How Narcissist Conditions YOU

[@4realkarma]

Omg this makes too much sense. It took only a uear for him to "condition me" into isolating myself from everyone i loved and cared about, my hobbies, my self care, everything. Then when i broke down and confronted him about "how is my life gotten so small, but all your needs are met?" He simply said "well i never asked you to do all that for me". I felt completely mindfucked. Because as soon as i would reach out to other people, he would become "triggered" by it and i would end up skrinking away from friends and family again. I found myself alone, no friends, no family, and never leaving my house eventually. So glad i woke up.

[@cebruthius]

And the prof says they do it unconsciously, I find that so hard to believe

[@classicmicroscopy9398]

I think the genius of Sam Vaknin lies in conveying incredibly complex ideas in language that anyone can understand. At least if one could sum it up in such a derived way.

[@glai5752]

That’s a sign of a great teacher.

[@sangeethamuthanna3053]

I second this!

[@sangeethamuthanna3053]

Truly a great teacher ..if a complete novice can comprehend this complex disorder .. It's because of this great teacher ! Many thanks Dr Sam Vaknin!

[@sandramoore8021]

I have started pasting up Sam Vaknin quotes where I will see them often. “It’s not malicious, they are just predators, it’s who they are.” This helps with my resentment of their behavior.

[@z.s7328]

After watching your videos it's impossible to watch others' about narcissism and other mental disorders.

[@classicmicroscopy9398]

Yeah it's pretty amazing.

[@accidentalsanctuaryph8055]

agreed

[@leticiaharo5540]

Same!

[@Continental123-i2n]

Very possible

[@dianebannard3527]

I have to agree- Dr Vaknin nails it like no one else

[@kara_xo]

and when they don’t get their way, it is very scary, creepy and a very bazaar experience to have

[@Phoenix_mAyB]

I cannot thank you enough for saving my life. Left my narcissist partner finally who almost made my life a living hell in the past one year. I watched a lots of videos but it's only through your videos that i am being able to come out of the shared fantasy and getting back in touch with reality again and. I don't know why but youtube didnt suggest your videos when i searched for narcissistic personality disorder. It's my bad that I found your channel a little later. If you had not been there to provide insights maybe i would have gone crazy by now. The impacts are still there in me i feel guilty but i know now that this pain is his creation. I hope by next year I will be back to what I used to be before I met him. Thank you so much prof. From India 🇮🇳

[@hopeinhumanity.]

The patterns are undeniable.

[@Bubble-hw5pm]

Unfortunately yes 😔

[@briarts]

This is spot on. I'm a Behavior Analyst and the reason I started to emotionally break away from my ex was because she stopped providing intermittent reinforcement. Given that I was educated on Behaviorism and use it everyday, I think that helped me catch on to what was happening and not fully succumbing to her.

[@JoaquinArguelles]

I look forward to the final discard.

[@gorunsko31]

“He cannot control you, if you cannot control yourself.!” This is Gold. Thank you 🙏 Sam Vaknin. If I need to choose one sentence from this lecture, this is it! Feelings are forbidden 🚫 in my marriage, but especially right after his cruel statements. The pain takes me back to mommy dearest. She would punished the little me and watch for any movement of my nostrils - she knew this could be my angry reactions. If you are in relationship with abusive partner, please take a closer look at your relationship with your mommy. Love ❤️ and peace ☮️ to all seekers of healing, of course narcissists included.

[@Bubble-hw5pm]

This is kind of scary.. because if i cannot control myself what am i doing!! I will be chaos! But if i do, its actually exactly what they want and hence i am being controlled.. this is absolute turmoil for my little heart & mind!

