[SFM] Cooking With G-Man: Headcrab Jambalaya

[@TheSterMan01]

SUBJECT: FREEMAN STATUS: TERMINATED POSTMORTEM: ACCIDENTALLY ADDED ONE TOO MANY TEASPOONS OF SNARK FECES

[@Xplainn93]

It’s Snark Shit, Gordon.

[@Halvos12]

He said roe which is in fact eggs, that wasn't just a bit at the end.

[@lucaspec7284]

@@Xplainn93 lol

[@HECU.Corpsman]

As an unturned chef, He forgot to add some cooked king crab

[@gm_blahaj]

Boom Boom Boom GMAN OPEN UP! GORDON! TO MUCH SNARK SHIT **Punch with the suitcase**

[@superiorlaboratorypenguin6750]

The only unforeseen consequence will be the happy relatives this city-17 Christmas

[@sheranox6581]

fellow flushed emoji pfp user

[@superiorlaboratorypenguin6750]

Sheranox 😳

[@vleedingrainboom3618]

Dragons blush for marriage. You straight up are getting that b-carriage. 🤣

[@aiko_incr]

The flush love

[@pudindipreda3049]

Why is this wholesome

[@ОлегСуременко]

normally G-man's tone of speech adds to his mystery and makes him more unsettling, but in this setting it makes him so awkward it's hilarious

[@salmiac-3105]

Exactly, He is so adorable in this one! like a old man very excited to teach people about something they like!!!

[@guywhotellsthetime1585]

1:38 i dont know man this is even more unsettling to me

[@ОлегСуременко]

guy who tells the time That’s actually my favorite part. the hesitation in his voice and the repetition of the word “and” just crack me up every time

[@mlgproplayer2915]

@@salmiac-3105 Ikr! XD The way G-Man talks in the memes is extremely funny and even cute sometimes.

[@MrFuller876]

I AM YOUR 1000TH LIKE bud

[@bacon-sandwich4726]

I love how gman says everything shakily and with emphasis on the wrong syllables but then he just says "That means snark shit, Gordon" with perfect clarity and complete seriousness

[@CalM004]

Gordon doesn't need to know all that, he's a highly trained professional.

[@WarFoxThunder]

Lol fr

[@cay7809]

this implies he's saying everything like a 2 year old for fun

[@ClownFromTheYear9998]

He needed that to be perfectly clear

[@hallowayindustries9033]

new lore dropped from devs saying he stutters because he’s focused on multiple timelines

[@bluesnail5042]

Or... I could offer your digestive system a battle it has no chance in winning...?

[@chuckleshelicopterwigwamjo7315]

Rather an anticlimax after what you've just eaten

[@bearpuns5910]

It's time to eat...

[@toomanytoyotas2301]

thank you buddy i havent laughed like that in a while

[@jasonmitchell9411]

Wake up Mr. Freeman. Wake up and smell the Jambalaya.

[@UCmDBecUtbSafffpMEN3iscA]

LMFAO

[@Lovetsonmarq]

G-man stands for gourmet man.

[@mlgproplayer2915]

lol

[@thesenate9939]

@FayzoRake Gay Man

[@GGARCHIVE22]

No the man is gentleman (he has a suit)

[@sameggenton1077]

Gcooking man

[@Nigmond]

Gourmand in this case. His name constantly changes based on situation. If he was hitman the G-man would probably stand for Gun - Man LoL.

[@Josh-le6lu]

While Gordon is in stasis, he has a television where the G-man plays every actor on every show on every channel.

[@BizKwikTwist]

Yessssss lolol

[@wtftv42]

Seinfeld but it’s all G-man

[@BeefMeisterSupreme]

@@wtftv42 oh no

[@ipv6472]

How to commit suicide in stasis?

[@Josh-le6lu]

@Shiva R Who is to say he doesn't just put on a wig?

[@violet4239]

Obsessed with the idea that gman actually took the time to set this up for Gordon. This is filmed like it’s going to be broadcasted, but it’s... just Gordon LMAO

[@Digitaaliklosetti]

This is what he does in between games

[@raktbastr]

All the channels are just parody’s of tv shows with gman

[@mercenarygundam1487]

And Adrian Shepherd.

[@neru1584]

@@raktbastr drake n josh but it's just gman

[@Jarmey984]

​@neru1584 the power puff girls but its ALL GMAN

[@19peter96]

The right spice on the wrong step can make all the difference.. in the world.

[@briancahill9594]

And if not Earth, at the very least Uranus!

[@teadrinkingwarlock5101]

So, wake up, Mr. Freeman... Hhh... Wake up and... Smell the Headcrab Jambalaya.

[@DRWNGamer6915]

@@briancahill9594 😂😂😂😂😂😭😭😭

[@Crimson-Collective]

Underrated comment

[@NorseGraphic]

@Phaze Pro Playz "The right spice on the wrong step can make all the differences.. in your intestines..."

[@AINGELPROJECT667]

The way G-man says "Snark shit, Gordon" makes me think G-man and Gordon have a deep feud over exactly what Snark roe is.

[@alphanumeric6582]

Canon lol

[@docchoc2407]

i can see gman and gordon arguing like an old married couple

[@mitchellrathbun6915]

Now just imagine that Orange County Choppers meme only with Gordon and G-Man, lol...

