Self-Hatred is Siding with Your Traumatizers

[@EndingTheNarcissist]

My narcissistic mother would always say things like "aren't you ashamed for being such an awful person" or "don't you hate what you see in the mirror being fat and ugly" and now I see that all of those were projections of her own self hatred onto me, it was really horrible and it takes years to undo the damage. If you are reading this and can relate, I am really sorry your parents treated you like that, it was not your fault.

[@ltraltier6009]

There’s way too many sychophants and trills who are too willing to play devils advocate.

[@diamondedevil]

i relate 😢, the last times she raged out on me it jus flew right over my head bc ir had finally clicked, none of what she was berating about me was actually abt me, it was her describing her shadow aspects, but shes so disconnected from it she has to project in order for her false “perfect grandiose” self to remain intact,,, im no contact but i still find myself being extremely self loathing for no reason

[@Joanthebrightone]

@@diamondedevilI’m so sorry! They need help!

[@mac-ju5ot]

My dad used to focus on my weight .I was anorexic as a teen he later focused in me in my forties .it just never changed . His mother was horrid.i saw where he was going with it all .

[@symmmfoni]

I can relate 😢 My mother dragged me in front of a mirror and said “what du you see?!” I was afraid and said “I don’t know “ She said “I don’t know either “ being very angry and disappointed and disgusted

[@pod9363]

Self hatred is also (in my opinion) a defense mechanism against empathizing with yourself. Just as an abuser avoids empathizing with his victims, a self-hater avoids the same feelings because it'll start the grieving process.

[@froggggg643]

My alcoholic father told me many times he wished me to die before him when I was a kid. The years after I left the house, my self-confidence was near-zero, and I hated myself a lot (still a bit the case today). Needless to say, I celebrated on the day he passed away.

[@mindkindmom]

Same here, the relief of them not being ever able to hurt us.

[@adonaiel-rohi2460]

Being disliked does not always indicate a flaw. “Flaws” are only important for addressing if the person considers it opposition of their own authentic self

[@tahiyamarome]

I think defining self- kindness is an important part of ending self- hatred.

[@thedeepfeeler.7890]

As an eighteen year old, I am qualified to say that I have been horribly traumatized by my family, and not only by them, but also by other people as well. I am here to thank you Daniel for educationg the folks about who they are and what they should do to live a tranquil life; I am indeed improved and much more stronger than I have been, for I have went through a lot of self healing and inner turmoil for years, and now I can see a lot of mitigation on my part, which is mostly the sweet fruits of your vedios and other resources providing assistance as well. I am glad that everyone is on their healing journey, and that makes me hopeful for a better future, in which most of us shall know who they truly are and be willing to contribute to the world in the most powerful way possible.

[@Curyrus]

Sounds like amazing progress for such a young age! I wish you the best in your healing journey :)

[@thedeepfeeler.7890]

Thank you ​@@Curyrus

[@cravingattention2771]

Thank you. I hope your life will keep getting better.

[@SmoothCode]

Most people have the misfortune of having very useless parents. Very rare would a child have good parents. They are either physically abusive, physically absent, emotionally abusive and absent or just absent.

[@allthe1]

Which are sadly all horrible forms of abuse. Everyone I know, and I'm not exaggerating, every single person I know personally shows signs of childhood abuse. Once you've started grieving your own childhood, you can't not notice it anymore. It's exhausting, especially when people react badly to your own healthy habits and demeanor

[@TheToastwithTheAbsoluteMost]

Anytime I talk about topics like this everyone around me says “stop obsessing, going into your past will do nothing for you” they’re so wrong

[@Nicko-jv3jv]

Dont bother this is something that we must face alone, at least in my experience, i haven't met someone in real life who is willing to valid my experience i feel and when i do talk it makes things worse.

[@TheToastwithTheAbsoluteMost]

@nicko-jv3jv chat gpt will listen to your problems and validate them. Cheap therapist right there

[@springwood1331]

@Toast I kind of agree? Acknowledging what happened in the past is helpful, digging in to the details or focusing on it too much can be re-traumatising though, and the opposite of healing. I found this out the hard way. Janina Fisher has some interesting stuff to say on healing trauma. All the best to you.

[@TheToastwithTheAbsoluteMost]

@@springwood1331 i agree but in this case, bringing it up once and being told to “stop obsessing” is just a means of disregarding my concern

[@springwood1331]

@TheToastWithTheMost right, that's different for sure

[@mokajji]

Hi Daniel, I found out about your channel about a month ago and have been binge watching your content. As a 20 year old guy I must say you have been the most helpful, insightful, inspiring and wisest people I have ever come across. You have managed to speak my thoughts clearly and helped me beat the deep confusion and sadness I’ve been struggling with. I don’t know how I can thank you enough, please never stop what you’re doing as your message is the only hope for humanity to find the truth within and rise from the ashes ❤️

[@sophialeejhonson]

Same

[@xrjx1511]

If you hate yourself you will try to make everyone hate themselves too. If you love yourself you will try to make everyone love themselves too.

[@acegikm]

Yes, self respect will lead to respecting others.