[@gorunsko31]

@@Bubble-hw5pm IMHO we have a right to feel whatever we need to feel. For myself I learned, if I need comfort I will not get this from the narcissist, even if he was the one who hurt my feelings. I know now, I am responsible for soothing myself. Found few videos in the subject of self regulation at the time of turmoil. My husband’s mother shamed me for being “too emotional”… so naturally her son was not accepted with his feelings … no wonder he rejects me at the time of distress. Unfair. I walk or swim or cry if I need too. Learning how to mother myself. Best wishes on your journey of nurturing and healing your Inner Child. 🌷

[@mic396]

So unnatural singleness is the new normal

[@neslay8618]

Sounds exactly like my ex and his mother! This brought up alot of past truma for me. I can't belive a man could drag on a relationship for over 12years and not even be in love or real genuine love and care for you! Just a phoney, everything about he and his mother was fake,controlling, gas lighting, Stone walking, ghosting,bullying and so much more. Such a toxic relationship. I'm so greatful that I woke up to myself and realised that I lacked self love, confidence and didn't believe I was worthy of so much more! Since leaving him over two years over a short amount of time. I started my own business, made so much money, brought property and became financially independent and provide for my family. I no longer have to listen to the put downs, name calling from my ex and his abusive behaviour

[@gbhdfdxc9069]

These relationships when the mother in law is also a narcissist are the worsts

[@Bubble-hw5pm]

43:20 despite knowing this is their way of life.. something they can’t help.. it still feels premeditated on the receiving end 😣

[@DebbieLee-dr3hr]

Some of it is premeditated. Don't let them fool you.

[@angiemcleod7979]

They have goals and motives but may not be aware of the exact process they use to achieve those goals. They just see what works and what doesn’t and adapt to suit. Not all things work with all victims/survivors so they adapt. But don’t have the actual knowledge to say ‘I’m going to gaslight her’. Although interestingly my ex once said to me that he didn’t want to gaslight me so perhaps he was aware. Anyway, I think they know only because of past success. That’s how I took it.

[@feyza9191]

The time you spend on this channel is very important to identify people who are mentally ill but who hide it very well. Unfortunately there are too many and life is too short. Of course, if you are the unhealthy one, it is a channel that gives information about what you need to do to heal. If you are looking for information to heal, you are not that sick, think positive :)

[@annag4351]

Dear Professor Vaknin, I am so grateful for your lectures and insights. I have learned a lot from you and it has changed me. As a daughter of a narcissistic mother I was in a way blind and had had narcissistic partners and friends. Your lectures made me more aware and vigilant in a way that I can see now what I haven’t seen before and thanks to it I am able to make better choices. Now I can see a particular behaviour and name it, avoid certain people. I can understand now my previous choices and see the difference. Thank you for educating ❤

[@Dan_Chiron]

47:00 Yes! Thank you. Growing up under the care of people who apply these techniques makes a mess with your mind, but boy, if you're an intelligent child (I mean, above the average), you're *doomed* . A child doesn't have resources to understand the silent manipulation, but if it's smart, very quickly will understand what the parent wants, and _become_ exactly that, to the point the parent will think the child is reading their mind. The ultimate puppet.

[@user-zk6rl7xc7j]

Thank you this is spot on! The second part of the pavlovian dog story, there was a flood, the dogs were stuck in their cages and at the last second most were saved, their personalities changed from the trauma: usually nervous or passive dogs became violent and usually boisterous dogs became fearful. "A scared wet shaking dog" that's what my ex wanted to see me become..

[@liebhaberfreund4470]

Yes I sensed the conditioning situation. But I never figured out what behavior he was expecting. 😅

[@Angela-ph1ik]

I would sayy yes it is damgerous

[@carmosin]

Entertain this thought: When you exhibit behaviours someone else was scolded for as a child, they will react negatively to you. Not because there’s something wrong with you or your behaviour, but because they subconsciously feel you are in danger and need you to stop before you are hurt. From this position: Imagine having a relationship with someone who has learned that it’s dangerous to display their authentic self, to have needs, to be attached, to be human.

[@SAM-od7oh]

They're trying to protect you? But then inadvertently destroy you?

[@jaydixson1731]

Amazing information, I saw this happen first hand. True !

[@nikaromanova2917]

Bravo!

[@madonnanix7635]

Eight seconds in Sam and I can relate to and it is a can not miss view! Thanks again Sam!

[@semperdecorus37]

Dr Sam Vaknin, you have changed my life with your work! I love your videos

[@wioletawodzinska2977]

This video is a pure gold!

