Setting Boundaries In Toxic Relationships Part 1 - Gary Thomas

[@JessiPerez1234]

Thank you so much! Unfortunately in my case that toxic person is my mother, it is easier to deal with toxic people at work but when it comes to your own mom it’s harder. I pray because I want to keep a clean heart to please the Lord first and foremost, a heart free of resentment and unforgiveness to avoid any separation between me and my Father. God bless!

[@VM-123]

I had to walk away from my extremely narcissistic abusive toxic father and siblings 2 years ago.

[@MysteryMagicvlogs]

@@VM-123 im in the same boat if could pray for me.

[@k60c85]

@@VM-123 me too. My dad and sisters are toxic, narcissistic and constantly twisting the truth. I have had no contact for 2 years. It’s sad but the freedom from abuse is worth it. I’m almost 60, it’s been going on my whole life.

[@roseb9819]

Same situation glad to know im not alone. I have been feeling condemnation by creating distance from her

[@AngieLynn-en5jz]

Me too💞

[@annparker4903]

Thank you for this. It’s hard when family sees you as being “unloving and unforgiving” for having boundaries and refuse to change their toxic behavior/repent yet still feel entitled to a close relationship

[@zinknot]

This is what I'm dealing with. It doesn't matter how much I try to help. When I have nothing left to give they will say I'm selfish and uncaring. It seems all the energy trying to help was wasted and unappreciated.

[@renee7528]

I have been praying about the Lord giving me guidance about creating new boundaries with family members who I have been unsuccessful in keeping peace with.

[@LorraineParis1]

I also find that people who are toxic will think that you are. So hard to find a peaceful place with them.

[@catherinem.8626]

Toxic people this are so sad. They are suffering. When I am around people like this I make sure I walk away. When I found myself in a toxic situation I set firm boundaries.

[@wayfarinstranger2444]

Toxic doesn't necessarily equal "evil". Sometimes it is just someone in your life that is selfish emotionally. You know they are selfish emotionally when you realize they never ask how you are or how you are feeling or what you think. It is always about them. When you speak to them about how they never ask how you are, they look at you blankly and totally don't get it. They never will.

[@wayfarinstranger2444]

@Deb Harris yes, true

[@AmiraSmyrna]

I also find I have some friends I have to message constantly to find out how they are , I need to send thoughts of the day or something in order to hear from them. Otherwise I never receive a message ever. I will remain praying for them but I do think it is time to move on.

[@wayfarinstranger2444]

@@AmiraSmyrna You will hear from them, but only when something goes wrong in their lives. I have friends like that.

[@estellehendrick802]

@@wayfarinstranger2444 or when they need something.

[@wayfarinstranger2444]

@@ladybug915 Please expand on your comment, I would love to hear.

[@skibike8499]

It has just been revealed to me, 2 days ago, that i am the toxic person. My wife suggested separation 10 days ago at a counseling session. I feel like it affects every relationship in all my life. I have wondered in the past why others don't endear to me for very long, but never came to understand why. I am totally stunned and cannot imagine ever wanting to be me or around me. I am 2 days into packing up to move out of the family home to make my families life better without me around. I am sensing over the past few days all the hurt I have caused and it is mostly unbearable. When it is unbearable it seems my feelings shutdown and that makes me afraid that I lose the ability to feel like I have just begun to. I need help. I do not want to go back to the person I was.

[@leekflower1]

Find a Celebrate Recovery group (Jesus based 12 step). You are in the best place you can be. A place of surrender. Pray to guard against being defensive and retain humility. Take this time to act in ways that will bring life back to your journey and give your marriage the best chance for reconciliation, surrender your will to Jesus. Sending prayers and know the God of all comfort is with you.

[@skibike8499]

@@leekflower1 Today was hard, i seemed void of emotion and feeling today; many things i said (which were compliments or appreciation) seem to come out wrong or hollow. I decided to avoid people for a bit and just go for a bike ride (do something for me) and that helped get me out of my own head. I have a longtime friend, who has strong functioning faith in Christ., to talk to and he reminded me yesterday that I I am a child of God and an eternal being. Thank you for the encouragement. Hearing that i am in the best place i can be is so comforting, especially today. I plan to continue with the marriage counselor 1:1 without my wife since she has seen me function heartlessly in the past 5 months. I will signup for celebrate recovery this week. I am so appreciative of your response and the prayer. Wish you a very happy and blessed Canadian Thanksgiving!