[@carnigoth]

I've dealt a lot with friends I wanted to help to have self compassion, but many can get very aggressive and identify with the aggressor when you point out they were mistreated or abused.

[@Gonzo-GT]

Damn I call that moral brainwashing, terrible trauma bonding nonetheless. They're totally alienated and don't even know.

[@pod9363]

@@carnigoth self-compassion is very dangerous if someone is still reliant on the people who will become the targets of the ritous anger the self- compassion will bring up

[@ryank6322]

@@pod9363 Yes. Financial dependence is the foundation of a lot of emotional co-dependency.

[@tahiyamarome]

Be mindful of the helper mentality. Often times you are giving what you wish someone would give you. Self- compassion, self- help... these aren't things you help someone else achieve. At best you can offer compassion and help when someone asks for it. If they don't, just be a compassionate witness.

[@allthe1]

​@@tahiyamaromeAlthough a very painful and necessary lesson to learn, I couldn't agree more.

[@saparagus]

Daniel, all your videos are extremely insightful, deep and helpful. But this one - it's a special masterpiece! My most sincere thanks for your contribution and your work!!

[@healcptsd6467]

I only hate myself when I get triggered into an emotional flashback.

[@howmor504]

Same, it makes me feel so dirty. Caused me to shun away from almost all my friends.

[@kevinhornbuckle]

You can practice relaxing when you experience an emotional flashback. You can look upon the you in the flashback and offer that person empathy and kindness. If you put in consistent effort at this, the flashbacks will go away.

[@chyeahfurries]

Me too ❤ hope ur ok and learning to cope ik it's super hard I struggle with this a lot

[@healcptsd6467]

@@kevinhornbuckleagree but I'd add BE CURIOUS about what triggered you, NOTHING is too small but remeber this is an emotional reaction that YOU are responsible for understanding, handling and, if necessary communicating. Accept that it happened feel what has to be felt, hide if you have to and allow yourself the time you need to return to the present. Doing this will help your nervous systen to unlearn what's no longer relevant. If you only focus on avoiding, numbing the pain you will just keep repenting/avoiding/allowing. This, together with VERY strict boundraries against negative, controlling people (family....) and total change of social environment (Sweden to Kenya 😊) has reduced my depressive selfhate periods to parts of days rather than months, I have ended all prescription drugs and alcohol, I usually undersrand what triggered me and return a little stronger and a bit wiser every time.

[@emmanuellacontopoulou]

The more deep I go inside, the more sensitive I become to the content of each new (and old) video. When I first came across this chanel (a couple of years now, I think), I was immediately captured by the content, but I wasn't emotionally engaged. I could listen and reflect and move on. Now, almost each video I am watching, brings tears to my eyes. And I am not ashamed of crying and I let myself feel the emotions. Your song "and if you feel like crying, then cry, just cry" plays in the backround of my mind, as if you have given me permission to do that. And maybe that is the biggest gift of all for me. Whether you realise it or not, your videos are a gift to humanity and I feel so grateful for what you do and so privileged to have found this. And watching the numbers of subscribers slowly going up every few weeks brings hope to my heart. At a time when people are lying so bluntly (elections is just one example), some people are choosing to watch a True teller. And they don't do this because it gives them pleasure, because it may bring a lot of pain, but because they want to heal and they cannot afford to avoid the healing pain anymore.

[@Morale_Booster]

Journaling is my #1 self help strategy. I journal every day and it helps me organize my thoughts and decide how i feel about things and what actions to take. I started very young because no one was there to listen to me, but i had to get everything out

[@anz10]

how do you stop your journaling from becoming rants which like you up? I need a middle ground.. what kind of prompts do you use? thanks in advance

[@Morale_Booster]

@anz10 do you mean your rants are unproductive? My journaling is definitely ranty at times, in order for me to process everything. I just keep following the feelings and insights always come. I don't need prompts because I just write about my life and let it flow. But I understand it's very unnatural to some people if you dont have practice. I'd love to offer more tips/info if you have more questions

[@acegikm]

Yep. I love to rant without restraint and then read over it, imagining someone else wrote it, because I was always better at giving other people advice than knowing what to do myself lol. I usually start off writing how I feel about something, like,"I hate my job. I'm sick of it because"....or "I don't know why, but I just feel sad."

[@AphroditeAngel222]

Mine outright told me they hated me- lots to work through! Btw Daniel I’d love to see you do a video on body dysmorphia and also on the growing trend of people in their 20s-30s still living at home with parents. Almost all my friends still live at home into adulthood and I’ve noticed it really stunts and delays their emotional development… the trend seems to be getting bigger.

[@Sketch_Sesh]

I believe he’s done videos on body dysmorphia. I had a form of it. Looking back, it developed because my mind was searching for a reason why my parents withdrew love and support from me. In my young mind, it had to be do to some flaw or imperfection with me. And my mind latched onto, obsessed and focused on this perceived “flaw”.

