Selective Mutism or is my child just shy? | R. Lindsey Bergman, PhD

[@angelbagel13]

It really sucks how majority of people without selective mutism are saying “bruh you chose it” like that’s the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard. Imagine saying “oh, you chose to have adhd” like exactly, it makes zero sense, but because they have no clue what it feels like, some of them are saying the craziest things. Just because it’s not literally mute doesn’t mean it’s a choice, it’s called selective because we know how to speak, it’s just very very hard in public places, also, there are worst things than it, I saw someone saying it is the worst, like no, it’s AWFUL but it’s not DEADLY, I’m just glad I don’t have cancer. If you don’t have it stop saying random things when you didn’t even research it either.

[@basketballz]

I have had selective mutism since I was 8 because of school bullying and my parents always yell at me almost everyday when I was 4-8 even after I have selective mutism. When they yell at me, my anxiety levels are extremely high and couldn't speak. I'm now 15 but I think those are the main reasons that I got selective mutism

[@kaleandseeweed]

i was diagnosed with selective mutism when i was 6 months old. my parents would get annoyed and tell me to just force myself to speak to people and ground me when i didn't, but its not that simple, (even though they say to "make it simple") it's not that i don't want to speak, the words i want to say are there but they can't come out no matter how hard i try

[@Atongachuil]

I have a five years old daughter who has selective mutism. Do you think she will get over it?

[@Stjepko15]

Yup

[@sa0o923]

how can an infant be diagnosed with a social disorder?

[@paulduck6595]

no diagnosis .you choosed

[@ezekielmadzele7480]

@@paulduck6595 first of all it’s chose, not choosed so get it right

[@CH-jj8wk]

I have a meeting today about one of my students whose mum thinks she has selective mutism...this video is super helpful because I still think she is just shy because she speaks to me (not a lot, but enough and in a way that is open and direct) but it will be interesting to see how she is in other classes or at home etc.

[@basketballz]

when I try to speak to strangers without any fear, my voice sounds a bit weird and they usually can't hear it clearly or something

[@pinkymae67]

My daughter and grand daughter had selective mutism. They both were shy. My daughter wasn't too bad about it and talked in school but not much but my grand daughter was. The trick is or was with my g daughter was not to make a big deal about her mutism. When she was about 4 and I was visiting she accidently talked to her brother in front of me and he said "She talked, she talked !" I said "so, I don't care. It's no big deal. After that, the pressure was off her and she started speaking to me. Later they came to live with me and DD started school. She wouldn't speak in school so everyone, kids and teachers over reacted and tried to get her to speak, It wasn't till DD was in 3rd grade that she started to speak on her own. I asked her why and she said she just got tired of not talking. In her case, everyone put pressure on her to speak so she didn't. Don't make it a big deal that they don't speak and don't over react when they do is what worked in case.

[@svetavinogradova4243]

Just spoilt, stubborn, proud victim of disordered parenting.

[@Staar612]

I'm 21 and still have selective mutism, guess 'not making such a big deal out of it' didn't really work for me👀

[@svetavinogradova4243]

@@Staar612 You were overprotected - simples. Someone fed you while you CHOSE to REFUSE speaking. That thing gets cured very simply in countries where BS is not tolerated.

[@Staar612]

@@svetavinogradova4243 At school people will laugh at you when you say or do something wrong, I didn't really choose to not speak. I just couldn't after all that.

[@svetavinogradova4243]

@@Staar612 If you are wrong, you should be prepared to be laughed at, nothing special about it. You are not a precious prince.

[@shxwtydntcry]

thank you for spreading awareness on Selective Mutism . Everyone needs to have a voice ♡ I also make videos on mental health and Selective Mutism 💕

[@arielmaule]

I am not mute but I am really shy.

[@Mrbradboy1]

I'm quiet usually just dont say much! I was always that way ever since, I was a kid!

[@arielmaule]

@@Mrbradboy1 I am really quiet too.

[@Mrbradboy1]

@@arielmaule That's awesome we observe and listen more. Even tho I am quiet, I'm also humorous too I always have people laughing! Its a unique combination but, great to have. I bet u and I would get along.

[@arielmaule]

@@Mrbradboy1 yeah I don't talk much and I just listen more because I am very shy.

[@Mrbradboy1]

@@arielmaule Thats alright! Whatever you do never let anyone bully you!! Always stick up for yourself! Some bullies target people like us. And we cant let that happen.

[@Koko001]

I have selective mutism and it’s hard man

[@alina._.7863]

Me too

[@kaelyn7138]

Hot Dog with chili me too

[@abaz6955]

Can you like mouth words without uttering sounds? Or even that is impossible?

