Artemis Fowl Pitch Meeting

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Step inside the pitch meeting that led to Artemis Fowl!
The trend of YA novels being adapted into popular movie franchises hasn’t been popular in about a decade, but that doesn’t mean that studios are going to stop trying-- especially when they own the rights to a popular book franchise. The latest attempt at this is Artemis Fowl, based on the hugely successful book series of the same name.
The movie adaptation definitely raises a lot of questions. Like did the writers actually read the books or just glance through a wikipedia page? Why is there so much exposition in this thing? Why does the whole thing take place in a house? Why isn’t Artemis an evil genius like he was in the books? What exactly is going on with all this magic stuff? Did we really need to see Josh Gad in Hagrid cosplay shoot a bunch of dirt out of his butt? Who is this movie for?
To answer all these questions and more, step inside the pitch meeting that led to Artemis Fowl! It’ll be super easy, barely an inconvenience.
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[@arviscannon4815]

When your pitch meeting is better than the movie. That’s priceless

[@guilhermecorrea545]

How did you get pinned

[@timmyobrien8072]

How is this pinned with 4 likes

[@IsaiahStern]

Lmao how

[@haseotheadept2563]

because its true

[@JP_0306]

I feel this is like 90% of all pitch meeting though.

[@justsomeguyfromthemcu7052]

This pitch meeting explained the movie better than the movie.

[@FlaccidSunday]

That's often the case

[@Ebani]

The irony about a movie who's plot seems to be the exposition of the plot

[@Water_Me_Loan_64_YT]

Hey Screen Rant, please Pin this comment.

[@LuisSierra42]

Exposition is tight

[@longfa2007]

as always

[@frozenepsilon5295]

This movie has now joined percy jackson, the last airbender, and eragon as movies that the fanbase refuses to acknowledge.

[@e.r.8710]

Dont forget Dragonball.

[@williamhallam706]

There is no last airbender movie in ba sing se , in these walls we are safe

[@HollowPurple-if2co]

@@williamhallam706 There are no movies in the Artemis Fowl universe.

[@aarjavjain7584]

Have those movies been released already?

[@0175gre]

That's why i don't read books, they just ruin movies

[@RagnarokMic]

The only redeeming quality of this movie's existence is that it led to this Pitch Meeting.

[@Arunneelakumar]

Very true. . . .

[@dancrane3807]

Plus now that I watched the pitch meeting, I won't waste my time on the movie! Thanks Screenwriter Guy.

[@MrMadre]

I thought it was okay

[@teslagamer24]

@@MrMadre you probably think the live action Mulon is good

[@grandkidsmuise4389]

@@dancrane3807 the movie sucked and my day is ruined it was nothing like the books so dont watch it read the books

[@iyiolaademola8456]

"A McGuffin? " "No thank you, I just had breakfast"

[@tkgrant7]

💀💀💀

[@chrisphilpott8427]

"A McGuffin?" "No thank you, I just had breakfast." - how long you been sitting on that line?! So good!

[@nicholaskinkaid]

Efap when one of the guys accidently called mcguffins 'mcmuffins'.

[@abbarhazes7029]

@@nicholaskinkaid I thought the two were the same I was like is it named after a McDonald's breakfast

[@brobafett21]

Nicholas Kinkaid LOL that’s the 1 EFAP I’ve seen! Then Mauler used it again in the Rise of Skywalker unbridled rage

[@jordananderson2728]

Getting some Police Squad vibes from that line

[@Hadrian1616]

🤣🤣

[@latrodectusmactans7592]

So let me get this straight. The film takes one of the coolest scenes in the entire book series, where Butler takes on a troll in a suit of antique armor and WINS, and... Just doesn't do it? Even though the scene is practically written for cinema already? Even though it's such a defining moment that it's basically mentioned every time Butler's reputation comes up in the series? Were the screenwriters just allergic to money?

[@abduljah9355]

They also skipped the final fight scene with the main villain. Just ended the movie before it took place. Even BAD movies at least include the climax of their own story.

[@geekroom2365]

Same energy as the Percy Jackson movie skipping the big fight of Percy vs Ares on the beach. That was the whole climax of that book and should have been great to adapt. ... but then no, they didn't make it to the end of the book I guess

[@alfredorivera5764]

I laughed way too much at this

[@tanmaymadan5978]

@@abduljah9355 the best part is opal koboi was not even there in the first book

[@Alec0124]

I think the people that make adaptations from books lately are way too egotistical and get in the way. Just follow the material. they ruined Wheel of Time as well :(

[@isabellalesher8487]

"Fans of the book will be a little upset." Fans of the book: D'Arvit.

[@kyberjedi9749]

What do you think that means translated to English

[@Anna-tk7ui]

@@kyberjedi9749 probably the Wizard Swear from Harry Potter Puppet Pals.

[@cometmoon4485]

@@Anna-tk7ui Dobby's Sock?

[@leonorcrafts9877]

Fans of the book: but….. there’s no movie

[@arunlsk2271]

D'arvit a million times

[@DrFranklynAnderson]

“What’s the deal with this Opal Koboi?” “I just told you.” “Fairy-‘nuff.”

[@arisucheddar3097]

Deleted my comment as you've gotten there first lol

[@DrFranklynAnderson]

Arisu Cheddar Lol, I’ll let you get the next one. 😉

[@seanclough7810]

That went over my head

[@cthulhufhtagn2483]

Glad I wasn't the only one who thought that.

[@MKDumas1981]

Slipped by me. I was reading the comments. *LOL*

[@purplecatloverrandompizza]

Dear Artemis fowl fans, We are so sorry, welcome to the club Sincerely, the Percy Jackson and ATLA fandoms.

[@flonadiose]

I'm in all of those fandoms. And I have never been so disappointed with their adaptations.

[@Kjack49044]

Don't forget eragon and cirque du freak

[@annieg636]

Or ready player one

[@robertodanoob]

Tbh I genuinely thought that Ready Player One was a good film

[@robertodanoob]

I’m in all three. I cannot believe what the film studios did to these amazing books.

