and over again, and even she knew it was toxic. but i don't think presenting everything as correct and great on tv would be interesting - carrie was a flawed person, big was a flawed person, and it was actually quite realistic to portray a flawed relationship. it wasn't a seventeen magazine guide to getting a boyfriend.

[@zoehyatt-marley6073]

It’s so easy to intellectualise when it comes to the complexities of relationships. Carrie is of my time and sadly she is still of your time. We can judge her lacking, but the truth is no matter how we feel we have progressed as women, we are still subject to the chemistry and emotions that lead us astray. I can see in retrospect where I have failed but in all honesty I would probably make the same mistakes again. The trick is to forgive the girl and be proud of the women you have become.

[@jasminaj3682]

Serena your videos are the one

[@SerenaSkybourne]

🥹🥹

[@toxyvella]

This show actively gaslight a generation of women that her relationship with Big was acceptable. And then, by having her character have to choose between 2 equally horrible men at the end is very telling of the time.

[@cannellecinnamon5504]

Great video! I actually love everything about Carrie's relationship with Big ( the low sef esteem, the situationship etc.) Because she was very relatable. Darren star never wanted big and Carrie's to be end game but, he was replaced in the later seasons by MPK and SJP who flipped the script. Had Carrie gone over Mr Big , the show would still be relatable because it would have been about self growth. But instead of that, Carrie became weaker to the point of even forgiving ALL and setteling for a guy who only saw her as last option. Even the million he left Natasha in his will showed that he still had regrets about not being with that type of woman ( old money, classy) instead of Carrie. He could have avoided Carrie feeling humiliated by the will if he really cared about her.

[@MyAccountForCommenting]

Why do people who look back at old shows say they didn’t age well because the characters "weren't good role models." I'm not sure who needs to hear this, but back then, our TV characters weren't always supposed to be role models. It's a present-day phenomenon that's linked with cancel culture and safe spaces where people feel that it's wrong to "give a platform" to people with non-PC views or "problematic" behavior. It's this fear that it's dangerous to expose people to "offensive" views. It's an attempt to self-censor things so they don't offend and to re-make things to be more "inclusive." People knew Carrie was a mess. She was just fun to watch, and people liked her fashion. However, if you recall, even the other ladies on the show would criticize her behavior. So, it wasn't presented as something altogether positive...

[@SwimsWithWhales31]

I think Big's treatment of Carrie is all too common, just as you explained at the end of the video, and for that reason alone, Carrie should be shown a bit more grace in that area. She should have been a better friend for sure, I'm not saying excuse that by any means. However, when we are talking about how stupid she repeatedly was over Big, that is result of many people's upbringing, myself included. My mother literally raised me to be a people pleasing Pick Me who is should bend backwards to make others happy and remain loyal based on blood or love no matter what, unconditionally. I am 37 now and years later still only scratching the surface of the damage that has caused me and I've caused others and myself because of it. Most of my friends, same way - we didn't raise ourselves. And while we can assume Carrie had her influences throughout her young life, Carrie was one of my biggest influences growing up! During high school and college, I was obsessed with SATC, but mainly with Carrie and then of course with Carrie ans Big. They were my relationship goals and I had no real life healthy examples or any healthy adult woman to tell me all the ways that would eventually lead to harmful outcomes. Watching the SATC analysis videos over the last year has been really tough for me (who is still single), knowing I modeled so much after her and seeing how wrong it truly all is and then beong able to pinpoint all the ways I've acted and allowed the same. I know she is a fictional character, but her life didn't just begin at 33, meeting Big. She was raised that way, she was taught that was how relationships go, just as I was (partially by her). I am so happy younger women and girls are hip to the toxicity today, but we were not always and many of our own mothers were the ones to steer us wrong. She deserves grace. Now her being a terrible friend...that's a different story. I have no compassion around that. I do agree it's sad she never learned at her big age, but honestly, I probably wouldn't have either if not for the internet, because my real life certainly is still not producing an real life positive examples to look to.

[@NiJill]

Many shows aren't showing characters we "aspire to"... It's entertainment... and also how many people do we know that have no flaws and personality defects? And how many people off that list will stand the test of time 20/30 years later? None. I loved every single character one the show was it showed flaws and weakness that are ultimately human qualities.

[@robynsibal440]

Clicked and locked in immediatley.

