Narcissist Dreads Change, Uses Sex to Reduce Anxiety

Narcissists confuse and conflate their universe of internal persecutory objects with reality. So, they perceive any change in their environment as a destruction of the self. This creates anxiety and they use kinky or paraphiliac sexuality to mitigate it. In an increasingly more narcissistic and psychopathic civilization, these individual pathologies became normative.
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[@vera-annnicolson3536]

It’s a no win situation. They’re effectively aliens and trying to deal with them as human will drive you crazy. Through your videos Sam, I’ve gone from asking “what the hell was I dealing with” and being tormented in the immediate aftermath of the breakup, broken and in pieces, to today knowing exactly what I was dealing with, and being able to make sense of it all. You’ve given me closure and helped me move on and moreover I’m not the naive fool I once was. Thank you very much indeed.

[@hope-lx6rb]

same here..

[@leonidareyes9586]

Thank you so much, Dr. Vaknin! You're a cut above the rest. Your lectures free us from myths and ignorance.

[@jadek5822]

I had a long look at what was it about me that attracted a NPD? Ew…am I stupid? No. I’ve learned that: A NPD wishes they were you because you’re/we’re honest, generous, kind, loving & compassionate. A NPD cannot get there so he/she tries to take ours from us. 💖

[@kelenl5033]

Ditto.

[@lindavernon8051]

Forty years of hell and he threw me away like a broken toaster. Finally, thanks to this guy, I can understand it.

[@psychedlicsouljam1995]

I feel so trapped. These types of videos are like therapy for me.

[@helenadamson5542]

Me too, my lovely xxx

[@psychedlicsouljam1995]

@@luckyluckyloulou6100 why are you asking me... who are you asking?

[@psychedlicsouljam1995]

@@luckyluckyloulou6100 it can be one or the other or both. The variables are endless.

[@hopeinhumanity.]

@@psychedlicsouljam1995 It’s hard feeling trapped. A hopeless feeling. A nightmare you wish you could wake up from. I see that you still have your ability to use perspectives (asking someone if they asked you that question or if it was for someone else) as opposed to going immediately to defense or attack. Make sure that’s not taken from you while you whether the storm until you make it out. It’s a beautiful quality to have and becoming rarer these days. Ignore any trolls on the internet- they are just looking for some fuel because the people in their lives stopped giving them any. Even flies have to eat.

[@xxxexxxeamsmith5819]

If you reject the hoover will the narcissist have a wake up call and want to change even if it’s for the next person

[@kimberlymorrison4880]

I felt like a sex doll. No intimacy. I told him over and over and finally just stayed away from him. Pornography was a HUGE part of his life. I NEVER felt like we connected sexually. This video was SO true and is helping me move on. I'm hoping at some point to find someone who will put sexuality as important to them as it is to me.

[@83Saphirablue]

-.- I just dealt with this EXACTLY. Being in a relationship where I felt like I needed ask, beg, plead, coerce to have a need met only to be consistently rejected if it wasn’t his idea had me feeling like a predator and trying to figure out what was wrong with me. It’s even worse if you’ve come from a background that built in shame for being a woman and having a sex drive made it that much harder. Horrible :(

[@joshfehr9768]

Every time I listen to the description of a mental disorder I think it describes my experience..

[@David-ej1ps]

I have always said that lack of curiosity is a red flag whenever meeting people but more especially potential partners and you have confirmed this for me. Thought I was being harsh but when one thinks of it, curiosity is a basic instinct and one from which human beings have been able to thrive from as a result

[@jomamma4820]

W

[@QuickstickD]

This is so true

[@CrzyVidMstr]

If you're not curious then you stopped learning . And it means you think you know everything that is a very good statement to put out there thank you!