[@desfox3685]

I was thinking this is post half life alyx so gman is fed up with Gordon and is trying to get him to eat snark shit

[@bigpigeon2384]

G man is wrong roe are eggs not shit I’m totally on Gordon’s side here

[@Kodoka21]

This is what G-man showed Gordon while he was in stasis

[@AnimatedTerror]

Over... and over... and over again on repeat.

[@gruntlos]

Half life 2 starts because gordon told him to shut up, and gman was so confused he let gordon go

[@spootot]

the only thing Gordon saw other than the endless void was Gman in his kitchen

[@minorcomet282]

plot twist : it was gordon ramsey

[@axr6327]

I was looking for this comment

[@miffedmax6775]

Gordon doesn't need to hear all this, he's a highly trained professional

[@TheAlfieReal]

Gordon ramsay

[@TF2Scout..]

@@TheAlfieReal YEah

[@kentuckycryptid]

​@@TheAlfieRealHalf-Life, but you play as Gordon Ramsay, and the Combine are finally broken from their streak of taking over worlds and brutally ruling over the various inhabitants by some good-ass Earth food.

[@Roux36Prod]

_“Thyme, Dr. Freeman?”_ _“Is it really that _*_thyme_*_ again?”_

[@Phobos_Anomaly]

Underrated comment.

[@icarus313]

Quality :)

[@braxtonsnose9313]

Deserves more likes

[@lonesomewendigo]

That pun was predictable, corny and absolutely horrible. And I adore it.

[@ChSjRi]

The right man with the wrong dish can make all the difference in the world... So wake up Mr. Freeman, wake up and smell the ashes... *Gordon's left something heating in the oven and Gman placed him in stasis for a short while on purpose and now his whole kitchen is burning*

[@cletusmandeletusman2328]

gman either looks like he’s attempting to hold back 20 minutes of laughter or being held at gun point

[@thousandsofclowns]

or both

[@Framed_Niner]

Definitely the former

[@crazylemon7057]

You can tell that it is the 20 mins of laughter at 1:36

[@spooktspeek]

@@crazylemon7057 t h i s b a b y g o n n a b e h o t

[@mlgproplayer2915]

lol

[@Beno_Beano]

That... Would be a considerable tasty soup. Too Tasty.

[@Mr_Triscuit]

Well... Gman did warn us to prepare our anus for unforseen consequences.

[@yetson]

Oh dear Gordon, could you please pass the toilet paper? It appears I've had a resonance cascade in the bathroom

[@hjakusz3194]

"given the appetite of my employers"

[@Sammie1053]

What if, I could offer you, some, soup you didn't know you wanted?

[@thetimelords911]

@@yetson Resonance cascade shall be my new phrase for monster shits.

[@pug-aloentertainment3801]

G-Man: _Next I add a spritz of lemon juice, hm?_ The bottle: *моющее средство* (detergent) I have a feeling that G-Man wants to give Gordon a food poisoning

[@salamispy3138]

No, G-Man had to go get the ingredients himself and unfortunately there were no other containers.

[@Big_Pound]

No wonder he wants us to prepare are anus for unforseen events

[@timurbriukhov3646]

Я не думаю, что Гмэн знает это)

[@pug-aloentertainment3801]

@@timurbriukhov3646 ну знаешь, он ведь всё же межпространственная сущность. Я более чем уверен что он это отлично знает и просто решил жестоко подшутить над Гордоном

[@timurbriukhov3646]

@@pug-aloentertainment3801 G-man знает русский)

[@DIEBOZBT]

" And do prepare your anus for,, unforseen consequences... " that has to be the most alarming and menacing quote from g-man if it was in the game

[@canadadry353]

I think the best part was when he phrased anus as a question like he genuinely forgot what it was called for a split second

[@EggEnjoyer]

RobbieVasVA usually just calls it his dick grip

[@r603burakkusuta2]

@doodle dude gaming Bruh, I can eat Taco Bell all day with no issue.

[@brycejohansen7114]

I wonder what the unforeseen consequences are if it's clearly warned in advance

[@r603burakkusuta2]

@@brycejohansen7114 Shitting headcrab babies

[@MegaAdeny]

"If you don't have lemon juice, you can use lemon scented dish soap like I am doing here"

[@lev7509]

It literally says "Detergent" in Russian on the label.

[@MegaAdeny]

@@lev7509 well, no, it *literally* says "washing agent" or some other noun with a similar meaning, since "средство" is kind of like "means" but referring in this context to a fluid or compound. "A means for cleaning". That's what a literal translation is. The bottle looks like a bottle of dish soap, however.

[@lev7509]

@@MegaAdeny you're also correct.

[@aidanchilders9043]

The combination of the music screeching to a halt and the absolute cold _hatred_ on his face when he says "that means snark shit, Gordon" kills me every time

[@jeremyabbott4537]

he really just did all this to make gordon eat shit and canal waste

[@angeldust9222]

Yup he did

[@mage0534]

Don't forget the little chirp the snark makes after he says it before the music starts playing again

[@allanmasanegra9523]

The music cuts off and then the italian music comes back

[@deadmemes21]

@@jeremyabbott4537 And detergent.

