Abandon Narcissist's "Inner Child" Before it KILLS YOU! (Developmental Delay, Age, Amnesia)

Infantilization: language, tone of voice.
Regresses you as well: two orphans in the dark woods (Hansel and Gretel Effect).
Fight for the relationship (like not divorcing because of the kids).
True self never emerges, bait into shared fantasy, a lure.
No Inner child. Narcissist is a child (arrested development, developmental delay, disorder).
Developmental age (DA), developmental amnesia, maturational crisis.
Find and Buy MOST of my BOOKS and eBOOKS in my Amazon Store: www.amazon.com/stores/page/60...

[@annettehunter9743]

Frightening as very few people can turn their backs on a 'child'

[@roseaduke8835]

I suppose, the "frightening" part comes from the switch & how easily appealing the fake childlikeness appesrs! However, when a grown adult entertains & embraces the childlike posture & behaviour from another grown adult, then something is fundamentally twisted inside both parties.

[@catshouse6192]

@@roseaduke8835 well put, simply get real. leave fantasy where an adult plays being a kid

[@tinap8227]

It grows old after time, because they only care about their own needs loke a real child. You can't have a relationship with a child. He wanted to be looked after, have his own way, be adored and cuddled. I felt like a mother for a long time before I worked out what he was doing, and he withdrew any partner intimacy.

[@tinap8227]

And you are so right, I couldn't leave because subconsciously I couldn't understand how he could survive without me. He gave up work, said he was suicidal, and I supported hi until we split up. Of course, after discard he's miraculously better!

[@OG-Gangstaa]

Exactly what happened with my ex narc also. They beg you not to leave then eventually they abandon when getting a better supply

[@singaporeghostclub]

Wow. Mine is the opposite; my wife of 17 years. It’s always in the giver, the pleaser and she will abandon me and not reciprocate in anything we do.

[@tanyadepoalo4312]

I felt like the mother, the therapist and eventually the man! I don’t want to be any of those things in my relationship, I want to be the women with my feminine energy in a relationship with a grown man in his masculine energy. I want an adult relationship with genuine trust, love, kindness, understanding and respect.

[@cleonagretelgodinho2881]

❤❤❤

[@novairene6880]

My ex husband’s voice changed all the time. I knew when he had his child voice I had to end the conversation while he was in this submissive state. I even pointed his voice change out to him multiple times and his response was always “what do you mean” in an even younger tone. It did not make me want to coddle him. Instead I felt very uncomfortable as an adult trying to get a toddler to be an adult. That would be inappropriate and so I would just stop and handle the adult situation or need on my own.

[@lionheartklaric3729]

I am 100% onboard with this analysis. My father was a narcissist and I have dated 4 narcissistic men as I felt I could help them, wanted to make things better for them. At 50yo now I have spent my romantic life with only these people at a gigantic cost to myself. I am in healing now. The last guy was a 50yo child. He never grew up, was angry, jealous, paranoid and contemptuous of everything. Being close to him I felt the void so clearly as like a black hole he gave off no energy. The relationship was was pure torture in it's clearest form and it made me say. No more. This is destroying me. 2 years out tomorrow and I am thriving in my goals and healing my own wounds. Narcs are dangerous, they should come with labels saying they are poisonous. I felt nothing coming from the narcissist and didn't know why. Now I know. Thank you.

[@petermuller6923]

Exactly. They want every ounce of your energy and will never give more back to you, than what is required, to suck even more out of you until you completely burn out. They never care, they only will discard and replace you, if they can. This not only happens in partnerships, but even nacissistic parents behave exactly like this and won't care, if they lose their only child to death. My own father tried to make me commit suicide by massive humiliation, when i was already in a severe depression and he talked to my doctor the day before and knew about how he should handle my, and how not. My mother did not protect me at all. She was on his side and this broke my broken heart even more. In families, there should be no sides, but i always was on the other side, even if i did everything for my parents. Now they lost me forever, but no to death. I am more alive, than ever, am starting my life all over again.

[@Warriorbride11]

I’m usually sensitive enough to “pick up” someone’s energy even at hours old previous presence. With this person I don’t register any energy whether person is present or absent. Couldn’t figure it out. Your explanation makes sense: “…black hole w no energy.” Thank you. And, This vid helps w current decision making.

