Narcissist's Projection, Projective Identification and Victim's Introjective Identification

[@patriciabailhaodasilva5928]

I just cried a lot when realizing that I was becoming the negative projection of my ex narcissist husband. Thank you for helping me to set myself free.

[@linden7390]

My ex narc used to say that "we were the same" and I fell for it. All of the insults and degradations directed at me were really coming from how he sees himself. I didn't realize this until I got out. Now it's all clear. We are not the same.

[@chatnoir9038]

I left a narc, he tried to get me back for months, and when I finally told him I wouldn't even be his friend, the anger of the injury came out. He started projecting his faults onto me, saying I was cold, demanding, a monster. I let him do that. I even went as far as to do his projection myself, kind of like you described, saying things about myself I knew described him, not me. I said I was unable to love, unable to be in a relationship. I said I idealize and devalue and manipulate people. I know it's not true, I am very much capable of love. He took the bait, and as he thought I was being vulnerable in my feigned state of shame, he tried once again to get me back and said he wanted to help me and make things better. He played victim/martyr and said "I would do anything for you, as I have done before", even though that had always been my role in the relationship. "You just don't want to believe in our love", he said. Very melodramatic, even though he had been cold and emotionless during the whole relationship. Then when I declined his offers, he said angrily that I hadn't even given him a chance and that I underestimated him. Then he finally discarded me, as I had waited for him to do. Not the ideal way to end a relationship, but I just didn't see how confronting him would do any good. Just want him out of my life and if lying to him about my mental state was what it took, so be it. There is no use in reasoning or honesty with these people.

[@lilym9475]

Mia Death I think I am a narcissist who uses projective identification. And I am shocked with all of these. I somehow believe that this activity of defense mechanism is purely unconscious most especIally if the partner and the narcissist is in a fight. The narcissist would conscious and unconsciously do everything to make sure that he/she ends up to the the hero, the martyr and the one who deserves an apology

[@lilym9475]

They need to have that moment where they finally accept and realize, repetitively, what they are doing, and what is wrong with them. Only then, they will start to see

[@waveletka]

Wow, I have experienced the pattern from my narcissistic ex exactly the way you described it. Even the vocabulary my ex used was similar to the quotations. It’s impressive how similar those experiences can be.

[@LisaRichards_123]

+Sam Vaknin Often, the process of projective identification also requires *transference,* when it comes to the narcissist's unwanted emotions that he rids himself of, and injects into his target. The narcissist devises and enacts scenarios that will predictably make his target angry, so that he can transfer his own anger onto the target. When engaging in transference, the narcissist may use any sort of ploy to elicit a predictable, angry reaction in his target, such as an insult. Or he may use projection to cause anger in his target. Hence, the transference of the emotion. Having made the target angry, he now feels a sense of calm. The transferred emotion can be any unwanted emotion that the he chooses to temporarily expunge. When the narcissist fabricates an accusation, or he has otherwise devised a situation to make his target predictably angry, the narcissist will have transferred his anger into his target. (So don't fall for it, folks!) Thanks, Sam!

[@pondmaiden]

i dont know that he experiences 'calm' or this is merely his continual method of attempting to achieve that sense of calm/self acceptance/peace with his caregivers' past abuse and with himself

[@pondmaiden]

i think tension is their uncomfortable comfort zone..what they became accustomed to ...what feels like home to them... they are a contradiction within themselves and like a chameleon will change to match any given situation/person with the goal of deriving their drug of choice i.e. narc 'supply'... then with second nature/ survival instinct intent will deliver to the victim/s replays of their own past abuse...they fear being abandoned again so they abandon their victims... its a continuous dress rehearsal for a cancelled show ... when you look in their eyes and believe you are seeing their proclaimed 'love' for you... youre not... youre seeing your 'love' for them reflected back to you with the fleeting glee they experience upon receiving a dose of your flattery

[@asherasator]

Perfectly explained.

[@tonidarmanin2393]

lisa richards tonidarmanin

[@tonidarmanin2393]

tonidarmanin

[@adamoliver8736]

Iv'e been wanting for a word to describe how narcissists get their victims to act out their internal urges. Thank you Sam and Richard!!