[@yamlwoz]

You're such a wonderful teacher, Professor. Everything becomes very clear. I finally realised I'd had an abusive childhood in my early 20s. 'Found' the word narcissist in my 30s. I'm late 60s now and finally feel as if I've recovered quite a lot. What a long and painful journey! Yet still I shake uncontrollably if I have to speak firmly to anyone. I've often said that I'm allergic to adrenaline. Do you know if any way to overcome this?

[@angiemcleod7979]

Very interesting as always and thank you for differentiating between what an abuser does when conditioning compared to what a parent does. It still makes me reflect on where I am controlling as a parent so helpful not only to understand my past relationships it also my current processes.

[@iglaze]

Inside the Maze! lol, thank you for that

[@stuartcullender750]

This was amazing. Many thanks!

[@amberfuchs398]

Fantastic lecture, yet again!

[@dilfuzakhaydarova2859]

I watch some videos again and again in order to translate some English words and scientific terms. Thank you so much Dear Sam Vaknin. ❤

[@Szandbeam]

Wow, I never fully submitted/became conditioned as the work was so important, so I could not let him have his way and answered back. No wonder the revenge was so cruel, destroying my name and life. But he never got what is in my brain, the knowledge was and is mine. But they really look like demons when they scream and shout how utterly useless, stupid and horrible you are. 😀 Thanks again, these lectures are very useful, I can move on now, not being crazy mad anymore as it was so ...unfair and wrong in all ways. It felt like pure evil, something I was unable to comprehend.

[@dilfuzakhaydarova2859]

Thank you so much Dear Professor for sharing with your knowledge . ❤

[@shannonlynchtravers3635]

Good day Professor Sam Vaknin

[@tatianamancino6985]

First of all sorry for my english.I have a question on conditioning. Can the abuser create in you a ripetitive behaviour which doesn't fit with your moral standards?

[@jamesgomel]

Yes

[@samvaknin]

Yes. Watch my videos on entraining.

[@toriduke3410]

"Controls to perfection" try all this with a fun ....ing Virgo, check, check, check. Unfortunately he picked on a wrong critter. Rebellion eventually soon as I feel the trap bubbling. Was hard to get stuffed in his little time slots, he got pissy fast. Still there too long, several months after he picked me. Smarts but 😑 wasted my time. Reminds me of someone couldn't stand to be near. Soon as that came to my mind I wanna be sick to my stomach. Never got close physically but was planning. This one was slick af ... but when things slipped. Dumb me waited too long should have broke it first stink of troubles. Coming out of it though still hurts. This video here is helping a lot to unlock memories of past linking to same behaviors of another one I couldn't shake off so easily. Just keep thinking of the human he is acting like now. Then ah h no. Manipulation I will kick off. Poor thing needs to pick a nurse maid now. Not me. Hopefully he picks another Virgo 😅 I gotta a life to live, dont mind being single at all. Covert most the time this one or at least so far. His goal I see is to drag me down beneath him. He too low already, so no.

[@maryshanahan6327]

Thankyou

[@sssttt2211]

Highly result oriented mindset ( not process oriented) , combined with propensity to control outcome makes you conditioned being.

[@gabriellearterburn4428]

"Inside the maze of a Sam Vaknin video." Lol

[@Bubble-hw5pm]

There was an experiment done with a baby “the little albert experiment” the child was presented with 2 things..a loud bang that startled him then a fluffy bunny was presented to him many times, i believe it was.. after, only the bunny was presented to little albert with no loud bang but little albert was afraid and would cry at the sight of the fluffy bunny. so my question is: would little albert be able to be conditioned back to not being afraid of fluffy bunny? im not sure what happened in his latter years, but thats awful to think about-so would a person who has suffered abuse be able to be conditioned back to health or some kind of normalcy? Is a narcissist conditioned as well when he sees his conditioning’s are producing desired outcomes?

[@samvaknin]

Yes. The effects of conditioning are largely reversible. The brain is neuroplastic.