[@bobbyscalchi4013]

As a guy who may have a few borderline characteristics, who does crave intimacy in just more than the physical sense, but also the mental, emotional, carnal, and spiritual. I wonder and think about this statement a lot. Recently divorced. Maybe 8 relationships in 24 years. I can't help but wonder to myself? Why am I the only one that is and has curiosity thoughts about everything in life from philosophy, to life and spirituality, to sex and intimacy, and most importantly conversational and mental arousal. It's always been the mantra of my life that sometimes the questions, the curiosity, are more important than the answers, and I can't seem to find a partner that has as much curiosity, exuberance, and enthusiasm that I have. Another interesting thing I have noticed. Especially through texting with women. They become lazy texters and conversationalists with me eventually after the six month honeymoon phase. When I mention things that are important to me. They are sometimes met with short responses, or promises of responses at a later time, or short in person responses, only for the subjects to be redirected for whatever reasons whether valid or not. I understand we all have many distractions going on in our lives at times. Or not acknowledged at all. I find my relationships post divorce to become really boring with them intellectually somewhere around the 8 month mark I am noticing. I also notice as I reveal more of my deeper self. (No problem being a little vulnerable.) The attraction dwindles and the efforts on their parts decreases and mine increases. Any thoughts on this?

[@angelika87]

@@bobbyscalchi4013 find smart men to talk to...unfortunately the main outlet you get from dating these days *is* physical. unless you find the rare woman that you're attracted to in body AND mind.

[@cindylevy6882]

You are the lone voice of sanity!! After listening to you I can finally make sense of what is going on in this insane world. And it’s all being led by the distorted narcissistic human psyche. Your discoveries regarding the narcissistic mind and larger narcissistic group consciousness are so fascinating. Thank you.

[@leonidareyes9586]

Thank you so much, Dr. Vaknin! You're a cut above the rest. Your lectures free us from myths and ignorance.

[@stathis301]

Everybody nowadays defend BDSM but my 6 year experience of this scene, is full of narcissists, people with bdp and people with ptsd and unresolved issues from childhood. They just try to find an outlet to fullfil their supressed issues, such as anger, void and trying to find a meaning in life. I am not talking about kinky sex. I am talking about perverse and just sick things. It gets worse and worse. And it leads to a dark place.

[@Journeestothesmokeymoon]

And that sex with them completely addicts you so your life can never be the same. All that craziness at all times and the only relief is your orgasm with THEM. But Im gonna win in the end. All of us survivors will win. Just keep healing. ... I always loved sex. But I never knew I was addicted until the discard. The worst pain in my life. :( i literally could FEEL the pain INSIDE ME. Lets talk about this yall women. I know someone else has probably had the same experience...

[@Journeestothesmokeymoon]

@@monicabelle8581 hugs.

[@ragingphoinix9144]

I resonate with this. That was only time I felt connected to him. So when I no longer had it, it felt like hell.

[@JessMariaDwyer]

Yes. You feel like you'll die without them.

[@hereticgirl3287]

Absolutely

[@maximwasberg6839]

From 6 to 7 minutes it’s 100 accurate! Thank you Sam if only you knew my wife now I’m divorcing now would 100 percent prove your theory about everything you talk about .

[@reshmiesharma6692]

Okkayyyy shoshanim😂 Sam vaknin horror show...you are super funny. Thankyou for what you are doing...you are saving lives Sam💖💕

[@anitaelliott8684]