[@Margottaful]

mantra for protection : there´s nobody, but a hologramm on top of eternal emptyness/ empty nest

[@dessam4]

Dear professor Vaknin, I don’t know how to thank you about this video and the way you explained one of the most difficult parts after I broke up with a narcissist… it was horrible to feel that I abandoned a damaged child. Your contribution to understand the deepest aspect of this relationship is enormous! After three years I have broken up and I am still single I feel I have still post traumatic things and I have still connection with the shared fantasy…. I have worked a lot but I find layers and layers during my therapeutic process. You are a unique specialist please continue to educate us!! thank you thank you

[@peterwolff8304]

I know what you mean. I have had a similar experience. It was not easy!

[@hlengiwemathe7376]

😢😢😢😢😢 I'm trapped!...

[@allyettiene1730]

My sentiments as well After 17 years of hellish marriage I finally summoned the courage to ask him to leave. I was physically sick with a viral infection, practically ar deaths door and he refused to look out for me. I asked my son to be at home when I asked him to leave because I knew I couldn't do it alone. 6 months later and I am struggling to regain my health. This video from Professor Sam has given me clarify and answers to the insanity that I have been living with. I always felt guilty when I put him out after one of his adultery episodes because he would beg me to take him back and promise not to do it again 😔. Its a long road to recovery for me 😢.

[@annabelcleare138]

@@hlengiwemathe7376 me too 🥺💔

[@chiliart8056]

My mother did that to me every time I was leaving she started to be helpless she shapeshifting nonstop .

[@professorchaos9]

Witches

[@Hannahdealer8180]

This title hit so close to home. I was clinging to my ex, ignoring my mental health completely just to avoid hurting her

[@SusieBear-ji3hq]

This is even more lame not leaving for fear of hurting his family !

[@JiniJinJin-pk3pb]

Right now, I am right in the middle of it. Been breaking up weekly, for over 3 years. Logically, I know I shouldn't even acknowledge a text, but i pity him for some reason. I can't take the way it makes me feel to ignore him.

[@sonjamccart1269]

Emotional 10 year old. I want a relationship with a grown up that knows their own mind and can share who they actually are, not some mask. It's been fake everything for 2 years.

[@LeahDyson-kq4bd]

It's the hard truth but at some point these people show us who they are and they are responsible for their part but we also play a role when we stay with them

[@petermuller6923]

@@LeahDyson-kq4bd Yes, even as a child of narcissistic parents, you can leave as soon as you wake up from the illusion. It took me 2 attempts and 38 years but now it was the final NO contact. I stopped missing them and only feel disgusted, when i am thinking about getting back to them, even half a year after my letters to say "farewell, we will never meet again".

[@annjohnson8437]

Wow! This video is a real eye opener! It explains my unhealthy mommy role with my narcissistic husband of 30 years. And, the guilt I feel when I think of leaving him.

[@JessB009]

It’s debilitating

[@Miss5852-lotta]

Yes, mommy and slave in one person

[@annjohnson8437]

@@z32luvr squirreling away money to leave.

[@SassySlater]

I left after 20yrs and it was like abandoning a child at the side of the road and driving away. But I kept on driving and I am 100% glad I did. I wish I had done it years ago.

[@karenfarmer272]

🎉 Congratulations Sam. I could not think of a more deserving Specialist as you. I have never known anybody who has the fountain of information that you possess and the accuracy of which you deliver it. I am much more enlightened because of it.

[@markmarco2880]

There is nobody there. (No access to positive emotions. Only destructive defenses.) Lovely, is how you provide clarity to the narcissists’ delusion, who works to get you to buy in to their “mutual” fantasy. Thank you, for lighting up this mine field. Peter Pan never grows up, dead inside. Flee. Look forward and flee, never looking back. Love to you, very good sir. With gratitude. I can confidently say that you have made my day❤

[@mrgmhxha]

There are a lot of Channels about Narcissism but Mr. Vaknin is number one! Mr. Vaknin goes in depth on why they behave the way they do! Amazing work! 👏🏻

[@MiraMira-ri8gz]

He told me a few days into our relationship about childhood sexual abuse. I then attached to his inner child. Doesn't help he is somewhat childlike even in his 50s. It was extremely bonding and hard to let go of the wounded child. It's still very hard. Fortunately I am more attracted to reality and truth.