[@kaelyn7138]

Pliappa I don’t usually mouth words I just shake my head yes and no and shrug my shoulders...but I mean i guess I Can mouth words without uttering sounds but I just don’t mouth words

[@kaelyn7138]

Meghna Elizabeth same. At home I never stop taking but when it comes to school it’s like my mouth is glued shut and constantly everyday people ask me “why don’t you talk” and they say “just say 1 word” “just say hi” and I just want to cry or scream at them but I can’t

[@dustyscribe8397]

I'm 26 and I currently have selective mutism. I hate not being able to talk to friends I've known for 8+ years 😢

[@paulduck6595]

no you like it .

[@paulduck6595]

you choosed

[@angelbagel13]

@@paulduck6595 bruh no they didn’t, you have no idea what it is or what it feels like. Even if you have a sibling or friend with it, you do not.

[@angelbagel13]

@@paulduck6595 and yes I have it

[@ilonakrauja6115]

@@paulduck6595 definitely not 😆 my life would be much easier without that stupid shyness and anxiety

[@jamlym4974]

I had this from when I was about 3 to 6. The only people I would talk to normally were my sisters. And with my parents, I used a funny voice. I can't explain why I did it. I was just afraid to talk for some reason. I'm pretty much normal now, except I'm a little awkward with strangers or people I don't know all that well.

[@sofiyarini]

Thx u for sharing, i'm dealing with the same situation with my daughter, sometimes she speaks through a doll with funny voices, i'm really glad u could get over the phase hopefully my daughter will too overtime

[@pinkymae67]

My daughter would talk like a 2-year-old when speaking. At 10 years of age, I said it's time to stop speaking like that. She stopped speaking as much then. I felt so bad looking back because I feel like I hurt her feelings. She can communicate with others as an adult but it's hard for her to communicate with me unless we talk about our horses.

[@UhmActually.]

For me it's the opposite, I am more likely to talk to strangers than to people I know

[@basketballz]

​@@UhmActually.same for me, but when I try to speak to strangers without any fear, my voice sounds a bit weird and they usually can't hear it clearly or something

[@UhmActually.]

@@basketballz SAMEEE I once talked to a stranger when my parents weren't around and my voice sounded so weird

[@IcedCupcakes]

My 3yo has been going to the same playschool since she was 1yo and she still does not speak at all. She talks a ton at home, so def no language speech delay there. She's been potty trained since she was 22 months and she still can't tell her caregivers when she needs to use the toilet. They can ask her simple close ended questions and she still won't speak at all. So that's when she was diagnosed by a speech therapist with selective mutism.

[@stephhslush05]

I’m sorry to say this but she need speech and it’s normal for home but she need to speak up at school

[@stephhslush05]

I had this phase but your child need speech for public speaking

[@Ruby-bo5xk]

I have a question Can you have selective mutism if you cant say certain words to people? Or is it just anything to certain people?

[@gustavrocha7264]

Shy

[@paulduck6595]

i will start selectiv mutism .i will like it .not an open book anymore .want to share my life take the time .and see how noisy are humain

[@basketballz]

when I try to speak to strangers without any fear, my voice sounds a bit weird and they usually can't hear it clearly or something

[@lasinloser3979]

when I was around 7 I had to move schools because I was in a private school that my parents couldn't afford anymore, and from there on out, I was so quiet around people

[@Davinci-xl9st]

I perhaps have selective mutism. I had many friends and lot of fun until about the age of 6,5. I changed school and that school was so terrible that I became quiet. Is this selective mutism?

[@lasinloser3979]

this is literally me

[@bellegoh6148]

ℕ𝕠 𝕚𝕥𝕤 𝕟𝕠𝕥

[@stephhslush05]

No

[@basketballz]

I have had selective mutism since I was 8 because of school bullying and my parents always yell at me almost everyday when I was 4-8 even after I have selective mutism. When they yell at me, my anxiety levels are extremely high and couldn't speak. I'm now 15 but I think those are the main reasons that I got selective mutism

[@SlinkHailX]

I hate talking

[@sukunawillstillwin]

i definitely had this as a kid i could talk to everyone in my family in fact i didn’t shut up and i bullied my siblings. however at school at the doctors etc i was a mute. i talked to other kids just fine eventually but for some reason i went mute around adults or other authority figures. it was misdiagnosed as autism for a while, sometimes i feel it creeping back up. very strange disorder i honestly think its caused by earlier development rather delayed development. i was too sentient as a kid way too conscious

[@elgmichoacan818]

My brother is 23 years old and hasn't spoke to anybody in about 15 years he has social anxiety

[@josiedagirl515]

I...I don't speak to any one

[@abaz6955]

You just did

[@jahirahmed2051]

Pliappa that’s typing-

[@stephhslush05]

and you can that sad like how old r you

[@basketballz]

when I try to speak to strangers without any fear, my voice sounds a bit weird and they usually can't hear it clearly or something