Great video. You have the ability to explain aspects of narcissism like no other! I comprehend your explanations and it gives me a sense of peace. It’s send as though my partner dislikes you so very much and this is because he is a full scale Covert Narcissist. And you might ask why I am listening to your videos in front of him! Well I’m not, he just feels so entitled to barge into my art studio while I’m painting and listening to you! I have explained that my studio is my place to go and have peace and time to my self! Of course in my life there is no such thing as time to my self and although I do not label him to his face as a narcissist, I will not turn off your videos if he so chooses to barge in on my quiet time! I can expect him to do so every single time so at this point he enters at his own risk! As I see him tuning into what Mr Vaknin is saying I see the distain on his face! He can’t help but listen he can’t help but get offended he can’t help but make snide comments ( especially when Mr Vaknin explains him to a T) as if Mr Vaknin is absolutely misinformed of what he is speaking of! A sure fire way to know if the partner is a Covert Narcissist is if he absolutely hates Mr Vaknin! My partner despised him, says he is a criminal says he had no clue what he is talking about , says he takes it a bit to far! I say this, Mr. Vaknin has opened my eyes to a level of Narcissism that many other have never even tapped into! This personality disorder is often to complicated to even so that someone might even understand what your trying to tell them! And that’s exactly how the Narc expects it to be ! Especially a Covert! Because usually people see you responding and not what has cause you to respond! I have actually managed to stay in a relationship with my partner and not allow it to absolutely destroy me! Mr Vaknin could you please do a video about how narcissist will presumably hate your videos ! For obvious reasons they just do! Just let them know that it’s ok for them to hate you because I all of that you are helping so many people understand! The Narcs that hate you really need to hear it from you !

[@SKETCH-om7cn]

Man is a genius

[@sankhar2484]

Thank you sir, Very well explained. Thank God I put an end to that madness.

[@johnmcfarlane6398]

I haven't listened to the video yet but the title makes me think of Sheldon Cooper in The Big Bang Theory, he doesn't like change and seems very narcissistic.

[@danmeck5978]

After watching this particular video I have finally realised I may be single forever. If you ask someone about their past sexual history they will either lie or say its noneof your business.

[@anniemiller8927]

Prof. Vaknin, thank you for speaking about the multiple, fundamental truths about narcissism on your channel. Shalom uvrachah 🕊

[@viktoriakurt4437]

great analysis, as usual 👍

[@ShurahanaYume]

Nice work Prof Vaknin, keep it up!

[@magdadiamantopoulou7996]

Prof.Vaknin, thank you for all the scientific work you share with your videos. Much appreciated.

[@whitethunder9083]

I love your channel, thank you so much. Quite the education learning about narcarcisst and psychopaths.

[@andreamckenna8809]

What happens if a narcissist is unable to use sex to reduce his anxiety. Does he go into a depression.

[@fiona7692]

Amazing Thank you Dr Sam Your make sense of a difficult subject

[@helenadamson5542]

Thanks Sam, just when I needed it most x

[@Aditi_kapur]

🤣 Sam vaknin horror show ! I had promised myself no more Sam vaknin last night . And here I am buckling in to another mind fuck.i hope I survive this one .

[@abhishek-px4jj]

He's like a breath of fresh air in this darkness

[@katrinbazanowska6930]

So true, brilliant!

[@FeralCatSanctuary]

Great Video! Thanks.

[@nevjones6529]

Thank you! so much for your Clear and Profound explanation ! You are One of my Best Teachers on this subject and trying to Heal myself and sticking together all myself shards! 🙏🙋🏻‍♂️👍🍀

[@j.m1928]

Couldn’t agree more with this perspective ❤️

[@JoMendezWarrior]

this is spot on. when I would be firm in my views on things or seemed what ex narc considered defiant she would melt down and tell me that I speak down to her, that I make her feel less than. She would yell, you speak down to me, that was for simply having a difference in opinion over a very random topic.

[@xxxtahce06]

Sam Vaknin the Pioneer.. I love your videos ❤️ Thank you

[@zoronqueen]

Sense of humor lol!

[@royalveofficial]

The best part comes in the end of the video!

[@alexalexeev7432]

THE BEST OF THE BEST OF THE BEST

[@sakherakhan9607]

You are really knowledgeable and wise i learnt a lot from you about the dark triad helped me from being manipulated

[@teresamitchell1692]

Thanks for this, I often struggle with the misfit of sexuality I see and experience ......and this helps. Also, the dual Mother idea you present is a perfect fit for my relationship with my ex. It fits. Thank you for your concern.

[@jessicadorsey8483]

Thank you.