[@dsoule4902]

That's all fine & good -- unless they haven't healed themselves

[@betkay1018]

WOW, this gets rid of the "smoke and mirrors" confusion very quickly ... thank you Prof for your clear explanation of this subject matter !!

[@d0v3Tai1]

Interestingly: Over-indulged by his over-protective mother, only-surviving twin Elvis Presley engaged in "baby talk", glib charm, control, grooming, conditioning, promiscuity, addictions/substance abuse, entitlement, isolation, need for an entourage in full-servitude to himself at his beck-&-call, extreme black & white thinking, enjoyed reactions of recipients of his surprise gift-giving, & other narcissistic traits.

[@heatherwagar5868]

Leaving the narcissist was heart wrenching. He seems so fragile. I struggle with the guilt sometimes. I’m a mother so I definitely felt pain walking away.He would have shattered my soul

[@mikeyshappylife4424]

Yes! I'm going through this now. Just terrible guilt. I had to get a restraining order and I feel so guilty, but had to protect me and our son

[@SassySlater]

I understand how you feel ladies. But remember that meanwhile you feel like this they are acting out with their grown man side and pursuing other women via sex workers or dating sites etc. They are not the child. It’s an illusion

[@davidsmith7587]

When my narc tried to come back after a breakup. She would use the sweet child like voice to get me back.. it does work.😮

[@ps_ninja_9993]

It's amazing how this mental health disease works. I knew nothing about Narcissistic personality but I get the opportunity to learn from my ex wife. They are not able to feel inside happynes, they can't feel or to give love, they can't feel fulfilling life. They walk in life as zombie. I am not sure if they meet their true self. Mother nature punish them removing the positive feelings

[@griff791]

Thank you Sam for helping me understand the needy broken child in my sister. It gets to the point where it is not about saving the shared fantasy but saving yourself.

[@professorchaos9]

The realization of the envy that was present all along explains so much of their behavior. My little sister would appear in my dreams as a demon, before I came to realize her true nature, and mine.

[@griff791]

It is all about the jealousy and envy.

[@davedoe4932]

You are not alone in this. My narcissistic brother and mother both appeared in my dreams as demonic creatures too, right around the time I discovered in real life that something was wrong with them.

[@griff791]

@@davedoe4932 eye opening when you finally see them for who they are.

[@griff791]

@@professorchaos9 I think it all comes down to jealousy.

[@jamesbilclough9728]

I feel very sorry for my ex girlfriend who is a covert narcissist. It breaks my heart that she went through so much abuse and trauma as a child. She told me about her narcissistic mother and what she did to her and how her mother was jealous of her father’s relationship with her and stopped the father being close with her. I was abused by my girlfriend but I don’t hate her I just can’t ever go back to her because of what she is capable of doing to me. I hope that one day with modern science they find a cure or something to help the narcissist. 🙏🏻

[@nobo2979]

Sounds like maybe she was the scapegoat. ?

[@jamesbilclough9728]

@@nobo2979 maybe but I will never know. It’s hard to know even if what she said was actually true tbh but I think it was she talked about her mother a lot and how she will never talk or see her again but that she would forgive her. It’s all very sad I do think there is a good person in there it was like going out with Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde

[@brentdrake5414]

I did feel like that for months... i still have misery understanding there was nobody there. I felt utterly alone with her but I will try to rewatch your videos

[@osage2139]

I have memory loss after being with my ex boyfriend. The other time this happened to me is in my childhood in which there was violence and neglect. I am seeing a therapist but Professor Vaknin has been key to understanding this. Professor, these lectures you offer are invaluable. Thank you.

[@nnnsandra]

I suffered from memory loss and brain fog too. My therapist suggested walking I started at about 2 km per day in January now it's may I am at 10km per day. My memory is now fully back and some other ailments I had gone too

[@user-mv7vx6ui6c]

Yes they are extremely harmful because of their talent in destroying your organs (body parts) which ofcourse your life. Must abandon and don't enable. Have to because as Dr Vaknin says they are doing this unconsciously, it's just what their natural gift is which is extremely corrosive, an example is your memory loss.

[@osage2139]

@@nnnsandra Thank you for the advice. ☺️

[@LordMondegrene]

Unpredictable trauma induces amnesia. This was done to me by an relative who studied induced amnesia at the Skinner Institute. She actually got her PhD. in torturing rats to cause them to forget. The key is the unpredictability, that's what erases memory.

[@osage2139]

@@LordMondegrene interesting, thanks.