[@soulsonicfx3826]

He just recently posted a video about his own struggles with body image

[@dmackler58]

Yes -- I did recently make a video on body dysmorphia: kzbin.info/www/bejne/mILXh6Snr65kmrM Greetings all!!! Daniel

[@guesswhosbackg6616]

😢🫂🫂🫂

[@De5O54]

@dmackler58 - you look like an entirely different person in your body dysmorphia video(s) *_/some humour/_* long term prescriber and viewer,… have the best of the weekend.

[@allthe1]

I couldn't agree more with what is being said here. Being fed up of my self-doubt, self-hatred, self-denial, self-neglect, general bad habits and unfulfilling life, I've been working on setting up better conditions for grieving over the last three years: getting a stable income, cutting off people who hurt me or side with them, taking time off for myself and developing a healthy lifestyle, changing my interests. I have read books, watched videos, had hard talks with almost every human being I know, been exercising more and more, been having weeky therapy with a fortunately very like minded psychologist. But among all those things the most transformative part has been to be alone to look inside and back in time, and grieving, physically feeling the pain that has lingered and festered from my past inside my body and my mind. Crying, shuddering, moaning, bawling and raving, cringing and even convulsing. Not backing away from fear, pain, shame, desperation, anger, hate. Because these emotions all come and then go, and the more I let them be, the less intense they get. Grieving is how you get back to yourself, how you open the door to come back home to your inner child, and bring it back safely into the world. Its how you free your inner self from torment and let other emotions take root. It's been exactly how Daniel describes it in one of his earlier videos on grieving: life changing.

[@little_blue_cloud_nehiyawuk]

Add to this the experiences of Indigenous people who now display the symptoms of intergenerational trauma caused by the hatred and abuse from european settlers, their religion, their narcissistic abuse (and much much worse) of children and babies in residential/boarding schools, and we begin to understand where the self-hatred came from. This is an important point in my opinion. These settlers went on to create systems which were meant to benefit themselves and to negate Indigenous people (annihilation was the goal). We are still going through it with the systemic racism in governments, health care, education, the injustice system, so called christianity, you name it. Genocide was the intention. I agree with you Daniel, that self-love is the key, and that grief by grief, tear by tear, healing comes. Some have more to deal with than others is my point, and this needs to be recognized by society as a whole so that the will is there to make changes in the systems that govern us all. Then real healing can begin.

[@dmackler58]

Well said, Little Blue Cloud. I actually made a video on this subject (intergenerational sexual abuse trauma in First Nations people) a few years back. I'd be curious what you thought of it, if you had the time. All the best to you, Daniel

[@little_blue_cloud_nehiyawuk]

@@dmackler58 Hmmm, I replied to your reply and it's now gone. I did watch after reading your reply, and it's very good information for those wanting to learn more about trauma in Indigenous communities as a result of christian run residential schools.

[@dmackler58]

@@little_blue_cloud_nehiyawuk Nice to hear your reply -- but I'm sorry that the first one you wrote disappeared. KZbin is weird sometimes!! I send you greetings -- and I thank you for bringing up issue of intergenerational trauma resulting from Christian-run residential schools. A true horror. Daniel

[@little_blue_cloud_nehiyawuk]

@@dmackler58 I have so much respect for you, this channel and the wisdom you impart. I honestly can't believe you responded to me. In the reply that was deleted, I spoke about the truth coming out with the revelation of the graves of children and babies in Kamloops in 2021, and that these little ones are the light of truth for us all. I also referenced a quote from Sinead O'Connor, and her words spoke directly to my heart and soul. “They broke my heart and they k***ed me, but I didn't die. They tried to bury me, they didn't realize I was a seed.”

[@dmackler58]

@@little_blue_cloud_nehiyawuk Aww -- thank you. And thank you for adding in what got deleted. I had not heard of the graves in Kamloops. Also -- I wish I had the time and energy to respond to everyone who posts. So so so many beautiful posts and beautiful people. I send you -- and everyone -- warmest greetings and great respect. Daniel

[@DylanPwnt]

Thank you, one of your best videos in my opinion. Your insights are worth more than all the money in the world to me anyways. Again thank you.

[@Revengestar]

Sometimes dysfunctional people will dislike you simply for being normal and having the capacity to enjoy the simple things in life and will try so hard to shame you and change you to be miserable like them.

[@tnt01]

100%

[@SisypheanRoller]

Basically my family's women to a T. My dad basically enabled their bad behaviour and keeps making excuses even today.

[@Joanthebrightone]

@@SisypheanRollersame. All cluster bs. Why don’t these dads hold their spouses accountable

[@chyeahfurries]

My ex of two weeks 😅

[@Jae-by3hf]

Yes!!! To add, they hate that others genuinely, like and care about you too!

[@NatureHeadSupreme]

Hey Daniel, it's been a while. You're still putting out great content I see. My start to enlightenment had a lot to do with your insight/workbook. Its still all very hard but I'm trending uphill thats for sure. Thank you, be ultra blessed.

[@dmackler58]

Thank you!

[@meloearth]

I read as "self hatred IN siding" and I got excited because it's the video I need. I have tried being "friends" with people who don't like me, and it felt like betrayal of self and I ended up condemning myself the entire time, therefore, continued to be traumatized; this time, by my own hands. Because those who don't like you, much less love you, will continue to do what they do to minimize you. I might have to make that video some day.