[@skibike8499]

Patricia, I just met Jesus for the first time at 12:25pm Today, Oct 15, 2019; and it is amazing to feel this much love and grace. I sat and felt what seemed like everything about my entire life being rewritten with a new ending. I could write more but i will stop and finally and proclaim "Jesus really is enough". Thank you for your prayer that I "know the God of all comfort is with you (me)" was a true statement that I had not recognized yet between October 9th and now. Since that whole process was 6 days, what will rest look like tomorrow? I am so looking forward to it.

[@leekflower1]

@@skibike8499 Praise God! This is just the beginning. Draw near to Him and He will draw near to you. May His Holy Spirit fill you now with all spiritual blessings, heal your heart, and make you into the person you were born to be. AMEN

[@leekflower1]

And give your wife and other relationships time to heal. The 12 step will help you rebuild the trust of those you may have injured. It will require much patience and humility but with be worth it.

[@jom6320]

This is wonderful. I let go of 2 toxic friends then realized what time I should have been praying for family and lost was wasted with the draining personalities. Sometimes we have to just let ourselves off the hook. We are NOT going to keep everyone happy or fix everyone. Only Jesus is savior

[@iw9338]

Sometimes their behavior is so suttle , I didn't realize but I always felt upset after being around my 1 sister.

[@vernaharris4700]

I can totally relate.

[@adamjones9533]

I want to thank all of you at focus on the family and Gary Thomas for the inspiration. I have been struggling in a relationship that is controlling and draining. It has taken so much from me and I feel like I’ve lost myself. My motivation, dedication and love has all been attacked. I’m no longer the person I once was, full of life and producing fruit of the spirit. I’m drained and weak. I know my prayers are heard because of the message that Gary has shared. It’s a miracle that I even found this message. I know Gary has addressed “ When to walk away?” My situation is where to walk away? I honestly feel trapped and have nowhere to go. I’m bound by the responsibility of being a father. I appreciate this message and thank the Lord for your program. I would love a copy of his book and more understanding and prayer support, regarding this topic. Thanks again.

[@focusonthefamily]

Thanks for opening your heart to Focus on the Family, Adam. We appreciate the time you took to share with us about your situation, and we can certainly understand the feelings you expressed. We want you to know that we will be praying for the Lord's healing and restoration in your life. As we read your message, we sensed your frustration and wish it wasn’t so difficult to provide help via Facebook. Unfortunately, the kind of problem you shared is too complex to resolve in this way. We have counselors here at Focus who are available to talk with you by phone to offer encouragement and assistance you with other resources that can help you in this season. If this would be helpful, we invite you to call us at your convenience. All of our counselors are licensed therapists and understanding people. Any one of them would be of assistance from a Christian and psychological perspective. Simply call 1-800-A-FAMILY (232-6459) weekdays between 6:00 a.m. and 8:00 p.m. (MT). The Family Help Center staff member who answers the phone will take your number and make arrangements for a licensed counselor to call you back. One of them will be in touch just as soon as they’re able. There is no charge for this service; please accept it as a demonstration of our concern for you. Also, please send us a private message with your address so that we can send you a copy of Gary’s book. Thanks again for sharing friend. May your confidence and trust rest in God as you look to Him in faith during this difficult time. Grace and peace to you!

[@user-lv4ok9vo5o]

This is my walk too. Feel free to reach out.

[@darrenratliff9003]

I'm in the same boat as yourself stay strong brother. I know the pain it feels to be belittled and spoken to as if you didnt have feelings. Find a support system fellow men in Christ to help you bare these burdens. That's what has been helping me to persevere through this struggle. Feel free to reach out.

[@tobeytristan9534]

This is my walk too, with parents and now siblings, attacking, blame, shame , rejection, abandonment, etc

[@EC-yd9yv]

@@tobeytristan9534 💙🙏✨

[@YuraCura2006]

this really reminds me of my ex friend. she acted this way. She brought out so much frustration out in me. I walked away. she wouldn't. she did things to me and blamed me for them. mind games and drained my happiness. I walked away. she still hates me to this day. I spoke to her one more time to tell her I forgave her. she threw it back into my face. I walked away and haven't looked back. I pray that her hardened prideful heart is healed in Jesus' Name. Please Lord help my heart heal too. Save me from apathy from this experience. I have never made a friend since. She had me convinced that I am the toxic person and I deserve everything I get (referring to abuse). And she's a Christian too....... Have mercy...