[@sunrayrosin7181]

I saw and see this in my parents and in myself at times. I saw myself and a friend whom I adore playing int a shared fantasy and I called it as soon as I saw it. I was coming out of marriage with children and I had to recover from being in a relationship that became a family and a repeat of my own patterns of family. And for the first time, I saw how damaged i was. I had huge gaps in my memories. I left home and was put into the custody of the state when I was 15 years old. I have reconciled this within myself. Now I’m learning to heal, but the sweetest part of me has died in some ways and it needs to be resurrected. And that hurts so much the rebuilding is quite painful. Loosing my family and being the adult survivor of physical, emotional, and even sexual abuse has taken the sweetest and most productive and creative parts of me and put a weight that has caused wedges between me and the people I love most. And that makes it hard to let people close to me now. I red flag myself and refuse to dance that dance of a shared fantasy.

[@kzy1457]

I relate with you. It's so painful 😖 It's so incredibly difficult to trust yourself with your plans and efforts working out and you being able to also make space for how much damage and baggage there exists.

[@stephanieruthlessly7499]

You have described my husband and our relationship to a T. I’m grateful to have found your channel.

[@runa-wk5ui]

This video was very true and I realized that I was dealing with the narcsisst's 'inner child' and I thought several times he was going to kill me (from the soul). Now I am in distance so I have felt many times that's the reason I did not get anything physical as abuse. However, the wound is deep and I never realized how much damages I have received already. 'Childlike feature' also applies to the narcsisst I was dealing with. This video perfectly explained why. I felt exactly as if I was abandoning a child if I leave the narcsisst. So I am already settled that it was very severe case and it was the best thing I have done that I escaped before the narcsisst killed me.

[@noverguy]

This is a PERFECT PERFECT PERFECT explanation about how WE are initially drawn to the NARC and how we unknowingly become co-dependent. I never heard it put like this but it all makes sense now. Thank you Sam.

[@bohemia9956]

Im so "happy" to hear that. I was always saying that to my therapist that im ready to go when she is mean and hategul but then i see this lonely, sad, abused child that has been left behind again and again from early on...but then i realised i cannot save a the child of an adult who doesnt wanna have to do with this child i wanna save...

[@kzy1457]

❤❤❤❤

[@kzy1457]

I'm glad for the the saved lives and souls of people who left me behind. I want to show that compassion towards my own choices of leaving some behind. To a child who never knew what they they could be, knowing some of themselves is possible, heartwarming and very very deep. Attachment can cause so much pain and difficult thoughts. I can somehow relate to you on both sides. Even Sam Vaknin videos are enriching to a lost person. I hope you both find your ways and warmth and comfort in whatever shape or form.

[@pamelahowell6064]

You break this down like nobody else. Im not surprised that many publications want your input. Good for you! I have known for a while now that the lights are on but nobody is home in there.

[@pamelahowell6064]

Correction, somebody is home in there but its not a human

[@sharmon4477]

The good doctor said he himself is a narcissist so therefore according to your comment about them not being human it would be implying the doctor is not human..thus why listen to his advice? Mental disorders don't steal your humanity.

[@QuestforQuestions]

@@pamelahowell6064How would you describe that entity that is home but not human according to your experience? I’m curious.)

[@SFreeanna]

We would do this role play where he would say “can Shan come out to play?” And then tell me we’re childhood friends. He would do it after he triggered me. And I resented him bad for that. But this video just tells me so much. Thank you for this!

[@annakrajan]

The most painful things are lack of empathy and an inability to love. But if it's not narcist's fault, we should feel sorry for them. It's extremely difficult to treat them like an ill person....

[@soniachambers6460]

Feeling sorry for them does not help them or you.. it drains you of energy and life while they remain untouched and apathetic to your constant giving.

[@PowWowDAO]

Good morning! Long ago I had a vision of my dad (the narcissist) while looking at him he was levitating in the air as a false yogi with false peace and tranquility, pretending to understand what I was talking about and to empathize with me. In my visual, this exposed his arrogance and perceived mental (air) superiority and also the error in his theology.

[@amirachokri4084]

Yes narcissist is perfect imitator

[@Darleen-og7ee]

🎉 Congrats Professor Sam! Sail across the pond and I'll buy you a drink.