[@coolestgyever531]

So I see what you're saying here, but as someone with a young child (just turned 3), I'm trying to figure out what the range of communication would be. For a kid like ours, who has known her grandma since she was born but won't talk to her and becomes completely silent around her when mom and I are around, but who, if we leave her with grandma, she'll open up some. For a kid who goes to school and generally avoids children and does not talk, but still completes school activities, does what teachers ask, etc. All different from how she acts at home with her parents, where she talks and reads at a level that some school aged children cannot. It's a little confusing. I've heard 3 year olds are too young to be diagnosed, but then my question is, should we treat her as if she has it, or should we treat her as if she just takes a while to warm up to people?

[@basketballz]

I have had selective mutism since I was 8 because of school bullying and my parents always yell at me almost everyday when I was 4-8 even after I have selective mutism. When they yell at me, my anxiety levels are extremely high and couldn't speak. I'm now 15 but I think those are the main reasons that I got selective mutism

[@juditheze9161]

My four years cousin doesn’t talk to anyone even his family except me. What should we do please?

[@basketballz]

I have had selective mutism since I was 8 because of school bullying and my parents always yell at me almost everyday when I was 4-8 even after I have selective mutism. When they yell at me, my anxiety levels are extremely high and couldn't speak. I'm now 15 but I think those are the main reasons that I got selective mutism

[@hf18455]

What causes it? Is it a mental disorder someone is born with or is it another trait/manifestation of anxiety?

[@deadbeats4417]

severe social anxiety mixed with a bad experience in a social situation which triggered an anxiety attack and therefore leads to the child fearing social situations and remains silent as a way to prevent more anxiety attacks. even though they want to talk, they just cannot do it because it will lead to an anxiety attack which will prevent them from speaking properly and make the anxiety attacks worse. It is extremely uncomfortable for them and only speak to those they are very comfortable with. I know this because I had it as a child. and it feels like a prison.

[@mindormood1]

@@deadbeats4417 How did you overcome it? I still have it and I'm in my 30s. I'm even more desperate now than before because I have more responsibilities and it's become the biggest limiting factor in my career.

[@deadbeats4417]

@@mindormood1 I started off by whispering to a friend because it was easier than talking , and slowly I started to practice by saying words , basically practice is the thing , as well as finding some online friends which had no idea about my mutism, I’d talk on videochat and it really helped me, though I still have quite bad anxiety. Do you have anyone close to you that you speak to?

[@mindormood1]

@@deadbeats4417 Thank you for your reply!! I am usually okay with speaking one on one but have trouble enunciate any words when faced with a crowd. It got worse due to covid as I spent more time at home for last 2 yrs but as you said, practice will help. I'll go out to meet more friends. Thank you for sharing your tips!

[@deadbeats4417]

@@mindormood1 you’re welcome!

[@mritchie85]

I developed unmanageable symptoms of this while studying postgrad at college

[@sfxmakeup2623]

I had it until year4

[@SlinkHailX]

actually it does it stops me from doing KZbin stuff people treat you differently they treat you like you're stupid

[@Stjepko15]

I have this shit.. Lol

[@1181darkfire]

i could beat every one up in the comment section

[@namesarefortheweak9602]

✊

[@xperiagalvez2398]

Selective mutism is extreme shyness.

[@Nalettea]

More than that to me

[@anujanand8015]

V. Well 😍😘

[@RandomExistencee]

.... ........

[@Zichronot]

When a child doesn't say anything, they have nothing to say. When they do, they'll speak.

[@svetavinogradova4243]

Exactly.

[@basketballz]

​@@svetavinogradova4243shut up, this is not how adhd or anxiety in selective mutism work

[@Zichronot]

Selective

[@pointlesslylukesplainingpo1200]

@b ray Hey leave him alone hes special

[@Zichronot]

@b ray you don't know how to look a word up and to make yourself feel smart, you call names. Your Low Brow ignorance is peeking through. And your character is judged, rotten to the core.

[@abaz6955]

... Mutism?

[@BeanBeanMcBean3000]

Beth Bob but all you did was comment the word “selective”, what was the point of that? It doesn’t have anything to do with the video, other than it being in name of the disorder. He didn’t have to look anything up on the internet, why would he?

[@jahirahmed2051]

b ray Lmao bro they literally just commented selective and you’re mad at them just ignore them-

[@mrrandom1265]

Nothing that can't be solved with a punch or a kick.

[@basketballz]

I have had selective mutism since I was 8 because of school bullying and my parents always yell at me almost everyday when I was 4-8 even after I have selective mutism. When they yell at me, my anxiety levels are extremely high and couldn't speak. I'm now 15 but I think those are the main reasons that I got selective mutism