[@neptunesdreams]

This post is about recovery from depression in the scapegoat through understanding AMBIVALENT ATTACHMENT with the narc father. The story: With a charming narc father, I introjected his shame, etc as the scapegoat. After years of recovery, I realized that, because I idolized him, I also introjected his good parts such as his confidence and humor, etc., but I could not utilize those in my life and remain the scapegoat he needed me to be. So I had to repress them. The AHA moment in my recovery came through realizing that I had an AMBIVALENT (love/hate) introject of him, i.e., I hated the "good" parts of him that I could not utilize within myself because they did not fit the "shameful" persona of the scapegoat that I had taken on. This caused a depression as I repressed those "good" parts of him (his confidence, etc.) and suffered rage against myself, or at least against those "good" parts of him inside me - the ones that allowed him to abandon me - so I abandoned myself instead. My only solution was to fall out of love with him completely so that I would be able to turn the rage back onto him externally. I had to abandon him completely. This cannot be done overnight because the rage that comes up must be let off gradually so we don't act it out and cause physical harm to anyone. Also, it takes time to discover one's OWN inner resources. It is extremely difficult for a daughter to NOT love her father, no matter what kind of shithole he is. (It's probably easier to recover from an abusive narc than a charming narc because the charming narc is so easy to love.) Either way, we have to also get past the guilt of turning against the father. TURN AWAY FROM HIM! It is the only way! And don't feel gulty about it! Many older women go to their graves in depression because they have never successfully allowed themselves to feel the rage against the father and separate from him, psychically, i.e., fall out of love with him, whether he is still alive or not. I hope this post can help people and also stimulate some interest in treating depression in scapegoats. Both narcissism and depression are on the rise. Is that a cooincidence? I don't think so. Possibly, AMBIVALENT ATTACHMENT TO INTROJECTS could be a promising avenue of research into recovery for scapegoats of narcissists.

[@atypicalbeautyguru4129]

As an empath married 15 years to a (possible) covert narc... if he tells me I’m projecting one more time, I just might leave him. I told him he was using the word wrong and that just might buy him some more time. I’m not PROJECTING anger. I’m just angry. I’m learning once I see, I can’t stop seeing.

[@jonathanglover8459]

There is an underground community in the corporate world that is trying to manage the narcissism by treating them as an asset and it is not only dangerous to the lives of the people who are you and me,but is a great hindrance to the narcissism that could be made well. I'm such a victim of this tragedy.

[@CT--jv2ur]

How so?

[@jessicamaillet1522]

Brilliant!!!! Thank you for simplifying a complex component of NPD,which has personally been one of the most hurtful,confusing and frustrating methods of emotional abuse the Narc I loved inflicted. It is validating to hear it so concisely, so clearly, explained. I feel tremendous gratitude toward you in sharing your wealth of knowledge and insight with us. The only comfort and stability I now have comes from increasing my understanding of how another human can behave so utterly cruel. Thank you for helping me heal.

[@tammywalters7190]

This is exactly what happened to me. You are totally on the mark on this one.

[@emmanicholes8478]

Just before I left my relationship...I was feeling trapped in this circular conversation where I simply stated..."I need to differentiate from your thoughts about me, and be my own person with my own thoughts and experience"...He kept shaking his head. It was incredibly disorientating, as there are times we could simply exchange ideas. All of this thoughts about me were clearly traits he possessed and acted out. It was though I could not exist in his presence, other than how he wanted to script the situation. This went on for days and days, with increased passive aggressive statements. Finally, I broke and exploded in anger...and labeled as abusive. I broke off the relationship the next day...Intuitively understanding, that no amount of skillful communication or dialogue would result in a healthy disagreements or understanding of each other as separate people. It was like living in a small box. One last thing...at one point, I asked him "do you even like me?"....to which he responded "I do...I just want more of you"....ugh....that's a narc for you.

[@HorizonMelt]

Wow. I hope you're doing great these days. At the breaking point now, too. Unfortunately, and I really mean UNFORTUNATELY... I also work with her. So I not only have to leave, I have to change jobs at the same time. It's going to be rough but it'll be for the best.

[@alia3919]

When the narcissist is your mother and they've been breaking you apart to put you back together in their own image for your entire life. 😬 I got a lot of work to do to discover myself. I had this realization of what my mom has been doing to me for as long as I can remember. When I brought this up to my therapist today and told him I'm not even sure what's true about my own personality; he told me there's a word for that: introjection. I didn't think this (what I thought to be) small realization, would actually be so big and help me to rediscover myself completely at the age of 24. And it's crazy because I only have one tattoo over my heart that says "finding yourself is one of the hardest journeys". I came up with that phrase when I was a young teen and now I understand why it's been so hard. Thank you for making this make sense!