[@Bubble-hw5pm]

❤ i am glad to hear it Professor.. always such a pleasure to hear your lectures

[@BT-rr8lj]

So pls help me understand the worst night of my life. My husband must read in bed before sleep. The aging narc requires a very bright light now, which wakes me up if he comes in after me. I tried a mask, tried postponing my bedtime, bcuz complaining never helped. One night I went to bed early with a cold. He woke me up to ask if he could turn on the light (=he’s going to do it anyway). I lost control, big fight, he threatened me, I tried to leave, and he called paramedics to deal with his “hysterical, suicidal” wife; they interviewed me for hours. I remember the weird smile on his face. This sleep torture started years before and developed slowly. Is this conditioning? Thanks so much for your videos.

[@followthewayTRUTHlife]

Move into another bedroom so you can sleep.

[@stephaniemillsaps3626]

LOVE 🙏🙏🙏

[@danielleedges9154]

Would a psychopath do everything you’ve said in this video - but do it intentionally?

[@samvaknin]

Yes.

[@taniaearle4457]

Yep

[@kaylaschroeder1]

Yes, agreed.

[@classicmicroscopy9398]

I think people like to believe narcissists are a calculated, cunning evil because people in general like being the victim. The narcissist isn't a Hollywood super villain. XD

[@FroggyFrog9000]

no people dont in general like being victims, however the power structure of society that we are stuck in is a victim hierarchy and it is inverted too, it is the devil's system. but also narcs *are* cold and calculating, like a machine.

[@pmlking]

They are manipulating but are easily manipulated. When they meet more destructive or calculated personalities like Borderline or psycho/sociopaths they get dragged

[@age93]

@@pmlkinghow did you conclude BPD is calculating? Being overly emotional comes with poor impulse control basically preventing them from being disciplined enough to be calculating, no?

[@classicmicroscopy9398]

@@emmarae4322 The whole point of narcissism is to be perfect and god-like. Of course they aren't going to think of themselves as bad. Everyone sees themselves as a good person anyway.

[@truthteller-yu7kf]

How do they know to do this?

[@christinasuper5147]

Cant figure if I'm borderline or Narcissist--- ish... I just want to heal and do better, do you recommend a certain borderline video for more understanding on that?

[@samvaknin]

Yes: the ones in the BPD playlist on this channel.

[@Kate_Kestrel]

How does the average narcissist score on sensitivity to disgust? Has any such correlation been noted?

[@samvaknin]

Not yet.

[@bouchaibnatek6654]

I hope to translate your work into Arabic. It will be great to hear you in Arabic language.

[@samvaknin]

Be my guest with my gratitude. Tafadhali.

[@justjamie7577]

Is it possible to be narcissistic and sycophantic?

[@samvaknin]

Yes.

[@justjamie7577]

@@samvaknin thank you. This validates my theory that my ex husband is both. I appreciate you talking about similarities and differences between some narcissists and borderlines since I'm diagnosed borderline. I've been divorced for 20 years and I'm still trying to figure us out. You have been very helpful.

[@Sun_Goddess89]

This is sick

[@BugOn-r2s]

Love, love the quote. You know what they say, keep the best for last, but you assume much about a dead man. Nevertheless, for the rest of us, I believe information is only valuable if actioned; no point in reinventing the wheel when you rap so perfectly the former. So let me tell you a story. Imagine if you were a well-off individual and had a narcissistic girlfriend that you visited every few months when you came back to that country and having other, healthy relationships. You know what they say, you are good as your options. Folks, none of this stuff works if you are not myopic to one person. There is nothing easier than to manipulate a Narc for pleasure once you know; that’s the key. After a while thought it gets lame, so drop them. The layperson/simp will get destroyed but even they will be stronger after getting schooled. To protect yourself, leave with a warning, MAD (mutually assured destruction), like you’ll expose them if they fk around. Know your narc. With mine after I left, I sent her a text saying I love her and knew should could become self aware and sent her a narc video and blocked her azz, but slowly. She grand hovered by sending me old pics to my phone - blocked her there; she liked a post on FB, blocked her there, she sent an email, blocked her there. Until she had nothing left. You could tell she was conscious of the few lines of communication that remained near the end. And Sam was right in one if his videos, once you make up your mind, you truly don’t give a fk and you never go back; get to that point. So Sam: “Shoot all the bluejays you want, if you can hit 'em, but remember it's a sin to kill a mockingbird.” Thank you truly for your work dude =)