[@wingsly]

Thank you for this soulful talk Daniel. The title is deep and memorable. ✔️💯

[@AlastorTheNPDemon]

Sometimes, I fall into this trap. Usually, though? I make irredeemable devils out of them. The problem is that this turns me into a victim, and I criticize myself for being a victim. It always comes back to criticizing the self... which leads to defenses criticizing the ones who made me blame myself. It's back and forth.

[@tahiyamarome]

You can replace those thoughts. It's literally apathway in your brain that you can redirect

[@moonmillghost5435]

Do they play the victim a lot so you don’t want to be like them in that way? Maybe you can consider it as just grieving your hurt instead of being a victim. Anyway, there is a distinct difference between playing the victim and actually being a victim of hurtful behaviour.

[@iancolthart6676]

I wish I had the luxury of breaking away from my narcissistic parents. Unfortunately I'm financially dependent on them

[@lilafeldman8630]

@@iancolthart6676 :( that's rough. I'm sorry for that. I was there once too. I couldn't seem to find a decent job or a way forward that would afford me the ability to leave home.

[@diamondedevil]

i used to be you not so long ago!!! id think the exact same thing, but i swear, even if it feels impossible, you CAN do it. just tell yourself the opposite, even if u dint believe it at first. it worked for me. also, when u tell urself the opposite, u can start opening yrself to opportunities for creating that reality, ie getting a job, saving, making an exit plan. its not easy, but it IS possible.

[@moonmillghost5435]

I did a lot a trauma work while living with mine. There are some perks to this actually. Like someone said, the things they do and say now are probably similar to the things they did and said in the past. So you can use digs and other hurtful comments to inform you of the incidents from the past which helps you do a lot of grieving in real time. Also, have you heard of the grey rock method? Good thing for when you really can’t handle them.

[@apparently_sonam]

What we don't change is what we are choosing. You maybe enjoying the 'luxury' of what their support offers you in life versus accepting what comes with the freedom of not having that in your life and possibly less. But again, without judgement, it may be a challenging situation in which you have to accept. But also that doesn't mean tolerating abusiveness. There are other videos out there that can talk you through how to keep your boundaries and assert your self whilst safely dealing with them. You still have autonomy either way. X

[@mackenzie8042]

I don’t even have the words to describe how much you have helped me. So grateful for you and every time you put out a new video. I watch all of your videos over and over and over & I always get something new each time❤ thank you, Daniel

[@chunkybread2795]

You are the most amazing person on the internet. Your videos evoke some deep asleep emotions in me Thank you so much

[@SharkyJ40]

I got into trouble when I tried going back to reconcile and felt the betrayal all over again during medical crisis. I kept trying to see myself through their lens to understand why they rejected me. It took the latest campaign cycle for me to wake up and see how much politics and religion drive wedges between family members. I didn’t want that to happen but I’m invisible to them, and I’m worth more than that. So ✌🏾 back to my art, Taoism, nature, dog.

[@cathparcat]

Very beautiful Daniel. I’ve done the walk since 1989 and I now feel so joyful. I now know from within that I am a being of great value. No need for recognition from someone else. For those in the desert right now, keep going, you will arrive to that so wonderful feeling of understanding that you are a being of great value - and not from a narcissist point of view.

[@Neja.Speaks]

I am so glad that I'm not the only one with this kind of perspective on healing and on psychotherapy and antipsychotics in general. More people need to speak up about this and this way we'll collectively contribute to the much needed paradigm shift within the field of mental health. Spiritual growth is key here.

[@etherealsmurf]

Hi Daniel sir, I'm 17 and I'm so grateful to have discovered your videos. They have a massive impact on me and you're helping me with thoughts I've struggled for years internally. I cannot thank you enough sir. I don't know if I'd be in the place where I am if I didn't start watching your videos. When I hear you speak, suddenly everything makes sense to me and I feel lighter and the buzzing noise in my head goes away. I wish you tremendous success and happiness and peace and love and light TRULY from the bottom of the heart. You deserve everything and more. Keep going, sir!

[@grandiosa86]

That is spot on about therapists. There is really not many good ones out there, and if you are also looking for some form of chemistry on top you are really asking for a lot. Trial and error as with everything else people!

[@Mark-tl1yp]

Nonsense-most are excellent.

[@grandiosa86]

@@Mark-tl1yp You are nonsense!

[@AbdullaHassan-z4p]

Grieving like bereavement, put it to rest Great respect to Daniel

[@rickturnr]

This is the crux of most psychological problems

[@JCPJCPJCP]

Very true, Daniel. Sad but true. These are truths I intuited as a teenager and have known and forgotten, known and forgotten, known and forgotten, and known for decades. Society and most social groups are narcissistic, in league against individuals who are seeking authenticity, their true or better or best selves. We threaten them. Emerson: "Whoso goes to walk alone accuses the whole world ... " Edit: "Society, to be sure, does not like this very well; it saith, whoso goes to walk alone, accuses the whole world; he declares all to be unfit to be his companions; it is very uncivil, nay, insulting: Society will retaliate." --Ralph Waldo Emerson

[@Sunshine74444]

I wonder how to truly heal from trauma. I know it’s a grief process. I wonder how long recovery from grief takes. I wonder if there is true recovery, as in being the whole, self-loving person you would be if you had loving and whole parents. I’ve tried a lot of things, but haven’t yet found wholeness or true self-love. I agree about therapists- it’s hard to find a good one and I’ve never had a good one. I feel grief- a sense of mourning the person I might have been and the thriving life I might have had, instead of a life lived in survival mode.

