Loving the Borderline in Her Fantasy

Borderline Personality Disorder is a form of CPTSD (complex trauma) and, in many cases, gives rise to compulsive sexual ideation and hypersexuality (“sex addiction”).
In early childhood, the Borderline had learned to associate sex, pain, and love inextricably, sometimes owing to a history of childhood sexual abuse. Hereditary brain abnormalities are at play, too, predisposing the child to develop emotional dysregulation and mood disorders and lability.
The Borderline sexualizes her emotions and her needs: to be loved, to belong and be accepted and valued, to feel safe, empowered, irresistible, in control, and “at home”.
Even in one night stands turned ugly - and she goes through many of these - she is likely to embed the dissonant experience in a fantastic narrative of love, redemption, and rescue.
Her litany of failed relationships - the inevitable outcomes of selecting for all the wrong mates - predisposes the Borderline to anticipate the worst: acrimonious and agonizing abandonment and rejection. She often cheats her way out of such calamitous dyads.
She catastrophizes in all her liaisons and then, at the first sign of discord or sexual rejection, she decompensates and acts out: becomes violent, promiscuous, deceitful (cheats), or psychopathic (defiant, impulsive,dysempathic, and reckless).
To cope with overwhelming shame and guilt having egregiously misbehaved, she dissociates: becomes amnesiac, depersonalizes, or derealizes.
People with personality disorders who are high-functioning are very disconcerting: they compartmentalize their promiscuous, antisocial, addictive, sadistic, and defiant behaviors.
During the day, they are competent professionals, diligent students, pillars of the community, responsible citizens and fathers or mothers, loving husbands or wives, and thriving entrepreneurs.
Come evening, the mask drops, the drink and drugs are out, replete with dissolute reckless sex with virtual strangers, gambling, or any number of self-trashing and dysfunctional, even self-destructive behaviors.
What baffles scholars is that all these self-states are a part of the personality. There is no faking involved. The switching is abrupt but seamless. Dissociation is often involved, but never to the point of rupturing continuous autobiographical memory and core identity.
Cleckley called it the “Mask of Sanity”. It challenges everything we thought we knew about psychology.
Everyone advises that falling in love with broken, damaged people is self-destructive: they are bound to hurt you and traumatize you for life. Ruination awaits in such an affair of the heart.
But this blanket advice is often wrong and self-defeating.
The corresponding pathologies of the members of a couple can either cancel each other out, bringing a sense of safety, anxiety reduction, and even healing - or they amplify each other, exacerbating the underlying conditions of everyone involved.
The shattered are much more open and vulnerable: their “innards” are on full display. They are skinless and defenseless.
But exactly this susceptibility renders the interactions and emotions in such relationships both deeper and more intense.
Loving the mentally ill is an exasperating technicolor wild ride - not the black and white tones of healthy boundaries.
The hurt and the traumatized know each other’s lingering volcanic agony intimately, better than any outsider can. The same way alcoholics sponsor their kith and kind in AA 12 step programs, the broken see each other through the howling miasmas of their souls.
It is a gamble with one’s life and sanity. Yet, so many take it because loving such the wounded is the most selfless act there is and a hyperdrive of personal growth even through adversity.
Such tortured relationships go south when we want our partner either to wound us further (affirm our victim status) - or we expect them to “fix” us.
Women who possess both strong, unfulfilled maternal instincts and abandonment anxiety find in the narcissist the perfect solution: a child who will never grow up and separate from them.
These intimate partners subtly encourage the narcissist’s infantilization, immaturity, learned helplessness, and dependency.
They frown upon and disincentivize - even punish - any attempts to transform, break away, or display adult behaviors (including having sex).
Sometimes, they even give up on having children of their own to dedicate themselves exclusively to this “safe” child at home.
Find and Buy MOST of my BOOKS and eBOOKS in my Amazon Store: www.amazon.com...

