Scars

A song?
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Whoa, you made it all the way to the end of the description? Not a lot of people do that! Well done! pat pat .. Well, I hope you enjoy what I did there!

[@Circuitssmith]

You are so gosh darn, like, cinematic? Spatially dynamic? You place camera shots and the scene at the beginning so well here.

[@SunIsLost]

Yea!

[@ninas.1947]

the intense eye contact as you squeak the chair LOLL

[@sierralvx]

Your journey is quite relatable. I'm a ftm trans guy and the process is so slow and hard to navigate. I do feel lucky though because I already had quite a few natural masculine traits like a deep voice, broad shoulders, low brows, etc. I don't have to go through as much to get the results I want, but the big surgeries still feel daunting to me. In the meantime I just use binders and highlight my cheekbones with makeup. I don't believe you using makeup is placebo at all, in fact it's a huge part of getting in touch with who you are.

[@SunIsLost]

Yea

[@SandraNLN]

I think she meant Beauty regimes are placebo as in: the microneedling, laser hair removal, and scar mitigation. The makeup seems to be the only thing working out and in her control 😅

[@amyrose7326]

I’m so sorry things are still slow and frustrating, I’m happy whenever we get any tiny detail of your progress I’m sure you’re ready for things to just be steady and consistent 😢 but on a good note you look amazing scars aside your face looks so bright and lifted! Also your makeup skills have greatly improved and the natural pitch to your voice has wildly changed❤ keep pushing love we’re all rooting for you!

[@SunIsLost]

Yea

[@RainbowTheSnail]

The chair squeak kept making me crack up.😂

[@nattcattt]

I’m so sorry that things are going so slowly and you have to keep dealing with these setbacks :( I loved this video though. It felt like we were just hanging out. What a nice way to start the morning!

[@SphynxHijynx]

Just wanted to say that I love your videos on your transition. I've been in transition (FtM non-binary) since February 2016 and gives me the needed lift to get through my day. Thank you Robin for being unapologetically yourself!

[@darshiit]

not to be overdramatic but i think I'm in love

[@vytriole]

the transphobic people who claim that trans people are getting handed out surgeries left and right with no oversight are so ridiculous. it's such a struggle and it takes years. i'm so sorry that you especially are being delayed more than what you hear for other people like you. i started HRT (transmasc) in 2015 and only just "finished" transitioning in december of 2021. i hope when all is said and done that you get what you have been waiting for and you can be completely content with where you land! you're beautiful, funny and talented! thanks for making cool videos. 😎

[@SunIsLost]

Yea

[@JNouveau]

What region are you in if you don't mind me asking?

[@vytriole]

@@JNouveau Canada

[@myztazynizta]

In a handful of US states there is practically no oversight or waiting for approval for kids as young as 14 sometimes. The specific things children are getting rushed into are hormones and breast removal. Not eyebrow shaving or breast implants or voice box modification. Sounds like wherever you get your news is as inaccurate and biased as where republicans get theirs

[@hgrey8725]

I actually started tearing up a little at what you said before turning the lights off. I can barely even begin to understand what you're going through, but you definitely don't fuckin deserve it. I can hear the sadness in your voice behind all of that pent up frustration and I hope you have someone you can properly vent to through all of this. I'd also like to mention that you look and sound more and more feminine every time I catch your streams and watch your vids. I binged your old let's play of Thimbleweed Park about a week ago and seeing the difference between you back then vs now is really apparent. So even though it's taking way longer than it should, and even if you yourself don't notice that much of a difference, know that we can definitely see how far you've come and we're immensely proud of you. You're a beautiful woman (no hetero heh) and we shall continue to support you through all of this. (Ps: As a Swedish dude, I can relate to hearing constant drilling coming from my neighbours and coming to the conclusion that they're just doing it for fun at this point. Damn near thought they started up again when I heard it in your vid haha)

[@Anna-zd3kp]

Sounds like you’re immune to lasers. Please use this power for good and not to take over the world

[@SunIsLost]

Yea

[@jordanwait7264]

I love you so much Robin! I have always loved your voice, it's so so soothing

[@Circuitssmith]

For me, the “hellooooo!” brightens up my day.

[@vogelvrouw]

It really sucks to hear that everything is still going so slowly ❤

[@SunIsLost]

Yea, but she already went with some progress.