[@qoup22]

Thank you for making this, your content is a bastion during these times and I wish all good things on your journey.

[@bluemoony102]

Thank YOU 🙏🏼 for existing Daniel ♥️

[@josebernaolalicetti6751]

Your videos really resonate with me. Thank you so much for your courage and your sharing. Season greetings to everyone.

[@stodgepodge]

I've noticed I use self hatred pre emptively, if I hate myself first it won't hurt as much when others hate or reject me (or so the lie goes)

[@AbdullaHassan-z4p]

Children create a fantasy to lift spirit create hope, self love soothing behaviour

[@kevinhornbuckle]

Overcoming self hatred takes work. But you can practice and become good at it. You can even adopt a policy against it, and stop whenever you catch yourself. One thing to watch out for is other people who will hate you for failing to hate yourself. You avoid this problem by keeping your anti-self hatred policy a secret, and by keeping sadistic people out of your life.

[@MagisterialVoyager]

i feel poked by the title already. this is going to be good.

[@saharkhalili5303]

I discovered a short cut for grief that helps me heal - to accept the things I'm sad and unhappy with as if they'll never change. Once I truly make peace with my life never changing, things WILL change as change is the only constant and the universe won't let us get away from that haha

[@darcyroyce]

❤❤❤ I agree. Thank you, Daniel. 🙂xx

[@doomsdaycrochet4873]

Daniel, I'm deep into working on self-hatred right now. Your words ring so true for me. 🙏 Journaling is so therapeutic and necessary for me. I'm doing parts work and finding it's a good way for me to understand myself and integrate all the rejected parts of me that weren't acceptable to my parents.

[@AnnaGrace603]

How are we supposed to stomach it when our parents dislike and resent us? Being so so small, so vulnerable, so dependant on them and so so incredibly needy? For me its still the hardest thing to face... that my mom was sometimes rejecting me, dismissing me, disliking me....hating me for my negativ emotions. I used my cut myself as an adult. It was self hate and self punishment. The only thing that helped me with that at the core was working with the completion process of Teal Swan. It helped me to connect with myself and my inner child on the inside. I stopped cutting all together ❤

[@Buritsu]

Thank you Daniel ❤

[@susanhartline7539]

I can't get into journaling. If I re-read anything I write, I hate myself even more. I tossed my most recent journal which only had a few pages written in anyway. BUT!!! I did purchase your book From Trauma to Enlightenment - Self Therapy in Twelve Steps. I am going to start working with it as a gift to myself for my upcoming 65th - along with quitting drinking. I appreciate your content and am grateful to find you/it on YT.

[@tomhanson4008]

I needed this today! Thank you, Daniel.

[@oriontrips]

You’ve been a huge comfort for me Daniel. Thank you for all the work you do, it is making my own current healing process much easier. I am curious if you’ve ever heard of Stefan Molyneux? You two express a lot of the same ideas regarding the importance of resolving childhood trauma and holding parents accountable. If you two ever talked together that would be fascinating!

[@Kimoto504]

Yes, Yes, Yes, Yes, and Yes. I would add that it's not just parents who traumatize us. It's dogmatic religion. It's culture. It's society. I'd also add that different stations in society's caste and class systems get varying degrees of trauma; some far, far worse than others. The siding with traumatizers you discuss applies exactly to these relationships as well. Your principle scales from family to culture/society/nation without distortion.

[@matthewspears3786]

I've been feeling a lot of self hatred lately, but it struck me in a different way: every healing professional I have met has said no, don't self hate! Except they were really saying they don't want to connect with me with this there. They wanted me to dissociate. Which I have, for so long. Incredible muscle tension, sleep problems, and other symptoms manifested. Intellectualism. Obviously clinging to self hate is like hugging a cactus. But so much advice around it is effectively asking one to cut that part out and at least act loving. Journaling for me, suggested by neurotic therapists, were more often than not just expressing self hate. Self hate is just a label, and it's the lack of curiosity that really says to our body go way let me dissociate. Certainly a part of self love is understanding, I prefer the word *grok*. Usually the term understanding when used is intellectual and dissociated. As I've grokked my own self hatred I actually saw it as the form of love I knew as a child because it was what I needed to feel to divorce all my own needs from myself to serve my totally unregulated parents. But just saying "love myself" was useless.

[@schoolneverteach]

Such a sharp insight! Indeed we often side with the wrong side, esp people nasty to us.