[@russell4824]

My BPD wife of 27 years left a year ago July. This is what it was like for me. Her love was the Promised Land and I was eager to prove my devotion. Together we wandered in the desert for many years, looking for the lush green forest at the edge of a lake, where surrounded by snow-capped mountains she could find peace and purpose. I brought plenty of food and water, which never seemed to quench her thirst or satisfy a hunger she could not describe. Occasionally we came upon an oasis where I was content and happy. In time, once again, the spring would go dry and we would resume the search, each time in a new direction. I am now very weary, our water supply a burden I no longer wish to carry. I tap into the last reserves of inner strength to stumble onward in this barren landscape, gripped by a fear of what is beyond the ever-shifting dunes ahead. The blazing sun is high over-head, so I no longer have my bearings, but once again, there on the horizon a sea of green. Her enchanting song once again draws me to Bristol Cove on the lake in the mountains. We lay down together in the cool green grass, but I soon realize, once again it is an illusion. Like a mirage, in a blink of an eye, it all vanishes and this time she too is gone. I realize I've lost the faith, I must give up the quest and turn back, no longer sure of a way home. The sun has now set and in the darkness, I cannot resist the urge to look over my shoulder with each uncertain step. It has become second nature to worry about her; I will always feel her pain and hunger, her loneliness in the void. I am overwhelmed with an unfamiliar sensation and try to accept I no longer have the power to rescue her from the discontent she has felt her entire life, even worse, I realize my arrogance to think I ever could. At the same time, I try to erase the image that she may have found the forest without me and is swimming in the cool clear water. I think "how weak of me to have given up" and in the knowledge that I will never see her again, what am I to do with the love I still have for her. It pours out onto the dry sand and evaporates without purpose. The witness of my existence now gone, my heart is tormented by waves of sorrow, like the breakers of some ancient sea crashing on a rocky shore. The primeval granite reduced to particles of sand, now long forgotten, so too will our story be relegated to a footnote, then fade on the parchment of time with each passing generation. I pry upon the wind, hoping to hear her sweet voice one last time, the words of the promised land as she whispers, "I now know he truly loved me". I imagine her weeping with the thought "how could I have been blind for all those years, we could have found paradise together". It was a leap of faith she was unable to take, inflected with an invisible wound, suffered alone in her cradle so many years ago, long before her happiness became the purpose of my life. Our special place by the lake will forever remain lost beyond the horizon and when she or I, the last of what was once “us” departs this worldly existence, no one will say, “They were in love and are together again”.

[@mrsherwood2599]

Very beautiful and true, wow. Listen to you, you are pure poetry. A beautiful, healthy woman will find you and never let go. Healthy women love this quality, it is very rare in our gender. Sick women will only see it as weak. But you and I know better.

[@russell4824]

@@mrsherwood2599 Thank you for your kind words, now that I have put into word how it felt, the difficult part is to put it into perspective. Then begin to start new, happy memories.

[@zet0korp]

Beautiful... Thank you very much for sharing. I don't know if it will help, but know that I understand what you are going through, as to some extent I have suffered the same fate. I will add that I have had the "chance" to meet with my ex on a handful of occasions since, and on one very painful encounter she broke down in front of me and revealed all the rage/pain/love she felt with respect to our long dead relationship.. They feel, they remember, they are just too broken and they feel so horrible and exposed they don't want to think like us, live like us. I know it's f'd up, but somewhere in her she loves you. Just... realise you have to move on to find something peaceful, you have to. Or you will starve waiting... she cannot help you

[@ewelina9514]

🥀💔

[@SC-oi9wp]

😭😭😭😭😭😭❤️

[@DragonFly525]

The desire to be loved is the last illusion, give it up and you will be free.

[@annwe6]

Margaret Atwood

[@samcawood2037]

I am love, love is found within me 🫶🏼

[@RebelUntilTheEnd]

I would like to see a video on how people can heal, how they can take steps to heal, and maybe explain the steps of the trauma process that narcissists and borderlines inflict on people. It took a long time to figure out what was wrong with me. It wasn’t the “normal” feeling when the marriage was over. I was left a shell of a human and didn’t know why. After learning about narcissism and borderlines, I was able to heal. Unfortunately, like so many others like me, they’re wasn’t enough people in the mental health profession to help people like me to properly know what signs and symptoms to look for when it comes to narcissistic abuse to help diagnose me so I could get the proper help in the proper way. I struggled with rage, hate, depression, anxiety, racing thoughts, bad vivid dreams, waking up enraged, thoughts of violence, etc. I only learned through serendipity when I referred to her as a narcissist one night and it caused me to think about what I said and I researched it and discovered so much information that I was able to understand and begin healing from her. Thank you Sam for what you’ve done for so many in so many ways.

[@cglenn1457]

I just made the same comment. I hope he does one!