[@SerenaSkybourne]

🥰🥰

[@victoriathompson3194]

RIP Carrie Bradshaw you would’ve loved I Can Fix Him (No Really I Can) by Taylor Swift

[@Tinerila]

Unfortunately they keep resurrecting her with AJLT and the shit will continue 😂

[@kp8972]

I love that this new generation of women aren’t accepting this kind of garbage. Good for you!

[@wlammy4ever]

Watched satc when it first came out (i am old), and always saw her as the poorly dressed villain and annoying weirdo; imagine my shock when I talked to people and they liked her?!? 😂😂

[@brianna_sudawn]

I remember growing up with my aunt LOVING Carrie and Big. When I first watched, I hated him immediately! I loved Aiden. But she wasn’t ready for him 🙄

[@eve7896]

Nah... Aiden was just as bad, only in different ways. He wanted to get married, have kids and it didn't really matter who exactly he would do it with. He was convinced he could mold any woman into liking his personal version of a "perfect life". They didn't match from the start. And even if she were more self aware, in a better place mentally, just the fact that she loved living in a city and he craved country life in a wooden shack would make them incompatible. They wanted completely different lifestyles.

[@loveart429]

I’m obsessed with your channel

[@haleyzwaal4183]

Every day I am grateful that I'm pretty much exclusively attracted to incredibly stable men who are good with kids, animals, and the elderly. This is what attracted me to my husband at 21, and it has paid dividends. Otherwise I would be happily single, and I feel like that also would have paid dividends to be fair lol.

[@kammyyedor4225]

Also the way I’ve been WAITING for Serena to cover Sex and the City!

[@SerenaSkybourne]

Also I just woke up to this- thankyou for 60k! You're the best I love you!🎀🎀💌💌🥳

[@gravity-arbor]

Well done!

[@loveart429]

Well done Serena🎉 I love your channel ❤

[@krystalccameron7689]

You’re misreading so much of this. That relationship was just 2 people from different worlds and in 2 different leagues playing out. For her, he was the one, and for him, she was someone to enjoy until he met the one. She calls him perfect because compared to her, he was very polished, and in a higher class. He didn’t love her, but he didn’t hate her either, she was just “not the woman he saw himself with in the larger sense.” (Remember that’s what her Friend told her about the woman he was with in that Chinese restaurant the very first night she had sex with Big.) He rejected Samantha because she was too overtly sexual, but fell for that movie star, Willow, because she was sultry. He represented old world desires and aesthetics. Even the women he committed to were classic looking brunettes. People love that show because so many of us have been there where you love a man who’s heart is not open to you because you don’t match the vision he has for his life.

[@Test-x9k]

In real life Candace Bushnell was a scary & deeply disturbed wasp that the Italian editor guy saw and didn't want to deal with her. Men have been trained to spot toxic & skip on like women are now learning to do instead of trying to stay and even marry a toxic man like Beauty & the Beast & Prince Charming (charm is literally a DSM diagnostic criteria for a psychopath ASPD)

[@krystalccameron7689]

@ what’d your point?

[@angelaholmes8888]

Please do videos on samantha Jones and miranda and Steve relationship

[@natasha8966]

He didn’t choose Carrie when he was with Natasha, because Natasha represented the rich, classy, no bad reputation, she probably wouldn’t argue or be crazy as much as Carrie was. Carrie mIsplaced anger for Natasha should of been for big, one sided beef that Natasha knew nothing about, all she did was fall in love with a man and got married. Obviously Carrie is jealous of Natasha like all Natasha did was be nice to Carrie didn’t deserve what Carrie and big did to her. Carrie is pathetic to think Natasha would have forgiven her all Carrie did was be mean about her.

[@judywright4241]

I really disliked Carrie with the ‘Natasha specific’ hatred. She sounded so obtuse thinking on someone in the world ‘that has such hate for me.’ When all Carrie showed to Natasha was contempt and jealousy. Natasha, at 25 yrs old, should have been someone Carrie admired. When she got cheated on, she dropped her husband and got on with her life. Even getting stalked by hubby’s ex, she was classy in her putting her feelings into words to blow Carrie off. Ten years younger and way more mature than Carrie ever showed.

[@knitwitchpgh]

Not only was carrie emotionally abu sed by big she was SA in that elevator. I never liked that scene.