[@BalsamicJeebs]

I like to imagine that while Gordon is in stasis, he's being forced to watch programs made by g-man

[@pawprint1]

and this of course is the main one he has to watch on loop when there's nothing else on at the moment.

[@extensioncordgaming8266]

Once in a Lifetime is MTV.

[@dannylamb456]

TV shows but they're all Gman

[@saturniidspectre]

I want to see a romantic drama where everyone is G-Man

[@Tactical_sandwich]

And there are only a few programs coz gman can't be bothered to make more

[@literallyvergil1686]

I don't Wish to imply that your food is raw Gordon

[@xfactoid]

it's fucking RAW!!!

[@CrossBorderNerds]

The right lamb sauce in the wrong place can make all the difference.

[@ЛеонидЗурнаджи]

Gordon Ramsay?

[@notimportant3033]

@@xfactoid A Civvie-11 fan?

[@poposterous236]

Sewer reference count: 523

[@Cowcow211]

The fact G-Man thinks Jambalaya is a 'soup' is the real reason here he was imprisoned.

[@briancahill9594]

My suggestion would be to replace it in your mind with "gumbo" - and yes, that would make him G(umbo)-Man lol

[@LucidPoseidon]

That, and the fact that he apparently thinks that roe is equivalent to excrement. Obviously, a chef he ain't.

[@LucidPoseidon]

@Some Idiot Amazing.

[@El_Descarriado]

@@LucidPoseidon Clearly "snark roe" is some kind of local colloquial label, no doubt from the quaint village the recipe came from. I won't hear any more badmouthing of G-Man.

[@BiopticGolem]

@TheGrouchyGamer Snark roe a local colloquialism? Well I'm from city-17 and I've never heard it.

[@blukat9903]

valve: gman is very mistreous and scary man you should stay away from him half life fans:

[@briancahill9594]

Valve just wants his "jambalaya" for themselves!

[@ZAdist1709]

HEY, STOP DOING WHAT IS IMPOSSIBLE, gordln can't talk...

[@smithmcsmithy2645]

A man who feeds his guests snark shit should be feared.

[@questionablelifechoices7501]

I love how he blankly stares when he says “In case it tries to couple with your head” as if remembering a time where somebody previously attempted to make head-crab jambalaya and got their head head-crabbed.

[@GIJew]

It's a direct reference to that moment in Half-Life 2 near the beginning when you're in Kleiner's lab and Lamarr is introduced to us. Kleiner says: "Never fear, Gordon, she's de-beaked and completely harmless. The worst she might do is attempt to couple with your head. Fruitlessly!" That blank stare is G-Man laughing inside, knowing that he's stolen Lamarr from Kleiner and is about to cook her.

[@comradeshadles4967]

I want an entire series of G-man doing basic instructional videos and PSA’s with the cast of Half-Life just kind of hanging out

[@TravisaInc]

agreed

[@Quirites_Man]

They really should

[@jackreid2664]

So a slice of half-life?

[@oldmancrust4351]

Agreed

[@DetectiveCam]

Start a petition

[@GeorgeOrwellsBookuhhhh1984]

_Ｐｒｅｐａｒｅ ｙｏｕｒ Ａｎｕｓ ｆｏｒ Ｕｎｆｏｒｓｅｅｎ Ｃｏｎｓｅｑｕｅｎｃｅｓ_

[@LeroyW70]

1:42

[@P5YcHoKiLLa]

"They're waiting for you Gordon, in the lavatoryyyyy chamberrrrr"

[@alecu5885]

_chapter 1_

[@DMlTREl]

And get some tape...

[@melelconquistador]

Spicy food

[@zoltar0205]

This makes me want a series that is just Kleiner and G-Man living together.

[@Shrek_es_mi_pastor]

Seinfeld but is Half-Life

[@TimeTravelinc]

@@Shrek_es_mi_pastor Does that mean occasionally, Gordon Freeman has weird dreams in stasis where he’s Sinfield, Kleiner is George and the G-Man is Kramer? Cause I’d see that.

[@Shrek_es_mi_pastor]

@@TimeTravelinc Yes. Exactly that.

[@Crimson_Sun2486]

G-Man: Ah, I need.. Your help. Can you.. Come.. Here? Kleiner: Uh, I can't, I'm buying clothes. G-Man: Ah, Well.. Hurry up and.. Come over here. Kleiner: I can't find them. G-Man: What do.. You mean you.. Can't.. Find them? Kleiner: I can't find them, there's only cascade resonance. G-Man: What do you.. Mean there's.. Only.. Cascade resonance? Kleiner: It means there's only cascade resonance. G-Man: Well then.. Get out of.. The cascade resonance.. Isle! Kleiner: Alright, you don't have to shout at me! ... There's more cascade resonance! G-Man: A-Ah, what do.. You mean there's.. More cascade resonance?! Kleiner: There's just more cascade resonance! G-Man: Go into.. The next isle! Kleiner: There's still cascade resonance! G-Man: Where.. ARE you.. Right now? Kleiner: I'm at cascade resonance! G-Man: WHAT DO.. YOU MEAN YOU'RE.. _AT_ CASCADE RESONANCE?! Kleiner: I MEAN I'M AT CASCADE RESONANCE! G-Man: WHAT.. STORE.. ARE YOU IN?! Kleiner: I'M AT THE CASCADE RESONANCE STORE! G-Man: WHY ARE YOU.. BUYING CLOTHES.. AT.. *THE CASCADE RESONANCE STORE?!?!* Kleiner: *FUCK YOU!!*

[@koralynpearce4719]

OMG what if it was like Drake and Josh with but like just Gman as a single dad.....