[@moarawkwarder]

@@thegoodobserver Dr Ramani is great too, and along with Sam’s videos helped me understand family roles/IFS and how the mould is set for the relationships we enter into (and often refuse to leave) as adults.

[@laneslegacy5794]

I genuinely wish to travel and heal for ten days showing the eating process, how to heal and create the routine to identify with what exactly I'm recovering from, and excellent methods to do such. It's such a fantastic idea that I even decide to create more information for others

[@giulia6671]

You can’t heal you can just train yourself to be more self aware of your behavior still your emotional landscape won’t change. If you’re very naturally not self aware you could have this eye opening experience which results in changed behavior but that’s it.

[@justinmarshall1506]

The four ways heal from bpd npd abuse... was eye opener

[@michaelking4578]

My ex is a borderline. Nightmare to deal with for me. She is gone and I have peace. I understand everything so much more after learning what these borderlines are like.

[@nykgaming8854]

Same brother

[@justinelliott2719]

Thank you Sam. I think you're the only person who has ever said to me that it's ok to live the mentally ill. My wife is a borderline and I have never learned so much not just about mental illness but about who I am and who I am . I see people in general in a much different way than I did before I met my wife and I relate to the world and to myself with so much more love and and understanding. I sometimes describe that loving a borderline is like loving someone with cancer. You don't just stop loving them because the chances of healing are unfavorable. Yes there's going to be a lot of suffering. But borderlines are probably the ultimate at being the loneliest ones out there because most everyone does give up on them and for me it would be the worst thing ever to want to be loved but never in your entire life ever feeling that you were truly loved. I know I'm loved so I'm thankful for that and so I'm staying the course with my bpd wife and love her like she deserves to be loved and I'm becoming stronger all the time so I can deal with the consequences of being with a borderline and I may never be enough to change her (I pray that I am) but she has changed me and in effect I have changed someone's life for the better and that's what makes us crazy human beings move on.

[@TheImaginarygurl]

I hope you keep good boundaries for yourself. Respect yourself and her at the same time and never change what tou do because she thinks it isn't love.

[@joybboyon2009]

😢 I’m borderline we only need to understand and feel loved but we don’t mean to hurt the people who love us but we scared of abandonment and rejected 😢

[@Youtubehandlesaresilly]

Be aware - this may already be slipping into codependency. Which is scary for BPD and destructive for you.

[@hillaryconsultingservices]

From hypersexuality to years of abstinence now 7 years and only with ex-husband since 2007. This has made me feel and be safe.

[@Bod-ud2ns]

u need vitamin d

[@devinfraserashpole4753]

@@Bod-ud2ns Borderlines are always extreme. Total trainwrecks.

[@bking50482]

I’ve literally sat in a car and listened to this with her. She agreed and still I can’t walk away. It is unbelievable. I know sooner or later she will discard again and I’ll chase. Why is it so hard to just quit.

[@jackthere]

You know what you need to do. Do it. Don't wait. Don't be stupid. Love yourself.

[@user-qs5hz4mf3p]

Don't chase let her respect you from a distance...

[@angelaklimova5887]

Because it’s like a drug . You are dependent . Go to rehab

[@Youtubehandlesaresilly]

@@angelaklimova5887and where is this mythical effective rehab? It’s not like AA or alcohol rehab has a decent track record.

[@thomasc.champion4066]

I can tell you why, because you also have some type of adverse childhood experience which remains unresolved to this day, you need to do work on yourself to change your frame of reference this may be very difficult. And then walking away in the end Will be much easier it may even be natural.

[@NoNakersAllowed]

I'm not clinically diagnosed as having BPD but all your videos about it fits exactly how my life has been. I've always thought "I want to live a double life". I'm a professional RN & entrepreneur by day and at night I'm a gambling, drinking, slut clothes wearing submissive. I have really been able to settle into this role with the covert narcissist I'm involved with. In that aspect he is exactly what I was looking for. I keep pushing him away and reeling him back in, he needs his supply after all. You are so accurate about instantly recognizing one another and I've even described me & him as bonding through our trauma (childhood).

[@Bod-ud2ns]

I pity you

[@runordie2]

She sounds a lot of fun the night time submissive

[@agnese2215]

As a borderline is all correct…..i fall in love always with a narcissist…i love his power confidence…his ego…this is a game a striong one…i have radar for a man like this…deep inside we are jelous we want to be like this but is a broken dream😊

[@josephmingrino7787]

So sad

[@zensurf2709]

My favorite borderline relapse song by Amy Winehouse is Wake Up Alone. It’s pretty much my borderline life as a mother.