[@stefanradebach2889]

It's seriously frustrating at how Artemis Fowl blatantly ignores how the protagonist wasn't a hero kid but a villain protagonist who was a ruthless mastermind that did have standards and developed into a better person and becoming more of an anti-hero. Either Disney didn't read the book or they did but is so utterly stubborn in their idea of the protagonist being really heroic and couldn't grasp the concept of a villainous protagonist becoming a better person in their creatively bankrupt minds and thus refused this idea.

[@jmwindu]

But then how would they show him surfing?

[@newtpondskipper]

@@jmwindu this guy gets it!

[@eduardoarmenta9232]

They made Cruella and Maleficent so it was an even grater disrespect of the character in my opinion... They just didn't care.

[@thoughtful1233]

And they could have had a 7 book series (the 8th book was kind of a dud for me).

[@slappy8941]

The bit about how Judy Dench's agent is rumored to hate her was pure gold.

[@jeromevaleska2014]

PM hasn’t made me laugh so hard in a while.

[@digitool5944]

it also doesn't full apply to this movie, because she just loves working with Ken, so whenever he calls she says yes, no agent involved

[@j.a.a.x8818]

Watching this instead of the movie. Why waste an hour and a half of my life when I can just watch a five minute KZbin video that’s actually entertaining.

[@MorganMalfoy13]

I did that too. I saw the trailer and my book loving heart wept, so this is better.

[@ggt47]

Cool.

[@wandelinw]

Wise.

[@DaniStarEngland]

I've watched about 90mins of youtubers complaining about it. Still time better spent

[@y_am_i_here4663]

@@MorganMalfoy13 That movie was worse than the Sequels

[@Tossboi]

"Did you read the books?" "No" "Why?" "It has a lot of words.... A LOT OF THEM"

[@cdorman11]

"Hundreds."

[@greywolf845]

@@cdorman11 "Maybe even thousands"

[@irai_nesanOfThamizhOrigin]

Oh I didn't realized that

[@flowthief0.028]

I read them all why couldnt he

[@cdorman11]

@@flowthief0.028 Asimov refused to see the inside of MIT's AI lab because he didn't want what he'd see constraining his imagination. Paul Verhoeven did not read all of Henlein's "Starship Troopers." Some directors avoid the original story so as not to inhibit their creativity from possibly producing a separate or higher artistic achievement. This is not one of those times.

[@zigzaghyena3633]

Fun Fact: Eoin Colfer was pleased with the film, not because it was good, but because it could have been so much worse. At one point the screenwriters were pitching a Scary Movie style Fantasy Parody featuring Lord of the Rings characters which just used the name Artemis Fowl, Colfer described it as "Truly horrifying". Given that the movie was in development hell for 19 years, largely without Colfer's input as he stepped to away to write the rest of the series, we can only have nightmares about how bad it could have been.

[@eebertdeebert]

o-o

[@jacobd1984]

Ugh, thanks for reminding me that I waited years only to get this.

[@TheQuark6789]

Ok, now I want a Pitch Meeting of that original script

[@countluke2334]

Shows that writers do care about money more than about their IP at times. Some only sell on the condition that they have control over the story, but I guess that puts a dampener on the price Disney is willing to pay. Disney only buys the name...

[@CobraTrainer]

If he was pleased with this, then i truly hope i dont end up in whatever Hell has those previous versions available.

[@barleysixseventwo6665]

Remember folks: If you’re going to make an adaptation of a book series with tons of fans, it’s critical that you change the premise, characters, several critical scenes and if possible the _story itself_ to ensure the franchise that is already popular is…popular.

[@genericname2747]

The second I saw Artemis Fowl surfing I knew this was going to be a bad movie. From what I can remember, it's kind of canon in the books that he spends a lot of time not doing athletic activities.

[@kantpredict]

Indeed, other characters sometimes riff on how he's slowing them down for being so damn unfit.

[@Scouty]

the moment I saw him riding a OneWheel was when I gave up all hope

[@nathanj202]

The moment he says “he’s not a criminal he’s my dad” it was clear they had ruined Artemis’ character

[@realMuseology]

I shut off the movie when he jumped a friggin onewheel. HES SUPPOSED TO ONLY GO OUTSIDE FOR HEISTS!! As far as I'm concerned, this movie never existed.

[@gregsmw]

he struggles to climb a ladder in one of them hes the absolute epitome of the muscleless nerd

[@rapid1010]

You know how lucky we are that Disney didn't get their hands on LOTR or Harry Potter.

[@Wertyvid]

Oh no. They have to much money

[@maeveheart7464]

I thank my lucky stars every day.

[@dbsthumper]

Frodo,would have been even MORE adorable & Gollum would have been his singing sidekick...

[@maeveheart7464]

​@@dbsthumper You've just given me brain trauma from the image I just thought of

[@rapid1010]

@@dbsthumper That's a very disturbing thought

[@Luesatora]

When I first heard about an Artemis Fowl movie being made, my immediate thought was "oh no, they are probably going to ruin it". Not only was I correct, they managed to exceed my expectations in ways I never could have imagined.

[@augustuscampbell1313]

This comment made me laugh so hard because it's so true

[@Ackalan]

@@augustuscampbell1313 This Pitch Meeting sends chills down my spine every time I hear it, the movie is so bad that naming it after the books i's bordering on identity theft.

[@Secret_Takodachi]

It was a great "welcome to adulthood, this is why we can't have nice things... M O N E Y" 😂

[@SirsasthNigam.]

🤣

[@HelloImakecoversr]

I actually watched the movie and kinda liked it. So then I read the series. Now I hate it. But at least I found out about the books.

[@dawn2891]

Whenever Hollywood makes an adaptation of a beloved book series, they should force every individual working on it to read and reread the book until they can describe it contents word by word.

[@Sonichero151]

But then no one would make adaptations cause that's too hard.......... which isn't a problem actually I would prefer that as well

[@mentaya11]

I'd settle for making the writers, director, and main cast read the books *once*, myself. I swear, I feel that some fandom adaptations don't even do that much.

[@YouTubePurgetheblackplague]

It's pronounced Disney!!!

[@teslaromans1023]

Amen

[@EnderElohim]

Only if Disney realised that they can make more money with that mentality :D

[@maggiethurber8111]

“They are filled with words.” “Oh I didn’t know that.” 😂

[@Haan22]

Really explains a lot.

[@MasteringJohn]

Even that's not an excuse, considering the graphic novel.