[@fallout_nerd1012]

I love how you can hear the voice actor doing his best not to laugh but it just melds perfectly with the G-Man's stutters

[@dopey473]

1:00 Gordon doesn't need to hear all this, he's a highly trained professional.

[@gasrim]

Is is normal to hear this in the sicintist voice...

[@dopey473]

@@gasrim yes

[@mlgproplayer2915]

lol

[@reigoll]

Even trained in operating military and alien weaponry and climbing ladders at 100 mph without using hands

[@Rucka_Inc.]

I remember when this comment was a top comment in the CBT video.

[@M-a-z-z-a]

Ahh yes, Chef G-Man, the very man who taught Gordon Ramsey the culinary arts!

[@stuckinthepastproductions4329]

I'd like to think that's the Gordon he's talking to in the video.

[@gus9351]

He's Gordon's man, that's the secret to his name

[@mlgproplayer2915]

lol

[@KonpakuYoumu2003]

Gordon freeman seconds name is Ramsay confirmed???

[@GransVevo]

Gordon ramsay is Gordon freeman

[@GreenScrapBot]

I like how he specifically addresses Gordon, as if G-Man forces Gordon to watch this while he is waiting in stasis.

[@corruptedplayer]

I'd Actually enjoy this

[@-Danny]

With that in mind I think it's hilarious that G-Man chose royalty-free accordion music to serenade Gordon.

[@check2765]

plot twist: Gman actually caught Gordon and tied him up to torture him.

[@Estatsize]

Snark shit gordon

[@ThatGuy-te9wh]

What do you think he was doing in the time between Half-Life and Half-Life: Alyx?

[@jking4854]

It's fynny that when Eli talks about G-Man, its either "Him" or "You know who", but here Kleiner is just casually calling him G-Man and even somewhat getting mad at him lol.

[@batfacesirbatsalot1999]

You seen the end of alyx? spoilers Eli is fucking livid at Gman

[@game_player1345]

@@batfacesirbatsalot1999 yes but he's never been necessarily annoyed at gman

[@MoonPupper]

"Well G-Man i made it, despite your directions..." "Ah! Dr Freeman! I hope you're ready for an unforgettable luncheon!"

[@mrfoxfam_doesstuff6252]

*sits on table*

[@hainzofelps626]

@@mrfoxfam_doesstuff6252 oh e-mployeers! My headcrab jambalaya is ruined!

[@beruga6580]

@@hainzofelps626 ...but what if... i were to get some pure xen-crystals and disguise them as my own cooking? Delightfully devilish, G!

[@Taios87entertainment]

“G-man!” “Dr Freeman! I was just.... stretching my Cavs on the *swallows saliva * window sill. A rather... interesting, Issssometric exercise. Would you care to... join me?

[@themanflesh6327]

Ah, Dr Freeman, I hope you’re ready for an unforeseen consequence!

[@SpoopyChicken]

"The right ingredient in the wrong soup can make all the difference" -Masterchef G-man

[@DeTwitterfyYoutube]

"Ah, Gordon. I hope you are ready for a... mouthwatering crab burger." "I thought we were having Headcrab Jumbalaya?" "Oh, no, Doctor Freeman. I said... I said Crab-bonanza. That's what I call... headcrab... ah burgers." "... You call crab burgers Crab-Bonanza?" "Yes. It is a *regional* dialect." "What region?" "Uh, Xen." "Really? Well I went to Xen and I never heard the phrase 'Crab-Bonanza." "Oh, no. Not in the Nihilanth dimension, it's... it is a *pure* Xen expression." "I see."

[@Datttsnake]

This is great

[@ThatOneOf3StrongholdPlayers]

It needs more attention.

[@juliangardisky7236]

"You know this Crab-Bonanza looks an awful lot like the Combine Burgers they give as handouts."

[@portland4660]

Gordon: ...

[@lad7436]

"Err Gordon... I didn't know you could speak?" "Well you see... I- I should- excuse me for a second..." "Of course" "..." "Wha-"

[@grunkythegrandpaofcheese5241]

I like to think that in all that time in stasis, Gman didn't just freeze Gordon. Sometimes he would unfreeze him and show him educational videos like these to educate him on certain things that could help him survive in the future and better complete his mission. Like teaching him how to make a good Jambalaya lol

[@Tactical_sandwich]

Ohh freman today I'm gonna show you how to make campfire by short circuiting alien equipment

[@TheMailmanOfSteel]

This is the weirdest Ronald Reagan Deepfake I've ever seen.

[@TheWhiteDragon3]

Underrated comment, my dude

[@cgndnm]

yes

[@TimeTravelinc]

Were you there when Young Zapod Beeblebrox witnessed him escape into the past? That was a weird one. Thankfully, there was a anachronistic being who recorded that event, which was translated into a story by Douglas Adams. I think it’s called, “Young Zapod Plays It Safe”.

[@director5325]

@@TimeTravelinc A man of culture I see.

[@xavagriffith438]

I was gonna like it but its on the funny 666 number.