[@iamthatiam5160]

This is what my ex did to me exactly. I told her its all in her head she projected everything about her self on to me she broke me down to nothing, it took me months before I could go out side on my own she lied and lied and lied to my kids to friends tried to turn my kids against me, worst thing I have ever gone through still healing now but I'm getting their all I did was point out some toxic traits in her she went nuts I didn't even know what narcissism was at that time but I'm fully up to speed with it now.

[@paintergrl12]

I have listened to this twice today. Have listened to you for many years, Sam, but I think this may be your best video yet. It's a whole different way of mapping the internal world of the narcissist.

[@Nowletbe]

This explained so many behaviours I've been observing (and for the most part able to dodge), because I live at a distance from the family member in question. It reminds me of a study involving a species of birds. The only ones that hid their food, were the ones that had stolen food in the past. I agree... Richard and you are head and shoulders above the rest.

[@alicejackson7676]

Warm regards to you, Sam, thanks for all you provide! I appreciate your unique vantage point on all of this, and it helps me tremendously in trying to accept what actually was happening throughout my childhood and also my adult relationships and 30 year marriage. I love Richard the Coach too, and your perspective is priceless to me and helps me a great deal. The two of you provide so much to this community. Thank you for all of your work and for sharing. Blessings to you and on your upcoming work, I know you will continue to be a help to others.

[@chritinas1]

I agree

[@leeleeg4169]

The term projective identification is new to me. I just learned about it two days ago. Blew my mind. This is what I’m going thru with my husband. I’ll be feeling just fine, then out of the blue he does or says something hurtful. I become sad and introspective, and he goes along like nothing happened. He has an eerie sense of calm. Seriously, wtf? This has happened one too many times. I appreciate the information. Thank you! 🙏🏻❤️😊

[@susanleger434]

Dumping his feelings on you then goes about his day feeling fine.

[@iejugbo]

Thank you very much for this video! This is really useful! I can see very clearly now how my ex husband and a narc I dated shortly (both Covert Cerebral Narcs) used positive projection on me to boost my confidence, encourage me to succeed and grow professionally, but at the same time to shape me into perfect extension of themselves - a smart and professionally successful partner to compliment their own shining careers and outstanding book-smartness. Though it worked only as long they could stay superior and I would always be in their shadow to let them shine brighter. My husband's sudden redundancy and me taking over breadwinner role at home caused such a narcissistic injury that he slipped into depression and devaluation & discard stage started, that included abuse and negative projection. It's interesting, that my devalue phase also coincided also with birth of our son. As I could not give 100% attention to my husband any more, he was obviously jealous to new arrival, though he never admitted that, but constantly criticised me as parent, thought it was obvious that he had bonding issues with out son himself. This really explains that all his criticisms of me was actually projection and also massive jealousy and fear of abandoned (not getting the usual dose of narcissist supply). This is really interesting!

[@antinarc.narcster3571]

My small inner voice is well-broadcast through your words. You bring to the surface, with brilliant descriptive words, my personal experiences. Thank you for making vids. They really help to bring clarity and definition to this disorder.

[@Caroline-ud8un]

Sam Vaknin is really stepping up the game on the analysis of this psychological phenomenon.

[@kathywilliams462]

Love Richard as well , you two are my go to guys for survival !

[@christymckee8133]

...or with a covert somatic narcissist during the devaluation phase hes intentionally (covertly) projecting his craziness to you so when you react with rage or with a viscous tongue (though everything you say is true but he continues to act like it isnt so), he invokes this to use as "evidence" to his case that you are crazy and abusive. Kinda like their damage control to all the women he either has been lying to and sleeping with or the ones he plans on lying to and sleeping with (C, all of the above) Intentional crazy making invocation and it sure isnt fun!

[@christymckee8133]

Objects! Yep. Im nothing more than a life like masturbation tool to my husband. Other than that I dont exist. Unless he wants to have a conversation to himself bragging about himself only using me instead of a mirror...

[@TheRaindancegirl]

My abusive ex gradually did the same to me. He manufactured everything.

[@nicholasbogosian5420]

What if you point out a negative behavior in a perceived narcissist and they react with a "vicious tongue". Is this "proof" while the reverse is invocation?

[@frankierose356]

You are fantastic and have helped me overcome my relationship with my ex-husband and his narcissism. Thank you so much for all you do. I live in California United States but sure wish I can get to London for your seminar it would be amazing

[@koetzkoetz]

Simply brilliant. Another piece of the puzzle. Thank you Sam Vaknin.

