Self-Hating Thoughts Aren't Yours! Identifying & Neutralizing Implanted Gaslit "Voices"

[@1RPJacob]

_The way we speak to our children becomes their inner voice._

[@aquickstory2196]

powerfully true

[@sharon6871]

If only parents knew that how they talk to thier children affects them for the rest of their lives, that inner voice is powerful 😒

[@rosyloveslearning3013]

Beautiful. Thank you.

[@judidozier]

Amen!

[@commondog3956]

Which is why I am always on edge with what to say or how to say something and get really upset at myself if I feel I can't communicate effectively. I feel like a shit parent but I know my son loves me but.. I don't know. I feel like I never say the right stuff. I answer all his questions. I try to be there for him. I try to discipline him to teach responsibility and tell him how I was as a kid if I can relate that to him so he knows he isn't bad for some kind of behavior but needs to learn and do better. I never know if I am doing good enough to raise a critical thinker with self-love and healthy boundaries who is just generally a good person.

[@curiousnetty534]

My opinions are worthless. That’s the message I grew up with and that belief has meant I’ve gotten trapped in toxic and dangerous relationships. Thank you for shining a light on this for me.

[@eshita7390]

ohh same

[@treeroot7636]

For today I need to tell myself its okay my home isn't perfectly clean with four young children, that doesn't mean I'm a bad person or woman. (Normally I clean for hours everyday staying up late for the past 7 years....I've gone to the gym twice this week, walked, worked, doctors appts ect.) It's okay if it's alittle messy today....that doesn't mean I'm a slob lazy ect. Might sound funny to some but it is one mental challenge to overcome with me.

[@sl5311]

I was adopted by a narcissist who gas lit me constantly. Of course, back in the 1960's and 70's there was no name for this abuse. The adopted parents were sacrosanct. Further, they had high intelligence with high working memories. I was highly intelligent but with a low working memory. Instead of looking further into this, I was just written off. I remember constantly saying I could not focus when I wanted to... I recently saw where Jackie Onasis got John help for this in the late 1970's so I know I could have been helped. Anyway, I was diagnosed with ADHD which gave me an additional 20,000 negative messages by the time I was 18. I am just now realizing I internalized my adoptive mother's gas lighting. I had no idea I was doing this. I was dx'd with ADHD at 50. I have been working on this issue since then. Thank you for your videos. They are very helpful.

[@MzBAnthony]

Like the part about being very intelligent with low working memory..the diff between me n my golden child sibling.and i think we have cptsd and high anxiety rather than ADHD..look into it

[@sl5311]

@@MzBAnthony I am very familiar with anxiety vs ADHD. I took Prozac -anxiety "POOF" still had ADHD. Low working memory from low dopamine in the frontal lobe, basal ganglia, etc. Found my bio family and they all have it. To road to self esteem has been a long crawl back..

[@JesusSaves77799]

If I may say this prayer for anyone who wishes it: God bless you Ross and your viewers in Jesus’s Holy Name, Amen. Thank you so much Ross for the positive and loving words!! We are worth self-love and you are right that we can’t let anyone take that away from us!! Thank you so much!!! 🙏☺️

[@Evelyne888]

Amen!! This can only be broken and defeated by God's power. The things which are talked about here in those videos we call witchcraft. Human beings which have not surrendered their lives to Jesus Christ as Savior and Lord do not have the authority about those evil powers. May we all have a clear revelation of who Jesus the Christ is. Thank you Ross for your vulnerability and teachings! God bless you.

[@jeanetteshawredden5643]

As an older-adult former family scapegoat & broken parent myself, I painfully see the (unintended) damage I did to my 2 sons who are now 39 & 41. I can only pray God will help them. They don't understand or care to hear that their grandmother was a very very insidious toxic religious Covert narcissist who destroyed her own family. My older-adult brother & sister also bear emotional scars but don't want to hear or cant hear the truth either; our narcissist parents are now deceased. I had to go no contact with my toxic adult sister & brother. So far, this former family scapegoat (me) is the only one to see the truth and be set free. It IS truly awesome to be free from toxicity. Now praying for my 2 sons, and a miracle from God for them ( one is no contact & the other relationship is a work in progress as we live 55 miles apart-so see each other a couple of times a month). I am 71 and happy. Blessings to you as we and our families travel our journey of health & healing ❤️.