[@Tinerila]

OMG YESSSS 😢 That was not a cute love banter, that was full on SA and ladies still think it's romantic

[@kawthare513]

I don’t think they were meant to be the end game from the get go, you can see how they portray him in the first two seasons and then the writer changed. He was supposed to be gone after season 2, but the new writers decided to turn it into a love story instead of a lesson. That’s really unfortunate, it would have been so much more interesting for her character if she didn’t learn from that relationship and he was truly gone from her life after getting married.

[@marysiaczitos6766]

you’re such a breath of fresh air

[@ashleighbowyer8959]

I wish I had your awareness when I was younger. I truely identify as Carrie and can only pray my sense of self becomes better ❤

[@Joann183]

Samantha jones was the show anyways

[@floodgates182]

Honestly, i said these things 20 years ago and only got blank stares. It seems society has finally caught up.

[@KatyaOrlova-jp1gy]

I think an important aspect people often overlook when discussing Carrie is the influence of the show’s creator. It seems he wanted to give all the characters a "happy ending," though it was shaped by his own idea of what that should look like. He later created another show, Younger, which shares some similarities with Sex and the City. One of its storylines feels almost meta, as the main character chooses wish fulfillment over a more realistic portrayal of relationships (the show is set in the world of book publishing). It’s worth watching Younger for that storyline alone, as it might offer a deeper understanding of Sex and the City and its perspective on relationships. It even feels like he was offering an explanation for why Sex and the City ended the way it did.

[@cannellecinnamon5504]

Younger is a great show! But Darren star 9nly produced the first seasons of SATC. He never intended gor Carrie and big to be endgame. He was replaced in the later seasons by Michael patrick king and SJP who flipped the script and decided to give us a " romantic ending".

[@ennuiblue4295]

I've never felt so attacked 🤣

[@theoriginalsuzycat]

We didn't want to be Carrie. We RELATED to Carrie. SATC wasn't aspirational, it reflected reality more than other shows. Sure they were well off and had nice clothes but... we would say "I'm a Carrie" or "I'm a Miranda" etc. Nobody thought Carrie was the coolest most together woman.

[@jasmyneperryman9629]

I would love for you to do videos on each of the girls and their relationships/ marriages

[@DTHalcyone]

I think we all just wanted her wardrobe honestly. I always like Charlotte.

[@vainpiers]

I think in a few years we'll be having similar conversations about romance protaganists in novels at the moment.

[@joannedoctor8215]

They were not "influencers" And today anyone with a camera is called an "influencer."

[@picahudsoniaunflocked5426]

22:25 “…when someone doesn’t want to be generous with you they don’t want you to be generous with them.”

[@summerdowlig]

She once called Sam desperate for wanting to forgive Richard yet she let big walk all over her for years and she cheated on him twice and cheated with him.

[@aquafractalyne1764]

I don’t really understand not liking a character because they’re just be behaving in a way that serves the story. They’re not real people so I hate them? Carrie is a flog protagonist and I think that’s interesting

[@theManishMuse]

I think you’ve missed the point of the show. Those of us who grew up watching were/are well-aware that Carrie is intentionally made to be a flawed character - she’s an anti-hero in a rom com genre, airing alongside other HBO shows playing with similar conceits (Sopranos). I’m surprised you haven’t read or understood Emily Nussbaum’s analysis of S&tc in this context. Short answer - we love Carrie for her flaws, we’re well aware that she seeks validation and is toxic - not only Charlotte, but Miranda had a huge fight with her about it in S4 as well. Yes Big is a socialite who was attracted to what Natasha offered. Carrie hates the bird bag he gives her in S2 and embarrasses him at a party. No I don’t think she’s just a bimbo to him,, they do have a genuine friendship. But I agree he loved Natasha becoz she represented the world he’s from and knows. No he did not cheat on Carrie during their S2 r/ship. The drama is common - man who won’t commit, r/ship ends coz he moves and doesn’t care to maintain it, and then marries the next woman. But some of us were Carrie in our teens and 20s.. and I too agreed with Hubble dilemma. But when I entered by 30s, I laughed at how childish the women are. Must be a NYC thing. Stay your crazy self Carrie! Nijinsky is boring and only likes teeny tiny beige … Tho I do enjoy the switch critiques to show Natasha’s perspective, can’t argue that she won in the end.