[@RedHeadForester]

I only heard the term "projective identification" a few days ago and in a very unexpected setting. It's taken a bit to get my head around what it is, I was only half listening to this video but I understand the concept now. Thank you.

[@winagain10]

This reminds me of Proverbs 10:21, “The soul of the wicked desires evil; his neighbor finds no favor in his eyes.” So if you are the neighbor, how might you live in peace with projection/provocation? My guess would be to actively decide to consider the source and respond with your own values, not theirs.

[@ladylovesherlord]

Yes.

[@dinahsoar6982]

Richard, like you, provides good, reliable information. What you say here, has been what I've observed and experienced. Easy to understand now that I know what is going on. For years I was clueless and an unwitting victim. Not any more. It will be interesting to hear more about the treatment modality you are developing.

[@christymckee8133]

Another example in Laymans terms of "normal" or common outwardly projections would be a female who sees another female, who is dolled up, looking good, social, happy, seemingly confident, while out at a bar for example, with her man or girlfriends and she puts the other female down, making fun of her outfit, hair, make-up, behavior, etc, whatever and to most they see the jealously. When in reality, we arent really ever jealous of anyone, and nobody is really jealous of us. Its all an outward projection onto someone of where we truely feel lacking within ourselves...

[@ladylovesherlord]

Still jealous. And trying to cover up the feeling of inferiority.

[@DontbelatefordinnerBelle]

Looking forward to more on your insights. This is exciting information today. Thank you.

[@angeliquehofacre3886]

nice shout out to Richard! enjoy you both!

[@lynnstervinou2530]

Mr Vaknin. You are a phenomenal writer !

[@THEGIRLNEXTDOOR1000]

Wow Sam u are so correct. my ex did all this to me. He would always say to me I need u to be my reflection.. thankfully I got out of the relationship before I transformed into him.

[@ellerev8337]

You were the first individual's material I read after my Christian Therapist shared with me what she believed i had been going through with my dad. I had looked a lifetime for this - and immediately knew it was a truth. Gaining this knowledge saved my life. It's hard work healing from NPD abuse, but it can be done with time and space and hard work. Thanks!

[@stephanwatson7902]

The narcissist I recently ousted had once said in reference to a lazy seeming co-worker "I bet he goes in a room, busts all the work out and then sits on his phone with the sound off so he can hear people coming." And knowing him I thought, hmm oddly specific I wouldn't have thought of it...

[@Strongerxthanxall]

Looking forward to your coming projects.

[@nwowarlightchannel3184]

They know what they are deep down...They envy people that actually can be liked by others for who they are...Envious, they will do everything they can to try to destroy good loving people...It is up to good people to smile and laugh at their bs, something I am still learning to do. Imagine when a narcissist not only do typical narcissistic things, but also is ready to invent stories to try to legally frame a person that he knew very well for a long time but started to devaluate...Imagine now that the justice system actually would listen to such twisted individuals and threat good people like criminals solely based on dubious testimonies..How would you feel in such a situation?.

[@elizabethweintrob4509]

One of the best explanations i've heard. Thanks.

[@jrforworldpresident]

"I get angry when you don't understand what I mean!!!" Said my ex narc girlfriend! Man.... It's disturbing to think of how much faulty neurological wiring they have.

[@michaelgallemore7577]

Here’s a nice projection I received tonight! I just don’t know when this fear will stop or go away I feel I’m walking that tight rope whenever a situation comes up and the opposite sex is involved - that it will go south and I’ll be accused of all sorts of scandalous happenings Her response to my not liking not being introduced to a male friend! I never said she was cheating!!

[@stevenphelps7929]

This is so educational that I am very interested in learning, so much more. Thank you sir.

[@stacylou150]

thank you sam for recommending me a video of richard, very enlightening stuff. xx

[@karenstoddard9345]

Thank you Sam for sharing your insight and knowledge. I appreciate your help so very much. Take care my friend.