[@AnnekeOosterink]

Maybe even hundreds of words! Like, I totally get that.

[@henta.i.3838]

Disney must've really hated the author when they made this movie.

[@samuelwallace2782]

The messed up thing is that the author worked on the movie and we still hot this trash

[@liizzset]

@@samuelwallace2782 No way. For real???

[@eitanlubowitz520]

@liizzset I mean, jk rowling worked on crimes of grindlewald. And that was.....a thing. Certainly a thing

[@creatorofthemind]

@@samuelwallace2782 where did you get the information that he supported what they did? He may have worked on it in the beginning where things appeared from the trailers to be similar to the books, but he might not have supported the changes they made.

[@MarriedMule]

@@creatorofthemind He had done interviews saying he supported the changes being made.

[@AmberMaytions]

"What’s the deal with this Opal Koboi?" "I just told you." *F A I R Y N O U G H*

[@_dilien_399]

Pfffhahahah! I get it, good pun!🤣

[@Raleyg]

"We're not making this for the fans" "Then who are we making it for?" "The casual audience" "You mean the people who don't care about this franchise and already have a billion other things they could watch instead?" "Yup"

[@trial_with_an_error9687]

Root being a woman legitimately ruins Holly’s entire arc from the actual story.

[@beaver8844]

I dont think there was any ark for any of the characters in the movie

[@beLIEver31415]

Just so damn ridiculous. I am not sure a single person involved in this production could have been bothered to read a 280 page children's book...

[@karlfranzemperorofmandefil5547]

Compelling Chatacter arc in the books: Root just really has problems expressing himself in a friendly way and is just super strict because he knows shell he held up to higher standards as the first female Reckon officer, she actually being supportive even tough that's not really shown (on the surface looks like the sexist police chief stereotype but actually has a heart of gold ) The Chatacter in the move : what was her Point again?

[@timtam3730]

@@karlfranzemperorofmandefil5547 Honestly thats a pretty good arc and Root being female would force Holly to be the best she since she has to keep up the good reputation of female officers and would provide justify why Root is always strict with Holly because she wants her to be the best.

[@Analog-1313]

beL13ver I mean it’s more of a young adult/teen novel

[@reebs_1584]

Why put a spoiler warning, there’s nothing to spoil here

[@MikeDCWeld]

Except the fact that the movie is apparently complete garbage.

[@Leviathan56]

@@MikeDCWeld id still give it a watch, the story ehh, the characters ehh, the CGI actually really good

[@gilgamashu1435]

Hmm... Should I watch it? Im still at the beginning of the pitch meeting. edit: Nvm I think watching the movie will spoil the pitch meeting so I watched the pitch meeting instead and I feel satisfied lmao

[@ultrahumantrash2488]

@@Leviathan56 The CGI was so-so.

[@MikeDCWeld]

@@gilgamashu1435 definitely a good choice to watch the Pitch Meeting, always watch those. As far as the movie, it sounds like it depends on whether or not you read the books. If you did read them, it definitely looks like you're better off giving the movie a miss. If not, it sounds like a bit of a toss-up. You may like it alright if the story has any cohesion to it, but with the apparent mixing of multiple plot lines and the potential mangling of those plot lines it may prove to be too hard to follow.

[@BackSet]

“Most of the movie takes place in a house.” Well at least they did something right.

[@jacobbruen9231]

The Artemis Fowl novels are insanely well written, with very likable characters, and great world building. And Disney completely fucked it

[@sagarsudhirganu8735]

As usual....

[@laterferaligatr2947]

And the sad thing is the books were published by Disney

[@catthemeg336]

No. Kenneth Branagh fucked it. According to him, he is solely responsible for the "salvation" of the Artemis Fowl movie. I don't know what he thinks now, but he damn well thought he was giving the people what they'd want to see.

[@katymartin9026]

@@catthemeg336supposedly the original take was going to be a weird horror parody thing that Colfer was horrified at. My guess is they had started shooting and Branagh just did his best to make it more kid friendly. Pity it still ended up trash though.

[@TheJManOrRiot]

I’m almost certain this is how that pitch meeting actually went

[@greenhowie]

Slightly less narcotics than the real one but yeah probably.

[@John_the_Paul]

Unironically?

[@Dogewing]

You're telling me this isn't the cctv?

[@comichound]

“We’re not making this for fans of the book.” “Well, who are we making it for?” “That’s the million dollar question.” “.....” ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️ I have been asking this question for years!

[@partialbullet2215]

Riley Dwyer Hey, that series is actually good

[@petitefleur412]

More of a 125 million dollars question if you look at the budget

[@TheSpectator7]

To be fair, Disney did try making a movie for fans... It was called Rise of Skywalker. (P.S. it isn't the fans themselves to blame however!)

[@feritperliare2890]

@@TheSpectator7 the rise of skywalker was filled with so much continuity plot holes most fans hate it and want to remove it from the canon

[@Earthslastlegend]

@@TheSpectator7 That wasn't even close to what fans wanted!!!

[@hardcorelevelingwarrior6324]

"a macguffin?" "no thanks I already had breakfast."

[@christopherlong2307]

As someone from Ireland I have never heard anyone say “top of the morning” unironicly before

[@joimumu]

I would guess the people of Ireland would only say that to tourist to mess with them

[@Nevenblue]

I'm french and everybody here walks around with striped T-shirts and garlic necklaces, so I think you must be lying

[@Kaefer1973]

@@Nevenblue You are lucky. If I want to see a mostly correct stereotype for my region I must look at the caricatures of our neighbour country instead.

[@ZenMonkeyGod]

It's one of those things they may have said generations ago, but not in the modern day.

[@andymac4883]

@@Nevenblue Do you all carry around baguettes and a packet of cigarettes? Sincerely, a Scotsman who moved to Florida and is picking out his kilt for the next gator wrestle.

[@nishikaze]

"I'm kinda surprised, cause word on the street is her agent absolutely hates her." OMG

[@InfernalShadowDragon]

Both this and Cats have her playing a genderswapped character. Just saying...

[@hinokagusuchi7040]

I couldn't agree more what more proof do you need wheeze

[@dillionjohnson7706]

Best part lmaoooo

[@635574]

@@InfernalShadowDragon i dont even know what to speculate anymore, but its hilariyus.