[@VideoSage]

The voice is very well done!

[@ArchDennam]

Yea like for the first 20 seconds i honestly thought it was a really well done voice clip edit but nah, just talent

[@youngkappakhan]

They absolutely nailed it.

[@holobolo1661]

I wonder if it is possible in this day and age to use machine learning to get the actual G man voice to say anything. Although this probably sounds better than it would.

[@wunderb4r557]

Is the pun intended

[@solaris5303]

​@@holobolo1661 Technically, yes. Unfortunately, it can't yet be done _believably_ .

[@Connor_Kirkpatrick]

Now, listen carefully, my dear... When you see your father... Relay these words... “Prepare the table, dinner is ready.”

[@KNKoc]

G-Man says: Lemon Juice. The bottle says: "Моющее Средство" (Detergent.)

[@ShizoidBlyad]

Detergent*

[@harrytheseal6566]

Not really a healthy meal

[@reshotka-user]

Субтитры говорят: после такого соуса хрен из туалета вылезешь 😅

[@ДартКоммунистус]

66 likes. Execute Order 66

[@averagehuman1396]

The translation also says Detergent by google translate

[@Thisguyisright]

I love how he suddenly gets really PISSED when he says 'That's SNARK SHIT, gordon.' And he just stares at the camera like he's glaring at Gordon...then goes back to being amiable and pleasant.

[@mlgproplayer2915]

Ikr! lol Is Gordon the cameraman?

[@EstratosVarios]

And even the music stops.

[@robbie1528]

"The Jambalaya is f*cking RAW!" -Gordon (Freeman) Ramsay

[@smolneko9294]

- gordon framsan

[@gethk.gelior4214]

I came here looking for this comment I am satisfied

[@D00000T]

FOOKING RAW

[@h8GW]

It must have been truly terrible to have made Gordon yell like that.

[@Zaphod-ef9yz]

Gordon Ramsey Mod required!

[@GROENAASMusic]

The way he looks annoyed for no reason at 1:00 while saying "That means snark-shit, Gordon" just cracked me up.

[@johntaco861]

Gordon asked too many questions and G-man was getting annoyed

[@foxeon6496]

Is that one of the crystals from lm3

[@thechargentarge1341]

*M o o d*

[@blueprintguy5550]

That pause

[@PurrTheFurry]

1:35 seeing the gman's lips utter the words "This, baby. Gonna be hot." is something i would have never thought to imagine until now

[@poryqons]

stg g-man always sounds like he's either about to start crying or about to start cackling and i dont know which ones more concerning

[@seinorlemon]

Crying, because that implies something made the G MAN cry

[@3dpprofessor]

He sounds to me like a meat puppet that is being controlled by something has a pretty good but not perfect understanding of how to speak with meat. Or he sounds like he's being forcibly controlled to talk by something else, and is trying to fight against it. Losing, but trying.

[@kevintan3705]

Not going to lie, Gman seems like a professional here. I’d eat that food.

[@ThatGuy-te9wh]

Spoiler alert: the lemon juice is detergent.

[@mrsilverman]

Well just so you know make sure no one is in the bathroom when you eat this or don’t have white walls in your house their finna become brown

[@le_mothman]

He. Mixed. Shit. Into. It

[@shako4907]

@@le_mothman no eggs

[@WeedCop]

*Prepare, Your... Anus... For unforeseen... consequences*

[@lencao4515]

2:14 the expression gman makes when he realizes roe means eggs implies that he had been making and eating headcrab jambalaya with shit the entire time

[@SupBro-ww9go]

don't knock it till you try it

[@macrocosm2778]

Or perhaps he knew and he was trying to get gordon to eat shit

[@yunantheobserver6841]

It's like him and gordon had a argument on what roe means

[@Alienboi2005vidsandstuff]

And what are you doing with lamarr?!

[@mr.mangles8730]

I Noticed That That's Not Lamarr It's Beaked

[@steeltoedkruggz]

Dude the shaky inhale at 0:41 just makes it i swear

[@kotovasiya-tv]

Good lemon "Моющее Средство" juice

[@gravitykat1100]

lmao "Detergent"

[@qingyangzhang6093]

1:06 I only just noticed the bottle does not come with metric measurements

[@SK-pw9id]

@@qingyangzhang6093 ok

[@vasya_cat]

"*Моющее средство*" means *soap for dishes*

[@Ypog_UA]

Well it could be lemon flavour

[@cinnieboi7756]

He looks like he's about to break down crying any second

[@SalesmanWave]

Or laughing

[@guitarwi3rdo]

Oh, he's ready to have some kind of crisis there

[@seronymus]

@@SalesmanWave or both

[@krimson8089]

Rise and shine, Mr. Freeman. Rise and shine. Not that I wish to imply you have overslept your job. No one is more deserving of a rest. And all the effort i made would have gone to waste until...well, let's just say your breakfast has come again. The right man in the wrong table can make all the difference in the world. So, wake up, Mr. Freeman. Wake up and smell the Headcrab Jambalaya.

[@kowalski2385]

I love you.

[@briancahill9594]

Jambalaya for breakfast sounds like the most Cajun thing ever loljknotCajunnoideawhattheywouldconsiderastereotypicalbreakfastanyCajunsfeelfreetocorrectme

[@zennyblades]

Imagine him in an apron while saying this, a pink frilly one.