[@kiwicatnip]

It is sooo crazy seeing the parallels between this “dual mothership” phenomenon and my actual relationships. When I broke up with my previous grandiose partner I told my friend “It’s going to sound weird to say this, but it feels more like he is my child than my boyfriend.” And I remembered having this distinct, almost maternal love and even “worrying” about him after breaking up like a mom would. His mother actually passed away 2 weeks after we first started dating. And he would always tell me I had long hair like his mom. In my more recent relationship with a different guy, I remember during an argument telling him “I’m not your mom and I’m not going to wait on you hand and foot like your mom does.” And I also told him I wasn’t his mom when it felt like he was being resistant or almost weirdly defiant towards me as if he was rebelling against his mother.

[@annjohnson8437]

Same here. My narcissistic husband of 30 years is basically a spoiled, defiant child. He has always expected me to take care of him like a mother would. I am preparing to leave him, but I hate to admit, there's a part of me that worries about how he will do the day to day things I always take care of. 😢

[@kiwicatnip]

​@@annjohnson8437 I completely understand that strange worried/maternal feeling. I have been there. I separated from mine 2 years ago and started over completely but I can say that it has definitely gotten easier over time. Now I can look back on it from a distance and see it for what it was. Good on you for choosing yourself. Narcissists are great at survival and adaptation when it comes down to it.​ He can figure it out and not at your expense. We can't live to be a crutch for someone else, and there is no amount of loving him that will make him healthy. And vice versa. The only one who can "save" us is ourselves.

[@amberfuchs398]

Sadly this describes my parent very well. Thanks for the insight.

[@natlovesfashion27]

Congratulations! Couldn’t go to a more deserving man! 🎉🎉

[@julieb887]

Fascinating ! My x narc cannot relate to small children and babies

[@allyettiene1730]

Correct, my N husband abandoned his 8 children and damaged my 2 sons

[@Cy-bz9jh]

Wow. I never really thought about it. The 2 that I've known (tried to destroy me) both hated children and children naturally avoided them as well. Thanks for pointing that out!

[@maryvera123]

Congratulations on your new appointment Prof. Sam!

[@sterlingray3982]

I dated a guy who justified his immature behavior by saying "You must become like little children to enter the kingdom of Heaven".

[@atlfun08]

Whoa! Sounds like he was good at manipulating. A good talker! 😂😂😂

[@iRockwthMJ]

Yikes!😬

[@WayOfHaQodesh]

He clearly didn't represent the true Kingdom of Heaven.

[@rachelfourie9083]

lol that is not at all what the scripture means

[@SFreeanna]

Christian covert narcissist!!

[@annbethchinchillo9192]

Thank you SO much for explaining this! Omgosh I truly understand why I couldn't leave him no matter how dysfunctional I saw he was. I just lowered my expectations for him and remained in an affectionless relationship. He ended up cheating anyways and found 2 new mothers. I went no contact immediately, sensing this, despite his denial, and learned of all of the truths 8 months later. So glad I went completely NC no matter how much he tried to talk to me.

[@gayatrimatapurkar933]

Congratulations Sam your talks are enlightening ..they feel surreal and too much to bear and yet it all adds up ..thank you.

[@suebar5177]

So bleak, yet fascinating. Do they love their own children or is this too a smokescreen?

[@samvaknin]

Watch the From Child to Narcissist playlist.

[@suebar5177]

@samvaknin Will do-thanks!

[@ulyanahalyuk6902]

Дуюе дякую Вам, пане професоре Сем Вакнін, за пояснення цього складного питання.

[@charanko.]

youre welcome

[@SugarLumpsProductions]

Congratulations Sam on your new appointment...how you juggle it all I don't know! And great lecture, on point. Its truly a dilemma for people who have a loveable narcissist in their lives who keep messing up...as you say it's difficult to abandon a man/woman child who hasn't grown up!

[@ralphmoser3680]

Pro. Sam Vaknin at its best! Thank you for another great intellectually stimulating video, great content!

[@collectivemindsunique7945]

Spot on with the maternal instinct kicking in. When you step back and analyze the situation, it’s a bit gross. Had to leave and go cold turkey.

[@IntheMoment820]

Thank you, Dr. Vaknin! All your lectures are insight-packed and this one did not disappoint. The learning on this one is deep and enlightening.💚

[@OG-Gangstaa]

Professor you read them like a book! It all applies to my ex narc. Astonishing how they're all the same! Thanks for enlightening us.