[@liavhanegbi2729]

Eragon and Percy: "At last, we are complete" Artemis: "Where am i?" Number 4, Dragonball amd the last airbender: "HELL"

[@williamhallam706]

"Welcome to the island of misfit movie adaptations" "Why am I here?" "All adaptations that no one likes end up here"

[@sirhellguitarlord5176]

Mr Grey: what did I miss?

[@DevilsRadvocate]

WAIT THERE WAS A MOVIE ABOUT ERAGON? AND WHY DID THEY RUIN IT.

[@ranaghast]

@@DevilsRadvocate trust me, you do not want to watch it

[@KalonOrdona2]

@@DevilsRadvocate Robert Carlyle was the only good thing about that movie

[@VampChocKami]

When I watched the movie I legitimately thought everyone involved with it must have hated the books. Some decisions are just so incredibly bad that it felt almost intentional.

[@catthemeg336]

According to the director, he _read the books,_ LOVED THEM, and still TREATED THEM LIKE DIRT. Every time I learned something new about his decision-making process, I look a little bit more like angry Commander Root (from the books, obviously.)

[@alexgac1801]

Always pictured Root as a fairy version of the guy who wants PICTURES OF SPIDERMAN !!! He could have been played by the same actor, would have been funny.

[@Gcsmith12]

"Did you read it?" "I googled the names, and removed the main motivation of Holly by making her superior a women and removing his 'beetroot' nickname."

[@alsoduke991]

“The word popular often leads to money” Well, he is not *wrong* 😂

[@kokofan50]

Only if they make a good movie that actually resembles the original work.

[@justinqueso9644]

This comment was popular, shouldn't you get money?

[@Hadrian1616]

🤣

[@alsoduke991]

@Justin Queso yeah ur right. Where’s my mulah?

[@justinqueso9644]

haha

[@RageUnchained]

This film resembles the book it's based on in the same way poop resembles the food you ate.

[@princessthyemis]

BUHAHAHA

[@maryt.3273]

That turn of phrase was worthy of Eoin Colfer.

[@yerok5789]

God this is genius

[@RageUnchained]

@@yerok5789 thank you

[@AndragonLea]

Well, it contains many of the same basic constituent particles but rearranged in a thoroughly disgusting way that is both unappealing and bereft of any redeeming qua- Oh. Oh...

[@elizebethstihycgenderdas9805]

I remember Artemis Fowl books. . . The fight between the troll and "The Butler" was so damn cool, like the dude single handly brought down something that has the strength of a truck and the way Artemis figures the work around the Fairies Ultimate thing. . . It is hazy, I can't remember names of stuff. But I just remember the joy of reading the books okay! This sounds nothing like the book I remember ;-;

[@gvdub9172]

“Do you have games on your phone?” Subtly hilarious

[@levinwu7295]

Artemis Fowl fans seeing a pitch meeting for their book series, D'Arvit!

[@ahuman2303]

Why would we cuss at the pitch meeting

[@benharrison3569]

I was a lot happier not knowing this movie existed.

[@johnathonwarner6771]

Yeah, I’m really glad I saw this before I tried to go watch it

[@CrayZayJay]

Atlas N it means we have to watch the movie

[@ahuman2303]

Oh sorry, I got wooshed

[@idaniluz652]

everyone: why can't you make a good book adaption? Disney: it's barely easy, super an inconvenience

[@TF2Fan101]

What would you expect from the people who approved A Wrinkle In Time?

[@sweetcinnamonpnchkin]

Well they did good with the Narnia movies.

[@zachfosteraz]

@@sweetcinnamonpnchkin thats cause they didn't do Narnia

[@englishatheart]

@@sweetcinnamonpnchkin did well*

[@zachfosteraz]

Just researched it, different studio but still by Disney. So technically speaking Narnia was a successful Disney book to movie adaptation.

[@DarkPhoenixSaga]

4:38 'He's like a Hagrid cosplayer trying to do the Batman voice and fails.' lol

[@Radhaugo108]

The fact that most movie adaptations have generally failed to capture the magic of books, should serve as a wake up call to parents and educators as a reminder that books are here to stay and that reading should continue to be prioritized to children over watching films.

[@Cinetiste]

I agree... I could do a long response of approval, but people would have to read it... so... I simply agree.

[@giosuecirinocarroni6743]

I agree to

[@weckar]

Why not both? Most film novelizations suck too

[@dis8791]

They serve different purposes. Children should read books to learn reading comprehension, and can watch movies to improve listening comprehension. Neither is a replacement for the other

[@sethpillay6453]

I love books, and they've been an important part of my childhood. BUT Literature and Film are two different mediums and there are stories that can be told in one that are tough to effectively tell in the other. Books shouldn't be prioritized over movies as storytelling mediums because they aren't substitutes.

[@sandordugalin8951]

"He teams up with his dad's butler, this guy named Butler." "Isn't it a little weird that his name is just his job?" "Your name is Studio Executive Guy." "Fair enough!"

[@hollowboi4195]

Except they never call him butler

[@sunnylilacs]

I think you mean fairy ‘nough 😉

[@codebracker]

Ironically that was kinda the point in the book, he comes from a family of butlers to the point of his last name being Butler and the origin of the world butler being them. There was a whole point about how they never tell anyone their name, unlike in the movie.

[@SmashLiXs]

geoffrey butler: i beg your pardon

[@holyheckinheckohheck]

"He teams up with this guy named Butler who's been serving the Fowl family for generations." "Okay!" "And we're going to cast a black man to play him!" "Won't making the manservant who's been serving this family for generations black imply slavery?" "Actually, the solution to that is super easy. Barely an inconvenience." "Okay." "We're Disney and we're doing this for diversity!" "Fair enough!"

[@breadman2177]

The whole point of Holly's character was that she was the first girl soldier EVER. Root was hard on her because if she didn't perform well, then all the young girl fairies would feel disheartened, and wouldn't strive to be the best version of themselves they could be. Having Root as a woman ruins this.

[@mitchwhitfield1840]

First female captain*. Other women had been part of the L.E.P. but Holly was the highest ranking one to date

[@atlantian1242]

@@mitchwhitfield1840 First female member of L.E.P Recon, not the entire L.E.P., Wing Commander Vinyaya was already around by the time of the first book.