[@annlonsdale9396]

Tears dry on their own roma gypsy bdp irish catholic npd roma gypsy and rpma gypsy frank Zappa Jewish princess wino man golden brown stranglers this must be the place taking heads bob bob Dylan hurricane

[@ericdoan9949]

See you when you hit the bottom You think a mother's ever been so proud? A falling wretch, they clipped your wings Heaven-sent from the burning clouds You know my face, remember me When everybody has forgotten you Once all your friends have left, you'll see That it gets lonely at the bottom too Sinking deeper, yet pull me from the depths Please hold me close, never let go We're going down, down, down (We're going down, down, down) But if I'm gonna stay Would you notice? We're falling out of place We're so hopeless You know my face, remember me When everybody has forgotten you Once all your friends have left, you'll see That it gets lonely at the bottom too Cry yourself To death upon your bed of broken crowns Once placed upon you Find yourself Or run and hide beneath your self-made hell But if I'm gonna stay Would you notice? We're falling out of place We're so hopeless We gave in (we gave out) We gave up (we gave up) We gave up everything we had It's all about to break Do you really wanna hurt me now? Do you realize that you hate yourself? Can't be you, it's everybody else Can't be you, it's everybody else So, you really wanna hurt me now? We both know it's 'cause you hate yourself Can't be you, it's everybody else (can't be you, it's everybody) Abandon the ghost of me The ghost of me But I don't wanna stay Do you really wanna hurt me now? (Hurt me now) Do you really wanna break me down? (Break me down) Do you really wanna hate yourself? (Hate yourself) Do you really wanna put me out? (Put me out) See you when you hit the bottom Oh You know my face, remember me The ghost of me becomes a part of you I swear this band wrote this song for BPD survivors.

[@123theloneranger]

Thank you Sam, video by video the puzzle that was my marriage is finally making sense. I’m not sure that would have been possible without your informative, accurate, concise videos and articles. I found the majority of information on the internet only worsened the confusion, fog, and anxiety I was experiencing. Even scholarly articles deepened this pit as relevance was often lost in translation due to my limited capacity to think and interpret clearly. How you explain things thoroughly yet succinctly in an easily relatable manner devoid of BS and bias with a touch of near cynic humor is pure genius. You have helped me out of the consuming abyss that is c-ptsd and into a place where I can begin healing. I do not often praise strangers, but you have earned it rightfully so, thank you again.

[@brandi2049]

It's hard to say but you just described me perfectly. I relate very much to the seamless transition from personality to personality. I do literally close the drawer on parts of my personality depending on the situation. I'm sometimes so seamless that I'm barely aware until after it happens. I've been lucid of most of this my whole life but couldn't have articulated it for others. It's due to trauma in childhood and like you said on going events that fractured my personality. I actually try to avoid intimate relationships with healthy people because I know how I am and I don't want to break them. Like you said we are like a tribe and I always find my narcissist.

[@steakhouseinc]

You sir, have this subject by the balls.

[@maurisagubler3230]

Wild how much I now understand about my BPD partner and his mental health evolution from this standpoint. Thank you!!! He’s truly evolved from his first marriage yet still has a ways to go.

[@baldersn4474]

So many people think they have dated or are dating Narcissists when infact they are bordeline...

[@SunShine_sublime]

True

[@Torriotorres]

I watched a lot of videos, after I found your channel. You really helped me understand my situation so much better, while also allowing me a lot at my own self as well.

[@danglicious]

Being a borderline, it took me years to grasp the concept of all these love, sex, intimacy and the real emotions behind them all. It's still kind of interesting to me. But now at least I'm able to differentiate when the feeling comes, even though it still confuses me at times. Well, it's a tough battle against self lol. Plus having NPD and trying to internalize the whole dynamic is not all roses and rainbows.