[@gabrielleduplessis7388]

I have to tell you I am obsessed with your hat and vest in this video. Very cute and fits the theme of this video.

[@ZuzaHan-fi1lq]

Both Big and Carry are narcissistic. He just is the stronger one in this relationship. She likes the chase and prefers short-sighted passion to an available and stable guy to settle (Aiden). She also doesn’t like to face reality (overspending etc.). All typical narcissist traits.

[@Rachel-kf6fn]

Carrie is the first and ultimate pick-me girl!

[@brynniefresh9746]

i watched this show for the first time when i was like 17 and i hated carrie…and i watching this relationship breakdown of big and carrie and it made me realize my now ex was pretty distant with me and idk just had some vibes of big and i decided to confront him on some stuff and he admitted he’d been talking this girl he used to see…so i’m single now 😂

[@pjhunt4135]

Yesssssss would love ❤ more satc videos!

[@astridprevost8191]

I never liked this show, I always found it so boring because even though 4 women are the main characters, everything revolves around men. I'm happy however that this show begins to be called out for it.

[@myheart715]

But of course as soon as he sees Carrie move on 🙄

[@steffo9772]

Oh goodness, carrie and big.... I rewatched the show last year. Carrie never grew up. I honestly believed she should have stayed alone at the end. Teenager stuck in a grown body. Big and aiden are too good for her.

[@drawingboard82]

I don't disagree with any of your descriptions but i would query the effect this show had. I was around in the early 2000s and no one i knew took it seriously. Most people i knew seemed to watch it for the softcore porn - not widely available at the time. I always thought it was just trashy tv full of horrible characters who mimiced the horrible people who wrote it. I would be disappointed if significant numbers thought it was aspirational. Thanks so much for sharing

[@tru2harris998]

LOVE YOUR HAT❤!

[@SerenaSkybourne]

@@tru2harris998 so sweet! 🥰

[@joylindadichamounix]

As I said in another video, Big & Carrie were cut from the same cloth & made for each other. The Natasha cult seems to think that Big worshiped her for years. Have we forgotten when he said to Carrie, "Don't talk about him & her like it's you & me." (meaning Aidan & Natasha). Have we forgotten. "It's not working, I'm getting out!" or "Everything in my house is beige." "I thought you wanted beige." "Beige is bull $***."?

[@edgarmuniz8331]

Love your channel. You are informative without being peachy. You are effortlessly charming. Your perspective is delightful.

[@MissSunset84]

I'm a huge fan since the beginning in the 90s. Sex and the city or Carrie ain't a rolemodel. It just shows us different types of women (and partly men) and how they handle their relationships and lives in different ways. It's entertainment. But you're right!! Carrie would be a bad rolemodel and most of the fans don't like her. We all love Samantha! And the relationship of Mr Big and Carrie made me sick since the beginning. I was always in Team 'Aiden'. But out there are a lot of women who like to treat as shit, they want someone like Mr Big. That's the reality. I don't get this toxic shit, but it's not my life 🤷🏾‍♀️

[@BeYounique...Maryanne]

I love this!! I agree 100 percent. Samantha wasn't perfect but she was the most down to earth. I'm a "Smith Jarod" girl personally. He was the best guy on the show. He adored Sam. Aiden was my second choice. Many think he was mean to Carrie, but he was hurt. He was wrong for going back with her because it was obvious he was hardened towards her.

[@uglaegilsdottir]

I love your make-up, your hat and your look! I will try to emulate it because it is so cute. 🌹

[@SerenaSkybourne]

@@uglaegilsdottir omg thankyou 🥰🥰

[@cosmicmoonpie1857]

this video is a masterpiece, thank you for your candor! hahaha. agreed. they were so toxic

[@GinaMaher_]

Also the hair sweep moment - carrie in the white dress when natasha is in the car in from this - kzbin.info/www/bejne/f4LLloqCbp6Le6c and big doesn't get it which Carrie takes as like he doesn't get her - the wild/artist, but really the whole moment is so lame! and her walking off all victorious cause she's like i'm wild/creative/special/pick me would have almost worked if she didn't end up back with him. I just hate that scene so much like it doesn't even make sense and really he doesn't get her at all and it's not cause she's too complicated for him it's cause he doesn't care and never cared and never tried. so she walks off smug, when she wasn't right or clever. I just hate it a lot ha. but I love that dress and look on her.