[@MichaelEarthOsada]

Really glad you got to do more than see Richard Sam! The opening was really sweet. Happy you could meet. ;) Haha

[@anabeley83]

I've been dating a 49 year old divorced father of 3 who I believe to have NPD and I have codependency. I also think its largely situational due to being laid off and unemployed for almost two years. I was a chemical engineer and the jobs in between have left me depressed and with anxiety. He is not the worst (not physically abusive at all) but he has no empathy, is VERY quick to anger and reacts verbally abusive, he is dismissive and unloving through deprivation of love, pushing you away, berating, demeaning for sure. He definitely has feelings of grandiosity. I'm fairly sure he has NPD, he is also very very successful financially and professionally. I've watched all your videos (almost) and I would like to know; in a situation where you have very little (ok no) financial stability, and yes of course I care about him though I shouldn't what do you recommend to do? Also, he constantly tells me that i am impulsive and hurtful (when I defend myself) and I know that is a thing they do; but aside from swallowing your pride and 'disassociating' what is a more ACTIVE thing you can do to defend yourself, even if just to yourself, mentally? Thank you so much for your videos.. they are so so so useful and I can't believe they are available online like this. Its a testament to healing love in the world!

[@alexanderk.5474]

Maybe it's time to move on Ana?

[@toriduff2683]

thank you so much for bringing to attention and expanding upon this topic.. I fully expected my ex to Reverse Victim Offender eventually as I maintained no contact but still it side-swiped me. your continuous sharing of your research and knowledge helps unravel the furiously knotting opposing strings of sanity with perplexing shouts of my supposed insanity.

[@asdwasd5823]

That is why knowing your self is most important thing, than they can only try to manipulate you with projection.. but since you know your self (and if you are healthy ofcourse) than you dont need to suffer, just realise no matter what you do in thair head they controll your avatar so walking away knowing that is much easier. It takes time to accept that someone has your avatar in your head but hey its them not you.

[@w.kranendonk5263]

Wow, this explains why my ex now makes it as if I have an Evil and a Good side. Is there a part schizophrenic in covert Narcissists? Is this splitting? This video explains so much to me! Have to watch it a couple of times though.Complex stuff.

[@melodieperkins7080]

I appreciate your expertise in narcissistic behaviors I have learned so much from you , these videos

[@ellenfalls1330]

Very helpful talk, Sam. Thank you.

[@inquisitivemind8672]

Hello Sam, I have watched SLC video on this shared subject you both covered, it is complex and interesting but still left with one question. Do you beleive that at the point the narcissist purges/projects and feels, as you said the receiver of these feelings is like him....that at the end of the purge he immediately now makes the distinction of his superiority because they are not like him as a result of the purging? If so, would this mean that the splitting is taking place multiple times on any given day with each individual he must do this projectio with on a daily basis?

[@samvaknin]

Yes. Splitting occurs EVERY TIME the narcissist interacts with another person.

[@pukasmom]

It goes both ways,I projected ALL my positive qualities onto My abusive boyfriend and he behaved in ways that reflected it. He projected ALL his negative qaulties 9bto me but it didn't stick to me.That tripped him out.

[@MjahedTV]

How can the victim reverse the introjective identification or rather seperate itself from that false identity?can it be reversed by reprojecting it on the narcissist?

[@starlitshadows]

Great video. I have several questions though. I'm trying to fully comprehend or understand the difference. Don't normal folks also have internal images created of others based on memory and experience as well? Another words through interaction and experiences with an individual a normal person will form an idea or image of the other person, which ends up being how they see them. A person sees the other person through that particular image yet is always taking in new information and modifying the image based on further experiences with that individual. Like a constant modification process. So this process with a narcissist is not actually occuring it is merely a constant automatic projection of self onto others? Another words consciously believing the other person is manipulative, controlling, envious, using others as objects and seeing them objects and so on, rather than actually questioning their perception of them as separate individuals with different traits? The reason why I ask is because my ex would have reactions that were similar to "I know you are but what am I" that appeared sometimes automatic or as if it would take a moment to realize she is being exposed. Seemed very defensive in nature. Or things like, "if we got together you could just leave me." Which turned out to be a trait of hers in which I had a feeling would occur. I'm very curious about all of this, I ended up with a lot of cognitive dissonance coming out of this due to this behavior. I'm trying to sort it out and make sure I'm not the one engaging in any of these behaviors. I don't know how else to do that besides understand these concepts and analyzing both hers and my behavior.

[@samvaknin]

Watch this: kzbin.info/www/bejne/p37RlYyrj7uWY80

[@amjPeace]

Thank you for this video, Sam. There is one part that confuses me, beginning around 9:30 regarding a target being forced to transform into the projected qualities. I don't understand how a person who herself is projecting her desire to attain mutual understanding with her narcissistic partner could be so utterly transformed. I can see the victim perhaps doubting herself and self-evaluating to determine whether the projections are fair and true, and even suffering for decades as she struggles to create a meaningful relationship. But the very idea that she can be forced to become all those negative qualities doesn't seem inevitable to me.