[@mitchwhitfield1840]

@@atlantian1242 you right

[@tadhgmcelligott3693]

Not soldier. The L.E.P. were a police force

[@mandowarrior123]

@@tadhgmcelligott3693 lep is but recon is a military force with superweapons that is a counterinsurgency and defence division, as well as performing surgical raids in foreign territory. They aren't close to police at all.

[@aaronroberts5272]

This dude will always be underrated, the only way he gets his deserved recognition is if his videos are seen by everyone in the entire world, and everyone whose ever died comes back to life and sees his videos, and also some aliens discover him.

[@nothingtodo183]

right?

[@catherinestickels2591]

I'll bet Florpflap has seen them, so that's a start

[@karabomasibi2331]

That Mcguffin joke kills me everytime

[@mechazoic]

*”We’re not making this for fans of the book”* _”So who are we making it for?”_ *”See now you’re asking the right question, that’s a very good question...”* This exchange is just so perfect for this movie

[@cristhianramirez6939]

Shrek: good question!

[@oliverlacota3112]

A good question, for another time.

[@fairystail1]

Artemis Fowl the criminal genius who is known for being physically unfit. How should we introduce him? Surfing? Brilliant!

[@KalonOrdona2]

Right? Artemis Fowl is not Alex Rider!

[@geohiekim8705]

@@KalonOrdona2 this isn't Artemis , it's Orion.

[@iamthemarshmallow7695]

Dude that was my exact reaction also he wears beanie’s

[@newtpondskipper]

Don't forget the sword training...

[@iamthemarshmallow7695]

newtpondskipper dear god don’t remind me

[@ClaireMarieSpencer]

“A McGuffin?” “No thanks, I just had breakfast” I spit out my water

[@KatieMaddalena]

"I feel nothing." "That makes sense."

[@cara-setun]

All I felt was anger at how horrible it was

[@LukeTheGhostKiller]

_“The word “popular” often leads to money!”_ *Yeah, it also often leads to backlash lol*

[@VinceroAlpha]

But in order to have backlash, you have to understand it, for the most part.

[@johns9652]

"I mean, it feels like fans of the book might be a little upset. Well we're not making it for fans of the book. So so so, who are we making it for? Ahhh, now you're asking the million dollar question." Star Wars fans: First time?

[@tsrav5]

Is it even going to lead to money?

[@sam-psonsmith9951]

@@johns9652 don't kid yourself. Sexist Man simply didn't like the movie because of feminism...duh...

[@wikansaktianto9215]

Have you ever heard...Brandishing?

[@mileven3ggo3njoyer]

"The word popular often leads to money." Yep, that's Disney.

[@ThePrimevalVoid]

That's every studio, why put money into a project if it's not giving you money?

[@ebrosproductions3631]

Oh no, Disney is becoming mr Krabs.

[@aaronl221]

@@ebrosproductions3631 always has been

[@TheDawnofVanlife]

Disney and every big studio ever. And the word of the day is "Franchise", so if you can find a series even better. And if you can pull off an extended Universe like Marvel did... Even better. Except, they usually fail.

[@copper7593]

LMAO

[@jaddenn7660]

Artemis: Barely does something illegal Also Artemis: I am a criminal mastermind

[@Teague92]

The fact that Ryan basically plays the screen writer in this pitch as a child with no attention span is tight!

[@lincolnduke]

"So an important part of Holly's story is that she is the first woman in Lep Recon and has to work to an unreasonably high standard under her hard ass boss, Commander Root, played by Judy Dench"...

[@battlesheep2552]

That’s so ass backwards, Root in the book is literally a cigar chomping patriarch. He’s supposed to illustrate that the LEP is male dominated, which makes Holly a strong female character for excelling in such a field. But i guess it’s more important to have more female characters than it is to have GOOD female characters.

[@Chan-qk9eh]

Battlesheep sooo... They’re ruining a good female character that literally hits all the points about being unique and different that’s ACTUALLY good to replace everything by making a core idea WORSE Like, legit you’ve got feminism straight up mentioned as an issue, bringing the audience to realize that she’s a women but highlighting struggles so she’s not just a strong character, she’s a strong FEMALE character but not done like the SJWs, done actually well!

[@MegaDrunkViking]

@@battlesheep2552 i think the point is more that theres a bunch of female cops atthis point so it's would feel like a dated trope. The rest of this is trash tho

[@Sharkwizard]

Alexander West let it be a dated trope then; removing that dynamic undermines her and Root’s respective character arcs entirely.

[@Jotari]

Maybe there's a bunch of female cops in the developed world, but the whole world isn't like that and, if I'm right in what I hear, the whole fairy realm is presented as if it is a different society. So I don't really think it's outdated in any macro sense.

[@ReasonablySkeptic]

The fans: "Did you read the books?" EVERYONE IN HOLLYWOOD: "No why would i do that?" The Fans: ....*Exhale*...every time...i just don't...i just don't get why?

[@taith2]

Books are for those egghead loosers

[@ruffedgrouse2711]

@@taith2 joke?

[@li-limandragon9287]

It’s easier to read dollar bills than books

[@metazoxan2]

It really is a mystery. I can understanding needing to make changes to adapt a book to film. I can understand missing the point a bit and making the wrong adaptation choices. What I can't understand is making so many changes it doesn't even follow a single thing from the book including things that obviously had no reason to be changed. Why would you spend thousands of dollars penning a script when you had a book? They litterally had a script half written they just needed to rework the book into a movie script. But somehow they wanted to spend MORE time and money to make something that didn't at all make use of it's source material. Why even put the title in there? At that point might as well make it an origional movie!

[@aggressivelyplayskazoo9644]

i was telling my friends about this, and i was like "there's less percent rotten tomatos than percy jackson" and H, well call them, whos a huge fan of percy jackson was like "WORSE? THAN PERCY JACKSON? join the club than, we have consolation cupcakes over there, you're gonna need a few"

[@glassy_rose]

Honestly I wish they adapted Artemis Fowl to an animated series. I hope they do adapt it to that form one day.

[@cara-setun]

Or even just a 4-6 episode season

[@Nevieth]

I legit keep forgetting that Ryan is only one dude talking to himself, filming half a conversation at a time. The way he responds and mixes everything, it's so convincing.