[@sharon6871]

My parents repeatedly said to me, " I love you but I don't like you" it was very hurtful 😥

[@captainrankin6865]

that is calculatedly AWFUL ... have heard same exact things from other people. *good vibes to YOU*

[@CMJ1115]

Wow. I'm sorry to hear that. That's pathetic.

[@Peanuts76]

that's called toxic love, it confuse my brain and distort my view on so called love this is my mother taught me about love, love means control, abuse, critics, conditionsl love.... yeah, my mother are Narc, the confusion and dissonance I deal with almost everyday, oh and don't forget about GASLIT.....

[@user-cl6uj5bn2f]

So did mine, I feel you 💔

[@sharon6871]

@@user-cl6uj5bn2f 💜

[@innerlocus]

Just was seeing my own self gaslighting today as I could see how I let people talk rudely to me and I was angry at myself, so I told myself to stop and just recognize this when it happens instead beating myself up about the past mistakes. thx

[@giorgiaalexanderactingothe1892]

I started feeling emotional too when I saw that you were truly touched by the message you're delivering. We are so not alone although it feels like we are so often. Thank you for your passion and commitment to doing this work, both for yourself and for those you connect with. I know you are changing lives.

[@makaylahollywood3677]

I remember the day i stopped showing any anger. I remember the day i felt bad for being depressed. I remember the day i felt guilty for playing a made up game of cards with my childhood friend. My parents often reacted with disappointment, disgusted or invalidation. I recognize these feelings fifty years later.

[@reneemorgan3144]

Thank you so much for this video. Learning to love myself was and is the key to a good life. I am 60 years old now and just over the past 5 years, erasing and correcting those old messages.

[@dianedemidow2381]

So much of our world is carrying this dis ease. I somehow had this come across my feed today. I am so grateful to receive this. God bless you Ross

[@wardahblack4645]

Thank you Ross , I wish all parents in the world listen to your videos, a lot of pain could be avoided!

[@kiskakuznetsova503]

I was a blue eyed blond child but my mother and her whole family had dark brown hair and mostly brown eyes. Every summer my aunt would lament that I was so fair that I would not tan and "be healthy", and all my growing years they said things like this about my fair skin and light eyes, even saying that I was so light I ruined the family photos (I don't even know what that meant), but my existance was that upsetting to them. A few years ago I asked my BF, who never burned, to put sunblock on my back while we were at the beach. It didn't feel like he had put on enough but he said he did and since we'd been fighting a lot, I did not protest. I had the worst burn I had ever had on half my back that night. I couldn't sleep. And, I blamed myself for having the audacity to have fair skin and burning after being out in the sun all day without wearing sunscreen (though I thought I was protected). It took until we broke up some months later to realize that *he* caused the burn, not my selfishness or need to be "special". That was how gaslit I was by my family: I looked wrong, I was "high maintenance" and thought I was "special" simply because I did not mirror them. But, had I resembled them, they would have found something else wrong about me that was out of my control. (It's funny too, at least 3 of the women my ex was sleeping with are as fair if not more so than me. I wonder how many have had bad sunburns while vacationing with him?)

[@jamesrutter4100]

They were all intimidated by YOUR good looks and intelligence. AND HAD TO TRY TO TEAR YOU DOWN MALICIOUSLY. To try to make themselves as good as you. Laugh at them and let them know you look upon them as disgusting farm animals

[@emmymoreno4929]

I have this vague memory of when I was a kid and my parents would fight really bad and I used to always think it was my fault because of my mother and how she would talk to me at times. It makes total sense now. what a trip

[@trauma2beauty934]

When i was a teenager, my dad said i look nice with makeup on, but without, well....i was 16. I always wear makeup now and am , i feel, judged by what i look like. Always felt at blame 4 being abused, now, since knowing the Lord, i wasnt to blame for predators that hurt me. Im 52

[@VManzana80]

Both my parents are sources along with past military trauma. It has been a really difficult process to undo the voices. I've tried to confront my parents, but they're pros at deflecting. Now, I just maintain a healthy boundary. I'm tired of getting hurt by the people who claim they love me.