[@shannonbutts3705]

I'm intrigued by your extraordinary pov and striking knowledge in all of your videos, but I have to say that this IS my favorite episode! Thank you for regularly producing new content. Admittedly, I actually do get sad when I haven't watched one of your videos in awhile 🤷‍♀️🖤

[@user-o6ue45hz8nr2ap]

Prof. Sam Vaknin gives HOPE

[@danovangrinnell4479]

Again !! Big up Professor

[@lobismayorga3146]

JaJaJa you are funny, thanks for all the help....!

[@danovangrinnell4479]

Big up Professor The real deal

[@magdalenamoldovan9034]

What kind of personality could satisfy this sexuality?

[@ejp1925]

Thank you

[@yuitha]

Thank you Sam. One of the narcissists I knew has been put into jail for child molestation recently. They're self destructive like you said. My other narcissist sister is still around being a burden to the whole family because she couldn't keep her job. I wonder what's going to happen to her next.

[@cherankimiorak1739]

I can relate. My ex narc was into immoral and illegal sexual activities. They are self destructive and their is no turning back for them.

[@electricbutterflyj]

38:20 thank you for calling out this idiotic reality.

[@electricbutterflyj]

& 40:55

[@user-pb7ec6kn4k]

Hi 👋 Sam Vaknin Thank you for your help I have a question about narcsstist why narcsstistic sleeps little ?? and stay active

[@Heatherofscots]

I have seen this and wondered as well. Is it like mania when they are high on supply?

[@vera-annnicolson3536]

I experienced this too. We could walk around Glasgow all day, like walk 30,000 steps and have lots of you know what and the fcuker still wouldn’t sleep! It’s almost demonic

[@willow2772]

In my experience living with someone who has a lot of narcissistic traits (especially the ones mentioned in this video), he seems to need lots of sleep rather than less. Like a young child. Sometimes over 12 hours. But having a substance abuse disorder contributes to the need for excessive sleep 😕

[@user-pb7ec6kn4k]

Hi Dr Sam 😀 we have in amiddle east -(( hande ercel covert narcsstist -Kerem Bürsin Malignant narcsstist they acted together in a series in Arabic and Turkish I the only one who noticed them😊 )) -Majid Al Muhandis singer -Elisa singer - minister of education in Iraq covert narcsstist -and my cousins covert and ☹️💔 all of them l make it with them no contact 😀😅😍😍 Sorry my english is not so good ""😄

[@roomtemptea2916]

As a narcissist these videos are always a mix of enlightening and depressing. What to do about that? Impossible question.

[@noriwilliams4637]

do you ever feel love at all

[@ProfessorElb]

@@noriwilliams4637 i thought i did, but it turns out no

[@_misha1984]

I think depression is a stop on the way to healing for some of us, unfortunately.

[@probrickieexclusive]

Brilliant soorhing

[@livamoore5566]

Hello Professor.

[@quinleyl930]

So dr. Should we pursue or push forward change with a narc? I struggle with trying to make simple changes with the narc ….even like household decor, tv shows, or even meals.?

[@petrichor2973]

just a rant im autistic but i feel like i may be a psychopath or a narcissist ive tried figuring out what i really am but literally everything i do or think feels fake,it feels as if what im thinking or feeling arent my thoughts at all .i dont think therapy will work for me either because id probably lie to myself and put up a fake persona again.i know a lot of the things i do hurt ppl but when i try to change i feel anxious and scared and then go back to being the fake ahole i am. ive given up on making friends or even have kids in the future as it seems i probably wont change.i dont even if the shit i said just now is what i really feel im pretty this is all a lie ive convinced myself is true

[@jessncin1586]

I hope someone can help you get the answers you need.