[@brennur3731]

Artemis in the first book: Holds a fairy for ransom and manages to get the other fairys to give him their most prized resource (gold) and avoids getting killed by a magic nuke by falling asleep. Artemis fowl: holds a fairy for ransom and takes his sunglasses off in front of her so they could be friends

[@moonyeclipsey]

LMAO exactly

[@cassandrabrooks5185]

LOL!!

[@Future_Vantas]

Must have missed that when I was skimming the book

[@caspercasper5413]

The amount of rage I had watching the first 2 minutes of this movie. I’ve waited 6 years for this movie

[@BruhMakesGlass]

@@caspercasper5413 I was so excited, heard someone describe it and never watched it

[@limontree476]

"So what's the deal with this Opal Koboi?" "I just told you" "Oh, fairy nuff"

[@TheWhiteFoxTruth]

Only true internet kids get this reference and I love you for it.

[@GizmoFromPizmo]

"A MacGuffin?" "No, no thank you. I just had breakfast." Hilarious! 🤣🤣🤣

[@edgewastaken2432]

For the movie they literally mixed like all the books together and changed all the high quality stuff to complete garbage

[@andrewclastic2835]

As I've read every book, this pitch meeting just saved me 2 hours of my life, 13 bucks, and a lot of pain. It still hurts though.

[@spongebobsquarepants2981]

Yep😪

[@pariasemi2681]

Same here. I just wanna shrivel up and die from such a disaster. I'm SO happy that there is a lot of fan-rage here, it's satisfying a bit.

[@sethkonow870]

Funny enough, the actual movie was only 90 minutes long

[@simonwyzik8661]

Anyone else just picture Butler as a jacked agent 47

[@firstdyad2678]

Don’t watch the movie. Please

[@kingsleycy3450]

"I feel like fans of the book will be a little upset." UNDERSTATEMENT OF THE YEAR. Butler dying to a troll? I want to burn down all of Disney.

[@bsn0730]

Generally how I feel about Disney. I'm confused why people give them so much money.

[@MJAYZ007]

At least they are going to do Percy Jackson right

[@jeffloldee8439]

@@MJAYZ007 I hope

[@JSephH76]

@@MJAYZ007 lolololol comment of the year

[@masterstylez6960]

If that wasn't bad enough, they revealed his name in the first movie instead of just calling him butler.

[@Mike_Dubo]

You know, in the books, there's a mention of a movie being made by the People that would have been told from their perspective, with Artemis being a cgi character, and I feel like that movie would have been better than the one we got.

[@user-hl7sd6yq3w]

Out of all the adaptations I’ve seen where I read the book first, this one made me the most upset. Butler is supposed to be Russian. You don’t learn his first name right away. No one calls him by his given name, they only call him Butler, which is his surname. Juliet Butler is his 16 year old sister, not his 12 year old niece, and she serves Mrs Fowl. Artemis Fowl Sr was not kidnapped by Opal. He was kidnapped by a shipping rival. We don’t meet Opal until later in the series. Holly Short was an elf in the LEP-recon team, and she had very short hair and “nut brown skin.” She was not white. It’s like the writers didn’t bother to even crack the first book.

[@cara-setun]

Law of equivalent exchange: diversity edition To make Butler black they had to make Holly white

[@bhargavchandramouli1633]

"MacGuffin" "No thanks, I just ate breakfast" LMAO

[@jarrodedson5441]

Oh I get MacGuffin..... Micmuffin

[@sarcasticlyhappy6448]

“Comment from video” Lmao😂😂😂

[@andrewlance3898]

"I'll get two MacGuffins, one with cheese, and some Plot Twists - extra convoluted, if you can."

[@Agent-E]

I’m sure most of us haven’t watched the sh*t show... we’re just here to listen to Ryan rip it into shreds! Lol

[@conradmonson30]

Yeah, when it said “spoiler ahead” I was thinking, “eh, but do I care though? No.”

[@MaktheMad]

It's actually funnier having watched it...

[@kensurrency2564]

The books are good. Who needs movies?

[@umackchyually8286]

Can’t rip it to shreds when the writers already did that

[@GODOFAWSOMENESS1]

Um Ackchyually oof. Not complaining about you.

[@funygameur]

"- It feels like fans of the books will be a little upset. - We're not making it for fans of the books sir." Ooh the laugh and tears I got from this one, love you Ryan

[@chrisblanc663]

I love how he never answers the question of who the movie is for, just starts plowing through the pitch.

[@Kumori90]

“What does his niece do?” “She brings Artemis a sandwich!” Kinda glad I was half drunk when I watched this.

[@li-limandragon9287]

Juliet is black and makes food for the white cast and her brother is also a servant to a white boy. . This is one of few times where you shouldn’t add racial diversity to a role.

[@Rutrag]

I watched it the other night. The character does that, and I think alerts everyone else the fairy army is there, and avoids the troll. She is completely unnecessary.

[@buzz092]

I imagine the idea is to establish her as a character so that it feels more rewarding and genuine when (spoilers) she becomes his main bodyguard in future installments.

[@Imman1s]

@@buzz092 You forgot to add /s to signal the end sarcasm. 9% rotten with a 21% audience score on a 150M budget film without a theatrical release and zero change to recoup the investment... this is not going to have "a future installment" until people forget it exists and it gets rebooted again in 10 to 20 years.

[@tommurtagh7708]

She is a badass mma kickboxer and bodyguard in the books and she is trash in the moive

[@jl8138]

"Oh he's like a Hagrid cosplayer who tried a Batman voice and failed." That's the bullseye-est line in any of your pitch meetings since every line in the RoS one.

[@AzaleaJane]

In the trailer when that character came on the first thing I thought was basically "discount Hagrid"

[@austinsinger7565]

I thought he was such a ripoff from Hagrid.

[@jl8138]

Never get Olaf to do Batgrid. This is screencasting 101.

[@YeeSoest]

Petition to not determine this is the bullseye-est line ever because I am watching the MCU now (first time for most of the movies in it) and there's A LOT OF GOOD ones in the Pitch Meetings to them. In every movie so far (I'm at Dark Kingdom) there was a moment where I thought "Ryan nailed it, why don't they just ______ ? Because forgetting your own powers is tight! Whoopsie! "

[@Tyrfing42]

They apparently filmed a version of this movie that was closer to the books, and then for some reason threw half of that footage away and delayed the release of the movie to hastily reshoot it into this.