[@estellehendrick802]

If she’s doing those kinds of things, she’s not really a Christian.

[@1TsuNami]

I’m in that same type of thing with my aging parents. It makes you second guess if you are the problem. The bad guy. But it is I that keeps praying for them and just don’t have the heart to trash their name. It hurts to walk away and I cry often. But my health has seen the benefits. No more migraines, stomachache, depression, ect.

[@jennifergreene7702]

I can’t say thank you enough for touching on the subject. My family of origin has a murderous sprit and I walked away 3 years ago. A healthy glorious and restored life has followed.

[@timmori]

64 years old and had to walk away from my 36 year old daughter. What made it so hard for me over the years is the guilt I felt that I was responsible for her dysfunction because of divorce. But I hit the wall and simple couldn’t be abused any longer. Much pray lead me to the realization that I had no choice. I was not going to fix the issue

[@timmori]

@Deb Harris it’s hard when as a Christian you WANT to help them, but they simply do not have the ability to think beyond their narcissistic minds. Very difficult to just sit back and have them out of our lives while at the same time they blame us for not catering to them

[@Pawsforthought222]

Bless you,l feel to just say to you IT WASNT& ISNT YOUR FAULT.... you are the Apple of God's eye. Bless you richly

[@kimberlyanndeangelo7584]

Sometimes we may have been through so much trauma and abusive experience that we carry grief and pain. Joy is difficult to feel, and others consider us toxic just because we have a life of much stress and demands of caring for others, and have sadness over the many experiences of betrayal, deception and abuse. What others consider toxic is our circumstances and heavy heart. We need to be really careful not to hurt or further isolate those who are truly hurting inside and not ill willed toward others, by labeling them toxic because their place in life is very difficult and they carry pain in their heart.

[@comonsenseisdead]

Or because you just are not playing the part anymore. The fact that your changing and growing trying to improve and they attributes all their non overcoming and bad thought to you instead of being able to look in the mirror of themselves. Toxic people can cut you out of their life because those toxic people think you are toxic( family)

[@joedehitta2903]

We attended the healing the Whole person conference. Broken people tend to hurt other people. They need healing first to be able to really function properly especially towards their family.

[@laurenbatson5918]

Toxic refers to the person's behavior and words. They have a murderous spirit, not a stressed/depressed spirit. I'm under immense stress right now (the past 5 years actually) because of a toxic spouse. I am not returning evil for evil. I assume you are not taking your pain out on others. That means you're not toxic.

[@joyhampton6886]

Very well said. We need to walk in other's shoes for a bit.

[@sharonevelynmclaren6274]

God's WORD IS ENABLING because it IS TRUTH, run to it with daily living ....TUJesus for the Cross 🙏❤️

[@jeannekahle3344]

Apparently, I am not alone. Thank you,guys,for addressing this issue.

[@beverlypasco262]

This conversation is so needed!! ✝️

[@xmochix604]

every time Gary is on, I listen. I love this man and have learned so much.

[@ruthshafer5410]

My mother is a toxic person and this is the story of my life. Fortunately God intervened and while she is still controling she is at least seeing her need to ask forgiveness of her children.

[@stephie265]

Hello Ruth, how do you set boundaries with toxic parents? The word says to ‘ honor your mother and father’ how do you do that and set boundaries?

[@ruthshafer5410]

@@stephie265 I have forgiven her and still remember her birthday and such. But I do not stay at her house when I come visit and if she starts talking abusively I leave. I refuse to be her “punching bag”. Honoring our parents doesn’t mean allowing them to be abusive to us.

[@stephie265]

@@ruthshafer5410 thank you for your input, I appreciate it

[@ruthshafer5410]

@@stephie265 ♥️♥️♥️

[@azarel7]

This is a great interview. I've had to deal with toxic people sometimes and I try being reasonable and/or polite but I've realised that toxic people truly don't care about you at all, it's all about them and what they want. I became toxic temporarily to deal with them trying to fight fire with fire but that wasn't who I was, but yet it felt like failure to walk away without saying the right thing or point out how ridiculous they were being but nothing works because they simply don't care and nothing placates them. This guy is right, the best thing is to walk away.

[@theladyamalthea]

Wow! I’ve never seen the two hosts so spellbound by what a guest was saying!