[@BugOn-r2s]

No. But, they do say all roads lead to Rome. You know my background from the other comment, I’ll be brief. She executed everything your videos describe. Her approach was natural and controlled the whole time of the relationship; that’s what caught me. The delivery; how could someone be so consistent, never did it dawn on me. Suffice to say, when it collapsed, I snapped right out, and a pile of data fell into my lap. So, I left the country, her, job, a complete rest; I’m affluent but was naive, uneducated, and under the spell. So, like any lazy intellectual, picking the path of least resistance, on to the internet! Let the mind do the walking and it’s at our finger tips, like the narc online dating. But ours is one of education, truth, and more noble motives than she. KZbin is one of those tools used in the path. There, you are first greeted by opportunistic, ill-informed and wrong thinking videos, unsatisfying of the motives. But coming from a world needing explanations, and because of the paradigms created and verified across a global stage over time (my first gf was Brazilian, then American, British, Norwegian, Indian, etc, as is the life of a successful expat’s family in petrochemicals) but something wasn’t right; she was off. Now, you should know the algorithms on KZbin are focused on EQ, mind candy, eco chambers; there are more fools/masses that suffer the same as the kings. So we must go deeper. There, a truth and a compass is found, these videos, some guy named Sam Vaknin does them. And there, you find you. A source that is worthy of stopping to drink, time is precious indeed. Understanding what a person faces is step-one; like most things, be it love or in war, politics, finance, etc. In the nature kingdom, it is intrinsic and can be adopted; See your video mimicking cover (some of your pics on your video are badass Sam given the connection to the video). So, loaded with data from the collapsed relationship, we begin in earnest. After we’re done, where to the deposit the insight? Remember, we are lazy, well-off, intellectuals. Well, I also told you all roads lead to Rome. In that city, you will find a park, a sanctuary of sort in the dunes of the narc counter-experience. It is the comment section of your channel. Beginning are Inuits stone stacks along side well deserved recognition; mine might be first. Nevertheless, it is a natural point of gathering, a Mecca of the simpleton and intellect alike, after all, a narc, like god, does not differentiate from what I’m told and seen. Now, consider the impending wave of narcissism (as you have in your Japanese robot quote), you should see the level on social media I found in my browsing about to hit, more people will be coming and they will find themselves in a park, in Rome or maybe Mecca. Looking at the reactions, it’s more like in a Colosseum; in a forward facing quasi-public forum by company listed on NASDAQ developing AI. I swear, it’s like I walked into an AA meeting with a drink in my hand. Sam, you are the apex on this issue and I love your style and delivery. So whatever you get from doing them, know there is a byproduct of space that will and does bring it all together; the human condition. Ironic, a “nonhuman” (See your lecture in Budapest video) bringing together humanity; maybe there is hope for you. Nevertheless, the curtains draw to a close. For myself, these videos also need to go, as my routines change. I believe your work will be legendary in this dawn of the internet and, I think, well before the crash of behaviors it is producing; narcissism in particular. (Interestingly, Britain did pass that new law that paves the way for legal action where the language qualifies narcissistic abuse). It will be notable, to see what happens when the internal war of humanity’s heart starts before anyone knows. Sorry for any misunderstandings/approach, it’s a crazy topic and journey. It was my honor to hear from the godfather and know there’s people out here that truly depend/benefit from your work because it is clinical and saves years from reading the books, you are 99% real juice. ;) Peace ✌️ “I’m sorry for writing you a long letter, I didn’t have time to write a short one.” - Mark Twain Ps: for you reactive content creators, relax; stick to your vision, you too assume much. Hell, I should come say hi before I do go. But like you promote, heal and move on - you do have your place even if a profit motive is what’s driving it at first, I get it. There’s is a common message among the ones worth listening.

[@MariaNikteridou]

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