[@Squirrelcollector]

This was the first pitch meeting I ever watched. And I accidentally clicked on it and didn’t want to change it. Best mistake I ever made.

[@Zeddyboi86]

Me, a huge fan of the books: *LOOK HOW THEY MASSACRED MY BOY!!!*

[@romainsavioz5466]

As you know we are not making it for the fans of the book

[@jacobb.8932]

You do know books have words in them 100 even 1000 of them 😂

[@Pikaclev]

Same.

[@bmaster461603]

I feel like Ryan was extra irritated at Ryan in this one.

[@vioniebeaunissant4868]

I know he 100% was

[@joelclifton6312]

It's a love/hate hate/love love/love hate/hate relationship.

[@bmaster461603]

@@joelclifton6312 self love and self hate haha

[@oz459]

I feel like, even though the pitch meeting spoiled the whole movie, I wasn’t spoiled anything at all, just because the movie doesn’t have anything in it. Like anything at all. It just exists

[@maxledakis8858]

“A McGuffin” “No thanks I already had breakfast” 😂

[@Daro-Wolfe]

I watched this so I wouldn’t have to watch the movie. The verdict: the book fans were right, they ruined it

[@jkprobert4492]

When the dwarf character looks like Hagrid, they've really screwed up.

[@wildfire260]

Yo I thought that to

[@theoriginalshew]

Holly was supposed to be like a feminist icon since she was the first female LEPRecon officer and her boss Julius was a little misogynistic towards her. But they casts a woman in that role for some reason.

[@hadiali5674]

@@theoriginalshew my guess is that zootopia already (attempted) to address that so they didn't

[@MarioDS01]

Sadly seen it and you right, not worth your nor anyone else's time.

[@adriannaranjo4397]

"Is that what he's like in the books?" "Uh-ye-maybe I don't know. I d-didn't read them" "Oh you didn't" "You see I looked through them but you know they're just filled with words"

[@captainvader921]

Oh, I didn't realize that

[@sergiosaunier]

In these Pitch Meetings, the fact that the Producer is always portrayed as being smarter than the Writer is hilarious to me.

[@TW2Vlog]

WAIT! STOP! At 2:22... when you said... "Fair enough"... did you... actually say... "FAIRY 'nough"?! This man is genius.

[@fawnasaur]

CAN we PLEASE talk about how they made Hollys father such a vital character but yet KILLED OFF ARTEMIS’S MOTHER? Hollys father isn’t even relevant to the books! ARTEMIS’S MOTHER IS!!

[@pixelwash9707]

Disney now insists any character who is a criminal has to be MALE.

[@fawnasaur]

Pixelwash I’ve noticed that!

[@Pikaclev]

The Acolus. Her “father”. NONE OF THEM IN BOOKS, but mother, who was important in books alive, well now apparently she dies. For no reason. It has been a while since I read the books like 6 years or so, but I still remember some of the plot well. Also, ARTEMIS LEARNED THIS ALL ON HIS OWN PRETTY MUCH. Really bad movie.

[@Fisinocean]

@@Pikaclev I KNOW. I mean sure disney wanna make our Snobby-rich-boy to misunderstood-tragic-backstory-cute-boi BUT LIKE, WHY?!

[@holyheckinheckohheck]

I wouldn't have been at all surprised if in the sequel they were obviously planning, they would have revealed, "Oh wait! She's not dead!" Especially considering Miranda Raison was was already cast to play her and credited for it (on Google, at least. Look it up, it's very easy to find), despite having never been seen ONCE throughout the whole movie.

[@LogicalMan6]

Got about 15 minutes into this movie, then turned it off and started re-reading the first book.

[@StressfulGengar]

Good choice. I reread the entire series before watching the movie. Raged then started rereading the books again.

[@MorganMalfoy13]

Excellent choice! The books are really good.

[@Marquis-Sade]

Was it good?

[@StressfulGengar]

@@Marquis-Sade not even worth watching as a normal movie. It's not even bad enough to be good.

[@LogicalMan6]

@@StressfulGengar I know how you felt. Plus about time to re-read the series.

[@himdotcom]

"A mcguffin?" "No thank you. I just had breakfast." Absolute genius.

[@BanaDoyabad]

LOL Ryan George is so domn funny:"...U know, a thing to drive the plot forward? "A Macguffin? "No, no, thank u. I just had breakfast." Lmao he's funny af not only cuz of his catchphrases, but even the little jokes he slips in there are hilarious. Ryan makes comedy look so easy when in reality he is just that damn talented!

[@sarahk.7302]

Book beginning: Ho Chi Minh City in the summer.... Director: nahhh, let’s do something else. Let Arty surf.

[@SummerAzures]

And then letting Mulch narrate the entire story when it should've been Holly... ugh. I still remember gasping reading the end of the last book where Holly starts that familiar sentence...

[@andrewmulert]

They have a deleted scene where he goes to Ho Chi Minh City. It's almost exactly like the books, but near the end strays towards the movie.

[@elly8353]

The idea of Artemis Fowl going surfing makes me cringe. That's such a basic thing about his character that they got so, so wrong within the first 5 minutes.

[@calebhouston5799]

@@SummerAzures I know right!?

[@shanianavarro2539]

Yeah, because in the book, didn’t he hate exercise except for horseback riding since the horse did most of the work?

[@thomaspappalardo7589]

Don’t forget how they made Root a woman, which destroy’s Holly’s whole storyline about proving herself as the first female LEP officer. I didn’t watch the movie but I will give kudos on the actress they chose and the LEP uniform as they were just as I pictured them when I read the books

[@NightmareTroubador]

I was gonna say I thought he was a man? Like... what the heck?

[@davidchidester5463]

Also casting Black actors as the Butlers who have been servants for generations. And casting Holly who has "dark nut brown skin" as white. Lol. The book has diversity, but Disney thought they'd tackle it their own way. Lol.