[@anntrout7550]

Your book was the beginning of my journey to protecting the ministry from toxic people rather than appeasing them. May I suggest that not walking away is selfish- putting myself above the ministry He gives me. It takes much prayer to discern the correct actions.

[@MiranaCookingLife]

I can not say how much I need this

[@bugdebrude1664]

o

[@lesliemoore2644]

Learning to walk away ❤️

[@theforeigner6988]

Woooooooow. Until a year ago, I considered walking away as being cowardly and selfish and what not. It changed my life and saved my marriage of 20 years, as I came across "boundaries".

[@juanitawatson3049]

@@theforeigner6988 p perfect quick pp

[@mo-215]

What if its me? The toxic one?

[@HomesteadMercantile]

This series helped me to understand that Jesus does not want us, his children, to be treated this way. It hurts him. So I will no longer feel guilty that my daughters treat me with disrespect and dismiss me. I have not done anything to deserve this. It’s hard bc if I keep a distance then I don’t get to see my grandchildren. 😢😢😢

[@ldesire8519]

🥺🙏🏼🙏🏽🙏🏻🙏🏿🌹

[@Ann.CreatedToCreate]

YAAAY! One of my favorite authors. Got to be on the launch team and literally was thinking Gary should be on FotF... then the next day...BOOM there he is! THANK YOU for writing an excellent resource and thank you FotF for serving in this way. Praising God for the amazing teaching we have here 🤩

[@hulagirl1955]

Well, two out of three for me: mother and husband. Thankfully, I have learned how to eliminate my mother's toxic nature (we are estranged). My husband is another matter. It takes daily surrender to Christ (1 Cor. 2:16 we have the mind of Christ) to act intentionally and peacefully - not react to his unacceptable behaviour. God is faithful.

[@gregbanter3022]

How do you do it ? It can be so hard

[@pennyparish5309]

This message has reached through my pain and latched on to my heart. Thank you.

[@lindaminton3820]

Thank you, Focus on the family , for your presentation today and I appreciate you and I appreciate the honesty of the subject. It is very difficult to set boundaries especially with those who do not hear what you're saying. Thank you for using the example of what Jesus has done and I'm sure that it's guidance is how we should be handling difficult people and situations today.

[@RJ0321]

An incredibly helpful book on this topic is "Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents." I have underlined and hilighted almost every line in the book. It will change your life!

[@ekapz2161]

Thank you. Love this podcast.😊

[@RenewalCreations]

You cannot set boundaries with someone who does not listen. Can you set boundaries with a car thief?? No. Neither can you set boundaries with someone who is intent on their flesh or their own desires.

[@VM-123]

You can't control what those people do, only your reaction. You can choose to limit or go no contact. That's setting a boundary.

[@callielang-mangram4239]

This is Soo True, when the person or yourself believes ONLY their truth & PUSHES/FORCES it on others. Then once they see you will not agree they'll get w/ others & trying to ruin your reputation. You can decern the deception when you encounter the people they've TRIED to poison against you. It's Sad as t body if Christ to even be involved in this, it's sad bc the people has strongholds that needs to be broken.

[@miriam9775]

They are not rare at all. They just don't show their true self in front of other people. Only family knows their true self.

[@DominiqueWright1976]

My Mum did, she had Asperger’s

[@edwinyadev8124]

Yes...I didn’t know that I can walk away...tq so much

[@smithaday9225]

Fitting your beliefs and molding them as God's. Because on this very show you talk about the redemption and healing of marriages even through betrayal and toxicity. That should apply across the board.

[@frameshifted1999]

Thank you so much. This helped me start to get a better understanding of some of my relationships with friends, family, and past co-workers.

[@annmiller4332]

That plaguing lady described set off a stress rxn in me, I had one in my life. It was hell on earth dealing with mine. We r no longer friends though I still love her like a sister in Christ.

[@mariaisabelcubillowangenhe4853]

God knew I need this episode. My mom has been constantly mean to my husband. She leaves mean voice messages. The latest one she calls him German Hitler. This is extra mean since my husband has ancestors who were exterminated in the Holocaust.

[@mzsonsie]

Awesome. This is a much needed topic for discussion. 👍

[@zinknot]

I'm dealing with someone who says they are reaching out for help. But shuts down every solution. Or sometimes there is a solution they agree with, they do a little work towards it and just get depressed anyway and quit. And then just want to keep talking about how terrible everything is and how bad they feel. I'm so frustrated, I just want them out of my life.