[@panickinglesbian1111]

I'm super sorry things have been hard Robin, you still look very pretty even with your scars. Hopefully things will kick up soon and be smoother. 💖

[@SunIsLost]

True

[@AnnaCurser]

i think you look great, girl. great to hear from you again

[@jesuxjuice6086]

I had the exact same feeling when I first realised I was trans (ftm), at 15 I thought “I’ll be on Testosterone by 18 and getting surgeries at 20!” I’m 20 now and NOTHING has happened with my physical transitional journey. But the system is still so broken and unfair. We barely have rights, even though they’re there it doesn’t feel like the health world is improving for us. I hope it brings you peace that there are thousands of other trans women your age feeling the exact same thing. Feeling set back by how they don’t feel that their surgery’s are giving what they want. You’re an inspiration to me and many others, and our scars are what make us, us. Stay fierce.

[@SunIsLost]

I feel bad for you *hug*. Hope you will get the treatment you need man.

[@SkyKin]

Sounds hectic, Hope things slowly get better & that your doing well throughout the journey 👊

[@Dashi90]

"Any surgeon want to come to Sweden?" I'm American, so if you want to tell the Swedish government to accept us (considering our hellish political climate), I think you'll find not only a resounding yes, but a higher number than average amount of applications. Not a surgeon, but will work and learn Swedish for alternate and better living conditions!

[@ninas.1947]

I'm so sorry to hear about all of these setbacks, wishing the best for you

[@RainbowTheSnail]

I love watching these little update videos🪷🌸💗🌸🪷

[@jaymiemartin722]

Hi Robin, I hope this process speeds up for you soon

[@Roguex1979x]

I know its taking a long time, but you'll get there! You will! You will look on the outside how you feel on the inside. Keep going, it's all you can do. We love you!

[@digitaldeathsquid3448]

I (they/he) tangentially feel the laser hair removal stuff. My ex (she/they) found trying to get her top lip purged of hair a massive headache as it never seemed to properly go away even when the laser clinic said it would. Story of our gender-diverse lives, right? We got your back, Robin.

[@UtopssAKAPJ]

"...in a little padded room at long last..." 🤣🤣

[@SanaLovesMahado1]

Lack of communication sucks. I hope things get better for you in end. I'll be wishing you the best!

[@bessmcmess4314]

Aw it’s good to see you. I was thinking about you the other day and wondering how you’re getting on. Loving the chair squawking real beautiful on my ear holes.

[@loorthedarkelf8353]

It's possible laser hair removal is being difficult because its red-- basically red is the least receptive color to any kind of laser treatment because of wavelength shite I don't understand. Blonde is the next toughest because yellow is also tough and LIGHT so very reflective. I've been told that black hair responds best to laser hair treatment because black adsorbs all light wavelengths so it's very reactive with / vulnerable to the laser. It's rough that your hair color is making stuff tougher, but I hope your results improve soon! I'm in awe of how many people I look up to on KZbin have publicly transitioned in the last few years. Every time a creator I'm inspired by comes out, it makes me feel so much joy. I've been ghosted by my doctors, too. Had the pre op appointments for 2 affirming surgeries but it's been 3 years waiting for an actual appointment to hit the books. Thankfully my primary care doctor is a badass and she's ready to rattle cages on my behalf, so hopefully that shall resolve soon Here's hoping for us both 💚

[@Jazznessness]

I really hope things pick up HARD very soon, and then start going SO fast you get dizzy! (But only a little, not like nauseatingly dizzy) Also it was so nice watching you do your makeup, you've come so so far and despite everything that's not gone to plan, you're looking so beautiful ♥

[@jelalejanaabubakar7860]

This is beautifully filmed! You have the best looking vlogs/logs. The squeaky chair made me laugh a few times. I'm so glad things are doing okay at least... can't wait for your voice to bloom, you already have such an elegant tone like the VA from the Evelyn Hugo audiobook (I finished it weeks ago and it's been lingering on my mind haha) Stay graceful and beautiful! 💅💖 I wish you the best, I hope they update you soon 🫂

[@chroniclesoflaura]

Despite everything being slow, you look great! We can see the progress

[@Veiled_Lepidoptera]

Someone get this girl some WD40, omg. Every time that chair creaked I cracked up. Also, you look amazing, Robin! Thanks for the video ^_^

[@abbaknow6869]

I have a similar eyelid issue, but i also have straighter eyelashes on that eyelid than the other. Getting an eyelash perm significantly helped, plus a tint really added to it, and i had my brows threaded and tinted and it kind of implies a lift. Honestly your problems with surgery, laser hair removal and vocal work is shocking. Some of those processes can take time but ive had friends with very dark thick facial hair have great results in a shorter time, based from uk experience. Usually microneedling has very impressive results, so its startling youve also had issues with that. Im so sorry youre having such a bad time with it