[@moarawkwarder]

@29:11 reminds me of the Alain de Botton talk about the best relationships being ones in which “our neuroses compliment each other” 😆

[@cglenn1457]

I love your videos. Dr. Vaknin. Thank you. Q: Is there any chance you might be willing to create a video meant for self-aware cluster B's in therapy? Maybe something like, "How to notice dysfunctional behaviors before they happen", or how to "self-correct"? I'm curious as to what you would say in a video like that. @ 32:10 perfectly describes me: High functioning, divorced, daughters are now young adults, "rebounded" with a couple of narcissists then left them with no warning (split one black and felt the other would probably leave, so I left first). I've been intentionally single for awhile & "no longer meet full criteria for BPD" 😇. Incidentally, I think adopting a needy, loyal little spaniel has been quite therapeutic. I want a "normal" relationship partner, though unless he's got some level of cluster B, I've not been interested😕 Help.

[@reshmiesharma6692]

Hello shoshanim , Bonbonim😀. Thankyou again for this amazing content/video.💕🙏

[@polyjb1]

The most ridiculous (accurate) and brilliant analysis ever. These "women" are so damaged and it is sad. I loved mine with all my heart, but I am lucky that it didnt kill me. I got out reluctantly after 20 months.

[@sarahli86]

birds of a feather flock together...

[@kimsagendorf4881]

All of your videos ring true, but this one really hits the spot! Thank you.

[@bongjamesbong00420]

The last 3 minutes really hit home

[@trekker3468]

Very interesting video. I realized a person, I dated decades ago was in this category. The only twist being in her twenties her parents had significant influence over her. She blamed her anger towards me on PMS. When I went from hero to zero, I later found my truck tire lugs loosened that would have caused a car crash. In the end it was a education and it made me a stronger and better person.

[@evavatsaki1305]

This is so sad, the part where you said about how borderlines get raped or sexually assaulted so often, how they go out longing for love and inducing more trauma, strengthening the pathways.. this is very heavy.

[@spiritmafffia]

Damn. I been waiting for this way of explaining this. Thank you.

[@rupk5578]

Do you know what happens to a borderline when she stops all her addictions (sex, drugs, toxic relationships, alcohol and cigarettes) and isolates herself away from the world bc she know how fucked up she is??? She is I , I am undiagnosed Borderline trapped in this cycle if isolation for the past 9months too scared to meet a man bc I don't know i don't trust myself. I don't drink bc I'm scared I'll black out and hurt myself , I'm so lonely but I'm too scared to be vulnerable bc it makes me crazy insecure, jealous and so I avoid all connection with people .... Even though I want it

[@karly6120]

Same

[@marwamustafa952]

Same for 4 years :(

[@missbcritiques9209]

I wish I could do this but I have a son

[@missbcritiques9209]

You ok now?

[@Ciera_Banks]

Update?! I’m in the same spot too!!

[@YouAreBeautifulINSIDE]

Absolutely brilliant!!! I must figure out a way to maintain the dynamic between me and my BPD wife! We’ve done it 11 years something is working but WHAT!?? We are in separation now but we will reunite in time, but how to maintain?

[@dyanasbdoriginalchannel1492]

I scored 4 out of 9 borderlines. I am happy I don't have that sex problem. I only had 1 sex partner so far and I am 31 years old and very conservative sexually (demisexual).

[@dyanasbdoriginalchannel1492]

@@Ib90 full blown I believe above 5 esp 9 out of 9 traits

[@fffffff6822]

This girl didnt want me, but she also didnt want me to be with anybody else. Is this a narcissistic trait or borderline ? If i were to sum up her reasoning it would sound like this: 'im not attracted to you but youre attracted to me so dont even think about going out with someone else because that would be like cheating' These people dont want partners, they want loyal fans.

[@faddy24]

I experienced pretty much the same thing but mine also consistently told me how physically attactive she found me . Still didn't want me though.

[@idiomaxiom]

@@faddy24 Sex can be too intense with someone they are emotionally connected to.

[@faddy24]

@@idiomaxiom well yes I kind of get that. We only got intimate once and it was just really kissing and hugging and it was in an uncomfortable situation with no real privacy but I do think we both enjoyed it. She also told me a few times that I triggered her fears and insecurities. To be fair to her she didn't really blame me for that, said it was more to do with her rather than anything to do with me. We kept in touch and were becoming closer (although she is in a relationship with someone who she describes as kind but lacking in passion) we recently met up almost a year since our last meeting but it went disastrously wrong after a bright start, she got very triggered after telling me that I was using her words against her. I wasn't, not my intention whatsoever and I had zero motivation or anything to gain by doing that. To cut a long story short she kind of split me black and convinced herself I was unsafe after I raised my voice (due to the stress of the situation) in frustration and exasperation. We were meant to spend more time together that weekend, along with a mutual female friend of hers but it never happened as this abrupt flare up with her set the evening on a downward spiral which I tried to arrest but failed to do so. Very sad because I feel a lot of love for her.