[@dwightlindley2129]

Definitely eye opening! Time to repent and ask forgiveness from our family!

[@Carol-zi7gz]

Hi Jim, How timely to hear Gary's wonderful words of life. Thank you. Carol

[@serenabean4]

Thank you for this!! I heard about it via SOS radio and it’s so timely for me. Thank you!

[@lorannpoor7444]

Wow....this is so much needed council and alot to unpack

[@susant700]

I've stayed waaaaaay too long in my marriage to a very toxic husband. 25 plus years with this person. I need TO LEAVE. I'm sure Jesus is dissapointed in me that I've stayed in this too long. It's ruined so many sections of my life. Now feeling very stupid to think that a toxic person would or could change. All the lies I've been told. I have emotionally separated my self from him in our home. I know that Jesus is coming back to rapture the church any time now; so I want to be FULLY READY. My husband has lied about being a Christian over and over. ( So many lies and putting on a big act at church for years ). I'm very sad about all of the memories and dealing with a toxic marriage; but I can feel that Jesus is trying to lift my soul out of this. Jesus has never given up on me; and I have seen where he has helped along the way. I pray that the lord comes back for the church any time now; I'm so ready to leave this planet.

[@daughteroftheking4629]

Ezra 9&10

[@sumathipichai]

Thank you very much for this !!!

[@cathyreddy6297]

Amazing grace

[@alicolove9158]

My question is when do I know if I have become toxic as a result or in response to a toxic marriage? I understand God doesn't force anyone to do anything but the scripture also says He will leave the 99 to go after the one. How does this relate to a 25 year marriage?

[@iw9338]

I can relate, my husband has undermined me for years. Now I have very little energy & lots of anger towards him.

[@alicolove9158]

@@iw9338 Stay strong. Look to God for your strength. It's easier said than done. I pray that the right people come across your path in life that will be able to help you and pray with and for you.

[@brendaseals7739]

My dearest Alico love God is the one who said HE would leave the 99 to go for the one, not us. 25 years is a long time gave you tried Christian counseling?

[@focusonthefamily]

Alico Love, if you’d like to talk about this situation with one of our counselors (at no cost to you), you may call 1-855-771-HELP (4357) weekdays between 6:00 A.M. and 8:00 P.M. (MT). Just give your number to the Family Help Center staff member who answers the phone. They will pass along your contact information to one of our professional counselors, who will return your call just as soon as they’re able. We hope to hear from you soon.

[@mariansamuelsen4647]

@@focusonthefamily Z

[@mpilozuke5248]

Thank you so mush

[@ChosenDeeDee]

This is needed!!!!

[@AngelaashannonrGodisgoodAlways]

Thank you. Needed this

[@cachouandcompany]

I found this video today after setting some clear boundaries with a toxic parent. I can think of a person or two in my community that are murderous as described here. How, as a Christian, do you balance distancing them with forgiveness? Forgiveness in my heart but still not allowing them time & space?

[@RachelC.19]

Such an effective and timely video for me. Thank you.

[@diamondkosman2620]

Thank you

[@vepn21]

At some point, could you address the covert toxic person that appears to be just the salt of the earth while at home there is criticality, seething anger, plays mind games only they know the rules to because they have to win the conversation at ANY cost, very controlling, wants you upset and manipulates others in an unseen manner. Yes...I walked away, but now my name is mud with our friends as he painted me as a "crazy" person. This subject so needs to be addressed IN churches some how. The sadness in my heart that he refuses to change because "there's nothing wrong with me" makes me wonder...can they change?

[@cathyreddy6297]

Trust for contentment, comrad

[@jaredkoogler8758]

Wonderful advice thank you 😊

[@_MP004]

Awesome lessons thank you!!

[@natashamudford4011]

How about a book on how to stop being a toxic person?

[@RonWayneGrubbs]

Amen brother!

[@lucybrindlebrownie8994]

Was Reminded of a close Friend, a Sibling & don tru_ _ 😟

[@cathyreddy6297]

I use God's words from Jesus' rejoice, " love your persecutors, pray for your enemies.". Love. Pray. Love persecutors. Unquestionably. Definitely. Pray for enemies. Love does. He ism. He did. He rejoices to trust rejoice

[@seasonalliving2881]

I’m really confused. Are you saying people are either all good or all bad? Is there hope for change for “toxic people”? I don’t really care for that terminology, maybe instead say “people with toxic behavior”? Jesus most certainly helped people with toxic behavior. If you would, please clarify.