[@brianna8506]

Thanks for posting this.

[@matthewolson3309]

You described my twin perfectly. I bet you he’s one of the 23 thumbs down.

[@irudoramas]

Mr Vaknin, I have a question. Are narcissists evil/do they ENJOY hurting and lieing and laugh at us behind our back when we believe their false realities? It seems there is a lot of information pointing so, but in my experience i believe she was more like out of her mind, like a person with a severe, severe personality dissorder like double personality or something similar. She had actions with her 3 boyfriends (at the same time) that point towards not just lieing each of us, but towards a different reality in which she lives, believes her own lies, and something absolutely weird and "otherworldly". She got very angry at me and felt offended when i pointed her all her actions and showed her what I had found about her past (everything she said about her past and her previous relationships was absolutely false, she was the one who cheated on everybody, even 6 years ago).

[@samvaknin]

Narcissists and evil www.narcissistic-abuse.com/journal65.html Narcissists and criticism www.narcissistic-abuse.com/faq73.html Does the Narcissist Have a Multiple Personality (Dissociative Identity Disorder)? groups.yahoo.com/neo/groups/narcissisticabuse/conversations/messages/4950

[@irudoramas]

thank you :)

[@Vivi-do8rh]

I am going to purchase your book and gift it to mother. Somehow I doubt she will find it amusing :)

[@samvaknin]

Narcissistic and psychopathic parents and their children - click on the links: groups.yahoo.com/neo/groups/narcissisticabuse/conversations/messages/4727

[@Vivi-do8rh]

Thank you, Sam. You have no idea how much you are helping me.

[@angie-v3g9o]

Whew! That wore me down just trying to listen and learn..after mine moved away and has magical thinking of being bigger than life preacher, he said the only way I could be with him is if I believe the same things as he does, become subservient to him, to show up as the perfect woman, not to tell others about his past, etc. is this the same thing?

[@TheRaindancegirl]

Are there any therapies that can help survivors of psychopathic narcissists rebuild their lives? 4 years with my ex partner and my life is in pieces while his is going from strength to strength.

[@iejugbo]

I also wanted to ask - how it is a projection from narc parents? My mum is Covert narc and it's obvious that she treats me as her extension and as a slave/servant at the same time. But her projection, especially the negative one (me not being good enough, being too fat, too ugly, etc) that I have heard from childhood actually has become like my own inner voice, because that's all I have heard since I remember myself. Any tips how to deal with projection that we have reviewed from parents?

[@samvaknin]

Narcissistic and psychopathic parents and their children - click on the links: groups.yahoo.com/neo/groups/narcissisticabuse/conversations/messages/4727

[@HolidayGolightlyify]

Hello dear Mr. Vaknin. I like your videos very much, and I find them exceptionally useful. I have 2 questions, which I would also love to see as subjects of your future videos, if possible. The first one is why covert narcissists can not remain in love, and the second one is why covert narcissists seek relationships only with classic narcissists. Thank you again and kind regards.

[@samvaknin]

Both topics are covered in my videos.

[@RobertOuOM]

I wounder if you may explain auditory hallucinations: the mechanisim and meaning of the contents. How are they to be interpreted? Are they progective identifications? if so then how and why is it that the hearer hears "things" as if he were observed and taked to? thanks:

[@samvaknin]

Pathological Narcissism, Psychosis, and Delusions samvak.tripod.com/journal91.html

[@shifty4935]

Hillary Clinton brought me here

[@mommabear2305]

Biden will bring you back here again.

[@Kabaselefh]

Seeing my ex narcissist wife going through this excruciating process of projective identification to justify her failed marriage, is pitiful.at times she looks like a mad person.

[@lou-annbest1318]

Hi Sam, Do you think that introjective identification is the key to the codependants healing ? I am in contact with my ex and I realise that subsuming the "good" influences that my narc had on my life, embracing them and praising him for changing my life [which is true ] , He and I get our needs met and we both go off satisfied and I am able to heal and move on..... It has been an experiment that seems to be working very well. I am careful to gently sidestep his attemps to project negative things onto me. I would love to hear your thoughts on this. I await your cold therapy.