[@MrCamilla]

My mom just got some acne looking scars removed with CO2 laser, I assume that's what they'll use on your scars, and it's extremely effective and also kind of revolutionary imo. Hope it'll work on you❤️ Might hurt like a bitch though

[@stitchpines4626]

Wow Robin I’m so sorry you’re going through such hardships, I hope you get remarkable results soon and much love to you💙💚

[@abbienormals1669]

I just read something you might like. "People talk about caterpillars becoming a butterfly as though they just go into a cocoon, slap on wings, and are good to go. Caterpillars have to dissolve into a disgusting pile of goo to become butterflies. So if you're a mess wrapped up in blankets right now, keep going." Not saying you're a mess OR a pile of goo. You're beautiful. But the journey can be tough, even for something as tiny as a butterfly. Hang in there and love the beautiful woman you're becoming, sweet butterfly. Love you, Robin.

[@PlanetaryDID]

i’m sorry to hear things haven’t been going how you’ve wanted, but i’m also so proud of you for celebrating the progress you’ve made. wishing you all the best 💚

[@bexxie9814]

I adore you! ❤ im sorry that you have to wait very long! 😢 you've also come so far in your journey 💕

[@StepsBasicGaming]

we'll still be here supporting you even in your 40's heck, I'm two years away from 40 now, not so bad

[@Coco95Papoy]

Wooow... that story is insane. Sorry you have to go throu all that. Sending lots of love and support

[@ComradeBlinkyUwu]

I'm so sorry this is such a long and difficult process. You deserve to get the results you want to feel the most comfy and the most truly YOU. I hope things get easier for you. That being said, you look gorgeous, you sound wonderful, you are awesome and I so appreciate you sharing your journey with us. 💚💚💚

[@BigGrabowski]

Despite not having vocal coaching, and this is entirely off-topic, but your English-speaking accent has gotten so much smoother since c. 2017. And while your coaching has been delayed, I wouldn't feel too down about it--I've known plenty of cisgender ladies who have deeper voices like yours in the first place. Keep your chin up; you're going through this whole process splendidly.

[@BigGrabowski]

Also, madam, get some WD-40 for that chair squeak, hooee!

[@L7redbatgirl]

I adore you so much. You’re so open and charming and talented and look forward to your next update! 🩷

[@chroniclesoflaura]

I just love watching you do your makeup

[@Settings208]

heat from fire, fire from heat

[@ellie9086]

I’m sorry it’s so difficult to make progress! We’re here cheering you on nonetheless ☺️

[@WhileAKyle85]

That sucks ass. 💜 In the meantime, keep doing your miniatures and things that bring you happiness. I heard a song recently from a musical and I think I have found a new love. Musicals. It's "Wait For Me" from Hadestown. The harmony is 🤌.

[@EnbyEnvy666]

youre not alone! i've been on a waitlist for over a year just to get a consultation for top surgery and the lady my doctor referred me to to talk about hormone blockers is going on maternity leave soon :/

[@wowanothercookie]

How much bad luck can you have with surgeons, damn. Hope the next one's better, somehow!

[@wowanothercookie]

I get the sense you might just be slightly obsessed with coffee. Tiny bit.

[@AnyKeyLady]

Yes there is a very big shortage of HRT in the UK too. I am currently on the waiting list as the menopause is affecting me. I am really not sure if it is related to the cervical treatments i have had over the years or the emergency ones i had to have after the birth of our miracle child. Either way, it doesn't look like we can have any more kids after the emergency c section and the emergency cervical cancer treatment. These symptoms just keep getting worse and worse, whilst i wait. My mum ended her life when i was 10 and she was 33, so i can't ask her the questions about it. I also ended up in care from abusive step mum who is no longer here either. It sounds like you had shitty surgeons tbh and i am very sorry to hear that. If it is any consolation, my rushed emergency c section surgery scar, where my agency midwife went AWOL and i was put back on a prenatal ward and ignored and had no food and my hubby was sent away, straight after birth. The scar is pretty much invisible now. Whenever you have any type of surgery, it does take time to heal and then time to repair, especially when cutting through muscle walls. I would personally not wear makeup if you are having problems with your skin as it can just make things worse as it is trying to heal. Are you still avoiding the list of foods they suggested like mushrooms (as in cooking and not the magic kind?). Bio oil is great for scarring. I wouldn't recommend arnica as it can thin the skin a no no for your face. Facial hair is common in menopausal stage. Menopause takes just as long as puberty. HRT just speeds it a long just a little bit faster but does also have side affects. Did you choose to freeze sperm before this in case you wanted kids? I hope you don't mind as i am dyslexic and often chuckle to my self when i read things wrong. I walked in on my hubby watching sky sports and i read ATTEN as it was in caps and i thought it was the guys name. No it was AT TEN as in o'clock! lol When i first read your new handle i thought it read bit o' falice and it made me laugh. I didn't know that you changed your name to Alice at that point. What made you decide on that name? I can only relate to the book and the song. I hope you let yourself heal you face before you decide on something else. Your body is changing so much right now, it needs a chance to catch up and as you are older, it takes longer to heal. Women your age are already called geriatric. I was mortified to hear that but here we are in 2023. I think it is crazy that it is putting womens health at risk in the US by not allowing women choose what to do with their bodies. Anyway, stay well and look forward to the updates.