[@dr.mariecarriere-ljungqvis5612]

Ah, Professor Vaknin... where were you when I was training as a clinician...?

[@samvaknin]

I was the first online in 1995, when all the current "experts" were teenagers.

[@jason9203]

@@samvaknin When will you write a book about Borderline Personality? You describe it so well. I always felt that the Borderline Personality lacked empathy but when you describe them as 'secondary psychopaths' that makes it much more clear to me.

[@catherinedunne1799]

WOAH. So. My adopted mother. around 33:00 like. Woah. So. She married a narcissist, who even at a young age i recognised more as a sibling then a father. I told her probably when i was 8 that she doesn't have a husband, she has 2 children. I remember begging her to divorce him but Catholic so no. So as an adopted kid between a grandiose narcissistic failure child and a covert narcissist.... The "husband" was chosen over me because who was i any way? Some other persons kid. Also her Catholic demon she bought to fulfil her unfufilled motherhood. Ugh. And after i finally convinced them to let me have a dog at 12 i realized they should of gotten a dog to abuse instead of a child but it was too late for that i still had to finish growing up in their house. And they tried so hard to make me dependent on them, gave me debt with an art degree to get me out of their house while also keeping me dependent on them for things like paperwork and taxes and to occasionally call to ask me things like if i still want to be included in their will to make me wonder if theyve figured out a way to leave me more debt after they've died.

[@contemplativegirl21]

What are your thoughts on quiet borderline personality disorder, may I ask? I realize it's not in the DSM, but research indicates multiple subcategories of BPD - you mentioned high functioning, so would love to see a breakdown of all BPD types. I feel like whenever I hear descriptions of BPD behavior it's a characterization as described by the hurt partners of BPD, not the internal experience of the person with the disorder. BPDs, for example, don't discard - they have immense fear of abandonment and are convinced that their partner will eventually leave them. Then, like a self-fulfilling prophecy, they act in ways to push their partner away, but do so as a test or validation of their partner's love for them. When the partner eventually does leave due to this abusive behavior, the borderline sees this as a confirmation of her being unlovable and is genuinely upset. At this point, he/she may beg, stalk, or even threaten self-harm (or actually self-harm) to get them back. So, the idea of borderline just moving on to the next person who won't leave them isn't really accurate, IMO.

[@samvaknin]

There is nothing to suggest shy or quiet borderline. It is online nonsensical hype, just like "empaths", "emotional flashbacks", "recovered narcissists", and so on.

[@samvaknin]

@@etcwhatever Bipolar has nothing to do with BPD.

[@ChristinaFromYoutube]

@@samvaknin i am so grateful for you speaking out against "empaths" as i am so tired of grandiose people deciding how i feel and immediately believing their own delusion.

[@raniaachouche8808]

@@samvaknin please do videos about BPD healing 🙏

[@melissacruger6565]

You made me cry dude. Chill out.

[@DavidBird-zv6jl]

Accurate 100%,I'm bpd and dated a bpd woman,loads of fun together,but very toxic😢

[@citizenzeus1684]

I like the term I came up with which is much more descriptive and objective: Childhood Trauma Induced Disequilibrium (CTID). It may differ in intensity and duration, ie persistent CTID with BPD and CPSTD.

[@mariemiles7287]

I am borderline and Sam is spot on! X

[@baldersn4474]

Madonna..'Borderline..feels like I'm gonna to lose my mind..You just keep on pushing my love over the borderline.. '

[@Sekhmet218]

💯

[@bouytb]

Does bpd woman only attract good man with confidence and then devalue him in attempt to erode his self esteem to feel better about herself?

[@Youtubehandlesaresilly]

Easier to attract someone with NPD, but not impossible.

[@nicberardino1087]

Wow, thank you Dr..your insight is truely remarkable

[@skyepicus]

If women with BPD did not exist. . . . . . . . . . I would abstain from sex completely.

[@user-mz2gk7em7o]

Ha! Professor, heard many times from you saying shoshonin, whas thinking to look it up... But you answered! Thanks! Is this grandiose thinking from my side?! 🤔✌️😄

[@samvaknin]

No, just erotomania.