[@aa-sn5kf]

So when the Narcissist attributes his own negative traits to others, he avoids the grandiosity gap?

[@samvaknin]

No. He avoids a challenge to the coherence and functioning of his False Self. The grandiosity gap is the gap between the grandiose fantasies of the narcissist's fully functioning False Self and reality: samvak.tripod.com/grandiositygap.html

[@skygazer7656]

Can narcissism really be cured? I was very curious about this because my covert narc mother did change much after being diagnosed with lung cancer and going through surgery and medication. She's still on medication. Could it be because she has become more physically weak? But she still makes upsetting comments time to time and bashes t at my codependent dad when she's upset.

[@samvaknin]

Healing and Curing Narcissism vaksam.tripod.com/faq63.html vaksam.tripod.com/faq77.html vaksam.tripod.com/faq70.html vaksam.tripod.com/faq12.html vaksam.tripod.com/10.html vaksam.tripod.com/case03.html vaksam.tripod.com/faq31.html vaksam.tripod.com/abusefamily8.html vaksam.tripod.com/personalitydisorders37.html vaksam.tripod.com/personalitydisorders45.html

[@samvaknin]

Narcissist and His Body in Health, Illness, and Disability kzbin.info/www/bejne/gmOWkmV7hq2tgqs

[@skygazer7656]

Thank you!

[@MikeWBL]

I hope your "treatment modality" is successful in partially transforming the narcissist. Our daughter could use it in her practice and she could use it with her ex-husband!

[@DJDee101]

Isn't there a paradoxical irony in narcissism? Narcissism means self-love, and yet the narcissist needs to love themselves more! If narcissists believe that others will crumble without them, then a realization that others will go on just fine without them would involve a shift of focus back to the self. Indeed with a core of shame and low self-worth does not the narcissist need to love themselves *more*? Of course not in the grandiose false sense but in a true way.

[@samvaknin]

Narcissism is not self-love samvak.tripod.com/faq23.html

[@DJDee101]

Thank you - yes I meant in the mythological sense of the word. Excellent points in your link! I appreciate the foundational basis you give for the widely known expression "before you can love others you need to love yourself". You clarified a critical component in achieving that: to *experience* the true self. How that might be continued from where it went off track in childhood seems key.

[@TheaGroom]

Sam you have described exactly Smurf. I may NOT say his name as he has injunctions ON me as he uses the LEGAL system so I may not defend myself. A self defence is a HUMAN RIGHT. I have FAUGHT this arse hole for 13 years. Since 2003. He wants to be "KING" of Gutter Guard" the Industry of which I opened. And of which I am I guess the "Queen" - loved by all. And so has wanted my business DESTROYED; so his business EXISTS as the No. 1 in Australia. I broke after 11 years of abuse from him & his armies of staff & companies he deployed AT ME.

[@chillywilly4126]

Doesn’t seem to be much different than how a psychopath would see other human beings; just tools and implements to be used and discarded.

[@cindyminke]

Is the narcissist aware of the projection on any level? How do we respond to the projections?

[@samvaknin]

Projection and Projective Identification - Abuser in Denial groups.google.com/forum/#!topic/NARCISSISTIC-PERSONALITY-DISORDER/XQEu10HZHMw

[@eloisesaidane4633]

thank you !

[@Jay-xx5pg]

Isn.t projection attributing inside stuff outside so i am just a little stuck on the Normal people to the outside with outsiders like isn.t there something he doesn.t like internally.-?

[@karenearl1968]

brillant!

[@christymckee8133]

....they also tell on theirselves with this shit, constantly! Only truth that subconsciously comes outta their mouths 😁

[@michaelrandall4862]

Yes, Christy,Yes! The moment I realized that this , everything what had transpired for the last horrible 2years and nearly destroyed me, BOOM!, was gone, and it reflected back to him.I was then an observer TO this nightmare and not OF it.

[@me2tez230]

Brilliant...

[@bernardbekassy7660]

Mr Sam Vaknin, would you consider spiritual teacher Tony Parsons a narcissist?

[@samvaknin]

Narcissism and Religion vaksam.tripod.com/journal45.html vaksam.tripod.com/faq47.html The Cult of the Narcissist vaksam.tripod.com/journal79.html

[@OCtheman300]

The best in his branche. Sam vaknin

[@consciousnessexploration9891]

So accurate!

[@dolphinrose21]

unfortunately im attracted to narcs, how do i stop that?