[@susanapidroni9166]

thank you!!!!

[@alexe1160]

My husband would say that I am toxic but I would say it is him. I am a believer and had separated myself from family because of toxic responses towards my new found faith. I did introduce him to them because he’s traditional and wanted their permission to engage with me. Anyways, he started me on a path of acceptance towards our faith differences. I began to embrace them despite their wrong doctrines based on the fact that book of revelations addressed people who tolerate Jezebel as believers. He started to use that as an excuse to invalidate me as a believer associating me with idolatry etc. He also blamed me for mistakes he made and mistreated me very early in the relationship. I later found out that he dug into my past asking my nonbelieving siblings about my weaknesses, etc. as tools to manipulate me through. I observed behaviors that were inconsistent with his supposed belief system early on and I questioned the inconsistency. He immediately went to you don’t love me pity party type behavior to play on my sympathies. Meanwhile, all my feelings are not real and I don’t know what I want. I am to blame for all the problems. Doesn’t want to talk about anything important just trust him. He gets frustrated with me because he asks my opinion in tough situations (career choices, provisions, etc) and I don’t know how to lead him in that area. I think he mostly does it to shame me and remind me of my place in the relationship. He gives me horrible advice on my friends and relationships. Doesn’t care to know anything in my personal life because I am going to do what I am going to do anyways. I feel theirs no trust because of the control and lack of understanding and consideration for the differences between us in many ways and resent the blaming. We had periods where things were better and I pine for that but always resort to abusively pushing each other away. It makes me feel so insecure and I am told that I need Jesus when he never fellowships with me around biblical truth anyways. I can read him the Bible verse and he will be like “knew that”….”that’s significant to you?” or “yeah too bad no one believes that or practices that “. It’s constant language that keeps one in a stuck place. It’s so disheartening and confusing.

[@Faithhopeandlove777]

What if the toxic people are family members such as mother and mother in law and sister in law?

[@anitarobertson2833]

I am a 72 year old grandmother and married again to a toxic man for 11 years and cannot walk away...controlling me with finances, medical care, a home etc. What do I do?

[@charvankerck9617]

help me understand TOXIC

[@pennyparish5309]

Ha! Watching from Eastern Washington State. Apple country❣

[@johnrivas5363]

Disciples, realible people?

[@cathyreddy6297]

Rejoice pray

[@crystalmorgan9118]

This is for me

[@LALady1]

We can’t get rid of toxic people at work and family

[@reginabray4958]

But you don't have to let their actions affect yoy.

[@Grace-nt9cc]

What about dysfunctional family?! Is this a related issue?! 🤔

[@GiftyEliyanaGraceActs]

Grace my thoughts 💭 exactly. What about a dysfunctional family?

[@debbieharbin8223]

Thanks

[@VM-123]

@@GiftyEliyanaGraceActs blood does not mean that you have to allow abusive and toxic behavior.

[@jessicashuminas5378]

Even family that’s toxic yes walk alway! Make peace with them have a heart to heart and say your going to be distant.

[@camille-bz2vp]

What if it's a family member that you are terrified will go to hell. No one else will help them.

[@davidvanderveer5882]

Why do you avoid the primary question in everyones mind....What do you do if you are related to the toxic person? How can you call yourself a good interviewer and ignore the obvious?

[@charlotteboyett-napper4780]

My toxic people is my ex husband and now one of our children. How do you walk away from a children? How do I heal from this?

[@scottlundquist5850]

So if people have often walked away from me, how do I know if it's because I'm toxic, or because I'm like Jesus, who he says people were regularly walking away from?

[@karinteeples9715]

People loved being around Jesus, they felt safe and loved in His presence. Jesus never preached at people either. He spoke to them on the same level l~He was never self righteous or proud. If people are walking away often, yes, you are irritating them. Don’t force Jesus on anybody! If they’re not interested leave it. Allow Holy Spirit to work with them.

[@masfw2012]

Isn't there necessity for those workers to be striving to live obedient lives?

[@LALady1]

Doesn’t Jesus want us to show love?

[@pinnakal1]

I divorced my toxic narcissist

[@hannahrea-campbell6904]

Pray for me! My grown daughter LIES about me! She is dangerous to me!