[@velium365]

*rise and dine

[@WillButtlerYeets]

More and more I want this Gman type-eccentric and delightfully insane-to be canon. If you have near limitless power and the universe is your playground why worry? He's Half Life's "Q" or Sheogorath.

[@RedshirtAfficionado]

In reality he’s an all business man

[@WillButtlerYeets]

@@RedshirtAfficionado no shit, sherlock

[@RedshirtAfficionado]

@@WillButtlerYeets Evidently it’s not that simple since you compared him to Sheogorath.

[@nexusconnection22]

He does claim to have employers, it's entirely possible they're even more powerful than he is and have ways of keeping him in check in a similar vein to how he does with the main cast, I think it'd be a neat idea if it turned out that beyond g-man there was just a never ending line of increasingly powerful and incomprehensible beings who aren't actually able to do much with it because of their kafkaesque power structure

[@WillButtlerYeets]

@@nexusconnection22 I have a feeling his "employers" are just copies of himself in other dimensions and timelines. Notice the silhouettes that emanate from him in "Half-Life: Alyx" after she asks for the combine to be 'nudged' off Earth; literally directly after he speaks of his employers claiming that it's too big of a nudge. His employers are him(s).

[@theimperiumofman102]

Next time on Cooking with G-man: Resonance casserole.

[@NorseGraphic]

🤣

[@CHILLSHARK2003]

Dr. Magnussen's favorite

[@olloefrank1519]

I'd prefer some seasoned Bullsquid roast with Vortigaunt sauce and Headcrab legs on the side.

[@handlemonium]

Rat Pot Pie

[@benjaminoechsli1941]

Cooked in the microwave, no doubt.

[@superwildejellyfish]

2004 Footage of G-Man having a cooking tutorial for Gordon Freeman while he’s in stasis.

[@damianketcham]

At this point in time, 139 people looked up “crab jambalaya” and got this instead of a real jambalaya recipe and down voted.

[@denverbeek]

The dramatic inhale between "bring it to" and "a boil" is absolutely perfect.

[@dootboi4120]

"I wish i could do more than teach you the recipe, but i have agreed to abide by certain... Restrictions" Also "Wake up mr. Freeman, wake up and... smell the lunch"

[@brbbiobreak]

"or rather... smell the ashes"

[@THE_BLISS-t4t]

@@brbbiobreak then that means he has burnt the kitchen down

[@a.keeper]

1:04 "next i add a spritz of lemon juice" *shows a bottle with "detergent" written on it in russian*

[@azyjmexcuseokstop924]

is russian detergent lemon juice or is g-man's lemon juice detergent ? the world will never know.

[@briancahill9594]

Either way, it's lemon-scented and a liquid, so it'll have to do!

[@tragedyplustime8271]

We're in an apocaliptic scenario man, we have to do with what we got.

[@Jack_Krauzers]

actually russian uses lemon juice as detergent

[@GeorgeTsiros]

@@azyjmexcuseokstop924 yes.

[@shaftoe195]

G-man: "it's lemon juice" *Shows a bottle with "cleaning solution" written on it in Russion.*

[@briancahill9594]

And here I thought "Leman juice" was stored in the Space Wolves' progenoid glands lol

[@GeorgeTsiros]

you know how i know you're russian? 😁

[@calciummother]

No wonder why he sprayed it in his eyes and it stung more than it normally should! 🤔

[@CheeseDoodle]

As a diehard Half Life fan, there's so many fan made creations of pure art related to the HL universe across KZbin. But for some reason, this beauty right here is what I keep coming back to. The voice acting and the animations together is pure comedy gold. The pauses, the facial animations, it's just too good

[@sabotabo7476]

when i *plucked* it from the spice cabinet, i acted in the face of objections that it was a mere garnish, and of no practical flavor to anyone. i have learned to ignore such critics when... *quelling them, hmm?...* was out of the question.

[@jakedaniels8944]

Надпись: **Моющее средство** G-man: **l e m o n j u i c e**

[@RazorStormInc]

laughed so hard I choked on my jambalaya

[@ВладиславВладислав-и4ю]

Only blyatman's will understand

[@vitaurea]

i may be no blyatman, but i can read it, блин. and this is absolutely funny

STILL NO BUTTON THO HEY GUYS ARE YOU LISTENING? NO? sigh they're still pushing

not pushing buttons and letting the feeling build until i panic and do it anyway? yeah bro

[@no_vex]

"That means _snark shit,_ Gordon." I can't breathe.

[@jeremyabbott4537]

"G-MAN, SNARK ROE MEANS EGGS, NOT SHIT! AND WHAT ARE YOU DOING WITH LAMARR?!

[@suzanamarkovic483]

j😎😎👍kwmjmjjamajmb

[@Neo2266.]

Seeing a man gripping a Headcrab finally puts them in perspective, and makes me realize how deadly they’d be. Look at then claws!

[@xXanyaXx]

now that hla is out, you can even do it urself

[@Neo2266.]

I did, still disappointed with the lack of melee@@xXanyaXx

[@VladmanTV]

I like to think that this is the kind of shit Gordon has to put up with while in stasis

[@Pandalka]

at least he wasn't bored

[@gavart4509]

“Please....enjoy your...selected entertainment”

[@bloopahVIII]

Хахахаха. Теперь, когда я нашел вас, я отправлю вас на остров PYCCKNN.