[@BodyLanguageAnalysisInterrogat]

"This is what you are." Always and never, You will never change." Nailed it.

[@ophrin]

Awesome job explaining and sharing how to redo our brain wiring. Love you.

[@debbieyoung611]

Thank you so much. I am 63 and never had anyone be able to explain what happened to me. I look forward to reading your book,

[@cathy_clarinet]

This is so deep I’m going to watch multiple times

[@ichefz]

You are a gift to humanity. Thank you Ross.

[@cathy_clarinet]

I feel you really nail what’s going on with certain people. You have tremendous insights 👏

[@sigrid3553]

Thank you for making these wonderful episodes about SelfLove deficiency, I have learned so much! I really want to be a part of your Self Love Recovery Community, I am sure most of your viewers are there 🥰🥰🥰 We get the insight and knowledge that can help us make necessary changes in our lives. Thank you so much! 💕

[@KomaTimeKev]

Thank you Ross for this video, very timely especially during the holiday season. You’re book The Human Magnet Syndrome was such a significant tool in my own journey of awareness and healing. THANK YOU!

[@izawaniek2568]

Thank you for this uplifting message Ross. The thoughts that are beating us down are not ours! We must not listen to them. Your work is saving our lives Ross. We are all worth self love . Thank you. God bless you❤

[@1sanremy]

From my personal experience and meditation, i found that it is a good idea to reframe, by reformulating the thoughts in your head, with more accuratie, like that : " I want to think that i am bad " or " i have the urge to..." or " something push me to think..." This can help to start distancing from the bad thought.

[@chrisg7795]

Good idea! I will try it.

[@1sanremy]

@@chrisg7795 Thanx for your answer. Keep me informed of your progress. Peace & love

[@frau_ic]

Growing up, I could foresee so many other narcissistic encounters coming to pass. I never wanted to meet this kind of people again. I had the suspicion that I was assigned a role that others of this sort also wanted to use and use for their own purposes. I was beginning to think I had clairvoyant abilities. But in reality, I think I could analyze my environment so well even then that I already recognized the pattern.

[@rosyloveslearning3013]

A local psychotherapist introduced me to you about 10 years ago. I have followed your work and have your book, and am very glad for it. (Still highly photogenic, too.) Thank you, Ross.

[@The_green_zebra]

Thank you so much for this video. It is helping me to see that I didn't only have one narcissistic parent, both were to some degree. I'm trying to love myself and these videos really help. Thank you again.

[@lovelyleslie253]

Ross, thank you so much for being you ! xx

[@mirandabrunskill7755]

Thank you for your honesty about your own experience Ross. You make a difference to people's lives, for the better 💐

[@elbareyes2838]

Thanks for this valuable info. God bless you.

[@raymondezell7817]

It’s predatory behavior for sure. I totally empathize with your emotions about the topic. Thank you, again.

[@cindihunter9119]

Yay! I've learned a lot this week about my own inner voices! I'm learning how to manage these often destructive ways. Thank - You, Ross, and for your work! I love your book! The Human Magnet Syndrome! Brilliant study!

[@BodyLanguageAnalysisInterrogat]

I so agree with this. So many thoughts or beliefs I can't even remember who they came from. Seems like gaslit from birth.

[@Hafsa_Siddiqui_789]

You actually fulfilled your life purpose because you did bring change and still bringing by your work.. Really thankful for everything you do..

[@joannahediger7820]

This is exactly true and after decades of suffering, searching and spending thousands on psychologists and psychiatrists this is finally an accurate and extremely therapeutic assessment of what I experienced as the child of a narcissist. Thank you.

[@pavanatanaya]

That was about the bravest thing Ive ever seen on YT

[@kerry378]

This really hits home...totally resonates and starting to see gaslighting in a different light.

[@chrisg7795]

I would like to send you a hug 🤗 . Because you’re a great person, you help us, who have experienced this, to connect and feel less weird. You helped me this morning. And I see what you feel. And I wish you see this hug 🤗 if you happen to go through our comments.

[@trauma2beauty934]

Thanku 4 this vid, and ive read ur book. People that help other people to make their lifes better make the world a better, happpier place to be.