[@EinFelsbrocken]

When you are so dependant on artificial diversity that you cant see the natural anymore :/

[@zeropolicy7456]

@@NightmareTroubador Correction: First RECON Officer. Female LEP Officers had been a thing way before Holly Short came along. But yeah. Casting a woman as Julius destroys her accolades as first female RECON, destroys the father/daughter-esque relationship they share, destroys Julius' motivations for pushing Holly so hard and holding her to a higher standard, and destroys a large portion of Holly's motivation to strive for excellence to honor her mother's dying wish. It was honestly the biggest slap in the face for me. I can deal with Domovoi and Juliet being cast as black, but Julius being a woman just annihilates so much nuance and context for a lot of dialogue, actions, and settings.

[@NightmareTroubador]

@@zeropolicy7456 I'm not surprised I got something wrong it has been a long, long time since I read the book. But when I saw the movie trailer I knew stuff was off and I'm glad I waited for reviews before watching.

[@daniellclary]

Just love how your voice just flows with fast clever coherent words of gold.

[@xevpennman3517]

a lot of stuff clearly doesn't make sense in this movie, but my question is; if they were gonna make artemis fowl _not_ a criminal mastermind, get the main fairy characters to team up with him, have opal koboi as the main villain and include the plot with artemis' dad being kidnapped *(all of which were part of the second book's plot),* then why didn't they skip over the first book completely and focus on just re-telling the second book's story, which had more than 2 locations and made all of those things make sense

[@cara-setun]

And it has Russians, and submarines, and Russians in a submarine

[@davidjsaul]

I've never read this series but I did read Percy Jackson and this sounds like a complete repeat of that debacle.

[@jeffwei]

No, this is worse.

[@ScionStorm1]

This is far worse. The Percy Jackson movie is watchable if changed from the book. This movie seems like it was written by a freshman college student as a failed assignment in their first semester of Screenwriting101. This movie is embarrassing on a fundamental level.

[@owoofmybones5090]

Yeah, the PJ movies were shitting on the fans, but this movie shits on everyone.

[@ReaperOmega2187]

Percy Jackson was watchable if you hadn’t read the books, but this movie is bad for everyone

[@icybeverage9276]

The series are classics. The movies completely butcher Artemis as a character; he's the villain of the first book, though he is the protagonist. He's a cold, calculating criminal mastermind, and Holly Short is a pressured, but fast-talking and capable police officer. In here? Ah... wellll...

[@AJScraps]

"We're not making this for fans of the book." Every book to movie adaptation

[@anaussie213]

Aside from one of the most successful film series ever, The lord of the rings...

[@ImplyDoods]

@@anaussie213 i dont think that is the most "successfull film series ever" i mean the MCU excists lol thats one film series

[@angelikaskoroszyn8495]

It's kinda true but not really. Many movie adaptations of books series which already have cult following depend on fans to spread the hype. Harry Potter, 50 Shades of Gray, Twilight... All the movies wouldn't be as popular if not for a dedicated fanbase constantly bothering everyone around by claiming that their book series is the best what happened to world since USSR fell apart and they can't wait to see it on screen. It's free advertising and free consumers since fans usually don't care about a perfect adaptation but a recognizable enough adaptation On the other hand if you can't satisfy the relatively low expectations of fanbase you get twice more negative reviews than if it was an original story Movie adaptations are for movie watchers not book readers, that's true. However the marketing potential of the second group cannot be underestimated. 50 Shades of Gray would never become a multimillion dollars movie if not for the avid fans of the original fanfiction

[@kohtahirano4546]

Ready Player One was a pretty good book to film adaptation. Sure it wasn't adapted 100% accurately from the source, but it had the right idea for making it work as a fun theatrical sci-fi movie that definitely still pays respect to the fans of the book who wanted to see it come to life.

[@seaoftranquility7228]

Kohta Hirano. Same for The Martian. But both of those were very action driven books, not so much character driven, which is usually where things fall apart for me. There are quite a few people citing LOtR as the best example of a successful adaptation and it’s easy to see why, it looks amazing, the acting is all good and it sticks pretty closely to the original plot, BUT, I don’t think PJ got the tone right. At least, not the tone that I imagined as I read. IMO the better the writer the harder it is to do an adaptation. Kurt Vonnegut once said that all book adaptations would be flawed because they all omitted the most important character in the book, the Author. I guess an author would say that tho wouldn’t they.

[@therealfilmnerd]

We NEED a faithful adaptation

[@LenaTurquoise]

as someone who never read the book or watched the movie but seen people hate the adaptation everywhere, watching this pitch meeting was an unreal experience

[@cendresaphoenix1974]

Remember when in the books the only way artamis escaped was through his brilliance? While no one knew he did? Yeah same.

[@kylepessell1350]

Remember when he was a criminal mastermind who came up with the idea to blackmail an entire hidden world just to fund some activities that 'might' help him search for his father just because he knew that he could pull it off.

[@renamedanglerfishwholivesi3424]

Remember when he was an actual good character?

[@cranberrybleach]

Remember? I don’t think I want to. It hurts.

[@Pikaclev]

I do remember something about the bottom text of the first book being coded but I never finished decoding it.

[@theonden5041]

The pain started, when he said Artemis was surfing, I'm starting to write this comment halfway through the video, and I'm unable to put words together to describe my disappointment. I'll just go to bed right under my Artemis Fowl books and pretend this was just a bad dream.

[@DeathDiety365]

This is supposed to be the same kid who is described as frail by his own bodyguard right?

[@rhysbennett1767]

I distinctly remember Artemis having absolutely no sense of coordination. Or maybe that's a different Artemis

[@BonaparteBardithion]

The surfing was bad enough, but then he was motor-skateboarding right after and doing martial arts or something later. My sister commented that he did more shooting than Butler. Completely missed the point that Artemis needs muscle around because he's all brain.

[@DeathDiety365]

@@BonaparteBardithion please tell me he missed those shots

[@evaschneider4857]

BonaparteBardithion I just finished watching the movie and i just cannot thanks Disney for ruining my favorite book series👌

[@Ciborium]

While the movie is really literally a crime against humanity, this review is the best thing ever. The "McGuffin" gag still makes me laugh.

[@shawndixon4536]

You never fail to surprise me with a line that I have to pause because it catches me so off guard. This one was "a macguffin, no thank you, I just had breakfast!"