[@marbledipity]

Please god fucking save him if this is what he suffers on a daily basis

[@jakobhere620]

Source 2 SFM is a gift to this world

[@JustColinnn]

Ikr

[@JustColinnn]

@@silentfilms7459 lol

[@DirtPerson]

"Equal parts." His body language is just so believably stilted and unnatural. Very much like an extra- dimensional space being pretending to be a business man hosting a cooking show. Not an easy feeling to capture, but he managed it.

[@TextualDeviant]

"Prepare your anus for..." *"...Unforeseen Consequences."*

[@Tactical_sandwich]

He is sitting like he thinks that he can sell it out whitout body language

[@FluttershyIsAGoddess]

We need a G-Man cooking show, I'd watch this shit all day.

[@CaptainCoolzCT-]

I can see it now: 'G-Man Cooking Tutorial: Making a Chilli Con Carne': G-Man: "After you have… smashed the Garlic… clove, Gordon, you must… slice… the onions, hm…? When both… tasks are completed, Mr. Freeman, you have… two choices. You can… place them both, in the frying pan, or… eat them raw and, suffer the… foreseen consequences of your actions. I wish to give you a… fighting chance, of retaining your tastebuds, hm…? So the… preferable option would be to put the… onions and garlic in the pan and… forget what I said about eating… the ingredients raw."

[@shadydaemon4178]

Yes-man.

[@Kaidantonio333]

This man is truly Filthy Frank's culinary successor.

[@snorkelwackjr]

"This, baby...gonna be hot" - G-man 2020

[@YZYE]

*Gman is about to create a Resonance Cascade with what he’s making*

[@briancahill9594]

In your bowels!

[@GalbreathSQuin]

"I never thought I'd see a Resonance Cascade, let alone create one!"

[@wynnzeng1235]

He did once call the dish Cascade Jambalaya, I was pretty sure he actually meant it to be a recipe to Resonance Cascade

[@DrLeckon]

I love how when he says "incase it trys to couple with your head." He has a thousand yard stare like he's felt with this before

[@eis6570]

he definitely did. especially Lamar.

[@GIJew]

It's a direct reference to that moment in Half-Life 2 near the beginning when you're in Kleiner's lab and Lamarr is introduced to us. Kleiner says: "Never fear, Gordon, she's de-beaked and completely harmless. The worst she might do is attempt to couple with your head. Fruitlessly!" That blank stare is G-Man laughing inside, knowing that he's stolen Lamarr from Kleiner and is about to cook her.

[@viewtiful1doubleokamihand253]

"...lemon juice". Written on the side of the bottle "Cleaning agent".

[@VaciliNikoMavich]

Cleaning agent for fiber build-up...in your bowels, Mister Freeman...

[@benjaminoechsli1941]

Lemon juice is very acidic. Good for cleaning corrosion.

[@viewtiful1doubleokamihand253]

@@benjaminoechsli1941 Solved it.

[@RazorsharpLT]

I mean it could be lemon scented

[@viewtiful1doubleokamihand253]

@@RazorsharpLT Jee, I didn' no wonder thaat... You's sir sure opened my eyes der'. Gon' take a sip right now den, hee-haw ! :)

[@TDGalea]

JapaneseBushBaby deserves all the money for that voice.

[@robertsloth8804]

...l-lots of pepperrr.... *miniature stroke* and paprika

[@cletusmandeletusman2328]

*ha*

[@ifitsnotbrokedontfixit24435]

@@cletusmandeletusman2328 ho

[@insert_username_here]

@@ifitsnotbrokedontfixit24435 he

[@avery1647]

@@insert_username_here hu

[@toastyboi6371]

@@avery1647 hy

[@1everysecond511]

The out-of-nowhere, needlessly disgruntled "that means snark shit, Gordon" kills me every time

[@ButterDog42069]

1:09 this is in Russian, and that means "Cleaning liquid"

[@beeterbeaver]

О

[@beeterbeaver]

Наш человек... Надеюсь

[@addpowersstreams5364]

Да

[@IDHLEB]

Or dishwashing liquid

[@donovanjoseph737]

I knew that bottle looked off

[@jackpumpoen]

personally offended as a louisiana resident for calling jambalaya a “”soup””. love the video though

[@xxDrone95]

Yeah. Wheres the rice???

[@CrossBorderNerds]

Give him a break, he's a transcended being from a level 3 civilization. He's unaware of our primitive 3 dimensional customs.

[@deektedrgg]

I like to imagine G-Man just calls all Earth food "soup".

[@cadunkus]

Jambalaya sucks. Who mixes rice with tomato sauce? Gumbo's pretty good though.

[@RealBelisariusCawl]

Not from Louisiana, but a lifelong cook. I am equally offended.

[@guyfawkes7733]

*That means snark shit Gordon.....* The aggression in his voice and that awkward silence after he said that made it fucking hilarious.