[@joshgasseling]

Bruh same. Well I’m not diagnosed anything, but I’ve suffered panic attacks since a kid in social situations. I display a lot of autistic traits but I’m decent looking so I’ve had fair luck with women, but I am single and struggle to maintain even a friend with benefits relationship with women. The people closest to me describe me as weird, and sometimes I feel like I feel all the emotions intensely and other times can completely control my emotion through executive thought as if I know emotions are silly chemicals and not much more. I view humans as biological computers and our egos make us think we are this magnificent species. Idk man I relate a lot to you

[@cHinduCrusher]

No. I don’t like change. Changes in law, changes in relationships, changes in my routines.

[@pinnakal1]

Sooo if narcs don’t like change why is it so easy to cheat and change partners?

[@cHinduCrusher]

@@pinnakal1 the partners changes but the patterns stay the same. Same bs different person. We have to change partners because we have been figured out

[@soniasc8571]

Prof. Vaknin I have a question : knowing that narcissists have cold or frozen emotions do they lack skin sensitivity as well ?

[@GeneralRania]

One of the main ways to intellectialize emotion is to analyze and measure body response. Whether that's randomly lashing out with seemingly no reason, or if you get full body goosebumps and a fast heart rate. So no, no necessary lack of skin sensitivity.

[@missbcritiques9209]

I’m bpd narc..think I’m more narc at times tho!! Urghgh irs the worst 😂🦖😩😱🤪🤫

[@krista7104]

Does addiction to food fit the addiction need?

[@taniasmile8231]

Sam Vaknin is a genius.

[@user-pb7ec6kn4k]

Thank you 💙😊 Can you translate your videos into Arabic Ifollow you from Iraq 😍

[@rainbow.magic.]

I have to go no contact while loving with him. It's very hard. I haven't worked for our marriage, and now I have to find a way to go to school and gain a career so I can get out. I have two children. It's the only way I can survive in this situation. Everytime I try to speak to him it's the same abusive cycle and I can't don't anymore.

[@manifestomode1]

What happens when these children of abuse watch a video like this?

[@kuwapa]

Sam, can you please talk with my girlfriend Katie? I think you would be quite intrigued. It's so hard to assess her from within.

[@cirelo1896]

Are you thinking of a particular person when you describe these behaviors?

[@ihearthendo]

If I'm not mistaken, I believe the Professor said he was a Narcissist? Maybe he's talking through what he has experienced as a Narcissist?

[@louisewesterhout7551]

Sam. Does your theory also explain how a narcissist can initiate sex by being pleasant and then will switch to non consensual, "surprising" or violence during the act.

[@nataw7053]

How can I realize/recognize that he has an NPD and begin to change?

[@xxxexxxeamsmith5819]

If you reject the hoover will the narcissists change their behaviour

[@xxxexxxeamsmith5819]

@@rudhisundar but once your gone amd not going back and they hoover the new supply back will they appreciate them for going back after you reject the hoover. Will they change even if it’s for the next person. I rejected his hoover and now I’m thinking I hope it’ll make him think

[@coollikethat2691]

NO

[@Natibebe]

They immediately move on to a new supply

[@SpacecatMoonbeam]

Toda raba! My father is a narcissist, but we moved every 18 months to 2 years when I was a child, for his ambition. What gives?

[@SpacecatMoonbeam]

@@tarekyoungapelian4542 You make a lot of sense and I think you have hit my father’s modus operandi on the head. Thank you so much for taking the time to reply, it has been greatly appreciated.

[@joshfehr9768]

You're putting a word on something that is highly complex and poorly understood.. A word in the physical world correlates to a physical object, and people do not like being treated like objects.. I would say that the truth is closer to that we are all narcissists and addicts, most people live in the fantasy that they are not..

[@meganmalan2314]

Sam Vaknin Horror Show > Netflix

[@Yolo_Swaggins]

Yes this is me and now I'm a troomer

[@computer_in_a_cave2730]

I dread change - change is hard... and (good sex) does reduce anxiety : "Ergo" I must be a narcissist - WTFluff Sam ~ Good clickbait BTW 😂 Had to look up the word "Paraphiliac" .

[@romiromi8912]

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