[@harleyfsbo3027]

I’ve listened to a lot of psychologists Dr Rosenberg but after taking in all that info. your explanation resonates the most with me. I really appreciate you being open about your feelings and personal experience - it makes your advice that much more special and priceless and it makes me feel like I’m not alone in this. Thank you!

[@juanvaldez5422]

The other day I told my friend that I was internally gaslighting myself , was aware I was doing it , knew it was not true , but couldn’t stop it. This was after a brief but traumatic (as usual) encounter with my soon to be x narcissist wife… this explains a lot . Thanks

[@pennir8834]

Thank you Ross that touched me deeply 💕🙏

[@brennadickinson3562]

In the last seventy five years shaming, punishing and hitting children was the main form of 'discipline'. I was destroyed by the time I was fifteen and out of things for another twenty years. The last forty years has been all about recovery, which is still ongoing. There was a lot of fear in our parents.

[@martiwalsh2069]

"When I see you in the morning it makes me want to throw up." "If those people had to spend as much time with you as we do, they'd hate you too." "God, you stink." Yeah, repeat these to any child a couple hundred times, and it will have an affect. Thank God for therapy.

[@Angell_Lee]

You said you are nothing without us, I would like to differ you are mighty, a Legend and the universe by yourself alone. Much love to you on your journey and thank you for help so many xo

[@mirandabrunskill7755]

Thank for this video, I resonate with all of this.

[@cindyc]

Reminded me of my statement on my about page. Seems so often we have allowed other’s thoughts to take precedence over our own. It makes it difficult for us to recognize our own thoughts, dreams, and desires. It seems we must always be cognizant of when and where our thoughts originated. So often the thoughts we have are not ours. They originated from the words spoken over us as children. We must recognize this to be able to grow and learn, and for us to be able to get past the limitations that others have placed upon us. We are capable of more than we think.

[@lynnmcintosh4570]

I could never imagine purposely insulting my child, causing gaslighting damage just to make myself feel better. It's totally sick! Guess who is the SLD? Its not the child. I was gaslight by my mother, and my sister does it also. I would feel so trapped and worthless. Have done self work and feeling a lot better. No one explains gaslighting like Ross Rosenberg!

[@christinecoulombe6179]

Thank you much Dr. Rosenberg. This KZbin video is very powerful and meaningful to me. Thank you very much 🙂🙂🙂

[@hildesolstraleaksnes8390]

Wow I just know myself a little bit better now.Thank you Ross for your knowledge 😊 I have your book and you have teached me so much.Listner from Norway 🙏🙏

[@redbaron8999]

Thank You 💕😊 Your work is most helpful and I refer your videos to everyone in need !!!! God Bless You 🙂 "The Human Magnet Syndrome" book everyone needs to read !!!!! Life Saving !!!!! XO Sandi 💞🌺☺️

[@bebop54]

& once again dear mr. Ross saves the day ....thank you so much....

[@OliveWeitzel]

Dr.Ross, I wish I could come to you as my therapist! My "voices" started 68 years ago when I was 3 1/2....; will I ever find myself?

[@Chrysopal88]

Thank you so much Ross! Your work is so deep and helpful to me 🙏🏻

[@cliffkolsoniii]

You're awesome Ross. 🤟

[@tld-q9n]

thank you for increased volume !! most videos i di not watch due to unable to hear.

[@raymondezell7817]

Thank you for this. Definitely an every day struggle but we got this 🤝

[@LaurentMelnyk]

Amazing message . Buying the book in no time. Thank you Sir!

[@TheSwordandPearl]

You're awesome. World needs more men like you

[@erikacei9158]

What if you don’t remember the words because you were too young to know what “stupid” meant; but you do remember the feeling and you know that your main unconscious purpose in life is to get rid of that feeling? I know I’m not alone in this struggle and I know that one day all of us will win the battle! Thank you for sharing your experience and suggestions! 💜

[@gayemurphy3271]

Always always helps 💕

[@karin5211]

You are an angel thanks for the video

[@abbasotiot3709]

The churches need what you have. Know one is addressing these topics in the churches. In many many cases pastors and those within churches are telling folks to GO BACK to the abusive spouse. Anyone in their right mind/thoughts would never do this. So many have turned away their hearts from the Creator due to what is being taught and allowed in these places of worship.