[@Romg777]

Votre façon d'aborder le sujet des pervers narcissiques est à la fois détaillé et facilement compréhensible, merci.

[@user-pv3be5og1u]

This is exactly what happens. They become your child and its very difficult to abandoned a damaged child.

[@dianenlc8284]

Children with ACE's have usually also been affected by alcohol, as a foetus in the womb. Alcohol is a toxin (hence the word 'intoxicated' and the most commonly ingested toxin in the world! When mothers drink alcohol in pregnancy, the alcohol freely crosses the placenta and kills the brain cells of the developing foetus, resulting in both physical and neurological disabilities. These disabilities are referred to as Foetal Alcohol Spectrum Disorders (FASD). Therefore in addition to the impact of stress, trauma and abuse on the developing brain there is often also organic brain damage, caused by mothers drinking alcohol in pregnancy.

[@margodphd]

Indeed, alcohol is incredibly toxic to fetal development and the worst damage can be done before the woman is aware of being pregnant. It's an understudied phenomenon that affects millions upon millions of children and adults across the world. We know little how to treat it at any stage and most support treatments after birth are taken from data on other childhood ailments like Intellectual Disability. Unfortunately the difficulty, hostility and mistrust towards "authority" and shame carried by these women associated with the phenomenon of FAS means it's difficult to study. The fact that it's perceived as "affliction of the less fortunate" doesn't help with acquiring funding.

[@samvaknin]

There are no studies to support this, but I agree that this hypothesis is worth studying.

[@sonjaruis8490]

My daughter is a narcissist and I did not drink alcohol in my pregnancy!

[@johnyossarian9031]

My lord, my ex to the T. She was like an adorable child. This was broke my heart the most after she blindsided and discarded me.

[@kurtm6345]

Another brilliant explanation. Thank you!

[@shirleyrollin7596]

Thank You for the enlightenment.😇❤🕊 Peace Love Happiness Kindness and Light to you, your family and to everyone reading this. GOD BLESS💯💪🙏❤🌞🕊

[@sukiyakking9138]

One of your best videos!

[@endorphinacreative5783]

Thank you for this analysis. This is very insightful.

[@thebodymender]

This is what I needed to hear. Thank you for explaining it so well.

[@stevenday5448]

Brilliant. Thank you. Congratulations!

[@JanTrout-jt1pc]

Sam you do get better with age! Thank you. You have helped me so much!!!

[@bolajieniwaye4220]

great video, just subscribed. describes my experience exactly!

[@Luke-ei2yv]

Really profound insights. Thanks Sam 👍

[@tigerlily6637]

Profound. Thank you so much ❤

[@elmaswanepoel1598]

On point. Feeling trapped. Really needed to hear this today 🙏🏻

[@RebeccaRuano]

Thank you for explaining this, this way. It makes so much more sense and will make it more manageable to deal with some key people in my life. ❤ Thank you.

[@z74d-oy2uj]

Thanks! This is spot on! I've experienced it myself, very true.

[@robinvangroot]

Beautifully presented. Thanks for your time and effort ✌

[@risong9872]

Good morning prof sam vakim thankque for bring up the whole subject for better understanding to the majority people tks for all valuable talk

[@michelleolak3785]

It’s like ‘Chucky’ in that movie.

[@mirceaar7988]

"The child inside you is drawn, is attracted, is linked to the child inside her" is an answer that came to me after months of desperately asking myself "why am I being drawn to her like that, like I never was before with anyine, wanting to be by her side, especially when she is (apparently) going (internally) through hard times? Drawn, attracted with the power of two magnets attracting each other...?" And with that answer and - through it - understanding why I was acting that way in the past year or so, finally came some silence and peace of mind within the mental, emotional and rational turmoil that was my mind at the time. Her inner child showed (towards me, but most likely not only towards me) a vulnerability, a need for love, care and attention that I, or better said my inner child knew very well - as I missed those things in my own childhood, and, in time, I sort of brushed those unmet needs under the rug, locked them behind doors, with some nasty effects on my self, my emotional and social development over the long term. And that inner child was ready to offer them to anyone needing them, as he knew very well what that one is in need of. It took me about 6 months into our relationship to slowly realise that something is not ok with her. A lot of 'somethings'. Some of them slipping into suprarealism. I started looking for answers. Dr. Vaknin's channels being one of the many sources, on YT and other platforms and sites. In another 6 months after that I came to the (somewhat educated and amateurish) guess or belief that I am dealing most likely with BPD with some NPD traits. I could be somewhat wrong, but not by much, as I've been talking with a sum of people educated and licensed in psychology and psychiatry. At some point she went for a while to therapy (I went to therapy also, independently from her and, for a while, without her knowledge, and it was the best choice I took in a while). Her therapist after about 6 months of seeing her issued to her a report stating PTSD - as her life has been filled with trauma and narcissistic abuse in past relationships. She stopped therapy after a while, as 'I am talking for 40 minutes and she, the therapist, doesn't tell me anything on how to fix all that' (It doesn't work like that, in therapy the psychotherapist just keeps a 'mirror' in front of you, and you are the one doing the work, the fixing once you get to understand things about yourself) My therapist stated that, from my stories, most likely there is some form of *PD at play with her. So, there. A very brief account in a very very tight nutshell.