[@sidthejovian5105]

I like the idea of Gman making shows like these just to entertain Gordon in stasis. He actually cares for him >3< he doesnt want him to die of boredom

[@dootboi4120]

"Is it a vegan jambalaya?" "Vegan? Haha... Ms. Vance, you don't NEED all THAT to cook a vegan jambalaya"

[@stardust4248]

cringe

[@GoatLobotomy]

I love how you can hear the voice actor trying not to laugh the whole time. It makes it 5x better to watch

[@ttracs]

And the facial expression matches it.

[@thatchertheproto7142]

Hi

[@DErantingfish]

Where is Gordon calling gman an open headed baby

[@gamot4183]

i think it got deleted :((

[@KilharaKomeiji]

Wtf that was the best comment

[@kingoftehwalrus77]

@3D Modeller It was cringe, clearly.

[@yourhumbledissenter]

I like the idea that this is g-mans attempt to act like a normal, casual human being.

[@CoreyLaddo]

MASSIVE thanks to @JapaneseBushBaby for providing his uncanny G-Man impression. Give him all of your love: kzbin.info/door/Md6VonA8nAF6x7-2PgQqvQ

[@-BingBong]

I'm so glad that he's growing. He's got some much more voices and talent. Also, he's got a twitch channel as well! (www.twitch.tv/japanesebushbaby)

[@yosha_ykt]

🌕🌕🌕🌕🌕🌕🌕🌕🌕🌕🌕🌕🌕🌕 🌕🌕🌘🌑🌓🌕🌕🌕🌕🌕🌕🌕🌕🌕 🌕🌕🌑🌕🌕🌕🌗🌑🌑🌑🌕🌕🌕🌕 🌕🌕🌑🌕🌕🌖🌑👁️🌑👁️🌔🌗🌑🌕 🌕🌕🌘🌓🌕🌑🌑🌑🌑🌑🌔🌕🌘🌔 🌕🌕🌗🌑🌘🌑🌑🌑🌑🌑🌕🌖🌑🌕 🌕🌕🌕🌘🌑🌑🌑🌑🌑🌕🌖🌑🌔🌕 🌕🌕🌕🌖🌑🌑🌑🌑🌑🌑🌑🌔🌕🌕 🌕🌕🌕🌗🌑🌑🌑🌑🌑🌑🌕🌕🌕🌕 🌕🌕🌕🌘🌑🌕🌕🌘🌑🌔🌕🌕🌕🌕 🌕🌕🌕🌑🌓🌕🌕🌗🌑🌕🌕🌕🌕🌕 🌕🌕🌖🌑🌔🌕🌕🌖🌑🌔🌕🌕🌕🌕 🌕🌕🌗🌑🌕🌕🌕🌕🌑🌑🌕🌕🌕🌕 🌕🌕🌕🌕🌕🌕🌕🌕🌕🌕🌕🌕🌕🌕 Awesome dude!

[@blukat9903]

I'm going to ask that gman voice actor guy to say "you fucked up my face" just because of you

[@solidtanya1349]

Bruh both of you made one of the funniest Gman Parody ever man! XD

[@darthyvardyreal]

He is really doing a lot for the SFM community. I assumed all these videos where using a special text to speech site.

[@surimonizarro9791]

This is what Gordon was seeing after G-man put him to sleep after HL1.

[@aplimsollpunk2738]

The way he says "LOTS of pepper...haaaa... " and that face he makes while saying it gets me every time.

[@mercyMEJ]

He sounds like he's about to nut😆

[@Kajlj5000real]

He sounds like hes getting that non mechanical reproduction simulation

[@benjaminoechsli1941]

I feel you, Gman. Love me some pepper. 😋

[@Michael-wk2nh]

0:59 "That means snark shit Gordon......." The use of the awkward pause, magnificent.

[@ded-ceoofjar-a-tea150]

Brand new Half Life sitcom starring G-Man, Kleiner and Lamarr

[@habibpines]

When you're a Interdimensional Bussiness man but Cooking is still your heart passion.

[@mlgproplayer2915]

lol

[@festusdingwand7301]

1:36 when corey uploads

[@nR00R]

It blows my mind that someone found a voice this good for comedy, and yet for a product like Hunt Down The Freeman, they give him a British accent and he can't pronounce "Mesa" correctly. Crazy

[@Choatemister]

G-Man might be nervous behind the camera but his cooking is the best this side of existence.

[@TwistedMajora]

I was expecting a crappie sfm but it turned out to be quite well done and much to my entertainment. The receipe however was a little off. If it were to be more authentic it needs some smoked sausage to balance out the antlion grub juice's gamey flavor.

[@Delta547]

1:08 Label says "Моющее средство". That's a cleanser, in russian. I guess Gordon's guts will be very clean after this.

[@briancahill9594]

I've heard of dietary cleanses, but this is ridiculous!

[@TimeTravelinc]

Well, where else was he going to put the lemon juice? In the sark? No.

[@tides8464]

"The right spice in the right dish can make all the difference, in the world."

[@kaziska]

There was a ti-ime they cared nothing for spicy food.... when their only experience of spiciness was a hot sauce coming at them down their throat corridor

[@mlgproplayer2915]

Don't you... Hmmm... Agree, Gordon?

[@BM-yy8db]

That _"hm?"_ at 1:45 is so good

[@TailsIsDisappointed]

G-Man looks like Willem Dafoe.

[@gewiotevan]

kzbin.info/www/bejne/mX_RlaChes2SabM Stumbled upon this 3 days ago