[@copache]

yes, he does

[@moviemakerwannabe]

Do you expect the new therapy to be more attractive to the narcissist? If I remember correctly getting the narcissist to decide to honestly engage in therapy has been a problem in the past.

[@samvaknin]

Cold Therapy (the new therapy I am developing) is geared to treat only people diagnosed with Cluster B personality disorders. Getting the narcissist to attend therapy is one problem. The other problem is that no known treatment modality (therapy) works: www.narcissistic-abuse.com/faq77.html That's why I spent the last 5 years working on a NEW therapy for narcissists, Cold Therapy. But, you are right: the narcissist still has to WANT and CHOOSE to attend therapy.

[@pondmaiden]

i think some choose therapy as confirmation of their crutch...thus an excuse to continue the same deeply learned behaviors... i wasnt aware you were developing a 'cold therapy'... is this something the victims learn and administer? thank you for your healing words and works

[@samvaknin]

No. it's strictly for therapists to apply.

[@pondmaiden]

intriguing!

[@alexcara1]

I am an extention to him, why the cruel discard then ?

[@DanielBachmann]

Great video and book which all reminds me of Donald Trump who seems to be an unaware malignant narcissist and thus is the most dangerous presidential candidate ever while I doubt that all world leaders are capable of dealing with him, with a few exceptions thus I really hope that the US is not entering into a collective psychosis with him.

[@LindseyLittlefield]

I'm terrified. I don't understand how people don't see it.

[@samvaknin]

Donald Trump: A Narcissist? www.narcissistic-abuse.com/faq19.html#trump

[@DanielBachmann]

+Sam Vaknin Excellent read as are your great book and videos which really help people to better understand leadership and others. I will at some point blog again and suggest your book along with other great books and share it across social channels. Thank you for your great work and if you ever come to Switzerland, let me know!

[@samvaknin]

Thank you for your kind words. These may be of interest - click on the links: Narcissism of leaders and authority figures vaksam.tripod.com/15.html vaksam.tripod.com/faq47.html vaksam.tripod.com/faq11.html vaksam.tripod.com/journal45.html vaksam.tripod.com/journal79.html vaksam.tripod.com/journal70.html vaksam.tripod.com/corporatenarcissism.html Celebrity narcissists vaksam.tripod.com/faq19.html vaksam.tripod.com/journal73.html Narcissism and Religion vaksam.tripod.com/journal45.html vaksam.tripod.com/faq47.html The Cult of the Narcissist vaksam.tripod.com/journal79.html

[@DanielBachmann]

+Lindsey Littlefield We had this before in history. When studying potentially malignant narcisstic leaders in historical context they almost always succeeded with an exclusive story where they blame all issues on other nations, races and especially current leadership thus such campaigning worries and alerts me! Such narcisstic candidates might first seem odd, then different but then authentic to all the people who buy into their story of fear and power which the narcissist delivers with charisma as he believes it himself. The narcisstic candidate always feels entitled to win and if behind focusses on destroying the other candidates. If he succeeds and is ever elected such malignant narcisstic leaders would not estitate to take immediate action against those they blamed because they were always serious about it.

[@Jay-xx5pg]

Why is everyone the same to him

[@gareththomas8199]

Wow

[@jfrorn]

Sounds like the United States and its exceptionalism.

[@samvaknin]

True: samvak.tripod.com/pp112.html

[@HODAMOHAJERANI]

terrible double-bind, eh?!

[@alikitcat]

Brilliant! If you write a book on helping the narcissist recognise and heal what is going on I would defiantly buy the book and send it as Christmas gifts to my narc exes :) and it would be an amazing thing to share with the world on understanding this complex psychology of narcland. Where in London will you be doing the seminar? I would love to come to that. Thank you for your intuitive videos.

[@samvaknin]

For precise details, monitor this space and Richard Grannon's Spartan Life Coach YT channel.

[@alikitcat]

Laura Pasternack U.K. Yes it is true they don't want to change and they do not believe they have a problem. It's ok I understand how they operate I have been in a few narcissistic relationships over many years. I understand the trauma of recovering from narcissistic sociopath and psychopath abuse. I was being sarcastic abut buying him the book. Don't worry! Though I do find it a very complex deep interesting topic. I myself would be interested in reading Sam's books. And I am always raising awareness of this isolated secrete abuse as a survivor. And I am glad that Sam and others are raising awareness and helping us understand more. Always no contact! I know! ✌️

[@alikitcat]

Sam Vaknin thanks! I will do