Self-Sabotage? Or Setting Boundaries?

[@laradaurelio]

„a person who loves you wouldn‘t test your boundaries“ damn this truly got to me

[@vamsikotte]

the price of love is not to lose yourself in appeasing them- the best love advice ever

[@SusanWinter]

Thanks for your support and I’m so happy that you agree with that line of thinking. Vamsi -it’s so easy to lose ourselves to love.

[@vamsikotte]

@@SusanWinter a huge thanks to you ma'am, your videos are a big eye opener for me, your concepts really worked well in building my emotional strength , your ideas are more realistic and are of great worth following.

[@francescacapozucco7523]

Listening to you was like listening to what my deepest voice has always tried to say to me and confirms what I already knew. Since I was a child I struggled with boundaries, trust and sense of self. Every time I put a boundary someone was telling me I was wrong and as a result of that I learned to doubt and question myself and spiraling with a sense of shame and guilt. I’ve learned I couldn’t trust my instincts because maybe there was something wrong with me and the boundaries I wanted to put. I allowed so many awful behaviors from narcissistic and egoistical people, I received abuses and I’ve learned to excuse them forgetting about myself. I spent years thinking I was the wrong one putting boundaries with them when the only reality was that I was programmed to not trust myself, my instincts and intuition and accept manipulation and controlling behaviors from others. Finding myself again was the real deal, re-learning how to value me and listen to myself, trusting myself without fears of judgment, it’s like being born again with a renewed sense at self, free from any chain of the past ❤️ thank you

[@MB-zn4xw]

Susan I just want to tell you that you are hands down my favorite dating coach on KZbin. Your approach to dating is real and straightforward which I strive to be more like as I'm navigating the dating world as a 31-year-old woman looking for real love again. Thank you for covering this topic, I tend to run away from seemingly good relationships because I've been duped before and the recovery from that heartbreak took forever. I met a great guy recently, and after a few dates I discovered he had lied to me about being divorced when he was really only separated. I broke it off because it's only been a few months since his separation & deep down I knew he probably wasn't ready for anything real again yet. Also, I set a new rule for my dating life that I will not be dating separated people due to not wanting to be someone's rebound/placeholder while they figure themselves out. I felt bad breaking it off & asked myself if I was really just self-sabotaging again but reminded then myself that I can't keep getting attached to these emotionally unavailable men if I'm looking for something real. I think its honestly one of the first boundaries I've ever genuinely followed through on. This video solidified and gave me peace in my decision to walk away. Thank you.

[@sommesoul33]

A “great guy” would never lie to you especially about something as important as being married. He is legally still betrothed to another and unless he is exclusively wanting someone else instead of his separated spouse, he could easily go back to them and hurt you. They could also break up with you after their divorce. How you get them can be how you lose them. Speaking of personal experience and i never knew he was married but separated until after nearly a year with him. I ended up heart broken. You done the right thing as you went with your feelings.

[@emilytreu2312]

This is why I really want to get to know myself and love myself before I find someone because then I will be able to trust myself if I see a subtle red flag and then be able to determine whether they are worth keeping around, even if before hand , I really really liked them.

[@SusanWinter]

Emily, I love what you have written. That is so correct! What insight. Brilliant. Yes, knowing yourself helps in finding the real red flags and distinguishing them from our own insecurities and fears.

[@emilytreu2312]

@@SusanWinter I learned this from a recent abusive relationship. They seemed so amazing at first and then the red flags poured out and I ignored all of them. And it was partially due to lack of trust within myself . Actually I thought I was doing something wrong. Today I would never put up with what I used to put up with

[@YouTubeUzername]

Thank you for this because I have asked myself this question a million times within the last few months while dating!

[@SusanWinter]

I’m so happy that you got the answer now. I know it can be tricky to discern the two from each other. Thanks for your note

[@opheliasfoxx7429]

I have been thinking about this the last few weeks about myself

[@SusanWinter]

This is real synchronicity - glad this video arrived for you. 😊

[@happythoughts444]

Auntie Susan does it again! Somehow she knows what questions I am currently pondering in my life. Thank you as always beautiful Susan and have an amazing day 💚🤗

[@SusanWinter]

Oh I so dearly love reading this, happy thoughts!! I love it when the synchronicity kicks in and the right video has occurred at the perfect time

[@thejordyjoansofficial]

Wow a brilliant explanation that helps you understand both sides. We all act with intention, and hearing someone is self sabotaging with an intention is a very powerful thing to know when dating, and help avoid the rabbit hole of “what did I do wrong”. The boundaries one is brilliant, I remember a year ago setting a boundary with a partner and he crossed it with disregard to myself and my own feelings, and I ended it that week. Thanks for a brilliant video, as always Susan 🫶🏻💙👏🏻

[@ManifestationPowerhouse]

Love you Susan! Sending positive energy from across the pond Could you possibly do a video on when you don’t feel like dating / being in a relationship / you’re enjoying being single I feel like we don’t talk about that enough as a society Love your work ♥️

[@SusanWinter]

Hi there over the pond. You are correct we hardly speak about single by choice. I do have videos on that topic. And thankfully it is becoming more main stream especially for the millennial culture. I will definitely consider doing another video on the topic. But check under that label “single” in my video search bar

[@biondna7984]

Your take on this matter is VERY heartening. Some people warn me that I'm narrowing my field of candidates too much, that it's already way-narrowed by my age (68). That is, I'm 5'7"+. My 2nd (late) husband was 6'2". We worked to make the sweetest partnership I've had by far. I also stopped hunching over and carried myself proudly for the first time in my life. And still burrowed under his chin: what a luxury. Some seem to think we can overrule evolution, that men can dismiss their attraction to the hourglass profile, and women can ignore their desire for someone larger and stronger. Finding compatibility and met personal boundaries like kindness are certainly critical; but I know from experience the inevitable disappointment when I ignored my need for electricity and told myself that his "being a great guy" was enough. I won't waste more time. Thank you for the sobriety.