[@judywright4241]

Wonderful summation of that scene! It’s a joke that she sees the poor carriage horse fighting the bridle and likens it to herself ‘being too wild’ when she just stalked her ex to the wedding shower! Hardly ‘independent’

[@joannaainge950]

Such a great and in depth exploration of what was a very sad and toxic relationship that encouraged me to pursue one that was exactly the same.

[@avomilkk]

You look so gooood!!!! So pretty❤ And the relationship dynamic between Carrie and Big... hit close to home

[@jasper3033]

Another great video! Well done!

[@SerenaSkybourne]

💗💗

[@overwithitall3111]

When the show was on, I was always simply shocked how people didn't see that she was in love with the idea of him. She looked at him an unattainable accessory. I always felt bad for her friends, but they fed her obsession for him by always supporting her when she came back after getting burned time after time.

[@MayaLarsen-y3r]

Can you do a video on Sam Jones from Sex in the city please.

[@PinkJupiterRoses]

I watched this show when it originally came out. Carrie was super needy for no reason. She could have done well for herself without stressing over any man OR\AND pull the RIGHT man for her with deep pockets, if that’s what she was looking for. For the life of me, I’ve NEVER understood why she was stuck on BIG. Big was a F-BOY, a sugar daddy, AND I always felt like he enjoyed being “Geppetto” with Carrie’s emotions because she acting like the would be bride from “Coming to America”…If Big told Carrie to “Bark like a Dog” Carrie would be barking… this show came out when I was in the 9th grade and Carrie’s mentality was the same as mine then. Stuck in High School crushing on the Quarter Back that wasn’t interested in you, but instead the head cheerleader with dark brown hair… 😒 *Ok, I’m Stepping off my SoapBox Now*

[@TadanoCandy]

I dated a guy that prolly saw every effort I made merely as an expectation I was meeting, and focused on the expectations I wasn’t meeting (even though he didn’t meet those expectations himself, but maybe he thought it should only be the woman doing it cause romance and care are ‘feminine traits’). I gave up on him when I realized he really didn’t like me as a person, but as a sort of status symbol to put a check on a list of things he needed to accomplish to be successful. He’s welcome to look for a girl that meets all his expectations, but it’s not what I want in a marriage myself (and divorce is expensive and tiresome compared to breaking up) 😅 I’ve never watched Sex and the City, but there were some things in this discussion that validated my choice to leave when I did

[@SmallWorldColumbus]

I was a teenager/ college student when SATC was on. I rarely watched it but when I did, i absolutely thought Carrie was a bird. I didn't understand my peers' idolaization of her and her relationships.

[@tvloover80]

I first watched SATC a few months after the series finale. I have never liked Carrie. And it wasn't recently that the Carrie dislike/hate started. Ive seen videos dated from years ago that have dialiked selfish Carrie

[@shoh1541]

Loved the video! Can you plzzzz do a video on the style and fashion sensibilities of each of the characters of sex and the city

[@clairek776]

I think Carrie was an Anxious-Avoidant, while Big was Avoidant

[@itsalwayssunnydee769]

You read Carrie for 32 minutes straight 😂 surprising growing up I never looked up tho any of their relationships. I was always impressed on how Carrie was able to have a beautiful apartment in NY and buy expensive shoes while writing for a newspaper column.

[@jillanderson1316]

I dont know what age you are but you are a very astute and smart lady . Im 64 and i couldnt have expressed all the ramifications and agendas of sex and the city you are very good

[@SerenaSkybourne]

@@jillanderson1316 you're so sweet 🥰

[@MrsLevinson175]

I watched SATC from the very beginning (I was 25 when it began) and I always disliked Mr Big, and when she took him back in the first film I was incredulous. He jilted her for goodness sake.

[@МаринаЛебедева-ы5ш]

You're saying all the right things shortly. It's cool. You read my mind before I do

[@jacliveshere]

This was great. I loved Carrie and Big....when I was 29, 32 and even after. I later saw how toxic it was. But you shined a light on even more than I had considered. Thank you, this is very well done .

[@angel127_]

i had a friend who recently started acting like this over an online situationship. i was so nauseated by her actions that i dropped her. im surprised carrie still had friends loll

[@tru2harris998]

LOVE YOUR HAT WITH ONE LONG EARRING. 😊