[@D.Roxane11]

Your vidéo are so interesting, i learn so much things, it's helpful

[@saras7259]

Sam, would you say promiscuity also regards the covert bordeline?

[@samvaknin]

No. He is like a grandiose narcissist. When he becomes a primary psychopath, though, he is promiscuous.

[@saras7259]

@@samvaknin Thank you! Sounds very accurate.

[@cadyjohnsonwins]

Sure, loving me is a gamble but it’s one worth taking. Youll learn something important about life. It won’t be boring. Plus I do really experience love, it’s not faked. Just fucking love me already

[@christinapaterno5585]

I love this. It’s like a short poem.

[@christinapaterno5585]

@@personanongrata1308 I was referring to her choice of words and overtly disordered confessions. I was not referring to your personal experiences, nor your value or lack thereof.

[@christinapaterno5585]

@@personanongrata1308 Have a nice day! You matter! You don’t have to be angry! You are absorbing knowledge for free, you’re breathing, and life can be good! How’s that for hippie millennial film glam? But I mean it! Peace!

[@cadyjohnsonwins]

@@freedomfighter9976 yup🤘🏼

[@casket8530]

@@joemac84 Anybody reading this, do not love her. Or anybody like her. RUN.

[@steffnic13]

@Sam, what about those who likely do have BPD (but stemming from severe severe CPTSD), and they have no desire at all for the sexual aspects you note. They are the opposite of promiscuous because they see exactly what you say, which is their bodies are nothing more than being used and discarded for others? As such, any sexual intimacy is petrifying. I was in agreement with all of what you were saying until about 18 mins in. At that point, the profile didn’t fit. Appreciate any thoughts there. Thanks!

[@samvaknin]

When BPD is comorbid with CPTSD, histrionic PD, anxiety, depression there may be sex aversion.

[@brianadams3189]

​@@samvaknin Prof. vaknin, perhaps this has been covered in one of your videos but, as a follow up question, is sex aversion in a person with BPD and CPTSD likely to preclude the sex bombing and cheating/triangulation phases of the relationship? I am curious how this affects the typical relationship roller coaster and partner choices. Also, would this aversion carry through the disassociated self states or just exist in the primary?

[@SJames2012]

I was wondering if it’s common for a borderline to get misdiagnosed as bipolar ? Because you are very right everything you have said every word is right. Is there someway a borderline can change ? Where can they get help? and trust it is the right help and the therapist are trained and have the same knowledge you have ?

[@samvaknin]

Ignorant therapists often confuse BPD and Bipolar Disorder.

[@SJames2012]

Wow ok … I’ve always known it was a wrong diagnosis, but none of the doctors throughout the years ever said anything about borderline. I never understood my fear of abandonment it was like I was experiencing a death or even worse.

[@Victoriadvs]

There are medical cases where you can have both : Borderline personality and Bipolar

[@clamchops5968]

Hmm - I can relate to some, but not all of this. I know you said there are as many presentations of borderline as there are borderlines... it’s absolutely fascinating. I have experienced both relationship paradigms. We are all the same, but unique. I have been with my partner for 29 years - it’s possible.

[@bucketmanism]

Does the female narcissist look for the intimate partner to become their mother also? Or is it switched to the father? Or just a generic “parent” ?

[@samvaknin]

Father.

[@user-vd4ud7xc9q]

Mr Vaknin, how is it possible for a 15 years younger than the narcissist woman be his Mother. I mean how can she play that role? Isn't it contradictory? - being her father and son at the same time?

[@user-vd4ud7xc9q]

Mr Vaknin how is it possible for a 15 year younger woman to be your mother and daughterr at the same time. I mean how can a narcissist play the role of her father and her child at the same time. You mentioned in one video about your borderline women Who were much younger than you? What is the outcome of such relationships?

[@shivamiltiwari9541]

Sir is it possible that a somatic narcissist can be a borderline also ?

[@samvaknin]

Yes.

[@h2cimport876]

What do you make of the fact that a high percentage of prostitutes (or sex workers in modern language) are borderline?

[@samvaknin]

One of the reasons to think that BPD is linked to promiscuity and sexual compulsivity. Although sex workers have loads of comorbidities like mood disorders and other personality disorders.