[@charthers8903]

Even at 82 years old my narc father still tries to make me hate myself

[@AbstractLaw]

Families are often just a reflection of societal values of who/what matters i.e. successful - thin, rich, straight etc

[@kon1655]

Hi Daniel, I have a suggestion for a video, I don't know if you ever explored the concept of Dissociative Identity Disorder or the splitting of parts of a person's personality due to trauma, but I would very much like to hear your take on that I remembered that because I have had some experience with this. When I was a young boy, about 8 years old, while being caught up in a toxic shame vortex + self-hatred and remember being smoothed by what I perceived to be another part of me that wasn't literally me but more of a brother, I remember talking to him and discussing with him, I believe I experienced that because I had this strong dissociation from my feelings of anger, so much so that it was perceived by me as belonging to someone else

[@user-dr1td6nd5f]

Tim Fletcher has great videos on cptsd symptoms like did, depersonalization disorder, etc. I thought for 21 years that my body only exist when others were touching me. I called myself "a floating pair of eyes and a brain" I know its not the same but check out tim fletchers stuff.

[@MarleyLeMar]

@@user-dr1td6nd5f Tim Fletcher also has a series on toxic shame which I have found deeply helpful.

[@lara846l2]

Hi Daniel- Happy Friday and thank you for healing us.

[@Johannastairwellstudio]

Exactly what lm feeling intensely at the moment The way l internalised their hate and how difficult it is to budge this, it’s deep in my psyche despite my best efforts Thanks Daniel for helping me understand this more

[@hadiza1]

Preach!!!! Watching next omg. ❤❤❤❤❤

[@acegikm]

I think typically speaking, the oldest children are the most likely to side with their parents and feel dutiful and obligated in general. I see this over and over.

[@philc494]

Needed this today, thanks Daniel.

[@Полина-г9в4ь]

There was a boy who convinced me all those things at school and I spent many years, decades believing it. Because all the other kids were repeating it same way after him or otherwise justifying him and blaming me for that abuse, while I was doing nothing and wanted just to be left alone and made everything to become invisible, shrank myself completely, silenced myself - even that didn't help. That's what school bullying does to you, when so many people target you simultaneously over years every day. Maybe complex childhood traumas made it for me, but I didn't get so much verbal abuse, so that finally killed me. I went home to hide from it, because even though I wasn't getting positive attention, I wasn't getting so much negative attention and boundaries violation there either. Constant bombarding of insults and attention to completely annihilate me, like that was his goal. There was nothing I could do with my body that wouldn't trigger him into circles of verbal abuse, like I moved my body to wrong place, said wrong thing with wrong voice, looked wrong and that was on repeat every school day for 2-3 years. ''You're so ugly and trash (as in not a human being) you're not only gonna be alone for your whole life without ppl on your side, bfs, friends - not only that. Because you're so ugly and weird, you don't deserve to be left alone without us harassing you, you don't deserve to exist, we're gonna totally destroy you, that's what you deserve - psychological destruction''. And at school you're having same classes all the time with same people, you're constantly observed and commented on. They were not studying, they were busy with this. That was an entirely new experience compared to childhood. Then another bully was doing same later. First thing I did was defend a girl and I was no safe anymore from his targeting. She skipped classes and I became the new target. I'm from russia, for the context. Don't know, maybe somewhere kids and teens and adults are not aggressive to that scale

[@Полина-г9в4ь]

And my school best friend turned away from me shortly after the bullying started and find a ''replacement girlfriend'' Amount of people who I got support from during that time and later: 0 Mom: ''Just don't pay attention at them. I had the same thing, it will pass'' * meanwhile, despite her traumas, had a social life, was never that severe, maybe occasional teasing many ppl get * Grandma: ''It's your fault. They're doing it for a reason, they can't just all of the sudden do it to someone.'' Father: * doesn't exist * Friends outside school: teasing me themselves, with narcissistic traits themselves I only got the idea of God to make me feel better, the Bible. Not church community - I was already morbidly scared of people at that point (social anxiety).

[@adonaiel-rohi2460]

Loving yourself and raising self awareness is key to internal validation and not being disturbed by haters

[@Wellnessbykaia]

I love this guy ❤❤❤ he always makes sense such an inspiration ❤❤❤

[@millie9814]

New video from Daniel 😍😍😍 YUUUSSS

[@jupeter24]

You're an amazing person, Daniel Mackler! I thank God for you 🙏 edit: at 7:20 "maybe even a therapist, though I don't think there are many particularly good ones out there." True dat. Although I did have (throughout my life) two therapists *that I only saw very briefly* that I thought were good. One I could not afford (he was a therapist I heard on the radio and he charged $140 per session - too much money for me at that time), and the 2nd one I only saw briefly b/c I had to move for a job. But I thought she was great. Actually, there was one more - I saw a PhD or PsyD (can't remember which), and I thought she was good at offering very good practical advice, she was very smart. However, due to loss (losing both her grandma & mom back-to-back) her own life was spinning out of control & I believe she had to go to drug rehab. which is too bad b/c she was good at helping others.

[@De5O54]

🫖

[@chayap.199]

What if your traumatizers weren't outright bad to you just unavailable/menaltally emotionally and physically. They didn't plan to be.

[@mokajji]

Neglect is abuse, emotional and physical unavailability by people who are supposed to love and care for you is deeply traumatising.