[@ECM24]

girl, get some WD40 for that chair.

[@meganmisura1858]

*Dude, you’re really good at makeup!*

[@wowitslena]

Always love these videos. I check back regularly and look forward to them! So happy.

[@thebatchild]

I'm so sorry you're stuck waiting for any progress, Robin. I hope you get some updates at the very least and you actually get to schedule surgeries in September. I cannot imagine how hard it's been. Sending you love and keeping my fingers crossed for you.

[@Bryzee92]

The chair 🤣

[@Lane_11]

I just want to say that I know it might not seem like you are making the progress you want as fast as you want there is a noticeable difference you are looking great and I know its not where you want to be but you will get there that is very frustrating to constantly have to wait I hope you can start seeing the progress you want soon

[@gracethelace2134]

This hit I have a friend who lives in LA and they are Transition as well m to f but they told her to hord her meds because of the shortage as well as being LGBTQ they told her that she mite be rejected the medical help / surgery it's devastated her but she ain't giving up.

[@SunIsLost]

Uhh

[@racheleparkinson5068]

Goddamn her skin is a DREAM, I'm so jealous

[@knory123]

You are clearly lazer resistant, it must be your superhero power!

[@LadyElvan]

You're beautiful, hon. I'm sorry you're having to go through SOOO much to make the outside match the wonderful inside. You deserve better. Thank you for sharing your journey with us!!

[@sewagesink]

Epic 😊

[@darkmerchant1]

I know what you put into your drink. All ice :D

[@masterofthetear8138]

Wow you look so different already, you're super pretty and cute ❤️ I'm waiting on top surgery myself and it's... gonna be a while. So I understand the pain of *waiting* at least somewhat, I hope it goes well for you and goes by quickly!

[@NeuroChriscomic]

Geez! You can’t catch a break.

[@J2KN_YT]

The fact she went “the BIG surgery… pause for long squeak and dramatic affect… I know nothing…”

[@bitofalice]

ah darn, I was hoping it wasn't too noticeable!

[@kayka26]

The squeaky chair makes me giggle everytime.

[@hamyheikki]

You are a champion, such determination! I have nothing but major respect for you!

[@severedheadz]

so proud of you robin

[@zarajenking]

Well some progress is better than no progress! You look great even with the scars (hope they don't give you too much trouble!) and I look forward to seeing what the next update video brings!!! Love you robin!!! 😘😘 Also random question but your coffee machine, is it any good to use cause I'm thinking of getting one but not sure what to get!

[@RonnieJay]

I thought when I began my journey I'd be further than I am now. 8 years wait for my first surgery.

[@RainbowTheSnail]

You should play Rakuen🌸💗🌸 It is a beautiful and heartwarming story set in Japan. 🌸💗🌸 You would love it. 🌸💗🌸

[@SunIsLost]

0:03 love the cup

[@rayray5918]

i also have neighbours who drill in their walls for fun. i dont understand. every weekend for over a year now.

[@Varrbariouss]

Some laser treatments for hair depend on the power of the machine, they say if it hurts more the more effective it is, i cannot say with certain. I recommend digging more info about that, i just heard it from my beautician.

[@SirWolfsbane3]

I feel like i'm watching my rich mother get ready for a fancy event (I hope that sounds like a compliment because I mean it for that). It would be so frustrating to be in this journey. As a healthcare worker (Nurse) not in Sweden, but I figure its a lot around the world, is that there is a such a shortage of healthcare workers, and everyone that is remaining is burnt out- and this thus transfers to a lot of new workers (or more so happened to me). I know that you would understand that, its still super hard and frustrating!!! Especially that it probably does allow for heaps of sketchy surgeons to slip through and hurt lots of people- or would be my speculation. Sorry about your situation though!!! Because its important to you!! I hope things pick up and streamline soon!!! p.s I can definitely hear the feminisation in your voice!!!