[@wendybaskett2994]

You are looking fabulous. You’re getting younger.

[@SusanWinter]

Why would that be amazing? I’d love it!

[@lisanathan7336]

This is such powerful, practical and insightful advice I’ve ever heard on this inner struggle I’ve had to deal with for decades 🤔. Thank you Susan for guiding us all back to our true soul blueprint abs self worth. We seek the truth and find it through you on such a complex matter 👌

[@myriamlaflamme278]

Thank you so much for asking this question, and thanks for the explanation. I think I see myself like I am withdrawing from the situation- and then I think im sabotaging something. But actually, im getting to something that might not be nourishing for me at first (thinking it’s going to change) and then I feel my intuition telling me to leave… I think that it’s becoming a pattern because I get involved in something not healthy for me in the first place, but if I’m more aware of myself, I’ll fall into self trust most of the time. ❤️

[@gnarlycat]

Don’t let anyone turn your sandbox into their litter box 😸

[@SusanWinter]

😂

[@magdanovacmissouritigers6405]

Dear Susan, you are very very good at what you do, every video make sense and i do listen to them carefully. thank you so much.

[@SusanWinter]

Dear Magda, you are welcome

[@jondon2710]

That was a Very important (?) for self-search. & human understanding.... Thank u Susan for helping us 'identify' then stand in our space🫂

[@SusanWinter]

😊😊😊😊 thanks JonEldon

[@paredescax]

This is a great topic and as always you have addressed it with your exceptional distinctive expertise, Susan. Each piece of advice isn't just about breaking down how we interact with our significant other (or ex-SO) but to experience self-growth.

[@cleopetra87]

I swear it's in almost every video I hear the siren 😕😕 Thank you Susan for clarifying the difference between boundaries and self sabotaging. Also I would like to request a video on 'OCD in relationships' Thank you for being our light in our dilemmas of relationships! 🙏 🥰 🥰 ❤️

[@adelinaelena6490]

i ve been watching your videos since january and it seems you have an answer for everything i struggle with. thank you for being so kind to share your helpful input on youtube

[@jazz_honey]

Goodness, you're so wonderful, thank you Susan!

[@SusanWinter]

You’re welcome April

[@JodyLuvsHumanity777]

Excellent topic to cover and undoubtedly a point of confusion for many, myself included, learning more about boundaries as we work on and examine our own patterns and healing 👍😁. Thank you beautiful soul, I appreciate 🙏 you and the wonderful work that you do 👍😁. Btw, I love ❤️ the print on your dress/top! ☮️❤️😁, great health, healing and other highest forms of prosperity all ✨️ 🙌 🙏

[@SusanWinter]

Wow. Jody. What a beautiful commentary and share. I’m honored. Thank you very much. I hope this video has helped. And by the way, it is a dress!

[@teddyboamah]

Thank you Susan, loved it, living and learning

[@SusanWinter]

Awesome commentary Teddy. Happy to read this

[@nouseibah1111]

Love love love the answer! You're so clever Susan!

[@realthing1859]

Wow, so right 👍 Thank you for the insights

[@mlantieri]

Hi my dear Susan….when you’re a man in your mid 60’s like I am, women my age have so many boundaries that make it impossible for even a caring man to have any success. Relationships are a “dance” but most women can’t be bothered…..they are “walking” their dogs instead.🤪😀🐶🐶

[@SusanWinter]

Well Mark... you can see how i value my little Nikka. You may be onto something there!

[@mohammedaligulzaikhan2163]

You're so kind and Lovely i really love your voice so sweet voice hope you feeling good

[@ruthbanon6049]

Smart video. Good advice.

[@MadawaskaObservatory]

a boundary is just way to push you way

[@radio7970]

Great video!!!

[@kathiannlittle3098]

Help!! I'm in a LDR with an introvert. May I say more??? 😖

[@viviancampbell1331]

Thanks

[@SusanWinter]

You’re very welcome

[@misskellyk]

Wow!!!

[@annief.9256]

What a nice dress! [or top]

[@SusanWinter]

thanks

[@tuszajnojneeg0052]

What if you don't know if your boundaries are legit or appropriate, becuase you have alot of self doubt?

[@drumwitch4585]

Triggers can be trickey

[@SusanWinter]

They sure can. It’s hard to know what they are unfortunately until something sets you off. And sometimes it’s hard to see the pattern

[@drumwitch4585]

@@SusanWinter yes I’m going to meditate on this . Alot is past trama . You are awesome 😎.

[@MadawaskaObservatory]

boundaries keep you from growing

[@lyndamcmullen5506]

Fabulous. Thank you ♥️

[@SusanWinter]

Thank you for watching, Lynda!