[@pod9363]

How did they react when confronted with those complaints and what did they do to try to rectify them?

[@chayap.199]

@mokajji its difficult to hold accountable parents who were suffering themsleves....

[@chayap.199]

@pod9363 As an adult, I can see that they had nothing to give. There was no confrontation.

[@user-dr1td6nd5f]

If they cared about you enough you would not be asking.

[@yudimeltzer123]

you are so based. Love all of your advice and radical vulnerability

[@lulumoon6942]

This is an important revelation that is hard to hold when dealing with BFRB.😮‍💨

[@ItsKhanel]

thank you sir!!

[@tami2595]

Thanks!

[@anthonytaccona5169]

This is so good

[@4estdweller4ever]

I deeply loved my mother. My father died when I was 4 and a brother was killed when I was 5. I was so afraid my mother would die too. Then she turned me over at 6 to a known child molester to do with me whatever he wanted. She watched. I still loved my mother but I left home to live in foster care at 12. Yeah, I’m screwed up. And I don’t love my mother.

[@jardeljunio7341]

My mother is very sick and dying, my mother has CPTSD and mental conditions and refuses to go to the doctor. I have CPTSD, depression, anxiety and schizotypy, I can't get psychological help in my local town. My family stole her and tried to kill her and she's traumatized forever, I have no one, I don't know what to do. When this happened I was 18, but I feel like my mental age is younger than that. I'm alone and scared, what can I do? My family destroyed my life, i'm in a dangerous place.

[@jamesboswell9324]

The title alone conveys such an important message. And thanks for the explanation of why we fall into this trap, but can i ask if you could expand on the point a little. Why does it become a pattern of behaviour that causes us to repeatedly side with future traumatisers? Is it simply a habit that we developed as infants and can't shake off?

[@CrossRoadsMethod]

A lot of that is due to Introjects, when Daniel mentioned about internalizing aggresion and adopting it as our own is that. Shocking messages and strong emotions that disrupt coherence between the brain, mind and body. Suppresing those emotions (which is ultra common) make all of those biochemicals get stuck and form all sort of problems phisiologically speaking. Teaching the body to crave certain emotions (becoming addicted to our own biochemistry due to repeated conditioning) which shapes neural networks to engage with said aggressions constantly. The mind is trying to make sense of the aggresion and resolve the tension but we (because we don't know better) stop the mind and body from releasing all that by suppresion and denial. Making a endless cycle of a body craving a resolution that neves comes... As Daniel said knowing the origin is the most powerful start to disarm all of that. Then reverting thought patterns, habits and perceptions requires a clear intention, clear information, effort and practice

[@frankstared]

What about the love of their communities? What about the love of all people? Children and all human beings deserve love and support.

[@SuperLotus]

After the recent election, I've been contemplating my place in the world. Being chronically ill and transgender I don't feel like I have any value and I think part of it is messages from my parents not accepting me. They've paid for some of my medical bills so I'm thankful for that, but at the same time they don't accept me for who I am. I'm not really mad at them anymore. I've accepted that they are the way they are, but I can't forgive them for the damage they've done.

[@SarahSink-Fennell]

Excellent ❤

[@nishanacht]

Oof, that title. Defn on point!

[@JKThom-59]

Will you do a video about the trauma of prez and his threats against women, esp his incel males feeling confident about veiled rape threats. I personally feel like I'm in my family system with no say in what happens next.😢

[@nrknice]

I discovered I was pretty sure I would have to cut off my parents because I would never want to stop trying to fix our relationship but they wont fix it with me. My friends didn't agree with me.

[@onelmstreet8839]

They hated each other after a few month after my birth.. Love is like peace, ya appreciate it only in hate/war times

[@kathleenwharton2139]

My parents Loved me. My husband was the bastard that hated me and I joined him Far Far Too Long. Jesus has Restored my Soul. Hard Lesson learned 😊❤

[@patriciagbur8453]

I feel ashamed for taking vyvanse to cope with life but its the only thing that stops me from being in a constant sugar-chasing dissasociative dream. When i take it, its ljke im bejng clear and pyshed forward in some way agajn. I will never ever take anti depressants, but i feel slightly more deserving of this because it doesnt make me happier per say, just lets me focus my attention on ANYTHING, not just be smothered in self loathing and rumination

[@ivadedeva7005]

I do not believe it still! Even one therapists told me to think this way is SICK!

[@94alhf]

You said no drug can provoke us to do a massive amount of healing. Entheogens can provoke us, Ayahuasca, psilocybin etc. I speak from experience as Ayahuasca is what forced me to confront someone's effect on me growing up

[@carlcruysberghs2298]

❤❤❤❤❤❤❤

[@lilafeldman8630]

I had to let go of the religious beliefs that contributed to this.

[@rosary6521]

Please make a video on mild sexual abuse of daughters by father/mother

[@kostas7143]

Hey Daniel, what's your opinion on hoarding? Although i can guess the answer, i would like to hear what do you think about it.

[@jane9469]

Hi Daniel. Would you be able to share some journaling tips? I have been keeping a journal but i dont get much relief when i do it and it frustrates the CRAP out of me. I have filled a good portion of my notebook buts its so repetitive.