[@mirceaar7988]

@whatap-Professor_Samvak Agreed. Where to...?

[@benouiraneyoussef4506]

this happened to me last week with my uncle he acted like a kid and I felt a pull towards him even tho he is a psychopathic narcissist always plotting

[@carmenm.9522]

Perhaps I’m strange, or maybe I’m simply honest. I always felt repelled by children. Their neediness scares me. Adults who think their infantile behaviour is irresistible are even more repulsive.

[@Dan_Chiron]

People who feels repelled by children has issues, like, deep issues. It's ok to be child free, but being _repelled_ by a helpless being is something else.

[@peterwolff8304]

Brilliant!

[@creativeme282]

Sam, Can you discuss how to deal with narcissistic adult children. I don't know how we got here, but there must be a path to co exist without abandoning one self. No one ever talks about dealing with Narcissistic grown children and yet grandchildren get thrown into the mix and it becomes very complicated. It is excruciating having to let go of grandchildren but, on the other side, the peace is amazing and reinvigorating once you mentally move on from the nonsense.

[@samvaknin]

No contact.

[@creativeme282]

@@samvaknin It's very difficult indeed but I'm also ready to enjoy my life . Your videos have opened my eyes and enabled me to see things for what they really are....this helped me to heal enough to see the other side. I continue watching your videos to remind myself often of the confusion I once felt. Thank you Ps It took a long time to gain enough strength to go no contact ....I finally arrived.

[@carmenjacinto4426]

Congratulations! ! And thank you for this Video, I'm grateful to run across it. WoW.

[@FleurBatten]

Thank you love your info helpful have been following for a while took me a while to understand your way teaching now I put a vid on every night before bed listen understand. Have ended a toxic relationship.. but have adult son either narcissistic or bpd dealing with the drama wears me down I stay educated to keep mentally strong to understand him but keep boundaries as he manipulates constantly.. oldest child .. 3 younger brothers totally different grown men .. outgrew their older brother sad it's draing on me as I do not enable but I do help at times always backfires .. always victim.. so frustrating that sometimes you question if the narcissist chooses narcissim as the identity as it is indifferent to most and allows them to stay there ..

[@vanesssa457]

Very sobering thank you

[@amirachokri4084]

Congratulations 🎉🎉🎉

[@marquese1960]

Congratulations 👏 🎉

[@JoeBrown-ln4ww]

Best one yet

[@victorsc66]

No pun intended Doctor.

[@es6738]

This was very enlightening. Thank you!❤

[@artbonita]

Congratulations on your success! That’s great news. “Narcissism pays”…haha! Thank you for sharing your knowledge and insight. You are so very helpful. 🙏

[@perry74mac]

Fascinating.

[@RedRubyStones]

My older sister used the child-like voice on me all the time and I got so annoyed with it until I told her firmly to KNOCK. IT. OFF! It stopped alot communications after that! haha

[@zenbuddha5947]

The title says everything, and it is unfortunately so true!

[@MauiMile]

What if healing means to embrace the void rather than just having a healthy ego? Thats what the east. philosophies suggests. In the end even the ego doesnt really exist.

[@samvaknin]

Subscribe to my Nothingness channel or watch the Nothingness playlist.

[@MauiMile]

@@samvaknin you actually have the playlist. Awsome, thank you I was missing this part in your lectures

[@debraparker6404]

Yes yes and yes. My parents did this.