[@mikejarrells431]

Thanks & good job. I think it's natural to self criticize when seeking external validation (partner/acceptance/love). The question is should we go down the path to internal validation/self love or keep pursuing external validation? I know psychology says that we need self love first, but looking around seeing narcissists enjoying partnerships makes it hard. At what point do those of us suffering get to start enjoying healthy love? I've been on this path for years, but I seem to be sinking deeper (isolation) instead of healing.

[@judidozier]

Thank you for this information! 🌸💖🌸

[@gayemurphy3271]

Happy Christmas 🎄

[@pebblebrookbooks4852]

So proud of you for not fussing with your old video!! 😜

[@leahc8347]

Thank you for your videos I really appreciate it .

[@Sivatsi]

THANK YOU SO MUCH, YES THIS IS GRATE HELP 💚

[@raniak2277]

Love this Ross, thank you.

[@JN24185]

My narcissist had me convinced I was BPD and the narcissist in the relationship. I truly almost lost my sanity. These people are dangerous. I to this day am medicated, solely because my Narc demanded I be medicated.

[@Angell_Lee]

You are so amazing, I hope you know. Thank you so much xo

[@harleyfsbo3027]

Dr Rosenberg, is there such a thing as a codependent Covert Narcissist? Do the negative thoughts and low-esteem that covert narcissists suffer from have anything to do with the devaluing ‘messages’ they received during their own childhood upbringing. I really am in no mood to look for excuses for the horrible and very destructive effects of their behavior on relationships (my kids & I are suffering from it first hand right now) but I do wonder IF this is indeed true (that their low self-esteem has its origins in childhood trauma) then WHY does therapy NOT work for the codependent Covert Narcissists the same way it works for the codependent on the ‘receiving’ end of the equation (the Empaths)? Why do Empaths respond to therapy but not the Narcissists? What explains this key difference especially if BOTH had extremely similar (if not the exact same) experiences in childhood? Would really appreciate your thoughts & insight. Thank you.

[@ro7547]

Does a parent HAVE to be a narcissist to say things that harm us? Isn’t some of that strictly parenting? My dad wanted us to grow up humble, so he did or said humiliating things to keep us grounded. It was also POUNDED in us that we were to “give others our best and keep the rest”. My five siblings and I thought that we had a wonderful childhood, but we all are still trying to be “good enough” in our 50’s and 60’s. I assume narcissism doesn’t necessarily mean cruel? We were loved but raised strictly to respect other people.

[@m_g4547]

Amazing, thank you for sharing

[@skytechm07]

Thank you Please more daily videos

[@jillyd905]

Yes I relate to this so much.

[@jackieshorter756]

Amazing content and honesty ❤

[@serendipitous_synchronicity]

Thank you 🙌🏻 ✌🏻

[@eottoe2001]

This a lot like BRET stuff by Jack Trimpey. This explains a lot.

[@monicawarren3678]

My mother.

[@conniedean3787]

No human being is illegal - I am thinking of the soul

[@sage9836]

Isn't it weird when you discover someone outside the narcissistic system has a completely different set of criteria than your gaslighter? Like the other person finds that what people once told you about yourself is untrue, not a big deal, or irrelevant.

[@emmymoreno4929]

You're freaking amazing oh my gosh

[@oneblood87]

Thank you

[@MelodieRose727]

My mom’s favorite thing to say was, “I love you, but I don’t like you very much right now.”

[@Sanfransweety]

How do I stop needing his validation (after separation)?

[@Wildchile]

this is true

[@edgreen8140]

Albert Ellis

[@mikejarrells431]

PS: Do you have any success stories? I know it turned your life around, but I don't think everyone can become therapists. Has anyone who has used your material achieved success/happiness/health? I've been on this path a while, but I seem to just be isolating myself. That doesn't seem to be healthy/adaptive.

[@coffeegirl6854]

♥️

[@julianal.573]

💐

[@intp9944]

i just can’t see the light anymore

[@amyalexandria444]

[@rw9019]

What is SLD?

[@Roxy0405]

Self Love Deficient.