[@Unholyemow]

Robin, for the love of everything, get some wd40 for that chair! >_

[@parker3293]

girl if you dont wd40 that chair 😂

[@joeypoltergeist1147]

I'm sorry things haven't been working out for you that much :( I'm wondering if the laser hair removal hasn't worked well might be due to your hair being red? I've heard blonde and red hair, especially red, is harder to remove because it's lighter. I hope you have better luck with surgeries soon and you get to be more yourself

[@icantthinkofgoodchannelnam5907]

Girlll you look fab! Goals for sure!

[@mygabers99]

Sending you love and happy juju. Hopefully things will start moving faster soon.

[@caitlin7221]

I went to doctor about 4 and a half years ago for a referral to a GIC and I still haven’t heard anything and I’m not in a position where I’m able to afford to go privately so I feel like I’m gonna be waiting forever 😅

[@gokath123]

one, you have beautiful nails, two you have come a very far on your journey and i highly doubt it will mean a lot coming from a stranger but iam very proud of ya :))

[@mxlticxlors9556]

I’m just so proud of Robin..

[@brainjuicesoup]

You remind me of the color yellow. You have such a wonderful warm and welcoming aura.

[@conniemcfalcon]

First of all, I love your cinematography, you're clearlyvery knowledgable, at least more than I am, it's really pretty. I love your little update vlogs, not only on your transition but on your life as well. Sucks that you have to wait so long to get the things you want, but hey It's all about the journey, not just the destination, as they always say. Hope things turn out the way they have to by the time they have to... Also some oil should do that chair a bit well hehe

[@KermaPippuri]

Mayhaps you could look into treatments that are done in other countries?

[@CeruleanTalon]

Darling, you are beautiful. Scars make us real people.

[@sparrocat]

I can't tell if your chair is being transphobic or actually emphasizing your frustrations. 😂 Regardless, as a born woman who identifies mostly NB, I have dealt with decades of spending on all styles of beautifying only to feel the same placebo... From a complete stranger on the internet to all my trans homies, never let a mountain of speed bumps in the process get you down! Do whatever makes you feel like the best you every day while waiting for the next step in transitioning and know that you are a valid and beautiful person every step of the way! P.s. Even if you don't look how you want to yet, you are stunning! 💙🤍💖

[@toastghost930]

I'm also trying to get my medical transition going and it's so hard :,D

[@parkermae]

Robin, firstly, you are so darn cute💕 secondly, thank you for making videos about your journey. My transition is not similar to yours but I love learning more so I can be a better support to the feminine people in my life.

[@RonnieJay]

theres also a testosterone shortage because of the import restrictions

[@SunIsLost]

yea

[@distresseddamsel539]

I haven't got the chance to see you (as in I couldn't catch up to the streams) for some time so seeing you now, you look absolutely beautiful. I am sorry to hear that it all seems to take so much time. However, I'd like to ask, have you ever thought about getting the 'cosmetical' surgeries outside Sweden? You know like medical tourism kinda thing or is that a no-no? Also, I am really happy to see you healthy and well.

[@Mizfit100880]

Hoping things kick off soon dear 🤞🏻🤞🏻🤞🏻🤞🏻

[@SunIsLost]

I already know that WHEN and IF I want to transition, it's gonna be difficult.

[@SunIsLost]

However, that depends if I do decide to do it.

[@strangephiti7490]

❤just,❤

[@Leo_the_gay_autistic_nerd]

Oh yikes. I feel lucky that as a trans guy living in Minnesota (EXTREMELY lucky actually given the news from around the rest of the country) that most of my transition has been fairly fast paced. I'm only recovering from bottom surgery now, but that took about 5 years to set up... Mostly because the doctor I was going to see retired, and I had to go to another hospital, so I understand that frustration pretty well at least. I wish you the best of luck and hope your doctors and surgeons get off their rears soon to get things moving for ya!

[@legendarymudkip2096]

Honey, i am so sorry that things are going so slowly for you! Playing the waiting game is always difficult but especially difficult in situations like this. If i could snap my fingers and make you how you want to be, I would do it without a second thought 🧡 but alas..! I hope for more positive changes in your life soon!

[@hp8252]

Would it possible to travel for your surgery, for instance to Canada to get it sooner?

[@SunIsLost]

Oh, I just noticed that it still needs waiting on hrt

[@SunIsLost]

Already looks more feminine, but it still looks pretty masculine (albeit a less)