[@Miss5852-lotta]

🤭 When he started to behave like his evil, shitty personality, I always addressed the child in him with a strictly, serious but calm announcement... Like a mother 🤭 it worked excellent... He immediately turned back into a fawn state 👀

[@energyisenergy]

Holy shit. This actually works. I just did it and almost triggered a rage but just got a blank WTF look.

[@strongwind_df3643]

Congratulations🎉🎉🎉

[@Margottaful]

you´re so right

[@Morigan20003]

This is true my narcissist did this to me .... Fuck ..... Thank you dr.sam vaknin

[@edwardkito2794]

Alright Professor, But what should we as narcissist's do! Can you please talk about ways narcissist should act to heal or at the very least stop causing pain to others? I have just been discarded..but my new supply line is already on its way. I want to scream for her.

[@samvaknin]

Watch the therapies playlist.

[@anetekaze4236]

Hansel and Gretel

[@aqualove2054]

Congratulations 🎉🎉

[@DENISEASTUNO-ow1qz]

❤Thank you ❤this helps

[@lindacovello7823]

My sister’s baby daddy told me multiple times that he loves her because she’s like a “little girl”, going on to list all the adorable, childish things that captured his heart. She’s a high maintenance narcissist with a body count, and she continues to cuck the baby daddy every chance he gives her. I just found out yesterday that she was booted from the woman’s shelter she’s been living in for the past two months. She has been kicked out of every sober house in the area because she can’t get along with the other residents and she refuses to follow the rules. She’s cycled through some of these places two and three times over the past two years but apparently now she has nowhere to turn, except ol’ reliable, the baby daddy besotted with her immaturity and need. He left his sober house to live with her in a tent in a homeless encampment because she bawled on the phone to him that she has nowhere to go. The two of them are locked in a dismal and futile ritual of self destruction that is beyond depressing to witness. It can only end in tears.

[@yomynameislaney]

Sad as it is, they’re made for one another. No one can help people like them, they can’t even help themselves. 😢

[@perry74mac]

two babies sitting in a tree....

[@annjohnson8437]

Yikes! That is extreme!

[@margodphd]

Addiction is a horrible pit of despair but it doesn't change people more than they allow it. I know, I have been an addict since I was 12 for many, many years and thus, I know many, many addicts. The good people tried their hardest to keep on being good people, usually resorting to hurting themselves over hurting anyone else with the smallest thing. Others used every excuse in the book to justify their behaviour. As Lundy Bancroft stated in "Why does he do it?" (Which should be a mandatory reading after Malignant Self - Love ) - abuse is a choice. The only one that deserves our pity is the innocent child born out of that union. I hope she or he had been placed with good, genuinely good, kind people whose unconditional love and firm but gentle parenting will guide them away from any genetic tendencies towards addiction, destructive behaviours and personality disorders. Please remove yourself from the situation, even being a witness to their circus is destructive to you and your family.

[@lindacovello7823]

@@margodphd It is painful to know how my sister suffers. She is actually my half-sister. Her father is an alcoholic, as were both the parents of her child's father. The father's parents both died from alcohol related illness. The father of her child is an alcoholic with heroin thrown in. Now there's also fentanyl because it gets mixed in with the stuff they buy on the street. I watched my half-sister snort street drugs in front of me while my nephew was still inside her. I was helpless to prevent it. She lost her child to the state when he was 13 months old, and he has been with me ever since. He will be four in October, and aside from being speech delayed, he has shown no serious issues as yet. Speech therapy helped a good deal, as well as family training therapy that we received in the home. As Gabor Maté says, no one sets out to become an addict, it's the trauma that causes it. I know that my sister has unresolved trauma, but it's easier and faster for her to get the quick fixes than to do the deep and dirty inner work. That involves effort, time and courage. She has always been an instant gratification junkie.

[@ozzyhouston2535]

I'd mention mutual friends to a covert I knew, and he couldn't recall who they were! As if he'd become senile, but he wasn't senile. Others I have known remember things to their own benefit, such that you have to get the simplest things in writing. Yes, their ability to not remember recent history is remarkable.

[@kiwicatnip]

How is it that the people I know who have these NPD traits(some of which I could almost guarantee are somewhere on the NPD spectrum) have very pronounced, consistent and individual features and personality traits although they lack a self/core? Are these exaggerated external traits just compensatory?

[@samvaknin]

Search the channel for "mimic" and for "simulat".