[@dmackler58]

Hi Jane! Here are two videos I made on journaling: Q&A: How Do We Journal Properly? kzbin.info/www/bejne/eJqVfXmBm7WJe7s Why Journaling Can Be So Awkward - A Psychological Exploration: kzbin.info/www/bejne/pZ2YZqOppsaGqMU And here’s a playlist on doing self-therapy that I made: Self-therapy playlist: kzbin.info/aero/PLRHLaIzKomTjZpFsYI0NPnHUteoRHLTiL (there is quite a bit of mention of journaling in this, I think) I hope this is useful. All the best! Daniel

[@Prettyboyred336]

Project 2025 is going to make it difficult for any of us to heal from our tramas. Anxiety and anger is growing stronger in me with each waking day.

[@Schizohandlers]

How can I love myself if I have no idea who I am, or what love is. Am I a marionette made out of flesh and bones riding on tracks to a set path. Or am I a "self" made in God's image with free will, acting towards a grand goal? Is love a series of chemical reactions used as some sick joke to create more flesh puppets, or is it a genuine emotion that comes from something greater then us? It's so confusing I have no idea where to even begin to understand any of this.

[@SeanRhoadesChristopher]

ADHD runs in my family, society hates people with ADHD, so the self hatred is going to come straight from society straight from the Bible straight from the God who put us here. God’s cure, is not to remove the self hatred but to accept it as first Adam’s curse, removed by nailing the corpses to our own crosses which our souls are trapped in, as did the last Adam who has a new body and sits at the right hand of God the father in Heaven. We do this in faithful hope that we too receive a new body.

[@whymillie]

Do you have any books to recommend for this

[@Filthycoffin]

Do you have any other experiences with people that’s came off psych drugs and recovered? The abusive people in my life were arrogant doctors that misdiagnosed inverse drug reaction and label it as bipolar schizophrenic when it was. I am getting better physically, but I am having a lot of trauma from how I was treated and what all I have lost including my family because because they were believing the doctors.

[@dmackler58]

Hi! I made this documentary: kzbin.info/www/bejne/h2aooaGMmbGpobc I would also recommend www.madinamerica.com and perhaps especially: www.angiepeacock.com -- Daniel

[@AbdullaHassan-z4p]

What about colonisation then self hatred

[@raggensen]

And finally admitting to our children that they were emotionally neglected. How I was not able to meet them on an emotional level. Thats really "interesting" and necasarry. But difficult. And hard to know if this amateur is doing it the right way.

[@frances.ca.1191]

it happens in 'Society' altogether, or 'aSociety (for 'asocial Society', that holds 'Name: Society' and yet this is a 'false Flag' so called), and it is habitually named 'blaming the Victim' despite is needs to be described as 'blaming the Virtuous', it is a 'pathological and perverse' Way to 'behave', especially implemented by those who 'lack of moral Conscience', that is habitually developed only through 'Religion' so called, or any 'spiritual Way', that is 'of the Ancients', from before Year 300 of the 'christian Era' so called ('Jesus Christ' self always 'boosted' the 'Value' of the 'old Tradition' and never founded any 'own Religion'); the 'Abusers' may be someone different than 'the own Parents' anyhow, and indeed, that is why it is necessary to 'see' where did the own 'Trauma' arose, and the Fact that 'Parents may think, feel, move differently' so to put it, than 'anyone else of the outer World' so to put it, that is to say, 'they love the Kid, while other Individuals hate him, her', this makes the 'Kid' to 'side with the Abusers' in the 'Sense' that 'the Majority of the Society, thinks, feels, moves in a given Way', and the 'Kid' feels as to have and 'be like anyone else, of the Majority', in order to be 'accepted' within 'Society' itself, and if 'he, she is cherished by Parents', while 'other Individuals, also School Teachers, or Trainers, or other Adults of the Community', treat the 'Kid' as if he, she was 'stupid', then the 'Kid' feels 'forced' to 'adhere' to the 'Opinion of the Majority' indeed, and 'self hate himself, herself', because of the 'Abusers' of the 'outer World', indeed, that are different than, maybe 'holy People' of the own 'private Family' so to say, and concerning 'the Abuses' within the present Day_s 'School System', see 'Work of Science and Art' by 'Genius' of the recent Past 'Ivan Illich', titled 'deschooling Society', that can also be 'freely' acquired as a .pdf Document, at Site monoskop.org/images/1/17/Illich_Ivan_Deschooling_Society.pdf ; otherwise, in Case of 'the Abusers' are the 'Parents', then 'siding with them' is caused by 'Narcissism', actually 'suffered' by the 'Victim', that is to say, 'the Fact that these Parents, are the own Parents', then, for the 'Narcissus' it is impossible to 'see, know' any 'Flaws' in them, and on the Contrary, 'they must be the most excellent Individuals ever', provided that 'they are his, her Parents', actually. 'Salvation, Wellbeing' to everyone, simultaneously, through 'correct Judgement, balanced, provided with Integrity, Wholeness, Holiness').