[@um_from_umbridge7285]

Lol I was looking for a comment like this. I work as a dancer (stripper) many are borderline or narcs but not all. It’s a trip. Their supply is the clientele. Thankfully I have a couple friends in the industry that are sane normal people with fulfilling lives outside of the club. Not very common though. U know what’s disturbing? Hearing borderline/narcissist women victimize themselves and talk about “narcissists” when they are one. 😳😵‍💫🤐 it’s almost like working in a psych ward sometimes. Lol

[@casket8530]

I think borderlines are perfect for the sex work industry. I think they should consider sex work as a way of life, instead of intimate relationships.

[@feldsparchannel4205]

Whats the cure for bpd?

[@samvaknin]

DBT is effective.

[@feldsparchannel4205]

Thank you for your exact answer.

[@hannahcando6496]

I can’t get over the thumbnail pics hahhahahahah it’s epitome of what they look like at their peak moments

[@adrianacase1607]

I'm Israeli so it was unexpected for me to hear hebrew words when I entered an english video haha I was confused for a moment אוקי שובבים!

[@chf159]

Hi sam, excellent video. Love your videos on the topic of borderline and wish you did more. Who is the most complimentary ill person for the borderline...another borderline vs a healed borderline or someone with a different kind of mental illness?

[@samvaknin]

Borderline tend to mate with overt narcissists.

[@betonmaugli]

I am with avpd, had 5 years with a borderline, we both iproved in life circumctances and had some quite sufficient self development, we also felt that we healed from some traumatic events/anxieties together. Our pathology just clicked as i always thougt. She teamed up with a narcissist and her life went downhill. I keep her in my mind as one of the most beautiful person but a ticking bomb, or a dark horse as i used to call her sometimes.

[@crys3476]

I feel so understood.

[@ladyoftheveil8342]

Hey Sam, Thank You for this video. My ex narcissist cheated on me with a borderline who abused me verbally every time we had any contact. I am most interested in why? He cheated with her? why he still denies to until this day that he didn't have sex with her. Sam, she stalked us over a year, a woman doesn't stalk unless she has sexually bonded with him. I told him she was most likely un-faithful. He didn't believe me.

[@christophermoody6840]

Does the female name Shoshanna come from that second word you said?

[@samvaknin]

Yes. Shoshana (Susan) is ROSE.

[@ifeelinspiredtobuild]

Mr. Vankin... does this apply to a female covert borderline? would you make a vid on that?

[@ifeelinspiredtobuild]

love your work!!!

[@michaelking4578]

si

[@nonviolent6598]

Prof Vaknin, is a narcissist man able of self mutilation ?

[@samvaknin]

No, unless his NPD is comorbid with BPD.

[@nonviolent6598]

@@samvaknin Thank you so much for your reply.I was still doubting of my judgment, but everything makes sense now.

[@pajaczek972]

Is secondary psychopathy the same thing as sociopathy?

[@samvaknin]

Sociopathy is not an accepted diagnosis. It is mostly media hype.

[@Hive_12345]

Are we not blankets?

[@LeeHarveyOswald.1963]

this was very sad to hear, but I needed to and I am glad I did. fuck

[@rupk5578]

And PS Yes the one nights stands really are as bad as u describe them

[@MathumaTao]

Amy Winehouse song lyrics while illustrative are also evidence of a very sick mind.

[@Alias_23]

@samvaknin is there an actual reason why borderline women tend to go for older partners ? Is it because there subconsciously seeking a parental figure of some kind Or could it be a trauma reenactment of sexual abuse that was experienced at a young age ?🤔

[@samvaknin]

Search this channel for "daddy".

[@andrear.hoffmann9474]

Like

[@janed5197]

Is there any truth in the “ quiet bpd “ theory that’s been suggested in recent years ?

[@samvaknin]

None. Hype, like "empaths", "emotional flashbacks", "recovered narcissists" and other such nonsense for the brain dead.

[@janed5197]

@@samvakninthank you for your prompt response... The quiet bpd being used to hide a depth of deception maybe ..

[@deed18]

I took a borderlines virginity. It was a nightmare after that.

[@nf-ib2cr]

24:40 high functioning

[@spocker22]

That is how I cheated on my ex. I imagined her being there

[@jamesgraves9858]

Wow this a powerful statement

[@rogenaqshairy3097]

Bpd should be alone 4ever

[@narratorciszy6971]

Why do you always talk about women borderline?

[@fastusbombastus2085]

Title - "Loving the Borderline in Her Fantasy" - content - the grandiose narcissist abhors one night stands, and so on....pull yourself together mate......