[@michaelannamarylopez1629]

"They chose pork chops over salvation"...wow

[@loribaird2072]

I think many confuse what a “toxic person” IS. Those with Health or trauma issues or are single parents don’t deserve to be labeled toxic.

[@charliedavies3236]

Two weeks ago I suspected my husband was cheating on me so I needed to be really sure that my suspicion was true, I had to tell somebody how i felt (a friend) of mine and she told me about @westhack000 on INSTAGRAM and I got exactly what I was looking for in three hours or less, although I'm heartbroken but it was worth the trial.

[@KathrineJKozachok]

Nobody is labeling those people toxic. If you listen again to this video from 12:00, you will hear how they define toxic people. Also, there are many books and other videos by psychologists explaining it in more detail. It is basically someone who is not willing or able to relate to you in a healthy way, but prefer a 'win-lose' relationship where they always win at your expense ex: -incorrigible troublemakers, parasites, controlling, violent, passive aggressives, those unable to admit mistakes or apologise, . . .

[@danieldawg100]

My mother CHOSE to be a toxic person, and throughly enjoyed it. One afternoon in 2007, I called my older brother Lenny, and told him what our mother screamed at me over the phone, she said her usual nasty things about me, and what she thought about Born Again Christians, BUT THEN she started calling The Lord God and Jesus the most foul names that mere humans call each other. Lenny told me that I did the right thing by not reacting and responding to our mother, because 1)she thrives on, enjoys debates, and when you do not take the bait and ignore her, you spoil her fun, 2)her thoughts and opinions are her gods and you had better agree with her. My mother died two years ago STILL rejecting Jesus. wado,Ann Benson.

[@jamieheartt8373]

What about when it is your husband?

[@cathyreddy6297]

His definition isn't imposed. Rejoice was choice. He doesn't rejoice rekky

[@renee7528]

They chose pork chops over salvation? Whew! That's heavy

[@cathyreddy6297]

Satan. He is not understanding tyranny. He is not rejoice for Satan or tyranny

[@rwilliams638]

Gary’s example was concerning to me. I’m just wondering if it was a male coworker or counterpart would he have possibly approach the situation differently? Did he automatically disregard this woman and what she had to say because he didn’t like the material which he never read? Or, was it a threat to his power and control and his position?

[@cathyreddy6297]

Cannad

[@cathyreddy6297]

Jesus doesn't rekky

[@renemiller2782]

0

[@cathyreddy6297]

Conref

[@leeabe3932]

I'm ambivalent about this advice. I would have to turn away a majority of my college students based on this view. "Walking away" has, historically speaking, not been the Christian attitude in the face of poorly behaving people. Instead, haven't we been called to bring attention to, to instruct, admonish, and confront people like this for their correction? Maybe the book is more nuanced than this interview. Are we in a cultural moment in history Christians are so cocooned from harsh realities of the larger society, we have to create personal moats and selectively filter and "unfriend" people when we have the slightest feeling they don't make us feel good about ourselves? Hope there is chapter in there for those who are left all alone in their toxicity without friends to be more mindful of their effect on others.

[@stalstonestacy4316]

I completely agree with you here. "Toxicity" has become the new catchphrase label for anyone we do not like, who requires work to be with or who makes us question anything about ourselves, our ideals, feelings or opinions. In short, today, anyone who is not in perfect agreement with every part of us is now toxic and a candidate for shunning. Parents with adult children seem particularly vulnerable to this treatment. It's a tragic failing of our parenting and current culture. Certainly obvious cases of abuse should never be questioned. In my case, my crime was inviting our son and daughter-in-law to dinner on the date of their choosing. We were immediately blocked from all communication because we "overwhelm" them (we hadn't seen them in 3 months but, ok)

[@aliciam6177]

Gary seems to be talking about destructive patterns more than occasional offenses. He is also referring to people we have tried to correct and reconcile. You’re right, we shouldn’t write people off easily and I don’t think he is suggesting we do. We do need to try to resolve our differences before arbitrarily declaring someone “toxic” and turning away. He’s referring to relationships where that has been tried and repeatedly failed.

[@carolrolleri7164]

Hi Friend I believe what you are saying. What about the people in ours lives who have anxiety and depression. The worse we can do is dismiss them and leave them alone. Our Churches are missing the patience and love I hope we show in our churches. We need the Holy Spirit leading. Thanks and Blessings Caroline

[@belindamorales481]

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